Transcript
Speaker: They've either done what their husbands have suggested or what their job has suggested.
Speaker: And the first real question that I ask these people who are going to work with me is, what do you want?
Speaker: What do you want?
Speaker: And so many women have never been given the opportunity to even explore what do they want.
Speaker: And that becomes a huge question.
Speaker: Retirement.
Speaker: That's what we're all aiming at, right?
Speaker: But exactly what does that mean?
Speaker: Conjures up visions of endless days of golf, drinks with little umbrellas in them on a tropical beach, feet up reading a book.
Speaker: Is that what it's all about?
Speaker: I don't think so.
Speaker: Life would get pretty dull after a while without anything meaningful to do, don't you think?
Speaker: I'm Jackie Doucette, and I'm on a mission to discover exactly what life is like beyond retirement.
Speaker: Join me while I chat with people who've already done it, who've retired to something rather than from something.
Speaker: Let's find out together exactly what's waiting for us when we say goodbye to that nine to five.
Speaker: Hi, everyone.
Speaker: Welcome to another episode of Beyond Retirement.
Speaker: Today, I'm joined by a fellow Canadian, and she's also a fellow Ontarian.
Speaker: Sandy Short is a mindset and life coach, and she calls herself a design coach.
Speaker: She's dedicated to helping women, particularly retired widowed women who know there's more left in life for them, reinvent their lives and create their next chapter.
Speaker: By using mindset and other modalities, Sandy helps them to design a life for themselves full of joy, fulfillment, and purpose.
Speaker: Sandy, thanks for joining me today.
Speaker: Thanks for having me.
Speaker: This is a delight.
Speaker: I have heard you several times, and I'm very pleased to be on your podcast.
Speaker: Oh, thank you so much.
Speaker: I really, I really appreciate that.
Speaker: So as I always do, let's start off with a little peek into your life.
Speaker: Tell us a little bit about your background and how you ended up doing what you're doing now.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Well, I went to university, got married, and then taught school for a while until I had my three sons who were born within three years of each other.
Speaker: I understand they're called Irish triplets, which certainly is the way I felt when I was at home, I can tell you.
Speaker: My husband died when they were 9, 10, and 11.
Speaker: And he had been an international banker.
Speaker: So at the time, we'd actually had a...
Speaker: a transfer to New York City.
Speaker: So we live north of New York City.
Speaker: So I had to pack up the house, pack up the kids, and come back to Canada.
Speaker: And that was a big job.
Speaker: Citibank was wonderful to me and let me stay in the house.
Speaker: He died in December, so they let me stay in the house until the boys were out of school.
Speaker: Oh, wow.
Speaker: So I got a new house, I got organized and I needed help.
Speaker: I went to grief counseling and it was the first time that I had been exposed to self-help and any self-help books.
Speaker: I knew nothing about it, but I gobbled it up.
Speaker: I was like a sponge.
Speaker: I couldn't get enough in there.
Speaker: And one of my friends was a therapist and she said, if you like this, this much, there's a school in Toronto, Transformational Arts College that you could go to.
Speaker: So I did.
Speaker: And about two months after I entered, they decided that they would teach people how to be therapists.
Speaker: And so,
Speaker: I became a psychotherapist.
Speaker: I taught in their program.
Speaker: Every new psychotherapist before they were able to, what's the right word?
Speaker: Okay, here we go.
Speaker: Graduate.
Speaker: So anyways, before they were able to graduate, had to have 150 hours of psychotherapy.
Speaker: So I had a built-in clientele and I just loved it.
Speaker: I decided at one point that I would retire and that lasted for a little while.
Speaker: It was still the glow part of retiring.
Speaker: And then I got diagnosed with breast cancer.
Speaker: So I went through surgery and chemo
Speaker: And then got introduced to the dragon boats.
Speaker: So to be a dragon boater, that's one of the silver linings of having breast cancer because it's not a group you would choose to belong to, but if you do belong to it, it's a great out.
Speaker: And so I have been dragon boating for 12 years now.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: One of the gals on the paddling team suggested that I come to a session one night to learn about chemical-free living and essential oils.
Speaker: So I did that.
Speaker: And once again, I'm back into the teacher role and I'm trying to get everybody to realize how important it was to have chemical-free products.
Speaker: And I did that for a while.
Speaker: And I
Speaker: I wasn't getting the results that I wanted, but I also didn't feel fulfilled.
Speaker: I thought there was much more in life and having been through all I had been through, I wasn't sure who I would go to, to get help.
Speaker: And it was at that point that I happened to be reintroduced to Bob Proctor
Speaker: And then I heard Julie Ciardi being interviewed and I thought, okay, she's the one.
Speaker: So I joined her program to get me more fulfilled.
Speaker: And about two months after she said, we are now going to train coaches.
Speaker: So deja vu.
Speaker: And I am now a mindfulness and life coach and like to, I really appreciate working with women and
Speaker: who have been widowed or, or, and are retired and what's next.
Speaker: And so help them to design a life for themselves that they love, that's full of joy, fulfillment and purpose.
Speaker: And one that they designed themselves.
Speaker: So that's where I'm at.
Speaker: That's beautiful.
Speaker: I really like the way that you've kind of gone through all of the things that you want to be or that you've ended up being by wanting to learn about them first.
Speaker: I think that's the best way to be whatever you want to be is by having the experience of having it taught to you or done to you first.
Speaker: I realize that's pretty normal.
Speaker: You learn something before you teach it.
Speaker: But I think in your case, it's a little bit different.
Speaker: It was more a searching for something.
Speaker: And each part of the journey took you a little bit deeper until you finally came to the spot where you're meant to be.
Speaker: And I think that that journey is going to help you a lot with the people that you help.
Speaker: Yes, it was a yearning to learn something more.
Speaker: When I was, before I went into Julie's program and I wasn't getting the results from the network marketing, everybody said it's an inside job.
Speaker: And I'm going, okay, I know that, but I'm not sure what you mean by it.
Speaker: You know, the words were there, but I really didn't know what they meant.
Speaker: And it was by, and that's, that was one of the big things that I wanted to find out.
Speaker: What is this inside job thing?
Speaker: And what can I do to make it the way I want to?
Speaker: And it has turned out to be mindfulness, changing that old paradigms, those old paradigms that are in there.
Speaker: So I am very changed from having worked with Julie and mindfulness.
Speaker: And one thing she says is to ignite your soul.
Speaker: And I really think I've been ignited and I want to ignite other people.
Speaker: Yeah, I think it's wonderful that you've
Speaker: chosen to work with women who've experienced a change, a big change in their life, either the retirement or being widowed, whatever it is, we're often the last ones that seem to realize that there's something that needs to be addressed in our own life.
Speaker: And I know this is a big generalization, but a lot of women never really spend any time asking themselves what they need because they're always
Speaker: worrying so much about what everybody else needs.
Speaker: And then they get to a point where others don't need them so much anymore.
Speaker: And they're left with, well, now what?
Speaker: And, you know, having someone to go to someplace to start, that's a, that's a, a big boon, I think.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: You know, that they've either done what their husbands have suggested or what their job has suggested.
Speaker: And the first, I do offer a complimentary session to start with, which I'll talk about later.
Speaker: But the first real question that I ask these people who are going to work with me is, what do you want?
Speaker: What do you want?
Speaker: And so many women have never been given the opportunity to even explore what do they want.
Speaker: And that becomes a huge question.
Speaker: And they don't know when, when they get asked quite often, they'll say, you know, what do you mean?
Speaker: What do I want?
Speaker: I don't, I don't know what I want.
Speaker: It's, it's always been, I want in relation to what somebody else needs or wants or, yeah, it's, it's so hard to turn it back on yourself.
Speaker: Oh, it is.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's a huge question.
Speaker: When my husband died, my big question was, who am I?
Speaker: I still had three kids and they were nine, 10 and 11.
Speaker: So I was still the mom, but I was no longer the wife.
Speaker: And who was I?
Speaker: And when I look back on that woman that I was back then,
Speaker: I'll need a telescope to take a look at her.
Speaker: Because I have developed so much more of who I am now.
Speaker: So when you start working with someone and you ask them, what do you want?
Speaker: How do you take them through figuring that out?
Speaker: Well, the first thing I do is I offer everybody and everybody
Speaker: particularly your listeners, a complimentary session.
Speaker: And in that complimentary coaching session, we do a my best life exercise.
Speaker: And it takes us through, it's kind of like a life audit, you know, like auditing your books, but you're auditing you.
Speaker: Where are you in certain aspects of your life?
Speaker: Where do you want to be?
Speaker: and what's keeping you from being there.
Speaker: So that gap.
Speaker: And that gap is where we start to explore.
Speaker: And lots of times, if they're like a three or a four in one aspect, what's a 10 look like is what they're looking for, but they've never thought of it before.
Speaker: So there's a lot of contemplation that might go on in the first couple of weeks as to what do I want?
Speaker: And what are some of the things that some of your clients have discovered about themselves?
Speaker: Can you come up with just some some things that they've discovered they want out of their life that that was a surprise to them?
Speaker: I don't know whether it was so much of a surprise, but I can think of a couple of them who wanted to be an entrepreneur.
Speaker: One wanted to set up B&B.
Speaker: Another one wanted to work specifically with retirement homes, but not in the home, but outside helping.
Speaker: And they both realized that
Speaker: that they really could do it, that it was possible.
Speaker: And they're both on their way to doing that now.
Speaker: The B&B is building cabins in the woods.
Speaker: So if you want to go for a weekend in the cabin in the woods, she's getting it ready.
Speaker: And so it's a different mindset in that she can do it.
Speaker: She's always doubted and gone back to that job that was secure or maybe not secure, but at least it gave her a paycheck.
Speaker: And now she's in there building these cabins in the woods.
Speaker: So it's fantastic to see how people, when they really realize what they want to do,
Speaker: And that it's an inside job and we're all creative so we can do whatever we really want to do, that they can turn things around.
Speaker: And it makes me so excited to help somebody do that.
Speaker: That was going to be my next question.
Speaker: It's not really a question, a statement.
Speaker: It's got to make you feel really wonderful to have somebody...
Speaker: suddenly light up and realize what they can do when they want to and then to want to and to continue that on.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because now retirement is a lot of years long.
Speaker: Yes, it is.
Speaker: And, you know, all the things that we go through,
Speaker: At the beginning of retirement, as you know, there can be loss of identity.
Speaker: I can remember one woman who was in her 80s who said, you know, this retirement isn't all it's cracked up to be because everybody naps and goes for lunch or the other way around, goes for lunch and naps.
Speaker: I would add bridge to it.
Speaker: I'm no good at golf, but that just isn't enough sometimes.
Speaker: Sometimes it is if you're fulfilled other ways.
Speaker: Many times you get past that glow of retirement or you get through the initial grief period and you say, and what's next?
Speaker: And there's a whole new chapter.
Speaker: There is.
Speaker: It's a whole new lifetime for some people.
Speaker: It is 20, 30 years.
Speaker: That's a lot of time.
Speaker: And it is if someone for someone who is recently widowed or recently retired, I think the process is probably similar because you mentioned when when you were widowed.
Speaker: you kind of wondered, who am I?
Speaker: And that's a big thing with retirement is, who am I now?
Speaker: Because you can no longer say, hi, I'm Jackie, I'm a pharmacist, if you're not doing that anymore.
Speaker: And it gets kind of tiring to say, I used to be a pharmacist or I used to be whatever.
Speaker: But helping people figure out who they are and what they are, it's a big job, but it's so fulfilling.
Speaker: I love it.
Speaker: It truly is my passion.
Speaker: And I feel I have developed my passion and my purpose to be able to ignite women into their next chapter, into designing their next chapter.
Speaker: So how do you do that part?
Speaker: How do you help someone if...
Speaker: If they've come to you and they figured out what it is they wanted to say that the person who wanted the B&B, how do you help them?
Speaker: What do you do with them to help them realize their dream?
Speaker: Well, the first thing we do is make up their dream.
Speaker: What do they really want?
Speaker: What is that big thing?
Speaker: And then and we write it down.
Speaker: And then we write down milestones.
Speaker: Okay, who do I have to be to get there?
Speaker: What do I have to do to get there?
Speaker: Who will I be when I get there?
Speaker: And so it's a whole, it's more the thoughts and the feelings that we change rather than, oh, what am I gonna do now?
Speaker: the doing part is kind of the easiest part because everybody knows, oh, we know how to do, but boy, we're not very good at beings.
Speaker: And so it's that part that I helped them with.
Speaker: I don't do anything but ask questions.
Speaker: It's up to them to decide what do you want to do?
Speaker: Who do you want to be?
Speaker: How do you want to feel?
Speaker: What's this going to feel like?
Speaker: I often will get them to feel what it would be like in their mind when they get finished.
Speaker: And then let's go from there, bring her in the future into the now.
Speaker: And now how do we do it?
Speaker: That's good.
Speaker: I like that because it explains what you meant at the beginning about
Speaker: an inside job.
Speaker: It's all internal work.
Speaker: It's not, oh, I need to get the carpenter and I need to get the electrician.
Speaker: It's how do I get me to the stage of getting that electrician and getting that carpenter?
Speaker: It's, you know, how do I work on me so that I believe that I can do that job?
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Bob Proctor talked about
Speaker: everything going in as we were a baby.
Speaker: And it can be all the good stuff, but it can be all the negative stuff too.
Speaker: And he calls these paradigms.
Speaker: And these paradigms work perfectly for tying your shoes because we don't need to learn how to tie our shoes any longer.
Speaker: But we also might have a paradigm in there that says,
Speaker: We don't do that.
Speaker: We don't go out.
Speaker: We don't ask.
Speaker: We don't.
Speaker: We're afraid to do that.
Speaker: Oh, we can't speak up.
Speaker: And that is as learned in our mind as tying our shoes.
Speaker: And those are the ones we have to change.
Speaker: The I can't speak up.
Speaker: I don't question authority.
Speaker: All of those things.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Maybe they served you in school, but maybe not now.
Speaker: That's right.
Speaker: And it's interesting because in school, they teach you how to do things, but they don't teach you how to be.
Speaker: And to be that person that, like the Wright brothers, who can go out and say, hey, I can do that.
Speaker: I can make that fly.
Speaker: The kids aren't taught that.
Speaker: We aren't taught that.
Speaker: And so a lot of that is part of the work as well.
Speaker: So it all boils down to self-confidence.
Speaker: Belief in yourself.
Speaker: Belief that, you know, inside of ourselves, we've got everything that we need to move forward.
Speaker: We've got a lot of paradigms that hold us back.
Speaker: Yes, we do.
Speaker: A lot of inner work.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And so to change those.
Speaker: Because...
Speaker: paradigms or these old thinking habits become like the truth.
Speaker: You know, I can't speak in front of people.
Speaker: Well, that becomes a truth in your mind.
Speaker: And, you know, it's like trying to see the end of your nose.
Speaker: You can't see it.
Speaker: And so when you get a coach and she can ask questions, well, is that true?
Speaker: Is that really true that you can't do whatever you say you can't do?
Speaker: Let's take a look at that.
Speaker: Yeah, I think a coach makes all the difference.
Speaker: And so many people are hesitant to hire coaches, but it makes a big difference to how you look at yourself, how you look at the world, everything.
Speaker: Oh, it does.
Speaker: So with me having been a psychotherapist, so a psychotherapist goes back and let's take a look at where you came from and why you are the way you are now.
Speaker: A coach goes from where you are now forward and says, you know what, we're not going to worry about that back stuff.
Speaker: We're just going to change things.
Speaker: So with me, I kind of get a combination because I
Speaker: I know that I will see something and I'll say, okay, we got to go back in this one.
Speaker: So you're getting a two for one here.
Speaker: So, but I was going to say, I love the idea of just moving forward.
Speaker: I have changed more.
Speaker: Well, I don't know.
Speaker: I changed a lot with psychotherapy and I was able to unearth things and become a different person.
Speaker: And I have continued through the coaching.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And you mentioned that the listeners could get a complimentary coaching session with you if they want to explore working with you.
Speaker: Where can they find that?
Speaker: Well, I think you have it in the show notes.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: So if they go into my Calendly, they can go to the show notes and get it.
Speaker: It's calendly.com slash SES30 at and then life audit consult.
Speaker: I should have that written down.
Speaker: Yep, I've got it.
Speaker: You've got it there.
Speaker: Go to the show notes, everybody.
Speaker: And
Speaker: I would love to offer them a complimentary session.
Speaker: So we'll do that exercise and we'll get to see where they are, where they wanna be.
Speaker: And then they can decide if I'm the person that they'd like to work with.
Speaker: And then we can go on from there.
Speaker: From there, I would offer a six month program.
Speaker: Because you need that length of time to change.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And it's not an overnight job.
Speaker: So anybody that says it's an overnight job.
Speaker: Is taking your money.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes, you're absolutely right.
Speaker: Because there's no such thing as us changing all of what needs to be changed inside our beliefs, our thoughts, our assumptions, our everything.
Speaker: I look at the world in six, you know, overnight, you can't do it.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: So on my account, when you go down to the show notes, you can make an appointment.
Speaker: And I look forward to talking to anyone who is interested in
Speaker: in helping themselves to make a life that they want, one that they're really in love with, one they just really enjoy.
Speaker: Sounds wonderful.
Speaker: You also mentioned that, or you mentioned to me earlier, that you have a Facebook group.
Speaker: Is that something that people can join?
Speaker: They sure can.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: At the Crossroads was Sandy Short.
Speaker: At the Crossroads in life was Sandy Short.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And the crossroads, I see the crossroads as like walking across the street.
Speaker: So we're on this side of the street.
Speaker: It's kind of gray.
Speaker: It's kind of the old, it's the, the old, the old,
Speaker: stuff going around and around groundhog day is what I'm trying to say.
Speaker: And then we're going to take you across that street into a life in full color.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: That's a good vision.
Speaker: And I, I do get on, I'm just starting this Facebook group.
Speaker: So my plan is to get on weekly to do a way of thinking about mindset.
Speaker: a way that, you know, will be inspirational, be an inspirational talk.
Speaker: It'll be all about mindset and lifestyle and what we can do.
Speaker: Oh, fabulous.
Speaker: So I think, yes, I'd love to have them join.
Speaker: I'll put the link to the Facebook group in the show notes as well.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: So just before we wrap up, is there anything else you'd like to tell people about what you're doing or who you are or how you can help them or have we covered it all?
Speaker: I think we've covered it all.
Speaker: I look forward to working with these women.
Speaker: It really lights me up.
Speaker: And the one thing I think that's so important is leaving a legacy.
Speaker: And
Speaker: I was at a celebration of life just a little while ago, a couple of weeks ago, with a really very close friend.
Speaker: And they had people up talking.
Speaker: And I noticed when I came out that very little was said about his job.
Speaker: He had been a teacher.
Speaker: It was recognized.
Speaker: But everything, and he had been retired for years,
Speaker: 30 years.
Speaker: So there was a lot of time to grow a legacy.
Speaker: And everybody talked about who he had been during that retirement, those retirement years, how he had influenced the grandkids, how he had helped in the community, how he had taught in the church, you know.
Speaker: But I was really, when I stopped to think about it, I realized that
Speaker: Very little was said about his actual job.
Speaker: And here was a room full of people who were celebrating his life.
Speaker: And it was mostly his retired life.
Speaker: No, that's good.
Speaker: That's the way it should be.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Speaker: Well, it's wonderful.
Speaker: Thank you so much for being with me today, Sandy.
Speaker: I've really enjoyed chatting with you and learning a little bit about your business and what you do, how you help people.
Speaker: I think it's a great opportunity for people to learn a little bit more about themselves.
Speaker: Well, I really appreciate having the opportunity to talk about it because, you know, they can't see me, but you can.
Speaker: And I'm quite animated about this job.
Speaker: I love it.
Speaker: And I really look forward to talking to the people who are listening and who would like to come on for a complimentary coaching session with me.
Speaker: Great.
Speaker: Thanks so much.
Speaker: And I must say, you're doing retirement beautifully.
Speaker: Oh, thank you.
Speaker: I love seeing your posts and what you do during your retirement.
Speaker: You have certainly found your next chapter.
Speaker: I think so.
Speaker: We'll see how it goes.
Speaker: Thanks so much.
Speaker: And that's it for this episode of Beyond Retirement.
Speaker: Thank you so much for hanging out with me.
Speaker: I hope you enjoyed it.
Speaker: To check out the video interviews, please go to my YouTube channel at bit.ly forward slash beyond retirement.
Speaker: That's B-I-T dot L-Y forward slash beyond retirement.
Speaker: Be sure to subscribe so you won't miss any new episodes.
