Episode 540: Why You Pull Away When Relationships Get Close

When relationships start to feel too close, some people instinctively pull away. They might shut down emotionally, avoid difficult conversations, crave more space, or convince themselves they’re better off on their own. But where does this tendency come from, and what is it protecting us from? In this episode, we’re taking a deep dive into attachment avoidance. We’ll explore why some people become uncomfortable with closeness, the subtle ways avoidance can show up, and more.

My guest is Diane Poole Heller, PhD, an expert in attachment theory, trauma resolution, and integrative healing techniques. She created the professional training program Dynamic Attachment Repatterning experience (DARe) and is the author of the book The Power of Attachment, as well as the new book The Attachment Workbook: Practical Exercises to Understand Your Patterns, Strengthen Connection, and Build Secure Relationships.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• Why do avoidant attachment patterns develop?
• What happens when intimacy starts to feel overwhelming?
• How can avoidant individuals become more comfortable with closeness?
• What are some of the strengths associated with avoidant attachment?
• How can you build a deeper connection with an avoidant partner?

You can check out Diane's website to learn more about her work and follow her on the socials @traumaattachmenttraining.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

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Thank you to our sponsors! 

Attached Therapy offers personalized therapy for individuals and couples navigating infidelity, sexual disconnection, relationship strain, and other complex intimacy concerns. Founder Jason Powell, LMFT and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, offers in-person sessions in Manhattan and Brooklyn Heights, as well as virtual therapy in multiple states. Learn more at https://www.attachedtherapy.com/

If you're looking to gain a broad understanding of human sexuality or refresh your knowledge, check out the upcoming Human Sexuality Intensive courses at the Kinsey Institute: https://kinseyinstitute.org/learning/human-sexuality-intensive.html 

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