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Living A Life of "Yes": Lauren Debayle
78 Plays15 days ago
In this conversation, Lauren discusses her own homeschooling experience, her grief journey, challenges, and the importance of community support. We delve into the impact of grief on motherhood, the flexibility of homeschooling, and the significance of living a life of 'yes' in honor of loved ones. The discussion emphasizes the need for grace, understanding, and the ability to adapt in the homeschooling journey, encouraging parents to find their unique rhythm and community.
Podcast Intro Music: Good Company
Transcript
00:00:08
Speaker
Are you considering homeschooling but don't feel qualified or don't know where to start? Are you a homeschooler and feeling lost or just need some encouragement? This podcast is for you. My hope is that through everyday homeschooler stories, you will be encouraged, inspired and empowered to and in your homeschooling.
00:00:35
Speaker
I want to thank my friends and fellow homeschoolers, Cole and Lindsay Novak of Good Company, for allowing me to use their song to be here now. You can follow them on Instagram at music.goodcompany, their podcasts,
00:00:58
Speaker
I'm so honored to share today's guest with you. Lauren is not only a graduate of homeschool herself, but so is her husband, and now she is momma to three girls who she is home educating. She's also one of the most authentic and transparent people I've ever known. Today, she will share her own homeschooling experience, her grief journey, and how she takes homeschooling one day at a time.
00:01:24
Speaker
Her love and trust in the Lord pours out through every word she speaks. I have no doubt you will be blessed and might need some tissues. We will need grace during today's episode as her loquacious nine-month-old joined us. As I'm sure you models can surely understand. So, without further ado. la Hi! How's it going? Good. So we have A visitor with us today, we have here nine-month-old Tatum. So if you hear her in the background, anything, any noise? Blame it on her.
00:02:00
Speaker
So, like I said, here do you have Tatum, who's nine months, and you want to tell us anything else about yourself? Yes, so I am married to Ben. We have been married, it'll be 10 years, August 1st, so celebrating a big anniversary in a month. And I have three girls. I have Ella, who's almost eight, Scotty, who's five, and Tatum, who's here.
00:02:23
Speaker
Nine months, and we're done. done three and Done, three girls. Yes. And that's fun because you had three, you had two sisters. Yes, I'm one of three girls, so it's fun. I know what I'm doing-ish, kind of. it So, you guys, you're my best friend. and We do a lot of stuff together, and um One of the things we love to do together is work out all the time. Maybe not all the time. Maybe just laugh. So but you might find us laughing and making jokes, and you're just going to have to know handle that guy. Bear with our humor. It sounds like we don't like each other, but we really do. and We love each other so much. Yeah. So um let's go into your school experience, like what you were homeschooled and talk about that.
00:03:14
Speaker
Yeah, so crazy enough. Thanks, Tatum. Both me and my husband were homeschooled all our schooling years. And I had a great experience. I loved it. And I think it was easy for us to decide to do that for our girls because that's all we knew. um I loved it. I mean, my mom did a great job. I call her all the time because I don't know how she did it now that I'm in this new era of homeschooling. ah But yeah, I mean, we I think our experience was a little different. We did co-ops and so it gave us kind of a school feeling of going to school two times a week. You have homework and then we would um have our other subjects at home, but I know some people have mixed emotions about being homeschooled, but I honestly just have positive experience of it and so I'm
00:04:05
Speaker
Wanting to create that for my girls, and I hope they enjoy it as much as I did Because I really did have a good experience growing up being homeschooled all the way through what do you feel like stands out most to you about your home school I Mean I I think just having my mom having the flexibility to Two things, I think the flexibility to help us actually learn and I know there was math was kind of a subject that I struggled in. And so it was nice that I didn't have to rush through it and just.
00:04:39
Speaker
you know, hurry up and get through the subject. If I wasn't getting it, we could pause and stay on that and make sure I understood it. So I like the flexibility of homeschooling where you're not just trying to get them to pass. You're wanting them to actually grasp what they're learning and understand it. And so I appreciate appreciated that from my mom, but also just the time that we could travel and we could still do school. And I remember just going to museums or doing different things and going to co-ops with other homeschoolers and you're still learning but it's different than what you know public school education looks like and so I just really enjoyed having I have both of those memories as probably the top memories of that
00:05:24
Speaker
Yeah, I love that what you said about like taking the time to get some really grass something instead of just moving on. I think that's something that's a huge problem in the school system, not to the fault of the teachers. The teachers can't help that they have to move on. Yeah. I think that's just like a very special thing about homeschooling that I enjoy. Yeah. And something else that you got to experience in your homeschool experience was getting to play sports competitively. Yeah. You want to talk about that? Yes. That was another thing I did love.
00:05:54
Speaker
Both me and my sisters, Jamie and I played basketball. And, you know, it started out just kind of like a casual, oh, let's do this. You know, let's see what it's like. And then the more we played, we got more competitive. And then I switched teams to a more competitive team in Houston. And so we were playing.
00:06:10
Speaker
public schools and private schools, it wasn't just home school teams. I mean we were playing 5A, 4A and I played against girls that ended up you know at Baylor University or big colleges and so it was a great experience. I learned a lot um about myself playing sports but I loved it a lot and I really did enjoy that and I hope my girls get to experience that as well.
00:06:35
Speaker
Yeah, I think that is something that we haven't even found yet here yeah in our area and I think that is a really cool opportunity for you to get to experience and competitive sports that and are like truly competitive because there are a lot of homeschool leagues that are not competitive. They're just kind of rec leagues, but that is fun and casual. And I will say my coach that I had my last two years, I mean the, my coach, when I first started playing, they were great, but my coach that was on the really competitive team, I mean,
00:07:10
Speaker
he instilled a lot of character development things in the team. It wasn't just, okay, we're here to win. I mean, he took the time to teach us things and it wasn't just all about basketball. And so I appreciate looking back that, wow, he took a lot of time to invest in all of us girls that were on the team and not just, we're here to win and play play games. Like, no, there was a lot of other things besides just playing the sport, so.
00:07:38
Speaker
Where do you feel like your community like where you got your best friends your community from was it it makes a mix of basketball and the co-op? Yes, I feel like my whole life it has been I have groupings of people so I had like my dad worked at a church So I had my friends from church that I grew up with and I had my homeschooling friends and then my basketball friends and my co-op so I feel like I had like clusters of all kinds of groupings. And still to this day, I feel like yeah I'll meet new people and it's through this thing and then this thing. And I'm like, everyone merged together. We're all going to be friends. You kind of have to, because it's not like I met just one group of friends somewhere. It's a variety. so
00:08:22
Speaker
Yeah, I've like that being friends with you notice that you're really you're you've and maybe this is your experience of having homeschool and having different groups of friends that you do a really good job of integrating people and like making sure that like everybody can know everyone and feel and feel comfortable and confident around many people yeah that they don't know because you're like you are definitely the type of person that is They're my friend, and they're my friend, and they're my friend, so. Everyone, let's just be friends. Yeah, and i but I feel like that's really good because I feel like we can compartmentalize too much where we're like afraid to integrate friend groups. you know Oh, these are our church friends. and Oh, this this is our small group. you know and it just it's It is kind of a toxic thing when you think about that because you're just like,
00:09:14
Speaker
Well, if I love these people and I love these people I can't these yeah people I can't I have them all together way I don't need to like have a separate party for people that are different or something. Well, that's where I also learned a lot about my friends. I was, if I had a birthday party, I was like, okay, everyone's invited. And then if y'all don't get along, I don't know if we're going to be friends. Like, cause I need my friends to just get along and meet new people. It's not just, let's stick to these five people. It's no, these are the people I love in my life. So get to know each other and love each other. And it is like even my wedding, you look at my pictures and I'm like, Oh, I know that person from this, this, this, and this. And then they all are friends and got to know each other. So I love that.
00:09:54
Speaker
And what is even crazier that you didn't even mention, you did mention that Ben was homeschooled as well, but you played basketball with his sisters. Or, yeah well they played volleyball. Volleyball. In the organization. So I had met them years before I ever met Ben. And it yeah, we looked back and it's just like, what the heck? I knew your so it's fun. Pretty wild. It is.
00:10:23
Speaker
So you were home, you were both homeschooled. So it wasn't a question as to if you were going to homeschool or not. Yeah. I don't, I, the other day we were talking or Ben was talking to someone and he was like, I don't even know if we would know how to like, that was us. Yeah. Oh yeah. Register our kids for a school. Like we don't even know the process of that because we've only known homeschooling in that world. Yeah. And we love it. I mean, people make jokes.
00:10:48
Speaker
How do you make friends? And I'm like, I actually have a lot of friends. Yeah, you do. You really do. You're more social than anyone I know. So is my husband. I mean, he has a lot of friends as well. Yeah. So we just, everyone makes jokes that we should have a consulting firm for weddings because we've been to probably 40 plus weddings. Wow. Dating, married, all that. Wow. But but it's fun. Yeah. Enjoy it. So what did you do after um you graduated?
00:11:18
Speaker
Yeah, so that was probably an area in my life where I started experiencing a lot of insecurity. um I mean, I think you have insecurities so growing up, but I can say I don't feel like I had to walk through as much insecurity and I think being homeschooled did help because you're not exposed to a lot of peer pressure.
00:11:40
Speaker
um I mean, you have that, but I would say I just didn't ever really have that. But when it came to graduating and then it was like, okay, so what are you going to do with your life? And people are asking, I started stressing and just feeling like, I don't know because my mom will tell you ever since I was little, you know, if someone asked me what I want to do, it was, I want to be mom.
00:12:01
Speaker
and I love that but then the older I got it started being like my biggest insecurity and I just I felt the pressure of okay well I need to find something to do so what do I want to do but that's where my parents did a great job.
00:12:17
Speaker
They didn't force us to go to college right away. I mean, they encouraged me, if you're not sure, just take a year off and get a job. I mean, it wasn't like your home and just hanging out. It's do something, make money, you know do something with your time, and pray about what it is you want to do, if it's something you want to do, or do you want to start something? I mean, they were just very supportive and encouraging us of not just going to college, just because.
00:12:44
Speaker
And so I appreciate that about them because it was very stressful. So I mean, I nanny full time and I had a year of just kind of figuring out what what are my passions? What do I enjoy? I'm not dating anyone. So it's not like I'm getting married anytime soon. So I need to do something. So eventually, because I love sports, I started looking into being a physical therapist assistant. So I was going to go to PTA school.
00:13:10
Speaker
So I started the process of that. And while I was going to school, that's when I actually started having some health things. And so I was losing weight like crazy. I couldn't eat. My stomach hurt just drinking water. I mean, people even thought I had an eating disorder. And if you know me, I love food. Like I will not skip a meal. And so it was very discouraging. It was, I mean, it was a good couple of months of, you know, doctor's appointments. My mom taking me and we're trying to figure out what I have. Never could get a clear answer. And then after realizing, you know, I don't think I want to pursue PTA school. I think I'm just doing it to say I i have a degree and I'm doing something with my time. My parents just encouraged me to, if that's not what you want to do, like just step away, Lauren. And so,
00:13:59
Speaker
When I made the decision to stop going, I had the most peace I've ever felt. And then it was my health stuff just started to kind of go away. It was like the Lord was like trying to get you to be like, this isn't what you're yeah supposed to do. Oh, for sure. And then it was shortly after that is when I met Ben.
00:14:18
Speaker
and then you know we start we dated for a year, got engaged, married and so I feel like I follow the steps I felt like I was supposed to take at the time but I listened to the Holy Spirit and I've followed peace and I'm glad I did because I think my life would have looked a lot different if I forced something just because I felt like I needed a degree and you don't, so. No, you don't. Yeah. And I'm so glad I don't have debt just because I felt like I should have done it. I feel like your parents, especially because of the age that we are, are like our generation,
00:14:55
Speaker
There was so much pressure to go to university and you have to know what you want to do and you have to go to university. If you don't get a degree, then you're going to fail in life. You know, you're not going be able to get a job. And I love that your parents didn't listen to that outside noise and just stayed grounded. And what is true is. You don't have to have a degree. There are plenty of things that you can do yeah that don't require a good degree. and And the fact that you truly wanted to be a mom, it's like, well, then why not just do... You know, you worked, you, you know, you didn't do nothing, yeah you know, but you, you waited for the Lord to give you a husband and and then he did. Yeah. And even the jobs I got, I mean, even though they were basic level entry jobs, I mean, they were jobs I still shouldn't have gotten because I didn't have a degree.
00:15:50
Speaker
And it was, my dad has always said, you know, it's your character that outweighs your degree and it's how you treat people and, and. that's the biggest thing and I feel like every job I have gone it's because of just how I talk to them and how I respect the people and even Ben I remember the first job he was like write them a thank-you note after your interview and they said that was the reason they hired me was because I took the time to say thank you Wow and I was like wow I mean little things like that do impress people it's not about oh here you go here's my
00:16:22
Speaker
diploma and here's all that I've accomplished right because you could have that and not be someone with character and great qualities. I mean so I feel like I've always tried to focus on how I treat people and how I talk to them and it's more about relationships more than I got a degree and I don't. So yeah. So we're going to step into a hard place for you right now um because right as you were a newlywed and all of that, you're, you're experiencing that bliss. Something tragic happened in your life. Yeah.
00:16:57
Speaker
Yeah, so we were 10 months into marriage. We had just moved to Dallas. I mean, we got married, went on our honeymoon, moved to Dallas literally two days after coming back. Um, and 10 months in, we got a phone call from my dad. Well, my husband got a phone call about my sister, my middle sister. So I have two older sisters. I'm the youngest, Brittany and Jamie. And we got the call that Jamie was in a car accident and died. And so that was definitely one of the hardest times.
00:17:32
Speaker
I look back and i I always thought I didn't have a testimony because I haven't walked through a lot of things in life and I thought you had to walk through hard things but then looking back my testimony is God has protected me from a lot and I turned I shifted my perspective of my testimony as actually my testimony is that thank you God that you have protected me from not having to go through things and so I feel like Jamie's death was the first time it was okay, everything you've grown up believing, do you believe it now? And so it really was a test of my faith of just, okay, you've always said I'm a good God. Do you still believe that? And I definitely had questions and I've definitely had to have some hard conversations with God and just life of, okay, why, why do you do that? But I have,
00:18:24
Speaker
I've had my moments, but I would say that I've remained faithful to him in the midst of that. And I think it's just the family I grew up in. I mean, my parents, they're amazing. I don't know how they walk through this losing a daughter. Now that I'm a mom, I always think back like, how did y'all do this? I mean, I don't, cause I didn't have kids at the time. I didn't have any children when she passed. So I feel like once I did have my first, it was a whole new level of grief of just realizing Oh my goodness, I can't imagine losing my child. yeah ah But you know it it has its moments, but I have tried to remain somewhat positive and you know like feel the things I need to feel, but always, it's never affected my relationship with God, I would say. I've had questions, but I have not turned away from Him. Yeah, and like that is like,
00:19:23
Speaker
trying to fight back at some tears right now, but they, so I don't get sniffly on the podcast. But um I, I know that, you know, you had to jump into um like, that was a newlywed years. You were still trying to figure out marriage and figure out um all the things that that comes with. And then, and then you become a mother. And how would you say that The death of your sister affected your motherhood, especially in the early days. It it has been interesting. i I grew up with parents that I never really saw fight or, I mean, they'd have disagreements, but never raised their voices at us.
00:20:06
Speaker
it Her parents are in incredible, just so you know. And they're not perfect. They will admit it. but That's why they're incredible. I look back and I'm like, I was very blessed because I have a relationship with them. And so I think then me becoming a mother, I just assumed, oh, it's going to be like this. It's going to be easy. And like, oh, yeah.
00:20:27
Speaker
and then motherhood hits you and you're like, okay, this is not how I expected it. And then you add a lever, a level of grief. And I think I always try to do, I try not to blame things. I will take the blame more than, you know, pointing to grief and saying, okay, grief is causing this. But just recently I've been doing counseling and kind of talking through grief and all that. And I think the biggest thing I struggle with is just anger.
00:20:55
Speaker
and which is something that can be caused by grief and I hate blaming it but I think it's also giving my myself grace of you have walked through some hard stuff and it's okay and I'm gonna be better but I would say anger has just been something I've really had to work through in motherhood of just being short and you know it's I thought I was gonna be this super patient mother like my mother was and I don't know how she did it because there are days where I'm like I feel like I failed today but I'm gonna try it tomorrow and tomorrow's a new day and it's it's it's hard there are days where I just you you have to get yourself out of bed and I think honestly having Ella at the time I did
00:21:43
Speaker
was God's way of just keeping me from not being depressed and not getting in this place of, I don't want to get out of bed. It gave me purpose and it gave me something to wake up to. And so I think obviously God's time is perfect and and it was, but with that also comes new things that I'm having to navigate and try to walk through as a mother. and so It's an ongoing process, grief. And so every day I'm trying to navigate and do better, but I'm getting there. No one's perfect. And so I'm just learning to give myself grace in seasons where I feel like I'm not doing the best that I can and not blaming it on grief, but realizing this is, this does play a part.
00:22:33
Speaker
And it's okay to allow myself to kind of give myself grace. Cause I don't do that a lot. I'm very hard on myself. And allow and allow yourself space to, to process yeah and allow there's, I mean, we, we go to the gym together. We have, yeah you know, we get that, we get that break that two and a half hour break, um, where we can talk or we can be silly or we can do whatever we need to do to shake the things off of us. And I think,
00:23:02
Speaker
that, um, I've seen that that's been helpful for you in your grief journey and just like getting that, just allowing yourself space instead of feeling like you always have to be that on mom. Yes. Yes. Because you can't, when you, when you're walking through something tragic, even though it happened, I mean now nine years ago, um, it still is,
00:23:29
Speaker
When you've lived most of your life with your sister, now you're navigating life without her. it is not It's not easy. And then even trying to share her with your your children as well. yeah um You do such a great job at keeping her alive. um yeah And your tattoo is dedicated to her. yeah And I would love for you to share that because I feel like this really ties into um like the way you're walking out yeah um life through this grief is based off of like what how how she lived. Yes. So at her service, first of all, we called it a celebration of life because we obviously were morning and sad, but she lived a great life. She lived a life doing all the things she wanted to do. I mean, she traveled the world, she did photography and so
00:24:18
Speaker
as much as everyone was sad we were celebrating the life she lived because it was such a good life and so the common theme at her service was just she lived a life of yes and she said yes to God and she would meet people in their grocery store and next thing you know she's going to their house and it's like an older woman because she met her at the grocery and she's helping her cook or having dinner and she just never was afraid of just new things. And so her life was just, I'm going to say yes to God. And she, it was yes period because there was no question mark. There was no comma. It was, if God's calling me, I'm going to say yes. And so that was the common theme that the pastor that spoke
00:25:02
Speaker
was saying about her and so a group of people just that resonated with him and they were like do you want to get a tattoo and I don't have any and I was I grew up in a a culture where it was like you don't get tattoos and all that so I was kind of like oh my gosh I'm gonna rebel I'm 25 years old and oh my gosh but I really did think about it. It wasn't out of emotion you know which you don't want to make big decisions after grief but I really did think about it and for me it was this is a challenge for me because she did live this way. I can't say no because I have it on my wrist and so
00:25:39
Speaker
if there are areas where I don't want to be stretched and I feel like God is telling me to do it and I want to say no I kind of look down and I'm like okay well you kind of have to say yes because you have it on your arm but also if you're feeling like God's telling you to do it that means you need to and so I've just tried my best to live a life of yes and just not putting God in a box, in my box of what I want to do, it's no, you kind of have to get uncomfortable and do things that you don't enjoy, but usually there's a reason and a purpose and so that's just kind of how
00:26:19
Speaker
we're wanting to live our life and teach our girls to live of just following after God and what he has in store for them and saying yes. I love that. Yeah. I love that so much. So you said you're going through counseling. Is there anything you else when you have those like swings of intense grief happening where it just really hits you, um especially around her, the anniversary of her passing and her birthday. What are things that you do? Like what are,
00:26:47
Speaker
either there are rhythms in your day or there's something that you go do, is whether it's counseling, whatever it is, what is it that you do on those in in those intense days? I think it changes each time. I mean, I think there's times where I have to kind of push it to the side because I'm in the middle middle of motherhood. But for the most part, I kind of let myself just feel the things because I do think I shove it down so much just with life that if I just need to sit there and I need to look at pictures of her to help me go there emotionally and just feel the things and have a good cry because I don't do it a lot I will or sometimes I'll go back and watch her service because as hard and as it is just hearing the stories that were shared and just seeing pictures and videos it just
00:27:38
Speaker
It kind of helps me to go there emotionally because I think I have a hard time allowing myself because I feel like, oh, my girls are here. I can't, you know, break down and cry.
00:27:49
Speaker
right But there have been times that I do and Sweet Ella will come in and she'll be like, are you thinking of Jamie? And I'm like, yes. And she'll give you a hug. And she's so sweet. And then you have Scotty who's just black and white. And she's like, why are you crying? um But she she can be so sweet. I'll tell her and she'll give me a hug. And so I think it's good for them to see that because it gives me an opportunity to talk about it.
00:28:15
Speaker
and I mean even recently I saw a car accident and I came home just like completely triggered and crying and the girls were like what's wrong and instead of trying to protect and hide them from it I just was very honest of you know it was hard seeing that it reminded me of Jamie and it just it made mom sad and it just brought memories back and they but they I think it was good because they just kind of were like oh okay and they gave me hugs and just were being so sweet and so I think from it's trying to find a healthy balance of talking to my girls about grief and Jamie and
00:28:53
Speaker
what that looks like, but also protecting you know their sweet, innocent minds from a little bit. um But just even yesterday, my counselor was trying to encourage me moving forward with anniversaries of You know, she asked me, what did Jamie do? And I always just said, Jamie was generous. She was always thinking of others. And so she was trying to encourage me of maybe next anniversary or her birthday, you know, instead of it's good to sit there and think about her, but maybe pay it forward. Cause if that was what Jamie did, you could do that. Whether it's.
00:29:27
Speaker
you know, add a coffee line, pay for the person behind you or bake cookies and give it to someone and try to like shift that perspective of, oh, I need all the things to know. I want to give back because that was Jamie. And so we literally talked about that yesterday and I was, I was, I was like, no, that's really good because she did always want to think of others and do stuff. And so I think I appreciate when people reach out and you know you brought me red velvet ice cream it was her favorite flavor I those are sweet and I do appreciate that but I do want to start doing more of like pay it forward and acts of service to the people and do things that I know she would do and that's in honor of her legacy and then if you can share that with people and just say I want to do this because of my sister and
00:30:15
Speaker
It changes the dynamic of those days. Yeah. So I think moving forward, I kind of want to be better about doing that. So yeah, it's it's every day is different. I never know if I'm going to be OK if I'm not. And so I feel like I'm just riding the waves and kind of going with it and navigating each time.
00:30:38
Speaker
how I feel and just really leaning on the Lord. That's the only thing. I mean, that's the only thing I can do is just lean on him and trust that he's going to help me walk through it no matter what. Yeah. But the tools that you're able to give your children even through this, this is like a testimony that you do get to carry through and that it gets to be a part of their testimony as well. like Man, I got to see my mom cry when she was sad yeah and missing her sister. And it was okay. yeah Like, there's nothing wrong with her, there's nothing wrong with us. yeah mean it It's just, it allows... It's not the emotions. Yeah, it teaches them that it's okay to sit in those emotions and to feel those things. And um you're giving them that piece of... emotional intelligence because a lot of us don't experience grief until later in life, but you have the opportunity to experience it before motherhood yeah and continue to walk through it and it just um and so you just had to carry it through your motherhood and show them how you you can hold multiple things at once. You can be happy for the sister and that you had and and carry on her legacy and grieve be sad and then be happy and yeah you know, there's just it's just
00:31:52
Speaker
all of the roller coasters of emotions that comes with grief. yeah um and And even how you continue, you stick to your day. like I mean, if you need to take the day, it's like, okay, I'm gonna take some time and we're just, we're going to take time, but then.
00:32:15
Speaker
oh So starting out, um with your homeschool. So, Ella is in second grade. Yes, she'll be going into second. I can't go into second grade. And Scottie is going into kinder, kind of. yeah Not really, but I mean, not really. So, explain your homeschool style. Yeah, I would say it's very laid back.
00:32:44
Speaker
I also think and I do think this is where grief can play into it because I still feel like my mind can be cluttered of just everything going on and so for me I'm not at a place where I can do a lot of Like every time I see your your post and all the things you do, I'm like, oh, that's awesome. I wish I could do that. I just know right now, I know my capacity. So right now, I mean, we're doing the good and beautiful and I've loved it because I need someone to give me structure. I need someone to tell me what my lesson is and how, how I'm supposed to do it because I just can't, I don't have
00:33:21
Speaker
capacity to look at a book and pull things from and say, Oh yeah, let's do this. And these are the questions I'm going to ask. And I think it's okay. I mean, I know it can be a little insecurity of mine, but I'm also like, well, I know my limits and this is what I'm going to do. And this is the season we're in. Maybe down the road I can get to that, but it's okay. And it's okay to know what you can and can't do.
00:33:46
Speaker
and So I've loved good and beautiful for us. It has been great. Ella has really enjoyed it We'll see what Scotty's, you know style is once we get to school with her right now We're not really doing a lot. I don't really want to force it because it would cause more arguments, then you know actually enjoying it I want her to kind of approach me and even the past couple months, she's started wanting to learn how to write things. And and and so I'm trying to follow her lead rather than force her to, okay, we're sitting down, do this. Cause that's not fun for anyone. And so I'm just, I'm learning the healthy balance of being flexible, but also having structure. And I think that's where good and beautiful has just been really good for us of telling me exactly what I need to do.
00:34:33
Speaker
but then I'm open to learning new things. And I feel like I learned a lot from you and other people in our groups of just asking questions about, well, what subjects do y'all do or what curriculum and just, I'm open. I feel like that's just me. I mean, I like the things I like, but I'm also never opposed to learning new styles and things. And so I'm flexible with some structure, I would say. I'm still learning, even being homeschooled. I mean,
00:35:01
Speaker
I had a great experience, and then turning to be the mom at homeschools, I'm like, oh, this is different, being the one to do it. I mean, it' I think I had these expectations of, oh, it's gonna come so easy, you were homeschooled. And then I started it, and I'm like, okay, this is different than what I thought. But that's okay, and I'm learning and navigating each year. I'm i'm basic i'm trying to take it each year of just, okay, if this works, this works. If I start to see it's not, then we'll,
00:35:30
Speaker
find something else and we'll find something that caters to Ella and caters to Scotty. And that's the blessing of homeschooling is you get to do that and decide what works for them and their style. And that's what I appreciated about my mom was just, she catered to us of how we learned like I'm tactical and I want to touch and see things. And so she would find a subject that I could do that with and find things where I would learn better.
00:35:58
Speaker
with tactical things and touching, and not just, okay, read a book, and because she knew it would not work, and I would get distracted. So, yeah, I'm learning. I'm constantly figuring things out. But we're doing it, and we are. It's just different than what I expected, so I have to lower my expectations of this is what I thought it would be, and it looks different now, and that's okay.
00:36:24
Speaker
not wrong it's not there's no perfect way that's what I'm learning there's not like a check mark of this is how you do it and this is how you do a ride it's each family is different and that's okay and we're all unique. Would you say the part of the hardest part because obviously homeschooling has blown up since you were homeschooling.
00:36:46
Speaker
And it is just such a different world. My mom's best friend that homeschools her kids is just like, oh my goodness, I'd be so overwhelmed if I was homeschooling today because there's just so much out there. There's so much to look at. It's just like, look at this shiny curriculum. Look at this shiny curriculum. Look at this shiny resource. All the accessories. Yes, it's a lot. So would you say that's part of the hard part is the fact that like you there is so much and then there are so many people doing different things. Oh yeah I think social media is such a blessing because you learn from all kinds of people and you see oh they're doing this or that and they have these accessories or these little knickknacks it's great but I also think it can be hard because then you can
00:37:27
Speaker
Reflect at yourself and think oh my gosh, I'm doing nothing or I don't have all this But not that that's a bad thing that they're showing it I think it's great because I have learned and you know bought things that they've posted because I'm like Oh, I've never thought of that. That's great but I think there is a healthy balance of you know, live within your, your limits. If you can't, that's okay. You can be creative with the stuff you have at home and it may look different than someone else's journey, but that doesn't mean you're less than like, you can still teach your kids with the little things you have around the house and rice and beans. And you can use that for tactical things.
00:38:06
Speaker
But I think it it can be hard when you see everyone's shiny things and you're like, oh, I want that. Oh, that's going to be $1,000 to make my whole schoolroom look like that. I can't do that right now. And it's OK. And I think just it it there is a lot of information. And so I think it's good to learn and always be learning. But also if you start to feel negatively about yourself and your homeschooling journey, then maybe you just need to create limits on who you're following and what you see in that season just to protect yourself because you're doing great like now you're doing great with what you have and that's amazing and your homeschooling which is hard enough and you made that decision to do it and so just keep doing it you're you're gonna navigate new things each time each year and each new season but don't get hard on yourself because you chose hard and so you're capable of doing it and God's gonna help you
00:39:03
Speaker
do it no matter what. If you're you you' following the yes that you felt to homeschool, then God's gonna walk you through that season despite what you thought it would look like versus what it actually looks like. It's so good.
00:39:19
Speaker
um I'm trying to think.
00:39:27
Speaker
You're talking so much and so well. like I'm like just sitting here like, who's doing the podcast? You're so great. um So is there any, like is there when you started homeschooling, having your mom at your fingertips and having her as someone who is a great sounding board, how much would you say that you like get to utilize her wisdom as far as like, what do I do? Yeah.
00:39:56
Speaker
ah Honestly, I feel like- Or do you try to do it on your own? I probably, well, I probably do a lot on my own. I feel like, I mean, you help a lot. I ask you a lot more questions. I think it's also different because back then there wasn't as much as there is now. So I feel like, and you're a researcher and you know all the things. So I feel like I probably come to you with more questions. I mean, I will ask her some things.
00:40:22
Speaker
But I probably go to her more for life and just every day like conversation of just hey parent like motherhood. How do you do this and things like that more than homeschooling not out of any reason just because. But you have you've had her example. Yeah. yeah of Like you know of of how I mean you got to.
00:40:44
Speaker
you got to live it out. And so you would say that you're your wisdom from her was more from a lived out experience. oh yeah And homeschool, I mean, how how involved is Ben in the homeschool? What is his role in the homeschool? Cause I know he is a researcher. He's very passionate about a lot of things. And so yeah he definitely is, he's a dreamer and he's a planner and he has like,
00:41:10
Speaker
he researches and so I mean there are times where it can be overwhelming for me because he's he'll ask like oh what are we what are y'all doing this year and what curriculum and then I'm stressed of oh well now you're making me feel like did I choose the wrong thing and all this and he's not doing that but just by asking questions I'm like shoot now I have to show him what where we're doing but he's just he He has a lot of what ideas when it comes to education, and so um it's different than what he grew up doing, but he plays a part. I mean, there are some times, because he works from home, I mean.
00:41:48
Speaker
recently there was a day where it was kind of hard to teach Ella. And so I just looked at him like, would you like to do it today? And he did. And that was probably like the first time, but it is nice that he can be home if there's days where you're just kind of butting heads. And I'm like, would you like to sit with her for a few minutes? I need to have a little break so that way we're both okay. yeah And he's very easy going and he's willing to help.
00:42:14
Speaker
Um, I think, I feel like probably the older she gets in different grades, she gets into the girl, all of them. I think he'll probably have more of an opinion because. you know, talking about history and all these type of things and he's very entrepreneurial so there may be something when they get to a certain grade where he wants to kind of incorporate that and teaching them and I think he would be great at that because he does have a business entrepreneurial mind and I would love for the girls to learn to do that from a young age and that's something he could help teach.
00:42:46
Speaker
But right now I feel like I'm kind of making the decisions cause I'm also in teaching. And so for me, it's like, this is what I can do right now. I can't do all these great ideas you have. That's a lot though. So especially with a baby yeah and a five year old. And he he knows that he's very patient, but he is just definitely someone that has lots of ideas. So it's great. But then I can get stressed of like, Oh my gosh, you just threw out like 50 things and I don't know what I can do with that.
00:43:15
Speaker
So we'll, we'll come back to that. table yeah yeah But he's great. I mean, he's very supportive and just, he wants the best for them. And so he's just always making sure that we're on page on the same page and just, you know, how's everything going, you know, but never in a,
00:43:34
Speaker
Controlling or like right do this. It's just like hey you just touching in he's already doing yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, so he's good. I think it'll be good later on to when they're older. I think it'll be Really beneficial for him to kind of come in and teach them some really good things. Yeah, so So what do your days look like?
00:43:56
Speaker
What do they look like? I mean, I know they change. Yeah. i And that's another thing. i I like structure, but I also like flexibility. I think that's just the common theme of my life. I don't like feeling tied down, but I like having some rhythm and routine.
00:44:13
Speaker
Um, I mean, we've talked, I think we used to go to the gym, you know, earlier in the mornings, but I think now that your girls and Becker and them are getting older, you're having to incorporate more schooling. And so, which we go to the gym at the same time. That's why I'm saying this because if they're not there, we don't go because my kids won't go. So really we're changing our routine because we have to go to the gym at the same time. Yeah. But we used to, you know, wake up breakfast. I would try to do maybe language arts because it's not Ella's favorite. So I would always try to get that done first. And then maybe we would take a break, go to the gym, come home and do lunch and then finish whatever we had left after.
00:44:53
Speaker
but probably this season it will be a little different maybe going later and my goal is to kind of incorporate some new subjects this year which that will look different and kind of adjust we'll have to adjust kind of our daily rhythm but I'm trying to get better about rhythms because I know kids need you know routine and they need boundaries. And as much as I love being flexible, I know there are times to, okay, we got to stick to this. um And so I feel like now that Tatum's getting older, it's making it a little bit easier. I think th fall I'm excited for because you know the groups we're going to be in and
00:45:32
Speaker
There's more things on the calendar for school wise, which I think will help me stick to OK, like this is what our week looks like. We have this every week. She's older and so it makes it easier to kind of go around. OK, she'll nap so I can actually give Ella my intentional time and hopefully Scotty I can start doing more with her.
00:45:53
Speaker
I don't know if that answered your question, but yeah yeah. I mean, I think that does answer my question because it it is, it's, you're, you're not like a schedule person. You're not like, oh, we start school at, you know, 8 30 a.m. yeah um And so, and I, and I think that's important for people to hear that like, you don't have to set a schedule. yeah You can create a rhythm that is, that works for you. And, you know, like for my kids,
00:46:21
Speaker
going to the gym, the reason why this upcoming year, we're going to the gym later in the day is because it is hard for my kids to come back from the gym yeah and finish. and finish and so And because I also have more yeah children that I'm schooling. and so um So it is something that you just have, you learn over the years and you just find that rhythm of what works for your child and what may work for Ella, may not work for Scotty. And you know, just finding that balance and just also realizing that like, even if I have this goal to finish school, you know, by 11 30, so we can eat lunch before we go to the gym.
00:47:03
Speaker
If you don't accomplish something, if you don't finish it, it's not that big of a deal. yeah you know And if you get to do it later, then you get to then you'll do it later. but and Because i because you know when we started out, Rusty was like, OK, so at 9 AM, you're going to do this. And I'm like, whoa. Wait a second. Whoa, I can't. I don't function that way. Yeah. I am not a morning person, so I don't know exactly when I'll be awake. Yeah, yeah. um As in, like my mind's awake, able to. you know
00:47:34
Speaker
teach. yeah And so i it's a really it's a really good thing to remember that it's what works in one season may work what and then if you have to change, yeah but also you don't have to have a schedule. You don't have to ask. Yeah, it doesn't matter if you do it at four or if you do it at nine. And I think that's where you have to like unschool what you've learned and like undo all the things that you think it's supposed to look like.
00:47:59
Speaker
Did you have a schedule? My mom was scheduled. I mean it was I think it was also the older we got it was kind of a because then the more subjects I be she just wanted us to not have to do it all day but me and my older sister were the ones that kind of you know talked and did things and Jamie would put up a map in between us like a big map so she couldn't see us and and she would always be like man Lauren and Brady are talking and doing this and we're like well we gotta have fun somehow like we don't want to do this she was studious once to get it done and we were like yeah we'll get it done eventually um but yeah i mean i am scheduled to a degree but i don't like feel i feel stressed if it's like okay we're gonna get up and by nine we have to do this this this break do this like i feel claustrophobic so i think that's why i like the flexibility because
00:48:46
Speaker
Who cares? Guess what? If we did it at four today, we got it done. But like we had a break earlier and we got to do some things and that's fine. And maybe she's more ready to do it later than she was at this time. And so it is training myself to not have to, it doesn't have to look a very specific way and that's okay. That's why we homeschool. So we can do that and travel and do the things we want the way we want to do it and the time. Right.
00:49:14
Speaker
Is there anything that we didn't cover that you want to say? No. I mean, I would just encourage any mom or even dad listening. I mean, you're capable of doing it. I think.
00:49:29
Speaker
as parents you can get in your head more than just not more than but you can get in your head and just think I can't do this I don't know what I'm doing but all you really need is just a few resources you know find a book about homeschooling or read I mean that's what we did we read a book and it kind of helped us prepare for what we were going to do even though we were a homeschooled it's just do you remember the name of that book it was the oh called yeah yeah and No, it was that book that I think it just, cause it talked about the different types of schooling. And I think reading that, I was like, wait, what? There's all these, I didn't know there, were there was all these different styles and names. Cause I just knew what I, I did growing up. Right. And so, I mean, I would suggest that book cause I think it's just a good starter for here's the different styles and you decide what works for y'all, but you're capable of it.
00:50:26
Speaker
If God's call you, do it. He's going to give you the grace to and may not look the same every day. And you may have bumps, but you can do it. And, you know, just find a community of other moms that are doing it too, because that's what's going to help you. Because the days where you may feel weak, they're strong for you and they can encourage you. um And I'm, I'm so big about community because you can't do life alone. So just find your people and find the people that are going to cheer you on and help you or, you know, tell you to come, tell you to come over and just let your kids play or they can still learn when you're at someone's house. Um, just find the people that you're going to live life with and do homeschooling with. Cause that's the only way you're going to be able to do it. Right. I love that.
00:51:16
Speaker
the, yes, I'm taking the core class for Charlotte Mason with the Charlotte Mason um Institute. And last night we had our class and one of the moms who is a seasoned homeschool mom, she has a adult young children, but also adult children. And she said the number one thing she said is like if if you like have a day that's hard and you mess up the next day you you repent and you say hey i'm so sorry that yesterday didn't go the way it should have let's start let's start fresh then there's numerous things every morning and so and i felt like that was just so good because there are so many times and i'm like i
00:51:59
Speaker
I want to take my um lack of discipline and kind of put it on my children. Like, oh, well, you weren't listening good enough or something. Like, it may not say that to them, but it feels like I kind of take it out on them. And that like, this is why we didn't get it done. When really it's, it is up to us, the parents to be the disciplined ones. And then the next day be like, man, yesterday I really messed up. I'm sorry. Let's, let's do this again. And I, that, that grace.
00:52:29
Speaker
ah to give yourself and also to extend to your children to show them like we're in this together. oh yeah So as we wrap up, I want to know who your homeschool hero is. Which if you if you listen to any part of this, you should know because she mentioned. Yeah. Yeah. When I looked at the question, I was like, I don't really know a bunch of like, you know, well, no. I mean, I know Sally Clarkson and all of them, but it's not someone that I would say is my hero right now. I love their stuff, but it is my mom because I just, we have such a great relationship because it's something she cultivated from day one of just building a relationship and not just
00:53:13
Speaker
not a dictator, but you know, just being the parent and like, I'm the parent, do this, blah, blah, blah. I have a relationship with her and so I look up to her and she's who I go to for advice and I just look back and think, how did you do all this, mom? Because now I'm in it and I don't know how you did it and you did it with such grace and patience and can you share your wisdom to find me some of it? So she's definitely probably, she not probably, she is the person I would Say is my heroine who I look up to and respect. Yeah, she's pretty awesome. We should try to get her on the podcast. She would love that. She's like me. We don't really like doing these kind of things, but if God's calling her to do it, she'll do it. She has a yes bracelet. She has to do it. Oh, she has the bracelet. Yeah, she's the one who didn't do it. Her and Ben are the only ones that didn't get it. It's fine.
00:54:05
Speaker
But hopefully we can get on. She would love that. So thank you so much for coming on, sharing, and talking about hard things, and um and and sharing your homeschool. I mean, you're new into homeschool.