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Madame Leeson: a Madam before her time
26 Plays17 days ago
In this episode we go on a journey back to the Georgian era, exploring the life of Madame Margaret Leeson, a Dublin madam and prostitute. Discover the challenges and societal pressures she faced, her candid reflections on virtue and vice, and the poignant story of her memoir. Grace delves into the complexities of Leeson's life, offering insights into the historical context and personal struggles that shaped her narrative. Join us for a compelling exploration of history, morality, and resilience.
Sources Used: Memoirs of Mrs. Leeson
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Transcript
Introduction and Episode Topic
00:00:15
Speaker
Hey everyone, welcome to another episode of Harlots and Hearses. It's me, your host Grace Ardis. For anyone watching this episode, I do want to address the elephant in the room. Yes, I am in a different recording space. In the last episode, I said i was back in the East Coast. Now I'm back in Texas again, or just keep going back and forth back and forth between the two but anyways so if anything is off with the video or you notice different setting or if you notice the sound that's why trying to get everything kind of set up in this my old actual uh bedroom so anyways this episode i am really excited about it once again goes back to my days in grad school focusing on Georgian prostitution and madams and this is actually thanks to one of you guys.
00:01:04
Speaker
I'm gonna shout out Ellie X from Spotify. She wanted to hear more about Georgian era prostitution so I'm just going back to do it. And also I feel like the last kind of two episodes were very dark like very dark and very heavy so this one is a little bit lighter and I'm actually really excited. So without further ado, let's dive into this
Madam Margaret Leeson's Memoirs
00:01:25
Speaker
episode. This episode, we are going to be focusing on Madam Margaret Leeson, who was actually a Dublin prostitute and madam from the 1727, I believe, to
00:01:38
Speaker
twenty seven i believe to the seventeen ninety s That was her era. Now, what really sets Margaret, or Miss Leeson, apart is that she was one who actually ended up writing a memoir ah about her experiences, her life, and what she went through. And it was the reason that she did that was kind of twofold.
00:01:57
Speaker
So one of the reasons that at the time it was stated and believed that women and madams specifically would write these memoirs was for blackmail, trying to get back at kind of their ex-clients and in that regard. The other reason primarily was for financial reasons. A lot of the madams at the time, if they did end up writing a memoir, they did so because they were very broke.
00:02:21
Speaker
um Because I think if we go back to the episode I did over Charlotte Hayes, which i think was episode three or four, and going back to the Covent Garden, the life cycle of a prostitute, of a woman partaking in this work. if not done correctly, was relatively short-lived.
00:02:41
Speaker
And that was A, because they had diseases, so they could no longer engage in that. Or B, their looks started to fade, so they couldn't get as much clients as they did when they were younger. Or ah like a lot of them, they ended up in debtor's jail because while the finances were good at a period, a lot of them just couldn't, they got used to a lavish lifestyle and they couldn't end up supporting themselves. So The story of Madame Leeson is kind of a similar tune. So the reason that she did this is she had a very luxurious house towards the end in Dublin. And she actually ended up finding herself in debtor's prison. She was not able to so afford her lifestyle. She kind of was hoping that she could support herself off of IOUs.
00:03:29
Speaker
um and cash in on those and she was unsuccessful. So the reason behind her memoir was it was A, to make money, B, to kind of explain her situation and how she ended up there and also her story. It's in part like a warning tale of what can happen if feel the devices control you if you, if you get caught up in them.
00:03:48
Speaker
And then also as if you don't plan for your future, she does heavily warn against that. The other reason is she was kind of hoping that by mentioning these men, that the reason that she did, they would kind of cash in on their IOUs.
00:04:02
Speaker
I'm going to split this into two parts. The reason for that is because if I were to do a whole episode over her and combine all together, I'd probably be here for like five hours. just because she lived such a full life.
00:04:15
Speaker
And B, the second part of why I want to split it into two is kind of the first, this episode is really going to focus on how she came to be and kind of explain how a lot of women came to be in this situation.
00:04:28
Speaker
And then the second episode is going to be kind of how she ended her life. So we're going to stop
Leeson's Early Life and Family Struggles
00:04:34
Speaker
about the halfway point. Miss Leeson was very literate and I love her writing style in this. It's very, you can tell that, like I'll get into, she came from a very well-educated background and that really reflects in the writing itself.
00:04:48
Speaker
She's very eloquent everything she says and everything she says, she says for a reason. The writing itself is also very beautiful. The the phrasing that she uses is beautiful. So kind of, she starts off this whole memoir with saying that she knew that the prudish would be fearful of her memoir, that they would be totally unfit to be read by any female of delicacy. She goes on to say that the prudent parent declared they should be kept out of sisters and nieces and daughters sight least they should prove infectious so already right off the bat she is like i know what people are going to say about this memoir and they're going to say it's going to corrupt the innocent female delicacy and then she goes on to
00:05:33
Speaker
correct that and kind of set the record straight by saying like, while I am careful not to pin a single line or use a single expression that can excite a blush on the most refined and delicate cheek, I shall yet endeavor to dimple it into a smile. So she goes like, I'm not going to go and get into like the, the juicy details that can make even a practice person blush.
00:05:55
Speaker
But she's like, will go into some. And throughout this most part, like if you go into this thinking this memoir, thinking that it's going to be the smuttiest book that you've ever read, you just don't don't have that. There's none of that.
00:06:09
Speaker
ah The most she gets into is just saying that they they slept together. um That that's it. It's kind of like a fade to black situation. She goes on to say that a female so much acquainted with men and manners as herself, and so often the subject of public and private conversation, cannot sit down to fill the ever open ears and feed the ever gaping mouse of curiosity without some reflections.
00:06:32
Speaker
And so this is her just once again saying that like, this is going to be like the reflection of my life and that's why I'm wanting to do it. And she says, if she intends to be candid, she must necessarily expose some characters to censure.
00:06:47
Speaker
but then their own conduct has drawn it upon them and she stands acquitted at the bar of justice she must betray her own faults and condemn her own errors but if thereby force she cautions others against falling into the like she extends a public benefit So that is kind of like her mission statement of the whole memoir, saying that, like, I am going to be candid on my life. I'm going to reflect on, you know, what I did, good and bad.
00:07:15
Speaker
And ultimately, like, I'm going to show and reflect, like, what not to do with your life and give warning. So she is saying that ultimately, like, this book is not something to be condemned. It should actually something that should be raised aware of because it can help the public. She then goes on a whole rant over chastity and chastity is a huge thing during this period. I mean, it's a huge thing throughout history because she goes on that ah to say that chastity, I willingly acknowledge, is one of the characteristic virtues of the female sex.
00:07:46
Speaker
But then she asked the question, is that the only virtue that a woman can have? And that's the best. And then she goes on to kind of like dispose this myth of how chastity can be a double edged sword. If you consider this woman chaste and that's all she's known for, a woman can be chaste and also be a horrible person, she points out.
00:08:05
Speaker
And then she also goes that like, and I kind of like this because it's kind of calling, calling a lot of women out at this period as well, because she goes, is it more possible that the most females of the above mentioned classes, so the middle and upper classes, during this period.
00:08:21
Speaker
Is it more possible that most females of the above-mentioned classes may be only chaste by chance and may be totally ignorant whether they are so or not? The whole thing that she's pointing out here is like, she's saying that Some women may be only chaste because they never even been tempted. They never have been around men. So it's even weird to even call women chaste if they've never even experienced that.
00:08:43
Speaker
And she goes on to kind of challenge the readers of this. Have you ever resisted importunity and opportunity with a man you loved? and resisted it from principle if you have i will allow you a claim to that appellation but on no other terms but enough of these reflections for the present so she's saying like if you have never even been in this situation where you were with a man that you loved and you actually stay true to being chased then you can judge me but unless you have been in that situation she's like i don't want to hear it
00:09:16
Speaker
ah And I major props to her for calling out kind of the hypocrisy that a lot of people were facing and put on to other women. That's like all in kind of like the preface, if you will, of her memoir. So that is what she's setting up this memoir to be of being like, she's like, look, I know I'm not a perfect woman.
00:09:34
Speaker
I know I have a past, but unless you have walked in my shoes and you have been there, do not judge me for it. And I have to respect that. So she goes on to talk about her birth and how she grew up. And she did come from a very proper and well-to-do family.
00:09:50
Speaker
So she says she first drew her bath in Caloay and where her father, you know, possessed a handsome property and the town and the family was related to the Earl of Kavan. And she goes when she was younger, she she had multiple siblings.
00:10:08
Speaker
It's kind of hard a little bit to keep track of them in this book and her memoir, but i will do my best. So she goes, when she was young, she had an eldest sister who married a Mr. Smith and they established a brewery. Then her next eldest sister married a Mr. Beattie and they kept a china shop in Dublin. So the period when her mother alive was good and she has fond memories of that.
00:10:32
Speaker
She does say, however, and spoiler alert, her mother does end up dying in this because her mother would end up contracting a fever. Now, during this fever, her and her other siblings would be sent out, her brothers to the neighborhood and her and her other sisters to go live with family. Now, her oldest brother at the time, he decided that he was going to stay with his mom and take care of the mom.
00:10:55
Speaker
However, because of that, he would end up getting sick just like her mother and they both would end up dying. So in a very short period of time, she lost her oldest brother and she lost her mom. Her father kind of upon this, and she says her father was so desolate with the loss of his old partner and his dearly loved eldest son.
00:11:16
Speaker
And he was also struck with rheumatism that he essentially gave up and found himself unable to manage the affairs of the household.
00:11:27
Speaker
What would happen then is the father would take it upon himself to kind of like load the whole household management and kind of like guardianship of the younger sister ah of the younger siblings and herself to her next oldest brother, whose name was Chris.
00:11:42
Speaker
Chris is actually a horse horrible piece of shit person. um He's not good. And she goes on to say, like, the reason that Chris was so bad is because he kind of got intoxicated upon this power that was bestowed upon him.
00:11:58
Speaker
And he kind of let it all go to his head. And so while intoxicated with this new power that he has, he also realized like, hey, I have access to all of the family's finances.
00:12:09
Speaker
And if I have access to all the family's finances, I can just allocate all of that to myself. I don't have to give anything to my siblings, especially i don't have to give anything to my sisters. And at the time, as we know, there was a dead thing as a dowry.
00:12:24
Speaker
So as a woman, you got married, your family was expected to pay the groom a price for the dowry. Well, Chris was like, if I just don't approve any marriages, any proposals that come my way, I don't have to pay anything and I can keep that money for myself. She goes on to say,
00:12:42
Speaker
He grudged them a shilling while he squandered pounds. So he wouldn't give any money, but he was so fine with spending it on himself. So the next oldest sister, the one who was unmarried, she was unable to bear his constant ill and his ill will.
00:12:57
Speaker
So she asked the father if she could go herself to Dublin to go live with the eldest sister. She goes on to say that his vices had made him extravagant and extravagance has rendered him his receipts inadequate to his ideal disbursements. and So he was doing all of this and not wanting to put in work to get any money. So they were, the family was quickly running out of money. So her older sister at the time, her next unmarried eldest, while in Dublin she had met a man and they wanted to get married and Chris was very heavily against this. He did pretty much everything in his power to forbid the marriage from happening.
00:13:35
Speaker
But luckily for her sister, the man that she was with, Mr. Brady, was essentially willing to forego the dowry, forego the money, and kind of forego Christopher's permission as well, and marry her sister anyways.
00:13:50
Speaker
She says the nuptials took place and the happy couple returned to Dublin, and they took her Margaret Leeson with them. reflects fondly over this time in Dublin saying that you know when she was there her time passed in pleasing scenes of delight she was finally surrounded by good company and amusements the three months that she stayed there but after three months she received a summon saying that she had to go back home she was very upset with this because kind of for two parts A. During those three months in Dublin, she met a man named Mr. O'Reilly.
00:14:26
Speaker
She was very fond of Mr. O'Reilly and but they spent time together. Mr. O'Reilly was friends with Mr. Brady, so her brother-in-law. Mr. O'Reilly went as far as like setting down a proposal to her father.
00:14:40
Speaker
But her father was like, I don't control this anymore. You have to ask Christopher. And Christopher was hell sent against letting her be married to Mr. O'Reilly. And after the proposal got rejected by Christopher, Mr. O'Reilly was gone and saying, I don't want to deal with any of this. She says that the wound she had received had not penetrated very deep.
00:15:01
Speaker
An absence in a little time completely healed it and did not even leave a little scar behind. And she soon forgot about him. But Mr. O'Reilly wasn't the only person during her time in Dublin that she quickly caught the eye of and began a relationship with.
00:15:17
Speaker
She had also caught the attention of a man named Mr. L. And she goes on to describe him as an amiable young gentleman from an independent fortune. And, you know, he had entertained an affection for her Essentially soon after Mr. O'Reilly left, Mr. L came swooping in and um, he ah followed her back to her father's house in the countryside and he asked once again for the permission and she says that her father looked very fondly upon mr l but christopher had a thousand objections and seemed determined neither to let her be happy or make any other person so she goes on to say that mr else ended up staying at their place in the countryside for a fortnight which is about two weeks
00:16:05
Speaker
And, you know, she tried, he tried to win over, you know, her father again. He won over her little brother, Garrett, but he was ultimately unable to win over Christopher. And so because of this, he ended up leaving. And at this one, Miss Leeson was very upset over it. And essentially after that, like Christopher became even more so abusive. And she says he would seize every pretense to quarrel with us when we came back and he frequently horse whipped and beat us in the most savage manner so that our bodies were more often covered with wheels and bruises. And then her brother would also mock her for all these dejected marriage proposals. She was back at home when she got word from her brother-in-law, Mr. Smith, that he actually had someone in mind for her and he was asking for
00:16:58
Speaker
her hand in marriage a man who she describes it's pretty funny how she
Romance and Rejection
00:17:04
Speaker
describes him a man who was a grocer of a disgusting person being ill-made hard feature with the continence of a baboon shabbily dressed and to complete my dislike, wore a wig. And she says, like, I never had interest in him whatsoever, but he felt so embodied that he felt himself to do a marriage proposal, which was approved by her brother-in-law, Smith.
00:17:29
Speaker
Margaret just talks about how much she doesn't like this grocer yeah and how she constantly kept rejecting the proposal and wanted nothing to do with it.
00:17:40
Speaker
And she says, like, another reason for her refusal for this proposal is that she had a dawning attachment to another in her own language. And, you know, he was... She describes the man as a really engaging person. And, you know, like...
00:17:56
Speaker
like gave her every possible mark of attention and respect. But even though she had this affection for this man, it didn't matter because the grocer had gotten the approval of her brother-in-law, Mr. Smith, and from her father. This increased her diswant of the marriage so much so that she convinced the suitor that, you know, if we just like go off and get married, we don't I don't have to face the fact.
00:18:24
Speaker
I don't have to accept this man's proposal. And the suitor actually agreed with it And she says that he procured horses and as soon as it turned dusk, they set off and they were accompanied by a friend, stopped at the next town over and they were taking slight refreshment of wine and cake and to feed the horses.
00:18:44
Speaker
But Mr. Smith, upon hearing this, he set off after her and chased her down. And the pursuers came to the door. They found her there, pistols in hand, broke into the room where she was and essentially forced her to come back home.
00:19:01
Speaker
This essentially made this pursuers love not want anything to do with her. She was taken back home. Luckily, Mr. Smith didn't tell her brother what had happened, that she had planned to run off and get married.
00:19:14
Speaker
But because she had run off, it made the grocer resend his proposal. So after Mr. Smith had returned her back to ah the house where she resided with Christopher and her father, she said that Christopher was even more determined at this point in his cruelty. And this was very apparent when she saw her sister, her little sister.
00:19:37
Speaker
And she said she had a gentle spirit but that was entirely broken and a subtle gloom hung upon her and she had become quite emancipated. And she'd soon took after her bed and died, an absolute victim to Christopher's cruelty.
00:19:52
Speaker
So she came back home from this trying to escape and all that she was met with when she came home was Christopher's cruelty and the effects of Christopher's cruelty upon her sister, which led to her death.
00:20:04
Speaker
So now she's left at the house with her little brother, Garrett, her father and Christopher. And she so goes on to say that her and Garrett were constantly at the mercy of Christopher.
00:20:17
Speaker
and remain the sole victims of his tyranny and that her father, because he was confined to bed, saw very little of it. And she kind of just like shows this cruelty in a story about how she had went to church on a Sunday and she had come back and Christopher was outraged with her because she took a horse to go to church. She said, well, I had father's permission to do so, so I thought it was okay.
00:20:41
Speaker
Christopher, after this, beat her so brutally with a horse whip that the sleeves of her dress, so of her riding outfit, essentially could not be removed without physically cutting them off because her arms had swollen so much from the beating.
00:20:57
Speaker
And then not to mention, she was confined to her bed for 10 days after this beating. And she goes on to say that like when as soon as she was able to crawl from her bed, she went to go to her father to beg him to like get her out of this house because it wasn't safe for her. And her father agreed and said, you know, the first opportunity he could, he would get her money so she could get out and she could escape.
00:21:22
Speaker
And he her father, to his credit, did stick to that. And ah she she had left. And she was able to go and stay some time at her sister's sister's house in dublin but then her father called her back because he felt his health was failing and he wanted his daughter at his side and she wanted to see garrett again her little brother and garrett for a bit because he'd gotten bigger and stronger he was able to actually stand up to christopher and keep christopher's violence at bay for a time
00:21:56
Speaker
That restraint really did not last long. And then once the restraint broke, it came back with a fury. She goes on to say like another time that she had come home from being out that no sooner has she entered the door than Christopher fell on her with her horse whip.
00:22:12
Speaker
And he beat her so brutally that she vomited blood and then she was bedridden for three months afterwards. This because she was beaten so badly and the screams that she was giving were so loud. Her father was actually aware of this beating, but her father wasn't able to do anything because he was bedridden. So once the father had gotten servants to carry him down to the scene of the beating, he was able to get Christopher off of her. And her father told her, you know, you are as soon as you are well enough to travel, essentially, like you are going to be out of this house because I recognize that is not safe for you. he kept to his word and soon as she was healed she was sent to dublin to go live with her sisters and during her time in dublin she reflects about how like during this period after her mother died had essentially all she had had known was pain and she know very little of pleasure but when she got to her sister she was finally able to like experience like pleasure again and kind of like have this new kind of like will of happiness and for like living she She said ah for some time that, you know, when she first got to Dublin, like her body was weak and her health was precarious and her spirits were heavily oppressed and pleasure had seemed to lost their exhilarating effect.
00:23:31
Speaker
And she kind of went into this depression. Now, it was during this state of her health where she would be introduced. to a friend of her brother-in-law's by the name of
Financial Struggles and Societal Critiques
00:23:43
Speaker
Mr. Dargis. And he kind of, during the state where she was healing, he came to her as as a friend and he helped her, she says, he helped her languid state with a sympathetic eye of compassion.
00:23:55
Speaker
and you know, he frequently conversed with her and all his study seemed to be to console and comfort her. And when she started getting better and she started getting healthier, his visits became more frequent, his attachment to me more visible, and he ah appeared kind of just more friendly to her in general.
00:24:14
Speaker
And she says like she was really excited about this, but he only spoke to her with the language of friendship. And that kind of disappointed her because she wanted more.
00:24:25
Speaker
But whenever whenever she was fully healed and totally back on the mend, she says that Mr. Dardis was like now seldom absent. He at length spoke of the language of love and she listened to it with pleasure. And she says like his proposals were honorable and that they agreed that at the time due to, you know, his state of affairs and, you know, her own situation in life that um it wouldn't make sense to be married. They just weren't in the stage to be married.
00:24:56
Speaker
But he told her that he ultimately did want to marry her, just not yet. And Ms. Leeson says, i looked upon him as my future husband and as such permitted his visits by night as well as day that we might give vent to the effusion of our passions unobserved by others.
00:25:15
Speaker
So at this point, she's like, because, because I thought I was going to marry him. She's like, I slept with him. And that's just what we did because I thought he was the one. And she goes on to say that, and this is kind of where you see in the memoirs that she does give warning to her readers.
00:25:31
Speaker
She says, here then was my first failing, the first indeed, but the fatal foundation of all that followed. Learn hence, my young female readers, cautiously to guard against the first approaches of vice.
00:25:43
Speaker
Learn to keep firm the barriers of virtue and know the smallest breach is made in the mounds of chastity. Vice rushes in like a torrent. And she goes on to call him like her seducer and how he had triumphed. But she also feels weird saying he triumphed when she had so willingly agreed to it.
00:26:01
Speaker
And she feels weird even calling him her seducer because she met the seduction halfway. And she says like during all of this, like she kept saying like he was very resilient and saying that they are going to get married and that, you know, he will be there for her.
00:26:19
Speaker
And he like he constantly repeated his visits, both public and private. So it's not like they were sneaking around. like Everyone knew they were seeing each other, just not the extent that they were seeing each other. Through all this, he did not drop his assurances of his honorable intentions.
00:26:37
Speaker
and i love how she words this she goes in short i found myself in a state that could not be long hidden but would soon produce a living witness to my indiscretion so she was pregnant so she did tell him about this and he met it with like joy but he also upon hearing this because she was like well now we have to get married because i have a kid that is coming and he said like to marry me in private might indeed silence any scruples of the conscience but would not stop the clamors of the world and a public marriage would deprive him of the countenance of his friends in all hopes of the benefit of succeeding his family fortune so he's like if i marry you in private you know it's good like the child will not grow up essentially a bastard, like yourson your sin, your conscience will be clear. However, won't stop the rumors that are going on.
00:27:29
Speaker
But he also said, I can't marry you in public just yet because, you know, my friends will look down upon it. My family will look down upon it and I won't get the money that I'm set to inherit. So they kind of got into a pickle. And so he told her that the best method that, you know, he saw in all these circumstances was that, you know, she should leave the her sister's house that she was staying at and essentially go to lodgings that he would get set up for her. And the reason for this is he's like, you know, if you stay with your sister, she's going to find out you're pregnant sooner or later. So just stay at these lodgings until you give birth. And then after that, more we'll handle everything as it comes. So she did. She left her sisters a rush and she went to go to the lodgings that he had set up. Now, the lodgings apparently were not at the best establishments.
00:28:18
Speaker
She goes, the lodgings were gentile and convenient, but in the most improper house to which chance could have directed him. For although the mistress of it had a very respectable appearance, she was one of the impure ones.
00:28:31
Speaker
So essentially, he got her set up in like a madam's house or close to it, like a brothel-esque. style of lodging. Not the best, not ideal. And she goes, this is kind of the first time in her life because she's now living alone that, you know, she doesn't have any of her siblings. You know, she doesn't have her friends around her, former acquaintances around her. She is alone. And As much as she enjoyed herself in the company of Mr. Dardis, when she was alone, she was oppressed with anxiety and could neither look back without remorse nor forward without apprehension.
00:29:06
Speaker
And she says her mind was constantly tormented with thoughts and, and especially of like what her family would say of the matter.
00:29:16
Speaker
Because she left so suddenly, her two brothers-in-laws went to the pub, public house, um public house, which a.k.a. a pub, that was next door to where she she lodged to try and find her.
00:29:30
Speaker
And they essentially found out where she was staying, and they gave gave up up the search. and just figured, you know, she she's an abandoned woman. And they went away without wishing to see her.
00:29:43
Speaker
This really upset Margaret. And Mr. Dardis told her, you know, just write your sister, just write your sister, Brady, and request that, you know, she visit you. So she did that. She wrote her sister. Her sister came to visit.
00:29:55
Speaker
She said that the visit with her sister was long and her sister was just very heavily interrograte interrogating her on, you know, why are you here? What are you doing?
00:30:06
Speaker
And, you know, don't you don't even live here. Just come back and live with me. She promised her that I ah will come back and live with you. That is until Mr. Dardis came back and heard about what her sister said. And he was like, you can't go live with your sister. She's going to find out you're pregnant.
00:30:22
Speaker
And that will throw a whole wrench in everything. And it just won't go good. So you just need to stay here. She she agreed. He, Dardis to his credit, he did procure her a new set of lodgings in a place that was a little better than than where she was staying with with the improper mistress.
00:30:40
Speaker
And it was at those lodgings where she would ultimately end up giving birth to girl. And she says that Mr. Dardis, to her credit, upon like having seen the child, he was very elated and transported with joy at seeing but seeing her. And he had a great fondness for the daughter. you know at this lodging she was happy with the company but she says her eyes would frequently swim with tears inside in size dardis was like you need to contact like your friends and your family like don't don't force yourself to live alone here so finally she did reach out to her sister smith
00:31:20
Speaker
her whole plan with reaching out to her sister smith was to say like hey the reason i was gone i was visiting fam like i was visiting a cousin like that's why i was gone like no need to worry and so she thought she would be fine the only wrench in the plan is she actually did run into the cousin that she told her sister about a few weeks earlier and when she met the cousin the cousin was like come visit me come stay with me she was like yeah i i will i promise but that only said like she knew she couldn't because she was pregnant and that if she stayed with her cousin the cousin would see so essentially like she went as far as the cousin's house and then just like bailed in the night
00:32:05
Speaker
So she thought, you know, there's no way my sister will hear about this story. So I'm safe to use my cousin's name. That was her first mistake because little did she know that that cousin ended up writing her a letter telling her how rude you were and how horrible, like, I didn't do to deserve this and the ill behavior.
00:32:28
Speaker
That letter got delivered to her sister Smith's house because that was where she was residing. But then since the letter went unopened for so long, her sister ended up opening it up and reading it. And then that's when her sister learned of her deception of like, okay, so you didn't stay with her cousin. So what's going on? So she essentially went to sister's house and she says she was not even admitted so far as the parlor.
00:32:54
Speaker
She immediately called me a vile wrench, bade me be gone, and pushed me violently from the door and shut it in my face. And she's like, okay, so this sister's out. This sister now knows my story, knows what happened, knows I essentially got knocked up by this man.
00:33:10
Speaker
Can't go to her. I'll go to try my other sister, Sister Brady. And once she went to Miss Brady, her sister, she actually faced worse treatment and a more severe repulse from her sister.
00:33:23
Speaker
So now she essentially, her family wanted nothing to do with her. So she went back to the lodgings that Mr. Dardis had set up. So she went to the lodgings that Mr. Dardis had set up for her.
00:33:35
Speaker
And it was here after the reactions of both her sisters that she was determined to not want anything to do with that man anymore. She's like, I'm done with you. This is how I ended up with life. Like, I'm going to stay here, but I don't want another dime from you or to see you again.
00:33:52
Speaker
Now she's even more alone. She doesn't have Mr. Dardis providing for her anymore. So, but she still needs money and she still needs to be taken care of. So this essentially made her write her father and to try to ask her father for help.
00:34:07
Speaker
And her father was like, you know, come, come back home. We'll take care of it. You can stay. So she goes back home, except Christopher is still there. And Christopher refused to let her into the house. So she essentially was at the front of the steps just of this house weeping.
00:34:25
Speaker
And, you know, her father told her, go see your sisters. And she's like, I can't go see my sisters. I want nothing to do with me. so her father eventually got Christopher to come to some senses.
00:34:36
Speaker
And what Christopher did is he rounded up a carriage and take her back to Dublin. At this, she's telling about how the only support that she had was what she made from selling her clothes article by article to satisfy the craving of nature. until she was essentially reduced to like neckness and starving.
00:34:55
Speaker
She says she humbled herself even more and went to her sister Smith because she knew her sister had a large family at this time. And you know, she she asked her sister, you like, I will make you and your children's clothes.
00:35:08
Speaker
and never offend or try to hurt you in any respect. respect And her sister refused her even more so. And she declared that if a morsel of bread would save me from death and destruction, she would refuse it to me.
00:35:23
Speaker
So she just essentially got dejected again and dejected in a very, very harsh manner. Because her sister was like, yeah it's essentially the equivalent of saying like, yeah, even if you were on fire, I wouldn't even piss on you.
00:35:38
Speaker
is what her sister told her and it's it's her own blood and the reason in part for this is has to do again with the nature of chastity and the nature of virtue and This sister, and this is not defending her sisters at all, but it was just like of the time of like you, because they came from a well-to-do family, her sister didn't want anything that could tarnish her name, that could tarnish her children's name and to look bad upon them. And it's at this stage in her life, at this kind of lowest point. So she had just gotten dejected by her sisters. That is when she would kind of make the ultimate switch.
00:36:19
Speaker
So upon going to her sisters, she came across two men who invited her to dine with them. Because she was going to her sister, she's like, you know, thanks, but no thanks. I'm good. I don't know. But then after her sisters, she started to reflect and, you know, she could not help but condemning herself for shyness that they appear to her to be gentlemen gentlemen.
00:36:44
Speaker
She said that surely they couldn't do her any harm. So she was kind of having these thoughts of like, you know I should have done it. I should have gone with them. um it could be the harm. So she walks by the same door in the same building that she came across them in the first place. And woe and behold, they are still there. And she said, you know, they seemed pleased at meeting with me.
00:37:07
Speaker
And, you know, they pressed me to go into the house, which after some hesitation, she did. And they had tea. And this is where we get the name of one of the men. His name was Mr. Claude Field.
00:37:20
Speaker
And Mr. Claude Field asked for her name and where she lodged. And so she told him. And he begged her permission to see her home. So he walked her home upon this walk together. This is where he told her after giving her the two guineas, you know, if you give up the idea of going to the country where we know you're not well received, if you stay here, he's he told her, you know, I will settle you most comfortably and conveniently and would be my protector.
00:37:47
Speaker
And he told me that I would never want again. She agreed just because she was having gratitude and she wanted to be out of this situation. She goes, this gentleman had relieved my wants when they were become, when they, this is the problem with reading books from the 1700s is the grammar is not always correct.
00:38:07
Speaker
Let me try it one more time. This gentleman had relieved my wants when they became extreme. i was in possession of more money of my own than I had seen for many months. But she also admits that she was blind to the sacrifice that she was about to make and what kind of path this would ultimately end up setting her on.
00:38:25
Speaker
The next evening, Mr. Clotterfield came to see her again, but this time he was in lace cloth and very well dressed. And Miss Leeson states that, you know, upon seeing this well dressed man coming into this house, the landlady like told the two of them like this housing is not fit for you guys to be here. Like I can't let you continue to stay here. Clotterfield Mr. Clotterfell, to his credit, was like, okay, that's fine. I'll give you lodging somewhere else.
Reflections on Morality and Life Choices
00:38:54
Speaker
This ah essentially like allowed him to visit her whenever he wanted and whenever he thought proper. This is also like diving into kind of how self-aware that Miss Leeson was at the time as well, because she goes on and kind of like stops and breaks a fourth wall of the book.
00:39:09
Speaker
of saying, here, let me anticipate the exclamation of many of my female readers. They will doubtlessly say, we pitied your first transgression. You might plead youth, inexperience, and affection, but here you had no excuse.
00:39:23
Speaker
You weakly yielded to the temptation of a stranger. you should have gone to service. You should have really died for want rather than procured substance at such the price you have paid for it. And she kind of like calls them out of like, she essentially calls out the future readers and these thoughts out of saying like, all of that is so easy to say.
00:39:45
Speaker
And all of that may very well be true. But let me ask you this. Were you ever at the point of starving? Did you ever experience real want in part with any article of value you've ever had to just procure scantely meal? Did you ever live for many days on a single pound?
00:40:05
Speaker
It's just she's going back to the kind of the hypocrisy that of like, unless you have walked in my shoes, unless you have been hungry, you have no place calling me out because you don't know what you will do in that situation. She goes, for not till I had endured all this misery and felt the severe pangs of hunger, did I err again? She goes on to say, therefore, we may well say, he just had a scar who never felt a wound. And she also takes up the point, too, if she's like, how could I have gone into service? You know, with the background that I have read upon who I had would have, no one would take me.
00:40:43
Speaker
as a servant and I don't even have like a character witness to go to because all of my family wants nothing to do with me. she And then she kind of calls out her sister. She's like, my sisters may have saved me from ruin, but they, even then my own blood refused to do so.
00:41:00
Speaker
I kind of like this point that she makes as well as she goes, the real cause of multitude of unhappy women is the harshness of their own sex. who thinking to elevate their own real or pretended virtue by condemning the failures of others.
00:41:17
Speaker
And so she's also just calling out, and this is still very prevalent even today, of kind of like women who put down other women to make themselves seen better. It doesn't make you a better person. It just makes you a shitty person. And she, and this was back in the seventeen hundreds was even feeling this and aware of this and calling out the hypocrisy of the so-called virtue of you all say that you you know you want to have virtue, you want to be a good person, but yet here you are making yourselves unhappy by doing so. i think that this is like one of the reasons why I resonate so much
00:41:55
Speaker
with this memoir and with uh miss leeson and and so going back two mr clatterfield so she says like his attention to her increased daily and he frequently invited and entertained at his house and you know it was this that you know her time passed smoothly she says she was intoxicated with pleasure that banished all reflection and so once again she was pregnant with a son which seemed to kind of augment her lover's satisfaction as he told her he never intended to marry.
00:42:31
Speaker
And essentially she goes on to say that, you know, as soon as she gave birth to the son, that Mr. Clotterfield realize that oh i kind of can't not be married but i can't be married to you so instead he got married to a um she calls him a miss hawksworth she goes on to say that you know he behaved honorably in regard to me and he assured me that the boy will never be in once nor will she if she conducted herself with propriety if she conducted herself with propriety seems
00:43:07
Speaker
easy enough to do and so this continued for a bit and she goes on to say like you know even though she was left by her lover you know she wasn't destitute and you know his generosity like afforded her lifestyle in a way that she was comfortable with and she says that like while he was gone he was out of her life she had started up a friendship with this lady of fashion which is another means of just saying like another high class madam another high-class prostitute a courtesan if you will introduced her to the most elegant demi reps in town and this woman like knew she was fond of music and so she invited miss leeson to entertainment in the taverns into the shows miss leeson really liked this woman and the kind of a life that this woman was showing her but the thing was mr clodderfield did not like this woman and did not like the reputation that this woman had and so he forbid miss leeson from seeing this woman but miss leeson was like i like this woman i found her very agreeable and so i continued my relationship with her which looking back
00:44:15
Speaker
Not the best because this would ultimately lead to Clotterfield revoking his supporting of her. He kept supporting the son, but he's like, I'm no longer going to give you an allowance, only your son. Upon hearing this, she's like, okay, well, I know that my life that I've gotten accustomed to cannot be supported without
Relationships with Mr. Leeson and Mr. Lawless
00:44:34
Speaker
funds.
00:44:34
Speaker
This is where her friend was like, don't worry about it. I'll get you set up with someone. And so she was introduced this man named Jackson. And Jackson introduced a Miss Leeson to some of his friends and companions who were very agreeable. And it was Mr. Jackson who would introduce her to a man that would go on to play a very, very pivotal role in her life.
00:44:54
Speaker
a man by the name of Mr. Lawless and she says that you know while both these men had very animal amable qualities but both of them didn't have ah enough money if you will to support her lifestyle but she loved the attention and endeavors that these men gave her but she also knew like I need a rich man to support me and so that is where we get introduced to Mr. Leeson, who is where Margaret would get her end up getting her last name from to become Miss Leeson. And Mr. Leeson was an English gentleman. He was not native to Dublin. He he was an Englishman. he was over there visiting.
00:45:36
Speaker
And her Mr. Leeson, by all means, did hit it off. She goes, whether i was that Mr. Leeson wishing to have me entirely to himself or suspected in my present lodging she had too frequent opportunities to seem former acquaintances, he proposed to take the apartments for me to a more elegant and convenient place where he should essentially become the master. And she says that like, you know, because I had a taste for shrew and splendor, you like I had no objections to this. For a time, she thought like she owed Mr. Leeson a compliance with his wishes because of all that he was giving her. This compliancy essentially increased Mr. Leaston's fondness for her. and But with the increase of his attention and fondness, it also increased his suspicion and jealousies. And it kind of created an uneasiness for the both of them. And essentially he started to dismiss, you know,
00:46:34
Speaker
her her friend because he didn't want her to be getting any letters from former acquaintances. And when I'm saying acquaintances here, I'm i mean meaning like former clients.
00:46:45
Speaker
And essentially, he started introducing her to friends of his own choosing. Then at the time, they went to an excellent house and a beautiful place in the countryside.
00:46:55
Speaker
And that kind of placated his temper because, you know, they were no longer in the city. they They were kind of on the outskirts. The constant temptation he felt just wasn't there anymore. She says, i thus being weaned from other objects placed my chief satisfaction in striving to please him.
00:47:12
Speaker
And this is where like in that house he kept a very vigilant eye on her and made sure, you know, that she would not receive any visitors unless he approved the visitors. for this And this is kind of like how they lived in that house for a year. And she said they had in the greatest of good humor a relationship there. And he became so attached to her that he proposed to make me his wife is what she said.
00:47:35
Speaker
She said that he was a very kind man and he was very good natured, but she admits herself that like a reclusive and tired way of life, the life that they were living in that manner did not suit her and was not the life that she wanted. Essentially, so then she had to start resorting to what she calls stolen pleasures. That is where she would start getting in trouble again because whenever Mr. Leeson was gone, she would start admitting Mr. Launtless back into the house. They would have to sneak in through the parlor window. She would also do the same with Mr. Jackson. She only did this when she knew that Mr. Leeson was dining out or would not be like
00:48:17
Speaker
would be gone or taken for hours at the time. But she she's maintaining and clarifying that like she did such a good job of this that Mr. Leeson was convinced that, you know, he was her soul keeper. And one of the reasons she was able to do so is because Margaret was able to win over the servants of the household and convince them to be on her side. So that also helped the sway of everything.
00:48:40
Speaker
And because he was so sure of himself, she says that Mr. Leeson fully satisfied that he was a sole god of my idolatry, was perfectly secure of my affections.
00:48:53
Speaker
He left town for some time. He left town and he kind of gave her like a line of credit at the merchants and, you know, told them, told her, you know, like, I trust you.
00:49:04
Speaker
You have the rent of the house. And she kind of Because of this, she became content at her place. And, you know, she had won over the merchant to where she could purchase anything and he wouldn't run it by Mr. Leeson for his approval.
00:49:17
Speaker
She had the servants, so she was able to sneak in Mr. Lawless and jack Mr. Jackson. And they became essentially the objects of her great affection, specifically Mr. Lawless. And she goes to say that, you know, sometimes she would stay a few days at the lodgings of Mr. Lawless, who was her particular favorite.
00:49:38
Speaker
Now this would come to bite her in a way because she was at Mr. Lawless's place once when Mr. Leeson came home early and and he came to the house and he found her not there.
00:49:50
Speaker
And he started freaking out. She goes, the servants were alarmed and the servants weren't letting him through the door. and because they knew she was not there, so they concluded that it would be improper to let him through the door because they don't know who he is.
00:50:06
Speaker
Essentially, the servants scolded him for trying to like wake the house. Mr. Leeson would hear about this and then he would go to the merchant and was like, hey, where is Margaret?
00:50:16
Speaker
She's not at home. And the merchant was like, no, I promise you she's at home. Like the servants were like doing what you hired them to do. They're looking after her. They're making sure she's safe by not letting an unknown man come in without the approval of the mistress.
00:50:31
Speaker
And so this did kind of like work to appease Mr. Leeson for a bit. And while this was all going on and the merchant was like, hey, wait here while I get dressed and then we can go to the house.
00:50:45
Speaker
While this happened, the merchant sent a note to, miss to Margaret, Miss Leeson to like let her know you need to get your ass back to the house. So she was able to get back to the house before the merchant and Mr. Leeson were there.
00:51:01
Speaker
And she greeted him and her bedclothes and just said, oh, I was reading, you know, don't be mad at the servants. They were doing what I told them to do. And this worked to appease Mr. Leeson for a bit. And then this is the part in the story because she's talking about how she has three lovers at this point. She is talking about how her views on polygamy. She goes on to say that, you know, I was fully persuaded that polygamy was not wrong in its own nature, that there was a great difference in essentially an evil and then what was perceived evil by humans.
00:51:31
Speaker
She goes on to say, if the law forbids a plurality of wives, it might be understood that equally forbids a plurality of humans. But to the letter of the law, it says nothing against husbands. So she, in that regard, didn't feel bad. She also states that, you know, she had no husbands at this time.
00:51:50
Speaker
And she looked upon marriage merely as a human institution, calculated chiefly to fix the legitimation of children and to oblige their parents to breed them up and provide for them.
00:52:01
Speaker
But she was single. She wasn't married. She wasn't breaking any laws. And thus, because of that, she was not doing anything bad. And then she also goes on to say that, like, it's also on the men for this as well, because that neither pleasure, content, affluence, or gratitude can bind a woman of loose turn of mind and changeable disposition to the man who has formed an illicit connection with her.
00:52:24
Speaker
And then he can have no confidence in affection, however strong it may appear. That is not founded on delicacy and virtue. because that her chief concern is how to raise pecuniary advantages from his infatuated fondness.
00:52:38
Speaker
So she puts it back on the men. She's like, you can't expect me knowing how you met me and the state in which you met me to be this faithful, strong, connected person to you when that was not the basis on which our relationship was built.
00:52:53
Speaker
I relationship and my chief concern is how to get financial advantages from your infatuation from me. Which again, this is the same thing that Charlotte Hayes was experiencing.
00:53:05
Speaker
It was these men trying to make a claim on her when and then settle them down when they knew who she was in the first place and her situation was in the first place. She's like, you can't be mad at me for my nature. This what it is.
00:53:18
Speaker
You knew what you were getting into. And she goes on to say, like, you know, Mr. Leeson, you know, he was very wealthy and he was really handsome. And she ought to have been contented with him, but she just liked Mr. Lawless better. So essentially, Mr. Leeson would end up finding out about Margaret's transgressions and her faithlessness to him. And this would send him in a tizzy, I guess is the best word to describe it. So he wrote to the merchant saying like, you know, she's no longer allowed any credit on my name.
00:53:48
Speaker
she wo her He wrote to her saying, i am done with you forever. And Margaret is kind of very being very open and honest in this memoir about saying like, yes, I was sad, but I was sad. But she goes on to say, candidly confess that I was more distressed with the loss of his purse than his person. And she's like, I just, he was great.
00:54:11
Speaker
And I'm going to miss him kind of, but I'm going to miss his money more. And all of this in her book, and this is what I really admire about her. At any chance in this book, she can openly, she has every chance to kind of like a fluff her own story and add to her own story and to paint her in a better picture.
00:54:28
Speaker
But she remains openly candid about all of this, accepting whatever criticism may come her way because she wants this to appear truthful she wants to kind of set the record straight on who she is as a person the good and the bad so that the public may paint their own opinion about her whatever it may be but she wants it to be the truth which like to have that resolve at that time is he huge ah especially and i'll get into this in the next episode When she was writing at this, this was after her claim to fame. Like this was her fading years.
00:55:01
Speaker
So she could have by all means written this memoir to paint her in a better light, but she stuck with the truth. And I think that's really fucking ballsy and honorable. So after, you know, Mr. Leeson left, then enters Mr. Lawless. Now, Mr. Lawless said like, you know, he was kind of shocked to see her in that condition, you know, kind of being in a state of like misery and sorrow sorrow and poverty and distress because, you know, she had just lost her so her financer. He ultimately like when he found out about it and he met her again was like, hey, everything is going to be OK. And he told her that, you know, I have more power to provide for you now. I'm in a better state financially.
00:55:44
Speaker
i can support you. um And, you know, we we're going to make this work. For a period, they did. She goes on to say that like how they, her and Mr. Lawless, they returned to Dublin and they live would go on to live in Dublin for five years. And you know, during that time, she says, no wife was ever more fond and virtuous and faithful than I was to him and to give him his due. And no man ever treated his wife for the first three years with more attention than Mr. Lawless showed to me. And she states that, you know, in those five years, she would go on to bore him five children. And with each of those children, it seemed to strengthen the length and the bond they had to each other.
00:56:24
Speaker
and to his credit, for three years, she says that, you know, Mr. Lawless, like, never strayed from her, was faithful to her. and He never partook in any public or private amusement without her participation in it.
00:56:39
Speaker
And he loved her daily. Just like with Mr. Leeson, we start to see with Mr. Lawless the kind of jealousy and uneasiness that would come and untrusting of her because he remembers how he got her and he's afraid that she's going to make those same steps.
00:57:00
Speaker
So he kind of became e suspicious and controlling of her and her actions and so rubbed Ms. Leeson. Margaret the wrong way. She did not like that. And she kind of like, and as she said, she, she said she took offense to it because she says for five, for three years, i have been nothing but faithful to you.
00:57:21
Speaker
And now you're showing me like all of this suspicion when it's not, and that's not earned for what I've been presenting to you And she goes on to say about how beginning of the fourth year, that is when things really started to get rocky with them.
00:57:37
Speaker
how Mr. Lawless began to dine out more and go to public amusements without her. And the more and more he did this, the more it soured her temper and like render her very irritable.
00:57:49
Speaker
But she says that she was still faithful to him. And she thought that at every moment of his absence and with his attachment to every female, she viewed it as an insult to her.
00:58:01
Speaker
This got even worse when Mr. Lawless began to keep very late hours and it got to a point where it was irritating her so much that she essentially started to follow like stalk him.
00:58:14
Speaker
um She would put on playing clothes and she would go and the night to try to find wherever he was the taverns, the bars, the places and she would visit every tavern gaming house and place a pleasurable reception for the search of Mr. Lawless. And she often stood listening through keyholes and under parlor windows to see if she could hear his voice. And she says that sometimes she found him, but more often than not, she failed in her attempt.
00:58:42
Speaker
And the only thing that made up some consolation for this is when she came home and was surrounded by her kids. And then she would pass out without sleeping till six in the morning. And because at six is when Mr. Lawless would return home. Now, it's in this period where Mr. Lawless is kind of going through his transgressions and she's kind of going through this period of being annoyed with him that a Mr. Captain Matthews would enter the
Conclusion and Cliffhanger
00:59:07
Speaker
picture.
00:59:07
Speaker
Now, she was familiar with Captain Matthews. He kind of came before the three men prior. So he, before Jackson, before Mr. Leeson, and before Mr. Lawless, there was Captain Morgan. And she says he was very affectionate with her. He paid her.
00:59:23
Speaker
He visited very often and and he had a pretty fortune. So he had gone to the Americas, but he had returned. And when he came back to Dublin, he was very interested in reconnecting and repursuing their relationship.
00:59:38
Speaker
And he made inquiries after her. And, you know, He wanted her know that he was in. And she had let him know, like, hey, I respect, thank you so much. I'm flattered, but, you know, like I'm retired from that.
00:59:53
Speaker
and Like, i I don't want to do that. Like, I don't want anything to taint my fidelity to Mr. Lulis. So Captain Matthews, upon hearing this, see it furthered his resolve, if you will.
01:00:06
Speaker
He started sending her jewelry. He started sending her rings and saying like, you know, I will marry you. He sent her rings and he sent her cash, which she all gave back to them. And at length, she says he proposed marriage, but she refused it because she preferred the society and the company of Mr. Lawless to any man.
01:00:27
Speaker
But Mr. Lawless's jealousy and difference kind of increase daily. She says that, you know, if she was out on the street doing family business and if a man saluted her or, you know, paid attention to her, he was alarmed by it and he would scold her and proceed frequently they would proceed to blows. and kind of it became a tumultuous relationship where he did get physical with her.
01:00:51
Speaker
He said she would go to blows to a times when he was obliged to send for a surgeon and that's when she would recover. And she says, but even though they lived an unhappy life,
01:01:02
Speaker
In the midst of it all, she continued to be faithful to him. And this was even the case when, you know, after all his money's gone and some months they like lived off of the sale of their watches, rings and clothes and ornaments and most of their household furniture. And to make this bad time even worse, that is when um she says to complete their misery, our children died one by one.
01:01:26
Speaker
a little time after each other except only one and this boy this darling boy as she calls him was attended regularly by a doctor and she saw him twice a day and and on one of these visits the doctor told her to like essentially prepare for the worst because he didn't have hopes that he would make it and while she was gone the boy ended ended up passing and she goes on to say that even though these children were illegitimate, like they gave, they gave me pleasure, they gave me comfort and they were taken from me to punish me, essentially saying that like God took them to punish me for my behavior. And it was kind of in this situation and in the setup where Miss Leeson would come across Mr. Lawless sitting face to face on a couch drinking champagne with another woman with a Miss Johnson and she says that my jealousy was so bad that I almost beat this woman to death because essentially she said like I had a tumbler in my hand and I was unless Mr. Lawless stepped in I was going to beat the shit out of this woman so we know they're having trouble we know it is not
01:02:36
Speaker
a vacation impaired it's not couples in paradise couples going through a hurricane in paradise is quickly sinking is their relationship and she says that later you know the finances of mr lawless being exhausted but he couldn't find He couldn't find a way to raise any.
01:02:55
Speaker
He was relying on the opinion of his friends and his father. And essentially, they were telling Mr. Law, ah Mr. Law's like, you need to get out of Dublin. You need to get out. And his father was like, you know, go to America.
01:03:07
Speaker
Try to make a fortune in America. She says, like, I didn't want him to go there. But he was telling her that, you know, going to America was the only way in which, you know, he could... get ah get them out of this state of distress. And she says like, I tried everything I could do to get him to stay here.
01:03:25
Speaker
And I thought I succeeded until one morning, essentially, he woke up and told her that, you know, hey, I'm just going, I'm just going to go to town.
01:03:36
Speaker
I'll be back. So she goes back to sleep. thinking that he's just going off for a trip in town. She wakes up the next morning with the letter that he had left her on the bed. She broke the seal and she read, my darling piggy, sail this morning to America.
01:03:48
Speaker
And so he had left her and she's pregnant. And that is the part of where I am going to end this episode so stay tuned for the next where we go over how she deals with him leaving the state of affair she finds herself in and the end of her story but thank you so much i hope you guys enjoyed it and as always subscribe like comment share and love knowing you guys are out there and i hope you have a good one