Final Fantasy 1 - The Bookening!

Transcript

Speaker: I could flip you if you want.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Would that be fun for you or terrifying?

Speaker: Oh, well, never mind.

Speaker: Here we go.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: I have that power.

Speaker: It means nothing to me.

Speaker: You know what else is existential?

Speaker: Hey, everybody.

Speaker: Welcome back to Pixel It.

Speaker: My name is Kevin.

Speaker: With me, as always, is Phil.

Speaker: And on today's show, we're talking the, I've been calling it the novellization of Final Fantasy I. So there's three stories in this book.

Speaker: It's called Final Fantasy I, IIIII, Memory of Heroes.

Speaker: First one is Final Fantasy.

Speaker: It's about 40 pages long.

Speaker: So, yeah, we're diving into it.

Speaker: Yeah, but the type is small.

Speaker: The type is tiny.

Speaker: But the type is tiny.

Speaker: So it's like 300 pages, right?

Speaker: It's like 42 pages.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: I want you to know before we even get into it, Kevin, I really thought about because we were chatting about this book and I really considered just getting shithouse drunk for this episode to talk about this.

Speaker: The walkthrough, the abridged walkthrough of the first Final Fantasy.

Speaker: The abridged walkthrough of the first Final Fantasy.

Speaker: Like a rat filled with mustard gas just get completely destroyed so I could have a good talk about this.

Speaker: And I changed my mind.

Speaker: I've just had the one extra alcoholic white claw.

Speaker: There you go.

Speaker: You got your white claw.

Speaker: It's called a Sir White Claw Surge.

Speaker: They're Surge.

Speaker: They you don't look like you're enjoying it.

Speaker: It's not good.

Speaker: It's I like I like White Claw, but it has twice as much alcohol.

Speaker: It's 8% alcohol as opposed to four.

Speaker: And it just feels and I only get it because they have a cranberry flavor and I love cranberry flavored shit.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And they don't have a cranberry flavor in the regular ones.

Speaker: But I forget, it's just like when they say that it's an extra 4% alcohol, it just takes like they got a regular White Claw and poured like a shot glass of rubbing alcohol into it.

Speaker: It's not good.

Speaker: It does the trick, but it's not.

Speaker: I don't enjoy it quite as much, but this is what my gas station had.

Speaker: And when you're a fine connoisseur of liquid libations, you must you must go to your gas station.

Speaker: You must.

Speaker: You must go to your gas station.

Speaker: You must, sir.

Speaker: The shadier the gas station, the better.

Speaker: The better.

Speaker: Absolutely.

Speaker: It may have been on that shelf since the last administration.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah.

Speaker: This might have been the introduction case of it for this company.

Speaker: I don't see a lot of people buying it is all.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So, yeah.

Speaker: Yeah, you're looking through it.

Speaker: It's like White Claw Surge.

Speaker: And then you're like,

Speaker: Is that regular surge back there?

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Now that was the case.

Speaker: I'd be like, look, it's syrup at this point.

Speaker: All we need to do is add more carbonated water to it.

Speaker: And we got surge.

Speaker: We got old school surge.

Speaker: We're back, baby.

Speaker: Come on.

Speaker: So Final Fantasy one came out in 1987 in Japan.

Speaker: 1990 for the us.

Speaker: It's Final Fantasy.

Speaker: I mean, it's it was it was a big deal when it came out.

Speaker: It's basically like Square's.

Speaker: It was Square's answer to Dragon Quest for all intents and purposes, because Dragon Quest, for those who don't know, Dragon Quest, which was made by Enix.

Speaker: So nowadays, you know, the company is.

Speaker: Do you guys see what's happening there?

Speaker: Do you see what's happening?

Speaker: Now, you see what's happening?

Speaker: Nowadays, you know the company has Square Enix.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: When I was a wee lad and when Phil was Tiny Phil.

Speaker: And when I was a teenager and Kevin was a wee lad.

Speaker: Oh, wee lad.

Speaker: Oh, I'm too early.

Speaker: And Ireland has shut the podcast feed off.

Speaker: Ireland has left the chat.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah.

Speaker: As is their right.

Speaker: Dragon Quest was a big deal.

Speaker: And I don't know if it's apocryphal or not, but I remember people just would like, the schools would close down for the day when Dragon Quest was releasing a new game.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah.

Speaker: Yeah, I know that too.

Speaker: But now, so then Square has Final Fantasy.

Speaker: It's kind of a big deal.

Speaker: They follow it up with like a thousand more games in the series.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Yeah, the demo for the new Final Fantasy just dropped.

Speaker: I didn't even know there was a new Final Fantasy coming.

Speaker: Which one?

Speaker: 16, I want to say it is.

Speaker: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker: 16.

Speaker: I mean, 16 came out last year.

Speaker: Wait for consoles.

Speaker: I think.

Speaker: Oh, it might be mixed up.

Speaker: Is it just on?

Speaker: Is it on Steam that it was on Steam?

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Is that this is this is the part of the show inevitably where we inevitably get to this part of the show where Phil reveals that he actually knows nothing about video games.

Speaker: That's like nothing at all.

Speaker: Like nothing at all.

Speaker: Nothing at all.

Speaker: Stupid sexy Flanders.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So that explains why more people were making a big deal.

Speaker: Good.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: I'm glad.

Speaker: I'm going to try it.

Speaker: I didn't play it when it came out last year because I've all but given up on the console lifestyle for the sake of wholly localizing

Speaker: the aura borealis on my steam deck.

Speaker: That's two Simpsons references.

Speaker: It's good.

Speaker: You left for it and you got it.

Speaker: I think I went for it and I got it.

Speaker: I think you nailed it.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So one of the things I always found interesting about the first Final Fantasy game is the programmer, Nasir Gabeli, an Iranian-American.

Speaker: It was this Iranian-American guy who, like, who programs the entire game.

Speaker: And it just seems like out of nowhere, um...

Speaker: That, you know, this Japanese company has this Iranian guy programming their game.

Speaker: That is so funny.

Speaker: What's fascinating is the guy gets interested in video game development via Doug Carlston.

Speaker: Now, does the last name Carlston sound familiar to you?

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Owner of Broderbund.

Speaker: Oh, there you go.

Speaker: Jesus Christ.

Speaker: Oh, Broderbund.

Speaker: This guy gets interested in video game development through Doug Carlson of Broderbund.

Speaker: And Carlson is like, hey, go, go.

Speaker: Like, there's this new thing coming out, the NES.

Speaker: And so he goes, Doug takes him to Japan, introduces him to people at Square, some contacts he had there.

Speaker: He meets the president of Square and then he starts working on Square games.

Speaker: And it's pretty, you know, pretty interesting little story there.

Speaker: That's the most in the rest is history kind of story ever.

Speaker: And the rest is history.

Speaker: I love it.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: I just, I just beat, uh, the remake that remaster of final fantasy they did on my switch, uh, this past year.

Speaker: So that's my, that's, that's, that's my like, okay, I actually have some background here.

Speaker: I have some context and after having read this, I wish I didn't.

Speaker: Hey,

Speaker: You know what I mean?

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: You know, it's missing a lot without the score.

Speaker: I would be remiss if I didn't talk about the other big player to come out.

Speaker: One of the big players to come out of this.

Speaker: Nobuo Uemetsu.

Speaker: I'm going to take that again.

Speaker: Nobuo Uemetsu.

Speaker: I might even leave in the fact that I said I'm going to take that again.

Speaker: Might as well, why not?

Speaker: Why not?

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Who created the score for the game, the famous score that is basically that arpeggiated melody.

Speaker: And then, you know, he iterated on it over the years and all that stuff.

Speaker: The other, the developer of the game, the director of the game, rather, Hironobu Sakaguchi, did a lot of stuff for other stuff for Square.

Speaker: He ran like the first...

Speaker: a few Final Fantasy games, um, or the first seven Final Fantasy games.

Speaker: Actually, wait, how long was he involved in Final Fantasy?

Speaker: That's a, that's a while.

Speaker: Nope.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Through X2.

Speaker: Sorry.

Speaker: Wow.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: Wow.

Speaker: Which in the grand scheme of things is still just the first few.

Speaker: Um, yeah, yeah.

Speaker: So 10-2, he was involved through like 10-2 and then... Jesus.

Speaker: And then left to do his own stuff.

Speaker: But yeah.

Speaker: Oh, God.

Speaker: And, you know, things like Parasite Eve and all that stuff.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: It's wild how many game franchises are out there sitting abandoned and waiting for someone to just take them again.

Speaker: Like Parasite Eve.

Speaker: And, you know, that's... It's just not being used.

Speaker: No.

Speaker: Sakaguchi famously was the director of...

Speaker: One of the big box office flops of the past 25 years.

Speaker: Final Fantasy.

Speaker: Spirits Within.

Speaker: Oh.

Speaker: We were all rooting for you.

Speaker: We're all rooting for you.

Speaker: Oh.

Speaker: Man.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So that's pretty much everything that I feel is worth mentioning for Final Fantasy, because otherwise we could get into just talking about friggin Final Fantasy stuff for another few hours.

Speaker: Phil, who the crap is Takashi Uemura, the guy who wrote this also is translated by Jennifer Ward.

Speaker: Oh, I didn't even see it.

Speaker: Go on.

Speaker: from Japanese to English.

Speaker: I see.

Speaker: Takashi Umamora, there is very little about Takashi that I could find, but the most significant thing, I think, is that he appears to be the author of like a billion Dragon Quest manga books.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: And they are exclusively French.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: The best I can find for them is that they are Dragon Quest books.

Speaker: Les Heritages de l'Emblem.

Speaker: And France has left the chat.

Speaker: We are getting rid of the big ones.

Speaker: Just like that, baby.

Speaker: Just like that.

Speaker: But they're just it's it's kind of wild.

Speaker: They're all these French edition books that are translated there.

Speaker: I believe they're manga, but there are 30 plus of them here.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: The latest one was released this past June.

Speaker: And it's the 34th one.

Speaker: So, yeah.

Speaker: It's weird.

Speaker: Why is there no version of this in Japanese?

Speaker: I don't know.

Speaker: That's the thing.

Speaker: I have no idea.

Speaker: All that is out there is the French version.

Speaker: Right.

Speaker: It seems that this and it kind of feels like and I haven't I haven't looked this up specifically, but it's I have a hunch that this book that the the Final Fantasies one through three memory of heroes book

Speaker: is also translated from Japanese.

Speaker: We know that much, but I don't I bet you money there's no Japanese version of this.

Speaker: I have I have a suspicion that, you know, Square Enix wanted to pick the author specifically and wanted a Japanese person or a person who is in with the world to write it.

Speaker: but it was being exclusively released for foreign countries.

Speaker: Sure.

Speaker: Kind of the way that Mystic Quest was the America Final Fantasy game because they didn't think we were smart enough for it or something like that.

Speaker: You know, right?

Speaker: Yeah, that's that's my suspicion.

Speaker: It would take

Speaker: very little work to confirm or deny this, but that's, that's my suspicion.

Speaker: And it's, it's so funny that, yeah, that's it.

Speaker: It's just the French.

Speaker: Huh?

Speaker: It's weird that there's not a whole lot of stuff that comes up, even on like anime planet.

Speaker: There's a anime planet result that shows him as the author of four, uh,

Speaker: books.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And they look interesting based on the covers.

Speaker: They're very obviously known for their plot.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: Very much.

Speaker: Clearly.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: It's just French editions as far as the eye can see.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: The emblem of Roto.

Speaker: It's it.

Speaker: The artwork is really cool.

Speaker: And I've played the first few Dragon Quest games, and I have no idea what these have to do with anything.

Speaker: So it's possible that they just let him go off the rail.

Speaker: Maybe that's why.

Speaker: Like if they were like, hey, I'm going to get real weird with this fucking franchise.

Speaker: Sure.

Speaker: That's that's fine.

Speaker: We're not going to release it in Japan.

Speaker: It's just for the French.

Speaker: So who cares?

Speaker: Right.

Speaker: You know, it's strange.

Speaker: It's really weird.

Speaker: But maybe not.

Speaker: I don't know.

Speaker: There's always a chance.

Speaker: Here's the weird thing is that there's always a chance that the results just don't show up in Google because they're not the results are not in English.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Yeah, that's true.

Speaker: That's true.

Speaker: And yeah.

Speaker: Because I found out before where you have to like figure out what the like what the kanji for a person's name is and then search that.

Speaker: And then sometimes you might get some results.

Speaker: But I don't know in this case, just because there is nothing out there.

Speaker: I'm seeing some other work by Takashi Imamura called Valkyrie Profile.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: These appear to they're kind of like picture books.

Speaker: It's not full on manga in terms of it being like a comic.

Speaker: You've got illustrations and and it's just like an illustrated story.

Speaker: And honestly, based on the style of writing we have here, that makes actually a lot of sense.

Speaker: Sure.

Speaker: Because it does feel like and we're going to get into this, obviously, but this feels like it's meant to be carrying something else.

Speaker: And by that, I mean something more immediate than just like the video game we're all thinking of when you're reading this.

Speaker: Sure.

Speaker: It feels like something else was supposed to be there.

Speaker: Yeah, I totally get it.

Speaker: So let's put this abbreviated body in the marsh.

Speaker: Yeah, like a quarter of a body in the marsh.

Speaker: It's a quarter of a body.

Speaker: A couple of legs.

Speaker: When I tell you to dump a body in the marsh, you dump them.

Speaker: In the mind.

Speaker: All right.

Speaker: So in chapter one, we are introduced to the light, the warriors of light, the light warriors, so to speak.

Speaker: In this, they have names.

Speaker: They are the default party of a fighter, a thief, a white mage, and a black mage.

Speaker: Classic.

Speaker: And their names are Cetro, Zalver, Zalver.

Speaker: Flora and Teal or Toll or something like that for the sake of the, that's the fighter, the thief, the white mage and the black mage.

Speaker: So they have no memory of anything that's happened to them.

Speaker: They're just walking through the wildlife and like, there's a castle.

Speaker: Let us go to it and maybe they'll give us a bed.

Speaker: They are awfully nonplussed about having no memories of who they are.

Speaker: No memories whatsoever.

Speaker: They got some crystals hanging around their neck.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: But that's about it.

Speaker: So they get there, and there's a guy.

Speaker: What I really like is it's a little detail that we really don't get with any other character in the book, that this guy is in the town square working himself up into a lather.

Speaker: He's got spittle on his beard.

Speaker: And he's like, ah, the darkness, the darkness is gonna blah, blah, blah.

Speaker: And he's like, you there, you four new people who have joined the crowd listening to me, you look like the warriors of light.

Speaker: You need to go talk to the king.

Speaker: And they're like, well, I guess we're talking to the king now.

Speaker: It's so like first edition, first game of D&D you ever played when you were like 13 with your friends.

Speaker: Like, let's just get the hell on with it.

Speaker: Yeah, you guys look like the Warriors alike.

Speaker: Let's get on with it.

Speaker: So they're taking the king and the king lays out the stakes.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Garland has kidnapped Sarah, the princess.

Speaker: Garland used to be the best knight in Cornelia.

Speaker: Is it Cornelia or Cornelia?

Speaker: Cornelia.

Speaker: Cornelia is Cornelia in the original translation of the game, I believe.

Speaker: Oh.

Speaker: I'm going to look that up right now.

Speaker: Yeah, look that up.

Speaker: Let's see.

Speaker: Cornelia.

Speaker: Or maybe am I thinking of a... Am I thinking of a Star Fox thing?

Speaker: You can imagine the similarities there.

Speaker: I think that's understandable.

Speaker: Okay, no, it was Cornelia.

Speaker: Okay, okay, okay.

Speaker: The original chance, Cornelia.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: It's Cornelia otherwise since then, but...

Speaker: Cornelia is a Star Fox reference to.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: So you got, so you got both right.

Speaker: Come on.

Speaker: I got both right.

Speaker: You win.

Speaker: So Cornelia is the, is the kingdom.

Speaker: The king of Cornelia is like, go get my daughter from Garland.

Speaker: He's at the chaos shrine.

Speaker: He went there a few days ago and he came back all.

Speaker: Well, he's like, you want to get nuts?

Speaker: Come on, let's get nuts.

Speaker: That's very much that.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And then he stole my daughter and he away to the shrine and I've sent men after him, but he's cut them all to ribbons.

Speaker: He's that damn good.

Speaker: And they're like, we're going to have to go.

Speaker: We should go.

Speaker: So they go.

Speaker: It's again, again, first level D&D adventure.

Speaker: We got to.

Speaker: Yeah, let's go.

Speaker: This is how D&D used to be played, guys.

Speaker: Before we got all complicated and decided to put like literary theory into it and shit and motivational stuff.

Speaker: It was just like, there's a princess.

Speaker: Let's go get it.

Speaker: OK, great.

Speaker: Gold like that was how it was played.

Speaker: And sometimes you wouldn't even role play that part.

Speaker: You would just be like, you stand at the gate of the dungeon.

Speaker: You agreed to go get the princess and she's in the dungeon.

Speaker: Yeah, not all games began in a tavern.

Speaker: That is a fact.

Speaker: The DM would sometimes be like, fuck it, you're at the dungeon.

Speaker: Yeah, and you would just roll with that.

Speaker: You go, great, I'm at the dungeon.

Speaker: Cool.

Speaker: What happens next?

Speaker: I attack the darkness.

Speaker: Like, yeah, it just.

Speaker: You open the door.

Speaker: It's trapped.

Speaker: Total player kill.

Speaker: Great.

Speaker: Total player kill.

Speaker: Great.

Speaker: That was fun.

Speaker: What's the name of that famously stupid hard dungeon?

Speaker: Oh, the Tomb of Horrors.

Speaker: The Tomb of Horrors.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: The most absurd dungeon.

Speaker: Let me tell you folks, there's a, there's a module out there called the tomb of horrors where it's like easy to TPK at any given moment.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And they've, they've, and they've updated and changed it for like, I believe all of the additions so far.

Speaker: Uh, and every time they try to make it more kind of doable, uh,

Speaker: There are lots of I wish I had the name of a solid YouTuber for you to do, but there are lots of good D&D YouTubers that basically will give you a once over of the Tomb of Horrors.

Speaker: It's worth looking into because it tells you just how insane Gary Gygax was.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Where he just he just he just didn't give a shit.

Speaker: He was actually there to torture his players.

Speaker: Yeah, it punished you for not being careful, and then it punished you for being too careful simultaneously.

Speaker: All over the place.

Speaker: It's like that bit from Parks and Recreation.

Speaker: Overcooked chicken, jail.

Speaker: Undercooked chicken, also jail.

Speaker: Also jail.

Speaker: Yeah, exactly.

Speaker: Overcooked, undercooked.

Speaker: They get you both ways.

Speaker: It is an absurd.

Speaker: It's legendary for that reason.

Speaker: And there are, I think at Gen Con specifically, they have tournaments where people show up and they come just to play Tomb of Horrors.

Speaker: Just to sit down and try and play through Tomb of Horrors.

Speaker: And sometimes they make it, most of the time they don't.

Speaker: Might it be the Dark Souls of D&D?

Speaker: Ooh.

Speaker: I smell a video essay from 2012.

Speaker: Yeah, nice big think piece for the aughts.

Speaker: Big think piece.

Speaker: Come on.

Speaker: Oh, I could get so internet famous by taking a time machine and being the first person to write that.

Speaker: Oh, boy.

Speaker: But then, but then you'd be, you would have been internet famous at a specific time that we would have come by the time we got here, you'd be, you'd be, you'd be on the, they'd be writing think pieces about how you used to be awesome and now you suck.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: They would have angry video game nerd at all over.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Dan, Dan Olson would have made a video about how he doesn't know me.

Speaker: And what an honor and what an honor to be honest.

Speaker: Oh God.

Speaker: Chaos shrine.

Speaker: Um,

Speaker: They get in there and we really get no, there's, we get some description of the dead bodies.

Speaker: Then they talk to Garland and he's like, Oh, I'm a bad guy.

Speaker: He's, he's, yeah, he's just Willem Dafoeing all over them.

Speaker: He's just here to chew the scenery and be evil.

Speaker: He's basically doing the Green Goblin.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: He's doing the speech in front of the mirror, but to actual people.

Speaker: The chaos Garland.

Speaker: He's, oh, I love that man so goddamn much.

Speaker: So they, what's amazing is the fight with Garland, um,

Speaker: It's like, you know, it's not very long and they kill him and they rescue Princess Sarah and he's fine.

Speaker: That's fine.

Speaker: They go back and they bring her back to the king.

Speaker: She says that they are the Warriors of Light and she tells them to walk in the light of the crystals.

Speaker: That's great.

Speaker: They get on a ship.

Speaker: And what's amazing is that this book somehow abbreviates the first like 25% of the game into a few sentences.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So for those of you who recall playing the first Final Fantasy,

Speaker: You save Princess Sarah, you take her back to Cornelia.

Speaker: The King's like, great, we're going to repair the bridge so you can get to the other continent.

Speaker: You go to the other continent, you talk to the witch.

Speaker: You continue down the coast.

Speaker: You get to the town where the pirates have overrun it.

Speaker: You get to you.

Speaker: You kill the pirates.

Speaker: You kill the pirate BK.

Speaker: You get your ship.

Speaker: You help some.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: You help some dwarves.

Speaker: You do all the elf kingdom.

Speaker: Like it's it's a whole thing.

Speaker: You got this guy named Astos.

Speaker: Astos.

Speaker: I don't know.

Speaker: It's how you pronounce it.

Speaker: And you get all that pretty much summarized in like a half of a page.

Speaker: And I got to tell you, I hate to be that ordinary old man, but it's so disappointing for a lot of reasons.

Speaker: But the big one for me is, as you mentioned, after you

Speaker: For those of us who played this game for the first time, but it was like relatively new and we didn't have a lot of experience with this and everything.

Speaker: You played up to Garland and and for some people was a little difficult.

Speaker: It was a little challenging and it was, you know, it wasn't long.

Speaker: It took you about half hour to get through that and everything.

Speaker: And then they build a bridge to the rest of the world.

Speaker: And it was a.

Speaker: a feeling similar to a lot of games where you cross that bridge and it gave you a cut scene and it makes you realize just how big this world is.

Speaker: And the score starts playing.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: And the score, it's beautiful.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And it's like you go and it's like you got your the Warriors of Light posing on the bridge.

Speaker: And it's like you are going out into the giant open world.

Speaker: And you do.

Speaker: And it made you feel like you're going on a goddamn adventure.

Speaker: It made you feel really good about what you were about to do.

Speaker: It got you excited.

Speaker: And and this is just like that happens over there.

Speaker: It's like, no, no.

Speaker: Come on.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And get rid of all this shit out of here.

Speaker: What are you, gay?

Speaker: Come on, man.

Speaker: You want emotions in your game?

Speaker: Fuck you.

Speaker: You want our characters to have interpersonal relationships and inner thoughts and an inner, like an inland empire of the mind that grows and changes over the course of the adventure?

Speaker: No, fuck you.

Speaker: I don't think so.

Speaker: Fuck you.

Speaker: Who do you think you are?

Speaker: Here's the beats and we're going to cut these beats and pray we don't cut anymore.

Speaker: Right, exactly.

Speaker: The Darth Vader school of writing something.

Speaker: That's exactly it.

Speaker: And it's such a bummer because I didn't look at this.

Speaker: This came in the mail.

Speaker: I didn't look at this and go, all right, we're in for something good.

Speaker: You know, like we're in for we're in for something pretty epic.

Speaker: Like the last couple of things we've read.

Speaker: No, I knew I knew that we weren't probably getting into anything like major.

Speaker: But come on.

Speaker: Like it didn't even try to evoke that feeling.

Speaker: It just it's such a bummer.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: It's...

Speaker: The fact that you can abridge Final Fantasy 1 is absurd.

Speaker: It is.

Speaker: It absolutely is.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So they get to a town and basically the guy is like, there's a vampire, a vampire who lives in a cave south of here.

Speaker: He is ruining the earth.

Speaker: And they mistake the vampire for being the guy responsible for the corruption of the earth crystal.

Speaker: So they go into the cave and they kill the vampire.

Speaker: They defeat the vampire.

Speaker: There's actually a fun little moment, probably the most fun moment of where we get a description of the thief dodging behind the vampire and slitting both of his Achilles tendons.

Speaker: But then nothing happens.

Speaker: No blood flows or anything like that because he's just a vampire.

Speaker: Right.

Speaker: But we get good reminders of like, well, the white mage is very good here because she can cast the spells like Cure and Dia hurt undead creatures.

Speaker: You know what it made me think of?

Speaker: It made me think of the little hint things you run into in the worlds of power books, like except it was just worked into the writing and in a very straightforward way.

Speaker: It was like trying to teach you how to play this 25 year old game when this book came out.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So they kill the vampire.

Speaker: They leave.

Speaker: The curse is not.

Speaker: Things aren't better.

Speaker: They got to get back into the cave.

Speaker: They got to go further into the cave.

Speaker: And they do.

Speaker: They do.

Speaker: They go further into the cave and they find a preening skelly man.

Speaker: A lich.

Speaker: Oh, poor lich.

Speaker: By the way, almost every Final Fantasy game

Speaker: enemy is a Dungeons and Dragons enemy.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: There are.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Sometimes, sometimes they even take the time to rename them, but not, but not always, not always enter the lich.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: But you don't have to do anything with phylacteries.

Speaker: It's a phylactery, right?

Speaker: Yeah, phylactery, yeah.

Speaker: You just got to hit this one hard enough.

Speaker: You just got to hit this one hard with the spells and your swords and all that stuff, and he dies.

Speaker: That's what the characters do in the book.

Speaker: They hit him hard.

Speaker: Well, the way they kill him is kind of neat.

Speaker: The fighter character...

Speaker: cracks open his skull with his sword, and then the white mage casts the daylight spell, the Dia spell, into his head and causes him to explode.

Speaker: It is a pretty nice touch, I have to say.

Speaker: That is a pretty good touch.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So victory had been won, but at what cost?

Speaker: They light up the earth crystal, and they continue on.

Speaker: That's what they do.

Speaker: It's just compelling stuff.

Speaker: It's compelling stuff, people.

Speaker: They continue on.

Speaker: They get back to the town, the town of Melmond.

Speaker: Melmond.

Speaker: Melman Sipowitz.

Speaker: It does sound.

Speaker: Yeah, it does.

Speaker: It's like a nerdy.

Speaker: Yeah, it's like a Eugene kind of name.

Speaker: Melman.

Speaker: Hello, I am Melman.

Speaker: I'm Melman.

Speaker: Flavin, my earth crystal is rotting from the inside out.

Speaker: From the inside out.

Speaker: I got a lich.

Speaker: He's ruining the earth.

Speaker: It doesn't make sense.

Speaker: Lady doctor, I need the lich.

Speaker: I need the lich.

Speaker: I need the lich ointment.

Speaker: Flavin.

Speaker: Lich powder.

Speaker: Oh, my God.

Speaker: 100% certified lich powder.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Except no substitutes.

Speaker: Except in Nebraska.

Speaker: You got to run down to your local five and dime.

Speaker: If you don't know what a five and dime is, kids, go ask your parents and watch them age in front of you.

Speaker: If she doesn't know what a five a dime is, she's too young for you, bruh.

Speaker: I don't know why I did that.

Speaker: I don't feel good.

Speaker: I don't know.

Speaker: You shouldn't feel good, but also true.

Speaker: Yeah, but also accurate, but also accurate.

Speaker: And that goes for all of the people who are listening to our show, despite the fact that so many of you are very young.

Speaker: It's a five and dime.

Speaker: For those who don't know, it was basically like a corner store version of it was like,

Speaker: You know, you got your CVSs and your Walgreens, and there used to be a store that just had the shit in it.

Speaker: Not the pharmacy, but the other stuff that you could buy.

Speaker: And that was a five and dime.

Speaker: It was like a convenience store down the street.

Speaker: There was a chain of them called Woolworths.

Speaker: Woolworth's was a five and dime.

Speaker: And eventually they just kind of merged.

Speaker: They just became one thing.

Speaker: Five and dime chains.

Speaker: I got to look this up because, yeah.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Oh, man.

Speaker: The F.W.

Speaker: Woolworth's store.

Speaker: But you know what is like a return to the modern to the five and dime, like a modern version of the five and dime is a store called Five Below.

Speaker: Have you ever?

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: I like Five Below.

Speaker: Yeah, that's a five below is kind of like a random ass shit.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Or if I haven't done five and ten cent store, it was just like household stuff that you could get.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: just random shit.

Speaker: Sundries.

Speaker: It's probably.

Speaker: That's yeah, that's the best word for it, to be honest.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: The sundries, the random ticky tacky shit.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So they go to Crescent Lake and they meet the Liu Kang.

Speaker: They meet Lucan, who is, no, his name's Lucan.

Speaker: Lucan.

Speaker: And the sages, and the sages tell them what to do next.

Speaker: It's so funny.

Speaker: Like, it just, and if you've played the, you've played the game.

Speaker: And you go to the lake and it is indeed surrounded by a dozen men in row, identical men in robes with beards.

Speaker: And there's something that doesn't throw you about that when you're playing an eight bit Nintendo game.

Speaker: And then when it's described for the first time, I was like, he's right.

Speaker: That is kind of weird.

Speaker: I got to say.

Speaker: A little odd.

Speaker: So they got to go to Mount Golg to take on the Fiend of Fire, who, let me tell you, she was a little too sexy.

Speaker: A little sexy.

Speaker: She's a little sexy.

Speaker: Her name is Marilith.

Speaker: She got arms, boy.

Speaker: And she got arms.

Speaker: Marilith, what those arms do.

Speaker: She got everything.

Speaker: She is my Final Fantasy one waifu and also pretty much the only option.

Speaker: I mean, yeah, you really don't have many options.

Speaker: Yeah, it's true.

Speaker: Yeah, she's she's also a D&D monster just called Marilith.

Speaker: Jesus fucking Christ.

Speaker: What?

Speaker: Oh, I didn't know that.

Speaker: That's funny.

Speaker: Some Jesus snake lady with swords and six arms.

Speaker: Interesting.

Speaker: She's just a demon in D&D.

Speaker: Oh, she's the demon.

Speaker: I was about to say like Naga or something like that.

Speaker: She would be a Naga in any other thing, but she gets tagged as a demon, a large fiend in D&D.

Speaker: That's what I called me in college.

Speaker: The large fiend.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Chaotic evil.

Speaker: You bet with those arms.

Speaker: Yeah, you bet your ass.

Speaker: That's what you go to her for.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Oh, God.

Speaker: Yeah, that's wild.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: The joke earlier that Phil made about sometimes they change the names.

Speaker: In this case, they did not.

Speaker: They did not.

Speaker: They distinctly did not.

Speaker: And she's in Pathfinder.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: They don't give a shit where they spent all that time fighting with Tolkien's estate.

Speaker: And they're like, that's Japan.

Speaker: It's all that we can't do it.

Speaker: Now, fuck them.

Speaker: You know, some of the fan art of this is anyway, we're going to continue.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Not only did she have six arms and stronger magic than tail, she was physically stronger than Cetro and faster than Zalver.

Speaker: How are they going to win the power of friendship?

Speaker: That's the most nonsensical sentence you've ever said out loud on this show.

Speaker: That's like, that must be what it feels like to be the boomer parent of an anime fan or something like, well, she's got the power of Zalver, but her power levels are plus three to Stryko.

Speaker: But she's slower than Bifois the Magnificent.

Speaker: You know, it's like, Jesus Christ, what are you talking about?

Speaker: When I first heard the word Riz and the word someone referenced the Rizler, I was like, I.

Speaker: And then I didn't have anything else.

Speaker: I just said I for a long time.

Speaker: And I just turned into the skeleton like at the end of the Raiders, not Raiders, Last Crusade.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Just do it.

Speaker: Or raiders.

Speaker: Well, yeah, actually, yeah.

Speaker: Skeletons at the end of both of them.

Speaker: That's true.

Speaker: That's a good point.

Speaker: Different skeletons.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: One is Melty and the other is... Dry Bones.

Speaker: From Dry Bones.

Speaker: It's basically... It's Dry Bones from... It's Dry Bones.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So they kill Marilyth.

Speaker: They kill her.

Speaker: And we miss her.

Speaker: We still think about her sometimes.

Speaker: They light the crystal up.

Speaker: They go back to Crescent Lake.

Speaker: Oh, I forgot to mention, they get the Levis Stone, which I believe was called the Float Stone.

Speaker: Float Stone when I played it.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: We didn't need to fancy shit up.

Speaker: We called a Float Stone a Float Stone.

Speaker: When on my day.

Speaker: They get the Zachary Levi Stone.

Speaker: And he's playing Shazam.

Speaker: So he just picks them up and he flies them to their next location.

Speaker: Yeah, it's whatever.

Speaker: He's a real nice guy.

Speaker: Which Zachary Levi did they get?

Speaker: Actually, it was Chuck.

Speaker: So he can't really fly anywhere.

Speaker: No, he's real popular with a certain crowd, but not everybody.

Speaker: And yeah, he's a nice guy.

Speaker: But Yvonne Stravowski is with him.

Speaker: So they go back to Crescent Lake.

Speaker: They talk to the dudes.

Speaker: Can this ship fly?

Speaker: You mean this ship can fly?

Speaker: They can fly now.

Speaker: That's right.

Speaker: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: They are flying the airship and they talk to a dragon.

Speaker: And it is the dragon is basically it's the level up the class change dragon.

Speaker: And he's like, ah, you should do this quest.

Speaker: And then they in a matter of

Speaker: half a page, they do the quest, they get the rat's tail, and they give it to the dragon, and now they're super powerful, baby.

Speaker: They literally get taller and beefier, and it actually changes their physical body, which I found very weird.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: New power is welling up.

Speaker: Little had changed in Flora and Teal's physiques, but their magical powers now filled them to nearly bursting.

Speaker: Both of them were examining their palms.

Speaker: Really?

Speaker: There was hair everywhere.

Speaker: My God.

Speaker: It's true what they said.

Speaker: It does sound like puberty hit them.

Speaker: Honestly, when you see the upgrade in the original Final Fantasy,

Speaker: Kind of.

Speaker: Yeah, actually, that does kind of work.

Speaker: Puberty hits the characters and they go about their journey.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: That's what the dragon is kind of like.

Speaker: It's a it's a metaphor.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: For the menstrual cycle.

Speaker: It's all.

Speaker: You see, it's subtext.

Speaker: It's all a metaphor.

Speaker: They go to they go to on rack.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And they learn about the water fiend.

Speaker: The water fiend.

Speaker: Basically, there was a temple that the water crystal was in.

Speaker: The water fiend 200 years ago plunged it, plunged it deep into the ocean.

Speaker: Can't get to it now.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: They meet a girl who is like, hey, how do we get there?

Speaker: And she's like, take this casket down.

Speaker: And they're like, what?

Speaker: And she's like, oh, also, here's something that will let you breathe underwater.

Speaker: It's like a wine.

Speaker: I can't believe I almost forgot that part.

Speaker: Here's some wine.

Speaker: Drink it and you'll breathe underwater.

Speaker: And they're like, OK.

Speaker: So they get drunk and drunk enough to believe this little girl that they could get into a wooden box and go underwater.

Speaker: But it's true.

Speaker: It turns out to be totally true.

Speaker: This is indeed how it works.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Anybody who has ever attempted to go to the bottom of the ocean in a casket and it didn't work, it was because you were sober or not drunk enough.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So try, try again.

Speaker: You'll be fine.

Speaker: So for any billionaires out there looking-

Speaker: to take another journey to see the Titanic, just really, before you make that decision, really liquor yourself up and then say yes.

Speaker: And say yes to it.

Speaker: Then just get on that, that tiny little submersible that is rated for about five meters.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Invite some orcas along just for the fuck of it, just to be safe and sure.

Speaker: Yeah, they'll help you out.

Speaker: They are wonderfully helpful.

Speaker: They're wonderfully helpful.

Speaker: And so they meet some mermaids down there.

Speaker: We get a little background as to how if the...

Speaker: water crystal is not dealt with, if the water fiend is not dealt with, the sea will become darker and more still, and soon the mermaids will turn into seafoam.

Speaker: Little Hans Christian Andersen there for you.

Speaker: Hey.

Speaker: Little mythology reference for you.

Speaker: Little Little Mermaid reference.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Original Little Mermaid.

Speaker: Little Mermaid.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: The original.

Speaker: Spoilers for the end of the original Little Mermaid.

Speaker: But she turns.

Speaker: She fucking dies.

Speaker: It doesn't work out for her.

Speaker: She turns into seafoam.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah.

Speaker: And to top it off, every step she was taking on Earth was like knives going into her feet, which is a little distracting when you're trying to seduce a human and you can't speak.

Speaker: It's distracting.

Speaker: So I feel bad for her.

Speaker: I really do.

Speaker: It's fucking distracting.

Speaker: How was it?

Speaker: God.

Speaker: We haven't gone down that road in a long time.

Speaker: You're a nice guy.

Speaker: You're un-fucking-professional.

Speaker: Oh, my God.

Speaker: Take me back.

Speaker: Take me back, Christian Bale.

Speaker: Christian Bale, take me back.

Speaker: Back to when you yelled at the dude.

Speaker: You yelled at that guy.

Speaker: Christian Bale.

Speaker: Really just getting Christian Bale.

Speaker: So they run into Kraken or the Kraken.

Speaker: Your mileage may vary on my pronunciation.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Release the Kraken.

Speaker: But I always thought it was Kraken because there was an E in there.

Speaker: And as a kid, it always in my head was Kraken.

Speaker: Kraken.

Speaker: I always said Kraken as a kid until popular culture started saying Kraken.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And then it's like, OK, I guess it's Kraken.

Speaker: I guess.

Speaker: I was like, if it was Kraken, why isn't there a C?

Speaker: Why isn't a CK?

Speaker: Right.

Speaker: Just trying to follow the rules here, people.

Speaker: They kill Kraken pretty quickly.

Speaker: Kraken, Kraken.

Speaker: Kraken.

Speaker: They kill him.

Speaker: He's dead.

Speaker: They light up the water crystal.

Speaker: So three of four are done.

Speaker: They get to the mermaids are like, tell the little girl she's not becoming a fucking mermaid.

Speaker: And they go up and they tell the little girl she's not becoming a mermaid.

Speaker: And the little girl's like, what's that supposed to mean?

Speaker: I don't know what you mean.

Speaker: I don't know what you're talking about.

Speaker: And she cries.

Speaker: So then they leave.

Speaker: They go and they start going.

Speaker: They find the Mirage Tower, which, as you recall, in the game is in the middle of like a desert.

Speaker: And you fly your ship to it.

Speaker: And the Mirage Tower takes you to the Flying Fortress, which is where the Final Fiend is located.

Speaker: And this is where Final Fantasy becomes Final Sci-Fi.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: Hey, the roots of science fiction bullshit in Final Fantasy.

Speaker: Oh, all the way back to the first one.

Speaker: All the way back.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker: That shit has been there from the beginning.

Speaker: Do not misunderstand.

Speaker: In fact, there was a monster in the Flying Fortress that was literally Ed 209.

Speaker: i don't remember that so it was like a one in 1000 chance of of encountering him uh flying fortress rare and uh enemy warmech yeah so just look up warmech um

Speaker: Warmechel's knows the death machine.

Speaker: Oh, Jesus Christ.

Speaker: Yeah, that's wow.

Speaker: All right.

Speaker: Damn.

Speaker: It's basically Ed 209.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Dang.

Speaker: All right.

Speaker: That is funny.

Speaker: I didn't know that.

Speaker: That's funny.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So, yeah, ED-209.

Speaker: Well, I don't know.

Speaker: Robocop came out the same year as this game, so I don't know if it's exactly it's supposed to be ED-209.

Speaker: It is a little close, but still, still.

Speaker: That's crazy.

Speaker: Warmech was one of those.

Speaker: Uh, there's a one in 64 chance of appearing, um, while you cross the bridge leading to Tiamat.

Speaker: Um, he's a very rare, uh, enemy.

Speaker: And, uh,

Speaker: One of the most powerful enemies in the game.

Speaker: That's wild.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: I believe he had an attack that was just like a TPK no matter what.

Speaker: Of course.

Speaker: Naturally.

Speaker: It regenerates 5% of its max HP every round and had an attack called Nuke that dealt non-elemental magic damage to the whole party.

Speaker: Nuke was a spell you could get as a wizard too, though.

Speaker: Yeah, I think.

Speaker: It's probably not the same thing, though.

Speaker: Yeah, it's always better when the enemy is using it than when you get it.

Speaker: It's like... Oh, of course.

Speaker: Oh, yeah, without question.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So, yeah.

Speaker: We don't get that.

Speaker: We don't fight Ed 209 here.

Speaker: We do get a description and that would have been too interesting.

Speaker: We do get a description of how it's like, hey, it's a future sci-fi bullshit.

Speaker: And there's these future there's like these alien guys and there's Sid.

Speaker: I forgot to mention Sid was the one who left them the airship.

Speaker: There's a note from Sid and there's a recording of Sid like trying to escape the flying fortress because Tiamat is taking it over.

Speaker: And they basically they they see a recording of this.

Speaker: They go up.

Speaker: They fight Tiamat.

Speaker: Tiamat is probably the hardest difficulty boss they fight because of the number of pages dedicated to fighting it.

Speaker: It actually takes more than one.

Speaker: It takes more than one.

Speaker: It takes like four pages to fight Tiamat.

Speaker: But after cutting off all her heads, they get her.

Speaker: She has four heads.

Speaker: Tiamat, another... But, I mean, Tiamat is much older than Dungeons & Dragons.

Speaker: But I think that in Tiamat as a multi-headed dragon is... I'm just wondering if that is just like...

Speaker: The literal Dungeons dragon.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: I have to believe that that like Tiamat, if you're talking about like, you're right.

Speaker: Tiamat goes further back than just Tiamat.

Speaker: Tiamat was a Mesopotamian god.

Speaker: Right.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: But that's how people know it.

Speaker: Like that's just that most people anyway.

Speaker: I'm sure.

Speaker: Look, I'm sorry, nerds.

Speaker: I'm sure there are plenty of you who know that it was originally an ancient Mesopotamian god.

Speaker: But but

Speaker: Just trust me when I say that I think most people know it from D&D, if they know it at all.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Oh, sorry.

Speaker: In D&D, Tiamat has five heads.

Speaker: They're in the clear.

Speaker: Oh, yeah.

Speaker: They're good.

Speaker: They're fine.

Speaker: No harm, no foul.

Speaker: Tiamat is a chromatic dragon from D&D.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: So...

Speaker: Anyway, they kill, they heal.

Speaker: They're beat up a little bit, but they heal.

Speaker: But everything is still ruined.

Speaker: Shit's still bad.

Speaker: All the crystals are back.

Speaker: It's like, hey, it's like an allegory to climate change.

Speaker: Are you saying if we stop doing everything bad right now, everything won't be fixed right away?

Speaker: Fixed immediately?

Speaker: And then where will you be?

Speaker: Libs.

Speaker: It'll take decades to reverse even the start to reverse the damage that's been done.

Speaker: And all the wrong people will take advantage of that fact and pretend that means that it isn't working.

Speaker: And it's not worth it.

Speaker: And we should terraform Mars.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah.

Speaker: And then the revolution still doesn't happen.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: It's wild that Elon Musk is so hell bent on like conceptually terraforming Mars.

Speaker: Like, buddy, you own an EV company, but you're cozying up with a right wing grift machine.

Speaker: And fucking Elon Musk.

Speaker: You first, Musk.

Speaker: Go on up there.

Speaker: There's so many cyber trucks in Boca Raton now.

Speaker: Oh, I've seen I have seen.

Speaker: I imagine Richmond has their to see.

Speaker: I imagine Richmond has their fair share at this point.

Speaker: I saw I think it was purple in in South Dakota recently.

Speaker: I didn't know they came in multiple colors.

Speaker: I don't think they do.

Speaker: I think you have to get them like the shrink wrap stuff put on.

Speaker: Yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker: That makes sense.

Speaker: I saw a matte black one today.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: That's just, what a shame.

Speaker: What a shame that that exists.

Speaker: They go back to Lukan.

Speaker: The sages do their bullshit again.

Speaker: Basically, they got to go back to the Chaos Shrine because the problem didn't just get solved now.

Speaker: They got to solve it at its source 2,000 years ago when Jesus died.

Speaker: Jesus.

Speaker: So they get back to the Chaos Shrine.

Speaker: It's easy because, you know, you got an airship now.

Speaker: You were just there.

Speaker: You were there 40 pages ago.

Speaker: It's not 40 pages ago.

Speaker: It's not that that hard.

Speaker: So they get in there and they touch a thing and it sends them back to the past.

Speaker: And suddenly they're there and all the fiends are there, too.

Speaker: And Garland's like, and the fiends are like, who are you guys?

Speaker: Why are the warriors of light here in an age of light?

Speaker: And they're like, why aren't you attacking us?

Speaker: And the fiends are like, we're not evil yet.

Speaker: Yet.

Speaker: And then Garland casts a spell to make them evil, but also to absorb them.

Speaker: And oh no, Garland has become chaos.

Speaker: Boy, oh boy.

Speaker: They are fighting Garland and it's tough.

Speaker: And then for a little bit, but he gets less pages in his battle than Tiamat did.

Speaker: And then the crystals that they wear around their necks do a deus ex machina and glow and all that.

Speaker: Garland dies.

Speaker: There's a big, bright flash of white.

Speaker: The Warriors of Light.

Speaker: Do they fucking die?

Speaker: I don't know.

Speaker: It starts all over.

Speaker: They go into the void.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: The end.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And it doesn't even like the implication.

Speaker: that I always got.

Speaker: I don't know if I'm making this up was when I when I beat the game was that they have to do this over and over and over again, that this is our time is a flat circle.

Speaker: And as the Warriors of Light, they've got to repeat this process over and over and over again, which is a fascinating and bleak ending to put in your 1980s Japanese role playing game.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And just they were just like, oh, what?

Speaker: Aren't you glad it's over?

Speaker: Like, yeah, well, actually, when you put it that way, kind of.

Speaker: Yeah, apparently Strangers of Paradise, which is the sort of side make remake of Final Fantasy One, plays with this idea of it being a time loop that needs to happen over and over and over again until one day it's finally resolved.

Speaker: That's such a cool idea.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And I didn't even try.

Speaker: So that's the first Final Fantasy book in this collection.

Speaker: Should I ask you what you think?

Speaker: What do you think?

Speaker: I've said this before, Kevin, about other books we've read.

Speaker: But this time, I mean it with a level of sincerity that maybe has been missed by the other ones.

Speaker: I genuinely don't know who this is for.

Speaker: Mm-hmm.

Speaker: I don't know who this is for.

Speaker: I don't, it's a bad abridged retelling of a 25 year old NES game.

Speaker: And somehow cuts out half the plot.

Speaker: Yeah, cuts out half the plot, half the interesting shit.

Speaker: And Final Fantasy has adventure and all kinds of fun stuff that if you actually did a straight up novelization, it could still be dull in the sense of like, well, we just, why don't you just play the game?

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: But at least it would have some moments that are, there is something you could do with that.

Speaker: But this is just like this washed out, watered down,

Speaker: version of it that doesn't do anything new and actually eliminates some of the stuff that makes it interesting in the first place.

Speaker: So I don't know what this is for.

Speaker: I don't know who's this is supposed to satisfy our interest.

Speaker: You know, it's not just that it's badly written.

Speaker: It's not it's not it's not horribly written.

Speaker: It's not the worst written thing we've ever read.

Speaker: It's not good either.

Speaker: But I just I don't know what the audience was meant to be for this.

Speaker: I really don't.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: No, I totally agree.

Speaker: I do not get the I don't get the audience.

Speaker: I don't get the why.

Speaker: I feel like if you wanted to put in the effort, you could have made.

Speaker: I feel like I could crank out a three hundred.

Speaker: page book based on the first Final Fantasy.

Speaker: Absolutely.

Speaker: If you just said, here's the events of the first Final Fantasy.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Here's the characters.

Speaker: Just do whatever you want to get through these beats.

Speaker: And I'd be like, okay.

Speaker: The outline's written for you.

Speaker: Here you go.

Speaker: Here are the beats.

Speaker: Add or subtract.

Speaker: They have to end up at these following locations in order.

Speaker: Right.

Speaker: But otherwise, clearly he's got carte blanche on a certain level to just kind of play with it.

Speaker: But it's just like, it's a mess.

Speaker: It is.

Speaker: It's dry.

Speaker: And it's celebrating the 25th anniversary.

Speaker: This screams of like Square Enix just was like, fuck it.

Speaker: It's the 25th anniversary and we need merch.

Speaker: Right.

Speaker: I feel like they forgot about the 25th anniversary and a week before they're like, oh shit, we have to do something.

Speaker: Like they just scrambling all over the place and just call Takashi.

Speaker: Just call him up.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: He can crank this shit out.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: I know a guy.

Speaker: He cranks shit out.

Speaker: He does Dragon Quest.

Speaker: Oh, okay.

Speaker: Yeah, fine.

Speaker: Braggers can't be cheaters.

Speaker: Give him a call.

Speaker: He does the Dragon Quest manga.

Speaker: It's big in France.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Well, the French, the French Dragon Quest manga.

Speaker: Oh, okay.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: All right.

Speaker: Fine.

Speaker: All right.

Speaker: So he's cheap then is what you're saying.

Speaker: It's like, oh yeah.

Speaker: He works for croissant and cigarettes.

Speaker: He's a,

Speaker: It's going to be great.

Speaker: Don't you worry.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Not great.

Speaker: Don't have high hopes for the other two parts of this.

Speaker: And they're longer.

Speaker: Not much longer, but they're longer.

Speaker: The last one is almost twice the size of the first one.

Speaker: That's true.

Speaker: The last one's about 100 pages.

Speaker: Final Fantasy three.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: I never played two or three.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: The original two or three.

Speaker: Yeah, same.

Speaker: I did play Final Fantasy 4, which was two in the States.

Speaker: Right, right.

Speaker: Originally.

Speaker: And three was six, if I recall correctly.

Speaker: Yeah, that sounds right.

Speaker: But none of that's ever made sense to me.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: It's just because, yeah, two and three were never released in the States originally.

Speaker: And so when the next one that was going to be released in the States came out, they were like, let's call it two.

Speaker: And the thing is, I have been looking for excuses to like play through the second and third ones, which have been re-released recently.

Speaker: And I've been looking for excuses to play them.

Speaker: And if I gave even a little bit of a shit, I might have prepped to have played those.

Speaker: But this is not worth it.

Speaker: cranking out 15 hours of an old NES game to, to, to have the context for this.

Speaker: Not worth cranking your hog for it.

Speaker: No, no.

Speaker: Cranking my hog.

Speaker: Cranking.

Speaker: Um, our, our podcast host said that that does not, uh,

Speaker: talking about cranking hogs does not appeal to advertisers.

Speaker: So what?

Speaker: All right.

Speaker: Look, if you're, if you're, if you're advertising with us, we got a warning and be like, you know, some of this content, you're serious.

Speaker: I'm serious.

Speaker: Oh, I thought you were just fucking around.

Speaker: Oh my God.

Speaker: God.

Speaker: In our fucking dashboard, there's like, well, you didn't pass the content scan for advertiser safety.

Speaker: I was like, what the fuck does that mean?

Speaker: And they're like, well, first your email response asking what the fuck does that mean?

Speaker: But also they responded with a table of the things in particular that are...

Speaker: art that advertisers would feel uncomfortable with.

Speaker: Was it the leftist shit?

Speaker: Tell me it was the leftist shit.

Speaker: No, no.

Speaker: It was, okay, Borderlands the Fallen Part 2, flagged content.

Speaker: Is he talking about the tutorial level?

Speaker: What the fuck is that?

Speaker: No, it's like, no, he had entered her and she was all for it.

Speaker: She was pumped.

Speaker: We find out Vance had a big old hog and he's cranking that hog.

Speaker: He's cranking that hog and she's digging it.

Speaker: They transcribed these.

Speaker: Another Borderlands of Fallen Part 2.

Speaker: He's like, no, I told him, but we're not going to do that, but I'm going to kill Cranigan.

Speaker: First chance I get payback for McKee.

Speaker: But mostly at this point, he's like, we're going to get paid.

Speaker: Good guy, Roland.

Speaker: Like he he's like even Roland, he's just kind of assumes that it's not so much that he's taking this younger guy under his wing as much as we got to get ready.

Speaker: We got to get you paid, son.

Speaker: Dishonor the Corroded Man, part one.

Speaker: And Galia is trying not to throw up because of the way she has been experimenting on the dead bodies.

Speaker: He has been.

Speaker: Zuko says he wants revenge.

Speaker: It's just we're just describing violence in things.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: We're not going to make anyone happy at that rate.

Speaker: Like, it's not just that we're sickos.

Speaker: I am not like.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Anyway, so.

Speaker: So that brings me to, hey, folks, if you really want us to get money, go to patreon.com slash pixel at pod.

Speaker: That is going to be the best way for us to get money, given the fact that our podcast host is like, hey, guys.

Speaker: all high school guidance counselor on us.

Speaker: I hate to be a bummer.

Speaker: I hate to be a bummer, but you guys are saying things that might not appeal to the anyone.

Speaker: to anyone.

Speaker: So go to patreon.com slash pixelapod.

Speaker: You can follow us for free.

Speaker: That helps.

Speaker: But also you could get play $1, get access to Phil's blog where he rates some, some usually a horror book, $5 a month gets you ad free episodes and the pre-show bonus and $10 a month gets you shouted out to

Speaker: two on every episode.

Speaker: So to that end, I want to shout out friendly friend.

Speaker: Jesus loves you.

Speaker: Kyle Seaman, Ruthless Mudder, and our brand new $10 tier member.

Speaker: Hallelujah.

Speaker: Middle of Things.

Speaker: Thank you so much for joining and being here and being awesome.

Speaker: Thank you.

Speaker: Phil.

Speaker: What do you play in?

Speaker: Oh, well, I play.

Speaker: OK.

Speaker: All right.

Speaker: I played a few things.

Speaker: First, I very quickly played a little tiny bit of Warhammer 40,000 Speed Freaks.

Speaker: OK.

Speaker: Which is a free to play orc.

Speaker: racing slash, it's not really a racing game.

Speaker: So it's almost like a battle royale game in trucks and cars and stuff like that.

Speaker: On its face, it sounds like it should be perfect.

Speaker: Like that's exactly the kind of thing you expect.

Speaker: But it is it was really dull.

Speaker: What I played of it was just really dull.

Speaker: It's been done a thousand times before.

Speaker: It's filled with microtransactions, which, of course, it is.

Speaker: It's free to play game.

Speaker: That's fine.

Speaker: But right.

Speaker: It's like it just it it just didn't interest me in the slightest.

Speaker: It's it's it feels pretty.

Speaker: Slapdash again, I literally played like one game of it, so it's I'm not an expert or anything, but I have a hard time suggesting it.

Speaker: Sure.

Speaker: I played a demo for a game called We Harvest Shadows.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: This game really interested me.

Speaker: It is basically a farming simulator with a storyline, and the storyline is that you are this guy who's going through something of a mental collapse, and you're on the spot by this farm, this busted up old farm.

Speaker: And you're like trying to change your life and just start all over.

Speaker: And and during the day, you do a lot of the same things you do in these farming simulators.

Speaker: You like plant tomatoes and raise crops and build fences and shit like that.

Speaker: But at night, like horrors lurk around the corner on the farm.

Speaker: And it's a very, very interesting combination of things.

Speaker: It almost it's one of those games that you play.

Speaker: I'm just like, was this made for me specifically?

Speaker: Yeah, no, I was about to say, if you like that kind of stuff, not you, but the audience, go buy Phil Keeling's Juice.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah, please.

Speaker: Available from Amazon.com.

Speaker: Yes, please.

Speaker: Yeah, it's this combination of horror.

Speaker: And owning a farm.

Speaker: And I'm just like, this feels personal.

Speaker: And I have to say, there's a lot of potential there, but it doesn't feel pulled off fully.

Speaker: The daytime stuff feels so similar to every other kind of craft-a-thon sort of survival game you've played on and seen people play on stream and stuff.

Speaker: It's a little tedious, but you know, here's the thing.

Speaker: Tediousness has never stopped me from enjoying a game.

Speaker: My number one game of 2023 was Aliens Dark Descent.

Speaker: So I'm not afraid of tedium.

Speaker: It's just I'm going to have to come back to it because it just didn't leave me wanting to, like, just bust down the door and play some more, which I really expected of it.

Speaker: Maybe I came into it with too high of expectations because, as I said before, all of the shit involved in it feels kind of.

Speaker: tailor made for me.

Speaker: And yeah, it's not that's not fair if you come in with those kind of expectations.

Speaker: So I might have to give it another try, but it's interesting.

Speaker: And I feel like there's probably an audience out there of people who would really dig this, who aren't kind of burnt out by those games.

Speaker: I would recommend if you're listening and that even blinks a little curiosity in you, they have a free demo on Steam.

Speaker: I think it'd be worth checking out.

Speaker: I think I'm going to give another go.

Speaker: The more I'm thinking, more I'm talking out loud about it, the more I'm like, I really should give that another try.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: The game I've spent the most time this past week playing with was Visions of Mana.

Speaker: OK, I got that and I love it.

Speaker: It's if there's here, I want to say this right up front.

Speaker: There is nothing terribly special about this game.

Speaker: It is an action RPG.

Speaker: It's got a very Tui standard issue fantasy anime storyline with fantasy storyline cut scenes and all that stuff.

Speaker: Side quests and upping your level and button mashing and

Speaker: I love it.

Speaker: It's it just there's something about it that just hits the same button that the original Secret of Mana hit on me when I was a kid.

Speaker: That was one of my favorite games of all time.

Speaker: And that game, this when they developed this, their goal was very specifically to evoke

Speaker: that old feeling.

Speaker: Sure.

Speaker: And so that there have been several mana games since that came out and I haven't played any of them.

Speaker: But because they were making a point of being like, we're trying to go old school with this, I was like, all right, I'll give it a shot.

Speaker: And one of the most one of the previous episodes played the demo and ended up stopping prematurely because I didn't want to ruin the game for myself.

Speaker: And

Speaker: I'm about six hours in.

Speaker: I'm about to beat the first chapter.

Speaker: The storyline is interesting.

Speaker: It's like literally the mana tree, which is just this life source of all of the planet, requires sacrifices at every town, every region.

Speaker: You pick a person to be what they call the Alm.

Speaker: And that person is protected by a guard by like, I forget what they're called, but they have a, they're assigned a guard and they go on this quest together for the Alm to sacrifice their soul to the Mana Tree to keep it alive.

Speaker: And in the very beginning, there's a prologue with these characters and they're like trying to get away.

Speaker: Like they're trying to run away to escape this kind of very culty behavior.

Speaker: Right.

Speaker: But since then, no one bats an eye.

Speaker: Everyone, and you're building up this party of people who are being called alms, and they're all just like, awesome, I can't wait to sacrifice my soul for the sake of the mandatory.

Speaker: And you're like, this is weird.

Speaker: And if they don't go someplace with that, then I don't know.

Speaker: It's a gift right now.

Speaker: It has got a fucking bow on it.

Speaker: So what's wild about...

Speaker: Visions of Mana.

Speaker: So it's the Of Mana series at Square Enix.

Speaker: The developer, did you hear about this?

Speaker: How the developer of the game was shut down the day the game, like after the game released?

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Wait, after this one released?

Speaker: After Visions of Mana.

Speaker: No!

Speaker: It dropped and then Tencent, which owns the studio, goes, great, shut down.

Speaker: fucking 10 cents.

Speaker: So like even if even if it's sold well and Square is like happy with their work.

Speaker: It's not like Square can go back to that developer now.

Speaker: She needs to make another one.

Speaker: Fucking Tencent is just gonna ruin everything.

Speaker: It's just... Yeah, it's like NetEase and Tencent shut it down and... Well, I mean, it's the same thing that happened with... What was that Lovely game last year?

Speaker: It was on my top ten list.

Speaker: Hi-Fi Rush.

Speaker: Oh, yeah.

Speaker: And Hi-Fi Rush ended up getting purchased by... Not Hi-Fi Rush.

Speaker: The studio behind Hi-Fi Rush.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Ended up being...

Speaker: purchase tango game works is now owned by uh craft on um which is a south korean publisher uh and that so that one ended up having something of a happy ending but like that's just where we are right uh with games it's it's

Speaker: You know, Xbox is like, I don't want them.

Speaker: We don't want them anymore.

Speaker: We're shutting them down and Krafton made an offer like, hey, we'll we'll take them.

Speaker: Krafton, by the way, is the the overarching publishing company that that does PUBG.

Speaker: Oh, well, there you go.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: That's interesting.

Speaker: That's it.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Is PUBG still around?

Speaker: Are they still doing okay?

Speaker: I was on their side in the, in the, the Fortnite PUBG.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: In the battle Royale wars.

Speaker: I was on their side.

Speaker: Yeah, I, I think so.

Speaker: They got, what I remember is funny is that there was that game that was, um,

Speaker: Oh, there was that game that was like, fuck, what is it now?

Speaker: What's the game I'm thinking of?

Speaker: The one with the necromorphs.

Speaker: Fucking...

Speaker: We read the book.

Speaker: It's terrible.

Speaker: Oh, oh, oh, Dead Space.

Speaker: Dead Space.

Speaker: There we go.

Speaker: There was a game that was like kind of like Dead Space that I think they gave the funding to.

Speaker: Do you remember that Dead Space-like game?

Speaker: What was it called?

Speaker: Callisto Protocol?

Speaker: Callisto Protocol.

Speaker: I played it for like a hot minute.

Speaker: You liked that, didn't you?

Speaker: I never finished it, but it was like, it's not bad.

Speaker: It's not Dead Space, but it's not bad.

Speaker: Definitely didn't make it my top 10.

Speaker: Right.

Speaker: But I think there was some weird thing where it's like set in the PUBG universe or something like that.

Speaker: It wasn't actually set in the PUBG universe, but I think it was funded.

Speaker: I think Crafton gave some of the money for it.

Speaker: And maybe I'm making that up, but...

Speaker: Callisto Protocol.

Speaker: I'm just checking it.

Speaker: Yeah, publisher, Krafton.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: That's so funny.

Speaker: Well, that's a goddamn tragedy because I got to say, this game...

Speaker: as far as I can tell, is not getting a ton of attention.

Speaker: Sure.

Speaker: It's not.

Speaker: As I've said, it's not the most unique game I've ever played.

Speaker: I'm really enjoying it.

Speaker: And I think anybody who who likes those old school action RPGs and enjoys Secret of Mana or anything along those lines could get a lot out of it.

Speaker: So I'm going to I'm going to recommend it to anybody who's interested.

Speaker: Nice.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So what Kevin, what are you playing?

Speaker: I have been playing Tactical Breach Wizards.

Speaker: Oh, tell me more.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: I think you would really like it.

Speaker: It's, you know, it's a fights in tight spaces slash XCOM style game, except it's funny and you have these wizards that you are controlling.

Speaker: And they're...

Speaker: So you start out with a the first guy, first character you get is a freelance witch.

Speaker: So she does she has some like electrical spells and that she she does.

Speaker: She like she has a static cannon.

Speaker: Basically, she just like focuses her lightning spell through a little gun and it just so she can direct the the the lightning bolt.

Speaker: And most of her spells are around knockback.

Speaker: So you're like one of the stats that's counted at the end of a round is defenestrations.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Oh, I love it.

Speaker: There's another guy, Zan, who is able to see into the future a little bit.

Speaker: And so you can using him, you can like you can preview, you can set up your turn and then you can preview the rest of the turn.

Speaker: And if you don't like what happens, you can rewind the turn back to the beginning.

Speaker: Oh, that's pretty slick.

Speaker: I like that.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And then the third one, I think there's like five wizards that you get throughout the game.

Speaker: I only have three of them so far.

Speaker: The third one is a necromedic.

Speaker: Oh, that's funny.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: She is able to rewind a body back to the state it was in one hour ago.

Speaker: Oh, neat.

Speaker: That's a fun idea.

Speaker: But she can't do it to somebody alive.

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: You have to be dead.

Speaker: So what she does is when you're introduced to her, your characters have been poisoned.

Speaker: So in order for her to fix that, she takes out a revolver and she shoots you in the head.

Speaker: And then she rewinds you back an hour to.

Speaker: So there's like she has this revive mechanic and it's like on the icon for it on her little bar is a bullet with a heart.

Speaker: Oh, that's good.

Speaker: I like that.

Speaker: And then she also has this thing called Gary the skull, which allows, which, you know, it's a bouncing attack.

Speaker: She can throw the skull and it bounces around the room.

Speaker: I love that.

Speaker: That's fun.

Speaker: I want to play a D&D character based on that.

Speaker: That's super fun.

Speaker: The necromedic is amazing.

Speaker: An amazing concept.

Speaker: That is fun.

Speaker: And I just love her in general.

Speaker: So yeah, Tactical Breach Wizards, the game, I've had some real laugh out loud moments reading some of the dialogue in the game.

Speaker: Oh, I gotta check this out.

Speaker: There's like a there's a moment where you're standing outside a room ready to breach it.

Speaker: And the one guy is asking Jen, I believe your character's name is like, hey, what?

Speaker: Who's in there?

Speaker: And she's like, oh, that's Steve.

Speaker: He's a real fucking asshole.

Speaker: And and then from the room, you see a little text box say, well, fuck you, too, Jen.

Speaker: And then it's like he's a real fucking asshole with apparently good hearing.

Speaker: Oh, that's good.

Speaker: That's good.

Speaker: That's I'm going to have to check this.

Speaker: Is that just on steam?

Speaker: Is that on switch or anything else?

Speaker: I have no idea what it, what else it's on.

Speaker: Tactical breach wizards.

Speaker: It's on steam.

Speaker: It is.

Speaker: Hmm.

Speaker: You know, when you search tactical breach wizards, one of the top videos that comes up is is North or line playing it.

Speaker: Nice.

Speaker: He's everywhere.

Speaker: He is everywhere.

Speaker: I don't see.

Speaker: Steam.

Speaker: First or switch.

Speaker: Not yet, as far as I can tell.

Speaker: OK.

Speaker: That looks really worth taking a look at.

Speaker: That looks it's worth it.

Speaker: It's the is it the same guy who did Into the Breach?

Speaker: Oh, oh, see, I loved Into the Breach.

Speaker: That would be that would be that would be very good.

Speaker: Let me see.

Speaker: Suspicious developments.

Speaker: Um, heat signature.

Speaker: Oh, that looks interesting.

Speaker: Oh, gunpoint is the same team that did.

Speaker: Oh, gunpoint and heat signature.

Speaker: Got it.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Cool.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: No, it, it makes sense with, with, uh, something about it being the gunpoint people makes a lot of sense.

Speaker: Yeah, that holds up.

Speaker: That makes a lot of sense.

Speaker: I really, I loved Gunpoint.

Speaker: Gunpoint.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: If you haven't played it, it's a 2013 indie game that was like, oh, this is cute.

Speaker: This is what like indie games can be, you know?

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Like really interesting.

Speaker: Very good mechanics on it.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: That was a good game.

Speaker: Yeah, so tactical breach wizards.

Speaker: Also, because I am so completely back on my bullshit.

Speaker: Oh boy.

Speaker: re-downloaded Dark Souls 2 and playing a modded version of it called Seeker of Flame which changes a bunch of things in the base game and also I added a lighting engine thing to really make it look pretty.

Speaker: So Seeker of Flame updates the controls so it feels more in line with an Elden Ring or Dark Souls 3.

Speaker: And then the lighting engine just makes it look gorgeous.

Speaker: And I added some high res textures to it.

Speaker: I was like, you know what, if I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it fancy.

Speaker: Just make it extra pretty.

Speaker: I love it.

Speaker: I've been playing it for it.

Speaker: It's like I put in like 90 minutes recently and almost entirely that's been in Majula.

Speaker: Me just testing graphical settings.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: But yeah, so Dark Souls 2 Scholar of the First Sin with the Seeker of Flame mod and light engine and HD texture packs and all that stuff.

Speaker: Good stuff.

Speaker: Also, No Man's Sky for some reason.

Speaker: Oh, No Man's Sky.

Speaker: All right.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: It's back, baby.

Speaker: Is this the third time that I've bought it?

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: Will I return it this time?

Speaker: We'll see.

Speaker: Maybe.

Speaker: Also probably.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So No Man's Sky, I was like, you know what?

Speaker: It's gotten a lot of updates.

Speaker: Maybe I should actually try it.

Speaker: I mean, No Man's Sky, you got to give it to them.

Speaker: It is a survivor.

Speaker: That game has, you know, it weathered through some serious horseshit.

Speaker: It fought and clawed its way back into from like a disastrous launch into relevance.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Absolutely.

Speaker: Now, every time they do something, they're like, no, please, guys, stop.

Speaker: You don't have to give us free content anymore.

Speaker: It's just, yeah, it's the game studio that is meoculping itself for a decade at least.

Speaker: Absolutely crazy.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Also, I don't think we talked about this.

Speaker: Did I tell you that I played and beat Slay the Princess?

Speaker: No, I think you mentioned at one point on one episode that you were going to download and play that.

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: I'm very curious about that one, so I'd love to hear what you have to say about that.

Speaker: It's an interesting game.

Speaker: There's a lot of ways to play through it, and I'm sure there's a lot of...

Speaker: Like there's so many achievements.

Speaker: There's 97 achievements.

Speaker: Jesus Christ.

Speaker: It's an interesting game.

Speaker: I think I beat it.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: And like the one of the main ways to beat it basically.

Speaker: It's real, it gets real weird.

Speaker: I think I kind of fucked up by making it weird almost right off the bat.

Speaker: Because it's like the idea behind it is it's got real Stanley parable.

Speaker: Like the narrator is telling you what to do and you're just doing it.

Speaker: And then the narrator's like, why the fuck are you doing what I told you to do?

Speaker: Or why aren't you doing what I told you to do?

Speaker: Stop that.

Speaker: So right off the bat,

Speaker: With slay the princess I was Spoilers for sites stop listing if you don't want to hear things about slay the princess Right off the bat with slay the princess.

Speaker: I was like

Speaker: Nah, fuck it.

Speaker: I'm not going to do what this guy says.

Speaker: I'm going to turn around and walk away.

Speaker: And I did it.

Speaker: And it's like, it gets into some weird glitch horror stuff.

Speaker: Oh, good.

Speaker: I'm sure you loved that.

Speaker: I loved that.

Speaker: And then the game crashes and you start up and then it's like,

Speaker: It's like, slay the princess.

Speaker: And it's like, all you can do is go to the cabin.

Speaker: Like it won't let you like, so, but you've already like, you've already broken the fourth wall of the game.

Speaker: Like instead of like warming up to it or like playing around with it for a few rounds in different ways, I got to that fourth wall break right out the gate.

Speaker: And I feel like that might have changed my perspective on the game a little bit.

Speaker: I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Speaker: You didn't even get to like.

Speaker: Yeah, I didn't do the thing.

Speaker: I didn't slay the princess right off the bat.

Speaker: And I'm sure I'm not the only one, but I'm not sure how many folks did the.

Speaker: complete fourth wall break understands uh and get a greater understanding of the conceptual weird metaphysical cosmic horror bullshit around it before actually even meeting the goddamn princess yeah yeah i feel like you may have yeah you may have missed something there yeah

Speaker: Um, so, uh, I mean, I still played through it.

Speaker: It took me, I played through it for about 90 minutes, you know, hour and a half.

Speaker: I did a bunch of loops through the game, uh, and collected a bunch of different endings that were required for, to satisfy the ending for the greater metaphysical bullshit.

Speaker: Um,

Speaker: And then, you know, I got credits and I was like, well, I'm sure there's more to do.

Speaker: And this was neat, but it also is my like every time I think I'm a visual novel guy, I'm like, I am not a visual novel guy.

Speaker: Like it's neat.

Speaker: But at the same time, this is not enough visual and not enough novel for me.

Speaker: Right, right.

Speaker: If that makes sense.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: No, I can fully appreciate.

Speaker: I know exactly what you mean.

Speaker: I keep telling myself there's, it feels like every year for a while there, not so much these days, but for a while there, it felt like every year there was a new strange visual novel, like Hatoful Boyfriend and all that other shit.

Speaker: Like it felt like for a while there, there was a new one every year.

Speaker: And I'd go, that's kind of funny.

Speaker: That's kind of interesting.

Speaker: And I get into it and I go, oh,

Speaker: Okay.

Speaker: Like, I don't, I just, and I find myself like clicking through the dialogue as fast as possible.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Don't get me wrong.

Speaker: Slay the Princess is really well written.

Speaker: At the same time, it just isn't,

Speaker: There's something missing for me to fully connect with it.

Speaker: I totally get why people connect with it.

Speaker: Like, don't get me wrong.

Speaker: I understand.

Speaker: I acknowledge the writing's really good and I understand why people connect with it.

Speaker: I played through it, got to the end credits.

Speaker: I was like, I don't have the urge to open it up and discover why the fuck there's 70 more achievements though.

Speaker: Yes, yes, yeah.

Speaker: It takes a specific kind of game to make me want to do that.

Speaker: Pony Island?

Speaker: Sure.

Speaker: I'll stick with you and play with it and all that stuff like that.

Speaker: Not all of them.

Speaker: I just can't.

Speaker: I don't have time for all of that shit.

Speaker: And you know what's weird is that Paradise Killer verges on being a visual novel, but I fucking love Paradise Killer.

Speaker: It became one of my favorite games of all time after playing through Paradise Killer.

Speaker: And I think because it just...

Speaker: There's like platforming in it.

Speaker: So it's more than just line of dialogue, line of dialogue, line of dialogue.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So I was like, oh, I, you know, I collect some trinkets and I platform a little bit, you know, give me a little, if you give me just a little bit more game in your, a little bit more game, a little bit more V in your VN, I'll, I'll stay with it.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So yeah, I was, I was just looking at my steam recently played and I just feel like I hadn't actually talked about it.

Speaker: You mentioned that one.

Speaker: I remember.

Speaker: And yeah, I'm so glad you brought it up.

Speaker: That's cool.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So, yeah, that's it.

Speaker: That's all.

Speaker: That's what I've been playing.

Speaker: Nice.

Speaker: If you want to follow us, you can go type at PixelitPod pretty much on any social media platform.

Speaker: We're on Twitter.

Speaker: We're on Instagram.

Speaker: Hey, we have a Threads account that hasn't been used in a year, but you can follow us on there if you want.

Speaker: It's there.

Speaker: As a placeholder.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Basically.

Speaker: So we're there.

Speaker: YouTube.

Speaker: Hey, if you're listening to us on Spotify, if you're one of the folks listening to us on Spotify and you have a YouTube account, hop on over to YouTube real quick.

Speaker: Just hit that subscribe button because it'll help us get to the monetization level on YouTube, which.

Speaker: Our sponsors ain't making it happen.

Speaker: We need your help.

Speaker: You know what?

Speaker: Our podcast platform yelled at us.

Speaker: So we want I really want YouTube to yell at us, too, about our suitability for being.

Speaker: But I know YouTube is like a little lazier about content checks.

Speaker: I was making money on YouTube for a while there.

Speaker: And if I can, I don't see why this show can't.

Speaker: Yeah, I don't.

Speaker: Yeah, I think they're like, yeah, first minute, it's fine.

Speaker: Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

Speaker: Gotta move on.

Speaker: It's fine.

Speaker: Moving on.

Speaker: It's fine.

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: So, yeah, go ahead.

Speaker: Do that.

Speaker: Otherwise, do I normally say anything else at the end here?

Speaker: Yeah.

Speaker: Bye.

Final Fantasy 1 - The Bookening!

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