Transcript
Speaker: Beautiful. Okay, start the intro, Danny. Oh, we started? Okay. Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and everybody up, down, all around, inside and outside the gender binary. My name is Danny Guaranty, and welcome to TOQ, or that's our Q for long. I am joined, as always, by my bestest bro, Stiff, from another Moe Stiff. Adam, what's up? What's cooking?
Speaker: Hello, Stiff. How are Hello, Stiff. Hello, Steph. Hello, Steph. Hello, Stiffy. How are you? my buddy Josh has a cat. Well, he had a cat. i don't know if the cat is still around or not, but the cat lived for a long, long time.
Speaker: And i forget I don't know what his real name was. i think that I'm naming him Stiffy because his tail never wagged or moved or bent. It was always just like straight out.
Speaker: And so he was always delighted, like whenever a new person will come over to his house to say, this is my cat Stiffy. And I just want you to know that that means technically I have a Stiffy right now.
Speaker: And it was just, you know, Josh, from the first few episodes of this podcast, if you've been a longtime listener, it's that guy. um Good to know that every time you guys recorded, it he had a Stiffy.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm trying to I'm trying to get to come back on the show for like ah maybe like a special appearance or something, because. I miss his little history lessons. He used to give me some. Yeah, that'd be cool. Give us a little history lesson.
Speaker: At least about war. He knows a lot about war. Oh, good. Yeah. He knows a lot about old school war, weapons, tanks, planes, things like that. But anyway, Danny, we're going try to make this a quickie. we This one's a serious.
Speaker: Oh, oh, no, it's not. This is for no. This is for realsies because we just recorded an episode and we're going to record another one. And this has to be fast. So we're going to get through it. Yeah, with you, maybe. Oh, yeah, right. And other people, if they're game. So let's see if we can make it happen. So hit us with that question. Well, this is good, because actually this wraps into the start of this. So speaking of stiffies.
Speaker: who On the no stupid question subreddit, Contraband332 wants to know. What are the downsides of sleeping naked?
Speaker: You know, I almost picked this question for the first episode. Did I saw that question. I'll tell you right now that the downside of sleeping naked is total non-preparation for inclement weather if you have to leave in an emergency situation.
Speaker: um You know, if you have to run out into the dead of the night and it's freezing winter time and your house is on fire, it's going to be much more miserable for you and embarrassing for you.
Speaker: Um, you know, so there's, there's that. Um, what if you fall asleep in the wrong bed and someone comes in? Oh no, naked person, you know? Ah, that sucks. Yeah. But you know what's the worst downside for me is feeling my blankets against my lower region.
Speaker: I hate, especially if you're like a fuzzy blanket. um A comforter is a close. I could say fuzzy. Yeah. A normal bed sheet, though, should be fun. But I hate feeling anything rub against it, touch it. I don't like feeling not supported down there. under, you know, I understand.
Speaker: you know, why they wear jock straps and stuff in sports, ah you know, and I just feel so unprepared for any emergency situation. And I just I've tried it and I do not like it. And I will tell you right after intimacy with a woman, I put my underwear right back on.
Speaker: I make it. That was great. who Honestly, i make it known right away. i'm like, I love this and I love being able to be intimate with you and be totally just, you know, in the buck with you, then the buff with you. That's fine. But I will not sleep like this. If you want, if you want seconds, I'm going to keep the underwear on and use the flat.
Speaker: Yeah, I will keep the underwear on and I will take them right back off when I need to. But in the meantime, not even take them off. Just use the little P flat. Yeah. And I was out. You can make it the entire time. This isn't about germs or whatever. It's just about how my body feels touching blankets. While I'm naked.
Speaker: And also, if there's ever a fire or a robber, I don't want to have to worry about putting on my clothes before I spring into action, okay? And I don't want to traumatize any people outside if it's really hot or really cold and I'm nude. So that's my answer. I feel unprepared in summary. I feel unprepared for emergency situations and I don't like the way my blankets feel on my junk.
Speaker: That's what, that's a downside. Good answers. Good answers. ah So yours are like concrete answers that actually like, you know, these are specifically what I don't like.
Speaker: Mine's more of like what ifs. You know, I overthink things sometimes. and Yeah. ah But quick disclaimer, if your name happens to be Terry and you happen to be my mother, now might be a good time to just cut this episode. Just maybe just stop here. Call it a day.
Speaker: You know, go take your walk, listen to some music instead. All right. Are you gone? I'm giving you one more second to change your mind. All right. So we're just fast forward about five minutes. Yeah.
Speaker: So here's here's what I'm most worried about. okay ah one, i have a very hairy ass, so it makes it very hard to And I'm very particular about this because of this. It makes it very hard to make sure i spick and span down there after taking a shit.
Speaker: There's a lot of places for some poop articles to hide. Sharticles. Some sharticles.
Speaker: There's a lot.
Speaker: Shit. You got them. You did. It's a lot of them.
Speaker: There's a lot of places. Sharticles in bed. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. There's a lot of places for the sharticles to hide. And I'm, I'm very, uh, I, I, you know, I really make sure I get everything, but there's always that fear of like, I'm sleeping naked. I'm,
Speaker: rolling around or whatever, I'm moving around and I just leave a skid somewhere. And now I'm rolling around in it. Or. Heaven forbid, your wife breathes it in.
Speaker: Forbid, I. Or you fart and you fart and you shoot sharticles everywhere and you become like. yeah Or if you fart. You become a sharticle accelerator.
Speaker: And you smash those sharticles into other sharticles and you break the world. Honey, I'm going to bed in the Higgs boson collider. But no, that's even that's even more true to the point. It's like, if you fart in your sleep, you're shitting a little bit, right? Everywhere.
Speaker: And now you're just like rolling around in that. um Or, especially if you're a teenage boy, you have a wet dream and you don't have any like underwear or pants to...
Speaker: to capture all of that spunk, that's getting everywhere. Or you peed, maybe? Or you just straight up shit the bed? Yeah. But yeah for me personally, I sweat a lot when I sleep. When I wake up, my shirt and my pants are usually pretty damp.
Speaker: Imagining sleeping all night naked and sweating into directly into the blankets and everything... And continuing to sleep in all of that sounds absolutely awful to me and disgusting.
Speaker: You truly could make a moon river. I really could. Yeah. You'd make like a you'd have like a mudslide if you sweat and shardicled, you know.
Speaker: The entirety of the underside of my blankets is just swamp ass. Yeah, it has it has a racing stripe on your sheets. Oh, you know, you you got to be careful.
Speaker: Well, I think I've told the story on here of the time me and my friends were hanging out and one of them left a skid mark. Did I tell that on here? i don't remember. So to celebrate graduating high school, me and two of my closest friends and our families went on like this short cruise together.
Speaker: And the three of us got a room to ourselves. They slept on the bunk beds and I slept on like a ah hangover bed in the cabin on the other side of the room.
Speaker: Nice. So um we're all just chilling in the room. One of our friends is taking a shower. The other two of us are just chilling. And my friend gets this great idea. i'm going to strip down to my underwear and get into the showering friend's bed and make him think I'm in there naked.
Speaker: So my showering friend comes out of the bathroom. sees what he thinks is my other friend naked in his bed, and without saying a word, just sits on the friend's bed and skids his ass and leaves a huge-ass skid mark.
Speaker: Oh my god. i am so happy my bed was like on the other side of the room, away from everything going on. And the cleaning people bless them because they shouldn't have to. They did not clean his sheets. They did not change them.
Speaker: They made him sleep with the shitty sheets. So he just undid the sheets of his bed and flipped it.
Speaker: it's upside down.
Speaker: he covered himself up with the shitty side. He put the shitty side down, like, so it's on the actual mattress of the bed, and he's sleeping on the clean side of the sheet. Ah, shitty side down. Shitty side down.
Speaker: Right. But, oh my god, we were making fun of my friends so much, because why the hell did you leave a skid mark like that? Do you not wipe... yeah Yikes. Yeah, I was going to say that bad, bro. It was that bad. it was a full on skid mark.
Speaker: Guys, I think our first episode of this podcast was called Wash Your Ass. You need to wash your ass. Wash and wipe your ass like you have to do it. That reminds me, we actually bought a bidet attachment for our toilet because I've been wanting to try it and I have to install that.
Speaker: Yeah, that might help with all the shardicle situations that you got going on. Yeah, I mean. I heard the argument one day of like, I've always wanted to try it, but the argument that really won me over was like, say you're wiping your ass and you get some shit on your hand.
Speaker: Do you just take a paper or a toilet paper and just wipe it off? Or do you wash your hand with water? Why is your ass any different?
Speaker: No, like, you know what? That's a good fucking point. I shower almost always after I poop. That's fair. Cause I just want to, I want I usually just try and cut out the middleman and I just poop in the shower.
Speaker: I've done that a few times when like, I know it's going to be loose. Oh, I've, I've never actually done it. I've peed in the shower. Oh yeah. me either. Yeah. Me either. No, no. Unless. No. Yeah. It's unless you said it's, unless you do it. unless It's cool. Then I'm cool.
Speaker: Yeah. I've done that. Um, yeah. So there's any other reason not to sleep naked that I'm thinking of, um, What if some random person wants to come in and just start doing stuff to me?
Speaker: Like, I don't I'm afraid Umbeluga wouldn't be able to keep her hands off me. Yeah, I'm just, you know, it's like, you know, I just don't want to, you know, you wouldn't just leave. You wouldn't just leave a full turkey dinner out on the street, you know, or when you got done eating, you wouldn't you wouldn't just leave it sitting out. You would you would cover it up, refrigerate it. Like, again, i can only really speak on my experience as a guy.
Speaker: um But you wake up and you have morning wood and you have to get up. Yeah. You got nothing to contain the beast. It's just out there full mast. Yeah. And putting that on afterwards is challenging.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. Or like, I mean, also, like even I don't even sleep shirtless really that much either, though. No, I I wear a full outfit when I go to bed.
Speaker: Yeah, I don't like my nipples you know being a target. So like if someone's like a nipple attacker, I want to make sure they have to like kind of guess maybe where I want to nibble your nipples. yeah Like even if it's like the nipple pincher, twist the titty twisters.
Speaker: the you know, the I don't want to be exposed like I know, you know, roughly where they are, but there's a good chance you'll miss them, you know? So like the shirt kind of conceals a little bit.
Speaker: But also I'm a feminist, you know, I you know, if women have to wear bras, I'm wearing shirt, you know? Or whatever, you know, I mean, I have no problem with that. I I don't like people that wear like super small shirt clothing. I don't know. It just, bought it I don't want to say it bothers me. It's just not my style. So I'm just like, I would never do it. I also don't want to, you know, for the guys who walk around shirtless all the time, it's like, you know, you don't need to do that. Yeah, no, no, thanks. I understand like if you're working and it's the middle of summer, like you're doing your yard work or whatever, you take your shirt off because it's so hot. I get it.
Speaker: But I've also seen people just walking around shirtless and I'm like, well, So go in the stores. I'm like, no, no, no. She's no shirt, no shoes. I'm a firm believer in that. Don't be walking around this place without a shirt on or without you we're gettingtting your gross ass feet all over this gross ass floor and making it grosser asser. I don't want it.
Speaker: So, you know, no one wants to see that. There are people who are afraid of feet and some people are afraid of nipples. So hide those things. Put on your pasties. um There you go, Danny. It's 14 minutes. We are. We are done. Look at that.
Speaker: We don't even have to run it up to the 15 minute marker. Just call it a day. This is an actual quickie. We fucking did it. It took us years. Or months. So anyway, I was thinking, yeah, and I'm just going to spitball this. Right. I'm sure it won't take 50 minutes of discussion, but I got I got nothing. I'm just.
Speaker: Yeah, I was thinking, you know, we have we we have about five minutes to get to 20. We don't have to get to 20. The goal is to be under 20. I'm fine with with just calling in here. I mean, we've said what we had to say. We had our good conversation. Yeah. Again, we we just recorded the last episode. So we've already got all the bullshit out of the way, which is why that took an hour. And it's an hour. So usually our our episode used to be 30, 40 minutes. You get an hour. So we're really yeah giving yeah we're giving you a feast for that And we want to go play Mecha Chameleon. So, like, let us go.
Speaker: Yeah, it's it's your fault, audience. Yeah, come on. It's your fault that we don't know how to stop talking you. We've already done this for you. You're asking for enough. But also, could you please throw some money our way?
Speaker: Yeah, ko-fi.com slash fun installers or go to our store, fun installersnetwork.biz if you want to see some of the cool Days of the Week shirts and other things that we have going on over there. And as always, don't be a dick and try not to be a piece of sharticle. Yeah, no sharticle. Don't be sharticle. sharticles.
Speaker: You know what happens when you're a piece of shit? That means a bunch of other people are are also being a piece of shit, and you're all just being a bunch of little sharticles. Is that what you want? You know how you flake dead skin all the time and hair and stuff? That's all sharticles if you're a big piece of shit.
Speaker: That's true. You are just little sharticles, and every piece of shit that you... Yeah, exactly. Every time you sweat, cough, fart, sneeze... Every six years, you're a whole new piece of shit, because all your sharticles have flaked off.
Speaker: Yeah, don't accelerate the sharticles, accelerate the love particles. There you go. There you go. So in the meantime, Danny will tell you this is a dream true. This is absolutely a dream come true. Don't listen to him.
Speaker: He doesn't know what he's talking about. No matter what he says, i want you to know that I think that this is a dream come true. I get to just hang out, talk to my bestie for a little bit. get to spread some joy and some light to other people's lives, hopefully. And that makes it all worth it. But if you do feel the need or the want to support the show, fundstallersnetwork.biz, get yourself some merch, get yourself some colored or days of the week shirts.
Speaker: and Danny and I are trying to save up to go on vacation together. So we need help. That's true. ah Maybe we'll even like film it or stream it or something. like i would absolutely film it. you guys, yeah, you guys get something out of it too. Trying to to Canada. So like help us out.
Speaker: Ko-Fi, if you want to throw us some money, toss a coin to your dummies. ah That's it. You did it. but Yeah, I think that's it. Just listen to the show. If you can't afford to or don't feel the need to, just listen to the show. the show show telling More people is more good, too. We love, you know, answer questions. If you want to give us questions, just You know, hit us up. FunSellers Networked Up is. We would love to answer some questions from the audience themselves. Yeah. I also thought of one more thing. but Yeah.
Speaker: If you know anybody, if you listen to other podcasts or if you know other people who you find interesting in your life who wouldn't be shy to come on to a podcast, we love having guests. You don't have to be a podcaster to come on.
Speaker: We love meeting new people. We love introducing people to the world of podcasting. But also if you have a connection to someone who produces another show, we love to do collaborations as well.
Speaker: Please have them reach out to us. yeah um You know, they can contact us on the website. They can find us at Danny Guarantee and Random Adam on Instagram. um Or you just want to build the connection and and and and connect us on Discord or whatever your means of communication is, please do that. You know how to get a hold of us. So that's it. We're at 18 and a half minutes, Danny. We can't run this up to 20.
Speaker: Nope. We're out. We're out. So take care of your minds. Take your hearts. Most importantly, take care of each other. And, you know, don't be a big piece of shit this year. And and yeah, yeah. Clean up them sharticles. Wash your ass.
Speaker: Yeah. Wash your ass. Get the bidet. hu
