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From The MFCEO Project to Coaching Entrepreneurs: Vaughn Kohler on Faith, Fear, and Business Growth
110 Plays1 month ago
Vaughn Kohler, co-host of The MFCEO Project, joins Brent and Aney to share his journey from pastoring to building a platform that impacts thousands. Vaughn dives into balancing faith and excellence, lessons from working alongside Andy Frisella, and strategies contractors and entrepreneurs can use to tackle anxiety, failure, and the daily challenges of business and life.
#TheBetterContractor #MFCEO #Contractors #Entrepreneurship #BusinessCoach #Charismedx #FaithAndBusiness #Leadership #BusinessTips #BlueCollarBusiness #Entrepreneur #AndyFrisella #FirstPhorm #Entrepreneurship
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Transcript
Introduction and Guest Background
00:00:00
Speaker
All right, guys. Well, welcome back to another edition of The Better Contractor. Today, I am joined by my wife, Annie. Welcome back.
00:00:14
Speaker
right guys well welcome back to another edition of the better contractor today i am joined by my wife annie hi back And I'm joined by Vaughn Kohler. Super excited to have Vaughn on. I met Vaughn a few years back at an Arte event, which is a business coaching type of group.
00:00:31
Speaker
You may recognize his name as well as former co-host of the MFCEO project. And currently he does business consulting as well. So super excited to have Vaughn on and get some insight from him in the world of business and integrity and faith and the whole bit.
00:00:46
Speaker
So Vaughn, welcome. Thanks, man. It's good to have you you. You all have been very, very patient as I've had to reschedule and cancel. And you're just, you just got the patience of Job.
00:00:57
Speaker
appreciate it. I've heard that before. Well, that's because he married me and he's been practicing a lot. She's instilled that deeply within. That's great. Well, Vaughn, tell us a little bit about yourself and kind of what brought you. I know you have kind of an interesting story and how you even met like Andy with the MFCEO Project.
00:01:15
Speaker
Also an interesting story of your faith journey, your career,
Vaughn's Career Transition
00:01:19
Speaker
everything. Tell us a little bit about yourself. Yeah. um So I'm a former pastor. I grew up in a very sturdy Bible-believing church and Bible-believing family.
00:01:29
Speaker
and learned about Jesus very early in my life, learned about the importance of having a personal relationship with him, the importance of studying the Bible, the importance of telling other people about Jesus. um And I just had a wonderful experience growing up.
00:01:42
Speaker
um I had good parents, um really enjoyed youth group and was pretty much a good, you know, church kid for most of my life. Not not to say I haven't done things behind closed doors that I wish I hadn't done, but um but overall, I just have had a great journey of faith. And i am in in college, I felt called to be a pastor and I i ended up being a pastor for about 10 years.
00:02:06
Speaker
And uh, loved it. I worked primarily with youth. Um, I would, as I was an associate pastor, not just, you know, seventh graders, eighth graders, high schoolers, but also college students.
00:02:17
Speaker
But one of the great things about the church that I served in Kansas was that they let me do everything. They let me do counseling. They let me do preaching. And so I got a really, ah comprehensive experience
Writing and Meeting Andy Frisella
00:02:28
Speaker
of ministry. And I loved every bit of it for a, for a variety of different reasons, both, both personal and professional, none of which are scandalous.
00:02:36
Speaker
I decided to leave that. And, originally what I had planned to do was to become a college professor. I, um, I have degrees in writing and speaking, and I just wanted to teach people how to write and speak better.
00:02:47
Speaker
Um, and to use that for, for God's glory and the good of the world. And, um, Shortly after I started working at a university and met my wife, we had a pretty major life change in the sense that she finished residency. And so we decided we going to move to a another town altogether.
00:03:07
Speaker
i grew up in Kansas. I had met her while she was a student in Kansas City. And so we we ended up in St. Louis, Missouri. And I, for the first time in my life, I was like, okay, well, I have an entire family.
00:03:19
Speaker
ah resume for ministry. I have experiences in ministry. i have a little bit of experience working for a college, but other than that, I have no real world you know like professional experience. So what am I going to do?
00:03:31
Speaker
So I i basically try to capitalize off my writing and speaking ability And I went to different colleges trying to get hired just as easily as I was hired the first time I went to a college.
00:03:43
Speaker
I got nowhere. And so it was very it was very humiliating, to be honest with you. Like here I was middle age and my wife was working. People always always say, oh, you were married to a doctor. Well, yeah.
00:03:56
Speaker
I was married to a doctor who had, who had, we have doctor level levels of debt in terms of academics. And on top of that, my wife had started with a practice that was a startup. And so she was paid about a third of her market value. So I was, we were under a lot of stress um and a lot of like real financial pinch to figure out what I was going to do.
00:04:15
Speaker
So I ended up taking a job as a, as a, It was it was not really a full time job. I wrote articles for a local men's magazine. And when I say men's magazine, I don't mean Playboy. I mean, something more like ah like a GQ or an Esquire.
00:04:29
Speaker
And so I was writing articles for that ah for that magazine. And
Podcast Success and Faith Integration
00:04:34
Speaker
ah it was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed it and I did well at it, but it wasn't a full-time job. So I finally found the one place that would hire me, which was a place called Tri-County Water and Air.
00:04:45
Speaker
And I ended up becoming a salesperson. I went through the training to become a salesperson to sell water for your purification systems. Now, that is a totally...
00:04:56
Speaker
noble endeavor. It is a noble product, but it that's not what I felt called to do. So the first time I drove out on my first call, it was a bleak Southern Illinois day in February.
00:05:10
Speaker
And i was depressed because I was like, man, I was changing lives as a pastor. And here I am mid midlife. And what am I doing? And i felt like the Lord said, well, what do you want to do?
00:05:24
Speaker
Because you haven't told me. And I said, Lord, I somehow want to use my skills to really impact people. Like I want to do something as a pastor, but not as a pastor, because I wanted to, I always wanted to write. I always wanted to speak.
00:05:38
Speaker
and And so I had literally just articulated that. And the phone rang, my cell phone rang, and I answered it. It was the guy that ran the the magazine. He said, hey, what are you doing? and I said, I'm going out to my my first call.
00:05:53
Speaker
ah And he goes, would you like to be the editor of a magazine? And I i said, ah yeah. And he goes, now, listen, we're a startup. So what I can pay you is not like six figures. I can pay you essentially the equivalent of a first year teacher. I go, I'll take it.
00:06:10
Speaker
And so he said, great. um And he said, i I don't know about your availability, but are are you are you available to to write another article immediately, like tomorrow? And I said, yep, I'll do it.
00:06:23
Speaker
Who am I writing it on? And he goes, oh, he's a local entrepreneur in the area. He's very well-respected guy, business genius, has built this nutritional supplement company. His name is Andy Frisella.
00:06:34
Speaker
And i people think I'm full of it when I say this. When he said that, I had a sense. I was like, hmm. Who is this guy?
00:06:44
Speaker
Why do I sense that there's maybe some some more to this? So I ended up interviewing him. We hit it off right away because I asked him about his dogs. And he started talking about how much he loved dogs. And I talked about how much I love my yellow lab Rudy.
00:06:57
Speaker
and And we really hit it off. And I wrote an article about him. And I delivered the magazine to him and he goes, man, you're a really good you're really good writer. And I go, thanks, man. He goes, no, you really articulated my my views and you articulated my story in a way that I really appreciate. I go, well, you got really great ideas.
00:07:15
Speaker
And I said, you should write a book. and the reason I said that is because on the side, I had already created an LLC to become a ghostwriter. I was going to try to write books for people. And he goes, I should. And I'm a good writer, but honestly, I don't have time. And I go, well, it's funny you should say that.
00:07:30
Speaker
Because I know a guy
Coaching Insights and Mindset
00:07:31
Speaker
who just started a ghostwriting business. He said, OK, shoot me a proposal. So went home. I researched it. I proposed what I thought was a lot of money. Because I researched it. I kind of evaluated my skills, the going rate. And so I think I i think i charged him like $15,000, right? That's what I was going to charge him.
00:07:51
Speaker
So I go there. I present it to him. He doesn't even blink. He's like, ah, i thought it'd be more than that. I'm like, oh great. Yeah, right. But anyway, so we started a meeting. And I started asking him these questions.
00:08:03
Speaker
And very early on, he's like, hold it. He gets his media team to come over. They record him answering the questions about personal development, mental toughness, vision, culture, SOPs, everything.
00:08:17
Speaker
And he starts posting his answers on social media and people start going crazy. And they're like, we where's your podcast? he's like Now, it's funny because you and I both have podcasts. Everybody has podcasts now. But at the time...
00:08:31
Speaker
it It was kind of a geek thing, right? It was kind of like a tech thing. And so Andy's like, what's a podcast? I want to write a book. And I'm like, yeah, I want to write a book. I want to help God. Well, people persisted on this. And he's like, well, I guess we should write a podcast. He said, do you do you want to be the co-host of my podcast? Because I think we have a really good dynamic going on here.
00:08:50
Speaker
And honestly, i was so honored, and you're going to laugh when you say this or when you hear this, but I'm a former Baptist pastor, and Andy drops the F-bomb left and right. Now, I don't personally have an issue with it.
00:09:03
Speaker
There are worse things than cussing, right? There are weightier matters of the law. But at the time, i was also an adjunct professor for a local Catholic seminary. And I was like, I don't know what they're going to think about this.
00:09:17
Speaker
So I went to ah high up who is known for being a very godly man. And I told him the situation. He's like, I don't, I don't understand what the issue is. I said, well, I'm on the show with this guy that cusses. He's like, yeah, but is he, ah is he advancing immorality?
00:09:32
Speaker
I said, no, he's actually advancing really good things. And I think most of the things we're going to talk about are going to be compatible with the scriptures. And He said, well, then I i think that it's ah it's an incredible mission for you.
00:09:45
Speaker
It's an incredible opportunity for you. And I said, the people who are going to be ah offended are probably not going to listen. And he said, so if your conscience is clean clean and you can honestly say you're approaching it as like an opportunity to help people, then I think you have the freedom to do it.
00:10:01
Speaker
I said, you don't think it's going to hurt you know my ability to teach here? He goes, well, not at all. He said, not at all. So that meant a lot to me. So I said, okay, Andy, let's do this. And honestly, Brent, I mean, you know, from, I think you, you were maybe an earlier listener of the MFCO project. And that was the other funny thing is he decides to name it the MFC wheelal project, which, you know, you can use your imagination to know what that stands for.
00:10:26
Speaker
um It was, I mean, i almost feel guilty because I know, ah I know how many people labor in obscurity for so long. But within a month, we were having hundreds of thousands of downloads and a couple months later, millions of downloads. And I think it really is because we had a great moment in time where there was so much, you know, so many scammers and so many fluff people who were telling people about entrepreneurship, but they weren't giving them.
00:10:57
Speaker
really informed down to earth answers. And Andy is direct and he's, and he tells it like it is, and he doesn't pull punches, but he, but he also is able to communicate in a way that is really motivating, um really galvanizing, you know?
00:11:14
Speaker
And I think the combination of him and i was, was, was good, was unique because here you have this fire breathing Italian entrepreneur and, paired with this geeky, nerdy former pastor who likes to quote poetry and philosophy.
00:11:28
Speaker
um And so it was a really good really good connection. And where I am so thankful to God on this is that I have often told people, i I've been ah um been a faith-driven guy for most of my life.
00:11:44
Speaker
But it really wasn't until um met Andy where I realized I have to up my game when it comes to excellence, work ethic, all these things that make somebody successful.
00:11:56
Speaker
And the reason I have to up my game is not for my gain alone, but for the glory of God and the good of the world. and And people of faith, Christians above anyone else,
00:12:09
Speaker
have to be committed to that because you know one of my favorite episodes that andy and i did on mfco project was called um power is your obligation and the the basic premise of it is there are a lot of bad people who are committed to the wrong things who are going to create wealth and they're going to they're going to they're going to exercise great influence and they're going to do it for the wrong reasons So how much more should good people, people committed to Jesus, people committed to the kingdom, how much more should they be committed to doing things the right way and, and elevating every aspect of their life?
00:12:48
Speaker
So that's how it's, I mean, he's had a profound impact on my life. Um, so much so people started asking me like, well, how do you integrate faith and excellence? Um,
00:12:59
Speaker
They asked me that so much. I'm like, well, maybe ought write a book about it. So i ended up writing a book called Sacred Drive, which is Biblical Principles for Pursuing Your God-Given Potential. um I'm really good at writing books. I'm not good at marketing them. So everybody that has read it likes it.
00:13:14
Speaker
But particularly lately, people have been like, Vaughn, you wrote this book two years ago and you never talk about it. And it's a great book. And so I'm going to work a little harder on letting people know about it, but it's just been a fun ride. And then since that time, Andy and I still do things together on a project by project basis, but I actually moved back to Kansas from St. Louis because I like living in a small town. I like living in a college town.
00:13:39
Speaker
And i I am now a coach, a consultant. And on the coaching side, i tend to focus on the mindset and the personal development and the three things the three most frequent issues that I help people with small business leaders, some of them are contractors, uh, are, I would say more confidence in who who you are, more clarity on what you want in your, your personal happiness, your relationships and your professional success.
00:14:06
Speaker
And then finally more peace in every aspect of your life. Cause as you well know, entrepreneurship is just a battleground of anxiety and overwhelm. And so those are the three things I focus on on the on the personal or on the coaching side.
00:14:21
Speaker
On the consulting side, the easiest way of saying it is that I'm a pretty good content marketer ah in the sense of creating the content. I don't do the marketing. But if you have a life story you want to tell, I'm good at helping you get that life story out on paper.
00:14:36
Speaker
I'm good at helping people come up with compelling ideas keynotes or posts or articles or blog posts. My, if I could say it like this, my genius is knowing how to ask a bunch of questions and get to the heart of what people have in their head and heart so that they can share it with the world.
00:14:54
Speaker
So that's where I'm at right now. And it's, I told my wife a couple days ago, you know, I said, I'm so thankful because I know that there are people who really hate their jobs. um And I'm blessed to really, truly love what I do.
00:15:06
Speaker
Yeah. I love that story. And I love, so like when you talked about the MFCEO project, if I could sum it up with a few words, it would be basically that you should pursue excellence in whatever it is you're doing. a lot of people think that podcast is only business.
00:15:22
Speaker
I don't believe it is. I think, you know, is whether it's fitness, whether it's faith, whether it's business, whatever it is, it's that pursuing excellence. I loved having your guys dynamic on that podcast,
Personal Branding and Skills
00:15:32
Speaker
because it is, like you said, it is very much two very different people, but coming together for one, you know, common principle.
00:15:39
Speaker
Absolutely. Well, and I think in that too, that even, even before that, like the, you said former a lot, Former pastor, former co-host. And then said it was your journey of faith.
00:15:52
Speaker
And I think that like those two have to exist. You don't have a journey unless there's a lot of formers that you've gone through. yeah And you and your wife having the team where she followed you and then you followed her and in you following her to chase her passion, it led you to the thing that God had for you.
00:16:12
Speaker
Absolutely. No, that that actually that is something that I hadn't really thought about, Annie, but you're absolutely right. We went to St. Louis, really for Kasha.
00:16:22
Speaker
That's where she started her first job. um I had family in the area, but we had a lot of other options and she wanted to go there. um And she wanted to go there because the, the, the practice that she was going to start with wanted to respect the fact that she wasn't just a professional doctor, but that she was, um she wanted to be a mom.
00:16:40
Speaker
So this was a practice that was going to let her bring her kids to, to work and provide all sorts of different benefits. So, yeah, I mean, it, it really was God ordained that we ended up in St. Louis and you're right. I, I essentially followed her there.
00:16:54
Speaker
Yeah. But I think that's one thing you did well is you kind of followed God's lead. So even, you know, meeting Andy, like that, That's a unique thing that probably was never on your radar to be a podcast host, you know, a year prior to you becoming or a podcast co-host prior to you becoming one. That was probably not on your radar at all.
00:17:10
Speaker
And you're right. You know, that was trying to think many years ago that would have been. But for all you listening to today, podcasts were not popular back then. I remember someone telling me about it was actually who we were using as a marketing firm. And my first question was, what is a podcast? Number one.
00:17:24
Speaker
And my second question was, why would I do that? But now looking back, I started this at 24 and definitely should have started back in 2017, 2018 timeframe. So, but no, that's cool. How your trust in God and letting him kind of walk you through and getting to where you you are today is super cool.
00:17:42
Speaker
um You mentioned mindset quite a bit. um I'm curious, you know, You've been you know with Andy, you you were around Arte for a while. You still know a lot of those guys.
00:17:54
Speaker
Now you're doing the consulting and the coaching and stuff like that. What is, without and giving away paid paid stuff that that you do, what is, you think, something that is a huge mindset thing that most of the entrepreneurs you work with have or that you coach them towards? What is what is something that you would...
00:18:10
Speaker
Well, I'll tell you a great interaction that I had with Andy a couple years ago. And this is something that I always, I always share with my clients. And it was a time where I kind of had gone into a funk and i went to visit him. I had already gone back to Kansas and I don't think I was actually working full time for him anymore, but I was, for whatever reason, I was back in St. Louis and I was visiting him and we were catching up and he could tell that I was really down on myself.
00:18:39
Speaker
he could tell that i was really in um in my own head and in a slump and he goes hey dude come come with me so he brings me into the into the um the first form big headquarters uh conference room and there's a whiteboard and he
Overcoming Business Anxieties
00:18:54
Speaker
draws this little arc that goes up and then this dip that goes down and he says dude you're like most people when you're up here at the zenith you're like i'm awesome i'm a winner I'm a bad man. I'm on the top of the world, right?
00:19:10
Speaker
And he says, when you're down in the bottom, you pile on yourself. Like you get in your own head and you're like, oh, I'm a loser. Man, I've learned so much. Why did I get in this slump again? blah, blah. blah And he's like, you get in your head.
00:19:24
Speaker
And he said, what the real what you need to realize is when you're up here, you are not a winner. When you're down here, you're not a loser. The difference is, he said, successful people say, when I'm up here, I'm doing the things that lead to winning.
00:19:38
Speaker
And when I'm down here, it's not that I'm a loser. It's that I've stopped doing the things that lead to winning. And he really emphasizes the fact that you have to always realize that like stop battling with yourself. Stop stop trying to convince yourself you're a winner or a loser.
00:19:58
Speaker
Just start executing. And when you realize that your're that your success at the end of the day isn't on your talents or your character, well, I mean, your character does matter, but it doesn't on your character, it isn't on your talents or your intelligence or any other resources you have.
00:20:14
Speaker
your Your success is taking the actions that lead to success. It is executing and and forming habits that get results. and And so that's why he said, like, literally,
00:20:29
Speaker
If you went into a slump for you know four months, just immediately start doing something that you know leads to success. Immediately do, and this is why he does he always tells people, like it's not it's not anything about him as a person that at the end end of the day are the ah the reason that he's successful.
00:20:49
Speaker
It's because he he knows the critical tasks that he has to do that will lead him a step forward, every day forward, And by the end of the day, he does them. And so I think that's one, you know, this is we hear this all the time.
00:21:04
Speaker
We i I mean, people who are who are in the personal development entrepreneurship world, they hear this all the time, and yet they still resist it. They don't think it's that simple. It is that simple.
00:21:15
Speaker
It is slow, steady taking action. Critical tasks, completing them one by one. That's the key, period. End of story. And never stopping. And so i what the truth is, is that prior to meeting Andy, I did skate along based on certain native intelligence and certain ability to you know do things and and some God-given talents.
00:21:36
Speaker
But I did not get anywhere the level of success and personal fulfillment that I do now that I really truly understand the power of execution, the power of action.
00:21:48
Speaker
So that's been, again, that's not, you know, that's not rocket science, but that is it. That's the key. It is so true. And I look at, you know, we did a podcast episode not too long ago, but it was about execution.
00:22:00
Speaker
And we added to it what you were just talking about. It's discipline and consistency. So some people execute, they'll do it for a little while. They just don't do it all the time, you know, so you can even see it like with in fitness with yo-yo dieting.
00:22:14
Speaker
They'll drop 50 pounds and then you meet them a year later and they're back back to plus 50 again. right But it's that consistent execution day after day after day. And I have to wonder if part of Andy's like 75 hard thing, if part of that mental toughness was actually to be just consistent and disciplined and actually executing on your stuff every day. What were you going to I think that there's another layer to this too. And because when you're at the top, the consistent execution, yes. And you're building those things that,
00:22:45
Speaker
when you are in a valley that you know that you can go back to and get yourself back there. But I think that that valley is so important for perspective. Like if you go hiking and you start at the bottom and you look around you,
00:22:58
Speaker
And then you get to the top and you look around you. It's a completely different perspective whenever you're at the bottom and at the top from what you see. And you learn different things. You see different things. And I think that you pick up new things to add to your consistent execution when you make it to the next top.
00:23:16
Speaker
Absolutely. Because if you if you so only stay at the top that you are at and keep executing those things, You're actually never going to grow past that. You have to go, you have to pick up new skill sets and add them to the thing that you're executing so that you can continue to grow.
00:23:30
Speaker
Absolutely. Well said. One, you have a question? I'll you go first. Okay. One question I did have, and this was from a conversation I think you and I had years ago was you were kind of pushing personal brand at the time.
00:23:44
Speaker
And I was curious if your take has changed a little bit because it seems like since then, even everybody's got a personal brand. It seems like maybe it's just who I follow on and Instagram, but everybody's kind of this motivational. Everybody's doing their personal brand. Everybody's telling their story. They're posting all the time.
00:23:59
Speaker
What is your take on personal brand? The importance of that now? and And what is something that people could do to differentiate in that area from all the others on there that are doing the same motivational stuff day after day after day?
00:24:10
Speaker
You know, that's a really good question. And i I admit that I'm a little bit in process on this. So I'm going to give you my tentative answer, but I think this is the direction that I'm going pretty, pretty strongly. You know, I think having an, when you say personal brand,
Faith in Personal Development
00:24:23
Speaker
I think having an online brand, like having an Instagram account, having a website, having some sort of digital um evidence of your presence and what you're all about.
00:24:33
Speaker
I think it's kind of, it's kind of like the Yellow Pages ad in the 1980s. Like it was, it's not going to make or break your business, but you got to have one. Like that's, that's the basic level of, so you have to have something where people can go online and beyond your website, you have to go online to ah to an Instagram account or, ah or a you know, who knows, LinkedIn or X or whatever, so that people can can get a sense of who you are and what you stand for.
00:25:01
Speaker
I know that the the the research is is that there's all sorts of different professions, doctors, lawyers, that right now, if you look into the research, the number one ah the number one thing that people look ah choose, and or I'm sorry, the number one factor in choosing ah these professions is there is their personal brand. is What do they learn about you when they get online and they look and they see your Instagram account or your you know Facebook account or whatever?
00:25:31
Speaker
So I do think it's i do think it's essential. Does that mean that I think that the investment of it needs to be every single day, three times a week?
00:25:44
Speaker
No, in fact, I think especially now with AI generated content, I actually think that that would be counterproductive because the digital space, and I've been doing a deep dive into this with a with a ah couple of my clients, but the digital space,
00:26:00
Speaker
is so congested and so like saturated that honestly, it's harder and harder to get people's attention on the digital space. This is why I believe, and I'll give you this for free, there is a renaissance going on and in print ah media.
00:26:17
Speaker
There's a renaissance going on in direct mail marketing. um I just went to a roofing ah conference where I was introduced to this this company. And and i won't I won't say their name yet because I'm pretty early on in the relationship, but I was blown away by what they could do in terms of full, it's ah it's a platform that's a ah basically a full funnel marketing platform for direct mail marketing.
00:26:43
Speaker
And and I actually knew about them and I knew the guy associated with prior to that. So I knew that he was leveling with me, but like the, the stats are pretty crazy. Like in terms of the kind of, um, uh, ROI that you can get from direct mail pieces and stuff like that.
00:27:00
Speaker
So I think I, I do think that while it's essential to have an online digital presence, I think there's other ways to, uh, to be wildly popular. and wildly, wildly successful that don't have anything to do with, you know, creating reels or are Instagram posts or anything like that.
00:27:19
Speaker
I will say this, I think at the end of the day, it doesn't matter if we're in 1950 or 1980 or 2020 or 2025, doesn't matter. There are three things that will always make people you impactful, always.
00:27:33
Speaker
um One of them is the ability. How good are you at what you do? If you are really good at what you do, people will find you. It's that old saying of, you know, build a better bousetrap and people will, you know, ah beat a pavement to your door, that kind of thing. So the first thing is ability. The second one is attention.
00:27:51
Speaker
In other words, interpersonally, interpersonally, especially in the age of media, especially in the age of tech and robots, interpersonally, when you meet someone, do you know how to lock in on that person?
00:28:04
Speaker
Or are you constantly looking at your phone? Do you know how to ask questions? Do you know how to ask follow-up questions? Do you know how to compliment people in a sincere and genuine way? i am When I was in ah college, when I was called to ministry, um therere a a guy came and spoke. He was a very famous preacher at the time, and maybe you've heard of his. He hasn't died yet, and I think he's still preaching.
00:28:28
Speaker
But his name was Chuck Swindoll. And very famous preacher. The chapel was absolutely filled. And there was a line waiting to talk to him. And I was so excited to talk to him because I was called to preach. I wanted to hear what this guy had to say.
00:28:45
Speaker
So I waited and waited and waited. And as I'm waiting, I'm like, gee whiz, why is it taking so long? Holy cow. And I was like, you know, griping about this. I finally got to my spot in line.
00:28:57
Speaker
And I said, hello,
The Role of Rest in Success
00:28:59
Speaker
Pastor Swindoll. My name is Vaughn. I'm telling you right now, there was nobody else in the room. He was locked in on me.
00:29:09
Speaker
He wasn't looking to the next person. He was locked in on me. His eyes kind, intense. He was asking questions. He was listening. He was interacting with what I said. It was a light like I'm even borderline getting emotional now because it was such a powerful experience.
00:29:23
Speaker
Anybody listening to your podcast, invest, invest in getting better at interpersonal relationships. Invest in getting better at knowing how to ask questions, engage people like a human being, because I guarantee if you do that locally, people are going to talk about you.
00:29:41
Speaker
um So it's, so it's um ability attention. And then the last one is kind of connected to attention, which is affection. Learn how to be a kind person, learn how to be warm hearted and be a person of goodwill.
00:29:54
Speaker
Don't be a jerk. People in our culture, especially with the, you know, the troll culture on, on social media, they're so used to people. And especially the, like the, you know, the war that politics has become even more so than in the past, people are so used to being everybody being jerks to each other, be different, be kind, be gracious.
00:30:19
Speaker
always like to tell this story and I hope, hopefully I can, you won't mind if I take this story because it it always sticks in my head and it illustrates what I'm talking, what I'm talking about. So when I was in fourth grade, um My grandfather came to live with us.
00:30:32
Speaker
He had one lung because he smoked. He worked in a factory. um So he was coughing all the time. He developed emphysema. And he was never a wealthy man, but he was always rich in generosity, rich in kindness, rich in goodwill.
00:30:48
Speaker
And I loved him. We called him pup-up. And he came to live with us, got so bad at one point that he could barely get up to go the bathroom. So they got a little port-a-potty for him.
00:30:59
Speaker
And so they put it in his room and, uh, you know, every now and then you had to empty it, but it wasn't really that big a deal because you literally, the stuff was in ammonia or whatever it is.
00:31:10
Speaker
So you take it, you pour it into the toilet, flush it. It's not a big deal. My mom asked me to do it. And I'm like, Oh, I was in fourth grade. It's like, Oh, don't want to do this.
00:31:21
Speaker
I started complaining about it. My mom says, Hey, Don't let pop up hear you because he's going to feel like he's a burden to us. He's going to feel bad. And I knew she was right. So i was like, that's fine. So I try to hide it.
00:31:32
Speaker
I go in, I empty it. i come back. He said, Hey, Vaughn, come here. I said, sure. What do what's up pop up? Uh, he goes, well, I heard what happened in there.
00:31:45
Speaker
And I felt like an idiot because he was such a great guy. Like, like I said, so full of generosity guy was a custodian and a factory worker his whole life. I said, I'm really sorry, pop up. And I kind of brace for impact, even though I don't know why I brace for impact because it wasn't like him to, to, you know, cuss me out or anything.
00:32:04
Speaker
He held out his hand. He goes here, put your hand out. I go, what? goes, put your hand out. So I had on my hand. He puts his hand over my hand and he goes, I just want you know, I just love you so much. You're a great grandson.
00:32:18
Speaker
And I'm so proud of you. And i'm i think I'm thankful that you serve me.
Entrepreneurship and Personal Reflections
00:32:22
Speaker
And he opens his hand. you And he draws it back. There's a Chris clean $5 bill there.
00:32:30
Speaker
And guys, listen, I mean, this is 1983. I mean, you calculate inflation. That's probably a billion dollars, right? Yeah. um I was like, holy cow, I can buy like Razzles, GI Joe guy, right? All this.
00:32:44
Speaker
and And then all of a sudden it hits me like, and it still moves me today. I'm like, I'm a total jerk. I'm complaining. I'm a loser. What does my grandfather do?
00:32:56
Speaker
doesn't ball me out. he He gives me a reward. He extends me grace. And I tell people, I have 120 credit hours of theological studies.
00:33:09
Speaker
I have studied the Bible a lot. Nothing taught me more about God's grace and God's undeserved love than that experience. And I truly believe, as cheesy as it sounds, that...
00:33:22
Speaker
If you as a business owner or as a person operate your life with grace, I'm telling you, people are going to notice in this otherwise crappy culture where everybody's treating people so poorly, you conduct yourself with grace.
00:33:38
Speaker
They will notice. They will say there's something different about that guy. yeah If that's the culture of your business, they'll say there's something different about that business. yeah and i And I just really believe that that those three things, ability, attention, and and affection, um I really think that they will create an impact, which will create a word of mouth, which will translate into loyalty and more customers.
00:34:02
Speaker
Yeah. I love that story. And we've talked about it before, but the power of like impact, like an intentional impact. So I don't know that story well from your grandpa's perspective, but I have a feeling he probably did not realize in that moment it was going to be that impactful.
00:34:17
Speaker
I don't think he did Like life altering. Yeah. It literally was life altering. Yeah. You're exactly right, Brent. Yeah. And that's so cool because we don't realize when we're having those moments usually in real time. Yeah.
00:34:27
Speaker
And we take short times like that for granted sometimes, you know, and we have those moments all around us every day, whether that's at work, in our personal life, with someone we met, you meet at a restaurant.
00:34:38
Speaker
We have the ability to have those little moments of impact that can change people's lives. That can be like, wow, that was different. Like, I met with Vaughn or I met with Annie and like, that was totally changed my day and in my perspective or whatever.
00:34:51
Speaker
And I think you're right. As we live in this more online world, people are hungry for that now. And it does seem like it's way more so in just the last two or three years. Absolutely. Well, and actually... When you're, when you feel moved to speak on something, actually do it because he didn't have to let you know he heard.
00:35:09
Speaker
He could have kept it to himself. Yeah. Um, because it it, and it's humbling to care for somebody, um, with service like that. And i think it's important to do because it does remind us that we need to serve others from that, from that place.
00:35:24
Speaker
Um, but he also kind of gave the widow's might there too. Yeah, absolutely. Um, gave you all that he had at that moment, showing you that he loved you, which I think is important.
00:35:36
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. I'm just curious. This is, this ah it's not a question I really had down, but when you were talking about like developing those, you know, interpersonal in-person skills, my mind went to, so our generation, you're a little bit older than me, but not much, but we lived before all of this, social media, the internet.
00:35:55
Speaker
um And we had to learn how to do that. Mm-hmm. What do you think like the newer generation, the younger generation that maybe has only ever lived online and um and stuff, how can they better those skills?
00:36:07
Speaker
What's something you would recommend for them? Yeah. Um, I think what Andy tells people is really good. Um, but just like anything, you have to schedule intentional time to practice something. So, you know, he's an introvert. I'm actually an introvert too, but I really like people.
00:36:26
Speaker
Um, but, um,
00:36:29
Speaker
I think you, I think if you're a young person, you just say, I'm going to go out and I'm going to, you know, um i would start with people who kind of have to talk to you. yeah So like, so like servers or a grocery store clerk or someone who's in a position of service, put yourself in a position where you have to talk to somebody.
00:36:49
Speaker
um I mean, honestly, like, some of the people who are the best ah at this are bartenders. You know, obviously if you're underage, don't go to bar, but if you're, if you're somewhere you can, if you're somewhere you where you can sit, where someone always almost has to talk to you, or, or even if you don't want to do it for an extended period of time where you just want to go through the grocery store, just go, just go to various clerks or grocery stores and just, just tell yourself, um you know,
00:37:16
Speaker
I'm just going to, I'm just going to practice talking um and I'm going to practice engaging people. And I, you know, I, um, I came up with a lot. I'm trying, i tried to teach my girls this because, um, you know, they're, I think it helps that they have parents who are you know mindful of wanting to, to facilitate their growth and interpersonal skills.
00:37:36
Speaker
But, um, you know, I ah particularly if you have parent or if your parents and you have kids like I would actually this is what we try to do. would actually give your kids a reward if they if they will call somebody up and have a conversation with them on the phone or if they'll go and they'll agree to meet with somebody somewhere. You can if you're if they're young, you can go drive them there. Right.
00:37:56
Speaker
But I will tell you. ah came up with this little framework for how to have an impactful conversation and i've taught it to some people and they're like man this is really good it's really helpful and the acronym for or the way to remember it is all conversations must must leave them spellbound and a is ask and and all i tell people is you want to ask questions that's the best way to impact people is ask questions all right um the most effective question is just like what's the best part of your day so far
00:38:29
Speaker
And that will show you what they value. um You know, maybe if you feel so inclined to say, ah you know, what's been the most challenging part of your day, you will be surprised that people will open up and give you an opportunity to to maybe speak some love into their life.
00:38:49
Speaker
So something that, you know, ask questions that reveal what people value. See is clarify, which simply means Don't just ask questions, actually listen. So if they said, oh, I'm a big fan of the St. Louis Blues. Oh, okay, so you're a big fan of the St. Louis Blues. Did you grow up in St. Louis?
00:39:08
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, where'd you grow up? Okay, well, I grew up in, you know, Edwardsville. Okay, so continue to clarify, continue to say, I'm sorry, i just want to make sure I get this right because it shows you care. So all conversations must is M stands for Marvel.
00:39:22
Speaker
And that just means, and I'm not talking about the comic book. I mean, like make a big deal about something. Marvel at it, right? So if they say, oh you know what? They, I don't know, had an opportunity to fly in a P-51.
00:39:34
Speaker
Man, that's really cool. I love World War II and the history surrounding that, right? i mean, you got to be honest. Don't make stuff up, but find something that they said that you like and marvel about it.
00:39:45
Speaker
So all conversations must leave is link. So if they say, um yeah, I grew up in Edwardsville. Oh, really? Well, you know, one of the places that I used to go was Paramarquette, which is kind of close to Edwardsville. And I love that whole area.
00:40:01
Speaker
That's really cool that you live in that area. So liken, somehow link. yourself to what they're interested in or or their experience in life. ah So all conversations must leave. And then T is thank thank them. Hey, you know what?
00:40:16
Speaker
There's 7 billion people in the world. I appreciate you taking time to talk to me. I know you're really busy. Thank you for sharing. Hey, you you shared a really great story. I'm going to file that away. Or you made it you gave me a book recommendation. I'm going to file that away.
00:40:29
Speaker
And then spellbound, the last one is is solicit, meaning ask people's advice. People want to share their knowledge, generally speaking.
00:40:40
Speaker
They might not want to give a TED talk on it. yeah They might not want to stand in front of people or have a podcast like we do, but they do want to see they want to see that people value their opinion.
00:40:51
Speaker
And so I would ask for that, and you can just cycle through that. All conversations must leave them spellbound. that's what i That's how I try to teach my kids to to engage. And it's one of those things where you can you you can do all of it or can do some of it, and it has really positive value.
00:41:05
Speaker
positive results. But that's kind of what I would ah tell people get, learn the art of asking questions and listening. Yeah. And you do that. Yeah. yeah Yeah. I think the listening, definitely the intentional listening.
00:41:18
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. and I have three, which is thank them, compliment them and empathize with them. Yeah. Love it. Yeah. No, I like that. Cause one of my pet peeves and I'm like, well,
00:41:33
Speaker
probably different than you. I'm introverted at very introverted at times, but one of my pet peeves is like in a public setting where you just have pointless small talk, like even if that's in the business world or whatever, where you're just asking, Oh, how's the weather? Well, I don't know. It's sunny a outsider.
00:41:48
Speaker
you know, it's a very simple answer and then there's no followup or anything past that. So it's just pointless conversation, but I love those that you just mentioned picked because it brings depth meaning, connection, and purpose to that conversation. So those those guys were super good.
00:42:03
Speaker
Well, and I think that in your community, if you're doing that in your community where you go out and it's the people there, that you're really forming ah like connections with people that will be longer lasting and allow you to speak into their lives in a more meaningful way too.
00:42:19
Speaker
Absolutely, 100%. And so this is what's interesting is that the hard research backs two things up. One is that the average person is very, very nervous about opening up a conversation with a total stranger.
00:42:34
Speaker
But just as high is that the average person is 100% open to having a conversation, even a deep conversation, which I would say for your audience, particularly if you're in business, what that means is you might be a little anxious about opening up a conversation with somebody, they are too.
00:42:57
Speaker
They would prefer you do it first. But once you do it, they'll respond. And I think too, what takes the awkwardness away from it is pre-framing. Like if if you are wanting to engage in that way, say, hey, you know what? This is weird. People don't do this, but I just want to ask you whatever.
00:43:13
Speaker
Just, you know, start it out. Transparency wins the day. Being down to earth wins the day. Absolutely. So I had another question, unless you have one.
00:43:24
Speaker
So one I had was in the very, very beginning of the podcast, you mentioned, or maybe it was before the podcast, but anxiety as being something a lot of business owners face. And I know looking through our Facebook group, just kind of understanding the contracting and entrepreneurial world that we live in today.
00:43:39
Speaker
it seems like there are a lot of people struggling on the verge of major struggle. They're just stressed. Like the world's, i don't know. It's just different right now. It seems like, uh, and I see a lot of business owners feeling that.
00:43:52
Speaker
What is some advice you would give someone who's going through a bad year, a bad season, whether that's business or maybe that's business in their personal life, both, but they're feeling it, you know, inside themselves. What what is some advice that you would give that person?
00:44:05
Speaker
Yeah. Uh, well, I, I mean, on a general level, I would say first and foremost,
00:44:13
Speaker
the two things that help anxiety are exercise and action, right? Because anxiety is is energy. And so if you take that energy and you and you and you pour it into working out, it helps.
00:44:26
Speaker
It literally helps. Like if you're if you're anxious and you go lift weights, it's going to help. But the second thing is that anxiety thrives in idleness. So when you're not doing anything, your anxiety is just going to build.
00:44:40
Speaker
And, you know, Andy points this out too, is that the reality is, is that most anxiety comes because you're not doing anything. you're You're like, literally you're sitting around and things are piling up and that's going to make you do be more anxious.
00:44:56
Speaker
So not to sound like a broken record here, but execution and action cures anxiety. even just a little bit at a time, like just knocking little things off your list and getting momentum. Like that's gonna, that's gonna lower anxiety. I also think, I mean, to be honest with you, like this sounds like I'm joking, but as someone who loves both coffee and and energy drinks, like I'm not even close to the level of addiction that some people are. And the reality is if you're constantly eating or drinking a caffeine,
00:45:28
Speaker
um you know, either in the form of coffee or or or um ah energy drinks, it's definitely going to help you. going to definitely skyrocket your anxiety. So changing the way you can, changing what you consume, those are all very practical things.
00:45:45
Speaker
um On up on ah ah pre on ah another level, on a very specific level, in my work with with um entrepreneurs, they're all almost all of them are the leaders, like they're the CEOs, I've kind of discerned that there's basically four major sorts like kinds of fear or anxiety.
00:46:05
Speaker
One is failure. ah One is disappointment. um One is suffering. And one is exposure. In other words, you know, people are going to find out that I'm a fraud, right?
00:46:20
Speaker
It seems like, um It seems like the number one failure that most people struggle with, well, it it kind of depends, but if their struggle is that they are worried that they're going to fail, right?
00:46:37
Speaker
um That they're going to make all these decisions and they're going to fail. um they They just simply don't understand the power of action. And one of the things that i I picked up a long time ago from somebody, I don't even remember who it was,
00:46:49
Speaker
but um that successful people shift from what if to even if. So, so many average people struggle with anxiety because they're like, well, what if the economy tanks? Or what if at the height of my business, my best salesman leads? Or what if, you know, fill in the blank.
00:47:07
Speaker
What if we get sued frivolously? It's what if, what if, what if? And the most successful people shift from what if to even if. And they say, well, even if all that stuff happens, guess what?
00:47:18
Speaker
I'm going to do everything according to my core values. I'm going execute and I'm not going to give up. But they have to do that early on. What's that? They have to do that early on, like right in their business.
00:47:29
Speaker
Absolutely. and if And if they do those three things, you just realize that there is no what if. It's even if. Even if all these things happen, if you continue to conduct yourself as a good person, continue to execute according to plan and not give up, things are going to work out, period.
00:47:47
Speaker
And that you just need to understand that that whole process is what overcomes anxiety. When it comes decision-making and the anxiety anxiety having to do with decision-making, for me, it comes down to how do I know what to do until I really understand who I am?
00:48:07
Speaker
And so one of the things I work with, with, ah with, um, entrepreneurs all the time is we do identity work. And this sounds like foo foo stuff. It sounds like something you hear on Oprah.
00:48:18
Speaker
But I always point out that one of the greatest conquerors in the history of the world, Alexander the Great. Most of his early adult life, he was tutored by Aristotle.
00:48:31
Speaker
And Aristotle, the philosopher basically taught him that self knowledge is key. So what I do when I work with my clients is I ask them a bunch of questions. about how they think about you know the decisions that they've made in their life that influence their life, like the emotions, what stirs their passions and you know what what about their relationship with God? What about their relationship with other people?
00:48:55
Speaker
And we get a sense of who they are, who they aspire to be. i ask them like, what kind of compliments do you get? What kind of heroes do you have? Who are your heroes? So then we come down to who are you?
00:49:08
Speaker
What are your core values? So when you have a very clear sense of that and you have to make a decision, you immediately have a filter for that decision. Well, which decision is most consistent with who I am and the and the and the values I hold?
00:49:23
Speaker
What decision is most most consistent with the core values of this company? If we get blowback from somebody based on an action that we took, um is that the kind of person that we really care?
00:49:36
Speaker
Do they share our core values? are they somebody who's completely different? So knowing who you are and knowing what you stand for is a huge source of confidence for, you know, for overcoming anxiety.
00:49:49
Speaker
As far as, you know, the fact that, I mean, do you all have, you know, do you have, do you have kids? We do not. Okay. So, so, but you can still wrap your head around.
00:50:00
Speaker
Tell me something that, well, each other, right? So let's say Brent, you woke up and let's say it was like two o'clock in the morning. And for whatever reason, Annie had gone downstairs and you heard that she was, um, you, you, she screamed for help.
00:50:23
Speaker
Now in that moment, you might hear, you might feel some adrenaline, but do you have to be convinced to run downstairs? No, no. Why? She needs it. And I'm not going to overthink it and just head for it. go And why? Because why, what do you, how do you feel about your wife?
00:50:39
Speaker
I love her. I want to protect her. You love her. Right. So that's a good answer. ah Well done. So this is what I always tell my clients is like, you have to really understand what you want and what you love and what, what's valuable to you.
00:50:58
Speaker
And when you, and when you go through that Rocky, that, that Rocky road of entrepreneurship and you start experiencing anxiety, you need to say, well, wait, if I give up,
00:51:09
Speaker
or if I let my my my legs get a little wobbly, what's it costing me based on what I want and what I love? Is it costing me? is it Are there negative effects for my loved ones? is Are there negative effects for what I say that I love and want in life?
00:51:26
Speaker
So you have to have a really clear vision of what you love and what you like desire and what you delight in. And the more you have that, the more you the more you're like... i I mean, who cares? I mean, missionaries go overseas and face all sorts of trouble.
00:51:41
Speaker
Why? Because they love Jesus. And they don't consider the cost. They're like, no, of course I'm going to do this. So that's why people really and need to understand what is it that you want? What is it that you love? What is it that you value?
00:51:53
Speaker
If you have a clear sense of that, you're able to overcome anxiety and push through. I think too, well, first, we don't have biological kids. We have kids that Or ours.
00:52:05
Speaker
Yes. ah A hundred percent. and And Andy says the same thing. Yeah. Because he and Emily don't have biological children, but they have legions of children that they are a legion of boom of But they have leave. No, you all are parents.
00:52:23
Speaker
As entrepreneurs and leaders, you are in a very real sense, parents. And you are changing the world by raising these particularly... Hate to say it, but the Gen Z and Gen Alpha guys. um but but But in all seriousness, I mean, there's there's problem children on on all in all generations.
00:52:41
Speaker
But you are in a place where you are powerfully impacting those people. And when you are tempted to give it up, I know that there's times that you're going, no, owe it to my team.
00:52:53
Speaker
I owe it to my business family. I owe it to my kids to power through because you love them and you want to see them succeed. And I think that's one of the main reasons why people ah get overwhelmed with anxiety is because they forget what they love.
00:53:08
Speaker
Well, and I think you have to put things in baskets. You have to have the basket of stuff that you're in control of and the basket of stuff that you're not in control of. And with your business and work,
00:53:19
Speaker
You don't have any control. You don't have any control over the environment, you know, of, of business and the nature of everything or politics. You don't, you, but your business is going to be affected by external forces that are completely out of your control.
00:53:32
Speaker
You got to let that go. You just have to pivot and you have to get a new plan. But at home, you are a hundred percent in control of that. Yes. And I think that if you're an entrepreneur and things are going sideways and you are stressed and anxious, you need to do a full stop at home and you need to take a day and you need to sit down with your spouse and you to say, what's going sideways here? Because this is what we're in control of and this needs fixed today, no matter what it is.
00:53:59
Speaker
How are you feeling? Am I showing up 100% for you? Because you're not showing up 100% for me. This is what I need. This is what's going on. And you got to get your home team 100%. at a hundred percent And if that's because that's your charging doc You go back there every night and you recharge. Well, if it's not a place you can recharge, you're going to leave the next day, not at full power. and you're not going to be able to execute at work to fix all the things that are not in your control and come up with new plans.
00:54:25
Speaker
Absolutely. Well said. loveman One thing when you were talking there, Vaughn, um made me think. So feel like a lot of business owners, so we're huge on mentorship and mentoring. We're part of a CEO program. That's a program for high school seniors.
00:54:40
Speaker
And with that one, um and just the people you lead at work, there's something in that though, when you were mentoring and people are looking up to you whatever that is, that a lot of times business owners don't have people holding them accountable. I feel like, you know, at work, if you're an employee, your boss is likely holding you accountable, but you're already at the top.
00:55:01
Speaker
There's probably not somebody telling you every day what you're messing up at. Yeah. I am someone who likes having some sort of accountability or someone to tell you, Hey, You're not doing that great right now and here's where you could do better.
00:55:12
Speaker
But my point with this is for those listening that maybe are not mentoring, thinking, hey, you don't, I don't have the time for that right now. I'm so busy with work. If you need accountability and your heart is in the right place when you're doing your mentoring, the one thing I view that it gives me back is the sense of accountability. Meaning,
00:55:32
Speaker
I don't want to tell you, Vaughn, if you're my mentee, I do not want to tell you how you should be doing things in life, how you can improve, you know, be in the gym, you know, go to church every Sunday, whatever it is I'm telling you to do.
00:55:43
Speaker
I can't not do that now because I've been telling you forever to go do that. So it is an immediate accountability thing. It's something that pours back into someone who is mentoring is to be that person and strive to live that way every day. So you don't, so you're not a fraud.
00:55:59
Speaker
And I think to give them permission to speak into your life as well. Yeah, for sure. No, absolutely, Brent. And I love that you use the the word poor because another way, but and you mentioned that it's accountability because obviously when you're a teacher, um you know that you're called to a higher standard and it keeps you on your toes to make sure that every aspect of your life is, you know, as much as whom humanly possible, empowered by God's grace is where it should be.
00:56:28
Speaker
But when you talk about pouring, another way to look at this is that I just always say to people who are kind of hesitant of, you know, I don't know if I have as much to offer. I don't know if I have time for that or whatever.
00:56:39
Speaker
I just say, listen, do you want to be happy? Do you want to be happy? Yeah, of course I want to be happy. Well, let me tell you something. Every time you learn a lesson. And every time you gain a new character quality or you gain some sort of piece of knowledge that could be used to help other people, it's almost like you're you're a reservoir, you know, like a big dam, right? And the water begins flowing into the dam, right?
00:57:04
Speaker
Well, what happens if the if if the water just stays there? After a while, what happens? It gets stagnant. It gets stagnant. It gets nasty, right? So that's the way our souls are. That's the way our, as humans, we are.
00:57:17
Speaker
If we just, if we just start accumulating stuff and we don't, and we just keep it, it becomes nasty. and And our subjective experience of life is just not as good. We are not designed to be reservoirs. We are designed to be conduits.
00:57:31
Speaker
We are designed to have all that stuff rushing through us into the lives of other people. And when that happens, that's when it stays fresh. That's when there's movement. That's when it satisfies. And it doesn't just satisfy the people who are you know drinking it up. It satisfies us for being the ones who are providing it. And so that's kind of what I would say to people is that, listen, send nobody nobody in their right mind, very few people in the world want a perfect mentor. And if they do, guess what? Outside of Jesus, good luck, right? Yeah.
00:58:02
Speaker
People want someone to be present to them, to come alongside them, and to love them. And I think the people who are sort of bashful or you know or just don't want to prioritize it, you don't want to be happy, and you also don't realize what people need. People don't need perfection. They need presence.
00:58:20
Speaker
Well, but they also may not actually truly see themselves. they They may have not had somebody pouring into them that has told them, how amazing they are in certain areas. And I think it's good for them to, for you to tell them, like, take a pause and write down what are the top 10 things that you are good at? What do you bring to the table and in a day at your job or or wherever? If they can articulate that, then that gives them a starting point of where to to go from.
00:58:47
Speaker
Absolutely. And, you know, another thing is that
00:58:52
Speaker
A lot of people our age, and like I said, i'm ah I'm a little older than you are. And and you know I was having fun poking fun at the younger generation. But the reality is is a lot of our people our age are always you know griping about the state of the world. right We're always griping about the state of the world.
00:59:05
Speaker
And one of the things that Andy said, I remember him saying on a podcast early on when we did the MFCO project, is somebody said, like what's what's your what's your what's your secret for for building ah massive billion-dollar business?
00:59:19
Speaker
And Andy said, one plus one equals two. That's it. One plus one equals two. You take one person, you impact another person, and then you have two people.
00:59:30
Speaker
And then you keep going. One plus one we equals two. And the reality is, is that we cannot complain about the state of our country or our world if we aren't able or we aren't willing to at least invest in one other person.
00:59:45
Speaker
Right. And pour our life into them. Mm-hmm. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it doesn't matter what generation that it was because everybody is always looking at the generation, whatever, and and has something to say about it.
00:59:58
Speaker
But it's not that generation that you should look to. It's the generation that raised them. Yeah. The generation that raised them is who didn't give them the tools that they needed to so thrive.
01:00:11
Speaker
And um so... Well, and... in looking at which generation is currently kind of the one in charge of stuff. And it's, it's ours and a little bit older, but we're stepping into that ah arena where ours is the one kind of running and doing most of the stuff that we see. But you have a question?
01:00:30
Speaker
Another one I had was, and we'll try to wrap this up here shortly. We're at just about an hour, but um one I did have is I see so many people, if you look at some stats and I do not remember them,
01:00:41
Speaker
word for word, but a lot of people believe in a God, you know, whatever religion it may be, but they believe in a God. A lot of people will say, hey I'm going to be into fitness. There is a very, if i dedicate a year into fitness, I'm doing that five days a week.
01:00:56
Speaker
I know about what my result will be. I know if I dedicate into, my business, I know what that result will probably be. If I do that nonstop for a year, for those who are struggling a little bit more on the faith side,
01:01:10
Speaker
What is something that you think or what is some advice you would give that person to help them jumpstart that doubt or the questions they have or whatever it is to make that also just as important as their fitness journey, their business journey, so that as a whole, that person is becoming better overall.
01:01:28
Speaker
Yeah. um So I would say, so you're talking about somebody who's maybe open to it and, but is, is on a ah very basic level, but just doesn't know where to go from there. Exactly.
01:01:39
Speaker
Okay. ah So I think that what you do a little of consistently, you will eventually do a lot of. And so I have clients who are sort of all over the spectrum. Some of them are like very committed Christians.
01:01:53
Speaker
They don't just go to church on, you know, Sunday. they They go throughout the week and they're they're active. They're growing, you know, love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control. They have the fruits of the spirit. And then I have people who are just like basic, like they don't even know, you know, they've never cracked a Bible at all. So what I always tell them is I have like a little bit of like a little, little template for, for taking, you know, 11 minutes.
01:02:21
Speaker
Okay. And so what I do is I say, um, I tell them to to ah say a little prayer and the prayer goes like this. It says, Lord, all of life is a gift.
01:02:32
Speaker
ah My life is a gift. Today is a gift. I dedicate this day to you. Help me to pursue my God given potential, not just for my own gain, but for the glory of God and the good of the world. In Jesus name.
01:02:44
Speaker
Amen. And then ah i tell them to get a little, you know like a little journal. And don't focus on a lot of scripture, just maybe a small passage and set a timer and literally set a timer for like, I don't know, two or three minutes.
01:03:02
Speaker
Doesn't have to a long time. And just say, Lord, open my eyes to your word and open my word open your word to my eyes. And I'm sorry, Lord, open me to your word and open your word to me.
01:03:14
Speaker
And so and just take a couple minutes and sort of reflect on it a little bit. And then I would say, write down one thing that one thing that you learned. and And once you do that, um just kind of kind of find what the call to action is in the in the in the passage.
01:03:34
Speaker
And when you're done, just say, right, Lord, going to say little prayer. You say a little prayer and say, help me to live this out today. And if you want to maybe you close in the Lord's prayer. Our Father in heaven, hallowed be thy name. god you know Thy kingdom come, thy will be done.
01:03:49
Speaker
So would keep it small, like 11 minutes. Maybe, I mean, it might not but amen right so i would keep it small like eleven minutes maybe i mean it might not even take you eleven minutes but that's that's kind of a ah structure that i teach people and just say listen Don't worry if you're fully engaged with it emotionally.
01:04:16
Speaker
Don't worry if you're done with it and you feel like, well, I don't know. Your job is to put yourself there. It's God's job to transform you. And so that's a, by the way, apologize for the ringing in the back. If you heard that. Was that a landline?
01:04:30
Speaker
ah Yeah. It's at my buddy. I'm going to have to give a hard time. I am so jealous. want landline so bad. um Alliance Realty in Manhattan, Kansas. And my buddy let me, let me use his office.
01:04:42
Speaker
But, ah but ah yeah, I hope that makes sense. But i just the again, to re to restate that just be consistent. Don't bite off more than you can chew. It is better, you know,
01:04:54
Speaker
I have a coach myself and she says, done is better than perfect. So don't feel bad if you can only give God two minutes, five minutes, 11 minutes. Start with that, be consistent.
01:05:06
Speaker
And eventually by the grace of God and your grit, What you do a little bit of, you will eventually do a lot of, and it will make your way into, by the way, that is how that is how dark forces work in our life.
01:05:19
Speaker
the The flip side is true. When we begin to let like cut corners a little bit and just do little things, what happens? Eventually it starts taking over our lives. Well, the good news is that that that is also the same principle when it comes to growing in faith, hope, and love.
01:05:35
Speaker
When you do a little bit of something consistently, you'll start doing it more and it'll start perman permeating every area of your life. It is true. That actually, so I'm not a drinker.
01:05:46
Speaker
And I remember part of it's just, I don't really like it. Part of it's it's not something I want to do for multiple reasons. But anyway, there was a youth group person when I was in junior high or early high school.
01:05:58
Speaker
And they actually said something kind of similar. And that was, if you never start doing it, you'll never become the alcoholic. You'll never become whatever it is because you've never actually started. So anyway, it's kind of ah yeah a similar mindset to that, but but I've always liked it. And it stuck with me for years that if you don't start the bad, bad, whatever, it'll never become a habit.
01:06:19
Speaker
So absolutely. So absolutely. Well, Vaughn, Um, what is, as we wrap up, what is something that we missed? What is a nugget of wisdom that I should have asked you and I did not ask you?
01:06:31
Speaker
So we talked about anxiety and, you know, you're working with contractors. That's the main focus of your business. Um, I have a couple of contractor, uh, friends and and clients.
01:06:44
Speaker
Um, none of them are even remotely lazy. They're the exact opposite. They're actually really, really hardworking guys, um, to a fault. And one of the things that I always tell them that that entrepreneurs really need to recover is the strategic importance of rest.
01:07:03
Speaker
Okay. People think that they're going to be successful by burning both ends of the candle by never resting. um You know, they don't want to rust out. So even on Sunday, they're working and I get it. I understand that there are seasons in life where you just have to do that more, or you might have a particular project where you just have to do that more.
01:07:22
Speaker
But the more I get to know people, the more I realize that this whole, I can't take rest um is really a choice. It's not a demand, it's a choice. And it's a choice that's rooted in them finding their self-worth in in running themselves into the ground. And I would say two things about rest. One of them's overtly spiritual. The other one is more of like a practical thing, right?
01:07:45
Speaker
Rest is an act of faith. When Moses came down from the mountain and said, you know, observe the Sabbath, and then Jesus expanded on that in the New Testament, rest is an act of faith.
01:07:59
Speaker
It is saying, I'm laboring for six days or, you know, six hours or 16, whatever. But I'm laboring, but I know that I'm not God. There is a God and I'm not him.
01:08:10
Speaker
So I am going to stop working. And when I stop working, I trust that God will work for me. Okay? I trust that I can take time with my family. I can take time in the morning with the Lord.
01:08:23
Speaker
I can take time on Sunday or whatever day of rest that i that i really need to prioritize. And I can trust that when I'm not working, God is. And another analogy from scripture that I always use is when the disciples, you know the ah big massive crowd follows Jesus and Jesus says, well, let's feed them. And they're like, what are you talking about? We don't have anything. He's like, well, what do you what do you have?
01:08:44
Speaker
Well, we have two fish and five loaves of bread. And what does Jesus do? He takes it and he multiplies it. I think that if you're a person of faith, if you're a follower of Jesus, you need to think in terms of my little effort.
01:08:59
Speaker
What's really going to make it successful is me just being faithful and God taking what little I have and multiplying it. And so don't ever feel bad about unplugging, walking away from work and and spending time with your family, spending time with your spouse, and just trust.
01:09:20
Speaker
That's an act of faith. When I'm not working, God is. And I trust him with the results. For those who are like, well, that sounds almost a little too faith-based to me, I'll say, well, okay, rest is also, it's not defeat, rest is also domination.
01:09:34
Speaker
It's an act of domination. It is saying, You know what? On a day-to-day basis, I have all these issues that are pressing upon me through my business. On a day-to-day basis, I have all these people clamoring for my attention.
01:09:48
Speaker
On a day-to-day basis, I have all this chaos that arises from the from the business. But guess what? This business doesn't run me. I run the business. And I'm the one who decides when to unplug and when I need time to recharge and renew myself so that I can't just work in the business, but I can work on the business, which is really, you know, you need both in order to scale, right?
01:10:11
Speaker
so So even if you don't buy the whole rest as an act of faith thing, it is an act of dominance. It is an act of saying, I'm in charge of my of my business, not the other way around. And so I think that's something that every entrepreneur, it's very often look ah forgotten, but there is a very, very strategic place for rest. Imagine ah NASCAR team and the car just always goes around and never pulls into the pit stop, what's gonna happen?
01:10:39
Speaker
It's not gonna win, right? It's the same way. i mean i have I have clients who have put themselves in the hospital for overwork or or anxiety or whatever.
01:10:54
Speaker
And like, I'm trying to be, so i'm i'm you're trying to offer some um humor to it. So I tell my buddy, I'm like, dude, you're a competitive guy. How's that working with you being in this hospital? He's like, shut up. And I go, let me tell you something. You can't win if you're dead.
01:11:09
Speaker
You can't win if you're dead. yeah So you're either going to take time to rest and renew and be time be fill up your own bucket and renew your own strength and your mentality and your mental wellness, or you're going to die. Yeah.
01:11:23
Speaker
No, I love that. And that and actually I think Noah and Annie both have heard this story, but I grew up on a family farm, faithful, faithful parents, awesome parents, and dad would never work on a Sunday.
01:11:36
Speaker
So yeah you could have a week in the spring or in the fall where maybe it rained all week and Sunday was the sunny day. i know dad wanted to be doing the farm because he needed to because it was the one nice day that week. but But I can tell you in the 20-some years I spent on that family farm, I do not recall one year where dad did not finish at the same time all the other farmers finished.
01:12:00
Speaker
I do not remember him being like, man, if we had just worked those Sundays, we would have been done before you know this weather hit or whatever. We always finish the same time. yeah you know I remember in the 80s when farmers, it was high interest and it was just a bad period.
01:12:14
Speaker
a lot of farmers went out of business. Dad didn't. you know So that was God's hand in that business. But also it was an important lesson for me growing up that God still had things handled. Dad still worked. Dad still did everything else that he needed to do.
01:12:28
Speaker
But he did trust that on Sunday, he could take that off. It was going to be okay. God had handled. But that was something for me that when you were talking about that, I remember that. And as I was growing up, I just remember like, man, I don't remember dad not getting done.
01:12:41
Speaker
Dad always got done. Same timeframe, all the other ones did. If you think of an average growing season or harvest season being probably eight to 10 weeks, that's eight to 10 days that dad missed because they were Sundays.
01:12:53
Speaker
Dad did not finish 10 days late. So, well, Brett, I mean, that's a great example.
Lessons from Business Models
01:12:58
Speaker
And if you, I mean, even from a business standpoint, if you look, if you figure in the fact that McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger burger King, they've been around so much longer than Chick-fil-A.
01:13:10
Speaker
um They have so many more stores and that, but when you figure that into it, the average Chick-fil-A ah franchise makes much more money.
01:13:21
Speaker
Chick-fil-A for its size makes much more money, even though they're closed on Sundays. Yeah. That's pretty one out of seven days that they're not even working and they're still killing it. So, yeah I mean, the market bears that out.
01:13:34
Speaker
Oh, yeah. ah Well, and I think it's important to take that day too, that that needs, there needs to be at least one day where you're at home leading your family. Like if you, if you are running a business and you're leading at work, you need to dedicate at least one day to leading so that your children see you leading in the home as well as leading out of the home.
01:13:56
Speaker
Yeah. Any closing thoughts, Anika? No, I feel like we could talk for another hour. Yeah, we may have to have you back. really enjoyed it. Thank you so much for having me. Yeah, Vaughn, it's been great. I had no doubt this would not be a great podcast. Well, you and I have talked on and off over the years.
01:14:10
Speaker
And it seemed like every time you speak, it's with a lot of depth. There's usually some, you know, just examples, ah stories. You tie everything together extremely, extremely well. so that's one thing I've always enjoyed. Even but back when you were on the MFCEO podcast, Andy's great, but i loved how you would chime in and really just bring some points home really, really well.
Book Promotion and Coaching Services
01:14:33
Speaker
And I need you to you a plug for your book.
01:14:36
Speaker
yeah Oh, yeah. It's called Sacred Drive. You can get it on Amazon. And, yeah, I'm happy. Anybody – I try to be very accessible. Like if somebody DMs me or something like that, I try to i try to respond well, too. So, yeah, would I would love it if people bought a copy or – um if If they want to get it for their for their company, they can DM me and I can get them author copies at a better rate.
01:15:00
Speaker
so But thank you. Yeah. As far as your coaching, where can they find you or connect with you there? Yeah. VaughnKohler.com. V-A-U-G-H-N-K-O-H-L-E-R.com. There's two main things. You can either just book a one-off you know ah session with me, or I also have like a four-month program that I take people through.
01:15:18
Speaker
Okay. I would like to do that. There you go. bring one off There's your first client. Yeah, absolutely. Through the podcast. What's that? So there's your first client from this podcast right there.
01:15:30
Speaker
Well, I'm happy to, yeah, reach out to me. I'm happy to yeah to to talk with you. So. Awesome. Awesome. Well, Vaughn, thank you so much. Guys, if you enjoyed this podcast, please share it. If you didn't, you don't have to listen a again. It's my fault.
01:15:44
Speaker
Yeah, it's Vaughn. It's your fault. But no, thank you for being on. Thank you for your time. Absolutely awesome podcast. Thanks. Thank you both. Really appreciate it. See guys. Take care. All right, Vaughn.