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S1 - E4: Actress Emily Tosta
197 Plays10 months ago
From a Beach Latinx Leadership Series conversation.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction of Podcast and Guest
00:00:17
Speaker
Greetings. I'm Dan Montoya, Vice President of University Relations and Development here at the beach, Cal State Long Beach, and I'd like to welcome you to another edition of the CSULB podcast called At the Beach. At the Beach is a Cal State Long Beach podcast that shares news of accomplishments and honors, personal stories, and ways of listening listeners can become involved in our university.
00:00:44
Speaker
In this episode, I am so happy to introduce a very special guest who recently spoke before a gathering of faculty, staff, and students here at the beach in our Latinx leadership series, which was the inaugural event.
Emily's Role in the Latinx Community
00:01:00
Speaker
And Emily Tosta, who is an actress in Hollywood, was our guest. And Emily is a dynamic Dominican Venezuelan actress
00:01:12
Speaker
Most people know her from the party of five and also the popular show Mayans MC. During this special Latinx leadership series discussion, we were privileged to hear her captivating story and examination of the influential role she plays in the Latinx community.
00:01:31
Speaker
I'm also pleased to introduce my co-host for this podcast, Juan Carlos Apiz. He's the Associate Director of the Academic Planning and Enrollment Analytics at the Beach. Juan moderated this wonderful discussion and I'm so happy to present it to you.
Early Life and Acting as an Outlet
00:01:49
Speaker
Thank you, Dan. It was a great introduction. I'm so happy that you're here today. You know, going back a few years when
00:02:01
Speaker
When we first met, I would not have imagined that this would happen. Well, thanks. Seriously. So, you know, one of the reasons we wanted to have you here, as Dan mentioned, is that you have done something remarkable with your life. So I was wondering if you could talk to us about how this teenager growing in the Dominican Republic comes to the US
00:02:30
Speaker
nothing but a dream and ends up where where you are. I hope to walk us through that journey. Well hi everyone I'm so excited and happy to be here. Thank you so much for having me. I would say well I was born and raised in the Dominican Republic and to Venezuelan and Dominican parents
00:02:55
Speaker
And growing up there, I was dealing with a lot of things, you know, as we all probably do under childhood trauma and family issues and everything. So I was like heavily bullied in school. I was dealing with a lot of health issues and I kind of like needed an outlet almost in my life and I was looking for that outlet. And that's how I found acting. And I was a Dominican Republic, which was a very small industry. So it's kind of like only so much you could do at the time. And I remember doing
00:03:25
Speaker
theater for school, and then I started doing commercials, and then I started hosting my own show every Saturday that was called Salo de Chiquito.
Journey to the US and Overcoming Obstacles
00:03:32
Speaker
I don't know if you guys have ever seen Salo de Chiante, but I was like, I'm off to that, because I was a little girl. So yeah, I started my acting journey over there, and I always felt like I wanted to do more. I always saw myself doing a lot more than just working in my country. And that's when I spoke with my mom, and I was like, you know, why don't we just go to America? Why not? You know, it sounds crazy.
00:03:54
Speaker
Documents to work here. We obviously English was not our first language whatsoever It was like all the odds were stacked against us But I think that I wanted it so bad and her support and everything together just kind of like allowed us to make a decision so we came to the US and it's like the typical American story where you come here with like $50 in your pocket and like two suitcases and My oldest sister lived in Miami with her husband so we were able to stay with her and we were crashing at her place and
00:04:24
Speaker
Eventually, I got a work visa, which was like a miracle because I had no job to work with the visa. So it's like, well, I don't know why you guys are giving me a work visa, but I'll take it because I did not have a job. So yeah, it was like everything was aligning so perfectly. And I just I really think that it was God's work. So that's kind of how everything started. And then we came to L.A. because in Miami,
00:04:48
Speaker
It was more so like an Hispanic market and it was a smaller market as well. So then I was like, still, again, I still wanna
Family Support and Finding Housing
00:04:54
Speaker
do more. There's still something else I wanna do. It still doesn't feel like 100% fulfilled, which is how we found this like third cousin on Facebook that could have easily been a serial killer because we didn't know him. And it's the truth, you know? You opened our home to us and it's crazy because what are the odds that somebody that you've never met
00:05:17
Speaker
even though they are a part of your family, but the truth is we have never met. So it was, yeah, exactly. So it's like, it was, it was so wonderful. They opened our home to us and, and we were able to crash at their house and get it together. And it's like, it was such a journey, but you know, everything happens for a reason and I'm here now. Yeah. And you were 15 or 14? I was 15 when I came to LA. And you were making all those decisions.
00:05:46
Speaker
So that's all good, but how do you actually make that happen? How do you go from, what does that process look like, to have no job, to have no roles, to have some experience, but basically starting from zero.
00:06:18
Speaker
And I remember when your mom told me, she was emailing Tom as your first agent, and he would not respond at all. And one day, he emailed your mom back, the email caps do not bother me, and she was so happy that she got a response.
Career Breakthrough and Persistence
00:06:41
Speaker
How did you get from there?
00:06:43
Speaker
Of course, I mean, a response is better than no response, right? No matter what the response is sometimes. Yeah, it was funny because I think one of the hardest parts, and it used to be even harder back in the day, was finding representation. So being able to have an agent, being able to have a manager, it allows you to have the visibility to get out there and audition and get roles in all of these things. And obviously I came to LA and I didn't have that, and I didn't even know where to start with it.
00:07:09
Speaker
So there was a friend of a friend that we found that was an agent and my mom just kept emailing him every single day we email this man. And I, it was funny because he never answered her, but the one time that he did answer her, that's exactly what he said. He said, do not bother me. And my mom replied to that and said, thank God you answered. Here is a video of my daughter acting. No, I finally can get your attention.
00:07:35
Speaker
And it actually turns out that he gave me a meeting and he was my first agent for, I wanna say, six years of my career. And he shaped my entire career, shaped me as an artist. He gave me so much knowledge and wisdom to everything that I needed and wanted. And it's just kind of like a testament to just always knock on that door because you never know when it's gonna open. And I think that's been my whole life. You never know what door you're gonna knock on that has been open. And it's like, no matter what challenges you come,
00:08:05
Speaker
out in your life, no matter what obstacles are in your way, it's like never giving up. And I think that's like the biggest message that I will always give everybody. It's just don't give up. It doesn't matter where you're from. It doesn't matter what else you have stacked against you. It doesn't matter what it is that you're chasing. Just never give up. Have discipline and never give up because I feel like for me, that's what got me to where I am today. And I still have so much career left. I mean, I'm only 25 years old and I still have so much more I want to do.
00:08:35
Speaker
But just never stop knocking on that door because again, an answer is better than no answer. And you're never going to know if that door is going to open unless you knock on it. And I think that as human beings, we tend to have so much fear. We tend to carry all of these like worries and we tend to be like, oh man, what is that person going to think? Oh man, what if I fail at this? But no, failure is going to be your best teacher because every time that I failed in my life and in my career as a professional or even as a woman in my life,
00:09:01
Speaker
Just navigating it, every single time I failed, I came out stronger. And not only did I come out stronger, but I came out with a lesson that made me a better professional, that made me a better person, and that made me a better actress. And I just, I think that it's a journey, but you just gotta stick to it. So you were not offended that you prepared for that? Well, then everything else was changed then. Success was overnight.
00:09:29
Speaker
Absolutely not! You had an agent and then everything changed. Absolutely not!
Balancing Creativity and Business in Hollywood
00:09:38
Speaker
It was the complete opposite! Tell us!
00:09:40
Speaker
I got an agent, which was like the first step of one billion horse stamps ticket to the place I wanted to get to. And obviously I started auditioning. I started acting in my country as a little girl that loved portraying roles, that loved being other people, that loved stepping into the shoes of someone else and learning life from their perspective. I did it because I loved it and it made me happy. When I came to LA though, I realized, oh, this is a business. So not only do I have to be a creative,
00:10:10
Speaker
and an actress, but I have to be a business woman, and I am my own business. And that was like the biggest life realization for me. And I just remember being like, okay, well, time to work, time to learn what being a business woman is at 15 years old, when I don't even know myself, you know? And I started going out there, I started auditioning, I started taking more classes, I started sharpening my skills, and I started hearing casting directors say, oh, she has an accent,
00:10:40
Speaker
Nah, we don't like her. Oh, she has curves. We don't like her. Oh, she's Dominican? Nah, we're gonna book the white girl for this. Oh, this? Oh, the other? And then I started feeling like, oh crap, maybe I don't belong here. Maybe this isn't really where I'm supposed to be. Maybe all of this criticism, all of this discrimination, all of that, all of the other, it started getting to me. And again, 15 years old, 16 years old, when you're finding yourself and you're trying to figure out who you are,
00:11:07
Speaker
but you're still growing into your own body and you're getting picked on for your body or for where you're from or for where you were born or what you look like, you start re-mallinating your whole life. You start being like, okay, well maybe this isn't for me. So I think that being able to work in a business that is so hard already as it is, but then also being put down for the things you can't control or change about yourself, it was like my entire life felt like it was just being reshaped in front of me.
00:11:37
Speaker
And I think it really took me a long time to step into who I am. It took a lot of figuring myself out. It took a lot of self-work. It took a lot of self-healing. And I figured out that the more that I knew myself, the more that I loved myself, the more that I valued myself, the more that reflected in my workspace as well. The more I was like, oh, really? That's how you feel about me? Well, I'm going to prove you wrong because I believe in myself. And if you are believing in yourself, no one else is going to believe in yourself.
00:12:07
Speaker
Those days that I didn't believe in myself, that I had to pig myself back up from the floor, those were the days that really matter. Because now that I'm stepping into my power, then that's a reflection to everybody else that can see that as well. And I love this story that, do you guys know who John Spaceau is? Of course. The richest man in the world, right? So in the 90s, he started Amazon from his garage. I don't know if anybody knows the story.
00:12:36
Speaker
He told one of his best friends, he said, I'm going to be a billionaire because I'm going to create a website and I'm going to sell books from my garage and I'm going to ship them to people. And at the time, there was literally countries that even countries having a billion dollars was like, what? Impossible. You know what I'm saying? And he was telling his friend, I'm going to be a billionaire. And this is just what it is. And he believed it. What is Jeff Bezos now? Started from his garage, the richest man in the world.
00:13:06
Speaker
And it's like, why? Because he believed in himself before anybody else did. And to me, that was the most important thing to step into. So that's all good, but how long did you, how
Discipline, Routine, and Personal Growth
00:13:23
Speaker
long until you were first looked at? In that time, what was that philosophy? I would say,
00:13:35
Speaker
There was a lot of, I mean, I struggled with a lot of like myself and mental health and physical health and all of these things that kind of like came into my life. But I think for me, some building blocks and things that were like kind of important and crucial were, well, first and foremost, having discipline. I think that discipline is the biggest drive for somebody. Of course, you find your passion, you find your purpose, but you need to have the discipline to be able to achieve the things that you want.
00:14:04
Speaker
And you have to work 10 times harder than the next person. Unfortunately, especially as people of color, you know, because you're already walking into that room being looked at like you don't belong here. And that's the unfortunate truth in a lot of industries, especially in Hollywood. And you have to make sure that you walk into that room knowing that you belong there, no matter what anybody else is telling you. So I think for me, like being able to build a routine of things that I did every day, it's like, even if you do 1% every day, at the end of the month,
00:14:32
Speaker
You're like 30% ahead already. And it's like building wealth. It's like putting in a little bit every single day. Developing a morning routine. The richest and most successful people in the world all have a morning routine. If you look at and analyze at the most successful people in the world and the things they have in common and interviews, the things they talk about, they all have a morning routine. Whether that's working out in the morning, whether that's meditating or praying in the morning, whether that's journaling in the morning,
00:15:00
Speaker
At the end of the day, it's about mind, body and soul. You have to feed your mind, you have to take care of your body and you have to feed your soul. And if you have all of those things aligned, you're just going to be a better professional and you're going to be able to fight for the things you need to in a better way and coming from a more grounded place.
00:15:16
Speaker
And I think for me it was developing that, developing a routine, having discipline, when all my friends were going out bowling, going out to dinner, going out to parties. I mean, I couldn't go because I didn't have the money to go, but at the same time, the activities that were free that I could go to, I still chose not to go to because when everybody else was going out, I was at home reading scripts. I was at home reading books. I was at home figuring out how do I make myself a better person?
00:15:42
Speaker
Because let me tell you, now I can go to Hollywood events with Leonardo DiCaprio and have a blast. And it's like, by then, why did that matter? Because I knew that it was going to get to a point where, OK, I could go party once a month. I could go to this event once a month. And it's a journey. It takes time. It takes effort. It takes work. You have to put in the work every single day to be better at whatever it is that you want to do. And I promise you, it's going to pay off. Because if I came here with no money
00:16:12
Speaker
No papers, not knowing English. With every single odd stacked against me and I was able to bring myself to the place that I am today, why couldn't anybody else do it? You know that I don't have anything different. It doesn't matter, you can do it too. And it's like I think that was the most important thing for me. So you mentioned Hollywood and you mentioned party. Oh, where is this going?
00:16:42
Speaker
So, I mean, I guess it's known that substance abuse and just social decades is something that's really easy to get into in that industry. How do you deal with that? Yeah, that's definitely a very real thing, especially in Hollywood.
Avoiding Substance Abuse in Hollywood
00:17:06
Speaker
I think that people usually
00:17:10
Speaker
seek for outer things to give them a feeling, right? You'll drink to feel more social. You'll drink to, sometimes people drink to fill a void. Sometimes people do drugs to fill a void. Sometimes people use substances because they can't handle themselves in their own bodies. It's like, there's all these different reasons why people do what they do, right? But at the end of the day, if you think about it, it all narrows down to
00:17:38
Speaker
you either don't like yourself, you don't like a certain feeling you're feeling, or you don't like something that you need to suppress, right? So I would say the reason why I don't drink, I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't, don't partake in any of that, I barely party. But I think to me that has actually been one of the biggest reasons why I am where I am today. Because I am always present, I am consistently knowing what is happening around me, I am always aware of my surroundings,
00:18:07
Speaker
And I am present in my own body. And I don't need anything outside of me to make me feel something because I can make myself feel that. Because I'm comfortable in myself and I'm comfortable in my own body. That wasn't always my truth though. That wasn't always my reality. That wasn't always how I felt. And it was a journey to get there. I mean, don't get me wrong. I was born and raised in Dominican Republic. People would be drinking there, you know? I was a young girl and I was
00:18:36
Speaker
I definitely got influenced to doing things that I wasn't supposed to be doing. I came to America and I felt out of place. So I was trying to blend in and I was trying to fit in with everybody. So I was doing the same thing that all the kids were doing, but it just made me realize like, what am I doing this for? It's not taking me anywhere. It's not moving me forward. It's not propelling me towards anything that I want. It doesn't align with my morals. It doesn't align with my values. It doesn't align with who I am.
00:19:03
Speaker
So it's like, yes, there's definitely a lot of substance abuse in Hollywood. And I see it every day. I see it on set. I see it on events. I see it at premieres. I see it everywhere that I go. But the people that I admire and love the most in my industry don't partake in any of them. And those are the people that always get the furthest. Interesting.
00:19:32
Speaker
You know, Hollywood, I have known you with Hollywood, I don't know anything about you, but I hear this notion of diversity and inclusion being, I think, is a challenge. Can you talk, number one, as a woman, number two, as a Latino woman, of your experience in your industry? And that regards?
00:20:01
Speaker
Yeah, for sure.
Challenges of Being a Latina in Hollywood
00:20:03
Speaker
I mean, being in Hollywood is hard. Being a woman in Hollywood is harder. Being a woman of color in Hollywood is the hardest. And I think I probably am speaking to a lot of industries. I think I see women of color in tech are going through the same experience. I see women of color in business are going through the same experience. I see women of color in medicine are going through the same experience. So I think that I don't only speak to my industry. I mean, of course, that's what I know.
00:20:31
Speaker
I think it's a reflection of really almost every single industry out there. And I think that it's something we can all strive for changing and we can all work towards changing. And it's definitely gonna take time. I mean, in Hollywood alone, we have made progress. We definitely have made progress when it comes to inclusion and diversity on screen. But you guys, the last study that was made in November of 2023, the speaking roles that were Hispanic on screen were 5.5%.
00:21:02
Speaker
Like, what? That is crazy. That doesn't even make sense. When we make up, I think last I checked was 19% of America in the United States, you know? And it's ever evolving and ever growing. And again, I'm sure I speak to many other industries as well. I'm sure if I see the amount of females of color in business, it's probably gonna be a really shocking number. In tech, it's probably gonna be a really shocking number. It's gonna be a shocking number all throughout, right?
00:21:32
Speaker
But I think that shouldn't, I used to see all of this, and I used to be depressed about it. I used to be upset about it. I used to have all this anger and frustration, and I used to see myself as a victim. I was like, man, I'm a victim of my circumstances. I was not chosen. I did not choose to be born into this body. I did not choose to be born into making a republic. I did not choose to, man, I'm a victim of my circumstances. And I used to go about things like that. But that wasn't driving change.
00:22:02
Speaker
changing my narrative, that wasn't me taking power and taking charge of my own story. So as soon as I shifted from like a victim mentality to more of like a survivor of my circumstances mentality, my whole life and perspective changed. And I started looking at things like, okay, all right, we made up 5.5% of the speaking rules on screen. Okay, what can I do to make that better? How can I show up in a better way? How can I be a better artist to prove to all of
00:22:32
Speaker
these white executives in Hollywood that we belong here, that we deserve to be here, that we're stepping into that room and we deserve to be here just as much as the white people do. And I think that's how we need to look at it. We need to, because it's a ripple effect. It's like a domino effect. If you do something, then it shows the other person that they can do it too. And that's how we need to do it. We need to support each other. We need to carry each other. We need to not be victims of our circumstances, but survivors of our circumstances and step into our power.
00:23:00
Speaker
Because at the end of the day, all of these things that they pick on us for, all of these things that they make us feel like we don't belong here for, are the things and just the very things that make us special and that make us different and that make us important and that make us, that we matter. And as soon as you like take over and take charge of your narrative and think of things like that, then it's just going to be a reflection. And at the end of the day, we're all, everybody here is the future leader of something.
00:23:29
Speaker
either the future leader or whatever industry each one of you is going to work on, right? Like the future is on our backs and we have to take responsibility of that and we have to carry that responsibility and do something about it. And I think for me, as soon as I changed my mindset to that and I started seeing everything differently, I started walking into the rooms differently. I started seeing things as like, okay, well, I'm not just doing this for myself, but I'm doing this for my entire community. So focusing on
00:23:59
Speaker
what other people are doing to you is fine. I'm taking charge. I think that's important. Do you think you're a Latino woman in the United States, but you're also an immigrant? Do you think that there was a factor in the kind of grip that you have, that your mom had,
00:24:31
Speaker
What is it to think like an immigrant? Who? What is it like to think like an immigrant? Think like an immigrant.
Strength and Resilience of Immigrants
00:24:44
Speaker
Honestly, that's a real thing. The immigrant mentality is a real thing. Because you are coming into a country that's not your own. You're coming into a place that's not really your home. Does it matter that you want to chase the American dream?
00:25:00
Speaker
Not really. And I think for us as immigrants, we work hard as heck because we carry that with us. We carry that in our blood. I see the way my mom worked when she came to the States to give us a better life. I hear the stories of my friend's grandparents, my friend's parents that came here to give them a better life. And sometimes people look down upon that, but no.
00:25:31
Speaker
That is so strong. Do you know what it is to leave your whole country behind and come into a new country sometimes without even legal documentation and start all over just because you want to provide a better life for yourself or your kids or the future generations to come? You can be strong as hell. Sorry. But it's the truth. And I think that as immigrants, sometimes we carry shame. Sometimes we carry feeling less than. We carry that walking with your head down type attitude.
00:26:01
Speaker
I used to be like that and as soon as that stopped again, it was a reflection of the entire world that I was able to build around me and all of that shame all of that fear all of that like As soon as you strip away of that and you see yourself as the strong and powerful person that you are for what you did It changes your whole life. And I think it's like something that I
00:26:25
Speaker
Even down, I mean, us being the younger generations, right? That's like something we can teach our parents. That's like something we can teach our kids. I have some friends that their parents were actually afraid to teach them Spanish because they got bullied so bad in school for speaking Spanish or for Spanish being their first language that they didn't want to teach their kids Spanish because they didn't want them to go through that same experience. And we hear that story over and over again because it's a reality. It's a reality. It's a sad reality.
00:26:55
Speaker
But I think my biggest hope is for that narrative to change. And it really is on us. It's on us to change that narrative. It's on us to take charge. It's on us to change the perspective that we have about our own selves. Because if we don't change the perspective we have about our own selves living in immigrant experience, then how are we supposed to tell other people how to look at us? When we can even look at ourselves in a lighter, in a light, in a good light, you know?
00:27:25
Speaker
So I think for me it's like, we have to take all of those incredible traits that we have as immigrants to drive the hard work, all of that. Because the reason why I work as hard as I do is because I'm an immigrant. It's because I came to this country and I've got to prove to everybody that I belong here, you know? I've got to prove to everybody in my family that Bob was crazy for coming to America and stop talking to me for coming to America that I can do it and that I belong here.
00:27:50
Speaker
And I think that drive and that willingness and that power and that strength is what makes us immigrants so freaking important. And we're so important to the economy of this country. Because if you look at it from an economy standpoint, we'd be running that. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, that's how you have to look at it. And the sooner we're all able to step into that power, the sooner the narrative is going to change. That's great.
00:28:18
Speaker
Imagine that you have to speak to our students who are struggling with school finances, circumstances.
Advice for Students on Passion and Purpose
00:28:29
Speaker
I would say create a plan. Like really hone in on like, what is my passion? What is my purpose? What drives me every day?
00:28:50
Speaker
wakes me up in the morning and makes me feel like life is worth living, right? First figure that out. First figure out what makes you happy as an individual. Then figure out what your purpose in this world is, right? Because everybody has a purpose. Every single one of us has a purpose on this earth, otherwise God wouldn't have put us here. Every single person that is on this earth has a purpose. Whether a purpose might seem smaller than another, we all have a purpose. And purpose and passion is what's going to drive you in this life.
00:29:21
Speaker
And I think once you figure that out, really get to know yourself. Understand what your triggers are. Understand how to make yourself a better individual. Understand how can I be better to others? How can I be of service to others? How can I be driven by kindness and love as opposed to anger and frustration and negative emotions, right? Once you figure that out, then your career, I promise you, everything's gonna make a lot more sense.
00:29:47
Speaker
Because like I said earlier, I am my own business. But if my business is rotting down here, how is it supposed to thrive? You are your own business. So if you are down here, struggling with all these things and you can't figure yourself out and you don't know who you are, how is your business supposed to thrive? You know, it's like you're the foundation of your business. So you gotta work on that foundation before you think about the money, before you think about the accolades, before you think about the business, before you think about all of that. You gotta work on this first, because this is your foundation.
00:30:17
Speaker
Once you have that down, then we move on to the five year plan, ten year plan. Okay, what do I want out of my life? Where do I see myself in five years? Where do I see myself in ten years? What do I have to do to get there? Write that down, hone in and think of what do I have to do to get to the place I want to be in five years? Okay, now what do I have to do to be the person I want to be in ten years? Alright, is it daily habits that you have to incorporate?
00:30:42
Speaker
Is it taking away some habits that you already do that aren't that good for you? Because most of the time it's going to be a lot of that. Is it growing yourself in your profession? Is it maybe bettering your skills, maybe bettering your talent? Because everybody here has a skill, right? Everybody here has a talent. But the choices we make with that is what's going to take us to the next level. What choices are you making every day to be a better person? But what choices are you making every day to be a better professional? And I think
00:31:12
Speaker
At the end of the day, it's like, oh, I remember, so a friend of mine, actually he, does everybody know who Kobe is? A friend of mine had the honor of training with Kobe. And I remember he told me a story, actually last week he just told me a story. And he was like, man, you know, the time to get to the gym for training was 7am. And he was like,
00:31:38
Speaker
I know I'm training with Kobe today. I'm getting there at six because I got to have an hour of practice before I play with Kobe at seven. So he gets to the gym at six and he's thinking, Oh, I'm getting here an hour before Kobe was there sweating already. He was sweating. He was working out. He was bouncing around the wall. He was doing this, doing the other. It looked like he was there for a whole hour before him. So he was like, damn, okay. Kobe mentality. Forget it. All right. So next day I'm going to get here at five 30.
00:32:04
Speaker
And he's like, all right, next day I'm training with Kobe. I'm getting there at 5.30. He gets there at 5.30. Kobe is there already doing the same thing. So he's like, man, what time does this man get to the gym? But that's the key. It's working harder than the next person. And that's why there's people like Kobe. That's why there's people like LeBron. That's why there's people the greatest in the world. If you really analyze what they did, it's how hard they worked. And it's all about discipline. It's all about what mentality you have.
00:32:32
Speaker
It's like all of these factors that put together make you great. And that's what you need to aspire for, to be great. Is there anything else that you would like to cover? Maybe just pass your support system.
Importance of Supportive Relationships
00:32:55
Speaker
Would you surround yourself? Oh, that's a good question. Because I think that was a really big lesson for me.
00:33:03
Speaker
was the importance of who you surround yourself with. I think that for me, my biggest rock, my biggest support, my biggest light, my biggest everything in my life, and the reason why I am the person I am saying the reason why I'm here is my mom. So for me, that's the head of my life, right? Everything she has taught me, having her support when I came to America, having her support still in my life every single day, that is like the first and foremost thing for me.
00:33:32
Speaker
But I think aside from that, I really had to learn that my friendships were just as meaningful as my family. And I find myself in situations where I was friends with people because, you know, they seemed nice and like, okay, you know, making friends with the same things we like, this and the other. And then I would feel depleted. I would feel like, oh, I'm getting drafted to something that doesn't align with me. Oh, this is happening.
00:33:58
Speaker
Oh, this person just did this to me? Wait, and I felt so lost. I was like, I've lost so many friendships throughout the years because I started looking at friendships in a different way. Because unfortunately, you are who you surround yourself with. There's a quote that I'm probably not going to see it, right? Because I don't know what the quote is, but I know the consensus of what the quote means. And it's kind of like, show me the five tall people in your life and I'll show you who you are.
00:34:23
Speaker
And I think that that's, I'm so happy you said that because that was such a big lesson for me. It's understanding that who I surround myself with is really a direct reflection of what my everyday life is gonna be like. And I think that sometimes we don't understand the importance of quality over quantity. I used to be the kind of person that loved having 10 friends, 20 friends, 30 friends. Oh, I know all these people. Look at me, I'm so cool. Because out of those 30 friends, maybe two,
00:34:52
Speaker
were really never hurting. Maybe two were really doing like a call on and be like, hey, this is going on in my life. You know, I feel safe and comfortable with you. And I figured it out. I was like, dude, quality over quantity, like why does this matter? And who you keep in your life, who you keep in your circle, I promise you is going to be one of the most important things you could do. And again, it's another thing that all of the most successful people in the world, when you hear them in interviews and podcasts, when you read their books,
00:35:20
Speaker
That's another big, big, big topic they cover. Who will you surround yourself with? So I know it might be hard sometimes to let go of people because we create bonds as human beings. We create habits out of people, whether that's a friend, relationship, or man, sometimes family members give me toxic too. And just because you're a family doesn't mean you can't let go of them. I know that sounds rude, but I know that sounds rude, but it's kind of like, you know, sometimes you got to keep people at a certain level in your life.
00:35:49
Speaker
And honestly, I know people look at the word selfish as such a bad word. And yes, it can be used in a very bad connotation for sure. But sometimes being selfish is not a bad thing. Sometimes being selfish can be a great thing. Because at the end of the day, like, how are you supposed to support your environment or support anything that you're striving for? If you don't take care of this, and if you aren't selfish with this first, it's like an airplane. They always tell you, even if you have your little boy next to you,
00:36:19
Speaker
Your little son, you got to put that mask on yourself first before you put it on you. And it's like, that's a life metaphor. You got to put that mask on yourself before you put it on the person next to you. You know what that made me think of? Well, one word that came to mind is killer. Wait. No, I have a few questions. This is something that is really ironic. I think it would be cool to share it.
00:36:50
Speaker
Because you're trying a conversation with Thomas, writing all the caps. Thomas is my agent, by the way. Don't bother me. But eventually that relationship ended. And you had to, you had to terminate that relationship. So maybe share your thoughts around that.
Reflection on Agent Relationship and Growth
00:37:15
Speaker
You went from there to
00:37:19
Speaker
having to fire him. That's true. And I think it was like, honestly, firing my agent was one of the hardest things that, one of the hardest human interactions I had to undergo. Because, like I said, this is the person that built my career. This is the person that first gave me a chance, but no one else would. This is the person that I was dying to have him, you know? And
00:37:45
Speaker
I think, I mean, he was in my life for about six years, but it got to a point where the relationship was kind of stagnant. The business relationship was stagnant. And he wasn't really pushing me where I got to a certain level of my career. And it was kind of like, okay, well, we've been here and we're here. What do I need to do to get here, to get to here? And one of those things I had to do was, unfortunately, change my team. And as hard as that decision was, letting go of him, someone that supported me, someone that was there for me,
00:38:13
Speaker
I love him, he just called me like three days ago. Like, you know what I'm saying? Because I think people think that when you terminate a relationship or when you terminate a friendship or when you terminate a human interaction, oh my God, it's gonna be negative and we're gonna hate each other and we're gonna this and the other, oh my God, and you blow it up in your head. No, there's healthy ways to let go of somebody. There's ways to use your words and express that, hey, this isn't working anymore and it's not working for me and it's not working for my career or maybe this isn't working for my mental health or maybe this isn't working for where I see myself, where I position myself, where I envision myself.
00:38:43
Speaker
And all the other person can really do is either you understand it and we keep it cool and we keep it cordial, or you don't. But then you didn't want that person in your life to begin with, if that's the case, you know? So I think that, yeah, that's very true. That was definitely a relationship that had to end so that I could move to the next level. And it was as tough as it was. I'm very grateful that I did it because I was able to step into that level that I wanted to by doing it. Let's give Emily a big round of applause.
00:39:19
Speaker
follow you as you continue on your career and follow what you're doing next.
Connect with Emily on Instagram
00:39:26
Speaker
Well, I'm on social media. I just have Instagram, but it's at him on the toaster. So yes, and we'll definitely follow you. I can't wait to see what you do next, but just wanted to give you a little something.
00:39:39
Speaker
from the beach. And just know that this is your house. So you guys are always welcome here in your mom and your family. But thank you for being here and she'll be around to take some pictures if you want. And, you know, please feel free to post the Long Beach swag on your
00:40:21
Speaker
Wow, wow, wow. That's all I have to say about that discussion. Emily was amazing. And I want to thank Juan for leading this discussion. I especially want to thank our guest, Emily Tosa, for her fascinating insights and wisdom. She is wise beyond her years. I appreciate how generous she was with her time, which I know meant so much to everyone at the event.
00:40:48
Speaker
What was so amazing is that she took one-on-one time with each student that was there to acknowledge them, to recognize them, and to also answer any of their questions and give her insights on their successes in whatever field they were studying. So it was exactly what we designed this Latinx Leadership Series event to do. And that is really to inspire students to see people who are succeeding who look like them.
00:41:18
Speaker
And Emily Tosta went far and above and beyond what we ever expected. And so we're so grateful that she was with us. We're so grateful that she gave us the opportunity to give insights into her amazing story. And I also want to thank her mom, Emilia, who was with her as well. And she is an amazing part of this whole journey. So I want to acknowledge her too as well and
00:41:43
Speaker
thank them both for being part of our community. They're always welcome here at the beach. And with that, it puts a wrap on another edition of At the Beach. Again, I'm Dan Montoya, Vice President for University Relations and Development. And I also want to thank Jeff Bliss for helping me produce this and put it out there to the public. So thank you so much for listening and go beach.