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52-1: Magic Magic!! ft. Mottelz (Bonus Episode)
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🥳 Snap On This!! would like to present a 🌟 special bonus episode 🌟 celebrating their anniversary: 🏆 Mod Supreme Mottelz becomes the Magic Magic Master for 🎪 Lauren, 🎓 Ben, and 🐅 Rie as they play a one-shot tabletop RPG featuring magical magicians attempting a heist. 🎩🪄
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Credits:
- Cover art by Lauren
- Snap On This!! Theme by Ben
- YouTube thumbnail by Lauren’s kid, Reggi
Timestamps:
- 0:00:00 Intro / How to Play
- 0:03:20 Character Generation
- 0:29:26 The Story Begins
- 0:56:18 Planning the Heist
- 1:09:38 The Heist
- 2:35:21 Housekeeping / Closing Remarks
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Anniversary Celebration
00:00:01
Speaker
Welcome to a special episode of Snap on This, a Marvel Snap podcast. I'm your host, Lauren Whatevs, here today with my usual co-host, Plus One. We're going to be playing an RPG to celebrate our one-year anniversary. ah You know Ben and Rhi. I'm just going to skip right past them and go to Mod Supreme Models.
00:00:22
Speaker
Tell us a little bit about yourself and then we can get into what we're doing here today. Hi, I'm Muttles. I... No, I do a lot of stuff with related to Snap. like I'm currently running the one of the people helping to run the Golden Gauntlet Worlds. So come join that, I guess.
00:00:40
Speaker
And now I have officially done the promo part. Now we can get into the fun. Plug complete.
RPG Game Rules and Character Creation
00:00:45
Speaker
Exactly. Right, so we are going to be playing Magic Magic. right It is a game about being a magician that can actually perform magic ah and trying to do a heist.
00:00:58
Speaker
So you have two stats, magic and magic.
00:01:04
Speaker
We're going to have to find some way to differentiate it. Either we'll do it vocally, like ah magic versus magic, or something else, right? Like a performance or whatever, it or like ah tricks versus magic, something like that. We will figure that out as we go.
00:01:19
Speaker
Aside from that, the way the game is played is you try to do something. You have your performance and your magic set, right? Your tricks, magic, and your actual magic. You roll one d six and you're trying to roll under you're trying to roll under whatever your current stat is. So your magic can go between one and six, and your magic can go between one and six.
00:01:44
Speaker
If it ever you're trying to meet or go underneath whatever your current stat is, if either of them ever reach a six, you are out of the game. This is a game that's designed for quick one-shots, so we're going to start. you can and You can shift between your stats at any point. So the points that you start with will shift between the performance magic and the actual magic.
00:02:06
Speaker
The way it shifts is something happens, you cause something totally terrible or totally awesome, We move, ah if you cause like a spell that just affects the world, that will move from regular magic to fancy magic and to like power magic.
00:02:26
Speaker
They designed this just because that's hard to difficult. Arcane magic? Arcane, I don't know. Like, here. Yeah. I just want to like hold up this book.
00:02:37
Speaker
Stage magic. stage Yeah, okay, perfect. There we go. Stage versus Arcane. We will use that. Because I appreciate what they were trying to do, but actually do this, as and this was designed by podcasters.
00:02:48
Speaker
So this was just an extra like and long prank, um I guess. That's very funny. So stage magic and arcane magic. um If you um do something that causes property damage with a spell, that will shift from arcane from stage to arcane.
00:03:03
Speaker
um If at any time you would like to increase your stats, what you can do is, is you can perform a flashback. And if you perform a flashback, you'll be able to move one point from arcane magic back to traditional ah back to stage magic.
00:03:20
Speaker
right. So we're going to start now by rolling up our characters. Okay, I do kind of have an idea for my character. So, like... already.
00:03:30
Speaker
So I don't mind going first, if that's where you want to start. So for School of Magic... So I'm rolling my physical d6. I get a three Which is avocation! Make stuff explode!
00:03:45
Speaker
Okay, I'm into that. How fun. okay the second magician type... yeah
00:03:57
Speaker
one close
00:04:06
Speaker
closeup street magician costume okay i want a trench coat or sequin either all ah three
00:04:18
Speaker
um and but i demand that it's like You know, like more in a Zatanna type way, please. Okay. course Of course. um And then I'm saying this. This is all part. This is all aligning for me.
00:04:33
Speaker
Okay. Prop. Last one two. A big cat. Oh, okay. ah right. Okay. Okay, i think... So my name, as I just said, you know, as I announced just before we started, because it's the first thing I thought of before I thought of anything else about my character...
00:04:52
Speaker
is ah the delightful, the dazzling Deloxia Devane. um But you you can call Lox if that's, you know, a pair of syllables too many for you, darlings.
00:05:07
Speaker
And I want her to be a magic magician, apparently a close-up magician, evocator, exploder things. It works out.
00:05:19
Speaker
Because I want to be from the future. teleports... and tell ah you know Well, you know, she she can explain herself, I suppose. But, like, you know, in this and this makes sense. Her big cat should be kind of like, you know, genetically... This is, like, way in the future, you know? It's kind of like tech magic.
00:05:41
Speaker
So it's a good thing she has, like, all this, like, tech armor to protect her from all these explosions that are apparently happening quite close to her. and Is the magic the... Is it all future technology?
00:05:54
Speaker
Or... I you you know, like a 2K-er. Is indistinguishable or is it one of those situations? I don't know to your caveman brain what my, you know, ordinary life looks like. and I need not trouble myself with the exact nature of these feats I'm seeing. Okay.
Planning the Heist: Magic Castle Strategy
00:06:15
Speaker
And character pronouns? ah She, her. All right.
00:06:27
Speaker
I do look after him. Okay. I'm impressed. I fully expect to take a minute or two to figure out what my character is after my role. My cat's name should be... i don't know.
00:06:41
Speaker
Let's see. Think on it and we'll come back to it. No, I already did. What was it? Ribbons. Ribbons. Doesn't start with a D. That's fine.
00:06:54
Speaker
How big is ribbons? Um, two, you know, larger than than the average cat. It says a big cat. So, like, probably not, like, Clifford the Red Dog large, but I'm thinking more, like, you know, like, panther size, you know? But it's a good thing I look like a magician because, you know, you just assume, you know, it's trained.
00:07:19
Speaker
But really, we're from the future. Is it a cat the size of a panther? yeah Like it's a house cat besides the other? Yes, exactly. What are those cats called? What's that cat called that's just way too big to be a house cat but is a house cat?
00:07:34
Speaker
Savannah cat? Maine Coon? Are the Maine Coons the biggest breed? I think I'm thinking Maine Coons, yeah. Yeah.
00:07:43
Speaker
This, you know, seems bigger. Yeah. It's Finestra if anybody's listened to Morgan Crow or read Morgan Crow. Like He-Man's battle cat.
00:07:56
Speaker
That's a tiger, though. I mean, you know, a big cat. I mean, I assumed it was all just a Sigfried and Roy reference, but... Yeah. If that's your magician type, I would think so, for sure.
00:08:08
Speaker
and Ben, you want to go next? Shoo-er. I'm trying to see, like, where am I going to roll this die? Because... It would be good to have like a nice little spot. Alright, that's a good little spot.
00:08:24
Speaker
The first table. Okay, god it's got to be on the table inform the table. I'm bad at rolling dice on the table. This was not a good dice spot. Bad job. Okay, moving the monster can, making a little more real estate. The d6 will surely remain on this surface now.
00:08:43
Speaker
Do they have aiding? Boom, it's a what then What does that give me? Necromancy. Necromancy. Ooh. Oh, Gross. Yeah.
00:08:56
Speaker
Let make note of that. That's what I would expect out of a 2K-er.
00:09:03
Speaker
Is that your that's your derogatory term for everybody in the present? I mean, you're only assuming it's derogatory from my tone. You don't know my speech you're saying. Yeah, that's how assumptions work.
00:09:17
Speaker
And I got another two, and that gives me illusions, Michael. Like, Yaztec tomb, probably. So you're only pretending to respect him?
00:09:28
Speaker
please tell me you get the reference. Oh, yeah. Yeah. We're all... We're all arrested. Oscar Bluth. the The one and only. Yes. um what What costume do I have? Let's see about that.
00:09:45
Speaker
Okay, it's not a two this time. It's a four. Sequins, baby! all right.
00:09:53
Speaker
I'm a um Job type, and I wear a sequins. Okay.
00:10:01
Speaker
ah It's all coming together. susan Alright.
00:10:07
Speaker
And my prop.
00:10:12
Speaker
Are you going to be my prop, Wasabi? You going to be my big cat? Nope, it's doves! It's doves! Pretty fitting for being a job type magician.
00:10:25
Speaker
you've just created the the most disturbing version of Job. You can revive the dove that's in the bag. You can revive the dove.
00:10:36
Speaker
You just think about the return policy. It's like Tim Burton's, like the nightmare before Job. Return from the dead policy. Alright,
00:10:49
Speaker
so my character will be... Do you want to think about it and I'll roll? All right, I'll think about it for a moment. Okay, because I'm definitely going to need some think time. All right, you get your dice going. Tell me if this sounds terrible, and if it does, I'll roll somewhere else.
00:11:07
Speaker
No? No, it sounds juicy. It sounds great. I love it. Okay. Let's rate the rolling sounds on scale of 1 to 10. I mean, we're surprisingly good. do You know that some of those listeners are freaks for the sounds of dice hitting wood or whatever.
00:11:21
Speaker
like you don't have to do this I have to do this at least once then. Yeah. Oh, see, those are all solid. They're not, at least they're not obnoxious, which is most important to me. um I think that most of the like super professional ones, I think they edit in fake dice sounds. They do. Oh, for sure.
00:11:38
Speaker
Or like recorded ahead of time in a better environment. Anyway, I rolled a four. That's divination. and until the future. ah My magician type is going to be a one, also a close-up street magician. Do we want to reroll duplicates to keep it diverse? No.
00:11:56
Speaker
I'm perfectly happy with that. but It's not Highlander, Lauren. Oh, I got one again. I should lie i should lie about what I got. My costume is clown.
00:12:08
Speaker
This is why did not plan a character ahead of time. They would not have been a con, I'll tell you that much. You could be highly clean. I'm shaking these things in my in my hand, I swear. Endless handkerchief is my prop.
00:12:21
Speaker
Oh! It's a prop. For the clowniness. Alright, so if the two of you have the same magic type, then I assume that you are direct competition on the regular.
00:12:37
Speaker
At least once she arrives in this year. Yeah. Yeah. So what is the.
00:12:48
Speaker
What is the most or what's the what is the moment that caused the two of you to really dislike each other? Oh, whoa. We're starting right there, are we really not Not really dislike each other, but what was the point of tension that made you or that made it to appear that you were competitive? Our rivalry.
00:13:08
Speaker
yeah is this like the prestige? good. It's going to end poorly. Yeah. Not necessarily. I think this is more just like a, what is the relationship that the two of you have?
00:13:19
Speaker
That's actually probably a better way to phrase it. What is the relationship that the two of you have? Did what did you learn from each other? Do you have a rivalry? Like, why are you, like, you are both street, you guys both do close-up street magic.
00:13:31
Speaker
um I'm down with a little bit of rivalry. And I think I was here first, given that I'm not a time traveler. And I'm sitting here doing shit with my clown costume and my endless handkerchief. And she shows up with a beautiful outfit and ah giant cat.
00:13:46
Speaker
And I felt very upstaged. ah So I had to start escalating. Also, probably we are on rival magician street gangs. That's just building. We don't need a reason beyond that to hate. just you know This is just concerning to West Side Story now?
00:14:06
Speaker
Yeah. That's how it
Entering the Magic Castle: Teamwork and Strategy
00:14:09
Speaker
is in close-up street magician gangs. that's just You had divination magic, is that correct? You like to dance and tap. I've never seen West Side Story, to be honest with you.
00:14:19
Speaker
I imagine there's, like, tapping. a lot of... yeah You know, when you're jet, you're a jet all the way. That's what I think of. There's a rumble at one point. Belts and knives and things.
00:14:31
Speaker
Officer Krupke, you don't understand. um Officer Krupke. He just met a girl named Maria. I think that's all the stuff you need to know about West Side Story.
00:14:42
Speaker
I don't know that an illusionist understands the problems of the magician street gangs. That's what I think.
00:14:53
Speaker
I was going call you out, but we need to know your magician name. Yeah, I got to work on that for sure. um i'm not I'm not the quick type, but I'll come up with something, I promise.
00:15:05
Speaker
well Ben, do you have your name? I'm going to keep it simple. I will be Professor Presto, the Magical Academic.
00:15:21
Speaker
I feel like very inclined to do like a Russian accent. and I don't know if that's... Should just lean into that and go for it? That's not racist, right? They're white people. I can't do i can't do accents, so don't even try.
00:15:32
Speaker
I feel like that's one of the accents I'm allowed to do. If David Harper can do it, you know? Yeah, I think you're totally... I mean, i think you're in the clear.
00:15:45
Speaker
just want to do a fun accent, you know? go for it.
00:15:50
Speaker
you know, once I'm speaking in character, got to build up to this. Name and pronoun. Okay. I think I might go he him. um i Oh, yeah. That's the other thing about Professor Presto, the magical academic. They're non-binary, and he's and she's and they's are all finery.
00:16:06
Speaker
um All right. Yeah.
00:16:10
Speaker
So any all? Yep. That's the ones. Sounds good. I feel like I probably easily took over my street magician gang. I'm just saying. was all my future.
00:16:24
Speaker
Future magic. right. Is that why you came back from the future?
00:16:31
Speaker
um You know, there's so obviously I came back as i was a hero in the future. It's very well known. If you were in the future, you would have heard of me.
00:16:42
Speaker
And, um you know, I came back. it was it was out of great sacrifice and probably some sort of, like, Doctor Who type situation.
00:16:55
Speaker
you know, some back to the past. It's too powerful for my own time. At least that's what I'm saying. I am going to roll on the GM tables to find out what you are going after.
00:17:11
Speaker
oh Lauren, do you have a name?
00:17:14
Speaker
have a real name, but I don't have a stage name yet, so i'll I'll flag you as soon as I do. Oh, wait, did I have to have a real name? Oh, man. I was just like, alliteration, go. You need a wait for us to refer to you. that That's really all that matters, right?
00:17:29
Speaker
I'm not sure if I should tell you these now or just introduce them as the story introduces them. Would be good to know. Okay. ah The target is a is the magic marker.
00:17:45
Speaker
Which I feel like is a reference I do not know, so I'm just going to treat it as a regular magic marker. The mark is a lich.
00:17:57
Speaker
And the location is the magic castle. That's like okay where the stage magic happens in what Vegas? That magic castle? think it's in Los Angeles.
00:18:09
Speaker
My bad. but I could be wrong. I could be very wrong. would trust you over myself. It's a magic club in LA. Like a club form a a private club for magicians. And you have to wear a tie, as we've covered on the podcast. That's that's the one thing everybody knows about the magic castle.
00:18:25
Speaker
This is where we're going, is the magic castle? Or that is where your target... That's where the magic marker is Okay. ah I have to confess, it's possibly my magic marker from the future.
00:18:42
Speaker
Sounds plausible to me.
Pre-Heist Final Preparations
00:18:44
Speaker
I didn't carelessly lose it, of course, because I would never do that because I'm an extremely careful and meticulous magician. But ah through dastardly means, it did escape my possession and quite possibly um if this evil lich magician could use it to destroy the entire world.
00:19:05
Speaker
And um that is why... I am recruiting the best of the best after myself and to recover this magic marker that I, of course, never carelessly lost, but was stolen my possession.
00:19:27
Speaker
I'm prepared to tell you about my character. go ahead. Okay. and The real name, i don't know if this matters. The real name is Sergei Mikhailov. And he, him. ah Stage name is going to be Bonk Bonk the Oracle. It's a powerful name.
00:19:44
Speaker
I'm a clown that does divination magic. This is this challenging. Bonk Bonk the Oracle. Hey, can I ask what the what the prop is? I see we get a die roll bonus if we're using our school of magic or performance type.
00:20:00
Speaker
is Is the prop just a story gadget? More or less. I mean, the prop is something that you're eventually going to find an excuse to use to totally break the game. That is love it that is usually what it's used for. Like the way that um in the original, like the, this is a hack of a honey heist and in honey heist it's beers. And then the props tables, the hats table.
00:20:24
Speaker
So it's just the kind of hat the beers wear. And then people get up to all sorts of shenanigans justifying it with the hat. Love it. Oh, yeah. Did I roll a prop? What did I? What did i Did I?
00:20:36
Speaker
You had doves. I've got doves. I'm doves all day. All caps, exclamation point. Doves. So Bunkwunk the Oracle, does it? Are you also in a gang, in a Street Magician gang?
00:20:50
Speaker
You know what? I don't think he is, but ah Deloxia thinks he is. She's convinced. So I guess I'm in a gang of one.
00:21:03
Speaker
i've just totally confused you with some other person from my past and you're just not even the same person. And it's what's happened. That works out the same.
00:21:14
Speaker
Sounds about right.
00:21:16
Speaker
All right. And Professor Presto. Oh, is Professor Presto in a gang? I don't think so. I think that Professor Presto thinks that these these street magicians, they like you know they don't come from academia like Professor Presto does. like Professor Presto went to you know the all the finest magical academies and is generally dismissive of these... ah I don't know. They're just... They're rough. They're doing card tricks at each other in in back alleys and stuff. And it's just... It's beneath him.
00:21:55
Speaker
ah he's He's doing... very Like... Professor Presto, she's got, like, the big effects, you know? Like, the... like Doves, necromancy, like, these these are things that real magicians are about, you know? Like, if you'd gone to school, you would understand that, like, ah telling a fortune, what's that?
00:22:22
Speaker
so So, like, I don't know. I think that Professor Presto, they're, like...
00:22:31
Speaker
They're wholly unaffiliated, but they do see these these street magician gangs as being like, you know, maybe maybe they're an underserved market and maybe Professor Presto needs to sell them some DVD magic courses, some ah some of the very successful series of books ah that Professor Presto has. Because like there's a whole brand behind Professor Presto. like Professor Presto is...
00:22:58
Speaker
it It could be could be on your on your your child's underwear, but also, i don't know. i'm like, Rosa Presto is a superhero and a cultural icon. had Spider-Man underwear as a kid. like Yes, that's a thing.
00:23:16
Speaker
Okay, but you're you're saying if I sign up five more people to Professor Presto, then, you know, I can increase my online. there's definitely a pyramid team involved. see, really If you really want to get your sorcery right, like, I think you need to, like, look at antioxidants and, you know, probably some ancient grains. I think that, like...
00:23:38
Speaker
the ancient The ancient spells, you gotta eat the ancient grains. So, like, I got a line of products and I would like you to, you know, just let them in your heart.
00:23:51
Speaker
Alright. I swear you had references when I recruited you for this all-important world saving question. Question for all of you. How aware is your character of the actual like arcane magic that they're capable of doing?
00:24:06
Speaker
Does it happen by accident? Is it something that you're like actually aware of? To me, extremely aware. Because obviously, except in the future...
00:24:20
Speaker
I think Bonk Bonk is also aware, but is very hush-hush about it, and maybe even does bad divination on purpose to throw people off. Should the necromancy be accidental? I feel like it's less creepy if you're doing it accidentally, and it's a little creepier if you're like...
00:24:38
Speaker
playing god and choosing who lives and dies and stays dead and stuff. I don't know. It's kind of funny if you just keep using the same dove over and over again. It doesn't always go right. Professor Presto thinks the doves are the magic ones.
00:24:54
Speaker
Professor Presto is unaware of any innate necromancy but professor like that Presto has. Yeah. yeah yeah Your line of magic doves passed down through generations. are you my It was you all along.
00:25:14
Speaker
It was inside you all along. Okay. I wonder if they have names, the doves. How many doves do I have? It does it didn't specify. you should give them lots of names.
00:25:27
Speaker
I think she's got... three doves and I'm gonna come up with names lovely
00:25:37
Speaker
but that's the that that'll happen on my own time somebody else provide important details somebody somebody else has to have information to share really what color is the magic marker that's important maybe it's every color and that's why it's the magic marker um yeah that's reasonable yeah It's a children's toy in the future, but you know.
00:26:03
Speaker
I imagine it's from you know the old magic trick of ah here's this ah book that's totally empty. and like You flip through a book and it's empty and then you flip through a book again after you use the magic marker on it. like You wave the magic marker over it. You flip through the book again and it line drawings.
00:26:18
Speaker
You wave the magic marker on it again flip through it a third time and it's fully colored pictures. Love it. That sound world changes.
00:26:30
Speaker
just like something worth It seems like something worth stealing. Yes. It turns out that this magic marker actually can draw anywhere and, like, create things out of drawing. Oh, this is Harold the Purple Crayon shit.
00:26:42
Speaker
Yeah. But it was an extension of someone misunderstanding how that trick originally works. I do not know if we want to start spoiling traditional magic tricks or not. I don't know if I could.
00:26:56
Speaker
I don't, I mean, maybe if it comes up, I don't think we should. i think that's that's how you get kicked out of the Magicians Alliance. That's what I think. Okay, remind you what the Magic cat I know you were you were talking about it earlier, and I was totally not thinking about my character.
00:27:13
Speaker
The Magic Castle is, it's ah it's a magician place. This was on the podcast, too. I don't, okay, what's the Magic Castle? It is a private club for magicians.
00:27:24
Speaker
Okay. As I knew, obviously, because clearly, course, it would be in the pre. Yes, I knew I was testing you about this private cool club we're all in.
00:27:36
Speaker
I don't know. I think I feel kind of bitter about them. Like, I don't know if ah a street magician says into that. You're too cool for that. Educated. yeah I'm above the professional stage magic. Like, working the streets.
00:27:50
Speaker
All right. Magically. Oh, you're like, you know, you didn't grow up in the, you know, you didn't grow up on the streets. You're doing it to be an artist. Yeah, exactly. This is a passion project.
00:28:05
Speaker
right. So the Academy of Magical Arts is, I believe, the organization that runs the Magic Castle. And i i guess i guess if we're... If we're heisting the real place, maybe is Professor Presto affiliated with the Academy of Magical Arts? I feel like he's a little bit too something for them. i don't I don't think he can actually be that mainstream. I think he wants to be the like the magical establishment, but is not the magical establishment.
00:28:36
Speaker
And where is it again? la Is it in Vegas? Yeah. In L.A., okay. At least I think it's L.A.? Yep, it is. Now I have to look this up.
00:28:47
Speaker
i I done Googled it. Does it look like a castle? Yes. Oh, cool. Alright.
00:28:58
Speaker
Here, I'll put it in the Discord. Keep this architecture. Performance venue, restaurant, and clubhouse for the Academy of Magic Arts traditions. Alright, I see. I bet it's bigger on the inside.
00:29:11
Speaker
I bet it is, too. How do they do it? called a basement. Yep. I'm sure.
00:29:23
Speaker
The name to the basement is Magic. Alright. all right So, we'll start with ah Deloxia. Or Lox. You have... You've come back from the future, you've lost your magic marker, and...
00:29:44
Speaker
we're
00:29:47
Speaker
Where would you be hanging out? It's ah like an average evening. Where would Deloxia be hanging out? ah Between gigs, let's say, at the end of a long day.
00:30:00
Speaker
I mean, probably on the vaguest streets, I assume, right? It feels it's appropriate.
00:30:11
Speaker
right.
00:30:14
Speaker
So it's dusk, which, you know, bunch of tourists are flowing around. your what is he What's a little trick? what what What kind of trick are you doing? you doing some sort of like a three-card bounty-style trick? Are doing something a little bit more like ah card magic or coin magic?
00:30:34
Speaker
What sort of close-up magic are you messing around with? Exploding things, probably. For my own amusement, because um the street stuff isn't for money. That's, you know, that's just how I grew up.
00:30:56
Speaker
So I'm like just – I'm doing – I'm pickpocketing. It's like when you're in a video game. And I don't do this because I only play good people in video games.
00:31:07
Speaker
But like you know you know some people go and they put like – they reverse pickpocket like bombs or whatever into NPCs. And that's what I'm doing. But like – You know, in a smaller Pop Rocks kind of style way. no nobody Nobody's getting permanently damaged here.
00:31:26
Speaker
I just need everyone to know who rules these streets. You know, I'm just saying. So...
00:31:38
Speaker
Ooh. Alright. So then you're going to roll a Actually, roll 2d6, arcane magic. Let's see how well you manage to... Keeping in mind, by the way, that both of your stats start with ah three points.
00:31:53
Speaker
Okay, I rolled a one and a six.
00:31:59
Speaker
Alright, that means that you're... Alright, so you sneaking around, you're slipping a card here, a coin there, grabbing out the end of a kerchief out of someone's pocket, and it's all little, like, pops, and all of a sudden people just feeling weird things as you walk by, and just as you walk down the street, we see just the just the deluge of people sort of It's a weird version of, you know, how like when the flash rushes by, everyone just gets a gust of wind.
00:32:24
Speaker
So yeah, with you, it's just every, everybody is just getting with the locks that everyone is just getting a Just like a little burst in their pockets. or Everyone just keeps grabbing their pants or their shirt pockets. But it's also, I want it to be showy. So it's like, in my mind, it's like, you know, like the the musicals and it's like little sparklers are going off as I'm like sauntering down, you know, like musical style. I'm just creating it for myself. My own amusement. It's like, these are just amazing.
00:32:58
Speaker
I've never seen Austin Powers, to be honest with you.
00:33:04
Speaker
I recommend. It's a fun flick. What did, I don't know. Like, I don't know if I watched it today if you had to watch it at the time. some things no I seen it recently. I think, I think it's, I watched it like last month.
00:33:17
Speaker
got Got a certain timeless quality. ah It's still, still relevant. People are still acting inappropriately because they, ah you know, that grew up in a different cultural moment. It's, ah ah it's, ah it's evergreen in that regard.
00:33:30
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. It is also one of the best at the the gag that Archer always does, which is the way that they feed one scene into another. and Yeah, the handoff thing. huh They take that joke to the extreme in that one.
00:33:45
Speaker
Okay. Yeah. Anyway.
00:33:50
Speaker
Speaking of handoffs, as you reach the end of this street and the big final finale of fireworks goes up behind you as someone's poor some poor sucker's wallet just vanishes simply vanishes in a puff of glitter, a note is handed to you. Just ah one of your fellow... What is the name of your game?
00:34:18
Speaker
um The big cats, obviously. ah A fellow big cat um slips you a note. Thank you, Panther S.
00:34:31
Speaker
Anytime, boss. Anytime. My second in command. My most trusted. Okay. um And the note says ah the marker is in the castle. so fit you now You now have your target.
00:34:51
Speaker
And you're going to start. Sorry, go ahead. Where do we learn this intel from? What I'm asking, Panther S. You know how it is, boss. It comes from somewhere else.
00:35:07
Speaker
It never really matters. The point is we know. Magician grapevine. I see. I see. Understandable. Carry on. Yeah.
00:35:17
Speaker
But boss, you're going to need a good crew for this one. i don i don't know if anyone in there I don't know if anyone in the gang can do it. Okay. First of all, we have to get this Russian guy.
00:35:30
Speaker
Now, the reason why is because back in the old Magician Street Wars... of 98. We ended up turning from enemies to friends. It's a long touching story.
00:35:47
Speaker
And then we fought side by side for solo so long. So whenever I call for a maneuver, this guy's instantly going to know what I'm talking about and we will be like the tightest unit. So definitely we're getting my good friend.
00:36:05
Speaker
Bonk, sir.
00:36:08
Speaker
And then... I don't even remember Bonk's name. Okay, ah my frenemy, and I'm pretty sure that they like me and don't hate me.
00:36:18
Speaker
i'm sure the recommendation would be terrible, but it's me, Deloxius, so they must love me. And therefore, I must believe that this is probably the the greatest magician we could possibly recruit.
00:36:31
Speaker
Names Professor Presto comes highly recommended by my friend who definitely loves me and doesn't hate me. what These are the two. This is the perfect team to retrieve the magic marker that I, you know, want to panther ass. panthers i you know it was you that carelessly left it out, but you know, ah forgive you. We've moved on. from I'm sorry. miss ah Yes. These are the two make preparations straight away. All right.
00:37:08
Speaker
um
00:37:11
Speaker
professor Professor Presto, where do we find you? I am doing ah magic show at a retirement community.
00:37:23
Speaker
And it's going pretty well. if i really If I really feel like I'm doing a good job, I'm going to stick around after the event and try to sell some of my signature magical dentures.
00:37:38
Speaker
And ah what don't they do? ah if if you're If you're imagining what magic trick they're good for, you're right. Yep, it's that one. ah they They do whatever you think they do, and they're magical as hell.
00:37:53
Speaker
ah And you can probably ah talk with them. Probably enunciate. Get get your your consonants kicking. Yeah. yeah yeah yeah so so hopefully hopefully, if they're wowed by my ah i don't I don't think I'm doing the Aztec tomb today, but, you know, just standard dove shit.
00:38:15
Speaker
ah Fucking killing them, bringing them back, killing them, bringing them back. These magical doves. I'll never reveal that that's the secret, but I do have my magic doves. And you know what? If I start to lose the crowd, I'll fucking kill one.
00:38:29
Speaker
that's That's the thing. like That's my safety net, you know? no sure i'm I'm trying to, like, you know, I'll saw an old timer in half or whatever, but, like, If I think they saw me doing the, thing you know, like, if if I think they, if they're losing interest, doves.
00:38:45
Speaker
Dead, back alive. Dead, back alive. It's a classic because it works.
00:38:53
Speaker
All right. um Are they loving it? are are How often am I doing the dead dove thing? Roll um roll ah performance magic
00:39:08
Speaker
Performance magic, and they both start at three, right? Yep. trying to get a three or below with one die. That one didn't land level. It's got to land level. A three? All right.
00:39:22
Speaker
They are loving it. This is the greatest magic show. that There's actually this... ah They want you to come back every week. This is ah this is your crew. This is like your home turf. like With stand-up comics, they know that there's always like the one room that I can always get laughs in right so this is this This is what it is. This is your equivalent of that. like This particular retirement home, everyone loves it. It's your timeline.
00:39:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:48
Speaker
The thing you don't realize is one of the primary reasons they love it is every now and then someone you think just passes out and you just have to tap them on the chest.
00:39:59
Speaker
okay Oh, no. am i Am I secretly... I the only thing keeping these old-timers kicking? Oh, man. i thought I thought Doris was keeping me... like i thought she was happy to see me because, like... Oh, no.
00:40:16
Speaker
is it because I'm the only keeping her husband Hank on this mortal coil? Goddamn. This is bigger and heavier than I knew. I don't that's That's the fact. I'm just loving the magic.
00:40:31
Speaker
Yeah. So what is your closer? um Well, first, i have to remember to put Esther back together. She's currently ah in two boxes, supposedly. ah So...
00:40:49
Speaker
With all the strangeness and all the rearrangements and all the doves that have been in the cages... Now, with the powers that flow through me, through time, from the future to the past, to that which never was and never will be, make Esther once more ah the to normal old-ass lady.
00:41:16
Speaker
I'm sorry, I ran out of juice. but But you know what? and I assume i assume it
00:41:25
Speaker
She's back here in one piece. They love it. They love it. They just love seeing their friends. they They're all afraid they might die at any fucking second. The the simulated half-death of sawing someone in half, like, this really speaks to them. It hits home for these people. they old magic. We understand it.
00:41:43
Speaker
Okay, but the big closer... It's the doves again. It's always the doves. But this time it's all three doves. I will kill and revive all three doves.
00:41:55
Speaker
This is dark. i've I've only done one or two so far in the show. But that's right. William, Dorothy, and Geraldine, my three doves. All of them are in a cage. Not sweet, Geraldine. You think it's like a trick cage or something, but like,
00:42:14
Speaker
I smash it and like you see some blood come out and stuff. But then I pull the cage back open again. and oh, the blood's all gone. It's it's it's not even like dried and on there. it's It's like back in the birds. how how did How did they do it?
00:42:32
Speaker
out Only Professor Presto knows, baby. And Professor Presto maybe doesn't know, baby.
00:42:41
Speaker
And the crowd is loving it. The crowd is going, well, as wild as a bunch of old people.
00:42:48
Speaker
as You know, as rowdy as a bunch of old people are going to get in public. oh And as you are packing up and getting ready to leave, you are approached by Locks.
00:43:08
Speaker
blocks Oh, you're handing it to me. Should I be? Yeah, sorry. Okay. So you're approaching Professor Presto. Professor Presto, have the mission of great urgency.
00:43:21
Speaker
my name is Delaxian. I got to give i gotta talk to these old folks about some magic dentures. So this had better be really important because like my livelihood. Okay.
00:43:33
Speaker
I guess I can wait in the hall for 20 minutes. Okay. Alright, I sell some dentures to some old peoples. ah Me and Bosa for ribbons.
00:43:45
Speaker
No, I'm doing it. Can't just be assumed that I moved some product today. There is no magic involved in this. Okay, i I signed some people up for some magic dentures. Maybe a few a few people's nephews are going to be receiving some DVDs in the mail.
00:44:02
Speaker
um I assume it was a pretty good pretty good haul, orders-wise. Okay, I'm sorry. ah the
00:44:13
Speaker
and you You wear formal wear, right? So I probably respect you because you're you're dressed like someone who... Very dabbling. Attended the same elite institutions that Professor Presto did, maybe.
00:44:27
Speaker
Definitely a part of all the secret and private cool kids clubs, the secret magicians. Yes. All right. I'm a very, very busy magician and ah professor and ah just, you know, general entrepreneur. I have so many entrepreneurial endeavors.
00:44:49
Speaker
Let me save time and appeal directly to your vanity. As ah the greatest magician, you are vastly needed in world-saving, you know, a mission of importance of recovering ah the future magic marker.
00:45:07
Speaker
As you can tell, I am from the future. If you were from the future, you would have heard of me. um But i'm we need you, the greatest magician of our time.
00:45:19
Speaker
Well, you achieve this mission. The flattery, but the implausibility of your story, but the flattery, but the implausibility, but the flattery.
00:45:32
Speaker
Okay. What is the caliber of the, uh, the other magicians in your employ? What, uh, what, what sort of crew would I be joining to get your supposedly from the future magic marker?
00:45:49
Speaker
I need to know that there are big names.
00:45:54
Speaker
Just me and my old buddy from the street street magician wars. You won't have heard of them. It's a secret history magicians. I would need to hear a high-quality name, like a Ripster the Ripped One, or that's the very buff magician. Or maybe,
00:46:15
Speaker
perhaps Bonk Bonk the Oracle. like these These are the kind of character references I would need. Bonk Bonk and me go way back, for sure. I've heard great things about Bonk. They have long history.
00:46:29
Speaker
I'm sure they've talked about me many times. I've never met Bonk Bonk, but I just... Oh, I'll introduce I keep my ear to the ground. and and i i know that I know the names of the most happening... ah it is who Who are you? What was your name again?
00:46:45
Speaker
i I'm a little concerned that I haven't heard of you. um i am the Diaphanous Delirious.
00:46:57
Speaker
You know, Deloxia Devane. Like I said, if you were from the future, you would have heard of me. yeah You're just the 2K, unfortunately. it's It's a little beyond your couch. All right. Well, I am somewhat insulted by the way you're talking to me, but I don't know. This seems like it could be a good networking opportunity.
00:47:18
Speaker
Like if if people like Bonk Bonk are going to be there. All right. All right. Professor Presto, she's in.
00:47:26
Speaker
right I'm, I'm, I'm suede. It's that easy. You just, you, you flatter me. you You say some names, make me feel important. It's, it's good. Bonk, bonk.
00:47:39
Speaker
Two important questions. Do you actually have this high opinion of locks?
00:47:46
Speaker
Um, I think it's, it's more of a respect and a trust than it is any sort of affection. um I very much just confused you for someone else.
00:48:03
Speaker
also confused you for someone else. You're saying we weren't in the street wars together? Because you said you weren't in a street gang, right? No, wasn't. But I might have been tangled up in some wars anyway. i thought you know So then that's why I was saying, like, you know, it was just I just thought you were that person.
00:48:24
Speaker
Yeah. If that's how you wanted it to be, that way could still, know. Even if I'm not formally in a gang, I might have been involved. We do actually go back.
00:48:35
Speaker
like Okay. Yeah. But like I said, it's more of a healthy respect and ah and an earned trust than any sort of affection. I'm still sort of irritated that you showed up on my turf and in you're just your magic is is so much flashier, which is more appealing to the the casual viewer. It's understandable. It's big cats strip.
00:48:59
Speaker
babies And the second question would be, weird where would Lux know to look for you? Oh, not far at all. We work the same streets. So I'm, you know, I'm just a few buildings down and she's cruising by and exploding pockets. And I'm, you know, working tarot with somebody or, you know, making a guess about somebody's like, wait and birthday and performing very well. And I have a small crowd. And then all a sudden there's this distraction down the street.
00:49:29
Speaker
Oh, wonderful. There she goes again. ah pay attention here. This is, this is the good stuff.
00:49:38
Speaker
But just utterly just like this this ah this kid who was just totally baffled a moment ago was just waiting for you. like he just pulled his card out of you. You guessed the card he was planning on picking oh before he even looked at the deck um is just like totally distracted.
00:50:00
Speaker
There's fireworks. Come on. Let's go. Let's get the... There's fireworks over there. And this is exactly why our relationship is the way it is. What you're doing is so much more impressive, but I'm like, whoo, sparklies.
00:50:15
Speaker
It's not pretty. Like, don't do it, I'm combining the future. You want to know that you will die?
00:50:24
Speaker
I can tell you. I'm eight!
00:50:32
Speaker
Go ahead. so Apologies, I'm sorry. I get carried away sometimes. You can go watch fireworks. This is fine. Okay. The kid is already gone.
00:50:44
Speaker
no I'm talking to myself.
00:50:51
Speaker
ah as the As the fireworks make their way to you, Lox, do we see ribbons first? Or does ribbons yeah show up later?
00:51:04
Speaker
um Okay, for ease of even fewer syllables of nickname, my cat's full name is Bocifer Ribbons. you can call Bo for short. Yes, Bocifer's always with me. It's, you know, a future girl and her cat shall not be separated.
00:51:25
Speaker
All right. Sorry, so wait, are we coming to recruit... You are coming to recruit Bonk Bonk. Of course I sweep in am, you know, take a look at a piece of dust on the table and I'm like, Bonk, darling. Is Professor Presto in attendance in this scene?
00:51:45
Speaker
You tell me. I think so. But Professor Presto is trying to conceal surprise because Professor Presto did indeed think that Bonk Bonk the Oracle was like...
00:51:56
Speaker
A somewhat different clown magician, like sort of more like a goth vibe. But ah Professor Presto is not in the business of looking like ah the person who doesn't know what's going on. So trying to be unflappable here.
00:52:14
Speaker
Ah, yes. Bonk, bonk the Oracle. Just who I just who I knew we needed. Yes. Yes. I knew we would find you. Who are you?
00:52:28
Speaker
Who am I? Perhaps so you have heard of Professor Presto, the the magical academic, the the teacher of the learned, yeah the that the the the keeper of secrets, the the bestower of bestowardment.
00:52:46
Speaker
He's not ringing any bells. I know, I know. We go way back. You have no idea. Well, perhaps... You've met my doves!
00:53:01
Speaker
And they they shoot out, except I didn't realize all three of them were in one sleeve, and the other sleeve had none, and so... I'm going to have you roll for magic here.
00:53:15
Speaker
So for stage magic. Stage magic. And they're both still at three.
00:53:24
Speaker
That was a six, so I believe that's a failure of some kind. How does this go wrong?
00:53:32
Speaker
Okay, so three of them shoot out of the one sleeve, and the last one out shits on my hand.
00:53:43
Speaker
As you're trying to shake it off, another one just hits Bonk, like, just knocks over Bonk Bonk's divination cards. ah Just knocks over the whole tarot deck.
00:53:57
Speaker
This very impressive, yes. Lox, why you bring this person over to my table? Okay, um I guess I had been outside previous to this, so I peek around the corner and like, did ah did she g did you convince him to join yet?
00:54:16
Speaker
Okay, no? All right. Hop in. So, know you're mad about me. You're mad at me about that one time and also that other time.
00:54:31
Speaker
But, okay, you remember the magic marker? You know, we we got really drunk that one time and a lot of fun with it. Well, it's gone now, and, like, our old enemy, Lich, has it, and you know what this means. You know. not saying Lich.
00:54:46
Speaker
I know you're frustrated with me, and I know you're ah doing so well here, as I can see. But I really, I really, need i really need you. And you know, you know, you know, I can i can hook you up with, like, a better, a better stage than this.
00:55:02
Speaker
You know? yeah i You understand the world's stakes here, Bump. The world needs you. The magic marker is very important, yes. And also... Though I hate to admit it, I do owe you one.
00:55:18
Speaker
Yes. and You remember. have saved your lives. I remember all the times that I've saved your life. Just the one. no The many, many times that I've saved your life, yes. i don't know what she's talking about. Just the once.
00:55:36
Speaker
I remember them well.
00:55:41
Speaker
And this this argument continues going as we fade out um with the the poor professor chasing their pigeons all around until she finally manages to... Doves.
00:55:56
Speaker
Sorry. Doves. Doves. Doves. Doves, Michael.
00:56:05
Speaker
You're doing your pigeons over there. yeah ah let Disrespect. It's palpable.
00:56:16
Speaker
So, let us plan our dear heist. You all know that there is a dress code. There is a
00:56:27
Speaker
Let's see what your obstacles are.
00:56:31
Speaker
Alright, the actual entrance to the Magic Castle, as you all know, is not through the front door with the bouncer. It is through trap door. So you will have to determine where the trap door is tonight, or which trap door actually leads into the back room.
00:56:50
Speaker
You will need to...
00:56:55
Speaker
And obviously you will have to dodge the saw traps as you go. Oh, there's saw traps. Okay. Of course there are. Is the trap door, do we know, is there like a distance that it can be from the magic castle or anywhere in the city?
00:57:14
Speaker
What is funnier?
00:57:17
Speaker
I think it is anywhere in the city. It's in Vegas. I think it's anywhere in the city. It's in Los Angeles. Yes. ah The correct entrance. It's a very long tunnel. I'm just kidding. It's the Vegas. Maybe there's trap doors all over the place, you know? For, like, the coolest magicians to step into. So we just need to get into the Vegas one.
00:57:39
Speaker
Yep. You think we need to find a real magician who's in the the academy of whatever the hell it was uh the the academy of magical arts do you think they would know assume they can get rid of them or trick it out of as i know from you know one of my oldest from tigris One of the oldest, wisest big cats.
00:58:08
Speaker
ah To get into the trap door in your city, you have to perform a magic trick. A certain one that opens the trap door that you then fall through after performing it. So we will have to find out which magic trick.
00:58:21
Speaker
Sorry, go ahead. No, just when when we do moments like that, I want us to start using flashbacks. So for everyone else, these are going to be flashbacks. For you, these are going to be flash forwards. So, I mean, for me, because you are a time traveler, so you will be flashing forward.
00:58:36
Speaker
That's hilarious.
00:58:40
Speaker
oh The idea with the flashback is like you're setting up how you accomplish that thing in a mundane way, even though it might not have looked mundane, right? Exactly. Okay.
00:58:52
Speaker
So, you... Exactly. The kind of thing where it's like, um... You walk into a place and you just hide a card somewhere, and then 30 minutes later, all of a sudden you reveal somebody's card. Got it. three hours later, right? And it just seems really impressive, but... That's the idea with the flashbacks. We're gonna totally abuse... I mean, like like all good mechanics in a one-shot game, they're gonna get abused, like, to no end.
00:59:15
Speaker
Yeah, of course. Alright. Let's go with it. The... Okay, so... You, how do you find, so you've got three problems in front of you, right?
00:59:27
Speaker
You've got to figure out how to get through, well, you've got two problems so far. You've got to figure out which, um, which door to get through. where You have to find the trap door and you have to avoid the saw trap on the way in.
00:59:41
Speaker
Great question. also Is this a saw trap like a buzzsaw? Or is this a saw trap like, oh no, are we all bad people? Is that why we're all here? yes Is this ah psychological torture We have to pay our pound of flesh, literally. Once you get through the door, you will find out.
01:00:08
Speaker
Is that you're not dressed. You're not dressed for Secret Magician Club. Like, your clown outfit is just not going to fly in this situation. I think we need to have a montage where you try on one of those fancy shops where they have people that come out and bring outfits to you, and then you come out, and we, like... For the first outfit, you know, probably be like, you know, maybe shake our heads a little bit, but, like, by the time we get to outfit five...
01:00:37
Speaker
Yeah, it's the one that you feel best in that we applaud the hardest and we realize is the best. But, you know, we should a variety of things on your journey. I mean, one of them is basically the same costume, but it's in suit form. So, you know, it's like yellow and has gaudy po polka dots and it's very bad. It's a clown suit.
01:00:57
Speaker
so yeah But it's, you know, if that's where your height lies. We shake our head. We shake our head. We shake our head. We shake our head.
01:01:09
Speaker
He's like, no.
01:01:15
Speaker
Okay. One of the ties is way too short. It's not a bow tie. It's just a very short, regular tie. It's wrong. It's the wrong fit. And one of the suits doesn't have a tie at all. Why did we even try it on? Because you need a Yeah. What are we thinking?
01:01:31
Speaker
ah Of course, there's one where the tie is way too big, which is lots of tie problems. yeah until Until you finally come on with the with the tie just seems way too long. And then you pull it up and it just collapses back in like it's a blind. handkerchief ah um it's just the endless handkerchief style. Turns out the one that didn't have a tie was the winner all along. And I styled it myself with my aim endless handkerchief.
01:02:04
Speaker
You can do like a Bayanetta thing, as you fight, you know, more of the handkerchief is flying around. Hair-based magic. Yeah. Yeah. Love it.
01:02:17
Speaker
All right. the whole so The whole suit is endless handkerchief. All right. all suit us And I imagine Professor Presto is already an impeccably tailored, ah you know, wear. Probably. i mean, like, tonight the tie, even the tie has sequins.
01:02:37
Speaker
I think that's the nature of sequins, exclamation, or or whatever I rolled. I gotta respect a good sequin, so, you know. Sequins baby. Sequins baby, that's it.
01:02:49
Speaker
Yeah, so I'm rocking the sequin tie. All right, Professor Preston, believe you said you had the connections ah to learn the whereabouts of tonight's door.
01:03:03
Speaker
Did I say such a thing? I'm pretty sure I heard you say that. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure.
01:03:13
Speaker
you had the connections. Let me start... I start going through my phone and this is where we get a flashback this guy fucking hates me this guy fucking hates me this guy fucking hates me oh no and this is where we get back a flashback to like the one student who doesn't hate you ah it was it was young young Timothy the gullible I wonder where he is now
01:03:48
Speaker
I told him that was a stupid name for a magician, but the kid had his heart set on it. I wonder how Tim's doing. Let's let's go's give him a ring.
01:04:06
Speaker
So I hear you're in good with the... This is how I start conversations. I immediately ask, ah are you a member of the ah the Academy of Magical Arts? no Are you in good with them these days?
01:04:18
Speaker
Yes. What can I for I fucking knew I always knew you had a bright future, Tim. And now I obviously, i have all kinds. They're always asking me to join, obviously, but I never have. But the thing is, there's there's a real sweet, there's a sweet show going on tonight at the Magic Castle. And I'm trying to get on the... You could, I mean...
01:04:44
Speaker
Actually, you know what? I've already been in. I'm a secret guest of one of the other magicians, but they fucking forgot to tell me how to get in. And you know about you know about the trap doors, right? We all know about the trap doors, right? I mean, like, i'm I'm practically a member there. I didn't sleep through your whole class. I was actually paying attention for one of these.
01:05:03
Speaker
Yeah, i i I knew you were so, so sweet and attentive, Tim. Oh, my God. Those out the those those dweebs in the back of the class, though, was throwing shit at me.
01:05:15
Speaker
I just it's taken me a little too far back. i'm I'm getting too deep into it. But yeah, this is really like more of a business than a personal. I mean, just tell me where the fucking where's the where's the trap door, Tim?
01:05:28
Speaker
Come on. Come on. For your favorite prof.
01:05:33
Speaker
um I know this is not actually magic, but... try that good i'm the
01:05:43
Speaker
is is Is personal manipulation... is that is that like yeah it's It's a flashback. You're get it. okay. um right you know that you know the door at the corner of eighth and eighth
01:06:03
Speaker
Yes.
01:06:09
Speaker
It's not that one. Good. Good. I fucking hate that door. I know. Right. That alligator, that alligator swamp is just stupid. I don't know why. um So, you know, the one on 10th and 11th. Absolutely.
01:06:23
Speaker
absolutely Yeah. So, you know, you get in, you use that ah the golden key from 8th and 8th. You have to get into 8th and 8th. Use the golden key. Not that one either.
01:06:41
Speaker
It's the old door. Ah, the old door. yeah The old door is best. yeah All right. We keep the old doors.
01:06:53
Speaker
I think that's what they say in House Greyjoy. and And then you hear just ah just a loud round of applause now coming back to the stage.
01:07:03
Speaker
um And Tim hangs up. I always knew that kid would do great things. I don't remember which of those Game of Thrones idiots. They all have those little slogans. Is that the House Greyjoy one that we keep the old ways? Or is it they do not so?
01:07:20
Speaker
I don't know. I read the books. I never saw the show. been too long. time The information's been falling apart in my brain, getting remembered and forgotten and remembered and forgotten. at This is what I get you trying to make references.
01:07:33
Speaker
o You have to know the references. That's really the challenge. It's a strug. Yeah. um So move one point from ah magic to magic.
01:07:46
Speaker
ah This is now arcane magic that I'm moving it to? to Yeah, from. from or From arcane. So now I'm shit at arcane magic and I'm hot shit at... ah State magic.
01:07:59
Speaker
Flashbacks make you more mundane. Mm-hmm. If we know how the trick is done, we don't we're not as impressed by it. Gotta figure out how to beat these saws. Is there, like, a magician armorer that exists?
01:08:16
Speaker
ah You could blow them up. Okay, but think about it. I'm like, you know, I'm the leader ah the magician gang. So surely I know like movie style, some like cool supplier of weaponry who's like a very cool character that everyone likes and is only in it just long enough to be cool and not ruin it, you know? So they remain cool forever.
01:08:41
Speaker
that kind That kind of armor. right. Like magicians.
01:08:47
Speaker
There is armor that you're aware of. Unfortunately, the armor is obviously not effective against the... The saws? What's the point? Yeah. I mean, it is magic armor. It would work against, you know, mundane things, but this is this is the magic castle.
01:09:07
Speaker
Oh, okay.
01:09:13
Speaker
Can we become invincible?
01:09:17
Speaker
I think I'll be fine with my magic future armor. I'm just saying I explode shit right in front of me all the time. I'm just worried about the two of you. That's all. I'm trying to help you out.
01:09:29
Speaker
Yeah, I'm not sure about dodging saws. I don't want to be the one who tests if the invincibility is working. yeah let's let's go let's Let's walk through the door and see what happens. Okay.
01:09:45
Speaker
alright The old door. You know where this is? Yeah, the old door. Yeah, like of course I do. I did not know if you were just acting or, you know, look cool in front of student, front of team.
01:09:59
Speaker
Sounds like cool guy. Roaring audience. you You have roaring audience? I don't think so. Bonk, bonk. You see much.
01:10:10
Speaker
um I am Oracle. Yep. All right.
01:10:17
Speaker
But yeah, I do know where the old door is for sure. So here the old door, as you all know, is actually just the back door to the castle. okay nice used It used to be the front door, and this is why it's called the old door.
01:10:33
Speaker
But then eventually they turned they they had to rotate the castle because of earthquakes. So it is now the back door. So that's why it's called the old door. All right. So we need to get to LA. I'm just going to pretend it is. Yeah, you rotate building. It's like ah crop rotation. If you keep the building facing the same direction for too many seasons in a row, like and of course you're going to get earthquake damage.
01:11:00
Speaker
Everybody knows this. Exactly. It's well known. Just taking a flight to l LA then? we ride? Can we teleport? Bo? beau Oh yeah!
01:11:14
Speaker
Oh my gosh! Yes! It would be amazing. so you all pull up on Bo?
01:11:23
Speaker
Excellent. Like the never-ending story, like writing Calcour. I want to have a shot of this in front of the moon. The parking lot's full of cars and then there's just this huge house cat.
01:11:39
Speaker
my bo the fur Fly, fly! Okay.
01:11:45
Speaker
All right, so you pull up to the back door and there is a...
01:11:55
Speaker
giant bouncer standing in front of it.
01:12:00
Speaker
And you walk up to the door. What do you all say to try to get past the bouncer? I'm wondering if it's the wrong door. didn't Didn't we hear it wasn't the door with the bouncer?
01:12:14
Speaker
Maybe they got a lot of bouncers. I'm going to go check on the other side of the building to see if that door has a bouncer also. That's a good good move.
01:12:23
Speaker
All right. Possible I was wrong about the old door. maybe Maybe I was a little confused.
01:12:31
Speaker
So you go around the building, and the door has no one at it. so Okay. I'm just going to peek around the corner. Is it a new door, or...?
01:12:41
Speaker
Does this this look like a freshly installed door? I don't know. I'm going to try to frantically wave my friends over to come. Come on. This one is actually made out of oak.
01:12:54
Speaker
This door looks older. Also, no bouncer. I think this is the back door. Okay. Break it down. Or open it slowly either way. no How would you feel about collaborating with me on a new DVD?
01:13:14
Speaker
Ask me again after we get the marker. All right, because the way you've identified this door really ah knocked my socks off. I'm pretty impressed. level.
01:13:27
Speaker
Does the door have a handle? No, the door the first level. If you've had a door on the second level, someone would walk out of it and fall to their death or something. He's joke! Or at least, like, looking near something. ah You don't notice any handle on the door?
01:13:43
Speaker
um want to try opening it anyway. speak kind of eldish. how? By pushing, by pulling, by trying to drill into it? Yeah, push first and then pull. like you know Even if I can't get much of a grip, just do whatever I can. Maybe from beneath.
01:14:02
Speaker
You're doing a great job, Bonk. Keep at it. It just seems like why get rid of it magically if we can get just open it, you know? I'm morally supporting you.
01:14:19
Speaker
You push at the store and it it gives a little, but it feels stuck.
01:14:28
Speaker
Of course I report this information back. yeah Seems like push, but he's stuck. um um Why don't I just blow it up?
01:14:40
Speaker
I'm pretty good at blowing things up. mean right Should we just leave it that way? don't think it will draw any attention.
01:14:51
Speaker
We, uh, who's Lich, right? Okay, are you prepared? you prepared ah face this old nemesis after what he did to you?
01:15:02
Speaker
Do we know about this Lich, like, personally? Also, are we aware of any... I assume this Lich also has some necromantic powers, and do we know do we know that there's a real? Oh, yeah.
01:15:17
Speaker
Um...
01:15:21
Speaker
What, who would the Lich be a rival with? Who's like actually like, ah who would ah who would have been around the Academy the longest? so I guess that would be the professor.
01:15:32
Speaker
Right? I mean, certainly Academy adjacent. i You know, um i sort of sort of having cultivated ah an all alternative to the to the Academy. Like, I don't i don't think I'm, like, ah super expert. But definitely keep an eye on them, the the goings on.
01:15:52
Speaker
So, is the... It could also be, if it's a real Lich, it could be that Lox knows the Lich from the future. Mm...
01:16:03
Speaker
Oh, yeah. if they're to oh Oh, that means we don't with you know' at least ah temporarily. i say we freeze them in ice. Okay.
01:16:14
Speaker
I'm already thinking about how do we expose of them. Yeah. Seems like a good way.
01:16:21
Speaker
All So how does the... All right. So... Lox knows it, Either Lox... Lox knows the Lich from the future.
01:16:32
Speaker
Is the Lox... Is the... does Does Professor Presto know the lich is just like an ordinary magician type person? like as far as The lich is posing as as a magician magician, right? Not not so much an undead sorcerer person.
01:16:51
Speaker
Oh, really? assume they were also like an undead sorcerer person. I mean, they might actually be. But yeah I think what I think what it is is and tell me if this is ah tell like this is with you, professor. But um the lich actually is afraid of the professor because the lich does not want to be outed.
01:17:14
Speaker
And so the lich found a way to discredit the professor.
01:17:19
Speaker
This all makes perfect sense. And that is why the professor is that is why the professors like, that's really the reason why the professor is here. It has nothing to do with Bonk Bonk. Ah, okay. That is why the professor just latched on to the second name. Like, oh, yes.
01:17:36
Speaker
but tweet Ah. All right. I love this plan from the start. It's a great plan and it won't fail. we we need to We need to do this. This is very important work that we're going to do here.
01:17:49
Speaker
This magic marker. how How dare? the oh my gosh. We got to get this magic marker back for you. What is the lich's name in this time?
01:18:07
Speaker
Jeff.
01:18:10
Speaker
just Just Jeff. Just the one name. Just the one name. Evil Jeff.
01:18:18
Speaker
i mean, you call him Evil Jeff. He just goes by Jeff. He doesn't go by Evil Jeff. Nope. He does not go by Evil Jeff. Does he good away Evil Jeff in the future?
01:18:32
Speaker
Uh... Yes. Yes.
01:18:36
Speaker
Maybe out of him. Damn it, that is unastardly. Oh, man.
01:18:44
Speaker
ah but know. He's got no alliteration. He's angry about it. Is is Evil Jeff posing as a regular Jeff to hide from Deloxia?
01:18:55
Speaker
like Is that like his cover story? Deloxia is probably looking for an Evil Jeff, but I'm just Jeff. I don't think that Jeff is from the future. I think Jeff is from now. Jeff is just really watching. He's evil Jeff.
01:19:10
Speaker
Yes. I see. So you already know that this guy's bad news because he's in like the history books and stuff. no go And he's maybe in my present day if he's still you know so kicking as an undead lich.
01:19:26
Speaker
But he's not supposed to have the magic marker in your timeline as you as you experienced it. Correct. Okay, so it may be as we're on the precipice of about to go in here and risk all of our lives against... Is Bonponk... Just one second. Is Bonponk aware that he's risking his life?
01:19:54
Speaker
By facing a lich and and buzz saws? Well, does he realize that this is an actual lich? Oh, no. I mean, only if they tell me. ah This is a run-of-the-mill magic heist for you.
01:20:07
Speaker
yes no but that's what I'm saying right now. I'm like, you need to know the stakes because heart, you know, I would never let Bonk risk their lives unknowingly. It's just, you know, unconsensually life-risking.
01:20:25
Speaker
As a rule, Bonk Bonk avoids telling the future about himself. that There's just all kinds of weird effects that can happen if you do that. You'd have to tell the future He'd have to read Deloxia or Professor Presto to have an idea of how things are going to turn out.
01:20:47
Speaker
Fascinating. Okay. Having heard Deloxia's warning or whatever... I'm still in, baby. Sequins, baby.
01:20:59
Speaker
No one wearing sequins backs down. That's just not not the thing. i'm not dressing I'm not dressed for cowardice. I'm dressed for bravery. There's a second part of this in that I was not actually a great hero from the future. i actually just ah stole a time machine. My plan was to go to the 20Ks.
01:21:22
Speaker
twenty I'm from the 30Ks. The 20Ks where life was really cool and people were goalable enough and with my knowledge of history could have made a lot of money and lived well. And i accidentally screwed up and I got the 2Ks. We have nothing worth stealing here. My life's been miserable ever since me and Bocifer showed up here.
01:21:43
Speaker
So, um you know, we do need to get this magic marker or the whole world would be lost to this evil itch, which we are risking our lives to do. i feel like you need to know that I am, in fact, a fraud. It's still an amazing...
01:21:58
Speaker
ah queen of the big cats. Can't ever take that away from me. Big cat pride forever. Okay.
01:22:10
Speaker
We're prepped and ready! How
Magic Explosions and Dramatic Effects
01:22:13
Speaker
are we opening the door? and You figured out that it's an oak door and not an old door? I want to blow it up with my evocation, please.
01:22:24
Speaker
So what do you what what do you have on hand? Or how does your throwing? It means spells. It means magic. Just flat out. I'm an evocator.
01:22:36
Speaker
Right? oh and this is going to be, I tell them, I'm like, it's like video games. Just get behind some big rocks. You'll be fine. All right, Should I roll? Do I have a magic stat?
01:22:47
Speaker
It's my magic stat.
01:22:51
Speaker
Oh, it's three, because they all started three. Oh, I rolled three! Nice! So you... What does your magic look like the moment before it goes off?
01:23:03
Speaker
Oh, I would like it to be very sparkly and showy and colorful. And also I would like it to be like, like, you know, like how Gandalf would make fancy things with the smoke. I would also like to show off and make little like, you know, like unicorns with wings and however I'm feeling at the time, you know, some things are whimsical, some things are more artistic, you know, Deloxy is multifaceted. That's what I'm saying. And her visual representation of you know, herself and her magic.
01:23:35
Speaker
all right so the Alright. What looks like just a a light version of bow. Like a bow made out of pure light.
01:23:46
Speaker
Slams at the door causing it to explode and just like this turn into a bunch of tiny little bows as like in like these bright little sparkles and just like dissolve into and just like kind of dissolves into smoke.
01:24:00
Speaker
um By the way, move one point from... Move one point from on stage to ah move one point over from stage to arcane. Oh, okay. i'm ready Because you did a significant amount of property damage.
01:24:17
Speaker
Oh, I already forgot which magic is which. I drew one all fancy and in in handwritten italics. That should be the arcane magic one. Yep. That's what I did. So now that's a four, right? Okay.
01:24:31
Speaker
yeah Bunk Bunk is definitely rolling his eyes at how flashy you feel like you have to be to explode a door. And I'm still very satisfied. i'm like looking over like, you yeah, you see that is setting Do you step through the s smoke or do you wait for it to clear?
01:24:51
Speaker
I probably wait for it to clear. don't I don't need my clothes to smell like magic smoke. Like... Dry cleaning is expensive.
01:25:02
Speaker
Fair enough. Alright, so as the smoke clears, you see this short little entranceway leading to a dark room.
01:25:19
Speaker
but you Let's head in. Yeah, let's do it It's the marching waiter.
01:25:28
Speaker
It's bit dark in here. Does anybody... i don't suppose any of us is able to shoot like some illuminating flame out of their sleeve. Oh, wait! I can! and I shoot some flame out of my sleeve.
01:25:49
Speaker
And let's see if it's lighter fluid or not. right Can I do a roll for that? is That is my mundane magic. yeah
01:26:01
Speaker
It's a three. What are your current stats? ah Four currently on mundane magic, I believe. i think I think I'm shitty at arcane magic right now. So what are you, what were you trying to do? You were trying to I was just trying to, like, get some some light in here so we can see, like, which way we're supposed to walk.
01:26:21
Speaker
I mean, like, some people might have gone for a more permanent light source, but Professor Presto knows the tricks that Professor Presto knows. So just, like, this these flashy fireballs appear.
01:26:33
Speaker
Yeah, I assume that, like, illusions, Michael, means that whenever possible, my magic involves producing something out of my sleeve. Absolutely. So that is the these nice, big, flashy firewalls. Just what color are they?
01:26:48
Speaker
Are they the traditional orange or are they going to be? You know what? Purple. Purple is a pretty good magic color. right Is that Professor Presto's signature color? That's just what she does.
01:27:01
Speaker
Yeah, I think so. I think Professor Presto is deep into purple. ah right You need to have music playing too like Job does. Like the same song as your signature and a final countdown
01:27:19
Speaker
magic song. We can use all sorts of magic, right? It's just only one die if we don't use our specialty. Yeah, exactly. I interpreting that? Okay. So don't always have to solve problems with divination.
01:27:32
Speaker
So take a brief pause for second. I don't know what kinds of games you guys are used to playing, but this is a story game. This is a game where it's like, try to do the ridiculous thing, and it's either going to work or fail spectacularly, but it's not, no, you can't do it.
01:27:48
Speaker
Right. it's That is a great idea. Here's what happens next. okay So, for example, you successfully light these beautiful fireballs and you find that the three of you are standing on a stage.
Trapdoor Challenges and Magical Performances
01:28:04
Speaker
Oh. Is there an audience? Is there a trapdoor? There is no audience. um But in the brief moment, yes, you do realize that there is a trapdoor.
01:28:18
Speaker
We do love trapdoors. Not to generalize, but magicians? Fucking crazy for those trapdoors. And you do know that somewhere in the basement is where the lich's storage unit.
01:28:32
Speaker
I mean, i see a trapdoor. kind of think we probably ought to go down the trapdoor, right? It's our birthright. I would like to flash back ah to the time the one of my voyeurs, Bob Katia, from the big cats, lay dying in my arms.
01:29:00
Speaker
Oh, dear. No, actually, I'm being melodramatic. We had actually just been feasting and drinking too much, and she was, like, passed.
01:29:12
Speaker
It was fine. She's still around.
01:29:17
Speaker
But she told me secret magic trick um that had been told to her by her famous actress, ah you know, cousin to get into, you know, to perform over the trap door to open it.
01:29:38
Speaker
Through magic. And I would like to perform that trick with a great flourishes now. All right. So she...
01:29:46
Speaker
right so she the
01:29:50
Speaker
So what seems like someone is, so we we start up close in on Katia's face, and it seems as though she's dying.
01:30:00
Speaker
she's dying She's like, almost looking like King Henry. ah Is it King Henry? Or King Lear? Like at the end of it, like just pale and things lying there. And then as the camera pulls back, we realize we're just in the middle of a feast.
01:30:16
Speaker
Yeah. But all a while all the while, Bobcatty is monologuing, and she's just saying, but but before I go, I need you to know how this is the perfect way to exit through a trapdoor.
01:30:31
Speaker
And let's not merely stand above it, say a few words. But what ought to do is stand above a trapdoor, do a quick tap dance. So do a quick shuffle.
01:30:43
Speaker
do a quick shot Do a quick shuffle to prove that no trapdoor here. And then jump high into the air and slam directly down on it.
01:30:56
Speaker
If your stage chairs are working correctly, the stage will the door will move and you will not injure yourself. It's leap of faith.
01:31:08
Speaker
So now that you know how to jump through a trap door, also the flashback, I'm going to say move one from arcane to stage.
01:31:21
Speaker
Huzzah! Once again, I'm in balance. In my corner, moisturized. doing search Now that we know that you all know how to jump through a stage door, we're going to see how well you perform this trick.
01:31:36
Speaker
Oh, okay. Who would like to go first? ah i need to see how he's done. Well, as ah sort of, I like to think of myself as an authority on most of the staple stage maneuvers. If I couldn't do a perfect trapdoor jump, I mean, could I even call myself Professor Presto?
01:32:06
Speaker
So I'll go for it. I'll i'll i'll rush ahead. I'll i'll be the the test subject for this trapdoor. Okay. Let's find out how many buzz saws I land on.
01:32:17
Speaker
very cool or do Do I just find out? No, this is a stage magic. This is a stage one? All right. is literally Luckily, I rolled a one. Oh, I'm good at the stage one. That's not the one where I need to get low rolls. Well, I rolled a one anyway.
01:32:32
Speaker
Sometimes you have a good set and you roll well, too. So how perfectly do you execute like this? is This is the most perfect version of a trapdoor opening you've ever performed.
01:32:43
Speaker
How does this go? Well, see, here's the thing. Bob Cadia had it just about right. i I, I, suddenly, before you, yeah Professor Presto starts doing all kinds of, uh,
01:33:04
Speaker
Just just jigging it up, just river dancing so hard like you've never seen. You never knew they could do this. But I mean, it should have been obvious if you really think about it. This is Professor Presto.
01:33:16
Speaker
A little rough around the edges, sure. But there's there's competence in in that skull. Yeah. So I did the jig. There's no trapdoor here because, frankly, those the the thunder of ah Professor Presto's feet just popping, clicking, clacking, jumping, japing, just jiggling, you know, all all the movements.
01:33:43
Speaker
And when you least expect it, Professor Presto. leaps into the air, does a fucking standing backflip. You didn't know Professor Presto was built like that, but they are.
01:33:58
Speaker
And you you expect to hear a resounding thump as obviously Professor Presto would stick the landing as you've now figured out, but there's no landing to stick. Nope.
01:34:09
Speaker
Nope. Just straight through the door. You don't even hear it open. What? How? Who can say? I turn to Bonk and I say and knew it all along.
01:34:22
Speaker
Greatest illusionist of your generation. It was completely obvious. I definitely knew too. It's very impressive.
01:34:35
Speaker
ah see You want to follow that? or And i I call up from wherever I've landed even if this is a lie. yeah Come on in. The water's fine.
01:34:48
Speaker
I'm totally not concerned with the truth or falseness of that. Okay. Yes, I will go next. And five. That's a failure.
01:35:01
Speaker
i was no if you didn't If you didn't know any better, you would think that that Bonk Bonk was tap dancing with giant clown shoes on. Of course, he did put on nice shoes for attending the Magic Castle. But alas, it did not go so well.
01:35:19
Speaker
i don't know. Probably... tried to do a backflip and it did not go well. It just dislocated a shoulder or something. It lands with a thud.
01:35:37
Speaker
Bongbong lands with like a thud and there's like a moment of thud and then all of a sudden the trap bar slides open and Bongbong flies and he just... so Fall straight through.
01:35:49
Speaker
Belly flops. He is falling on his yeah he is belly flopping. We will find out where he lands in a moment. Delightful.
01:35:59
Speaker
Lux, how are you getting through this one? Okay. Looking around, seeing him alone. Except for me and Bocifer. It's just you me, Bocifer.
01:36:10
Speaker
It always ends up anyway. Okay. So i get onto the stage dramatically posing as if in front of an entire crowd, always giving my all.
01:36:22
Speaker
And um i ah do a magical girl transformation into a Shirley Temple outfit, little sausage curls and all, because, you know, we tap dancing, right?
01:36:33
Speaker
Perform a little, like, little that, little that. And then, man, who are we going to channel for, like,
01:36:44
Speaker
The leaping, i don't know, just where my brain goes first, because that's how magic should be. um i leap into the air, turning into, a you know transforming into Zelda dragon. And, like, crash downward into the stage. Sparkles everywhere.
01:37:06
Speaker
supposed to be riding on my back. Because sometimes, you know, a cat just wants to ride instead of being ridden. so what's the role? ah
01:37:23
Speaker
um I two three so it's a success that is perfect e count you twirl do the perfect landing all right and as you go through the camera follows you in and we see couple of faint lights and there's a bit of a fall surprisingly long And we hear a splash as you land in a tank.
01:37:56
Speaker
This tank is usually used for escapes. um All of a sudden, as the at the at the sound of that splash, because the professor just came in as this quiet little...
01:38:08
Speaker
movement, and Bonk-Bonk's belly flop was just way too loud. It actually displaced a ah chunk of the water. where We can see that the water has fallen out, and like the sides of the tank are... like The area around the tank is also... We're making a mess.
01:38:24
Speaker
Yeah. But the that little splash, that moment we see... The lights come on and the tank of piranhas that is pitched above the tank.
Escape Tank Challenge: Magic and Cleverness
01:38:35
Speaker
Oh, no. The tank is there's um we see the tank of piranhas that is pitched above about to you that is going to pour in as it's sort of like it it starts starts rotating up.
01:38:47
Speaker
And we see a nice big clock on the wall. um And it says you've got two minutes to get out of this. Okay, I would like or say like... Should I go first?
01:39:00
Speaker
I don't know. yeah If you've got an idea, I say go for it. Yes, I would like to spend the two minutes casting a spell to turn myself into one of the warrior mermaids from a future cartoon, of course.
01:39:16
Speaker
Very, like, technological with lots of weaponry, like, Gundam-style, like, firing mechanisms. I would like to prepare myself to fight these piranhas. Do we flee? No. We stay, we fight.
01:39:28
Speaker
This tank is ours. They say we defend it.
01:39:34
Speaker
um Anyway, so I would like to perform Warrior Mermaid rituals with the team that's not him to I'm going ask you to roll to do some transformations, but do not tell us how it turns out.
01:39:47
Speaker
So roll it, look at it, but we're going to find out how well it goes in a moment. While Lox is performing a transformation, does anyone have any other plans to escape this tank that you are not chained up in?
01:40:06
Speaker
Bongpong's going to do everything he can not to throw up. that's That's the plan. that is That is the entirety of the plan. Do you need to roll for that? I'm gonna you know i'm just going to let that go.
01:40:20
Speaker
Unless I specifically want to. No, we don't need to get graphic at all. hold it. We should have transferred we should have transferred wine From mundane to magic just for the ridiculous amount of doubt like for the damage you cause falling through the stage. I heard a trapdoor and my my ego.
01:40:40
Speaker
yeah I think Professor Presto is currently checking on like the flint in their left sleeve, making sure that like we can still do fireballs and shit.
01:40:54
Speaker
You're in water! Well, you know, like, I landed feet first, obviously, because, like, perfect form. ah kept kept legs together and hit the water.
01:41:06
Speaker
know, like, just like i learned in class and you all all that. I just want to make sure that my effects are still ready to ready to pop off, and I've got to make sure that my immortal doves are... I mean, I don't actually have to make sure. I'm quite sure they're fine. i mean, these doves, have you seen them? They're magic as hell.
01:41:25
Speaker
But... Yeah, I think everything's about in order. What's Geraldine up to? How many Are they swimming? Are they flying? She's squabbling with William and Dorothy as she is wont to do. She's sort of the the leader, I think.
01:41:42
Speaker
And, ah yeah, i'm I'm sort of like hoping somebody else comes up with a big plan because, like, Professor Presto is sort of aware that, like, That was kind of her moment of glory doing doing the jig and the flip and stuff. Like, let's not... Let's not push our luck.
01:42:04
Speaker
All right. anyone want to get us out of this ah but situation? i guess... What was the time? We're two minutes? Yeah.
01:42:14
Speaker
So that I guess that that jumps us back to locks. um How successful were you in your transformation? I rolled a which I think means I nailed Yep.
01:42:27
Speaker
You did indeed nail it. Go gadget warrior mermaid. What is the preparation for, like, what is the what does it look like as you transform?
01:42:39
Speaker
Oh, well, definitely there's a bunch of like, underwater clouds and sparkles where I, like, get a tail, but it's like... The fins are really, like, frilly and lacy and end with pearls.
01:42:57
Speaker
And it's reminiscent of a beautiful ball gown. But also, like, armor, okay, because, like, magical girl style, there's got to be, like, a cool, like, visory, like, helmet, probably, like, some wings going on um Probably a bit...
01:43:17
Speaker
I mean, like, big swords are cool, but we're underwater. So let's be real and get, like, a trident, probably with a bunch of, like, lasers. Probably it shoots lasers as well, right? It's got to fire little missiles.
01:43:30
Speaker
Like, it'll fire them up, but then it'll generate new ones, so it's always trident. Also, there should be, like, one arm should have a gun over it, which lasers, you know, that fires lasers.
01:43:42
Speaker
The other one will fire um little, like, pufferfish bombs, you know, that will explode larger areas, like, larger AOE styles. Like, basically, it's like if I was playing a Hades and i just rolled a cool combo of weapons and, like, boons, and I'm like, let's fucking go.
01:44:06
Speaker
fight these piranhas. They're dead. They don't even know it. Professor Presto is not as impressed as Ben is. Professor Presto thinks that the only acceptable weaponry that a magician should use are thrown playing cards, a la Ricky Day or Dave Franco in Now You See Me.
01:44:29
Speaker
I mean, it's pretty reasonable, to be honest.
01:44:34
Speaker
what um What's Bonk Bonk's opinion? though like Bonk Bonk, has your stomach settled? Are you still... yeah, I think he recovers in time to ah swim out.
01:44:48
Speaker
ah He is definitely expecting the mermaid to destroy the glass, not the piranhas.
01:44:54
Speaker
So the tank begins to... The tank turns over. and begins to pour Alright, the clock dings. The tank pulls over, and the tank pours.
01:45:08
Speaker
The piranhas pour As they do, a curtain drops around the tank. um
01:45:20
Speaker
Bonk, bonk, you can see nothing. You've managed to get out. I got out?! Well, if you, sorry, Bonk Bonk is swimming towards the exit. Not necessarily gotten out yet, but the the tank falls the tank falls around. it is dark for a moment. Okay.
01:45:34
Speaker
Uh-huh. And when it opens back up, the...
01:45:43
Speaker
You realize that there's actually two tanks.
01:45:48
Speaker
There's an outer layer and a piece of glass buried in. So the piranhas do not actually go into the tank that you all are in.
01:45:58
Speaker
It just looks like they're there. Huge relief. Huge relief until you realize, okay, how do we get out of this tank? I was kind of like all gear, but you know, I kind of like put on blood rage.
01:46:15
Speaker
um i would like to attack the side of the glass viciously with my weaponry. You're gonna get both layers of glass, do you think?
01:46:27
Speaker
We're in the outer... unclearar right Oh, we're in the outer one. but i thought we were in the You're in the inner one. Oh, the piranhas are outer. Yeah, it's basically in order for the illusion to work.
01:46:40
Speaker
It's a safety precaution order for the escape to work, right? yeah So there's like ah about a foot wide, like it's a foot wide outer circle. I gotcha. So that the piranhas go in there, so they never actually are in the same place. You think there might be a second trapdoor perhaps at the bottom of the tank?
01:46:57
Speaker
It could be like Inception trapdoors. We have to, you know, get through it increasingly. Puzzles of trapdoors. I mean, I might just teleport out, right? Like, we can do that. We got magic.
01:47:12
Speaker
We got magic. I am expecting Deloxia to do something cool because, i mean, look at her. Yeah, that's a good point. True, but now I've also realized these are, like, captive piranhas.
01:47:28
Speaker
i would just be kind of murdering caged animals, and like, that doesn't feel good. maybe seeing Maybe we should, like, should, like...
01:47:42
Speaker
Do I know any... Could I flash back to know, like, an animal expert to, like, maybe come and we can, like... oh do we do? Are piranha whisperer?
01:47:54
Speaker
Is this like, are these good? Do I have a knowledge check to know if these piranhas are in like good conditions for piranhas? I will tell you can have a flashback to hanging out with the one person you know who is actually who's actually trusted, who like you actually get along with at the Magic Castle.
01:48:17
Speaker
This is Genie. The genie who is no longer has any wishes. So this is a genie who has granted all the wishes that she can grant her life, and she can no longer grant oh she retired?
01:48:34
Speaker
You've had many friends like her.
01:48:38
Speaker
she just hangs out at She just hangs out at the bar at the Magic Castle, because she is magic, so she can't leave any... She has to be in a place that is named Magic. Ah,
01:48:51
Speaker
And you remember her telling you that that these piranhas are actually really well kept for. Okay. And she told you the secret of how she showed you. She actually fed the piranhas.
01:49:03
Speaker
She was actually like, she one time was like, this is one of the things she does to stick around. She feeds the piranhas and she cares for them. And so she showed you the trick of how to get out of the tank.
01:49:17
Speaker
ah What is the trick? What is the trick of how to get out of the tank? Okay, guys. So I know I wired up to fight these piranhas, but it turns out I drank a lot when I was younger. So it is only just now occurring to me.
01:49:33
Speaker
They've actually seen the premise be said before. And my good friend, Jeannie, you know, you remember Jeannie Bonk Bonk? Like, you know, Jeannie. All right.
01:49:45
Speaker
oh We, you know, I actually know how to get out of here. Maybe I could have done that. So you have to. on Are you speaking underwater? just saying You have to sing You have to sing a sea shanty.
01:50:07
Speaker
And it has to be... ah has to be by an illusionist.
01:50:18
Speaker
Sorry. So the two-thirds of us would just be fucked if we didn't happen to have an illusionist with us.
01:50:27
Speaker
yeah Now we know why the professor came along. Now we know why you went to get the professor. subconscious thinking ahead. Oh, I'm supposed to sing this the sea shanty even though I'm just a necromancer?
01:50:40
Speaker
I... We all saw what you did up there. That's true. Your magician type is illusions, Michael. I thought I was a true shows person.
01:50:54
Speaker
All right. well but done Very well. Very well. Okay. I guess I guess i do do illusions. That's is a a very good point. um So with great theatricality, I just have an honest question for these piranhas.
01:51:10
Speaker
And might I pose to them? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor?
01:51:25
Speaker
lie in the morning? ah do you maybe let let us out? Huh? Huh? Huh? ah Um, I'm going to have you perform ah some mundane magic because this is your illusions. This is your stage persona to see what happens. fucked it up. That's a six right there.
01:51:50
Speaker
All right. So, unfortunately, your dear friend, Lox, did not remember which tank is drained by a sea shanty.
01:52:03
Speaker
And instead of the outer tank being drained by the sea shanty, it turns out the inner tank is drained by a sea shanty.
01:52:11
Speaker
And all of a sudden you hear what sounds like just a very loud flushing sound. And do you realize that you are starting to move. And a whirlpool appears in the middle of this.
01:52:24
Speaker
Like, Lux, who is still a mermaid, is just enjoying the hell out of this. this is just This is just a nice, you know, this is just a fun ride. The other two of you, what do you do in this moment when you realize you are about to be flushed through the next level and you have no idea what is down there?
01:52:44
Speaker
I mean, I feel like spinning this into an accomplishment and an achievement, I think this all worked out. I basically saved the day. that's That's what I'm doing in this moment.
01:52:56
Speaker
Patting myself on the back. I would like to say that I embrace it, but I'm a little concerned and I am going to desperately try to grab onto whichever one of them is closest to me.
01:53:09
Speaker
All right. um Let's do this. Evens is locks. Odds is a professor. Love it. It's Evens. I'm going to grab onto the battle warrior mermaid. Okay. I would like to extend Magic Girl...
01:53:27
Speaker
But, like, also, somewhere between that and, like, a mech, you know transforming kind of thing. you're a mech mermaid. Yeah. yeah I was thinking this would be a rubber ducky just for fun, you know, just for Bonk Bonk that you could ride.
01:53:45
Speaker
um it like, inflates out, and then you could grab onto it and can be, like, speed, you know? So Bonk Bonk is riding his rubber ducky. down to the next level.
01:53:58
Speaker
Alright. got your back, Bonk. Before we... So as you... as the It drains slowly. ah just Each of you roll. See who gets down there first.
01:54:14
Speaker
I rolled a five. I rolled a one. Five. Alright. Professor, you're down there first. Okay.
Hall of Mirrors and Illusionary Tricks
01:54:24
Speaker
Oh, this all worked out great.
01:54:26
Speaker
As you, as you put yourself in your back, you, uh, land, um,
01:54:37
Speaker
and it is just a you land in a hole of mirrors, You land and you look around and for a moment it just looks like a white room. And then you take a step out of the way as your compatriots are about to join you.
01:54:53
Speaker
And do you realize that, wait, this is actually a room full of mirrors and you're just standing in the perfect position to be unseen.
01:55:01
Speaker
um The water has drained out. The three of you are consistently making squishing sounds through the rest of it. So if we were a higher production, just imagine squish noises in the background.
01:55:14
Speaker
I'm not going to make them, but we're going to just pretend that they're there for the next little while. Is this the property damage that would change my stats?
01:55:26
Speaker
There hasn't been any. Oh, okay. Sometimes things just happen and they don't. Yeah. Well, yeah, there hasn't really been much property damage, right? You drain the tank that was supposed to drain. And general sogginess is not the catastrophe that I might try to make that. Being soggy is not a catastrophe.
01:55:43
Speaker
Nope. You are in a room full of glass, though, if you want it to cause some destruction. And you said that we're in the perfect position to not see our reflections, so when I reflexively did finger guns upon hearing that I was in a hall of mirrors, it ah i knew was no fun. The tip of one finger, that is when you noticed. You're showing off, you're still patting yourself on the back. You land.
01:56:07
Speaker
perfectly in the wall you land perfectly the water drains away and you do the finger gun and then you see the tip of your finger ah appear 30 times like just across and like you end up pointing the gun at you you end up having a finger gun pointed at yourself all of a sudden you're just surrounded by finger guns and And knowing how real magic works, you quickly put that gun away. Okay.
01:56:30
Speaker
All right. So, the other two of you land, and you remember hearing that the Lich... That the Lich's storage room is actually... Because the Lich is all about, like, illusion and, like um point like, not just illusion the way you do illusions, Michael, but more of, like, the...
01:56:54
Speaker
Performative illusion where it's about... where it's...
01:56:59
Speaker
All the other... Like, the actual tricks are just illusions. Meaning they don't actually ever make anything disappear. They just always... The lich always just... um transform The lich is always making things seem like they are not what they are.
01:57:14
Speaker
Right? That's how a lich who lives for several hundred... Who's already been alive for several hundred years... Looks like a guy named Jeff.
01:57:25
Speaker
okay So you realize that this mirror room, somewhere in this room, is likely the missing magic marker. oh Oh, somewhere in this room? But this is still, like, I feel like Bongbong's time, right? You're the divinator, right?
01:57:43
Speaker
Yeah, that could gain knowledge about which mirror's the right one or whatever. your magic to find it. You could do like a Sir... Dowsing rod. Nego Montoya thing. Yeah. You're like, guide me.
01:57:56
Speaker
Yes, I love that. ah First, Bongpong's tired of looking like a dork after belly flopping and riding giant rubber duck out. So, stands up. Oh, thought it was fun.
01:58:08
Speaker
Oh, well, sure, it's fun. But but he felt like a dork. He was very embarrassed, so he's going to stand up and magically just dry himself off instantly. i don't know if that's the sort of thing that demands a roll or not.
01:58:22
Speaker
We'll call that ah we'll call that um Arcane Magic. but Well, actually, how is Bonfong doing that? Is that Arcane or is that Stage? and It's real magic. um i don't know if I don't know how intentional it is. It's what he wants to happen.
01:58:38
Speaker
But it's not divination, so I don't think that he doesn't have full control of it. See, we're only one die. Let's see what happens. You're right. Yes, this is a gamble. It could continue looking like a huge dork.
01:58:50
Speaker
I got a four and my stats are four for Italic Magic. Didn't it? Perfect. So you just, between seconds, Bonk Bonk has just shook himself dry. Yes, instantly dry.
01:59:02
Speaker
That's it. Instantly dry doesn't even notice that it happened. Straightens the tie. ah And then, yeah, I think we're going to we're going to try to locate ah Magic Marker.
01:59:17
Speaker
I'm trying to think of what the what the best way to do this is. um Think about crayon drawings really hard. Yeah. Dowsing rod for but crayon drawings. i Going to tarot spread, actually. and Just put out like three cards. That's all he needs.
01:59:41
Speaker
and And will divine information from whatever appears on those cards. Alright. um So Bonk Bonk... Is Bonk Bonk going to try to be seen in a mirror? Or is or not really? Is he deliberately sitting down to like and know ah like change the effect at all? Or is he trying to... I feel like the magic will be most powerful if it can be in a way that it looks like the cards are encircling him.
02:00:10
Speaker
Alright. So Blankton takes a minute. It's magic. so that'll maximize the levitating the cards? i was No, they're going to be down on the ground. I'm not that cool.
02:00:21
Speaker
oh I'm lovitating them. That's way cooler. You're right. I'm lovitating them. You gotta get a little card cap. There's only three, but because of the mirrors, it looks like a full rotating circle around you.
02:00:33
Speaker
yeah This is absolutely Yu-Gi-Oh vibes right now. Heart of the cards. yep I failed. Both of those are fives. ah um
02:00:48
Speaker
How does this... okay What happens when, well, Bongbong is technically looking into his own future, which we've established is not something he does. Oh, shit.
02:01:00
Speaker
Well, I guess it could be interpreted that way, yeah. who Why does Bongbong knock into his own future? Did he ever do it in the past and like um saw something he did not want to see?
02:01:13
Speaker
I think that's definitely it. Yeah. He, would he as a pretty young child, one of his first experiences with the divine, once he kind of got a grasp that there's something that he was, or with definition divination, once he got a grasp, this was something that he could do ah with very high accuracy.
02:01:28
Speaker
He, yeah, uh, maybe, uh,
02:01:36
Speaker
He was lost in the woods and was trying to find his way out. and And it just caused him to get further and deeper and just lost in the woods because because it requires a level of reading. And he was interpreting it wrong, even though he was that everything he saw did end end up end up coming true.
02:01:51
Speaker
But you know he had to spend most of the night alone in the woods. And that was very traumatic experience for for young Bonk Bonk. Aw, young Bonk Bonk.
02:02:03
Speaker
In the moment i love in the moment that Bonk-Bonk flips the third card, you he looks up and he realizes that throughout the entire space he's throughout the entire space he's in There's just an infinite number of Monk Monks.
02:02:27
Speaker
And they've all flipped different cards. the o And all of a sudden... I'm
02:02:39
Speaker
going to pause here for a second. I'm going to try something. If this is too dark, we'll just cut it and I'll do something else instead. can do this silly, I can do this dark.
02:02:48
Speaker
It was a failure. Yep.
02:02:53
Speaker
the All of sudden, the first, like, three or four images deep into this infinite layer of bonk-bonks. We see a bonk-bonk.
02:03:06
Speaker
the The card jumps and sort of just slices at him, and the mirror shatters as the bonk-bonk disappears. And then more and more mirrors shatter as we see different bonk-bonks die in different ways.
02:03:21
Speaker
oh Until there's one... until there's just one mirror left...
02:03:28
Speaker
And it was just the mirror directly in front of where Bongbong was sitting. as if the As if all the possibilities of Bongbong's future had sort of collapsed in on this moment.
02:03:41
Speaker
um And the last one just cracks... And he can't... And Bonk Bonk just goes silent it for a second and says...
02:04:01
Speaker
Doesn't say anything, he just stops and looks back and says... Actually, what would Bonk Bonk say in that moment?
02:04:17
Speaker
What would Bonk Bonk say? Wait, The mirror is... The last mirror is still there and just cracked. But has just witnessed this terrifying ah series of events.
02:04:30
Speaker
Multiverse of events. um
02:04:38
Speaker
I think he would... i think he's going to try to make... ah light of the situation even though he's definitely shaken so he's uh failed successfully mirrors are gone think this might be the right
02:04:58
Speaker
don't let it get to you bonk remember the lich is full of illusions it's not real jeff fucking jeff As you see the name Jeff, the lights flash for a second.
Confronting the Lich: Wizard Duel and Psychological Warfare
02:05:16
Speaker
And when they turn back on, there he is. Jeff. I gasp.
02:05:26
Speaker
Dramatically. He's standing, he's actually standing in the last shattered mirror. a sudden you see Jeff there. And then he comes, he walks up to the mirror, taps it. and it shatters.
02:05:39
Speaker
step What does Jeff look like? That is my question for you. Professor, you'd be the one who's most familiar with Jeff in this day and age. What does the current Jeff look like?
02:05:51
Speaker
I mean, i feel like Jeff probably by the time Deloxia would have encountered Jeff, I'm sure there are all kinds of like fun robot eyes and like cybernetic implants and like ah metal arm and shit, but like...
02:06:07
Speaker
Jeff right now just seems
02:06:12
Speaker
like an ordinary human with a big evil necromantic secret. Like you can tell there's something like I, what do we think?
02:06:26
Speaker
Does he have creepy eyes or his eyes creepy? What do we think? What makes his eyes creepy? Do you think he wears contact lenses like ah like one of those?
02:06:36
Speaker
i feel like I feel like Chris Angel's done that move. Wait, cosplaying? He looks like a cosplayer. Yeah, exactly. He looks like he is he's fit for Comic-Con, but maybe like a little silly if you met him on the street. you know Like those demon contact eyes, you know? Or it kind of looks like he's trying to cosplay a magician.
02:07:01
Speaker
so yeah Oh, definitely. So, like, everything is just slightly off. Like, his mannerisms are just a little, like, too exaggerated. And not in the kind of way where it's like he's hiding a flourish, but in the way where he'll do, like, an extra little twist at the end.
02:07:16
Speaker
And it's just very obvious to all of you who have been doing this for a very long time. This dude does not know. Yeah, exactly. Um...
02:07:28
Speaker
And he looks at the three of you and he greets the three of you. Bonk, bonk, locks, professor.
02:07:37
Speaker
How can I help you?
02:07:40
Speaker
You know I were here.
02:07:45
Speaker
i suppose I do. You're looking for this. And from within is from within his ah jacket pocket, he pulls out the magic marker.
02:07:57
Speaker
Now, of course, he pulls and pulls and he he pulls, being that it is a magic marker. It is not as big as the infinite um infinite handkerchief, but larger than it has any right to be, considering that it's been sitting in someone's suit pocket for a minute.
02:08:16
Speaker
Okay, as soon as I see the magic marker, immediately would like to take, you know, because I'm wearing, like, fancy gloves because I'm all dapper and Zatanna looking.
02:08:27
Speaker
But i I grow, I embiggen them into, like, more like Mickey Mouse style big hands to fly to try and grab the magic marker, like, immediately as, like, a surprise thing.
02:08:40
Speaker
So, start by just rolling for Arcane to see if you manage... it Well, I assume that this is an Arcane effect.
02:08:49
Speaker
Like, this is a This is like an actual... Oh, by the way, I'm... You want me to... You're doing property damage? Yes. Okay. I'm up to five for my Arcane magic.
02:09:02
Speaker
Uh-oh. Bonk, bonk, are you some sort of figure of destiny?
02:09:10
Speaker
hope you don't end in a fireball. This would have to watch out for an opportunity to flashback. I suppose to the other magicians. Are we all aware of that? Like, have we all, have we all had a friend who went a little too hard? Maybe self-immolated.
02:09:24
Speaker
Definitely. Do we show the warning signs? Are are we like, are are we thinking about whether or not we need to have an intervention or something? You can see coursing through my veins. Pump the brakes, dog. I mean, you might know that that that is something that you are going to have to do, but at the same time, now is not the time to have an intervention.
02:09:46
Speaker
I suppose. you are confronting the You are confronting Jeff in his lair, which you have just destroyed. It's pretty classic for your shows to not address trauma.
02:09:58
Speaker
and not At least until after the big battle. Yeah. um We can do a post-credits scene where it's a magic rehab.
02:10:09
Speaker
Oh, that's what I was going to say. It's definitely magic hands, for sure. All right. So roll your arcane. And this is not in your thingy, right? Yeah, that is not a... This would be in, like, a transformation. Oh, yeah.
02:10:26
Speaker
Okay, I rolled a two. And you're currently at a what for arcane? Three? Three. Alright, so you have these big giant hands and you, so your hands they grow large and you swat at the gloves.
02:10:44
Speaker
Sorry, the gloves. Gloves go large. Glove hands. Yep. Glove hands grow large successfully and you try to swat at Jeff. As you do, he vanishes.
02:10:57
Speaker
You slap through and all of your hand just passes through him. you coward face us for real knew it was an illusion yeah
02:11:10
Speaker
and as you see that that Jeff disappears and another one appears a couple of feet away standing over the broken glass ah well if that's what you're going to do there's no way I'm going to just there's no way I'm just going to stand right next to you I'm not that foolish how's about this first let's agree to terms
02:11:32
Speaker
You've broken into my lair. I would demand some sort of compensation for that, but I'll make this easy. How about this? We will have magician's duel.
02:11:43
Speaker
Whoever can out-trick the other person, or in this case, we'll have three rounds, and if the three of you can beat me, you're free to take the marker and leave.
02:11:55
Speaker
no one says any you know No one says anything about the shattered glass. Is this like a known series of rules, like around magician duels that we're all familiar with?
02:12:09
Speaker
Yes. So as you all know, the rules of a wizard duel are The wizards decide at the start of each round when we decide we flip a coin and the winner decides who is doing the trick and who is going to determine on how the trick is done.
02:12:25
Speaker
Now, trick can obviously be done by either real magic or by trickery, hence the name. ah And if the guesser successfully figures out the trick, they win.
02:12:37
Speaker
Otherwise, the performer wins. So we've got a performer and a guesser. This will happen over the course of three rounds. who's Who is going to go first?
02:12:51
Speaker
All right, Jeff.
02:12:55
Speaker
I think we both knew that this day would come eventually. You and i two titans of prestidigitation here, now, below the Gothic... or Not the Gothic Castle, that's the Arrested Development one. It's the Magic Castle in real life. But you and I, and we we do battle on the only magical battlefield that counts.
02:13:22
Speaker
So... Let's flip our coin. i don't trust your co- well... Do you trust my coin? Do you trust my coin, Jeff? Of course I do.
02:13:34
Speaker
Your first mistake. Ha ha. Should it have been an even or an odd? Are you trying to cheat this?
02:13:46
Speaker
No. Okay. So if you're not trying to cheat this, then i will call odds. Well, it was even. Alright. You decide who's performing the trick.
02:13:59
Speaker
I will perform the trick. This is a new trick that I'm debuting here and now. It's called Doves of Flame.
02:14:15
Speaker
And I start, you know, I start popping and locking. ah Just like, just ah doing something. No one's quite sure what.
02:14:29
Speaker
I bring my arms together. I'm doing a little of this action. what's what's going on And I start pattering. I'm pattering so hard.
02:14:42
Speaker
i'm I'm weaving together fucking European history and also sick pop culture references. Oh, no, i i I got a little double entendre in there. Oh, my goodness. Is this is this too risque for some audiences? Who cares? Because this is the big stage where the big magic happens.
02:15:04
Speaker
That's right. All right, but then just when you've lost track of what the fuck I was even supposed to be doing, i bring my my hands together and do ah do a Kamehameha of Dragon Ball Z. i I didn't watch much, but it was always on before or after whatever I actually wanted to watch, so I did i did catch a few minutes here or there.
02:15:29
Speaker
And um bursting from my hands... Not one, not two, three doves engulfed in the purplest flames.
02:15:42
Speaker
And also maybe a little squirt of lighter fluid, but that's, I don't, I don't know if Jeff saw that or not. Probably not. Right. Anywho. But yeah, there they are. And they're, they're on fire. They're very on fire.
02:15:58
Speaker
And you know what? This trick is so real that the doves are fucking dead.
02:16:05
Speaker
And a single tear rolls down Professor Presto's face.
02:16:12
Speaker
And also, the the last dove, as it watches the other two die, that dove also cries. Because that's what it sounded like. um Yeah.
02:16:24
Speaker
um Anywho, doves cry. So this is a... I see another trick. Is that the end of the trick? You just made doves a appear in balls of fire?
02:16:36
Speaker
and And then they died. And now they're they're quite dead. Here's the thing. On this journey, through all these dangers and stuff, go we all learned a lot about ourselves.
02:16:48
Speaker
And Professor Presto, they've learned something about themselves, too. And as something is, the necromancy was inside me all along.
02:17:00
Speaker
And for the first time, knowingly and on purpose, Professor Presto brings those doves back to life and knows he's doing it.
02:17:15
Speaker
And then one by one, he calls them back back to life. Geraldine! William! Dorothy! And one by one, they start, I don't, do doves coo? Is that what doves do? They make some kind of noise.
02:17:31
Speaker
The doves start cooing. Who is correct? And and and you're you're like, hey, where did they even come from? Didn't I just watch them like become a pile of ash? I don't know. You weren't paying attention. You looked away until I said the names. And now they're back. And yeah you shouldn't you shouldn't worry about the deets.
02:17:44
Speaker
But how did I do it, huh? How did I do it, Jeff? Jeff, if you're so fucking smart. Alright, so roll for Arcane. I'm not on the table. Let's do this right.
02:18:01
Speaker
Also, why did I do Arcane? am i I think that's the one I got bad at. I'm pretty sure that's the one I got bad at. Let me check my notes. Yeah, that is the one I got bad at. That's still not on the table.
02:18:14
Speaker
it. That was a good roll too. This is a mini game. block Five. And my skill is a two in arcane. So Jeff, um Jeff looks at you.
02:18:29
Speaker
There's a polite golf clap. Fucking Jeff. I'm really impressed to see that your necromancy is coming along so well. Well done, professor.
02:18:45
Speaker
Fucking Jeff. Well, my friends going kick your ass. i i walk I recede and and hide behind the homies.
02:18:57
Speaker
Do we have to two out of three him? Yeah. Okay. Oh, that was a fail because he realized you were using real magic? Yep.
02:19:07
Speaker
Okay. Okay.
02:19:13
Speaker
I shouldn't have tried to use real magic. I should have. I should have. I can go where I can wait. What do you want to ah You can go ahead.
02:19:25
Speaker
Okay. um I would like to do a flashback that while um while Jeff was watching Ben's trick, I slight of handed couple of the things. So i do close up.
02:19:42
Speaker
Street magic. And um so what I would like to do is kind a couple little like fortune cookies.
02:19:54
Speaker
um You know, like around this person, because to go up and like pull some out from. but oh i guess I don't even know. Am I doing the trick? I don't know. OK, let's just say I've prepped it in case.
02:20:09
Speaker
Alright. Maybe make Jeff do one. He might suck at this. ah So go ahead and... so First off is a swap one point over for the flashback.
02:20:23
Speaker
So move one to...
02:20:28
Speaker
And also um Professor, that is going to move one towards Arcane for the giant fire that you've done. Okay. Okay.
02:20:39
Speaker
I realize that, like, bringing pigeons back to life is not technically, here property damage, but it feels the same level of extreme. Alright. roll I call, or would you like to roll or call?
02:20:55
Speaker
Um, I will say evens. Alright. and It is evens. After Moon Knight. Moon Knight always comes through for me. Except for when doesn't. Alright.
02:21:08
Speaker
Um, You've made a Snap reference in the Snap podcast successfully. Yeah. We did it. Now we can end it. Okay, so would like to perform the trick, obviously, as my start set up.
02:21:25
Speaker
Okay. Part of the flashback extends even further than what I've said. I did hide some stuff. But um the further back is ah the psychological warfare i'm about to engage in, in which I found out a bunch of stuff um from Jeff's past.
02:21:48
Speaker
via my future computer, maybe. And um as I'm like, you know, performing sleight of hand tricks by like pulling out fortune cookies from his ear, pointing them out and he's finding them about his person, cracks them open in each one ah some devastating small fact from his life.
02:22:11
Speaker
like ah Emily in second grade actually had the hugest crush on you and would have said yes or something like that. know my Second grade's too young, we'll make it older. but you know like Each one some...
02:22:25
Speaker
yeah there some You know some cutting ah deep thing, many of which he didn't know, some of which he always knew deep down in his soul.
02:22:39
Speaker
There it is written in text, confirmed in on paper, each crack of the fortune cookie. How's that? How you like that, Jeff? Some fucking magic.
02:22:52
Speaker
Yeah. Anyway, that's my trick.
02:22:56
Speaker
I do a whole speech, too, while happens, you know. It's that kind of deal. Mm-hmm. All right. So this is going to be... So this is a stage project that you've prepared before, so go ahead and roll stage. And for the psychological trick, I will say you get to roll with advantage.
02:23:16
Speaker
So roll two. um I rolled a four, and that's what I have. Was I supposed to roll two dice when I did a necromancy? Okay. Yes.
02:23:26
Speaker
Yeah, because you're not going to... Also, I forgot to explain that the popping and locking was an integral part of the trick, and I was getting all my doves lined up in my sleeves and shit. God damn it. ah I'm not very good at wizard duels or whatever.
02:23:40
Speaker
it It adds to the dramatic tension, though. I suppose it does. um So Jeff is is ah jeff is ah is actually really shaken and he he says, oh, I ah i know how you did that. you you have it You have it hidden up your sleeve.
02:23:56
Speaker
yeah And my sleeves just fall off of my arms like magic. Sorry. I mean, even if I fail, I just want to do that because it's cool. Is it like magic or is it magic?
02:24:10
Speaker
You don't know. Did the sleeves fall off? Oh, I mean, they definitely fall off. But is it just click changers and magic? That's the question. Oh, no, my wardrobe is always, you know, there's secret compartments, things fall off. I'm kind of like, you know, a bat magician. I just have tricks all over my gear.
02:24:31
Speaker
Makes sense. The future. yeah um So Jeff, totally shaken by realizing he could have could have kissed Emily, is just utterly distracted.
02:24:43
Speaker
His whole life could have gone into a different trajectory. Yep. He could have been happy. And instead, he's an immortal lich. And he's just totally shaken and says, damn it, I don't know how you did that.
02:25:00
Speaker
ah Of course, don't fucking mess with the big cat. Alright. So we're here. i would like to disappear into a puff of smoke for dramatic effect.
02:25:14
Speaker
but Alright. Okay. have to roll for the trick? Is that right? we do that. Or to see who's the ahity the who's the performer. Would you like to roll or would you like to call it?
02:25:30
Speaker
I would like to roll and rig it if possible. I have a glorious trick prepared. Alright, you're trying to rig the coin. So that would be stage magic to rig the coin. i the point If it can count as close-up magic, then I think I could get a a bonus die for that.
02:25:50
Speaker
Seems like close-up magic to me. little bit of sleight hand. Okay, they're both twos, and that's plenty good. So I'm going to rig it in my favor so that Bonk Bonk gets to perform the trick.
02:26:04
Speaker
So you flip the coin.
02:26:08
Speaker
Jeff, in the air, calls heads. And I don't know how you do it, but it lands on the floor tails. Yeah.
02:26:19
Speaker
Well, it's magic. Yeah. I used real magic for this one. um And we're just going to play fast and loose with a fate and hope that we don't explode anything dramatically. Significant amounts of property damage.
02:26:39
Speaker
Okay, so for this trick, I want you to think about something very important to you, something it feels like home. It could be a favorite meal your mother made growing up, or i ah name of hometown, but that seems too easy. You just, you know, think of something like that, and I am going to divine what you are thinking of. Okay, and then Bonk Bonk is going to pull out...
02:27:06
Speaker
um from his his endless necktie until he gets to a nice stretch of you you know long balloons for folding animals. And he's gonna fold it into a small dog.
02:27:20
Speaker
And then he's gonna pull out from his pocket a small buzz saw and say, I was expecting these. was told to expect buzz saw Magic Castle. Anyway, here we go. Are you thinking? And he pops the balloon. And inside the balloon,
02:27:37
Speaker
nothing appears. There's no paper or no no hint or anything like that. It's like, what's the point of this trick? Then he kind of steps back and points down at the ground. I suppose at some point I should be rolling a diet to see how good my performance is, yes?
02:27:51
Speaker
Do you want me to continue saying the big reveal? in the Up until now, it's whether not Jeff figures it out for this trick. It's not how well you perform the trick.
02:28:02
Speaker
The trick goes on. ye I see. what What the intention of the trick, and you can tell me as our magic magic master, the intention of the trick is for the scattered remains of the balloons to land on the ground, spelling out the location of his phylactery.
02:28:26
Speaker
but i mean, every every lich has one, or so so you read. Mm-hmm. Indeed. I like it. Magic threats are the best way to do magicianry.
02:28:39
Speaker
Am I rolling anything to see if I successfully... it's a good thing I'm rolling two because ah that one of them was a six, but the other one was a two.
02:28:53
Speaker
So I should be successful. Jeff is already off his balance from the from the fortune cookies y'all pulled on him. Looking down at the ground and seeing that you know where his thing is.
02:29:08
Speaker
his thing is he's he He looks down and just shaking and he's just shaking and vibrating just vibrating and vibrating vibrating. And it seems like it started out of fear. And then all of a sudden you realize that it's like he's moving so fast. He's is' almost shimmering.
02:29:29
Speaker
oh And you see that like the as he he like shimmers into like an absolute blur. And when he's standing back in place, he now has a goatee.
Victory Celebration and Reflections
02:29:41
Speaker
And he says, from this day forward, I'll show you the one as Evil Jeff.
02:29:49
Speaker
He vanishes leaving behind the marker. We turned him evil. ancient This is Evil Jeff's original story. He's always been evil. He's just going public with it.
02:30:01
Speaker
We retrieved the magic marker. and like to hold it aloft and then a victory pose. If you want to also dramatically pose for an imaginary movie poster, that would be fun.
02:30:22
Speaker
um And then you get to the magic, but and then you get to the... um
02:30:30
Speaker
So you have successfully pulled off your heist. You exit the magic castle. Oh my gosh. And do y'all ever hang out again or do y'all go your own way? Yeah. I have something important to say as we're walking away.
02:30:42
Speaker
go ahead. as As we're walking away, I turn over to Lox and I'm like, for the record, rubber duck, it does not count as saving my life. No, it's one of the many times. youre like Just the Vance and never with Rubber Duck. I remember them well.
02:31:01
Speaker
What about that one time in Horostorvakia? Okay. As this conversation goes on, it fades to... But I would like there to be an afterwards where they both got inducted to be honorary members of the Big Cats.
02:31:18
Speaker
They did have to take on some Big Cat names and temporarily. That's the thing. i think that i I have a new DVD that I'm going to be selling called like...
02:31:30
Speaker
running with the big cats, you know, like so something like that, like big cat magic or something, you know, like I want to make it clear that like when you when you start working with the Professor Presto program, you're not just getting the Professor Presto expertise, you're getting knowledge from some of the the foremost practitioners of magic working in the field today.
02:31:55
Speaker
And it's this is the real cool magic that like the the the magical the the Academy of Magical whatever the fucks, they don't want you to know about.
02:32:06
Speaker
You gotta roll with the the street magicians to really learn the good shit. And like this is Yeah, if if you if you want to learn the kind of tricks that it could inform, ah could could equip you for a legendary heist, if if you if you have had a magical artifact stolen from you, you probably should buy this DVD.
02:32:31
Speaker
And you're never getting it back unless you watch this shit. And yeah you you'll but you'll both collaborate with me on the on the DVD, right? Right? Okay. feel this ends up in my trademark classics. In the conversation of the Fade Out.
02:32:44
Speaker
Because I was like, i don't know, Professor Presto got to work their way in there somehow. no Bonk Bonk won Professor Presto. Not so bad. Would gladly work on a DVD or two.
02:32:58
Speaker
and And Professor Presto informs Bonk Bonk that Bonk Bonk is way cooler than the goth clown that Professor Presto thought Bonk Bonk was.
02:33:12
Speaker
Yeah. They all tricked many audiences ever after.
02:33:22
Speaker
Logs, do you have another scene or just...
02:33:28
Speaker
You ever going home?
02:33:31
Speaker
Sorry, what? in this are yeah Are you going back to the huge... Oh, Delaxia? No, I mean, she already would have left shitty 2Ks a long time ago if she could have.
02:33:43
Speaker
Oh, so this magic marker would... She'd have to go the 20Ks! The 20Ks, where life would be easier. do you think she'd pick this fucking year? Anyway. How it end for the long time? You're just gonna have the marker?
02:33:57
Speaker
Oh, yeah. I mean, you know, I put it back in the marker box. to do anything with it It's just a prize. It's one of those Indiana Jones warehouse endings it's just like me slowly and then Deloxia just opens and it's just a little set of magic markers. I'm just like, close.
02:34:23
Speaker
And does Bunkbunk have a final moment? Oh. Bunkbunk just likes having his friends, I suppose. Um...
02:34:36
Speaker
but excuse He's giving tours through the forest he once got lost and He knows it like the back of his hand. gosh, growth. You love it. Love to see it.
02:34:49
Speaker
Deloxio's the only one that learned nothing and grew not at all. So do we started the entire adventure and gained nothing from it. you know Maybe we can use the magic marker to...
02:35:02
Speaker
fix your time machine or whatever. It does seem like it should be capable of lot of stuff. Because I totally didn't blow up my time machine in a fit of rage when I realized where I was and how broken was. You could draw a new one.
02:35:17
Speaker
Missed 18,000 years or so. That was super fun! That was. Yeah! Thank you! First, like, real one-shot.
02:35:28
Speaker
We could not do that without you. Thank you. Y'all were amazing. Thank you so much. Do you want to plug anything? I don't know if Golden Gauntlet is as relevant in two weeks.
02:35:40
Speaker
Probably. Will it be? hi i'd like I'd like to do one. So there are three. So there is like the world's thing is we're doing three qualifiers.
02:35:51
Speaker
So one oh seven what is happening next week. So I don't know if it's going to happen like if that's going to happen before we air this or not. But the next two one is... yeah so there's three coming up. One is in August, September, and October.
02:36:06
Speaker
And our goal is to make them available to as many different regions as possible. So the timing is different. So this one is...
02:36:15
Speaker
Pay attention to like snaps ah official channels and stuff to see what the timing is for the future ones. But the one that's coming up, which may have already happened by the time you're hearing this, is happening at 8 p.m. Eastern time Eastern time.
02:36:30
Speaker
That is what I know. I know that I am going to have to call an all-nighter for this. Yes, the one to help the ah Asian and Australian players participate, which is great. And the next one is targeting EU time zone. And then the last one is targeting North America.
02:36:45
Speaker
It wouldn't be like abusing the system to play in like two or three of these, would it? You're specifically allowed to. well i mean like you feel like they're intended for people in other time zones. and like I don't want to like crowd them out. just I don't know.
02:37:00
Speaker
Don't worry about that. There's plenty of space. Don't find an excuse to not join. don't they won't find an excuse to not join All right. Well, I've had a great i've had great fun in all the golden gauntlets so far, and I'm sure I'll have fun in the next ones.
02:37:17
Speaker
All right. Okay, we'll wrap this up. i Shorter and sweeter than usual because I'm really hoping that your first time listening to us is not on our yeah anniversary episode. That is not the show it is.
02:37:34
Speaker
yeah So we're an actual play podcast. ah If you like what you heard, like, comment, subscribe, comment, review, whatever, hang out in the Discord, etc. All the stuff is in the show notes and video description.
02:37:45
Speaker
Models hangs out in that ah Discord. So if you want to come chat with Models. that's the place you could do it. You talk to him about tabletop RPGs and and other shit. He had a bunch of games on offer besides Magic Magic. So it seems like a good resource um or at least something that he likes to talk about.
02:38:03
Speaker
ah Anyway, ah come listen to us on starting in the next year of Snap on This. Here's to 52 more. Yeah. Same Snap time.
02:38:16
Speaker
Same Snap channel. Yay.
02:38:22
Speaker
I feel weird because it's like, oh, yeah, I guess it is like an episode, right? I'm like, oh, gosh, this had to fulfill like this. This needed to be an entertainment unit. Oh, goodness.
02:38:34
Speaker
Oh, that was going through my mind way too much throughout it until I finally let it go, but that's the... As they say, you'll find it in the edit, right? It's entirely bonus.
02:38:46
Speaker
Oh, this was my dream, though, right? You guys remember, for a long time, I'd love to do a one-shot, just can't. We're going to DM it. So this was my dream to do.
02:38:58
Speaker
Thank you so much. We so appreciate having some of old DM for us. I am happy to keep coming out and DMing. As long as it sounds like I prepare, despite the fact that I literally pull, like, I send words 30 seconds after I'm on it.
02:39:13
Speaker
Yeah, well, that's what this was. We did, too. We did, too.
02:39:20
Speaker
That's how this type of game works. Especially story heavy and high on improv. Anyway. It was great. And it will be heavier edit than most episodes, but still not super heavy handed because I have two weeks to put it together.
02:39:38
Speaker
Oh, true. Apologies in advance, but... That's fine. It's fine. I, uh, I'm so much of a perfectionist. If I don't kind of like intentionally let it go, it will take me hours upon hours and that's not good.
02:39:52
Speaker
So, uh, everybody who likes us is going to enjoy this or at least anybody who made it this far. I hope so.
02:40:03
Speaker
hopes no