Transcript
Speaker: Just like butterflies, we actually go through the same process.
Speaker: We go in isolation, become that cocoon, reflect on ourselves and then come back with these beautiful wings, with these new personality.
Speaker: And a lot of the times people reach out to me in this phase where they're like, but we are feeling more empty.
Speaker: We are feeling more lost while we are doing this.
Speaker: But the point is that you're losing your old identity, you're losing your old thought patterns, you're losing your old, the people that you've connected with, the decisions that you've made.
Speaker: And you feel that emptiness because a space is being made for the new to enter.
Speaker: People who weren't my so close friends, even they started telling other people about my stuff.
Speaker: So now that was something that I thought, no, I don't think this is right.
Speaker: And I need something that helps me process my emotions better, helps me heal my traumas better because this is not a very sustainable.
Speaker: Why wasn't I happy if I was intellectually understanding, trying to understand everything and trying to make sense of everything?
Speaker: There was a missing link right in my life.
Speaker: And that was completed after I had the somatic experience.
Speaker: after I first experienced safety in my own body.
Speaker: I told them this is how I feel and this is how I want to feel.
Speaker: And I was willing to put in the work.
Speaker: But I don't think that's something I got after like my initial self-awareness and self-acknowledgement that therapy gave me.
Speaker: It was nice.
Speaker: Helpful for me to become aware of what I was doing through therapy, through mental therapy and break out of the repeating cycles, repeating toxic cycles that I was in.
Speaker: When it comes to somatic practice, one is breath work because I feel, I love to say that our breath is the biggest psychedelic drug in this world because until and unless you've, you know, once you experience your power of your breath and the breath work practices, everything shifts.
Speaker: So,
Speaker: Hi everyone, welcome to all new episode of Spirit Say.
Speaker: So today we're going to talk about healing and trauma.
Speaker: And I know those words, when you think about traumas, you think about somebody who's in the army and has gone through so much of bad experiences and...
Speaker: We think only those people have trauma, but traumas are also associated with small incidents that happen in normal people's life.
Speaker: If somebody just shouts at you, even then your nervous system gets dysregulated.
Speaker: And for a moment you think, yes, I have processed all that because I don't feel any emotions related to it.
Speaker: But actually, sometimes what happens is you push those emotions down, like deep down, and this still remains in your energetic aura.
Speaker: And sometimes it even manifests itself in terms of physical ailment.
Speaker: And obviously, we know that traumas affect our perception of reality anyway.
Speaker: our experience or quality of life anyway.
Speaker: So today I'll invite Ndriksha to talk about how traumas in normal human beings' life, like the small incidents that happen to us that we enter our life, how do that affect us and how do we heal from them?
Speaker: Yes, I agree with you when you say that when we hear the words healing and trauma, it feels very intense and heavy.
Speaker: And we are like we are not traumatized, but we all are.
Speaker: It could be we could be on different levels on the spectrum, but in some form or the other, we all have traumas that are dictating our life.
Speaker: And every decision that we are making today is because of whatever experiences we've had.
Speaker: So people generally think that traumas are like the big traumas, as you've mentioned, being in war, having a divorce, losing somebody, having experienced abuse and all sorts of things.
Speaker: Those are called the big T traumas, right?
Speaker: But at the same time, when you are being bullied in school or somebody calls you fat or ugly in school, or you have found it hard to make friends in school or your teacher put you down in some way, as a child, it sticks with you.
Speaker: And in no way can we monitor how an emotional reaction, how intense an emotional reaction can be and how deeply it can get stuck within us.
Speaker: A simple example that I love to give people is like your mom being a working mom, right?
Speaker: So she's or she's going to a market and you are alone, left alone in the house, of course, under the, you know, with some with some other guardian.
Speaker: But for a child who's like in, let's say, third grade, it could be a traumatic experience.
Speaker: Nobody's fault again.
Speaker: But the child could feel abandoned.
Speaker: The child could feel like he needs to people please.
Speaker: his mother he needs to grab her attention all the time he needs to do something to receive that love and attention and care and that when the child becomes an adult manifests in romantic relationships where we our perception of love is already set up while we were a child and we feel like this is a give and take thing we have to always make way for other people we always have to people please we always have to
Speaker: put ourselves behind.
Speaker: And that's how traumas play out into our life.
Speaker: And that's why we go deeper into inner child work and teenage work as well.
Speaker: Now, having said that, once you feel like once you come into an adult stage and you feel like, okay, you're not, you know, something is stuck in your life, you're feeling just like lost and blah, and you don't know where to start your empowerment journey, but you want to do something about it.
Speaker: That's when we start a healing journey and our empowerment journeys, right?
Speaker: So the first step towards healing is bringing in that consciousness, which is very important, bringing in that self-awareness where we identify who we are as a person, we peel the layers of our personality, of our life events, everything that you've experienced up until this moment, everything you've been through, your lifestyle, the decisions you have made regarding your careers, everything.
Speaker: the relationships that you've had, be it platonic or romantic and all that sort of stuff, we start to detect all of that and identify that.
Speaker: That is what the self-awareness phase is.
Speaker: And after that, we kind of see what needs to heal and what might be restricting you from living your best life.
Speaker: And that's when we go to the shadow work, which we'll discuss today.
Speaker: Shadow work, shadows are basically the unconscious parts of us.
Speaker: that are leading our life.
Speaker: So it's like this iceberg.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So this is the sea level.
Speaker: The upper part is our conscious mind, which is we become conscious like, OK, I'm getting a little triggered at this moment.
Speaker: I should do this.
Speaker: I should do that.
Speaker: You take therapy.
Speaker: You do all sorts of things consciously.
Speaker: But in actuality, your subconscious, the greater part is beneath the surface level, which we cannot even detect.
Speaker: Like as a normal human being, you won't be able to ever detect.
Speaker: But sometimes you're feeling jealousy, right?
Speaker: We become jealous of our own friends, let's say.
Speaker: And we're like, so why are you jealous?
Speaker: And you're like, I don't know.
Speaker: And then we go deeper into it.
Speaker: Like, think of it for a while.
Speaker: Why do you think you have this uncomfortable feeling for your own friend?
Speaker: And then we go deeper.
Speaker: Like, they did that or they were laughing out loudly or they were showing off something that made me feel uncomfortable.
Speaker: And then we go like, okay, what was it about that that made you uncomfortable?
Speaker: They were just doing a normal thing.
Speaker: They were just happy in that state.
Speaker: And you're like, but I don't do that.
Speaker: I would never do that.
Speaker: It's show off.
Speaker: And that's a kind of a link to what you need to heal yourself.
Speaker: That's where we ask you that, okay, is there a part of you that wants to laugh out loud as well?
Speaker: Is there a part of you that wants to play that wants to sing that wants to dance?
Speaker: freely as well.
Speaker: And that's where we identify the link that we might have shunned that part of us in some form as a child, which is showing up today in the form of envy, in the form of jealousy.
Speaker: It's a little example of how things work and how our traumas
Speaker: dictate, start to dictate our adult lives, right?
Speaker: And one thing I'll mention separately, it's like something that I figured out and that I also teach people.
Speaker: When you are in this journey, there comes a phase where you start to feel numb, you start to feel
Speaker: empty, right?
Speaker: And you're like, okay, I'm doing the work.
Speaker: I'm shifting my lifestyle.
Speaker: I'm taking the supplements.
Speaker: I'm drinking more water.
Speaker: I'm trying everything consciously to be a healthy human being.
Speaker: But there is something that is missing.
Speaker: And more and more I'm into my healing journey, I'm feeling more and more empty.
Speaker: And people generally start to
Speaker: lose themselves out in this phase.
Speaker: And a lot of the times people reach out to me in this phase where they're like, but we are feeling more empty, we are feeling more lost while we are doing this.
Speaker: But the point is that you're losing your old identity, you're losing your old thought patterns, you're losing your old, the people that you've connected with the decisions that you've made, and you feel that emptiness because a space is being made for the new to enter, right?
Speaker: So that space has to be honoured
Speaker: And I tried skipping it in my own life where I was like, okay, you know, what do I do?
Speaker: What do I have to do next to like a better lifestyle change needs to happen?
Speaker: But the thing is, our body looks for sustainable healing.
Speaker: Our body needs that resting period.
Speaker: That is what we call sacred pause in spiritual coaching.
Speaker: So that sacred pause where your body is trying to cope up because at an intellectual level, we are kind of figuring out the plan.
Speaker: We are figuring out what went wrong in our life.
Speaker: But our body needs to recover.
Speaker: Our body needs to process that trauma slowly and completely for us to have sustainable healing, long term healing, right?
Speaker: So our body walks, comes slowly, and our mind is at a faster pace, right?
Speaker: So that stage comes where you feel very empty, but that is just your body and mind trying to
Speaker: experience peace and healing for the first time and trying to accept that phase right and after that we fill in with the with other good things about who you want to be what are your dreams what are your passions different affirmations different practices and then we fill in the good stuff after we've honored the sacred pause so this is something like a little extra that I add on but this is the gist of what happens in a coaching container in the healing process where you bring in the self-awareness and then
Speaker: you bring in the shadow work together.
Speaker: Oftentimes, like it's easy to kind of go through small little things.
Speaker: But when you see that there is something deeper that might get up, there might be something intense, an intense emotion and intense experience.
Speaker: It's very important that we establish safety with the practitioner because we can go down that rabbit hole and we can be in that unstable position to handle our own healing journey.
Speaker: Yes, yes, I totally agree what you said just now.
Speaker: And especially about, you know, feeling that numb kind of emptiness.
Speaker: And I can tell you, I felt that especially during my first spiritual awakening.
Speaker: I feel like the first spiritual awakenings are the hardest when you are self-aware.
Speaker: And now everything's gone down and everything because your whole foundation is broken, right?
Speaker: It was weak.
Speaker: It was so weak.
Speaker: So you have to break everything that was on top of it for that weak foundation to build it up stronger.
Speaker: So that first one was very intense.
Speaker: After that, you kind of get a grasp of it.
Speaker: Okay, I know these are cycles, you go through them.
Speaker: But I am not sure if you can relate, but what I went through during my first spiritual awakening was I was really burnt out.
Speaker: All I wanted to do was get rest, you know, sleep, because all my life what I was doing was just going out, hustling, going to school, coming back home, doing, doing, doing, doing.
Speaker: and at this point in time my body was craving that rest and that hermit mode i wanted to be in isolation i wanted um i mean i wanted to hang out with my friends have fun because i had this fear of missing out as well but what my body was craving was rest um was isolation to just be there with my thoughts and uh create who this new person or is going to be when i come out of this cocoon
Speaker: So just like butterflies, we actually go through the same process.
Speaker: We go in isolation, become that cocoon, reflect on ourselves and then come back in this beautiful, with these beautiful wings, with these new personality.
Speaker: And that time when you are in that cocoon is very hard, is very lonely.
Speaker: um but um i'm sure if you ask for help if you need help a lot of people are willing to give you that we have spiritual coaches we have therapists that can help you um even your friends but um adiksh i would like to add something about friends you know where my healing process started so um
Speaker: When you're young, you obviously don't know because we are not taught how to regulate our emotional system and nervous system.
Speaker: So the only way for me to so-called heal myself was to rant.
Speaker: So that was something I used to do because I felt so overwhelmed.
Speaker: So I just used to get on a
Speaker: the phone with my friends or anything and rant about all my problems.
Speaker: So there were two things that were happening.
Speaker: One, obviously they were feeling very overwhelmed because they had their own problems and now I was trauma dumping on them.
Speaker: And secondly,
Speaker: people who weren't my so close fans, even they started telling other people about my stuff.
Speaker: So now that was something that I thought, no, I don't think this is right.
Speaker: And I need something that helps me process my emotions better, helps me heal my traumas better, because this is not a very sustainable, as you said, we need something that's more sustainable, that's more long term.
Speaker: This is not a very sustainable thing to do.
Speaker: So
Speaker: Then at that point of time, I started doing my research and then I came across all this spiritual tools and spiritual breath work that we can do to regulate our emotions instead of just trauma dumping.
Speaker: Yes, I get that.
Speaker: And coming to like the sleep thing that you mentioned, it was the exact question that I was about to ask you right as you were speaking.
Speaker: Because when we start our healing journeys, our body craves healing.
Speaker: lot of sleep and we need to give it that rest.
Speaker: We need to give the right nutrition, the right time for the body to actually process and heal that.
Speaker: And I've been through that as well.
Speaker: I think first or second years of college, I was sleeping a lot.
Speaker: My body was craving that because I was making space in my mind to process everything and my body was naturally craving the sleep.
Speaker: But you know, when you're sleeping, even then you have this guilt that, oh, I'm not doing enough.
Speaker: I'm sleeping.
Speaker: And then there are these outside voices.
Speaker: How much you're going to sleep?
Speaker: You are so lazy.
Speaker: Why don't you go out and do something?
Speaker: So it makes the whole process harder.
Speaker: Like, I know I have been sleeping, but it's for a reason.
Speaker: So just let me process.
Speaker: Let me be on my own.
Speaker: So yeah, that was something a bit hard to navigate because I was in a very emotionally volatile place.
Speaker: And if somebody is coming and just saying these things, it's really hard to not, you know, just snap at them.
Speaker: So that was something I'm not sure if you can relate to that.
Speaker: Yes, I can as well because I remember I was still taking up different projects to kind of make up for that guilt that when I was back in my room, my body was craving sleep a lot.
Speaker: So I was making it up, trying to like make up for the guilt by taking up more projects while I was in my university.
Speaker: But like having said that, let's dive into how our society puts so much of...
Speaker: importance to our mind, which is okay.
Speaker: Our brain does a lot for us.
Speaker: It even numbs out parts of our life where we have suffered something great.
Speaker: So oftentimes, I don't know if you have this experience, but I have like some of the times from my past, I have blurred memories of it.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And I feel I used to feel sad because the happy memories were also in a blur.
Speaker: Because our brain tries to protect us because there has been something heavy that has been going on and it numbs that out completely for you to be saved, right?
Speaker: But your body stores it.
Speaker: Your body has all the emotions still inside of it and that keeps on coming up in your life ahead until it is deeply processed.
Speaker: So I want you to go ahead and kind of touch upon the mind, body and spirit connection together and how everything is connected.
Speaker: So first of all, when you said, you know, the blur thing, I would like to add something.
Speaker: So something I did because I am a certified overthinker.
Speaker: So if the memories were blurred, what I used to do was make thousands of scenarios in my head so that that blurred part can get, you know, something that blank space can get, you know,
Speaker: reaction or a scene there and if i didn't go ahead and do that i would be so anxious so my brain used to find new things to um torture me as that's how we go into victim mode exactly so that's the thing you know sometimes the brain controls us but
Speaker: it's up the part of our body so we need to like shut it down and control it and tell like you are just a tool and i'm going to use it for my betterment not my um not my doom but yes as you said um body and mind um connection so um you know after so much conditioning we forget that our body also has innate wisdom it uh has the ability to tell us what's good for us and what's not good for us but
Speaker: uh since the beginning since we are born uh we are told that this is how you live life so you eat three times a day every day but our minds are so conditioned that what we don't realize is every action or everything in environment gets a reaction from our body so if you eat a particular food your body tells you how they how it feels about it is it good even if you just think about so if i think about
Speaker: uh eating fries and burger right now i feel sick because i know that's not really nutritious for me right now but before i used to eat because that was something fast foods for something fun fast food was something everybody was eating and then even if a particular person you're hanging out with someone and after that you feel really uh drained that's your sign to that's your body's uh
Speaker: body's way of telling you that you need to set boundaries.
Speaker: So everything, every scenario we are put in, our body tells us what to do, but we are so conditioned by our mind that we don't even realize it.
Speaker: And I was also doing this for the longest time.
Speaker: I was so prone to like emotional eating.
Speaker: So my body was just telling me it's anxious because of the exam.
Speaker: And I used to calm myself down with eating and stuffing myself.
Speaker: So after my awakening, I started listening what my body actually needs.
Speaker: If it's anxious, I would ask it why.
Speaker: Why is this happening to me?
Speaker: Am I scared because of the exam?
Speaker: Am I not prepared?
Speaker: And then take the route which I think is the best for my...
Speaker: to ground me which are now my healthy habits um so yeah um i think um that a lot of people don't know how body and mind and your um spirit are connected because um even people who go to the gym they are very surprised uh when they get to know that um your gut is connected to your skin health which i actually thought was a very um common perception but it's not so
Speaker: It's very rare for people to know that your physical ailments are also due to your emotional, even if you have back pain or you have like neck pain, it's the stress that's stored there.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: Something I now do is if I'm feeling really nervous, I'm at the office and it was a really stressful day.
Speaker: So when I come back, I do some shakeups so that I don't store that trauma, even if it's just like dancing on good music or whatever.
Speaker: So that it just, I'm able to release that and you actually feel better.
Speaker: If you are aware of how your body feels every day, you will realize how much better you feel.
Speaker: I also got my sister onto it and she also feels so much better now.
Speaker: So, yeah, I think this is a topic a lot of people should be introduced to.
Speaker: And once I told somebody in my family, I had all this list, you know, if you have this, this, this emotional trauma, it manifests...
Speaker: in this way so yeah it was triggering from there for uh for them um on that day and we had a big argument or big debate about it but then eventually they realized it themselves and they were like yes it does happen in that way
Speaker: Yes, I agree.
Speaker: Everything that we have, like we have dark circles, we have gastrointestinal problems, we have so much going on in our body.
Speaker: And everything is because of different emotions and different points of our life being stored.
Speaker: And not just like...
Speaker: I would say not just like at an emotional level, but oftentimes the beliefs that we have, the subconscious beliefs that we have, because of those things also, we have the physical ailments going on.
Speaker: So everything is like deeply interconnected.
Speaker: And yes, we forget like our body...
Speaker: actually has the first experience of life, right?
Speaker: We feel like we are overthinking, we are having anxiety, we are having fear, or happiness, or whatever form of things that we are feeling.
Speaker: But in reality, our body is having the first hand experience, our bodies then sending the signals, the all the jitters, everything that we are feeling.
Speaker: up towards our mind so like the butterflies in our tummy blood rushing to our cheeks the happy things and then the sad things where our body is shrinking we are getting goosebumps we are getting fearful our body is shrinking and expanding and everything is then being sent to the mind and mind acts like a simple computer a translator making it converting it into words for us humans to understand right and oftentimes we kind of uh
Speaker: feel like mental health issues are all here but then we fail to realize that we've been ignoring our body's signal for so long and it is getting overloaded the mind is failing to kind of process everything because we've been we've been pushing our body's sign for so long right and then our mind is getting overloaded so we are getting mental health issues our body is getting overloaded so we start to store different traumas in different parts of our body
Speaker: And for us women, the biggest emotion and I have that as well.
Speaker: The biggest emotion that we suppress is anger, right?
Speaker: And then it's shame because of how the world has been.
Speaker: And our energy center is actually the womb space.
Speaker: For men, it's our third eye.
Speaker: So it's also like when we meditate, it's often said that just focus on your third eye area.
Speaker: But oftentimes, if you are a woman, you
Speaker: You got to focus on your womb space because that is our intellectual center.
Speaker: That is our intuitive center.
Speaker: And if you have problem of like doing meditation, try out focusing on your womb space.
Speaker: That is where all of our traumas are stored.
Speaker: Most of our traumas are stored, not all, let's say.
Speaker: But most of the traumas are stored in our womb space.
Speaker: And for men, most of the traumas are again, as you mentioned, are stored in the lower back.
Speaker: in the spine on shoulder like the spine is the center where things are stored because they have like the pressure of world of providing and all that being the man of the house and all of that gets stored in the lower back in the spinal region so this is to say that you know you have to be we have to start developing and understanding when our body is trying to communicate what is happening and what is required where should our attention go
Speaker: and whenever you're having any intuitive thoughts whenever you're feeling something try feeling it into your body and only then will we be able to uh like put it out of our system right we as you mentioned that you are you love to shake uh that energy out of your system i do that as well so shaking that energy out of your system this is like a simple example but then when we go to somatic healing somatic experience and for me
Speaker: I think I when I first heard the term coach, and I was like, yeah, it fits.
Speaker: I don't like labels, but the but the coach was fitting to who I was.
Speaker: And I felt like I'd be a great mindset coach, because I've been like self coaching self educating myself.
Speaker: But then why wasn't I happy if I was
Speaker: intellectually understanding trying to understand everything and trying to make sense of everything there was a missing link right in my life and that was completed after I had the somatic experience after I first experienced safety in my own body that's where the two came together and that's what you know brought in the blissful experience but
Speaker: that's what somatic experience does somatic coaching does that's finally um i would like to add something to the feminine part the womb part you know um yes our body tells us everything but for women it's very obvious in the sense how your menstrual cycle is and i did not realize it for the longest time that your menstrual cycle is really um a sign of how your body is taking in all the nutrients is it uh getting the nourishment at once is it getting the
Speaker: Care it wants is your body intuitive.
Speaker: I used to have the worst periods ever.
Speaker: And I didn't realize that it was all connected to me rejecting my feminine.
Speaker: We'll come back to it later in detail.
Speaker: But yes, to everyone out there, your body's wisdom, your menstrual cycle, your womb's wisdom is really important.
Speaker: Listen to it, see, track your cycle.
Speaker: It really helps in the long run.
Speaker: yeah and I'm sorry I forgot where you left off I got carried away I left off at the somatic experience yes even I took some somatic healing classes or like
Speaker: sessions because I did go to therapy when I was in university so it was like university provided therapy I didn't feel um as seen or not I wouldn't say seen but as understood as I want as I would like to be because I was willing to put in the work and I was I told them this is how I feel and this is how I want to feel
Speaker: And I was willing to put in the work, but I don't think that's something I got after like my initial self-awareness and self-acknowledgement that therapy gave me.
Speaker: It was nice.
Speaker: And you know how we live in cycles.
Speaker: So our life, we actually live in cycles.
Speaker: So when we heal ourselves, we...
Speaker: we start a new cycle so it was really helpful for me to become aware of what I was doing through therapy through mental therapy and break out of the repeating cycles repeating toxic cycles that I was in but after a point in time I was not able to go further as you said that was because you were not feeling safe in your body because you were ignoring the other aspect the body and mind the body and spirit aspect of healing so that's when I even I tried um
Speaker: Somatic healing.
Speaker: So for me, I get very vivid dreams as well.
Speaker: So sometimes my subconscious heals itself through dreams.
Speaker: I mean, that is the thing, but I have not looked deeper into it.
Speaker: But I have been told that your subconscious, when it needs to heal some trauma that you are not doing when you are awake, it does when you are in that sleep state of sleep.
Speaker: So some I did in that way and some I worked with a coach.
Speaker: to heal two or three things that I wasn't able to process on my own or I wasn't able to accept on my own and they were still that they were still affecting me so that was really helpful for me to not only realize but to release it in just like in the span of few minutes or hours which is amazing so there has not been a somatic healing session where I haven't cried because it's such
Speaker: a nice experience that you find in letting go.
Speaker: But yeah, I would, if you can, you should try somatic healing.
Speaker: Also, when I started getting trained before that, we were, we had to go through our own experience of somatic healing, right?
Speaker: So when I started going to those sessions where other people were guiding me through the somatic practices, it was uncomfortable.
Speaker: I was like, they were like guiding me through the meditation through the breath work practice.
Speaker: And in my mind, I'm like, okay, why do we have to hold this breath for so long?
Speaker: And I need to like, no, no, no, what next?
Speaker: What next?
Speaker: So it took me a couple of sessions to finally get into my body and be into that experience.
Speaker: And yeah, from then on, it's been a beautiful journey.
Speaker: I agree with you when you said like a therapy, a talk therapy can only take us so far.
Speaker: And because it works with the conscious mind and because it is great for the beginning healing stages.
Speaker: So if you've never done the work yourself, that is when you need to go to the talk therapy.
Speaker: And work with a therapist who makes sense of what has happened with you, why you are the way you are, why you had the experience and what all shaped you to the person that you are today and everything that the conscious mind, like consciously you make sense of your entire journey of your entire personality.
Speaker: But there's a reason why traditional therapy is popular yet is failing because after a certain point of time, you do need somatic experience to come into play.
Speaker: Because after a point, if you keep on going to the talk therapy only, it strengthens the trauma because you are revisiting the stories, you are revisiting the traumas.
Speaker: And some people have gone through really intense experiences, really intense pain, and it is futile to
Speaker: kind of revisit that pain revisit that situation again and again and again because it reaffirms it uh you know everything becomes permanent for you and you start to live with that identity forever you know so a lot of people can go to the traditional therapy for longer periods of time without bringing in the somatic coaching experience they feel no kind of benefit they feel no uh
Speaker: betterment in their life instead they fall deeper into their patterns they formed fall deeper into the victim mindset because it is reaffirming it's restoring the pain permanently in our mind right and that is where the somatic practitioners need to come in and get that trauma out of your system you do not have to revisit the trauma again and again and again to actually
Speaker: go further into your healing journey you can do that without revisiting and for that you need uh somatic yeah yeah and also as i said uh somatic exercises they work great so um even if towards the end of day you don't want to meditate there are a couple of exercises you can do just lying down on your bed to just you know release the stress of the day so that it's not permanently stored and it's great
Speaker: So I think we are living in a time where all of us or I would say all of us are living with a dysregulated nervous system because of the fast paced life that we have today, because of the hustle culture, the go go go mentality, the go go go life that we have today.
Speaker: And I want to bring in some of the nervous system aspects in today's conversation as well, because you understand that our nervous system is dysregulated, right?
Speaker: Even when you are out with your friends, you want to check in on your mobile phone.
Speaker: Even if you are going out to nature, your mind is somewhere else overthinking, you have thoughts running around.
Speaker: So you're not allowing your nervous system to come into a calm state.
Speaker: So our nervous system like spikes, whenever there is an exam coming up, there is an event coming up, something that needs to be done, there is a spike.
Speaker: Our sympathetic nervous system is activated and you need a good amount of stress.
Speaker: But then after the task is done, our nervous system should be coming down at a relaxed stage, right?
Speaker: Which is the parasympathetic nervous system.
Speaker: But we don't allow that to happen, right?
Speaker: We've never trained ourselves for that.
Speaker: The world...
Speaker: Moving at such a pace is not allowing us that.
Speaker: And so our nervous system is at an agitated state forever.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And it becomes hard to actually experience calm, actually experience satisfaction and fulfillment and calmness in our life.
Speaker: And that's why we need to activate and do practices, the somatic practices.
Speaker: I'd love for Mania to discuss some that she follows.
Speaker: For us to bring our nervous system into a calm state, into a balanced state where you're training your mind to, and like a straight line of the nervous system is like when we are dead.
Speaker: So we do not need our nervous system to be calm always.
Speaker: You do need a good amount of stress, but you do need the spike to go down as well and then get recharged and get relaxed and then come up again when needed.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So, Mania, let's go ahead and discuss some of the practices.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, before I discuss what practice I use, I also would like to visit an example from my past.
Speaker: So, you know, I used, as I said, I used to overthink a lot.
Speaker: I'm a certified overthinker.
Speaker: So once what I thought, what I was stuck on was I was at my friend's place and I had to buy some donuts for my sister.
Speaker: So I was sleeping over at my friend's place.
Speaker: And the next day when we were, so she lives in, she lives outside,
Speaker: a little outside there so when i was coming back i forgot the box there and for three days and i could just think about how i could have done things differently how could i've changed it i changed my action so i could have got the box for my sister so i was just stuck on that and i was not living in the present so i wasted three days of my life just thinking about how um
Speaker: I could have changed the past.
Speaker: So you can't change the past.
Speaker: You can't change the future.
Speaker: All you can do is live in the present.
Speaker: So that's the first, um, thought or first fact that you have to be comfortable about that.
Speaker: What you have is right now, and that's all you can change.
Speaker: And that's all you can, um, experience.
Speaker: And then the practices come in play.
Speaker: So for me, the first thing that really absolutely helped me was, um,
Speaker: burning out energy so i figured out that i had a lot of energy uh this stuck energy in me so anger as you said like girls don't process anger so um i um what helped me was running so obviously movement 30 minutes a day is a very important um thing for uh to regulate the nervous system but for me it was like running at a very high pace so that i could process that um energy that anger had um
Speaker: that unprocessed anger had in me.
Speaker: And then the second was creative energy.
Speaker: So I had all these ideas that were going on in my head that were making these noises that were making me overthink
Speaker: So what I did was just write them down on a piece of paper.
Speaker: Just writing, journaling, not thinking about what's happening, not caring about grammar, my writing, whatever, just putting them out on a paper.
Speaker: And if need be, burn it.
Speaker: But if need be, just putting it there and maybe later making it up in a story or just...
Speaker: sharing it in a podcast as your past experience so there was a lot of experience a lot of unused ideas that I had and that I had to put in paper and obviously other kind of creative energies like dancing for me it was also acting so that grounded me that helped me process all these unprocessed trauma that I had in me
Speaker: And lastly, I would like to add, like, obviously, there are more, I'm sure you're going to share it.
Speaker: But for me, it was also music, because a lot of people have this perception, like, why are you listening to sad music when you're sad?
Speaker: Why don't you just listen to happy music, so that you can just change your mood and be happy.
Speaker: But the thing is, I don't want to change my mood, my motive is to process the trauma and release that emotion.
Speaker: changing mood doesn't mean that you're okay changing mood just just means that your sadness is now stored in your body so listening to music that helped me cry that helped me release the trauma um is uh was something that did um helped me with my um distracted nervous system and yes i would also like to add that crying doesn't mean um that you are weak um
Speaker: because I cry a lot even if somebody shouts at me I cry because I don't want to you know take that in and turn life so everybody has always seen this as being weak so I was uh talking to a friend of mine from school the other day um then he told me that yes uh they didn't cry in like 10 years or something so I was like that I don't know why boys think that's a flex but they do um
Speaker: Then I said that's not healthy.
Speaker: I used to cry all the time.
Speaker: Who cares?
Speaker: And even in school.
Speaker: So he said nobody thought that you were that's why nobody thought that you were strong.
Speaker: So I was like, I don't want anybody to think I am strong.
Speaker: I know I am.
Speaker: And it's not about going to war with somebody if they think I am strong, only then I'm strong.
Speaker: And plus, even if you're going to war, obviously, your enemy is going to underestimate you thinking that you're not strong.
Speaker: But actually, you are just a secret clue.
Speaker: But yes, crying doesn't mean you're weak.
Speaker: It just means that you're processing your trauma.
Speaker: And that's a mindset shift we need to have to go on with our healing journey.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: I think crying actually fastens my process.
Speaker: Because the sooner I'm crying, the sooner I'm over.
Speaker: Like, even if it's like a silly thing.
Speaker: But like, if I'm crying, like, for a good five, 10 minutes, it could be a very silly thing.
Speaker: But then just I'm over it.
Speaker: And if I'm not, I'm storing it in and it's getting built up, right?
Speaker: I have very basic things to share.
Speaker: I think two big things that are coming to my mind when it comes to somatic practice.
Speaker: One is breath work because I feel I love to say that our breath is the biggest psychedelic drug in this world because until and unless you've you know, once you once you experience your power of your breath and the breath work practices, everything shifts.
Speaker: So go on and find out whatever there are.
Speaker: There are so many hundreds of different breathwork practices.
Speaker: And once you get in touch with your breath, so much of oxygen is flowing.
Speaker: So much of things are unraveling.
Speaker: You make so much of space within your body.
Speaker: You're calming down your nervous system.
Speaker: And it's really helpful in your healing journey.
Speaker: A daily practice does wonders.
Speaker: And the second thing again, which I had already mentioned, I think in the first video that we shot was about gratitude.
Speaker: And I said I started the consistent practice in 2018, I think.
Speaker: But I remember like even before that, when I've had dark times and I'm like, I had a breakdown and I'm watching the ceiling, trying to sleep after some time, I would be like, I don't know, after five minutes or five hours, who knows?
Speaker: But like after some time, it would be like I'm still alive.
Speaker: I'm still breathing.
Speaker: I still have my brain, my heart.
Speaker: And nobody has snatched that part of me.
Speaker: So and plus like this universe is like we have oceans.
Speaker: We have mysteries of the universe.
Speaker: We have so much going on and everything.
Speaker: There has to be reasons for things happening and all of that.
Speaker: So in those moments, I never realized.
Speaker: I didn't know the word gratitude back then.
Speaker: But then, you know, gratitude practice, but I was into that process of acknowledging what was it that I had in that moment of like, where I was like, this is finished, this is done.
Speaker: Even in that moment I had, and that made me like, calm down and that made me sleep eventually.
Speaker: So what gratitude practice actually does is because when we are at our lowest, when we are struggling, we have a narrow perception of life, a narrow perception of us.
Speaker: But in actuality, the life is big and actually you are safe.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: There is there is a life is big and there are things going on around you.
Speaker: So what gratitude forces you to do is it pushes you out of your narrow perspective.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: It pushes you to acknowledge what are the things that are actually going right.
Speaker: And then it trains your parasympathetic nervous system to be activated and to feel a little sense of calm.
Speaker: So constant practice, constant training does wonders for our nervous system.
Speaker: And then there are like so many other practices like journaling, affirmations, being in nature, warm baths, so many things that we can do on our own to activate our parasympathetic nervous system.
Speaker: I love baths, you know, I don't know, I just have this affinity towards water.
Speaker: And if you go to
Speaker: near any ocean or any water bodies I have this my heart lights up and I just feel my soul is clearing and same as with when you have like a yagya or a havan at home or you know that fire is burning it's like cleansing your soul you can feel it it's amazing
Speaker: Sometimes I just feel like I can't ocean, you know, take me in.
Speaker: And I don't know.
Speaker: I'm just very fascinated by oceans.
Speaker: Anyway.
Speaker: You're a cancer baby.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I have a lot of cancer placements in my jar too.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay, so let's shift the gears into the spiritual aspect because we've talked a lot about nervous system, about the logical aspects of a healing journey.
Speaker: How has your spiritual inclination helped you in your healing journey?
Speaker: Let's touch upon that.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So first, spirituality made me realize that I am not the only person in the equation.
Speaker: There are a lot of things in the equation that contribute to my healing.
Speaker: So I would point it out as me, my practices, the actions that I'm doing and the environment.
Speaker: So the people I'm hanging out with, things, places I'm in, even your home environment.
Speaker: So if you grew up in an environment where, you know, everything was very, you had to be on your tiptoes and you have to adjust to everyone's emotions.
Speaker: Obviously, that anxiousness, everything comes naturally in your life.
Speaker: behavior and your personality.
Speaker: So that's how spirituality helped me become aware of things.
Speaker: Even when I tell people that I'm spiritual, like most of the time their answer is I don't believe in supernatural things.
Speaker: Like spirituality is kind of out of the world juju.
Speaker: But it's not.
Speaker: It's as simple as, you know, seeking the why simply about being aware of things that are happening to your body, to your mind or around you.
Speaker: And just healing your body, mind and spirit so that your perception of the world becomes better and you come closer to being your higher self and your higher self being a person who...
Speaker: is full of love and does everything out of love and self-awareness and so spirituality has helped me a lot with all these things with bringing out my authentic self with bringing out that this healing or service that I'm doing is not for me is not something that I want in return it's something for me to give to the world to the community and
Speaker: So spirituality has helped me in those when obviously I can't discredit that spirituality has given me meditation as well.
Speaker: So that's one big thing that I have incorporated in my routine to help me with my healing.
Speaker: And apart from practices, I would say I'm more objectively aware of my actions and others' actions.
Speaker: So like in...
Speaker: A normal scenario, if I were hurt, if somebody hurt me, I would get closed off.
Speaker: I would turn off my heart, turn off my emotions because now I'm stone cold.
Speaker: Now I don't feel emotion.
Speaker: Now I'm emotionally unavailable.
Speaker: So I'm like this cool person hanging out in the world.
Speaker: And spirituality helped me realize that that's not at all true.
Speaker: If you are numb, if you don't feel emotion, doesn't mean that you are this...
Speaker: a higher being actually what um a higher being is is somebody who's out uh who acts out of love even when they are hurt even when somebody um does bad to them even then they keep their heart open and act out of love so i think uh because hurt people obviously hurt people and
Speaker: this one thing that I don't hurt people.
Speaker: I'm not a heartbreaker.
Speaker: I'm a heart healer.
Speaker: I help me so much in my healing journey as well and in my acceptance of my emotions and my loving nature.
Speaker: So yes.
Speaker: What about you?
Speaker: How did you incorporate your spiritual principles in your healing journey?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Firstly, I'll say the thing that you mentioned about shutting down.
Speaker: I think that that's one of the responses that we have towards trauma that is like that fits might fit into freeze and fawn.
Speaker: You might have heard about fight or flight.
Speaker: I think those fight is like my main.
Speaker: But for you, it could have been like freeze and fawn in those moments.
Speaker: But back when we started having those responses, they were there to save us because certain situations might have happened in the past.
Speaker: But today it also restricts us from living our best life.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And we got to heal those responses.
Speaker: We got to go to the roots of those and heal those deeply.
Speaker: And that can be done.
Speaker: For me, I think my spiritual connection has been my biggest anchor.
Speaker: Even before I knew like different modalities, I was doing things unconsciously.
Speaker: For example, you mentioned dance, getting the energy out of your system.
Speaker: I never knew that it would, it was helping me back when I was dancing constantly.
Speaker: It was helping me to kind of...
Speaker: And get the excess energy out of my system.
Speaker: So I was doing it unconsciously, but it was helping me out in some way.
Speaker: But I think my biggest anchor again has been my spiritual connection that I started developing very inflow in like my darkest moments, things happened.
Speaker: And I started questioning, I started having conversations with God.
Speaker: And I started feeling like there has to be reasons for things happening.
Speaker: And yeah, so I think that has been...
Speaker: From there on it has grown and no matter how much I say I've learned things which are helpful they've helped me process a lot of things but I feel like my spiritual inclination my spiritual connection would definitely be at the top of my list.
Speaker: when it comes to my healing journey because it has given me the greatest strength, the greatest healing.
Speaker: And I have come from a place of hoping that things would be right, hoping that I would not be sad, hoping that I would not be in a dejected, depressed state to knowing that God has my back, the universe has my back.
Speaker: And if it can happen for me, it can happen for other people as well.
Speaker: and all sorts of things so yeah I always I've always put my spiritual connection as the biggest thing in my own healing journey yeah it's you know it's so surprising and so um
Speaker: Nice to see how universe sends you messages.
Speaker: So when you're healed, you can recognize these little messages from the universe.
Speaker: As you said, that you talk to God, it starts talking to the universe.
Speaker: And when you heal, you realize that it does talk back to you in science and similar.
Speaker: I think that really fascinated me.
Speaker: Like every day I see that and I'm as surprised as I was when I first started to do that.
Speaker: Like, how are you doing this?
Speaker: I even remember like first I would be like and in the in the very very beginning stage right so I would be like angry and sad and whatever why me why me what I have I done to deserve this and then I'll be just like of course there's no reply back that is coming but then I'd be lying and it would be like okay you wanted mental strength you wanted to be a strong person right you wanted to share love so what else did you expect to have on your plate and all sorts of things
Speaker: And I'm replying back to myself.
Speaker: So it was also funny.
Speaker: Yeah, it's like a random thought popping in your head.
Speaker: And that's for me, that's actually like, where did this come from?
Speaker: Obviously, that's like somebody talking to you.
Speaker: I can totally relate how that conversation goes.
Speaker: And
Speaker: one time one second you're questioning and the other second you just you got the answer uh on your own so yes and um also um i would like to just highlight something as you said why me why me so some of the things that one should avoid during doing during healing journey is as you said the victim mindset as you already explained and also um you know sometimes people um
Speaker: help other like empaths they like helping other people they like listening to their problems they like taking care of others but please don't overdo yourself if you feel like you don't have any more to pour your cup is empty just
Speaker: step back and ask them politely that maybe today you won't be able to help them and try to fill in your cup first.
Speaker: There is a possibility that they will get triggered and I have experienced that before, but if you ask them politely, they will understand eventually.
Speaker: And the second, don't use these therapy sessions as a way of escaping from your own healing or your own problems because a lot of people
Speaker: indulge in others, probably try to solve those so that they can just avoid diving into their shadow self.
Speaker: Also, addiction is something I've noticed and it was very surprising to me that
Speaker: People don't want to accept their shadow self.
Speaker: People don't avoid accepting their flaws, which is also a shadow self, which is very important in healing.
Speaker: Self-awareness is good, but then it comes acceptance that, yes, I have these good qualities, but I also have these bad qualities.
Speaker: So, don't go down in a spiral just thinking that, yeah, these are my bad qualities, I'm a bad person.
Speaker: No, you're not.
Speaker: There is duality.
Speaker: Everything exists on a spectrum.
Speaker: So, there are extremes and then there is a middle point as well.
Speaker: keep that in mind when you are doing your shadow work and your healing journey going on your healing journey this was reminding me of the other aspect of when people are trying to superficially accept their shadows and they're like i am like this because of what has happened to me and because like other people have done me wrong this is
Speaker: who I have become and now the rest of the world has to deal with it.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So I have seen a lot of people who get addicted to that phase where they like the therapy was trying to bring in the self-awareness of how things have happened for us.
Speaker: For them, and they can begin their healing processes.
Speaker: But then instead of going into the healing processes, they kind of step, they kind of stop at that phase, where they're like, this is just who I am.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So that can go to the wrong side as well.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And the people pleasing thing, I can relate to that because for me, I have blurred the lines.
Speaker: I still count myself as a recovering people pleaser, not a recovered pleaser.
Speaker: Because at times like, and the biggest marker could be like, if I'm helping out people.
Speaker: I'm doing it out of my will.
Speaker: I naturally want to help people.
Speaker: But why is it that I'm turning resentful by helping people?
Speaker: Because that is my natural desire to do that.
Speaker: And that brought me the realization.
Speaker: And also another realization was that people-pleasing...
Speaker: And narcissism is kind of on a similar track where narcissism is taking on a more toxic, clever, cunning tactics to mold the perception of other people.
Speaker: And people pleasing is trying different aspects, different techniques to mold the perception of other people towards themselves.
Speaker: So when I heard that, that was the first like an eye opening moment for me that I am trying to in some way more the perception of other people towards me.
Speaker: I'm trying to kind of influence their perception of me, you know, that is what people pleasing is in reality.
Speaker: And that made me realize like, for example, we had this podcast, so I've already committed to you that we'll be recording today, right?
Speaker: And I have a WhatsApp message from my cousin and I have a call from my friend who wants to meet.
Speaker: And there's like a couple of DMs that I've gotten for some help.
Speaker: And as a people pleaser, I would like ditch whatever my prioritized commitment was.
Speaker: And I would go and do and would...
Speaker: except everything else that was going i would reply to the whatsapp i reply to the dms and i'd also be willing to meet with a friend but that would be like they could be in a very uh
Speaker: They could have been in a very, I would say, normal stage where they just wanted to meet, where they just wanted to win.
Speaker: And it could have been postponed.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So now what I started practicing, like in the beginning stage and what I do today as well, I take a moment and figure out if there is like something more important that I have already committed to.
Speaker: What are my tasks of priorities for the day?
Speaker: The DMs can wait, my cousin can wait, and the friend can be met another week as well.
Speaker: You just reply back to them, say, tell them that, you know, you'd appreciate to meet them because you have next week because you're having a busy week.
Speaker: This time you're having a busy day.
Speaker: And simple things with straightforward communication, with a little open communication where you explain people nicely of what the exact situation is can make life easier.
Speaker: And you can easily, for me, I can easily help out people when I try to create the balance and not self-sabotage and self-sacrifice.
Speaker: You know, this scenario that you explained exactly what happened to me yesterday.
Speaker: So I had a very busy day, as you know, I had a lot of chores planned and I had to do the podcast as well.
Speaker: And a lot of things, but somebody texted me to go out.
Speaker: So obviously I said, as a recovering people pleaser, it takes strength.
Speaker: and my sister's support to say no.
Speaker: To say no.
Speaker: So I explained no I cannot because I, first of all, it's very late in the night and I have a lot of things to do and I have a schedule that I need to keep up with and I have to wake up early to do more chores and things.
Speaker: And I have to be in the right mindset for that.
Speaker: But the thing is, then they spent three hours trying to convince me.
Speaker: So my pleasing personality kind of gave in.
Speaker: And obviously that triggers this anxious thing in me that I am trying to set boundaries so firmly, so politely.
Speaker: but the person on the other side is just not understanding where I'm coming from yeah but I'm not gonna say I didn't have fun I did and I'm grateful for everyone to make that a nice time but as somebody who has a lot of difficulty in setting boundaries I
Speaker: I get very anxious when I say no and after somebody pushes me a little more.
Speaker: So if you have committed, I think sometimes I do that as well.
Speaker: Healing is not a linear process.
Speaker: So two steps forward, one step backward.
Speaker: So I try to be in that, like if you've committed to if you have then decided that you'll go out for dinner, right?
Speaker: So our mind is like anxious because you want to work the next day as well.
Speaker: But what I try to do if I have like made plans in the evening with somebody and I have a busy next day, I try to bring my focus to what I have now committed to.
Speaker: So like, because if you're going to think you will not be able to enjoy the dinner as well.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: So one thing, a little like awareness that I bring in that if I've now made plans, I would fully enjoy and I would think of the work the next day.
Speaker: Yeah, that's a nice advice, actually, where sometimes a little flexibility is good.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay, so any like, we can move towards our final thoughts.
Speaker: It's been a good podcast so far.
Speaker: Yeah, I think I just would like to recap things that people should keep in mind your actions you're taking the self awareness that you have and your environment energy and listen to your body like how your body feels.
Speaker: These are the most important things that you should do while in your healing journey.
Speaker: Keep in mind
Speaker: There are three parts of you, spirit, body and mind, and then go from there.
Speaker: Yes, I think my final thoughts, one thing that is coming to me is that it's not about living horizontally, milestone, milestone, milestone, but rather than living vertically and deeply.
Speaker: And for that, you need to
Speaker: like go within go deeper down your emotions to actually raise your vibration you have to go lower down to your deepest lowest emotions yeah and because present moment is all that there is the past is where the depression is the future is where the anxiety is all that we have is the present moment and you have to
Speaker: get your past uh processed so that your present and your future doesn't get dictated don't get dictated by it and your decisions your perception your life don't have a filter of your past wounds and trauma true and you got this and last thing i just um
Speaker: Had a thought in mind that I would like to add.
Speaker: Healing knows no age.
Speaker: So don't be like, oh, I am 40.
Speaker: I can't heal.
Speaker: I can't change.
Speaker: What will I change?
Speaker: It's not like that.
Speaker: Try and heal.
Speaker: Try and change.
Speaker: Evolve.
Speaker: Don't sit in that mindset that because I'm of a certain age, of a certain gender, whatever, I can't heal.
Speaker: That's not true.
Speaker: So yes, happy healing, I think.
Speaker: Happy trauma working.
Speaker: Work through your traumas.
Speaker: And we are always open in our DMs.
Speaker: So if you need any help, any more guidance, Antriksha takes coaching and you can message her.
Speaker: And I'll also add one of the healing videos.
Speaker: I just remembered I uploaded some time back, but it's a nice beginner's guide.
Speaker: So I'll link that below as well.
Speaker: Okay, then.
Speaker: Have a good day.
Speaker: Bye-bye.
Speaker: Bye, everyone.
