Transcript
Speaker: Hey there everybody welcome back to pixel lit and oh god this book
Speaker: Fuck.
Speaker: Kevin.
Speaker: Kevin.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: Thank God you're here.
Speaker: I just had this horrible dream that I was playing.
Speaker: I went to play Dead Space and I started playing it.
Speaker: And instead of fighting monsters and being creeped out and scared and taking in the majesty of the darkest depths of space and the unknown, I was
Speaker: I was forced to read a couple hundred pages that read like a technical pamphlet on how to install the dishwasher.
Speaker: Oh, I'm sorry to say, Phil, that's exactly what you did because we're reading Dead Space Martyr.
Speaker: CURSES!
Speaker: Oh my god, this book's so boring.
Speaker: Oh my god.
Speaker: It's so boring.
Speaker: It's just getting to a point where you're like, why is this happening?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Did they play the game?
Speaker: Every now and then they'll do something and you'll go, okay, I recognize that reference.
Speaker: You know what the game's about, right?
Speaker: B.K.
Speaker: Everson or Evanston, whatever the hell your name is.
Speaker: You're a well-respected person, but gosh darn it, you really whiffed on this book.
Speaker: This is just not great so far.
Speaker: Yes, let's get into it.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: So we left off going into part three, which is titled The Noose Titans.
Speaker: But I would say that that is a it's a poor title because that implies something interesting happened.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The Noose Titans sounds exciting.
Speaker: It sounds like, you know, spooky and edgy and someone's going to get hurt.
Speaker: Don't get me wrong.
Speaker: people do get hurt but it's mostly me and kevin it's it's me me and phil and nobody else you really care about and nobody else yeah no one you know one that you are beloved listeners know anything about so fuck yeah yeah some of them are going to be named after uh uh uh irish beverage um like like like hennessy actually he's he's already dead um one of them one of them will be named after a meat not uh not bacon but uh
Speaker: Ham, Hammond.
Speaker: Oh, but he's already dead.
Speaker: He's already dead.
Speaker: And Dan Tech, he's dead too.
Speaker: It sounds like a fucking startup.
Speaker: No one gets your emails like Dan does.
Speaker: Dan Tech.
Speaker: Dan Tech.
Speaker: Download our free app today.
Speaker: We're in chapter 22 because there's been 22 chapters in like five pages.
Speaker: We're Tanner and the Colonel are talking.
Speaker: It really doesn't matter what they're talking about.
Speaker: They're just looking at the footage.
Speaker: And I highlighted this passage.
Speaker: I don't even know why I highlighted it anymore.
Speaker: I think I just highlighted it because it was it was just like, what the fuck?
Speaker: I highlight this passage in the middle of the chapter, which when I say middle of the chapter, I mean, it's this it's the second clause of a sentence.
Speaker: I hope to God that you highlighted the same thing I did.
Speaker: Hit it.
Speaker: Tanner circled portions of the image on his monitor.
Speaker: You can see here and there are bits of hair.
Speaker: It's caked in blood, but we're reasonably certain it's hair.
Speaker: Ah, yes, said the colonel.
Speaker: Now I see.
Speaker: Hennessy was bald, Tanner said simply.
Speaker: The colonel leaned back in his chair, thoughtful.
Speaker: What happened, he asked.
Speaker: Tanner shrugged.
Speaker: Something went wrong, he said.
Speaker: Beyond that, I can't say.
Speaker: And I just read that exchange and I'm like, what am I reading?
Speaker: What the fuck is this?
Speaker: It's like a football play by play.
Speaker: Like what they're, what they're for those at home, what they're asking about is, you know, if you recall the last section ended with two guys going down and submersible, one of them losing his damn mind and chopping up the other one into little bits and using his blood to paint symbols all over the walls.
Speaker: And Dantek, Dantek being the person who, Dantek, ding, being the person who was chopped up.
Speaker: They're asking, how do you know that this pile of body parts is Dantek?
Speaker: It's Tanner, like, fucking Madden up there with the, you know, pen play by play.
Speaker: All right, so you see over here.
Speaker: Boom.
Speaker: Boom.
Speaker: You got bits of hair.
Speaker: Boom.
Speaker: It's caked in blood.
Speaker: Boom.
Speaker: But you got them coming in here.
Speaker: We're reasonably certain it's hair.
Speaker: That's just.
Speaker: Pat Summer.
Speaker: Thanks, John.
Speaker: You got Dan Tech.
Speaker: He's on the ground.
Speaker: I have to I have to we have a podcast that is about video game novelizations and we are making sports references.
Speaker: I think we've lost our entire audience.
Speaker: Well, you know what?
Speaker: Pat Semerol and John Madden were on the John Madden football video game for like, you know, 20 years.
Speaker: Yeah, that's true.
Speaker: That's got to count for something.
Speaker: I think that counts for something.
Speaker: But yeah, it's I'm so glad when you said it was in the middle, I was like, oh, he highlighted the same thing I did.
Speaker: And that's that's the and that's the kind of detached, but not in a like significant psychopathy sort of way, but detached in just like a.
Speaker: author wanting to get through the beats kind of thing you're going to deal with in this book a lot.
Speaker: People don't talk like people in this book.
Speaker: They don't act like people do.
Speaker: It's it's it's so strange.
Speaker: And this is so this is like a great chapter to introduce you back into the book.
Speaker: If maybe you've put it down for a little while, sat it in the corner of your room and thought to yourself, what the fuck am I doing with my life?
Speaker: I'm reading Dead Space Martyr.
Speaker: And then you give yourself a minute.
Speaker: And you come back and you read this chapter and you get to that point.
Speaker: You go, ah, yes, that's right.
Speaker: That's what that's what that is.
Speaker: Why I put this book down.
Speaker: Yeah, right, right.
Speaker: And so the whole chapter is just them discussing this thing that happened.
Speaker: And also, this is also a thing that you're going to be dealing with a lot in this book recaps.
Speaker: So many recaps.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: The following two parts.
Speaker: of this book, they recap everything that happened so much to the point that I'm convinced that if it was just, if you did it properly instead of actually writing it all out again, this would be a hundred pages long.
Speaker: This book is, feels so padded.
Speaker: Yeah, very much so.
Speaker: So the next chapter, because I wasn't lying when I said it was it was like a two second chapter.
Speaker: The Colonel and Tanner are having a dumb conversation about hair.
Speaker: And then we get back to Altman.
Speaker: Yeah, Altman.
Speaker: Ooh, Mary Sue Hero, Altman.
Speaker: Mary Sue Hero, he is such a nothing character.
Speaker: There's literally nothing interesting about him.
Speaker: He is the villain of the games, and he is just like...
Speaker: Yeah, I know how to do things.
Speaker: I keep forgetting that.
Speaker: That's the thing.
Speaker: Like, I finished the first Dead Space.
Speaker: You gave me a lowdown on that.
Speaker: Like the video game rather than the book.
Speaker: But and I keep forgetting that because most of these characters don't have a lot going for them.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Y'all might remember that in one of the last parts, the Colonel, uh,
Speaker: he's described as being predatory.
Speaker: You know, he's got a predator smile and that kind of is, that's his characterization.
Speaker: And he's a, he's the military guy from every movie made in 1993 that you've ever seen.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You know, the whole Mr. Scientist kind of guy, but he's,
Speaker: killing all the scientists or hiring them.
Speaker: But that guy that you've seen, back when it was okay to turn the military guy into the bad guy, like think of it in that way.
Speaker: Oh boy, think about that.
Speaker: Like someday people are going to watch, you know,
Speaker: movies like suburban commando and shit like that and be like oh they were kind of you got that was a different time you can't say that about the the army you know yeah but uh yeah so it takes forever for you to realize that altman is meant to be our protagonist in this
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And when you do get to that point, it's I can't speak for you, but for me, it was just like, I might as well, I guess he's just as fleshed out as anybody else.
Speaker: And I guess he he has a girlfriend.
Speaker: So that's he's got a girlfriend.
Speaker: That's true.
Speaker: That's an additional dimension that nobody else has.
Speaker: And I misspoke.
Speaker: He's not the villain of the series.
Speaker: He's just the founder of the Church of Unitology, which are the villains of the series.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: To clarify any lore heads who are already writing their emails.
Speaker: But yes, Michael Altman, Michael Mary Sue Altman or whatever.
Speaker: What's the what's the male equivalent of a Mary Sue?
Speaker: It's a Michael Altman.
Speaker: Yeah, from here on out, it's a Michael Altman.
Speaker: Gary Stu.
Speaker: I think it's a Gary Stu, but it's Michael.
Speaker: That's pretty good.
Speaker: I think it's Michael Altman from here on out.
Speaker: So chapter 23 is just like Altman being like, I didn't hear from Hammond recently.
Speaker: And the audience knows that Hammond is dead.
Speaker: They're out in the water.
Speaker: They hired this guy, Captain Jesus, another...
Speaker: Another nice man from Mexico who is, you know, talking about how there's there's bad people out here.
Speaker: And he's he's got his he's got his team and he's arguing with Scud, the laconic sweet.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Scud.
Speaker: Scud or scoed.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: What do you think is better?
Speaker: Scud or scoed?
Speaker: I mean, I like Scud better, but I have to believe that it would be Scood.
Speaker: Scud, the disposable assassin?
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: Oh, man.
Speaker: What a good design.
Speaker: No, it's you raise an interesting point, though, with Captain Jesus, like all the brown people in this book kind of serve to do the same thing that the Romani characters in the in the.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: In the old black and white horror films serve to do like they look off into the distance and say, this is a bad place.
Speaker: Yeah, a lot of mysticism, abuse of mysticism and all that stuff in this book.
Speaker: Any person of color is seemingly subjugated to a role of harbinger.
Speaker: Yeah, pretty much.
Speaker: Rather than like a like a protagonist or anything that's that does anything interesting.
Speaker: Yeah, they're part of the scenery.
Speaker: You know, they exist to kind of give you exposition in a foreign accent.
Speaker: That's really what it comes down to.
Speaker: That's pretty much it.
Speaker: So these guys have been trying to like capture information like seismic seismographic data and that kind of thing on this pulse that they're they're all still following.
Speaker: And I do think it's a clever idea.
Speaker: Like they need to get closer to the crater.
Speaker: So, yeah, they hire Jesus, the captain to take them out there on, you know, the ideas that, oh, yeah, we're totally going out there to do some fishing.
Speaker: And Jesus notices that they don't even have a worm on a hook.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So like, and, you know, military style kind of, you know, jackbooted kind of thug guys show up and kind of wave them along and that sort of thing.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's but they and they and they get some more data, but it's not enough, man.
Speaker: It's more data.
Speaker: Not enough.
Speaker: They need more data.
Speaker: Moving on.
Speaker: Yeah, and by the way, by the way, this is all about getting data.
Speaker: This whole fucking, like, the next two parts are basically about, okay, well, the data says this.
Speaker: Well, what do we do with the data?
Speaker: Well, the data suggests we should do that.
Speaker: And it's like, where are the freaking zombies?
Speaker: Let's apply for a grant.
Speaker: Oh, yes.
Speaker: That's coming up.
Speaker: That's coming up.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: All the, all of the excitement of academic rigor coming your way in a dead space book.
Speaker: Would you like, would you like academia and bureaucracy in your dead space novels?
Speaker: I tell you, I'll tell you what the chapter where Altman isn't sure if he's going to get tenure or not.
Speaker: That really did get my heart jacked.
Speaker: I will say that.
Speaker: I was pumping me up.
Speaker: You went before that review board.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: Could there possibly be anything more stressful than standing before a review board?
Speaker: No, says Dead Space Murder.
Speaker: And by the way, that part doesn't actually happen, but you can imagine.
Speaker: Yeah, you can imagine.
Speaker: You can imagine.
Speaker: It could have happened.
Speaker: I mean, I wouldn't be surprised.
Speaker: We still got plenty of book left.
Speaker: Let's say.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: We got lots.
Speaker: We got lots of disappointment to be had.
Speaker: So they're finding this information.
Speaker: They don't they don't know.
Speaker: You know, there's a signal.
Speaker: They're not sure where it's coming from, but it's definitely the crater.
Speaker: And there's a lot of discussion over.
Speaker: Is it coming from the center of the crater?
Speaker: Well, I don't know.
Speaker: It might be.
Speaker: It might not be.
Speaker: Maybe it's the center of the crater.
Speaker: Maybe it's not.
Speaker: And it's just like, who cares?
Speaker: Oh, my God, who cares?
Speaker: Why does this matter?
Speaker: Yeah, this entire section was, I believe I was just sighing the entire time.
Speaker: We got to, there's just a lot of back and forth between Altman and Scud about the nature of conclusions.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, all of that, all of that beautiful, like, if you want to learn about...
Speaker: you know, the mores and the very slight differences in what a theory could possibly be or a conclusion could possibly be.
Speaker: Boy, howdy.
Speaker: We got stuff for you.
Speaker: Meanwhile, Tanner is jacked up on goofballs.
Speaker: Oh, yes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He's slapped together as much of the video that what's his name Hennessy had made and is showing it to the colonel.
Speaker: And they it's just now there's a recap of the thing that we read.
Speaker: They literally, ladies and gentlemen, Kevin is not exaggerating.
Speaker: There are entire pages of him recapping to the Colonel what we watched in live.
Speaker: Well, I don't know if you could call it that, but we read the actual scenes where it happened.
Speaker: He basically just goes, yeah, so we killed the guy.
Speaker: The guy said he was doing this.
Speaker: He said he was doing that.
Speaker: He killed him.
Speaker: He started putting symbols all over the walls.
Speaker: And like, he's like, we know.
Speaker: You could have cut this down and just said he explained to him what happened because we already know what happened.
Speaker: It's it's and this is this is not the first nor the last time this is gonna happen.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So the Colonel on the Colonel responds to the video with and I highlighted this section because it was another example of.
Speaker: Just like super dumb, super villainy discussion.
Speaker: How many people have seen this?
Speaker: This particular version, three or four technicians, but it was generally broadcast.
Speaker: So a lot of people have seen different bits of it.
Speaker: No way to say who has seen what.
Speaker: So no point in killing the technicians then, asked the colonel.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, just standard.
Speaker: Nothing.
Speaker: Standard, standard operating procedure.
Speaker: Just kill them.
Speaker: Bond villain bullshit.
Speaker: And this is going to be a really, really you're going to find out how ridiculous this is when you find out just how many people are under the colonel's employ.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's just like, how is this?
Speaker: How is any of this top secret?
Speaker: And then we get this delightful to keep to keep the James Bond villain theme going.
Speaker: The Colonel basically Tanner's kind of shocked.
Speaker: He's like, oh, my goodness.
Speaker: You know, you would have killed those guys, you know, if you and oh, my God, hold on.
Speaker: The can is just.
Speaker: The cat loves the microphone.
Speaker: He's decided.
Speaker: Which, which, which cat is Jonesy.
Speaker: Jonesy, the terrible muffin.
Speaker: Jonesy, the terrible muffin.
Speaker: He is so big now.
Speaker: He's a monster.
Speaker: Uh, anyway, God, he's ridiculous.
Speaker: Um, yeah, he's been so pitiful.
Speaker: We, we went away, uh, for the weekend for, for, uh, Emily's birthday.
Speaker: And, um,
Speaker: They just stayed behind and her best friend came in and fed them and everything like that.
Speaker: And he was just so he's got abandonment issues and he was.
Speaker: Oh, he's been so just attached at the hip.
Speaker: It's pitiful.
Speaker: He just wants to be on you wherever you are.
Speaker: Oh my gosh.
Speaker: Well, yeah, he's, he's my guy.
Speaker: He's, he basically they've, they've shit.
Speaker: They've, they've split up.
Speaker: Like he's, he's my little guy.
Speaker: And, uh, and Ripley is Emily's.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Emily at least Rip Jonesy likes to keep his distance.
Speaker: He just needs to be in the same room as you.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Um, Ripley wants to, I'm convinced she wants to climb inside of Emily's skull.
Speaker: She gets up so close and she gets right up against Emily's mouth.
Speaker: And I feel like she's trying to force her to swallow her or something.
Speaker: It's absurd.
Speaker: She's the funniest cat.
Speaker: That is the final stage of codependence.
Speaker: It's pretty bad.
Speaker: These are our COVID kittens.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So, yeah, the Colonel, just to drive the I'm a bad guy point home, informs Tanner, says, you know, are you saying I'm expendable?
Speaker: And the colonel gave him a shrewd look.
Speaker: Don't take this the wrong way, he said.
Speaker: At this point, you're less expendable than nearly anyone else.
Speaker: But yes, if the circumstances develop in the wrong way, you're expendable.
Speaker: Does that bother you?
Speaker: Yes, said Tanner.
Speaker: Then don't let the circumstances develop in the wrong way, the colonel said.
Speaker: And then looked at his goddamn chronometer again.
Speaker: Fucking chronometers.
Speaker: It's a watch.
Speaker: It's a watch guys.
Speaker: It's a watch.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: Uh, so yeah, just another moment of Colonel basically hopping around singing Billy Eilish at the top of his lungs, making sure everyone knows that he's the bad guy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: Yeah, that brings us back to our totally well-developed, abolished protagonist, Altman.
Speaker: Altman and his girlfriend, Ada, who we get the we get the nice
Speaker: The male gazey description, it is like it's like I noticed it only because it's like she is the only person who has ever described this way.
Speaker: She yawned and stretched her body arching.
Speaker: And I'm like, Jesus Christ, she's the only woman in the goddamn book.
Speaker: And and and he managed to just sneak one line in there is just like you really needed to describe her body arching that way.
Speaker: We don't hear about the body of any of these other characters.
Speaker: We don't know if they're fat or thin or... There's no description of any physical description of, like, anybody except for, like, the colonel's teeth.
Speaker: There was one guy at the very, very beginning of the book, and it was so awkward.
Speaker: It was, like, it was treated like...
Speaker: just a list of attributes that needed to get taken care of.
Speaker: It was like, he's got brown hair, brown eyes, spot six feet tall, 145 pounds, 150 after lunch.
Speaker: Like it was that kind of like bullet list.
Speaker: Lunch is entirely liquid.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He's still, he's still, by the way, Altman is still unaware of Hammond's untimely death.
Speaker: So he's kind of like, he's kind of preoccupied with the fact that he hasn't heard from him yet.
Speaker: A little too preoccupied for someone who is literally, he knew for a total of 45 minutes based on the writing.
Speaker: But whatever.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then he gets a phone call from some mystery person, whatever.
Speaker: Yeah, just like...
Speaker: It's asking like it's asking.
Speaker: And everybody seen the transmission.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And everyone in the mystery calls every time he gets a mystery call, they're the least intimidating.
Speaker: Like, just like I can have you.
Speaker: I'm curious if you managed to pick up anything unusual lately, intercepted something like what he asked.
Speaker: I can see that you haven't said the voice quickly.
Speaker: I'm sorry to have wasted your time.
Speaker: And it's like Altman is like, he doesn't want him to get off the phone.
Speaker: He's like, hey, wait, wait, do you mean a signal?
Speaker: Like, no, just, oh my God.
Speaker: It's so awkward.
Speaker: You'll have to do better than that, Mr. Altman.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Mr. Altman.
Speaker: What?
Speaker: The fuck does that mean?
Speaker: What does that mean?
Speaker: He has to do better than that.
Speaker: Yeah, it doesn't mean anything.
Speaker: He asked him a clarifying question of like,
Speaker: What exactly are you talking about?
Speaker: And it's like, and I just imagine the flip scene of this is like some doofus is like just making phone calls.
Speaker: He just has a list of people to call.
Speaker: And it's just like, he keeps doing the same thing to everybody.
Speaker: He's like, yeah, I couldn't get anybody to talk.
Speaker: And you're like, oh, did you ask him if they got like a pulse either?
Speaker: And he's like, oh, I thought we were just supposed to...
Speaker: I didn't know we had follow up.
Speaker: Fuck.
Speaker: Sorry.
Speaker: I'll start back at the top of the list.
Speaker: Yeah, we'll start it again.
Speaker: Here again.
Speaker: I know that the phone call ended awkwardly and I was wondering.
Speaker: Yeah, just and then and then we get fucking Ada who, bless her heart, it's just it's not your fault, Ada.
Speaker: It's not your fault.
Speaker: Uh, but we just, Ada basically is worried for her boyfriend.
Speaker: That's really what it comes down to is in this weird position.
Speaker: She doesn't want him or, you know, God forbid her to get hurt, uh, on this.
Speaker: And she's like, she's, she starts out as the gentle, kind and understanding girlfriend.
Speaker: I'm the cool girlfriend, you know, I just want to make sure.
Speaker: I'm not like the other girls.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I just want to make sure you're cool.
Speaker: You know, I'm cool.
Speaker: And then he won't give her more of the details on the phone call and all the weird shit that's going on.
Speaker: So finally, Michael, she said her voice stern now.
Speaker: I want to know exactly what's going on.
Speaker: You shouldn't keep secrets for me.
Speaker: You're not in trouble, are you?
Speaker: She asked.
Speaker: I don't think so, he said.
Speaker: If you were in trouble, you'd tell me right, she said.
Speaker: I'd like to think I would, he said.
Speaker: What do you mean you'd like to think you would?
Speaker: What kind of answer is that?
Speaker: I mean, yes, of course I would.
Speaker: There, she said.
Speaker: That's better.
Speaker: Oh, stirring sci-fi horror dialogue.
Speaker: None of this is what the fuck?
Speaker: Like later, the conversation continues.
Speaker: You promise you'll tell me?
Speaker: Yes, he said.
Speaker: They got something really special going here.
Speaker: So just to sum up the rest of the dumb chapter is like basically they find out there's just there's going to be a lot of names.
Speaker: There's like 30 names of scientists.
Speaker: There's so many names of people that just are kind of coming and going.
Speaker: Yeah, basically everybody was getting the same call.
Speaker: And they're trying to figure out who has parts of the video.
Speaker: And they start putting it together or whatever.
Speaker: And then Altman basically... They get the video together and Altman sends it out to...
Speaker: He like sends it out to the news, I believe.
Speaker: Is that where he sends it?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He kind of just like it's like an anonymous news message.
Speaker: And they explain to us once again in full detail what's on the video again.
Speaker: And then Ada and Altman have another stirring like debate.
Speaker: And Ada finally reveals more about the the stories are changing.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: This is this is once again, and we've talked about this before, but again, this doesn't make sense.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The thing about the legends is that they've been basically the same for hundreds of years.
Speaker: So she reached out and cuffed the side of his head.
Speaker: I thought I told you not to be a smart ass.
Speaker: She said her dark eyes flashing.
Speaker: which, all right, but they're no longer the same.
Speaker: They changed drastically once the pulse symbol started.
Speaker: That's not how legends work.
Speaker: That's not a legend.
Speaker: That's not a legend.
Speaker: That's a new thing that they've made up.
Speaker: That's a new thing.
Speaker: If I have a legend, if I'm talking about Hulk Hogan, if you come to me and said, tell me about Hulk Hogan.
Speaker: And I say, well, you know, back in the day, you know, he was everyone's hero and, you know, blah, blah, blah, the all-American star.
Speaker: And, you know, he took on the ultimate warrior and he lost to him.
Speaker: But it was like, you know, it was a good loss, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker: And then he became a bad guy.
Speaker: You know, that's a legend.
Speaker: I tell you the legend.
Speaker: And then you say, okay, what's going on with you today?
Speaker: And I say, oh man, I'll tell you what.
Speaker: I wanted to have a grilled cheese, but there's a cheese shortage in town.
Speaker: That's completely unrelated to the legend of Hulk Hogan, our hero.
Speaker: My grilled cheese sandwich fiasco, which just happened.
Speaker: Did that happen today?
Speaker: Is that a problem?
Speaker: I'm just, I'm really frustrated with the fact that I have nothing but sharp cheddar and it wouldn't melt.
Speaker: It just didn't melt.
Speaker: It's not good.
Speaker: It's not that, oh, it's too high of a melting point to get a good grilled cheese.
Speaker: It was a real pain in the ass.
Speaker: Anyway.
Speaker: It had nothing to do with the legends.
Speaker: Like, that's not how it works.
Speaker: And who does that?
Speaker: You go to somebody, you're like, tell me the legend of how your village started.
Speaker: And they go, okay, well, there is a sea worm.
Speaker: And he kicked up some surf and it revealed an island.
Speaker: And that's how we ended up on our island.
Speaker: And then you go to another person and go, okay, tell me the legend about how your island came about.
Speaker: And they're like, oh, okay, well, there was a sea worm and it kicked up some surf.
Speaker: And then there was no good cheese for a grilled cheese sandwich.
Speaker: And you're like, my God, the legends are changing.
Speaker: The legends are changing.
Speaker: The legends are changing.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: My God, that's just, it's just such, it's nonsense.
Speaker: I don't know how that's even, now here's the thing, here's the thing.
Speaker: Maybe some of you are listening to this, because we got lots of geeks, we got people who like stories, and geeks are awesome at coming up with explanations for just about any hole in a plot line.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: Let's say you hear this and it's not so ridiculous and you go, okay, well, to you anyway, because you're like, well, I think what she means is that A, B, C, and D. That's great.
Speaker: And wouldn't it be way more interesting to demonstrate to us what the fuck it means to have a legend change rather than just have that person inform another person?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Like it's just it's it's not good writing no matter what way you slice it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Not just because it makes no sense.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Then so we get a character reintroduction while in passing the town drunk who.
Speaker: Oh, thank God he's back.
Speaker: Thank God he's back.
Speaker: He's referenced in passing, but he only talks if I play him with booze.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Classic.
Speaker: The classy town drunk who only talks if you play him with the booze, the good stuff.
Speaker: And talks like he was he was a fucking like antebellum, you know, barber turned gunfighter, by the way.
Speaker: Well, we will get to him.
Speaker: But yes, he is.
Speaker: He is.
Speaker: You give him this this booze and suddenly he's like, well, I grew up in northern Virginia.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And it's like, what was it?
Speaker: He's telling the story.
Speaker: He's telling, they've done this before, but this is the time that I really thought about it.
Speaker: He talks about the devil's tail once again.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You know, and he talks about, you know, as you touch the tail, they say you make yourself known to the devil.
Speaker: If the devil knows you, he will try to claim you.
Speaker: If you destroy more than you create, you make yourself known to the devil.
Speaker: You know, just going on.
Speaker: And then it says, it says he made that strange symbol at me, a kind of curse twining his index and middle fingers together.
Speaker: Is he crossing your fingers?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That strange symbol of crossing your fingers.
Speaker: I wasn't sure what he was doing because I, he, I don't think he was trying to tell a fib and go to heaven anyway.
Speaker: Like, they really gotta like cool up on like what constitute like the strange and the esoteric here.
Speaker: Oh, the Lovecraftian twisting of his fingers.
Speaker: By the way, I like basically the way you played the drunk just now.
Speaker: I was like, he's basically John Seed from.
Speaker: Pretty much, yeah.
Speaker: Or Joseph Seed.
Speaker: Like, you touch the tail of the devil.
Speaker: You'll become known to the devil.
Speaker: Just thinking back on a good video game novelization, I guess.
Speaker: The good old days.
Speaker: The good old days.
Speaker: Of last month.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: Nightmare.
Speaker: Ada, the thing she keeps saying is, basically she wants to take Altman to meet this town drunk so they can get more stories from the guy, I guess.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: And she keeps pointing out, she's like, this is all anecdotal.
Speaker: None of this is science, but maybe it'll give us something to work with.
Speaker: Okay, put a pin in that.
Speaker: That was something that I found to be, it comes up to be something pretty interesting down the way.
Speaker: Putting a pin in that, because we are back,
Speaker: with good old Tanner and Tanner and the Colonel are talking about how they're going to deal with the fucking thing.
Speaker: Um, and there's a mention of Lenny small, the president of dredger court.
Speaker: Um, the bid is originally from Sigmund Bennett.
Speaker: Who is he?
Speaker: Don't forget about it.
Speaker: Doesn't matter.
Speaker: Don't worry about it.
Speaker: In fact, most of these names just don't worry about it.
Speaker: So they're just figuring out what to do.
Speaker: And they decide to just like, um, they,
Speaker: They basically is this when they just decide to release the tape to.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like the press, the rumors are getting out there and people are talking anyway.
Speaker: So they're trying to discuss what are they going to do with it?
Speaker: And yeah, they basically decide they're going to come clean, quote unquote, where basically they'll tell a certain level of the truth and the other they'll kind of hide.
Speaker: This brings me to another example of what I call the horrors of Spider Island.
Speaker: I'm going to explain this.
Speaker: Do you ever watch Mystery Science Theater 3000?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, I do.
Speaker: Okay, there is a, one of my favorite episodes of all time is their coverage of an old French horror film called The Horrors of Spider Island.
Speaker: It is a great episode, and it is a great,
Speaker: french horror film that is french it is super french it is all about a bunch of babes on an island they these these it's like two guys end up on an abandoned island with these models slash dancers who get somehow their plane goes down and the only place they could be on is this island that has a killer spider on it um
Speaker: The problem is, hence the name, hence the name problem is, is the spider makes up maybe 10% of the movie.
Speaker: Most of it is spent watching these women in bikinis lounge around and dance and flirt with each other.
Speaker: And these two sailors happen upon the island.
Speaker: And they're fighting amongst themselves for the women and the women are fighting amongst themselves for the men.
Speaker: And every now and then when something comes up that could be no, couldn't be further from a horror movie, one of the, one of the cast members of MSC3K would go, the horrors of Spider Island.
Speaker: And that's what it made me think of.
Speaker: There's so many moments in this book that,
Speaker: Where it's like, it's like, Dead Space Martyr!
Speaker: We're discussing a cover-up.
Speaker: The horrors of Dead Space Martyr.
Speaker: They start going, you know, what matters is what you say about it, says the Colonel.
Speaker: You can't say that it's a hoax, because that just gives the conspiracy junkies fuel for their fire.
Speaker: So tell as much of the truth as you can without damaging us.
Speaker: The horrors of Spider Island!
Speaker: Like...
Speaker: What is this based on?
Speaker: Like, if you played the game, there would have been, if you played the game of Dead Space and started reading this book without realizing immediately that it was a novelization, there would have been little moments that you've gone, oh, well, that...
Speaker: I mean, that's dead space, right?
Speaker: I feel like I'm, you know, and then as it goes on, you would have assumed it's some sort of business thriller, you know, cover ups and politics and all that kind of shit.
Speaker: It's like, it's like, just imagine, imagine if you will, John Grissom was hired.
Speaker: To write a business white collar legal thriller.
Speaker: About the doings of a drilling operation.
Speaker: And the Chicxulub crater in the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico.
Speaker: And except John Grissom got really fucking stoned on quaaludes.
Speaker: And then he wrote it.
Speaker: And they published the first draft.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's this book.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: This is frustrating.
Speaker: Basically, the whole chapter is them discussing how they're going to pull off this cover-up.
Speaker: It has nothing to do with spooky good times.
Speaker: It's just, how are we going to stay afloat?
Speaker: The next chapter might as well be them like, how do we remain solvent?
Speaker: I was about to say!
Speaker: We're going to remain solvent.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: It's just that's that's exactly what it is.
Speaker: The only thing that saves this entire chapter is in the final, like three sentences of it.
Speaker: When they ask the colonel who they're going to contact to talk to the military, to help them get out of this bind.
Speaker: And it says the colonel gave another predatory smile.
Speaker: You've already contacted them, he said, and pointed both thumbs at his own chest.
Speaker: You're already working with him.
Speaker: This guy.
Speaker: This guy.
Speaker: He doesn't say this guy to be fair, but that's what he means.
Speaker: Who has two thumbs and is a colonel in charge of projects like this.
Speaker: This guy.
Speaker: This guy.
Speaker: Like, my God.
Speaker: That's the only thing that saved that chapter, if you can call it being saved.
Speaker: Wasn't your dad a colonel?
Speaker: What's that?
Speaker: Wasn't your dad a Colonel?
Speaker: He was.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He was, he was very, that's, I mean, that's a Colonel thing.
Speaker: He was very fond.
Speaker: He's very fond.
Speaker: Both thumbs.
Speaker: This guy, this Colonel is technically what you're supposed to say.
Speaker: But now did Kevin, did you miss Altman?
Speaker: Uh, did I miss him?
Speaker: Did you miss him?
Speaker: Cause he's back.
Speaker: He's back.
Speaker: He's back and he's being arrested or something.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: There's something.
Speaker: There's some dudes and one of them calls him Miguel Altman and he's now, now it's Michael.
Speaker: And yeah, yeah.
Speaker: I think even, I think even the whitest guy in America has figured out, would have figured out that Miguel means Michael.
Speaker: So please let's write, uh,
Speaker: mexican characters at least as smart as the dumbest white guy in america yeah and then they the there's at one point where they call out the the mexican guy's accent yes do you know charles hammond the tall man asked his voice was flat and uninflected he pronounced charles as if it had two full syllables charles charles
Speaker: charlis now listen motherfucker the spanish language has names like gonzalez i think they can figure out the les part like what the fuck is like i'm not interested in looking for any little piece of like something from a book that's 15 years old like to like point out that it's politically incorrect or whatever but that's like something that i'm like that's kind of racist
Speaker: Like a Mexican guy would look at the word Charles and go, Oh, this must be Charles.
Speaker: Charles.
Speaker: Like what the fuck?
Speaker: That was, that part was so, so weird.
Speaker: And it turns this whole, this whole dialogue, it's like, basically he's being interrogated by these two guys, Gallo and Ramos.
Speaker: Um, and it's like, um,
Speaker: It's it's this weird like stick, this sticky thing he's got going on where all the goons and henchmen in this book just fucking like like 1930s style.
Speaker: They alter.
Speaker: Yeah, they alternate between Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern in Home Alone.
Speaker: It's basically just that's important with Joe Pesci, especially like we're talking about home alone here, by the way.
Speaker: Yeah, not good fellows.
Speaker: He says he met him.
Speaker: Gallo says Ramos.
Speaker: What do you think that means?
Speaker: The tall man Gallo ignored Ramos.
Speaker: How well did you know him?
Speaker: He asked Altman.
Speaker: Not very well, said Altman.
Speaker: We met once.
Speaker: He says they met only once.
Speaker: Gallo said Ramos and sucked on a cigarette again.
Speaker: Who's on first?
Speaker: That's what I'm asking you.
Speaker: It's like, it's like, these are the, it's like, are these the goons from Chinatown that cut Jack Nicholson's nose?
Speaker: It's what happens to a rat.
Speaker: Like, what the fuck?
Speaker: And these aren't even, and by the way, these are not, we're not going to get a mask torn off and find out that this is,
Speaker: Terry, Tommy, Tony, and whatever, the T-Triplets that we met last episode.
Speaker: No, these are completely new, just stupid, shticky criminals.
Speaker: Like, this is so weird.
Speaker: Yeah, we'll get back in touch if we need you, said Gallo.
Speaker: This is after like three page.
Speaker: So the book is short when it when it when it shouldn't be and long when it absolutely doesn't need to be.
Speaker: There's a really I am.
Speaker: I am.
Speaker: I am not going to recap this entire conversation between Gallo, Ramos and Altman because it's basically just talking about what happened to Hammond again.
Speaker: Yeah, don't care.
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: What happens?
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: All you needed to write.
Speaker: This is pages long.
Speaker: It is one of it is it is a long.
Speaker: You're absolutely right.
Speaker: It's one of the longer chapters that we have read in this book at this point.
Speaker: And it's mostly in service at this point of telling Altman that Hammond is dead.
Speaker: So all we needed was Altman waking up.
Speaker: There are these goons in there.
Speaker: They're threatening him.
Speaker: And then they go.
Speaker: And then someone writes.
Speaker: They told him that Hamlin was dead.
Speaker: Altman was shocked.
Speaker: The end.
Speaker: That's all you need.
Speaker: But it's pages upon pages of it.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: And then they leave.
Speaker: They leave.
Speaker: And then they leave.
Speaker: And then they leave.
Speaker: And I don't think, I don't remember if we ever see them again.
Speaker: I don't think we do.
Speaker: Basically, they find out that they get whatever information from him that they were hoping for.
Speaker: Because they're trying to find out what his connection to Hammond was, essentially.
Speaker: And they find out there really isn't one.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Which means that this is a pointless exchange.
Speaker: This should have been cut.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So.
Speaker: So the next things that happen are also things that could have been cut or compressed to like a couple sentences.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: I'm going to run through them real quick.
Speaker: Do it.
Speaker: So they leave and Field comes in and says, hey, look at the news.
Speaker: And Dredger Core is doing the thing that they said that they would do last chapter.
Speaker: Whatever.
Speaker: Moving on.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The end.
Speaker: He goes.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker: He goes home.
Speaker: Ada is gone.
Speaker: But then Ada comes home.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: I mean, it was tense.
Speaker: It was tense for a sentence.
Speaker: And then and then she introduces him to Chava, who does the who who in the spirit of recaps does the recap of the first scene of the book.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: And the balloon man burned very nice.
Speaker: And they fucking do the thing.
Speaker: Gives him pages long reminders.
Speaker: Pages long recaps of the thing.
Speaker: And then we're back with Tanner, who is not having a good time.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: Just just yeah, now we're back.
Speaker: We're back.
Speaker: Tanner.
Speaker: He's drinking.
Speaker: He's going to bed.
Speaker: He's drinking.
Speaker: He's going to bed.
Speaker: And he's he's just thinking about he gets a call from a reporter and he hangs up and he's taking he's drinking whiskey and taking sleeping pills, which like that is the stereotypical just not a good move.
Speaker: Yeah, just a terrific combination of processes there.
Speaker: Yeah, lovely.
Speaker: And yeah, they've just released the cover up thing.
Speaker: He's not feeling real good about it.
Speaker: And he's getting the call from someone who supposedly is a reporter, I suppose.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then suddenly it's a call from Dantec.
Speaker: Yeah, that's right.
Speaker: That's right.
Speaker: He's he he he has a little conversation.
Speaker: Now, this this scene is like this is probably the best.
Speaker: One of the best death scenes in the entire book.
Speaker: I actually will say that this part is not half bad.
Speaker: This is not half bad because of the it's not.
Speaker: It's very subtle in like what the what what the implication is of what's happening.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: So you have the responsibility of hammering through the nonsensical parts.
Speaker: Why don't you enjoy yourself and walk us through this part that's actually pretty good.
Speaker: Tanner...
Speaker: Tanner is after he hangs up with the reporter and he's just like he turns the light back on.
Speaker: There's a there's another phone call and the call says it's coming from Dantec.
Speaker: And he he answers the phone.
Speaker: But instead of just on the phone, Dantec is there.
Speaker: And but he's his lips are blue.
Speaker: It's like he's losing oxygen.
Speaker: His skin is white, almost bloodless.
Speaker: And basically this Dantek hallucination is telling Tanner that he's running out of oxygen.
Speaker: Now, this is a callback to when these two characters first met.
Speaker: It's like it's literally the only impertinent backstory in the entire goddamn book.
Speaker: Is that Dantech saved Tanner during the moon wars.
Speaker: The moon wars.
Speaker: During the moon wars.
Speaker: Dantech saved Tanner during those battles by supplying him with oxygen.
Speaker: And now the situation is reversed.
Speaker: This ghost of Dan tech is telling Tanner that I need you.
Speaker: I need oxygen from you.
Speaker: And now Tanner starts hallucinating that he has an oxygen tank on and Dan tech says, just make a slit in the breathing tube.
Speaker: And, um,
Speaker: So he grabs his pocket knife and he makes a nice long cut and in his it across the breathing tube.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And then he made a long horizontal cut, almost cutting the tube right in half.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Tanner said quickly hand it to me.
Speaker: His voice sounded strange, something wrong with his vocal cords.
Speaker: He coughed, spat blood.
Speaker: The blanket in front of him seemed covered in pink mist.
Speaker: He looked down and saw that his chest was coursing with rivulets of blood.
Speaker: And then the ghost of Antec says, you should have left it down there where it was safe.
Speaker: You shouldn't have tried to understand it.
Speaker: And then, like, Tanner dies, thinking he's still, like...
Speaker: It says air keeps leaking out, but it's not air.
Speaker: It's not air.
Speaker: It's it's it's blood.
Speaker: He basically slid his own throat with this knife thinking that he was cutting the breathing tube.
Speaker: And that's picture app on Tanner.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker: And I agree.
Speaker: I think this is a, you know, I had to go back and read it again.
Speaker: Actually, in a book filled with almost no subtle moments.
Speaker: In fact, it's so unsubtle that they feel the need to repeat various parts of the book back to you over and over again.
Speaker: They actually give us a kind of horrifying and subtly done death scene.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It was nice.
Speaker: Thank you, BK.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: For throwing us a bone.
Speaker: Pretty good.
Speaker: Pretty good.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Chapter 29.
Speaker: Who wants more recaps?
Speaker: Did you guys miss Chava?
Speaker: I didn't miss him, but maybe someone did.
Speaker: This podcast is going to be called Oops All Recaps.
Speaker: All Recaps.
Speaker: Chapter 29 is basically Chava telling them more about the balloon man.
Speaker: Yeah, the balloon man.
Speaker: And then it's like there's more.
Speaker: It's three parts.
Speaker: It's balloon man.
Speaker: We know what happened to the balloon man.
Speaker: Whatever.
Speaker: Who cares?
Speaker: Another discussion about between Altman and Ada of like...
Speaker: The stories are changing.
Speaker: Fucking enough.
Speaker: And the stories are changing and I still love you and I promise and I, and I, nothing, nothing's gonna, no one's gonna get hurt or whatever.
Speaker: Like it's the whole, like promise me, Michael.
Speaker: She said, promise me.
Speaker: I can't.
Speaker: Why not?
Speaker: Look, he said, take her by the shoulders.
Speaker: You're the one who brought Shava to me.
Speaker: I didn't ask you to do that.
Speaker: And every new thing I hear makes it seem stranger and stranger.
Speaker: I need to figure out what's going on.
Speaker: And we get a moment at the end.
Speaker: I do love you, he said.
Speaker: That's not what this is about.
Speaker: She pouted, which, come on.
Speaker: Finally, she put her arms around his neck.
Speaker: I don't want to lose you, Michael, she said.
Speaker: You won't lose me, he said.
Speaker: I promise.
Speaker: Oh, my God, we get it.
Speaker: This scene...
Speaker: Is acted out in my head.
Speaker: Was it, is it, is it waiting for Guffman where Catherine O'Hara's character is talking about her acting method where she, she, she closes her eyes as she delivers her life.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then looks away when she's not delivering her life.
Speaker: I mean, my God.
Speaker: No, I think you're, you fucking nailed it.
Speaker: Like that's the only way you can imagine it.
Speaker: It's so like we get it.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: You don't want to lose each other.
Speaker: You don't want something bad to happen.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: That's enough.
Speaker: And now we get our we get to finally meet the antebellum drunk.
Speaker: who tells a really, really long story about that.
Speaker: And this is good information.
Speaker: It's super long.
Speaker: It takes forever to kind of like get through it.
Speaker: But it's basically... Well, here's the thing.
Speaker: We don't get to that good information.
Speaker: Uh, until after like, they've had a discussion of like the meanings of their names and the heritage of them.
Speaker: Oh, right.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Like the drunk's hobby is names.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So he's like, that's a German name, right?
Speaker: Interesting.
Speaker: And your name's Hebrew.
Speaker: Interesting.
Speaker: And where are you from?
Speaker: Oh, my mother was part Indian.
Speaker: Interesting.
Speaker: Interesting.
Speaker: Bengali?
Speaker: No, I'm saying a politically incorrect way of talking about a First Nation person.
Speaker: Oh, interesting.
Speaker: And it's just like pages upon pages of them discussing their 23andMe bullshit.
Speaker: And so finally he comes in and is like, all right, I'm going to tell you about the tale of the devil.
Speaker: By the way, he's the only drunk in Mexico, apparently.
Speaker: Only drunk.
Speaker: He's the he is the drunk.
Speaker: in Mexico's drunk.
Speaker: That's got to be a rough job.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: He is drinking all the drinks.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And basically he this guy gives his his his version of the Indianapolis speech.
Speaker: Yeah, pretty much.
Speaker: So basically, basically the point of the story is, even though they burned a body on the beach earlier, that's not the only body that they've ever burned.
Speaker: They've it's it's happened several times before.
Speaker: And he knows that it's connected to the people that this that this thing used to be a person, basically like that would have been good information to know.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then it's.
Speaker: Yeah, they start heading home.
Speaker: They're freaked out.
Speaker: You know, they're freaked out.
Speaker: And they head home.
Speaker: And Altman only wants to do is get in bed and just watch some shitty TV or something like that and relax.
Speaker: Which, again, any time that this writer...
Speaker: tells us that like, he's like, he's your face was something fucked up.
Speaker: And they basically just like someone mysterious calls you and wants to meet at a bar and they go, no, thank you.
Speaker: Uh, thank you.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then like some, somebody, something weird as fuck happens.
Speaker: And I always buy his writing when he's talking about people dealing with the aftermath of this shit.
Speaker: Cause it's just like, he just wants to get, I would have been surprised if he said he just wanted to take a hot bath and soak, you know, he just wants to be a little home.
Speaker: And he turns on the TV and, uh, and it's, and it's, and immediately, uh, he gets notification that William Tanner manager for treasure court, chick salube for formerly known as Equidine was found dead this morning in apparent suicide.
Speaker: So he's like, great.
Speaker: Awesome.
Speaker: This is a great way.
Speaker: This is a great end of my day.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I'm very, very relaxed now.
Speaker: I'm very feeling good.
Speaker: And he like turns it on.
Speaker: Here's that turns it off.
Speaker: And that he, and he just doesn't, and this is also relatable.
Speaker: I don't think, I think I probably would have done the same thing.
Speaker: He just chooses not to tell Ada.
Speaker: We're not gonna, we're not gonna get into that.
Speaker: Maybe, maybe I'll bring this up later.
Speaker: Maybe not.
Speaker: We've had a we've had a hell of a day.
Speaker: I'm not going to bring up my my co-worker slash friend who committed suicide.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Just be the the blood covered, you know, maraschino cherry on the top of this fucking Sunday.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So, yeah.
Speaker: Anyway, give me one second real quick for you.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Drink real quick.
Speaker: Did you know that they make white claws that are double the alcohol level now?
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: They're disgusting.
Speaker: But you're drinking it anyway.
Speaker: They get the job done.
Speaker: And I paid for him, didn't I?
Speaker: Paid for him.
Speaker: Blood orange.
Speaker: Good, good.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Lenny Small.
Speaker: Lenny Small.
Speaker: President of DredgerCore.
Speaker: He gets a point of view chapter.
Speaker: Everybody gets a point of view chapter.
Speaker: You get one and you get one and you get one.
Speaker: We're introduced to Craig Markoff, who I don't know is if he is also if is he the is he the colonel or is he is are we getting a name for the colonel now or is he a completely distinct character?
Speaker: I'm so glad that you asked that because I also wonder that this is the first time the colonel is always just the colonel.
Speaker: And the colonel is never heard from again.
Speaker: There is no more colonel.
Speaker: There is now Craig Markoff.
Speaker: And it's there's now Craig Markoff to make a point of saying these a military guy.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Government intelligence.
Speaker: He acts the same way.
Speaker: He's the same level of like villainous dickweed.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: That we got from the Colonel.
Speaker: I think it must be the Colonel.
Speaker: Yeah, I guess.
Speaker: Okay, sure.
Speaker: fine.
Speaker: Anyway.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Tanner's dead.
Speaker: Tanner's dead.
Speaker: The conversation is basically Markov recapping to Lenny that Tanner is dead.
Speaker: And
Speaker: And once again, we get too much dialogue where it's like he literally says they're like having an argument back and forth about at first it kind of makes sense because they're like, he killed himself.
Speaker: Are you sure?
Speaker: Yeah, I know.
Speaker: It doesn't quite make sense.
Speaker: That's fine.
Speaker: But then they get into like.
Speaker: He slit his own throat.
Speaker: Yeah, well, they're like, you're going to have to say something.
Speaker: I'm going to give you the official story, like our official line, in case anyone asks you.
Speaker: And he says, you know, I have a script for you, said Markov.
Speaker: Things you can say and can't say about this death, I want you to memorize it.
Speaker: Word for word, I've never been much good at memorization.
Speaker: It'll sound canned.
Speaker: The gist is fine, said Markov.
Speaker: Put it in your own words.
Speaker: Who cares?
Speaker: Who cares?
Speaker: God, who cares?
Speaker: Just say, just be like, okay, yeah, we'll tell you what to say.
Speaker: Got it.
Speaker: That's all you need.
Speaker: Markov.
Speaker: That's all you need.
Speaker: Markov then takes President Small to a meeting of Toastmasters International.
Speaker: And there's a whole section on President Small's rising through the ranks of Toastmasters.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: It's thoroughly entertaining.
Speaker: It actually could be like an Oscar bait movie if you just adapted that
Speaker: part of it and left out everything else.
Speaker: He makes it to the top with a charming but sad tale about the time that he got his father's trust after stealing $20 from his dad's wallet and giving it back to him only after he'd finally passed.
Speaker: Just a real, real heartwarming few chapters here.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then the...
Speaker: The final chapter is Altman and the boys getting their beers on.
Speaker: The boys.
Speaker: The boys.
Speaker: And they are literally just talking about getting a grant to find out what the signal is.
Speaker: And that's how part three ends, is the discussion of getting a grant to find out what the signal is.
Speaker: To figure this out.
Speaker: That is the end of the third part of the book.
Speaker: I might sound like I am being facetious.
Speaker: I am not.
Speaker: That is just how it ends.
Speaker: This is Dead Space.
Speaker: Why are you talking about Grants?
Speaker: It ends with them being...
Speaker: visibly excited, if you'll excuse the use of that term, over the concept of like, hey, we could do some more research.
Speaker: We could get a grant.
Speaker: And it literally ends with Altman saying, let's get to work.
Speaker: So I'm sure that immediately following this, they're going to get started and will not immediately be sidetracked.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Because they ended on such a strong note.
Speaker: They ended on such a strong note.
Speaker: The horrors of Spider Island.
Speaker: Good God.
Speaker: That was, and by the way, just to remind you guys, that part, part three was called the tightening of the noose.
Speaker: The tightening of the noose.
Speaker: With the
Speaker: That's that's that's well, you know, just the nowadays grant money is few and far between.
Speaker: It's not like the academic landscape of 1993.
Speaker: My young buck.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: It is a it is a very well tapped.
Speaker: Well, God, that's part three.
Speaker: No blood from that stone.
Speaker: None.
Speaker: None.
Speaker: You couldn't grind that stone down.
Speaker: And then there's a deleted chapter, apparently, immediately after this, where they talk about their favorite New Yorker cartoons.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: And they describe them in detail.
Speaker: It's crazy.
Speaker: You don't need to actually... Have you ever... Have you ever experienced the joy of not having to have your brain and your eyes all befuddled by the visualizations of a cartoon?
Speaker: Instead, having someone describe all of the finer details and then reading the hilarious caption to you?
Speaker: Ugh.
Speaker: Ugh.
Speaker: A joy that I really wish to be passed upon my countenance someday.
Speaker: I mean, that's the dream, my friend.
Speaker: That's the dream.
Speaker: That is the dream.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: So that took a lot of energy and time.
Speaker: Someone, this man sat down at a fucking computer.
Speaker: and wrote this out and turned in the chapters and was somehow fine with it.
Speaker: He turned it into his editor.
Speaker: It was like, yeah, this is the chapter where they're discussing their grant opportunities.
Speaker: Bitch.
Speaker: Like he was pumped.
Speaker: How did the, and an editor looked at it and editor looked at it and said, seems good to me.
Speaker: This is a bitch.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: This displays all the gravitas that I need in my horror fiction.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: Oh my God.
Speaker: You know, this is, this is the thing.
Speaker: All right, ladies and gentlemen, this is the thing.
Speaker: Kevin and I, Kevin and I have been doing, have been, have been doing this a long time and not podcasting specifically, but Kevin and I's entire friendship started in a room where we were sitting around a table, trying to put something together and make it funny.
Speaker: That was our, that was how we began our relationship together.
Speaker: And, and I still surprised myself when,
Speaker: When we sit down and go, oh man, I don't know.
Speaker: Like we read a chapter or read a section of the book.
Speaker: We're getting ready for an episode.
Speaker: And one of us will text the other one and go, you think we have enough material?
Speaker: I just don't.
Speaker: I feel like this thing is just like this.
Speaker: This part was so boring.
Speaker: And I just I'm worried that we're not going to have enough material to really flesh this thing out.
Speaker: And then there's a part of me that goes, you know what?
Speaker: We'll be fine.
Speaker: We have, we have endless supplies of incredulity.
Speaker: Oh, just piles of incredulity.
Speaker: Just it's, it's, it is, it is the stuff that can't fit in the office ends up in the shed out back.
Speaker: We've got to stack up the incredulity like heart, like hardwood around here.
Speaker: It is just, we will be warm all winter long.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: It's only going to get better.
Speaker: Wee!
Speaker: Wee!
Speaker: Now, I will say that in the following part, stay tuned, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker: We got more ghosts.
Speaker: Oh, gosh.
Speaker: More ghosts.
Speaker: Hey, and if you're not afraid of those ghosts, give us a five star review on Apple, iTunes or podcasts, whichever you're using to listen to this fine, fine show.
Speaker: And follow us on whatever platform you choose.
Speaker: And please follow us on Twitter.
Speaker: All that good stuff.
Speaker: Share us with your friends, your family, your pets, your Pokemon, maybe.
Speaker: Oh, absolutely.
Speaker: You could even open up your Pokemon card collection and be like, hey, listen to this podcast.
Speaker: Make sure they've evolved at least once, though.
Speaker: I feel like our general disposition is not great for, like, the youngling Pokemon.
Speaker: Not right for a Pikachu.
Speaker: Okay for a Raichu.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: And that is the extent of my Pokemon knowledge.
Speaker: Anyway, you've been listening to Pixel It.
Speaker: Have a good night, everybody.
Speaker: Good night.
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: We managed.
Speaker: We made that fun once again.
Speaker: We made that fun.
Speaker: Bye.
