Episode 547: Do Polyamorous Relationships Need Rules?

When couples open their relationships, one of the first things they often do is establish a set of rules. But do those rules actually make non-monogamous relationships healthier and more secure? Or can they create more problems than they solve? In this episode, we’ll explore why polyamorous people create relationship rules, when those rules can become restrictive or controlling, and whether they’re even necessary in the first place.

I am joined once again by Eve Rickert, the co-author of The New More Than Two: A Philosophical Reimagining of the Classic Nonmonogamy Guide. She is also author of Nonmonogamy and Betrayal, curator of the More Than Two Essentials series, the founder and publisher of Thornapple Press, and the mastermind behind the science communications firm Talk Science to Me.

Some of the specific topics we cover include:

• What's the difference between relationship rules, agreements, and boundaries?
• What are the most common rules in non-monogamous relationships?
• How do "don't ask, don't tell" arrangements work in practice?
• What is a “one-penis policy,” and why can it be problematic?
• When can relationship rules actually be helpful?

You can check out Eve's Linktree to learn about everything she's working on.

Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.

***

Thank you to our sponsors! 

If you're ready to ditch the shady stuff and choose a libido supplement that’s effective and that you can feel confident about, it's time to check out Load Boost. Visit vb.health and use code JUSTIN for 10% off. 

Attached Therapy offers personalized therapy for individuals and couples navigating infidelity, sexual disconnection, relationship strain, and other complex intimacy concerns. Founder Jason Powell, LMFT and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, offers in-person sessions in Manhattan and Brooklyn Heights, as well as virtual therapy in multiple states. Learn more at https://www.attachedtherapy.com/

***

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook, Twitter, or Bluesky to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

Listen and stream all episodes on Apple, Spotify, or