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From Heartbreak to Helping 1 Million Families: Karen Olson on Founding Family Promise
54 Plays9 days ago
Karen Olson, the founder and CEO emeritus of Family Promise , and author of Meant for More , whose work continues to shape how communities address family homelessness. has dedicated her life to transforming the present and futures of homeless and low-income families. Karen has rallied more than a million volunteers nationwide, fostering an extensive network of support for the vulnerable. Also, because of all the efforts of the volunteers, the organization has been able to assist over a million people experiencing homelessness.
Before her remarkable transition into the realm of social advocacy, Karen demonstrated her leadership prowess as a manager at Warner-Lambert. However, her leap into the world of nonprofits truly underscored her compassionate spirit and steadfast determination.
Karen’s efforts have been duly recognized, and she has received numerous awards. Some of them include President George H.W. Bush honoring her with the prestigious Annual Points of Light Award, and the New Jersey Governor’s Pride Award recognizing Karen’s remarkable social-service contributions. The American Institute of Public Service also bestowed upon her the Jefferson Award, acknowledging her tireless public-service efforts.
In 2019, Karen experienced a freak accident that left her in a wheelchair. While it has changed her life, Karen continues to be involved.
https://www.karenolsonauthor.com/
Contact Kendra Rinaldi to be a guest or to be added to the Newsletter
Show Highlights:
- Unspoken Suicide Loss: Karen recounts the tragic loss of her mother to suicide at age 12, and how she had to navigate her grief completely alone when her family refused to speak about it.
- A Fateful Sandwich: How a simple act of buying lunch for a homeless woman named Millie shifted Karen's trajectory from a corporate career to a life of service.
- Founding Family Promise: Turning her childhood pain into empathy by creating a nonprofit that has helped over one million homeless men, women, and children.
- The Hidden Homeless: Karen breaks down the difference between the chronically homeless and the often-invisible population of homeless families who live in cars, shelters, or doubled-up with friends.
- Meant for More: Discussing her book, Karen explains why true fulfillment is found in going outside of yourself to serve others rather than acquiring material things.
- Radical Resilience: How Karen adapted after a severe spinal cord injury from a cryotherapy accident left her in a wheelchair, including how she learned to become a left-handed impressionist painter.
- The Power of Receiving: The vulnerability required to accept help after a lifetime of serving others, and how Karen now views her physical therapists and aides as extended family
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Guest Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
Just know that things change if you're going through a difficult time now. Nothing is forever. Like if I had been really down after my mother's death or even after my accident and given up, if you just wait, things will change.
00:00:21
Speaker
Nothing stays forever.
00:00:26
Speaker
Welcome to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between podcast. I'm your host, Kendra Rinaldi. This is a space to explore the full spectrum of grief, from the kind that comes with death to the kind that shows up in life's many transitions.
00:00:43
Speaker
Through stories and conversations, we remind each other that we're not alone. Your journey matters, and here we're figuring it out together. Let's dive right in to today's episode.
00:01:08
Speaker
Let's start with a quick disclaimer. This podcast includes personal stories and perspectives on topics like grief, health, and mental wellness. The views expressed by guests are their own and may reflect individual experiences that are not meant as medical advice.
00:01:25
Speaker
As the host, I hold space for diverse voices, but that does not mean I endorse every viewpoint shared. Please listen with care and take what resonates with you.
00:01:37
Speaker
Hello. Today, I want to introduce you to Karen Olson. She is the founder and CEO o emeritus of Family Promise, and she is the author of Meant for More.
Founding Family Promise
00:01:50
Speaker
And she is going to be sharing with us a lot about her own journey and how she ended up really founding this organization that helps a lot of thousands of families and people that have experienced homelessness. So welcome, Karen.
00:02:10
Speaker
Thank you, Kendra. It's wonderful to be here. I am glad you are here. And this is such an important conversation because I think a lot of times the homeless community is sometimes, hmm,
00:02:26
Speaker
seen like disenfranchised I think from society a lot of times like we don't engage that much I think as a society with a lot of times with people in the homeless community so it's so good to have organizations that really support the people that have no home and to be able to have these conversations. And I love that you not only support the people that are experienc experiencing homelessness, but also just the families around the the people themselves.
00:02:55
Speaker
So that's what I'm looking forward to getting to know more about about that. But I first want to get to know you. So if you don't mind sharing where you grew up and where do you live now? Let's start.
00:03:08
Speaker
with that part of the conversation. Yeah. Well, I grew up in what was like an idyllic community for children. I grew up in Darien, Connecticut, and it was located right on the Sound.
00:03:22
Speaker
So the water was right there and I would swim every day. and um i had um friends and we would play until it got dark, you know.
00:03:34
Speaker
So that's where I grew up. And I'm living now Summit, New Jersey. And um that's a wonderful community.
00:03:45
Speaker
ah wouldn't have been able to start my organization if I felt like if I was in any other place, because they were so supportive of me and rallied around and helped me.
00:03:57
Speaker
i hit it how What year did you found did you found Family Promise? What year did you? And it's now, there's like 200 affiliates of the... Close to 200 affiliates and we've helped over a million men, women, and children.
00:04:19
Speaker
Yeah. That is amazing. And I'll tell you, that came out of grief and hurting and what that instilled in me is i I knew what hurt was and I didn't want anyone else to hurt.
Impact of Personal Grief
00:04:33
Speaker
And so, um well, I can go to different parts of my story. Please, i please share share, because you did experience the sudden and tragic death of your of your mother. Mm-hmm.
00:04:52
Speaker
to suicide. And i don't know if that it played a part in your whole journey. So if you want to share, okay, please share ah about that. Okay. Well, um, I was very, very close to my mother.
00:05:08
Speaker
Um, my dad was an alcoholic. My mother was depressed. Now when I, when I would come home from school, I would see her crying over the sink.
00:05:20
Speaker
And, um, You know, at she there weren't psychiatrists, or if they were, there were psychiatrists, but nobody recommended a psychiatrist for my mother. And she just got more and more depressed.
00:05:39
Speaker
And um one day on Monday morning, where our housekeeper would come on Mondays to clean the house. oh And she would arrive at 8 o'clock, so I left a little before then to catch the bus.
00:05:56
Speaker
And when I left, she kept waving at the window and waving. And I would turn around. And normally when I would turn around, she would you know not be there.
00:06:07
Speaker
But this time she kept, every time I turned around, she was there waving, waving, waving. But I had no idea until i am got to class and we had lunch in our homerooms and Mr. Luce, who was a Latin teacher, was supervising the lunch.
00:06:32
Speaker
And so I ate my lunch. I always brought my lunch because I didn't like the food at school, the cafeteria. But I i I ate the lunch and then I would have an ice cream sandwich.
00:06:51
Speaker
And so I got the ice cream sandwich and i was ready to eat it because I had finished my lunch. At the same time, I saw somebody from the the office come in and whisper something in Mr. Luce's ear. And so when I finished my lunch, I was about to start on my
00:07:21
Speaker
sandwich, my um ice cream sandwich. And um he said, he said, Karen, he said karen you're wanted in the office.
00:07:35
Speaker
ah When you finish your lunch, go there and um um see let's see what they want. So I immediately got up because I didn't know what it was about. I've never been called to the office.
00:07:50
Speaker
And he said, no, you finish your lunch. So I had to golf down the ice cream sandwich when I really didn't want to. And so then I, once I finished that, i could go to the office and one office secretary who said, we got a call from home and they want you to come home.
00:08:12
Speaker
And that's all she said. so she drove me home and she was nervous as she was trying to fill this space in the car, talking to me and talking to me.
00:08:24
Speaker
And when I got home, my grandmother, Gaga is what I called her, was there from New York City. Well, she had left that morning and I figured, why is she back there?
00:08:37
Speaker
And she just said, when I got out, she said, mommy had a nervous breakdown and, but everything will be okay. So I didn't think much of it because it seemed like a lot of women in Darien had nervous breakdowns, but, um you know, she,
00:08:59
Speaker
It was more than that. So then I learned that um you know she had tried to commit suicide. and And the next thing I knew, my father said to me, he stood in front of me and he said, Mommy died. And I just started pounding his chest and everything.
00:09:21
Speaker
He didn't sit down her or put his arm around me or anything. He just said, Mommy died. And so I pounded his chest and he said, stopmp it Stop it, stop it, stop And then he gave me a pill.
00:09:36
Speaker
He said the doctor said to take this. And so I took the pill, which knocked me out completely for it seemed like a long time. And then, you know, no one mentioned my mother or her death after that. My grandmother did. That's my mother's mother.
00:10:00
Speaker
but not my father or not even family members or, you know, we had the funeral. But then after that, it was like she didn't exist, but she existed
Career and Mission Development
00:10:11
Speaker
and my mind and my heart. And so every night i would go to sleep.
00:10:18
Speaker
hugging a toy cat that one of my father's friends had given me. And it had a rubbery, smiley face. and And within a few short months, ah my tears washed away the smiley face.
00:10:36
Speaker
And so it was very hard, you know. My grandmother I could talk to, but really nobody else, you know. My friends, you know, didn't say anything. it was just, I guess people were scared to, they didn't know what to say, I suppose, you know.
00:10:54
Speaker
Very lonely. And especially, were you the only child? No, I had a sister who was two. Two years old? and you were And you were how old at that point? You were still in elementary as well? You were 12? was 12. So 12 and two-year-old.
00:11:10
Speaker
and then And then your grandmother didn't live near you. She lived in New York. You had your dad who was an alcoholic. So did you become a caretaker also to your sister at that age too? Well, in many ways, but would we we hired a housekeeper who turned out to be very good for my sister.
00:11:33
Speaker
not Not for me, but she was well cared for and
00:11:39
Speaker
So, but I would go into, I remember one time when I asked her, as a housekeeper, could come in your room and watch TV?
00:11:50
Speaker
Because I was lonely. And so she pulled back a straight back chair from the dining room, which was really uncomfortable. She put it there and I said, could i lie on your bed? and she said, I don't want anyone wallowing on my bed.
00:12:08
Speaker
And so all she did was have a straight back chair. So I left and went in the in the living room and sat on the sofa where I sat with my mother watching TV.
00:12:19
Speaker
And, you know, yeah, it was it was lonely. Very lonely. As you're saying this, I recall one of the guests that I had, she she her dad died when she was 10 and she Randy is her name. She would say,
00:12:38
Speaker
about like being a little griever, you know, these little, because this is like that grief that you carry, that you experienced when you were a child that still continues to carry on with you as an adult. And as I'm hearing these stories and you're relating to this, it's as if I'm transported to seeing you as this 12 year old girl going through this, your the little griever in you is still within you in this experience. And especially,
00:13:07
Speaker
In the time that you experienced that and in the home that you experienced that, that your grief was not acknowledged or even mentioned and you were just alone, you had to find ways of grieving on your own. So one was the the toy that you would hold. One was sitting in the same place then that you would sit with your mom as acknowledging. What other tools or what other ways did you find of being able to express your grief or feel supported in your grief when those around you weren't acknowledging it?
00:13:43
Speaker
It was really only through my grandmother I would go. to New York City every weekend and it was there that I felt that she really listened to me. um but But not at home, not not the housekeeper, which would have been possible, I suppose.
00:14:02
Speaker
But I don't know how her whole attention was devoted to Carol, my sister, which was good. It was good for Carol. um But no, I didn't really have anyone except my grandmother. But I don't think that's uncommon sometimes when somebody dies, especially suicide, they don't talk about it. you know After a couple of weeks, I went and skated on the pond down love with all my friends and no one said anything. you know
00:14:34
Speaker
um So it was just, it was okay with me though. i was It was all right. To have some moments of quote unquote normalcy was okay for you to kind of feel like they weren't bringing it up, that your friends weren't bringing it up. It was okay for you.
00:14:52
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. It was okay. So this is you as a 12 year old experiencing this trauma of not having your mom. And how did that then shape your who you are now and your whole journey of then in 1986 founding Family Promise. tell you Well, you know, before my mother died, i had hopes of being a figure skater and going to the Olympics and I wanted to be, and I was also a good swimmer. So I wanted to be like Sonia Henney, you know, um or Esther Williams.
00:15:32
Speaker
And i had a happy childhood. We had a boat. We would go out in long Island Sound and I would dive off the boat. I would also water ski off the boat.
00:15:44
Speaker
Everything was very happy um while my mother was alive. But, you know, after she died, You know, I suffered this this grief and this hurt.
00:15:57
Speaker
And what changed me was i knew what it was to hurt, and I didn't want anyone else to hurt. And so it it it made me very sensitive to other people's needs, and I wanted to help.
00:16:13
Speaker
And i actually wanted to become ah nurse, and I had volunteered at a local hospital. but my stepmother like dad remarried and my stepmother said to me, Karen, I was nurse. you know You'll never be a nurse. You don't have what it takes.
00:16:33
Speaker
And so she persuaded my father not to send me to nursing school. um So just like that, my dream was shattered, you know, but it showed that I wanted to help by being a nurse.
00:16:48
Speaker
And, um, I didn't become a nurse. I studied business administration and got a job as a consumer promotions manager for the Warner Lambert company. I was in charge of um i was in charge of developing sweepstakes and couponing events for shipping and also Lister Mint mouthwash, which was you know a far cry from offering help.
00:17:19
Speaker
to those in need.
Family Promise and Homeless Outreach
00:17:21
Speaker
But anyhow, fate intervened one day because I was on my way to meeting in the city and I was about to pass a homeless woman who I had passed before.
00:17:33
Speaker
She sat out in front of Grand Central station and she always looked sad. She was elderly, probably in her late 70s. She always looked down.
00:17:45
Speaker
She was depressed. and this time, i for some reason, I just couldn't pass her by. So I ran across the street and into a store and bought her a ham and cheese sandwich and an orange juice.
00:18:01
Speaker
And When I came back, and I had never talked to anybody who was homeless or anybody on the street, but somehow this woman thought to me.
00:18:12
Speaker
And so I handed her the sandwich and the orange juice and she said, thank you. God bless you. I haven't eaten anything since yesterday.
00:18:24
Speaker
And she reached out her hand to mine and I took her rough callus hand in my hand and and it was just really, really something we talked her and she told me a little bit about her life and I told her a little bit about mine. but The visit was no longer than 15 minutes, but it made a big impression on me.
00:18:48
Speaker
So when I got home, I told my two sons about Millie and they said, let's go into New York and find more people like Millie. So we did. And we got to know people in Port Authority Bus Terminal, Abe and Arthur and Lucille and so on. and we would go in every other Sunday for almost two years.
00:19:12
Speaker
And we got to know these people well. And so I invited them back to my house for Thanksgiving dinner.
00:19:24
Speaker
Now, um, I'm not a very good cook. And I never, ever cooked a Thanksgiving dinner.
00:19:35
Speaker
that is a huge and That is a huge undertaking. Not only that you opened your home, but that you were willing cook a meal. But that's Huge undertaking.
00:19:47
Speaker
But I didn didn't think about It's just something I wanted to do, you know. But then the neighbors came to support me. um Bill Harrison, who was a bond trader and on Wall Street, cooked the turkey.
00:20:03
Speaker
Other neighbors made the side dishes. So then they arrived and might of course my two children were there and I had one of the best Thanksgiving dinners.
00:20:14
Speaker
You know, it was so authentic and real. I love how many how many people were at your home. How many people did you invite? Eight.
00:20:25
Speaker
Eight people. Yeah, six showed up. Six showed up out of it. thats that's Did you find out why the other two didn't attend? did Did you by chance see them after? And do you know why they didn't show up? Yeah, yeah.
00:20:39
Speaker
They just, I don't know, maybe they just felt awkward coming on the bus and everything. So I still continue to see them when went into New York. um But so anyhow, then from there, i decided to volunteer locally.
00:20:57
Speaker
And that's where I met families who were homeless because you don't see them on the street. you know So I volunteered at shelters and and talked to families who would who had been living in their cars.
00:21:10
Speaker
And I thought, you know does the religious community know? So I planned a conference on family homelessness and i expected 100. but 200 people showed up.
00:21:23
Speaker
And right there, I knew it was a good thing. And the conference was wonderful. was educational, inspirational. I didn't talk at all, really.
00:21:35
Speaker
um But at the end, I said, if we stay together and work together, people like Wendy, that was a homeless woman,
00:21:47
Speaker
who spoke will have a home. And so then that launched. So from there, I quit my job at Warner Lambert.
00:22:02
Speaker
i And I founded Family Promise as a way of helping people. And you know I just couldn't quit. my job because i didn't have um the money to support myself, but two angels helped me and made it possible.
00:22:23
Speaker
First, my father bought me a house and second Morris Bolski, a respected friend, donated, provided the financial support equivalent to a salary.
00:22:38
Speaker
So there, you know, it just enabled me to create this wonderful family promise where, you know, hundreds of volunteers would be involved, you know, helping helping homeless families.
00:22:53
Speaker
And to date, we've helped 1 million men, women, and children. And, you know, that's just phenomenal. So how does all that relate to my mother's death? Well, I never have thought much of the connection, but then I realized
00:23:14
Speaker
soon after that, that it was a pain that I experienced that i became very sensitive to other people's pain. And The idea that people could be homeless and have no support, you know, I just i just had to act and ended up creating Family Promise, which is a real blessing to the families of the program, but also to the volunteers.
00:23:43
Speaker
So there was a silver lining, i say, you know, my mother's desk, and it was emettded a ah ah gift you know a seed that would be bloom later, which I had no idea of. So um yeah, that was a gift in a way that my heart enabled me to- That shifted completely. Yeah, it changed the trajectory of your life, but also the no's that you also received along the way of not being able to pursue some of your other dreams ended up also shifting-
00:24:22
Speaker
your your road right you wanted to be an ice skater in a swimmer then that didn't end up going that way then you wanted to be a nurse and that was said no then you end up in a corporate type job which gives you also the experience of running an organization too that then leads for you to then be able to running this non-profit so Every little, sometimes they say, you know, you a door closes and a window opens or another door opens along the way, right? You had several of those ah shifting in your trajectory. But overall, the goal of your life was always to serve
00:25:00
Speaker
others and you're able to accomplish it just not in nursing, but now in in this. So it's just so beautiful. Let's talk about the stigma that there is in homelessness and just really how marginalized the homeless community is from society.
00:25:20
Speaker
can you Can you talk about that? Yeah.
Understanding and Addressing Homelessness
00:25:24
Speaker
yeah There's people that are chronically homeless. it can be men and women, but traditionally it's more men. And there ah you see them on the streets, you know, lying on a piece of cardboard,
00:25:40
Speaker
maybe with a ah lunch by their side.
00:25:45
Speaker
and then there are families who are homeless. who you don't see because they want to keep their children you know out of sight. So they're living in shelters if they can find it a shelter bed, or they're in their cars, or they're doubling or tripling up with friends.
00:26:06
Speaker
So the homeless families are largely invisible. But that means when they're homeless, they could be living with friends for a while and then in a shelter and then maybe um in their car, whatever.
00:26:24
Speaker
But Family like Promise helps families. And we were able to not only provide shelter for them, but to provide the support and to help them find housing and jobs.
00:26:38
Speaker
And the healing relationship came from the volunteers and the guests, we call homeless families guests.
00:26:50
Speaker
Just the love really happy youa helped heal them. But yeah yeah, the homeless population, is um really divided between the chronically homeless um and those that you don't see, homeless families who are doubled or tripled up with friends.
00:27:16
Speaker
I love that you said that love that love is really the that connecting, you know, seeing them
00:27:25
Speaker
as human beings, because it's, and you did that when you first saw Millie, right? You're walking by somebody that you might've walked several times, but actually seeing her really connecting with her and at the simple act of,
00:27:40
Speaker
getting a sandwich and a juice or what, and and then that spending of the time with her, really, that was even the most meaningful transformation too, that so many of us do have that time of being able to sit down with someone and hear their stories yet we don't do. um And I, I don't, I don't know if it's the fear ah I think I would say that in my case, a lot of times it's that fear, right? Of the not knowing of, is this person in ah in a situation in which if I sit here, is it safe for me or whatever it is? So what would you say to someone that is walking down the street and see someone, what what would you say is the best thing we can do
00:28:28
Speaker
in those situations of what you've heard of feedback from others that have experienced homelessness of of those acts of kindness? Well, first see them smile um if if they're if they're looking at you, but you just have to sort of it assess the situation. If somebody is screaming and yelling and is wild, then you're not gonna go near them.
00:28:56
Speaker
be dangerous. But if there's a man lying on a subway crate, say, and he's awake and he looks at you, when then you would say, hi, how are you?
00:29:13
Speaker
and see what he says. And then you might get him and you could say, would you like something to eat? You know, and then if he says yes, you can get him something to eat and leave it aside. So you'd just go about it slowly. You just have to use your intuition too.
00:29:33
Speaker
I love that. I love that you say you're saying you're, yeah, using your, being wise, using your intuition. and like you said, in that, If you're feeling called and pulled like you did that time that you met Millie, and it then there is a reason of why you're being pulled to not look away, right?
00:29:54
Speaker
so So following that that little tap on your shoulder of the of the intuition or something greater than yourself that's kind of guiding you in that direction.
00:30:07
Speaker
Hi, I just wanted to take a quick pause and ask that if this episode is speaking to you, I'd love for you to subscribe to my newsletter. Just go to my web website, Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray in Between, and you will be receiving some of my newsletters I send every probably couple of weeks.
00:30:29
Speaker
Also, if someone has popped into your mind and you feel that this is something they would resonate with, please send them this episode right now because it may just be what they needed to hear.
00:30:45
Speaker
Now, let's get back to the show.
00:30:50
Speaker
Let's talk about your book, Meant For More. what what What was it that sparked your desire to write this book?
00:31:00
Speaker
Just because I was seeing so much pain among the homeless population, but I was seeing so much love coming from the volunteers and then also through from from the guests.
00:31:15
Speaker
And um I just wanted to talk about how, you know, your pain can have a, silver lining and actually be something that can be used to to help people. So then for more is about people who say, yes, you know, i have this house, they have a vacation house, maybe if they're lucky, but there's still something more.
00:31:47
Speaker
They can't identify what that something more is that they want in their life. So they try to fill it with acquiring things like, you know, expensive clothing, jewelry, lapis vacations.
00:32:03
Speaker
But they're still left with this sort of empty feeling that there should be something more. And so the book talks about finding that something more, and they find that if they just be and relate to people authentically and reach out and help others by reaching out, they find that they found that something more in their life that is very free and it's very authentic.
00:32:37
Speaker
You know, it could be picking up the newspapers and piling up on your neighbor's front porch or, you know, making dinner for somebody who you know has just come home from the hospital.
00:32:52
Speaker
doesn't have to be anything grand. like starting an organization, but it means going outside yourself, you know, and that's when you find happiness is something more in your life.
00:33:08
Speaker
So that's why I wrote the book. I love it. And in the book, you share also stories about people that have been impacted by a family promise. Can you share with us one of these stories and just of the journey of one of the people that you know, or even, I don't know if you, if you ever saw Millie again, for example, or any of the people that you met along the way.
00:33:36
Speaker
Yeah.
Success Stories and Impact
00:33:37
Speaker
Well, um, um well Hope is somebody who was served by Family Promise, and she was a young woman, and she had two kids, and she was a waitress, and um everything was going fine in her life.
00:34:00
Speaker
until it wasn't. She woke up one morning and she couldn't see. She looked chat looked like there was frost on a windshield.
00:34:12
Speaker
and But she got the kids dressed for daycare. But then she realized she really couldn't see. it was dangerous. So she got to her job as a waitress.
00:34:26
Speaker
And she she you know, just couldn't see. And the social worker came and said, I have somebody who can help you. She was from Norwezcap.
00:34:43
Speaker
And so she was, and and and First Hope was we reluctant to go into Family Promise, but the social worker said, well, what you know what choice do you have?
00:34:58
Speaker
And so she finally agreed to go into Family Promise. And she said she met the nicest people and in the world. And she said shit they believed in her more than she believed in herself.
00:35:15
Speaker
And that gave her the hope. and you know And she also met somebody who helped her get a job at Verizon, which was a much better job.
00:35:29
Speaker
And so then she was back on her feet and now she speaks for us at different events. And she's gone on to volunteer for Family Promise, speaking at events.
00:35:45
Speaker
And then she met a wonderful man, Beau, and they got married. And she has a great place. She's in a great place now.
00:35:56
Speaker
and Hope has gained lifelong friends who
00:36:04
Speaker
about her. She was introduced to a community, and the community of volunteers embraced her. So, yeah, so here was someone who could have otherwise become homeless you know on the streets or whatever.
00:36:22
Speaker
But because of volunteers and because of family promise, she got back on her feet. And it's what you're saying is so important because it was somebody, who was a social worker that then referred her to you guys. Because in that moment, yes, she...
00:36:40
Speaker
her life suddenly changed. She goes blind basically, right? She cannot continue doing the job that she was having and to not know what to do, but at the same time, not knowing where to go. So when people know about organizations and are able to then refer people to where they can get the help is so important. It's so important to get the word out there. That's another way of serving is to be able to get the word out there that communities like this exist where people can get the support they need in in these processes that they go through. And we all go through different difference challenging times in life. Not everybody experiences homelessness, but everybody experiences grief in some shape or form or changes in their life. And people being around there to support you is so important.
00:37:33
Speaker
What you mentioned then of then hope now being part of the community and now also serving with now family promise. Is this a very common occurrence that people that have been helped you end up being helped? Yes, they do.
00:37:49
Speaker
yeah they do. They do want to come back and help it and volunteer. And so many of the former guests serve on the boards of local affiliates and they volunteer and, uh,
00:38:03
Speaker
You know, they they they want to give back. Not all of them, but some of them, a sizable number, I'd say, 20%, you know, want to give back, and they do.
00:38:16
Speaker
There's something about that, like, again, when they birthed and found a place that nurtured them, they wanted to give that back. You know, I'd like to talk about something else, another kind of loss that
Personal Resilience and Advocacy
00:38:32
Speaker
I experienced. Please do.
00:38:34
Speaker
Yeah. um I was um in Beach, and i was about to have a cryotherapy appointment.
00:38:47
Speaker
And I had had, do you know what cryotherapy is? Yes, cold. extremely cold therapy and you're in the chamber for about three minutes. um And I had done it about 30 times, both in Miami Beach and in Summit, New Jersey.
00:39:05
Speaker
And so when I got to the um desk, they said I had a new attendant, but she'd been there four weeks, but she has been well-trained.
00:39:17
Speaker
and And so I thought, well, OK, that's fine. you know It's of simple. view You open the chamber door, you set the temperature, and you help the person in.
00:39:31
Speaker
it's supposed to last three minutes. But at one minute, I guess I said, and I don't remember this, I said, I'm cold, I'm I'm so cold. So she came around to the back of the door, and she opened it up.
00:39:46
Speaker
but she didn't stand in front of the door to help me. And I was frozen like a popsicle. And I fell out and I hit my head. And um that caused a ah spinal cord injury.
00:40:01
Speaker
And I had no feeling from the neck down initially, but now I've grown to have feeling in my legs and my arms. i I can't walk, but um you know I get around in a wheelchair and I do everything else.
00:40:16
Speaker
And i guess you know i guess I could have grieved that loss. um I know, really, i i did and I didn't, it because life is just the same. How I get around has changed, but I'm still caring.
00:40:34
Speaker
I'm very positive. I always have been. And it was at that time that I was able to finished my book, Meant for More. um I learned to paint. I'm an artist.
00:40:46
Speaker
You may see some of the my paintings behind me. Yeah. And I did that before the accident, of course. But I thought now I'm right handed and my right hand is the weakest arm is the weakest part of my body, but I can paint with my left hand holding the brush in a certain way.
00:41:07
Speaker
It's not as fluid. It's hard I have somebody help me mix the paint. um But I found a new way of um expressing myself, which I really like. I'll show you a painting.
00:41:23
Speaker
But I did with my left hand. Jen's going to get it. Yes, please. and Thank you for sharing that because, you know, it's so interesting because here as we started this interview, if it's OK that I just share candidly, I did not know that you were.
00:41:40
Speaker
that you had this, I didn't see it in your bio that you had an injury. I did not know that. And then I'm, you know, I'm coming on to you and I see Jen. And so then it's this thing. I'm like, Oh, do I ask her? Do I not? You know, those kinds of situations. I want to share that. I'm so glad that you shared. That was again a tragic loss, but.
00:42:01
Speaker
Yes, no, that is still help the the ability to do something that you used to be able to do is still ah it's a huge major grief and acknowledging that is huge. So I appreciate you sharing that here with the audience and and sharing again, you always share the silver linings. This happened how many years ago?
00:42:22
Speaker
Seven years ago. Seven years ago. And it shifted your life. So I'd love to see the painting. The the audience will probably use this clip. If sepa people want to see it, you can see.
00:42:32
Speaker
Beautiful. so it yeah So you went from. Yeah, because then it's like the it it you have behind you some that are more like the realistic type of paintings. And this one has that more like expressionistic kind of. Impressionism, yeah. Right, impressionist. It's my other picture.
00:42:49
Speaker
which my other paintings have too, but this more so. because This more, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because of the brush strokes being thicker a little bit of, I'm not an artist. I'm not that type of an artist. i So I can't, I even messed up there saying expressionist instead of impressionist. It's beautiful. And so to be able to shift and to still do what you love, just changing, you yeah always have shown the resilience.
00:43:17
Speaker
Yeah, the only thing that, um, I don't, you know, the how I get around has changed. I'm in a wheelchair, but everything else is the same. I'm still the positive person that I've always been. And, you know, I have two grown sons and five grandchildren. i see them regularly.
00:43:36
Speaker
and my wonderful assistant, Jen Rostum, makes life so happy. And she helps me with so many different things, including in the painting.
00:43:50
Speaker
Yeah, so life is life is good. It hasn't it hasn't changed. And one of the things that the physical therapist said to me, you know, you're so positive, you're this and that, meaning that, you know, a lot of them are people who suffer a spinal cord injury, just give up, you know.
00:44:13
Speaker
And I couldn't, I can't see doing that. Because life is good and it's still I have ways to adapt, you know. I think, i think ah too, you've seen evidence of people that have been in their lowest in their life through the years of what you've been doing and how their life has been able to turn around and they in some of their lowest points of their life. And you yourself were able to do that, you know, experiencing the grief of the losing your mom at such a young age and seeing...
00:44:49
Speaker
that you're capable of, you have evidence of that in your own life, that it shifts the way that you approach things. I think that when we have evidence by either we see others that are able to achieve it, or even in our own journeys that we don't even realize, I think it gives that hope, right? That we are able to hold onto, I think, in some shape or form and and have that positive outlook like you do. What a beautiful and inspiring experience.
00:45:17
Speaker
story Thank you. Thank you for for sharing that. And how is it to be now the one that is the one also receiving that? so You've been the one serving others and now you are able to allow yourself to be helped, right? Because you have to use the help of others around you.
00:45:37
Speaker
what What is it to be on this receiving end of being helped? rather than than being the one to help.
Concluding Thoughts on Persistence and Hope
00:45:43
Speaker
It's really beautiful because I consider everybody who helps me thee the aides, the therapists, on Jen, like my extended family.
00:45:53
Speaker
So I always have somebody with me and I have a good team of aides and yeah they really are like family. So it's not heart is none the hard to receive.
00:46:06
Speaker
had no I mean, there's certain things I can't do, like I can't reach the top of my head. i can't really brush my teeth. know, there's so much, if I have an itch somewhere, if I can't reach it, I have to ask for help.
00:46:22
Speaker
But um because I really like well everyone around me who's helping me, it's just, it's, not a problem It's just not a problem, you know, because I guess I accept my situation. I accept it, but yet I do a lot with PT and i I can now walk with a specialized walker that has a platform in front of it where I can w rest my arms and i I'm able to walk, you know, 50 yards and that's encouraging. So I keep seeing... um
00:47:02
Speaker
you know, different improvements, but I'm not waiting for the day that I walk to be happy. I'm happy now, you know, I'm happy now.
00:47:12
Speaker
I love that. I love that. It's like we're always, we're always um with this idea of like, when I, When I get this house, then I'll be happy. When I get the perfect spouse, I'll be happy. When I have this child, when I, instead of just the embracing of the now and, and. Yeah, the now is very important to enjoy the now.
00:47:37
Speaker
I love that. And I love that you are sharing that. For some reason I'm able to, to do that. And it's just a, it's a blessing. Yeah. What a beautiful lesson for us to to hear your story, to really be able to embrace the the now and being able to be vulnerable to to know when to ask for help and receiving help. A lot of us struggle, especially when we're you know grieving or going through hard times. Sometimes it's hard to reach out for somebody reaching, listening to this podcast right now. They may not be in the exact situation,
00:48:14
Speaker
that you have experienced, but even just the fact of maybe they've experienced some type of grief and somebody maybe messages them asking if it's okay to bring a meal and they may say, no, thank you. I'm okay.
00:48:29
Speaker
But really they do want it you know, or they do want the company or they do want somebody to go out on a walk for them because they're not feeling that great. You to allow yourself to be vulnerable.
00:48:39
Speaker
Yes, because in that vulnerability is that you're able to really connect with others too. Yes, it's so, so beautiful. Thank you. Karen, i before before we ask before we share with people how they can get your book and be able to, even if they're curious about serving and volunteering with Family Promise or with any organization resources,
00:49:03
Speaker
can give those details also websites up in the show notes. Is there something I have not asked that you want to share with the listeners? Just know that things change if you're going through a difficult time now.
00:49:20
Speaker
um Nothing is forever. And um like if I had been really down after my mother's death or even after my accident and given up.
00:49:35
Speaker
If you just wait, things things will change. Nothing stays forever. So even if you're in the pit of misery, um that's not how it's always going to be.
00:49:48
Speaker
it may not be easy to see, but it will change. So hang on. And, um, you know, continue, continue your journey.
00:50:01
Speaker
and Yeah. Hold on to hope. was i Yeah. And hold on to hope that something will change. Thank you so much, Karen. And Karen, the best way to get your book and to reach family promise, what would that be? yeah Well, first I'll show you a picture of my book.
00:50:21
Speaker
I'll show you the book. Jen is going to hold up the book. Meant for more following your heart and finding your purpose. Right, exactly. yeah and So you can get the book through Barnes and Noble, Amazon, bookshop.com.
00:50:38
Speaker
Perfect. and then And then Family Promise, the website is Family, I think it's just familypromise.org. Familypromise.org. Yeah, familypromise.org. And you can find out your local chapters to ah you know to be able to help as well or donate on the website or and volunteer. There are 43 states.
00:51:01
Speaker
43 states. In 43 states. Wow. That's amazing. So you can find different one if a family promise is near you. Yeah.
00:51:12
Speaker
And if you're listening to this and you are experiencing a hard time and you're feeling you need that support yourself, now you know that there is organizations like Family Promise out there that you can reach out and they can be a helping hand.
00:51:30
Speaker
So thank you so much again, Karen, for being on the podcast and sharing your story. And this was Karen Olson. Thank you again for joining us.
00:51:46
Speaker
Thank you again so much for choosing to listen today. I hope that you can take away a few nuggets from today's episode that can bring you comfort in your times of grief.
00:51:59
Speaker
If so, it would mean so much to me if you would rate and comment on this episode. And if you feel inspired in some way to share it with someone who may need to hear this, please do so.
00:52:15
Speaker
Also, if you or someone you know has a story of grief and gratitude that should be shared so that others can be inspired as well, please reach out to me.
00:52:28
Speaker
And thanks once again for tuning in to Grief, Gratitude, and the Gray In Between podcast. Have a beautiful day.