Transcript
Speaker: We got to get back into it.
Speaker: But you know who's always back into it?
Speaker: Who?
Speaker: Hey there, everybody.
Speaker: Welcome to Pixelit, where we read, recap and review video game novelizations.
Speaker: My name is Kevin and with me as always is Phil.
Speaker: And today on the show, we're talking about Mortal Kombat.
Speaker: Mortal Kombat.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: Who doesn't like Mortal Kombat, Kevin?
Speaker: I ask you.
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: That's not a great question.
Speaker: Actually, a lot of people, as it turns out, don't like Mortal Kombat.
Speaker: So here we are.
Speaker: We're in episode three, then the final episode for Mortal Kombat because we are not going to dedicate any more time to this book than we have to because I'm really starting to understand why this guy wrote for the Weekly World News.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's getting a little it's you know, I was listening to the first episode of this the other day and I was and I was wrapping up the book and I was thinking to myself, Jesus Christ, we really were like, hey, this is actually not so bad.
Speaker: This is pretty good.
Speaker: Like we were surprisingly good.
Speaker: Yeah, it does not last, folks.
Speaker: It does.
Speaker: It's it does not last.
Speaker: I can't remember what we said in episode two, because as of this recording, it hasn't come out yet.
Speaker: Also, I have to edit it.
Speaker: Note to self.
Speaker: But this is episode three.
Speaker: And we're we're in chapter twenty eight.
Speaker: And for those of you who are coming off of episode two, we're basically in the middle of this showdown between Shang Tsung and his group baddies and Raiden and his group of goody goodies.
Speaker: Super goody goodies.
Speaker: Order of light.
Speaker: I mean, you can't be any more goody goody than calling yourself the order of light.
Speaker: For people who disembowel other people, they are a bunch of Boy Scouts.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We're going to see the extent of that later on.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So Sonya Blade basically starts the chapter out by breaking her cover and announcing that she is an agent of the U.S. Special Forces.
Speaker: That's right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Which I don't... Is there...
Speaker: The US Special Forces, it's kind of a nebulous term.
Speaker: I mean, the army has special forces, right?
Speaker: That's the thing.
Speaker: Yeah, the special.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: If she said the army special forces, then you could go, oh, OK, I know it.
Speaker: But then she would be an agent.
Speaker: She would be like, she would she'd have like a rank or something.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker: And the US special forces is kind of vague to say the very least.
Speaker: I think it was the same thing they did with Guile, actually, in Street Fighter 2.
Speaker: Like it was just like, you know, everyone had a different fighting style, you know, Shotokan karate and, you know, the Brazilian capoeira thing.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: For Blanca.
Speaker: And then it was Guile and it would just say special forces.
Speaker: You're like, oh,
Speaker: I mean, yeah, and Guile, I believe, is part of the Air Force, if I'm not mistaken.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: I mean, his whole stage had nothing but F-14s in the background and everything.
Speaker: Or chair force.
Speaker: You got it.
Speaker: It's like.
Speaker: I don't think anyone says that.
Speaker: It's just the oldest thing, like, like, and you're not even in the military.
Speaker: I'm not even.
Speaker: It's the one like military, like, like military joke that I know from from other branches to the Air Force.
Speaker: And I don't think I think that's like 40 years out of date, you know, or however long.
Speaker: It's kind of like that old street joke about the three branches of the military.
Speaker: And they all are in the John.
Speaker: And the Marine scrubs his hands clean in the sink and looks at the other two and says, you know, in the Marines, they taught us to keep clean.
Speaker: And the Navy officer comes over and he washes his hands, but does it pretty efficiently.
Speaker: And he looks at them and says, in the Navy, we learned to conserve water.
Speaker: And the army guy just marches right past them before he leaves.
Speaker: He looks at them and says, in the army, they teach us not to piss on our hands.
Speaker: And that's just one of those classic jokes where you could like just kind of like, and it's who do we want to like?
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: It's the Marine who doesn't piss on his hands.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: He's a seal who doesn't.
Speaker: Yeah, it just.
Speaker: Yeah, it's.
Speaker: That's you immediately took me back to like an old street joke.
Speaker: We used to tell when I was like 12.
Speaker: That's an old memory on the on the military base.
Speaker: Whichever one I was in that particular year, it was they were all different.
Speaker: And yet they were all exactly the same.
Speaker: Yeah, it was ridiculous.
Speaker: Yeah, I remember it was weird.
Speaker: Pretty much just like a carbon copy of Levittown or something like that.
Speaker: Kind of, yeah.
Speaker: They were all orange.
Speaker: I remember you being in Bragg.
Speaker: Everything about Fort Bragg, the memory of that is sepia-toned and orange to me.
Speaker: And I think it's just because of the dirt.
Speaker: It was hot.
Speaker: Everything was so hot there.
Speaker: When I am hot and uncomfortable, I think of Fort Bragg and Fort Benning.
Speaker: Those are two places that if I am if I am if I have no access to air conditioning and there's not even a breeze to be had, I think of Bragg and Benning.
Speaker: That is for the four people out there who were either active servicemen or or the kids of such and know exactly what I'm talking about.
Speaker: The hottest places on Earth, they might as well.
Speaker: Sonic Blade is a special forces gal.
Speaker: She's a special forces gal.
Speaker: So she basically she wants revenge.
Speaker: She twofold.
Speaker: She has two reasons to be there.
Speaker: One, the Shang Tsung, obviously.
Speaker: Two, Kano killed her fiance.
Speaker: Cliff LaDolce.
Speaker: Cliff LaDolce.
Speaker: What kind of a name?
Speaker: like it's like it's like Travis Montague or like just like Jesus like Bobby Montpellier like I don't know it just it goes way too the first name is too basic the second the last name way too hard you know it's not it's not a balanced name if it was like
Speaker: Cliff Johnson, sure, you know.
Speaker: Sure, right.
Speaker: Or Giovanni LaDolce, okay.
Speaker: Right, absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker: There's gotta be a balance between the first name and the last name.
Speaker: It's a name with an identity crisis.
Speaker: There's no getting around it.
Speaker: It's ridiculous.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No, no getting around.
Speaker: Sonia Blades dead fiance.
Speaker: Dead fiance.
Speaker: Sonia Blade, who's only 22.
Speaker: Kids don't get engaged at 22.
Speaker: Don't get engaged at 22.
Speaker: No, not a stop to it.
Speaker: No, don't do it.
Speaker: Anyway, Sonia Blade says Cliff was was killed.
Speaker: Kano shot him six times in the back with a 45.
Speaker: That's that's a lot.
Speaker: I don't I don't know if you guys have seen what a 45 will do to somebody.
Speaker: but that's, that's going to chunk out some, some, some body parts.
Speaker: Like that's, that's, that's a, that's a mortal combat fatality right there.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's like, uh, that's pretty close to, uh, to, uh, to a desert Eagle, isn't it?
Speaker: Uh, it's, it is, it is just,
Speaker: yeah it's it'll just blow you the open one shot would have like opened up his back and knocked him over a cliff right uh so six times shots he was not standing let's face facts five of those shots were were extra um if there's one thing we know about kano this man is extra he is an overachiever he is an overachiever
Speaker: So she's got a real quick, though.
Speaker: Why do you think they gave her a fiance as opposed to a husband or a boyfriend?
Speaker: Like, is that like just the right level of relationship?
Speaker: Just the right level of attachment.
Speaker: It's like not so attached that, you know, oh, she's 22 and married.
Speaker: Not that I'm judging you if you got married at 22.
Speaker: I'm just saying it's too young for most people.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: But 20 is like, yeah.
Speaker: fiance at 22 doesn't trigger the same alarms in the back of your head and boyfriend sounds a little bit too i don't know like uh too informal to to care like right uh like oh you're you went on a worldwide revenge tour for your boyfriend that's yeah it feels a little sounds like a little much sounds like an overreaction
Speaker: And they point out that Cliff Deloche is apparently this famous martial arts sensei.
Speaker: And I say famous because Shang Tsung knows who the guy is.
Speaker: So and he lives on an island in the middle of nowhere.
Speaker: So Deloche, yeah, Lo Dolce must be Lo Dolce, the real Dolce, the Dolce.
Speaker: And and and and here's the thing.
Speaker: I can't be the only person who heard that she was engaged to a famous martial arts sensei and assumed that he was 30 years older than her.
Speaker: Like that.
Speaker: Oh God.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's I didn't put that together, but yeah, if he's, if he's famous for being a martial arts sensei, right.
Speaker: Then he's gotta be like a 50, he's gotta be basically, uh, uh, Steven Seagal.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: She was she was engaged to Steven Seagal and Kano Kano killed the guy not and Kano killed the guy not for the reason she thinks Kano killed the guy because he thought he was creepy.
Speaker: Let's be honest.
Speaker: And if Kano thinks you're creepy, you fucked up.
Speaker: You've done the wrong thing.
Speaker: Yeah, I don't I don't feel good about it.
Speaker: I'm not happy about it, but I'm just reporting the facts, ladies and gentlemen, the speculative facts.
Speaker: So they're basically just having a back and forth.
Speaker: It doesn't matter that much because it's basically he is summoning another dude.
Speaker: And in chapter 29, we get basically the introduction to that dude.
Speaker: It is Reptile.
Speaker: He has summoned Reptile, who is the personal bodyguard for Shao Kahn.
Speaker: And how much of a description of Reptile do they give?
Speaker: Because he has he has been introduced over and over again in the canon of Mortal Kombat.
Speaker: And it feels like he is different every single time he's.
Speaker: Yeah, he's got a green mask and black tights, I think.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And this.
Speaker: So they just went with the the color palette swap.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, the original he's just green and black and Sub-Zero is blue and black and Scorpions yellow and black.
Speaker: That's like right.
Speaker: I will say this for the author.
Speaker: He gives them all very different identities for how basically identical they were in the game at this point.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And he has green eyes.
Speaker: Green eyes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: The prettiest of eyes.
Speaker: The prettiest of eyes.
Speaker: So basically they start fighting Goro and reptiles start fighting Raiden and it.
Speaker: The best way to say the quote that I that I think you're about to say.
Speaker: Dolt reptiles said to Goro, he uses his brain, which is the most effective fighting tool of them all.
Speaker: Reptile goes full after school special on us.
Speaker: Like he's using his brain.
Speaker: He's touching his skin.
Speaker: The largest erogenous zone of them all.
Speaker: It's just like, what the fuck is this line?
Speaker: We are, and this is, I think, looking back, I feel like this line is the beginning of this book falling down a hill of bizarre, bizarre quotations.
Speaker: There is so many quotes that I, from this point forward that I highlighted.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Same.
Speaker: I don't have anything to say about them.
Speaker: It's just that they're hilarious.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You guys may have noticed if you follow us on Twitter, I like to post up quotes from different books that we've read over the course of this show.
Speaker: And sometimes they're funny.
Speaker: Sometimes they're, they're just, you know,
Speaker: cool or good writing or whatever.
Speaker: When we get to the moral combat quotes, it's just going to be moments like dolt, he uses his brain, which is the most effective fighting tool of them all.
Speaker: It's just going to be week after week after week of this deliciously quotable final third of this book.
Speaker: It's ridiculous.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: Hilarious.
Speaker: So basically what we have is just a fight.
Speaker: It's a two on one fight.
Speaker: Raiden versus Goro and Reptile because Shang Tsung has kidnapped Sonya Blade and like vaporized or something.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: The other two dudes Schneider and Wu.
Speaker: They get sucked through a portal or something.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I guess they get added to the souls that they need to open up.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And, um, portal.
Speaker: So, so, um, they're just, they're just fighting, fighting, fighting.
Speaker: Um, and he gets, uh, jumped by, uh, Liu Kang.
Speaker: Liu Kang shows up and starts beating the shit out of reptile.
Speaker: And, um,
Speaker: Yeah, there's just, it's just, this is a bizarrely long chapter, and it can be summed up really just, it's just Goro and Reptile and Raiden and then Liu Kang fighting each other.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So then, like, Sub-Zero shows up and then freezes Raiden and Liu Kang.
Speaker: Yeah, you know, like you do with a god, freeze him, sure.
Speaker: Fuck it.
Speaker: It's Mortal Kombat.
Speaker: Fuck it.
Speaker: It's Mortal Kombat.
Speaker: It's...
Speaker: Yeah, it's just a complete nonsense chapter.
Speaker: It's just a fight and then Sub-Zero.
Speaker: Then Liu Kang shows up and then Sub-Zero shows up.
Speaker: And you're not anywhere different than you were at the beginning of the chapter.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Nothing's been gained.
Speaker: Nothing has been gained or lost except, you know, Sonya Blade got teleported away by Shang Tsung because she's the woman.
Speaker: So she has to be kidnapped and put in damsel in distress mode.
Speaker: I'm sure they'll give her a badass moment later on, Kevin.
Speaker: I'm sure they're egalitarian like that.
Speaker: By the way, does Luke Kang introduce himself to Raiden, even though Raiden's been the one that's like been training him?
Speaker: Like, didn't they have that when they introduced Luke Kang?
Speaker: I feel like.
Speaker: yes no kung lao trains lu kang i don't know if lu kang ever met raiden even though kung lao knows raiden um right well i knew he trained lu kang um yeah it gets weird because you would think raiden raiden feels like he probably would have met him already as the as the beggar thing yeah yeah oh somebody's making tea oh god yeah
Speaker: That's just the sound the cat makes.
Speaker: That's all.
Speaker: She's just letting it go.
Speaker: There we go.
Speaker: There it is.
Speaker: Delicious tea.
Speaker: Good God.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Chapter 30, we catch up with the monstrosity that is Kano Kung, as the book calls it.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Kano.
Speaker: Yeah, that's okay.
Speaker: Fine.
Speaker: Fuck it.
Speaker: Fuck it.
Speaker: It's the two of them merged together and they're a cloud now.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: They're merged together.
Speaker: Cloud.
Speaker: They were merged together.
Speaker: Cloud.
Speaker: And they're going and they're finding the amulet.
Speaker: And, um,
Speaker: Yeah, they it's fucking basically like these Kano.
Speaker: It's such a weird it's like the concept is like and I'm all for weird concepts, but it's this is a weird and kind of like misplaced concept.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: This feels like an episode of Ren and Stimpy.
Speaker: Like, like it's, there's a level of, you know, Kung Lao has the information on where this amulet is in his brain parts and Shang Tsung, instead of torturing him or beating it out of him or what have you, combines his soul with Kano's soul so that anything that Kung Lao thinks
Speaker: Kano can also see in his brain so that they can.
Speaker: So Kano basically can force him to bring him to the amulet because reasons, because because reasons, magic reasons.
Speaker: It's magic reasons.
Speaker: Anyway, Kano finds the amulet.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then we move.
Speaker: It's a short chapter and then we're on to chapter 31 and Sub-Zero is like the effects of the cold spell will wear off soon.
Speaker: So you have to get ready for when they thaw out.
Speaker: And I'm like, why wouldn't they just like hit them while they're thaw?
Speaker: I don't understand.
Speaker: Just do it again.
Speaker: Or isn't this one of his fatalities?
Speaker: Doesn't he freeze people and then and then shatter them?
Speaker: Knocks their head off.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He won.
Speaker: Why is he letting them thaw?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And he even gets excited when he finds out, like, you know, he defeated Raiden.
Speaker: He's excited about that.
Speaker: Like, they've got these victims, like, they're trying to... All right, look, maybe I'm just fucking...
Speaker: Stockholm syndrome in here, but I feel like the author would tell us that like they need one of the, they need their souls to open the portal.
Speaker: And so they're going to keep them alive, I guess.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I guess that makes sense.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Defending.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Don't defend it.
Speaker: I'm trying not to, but he does refer to them as the three hench beings looked over three hench beings.
Speaker: This was 1995 when this book came out or 96 was only that.
Speaker: Like, and even nowadays in 2022, I feel like people would be like, I think we can just say henchman.
Speaker: That's okay.
Speaker: Like, I appreciate your effort.
Speaker: It's good effort.
Speaker: That's fine.
Speaker: It's great.
Speaker: Good job.
Speaker: You're doing great.
Speaker: We're proud of you.
Speaker: Jesus.
Speaker: So enter a scorpion.
Speaker: Scorpion enters the race.
Speaker: And now it's also two souls in one.
Speaker: Yeah, he's a two for one.
Speaker: If you catch him and you only need two, then you could you're good.
Speaker: You only.
Speaker: Anyway.
Speaker: Two for one.
Speaker: Down at the Wawa.
Speaker: They just, they just need to, I don't know what, yeah, they're just like, okay, fine.
Speaker: There are people in here.
Speaker: I guess the scorpion thing is like, they're trying to keep these characters as young as possible because they figure their readers are going to be young and they want to see themselves as like, we're going to go into the training that Sonya blade has, for example.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And, and it's like, and, and, and,
Speaker: It's she should be in her 40s, basically, for all the shit she's learned at a master at this point.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But, you know, we need a 22 year old hottie for the boys to read and go, I'm totally going to be my character that I drew in my math notebook for Mortal Kombat is totally Sonya Blade's boyfriend.
Speaker: That is what this was for, you know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: What's hilarious is like the he's not the scorpion in the book is not.
Speaker: I'm just looking at scorpions like Wikipedia page now.
Speaker: He's not it's not the same Scorpion.
Speaker: It's like not the same dude.
Speaker: Like the name isn't even the same.
Speaker: No, he's not in in the in the book.
Speaker: He's Chinese in the but in the game, Scorpion is actually Japanese.
Speaker: His name is his name is Hanzo.
Speaker: So it's just totally like rearranging.
Speaker: weirdly the backstory of yeah because there were always there already was like a revenge element between sub-zero and scorpion why do you need to change it that much right and and he's not the only one like as the book goes on like they pretty much changed
Speaker: everybody's background in this book, like for the most part.
Speaker: And I have to wonder why, why go through the effort of inventing new backgrounds for these characters when you've already got like source material to work with that just makes your life easier.
Speaker: Really?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't know if this was like the era of, um,
Speaker: for like video game movies, I call this, and also comic book movies, the 90s were like the era of basically the adapters, the people doing the novelizations or the people doing the screenplay.
Speaker: They're like, oh, well, I got to fix it.
Speaker: It was written by somebody who was like lesser than.
Speaker: Like a lot of comic book adaptations were like, the thing that really comes to mind is like The Punisher
Speaker: with Thomas Jane.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Where they're like, we're going to make up a fake Punisher villain.
Speaker: Like, like, no reason for no reason.
Speaker: Like, there is so much you can pull from.
Speaker: You don't need to do that.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: There's so much you can work with there.
Speaker: And you're going to make it John Travolta for whatever reason.
Speaker: John Travolta.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: And he's going to die.
Speaker: How did the, I remember this.
Speaker: I don't know why I remember this.
Speaker: Like he strapped like grenades to him or something and had him getting dragged away by something.
Speaker: And I just remember John Travolta making this pitiful little like wiggle as he's being, as, as he's about to be exploded by grenades.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I saw this movie literally once right after the movie came out.
Speaker: And I, I, my buddy worked at a blockbuster and gave me the Punisher poster that they had up on the wall that I immediately put on my dorm room wall.
Speaker: And I hadn't seen the movie yet.
Speaker: I just like Punisher.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I didn't even become a cop.
Speaker: So, you know, that just tells you everything you need to know.
Speaker: I was a very confused young man.
Speaker: Very confused.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: little Punisher logo with the thin blue line.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Didn't even, didn't even come close.
Speaker: So there's like a war of words between Sub-Zero.
Speaker: I mean, it's if you know the Scorpion backstory in the book and we've already talked about it, how like Scorpion is the two beings.
Speaker: It's like that just gets rehashed kind of pretty much.
Speaker: And it's like it is it's just we get a lot of wars of words in this because, you know, when it comes to two of the world's greatest ninja assassins, I came here for the talk.
Speaker: Yeah, I came here for the conversation.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Good God.
Speaker: There's a lot of talking in this.
Speaker: My dinner with Scorpion.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: And by the way, the first thing, you know, Scorpion, you can you can argue about whether or not that's a badass code name.
Speaker: I happen to think it is.
Speaker: It's a pretty good one.
Speaker: It's it's been used.
Speaker: It's people like that one.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But the first thing Sub-Zero says, what he says, he says, I am Scorpion.
Speaker: And he
Speaker: And Sub-Zero says, I've eaten scorpion and had scorpion soup.
Speaker: I can't say I cared for either.
Speaker: Now, tarantula stew.
Speaker: And it's just like, I just want to go, what are you, why are you talking?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: What are you doing?
Speaker: What's going on here?
Speaker: It's like Sub-Zero is talking more in this scene than he has in just about any other Mortal Kombat media ever.
Speaker: Ever.
Speaker: talking about his meals.
Speaker: It's such a weird school, like schoolyard taunt where it's like my codame Scorpion.
Speaker: Well, I eat scorpions, jackass.
Speaker: Like, well, cold kill scorpions.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: We learned that in science, dork.
Speaker: Do you know what lightning does to a frog or toad?
Speaker: Same as everything else.
Speaker: Same as everything else.
Speaker: God.
Speaker: That is like the Spider-Man movies have aged well.
Speaker: The X-Men X-Men movies, not at all.
Speaker: That was actually seen the first.
Speaker: That was the peak of of we have to fix.
Speaker: We have to fix the comic for those X-Men movies because like, oh, let's get rid of those colorful uniforms.
Speaker: They're dumb.
Speaker: We're going to put them on black leather.
Speaker: We're even going to make a joke about it in the movie.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: What do you prefer?
Speaker: Yellow spandex?
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: Yeah, maybe.
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: You know, I think everybody prefers that.
Speaker: I think we all do.
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: Some of us actually even like the weird ass brown and orange uniform in the eighties and nineties.
Speaker: Fuck it.
Speaker: You know, so cool.
Speaker: It's cool.
Speaker: So, um, anyway, everybody, they, they tussle a bit and then the, the, the three, the two sides go about their business.
Speaker: Um, they break it up.
Speaker: Uh,
Speaker: literally peters out.
Speaker: It just kind of peters out.
Speaker: They just like, it ends with literally, it ends with the author saying, Liu Kang apologized for holding his companions back, muttering that he'd make his own way if they wanted to teleport ahead, complaining that it was tough enough, just holding his own among gods and dead people and monsters from the outward.
Speaker: It's like Liu Kang is going into this rambling soliloquy.
Speaker: While everyone else is just like, I guess we're going to kill somebody eventually.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Like, yeah, I guess we're going to get to the combat part of moral combat at some point.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: We're going to get we're going to have a fatality.
Speaker: We're going to have a reference to a fatality at some point.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: Maybe at least at least the main bad guy.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Somebody's going to die.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Chapter 32.
Speaker: That's kind of the whole thing.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: We finally get back to Kano and find out that he once.
Speaker: Let's see.
Speaker: Talking about magic powers, he the amulet, he says he seems to have magic powers after he picked it up.
Speaker: He'd begun to tingle uncomfortably like the time he'd never forget when he was a kid and stuck a wet goldfish into an electric outlet to try and cook it.
Speaker: What the fuck?
Speaker: Like even for Kato, that's really fucking sick.
Speaker: That is ridiculous.
Speaker: Just so.
Speaker: Yeah, just to set it up like Kano has been like Kano has been like he has he got the jump on.
Speaker: He got the jump on Kung Lao and he has Kung Lao basically tied up in the boat.
Speaker: They're on their way back to Shamora Island, which is the head, the main headquarters.
Speaker: How Kano got there that split up.
Speaker: They've split up at this point.
Speaker: And Kano is basically trying to figure out that he's like, oh, should I have like, should I ask for more money?
Speaker: Because it's like this is this is clearly worth more than that.
Speaker: I'm being paid and all that stuff.
Speaker: He also has this amazing this amazing line about Kung Lao.
Speaker: Oh, yes.
Speaker: Nice try.
Speaker: But between the two of us, your Lao man on the totem.
Speaker: And you and the thing is, they don't he didn't write this into the book.
Speaker: But if you listen quietly after you read that, you can hear all the frogs and lizards and alligators in the swamp that surrounds them just booing him, just booing him incessantly in their little froggy voices.
Speaker: Boo.
Speaker: And Kano's like, they're saying boo-urns.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: The fuck?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So it's just this chapter just ends with Kano wondering to himself if he's even going to bother giving the amulet back to a Shao Kahn Shang Tsung.
Speaker: It's going to even be worth it.
Speaker: So he's just he's just thinking over his reward and the amulet, which, OK, that was worth the chapter, I guess.
Speaker: yeah um so so um oh okay so he this that was before he left kung he left kung lao at the temple um so that's where radon scorpion and lu kang they find they found kung lao he's at the temple he's bummed out that he let kano get away with it all that fun stuff um
Speaker: So, yeah, we get more background on Scorpion.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then they're like, well, he repeats himself.
Speaker: Like, it's like it's the only thing he's got.
Speaker: He's like he's like 18 years old.
Speaker: The only interesting thing he's done in his entire life is let his dad possess his body.
Speaker: Pretty much.
Speaker: Which I think we've all been there.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We get another explanation.
Speaker: It's like as bad as the Batman movies.
Speaker: We feel like we've got to re investigate the origin story every chapter.
Speaker: So it's ridiculous.
Speaker: Why did you say Martha?
Speaker: My parents are dead.
Speaker: My parents are dead.
Speaker: They're watching the movie and then they died.
Speaker: And then they died.
Speaker: And then I saw a bat and it freaked me out.
Speaker: Sometimes the pearls on her necklace fall.
Speaker: It's very cinematic.
Speaker: It's very cinematic, but they're cheap pearls if they break like that.
Speaker: That's not the way.
Speaker: Yeah, so that's telling you secrets about my family.
Speaker: Did you did you did you know that that it's a cheap pearl necklace if the pearls actually fall off?
Speaker: Because the way I did not know that.
Speaker: Well, the pearl necklace is strung together.
Speaker: It's like there's a knot in between each pearl so that if the necklace breaks, the pearls don't don't all slide off the the string.
Speaker: Oh, yeah, that makes that then.
Speaker: Then, yeah, super cheap.
Speaker: Like, like, like the kind of thing you'd get on Etsy, like somebody like who bought a beading kit and I can sell things online.
Speaker: It's high quality.
Speaker: It's worth $50.
Speaker: It's, it was made with love.
Speaker: And, and you know that because she bought like, you know, custom labels that she puts in the box that says made love, made with love by, by someone.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: Anyway, Liu Kang bitches about the fact that.
Speaker: Liu Kang just keeps bitching about the teleportation and the fucking, he is the worst.
Speaker: And I hope Sub-Zero.
Speaker: He's a whiny prick.
Speaker: He is such a whiny prick.
Speaker: Oh, my God.
Speaker: And because like they they're like basically Raiden and Scorpion are like, yeah, we can teleport.
Speaker: You guys got to walk.
Speaker: And Liu Kang's like me, me, me, me.
Speaker: And Kung Lao even explains.
Speaker: He's like, look, they're teleporting through this portal like that.
Speaker: Anybody who isn't like touched by the gods are part of the like afterlife or something.
Speaker: We can't we can't go with him.
Speaker: He's he's he's like he's a god and he's like dead ish.
Speaker: So right.
Speaker: What do you.
Speaker: They're fine.
Speaker: We can't do that.
Speaker: And it's an evil point.
Speaker: He's like, and it's not that far.
Speaker: So it's it's it's there.
Speaker: It's a couple hours that way.
Speaker: Like just.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Stop your grin and grab your linen.
Speaker: Let's go.
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: This is stupid.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So Kung Lao and Liu Kang are heading back.
Speaker: They've got it.
Speaker: Just more chat, more talk.
Speaker: Yeah, no fighty, fighty, no fighty, fighty.
Speaker: And then chapter 34, we finally get Sonya Blade back.
Speaker: And she's she has been she's going to the altar.
Speaker: She is she's being held by countless hands and being dragged to the altar of Shao Kahn to be sacrificed.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And this actually introduces another character from Mortal Kombat canon, Baraka.
Speaker: Yeah, Baraka.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I want to just go off.
Speaker: I'm going to Baraka.
Speaker: I just want to go off on a brief rant here because this scene really frustrated me.
Speaker: What we get in this scene is Sonya blade is being taken.
Speaker: Basically.
Speaker: It's like a sacrificial scene.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: She's about to be sacrificed.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: She's going to be sacrificed.
Speaker: And, and, and her buddies, the, the Michael Schneider and Jim Wu, they're already dead.
Speaker: They're already dead, but they're out there.
Speaker: And so she's basically being threatened with Priest Baraka, who's got, for those of you who don't play Mortal Kombat, he's this really creepy, monster-y looking guy with blades that come out of his forearms.
Speaker: It's pretty cool.
Speaker: Two things that so frustrate me in this chapter.
Speaker: She this is where it says we have Sonia had volunteered to take intensive training in modern and ancient cults when she joined the U.S. Special Forces, which immediately made me think of Metal Gear, which we read recently.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's just like she in the Special Forces, they trained you in the most useless nonsense bullshit that no one would need to know in the Special Forces ever, ever, ever.
Speaker: It's it's pointless.
Speaker: But the main crux of my frustration with this chapter is the author gets Baraka exactly right in the way that I think you need to do these kinds of adaptations.
Speaker: Baraka exists basically only in this chapter.
Speaker: He's a priest.
Speaker: We get the creepy look of him.
Speaker: He's got the sword arms.
Speaker: He's got sword arms.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: And we get a and we get this moment where you think she's going to get sacrificed to Baraka.
Speaker: Now, later on, spoiler alert, she's going to escape, knock him out and run away.
Speaker: And that's a that's a wrap on Baraka.
Speaker: And I think it's exactly how he should have treated Baraka in this book.
Speaker: You've got Mortal Kombat, which has like 50 fucking characters, even at the time of this writing.
Speaker: There were so many characters, so many characters.
Speaker: And instead of just giving each one of them a backstory and all that shit, just you can make sure they're all there, but they don't each one of them need like a fully speaking part in the in this book.
Speaker: Just make them represent.
Speaker: That's pretty cool.
Speaker: And you can have like a billion fights.
Speaker: You'd be like, are you just like, oh, Nid Cyborg or whatever his name is like, and he's they're fighting him.
Speaker: And you maybe you find out his name or maybe you just describe him and let the fans go.
Speaker: Oh, I know what that is.
Speaker: That's cool.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And like, just just use them and abuse them and move on.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And so he this is I feel like this is exactly how you want to use a character like Barack who wasn't really all that popular with people like me who like monsters.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You know, he wasn't that good, but, but, you know, put them in here for like a little bit and get rid of them.
Speaker: So instead of having like a billion faceless henchmen, have all these henchmen have a cool individual, unique look and use them and get rid of them.
Speaker: Like that with Baraka, he could have done this with so many other characters that for some reason each get their like, they're these, these pointless backstories and, and,
Speaker: It's so frustrating, this chapter.
Speaker: So, yeah, it just shows that the author knew, the author had the ability to spread out the characters and make this way more interesting and more of an eclectic kind of book where every character in the book, there are so many useless characters.
Speaker: faceless characters in this book who are nobodies and they basically exist to die because we don't want to kill any of the main characters.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And if instead you would make sure that every character was like a named character from the video game, that would have been a way more interesting book, I think.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: But anyway, that's my rant over.
Speaker: It's a frustrating chapter because ironically, it's actually pretty good.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So it's pretty good.
Speaker: It shows what the rest of the book could have been.
Speaker: The chapter.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: The chapter ends with on a cliffhanger with Bracca about to kill Sonya Blade.
Speaker: And then we jump over to chapter 35.
Speaker: And Shang Tsung is is he is in a state is not healthy.
Speaker: Doing a teleportation spell.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: was was not uh good for him and then basically kano shows up um and is like hey uh jerk you jerk face give me more money for this amulet yeah yeah that's basically what happens and and then then goro and and reptile like show up and they're like fuck you
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right after Kano gives another line that is going to be on the quote board where Shang Tsung says, you don't know what you're doing.
Speaker: And Kano says, didn't I just say that, Shang-A-Lang?
Speaker: That's why I need you.
Speaker: We'll be a team like Nelson.
Speaker: And I went ahead and turned off my Kindle for a nice little 10 minute me break after that line, because I feel like I'd earned it.
Speaker: I don't even understand what the reference is.
Speaker: Will be a team like Nelson?
Speaker: Nelson was a hair rock band from the 80s.
Speaker: They were twins.
Speaker: You probably know them if you saw them.
Speaker: Google Nelson Band or something like that.
Speaker: I'm going to do that too to make sure I'm thinking of the right guys.
Speaker: Yeah, singer-songwriters by Matthew and Gunnar Nelson.
Speaker: Yeah, there they are.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: With their with their swoopy blonde hair.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They they they had a fun time on.
Speaker: What was it called?
Speaker: I love the 80s.
Speaker: They were they were some they were very popular talking heads for that series.
Speaker: I bet.
Speaker: And with good reason.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: With good reason.
Speaker: Not great.
Speaker: They're very pretty.
Speaker: They're very pretty and they're still pretty and admittedly very talented, but not a good band in the traditional sense of the word.
Speaker: So Kano wanted to be a team like Nelson.
Speaker: Yeah, they were both theoretically going to get blonde wigs.
Speaker: Yeah, that was the idea.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I think this is all just an excuse for Kano to get hair.
Speaker: He's desperate for more hair.
Speaker: Desperate for hair.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I understand the appeal.
Speaker: Kano.
Speaker: I totally understand the appeal.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So, yeah, anyway, they get they get Kano's plan gets bespoiled by Reptile and Goro, you know, showing up as they were going to.
Speaker: They do nothing wrong and yet ruin everything and then ruin everything.
Speaker: And then Kano is like, basically, at the end of the chapter, he's like, Kano, you're come on.
Speaker: You're still like you're still working for me.
Speaker: And Kano's like, yeah.
Speaker: yeah they they beat his ass because he basically tried to kill shang sung in his weakened state and then at the end they're like but you're still part of the team so come on let's come on buddy let's go um so he was lucky to have such good friends so chapter 36 is is just a full list of sonia blades accomplishments it goes on forever forever
Speaker: And then basically she she ruins the plan.
Speaker: She like swings her legs up and kicks out of the way of the blades and she kills the bird.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Pushes the bird in the way of of the blades, which I don't understand why the bird was there anyway.
Speaker: I don't.
Speaker: They never explain it.
Speaker: They were sacrificing her to Hamachi.
Speaker: to the bird to the bird yes the bird is just a messenger pit it's just it's literally just shang sung's pet from earlier he did promise it though like he promised the bird a soul in exchange for like getting the message out there i guess
Speaker: I feel like that's something we shouldn't take too seriously, though, when we promise birds souls.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's just me, though, and I'm condescending to birds.
Speaker: Anyway, she'd also like to...
Speaker: So sorry, I just I real quick want to point out real quick the things that that Sonya Blade learned in three years of training.
Speaker: Oh, go ahead.
Speaker: Special forces.
Speaker: Go ahead.
Speaker: She had been taught and had mastered karate, kung fu, taekwondo, martial arts weapons such as the nunchucks size and katanas, mastered all traditional Western weapons, including the knife, which is.
Speaker: not a Western, whatever, all forms of firearms, the bow and arrow, the explosives ranging from sophisticated motion detectors attached to C4 to makeshift hand grenades made with coffee tins, brads, and gunpowder.
Speaker: She'd been taught Japanese, German, Russian, and Spanish in addition to the French and Finnish she already knew and had studied the basics of medicine so she could treat herself or any of her comrades if they were wounded in battle in three years.
Speaker: I didn't finish a theater degree in three years.
Speaker: Jesus.
Speaker: Like she's, she's simultaneously an overachiever and a liar.
Speaker: I would really like to call her out on her resume.
Speaker: You know, I would like to, I'd like to be at, be at a job interview with Sonya blade and be like, so, uh, says here you speak, uh, this dead language.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You speak Sanskrit, huh?
Speaker: Uh, okay.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: I was taught that in the special forces.
Speaker: It's very important for me to know these things.
Speaker: It's very important.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: She's like, I know Aramaic.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: It's better to read books in the original Aramaic.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The original Klingon.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So she doesn't get sacrificed to a pigeon.
Speaker: The pigeon, in fact, dies.
Speaker: Poor Hamachi.
Speaker: And then she says, I highlighted this line.
Speaker: Sorry to cut out on you like this, she sneered, but I've got a hot date.
Speaker: She ran one of the somber black hooded figures through.
Speaker: Get my point, laughing boy.
Speaker: I don't.
Speaker: And this is right after the book simply described.
Speaker: We've had some long fight scenes in this book.
Speaker: We've had long descriptions of insane mythologies and and like all of these like intricate and long winded details.
Speaker: And we get this for a fight in which she grabs Baraka's arms and uses them and uses his arm swords to fend off her attackers.
Speaker: It's just they just say she gripped his right forearm with her free hand and used his sword to slash and fight her way through the crowd of hood and attendants.
Speaker: We spent all this time creating entire mythology.
Speaker: And you can't give me one half page of like fun, like using a guy's arms to fend off your attackers fight choreography.
Speaker: Like, I feel like at this point, the author is just like, we have got to finish this book.
Speaker: We got to wrap this up.
Speaker: Yeah, let's wrap it up.
Speaker: It's yeah.
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: Let's let's do.
Speaker: In fact, let's do let's do chapter 37.
Speaker: Raiden and yeah, Raiden shows up.
Speaker: He who's he talking to at the beginning of the chapter?
Speaker: He's just talking about.
Speaker: OK, Scorpion.
Speaker: Scorpion is there as well.
Speaker: OK.
Speaker: Yep, they're there.
Speaker: They're there.
Speaker: They're outside the compounds.
Speaker: There's no one outside.
Speaker: So they're like, we're not expected or something.
Speaker: And they go in and they basically offer a deal.
Speaker: They're like, you know, give us give us the amulet and, you know, and give us, you know, Sonia back and we'll leave, you know, and we'll be done.
Speaker: Throw me the amulet.
Speaker: I'll throw you the whip.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: And we have that moment.
Speaker: And Shang Tsung is just like,
Speaker: No, no, fuck you guys.
Speaker: And basically threatens them and says, you know, there's only two of you and I could summon an entire army here.
Speaker: And they basically call his bluff.
Speaker: They literally go, all right, summon your army.
Speaker: And he, the wizard's hands began to smoke.
Speaker: His eyes fell expectantly to the amulet.
Speaker: The splendid talisman vibrated and shook against his chest, but it was only due to his quaking touch and not because he had tapped its power.
Speaker: So it's like this weird fake out.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: like his hand is trembling.
Speaker: And so it makes the amulet look.
Speaker: I don't know if that's like a fun, good detail or really stupid.
Speaker: I'm just really done.
Speaker: So weird.
Speaker: And so, yeah, they point out the shag is like flabbergasted.
Speaker: It doesn't work.
Speaker: Scorpion says, yeah, we all saw like a lot of teenage sass from a lot of these characters.
Speaker: And so Kung Lao shows up to even the odds, I guess.
Speaker: And Goro shouts, how is it possible?
Speaker: And Kung Lao says, dualities.
Speaker: And it doesn't really explain why.
Speaker: It's like he shouted the aristocrats.
Speaker: Like it just doesn't really explain any of it.
Speaker: No, we talked about dualities earlier.
Speaker: And so it has something to do with dualities, I guess.
Speaker: Something to do with dualities.
Speaker: It's the aristocrats.
Speaker: We had a slight technical break in the middle there because there were... Computer malfeasance.
Speaker: Malfeasance is the best way to put it.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: If it sounds slightly different, that's just because Phil's computer fan likes to exercise its right to voice its concerns.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: By being very loud whenever his computer reboots.
Speaker: We literally started the podcast chatting and be asking advice on like what he liked, what Kevin likes at his gaming laptop and everything.
Speaker: I was like, cause I think this thing it's time to replace this.
Speaker: It's time.
Speaker: I think we're done.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: This thing's head anyway.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Anyway, basically the chapter ends with them just getting the fight starts.
Speaker: What can I say?
Speaker: Yes, the fight starts.
Speaker: And basically, there's a roundhouse kick from Goro.
Speaker: And Shang Tsung orders his minions to attack.
Speaker: And it goes on.
Speaker: And then they ran towards the shrine.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Thanks.
Speaker: I'm going to run towards the shrine because what causes them to run towards the shrine?
Speaker: Oh, because the thing doesn't work.
Speaker: The amulet, the amulet, the amulet didn't work.
Speaker: They're panicking.
Speaker: They're panicking.
Speaker: They're calling for Ruth a the demon who we've known next to nothing about.
Speaker: And in this chapter, we actually get like a rundown on like
Speaker: ruth a as a demon i guess yeah it's a weird a weird time to develop your character but all right fine i guess sure late developers late development is better than no development better than no development at all um but they get in there and they realize that um uh he's like ruth a i need your help but uh-oh ruth a is dying
Speaker: Um, who could have, what could have happened there?
Speaker: Why did this happen?
Speaker: Um, Ruth A is basically like melting.
Speaker: Um, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: He's seen better days.
Speaker: He's seen better days.
Speaker: Uh, and it's because Sonya blade, uh, broke part of the circle, I guess.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: The connection to the outworld.
Speaker: And now, uh, sort of, um,
Speaker: And now it's Kano versus Sonya Blade time.
Speaker: Finally, the showdown that we've been waiting for.
Speaker: We've all been waiting for this.
Speaker: Finally.
Speaker: But first, let's talk about Kung Lao a little bit.
Speaker: Let's talk about Kung Lao.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: He basically he's like, oh, this temple is so weird and the geometry makes no sense.
Speaker: Like they try to put a little Lovecraft into your Mortal Kombat.
Speaker: It's a little late in the game to get Lovecraftian guys.
Speaker: Like, do we really think do you really think we've earned that?
Speaker: Do you think you've earned a non Euclidean geometry?
Speaker: I don't think you have.
Speaker: I don't think you have.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: If you insist on putting it in there.
Speaker: So, yeah.
Speaker: So, all right.
Speaker: We get to a point.
Speaker: Kagawa just like wanders in and he's like, I just want the amulet.
Speaker: Just give me the amulet and I'll help Ruthie.
Speaker: I'll fix everything.
Speaker: And Shang Tsung's like, but my Ruthie and I can't leave you.
Speaker: And Kung Lao is like, everyone's really concerned about Ruth A. Poor Ruth A. Who is a demon, guys.
Speaker: If you haven't forgotten, he's a demon who's like been losing his mind because his connection.
Speaker: 1500 years.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: He's somewhere between realms and it's making him crazy.
Speaker: And yeah, Shang Tsung is really upset about Ruth A and Kung Lao is upset about Ruth A too.
Speaker: His whole motivation.
Speaker: He's a bum.
Speaker: Yeah, he's sad.
Speaker: Yeah, he's like, he's like, oh, I as a priest of this order, I cannot bear to watch us a single life, a single life be tormented.
Speaker: So so I'll tell you what I will go and finish this ritual to reconnect us to everything so that this demon can survive.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I don't know what's stupider, this plan or the fact that Shang Tsung buys it.
Speaker: Shang Tsung totally buys it.
Speaker: Shang Tsung gives him the prayer.
Speaker: She's like, here you go.
Speaker: He's like, you got to recite this Kung Lao.
Speaker: And Kung Lao's like, okay.
Speaker: And then it's like things, he does the prayer and Shang Tsung's like, aha, I won.
Speaker: The fool did it.
Speaker: and then and t hen he was like oh shit uh he lied to me shang sung lied to us kung lao lied to us shang sung yeah kung lao lied to us well yeah he will lie to us so they're fighting they're fighting they're fighting and then suddenly all the demons start getting like they turn towards the little pagoda area and they start getting sucked into the pagoda like a vacuum
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And I love, by the way, like they say, like Kung Lao was like, as a priest of this order, I cannot bear to watch a single soul being tormented, no matter what soul it is, no matter if it's a demon or what.
Speaker: Now, cut to a page later, and Raiden is literally blasting these mutant eight foot soldiers, the Selenas, which...
Speaker: Remember, he's literally blowing them to pieces with his lightning.
Speaker: So your priest is like, I can't, I can't.
Speaker: I can't.
Speaker: And the guy that he is a priest of is like, I have no problem with this.
Speaker: Yes, yes.
Speaker: The God said, fuck those kids.
Speaker: Like it's, it's a little weird.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So all of the, all of the, uh, is it the, the outer world people, all the demons and reptile and Goro and everybody else starts getting dragged sucked towards, uh, the gate.
Speaker: Everyone's flying away except for Raiden and, uh, Kung Lao and Liu Kang.
Speaker: And like, basically anyone who's supposed to be the mother, the mother realmers or, or whatever earth realm, they all just watch all this happen.
Speaker: They're just watching this happen and Chang Song is like, what did you do?
Speaker: And Kung Lao is like, I said the prayer backwards.
Speaker: Right, oh yeah, backwards.
Speaker: This is Kevin...
Speaker: This is some sixties Batman bullshit.
Speaker: Like there was an episode of, of, of Batman that like in the sixties that like actually totally describes the kind of campy bullshit that they were pulling off.
Speaker: I remember, um, Catwoman's trying to fight Batman, but Batman won't for whatever reason.
Speaker: And so Catwoman says something like,
Speaker: I will use my patented cat rat a against you.
Speaker: And Batman says, no, you can't because this cat rat a, I assume is based on a karate, which is a defensive martial art.
Speaker: And I won't fight you.
Speaker: It's like some Dwight Schrute like level.
Speaker: Like, yeah, I simply spoke the prayer backwards.
Speaker: It's basically Mr. Mix of Pittle Lake.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: He totally is.
Speaker: Superman.
Speaker: Well done with pronouncing that one.
Speaker: Correct.
Speaker: By the way, Superman gets Mr. Mixapitalik to say his name backwards.
Speaker: And I spoke the prayer backwards, Kung Lao said, which is the common way to reverse an occult process by keeping the circle unclosed.
Speaker: I enabled all of your guests to go home.
Speaker: Oh, obviously, that's what the fucking Da Vinci Code bullshit are you reading?
Speaker: But it works.
Speaker: It works.
Speaker: Everybody gets is getting sucked in.
Speaker: It's everybody gets sucked in.
Speaker: And finally, the portal closes and it leaves.
Speaker: It's it leaves like Goro and Reptile on the other side.
Speaker: So like the only people left are Goro, Reptile, Shang Tsung.
Speaker: And then everybody else is just kind of standing there.
Speaker: And the best moments of this entire chapter is it's dead silent.
Speaker: Nobody is saying anything.
Speaker: The bad guys, the good guys, they're all just standing there.
Speaker: And Kano says, in that case, I'm out of here.
Speaker: And he just walks away.
Speaker: And he just leaves.
Speaker: And he just fucking leaves.
Speaker: We never see him again.
Speaker: Kano speaks for all of us.
Speaker: He's like, are we done?
Speaker: Okay, we're done.
Speaker: Dusting his hands off and walking out.
Speaker: Now, Kevin, now that like all of that big weird, you know, ape army or whatever they are, they're all gone.
Speaker: All the extra superfluous baddies are gone.
Speaker: It's just our main heroes, our main villains.
Speaker: We're at chapter 42.
Speaker: I'm assuming...
Speaker: that in this next chapter in chapter 42, we finally get the knockdown drag out between our... Mortal Kombat.
Speaker: Yeah, we get the Mortal Kombat between our goodies and our baddies.
Speaker: That is what happened, yeah?
Speaker: Nah, sorry.
Speaker: This is bullshit.
Speaker: That's not what chapter 42 is.
Speaker: Chapter 42 is them negotiating a detente, basically.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: An armistice.
Speaker: And Shang Tsung is basically like, all right, well, fuck it.
Speaker: Next year, we're going to settle this at a Mortal Kombat tournament.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And everybody's like, like we were supposed to do this year.
Speaker: Like we were supposed to do for this in this book.
Speaker: And they're like, yeah, we agree to that because you have your own laws.
Speaker: They get into this bullshit about how he has his own laws on this island and they can't break his laws on this island.
Speaker: Or they'd be just as bad as he.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: It's like some serious internet centrist bullshit where it's like, well, actually, we would be just as bad if we punched a Nazi.
Speaker: I mean, Shang Tsung.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because you don't lower yourself.
Speaker: You can't lower yourself to Nazi punching.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: You must defend with the death their right to say terrible things.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Shang Tsung has been murdering people, raising their souls, not letting their souls have rest, slowly working towards opening a portal to bring about the end of the fucking world.
Speaker: But if we beat his ass now and end it all now, we're basically doing exactly the same thing as him.
Speaker: As him.
Speaker: As him.
Speaker: Which makes sense in my mind.
Speaker: Yeah, sure.
Speaker: They wrap it up.
Speaker: They wrap it up and leave.
Speaker: They go to Woohoo, the village that Kung Lao is from.
Speaker: And there's a celebration for some reason.
Speaker: I don't know what what why are they celebrating?
Speaker: Why do they know?
Speaker: Do they how do they know anything happens?
Speaker: They tell them like they like.
Speaker: Yeah, basically Kung Lao tells them, beloved people, my friends and I are humbled by your welcome.
Speaker: We've seen the unfamiliar and have cultivated thickets of righteousness in a field of abomination.
Speaker: But with faith, we have triumphed.
Speaker: And they all just kind of
Speaker: sit there and listen silently.
Speaker: They're like, cool, cool.
Speaker: Cool.
Speaker: That's chill.
Speaker: We're super into that priest guy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then and then I know you guys are thinking we've got like 15 pages left.
Speaker: Like we get we're going to get like a final moment of like a one last fight, one last cool, you know, moment.
Speaker: No, we find out that.
Speaker: Let's see what Chin Chin.
Speaker: Our beloved Chin Chin is going to be a they promote him from shepherd to acolyte to the gods.
Speaker: And we take some time to find a replacement shepherd.
Speaker: Yeah, we check his references thoroughly.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Tell them about the benefits.
Speaker: And he has no way Sub-Zero in disguise.
Speaker: Absolutely not.
Speaker: Why would he be?
Speaker: Why would he be Sub-Zero in disguise?
Speaker: Yeah, that's insane.
Speaker: So we and it just this is pages.
Speaker: We had entire fight scenes that were a quarter the length of this chapter of them dribbling the book to a halt.
Speaker: Like it's, you know, it, it doesn't end with a bang.
Speaker: It doesn't end with a whimper.
Speaker: It ends with a sigh of, and I guess the shepherd is the, you know, the guy we barely, we got to wrap up his storyline.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And finally we come to the final chapter, which is 44.
Speaker: Huh?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Shao Kahn talking to Ruth a,
Speaker: And saying like Ruth, a basically sticking up for Shang Tsung saying like he was he's sure that the next time it'll be fine.
Speaker: Shao Kahn's like he was sure the last time you're like, oh, finally, something's going to happen.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: And Shao Kahn just kind of goes, all right, but I'm watching you, Shang Tsung.
Speaker: Yeah, because I look forward to such a Mortal Kombat 2.
Speaker: Like two, get it?
Speaker: Like number two?
Speaker: But also two.
Speaker: I'm so tired.
Speaker: It's a homophone.
Speaker: What the fuck happened to this book?
Speaker: It was never going to be a masterpiece, Kevin, but we were actually pretty impressed with it at the beginning.
Speaker: The first part where they got into all the mythology, like, damn, this is cool.
Speaker: And the only death in the entire goddamn book is the original Kung Lao.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And a couple of like, and a couple of no name dudes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: There's no, there's no finishers.
Speaker: Um, in the entire book, there is not even outside of the opening section.
Speaker: There's no mortal combat.
Speaker: Tournament.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: Nope.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No tournament actually happens.
Speaker: No tournament happens.
Speaker: It's just a bunch of talking and bullshit.
Speaker: You get a couple of fights, but like, all right, did you see the recent Mortal Kombat movie that came out?
Speaker: No, I haven't.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: It's not great.
Speaker: It's not a great movie, but they actually, it was never going to be great.
Speaker: But, but they actually did it pretty well in the sense when they finally started fighting, they have this sequence near the end of the movie where it's just 20 minutes of like four different one-on-one fights that they're cutting between.
Speaker: And it involves fatalities and all the shit.
Speaker: And it's the best 20 minutes of any mortal combat, anything I've ever seen.
Speaker: And it's because, yeah, and it's like the filmmakers remembered, oh, right.
Speaker: This is a fighting game.
Speaker: Yeah, you should have some fights like we should have like one fight after the other.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And they just I wouldn't have been surprised at this point.
Speaker: This movie, the movie, this book dropped off so.
Speaker: like steeply.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: At a certain point, it just started tumbling downwards.
Speaker: It was so bad and like not this isn't fan service.
Speaker: This is like fan slavishness.
Speaker: Like they just I would have been surprised if at some point Sub-Zero was like, well, first I'm going to have to go get my bagel.
Speaker: Oh, it's toasty.
Speaker: Like it is like Jesus Christ, guys, like
Speaker: This is the most precipitous drop in quality of any of the books we've ever read.
Speaker: At least Dead Space was bad from beginning to end.
Speaker: This started out pretty promising and it just fell off a goddamn cliff.
Speaker: I just don't know what happened.
Speaker: How did how did how did you like Mortal Kombat?
Speaker: This book is weird and it's like bad in a weird way where it just kind of like tantalizes the concept of doing the thing that it says it's going to do and then never does it.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: It never does the thing that it's supposed to do, which is be Mortal Kombat.
Speaker: Be Mortal Kombat.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: It has some Mortal Kombat characters in it.
Speaker: It has them saying some weird stuff.
Speaker: Kano is clearly the best character in the book.
Speaker: Obviously.
Speaker: And with just a bunch of references to, you know, 80s hair metal and whatnot.
Speaker: But this is, this will be, will occupy the space right above Dead Space for me.
Speaker: I yeah, at this point I have to agree.
Speaker: My bottom two is this and then that dead space.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I absolutely agree.
Speaker: And it's just so frustrating because it's almost worse in its own way because of how much it jumps around in quality.
Speaker: It gets you excited.
Speaker: Don't tease me if you can't please me, Mortal Kombat.
Speaker: God damn it.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: And now for a new segment on the show, I will call.
Speaker: And this is this is a reference to to Resident Evil for what are you playing?
Speaker: What are you buying?
Speaker: Oh, what are you selling?
Speaker: Oh, I just finished that game.
Speaker: Actually, a few like a few weeks back.
Speaker: I never played that one.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And so I get that reference.
Speaker: I get that reference.
Speaker: The dude in the little trench coat.
Speaker: So, yeah, this segment will be called.
Speaker: What are you playing?
Speaker: Love it.
Speaker: So what are you playing, Phil?
Speaker: I am.
Speaker: I'm playing a little game known as Vampire Survivors.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I think you happen to be playing that one, too.
Speaker: I have.
Speaker: I have been playing it.
Speaker: I have somehow put I got to check on Steam.
Speaker: But I want to say I've put like, I don't know.
Speaker: What's it say?
Speaker: What's it say?
Speaker: 26 hours into it.
Speaker: I am at 22 hours.
Speaker: So that's that is a lot of hours for a game that I bought for two bucks.
Speaker: That is it is it is the best couple of bucks I've ever spent in my entire life.
Speaker: Like, holy shit, this game is cut.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: It's one of those games where you you fire.
Speaker: I heard about people playing it a couple of months ago.
Speaker: Now, it's like I saw like screenshots of it and it's like, what is this game?
Speaker: This is dumb.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then I was like, all right, I'll play it.
Speaker: Whatever.
Speaker: So it's two bucks.
Speaker: Bought it.
Speaker: And it is it is wild.
Speaker: Once you start understanding how all the systems have all the weapons and the systems and stuff work together in the game.
Speaker: it gets this level of chaos that is so much fun.
Speaker: It's like a reverse bullet hell.
Speaker: Like, yeah, you're the bullet hell.
Speaker: You are the bullet hell.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: For any of you who haven't seen this somehow or played it or something like that, it's it's a very low, you know, low fidelity kind of, you know, old school eight bit style sprite based game, very clearly ripping off Castlevania and its name.
Speaker: And you play different sprites who have different abilities and you just wander around this endless map.
Speaker: and kill the things that are constantly swarming you and slowly power up.
Speaker: And as it goes, you become this nonstop like it's a dopamine factory because you're just constantly killing things and gaining experience and leveling up and gold and all this stuff.
Speaker: And it is it is a game that in a
Speaker: In another company's hands, it feels like it is ripe for microtransaction bullshit.
Speaker: Oh, big time.
Speaker: But there aren't any.
Speaker: There aren't any in this game.
Speaker: It's just you pay the $2.
Speaker: I think it's technically still early access.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: They're still adding stuff to it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And there's there's so many things that you can unlock in this game.
Speaker: There's characters.
Speaker: My favorite character.
Speaker: I don't know if you've gotten this this one yet.
Speaker: It looks like a I want
Speaker: say like maybe a panda bear or something oh with the cherry bomb that throws cherry bombs yeah i just got him today how do you i i got massacred with that cherry bomb i'm no good with him yeah he is very tough because this cherry bomb doesn't the cherry bomb doesn't always explode um right but as you level it up um and then you also get this thing
Speaker: the two things that I always get, one of them is the candelabra, which increases the area of the weapons.
Speaker: So if you keep loving up the cherry bomb with the candelabra, the cherry bomb gets bigger and bigger, and the percentage of explosions gets more and more frequent.
Speaker: And suddenly, and he's shooting more out.
Speaker: So he's like throwing five of them, and they're bouncing around, and they're exploding, and it becomes this like...
Speaker: this like fireworks show of like cherry bomb explosions.
Speaker: When you get this guy's weapon leveled up, it's amazing that.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm going to have to keep going with him.
Speaker: I can't stop playing.
Speaker: Is it Gennaro?
Speaker: The guy with the knives?
Speaker: I think Gennaro is the guy with that guy is just yeah, because you at first it's like you're throwing a couple of knives forward.
Speaker: And and that can, you know, it's it's it's like, OK, at first, but then you start building up these knives and it just becomes this endless beam of death.
Speaker: Spewing knives.
Speaker: You can cut through anything at that point.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: It's really ridiculous.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: For him, I like getting the knives and I like getting the axes fully leveled up.
Speaker: So you're throwing the axes in all directions and you're throwing the knives forward and you can basically get to you can get to the 30 minute.
Speaker: The goal is basically to get to the 30 minute mark of a level.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And that's how you clear the stage.
Speaker: There's only four stages and then a couple of like weird bonus stages that you can unlock that have like a specific
Speaker: quirks to them one of them is called the boneyard where the torches they don't drop any items and so you you can't pick up anything else and the only enemies are the skeletal type of enemies okay but the other thing is every minute the strength of the enemies strength and hit points of the enemies goes up
Speaker: So by the end, you have these regular skeleton dudes who are on a normal level are pretty easy to kill, but you are having a lot of trouble.
Speaker: I got to I nearly got to the 30 minute mark the first time I did it.
Speaker: And then after that, I have had trouble breaking 10 minutes.
Speaker: Oh, wow.
Speaker: Because it's a it's a really tough, tough level to deal with.
Speaker: I'm still stuck on the dairy.
Speaker: Oh, getting to level 60 on the dairy.
Speaker: It's insane.
Speaker: I can get to level.
Speaker: I got to level like 75 in the library level, but I can't.
Speaker: I don't.
Speaker: I think it's like around 45 or so in the dairy level.
Speaker: And I just peter out and I can't I can't get to it.
Speaker: The dairy is tough.
Speaker: There is tough.
Speaker: It's not like any of the other levels.
Speaker: It's got way more.
Speaker: walls and shit that you've got to make your way around.
Speaker: One thing I don't like about the dairy is that for some reason you have all these walls and stuff, but the enemies can just like walk right over the walls.
Speaker: Just walk right through them.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And it's like all of them, but a lot of them.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But a lot of them.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And that's not the case in the next level.
Speaker: In the tower, there's the walls and the enemies respect the walls.
Speaker: So I don't know if it's like a glitch in the dairy or something like that where they maybe
Speaker: where it's like everybody is just like coming for you no matter where you are.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: It's weird.
Speaker: It's the idea.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: But it's still it's still like it's it's up there like game of the year, like levels of how much I'm fucking.
Speaker: And it's so funny because you and me are both like very into like the narrative artistic side of games.
Speaker: There's none of that here.
Speaker: none of that not even a little bit and it's like there's no storyline like it's just but god damn I'm glued to that game it's so good they call it they call the chicken that you find in the game they call it floor chicken right exactly yeah they just straight up call it floor chicken I love it
Speaker: And they reference it in every single level.
Speaker: Like it's, it's, it's so good.
Speaker: It's guys.
Speaker: If you haven't, it's three bucks.
Speaker: I think, I think it's like two 99 actually.
Speaker: Something like that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And it is, it is worth your money.
Speaker: If you haven't bought it already, if the only reason that you haven't bought it is because you're like, I've got a lot of stuff going on right now.
Speaker: And I, I,
Speaker: I really can't have that level of distraction.
Speaker: That is a great excuse.
Speaker: And it's the only one I'll accept because it will, it will take over a lot of shit.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They, um, yeah, that's, it's so, and it's only at version 0.5.2, right?
Speaker: 0.5.2 way to go with this thing.
Speaker: Um, so there is a lot of, you know, um,
Speaker: There's a lot of stuff.
Speaker: No, I love it.
Speaker: It's great.
Speaker: That's great.
Speaker: That's what I'm playing now.
Speaker: It's probably what I'll be playing next week.
Speaker: And that's what I've been playing, too.
Speaker: I've been mostly playing that.
Speaker: And I think I'll hold on to what I'm... I'm also playing Remnant from the Ashes and Death Stranding.
Speaker: I'll hold off getting on into it too deep into into what I'm liking about them because I'm still early days only in the early hours.
Speaker: I think at vampire survivors I've put in way too much time into already.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: I've put in 26 hours into it and I think I'm kind of running up against like the outer limits of the things I can like reasonably unlock.
Speaker: You had gotten most of the collection last time we talked.
Speaker: Yeah, I was like I had like 60 some out of 96.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So you're doing good.
Speaker: A lot of the things that are remaining are like things that are like, yeah, I'm never going to I don't think I'm going to get these.
Speaker: It's like one of them is like like reaching level 100 for a few specific characters like the Yada guy.
Speaker: There's one guy I haven't unlocked yet.
Speaker: Oh, oh, sole mio.
Speaker: They all have weird Italian names and it cracks me up.
Speaker: There's like one of them's name is Pecorino.
Speaker: Like it's it's it's so weird and lovely and I love it.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: Well, I actually am also playing a game that I'm not going to get into this episode too much because it's Resident Evil five and I've got a lot of things to say about it, but I think it would be more appropriate to bring up in our next episode.
Speaker: Yeah, because Kevin, we've been doing this for a year.
Speaker: For a year.
Speaker: For a year.
Speaker: And our anniversary episode, we started this podcast, well, we didn't start it on June 8th, but our first ever episode was June 8th, 2021.
Speaker: And June 8th of this year, we are going to be picking up where we left off at the beginning.
Speaker: Our first ever book was the first in the Resident Evil Evil Novel Series.
Speaker: And we're going to be doing the second Resident Evil, Caliban Cove.
Speaker: Caliban Cove.
Speaker: June 8th.
Speaker: And I am super pumped.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm really excited to get into Caliban Cove.
Speaker: It's a completely original Resident Evil story from S.D.
Speaker: Perry, who we we we read her book on the adaptation of Resident Evil, which
Speaker: Has gotten, I think to me, has grown in esteem since we've read it, in my mind.
Speaker: Because for as silly as it is, it was tonally right on the nose for Resident Evil.
Speaker: And also, she did a hell of a job with the actual adaptation of like...
Speaker: oh, we don't have to go through this whole puzzle.
Speaker: Let's just like she just breaks the glass and takes the thing like she doesn't do the puzzle.
Speaker: And after having now spent a year reading so many of these books, I think she does a lot of things in that book that I feel like a lot of other authors could actually kind of learn from in terms of like how to represent something from a video game, but also adapt it to a medium where it doesn't make sense to actually thoroughly
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Explain it.
Speaker: I totally agree.
Speaker: I feel very good about reading the next in this series after we've had all of these other experiences now.
Speaker: I feel like we are better equipped to appreciate what's going on here.
Speaker: And I feel really good about it.
Speaker: And the fact that it's a fully original world, it's not based on any of the.
Speaker: uh canonical games yeah uh i i think that'll be make it extra interesting so yeah so join us next week for resident evil resident caliban cove uh and remember if you can follow us on twitter um
Speaker: Give us a shout out on there.
Speaker: We enjoy interacting with new fans.
Speaker: You can also follow us on Instagram at PixLitPod, Twitter at PixLitPod.
Speaker: You can go to our website, PixLitPod.com, where we have links to our Discord.
Speaker: And if you can, share us with your friends, share us with your family.
Speaker: The only way we grow is through word of mouth.
Speaker: because there's no real algorithm that's going to boost us up.
Speaker: So please, please share us.
Speaker: This is a very specific thing we talk about.
Speaker: A very specific thing.
Speaker: So please share us with your friends if you think they would enjoy it or if they won't enjoy it.
Speaker: I don't care.
Speaker: Just share it.
Speaker: And leave us five stars on Apple.
Speaker: uh and spotify we're now up to 14 reviews on on spotify and we're pulling in a pulling in a nice 4.6 out of 5 um average i can live with that i can live with that i'm i'm down with that um hell yes but yeah that'll do it for today's episode thank you so much for joining us for mortal kombat and good night everybody good night
Speaker: Bye.
