Transcript
Speaker: You see this tiny human being come in and they have a look at each other and they look at this little love. I wanted to have that look. Blair spent years as a labor and delivery nurse helping other families welcome babies into the world while quietly wondering if she would ever get that moment herself.
Speaker: After recurrent loss and years of infertility, she and her husband made the decision to use an egg donor, a decision she now speaks about with so much gratitude and love for the woman who helped make her son possible.
Speaker: And after finally becoming a mom, Blair found herself navigating something she wasn't prepared for, postpartum anxiety after infertility. I was so worried if I meant said anything that people wouldn't think I wasn't grateful for my baby.
Speaker: Today, Blair opens up about infertility, egg donation, motherhood, and the emotional realities of postpartum that so many women struggle to talk about.
Speaker: Blair, you spent years as a labor and delivery nurse helping bring other people's babies into the world. But what was that like as you were walking through your own fertility journey while being in that type of environment day in and day out? Yes. Big size.
Speaker: You know, so I've actually now been a labor and delivery nurse for about 15 years. I've been a nurse for 18 years.
Speaker: I loved it. It, when I saw a birth happen in nursing school, I was like, this is it. This is what God made me to do was be a labor and delivery nurse. Cause I didn't think there was anything more beautiful than watching a birth. It was just so lovely. And then as a career went on, I got to see how much I loved, like nothing against like second or third time moms, but first time parents.
Speaker: It's epic. It's, you know, like they just love each other so much. And, you see this tiny human being come in and they have a look at each other and they look at this little love and they're like, how did we go a day with without this child? Like, how did we go, like, how did we do this? And it makes me tear up every time. It's still what keeps me going. And it was still something that kept me going during my fertility journey because I wanted to have that look. I wanted to have that moment. and
Speaker: were there days that were absolutely horrible. Yes. I mean, there were, there was moments I questioned God and moments I didn't understand. And then he would just somehow whisper into me, like, I, it's coming, it's coming, it's coming. Like, I hear your prayers. I know you're there.
Speaker: He's coming. I mean, I didn't know we were going have a boy right off, but he, he kept saying, your baby's coming. And so I also was very fortunate in every place I worked that I was going through this journey, I had wonderful coworkers. So that made it even better. Not only having a great family and friends, I had great coworkers. And so they made it, if it was like a person going through a fetal loss, they were really good about, we're not letting Blair do this one. Like, especially if I had just had a loss. So they protected my heart from,
Speaker: during my journey and that will be forever grateful for me too. So it was hard. It was hard navigating, but it also was, there would be that one patient that just made me go, okay. Or there'd be that one story where someone would be like, I'm 40 years old. I just went through IVF. We just had our baby. Don't give up. And it just kept me going. So Oh, that's beautiful. And again, just what a testament to to you and your strength, but then also just, again, such a highlight of how important it is to have that support system. Of course, family and friends, but yeah, the value of just having those those co-workers that have turned to friends um and and be on the lookout for you. But I really, I love that you found those shining moments and little blips, like you said, that just kept you going.
Speaker: Yes. I was blessed. I was very blessed. And I'm so fortunate. Can you walk us through just what your journey was like to get you where you are today? i mean...
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. do I can tell you the whole story. It might take a hot minute, but. Well, let's go back a little bit. Obviously, i mean, you you saw the miracle of birth as an ellen you know in nursing school and you were like, okay, this is it.
Speaker: How shortly after that was it like, okay, all right, Habby, time to start our family. And where did we go? how how quickly was it between needing to kind of start exploring different paths? Yeah.
Speaker: Well, um I don't know if you've like read my whole story, but my husband and I met in our 30s. So age was already a big factor. Got it. And um we know we were just like any other romantic interest. We met on eHarmony.
Speaker: Gorgeous. Oh my gosh. It's beautiful. Yes. What a throwback. Oh my gosh. So when we got married, well, actually from the time we met in person to the time we got married was 10 months. It was a whirlwind romance. it ah I knew he was mine and he knew I was his and i was 34 and and he's He was 32, okay. But we just- We love that. We knew we wanted to have a family right away.
Speaker: So we started trying right off. And by, that was in July, and by October, we had had our first pregnancy. Like, blind, excited, ecstatic.
Speaker: And that's also within a few days i started miscarrying. And so i just was like, it's okay. We're not 35 yet. I'm not geriatric pregnancy, which is a horrible term. The worst. I say that all the time. I'm like, I'm a sorry, medical profession. We've come up with 1000 different names for like pharmaceuticals, but you stick us with geriatric pregnancy. Like, come on. I'm like, I'm not 35 yet. But I mean, now we say advanced maternal age, but I still like geriatric pregnancy. Anywho, we, um, I was like many people miscarry the first time it will be fine.
Speaker: So we get to January of, which would been now January, 2021. And that's only been a few months and we get another pregnancy. But in the meantime, I had got into an ah REI just because they were like, you're you know, you're 34, let's just get you into an internal specialist. And I also had a history of a pituitary tumor. So they were like, I think we just need to do we just need to go ahead. And I was like, okay.
Speaker: So I had already seen her and we got pregnant on our own and then we lost the baby again, but then a few days, they're very early miscarriages, but still a miscarriage in itself. It was, know, it still hurt. You know, you got so excited. So, um,
Speaker: We talked to her and she was a lovely lady. I really enjoyed her as a physician. And she just kept saying, be brave, be brave, and just please keep being brave. And we're like, okay. So we started then like the medications to help you ovulate. So letrozole was the one that they had put me on.
Speaker: And Again, trying and trying. We finally got to go on our honeymoon a year after we had gotten married because it was COVID at that time. And we ended up conceiving on that honeymoon. I had went in to see her and I was like, I don't think I'm pregnant. I don't think it worked. And she was doing a scan. She's like, let's let's just take some blood.
Speaker: And i had I had used a home pregnancy test and it was negative, but she was like, I think we should draw some blood. doesn' said, okay. Came back, I was like a minute pregnant. And um we were so excited. So at that point then it was a game of watching numbers. Sure. But my numbers kept going up.
Speaker: They were going up slowly, but they were going up. So now we've gotten past like five weeks, which I had never gotten past five weeks. We've gotten past six weeks. And now we're going to see our baby.
Speaker: And I remember telling my husband like, what if it's twins? what if it's like triplets? And know and so we go to her office, that REI's office, and we, she goes to do the scan.
Speaker: And me being in the profession I am, I know things. And there was nothing there. And my husband's like, he saw the look and he's like, what's going I was like, there's nothing there. And she just kept looking and kept looking. And ah she said, Blair, I think we're going I think we have an ectopic.
Speaker: And my husband just didn't understand, but he was like, so why can't you move the egg to the uterus? Like, I understand. yeah and it was like, doesn't work like that. So she said, let's send you down to the downstairs to the big guns and make sure, you know, is this really what we're seeing? And we'd already discussed like using methotrexate, the medication versus surgery. And my husband and I were downstairs. We're in this room with women waiting to see their babies and I'm just bawling. And my husband's like, I think we should do them at the methotrexate. Let's not do the surgery. We go in and they're doing the sonic the sonogram and the tech leaves, of the radiologist comes in and he's like, you're not leaving, right? And I said, no. He said, okay, i just want to make sure you're not leaving the hospital. And I said, okay.
Speaker: So I go back upstairs to see her because it was different floors and she comes in and she's like, okay, Blair, um your tube's actually rupturing and I don't understand how you're not in pain. And I looked at her and I said, well, i I told God I would never complain if I got pregnant. So I've been in pain, but I didn't say a word.
Speaker: And she just was like, oh, oh gosh. And she said, well, we're going to have to do surgery. And I said, okay, I'll call my parents. They'll come up here. And she's like, no, we got to go now.
Speaker: And, um, my husband stops right there and he's like, okay. she I'm going to say something that she's probably not going to be happy with me. And I'm like, are you about to say, sir?
Speaker: And he's like, I have watched my wife decline with depression over the last... six eight months and i think we need some help and i i feel like i need to be an advocate for her because she's a woman who's very half glass full very happy like loves getting up loves going to work loves everything and i've watched her decline while we've been in this journey and he's like i just feel like we need some help and so she was like you know here's a counselor i can recommend and I just, the point of that was, it took a lot of guts for my husband to be my advocate for my mental health. And yeah I was very proud of that moment because I was like, wow, I knew he loved me, but he really loves me. And just to see someone stand up for that, because I don't think people talk about that in fertility.
Speaker: And I was like, okay, like, I've got a good man, we're going to make it through this. And um the hard part of that, that was 2021. Like we had to do the counseling of that. We were terminating a terminating a pregnancy, which was hard. yeah And that was a hard moment for me, like having to sign this, but it was my life. And She just kept saying, you know, be brave, be brave. I don't want you to stop. I don't want you to stop. And I was like, okay.
Speaker: And so we had the surgery, everything went well. I did lose a tube and she saw me the next morning and she's like, please just keep being brave. We can keep doing this. And I was like, okay.
Speaker: And um after that, we started trying again. I actually had another ectopic naturally, like without medication that December. And in the midst of that, there's a point to the story of this point, but we had lost one of ah our dogs, Winston, who was my sweet middle Boston Terrier. So, you know, a lot going on.
Speaker: That's a lot of loss That's lot. A lot of loss. And so got past that ectopic, which that one we could do with medication because we caught so early. And um we decided at that point we're going to do IVF.
Speaker: So we gear up and we start doing IVF in that July. And i had two eggs that they retrieved and one made it through the process and we did a live transfer.
Speaker: and I had specifically ask them, please, please, like, I don't want an email. I want a phone call with my blood results. And she was like, okay, well, my physician, oh went out of town on vacation. So it was her nurse prac who was taking over And Being in a healthcare facility, I'm going to state this very upfront.
Speaker: We all make mistakes and we all, we all learn from it. And that's what makes you a better nurse, a better provider is when you admit your mistake, you learn from it and you teach it. So it never happens again to others. So I got an email with my lab results from the nurse crack and it pretty much, you know, saying this pregnancy didn't take, but then it went into when you're ready to use your other embryos, let us know, we'll set this up. And I had no other embryos. Oh, yeah.
Speaker: And that was heart wrenching. And so i let myself cool down, let my emotions cool down. And I wrote my provider at that time, an email and stated what happened and how hurt I was over this. And within 15 minutes, she called me and I was working. when she had called me and I'd sent that email and I didn't answer it but left me a two minute voicemail of apologizing. Cause she's like, that should have never happened. And ended up having a followup. And again, she sat with me she was a very precious lady and just like, please don't give up, please try one more time. And at that moment she started discussing about, you know, there are other ways of having families. Like there's embryo adoption, there's egg donors, there's this and that she goes,
Speaker: If you keep trying and you do another cycle of IVF and it doesn't work, remember that it doesn't mean to, it doesn't have to be genetic to be a family. It's what you make out of it. So if that's ever an option you wanted to look at, you know, keep that in the back of your mind because some of the most beautiful families I've ever taken care of were in those situations. And I don't want you to just push that aside. And I was like, okay.
Speaker: So after that, I said, I need a break. And we took, a long, probably seven month break. My sister-in-law was getting married and I just wanted everything to be about her. And, um I just needed to heal.
Speaker: ah Well, because that was a lot going on all at once within a two year span. Yes, exactly. And I, I want to, I want to go back just a little bit because i think one of the things just, you know, medically speaking, To go through the IVF process and and only get two eggs, and out of those two, to even get one embryo, a viable embryo, is such a big deal. But it is also just a big wow of...
Speaker: two eggs. Because I don't think people fully understand. like When you retrieve, say, 14 eggs, that doesn't equate to 14 embryos. That will usually just be like four or five. i mean, it's it's a much smaller number. And so there was so much happening there. That's huge.
Speaker: I mean... Wow. And then all of a sudden you, you, you go through all of that and then you have your precious REI, which her words are so correct. It does. It's not genetics that make, that make a family, but even still, i think that can be really shocking to have that type of information Right. Being given to you in such a vulnerable moment. How did you navigate that?
Speaker: So my mom went with me to that appointment and my mom was like, she's like this little five foot one, 90 pound lady. She's not scary at all, but she was ready. She was like, I'm going give her a piece of my mind.
Speaker: mom i was like she's precious i promise i was like don't don't go in there fighting let's listen and i was like i promise you she's she's as much as hurt as i am like she cared and when she came in like she blocked off time and she was very respectful like she's like i'm not gonna let the np come see you at all and she's like she's very sorry but i'm not gonna and i was like i appreciate that and she sat down with me like you and i are right now just face to face for an hour and just talked to me and answered my questions and answered my, you know, we cried, we both were crying together. And so that was her last little piece to me. And I took it as, you know, it was a lot going on, but it was also a kind of ah more of a glimpse of hope. Like maybe there might be another way, but I'm not there yet, but maybe there might be something into this.
Speaker: Yeah. So I mean, it was a lot, but I appreciated her because she was a human being talking to another person who was hurting. She was not a provider at that moment. She was a person comforting someone who was going through a lot. And I will always be respectful for that. So we finished with that appointment. Yeah, she's she's precious. Like, I want to say that because I ended up with the journey I went on. I did not go back to her because that was one of our...
Speaker: deals with my husband was he was he was furious and he said if we're going to go through another round of IVF if we're going to go through all of this we're going to find a different doctor and I respected that and he said I won't do it again with this one i and I appreciate that like that's He had every right to, and I have every right to respect that decision.
Speaker: Well, and again, I appreciate the fact that once again, he's jumping in to be your advocate and to, you know, protect your heart and, and protect his as well. And, you know, again, that is so, that's so beautiful. Yes. So you took time off, which ah is so necessary. So proud of you.
Speaker: And then what was your next steps after that? So, um, we had moved from, we were living in Lubbock at the time we moved to Abilene to his hometown. And I had been working there for a couple of years. And during this, like they were going through my journey as a brand new nurse with them. So it was, you know, a lot of, like I said, love a lot of coworkers who really captured my heart and, um I started seeing an OBGYN there and she was like, you know, let's just try a couple trigger shots, do some letrozole, do trigger shots, see if we can make this work with, you know, time intercourse. and i'm like, okay. So, I mean, i went down to like...
Speaker: You know, the big fad thing right now on Netflix is the plastics documentary. And I'm like, oh, I knew about that couple of years ago. I went to the whole glass. Because she had told me about that. Like, I quit microwaving. I did glass containers. I went on a plant-based diet for a while. like All of it. I went all in.
Speaker: I looked fantastic, by the way. I was in shame. Silver lining, folks. Yeah. Just saying. Like... Was it a hard diet? Yes, but I looked fantastic. And so we tried the trigger shots with her and we got pregnant again. And again, lost like within a week. It was actually around Mother's Day. And, um you know, I just, she did a lot of lab work on me. and She found a couple of things that I don't know if ever had been brought to their attention or have been seen, but she was, she's very brilliant, very brilliant OBGYN. And,
Speaker: and I said, can I be referred to a different, like to another REI? And she's like, yeah, like we can do whatever you want to So I was talking to another, was an OB hospitalist who I absolutely loved and adored and considered her a friend. And we were discussing and she's like, I have a friend who went through ivf here in um Frisco, Texas with Dallas IVF. His name was Dr. Barnett. And i was like, okay. So she ended up referring me to him.
Speaker: was that OB hospitalist. And she was like, you can look at the numbers, the statistics of who's like, you know, better statistics at ages for actual work. And like, Hey, great. So I got in with them.
Speaker: i did an online consult, sent him all my paperwork. And for some reason, my records would not get to them. It took four months before, well, July, August, September.
Speaker: October, four months before my records got sent from my previous ah REI. Oh, heavenly days. But in that time, started having like,
Speaker: I guess whispers from God or something and saying like, what do you think about egg donor? What do you think about egg donor? So that conversation was coming back to me. And I was so afraid to ask my husband about it because when we first started our journey, was like, it has to be you and I. And I, before I saw, did my next consult with him, i was like, say, what do you think about egg donor?
Speaker: And he was like, you know what? I think that might be a great option. I think it would take stress off of you. i think, you know, I think it i I would be happy to, but I'm not going to pick her. Like you are going to pick who you want as being representation to you. And I was like, okay.
Speaker: So we have our consult and he's just, he's honest. He's like, I just, I don't think your eggs are good. Like looking at all your stuff and when you lose them, like you've had your miscarriages, I don't think your eggs are good. And i was like, okay.
Speaker: And you can see the honesty. Yeah. Yeah. And I respected And he was like, I mean, what would you, would you consider an egg donor? I said, you know, actually, yeah, we were discussing this and we would be very open to it. And you could see it just wash over his face with relief.
Speaker: I'll set you up with the people. I'm like, great. So his coordinator contacts me and I start asking like prices and they tell me the price of this, which is not cheap. And I was like, we can't afford this.
Speaker: And I'm balling. And I was you know, just crying, like, I don't know what we're going to do. Maybe we can do and an embryo adoption. Like, I don't know what we can do. So we go see his father um for dinner that night, his dad and stepmom.
Speaker: And we're talking and his dad was a district judge here in this county at the time. He's now retired. And I was like, you know, I just don't know if we can afford this. This is what it's going to look like. i was like, we could maybe do an embryo adoption, but it won't be Sam's. And he looked at me and he said, Blair, I do adoptions every day. I don't know why you wouldn't think I'd be okay with it. He's like, that's one of the best things of my job.
Speaker: Like, don't let that be reason to stop, but I'll do one better for you. I'll pay for half of the treatment so y'all can do an egg donor. And I said, okay. And then i had cried to my mother and she goes, I'll pay the other half.
Speaker: ah So now we have full funding to be able to do this, which I mean, what a blessing. It wasn't as, I mean, it was a blessing and we're like, okay. So they set us up with some agencies, which one of them was y'all. I just want to pause you real quick. And I just want to go back because I, again, i want to highlight Up to that point, the amount of money that you have already spent over the course of, you know, the what, three years? Yes.
Speaker: I mean, It's lot. Is a lot. a lot. And to...
Speaker: I can't even begin to imagine to imagine the weight of, okay, here's this option, the hope that you have, and then to see... you know The sticker shock of that and to feel that just how deflating that could be. And I mean, what truly what a gift that your family yeah It supports you. Yes. Wholeheartedly. Wholeheartedly. And then again, to be able to financially, you know, help you both in that way. I mean, that is just beautiful. Yes. You know, his dad was able to do it. and His mom and stepdad, I mean, they wanted to help us with what they could, but of course, you know, ah they were there and they're like, if we can figure out a way to help you, we will. But we had the funds between my mom and then his dad and stepmom. So
Speaker: We're like, okay, we're going to do this. Like this is, I don't know. I think we started this in October, like discussing it. We looked at two agencies that Dr. Barnett had recommended and y'all were one of them. And there was the other, and I was looking through both and,
Speaker: I knew this could be a long journey. I was like, sure. i was ready. i was like, okay, this could take months. It's fine. This episode of Create a Happy Family is brought to you by Franklin Law Office.
Speaker: If you're building your family through surrogacy or donation, Joni Franklin brings more than a decade of experience in assisted reproductive technology law, serving intended parents, surrogates, and donors across Kansas, Missouri, and Oklahoma.
Speaker: To learn more, visit jfranklinlaw.com. My husband was all like, you're going to pick her. And I said, OK. OK. So I'm not trying to sound mean, but I'm sure other families going through this, you start looking at them. And it's almost like a Tinder, but it's not. Oh, no. We describe it as like a dating app. It really is, because you're looking through pictures. And everybody has their different things that they're looking at that are important to them, whether it's hair color or facial features or just whatever it is. Absolutely. To all the young ladies who are egg donors, my heart just thanks y'all. I'm sorry. Like I couldn't pick everybody, but you know, was like, Oh, I just thought, you know, was like, how do you know? How do you know? Like, yeah, how do you know?
Speaker: And so we were, I was like prepared for this. This is within a week of like, I'm like looking and i came across a young lady, beautiful young lady. Doesn't look anything like me.
Speaker: And I start reading her profile and she, um, she's holding a dog. It's a golden doodle. Mind you, we had got a golden doodle, um, right before our IVF.
Speaker: and So we lost our dog Winston right in November and this is June and we get this golden doodle and we named Bogey, but she's holding a golden doodle and that dog's name is Winston.
Speaker: Yes. And I was like, oh,
Speaker: So I start reading her profile and I mean, beautiful heart, just beautiful heart, but a lot of similarities. Like she played sports, she was a cheerleader, she had donated blood and like her hair donelocks of hair to locks of love. And I had done all the same. I was the same. It was like reading my profile, but somebody quite a bit younger than me and not from Texas. And um just was in awe of her, like absolute awe of her.
Speaker: And I was like, okay, this, this could be it. But she was under contract. So I reached out and I was like, would she consider being a donor for us if she doesn't want to, cause she's, you know, if she's done, i understand no pressure.
Speaker: I just would like to, you know, see if she would consider it. Yeah. And so. This is like in the first like one or two weeks. And they write me back and I guess they had talked to her and she got to learn some about me. And she's like, yes, I will absolutely donate to them. um I'm working with another family, but if she'll wait for me, I would love to. And I was like, perfect. Like, I'll wait. I'll wait as long as you want me to. Like, I'll wait. And so And at time,
Speaker: that was in november and at the time oh I started contemplating going back for my master's and I decided the program I was going to apply to. i was like, I probably won't get in. It's fine. But we may not get this donor either, but I'm going to go ahead start living my dream. I'm going to go ahead and move forward. And of so applied to my program.
Speaker: And then I get a phone call from, I believe it was from y'all. And they were like, okay, um the family she's working with, some things are not working out. And I think about this family and pray for them all the time. But she ended up ending her contract because they didn't know if the mom could carry is how I understood. and they didn't know if that was going to be a deal breaker. And so instead of keeping us waiting, she wanted to go into contract with us because we were ready to move forward. yeah And I was like,
Speaker: First thing I'm asking the coordinator is like, is the family okay? Like, I want them to get their dreams. Oh, Claire, your heart. Oh, goodness. And she was like, yes, yes. She was like, are you excited? I was like, yeah, but I want to make sure they're okay, too, you know. Because, you know, they wanted their little joy, too. And so I was ecstatic that we were going into contract with her.
Speaker: And this is like, i think we found out for sure right before Thanksgiving. And I wasn't supposed to get a phone call like ah finding out anything until December. Right. Right. It was so fast. So then we... um I get a phone call from y'all look again, and it's like the first week of December, and they're like, hey, she has donated to others, you know, to other families. She was a proven donor. I was like, yeah, and they're like, well, she actually donated with the same facility that you're going through with Dallas IVF. So they already know about her.
Speaker: So that's going to weigh a lot of things and make things speed up even faster. Yeah. And I was like, are you kidding me? Yeah. And they're like, yeah, they absolutely love her. And I was like, I mean, who couldn't just by looking at her profile?
Speaker: So um that sped it up. So we started the process. I was like, if she wants to wait till after Christmas, whatever, like let her have her time. And ah we started everything in January.
Speaker: um We had our egg retrieval on March 1st. Oh, my gosh. So fast. So fast. And yeah. you know, you don't know what to expect. You're just in hopes and prayers. And she, I believe if I'm correct in my head, cause a lot's happened, I think it was 26 eggs were retrieved.
Speaker: And then, oh i was making sure like I had written her a letter and I just was telling her, um, and I still mean this to this day.
Speaker: I didn't, like, I was describing myself, describing my husband, like, my husband's an All-American football player, he, like, played D1, uh, um, college not too far from here, he still refs, like, he's all, he's a man's man, and then I was like, and I'm just this country girl that wants to own a, you know, one day maybe, like, a doggy daycare, and I pick up the dogs in a bus, but, um,
Speaker: I was telling her that, you know, I didn't know i was praying for you since I was a teenager. Like, I had always wanted to get married and have a family and have, you know, four kids was my goal. Of course, that's when I was young. And unbeknownst to this, I had been praying for her for this entire time, not even realizing what was going to happen.
Speaker: And so, um, that's very important to me. Like you don't realize what setting you up in life and what your path's going to go. But I feel like I was connected to her without ever meeting her and knowing her. And, um, I know I keep looking off, like I'm trying not to cry. I just, I'm amazed by her because she gave me a family and it was selfless.
Speaker: It's a selfless act. And God, I just, she's amazing. And i just, I hope the best for her. Like, she's just amazing. And so 26 eggs, 16 were were blast, and nine came back perfect PGT testing.
Speaker: Wow. Nine embryos, six girls and three boys. Oh, wow. Yeah. Blair, after... Everything that you had been through and then all of the waiting and everything that was going on, what was it, I mean, what was it like emotionally to go from all of this uncertainty to everything falling into place?
Speaker: I mean, even just getting phone calls that are good news is like shocking. Wait a minute, you know, when's the other, if it like, shoe going to drop? It was, it was like, a it made me go back. And this is a story back into when I was a labor nurse back in Amarillo, before I ever met my husband, I had taken care of a, i don't know that there's a reason to this. So I had taken care of a family that was doing an adoption and it was a younger girl and she was giving up her child to a family who had been trying for 10 years.
Speaker: And, um she, um, I'll never forget the young girl asked me, she's like, do you think I'm selfish for what I'm doing? And I said, no, I think you're selfless. I think you're giving your child a chance to be with a family who is going to love and adore them. And you're going to get to now, you know, finish high school and go do what you want to do. And you may have made somebody's dreams come true. So anyway, I met the adoption mom and um the baby was born. They took us straight to nursery and they were like, Hey, you have to bring the, the adopted mom in because you're the only one that knows her. I'm like, Oh, okay.
Speaker: So, She goes in and she cups her hands over her face. And she's like, that's my baby. That's my baby.
Speaker: And I was like, oh, I got to get out of here. This is a lot. And those words rang back to me because um later that day, because I'd went through some medical things and I'd had some health issues, problems with my pituitary tumor. And I didn't know where my fertility journey would go. Wasn't even in a relationship to even know. Like, you know, she caught me in the hallway and she said, I just want you to know that God hears she you, and the moment I saw you, I knew you were our nurse. And he wanted me to tell you that he hears you and he's listening to you and he promised you.
Speaker: He's promising you that he's got you. And all that come back to me when we found out all of our embryos, like, he heard me. He knew what I was asking for, and he told me he had me.
Speaker: And that was from a stranger that I had barely known that I got to be a part of their birth story eight years prior. Wow. Yeah. And so just, that came back and I was like, this is my baby. Like I felt the same way. This is going be my baby.
Speaker: wonderful. Oh no. thesew world It's wonderful. And um in the meantime, we're like, okay, we're going to do our embryo transfer. And of course you don't know what's going to happen. Well, got into my program for school.
Speaker: i was going to say, yeah, life just kept going. you and I mean, yeah, you, ah Which, no congratulations, yay. Which is honestly, um it's I'm actually in school for nurse midwifery. so Amazing. um Yeah.
Speaker: And so I was like, okay, I'm going to start school in the fall. We'll see what happens if this transfer takes. and My husband and I were discussing. He wanted to do a boy. he was the last of his last name. And I said, yeah, let's do a boy. and I was like, I just hope he takes. And the night before my transfer, i was so nervous. And I'm an anxious person anyway, I'll be honest. And i was so nervous. And i decided I was going to watch...
Speaker: A childhood, well, it probably came out when I was in junior high, high school, if that tells you how old I am. It was Lilo and Stitch. And I was like, I'm going to watch this Disney movie. Look, we love nostalgia. It's thing. Yes. No, I'm here for it. I watched Lilo and Stitch.
Speaker: And um I, you know, went to Ben. My aunt took me to my appointments. My mom was too nervous. My husband had to stay back and work. And cause he's just started a brand new job. So, um, we go and our embryologist walks in and she's wearing a stitch hat.
Speaker: And I was like, Oh my goodness. This little boy's going to stick. And she hands me my card and she said, this is embryo number seven. And seven's always been my number. And, um, which if it was going line up, if that, the IVF did not work. So you didn't count it as a pregnancy, but this was like my seventh attempt. So it was all, it was seventh. So it was ended up being my sixth pregnancy, but I was like, he's going to stick.
Speaker: And i knew, ah that sounds crazy. I know the moment he did stick, I felt it. And I was like, he's, he's stuck. He's stuck. He's there. He's going to be there. And there he was. There he was. There he was.
Speaker: We did our, I did some home pregnancy tests probably shouldn't have. I know they tell you not to, but I started seeing lines. I started seeing lines on like day four after the transfer. Like, oh was wow. And it just got darker and darker and then went and had my labs drawn and I was like, he's going to stick.
Speaker: And then a curse nerves, you know, like, okay, let's get past the fifth week. Let's get started the sixth week. Let's get past the seventh week. And then got to, I think I was seven weeks and They did my sonogram and I was so nervous because the last time I was in the seat, you know, there was nothing there. Yeah. And, um, there he was, it was. There he was. There heless he was. He was there, had a heartbeat.
Speaker: I said, okay. Oh my gosh. So this, it's so heartbreaking. Like, And then I was telling my director, because when I interviewed for school and they were asking me questions and I kind of shared a little. And then I finally told her I was pregnant in the fall of that, not last fall, but fall of 2024. And was an egg donor. And she just was like, you know, I've had friends who've had to do this. I think that's amazing. And I was like, yeah, but I'm 38 years old. She's like, girl, I started my second round of kids at 40, 41. You'll fine. You're fine. And...
Speaker: and she was like, you can do this. i was like, can I get through school? I just, um she's like, I was in my, I believe she said she was in her doctorate's program when she was having her last child. And she's like, you can do this. So please don't, don't stop. And I said, well, I just want to make a difference. Like, um I can't do the fertility part with being midwifery, but I was like, I sure can be there for those who are struggling or have losses. And I said, that's really why, I mean, it's great to bring in babies in the world and women's health. was like, I just also want those patients to be heard.
Speaker: And if I'm doing this, that's what I want to do it for. So those patients can be heard. And um she's like, I think you've got a great, you've got a great reason. So yeah let's stick it out and done well. a little nervous about the summer.
Speaker: but ah Almost there. Have a year left in August. So almost there. Look at you. I was going to say, what was it like? What what has that season been like holding?
Speaker: i mean, then it's it's everything that you were going through just with the, the fertility and and IVF and then hang on tight. We're pregnant and we're just, I mean, how was, what was that like holding that all at once? Oh, it was amazing. Like it's, it was a lot, but I took it in. Like I was so excited. I loved the pregnancy. I loved it. I,
Speaker: I was very fortunate. I think God was being very sweet to me. Like you've been through a lot. I'm going to let you have a good pregnancy. Like, Oh, I love it. I wasn't nauseous. I ran until think I think was 22 weeks. i like, yeah. heart we yeah Like i I loved pregnancy. Um, and then my sister-in-law was got pregnant 10 weeks after us. And she is an amazing person. And she she had a harder pregnancy. Like, if she was nauseous and it broke my heart. And then she'd be like, I just can't even get out of bed. i'm like, I just ran four miles today. Girl, sing it from a mountaintop. That is just fine. And so I loved pregnancy. um
Speaker: I had a hard time in postpartum, whereas she flipped. She was great in postpartum and all that. so I was going to say... Archie, i i know Archie was finally here and after everything.
Speaker: What was that transition into motherhood like for you just beyond that initial excitement and joy? So I loved having my baby. like Yeah. And that, I think, was where was really hard for me is – Women, all women, with hormones are terrible after you have a baby. And i think postpartum anxiety and depression are starting to come more to light and be talked about more, but I don't think it's talked about enough. And um i was so worried if I mit said anything that people wouldn't think I wasn't grateful for my baby.
Speaker: And so i tried to keep it kind of in the wraps, but my anxiety was bad. Like i the intrinsic thoughts, I mean, I live in Texas, there are no alligators or crocodiles that are going to come up into the yard and snatch my baby. Like, I don't even know where that would come from. Like something may come in and snatch my kid. but We're in Texas.
Speaker: There's, you're fine. There's not even an ocean nearby. Like, um, it just, it was rough. Anxiety was rough. And I don't know. I, I read an article. I can't tell you where it was from off the top of my head, but they were discussing women who go through infertility and go through a journey and IVF or whatever that sometimes their anxiety is even harder after delivery because you're waiting for something bad. Like it's like your brain can't shut down that everything's good. And now you're like, he's him or she they're here.
Speaker: and like, you're just afraid something bad's going to happen after all that work. So, um, that postpartum was, it was a little harder. Plus I was in school and, um,
Speaker: I loved being with him, but it more came for me after I went back to work and having to let other people start taking, you know, had to take them to daycare and like trusting others. And that was hard, but our daycare was wonderful, wonderful people. They kept me up to date and was super sweet, but but that was all right that was a hard journey. And so to all those mamas out there and even the struggling and you did egg donor by surrogacy and all that, like,
Speaker: that is a normal thing to go through. You're not different for having anxiety, depression. Like give yourself some grace. Like it's a lot. Our hormones are crazy. Looking back on that time, you know, what is what is something you wish more women did understand about that season? I know you said, you know, yes, our hormones are crazy and we all need to give each other grace. Is there, is there something you wish,
Speaker: maybe someone could have spotted in you or, or do you, it, it, was there something maybe you wish you could have done differently? I don't want to put the onus on you because that's there, there's so much going on there. No, I think for me, and, um, I'm not saying this is always the right way. I think if somebody would have noticed one, I think I wish i would have got more sleep. I will say that I wish,
Speaker: yeah it's a balance it's learning you know um i wish i would have taken more priority in my self-care instead of just and not that i didn't love taking care of archie but just saying like okay it's okay to lay down and take a two-hour nap he's okay he's in his bassinet he's fine it's okay to get some sleep but i also wish maybe and again for those i hope this doesn't and Like it's okay to ask for help.
Speaker: It's okay to, um, whether it's having extra people, like somebody come in and watch them so you can take a nap or somebody cleaning your home or even if you need to like have a little help with some medication, it's okay.
Speaker: It's okay. And, um, now there is a postpartum depression, anxiety med, I cannot think of the name of it, but it's a two week medication designed for postpartum depression and it helps with the gather receptors. And so just being aware, like, it's okay. If you need a little help, it doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't make you a bad mom. Like yeah it's okay. So,
Speaker: oh You said something so important that I think is so unique to families that are going through infertility is this idea of
Speaker: having others view you as ungrateful. Yes. Yeah. That's heavy. Nobody Nobody did.
Speaker: but in my head, but in my head i was afraid people would. because like you just went through all this and you got him why are you not happy and like oh i'm ecstatic but i also like my an anxiety is a little high because you know yeah well you're human you need to sleep we're human we're human and we need grace yeah we've got to give ourselves grace and it's okay for self-care and um A lot of women, myself included, like you kind of lose yourself for a hot minute. You know, you're, all you're doing is, you know, baby.
Speaker: And I will state this, a fed baby is a well baby. But you know, like if you're breastfeeding or by the time you finish breastfeeding, you turn around, you're doing the next, like, here we go again, 20 minutes later. And like, you know, um and I was just so like,
Speaker: on a clock where I was so worried, like what if he's losing weight, which he wasn't, he was thriving. But, um you know, like for a long while, I think I woke up every two to three hours of making sure he was fed every two to three hours. Like I'm talking not just your normal, get back up to weight and a little overweight, like at least a good four to six weeks I was waking up to make sure he was fed every two to three hours and not taking that time realizing, hey, it's, you're okay. He can sleep four. It's fine. Sure. he goes four or five, he's okay. Like, so, um, I don't know if that sounds weird or not, but no, no, I think it's so, it's so real. It's so real because I think there is, there's so much pressure on women in general to do,
Speaker: ah Honestly, anything that we're involved in the right way or the correct way or, you know, and and there is so much speculation and the internet doesn't help. and No.
Speaker: Throw infertility in there. I mean, yes, hormones are crazy, but hi, your hormones have been especially crazy because we've been doing the up and down for years and years and years before we even get to pregnancy. Right. And that's a lot. It was, man.
Speaker: I just, that was the other thing, like to new mom, doesn't matter if it's bi-active natural, new moms, give yourself grace. Yeah. You're going to take care of your sweet baby, like, and your baby's going to love you and you're going to learn as you go. um,
Speaker: oh You know, whether it's I feel better pumping and feeding or I feel better breastfeeding or, you know what, I went to formula. Okay. What works for you? What works for you?
Speaker: Because your sanity is just as important. Like your health is just as important. Are you taking time to shower? Are you taking time to eat? Are you taking time to just sit for a moment and...
Speaker: have that like, no worry at the moment, you know, and my husband was doing a great job, but he was a new dad too. You know, like we were just doing what we thought was normal, you know, like it, we were, so we were in parenthood. Here we go. yeah There's not a handbook.
Speaker: No, there sure isn't. There's a lot of tries, but you know, it's not a handbook. And then like, um, Again, i every person's different. So for a while, and I got a lot of negative comments about this and to each his own. But for a while, like I could not sleep good unless he was in bed with me, like Archie. So we did bed sharing, but we did bed sharing different. Like my husband slept in another room for a while. So he had his side of the bed. I had my side of the bed. Dogs were in the another room, wouldn't allow him. Like we did safe co-sleeping and I got a lot of, harshness from people like oh you're not letting your husband sleep and like what's that going to do to your marriage like what's that gonna you know that's not healthy that's not safe or not the safe but more that's not healthy for your marriage like you're going to drive a wedge between y'all and blah blah blah and
Speaker: At that moment, like, I don't need your negativity. I'm trying to survive. And that's what was working for us. Like, that's what helped my anxiety. And my husband was respectful of that. And as he got bigger, we moved back to where it was. We were still a little bed sharing with, you know,
Speaker: Um, until we finally felt comfortable moving him to a crib, which was just been recently, but, um, you know, like I, I breastfed him literally until about a month ago. And that's what worked for me was him being next to me at night and he could latch on.
Speaker: And I, you would be surprised how hateful people can be or it's hard. And so again, you know, I have friends, I had a new mom just asked me, when did you transition to the crib or to the room? I was like, you do what makes you feel good.
Speaker: If you want to do it at six weeks, great. If you want to do it in two years, great. You're going to hear different people's stories. You find what makes works for y'all. was like, this is what worked for me.
Speaker: may not do it this way with the next one, may introduce them to their room a lot sooner. you gotta do what makes it work, but it's just amazing. I don't know if other mothers share this or stuff, but just people can be so like judgmental or opinionated on not doing it a certain way. and A healthy, safe baby is all that matters. A healthy, happy, loved baby. 100%. Whether you did it one way or another, is that baby healthy? Is that baby happy? Is that baby loved? That's all that matters.
Speaker: we had a i We had a doctor, um Dr. Rebecca Diamond. She's pediatrician. she wrote um She's written two parenting books, but one of the things in her in her first one that she was talking about was paying attention to your gut and trusting in your gut.
Speaker: And there's so many of us who we doom scroll at 3 a.m. or we're asking other moms and taking a poll and all of those things. And I mean, you really, you're hitting the nail on the head of you need to do what works for you as long as it's safe, as long as, you know, baby is happy and you are happy. You need to do what works for you and your family.
Speaker: Yes. Ultimately for you, what was the turning point of that anxiety? Because again, I think you're so right. A lot of people, you know, they don't, they don't love to talk about it and then throw in the added layer of infertility. And like you said, it's the fear of feeling ungrateful to make people shut down for you. What was that turning point? So i had a conversation with my mother because, um,
Speaker: I was just telling her how bad I felt like my anxiety was. And my mom is my best friend, love my mother. And she finally was like, Blair, you're gonna have to give it to God. No pill, no counseling, no nothing's gonna fix this unless you give it to God.
Speaker: And you need to just be downright honest with him that I need this peace over me. I need to know that you are in control and that like provide me a comfort and that's what I really had to do. And my name, this was probably close to his first birthday. I went through almost a year of this. And I mean, adding school on top of it, working mom, like we go through so many, women are so powerful and wonderful. And we go through a lot. And so are like dads and husbands, wonderful people, and especially in a good marriage. And you know, you have your moments where you're both learning and you're both going to come to head at some things, but you get through it and,
Speaker: My mom saying that my husband being a great comfort, like, you know, it's going to get better. It's, but you got to give it to God. And I did. And I had faith that, you know, he's going to be okay. And, um I did start some medication also in December and that helped me some too. And just talking about it a little more helped me, but I think just finally giving it to God, just saying like, okay, okay.
Speaker: It was definitely a big turning point, but I, I think just feeling like giving grace, finally giving myself some grace and honestly also talking to like people was saying, like friends, like I've met some also wonderful women in my midwifery nurse midwifery school. Like there's a young lady who's became a really good friend of mine and she has four kids and I would just flat out ask her like, is this normal?
Speaker: Like, yeah, you're doing fine. Like, You like. give yourself grace. And like, and that helped like, no, it does. It does. And I love that. I love that you took, you took the steps. You asked for help.
Speaker: It was, the start was medication. You had your safe group of people that you were able to, to talk to you and have that support. Your mom, your husband, your coworkers, your, your friends. I mean, that makes such a difference. And then to ultimately, you know, for you be in a place where you could ultimately say, I,
Speaker: this is, this is more than, this is more than i can take on. This is, this is yours. It just takes time. Yeah. Taking time. that Boy, it's a journey. It's so much fun though. Like it's It's a journey though. I love that glass half full, Blair. You and your, that smile and and that heart of yours. who you You were so right. That journey can be so long. For someone that is in the middle of that journey right now, what would you want them to know? So I would want them to know, taking this from that first physician, you know, um be brave.
Speaker: Be brave. Yeah. Be brave. Continue being brave. Have faith that it's going to work. Don't give up hope and keep being, keep having the courage to keep going.
Speaker: m That's, it's a hard journey and it takes all of those factors to make you keep going. And there are days that you want to be mad. And like, I would have patients come in who maybe weren't the right walks of life and making not good choices. And seeing them multiple times, having children that don't have those kids and being like, I don't understand why is this happening? Like being so mad and you know what? It was okay to be mad so and questioning God. It was okay.
Speaker: He's a big, he's a big boy with big, big underpants. He can take it. And knowing that those feelings are real and accepting those feelings.
Speaker: And not just everybody be like, oh, your time's always, you know, like people try to be helpful, but sometimes the right words don't come out. And like, you know, he's got something or something and being like, you know what, I want to be mad right now. And that's okay.
Speaker: That is okay. If you want to be mad and upset and disappointed, that's okay. Feel those feelings. And then, and then once you felt them. and you feel better that you felt them, now let's get that courage back in us. Let's get continue being brave. Let's find that hope and keep going. Because although I said like not the best cliche words, your baby's out there.
Speaker: It's out there. Yeah. Yeah. oh Archie's in the best thing.
Speaker: Archie is the best thing. Oh my gosh. And those blue eyes. my gosh. He's so sweet. you You talked about being brave, i know, from the beginning.
Speaker: What does that mean to you now?
Speaker: you have to still keep being brave. Like it just, cause the story we got him doesn't mean it ends. It's continue being brave, like accepting your feelings. Like I was talking about with the anxiety depression, yeah it's still being brave to know it's okay to, that you're going to make parenting mistakes. You're gonna, they're gonna fall and get hurt. And you're just going to keep up and tell them to keep being brave. Like, okay. You know, um it's also important to keep being brave for those who are struggling too, to help them move forward. And it's, it's a longterm journey.
Speaker: Although I got a great result, like we're not done having a family. We still have a journey to go. We have wonderful embryos, but it's important to keep being brave and knowing that the next transfer, it's going to stick, you know, and not having that thoughts, like what if it doesn't stick? What if something happens? Like it's, it's a continuation of gotta keep being brave and gotta keep having courage.
Speaker: Like it never ends. You gotta, it's, it's a continuous journey. Yeah. Oh, for sure. For sure. And you are obviously continuing to be brave for yourself and paying it forward and being brave for others with your program. And oh my gosh. hope so.
Speaker: i know so. I know so. know so. So yes. Oh my gosh. Blair, again, i mean, truly your story is so beautiful and I hope...
Speaker: that the others just hear your your strength. and And again, just that, I hope for those that don't see it, they are hearing that beautiful smile of yours and and know that they're just, like you said, just keep being brave, keep holding on to to that hope because yes, your baby is out there. As cliche as it may sound in the moment, your baby is is out there.
Speaker: i want to ask you one more question and it's a fun one. yeah You have seen me this entire time just you know, bawling into my coffee cup. um So yeah, my coffee is salty now. um But I always love to ask the question from the girl that is half glass full.
Speaker: What has filled your cup today? Literally or figuratively, what has been the thing that has filled your cup? I mean, honestly, just sharing my story. i If I can make one person's Like, give them that hope or like, like, oh, I'm not alone.
Speaker: Like, I feel like we hide our stuff, like we hide our emotions. And, you know, you don't want talk about it. Or you think you're the only one going through it and not feeling this. If I can make one person realize, like, you're not alone in this world. Like, I hear you. I see you.
Speaker: Like, it's okay. that that makes my That makes the world a world of difference for me. And to be able to share, you know, the love of my donor. i Like, I don't know her name. I know her as a number and a picture and a profile. Like, I cannot give enough expression to all fit women, men that donate, um all of you out there. Like, you made it possible for me to have a family.
Speaker: How wonderful is that? Like... beautiful. It's beautiful. Like you made my dreams come true. You didn't even know me. You didn't even know me. You didn't have to do that. And you made not only mine, or but other women who are individuals who are making other people's dreams come true. Like what an amazing thing, like such a, such a gift. And I hope, I hope other people can hear and like not give up on their journey or they can get some,
Speaker: closure even like I'm not alone in this. I am being seen. I am being heard. um i hope to be a good provider one day to women and women's health and birthing stories and making those stories as happy as what mine was. Like the day Archie was born was the best. It was the absolute best. And those first time parents get to have that look.
Speaker: and share that moment. I, I love, I, I love that you, you got to have that moment. i You got to have your first parent look. I got to have that look. Yeah. And it was great seeing him over the curtain, like, cause if I had a C-section and then lifting it up and seeing him and just like, just there was. There he was.
Speaker: There he is. With those big blue eyes. Oh, Chunky 9-1 child. Oh, well done, ma'am. Oh, my goodness. Yes.
Speaker: Oh, I love it. I love it. so Well, just Blair, truly, thank you so much again for being willing to share your story, for continuing to have the hope and just that message of bravery. It's so important. And I just, I could not be more grateful that I had the pleasure of getting to talk to you about it. So thank you so much. Well, you're welcome. Thank you for letting me share it.
