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BONUS: Two Flat-Earthers Kidnap a Freemason!
8.2k Plays2 years ago
Tweenson's Greetings, everyone! As we are now between seasons, we bring you the first of several bonus gifts. Enjoy the pilot episode of the newest show from Good Pointe Media: TWO FLAT-EARTHERS KIDNAP A FREEMASON!
For more information, check out the 2FEKaF page on Good Pointe's website: https://goodpointepodcasts.com/2fekaf-2
The transcript for this episode is available here.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to 'Tweensen' and Bonus Episodes
00:00:01
Speaker
Hey everyone, we are officially in our first tweensen, which is the space between seasons, and yes that name is final, do not look at me like that, tweensen's greetings everyone! While you wait for season 2, I have a variety of bonus episodes prepared for you, starting with the pilot episode of another show I think you should check out. Two Flat Earthers Kidnap of Freemason is a descriptively named satirical dark comedy about secret societies and conspiracy culture.
Overview of 'Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason'
00:00:30
Speaker
It just premiered in February of 2022 and answers such questions as, is the Earth really flat? And did we really have to answer that for you? Starring Zane Schacht from Less is Morgue, Lauren Grace Thompson from The Vanishing Act, Matthew Woodcock from The Monster Hunters, and Addison Peacock from The No Sleep Podcast.
00:00:52
Speaker
I just listened to the first episode. It is truly a balm for my skeptical, sarcastic soul. It's really funny and just a lot of
Meet Malcolm Kirkpatrick and Daniel Downripple
00:01:00
Speaker
fun. If you like what you hear, follow the link in our show notes or search for Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you find podcasts. Enjoy. Malcolm Kirkpatrick is the kind of man who gets the job done.
00:01:22
Speaker
That's what people always say about him. They choose to ignore his methods. Now, would you look at that. All the no trespassing signs match the ones on Google Street View.
00:01:35
Speaker
A few short weeks ago, the long-time recluse Daniel Downripple went public with his intention to publish a tell-all expose on what he referred to as the industrial space complex. Books containing wild claims about the government aren't new or even uncommon. They fill library shelves across the world.
00:01:58
Speaker
The difference here being that Downripple, due to his previous access to classified materials, might actually have the credentials and evidence to back up his claims. Nervous fingers poke through the blinds and bend them into a wide peephole. A surprised, shocked white face stares back at Malcolm
00:02:22
Speaker
Hello, Mr. Downripple. How are you doing today? Fuck off! I'm not buying any magazines! No, it's about your book. I'm with rope and hammer. The door creaks open to reveal the rest of Daniel Downripple. He looks exactly how you'd imagine a reclusive former astrophysicist to look. Which is to say, sexy as a motherfucker. Just kidding, he looks like shit.
00:02:50
Speaker
You're with the publishers? Yes, that's right. I'm here on behalf of Ropenhout. Ah, why didn't you say so? Come in, come in. Hopefully you're here to deliver a few more bags of money. Unfortunately, I'm without bags of money. Ah, thank you. Thank you, that is lovely.
00:03:20
Speaker
I found some old photos I thought might make a nice addition to the book. Down-ripple slides a manila folder across the table
Freemasonry and Conspiracy Theories
00:03:29
Speaker
to Mac in a way that suggests he'd been waiting a long time for the chance to slide a mysterious manila folder across a table to a stranger in a suit. Hmm. It doesn't look like it has much to do with the industrial space complex. Looks to me like a bunch of... Microthrobes! Wolf walkers! Werewolves!
00:03:50
Speaker
I have reason to believe that they're also somehow tied up in all this fake moon landing business. Down ripple watches as Mac continues to look over the pictures with bored apathy. He turns them from left to right, as if some hidden picture within the picture might suddenly appear.
00:04:11
Speaker
What's led you to believe something like that? I've recently come into possession of certain evidence which seems to suggest that Freemasons are taking their orders from an intelligent life form from not only beyond our world, but beyond our dimension. Really? Oh, yes. The Masons are in league with all sorts of monsters. Like werewolves? Not just werewolves. All the cryptids.
00:04:40
Speaker
Bigfoot, Mothman, Goatman, Dogman, Cowboys. They're all working together to control our world while keeping their existence a secret. Where did you hear about such wild claims? My sources need to remain anonymous. Freemasons are known to have operatives and assassins everywhere. I can't just go spilling these beans all over town.
00:05:09
Speaker
While I understand you'll need to keep your beans, it'll be a tough sell for the folks back at the corporate offices. If we're to be publishing a book claiming that Freemasons are working alongside Dracula, Frankenstein, and the Tooth Fairy, then you'll need to provide a source. It doesn't need to be on record and in a text, but my colleagues and I will need to be- I never said Dracula or Frankenstein. You might as well have. What?
00:05:42
Speaker
There it is. Relax, Daniel, you're having a heart attack. Just let it happen. It's quite ironic, don't you think? For years, you've allowed your paranoid impulses to control and dictate your life. They told you to run, to hide yourself from everyone you love, to surround yourself with walls. For the purpose of protection.
00:06:07
Speaker
to keep yourself safe and alive. Then one day, a lying man showed up on your doorstep, ready and prepared to kill you, and you willingly opened the door of your fortress and let him inside. It is ironic, no?
00:06:35
Speaker
The influence of Freemasonry is undeniable and unavoidable. But who are these mysterious, apron-wearing craftsmen, and what are they up to? For centuries, hater-ass conspiracy theorists have attempted to answer these questions, only to come to the general consensus that while they don't know exactly what the Freemasons are doing behind those closed doors, they do know it cannot
Randy Dunning's Conspiracy Journey
00:07:01
Speaker
be any good.
00:07:03
Speaker
Or, as one 18th century conspiracy theorist put it, if such people were not doing evil, they would never have so much hatred of the light. But this isn't the story of how the Freemasons built their temple of secrecy. No. This is the story of how it all came crashing down brick by brick. All because of one man, Randy Dunning.
00:07:30
Speaker
By his own admission, Randy is an online entrepreneur and a flat-earth content creator. He has, at times, also claimed to have been a two-time Poetry.com Poet of the Year, a ninth-degree black belt Taekwondo grandmaster, an anti-gravity activist, and an international leader in the fight against globalism. Randrew Andal Dunning, a self-taught master of everything,
00:08:00
Speaker
Randy first became aware of the true nature of our world during an internet flame war about bumblebees. Randy scoured the internet for counter-proof, but to his amazement, the search results were all well-engineered lies and bee-related misinformation. So, he dug further.
00:08:21
Speaker
Randy soon found himself on an unstoppable, unskippable daisy chain of information. Each video he watched would corroborate the claims of the previous video, until, when watching one of these videos, Randy would discover the real truth about bees.
00:08:38
Speaker
that given their wingspan, body weight, and all known laws of physics, bumblebees should not be able to fly. And if that were true, then gravity as we knew it might also be fake.
00:08:52
Speaker
And if that were true, Sir Isaac Newton, the original perpetuator of the gravity myth, would have been a liar, a fraud, and unsurprisingly, a freemason. So, young and impressionable 33-year-old Randy Dunning was left with two options. He could research the difference between fixed wing flight and moving wing flight,
00:09:16
Speaker
Or he could look into this whole gravity is fake and Freemasons are evil thing and see where it led him. Two flat earthers kidnap a Freemason. Episode 1. Shadow Band. Sit right here so we can open. Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason. Written and created by Jeremy Ellert.
00:09:46
Speaker
starring Zane Schacht, Jack Carmichael, Graham Rowett, Lauren Grace Thompson, David Ault, Adam Clark, Maya Murphy, Ryan Philbrook, Josh Rabino, Brandon Finch, Michelle Kelly, Kirsty Wolven, Kristin DiMecurio, Matthew Woodcock, Charlie West, and Addison Peacock.
00:10:28
Speaker
I get this from a very reliable source, and it may come as a shock to many of you, but the entire state of Delaware doesn't exist. It's nothing but 2,000 square miles of ghost towns and corruption, mannequins, fake storefronts, doctored maps. They've got more businesses living in Delaware than there are people living in Delaware. Someone needs to tell the elites to do something about this traffic. What's up, chicken nug?
00:10:59
Speaker
The one where the monkey rides up on the tiny motorcycle and tries to kidnap that kid? Shit, yeah. I was like, go monkey, go! What? No. Karen just posted the new one. Already? What's it about? August update, colon. Ancient astronaut, Biri debunked. Question mark. The secret occult truth about cheese. If time can be a flat circle, why can't the Earth? Looks like she gets into a few different topics.
00:11:23
Speaker
Any comments? I meant comments on the video.
00:11:42
Speaker
Check your DMs. Dang, girl, you went in on them. Hello, heliocentric fantasies. How would you like to earn $70,000 a week while working from home as the owner of your own business? A few that are just the eyeballs emoji. Do you want a Chijen Itza next? Karen, how dare you be so brave? Oh, stuff like that. How many views? Um... 26,653. What's our last one at? 50. 50,000. Alright. Not bad, not bad.
00:12:12
Speaker
Nope. Just 50. 50 total views. Goddamn Shadow
Randy's Workplace Challenges
00:12:17
Speaker
Band! I was thinking, since we're Shadow Band anyway, maybe we can finally try my fish tank idea. No. If we want people to start taking the concept of a flat Earth seriously, then we're going to need to start taking ourselves seriously. What should we do? This weekend, we're going to upload a video that will change the world... ...forever.
00:12:55
Speaker
As Randy begins his daily dead man's walk, he notices an unfamiliar face has joined him in the parking lot.
00:13:03
Speaker
They look happy and confident. Far too happy and much too confident to be an employee of Clark Communications. As this cheerful spy starts to open the door to the front entrance, Randy calls out to her. Hey, hold up. Can you hold the door for me? Oh, sure thing.
00:13:25
Speaker
Being the kind, caring, and gracious person she is, the woman steps to the side and holds the door open for Randy. He smiles and waves as he enters the building. I appreciate it. It's no problem at all. Then, Randy immediately turns, grabs the door handle, and pulls the door shut. What the hell? A bewildered face stares back at him from the other side of the glass. Where's your badge?
00:13:52
Speaker
Sorry, I didn't realize you were with security. There's a whole lot of evil in this world. That's why we wear badges and name tags. Horrendous acts of violence can be carried out by little old ladies such as yourself. That was unnecessarily rude. And unfortunately, I don't have a badge yet. I'm supposed to be starting work here today. The email said something about checking in when I arrived. Just a sec. Um, sorry. I know I've got it in here somewhere.
00:14:21
Speaker
That's gonna take forever. Just tell me your name. Bonnie Long? Be like boy. Oh, like... I can spell. Is that Bonnie with a Y or an I-E-R? I-E? I had some trouble finding this place. I hope I'm not late. Unfortunately, Bonnie, you are too late. Hey, sorry about that. Uh, don't listen to him. Here's your visitor pass. You'll get your picture taken and receive an official badge later today.
00:14:51
Speaker
Those double doors over there and find Walter Clay. He'll help you out. Thank you. What was it? Ed, thank you, Ed. We can never be too safe, right? No, we really can't. Can I see your badge, sir? Don't be like that, Ed. I accidentally left it at home. Hey, y'all, it's Rando from the Flat Truth. Before I get started fighting the good fight today,
00:15:20
Speaker
I just want to remind everyone to like, subscribe, and share. We've been slapped with a pretty serious shadow ban and...
00:15:27
Speaker
if I could be just completely blunt for a second. You folks don't seem to be doing jack shit about it. But, Randall, how can you be so sure you've been shadow banned? You must have some pretty serious evidence if you're gonna make those kinds of accusations. Well, I do. Let me just lay it out there. The Flat Truth is a wildly successful content creation company, but we're barely hitting a thousand views on our videos. Somehow, our dislike numbers are higher than ever.
00:15:56
Speaker
But I guess that's what happens when you speak the truth. The flat truth. Remember folks, there's no such thing as a coincidence.
00:16:13
Speaker
Hey, check out this video. Monkey on a motorcycle. Is this one where the monkey does the loop-de-loop? Nah. In this one, a monkey rides up on a little motorcycle and tries to kidnap this kid. It's funny as shit. How many views does it have? 217,000. That's nothing. No, that's quite a bit, actually. My sister showed me a video yesterday of a dog with the post-poop zoomies, and that video had like 60 million views. Look that one up. Why are you watching a dog take a shit? It's not that part.
00:16:42
Speaker
It's just the dog being all jazzed up and running around afterward. Still weird. Whatever, man. I think it's cute. Anyway, check this out. This monkey is fucking wild. Freaking ad won't let me sketch- Smash potatoes! Experience the game the New York Times unironically called an absolute smash hit. From farm to table, you control the entire potato life cycle. Harvest fresh potatoes and smash them! Oh, you know what? I've got one for you. Take this out.
00:17:13
Speaker
Did you cut this out of the newspaper? I don't get it. You get it. You get it. Yeah. Thank you for holding Mr. McGree. I appreciate your patience. I just wanted to let you know that I'm still working on your account and doing everything I can to try and get that fee weight.
00:17:40
Speaker
No worries at all, just doing my job. I really hate to do this to you again, but I am going to need to put you on another quick hold while I contact a specialist about this issue. Thank you.
00:17:54
Speaker
And by the way, your silly little cartoon reinforces some seriously harmful bullying issues that plague our military. Not to mention the fact that it's obviously pro-American imperialist propaganda. It's funny. It's irresponsible is what it is. Yeah, I'm just gonna let you have this one, Randy. Because you know I'm right. That's all I do all day long. Chop, chop, chop, chopping the heads off of people's dumb arguments. You ever wonder why they put your desk so close to security? Let some real danger come up in here. You'll be begging for my help.
00:18:23
Speaker
Oh, yeah, I forgot. You're Mr. Junior Olympic Taekwondo champion or whatever. Thanks again for holding, Mr. Maguri. Unfortunately, we're not going to be able to waive the fee for you today. I understand. I understand that. I understand your frustration. Would you mind holding for one second, sir? I need to reboot my system. Smillo?
00:18:55
Speaker
up with your current call, just go ahead and log all the way out to production and come meet me in my office. You got it. Welcome to Birdies Pets and More, the fourth or fifth best pet store in the St. Louis area. Not bad, Birdies. Not bad at all. Gail Kruger will be with us in just one second. She's finishing up with another customer.
00:19:27
Speaker
Could you please not do that? Do what? Could you not bathe my pet's food with your cancer rays? Oh, no. It's okay. The scanner is 100% completely safe. Nothing to worry about. You don't get to tell me what to worry about. How about you do some research for yourself instead of just parroting everything the TV has to say? What seems to be the problem here? I heard something about a parrot.
00:19:56
Speaker
Now, if you're referring to the macaw in the back, I do want to assure you that he learned all those profane hot takes from a previous owner.
00:20:04
Speaker
Your employee here was spraying her cancer lasers all over my dog treats. Gale? They're talking about the scanner. It is incredibly irresponsible for you to be using those scanners on things people eat. You eat things? These things cause cancer? No, they don't. Yes, they do. I was reading all about it online. Are you even on Facebook?
00:20:29
Speaker
Everybody's on Facebook? Then I don't know how you haven't heard about this yet. It's all over Facebook. I'll tell you what. If you send me some links, I'll look into it. See if any changes are in order. Good. But until you make those changes, I'll be taking my business to Pets World. They've got cancer scanners at Pets World too.
00:21:00
Speaker
Hey! How much y'all give me for these snakes? We don't buy wild snakes. This isn't an animal pawn shop. Since when? Since forever, mate. Fuck this place!
00:21:19
Speaker
L-O-L. No, he's a famous singer. His name is Drake. See, the joke is he doesn't like the one thing, but he does like the other thing. Now do you get it? Here, here, I'll sign you another one. See? He's saying nuh-uh to pickles, but uh-huh, it's a cucumbers. I've got a million of them. Oh, hold on Jerry, I'm gonna have to call you back.
00:21:47
Speaker
I'm sorry, Wood. I'm sorry, Wood. All right. Bye now. Hey, Charlotte. Yeah. Hey, Randy. You know Walter from Human Resources, right? No. Can't say that I do. Hi. That's me, Walt Clay, HR, Human Resources. Randy Dunning, CRC. Complaints, retention, and complex cases. Nice ring. Thank you. I paid for it dearly. It cost me my life.
00:22:15
Speaker
It was, in fact, a nice ring. A very nice ring. Inlaid with a square and compass and the letter G. Undeniably, a Freemasons ring. What festival days do you celebrate? Is this about me calling in last week? No. Listen, Randy, I'm just gonna jump right into it. Over the past three months, we've received numerous complaints regarding your inappropriate use of company internet. Well, that's fucking bullshit.
00:22:41
Speaker
I'll also have to ask you to please keep your language professional. What did I do? Well, you just said fucking bullshit, so that's two no-nos right there. One for fucking and another for bullshit. Can't say anything these days without pissing someone off.
00:22:54
Speaker
After receiving the complaints, our IT department looked into it and they were quite alarmed at what they discovered. Walter, do you still have the list there in front of you? Yes. Would you mind giving us a few? Right. And Randy, this represents only a small portion of the videos you've been watching on Company Time.
00:23:12
Speaker
Secrets of the Illuminati. Crisis Actors Exposed. Planet Flat Earth. I'm an anti-gravity activist and proud of it. Elvis Presley isn't dead, he called me last night. Highlights from the 2005 Junior Olympic Taekwondo Championship.
00:23:30
Speaker
Undeniable proof that Bill Hicks faked his death to become Alex Jones. Five reasons why Governor Gardner Fleming is a shapeshifting cat person. Six reasons why Governor Gardner Fleming is a shapeshifting cat person. And most recently, Monkey on a motorcycle. What's wrong with watching Taekwondo highlights? With that one, I think it was the number of times you've watched it that made us concerned.
00:23:53
Speaker
So, you folks have been keeping an eye on me for a while. We monitor everyone, Randy. It's crucial to maintaining the security of our client's information. I bet you watch everyone. I do have one question I'd like to ask you, Randy.
00:24:08
Speaker
The video five reasons why Garden of Fleming is a shapeshifting cat person was posted in 2016. And then in 2020, the same user posted six reasons why Garden of Fleming is a shapeshifting cat person. What was the new reason? I don't know, Charlotte. How about you do your own research and look it up for yourself? Fair enough. My break's been over for like 20 minutes. Can I go back to my desk now? Hate to
Pet Store Humorous Scene
00:24:35
Speaker
get written up again.
00:24:36
Speaker
Um, yeah, well, Randy, while we have you here, there is another bit of paperwork we'll need to discuss. I think my cat has Stockholm Syndrome. What? No, I'm sure he loves you. I mean, sure, after years of captivity, Chauncey has probably convinced himself that he loves me. But deep down, I think we both know it's really just a product of the power I hold over him. Hmm. Well.
00:25:04
Speaker
Chauncey's free right now and he isn't running away. See what I mean? He won't stay away from me. Our love isn't real, Chauncey. I'm your getter, not your friend. Would the fine folks of Birdie's Pets and More be able to keep Chauncey for a few days? Why do you think he needs an expert opinion? Expert? Yeah.
00:25:29
Speaker
Yeah, I could do that. No problem. Thank you so much, Golly. How much would something like that cost me? Tell you what, I'll do it for free. I can ask you to perform labor for free. Here, we can take a selfie and post it to my Instagram account. I have almost 2,000 followers. A few even live here in the St. Louis area. I should get this place plenty of exposure. No one ever died from exposure.
00:26:00
Speaker
I'm fired. You. Me? What fucking sense is that? Why is the entire fucking road working this way?
00:26:30
Speaker
I'm talking to you, Randy Dunning. You need to do something. You will appear on this infinite, flat plane of existence for a reason. You're not like the other sheeple. The world needs to hear your voice. Join my chorus, Randy, and together we'll wake them up. We're going to wake everyone up. Wake up!
00:26:56
Speaker
You can support the Nooshamour by donating to our Patreon. Noosham is creating the news. Got a lot of great rewards on there. Coosies, dartboards, bumper stickers, window decals. While you're at it, don't forget to pick yourself up some no-bono socks using our promo code NASAWISE. Once again, that's promo code N-A-S-A-L-I-E-S.
00:27:34
Speaker
He there, Mr. Dumpster? I hope you're hungry, cos I have a big bag of shit for you, Dumpster Mouth. Yum, right? Hello? Hello? Who's there?
00:28:03
Speaker
Bigfoot! Bitch, I didn't think I had a second bucket of snakes! That's not funny! Were you out here talking to the dumpster again? No, I wasn't talking to the dumpster. I was talking around the dumpster.
00:28:32
Speaker
Okay. Ripta.
00:29:03
Speaker
It's just something a customer said to me, and now I'm worried that maybe Reptar would be happier if they were living with their lizard buddies out in Arizona or whatever. Well, that may be true. I think it'd be pretty hard for an iguana to make new iguana friends, especially at Reptar's age. Are iguana retirement communities a thing? Uh, no. That'd be weird.
00:29:28
Speaker
But I tell you what, we've got more than enough crickets around here, don't we? Take home a few thousand and let Riptar go crazy on him! He'll forget all about his troubles. Thanks, Millie. Oh, and this here is Chauncey Biscuits. He's gonna be staying with us for a few days. The fuck he is! What? It's a cat, right? Maybe. Yeah.
00:29:54
Speaker
That's what I thought. A customer dropped him off for observations. I'd take him home with me, but Randy's allergic to cats. Can't stay here. Be like an all-you-can-eat buffet. It's just a few days. I don't see what the big deal is. You want to be
Challenges in Promoting Flat Earth Theories
00:30:08
Speaker
responsible for the death of a dozen teddy bear hamsters? Gale? Do you? No. I don't mean to be harsh, but... No, Millie. I get it. I'm sure you'll figure something out.
00:30:24
Speaker
Oh, and Gayle! Don't forget your crickets!
00:31:19
Speaker
Okay, Chauncey. You just sit tight. I'm gonna scope out the situation, and the second I know the coast is clear, I'll come back for you. Uh-huh. That's what I was thinking, too. I'll do my best. Okay. I'll be right back.
00:31:53
Speaker
circle all around all around in search of something true
00:32:18
Speaker
Welcome back to Heliocentric Fantasies. It's me, Karen. And today I'd like to ask you to ask yourself if time can be a flat circle. Why can't Earth imagine for a moment that all 6,000 years of time were held together within a spiritual dome? Or for a moment,
00:32:47
Speaker
Now, I ask you again to ask yourself, if time is able to be held together by such a firmament, wouldn't the earth itself be bound by the same rules? And who makes up these rules? And who is enforcing them? Hey babe! Hey, look at this bullshit.
00:33:16
Speaker
200,000 views? How is she- I don't know. What about the one you posted this morning? What's it at? 991. So basically, nobody watched it. What's that sound? Crickets. Whole bunch of them. Millie let me bring some home so I could let Riptar throw these on the barbie, mate. Will you at least keep them in the garage or something? I need to be able to focus without it sounding like fucking nighttime in here.
00:33:44
Speaker
Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure. I had left something out in the car anyway. Alpha Swaglad left a comment on Karen's new video. Alpha Swaglad? They leave a comment on, like, everything Karen posts. They're almost as obsessed as BiteMyButto2.
00:34:03
Speaker
I know, I love them, check it out. Disclaimer, I decided to watch this video based on a friend's recommendation. Afterward, I felt compelled to do whatever I could to prevent anyone else from watching this video. The poor sound quality and editing made viewing it almost unbearable. The music seemed to run long for no reason. If I were Karen, I would probably just quit making Flat Earth videos because there are probably better Flat Earth documentarians out there who people should be watching instead. Hahaha, hilarious right?
00:34:38
Speaker
Yeah, but those are either A, fake, or B, people who don't know what they're talking about. You can't put anything out into the world these days about getting mocked by some anonymous dumb fuck from Massachusetts sitting in front of a computer screen stroking his beard and thinking he knows fuck all about anything. Fuck him. Him who? Him everyone. And now, millions of people are making Flat Earth videos. So how the hell was anyone supposed to be able to get the word out about it?
00:35:04
Speaker
What we need is something revolutionary. Something fucking mind-blowing. Something that just has no choice but to go viral. I have an idea. I swear if you're talking about walking around with a fish tank. I'm just saying it's the easiest way to communicate the flat earth theory and that's gotta be goal number one. I get that. I do. I just don't. You don't what?
Randy's Viral Success and Determination
00:35:30
Speaker
I think there might be some faults in your logic. That's all I'm saying.
00:35:35
Speaker
992.
00:35:50
Speaker
Absolutely. The timing's too perfect for it to be a coincidence. Think about it. Almost as soon as we start taking off, something happens. And then we come crashing back down to Earth. What kind of bullshit is that? A shadow ban. That's what kind of bullshit that is. One of our videos has almost two million views. Two million. Now our new video is at what? 993. Ugh! I hate the deep state.
00:36:20
Speaker
Is the bee video really at 2 million views? Pretty much. Check it out. 1,600,063. Wow! Once played again for old time's sake? Uh, I say we play it 10 more times for old time's sake. It's rando, back with another rando rant. If you're driving while you're watching this, you better buckle the fuck up. So, get this. Based on the relative density and wing size, bees shouldn't be able to fly.
00:36:50
Speaker
In fact, their ability to fly directly contradicts the rules of physics and, most specifically, some bullshit they've been feeding us for our entire lives. Oh, it's just this little thing they like to call gravity. Ever heard of it? I just wanna go on the record right now and say that I, Randy Dunning, am 100% anti-gravity.
00:37:11
Speaker
As the video plays, Randy and Gail both stare at the screen with a mix of disbelief and nostalgia. This is quite possibly the most important thing they've ever done. The thing which may one day be the only surviving part of their legacy. Laugh if you want, but that video has almost two million views.
Episode Conclusion and Call to Action
00:37:34
Speaker
The fuck you ever done that got two million views? Two Flat Earthers Kidnap a Freemason. Written and created by Jeremy Ellert. Actor Direction by Danielle Ellert.
00:38:02
Speaker
The opening and closing theme for Two Flat Earthers are both by Gladrags. Additional music provided by...
00:38:19
Speaker
Special thanks to our associate producers, Daniel Neruta and Anthony Sigmund-Lowry. Be sure to check out our other shows, The Subjective Truth and The One Stars. If you'd like to help Good Point make more weird audio fiction, then visit Patreon.com forward slash Good Point.
00:38:41
Speaker
If you enjoyed listening to this episode of 2 Flat Earthers Kidnapper Freemason, please leave us a rating, review, codex or riddle on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or wherever you get podcasts. If you aren't able to leave a rating or review, then please go into your backyard, the street or a field and shout compliments about the show.
00:39:03
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If you plan on leaving a one-star rating or review on the podcast, we recommend instead that you simply fuck off and listen to something else.