Transcript
Speaker: Hey there, I'm Krista Hernandez, 30-something bookish nerd living with my husband, our fur babies, and lupus.
Speaker: It took over 20 years, but I found my path to managing and healing chronic illness.
Speaker: Now, I'm here to help you find yours.
Speaker: Hi everyone, and welcome to what is going to be a jam-packed episode of SheLived.
Speaker: You're going to want to save this one for sure.
Speaker: So, one thing you'll hear me say a lot is that every body is different, especially when it comes to chronic illness.
Speaker: Something that helps you sleep well at night might keep another woman awake.
Speaker: Dairy might go down fine for others, but it turns you into Maya Rudolph and bridesmaids.
Speaker: But no matter what condition we live with, there's one thing that unites us all.
Speaker: Stress, the Thanos of chronic illness.
Speaker: Stress is no good for anyone, but science has shown that women are physically more sensitive to stress than men, meaning that stress manifests itself more in our bodies.
Speaker: And there are two main reasons for this.
Speaker: One, our hormones work way differently than men.
Speaker: Two, women have more stress factors, which we didn't need scientists to tell us, right?
Speaker: The double burden, persistent misogyny, sexual predators, those are just some of the things men don't have to deal with.
Speaker: And it's worse for women of color who also contend with the stress and obstacles of racism.
Speaker: Stress is a lot like debt.
Speaker: Whether we have student loans, credit cards, or car loans, it all works the same.
Speaker: If you only make the minimum payment, interest accrues.
Speaker: Depending on your balance and interest rate, you might end up with more debt than you had in the first place.
Speaker: And if you default on the loan, you'll face penalties and your credit score will take a nosedive.
Speaker: Stress works the same way.
Speaker: If you only do the bare minimum to manage stress, it accrues in the body.
Speaker: And because we have systemic illnesses, our bodies are especially vulnerable to stress.
Speaker: You've probably noticed this, even if you haven't given it a lot of thought.
Speaker: If we have autoimmune or nervous system issues, we typically have a heightened stress response.
Speaker: Back when my thyroid was out of control, my husband couldn't walk into a room without me jumping out of my skin.
Speaker: Poor guy almost got an elbow in the eye one night when he hugged me as I was chewing the dishes.
Speaker: The stress hits us faster and harder, and it sets off a chain reaction.
Speaker: Something stressful happens, and before you know it, you're doubled over with gut pain, sweating like a pig, or peeing every five minutes.
Speaker: And all those moments add up over time with the other stressors of daily life, inflaming our bodies and making us miserable.
Speaker: I could go into all the physiology of how stress works and I might just do that in a future episode, but that's not what you're here for today.
Speaker: You played this episode for ways to reduce stress right now.
Speaker: So let's get into them.
Speaker: Number one, make an appointment with yourself.
Speaker: Stress may be the Thanos of chronic illness, but that does not mean your life should be perfectly balanced.
Speaker: I'm going to let you in on a secret.
Speaker: Balance is bullshit.
Speaker: Like perfection, balance doesn't exist.
Speaker: So stop trying and pressuring yourself to achieve it.
Speaker: Your life and schedule will always be in flux, but there's one thing you have to make non-negotiable in your weekly planning.
Speaker: A self-care appointment.
Speaker: Get your calendar out right now, ladies.
Speaker: Or if you're using my weekly sanity planner, get out your brain dump task list.
Speaker: Start by finding just one free hour and blocking it off for self-care.
Speaker: That hour is non-negotiable you time.
Speaker: And when I say self-care, I'm referring to anything that meets the following three requirements.
Speaker: It has nothing to do with work, it has nothing to do with kids, and it's something that brings you joy.
Speaker: If you're like me and you'd rather go to the batting cages than get your nails done, go hit some balls.
Speaker: If little ones prevent you from going to the movies and you just want to lock yourself in the bathroom to watch Downton Abbey, grab your headphones and go for it.
Speaker: Or if cooking relaxes you, whip up your favorite meal just for you.
Speaker: Whatever you decide on, broadcast that appointment to your household, even if you have to put post-its on foreheads.
Speaker: That time is now yours, and you've got to keep that boundary in place.
Speaker: At this point, some of you are thinking, I know self-care is important, but I just don't have the time.
Speaker: And that leads us to stress reduction tip number two.
Speaker: Just say no.
Speaker: Here's another secret, ladies.
Speaker: Being busy and being productive are two different things.
Speaker: In fact, I'll bet the busier you are, the less you actually get done.
Speaker: Am I right?
Speaker: That's because we women pack our schedules with all kinds of crap that we don't actually want or need to do.
Speaker: Things that don't serve us at all.
Speaker: And it's stressing us the fuck out because we don't have time, energy, or money to spare on things that aren't worth the effort.
Speaker: Still got your calendar out?
Speaker: Good.
Speaker: It's time to free yourself.
Speaker: For every appointment, play date, Zoom call, and obligation that you have booked, ask yourself one question.
Speaker: What will happen if I don't do this?
Speaker: And consider the consequences in the context of those precious currencies, time, energy, and money.
Speaker: Make a list of the positive and negative consequences of canceling a particular obligation.
Speaker: If the pros outweigh the cons, go ahead and cross it out because you can't afford it.
Speaker: This leads us right into the third major way you can reduce stress right now.
Speaker: Make your life easier.
Speaker: This has always been a tough one for me.
Speaker: I'm a planner by both nature and nurture, and I'm all about doing everything as efficiently as possible.
Speaker: However, as my husband will righteously attest,
Speaker: I have no common sense, so I'm often my own worst enemy when it comes to simplifying life.
Speaker: If you struggle with this too, and you're on the fence about some of your obligations, I have two words for you, adjustment and outsourcing.
Speaker: Instead of saying an outright no to something, you can try saying no but.
Speaker: No, I can't drive to a therapy session every week during rush hour, but I can do a Zoom session.
Speaker: No, I won't be able to volunteer anymore, but I'll give a cash donation instead.
Speaker: Or, No, I can't meet you guys for a girls night every week, but I can make it once a month.
Speaker: So with adjustment in mind, look back at anything you're iffy about and see how you can make it work.
Speaker: And now we come to outsourcing.
Speaker: No, I'm not talking about moving American jobs overseas.
Speaker: I'm talking about something that's so incredibly difficult for us to do.
Speaker: Letting other people do stuff for us.
Speaker: Did your stomach clench just hearing that?
Speaker: Do you feel the sweat building?
Speaker: I totally get it.
Speaker: Delegating means giving up control.
Speaker: And that's really hard for a lot of women in general, but especially when we have chronic illness, because we need whatever control we can get.
Speaker: And let's be real.
Speaker: We don't want to ask for help because we already feel like a burden, don't we?
Speaker: We feel like we're dead weight if we can't do all the things because society has programmed us into thinking we have to be Wonder Woman every day.
Speaker: Well, guess what?
Speaker: None of us are demigods from Themyscira.
Speaker: And the world will not end if we ask someone else to vacuum.
Speaker: Remember this too, just because someone doesn't do something your way, doesn't mean it's the wrong way.
Speaker: So if a job gets done differently, but still gets done, be happy and let it go.
Speaker: There's three main ways you can outsource all the things to simplify your life.
Speaker: The first is professional outsourcing, things like paying somebody to clean your house, using a grocery service like Instacart, or hiring a company for lawn maintenance.
Speaker: The drawback here is that services like these can get pricey and there may be other obstacles.
Speaker: For instance, there's no way I could use a service like Instacart because I have to go to five different stores to get all the specialty stuff I need.
Speaker: And I often have to make adjustments on the fly if a certain product is unavailable.
Speaker: There are some things that we have to do ourselves and others are just too expensive.
Speaker: So use your time, money and energy especially wisely here.
Speaker: Now let's talk about your support system.
Speaker: When I started working again, my husband and I made a big list of all the things that needed to be done around the house every week.
Speaker: We divvied up those tasks based on what each of us was willing to do and could do.
Speaker: For example, Pete doesn't have the patience to sort laundry or care about settings, but he doesn't mind folding.
Speaker: And he hates vacuuming.
Speaker: So I do that and he washes dishes.
Speaker: I also handle all things food because Pete is downright dangerous in the kitchen and lost in a store.
Speaker: A significant other is just one option for lightening your load.
Speaker: Kids are another.
Speaker: Even young kids can do a lot more than parents often think.
Speaker: And the younger you start, the more trainable kids are.
Speaker: I worked in childcare for a long time, and it always amazed me what kids were capable of doing if given the chance.
Speaker: If you've got little ones, they can put their toys away, they can set a table, they can feed animals.
Speaker: Those may seem like little things, but they add up.
Speaker: And the great thing about little kids is that they want to help.
Speaker: It makes them feel more grown up, and it's especially great if you turn it into a game or make quality time out of it.
Speaker: And if you have older kids, they can do a lot more.
Speaker: Give them an allowance or some other reward for helping with all kinds of things.
Speaker: Cleaning, cooking, maybe running errands if they're old enough to drive.
Speaker: Again, figure out what they're capable of and what they at least tolerate doing and go from there.
Speaker: Then you've got friends and family who can help out too.
Speaker: A friend recently invited me out to see a band at a local bar.
Speaker: I hadn't stayed out late in years, and I didn't know if I'd be alert enough to drive home, so I asked her to pick me up.
Speaker: No big deal since she lives around the corner.
Speaker: Maybe a friend can get you something from the store if they're going already, or a sibling can watch your kids for the afternoon.
Speaker: Like with everything else, see what you can shift around and make work.
Speaker: And remember this, people don't know you need help if you don't ask.
Speaker: And if they love you, they'll want to help if they can.
Speaker: The last form of delegation isn't about people, but products doing work for you.
Speaker: I love buying pre-chopped veggies, especially squash, because those can be a bitch to cut.
Speaker: Onions, garlic, sweet potatoes too.
Speaker: It saves me time and it saves my hands from getting stiff.
Speaker: Yes, items like this are more expensive, but I save above and beyond that cost by shopping at Costco.
Speaker: It comes down to what you need to simplify the most.
Speaker: Maybe you're fine on food, but your home office looks like a tornado touchdown.
Speaker: Make some room in your budget for organizational supplies.
Speaker: It'll be well worth the cost when you see how much time and energy the disarray has been costing you.
Speaker: Another area where you can find a lot of great convenience products is pet care.
Speaker: I used to go crazy filling up my dog's small water bottles several times a day.
Speaker: So I got Logan and Natty a big automatic gravity feeder that lasts a week for both of them.
Speaker: We do the same for our cat, Becky.
Speaker: The lady of the manor has a gravity food feeder and her own plug-in water fountain.
Speaker: Downstairs, of course, so the canine heathens can't get into it.
Speaker: I also have a special harness for Natty that has pockets on the side.
Speaker: On days where I need to tire her out more, but don't have the time or energy for a longer walk, I can drop a can of beans in each pocket, weighing her down just enough to make her walk or work out.
Speaker: So do a little life inventory and determine what areas you need the most help with, then see if there are products that can save you time or energy.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: I've thrown a lot at you just now.
Speaker: If you're a little overwhelmed, remember the bottom line.
Speaker: If you want to reduce stress in your life, you have to make yourself a priority.
Speaker: Start from there and take it one step at a time.
Speaker: In the meantime, I want to hear from you about what your biggest stressors are right now or what steps you've already taken to simplify your life.
Speaker: So come chat with me on Instagram at Krista H. Des or email me at Krista at KristaHernandez.com.
Speaker: Check out the show notes for those links and the link to my website where, if you haven't downloaded it already, you can get my free weekly sanity planner, a task manager tailored to the challenges you face with chronic illness.
Speaker: It'll help you prioritize your to-do list and be more efficient with your most precious resources, time and energy.
Speaker: So go to kristahernandez.com and get your free weekly sanity planner today.
Speaker: Your body will thank you tomorrow.
Speaker: Thanks for joining me here on SheLibbed.
Speaker: See you next time.
