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The Sex Swing and a Pillow Princess
60 Plays11 months ago
What is the most ridiculous thing your spouse has purchased to help keep the spark alive? Or was it you who made the purchase? Listen this week to what Christina's husband decided to buy and her thoughts on it!
As always you can follow us on TikTok @raisingchaospodcast or email us at raisingchaospodcast@outlook.com to share topic suggestions or your weekly wins for a shoutout on the podcast!
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Transcript
Introduction and Florida Vacation
00:00:00
Christina Couture
What's up, bitches? This is k Christina. This is Savannah. And welcome back to Raising Chaos. How's it going, friend? Oh, fantastic. How's it going with you? ah
00:00:14
Christina Couture
Before we get into the sad shit, how was vacation? It was awesome. There's only a couple mishaps.
00:00:23
Christina Couture
but other than that, it was fantastic. Florida was good. We went to Florida and... Until the kids, like, two out of the three kids got sick. Thankfully not, like, throwing up shit.
00:00:35
Christina Couture
It was, like, ear infections or swimmer's ear and this freaking cough that won't go away. So that sucked. But whatever. Still a good time.
00:00:46
Christina Couture
Yeah. That's all that matters. You had a good time. So, yeah.
00:00:52
Christina Couture
And...
Dark Humor and Euthanizing the Family Dog
00:00:55
Christina Couture
I don't know why I want to share this, but I'm going to share it. And i have dark humor. Like, it's the only way I can cope with stressful situations is by laughing at those stressful situations.
00:01:08
Christina Couture
And we are ah we had to make the decision to euthanize my, we call him the old man, my daughter.
00:01:18
Christina Couture
He's 14. And we haven't, fourteen and have we're doing it tomorrow so it'll already happen by the time that we air this podcast and today was the day that I broke the news to the kids about what was going happen and I you know how do you explain to a 10, 7 and almost 6 year old that they're not going to see one of their dogs anymore that they've been around since birth like they don't know life without him and trying to explain you know what's going on and what happened and
00:01:52
Christina Couture
or what's going to happen and is going to be coming over so my dad is going to be coming over picking him up and taking him to the vet for us um before anybody comes at me and is giving me hard time about not being present for my dog I would absolutely love to be there um I sounds weird say I would absolutely love to be there but I do want to be the one there but My dad, like my dogs very close with my family and my parents as well.
00:02:22
Christina Couture
So he's in very good hands. But I just know that if I took them because the kids are on summer break, they would want to come with me.
00:02:33
Christina Couture
And I just don't have the room in my car to bring all three kids and the dog. And it's not something I really feel like they're ready to witness just yet.
00:02:44
Christina Couture
Right. So anyways. trying to make a little lighthearted of a terrible situation, I was explaining to my kids that Pat-Pap's going to come pick the dog up and that he is not going to be coming home.
00:02:57
Christina Couture
And they said, oh, we'll just go visit him at Pat-Pap's house then. And I said, no, Dodger's going to have it. He's not going to be around anymore. And they said, you know, so they're starting to get upset.
00:03:09
Christina Couture
And I get it. And
00:03:14
Christina Couture
They said, well, can we go visit his grave? And I was like, well, the good thing is we're going to have him cremated and get his ashes back. So he'll be with us. You know, he'll still be here with us.
00:03:25
Christina Couture
And Case, who is seven, looks
Podcast Feedback and Promises
00:03:30
Christina Couture
at me and goes, what are ashes? What's cremated? And looks at him and goes, oh, yeah, Dodger's possessed.
00:03:41
Christina Couture
Sorry about my laugh.
00:03:48
Christina Couture
All I could do was laugh. But I'm like, doctor's not possessed. That's not, even though he has had terrible diarrhea on his, and this is not the reason I'm putting it down, but just, this is a sign that he's kind of, he's not doing well. And, um, possessed in my house. Like that's some demon shit that comes out of him.
00:04:13
Christina Couture
Um, he's not obsessed. Like, that's not what that is. So then to have to explain the three kids, not only did I have to explain what a euthanasia was, I had to explain what cremating was and how you poke them, you burn them up.
00:04:32
Christina Couture
And it's like, oh my my children. I am not the responsible parent. no Chris should have been the one to do this. Not me.
00:04:44
Christina Couture
Yeah. So that's, you know, trying to make the best out of a really shitty situation, but we're doing all right. Everybody has kind of come to terms with it because he's been so old or because he is so old and he's been slowing down for a while So, um, yeah.
00:05:04
Christina Couture
And I'm just going to apologize ahead of time because Chris, my lovely husband, um, We'll most likely be pooling in our driveway at any any moment. And my kids are sleeping.
00:05:19
Christina Couture
So if you hear kids or dogs or spouses, real life podcast. So this shit's going happen. So you know what? The other thing I would just wanted to say, too, and this is nothing exciting.
00:05:34
Christina Couture
I just wanted to say, bear with us. Like, things are going to get better as we get more experience under our belts. and figure out this whole recording process, and we want to have a fun song to play for us, and figuring out the sound and all that shit, like, it'll get better.
00:05:51
Christina Couture
Bear with us. yeah Thanks for tuning in on our first episode, and all the, you know, we appreciate all the good feedback that we've had so far, even the constructive feedback, like, where people were helping us with, you know, giving recommendations
Changes in Intimacy Post-Kids
00:06:05
Christina Couture
or giving tips.
00:06:05
Christina Couture
Like, we appreciate all. Absolutely. Yeah. there anything else you want to chat about before share my... Was that porn outside?
00:06:18
Christina Couture
Did you hear that? I heard it, but I didn't know what it was.
00:06:24
Christina Couture
What'd you say? Nothing. Never mind. Never mind. Okay. All right. Well.
00:06:36
Christina Couture
Today.
00:06:41
Christina Couture
I, because, you know it's good that we've been talking about, because why are you laughing already?
00:06:48
Christina Couture
just, our topics made me think about what I said to you earlier when you were by the door.
00:06:56
Christina Couture
I just laughed. You freaking killed me. But, Savannah's already heard this story, but we have to share it again, because it's a good one.
00:07:09
Christina Couture
It just paints a freaking picture. So, um, because we've already been talking about Chris, I'm just going to say, God bless that man. He's one of a kind.
00:07:22
Christina Couture
He puts up with, so I am not an easy person to be married to. I know that.
00:07:30
Christina Couture
I'm a lot. I've got multiple personalities to put up with. You never know what you're going to get. Um, But we've been married or we've been together for over 10 years now. And we have three kids together. So in that time that we've been together, like life has changed a lot.
00:07:45
Christina Couture
Things are not the same as when they is when we first started dating until now. Like before kids, I wanted sex all the time. Like all day, every day.
00:07:56
Christina Couture
couldn't freaking get enough of that dick. Like I wanted it all the time. Before work, yep. Afternoon, couldn't get enough. And like multiple times a night, I wouldn't fucking pass it up.
00:08:08
Christina Couture
Right. Couldn't stop. One or all the time. And then after kids, I am what I like to call a sex table. Where it's like, I know.
00:08:20
Christina Couture
Like, I fucking know sex is important. I know, like, it's good for a relationship. And like, I need to do it. Yeah. um But I could go without it for long periods of time.
00:08:32
Christina Couture
Yeah. And it's just not something that I think about.
00:08:37
Christina Couture
And that's because I am, like, of those people that, like, fucking spoke somebody to do this. Like, I got shit I gotta do, and sex is just, like, another item I gotta check off that list. you know Like, and guess what? Some of those items get missed and, like, neglected for the day, and it's always, always sex that gets neglected and put on for that day.
00:08:54
Christina Couture
Facts. Um, and...
00:08:58
Christina Couture
Like, I feel bad for Chris because I'm not the same freaky bitch he signed up for over 10 years ago. But, like, I've heard that comment, right?
00:09:13
Christina Couture
That's a lot for women. You've got three kids, man. Like, I've heard with the stage for life, we're in, like, right now it's survival mode. And, and I mean, and it's. No, we're not in the newborn phase anymore, but it's like sports and school trying to survive.
00:09:30
Christina Couture
And with his work schedule, thankfully, a big thing I want share is when Chris and I first started dating, he was on night shift. So
00:09:42
Christina Couture
it was just a big change. yeah And now, even though he's on date, he still leaves for work at like 3.30 in the morning. And doesn't get home until late. So And then he's in bed by 7.
00:09:55
Christina Couture
So it's like, we don't get a ton of free time. Because when I was working, I would go to bed at 7 o'clock. Now, I'm like, why the fuck am I going to bed at 7 o'clock?
00:10:09
Christina Couture
I got no reason for that. ah But try, like, I understand the importance. And I should... ah for all the people that I know I'm going to receive emails about saying, like, I can put out for your husband.
00:10:25
Christina Couture
Like, I get it. I know. He's fine. He's fine. Don't worry about him. He's fine. It's not like we go months. I do.
00:10:36
Christina Couture
But, like, you're a freak. So when do you do put out, that's a whole different story. Sometimes. It ain't like when we, like you said, 10 years ago, ooh, yeah.
00:10:49
Christina Couture
couldn't get it off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give it to me. All the time.
00:10:57
Christina Couture
Sorry, we're making sure that we're here. Am I better? Yeah. You're good. Sorry. We want to make sure that you can hear what we're both saying. So, like, she's talking to me, but she's, like, a mile away. She's in my living room.
00:11:09
Christina Couture
i move a lot around a lot. I gotta learn to sit still. So, again, bear with us, but anyway, so, yeah. Every time I feel like I hear him pulling in.
00:11:20
Christina Couture
So I keep watching. Chris does everything in his power to keep the spark alive. Like.
00:11:33
Christina Couture
But there are times where I'm just like, dude, what the fuck are you thinking? Like, why? Why? Like, I'll catch him. ah What?
00:11:43
Christina Couture
No, I was just saying, I know a lot of what he does to keep the spark alive. And have to give him props. He tries. But, like, also, dude, what the fuck are you even thinking?
00:11:55
Christina Couture
Meet me where I'm at right now. Like, he tries.
00:12:02
Christina Couture
i don't need a butt plug. Like, I... You want some leather? No! No! You want some chains? Meet me where I'm at right now. Like, he goes from zero to 60.
00:12:14
Christina Couture
Like, oh, you don't want to put out? Well, thank goodness I just bought you this fucking leather leash and bit that I want you to put in your mouth and I'm gonna slap you around like a fucking pony.
00:12:26
Christina Couture
Like, I'm not into that. I'm not wearing lingerie on a Tuesday. That's a thing! Like, don't mean to stink your king, but, like, and it's not even, like, normal lingerie.
00:12:39
Christina Couture
Like, I'm by no means, I'm not big woman, but I'm not a particularly small woman either. But he picked this shit out where it's, like, remember the Play-Doh fun factories we had when we were a kid? And, like, you would, like,
00:12:51
Christina Couture
push that playdo and like shit would come out everywhere yeah That's me and these fucking contraptions he buys. I can't even put them on right. I need a user manual just to get into these damn things. I'm like, Chris, like, but I bought this for you.
00:13:08
Christina Couture
And I look at him I'm like, I hope you fucking did it or you got the receipt because I ain't going wear it. Like, why did you do that? Meet me where I'm at, dude. Oh, yeah. Put lingerie on. He does. He'll text me and say, it'll be a fucking Tuesday or fucking Wednesday.
00:13:22
Christina Couture
Put some lingerie on for me. Meanwhile, like, I'm still in my pajamas. It's three o'clock in the afternoon.
00:13:34
Christina Couture
People don't wear lingerie on Wednesdays.
00:13:38
Christina Couture
Maybe you do. I'm like, I can get it, girl. Yeah, I get it. Not me. Not me. Not me. Not when our sex is fucking trying to get it in really quick in the bathroom while the kids are applauding at the door.
00:13:51
Christina Couture
No. What you doing in there? Yeah. Or like sticking their fingers under the door like they're trying to come in. That's Lila. She will stick things under the door i be like, I need you. Like, no the fuck you don't.
Body Image and Intimacy
00:14:03
Christina Couture
Leave me alone. Are you dying?
00:14:04
Christina Couture
No. Dead dying or bleeding kids. You know? and then he gets mad because like if I don't like... And... I really do just need to give this man a round of applause because his job's not done unless I'm done.
00:14:16
Christina Couture
Right. And he will fucking, it's like, he's sweating, he's putting in the work. He's doing everything he freaking can. But like, as soon as the kids are like applauding at the door, it's like, nope. You lost all interest. I'm done.
00:14:29
Christina Couture
Yeah. I'm done. Can't. Nothing's change this. No. Uh-uh. Same. This man. So...
00:14:40
Christina Couture
He decided his big purchase, his big exciting thing was a sex wig. And again, so not only is my libido like non-existent, but this motherfucker, like I'm a pillow princess.
00:15:03
Christina Couture
Like even on my good days, even me getting on top is spicy. You're vanilla, baby. I'm vanilla. I never used to be.
00:15:14
Christina Couture
oh But, like, having three kids changed you. Absolutely. So, this is one of his extremes, like we were saying. He'll go from, like like you said I said, I'm a pillow princess.
00:15:26
Christina Couture
I'm good being in bed. I know i know what work
00:15:36
Christina Couture
Okay, we had to take a little bit of an intermission because one of my kids were losing their shit. So now that we're focused back on my sex life, like, and again, I don't remember exactly where I left off, but my version of spicy is, like, getting on top.
00:15:58
Christina Couture
Maybe a blowjob if I'm feeling, like, extra spicy. She's really gross. She's a swallower. Exactly. That's because I'm lazy and don't want to clean. I don't want to clean.
00:16:08
Christina Couture
I'm a lazy... Sexy woman. No. I felt gross in my mouth. Sexy woman, not the... Never mind.
00:16:25
Christina Couture
um Good lord, that really took a detour. But he...
00:16:32
Christina Couture
So this motherfucker buys a sex wig. Like, we've been together how many years? And I can count, like, folks, when I tell you I'm, me being on top is like my version of spicy. I can probably count on my hands and toes how many times I've been on top and our entire relationship.
00:16:50
Christina Couture
Hey, just a little detour. You broke your fucking neck. I did. Trying to be sexy. did. tried to give him a lap dance in our friend's garage and I fell off a chair.
00:17:02
Christina Couture
And crack the back of my neck. Back of my head. My eye twitched for like ah three weeks. And then like the big collar they put me in really like. Oh, that you that was a panty dropper.
00:17:18
Christina Couture
Sexy as fuck. So I don't have a good track record. Why does motherfucker think he's going to put me in a sex swing? And not have to call the hospital afterwards.
00:17:30
Christina Couture
I will be on that show that sex sent me to the ER. Yes. I'm going to have my own episode. I always thought it would be snap. I ended up on. That's my friend.
00:17:40
Christina Couture
That's my friend. Get my own episode. Yeah. Yeah. So many times we've been in the sex wing. We've had it. How long have we had? He got it before my last birthday.
00:17:53
Christina Couture
It's coming up on two years. Um, I can't say like a half the time. Not even once. We haven't tried. I've never been on this thing once.
00:18:04
Christina Couture
Chris has. Chris has.
00:18:09
Christina Couture
And why has Chris? He thought he was going to sell me too. ah yeah He he's going to get in it fully clothed and he's going to sell me on it.
00:18:21
Christina Couture
This motherfucker, he's like, this is it. This is going to be how I get my bride in this seat. Dude, he sent it to the group message.
00:18:31
Christina Couture
Yeah! Like, he videos himself. The best thing ever? Here's the thing. He needed to get into a chair to get himself up in it.
00:18:44
Christina Couture
And I guess, like, if I were in it, that would be really, it's all, like, sexy and shit. Yeah, he puts you in it. puts me in and it's, like, this fucking bad time. No, this motherfucker needed a kitchen chair.
00:18:56
Christina Couture
To climb into this video. Or climb into the swing. Fully dressed. And then he, like, swayed. just sat there and swayed. I think our fan was going and it literally looked like he was blowing in the wind.
00:19:10
Christina Couture
Like he was like a flower or leaf. Just fucking blowing around. Him trying to get out was good though too. Oh my goodness. You know what? I still had the video, so. So fun.
00:19:21
Christina Couture
I saved it as soon as it came through. so We'll have to put that on TikTok because yeah it is just...
00:19:32
Christina Couture
Chris is one of kind.
00:19:39
Christina Couture
Oh, yes, it is. Sorry. and We don't know what the hell we're doing. Ignore that part, people. I thought I did not hit a button that I was supposed to, but did. times Christina will be recording something and then she goes, oh, damn, I never hit record. Oh, damn.
00:19:55
Christina Couture
ah We have this huge intro and it's me saying, is this fucking working? And it was. Does it work? I'm just dumb. So, yeah.
00:20:07
Christina Couture
Yeah, we we we're were're learning how to do all this stuff. Oh my goodness.
00:20:15
Christina Couture
He didn't sell you on the sex swing, dude. No. Like, I have not tried it. And now, like, usually if I have, like, a couple of cocktails or I get my weekend, like, and I'm feeling some kind of way, like, I'm invincible at this time, you would think, I still have it.
00:20:30
Christina Couture
Not once have I ever said, pull that swing out. You did tell Neil, though, when we were here, he said, do you want to swing? And we all looked at you very confused. And you're like, the sex swing.
00:20:43
Christina Couture
Yeah, no, we're not the pineapple crew. Like, we're the upside-down pineapple. We're very, like, No. I don't. We're not the Mormon wives. The Secret Lives of Mormon wives. I love that show.
00:20:53
Christina Couture
I do too. I'm addicted. I love that show. Taylor's my favorite. I do love her. I love her. I don't watch reality TV. I love reality TV. But like that one, I could get on board with that. Fuck it, Mom, talk to us.
00:21:05
Christina Couture
We're fun. are. We're with low drama. We are low drama compared to them. We love other people's drama. Oh, yeah. We'll sit there and I'll get the tea. Fuck it. Like, give it to me.
00:21:16
Christina Couture
Who's a bitch? You're a bitch. That's true. Sorry. Woo-hoo. Oh, my Lord.
00:21:28
Christina Couture
Do you have a sex lady? I had one in previous relationships. I'm glad you didn't take that with you, was it? No, I didn't take anything. You kept it all. even kept my shower curtain.
00:21:40
Christina Couture
What the fuck?
00:21:44
Christina Couture
It was like one of those camo ones. I'm like, alright, loser. What the fuck? Why are you a damn shower curtain? What kind of grown-up man needs that? Dude, we could go on a whole rampage with that fucking loser. That'll be next week's episode.
00:21:59
Christina Couture
Tune in. Tune in to learn about some fucking losers. Do you know what, truthfully, though, so... And we'll get a little deep here. yeah We'll take a step back from this funny ha-ha story about me being fucking sex camel and not needing sex at all.
00:22:14
Christina Couture
But
00:22:18
Christina Couture
like, why I don't like to be on top or why I don't want to try the sex theory. It's not because don't want to please my husband. I do. In fact, when we do it, the man has a great time. Trust me, I know.
00:22:29
Christina Couture
yeah He loves it. He's having fun. He's having fun. I cannot get out of my head. Like, if I'm on top and I'm looking down, it's not just him I'm looking at.
00:22:40
Christina Couture
Oh, I'm not even looking. It's All this glorious... Yep. And it's like, I... Have you seen that, like, meme where it's, like, the pig? Scooching in the pool? That's literally mads me. That's me. I sent that him. I said, is that what you see when I'm on top?
00:22:56
Christina Couture
And just went, hee, hee, hee. And I was like, he didn't even deny it. All right, then. come on, man. He likes it, so I guess. I can't.
00:23:06
Christina Couture
That's, you know, so that's all I see. I'm like, in getting in the sex ring, I picture myself as Free Willy, the whale, being pulled out of the ocean in that gigantic swing. Yeah, I feel like the cow that was rescued was in a helicopter.
00:23:20
Christina Couture
It was a zebra. Oh no, my fat girl laugh came out.
00:23:29
Christina Couture
Can you please stop doing your fat girl laugh?
00:23:34
Christina Couture
Like, I just I just, I can't get past It's like my to-do list. Yeah. Like, once I'm fucking focusing on my fupa. It's a chore. Like, my fucking fupa. I can't see any of the business going You have a fupa.
00:23:49
Christina Couture
I have a fupa. No, you don't. Yes, I do. A fupa is a fat upper pussy area. You do not have that. I feel like I got that. No, you know what? I'm like that lady from our show.
00:24:04
Christina Couture
in Nelson. Because that's how it came up. I said that and he was like, no, you don't have a fupa. Why are you whispering? I don't know. I got nervous. But like, he said, I got a fat cat is what he says. because But it's not a fupa.
00:24:21
Christina Couture
Because I thought I had a fupa. I'm definitely bigger than you and I thought and I don't have a fupa. Like my pussy does not hang. It's not fucking fupa. You do not have a fupa. I'd tell you if you had a fupa.
00:24:33
Christina Couture
I wish you all could see my face right now. Show me your pussy. Why you want to see my pussy so bad? This is the second time she's ecstasy. Yeah, earlier today she could talk about some shit and I was like, show me your pussy.
00:24:44
Christina Couture
Like, buy me dinner first. Damn, at least Chris beats me first before I decline his invitation. Do you want me to door dash you something? Maybe. Can I door dash myself something do Yeah.
00:24:56
Christina Couture
Have you had a grilled cheese burrito? No, is that what I'm talking about? No. Dude, they, um, I've been on their, uh, Double stacks. It's a taco. Are there beans in it?
00:25:08
Christina Couture
No. It's a taco, and then it has another layer of taco on it, a soft shell, but it has cheese in the middle. Kind like a Rude Eater Crunch, but it's different. I was going to say it sounds like Rude Eater Crunch.
00:25:20
Christina Couture
Yeah, but it's a taco. It's $1.99. Oh, cheese too. Yeah. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. So, yes, that's about kind of a short episode this week.
Audience Engagement and Personal Stories
00:25:34
Christina Couture
Probably because we got a lot fucking going on. Yeah. Like, life's kicking us in the dick right now, and we're just fucking trying to make it happen. We did, just FYI, we did get all of the people that messaged us about topics. and yeah we did get those. We have reached out to some of you guys and we will be getting those on further episodes.
00:25:58
Christina Couture
Just an FYI. Please, if you know us personally and it's easier to call or text us about yeah episodes, like that works. Please do it. I will say if you can email us, if you're comfortable saying texting one of us or sending a message or just if you don't know us and you're a new listener,
00:26:19
Christina Couture
First of all, welcome, because what a shit show you joined in on today. But two, like, if you email us a topic or if there's something specific to you that you want us to say, email us what you want us to say.
00:26:33
Christina Couture
The story, how you want to present it so that we do it justice and we're not giving too much detail or not enough detail if you leave it just for us to come up with.
00:26:44
Christina Couture
Yeah. So our our email is RaisingChaosPodcast at Outlook.com. Please email us. We also would love to fill the end of our episodes with this part tied to here right now.
00:26:59
Christina Couture
We really would love to finish up episodes with wins. Things that our supporters have. Good things that have happened. It doesn't even need to be a win.
00:27:11
Christina Couture
Good things that have freaking happened that you want to shout out. i about but We want to be able to support you the way you've supported us. If you've listened in so far on this 30-minute video, please email us and let us know so that we can give you a little shout-out.
00:27:30
Christina Couture
And then we're... The only other thing, really, is that we're on TikTok, so you can follow us there. We see our crazy shit. Our crazy ass is there as well. Yeah. ah I don't remember what our names are. Chaos Podcast on TikTok.
00:27:49
Christina Couture
I don't even remember what it is anymore. My child is here.
00:27:54
Christina Couture
Yes, you could go to the bathroom. Hello, kids, man. I can't believe we got through a whole episode. My dog didn't bark once.
00:28:05
Christina Couture
I know. Did we really record this? It looks like we did. Okay. Okay. So I want to know. Yeah. Because we always say this. We always say, like, email us. We really want input on our, on, like, videos. Absolutely.
00:28:19
Christina Couture
So if you use the sex wing, try to sell me on it. Help my husband. Pitch it Yeah, help Chris, because Chris tries hard. Pitch it to me, babe. Give me why this sex wing is life-changing.
00:28:34
Christina Couture
I want to know.
00:28:37
Christina Couture
You're not going sell me on a bitch. No. I didn't like it, so... That's a thing. So I'm not hating on it. I'm not hating on it. But I didn't like it even. Okay, so when I did use it, I was smaller.
00:28:48
Christina Couture
So I wasn't as self-conscious or so much in my head. I was in my prime or whatever you'd say. And I still felt like when you're in there and you're doing your deed, great, whatever, for the couple seconds.
00:28:59
Christina Couture
But then you got to like, I don't know. I felt like I was in. tap dance you just did. I don't know. I felt it was weird. Well, and like, here's the thing too.
00:29:11
Christina Couture
Our swing hangs over the back of the door. You guys thought we were done and we got more information for you. Surprise! But like, our swing hangs over the back of the door. Yeah, mine didn't. Mine hung, we hung it right in the middle of the living room. Like a welcome.
00:29:26
Christina Couture
Yeah, and then we just took it down and then put, um, we did that thing. He actually saw it on Facebook or something he put the The fire detector? the smoke detector. Yeah.
00:29:39
Christina Couture
Oh, my God. I'm afraid that we'll forget to lock the door and the kids will open it and I will fucking end up on my ass. Like, there's just... I don't think anybody is going to be able to sell me on this next week.
00:29:56
Christina Couture
I think need to try something else. It's not going to happen. I could try to sell you on tying you up to the bed, but um i I will never do that again because I'm scared for my life. Why are you scared for your life? When Neil did the Hulk smash.
00:30:10
Christina Couture
That's because you were trying to stick your fingers in his butt. Hey, listen. It's different. Hold on. That's just a small little side story. Me and Neil were getting freaky one night, and I had bought this set where you ah yourself to bed.
00:30:26
Christina Couture
So I said, man, you want tie me up? And he was like, fuck yeah. He was just really into himself that night, right? He's like, yeah. So he's under the bed, boner and all. He's just flopping.
00:30:37
Christina Couture
I just remember the thing flopping around. I was like, wow, he really wants this. Like, I was excited. He starts tying himself up. So I was like, hold on, let me look. And then I realized, and he's like,
00:30:49
Christina Couture
yeah oh Dude, this is like, I can't get out. And I was like, So I started rubbing my hands and I'm making eye contact with him rubbing his hands up his thighs. And as soon as I started to go towards his ass, dude, he like, he like came together he screws shit were, I had to put my head down.
00:31:10
Christina Couture
He got out. So I'll never do that again because he scared me. I realized he's very strong. Why? like, Of all things you could have done. but never let me touch his butthole.
00:31:22
Christina Couture
Why do you want to? just want to. Even just like this much. Let me put this much in there. He says, no. You know what? I will say in one of my freaky like conversations with Chris, I was like, I'm going to put a finger your pocket to do it.
00:31:37
Christina Couture
I can't believe we're going to put this on. and can't believe we're gonna put this on This is usually what we talk about together. I can't believe we're going to post this. But since we're talking about and I'm going to tell you all, like, this is a mild sex topic compared to some of the shit we do plan to share as time goes on.
00:31:55
Christina Couture
But, like, was like, let me put it. Let me put a finger my hand. And Chris is like, I think he might have been drunk one night, and he was like, okay. And I chickened out because I know what comes out of him.
00:32:08
Christina Couture
And I was like, my fingers have no business Being anywhere near your butthole. No business. they get They don't need to be anywhere near that shit.
00:32:20
Christina Couture
I just want to do it. One time for Neil. Like, just... Do you want to do it just to, like, ha-ha, touch your butthole? Or, like, ha-ha, I got your butthole? Both?
00:32:32
Christina Couture
Do you want to touch it twice? I would touch it as many times as he'd let me. Would you eat it? No. I know what comes out of there. At least my hands. like I could put glove on if I wanted to.
00:32:43
Christina Couture
But no, like, I just really just want to touch his butt because he's like, eh. He won't let me. Will you let you touch his cheek? Oh, yeah. I grab the fuck out of his cheeks. But if I start to, like, sometimes I tug at him I, try to get my hands in there.
00:32:55
Christina Couture
Dude, his buns are steel. That's because he's got to clench them all the time. They cut my fingers off. And I'm like, ah, let my hands out of there. He's got to keep them clenched 24-7 because if the moment he doesn't, he's going to have to fucking block you from.
00:33:10
Christina Couture
Sometimes he gets on the stairs and, like, bends over like, look my butthole. And then I like come after him. He runs so fast. Like Mario. He does look like Luigi. When
Conclusion and Personal Shout-outs
00:33:21
Christina Couture
he runs, he's like Mario.
00:33:25
Christina Couture
I can never race him because I always lose because I start laughing so hard. I was like oh no, he's just faster. No, I think I could win it if I didn't laugh. Do you know, have you seen the TikToks where it's like My friends, when you realize you've never seen your friends run full speed.
00:33:41
Christina Couture
Yeah. I want to do that so bad. Oh, that bastard is here now. I want to do that too, but I'm afraid you guys are going to laugh at I am going to laugh so hard.
00:33:53
Christina Couture
But I want to do it so bad. Especially if Neil runs like Luigi. He literally... Dude, it's so... I'll get him on video. I need to see it. I need to see it. yeah He's fast as fuck, too.
00:34:07
Christina Couture
Fast as fuck, boy. Yeah, he like little gorilla running. Have you ever seen a gorilla run and do like...
00:34:16
Christina Couture
I love you, just so you know. i Neil, if you're listening, we're not making fun of you. We're supporting you. He's probably never going listen to this. Thank God! I don't want to listen to her. I'd listen to her now.
00:34:30
Christina Couture
King Chris walked in. Chris is here.
00:34:33
Christina Couture
yours And his... And his jorts. And his short shorts.
00:34:40
Christina Couture
Let's see your wiener.
00:34:45
Christina Couture
And he's embarrassed now. Let's see it. Let's see it. Show us what you got. He leaves it on display. That's what you need to share to art the Raising Chaos TikTok too is King Chris and his short shorts.
00:35:00
Christina Couture
that I have a couple pictures that no one will look at his face. They're just gonna be like, whoa. black now Let me tell you. Little Chris. Happily married. Even if I don't put out all the time.
00:35:12
Christina Couture
Happily married.
00:35:20
Christina Couture
It looks like his third leg. It's his kickstand. Yeah. It's shoe. Yeah, it's just getting sweeter. You really thought I had his winger just dangling there?
00:35:32
Christina Couture
It's like, damn, man, we gotta throw those shorts away. and We need to get video evidence. I'm gonna throw those shorts away. You wanna take out your phone? Do a dance for me, baby.
00:35:44
Christina Couture
Woo! like... Well, on that lovely note, folks. Yeah. We're twerking our way out. And we'll have a new episode next week. No idea what it's gonna be on yet.
00:35:56
Christina Couture
fucking weirdo. Yeah, we don't know yet. But email us. Yes. Where what you were you saying last time? Before we fucking went off on a tangent again about buttholes. Yeah, just email us.
00:36:07
Christina Couture
We want to do shout outs. Tell us what what we need to fix or what you guys think. We love the constructive criticism. Don't be dicks. Yeah. We could be meaner than you. Please don't make us be mean. Facts.
00:36:19
Christina Couture
Please don't make us be mean. Constructive criticism. Perfect. Perfect. We love it. And we want to hear your wins, what you're proud of. Actually, I could probably do one thing, like a shout out.
00:36:30
Christina Couture
Yeah. You may know this, or some of you may know her, but my sister Mallory, she has worked for the last 10 years to get what she has now, and she is so proud, and I do. I want don't know.
00:36:43
Christina Couture
just want to shout out out or because she's worked so hard. She's got her three horses. she's worked It's not done yet, her barn, but... and ah what It's everything. Her dreams are starting to come true. Her dreams are starting to come together, and I'm very proud of her, and she's proud of herself.
00:37:00
Christina Couture
So shout out, Mal. You're pretty badass. Hell yeah. Oh, y'all, Mal. My mouth is not working anymore. need to go to bed. Well, thanks for tuning in and we will talk you next week.
00:37:14
Christina Couture
Bye, bitches. Bye, peasants.