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Episode 6
660 Plays5 months ago
Welcome to Episode 6 of Lee Asher's World Podcast!
After a brief hiatus, I'm back—and excited to share that new episodes will be coming your way more regularly. This is just a quick update to get us back on track. Thanks for sticking around!
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Transcript
Introduction and Beagle Rescue
00:00:05
Speaker
Hey everyone, i hope you're having a beautiful day and welcome to episode six of the Lee Asher's World podcast. You will most likely hear quite a bit of howling, ah maybe even some yodeling in this session, in this podcast, because We just rescued nine beagles.
00:00:25
Speaker
One of them is right next to me. She is pregnant. um And the other eight are in quarantine, which is right behind ah this nursery room, which is where I'm doing this podcast.
00:00:37
Speaker
So you'll hear some noises. And connected to the nursery room is um our grooming facility and grooming station. So everything good? was just checking in with Clint Eastwood. are you looking at?
00:00:52
Speaker
does it Does it sound good? All right. Well, the way you're leaning in, it'd be weird if I didn't ask, is everything okay?
00:01:02
Speaker
Luckily, he looks like he's about to he ah he looks like he's about to hurt me. When I said, are we good, I didn't mean like, is does everything sound good? I went like, are we okay? Am I going to be okay? Is any is anyone okay?
00:01:14
Speaker
No. So...
Health Struggles and Resilience
00:01:16
Speaker
so So, um, I wanted to say that I'm sorry. i I, dropped the ball very early on with, with Lee Asher's world in the podcast.
00:01:31
Speaker
Um, I got very sick. I got really sick, uh, shortly after episode four, um, which I want to talk, I want to talk about episode four as well.
00:01:41
Speaker
It was with my brother, but, um, what that was episode five sorry sorry episode five was with my brother thanks man um i want to talk about episode five for a little bit but i just wanted to say that i'm sorry i i got extremely sick i got really bad pneumonia i did try recording a podcast and uh it was really bad it was really negative it was just really negative that the what i was trying to say was positive and and the The intention was for it to be inspirational, but I think because I was just feeling so physically and honestly mentally ill, I i couldn't ah couldn't fake it.
00:02:25
Speaker
ah and i And the thing is, i I don't fake it, so it was just how I was really feeling, and it was ne it was bad. you know And Clint, who's right next to me, heard it, and I sent it to my brother, and they both...
00:02:41
Speaker
And I couldn't even listen to it. I tried listening to just the first 10 minutes and I was like, yeah, we're not posting this. So, um, I was just so sad.
00:02:53
Speaker
was depressed, guys. I don't think I've been that depressed in years and years. I mean, I felt so worthless. I felt so worthless and so small and so weak physically and emotionally and insignificant. you know i I don't do well when I'm not at the sanctuary for more than a few days and i had been um just not being able to do anything with pneumonia and I couldn't even walk up and down stairs without being completely out of breath.
00:03:29
Speaker
And I felt like I just didn't have any value. I mean, it was really sad. And I was, I don't think I've ever been so hard on myself. You know, i was so unkind and cruel to myself. And my thoughts were mean, even though I was productive, like even though I was sick, I still created 14 different
Coping with Loss and Emotions
00:03:51
Speaker
courses. I didn't complete all the courses, but I started the framework for 14 different online courses about dealing with grief and um training your dogs and how to start a sanctuary. Really cool courses that I created them out of topics that people have asked me about, you know, basically basically questions that I've gotten like, how do you manage so many dogs? So I created a course on it. How do you start a sanctuary? I created a course on it.
00:04:16
Speaker
But still, man, I was really hurting. i was really hurting, and I was in a really dark place. And I then, when I was hurting so bad, this was like when I was really at my worst, I find out that Mildred, who who I know I have so many dogs, and people are like, how do you have a favorite?
00:04:39
Speaker
And I don't have a favorite, right? But I do have my core that, like, you know, The world is coming to an end. There's an island, you know, where and I can bring, you know, 50 of them. i have my, which which would be devastating, but I have my 50, you know, and Mildred was, you know, um was so high on that. Like she's such a, I think I have, I love them all so much. So I have no doubt that people will take my words and and and and make nonsense out of them. So I love every single one of them so much.
00:05:15
Speaker
But I think, you know, 50 to 60 of them, I have this soul connection that is so deep and so strong and so beautiful. And i don't have a human child and and ah I'm sure that I will, but i I don't know what could possibly be stronger than the bond and this energy and this beautiful relationship that I have with with a large core group of my dogs and and these soul dogs, you know, these dogs that have such a piece of me.
00:05:48
Speaker
And every time one of those passes away, like Lily, Tony, Maeve,
00:05:56
Speaker
It so devastating. um And yeah, you know, there's certain dogs in my pack, like Patrick and Matilda and Callie. There's so many. I'm not going to just list, you know, 60, 70 dogs. But Mildred was really high on that list of being closest to me. So when she died, i i really got pretty bad, you know?
00:06:26
Speaker
And it wasn't the grief. It wasn't only the grief that that made everything so complicated. Here I am, physically ill, already feeling so sick.
00:06:37
Speaker
or already feeling so depressed and and useless and worthless and then i find out about Mildred you know and luckily we caught it so early um but i immediately you know immediately really broke and um i wanted to do I wanted to do a podcast. There's a lot that I wanted to do that I didn't do, um that I felt like I couldn't.
00:07:06
Speaker
And I just didn't want to spend a second away from Mildred. And I didn't want to force myself to be on. People always ask me, they're like, man, being you, it's like you have to be on all the time. I feel like you always have to be on.
00:07:18
Speaker
And I don't know what that means. Like, I really don't, you know, no I've always wanted to make people happy. So when I'm in public and I, whether I'm really depressed or if I'm in a good mood, I try to find ways to make someone smile.
00:07:30
Speaker
i don't feel like I have to be on. I can really just be myself. The problem with that is, is that when I'm off and I'm myself and I'm not feeling well, you know, people, i think my energy can be very, um, intense and, ah contagious you know and I think people take that energy on and they could feel maybe that you know it was personal but I do a good job I try ah to do a good job at regulating my emotions um as I get older I get better at that but I don't feel like I have to be on I take a lot of pride in being myself you know
00:08:11
Speaker
But i had to i had to do a lot of I had to say no to a lot of things that I was really wanting to say yes to. My my speaking engagements, I canceled my tour to be with Mildred.
00:08:24
Speaker
um By that time, my so my pneumonia was not healed yet anyways, but I felt like I was healthy enough to to speak and to go on tour. But it probably wouldn't have been a good idea regardless. but um Once I found out about Mildred, I just wanted to cancel the rest of the year for everything.
00:08:42
Speaker
So I canceled my speaking tour in Chicago and Oklahoma. I was supposed to go to SIXA in Dayton, Ohio. my I would say my top three favorite animal shelters in the world.
00:08:55
Speaker
And um I had to had to tell them that I wasn't coming. And... And I just couldn't do a podcast.
Family Reflections and Gratitude
00:09:03
Speaker
And I'm um feeling better now. ah It's been two weeks. It's been and three weeks since Mildred has passed.
00:09:12
Speaker
And you know I've been through this before. The pneumonia, i still feel a lot of shortness of breath. I don't have 100% of my energy level back. But the doctor told me it would be a couple of months regardless. So that makes sense.
00:09:27
Speaker
I think we're on track to be fully healed. um And i really i really want to give you more of myself to this podcast. i want to b um want to be one of the greats.
00:09:41
Speaker
you know i want to be a i want to be a really good podcaster. i feel like um'm a I feel like I'm not afraid to have the difficult conversations. I'm not afraid to listen to what I don't want to hear.
00:09:53
Speaker
i think there was a point in my life when I was really immature, um and very insecure where I wouldn't have been good at that. I didn't, you know, I didn't take criticism very well. i when someone tried to hurt me, would, I would, you know, want to hurt them just insecurity stuff. But now I feel like I could really take it and I could really sit there.
00:10:13
Speaker
um And have really good, healthy and difficult conversations with people. And I want to um want to show up here in a better way. I really want to over-deliver.
00:10:25
Speaker
i'm not I'm not proud of the first five podcasts. I don't think they're horrible. But... i don't I don't love them. i do want to say my last one with my brother, you know, I don't and don't have much family.
00:10:39
Speaker
And there's no one in my family that i I really speak to other than my brother. i speak to my mom ah sometimes. I know she'd like to talk to me a lot more. And I speak to my dad sometimes. And i'm I'm sure that he would like to talk to me a lot more too. But after listening to that podcast, I obviously have a lot of resentment.
00:11:00
Speaker
um towards my parents and um i I am sorry, Mom. i i know I just want to say that I know my mom was a good mom.
00:11:15
Speaker
And the reason why I say that is because I think a mom just needs to do their best. you know they're They're not going to be perfect. And there's probably not anybody listening who doesn't wish their parents you know did certain things differently.
00:11:32
Speaker
But what we often forget is that our parents had parents that could have done things better and their parents had parents that could have done things better. And we can just hope hour or at the very least try to believe that everyone's just doing their best.
00:11:49
Speaker
And i think that although i needed a lot more when it comes to parenting as a child and I needed a lot more of protection,
00:12:02
Speaker
I do think that I probably could have been. i know that I could also be a better son. you know So I just wanted to say that um I don't know if my mom heard that one or if she's going to listen to this one.
00:12:18
Speaker
But I am sorry.
00:12:21
Speaker
i am sorry, Mom, because I know that you know living with my dad, i know that you didn't just, not just with my dad, I know that you had it really tough. I know that it was tough and you, you came out of all that and you survived.
00:12:38
Speaker
And I think that you're doing well now and you're happily married and i love you. And I'm sorry that, um, I'm sorry for the resentment that you feel, if you feel any.
00:12:51
Speaker
I'm sorry to anyone that I've hurt. I probably spent so much, I probably spent so much of my life, you know, just really,
00:13:03
Speaker
just really insecure and just so overly sensitive, you know, just so quick to react. And um I, I, I don't think there's ever a good reason to hurt someone physically to protect yourself or to protect the people you love.
00:13:21
Speaker
Yes. But um yeah, but my dad taught me and he also, my dad, my father grew up with no parents whatsoever. You know, he really had to figure it out on his own. He had no idea how to be a dad.
00:13:35
Speaker
and um but you know a lesson that he taught me growing up is that if someone hurts you hurt them back twice as hard and that made him so proud to teach me and it made him so proud for me to finish that sentence he would say like lee what do you do if someone hurts you would say hurt them twice as hard and it it made me feel like it brought me closer to him but the problem is is that like i really ah adopted that lesson I really learned that lesson I became you know there'd be people who weren't trying to hurt me that I just took offense and I would retaliate you know so um I I wish I never hurt anyone but I know as humans we've we've all hurt people but to my mom specifically
00:14:19
Speaker
ah ah You know, there was a there was a time there's a lot of memories I have that that drinking was involved and there was a lot of fighting and a lot of yelling. But I do believe ah I do believe that she did her best and I know that she didn't have it easy either. I know that she grew up in a very abusive household and um if it wasn't for my mom and if it wasn't for my dad and if it wasn't for ah the way they raised me, there's no way, there's no way that I wouldn't have ran away from school that one day.
Podcast Aspirations and Conclusion
00:14:56
Speaker
um where I was getting bullied and wound up at an animal shelter. And if I never went to that animal shelter, I wouldn't be here doing a podcast at my 240 acre animal sanctuary filled with so many beautiful animals and beautiful people.
00:15:13
Speaker
So because of that, I'm very grateful for my parents and I love you both. Hopefully you will listen to this. Um,
00:15:27
Speaker
And yeah, I i really am going to take this podcast. I think I approached the first five episodes maybe as a hobby.
00:15:38
Speaker
i think I was really concerned with what i gave the podcast listeners on the Asher's World what I gave the listeners compared to what I gave my patrons especially in our weekly lives and I think there was just a lot of overthinking and I just want to interview more people and I'll still do the solo ones you know ah maybe once a month or whenever I don't want to commit to it I'm i'm going to be doing solo ones
00:16:10
Speaker
But I really enjoy interviewing people and you know good people. i love I just love good people who add value, add love, add insight, um humor, depth you know to my world, to LeAsher's world, which you're a part of.
00:16:29
Speaker
So um if I still do have you as a listener, which I hope that I do, I'm going to give you a much better version of me. than I've ever given anyone. um I've learned a lot.
00:16:41
Speaker
I know it's only been a month, but I've learned a lot about myself in this past month. I've had a lot of time to, I've canceled a lot of things, a lot of meetings, my tours, I said, a lot of things.
00:16:54
Speaker
And it gave me an opportunity to really sit and ah listen and recognize that there's a lot about me that I thought I had worked on or that I had quote unquote fixed um and i want to grow and go through that all with you
00:17:14
Speaker
And I want to have more uncomfortable conversations. I don't want to just be the dog guy. i don't want to just be the funny guy. um i don't care what guy I am, but i want to I want to be all of me.
00:17:29
Speaker
As long as I'm giving you all of me and never feeling like I have to fake it, um I really think that you'll have a good time and that I'll feel really good about what I deliver. But the difference is is I just want to get more more into the conversations.
00:17:44
Speaker
um yeah i'm very excited for next week's guest avital so stay tuned uh thank you so much for listening i love you guys and have a beautiful rest of your day i know this was short i just wanted to check in uh give you a quick uh insight view into what i've been going through some of the things that i've been thinking about and just wanted to apologize for uh for bailing out the past month um It was just too much for me.
00:18:13
Speaker
It was too much for me being, getting pneumonia and then creating these terrible stories in my head about myself. ah And then losing Mildred, and it was all just too much for me, but I'm back.
00:18:26
Speaker
I'm ready. And I'm fully prepared to give you my absolute best self. I love you so much. Thank you for supporting me, my vision and for the Asher's world.
00:18:38
Speaker
Have a beautiful day. Bye.