Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Elisha May Wills
25 Plays1 day ago
In this weeks episode Alasdair sits down with Elisha May, and we discuss overcoming personal trauma and the healing impact nature can have on our mind, body and soul.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to the Podcast and Guest
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello and welcome to the Outdoorsy Educator Podcast, where stories become lessons and every journey has something to teach us. Every week I sit down with people from all walks of life to hear their adventures, explore their experiences, and uncover the insights that have shaped them along the way.
00:00:21
Speaker
Whether it's from the outdoors, the classroom, or any other path, each conversation offers a fresh perspective on learning, growth, and what it means to truly connect with the world and the people around us.
00:00:39
Speaker
And on this week's episode of the Outdoorsy Educator podcast, we have Alicia May. Alicia May, how are you today? I'm very well and very happy to be here. Yeah, I'm really looking forward to this conversation. Why don't you tell the audience a little bit about yourself and who you are?
Alicia May's Work and Identity
00:00:56
Speaker
Absolutely. So I'm Alicia May. I'm from um the UK and I'm a sort of, I'm a mixture of things. I'm very much an intuitive sort of emotional alchemist and identity transformation specialist. So people that are undergoing that sort of identity crisis where their work, their life no longer feels right. The relationship doesn't feel right. Maybe the career and they want to transition, but some people, they, they know they want that. Some people don't. um But it's just a process that I walk people through and it can be um just somebody working with me for just a month. Cause it's, it's just one thing and we go intense, we go deep and they work with me for just a month. And then some people, It's a complete unraveling of the false self and a process of returning to self, hence the freedom of self is my brand. And, you know, people go on to make much more healthier, better decisions for themselves. That's much more soul heart led than, you know, conventional or society led.
00:02:02
Speaker
I'd be fascinated to learn what attracted you and got you into this field. well how did the How did your story in this field begin?
Journey of Self-Discovery
00:02:10
Speaker
um I didn't really have a choice, if that makes any sense. It's been in me. It's been innate in me since I was a child. When I was 11, was told I had energetic healing abilities and because I'm an energy worker as well.
00:02:25
Speaker
and hence the alchemizing people's emotions and things. And I just knew i had a relationship with my, what I would call like my life force, my energy body ever since I was a kid.
00:02:37
Speaker
And I'd have these energetic experiences. And I always just had this knowing of I'm here to do something. Like, I don't know what it is. i don't know what it looks like. it I don't think it's conventional. I tried a million and one conventional things. And I would always get bored because it just didn't feed me enough. It didn't have enough meaning. And so I sort of went through life as we all do relationships, jobs, university.
Personal Challenges and Transformation
00:03:03
Speaker
And then I realized, I was like, should I do the corporate life and something in my body just went f***ing. Yeah, if you want to sell your gold and get sick. and right yeah no I'm going to listen to that. I'm going listen to that. Right. Okay. What do I do instead?
00:03:15
Speaker
And then I was at a point where I was like, do you know i need to travel. Like I want to travel and work abroad. So I did that. And then sadly just walked straight into a traumatic experience. um as a nanny.
00:03:27
Speaker
um And then my mum had a psychosis when I was in the French Alps, just after I was in the French Alps. and About six months later, my brother um killed himself. And that was kind of the beginning of the end, but the beginning of the beginning, if that makes any sense. Yes, yes. And so after he died, i was broken. i you know, life just ended for me, something in me died, something fragmented, something, so much of me was just in conflict. There was just this complete fragmentation process that I really remember being very visceral. And this was 14 years ago and I still remember the process. And so for the last 14 years, it's been sort of putting that back together.
Life Post-Trauma and Business Management
00:04:14
Speaker
But for the first seven, I was in survival mode. I had undiagnosed, unprocessed PTSD.
00:04:22
Speaker
I was barely dealing with my grief. I was in a, I trauma bonded with a guy. and That was a very unhealthy relationship. And that went on, on and off for about seven years. I was running two businesses, mine and co-running his.
00:04:37
Speaker
Anyway, 2012 happened sorry 2020 happened for me literally it's the freakiest thing like just before covid was announced i'd already decided before covid kicked off to go right that's it i'm walking away from a chapter of my life i'm done lying to myself i'm done forcing myself to live a life that really feels so uncomfortable i'd taken myself i'd weaned myself off of antidepressants as well and i was 30 think was 32 This is about eight seven, eight years ago.
Impact of the COVID-19 Pandemic
00:05:09
Speaker
and I just sold everything as much as I could. I sold everything. And I went back to home to my parents and I moved into their annex, which is just one bedroom. So I had to have as little stuff as possible. right
00:05:23
Speaker
And for me, the first three months of COVID were some of the best months of my life. um They were very freeing. It was guilt-free time off being self-employed, and but it was also a reckoning.
00:05:35
Speaker
I was dealing with absolute bliss in nature, but I was also dealing with um an anxiety and a breaking down of my old self and identity. And that's a very uncomfortable place to be when you don't have external support. And then Quite often, as we eat and we know, with the saying is, when the student is ready, the teacher appears. And yes a few months later, my first mentor came into my life. I was led down a path, realised I had to own the fact that I was an empath. I then... was introduced to being a highly sensitive person. Even though I'd known those things, I didn't realize it was like a label and a permission slip that actually I could be both passionate and fiery, but also really, really sensitive. And and then it just led from one thing to another. i just knew that there was a calling in me this, okay, I've learned so much and I wanna share this with everybody. And I was even doing it as a teenager and a small friend I caught up um a couple of months ago and he said, I cannot thank you enough for the conversations we had when we were 15.
00:06:44
Speaker
He's like, you changed my life. So I've always, so I've always intuitively being an empath. I've always, ah I've always been very intuitive with everybody and I can feel people's needs. I can feel what they want and need in that moment. And over the years, you know, a lot of my girlfriends would come to me because they're going through
Coaching and Supporting Others
00:07:01
Speaker
a tough time. And I would just sort of hold, facilitate that space for them to just, know,
00:07:07
Speaker
be in those feelings and work through them. And so it was always, it was always in me. And then I just got really serious in the last sort of, yeah, six, five, six years. And it's just been a path that's been building and building and building. And, you know, training, doing my own healing and we'll go on to the nature stuff in a minute, because that's been a huge, huge part of my healing.
00:07:29
Speaker
um And then really got serious with the sort of coaching side probably about three or four years ago. But really in the last sort of 18 months, I've been really like so dedicated to it.
00:07:42
Speaker
I've got so many questions to ask you. So if I end up jumping around a bit, I apologize. um One word that you said that I read on your website, and it just stood out to me because I feel that the perception of this word is changing is sensitive.
00:07:58
Speaker
It used to be in my eyes through just my own lens, it used to be perceived in society as a weakness. Right. Right. And I feel like the conversation around that word is is changing. But I was curious, what but what misconceptions perhaps do you see about people who are becoming sensitive or you know feeling things? ah do you Is there still a sort of pushback to being sensitive? Right.
00:08:25
Speaker
um There could well be out in the world for me now because of the journey I've gone on myself. yeah i I wear it as, excuse the language, no you're coming fucking I'm fucking sensitive and I don't give a fuck.
00:08:38
Speaker
Right. but Like that's my attitude. It's like i havet I have a very sensitive nervous system. It gets dysregulated. I get overwhelmed. Yeah. If things are too bright, if things are too loud, if I'm peopled out, if I'm overworked, I need to look after me. And if you don't like that, that's on you. But that took me years.
00:08:59
Speaker
That took me a very, very long time to own and embody. you know, my late brother, when I was a teenager, he would always say to me, he'd say these two things. He's like, sis, you're so sensitive. It's like, I know what do I do about it? I'm also really angry. And cause I'm so frustrated.
00:09:19
Speaker
And he would also say, but you're also like a
Sensitivity and Power Paradox
00:09:22
Speaker
nuclear power station. He's like, you've got so much energy. And this is often the, uh, The diet, the paradox of a sensitive person is that when we're not in our power and we're not fully embodied in who we are, we come across weak.
00:09:42
Speaker
But we also are aware that we've got an innate power within us as well. But we don't know what to do with it, because for me, I had the stories of. you're too sensitive, therefore you must be broken. oh you therefore must be weak. And oh, you're so loud and oh, you're so confident and and don't be this and don't be too loud, but don't be too sensitive. It was like, oh my God, what do you want me to be? Am I supposed to be sensitive and weak or am I supposed to be powerful and confident? Because because which is it? Because I can't, I was really struggling because I i would always bounce between the two and I was exhausted.
00:10:20
Speaker
Right. And then, of course, you're, what do you want me to be rather than what do I want to be myself? Right. Which is exhausting when you're yeah you're trying to fit into somebody else's box and not yet find out who you truly are.
00:10:35
Speaker
That's it, because as a sensitive, you're so perceptible, and perceptive to other people's feelings. So if somebody around you is is feeling uncomfortable because of your deep emotions or the fact that you're feeling a bit raw in that moment. It's, it's, we just spend our lives morphing ourselves and, and suppressing ourselves. And this isn't just sensitives. It's, but it is for us. It's, it's, i don't know if it's more of a painful process, but it is this, oh, okay. I'll, I'll be a bit quiet and, or I'll change myself to make you comfortable.
00:11:09
Speaker
Yes. Because it's that self-abandonment, isn't it? It's that, okay, well, i'll I'll make sure your needs are met over mine. That's something that, as we talked about off-air, I spent well over a decade in primary school, elementary school classrooms.
00:11:25
Speaker
And that was often the, when we went into classrooms where there was issues with behaviour, it was the child was trying to become what the teacher needed rather than the teacher being what the child needed. Right.
00:11:38
Speaker
Yeah. And again, a great way of describing it yeah that's an eight year old brain. i mean, this is difficult enough for a 28 or 30 year old brain to to work through. but these children were exhausted trying to be what they thought the teacher needed or what the teacher said they needed to be. And then these behaviours come out because they couldn't contain actually who they were.
00:12:02
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. And like they have that conflict of they don't understand. They're like, yeah, but I just want to be me. I don't understand why I can't just show up as me, but I'm being unaccepted. Like, this doesn't make any sense. Yes. Oh, it was. I mean, we saw this so much. There was a child who would need to, for example, who would learn and absorb the lesson when they could move, when they could sit and draw while they were occupying their hand. They would absorb it. It would drive the teacher crazy that they were drawing and not put in their perception, focusing.
00:12:38
Speaker
And so often these mislabeled and misbehaving quote unquote children, the issue was with the teacher and not the child. and so and Yeah, exactly. And as you'll know, and this is this came for me later on in life, um particularly when I looked into how people learn things where it's are you're either a visual or you're a movement based person or you've got to read it. And then when you look at your human design, there's there's a and a way of knowing how you input information, how you thrive on learning. And that's the thing. It's like, it's not a one size fits all. Every child, every human learns, takes in information completely different to the next person.
00:13:23
Speaker
A hundred percent. And I think this kind of leads nicely to one of my next questions I've got written down. And i don't know the statistics. And this is, again, is just through my lens. But there appears to be emotional exhaustion. Just just in general, they get a big generalization. But in society, why do you think people are, many people feel so disconnected from themselves?
00:13:50
Speaker
if you If you do. If you do. Yeah, well, why? i mean, it could be unprocessed trauma, it could be unprocessed wounding, it could be conditioning, it could be that they didn't have their needs met as a child. And again, you've got, you know, coming back to your point about the kids where it's like they're, they just want to be themselves, but the teacher is saying, no, don't be yourself, be this. So people go through life and like I did, i was so emotionally exhausted.
00:14:16
Speaker
Because we aren't brought up in a world yet, or we're going that way, of all your feelings are allowed at any given point.
00:14:27
Speaker
They need to be processed. Yes. And so many of us go through life and situations and difficulties, or like i said, traumatic events or whatever it is, whether it's small or large. And we're never allowed, we're never given time and guidance to process those emotions, whether it's sadness, whether it's anger in that moment. But once we get to a point as a humanity where the parents understand emotional processing, they can then facilitate that space for their child in any given moment of like, oh, you're feeling really, really sad right now. Okay, let's just let's just allow that to move through you because when you look when you think of emotions, it's energy, right? We are energy. Yes.
00:15:13
Speaker
And so if you don't let that energy move through you, whether it's sadness, anger, frustration, you know, happiness, like whatever it is, if you don't let let that move through you, it then kind of stays blocked in your system, in your in your psyche, in your energy body, in your emotions, mental, you know, wherever it is.
00:15:36
Speaker
And it just kind of stays there, stagnant. And then, i mean, there's another conversation with that as well. So with my line of work, It's I'm able to help people alchemize these emotions that have been stuck for years and years and years. So one client last year, she had a very, very deep root wound around men and her ex. And she was coming out of 15 year relationship, but this was an ex 20 years before. And I could feel in my body, I thought, yeah, we've reached this point that you're going to have to feel this emotion and,
00:16:14
Speaker
because once you just let it move through you, it's gonna release so much, unlock so much, and then allow the right person to come through. i mean, I'm putting it very, very simply. Of course, yes. And so, yeah, and and it but it is a very uncomfortable process. Like I've had to do years and years of emotional processing because I had so many emotions from a child that I was like, you know, it's like, oh, no, you can't cry. You're at school. You're not allowed. No, you can't feel this emotion. So you bottle it up because you can't. It's it's it's either break time or it's lunchtime or you're stuck in science class or or whatever it is. And you're dealing with this emotion, whether it's jealousy or fear or whatever it is.
00:17:00
Speaker
And because you don't have the tools to know how to just... accept it, acknowledge it and let it move through you, it just gets stuck. Yes. And it just, it yeah, it grows and grows in a negative way. Yeah, and it compounds. Yeah, it's going to come out at some point. Oh, yes. you know so so That's midlife crisis. Right, absolutely. it's yeah it just Again, i was expecting this conversation to mirror so much of what happened. I was a teacher and then I was a behavioral coach and I worked with students and with teachers in this in the school system.
00:17:39
Speaker
um Because we had children who were very emotionally dysregulated, but also a lot of staff. And that was just a bad mixture. So we worked with both parties to kind of find common ground and move forward. And let's use these tools. Yeah. And it's something I think we all have to work with and all have to be aware of, I think, how to deal and process.
Understanding Emotions as Energy
00:18:08
Speaker
And I love this visualization of emotions flowing through us.
00:18:13
Speaker
Yeah, like a wave. It's like grief. you know Grief comes in waves. At the beginning, when you lose somebody, those waves are just relentless and they're smashing at you. and then over time...
00:18:27
Speaker
You know, they still come sometimes, but they get slower. The distance between them gets longer and things. um But yeah, with our emotions, it it is about, like I said, their energy is moving and just allowing it to just move through you. and it It really is. It is a game changer when you just, we stop fighting them because it gets to a point, I think, that I did with my journey. And this is years ago when I remember particularly in those really dark years, in those seven years where I was so terrified of dealing with them that I thought, once I open Pandora's box, I don't know if I can close it again. Right. And that is scary because you don't know the version of you that's on the other side.
00:19:14
Speaker
Yes. You really don't. And so because you because you don't know the version of you that's going to be on the other side, you're kind of like, I'm just not going to deal with Pandora's box. I'm just not going to deal with my Pandora's box.
00:19:25
Speaker
But life went, no, you're dealing with this now. Yeah, better the devil you know sometimes is what we default to. And um yes, again, I think we could see that in all manner of relationships um throughout our life.
Healing Rituals in Nature
00:19:40
Speaker
I'd love to steer this conversation towards the outdoors. um We first got in touch because of a picture you had online of you standing on, I'm guessing it's a Land Rover, um standing on the front and we discussed car camping, one of my passions, one of my great escapes.
00:19:55
Speaker
is jumping in the back of my car and going out and um spending a weekend at the lake or the mountains. How does the outdoors impact your life, both both personally and also in your line of work?
00:20:08
Speaker
Yeah, so um so I've had um Maximus, my defender. I've had him for um ten and a half years, and he's my trusty steed. yeah And I spent years driving him and in in my previous chapter just really as a sort of just a normal car and we lived in the countryside and it made sense and it's funny how i remember being a teenager thinking i really like defenders like we're talking 20 25 years ago yes and i thought i really like defenders i'd love one of those one day and i thought you don't live on a farm don't be so stupid right right i let that go and then the guy that i was with so seven years he kind of not forced me to buy one but he's like
00:20:53
Speaker
you've they're they're the best vehicle just buy it and put it anyway so I had it and then it was about seven years ago I was um so yeah I was back with my parents and what do I do i go online dating um and i mean I meet a guy who we're still friends to this day and I love that he's a very good friend And it was summer 2020. And we went in the back of his Range Rover, which was a 1980s, similar age to mine. And we went and slept in the back of it on Exmoor.
00:21:28
Speaker
And i woke up the next day and I thought, oh my God, this is heaven. This yes is heaven. And even though that had been building for a couple of years before that, this idea of just like jumping in the Defender and going off places, I didn't do it because I didn't know how. And I thought, how do I get from A to B?
00:21:50
Speaker
I don't know how. and I'd slept in the in my ex's van a couple of times, but there was just something about this Range Rover with the flap down and the view across Porlock Weir.
00:22:01
Speaker
And I thought something's just clicked. And it was amazing. And then i think it was maybe a week or two later, there was just something in me. And I was off work because I couldn't legally work because I was a beauty therapist at the time. Right. I couldn't i couldn't legally work. So I had had some free time.
00:22:19
Speaker
And something in me was just like, just get in the Defender. and just do it. And I just was terrified. I was terrified. i know that sounds really crazy, but I was absolutely, something in my body was just like, just do it. Just do it. It just didn't make any sense.
00:22:39
Speaker
And the first night I just roughed it. Proper roughed it. Good. And I was so uncomfortable and I didn't sleep because I was paranoid I was going to be attacked. i was gonna be I was paranoid people were going to nick my defender. Yep.
00:22:58
Speaker
And I just proper roughed it. There was just a magic about that. It was this, how have I gone from a three bedroom house running two businesses to roughing it in the back of my defender at 32. It was a bizarre moment, but I thought this feels really freeing. yeah It just felt so freeing. And then I realized I'm onto something here.
00:23:24
Speaker
And I think I did one night and then a couple of weeks later, I did two nights and my parents were like, just do it, just do it. And all my friends were like, you're crazy. you You're like, that's so dangerous. I was like, how is that how is sleeping in the back of my car on Exmo dangerous? did you get Right. Come on. Yeah. Yeah.
00:23:46
Speaker
It's not like Kazakhstan or, you know, in i don't know, really other, not Kazakhstan necessarily dangerous, but like not crazy places. Right. So anyway, it just clicked. It did something to me. just awoke something in me.
00:23:59
Speaker
But at the same time, I didn't sleep. I was absolutely... um'm So insomnia has been really bad. like It's like it's much better these days. But after my brother died, insomnia was a real problem for me. And so I'd go wild camping in the back of my defender and I would i found this particular spot. And for the first few times, I was always paranoid, like, oh, my God, going to get screamed at. Like it really brought up a shit ton of my trauma that I didn't realize I hadn't dealt with.
00:24:33
Speaker
right And not that was pretty scary. And I just remember just like waking up in the, like barely sleeping. But if I did wake up, I would panic. And I just remember thinking, oh my God, where am I? What am I doing?
00:24:43
Speaker
What am doing? Oh my God, I might just drive home. But I just kept with it and I kept with it.
Camping Practices and Transformation
00:24:48
Speaker
And I've been doing it seven years now. And ironically, I was going to do it Tuesday night. No, wet Monday night, but the clutch is gone. So I didn't, but I was going to do it on my way to the Peak District.
00:25:00
Speaker
And... It just, each time I went, my parents could see that when I came back, I was a i was more myself.
00:25:12
Speaker
Yes. They could just see, this is doing something to you. And I was like, I know, I can't describe it. Two nights really did so much. um One night was good, but there was something about two nights, completely on my own, barely talking to anybody, driving off, going for walks, dipping into a river. I'd often find a river to just wash myself or I'd jump in the sea, whatever it was. And I had to work through a lot of uncomfortable um feelings in my body of, you know, despair, aloneness, grief, like, because I'd allowed myself finally some proper stillness and,
00:25:56
Speaker
right And there were no distractions. You know, quite often there'd be no signal. And it just, it was the most, oh kind of on one level, the most uncomfortable experience, but the most freeing experience at the same time.
00:26:15
Speaker
I can resonate with this so much. I've done many multi-day hiking trips and I'll never forget this moment. I did the New Jersey section of the Appalachian Trail two years ago, which is 100 miles, give or take.
00:26:33
Speaker
And ah it was bizarrely emotional. Yes, the scenery was beautiful. And yes, I enjoyed And to this day, I don't really know why. But there was something about no distractions, no nothing, you're just walking. And I almost felt like sort of tearing up. And i'd like said, I don't know why, but it does bring something out of you when you can just disconnect.
00:26:56
Speaker
When you were talking about people saying it's dangerous and and you were slightly worried, a good friend of mine always talks, and it's a common phrase about packing your fears.
00:27:06
Speaker
And um I had to really think about the fact that I would always pack several power banks for my phone because I had this fear of somebody, I'm married, I have children, needing me and the guilt of not being available. And it was like, all right what's driving this fear? And it was this fear of being selfish because I'm taking care of myself.
00:27:29
Speaker
And that manifested itself in having to ensure that my phone was always charged to compensate for this perceived selfishness. That's so interesting because I had a similar thing with my parents that with my mum's episodes of ill health and and things like that and just...
00:27:50
Speaker
feeling like I needed, I was like, you know, the only child left. And when I was like, okay, I'm disappearing for 24 hours, 48 hours. So they're like, that's fine. We'll be okay. And I'm like, are you sure you're going be okay? Cause it's like, what if you need me? What if somebody has a breakdown? What if somebody ends up in hospital? Like, What if I'm not there for you? So I can i can relate to a point with what you said. and yeah my What was interesting with my fears was i I was noticing my two fears was running out of drinking water and running out of food because...
00:28:22
Speaker
I go into like a panic when I'm when I'm hungry my sugar level like after about two three hours my sugar levels drop because I i have a high metabolic rate, so I have to sort of snack regularly. And so there was always this fear of like oh my god have I got enough food and the crazy thing is is I could just drive to the shops.
00:28:42
Speaker
Right. Right. But my brain was like, no, you're in the wild. I'm on Exmoor. Right. and it's But it was this like, no, Alicia, you're doing wildness. You're rewilding yourself. You cannot go to the shop halfway through. You cannot go and get fish and chips. You're not allowed. Right. That's not being authentically wild, a wild camper. Yes.
00:29:07
Speaker
Yeah. So making sure I had the the the right amount of food, the right amount of water. But I definitely could resonate with what you just said there with the phone. I remember going through a lot of like, I felt really selfish not being available for my parents in case they needed me.
00:29:23
Speaker
Yeah, 100%. Again, so many thoughts kind of going around my head. I've got ah a good friend of mine who goes camping a lot and has quite ah ah a big presence online.
00:29:34
Speaker
And he made a video once about all this. He loves cooking when he's camping. like That's his thing. He brings the chopping boards, the all the ingredients, and it's it's a production and it's amazing. But he made a video once about trying to make sure that it didn't look complicated. He's like, if you need to bring a pizza that you have picked up on your way to the campsite, do it. If that's what it takes for you to be able to disconnect and turn off and low stress, for him, cooking is an avenue to getting the stress out. But if that causes you stress, it doesn't need to look like this. This works for me.
00:30:12
Speaker
Bring a sandwich from home. that's you're just as much wilding and camping and all of that as anyone else. Yeah. And that's so, so true. Cause, um, a guy that I, I dated, ah five years ago, his thing was cooking that, that was his thing. So when we went camping and stuff, he was the cook and I loved that. Um, but very much for me, I do. There is something beautiful about cooking outside. I'm not going to lie. There is right. Oh, I'm right there with you.
00:30:40
Speaker
I do really understand your friend. But for me, it was a case of like, i was like, no, I'm just going to rough it. I'm just going to take pre-cooked stuff and snacks and just like, just, yeah, make it work. And like you said, it's this idea of what works for one person doesn't necessarily work for another. And society is starting to get that message of,
00:31:05
Speaker
It's not one size fits all in anything. It's like, look, if that works for you, do it. If that works for you, do it. And again, coming back to the sensitive thing, it's like, look, I'm sensitive. I run on a very particular design of a setup and i i know what works for me and what works for me not might not work for another person and vice versa. Yeah.
00:31:24
Speaker
Absolutely. and And another level of that I've discovered is I look at my purpose for going camping when I
Purposes of Camping Trips
00:31:31
Speaker
go. If I go myself, I will take something to cook and prep because I enjoy that and I find it very cathartic. If I go camping and friends are joining me, we've got a couple that we often go with.
00:31:44
Speaker
It's we we will just grab some sandwiches or something on the way because the purpose of that trip is reconnection and fellowship with our friends that we may not have seen in a few months. I don't want to be over there at the chopping board. I want to be with my friends and and reconnect. So, yeah, I look at what I need myself, but then also this situation. What is it that I needed this this precise weekend in my life? What's going to really re-energize me?
00:32:10
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. And you said the word re-energize and that's what I really found with the wild camping. And the more I did it, just, it was almost like the more I did it, the quicker I would click back in to myself. And the first few times were always the hardest. And sometimes the evening was a struggle. Like you're, you're in your own company. You don't, you can't just stick on the TV and you know, you can't just stick on nick Netflix. And it's like, okay, so I've got to read a book. And I just remember these anxiety attacks that I would have in the evenings of all this stillness of like, I've got no one to talk to. And, but but once I and unwound, there was this beauty of waking up the next day
00:32:53
Speaker
where's the nearest river that I can just freshen up in where Where can I just jump into? And just, you know, being barefoot, just allowing nature to just kind of consume you again. i just always remember feeling this wild woman was waking up in me, this grounded, wild woman.
00:33:17
Speaker
you know, woman and I always kind of get more into nature in the summer months for obvious reasons. It's warmer and whatnot. And I get very crampy in in the winter, like, come February, i'm like, i'm I'm just cabin fever. Yes. um But that I just always, whenever I think of the wild camping, I just, it's it's so nostalgic for me. It's just like, I'm just just a human. I'm just human.
00:33:45
Speaker
And I'm just sat at this river or I'm sat in these woods and I'm just being. And it's almost like I'm no longer Alicia I'm no longer a daughter. I'm no longer a such and such. Everything just starts to break away. And and and then i and then I sort of remember, oh, yeah, i'm just I'm just a human. I'm just a mammal on planet Earth.
00:34:11
Speaker
It's a very comforting thing, I find, it to to think of myself like that. yeah um It's not to say that we're insignificant, but we're certainly just part of something huge that we
Connection with the Universe
00:34:25
Speaker
can't really understand. And I find great comfort in that, where suppose some might find discomfort.
00:34:30
Speaker
I quite like that feeling. I do too. Yeah. yeah agree Well, as we kind of come right to the home stretch, um I've got three questions I would like to ask you. um One is when I talk to people, we all want to be successful. But what's that looks like and what that means is very different to vary to different people.
Redefining Success
00:34:50
Speaker
And I'd be curious as to what success looks like to you and if that has changed over the years.
00:34:56
Speaker
Yeah, no, it's definitely changed over the years. You know, when I think when I look back to sort of, again, my dark period, it was much more not materialistic, but it was this external stuff. Because to me, I thought, well, that's got stability, people will acknowledge that achievement, but bla blah, blah, blah, blah. But actually, I've gone back to what I was actually before that crap. And it's coming back to my values, which is freedom, fun and impact. And to me, if
00:35:26
Speaker
to me success is being able to live with those on a daily basis to me success if I can wake up and be my authentic self and live in integrity like that's a fucking successful day right you know the the fact that I can have freedom of self I've returned to self like that's fucking successful you know I've i've wanted I've gone from wanting to check out of this world many many times to wanting to now live it to the ultimate degree within my passions and wants and desires um so to me that's successful going from from complete yeah just wanting to check out to wanting to live life as much as possible that to me is successful don't get me wrong i want a certain amount that
00:36:17
Speaker
pays each month or over a year where it's like I pay my bills and I've got some fun money like my bills are paid and I've got some fun money right like to me that's great I don't need to be a millionaire yes I joke that I want to be a millionaire by 45 of course that joke but to me successful is waking up where I get to be myself and i get to do meaningful work that is going to enable other people to live life that they want for themselves. Like that to me is is successful. Yeah, I couldn't agree more. And yeah, there's nothing wrong with, i mean, we all would like to, okay, if I could just make this much money and all of that. But I think if you tie your definition of success to it, and although if I could just have this amount in the bank, I would be happy. It's a very dangerous road um when it defines your happiness or becomes the goal.
00:37:16
Speaker
Right. It's a convenience. Great. Yeah. Absolute convenience, isn't it? that if you But for me, the success is happy with or without money. That is success. Right. I know. I couldn't agree more. um i always like
Influential Books and Mentors
00:37:33
Speaker
to ask my guests. Everyone has a favorite book, but I was curious as to what might be the most impactful book you have read.
00:37:41
Speaker
Oh, gosh. And this one often puts people on the spot. So I do a apologize. Only because I've read a lot and I've started a few that I haven't finished and I've loved the beginning of them. and Because I haven't finished them, i can't really say. But...
00:38:00
Speaker
And do you know what it is? book For me, books come into my life at very specific times. right And the one that I was, the few that I was, say, reading five years ago blew my mind. yeah And they were just like, oh, my gosh, they helped me so much.
00:38:14
Speaker
But I couldn't say that now about them because I'm like, well, no, the books since then have been really, really helpful. and But, I mean, I suppose if I think of two at the moment that I'm going through is Joe Dispenza's... something about supernatural it's quite an old book of his I've just started to get around to to reading him because I love his work and because of my line of work is the mind body soul coherence like like his work um then I really so really enjoyed reading beginning to read um Gabor Mate um the myth of normal I think that's what it's called I started that haven't finished it yet and again really really enjoyed that But over the years, there's there's definitely several books that I've come across that at the time really changed my life.
00:39:08
Speaker
yeah i think that's really interesting. It's almost like relationships. Right. Different periods of your life you need or are willing and able to accept different things. And I suppose that is the same for books, is it? For things you're you're consuming.
Reflecting on Lost Relationships
00:39:23
Speaker
My sort penultimate question for you is if you could choose somebody to spend a day or a weekend with, go for a walk in the countryside and talk to them about how they have found or are finding themselves, their authentic self, who would it be and why? And this could be somebody in your life, somebody famous, dead, alive, anybody that's ever existed. If you could talk to them about finding your authentic self and their journey, who would you like to talk to?
00:39:54
Speaker
That's an amazing question. because somebody asked me on a podcast yesterday about like, who would you wanna be in a room with, you know, to have have a conversation, but the way you've worded it's really fascinating. And actually the person that's coming up for me is would be, is actually my brother. right Because to because he's but he's he he left years ago.
00:40:18
Speaker
so to be who i am today i would love and i've I've played with this a few times is I'd love to be able to just walk side by side and talk about my journey, talk about his journey and finding that return to self and the authentic self. So he would definitely be one of them. There's definitely some great in the world and the famous ones. and You know, I think yesterday i was like, oh, Mary Magdalene could be cool because, you know, she was she was pretty cool for her time. And I know it sounds, again, it's cliche to say Jesus, but like, no again, what he went through and the fact that the Bible was created on off the back of him, I'd love to know what his opinion is of Christianity and the Bible, considering he's a Jew. by
00:41:12
Speaker
Right. right Right. I'd love to have that kind of conversation. But then equally, I'd love to chat to Gabor Maté or Joe Dispenza. But, you know, when you start thinking about it, like the list is endless. But I think when you asked me that question, my brother did come to the forefront.
00:41:31
Speaker
I love that. I love that. Well, if people have questions for you, want to find out more about what you do, where where's the best place to find you or to reach you?
Connecting with Alicia and Conclusion
00:41:40
Speaker
Yeah, I'm always on Instagram every day. and My handle is I am Alicia May, as in the month. And so, yeah, you can find me on Instagram, but I am on LinkedIn as well. And I've got my website, which is freedomofself.com.
00:41:55
Speaker
I love it. Well, Alicia May, this has been an absolute pleasure. Thank you so much for your time today. And thank you so much for having me. And it has been a wonderful conversation.
00:42:07
Speaker
Thank you again to this week's guest and I hope today's episode was as enjoyable for you as it was for me and perhaps even inspired your next adventure. If you did enjoy the show, please be sure to subscribe, leave a review or follow us wherever you get your podcasts. You can find more information at theoutdoorsyeducator.com or follow us on Instagram, TikTok or Facebook. Until next time, thank you so much for listening to The Outdoorsy Educator Podcast.