Transcript
Speaker: That was my focus really was that end part and how I wanted that to feel. No one hopes for their birth to take an unexpected turn. No matter how much you prepare, some moments simply are beyond your control.
Speaker: But sometimes the moments we never planned for become the ones we never forget. and I had to tell her like, go be with your baby. I'm all right. Today, I'm joined by Jessica, a two-time surrogate whose delivery took an unexpected turn when what was supposed to be a routine induction became an emergency C-section.
Speaker: But what made this moment unforgettable had nothing to do with the birth plan. It's a story about a relationship that was built long before delivery day and why that relationship made all the difference when everything else changed.
Speaker: Enjoy.
Speaker: You have now completed two surrogacy journeys, which is absolutely incredible. How did surrogacy even get on your radar? um I was a doula for many years leading up and just loving, falling in love with each family and the different aspects of not only their relationship, but as they each prepare to meet their baby and then being invited into that sacred space of the actual birth. I just started thinking like, wow, what if I'm
Speaker: I was like giving birth to their baby. like i don't know why it just started popping into my head. Like, this is so cool. And I love this. But like, what if I could take it one step farther? And so that's kind of how then I started doing some research. But that's how it started.
Speaker: That's amazing. How did your family or friends or, you know, your spouse respond when you were like, hey, i had this thought. but My husband was not surprised. I think I had been, I just, I mean, i love like being pregnant and just families in general, you know? And so I don't think was very surprised when I was like, hey, I'd like to, you know, we're done having babies. Like, what do you Yeah.
Speaker: I was like, I ah guess. Like, i don't know. It's so funny. He was just like, all right, let's look it up. So. Yeah. Just that open minded. It was like, sure, let's just, yeah, let's just find out more. Let's find out. I trust you. I i think, you know, so I love it. So, okay. Before your first journey, were you,
Speaker: nervous about anything? Was there anything you were unsure about? What were kind of, you know, some of his trepidations and just that kind of thing? There's obviously just really making sure you understand the process because um it is obviously like a completely, there's so many different, well, there were different types of surrogacy, right? Like, is this traditional surrogacy? Is this like, this is this your baby? You know, like all of those normal questions, right, are his and then my family's questions, right? Like,
Speaker: how could you give up your baby? And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like, hold on. Let's take it so bad. And just explaining, obviously my children for the first one were pretty young. I had, I think two, ah four and six were my kids at that time. So they were really good because I had already done the doula stuff with them and I would tell them all about that. So I was just kind of really age appropriately honest with them and But that was probably the main thoughts like, okay, how are the kids going to feel? Are they going to understand?
Speaker: um How do i even go about this? Like, you know, I didn't know any surrogates at the time. I was just really ingrained in the birth world. So just understanding like, okay, what does that look like? One of my probably main concerns was, do I get control of the birth? Because as a doula watching all of these births happen, you know, in different ways,
Speaker: One of the things was like, if I'm carrying, what am I surrendering in my birth story of their baby? For me, that was a huge thing because i i understood, you know, that maybe there would be the opportunity for like a birth center type birth or, but most likely, you know, and it was just learning all of that. Like, what are the laws, especially because I was in a completely different state than I am now.
Speaker: Um, so yeah, it was just all of that. Going back to you know, obviously the birth itself was really important to you just with your, with your history being a doula, what were some of the things that you held onto or kind of, you were like, this needs to be the right match whenever you were thinking about that delivery day?
Speaker: um The relationship was big for me. i was the one thing I knew beyond anything was that if it was possible, I wanted a local match. I wanted the parents because the doula side of things where you're walking alongside this mom and, you know, these parents and and still wanted to be able to do that as a surrogate. I wanted them to come to the doctor's appointments. I wanted mom to be able to feel baby kicked. I wanted them to be as involved as they felt. I wanted when the time for birth, I wanted the relationship to be comfortable enough. I mean, we're not, you know, like it's obviously just so individual to each person, but feel comfortable them to feel comfortable being in the room.
Speaker: you know, and being there for that. And so I think for me, that whole birth is hard. And I knew that I i don't enjoy giving birth. I don't know how many people do, but like, I love the pregnancy aspect. get her birth There's no getting around how hard that process is. Right. Yeah. And so just thinking like, what's going to make it worth it. Imagining the room at the end, like mom holding baby dad, like,
Speaker: me just finally like, okay, we did it. And just having that moment while they're loving on their baby. And so I think that's, that was my focus really was that end part and how I wanted that to feel. And that's what informed really my matching choices, my doctor choices, my, you know, just all of it leading up to that moment and it being as comfortable for everybody involved as possible.
Speaker: Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful. And that's a great way to approach it because I think it can be so easy to, you know, get into the nitty gritty and details and all of those details are important. But like you said, keeping in mind that end goal. And I mean, what a beautiful picture. Like, what is that room going to look like at the end? Yeah. So I know your first journey wasn't with egg donor and surrogate solutions. What made you decide to work with an agency this time after having your first experience? I think the main thing that set um the egg donor and surrogacy solutions apart was the matching process itself. My first agency gave me one profile at a time.
Speaker: And you had to say yes or no before you got another one. And that was so hard for me because I did say no to a couple, you know, choices and you just, especially that first time when you've not experienced it and the resources that are out there now, um,
Speaker: thought This was nine years ago at this point. And so the resources that we have now are just so much easier to access, I think. And I didn't have that. And so the thought of, oh, my gosh, what if I say no and that's the last one? Like, I don't get to do this. What if I say no and like nobody else cut like comes close, even though i I think that's not the right match for me?
Speaker: what if it was the best match I was going to find, you know, in that way. and that was so psychologically difficult, I think. in that And so um I honestly, like all I really asked what I was interviewing was like, oh, like,
Speaker: You know, do we get um choices? And I don't even think that my intake person understood because I don't think I understood that there was a different way to do things. They were like, yes, of course you get choices. And that's all I really asked. I didn't realize the amount of choices I was going to get. And that sure such an amazing, like, I was like, oh my gosh, like they weren't kidding.
Speaker: I get choices. Like, I don't know. That was such a huge, like, I didn't even know what to ask for, what to hope for. um the second time around and it was just beyond what I had even dared to be like, oh, okay.
Speaker: okay, like you really get choices, you know? Yeah. Well, and I mean, again, like this experience, it is choice from, from the get go, from the very beginning, you are choosing to do this. And all along the way, you know, everyone involved should have the ability to have choice and, you know, have a conversation and ask all of those questions. And it is hard whenever you're set up in a system where there is that what if, and almost, scarcity mentality, I want to say of, you know, like, like you said, like, was that it? Is that the end?
Speaker: Yeah. So for you, I mean, I know, again, right, that matching process is important to everyone, but that relationship was such a, it was so big for you.
Speaker: What was it like as you were going through that process this second time around, having it be different from the first time and then building that relationship? Yeah. It was. it was really fun because I felt like i already had a good understanding. um it was different because, of course, now a lot of stuff is done virtually. my first time, the match meeting was in person, you know which was so crazy. um and then to be like, okay.
Speaker: We're doing it virtually. And then just to find out that because of the work that is done before even that match meeting, the match meeting felt like we were in person. Like it just felt comfortable and like, okay, no, like we can get to know each other in this, in my mind, untraditional ah way. Right. um So that was so, i was so fun because you go in with less questions. I want to say.
Speaker: a to the meeting because a lot of your questions have already been answered before you even get to that point. Absolutely. And so I think that was just really cool because I was still just thinking about so many unknowns during the first match, you know, like you're taking each moment and that just really wasn't the case. This time we really could get to the heart and the connection piece without worrying about, uh, as much of the little, like you said, nitty gritty details, because those were already talked about, in profiles and such.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Well, and again, right. Like it just affords the ability to just jump right in and yeah really be able to lay down that foundation instead of getting caught up in the finer details that again are important, but they can sometimes overshadow the, that 20,000 foot view.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think, you know, one thing that people don't always realize is that, you know, even really beautiful journeys can still come with, you know, some unexpected moments. Can you walk us through what delivery day did look like for you?
Speaker: um Delivery day was completely different um than what we had anticipated. um i was coming up on 42 weeks and that's normal for my pregnancies, you know, in that way. And my body was so ready. And so we were going to go in and just give baby a little boost to start coming out. And um as we're getting everything prepped, baby decided to pull the exit cord hadn't even started really anything other than just the check to make sure everything was okay and baby was like cool i'm ready to leave now i don't want to wait two hours to start this process or um so we ended up with a c-section
Speaker: which was so crazy. It wasn't my first, it was my second, but so my first baby was a C-section and then I fought tooth the nail for a VBAC for my next three.
Speaker: And so that was really a big blessing to be able to do that. And because I had done that, having a C-section this time, felt like I was okay with it because that's what baby decided. Nothing had gone wrong with my body. Like nothing had a baby was healthy. he just decided like it was done waiting to come out and through a little tantrum. And, you know, like mom and I were just like, I don't know what your problem is kid. Cause everything is fine. of course, like we don't get to know the wives. Right. And, um,
Speaker: But thankfully, a baby was relaxed enough to be able to just have a normal emergency section. I didn't have to go under general anesthesia. Mom got in just before. So it was like perfect timing. We had an amazing operating room. We don't even know who did it, but somebody took pictures.
Speaker: So, so, so many pictures on our phones. I don't because it was so... quit. Like, I mean, yeah it was a little scary, you know, to go from like, Oh, everything's fine to like, literally eight minutes later, the baby's here. You know what i mean? Like it was, that is wild. So wild. I've never experienced anything like that. Like the split second decisions you plan and you think, you know what you want. And I did thankfully, like even in it, they were like, who's going back with you? i was like, Oh yeah, mom.
Speaker: And was like, oh, oh, okay. Yeah, I am okay with that. Like, you know, you never know if you're going to say like your husband or you know, at that time, but it really was. I was like, yeah, mom's coming back. And yeah.
Speaker: And so it was just so crazy to be like, it really tests. like the work that you did before the connection with the family, understanding that things go different, differently than we plan. Right. And that even though we don't want to plan for the worst, we want to understand like how we're going to feel if something like that happens.
Speaker: Right. And so mom just, she was just so sweet the whole time, kissing my head, like the whole time we're back there and she, the gender of the baby was a secret, the entire pregnancy for them.
Speaker: Um, so she got to announce the gender to the room. ah oh what a so the team was just amazing. So we have that on video of her discovering the gender of her baby. Like I just, wow it's so crazy. Cause it's nothing like what I had obviously planned or wanted,
Speaker: Um, but the little mercies and like gifts in all of that time, it's still know such a cool like thing to look back on Yeah, no, a ah hundred percent. And I think, I mean, this is resonating with me so much just on a personal level. I'm, I am an all C-section mom and surrogate. And I think, you know, the,
Speaker: There's almost this, um it's hard whenever you kind of have this vision of how your birth is going to go. And then all of the little things that can happen along the way to, like you said, it wasn't necessarily what you wanted, but there is still so much,
Speaker: beauty that can come from it. And I think the, the conversations around a vaginal delivery versus a C-section and, you know, yes, you can plan as much as you, as you want, but at the end of the day, baby' baby's, baby's going to decide, baby's going to decide.
Speaker: What was it like for you in those moments when, you know, mom's announcing and I mean, what a whirlwind were you able to even like take it in? I remember like, it's one of those things where you think of like in the movies where there's like a massive monologue going on in the person's head. And like the world is doing all this stuff. And I remember thinking like wanting to say some things out loud, but it is, it's, there's adrenaline involved. I won't say there was a whole lot of fear because I just had a piece understanding like my body did what it was supposed to do. Like we're okay. Yeah.
Speaker: this is babies making this decision, you know, but like the whole operating room thing, it's scary. Right. And so you're sitting there and, um, but yeah, just to, so I'm still like, was still processing all of that, of course, because again, eight minutes ago, we were just sitting in the room laughing and talking together, know, right. It's literally like just so, so quick, which I love that our medical, you know, like facilities can work at that level. um So, so well, but yeah um just to have mom there, I had to tell her like, go be with your baby because she, she didn't want to leave my side. And she's like, it's okay. Like,
Speaker: and And she's, like, trying to see where her baby is over. And I'm like, Mama, go. Like, I'm all right. Like, this is what you have been waiting for. Like, go get your baby. Like, okay. And it was just so cute because she was so, like,
Speaker: worried about like just being like see ya you know like you could you could tell that she was like trying so hard to like manage her just her own emotions and I thought that was kind of just that's what I remember paying attention to was like her internal wrestle you know like at that moment and just so yeah I just remember those being the words I could get out like go go be with your baby you know like i'm okay and that's but it was just so cool to be able to uh in the moment getting ready for the epa or the spinal you know
Speaker: Being able to have the clarity of mind to say, hey, mom doesn't know what the baby is yet. You know, like because they. sure And they prompted that conversation to you in the midst of the insanity. They're like, hey, so, you know, it's a boy, you know, and i' was like, actually, mom doesn't know. so you know, and they're like, oh, I'm going announce to the room real quick. I'm going to, you know, get a little loud in your ear if that's OK, because she's holding me as we're getting ready for this. final. Sure. and she announces to the room, mama doesn't know what baby is. We're going to let her announce. So everybody just stay quiet during that time. And the whole room just like, again, we're talking like emergent level, you know, like C-section. And the fact that they're taking the time to like care about these small details was just, I think it made all the difference in the world for that moment. That was already a lot. And so then for mom to be able to announce,
Speaker: You know what her baby was was just so, so, so crazy to still feel like I was a part of that birth. Like, obviously, I am the one giving birth, but I was also a part of making sure that it was special for mom because she still got to do the announcement and she still got to, you know what I mean?
Speaker: Yeah. Well, again, right. Like just going back to what you said at the beginning, thinking about that room, that feeling, what is, what is that finish line, you know, gonna, gonna be like, and all of the internal work that you did. And, you know, as you were,
Speaker: looking at matching and you know and and all of that. What? I mean, it's so sweet, this picture ah that you painted of you know mom kissing your head and and not wanting to leave and having that internal wrestle. We'll get right back to the show in just a second.
Speaker: But real quick, have you ever wondered what it would be like to help create a family through surrogacy? At Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions, we've spent 18 years walking alongside women who said yes to making a difference. And we'd love to support you as you explore if surrogacy might be the right next step.
Speaker: Our team includes women who have been surrogates themselves. So when we say we understand, we truly do. You can download our surrogate journey and compensation guide at createahappyfamily.com.
Speaker: It's a big decision and it's okay to have questions. This is your invitation to find out more. All right, let's get back to the show. How did you develop, how did the both of you kind of just develop that type of relationship throughout the process to get to that point? Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Um, again, though having um them within like they were a little farther away. So about three hours, you know hey um so but just making sure that like they took the time to meet up every time we were down there to go to dinner with my husband and i um they came up and took their ah older children to Disney And I got to come and hang out with them, obviously, because that's me stomping grounds. So just to be able to get our families together before even um I just met them and like hung out with them. And then while I was pregnant, my kids, we all went and stayed together in a hotel and
Speaker: did just Disney together and just bonded and so we had a non-traditional again type of you know i know not every surrogate gets that kind of time together right but that was just part of my my hope in matching that um we would be able to develop that real life you know stuff so it's not just like oh I dressed up to come to dinner it's it's summer at Disney world and we're kind of hot and cranky and our kids are tired and we're still just going to do that. You know what I mean? Like it's just, it kind of,
Speaker: it kind of cuts the um feeling of performance, I guess you can say, and just gets to relationship really fast, which really helps when you're going to be in a hospital room together. Like, I mean, you know, sure.
Speaker: There's no like pretty stuff happening there. Yeah.
Speaker: Well, and again, right, like y'all's relationship, yes, it started with the obvious intent of, you know, you're going to carry their baby and, you know, and and all of that. But it was deeper than that. It was moms getting together with their kids and navigating a theme park and it's summer and it's hot and it's, yeah, let's have dinner together. and it It was you invested in each other beyond just what the original intent was.
Speaker: Yes. And our husbands, too. So that was even fun because the husbands are just jammer. You know, like it was just really fun because the husbands were willing to to get involved, too, you know, to make connections even, you know, like so that was just they were dadding together at the same time we were momming, you know, like I love it.
Speaker: Yeah. What, I mean, again, i know obviously you guys had the ability to get together, albeit you still had a bit of distance, but you know, a little more manageable. What were some of the things that you were doing just throughout the relationship when you weren't together?
Speaker: Texting was one of them. um Making sure that I was updating, you know, just, yeah it is hard to know how much, um it's hard for even mom to know what she wants. Does she want pregnancy photos? Like you don't really know how you're going to feel about that. I was her first surrogate until you're in that. And so just having grace for like,
Speaker: hey baby was kicking you want to see like you know what that looks you know um yeah so just like balancing or not balancing but just discovering like in what way because i would be an overshare like you know in my like i don't have boundaries in that way especially when it comes to birth and babies and you know because it's just such an intimate time that you don't If you're going to invite people in, you invite them in. Right. You know, sure sure just kind of figuring out like her comfort level so that I didn't yeah look, here's a picture every week or, you know, so just figuring out.
Speaker: the unique way she wanted to be involved in, you know, that, but then also keeping her all the updates, giving her all the updates of like, I felt the baby kick or, you know, like feeling really strong in there. Baby really reacted to, you know, like the music that we went to my daughter, like I said, is a singer. Yeah.
Speaker: and at theater so she sang to the baby all the time and it's funny because even now baby loves music and so it was just really cute to be like here's like some of the likes and that ah that we've already noticed about your baby you know oh so i think that was just like that like her telling me what she wanted and then me being brave enough to just like throw it out there, you know, and see. And then that just got more and more and more comfortable as it all went on, of course. So, yeah, yeah. Well, and I love that. I love that you made space for mom to be able to, you know, say and navigate
Speaker: in real time how she was feeling about certain things. And I love that, that you were, you know, like you said, brave enough to give her that space and, you know, be willing to like, I'm going throw this out there and maybe she doesn't want to see it yet, but that's not personal. That's just giving her the option.
Speaker: Absolutely. Yeah. So obviously i know, again, y'all's relationship is just beyond amazing. And I know you even pumped for them post delivery, which is just so wonderful. What has that ongoing connection meant for you now post delivery?
Speaker: It's so fun. We actually went, me and my three girls went and stayed in their home last month. and i And we got to go swimming and out to dinner and got to do crafts with big brother and sister.
Speaker: to snuggle of the baby. oh that to just... process with mom how being a mom of three you know like I'm a mom of three she's now a mom of three and just yeah obviously where our children are at very different stages of life but um just to be able to be and it's crazy how comfortable like um just integrating is you know and I think for um it went the way both families had hoped. And so the bond there is now more like an aunt than, you know, just, and so it's just really sweet because the kids all get along and my kids love them and,
Speaker: It's just fun, like but it doesn't feel high pressure. like We're not texting each other all the time. We're sending little updates, hey, this big thing happened, you know or she'll send me a random video. and it's just There's no pressure to be like, oh my gosh, I didn't send her the three-month growth photo. like ah Sure. There's no, you know, like for a minute, like, because of course, one month or, or oh, my gosh, I forgot to tell her her happy four month, but you know, birthday. Like, what am I doing? I'm a horrible surrogate. It's just so real, you know, like real life. We're both moms and we're both busy, but the connection is still there.
Speaker: I love that. And yeah, you you keep saying it. It's so real. It really, yes. When you're a mom of three, like you're going to forget certain details and it's not personal. It's just life. yeah Oh, that is beautiful. you know, I, we, we always say, you know, support can, can make or break a journey.
Speaker: What kind of support felt the most meaningful for you throughout this process? Um, I think where the agency and like where my, um,
Speaker: where Rachel really stepped in was just the check-in. Like she she made me feel like i knew what I was doing, but that I didn't have to do it alone. Like it wasn't like,
Speaker: making me feel like, oh, she's worried that I'm going to drop the ball or, you know, like there wasn't that feeling of being, I want to say fully managed as a, you know, in that to where I was trusted.
Speaker: and I think that was really important to me to feel like, okay, but also that I wasn't like, ah, you've got it. out don't need, you know, to where I was just left to float out there. And so that balance was just really, really well done in that I knew that if I needed more help, I wasn't going to be ridiculed for it. Or if I was nervous about a certain because I have certain don't want to say anxieties, but like nervous when it comes to phone calls or like you know, that kind of thing. um I'm not great at adulting in that fashion. She'd be like, I'll make the acupuncture appointment for you. Like, I'll do that for you. Like, that's fine. You know, when we were sure ready for transfer, and I was like, okay, so it's such a good balance of like, you've got this, but I've also got you if you need, you know, if you need And that was huge in that way. And then obviously the family support, you know, my girls being older this time was just beautiful. Just having them. They were so excited to like love on me and they understood what was going on with the belly. And they just it was just so fun. They enjoyed it.
Speaker: Or they they did well the first time around, but this time it was just so much more fun because they were involved. They were a part of it, you know, in a lot different ways. Yeah. Oh, that's beautiful. I think there's always some concern, you know, oh, well what are your kids going to say? Right. Like going back to you know, whenever our families are first, like, wait, you're giving up your baby. And what about your kids? But when you hear these stories about how it's just part of it their experience, what is there to worry about? Yeah.
Speaker: no Yeah. i think I think there's a lot of women who kind of wonder, you know, again, like, could i actually do this? Could I actually be a surrogate? Is this something that's possible?
Speaker: What would you say to maybe someone who feels drawn to surrogacy but is just still questioning whether or not, you know, this is the right choice for them? I think it's worth it to ask those questions, to do the research, to reach out. Like, there's no, um it's a long process. It's not something like, oh, you say you want to be a surrogate, so tomorrow you're pregnant. You have time. Sure. you know like ah It's it doesn't work, even if we would like it to work that way. Like some of us are like, let's go, you know, but yeah, it's still even if you want it to be quick, it's not and there's time to um the checkpoints are put in place. You know, there's so many different checkpoints. There's so many times where you like, oh, I didn't think about
Speaker: the psychological aspect of it. And there's time to, to take a step and be like, do I really understand, you know, what, what this And so again, there's like up until obviously, you know, matching is a huge and contracts and all of that, but there's really up until you're pregnant, like you, you can think about it, you know, like there's, there's time.
Speaker: Um, I just think at that point, like, that's kind of my thing now, the what if, like, people are asking me if I want to do it again, right? aha And in my brain, I'm like, well, why not You know, why not? Yeah. But the part, it's funny, because I'm like, but I didn't really like the injections.
Speaker: I didn't really like, you know, like, oh, it's probably going to be a C-section again. And that wasn't a fun, but like, That is so minuscule when you look at the grand scheme of it all to be like, no, why not? Like, why not? You know, like.
Speaker: It's just six weeks. I'm four months postpartum now. And all of that is a distance memory already. You know, like, yes, recovery was hard. But like what I have now after the pain or the discomfort goes away and after the milk is dried up and after, you know, all of that, you look and you have so much more than you gave, you know, in that. And so i think it's just worth pursuing the why and the how, you know, why do I want to be a surrogate?
Speaker: How would I like to do that? And then, um, having those discussions because understanding the support system that you're going to have, you know, is important. Yeah. And, um, yeah, I just, I think it's worth pursuing.
Speaker: When you think back on your journey, Were there, where, where were the moments where you were like, oh, there's my why this was why I did this?
Speaker: Yeah. Obviously first kicks are huge. Like the first movements there because it is nerve wracking. We had a pretty nerve wracking beginning with HCG levels, you know, like, in like all of those, like be careful. Cause we were one of the slower rising, you know, um, started out low, stayed pretty low and,
Speaker: We were just like, okay, baby, like we'd really love for you to stay and meet us. like But all of that is the up and down and up and down. And you just and then you get to that heartbeat, but they're still cautiously optimistic. And you keep running that moment, right? Where you're like, oh, good, we made it.
Speaker: And really, i don't think I got to that until first kicks where you're just like, oh, yeah, no. Hi. Like, we're, you know, to where I know, of course, unexpected and all of those things. But for me, that's the moment where I'm like, oh, yeah, we're we're hanging out for a while till you're ready to go to your mom and dad, you know. And so that was huge. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, just when mom got to feel baby kick, this was one of the first babies I carried that didn't stop kicking when somebody touched my belly. Like, the baby was like, yeah, oh, somebody wants attention. Like, and baby would go to the hands. And so mom got to feel baby. That is It was so fun. Because most of the time you're like, I promise, the baby's kicking. And then, sure, just freeze. And the baby won't move,
Speaker: And so watching mom feel the baby kick was just like another moment of like, oh, my gosh, this is all so worth it. You know, and then, of course, on and on. But those are like the defining like the kicks, my first kick and mom's first kick. I remember from the first journey as well. Those being like the big moments of that's your baby in there, you know.
Speaker: Yeah. Oh, that's so beautiful. Now that you have completed, you know, these two journeys, what do you think surrogacy has taught you about yourself?
Speaker: The ability to not just to integrate your needs with somebody else's, like not just to put you aside, because there's a lot that you would say like, oh, well, if this were my baby, i would maybe not worry about, you know, this test or sure this, you know, this thing, but understanding like, okay, but this is how we're doing mean it. So integrating who you are,
Speaker: And because that's who they chose, right? The family chose you. And so you're not just supposed to stop being you so that, you know, you can go. So just integrating like my life and my heart with what I've learned about mom's heart and mom's life for her baby, you know, like, and then just like,
Speaker: just being um as you go about your day and communicating with the baby or and then also to be able to interact with other people in my life that have experienced infertility or to not just be like, oh, yeah, that's hard. Like there's a there's a new understanding of so many different ways that babies are born, babies are fed, babies come into our lives, you know, in that yeah understanding, um which I mean, to have a compassion for, which I think I had as a doula, just understanding all of that. But it's so different when you're walking that intimately with to understand like,
Speaker: our world has a lot to say about how things are supposed to go and just understanding there's so many, so many things that get in the way of what is supposed to be and our human ingenuity and ability to meet those challenges and then, you know, surmount them.
Speaker: I think it's just like, it's just given me a new way to interact. I think with the women and the people around um, which I really enjoy. That's so beautifully said. I mean, again, going back to like what you said in the beginning of thinking about your own birth experience and then having the compassion to, yes, keeping, you know, being you and being able to express, you know, your comfort levels and and the things that you wanted and desired, but being so conscientious of
Speaker: of mom, of dad, of, you know, their experience as well. And finding that melding and just coming together as, as team baby. And then like, and again, just having that compassion for all the ways that our family is built and being such a part of it and having that front row. Not only did you have a front row seat as a doula, but then having a front row seat, you're in it. yeah And yeah, I mean, again, just being able to bring a voice to that in that unique way that, you know, a surrogate can is, it's just beautiful.
Speaker: um I love that. Well, Jessica, I, um, I could not be more grateful for you just being willing to share your story and just all of the ways that you have poured into so many women. And then again, just blessed these, you know, just two amazing families that you have created.
Speaker: i have one last question for you. It's a fun one though. So for anyone who knows me, they know that um coffee and I are never far from each other. And so I always love to ask the question, what has filled your cup lately? Literally or figuratively, what's been the thing that has been filling your cup lately?
Speaker: um I'm a big tea drinker. So hot tea, iced everything but fermented kombucha tea. I can't do that. Yeah. Tea in every other form is my jam. um And then just just my family. When you help create other families, you really understand the blessing that your own is. It's just easy with how busy life gets. that you you take, don't want to say take for granted, but you stop noticing as much. You're just trying to survive. where You're just getting to the next thing. And when you realize what some people have to do to create the family that you have, you take a step back and you're just like, oh my gosh, this is so fun. Like I have these things.
Speaker: little people that don't say little, you know, and, ah and just being able to do life with them. And of course, being a surrogate and what that provides really helps create space for, for more, you know, a few more vacations or a few more moments, you know, that we can just be and not think about all the responsibilities exactly. so I think that's just been so, so sweet to really look at my teens and preteen and just be like, oh my gosh, like we get to do life together. This is so cool.
Speaker: Oh, I love that. And what a great reminder because you are so right. It is so easy to get bogged down in the to-do list and the jumping from here to there and to be able to take a step back and just really look at, you know, the world and your own little world in such a different way is such a blessing. yeah Yeah, for sure. Well, again, thank you so much, Jessica. I really am just so grateful for your words of wisdom, for sharing your story with us and
Speaker: Maybe we'll see you again for that third time.
