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Ep 30: What Narratives Shape Your Life?
13 Plays1 day ago
Most of us know what we should do—so why don't we do it?
Because beneath our choices are stories. Exhaustion is normal. My value comes from achievement. Busy means important.These narratives quietly shape our health, relationships, leadership, and well-being in ways we rarely examine.
In this episode, Dr. Autumn helps you identify the hidden stories running your life—and what it looks like to replace them with something rooted in wholeness, wisdom, and shalom.
The question this episode will help you ask: What story is shaping my choices?
Intro and Outro Music Credit: Savage by Beat Mekanik, Free Music Archive, License type: CC BY
Please visit: www.autumnswain.com
Contact: autumn@thealignedleader.org
IG: @drautumnswain
FB: Autumn Alena Swain
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Transcript
Introduction to Dr. Autumn and Align Living Podcast
00:00:05
Speaker
Hello there, I'm Dr. Autumn, leadership consultant, wellness coach, author, and I'm incredibly grateful to be your host of the Align Living podcast.
00:00:19
Speaker
I'm here to equip you with the tools, inspiration, and practical tips necessary to lead a life of wholeness and pursue greater shalom in your life and that of your families, teams, and communities.
Holistic Wellbeing and Personal Narratives
00:00:34
Speaker
My mission is to empower you to lead from a place of holistic wellbeing. It's time to say, peace out to the fatigue, fog, and frustration of living in a place that lacks abundant wellbeing.
00:00:49
Speaker
Join me as we embark on a comprehensive exploration of spiritual, physical, mental, emotional, social, and economic well-being, all within the comforting embrace of one podcast.
00:01:09
Speaker
Hey there, good people. Welcome back to the Aligned Living Podcast. Dr. Autumn here. Episode 30, y'all. Like, I'm really excited about this. So, um you know, ah being episode 30, having made it this far, I am actually going to be talking about a topic today that I think is one of the most significant for you to really internalize on this journey towards um wholeness.
00:01:38
Speaker
And this episode is going to be all about the stories that are running your lives. So I'm sure I've mentioned it here and there in the past episodes, um just discussion around narratives, narratives that we hold on to, narratives that we believe. And these narratives are so significant.
00:01:56
Speaker
in our pursuit of shalom in our lives. And so i just want to talk about this for a minute. um When I was thinking about where to start, because this is a big topic here, ah the the first thing I thought about is how easy it is to recognize unhealthy narratives in our society, but how difficult it is to recognize the unhealthy narratives shaping us personally. Right. Like I have told you, I started out in community development and all day long we could identify these narratives that are impacting our culture that we will stand up for, that we'll advocate for, that we'll mobilize for. um But then, you know, in my work as a health coach and working with leaders around their pursuit of wholeness, like individually, um we just have so many things that get in the way of us.
00:02:46
Speaker
truly, honestly acknowledging what stories are shaping us um personally, oftentimes to the negative, right? Like a lot of these narratives get in the way of the goals that we're trying to
Understanding and Challenging Personal Narratives
00:02:59
Speaker
achieve. um So again, we can look at culture and say, oh my goodness, that's so unhealthier. That's toxic. That's not sustainable. That mindset's damaging communities, right?
00:03:09
Speaker
um But then when it comes to our own lives, we're justifying and we normalize and we adapt and we cope and we avoid and we numb. So hence, episode 30. So let's buckle up and dive right in because I'm really, really excited about this.
00:03:26
Speaker
Take this to heart and it will make a difference in your life. So sometimes I would say that we don't even realize there's a narrative running underneath our choices. As you know by now, I'm very passionate about talking about choices because Aligned Living's all about if if you're here, And you want to be over there, that gap in between, what bridges that gap? It's a culmination of the choices we make. um We need to make good choices. So what informs our choices? I love looking at the integration of spiritual formation with science and how God made our bodies and what impacts our choices, right?
00:04:01
Speaker
um But this is an area that is um not as much science related as it's just fact right um because the truth is most people don't actually um i wouldn't say most but a lot of people sometimes don't need more information They already know some of the things that would help them, especially if you've been listening to my podcast and taking away all the tips that I've been sharing. You know, ah people, they know they need rest um or maybe they know they need boundaries or healthier relationships um or should be processing their emotions and just have been avoiding that. Or maybe some people know that they need healthier rhythms in their lives, like been telling you yourself, I need more sleep. I need to drink more water. I need to cook more.
00:04:44
Speaker
um People know their bodies are exhausted. They're feeling fatigued, living off of caffeine instead of the things that actually energize us. People know their stress is unsustainable and they just live in this place of chronic stress. So people have the tools and they know what's wrong, but narratives can be tremendously powerful. So we're going to address some of them because I think when we come face to face with, um,
00:05:08
Speaker
you know, honest conversation with ourselves that can help be a catalyst for the change. um So if we never challenge these stories underneath our lives, we just keep recreating the same unhealthy patterns over and over again. And that's where this episode, um where the inspiration for this episode came from. I'm going to say that again. If we never challenge the stories underneath our lives, we can keep recreating the same unhealthy patterns over and over again.
00:05:38
Speaker
I think one of the greatest barriers to online living and shalom is not just a lack of knowledge. It's these unconscious narratives, um stories we've normalized, stories we've even inherited, stories, culture rewards. Now, that becomes a huge challenge there, right?
00:05:56
Speaker
um Stories our families modeled, stories our environments reinforce, right? And eventually those stories just becomes the the become the lens through which we make
Impact of Narratives on Physical Health
00:06:06
Speaker
decisions. Okay, so now you're seeing the direct correlation between this topic and aligned living.
00:06:13
Speaker
So we like to think that we make purely rational choices, right? But so many of our choices are deeply connected to narratives. So for example, um somebody functions in chronic exhaustion for years because they've normalized this story, right? This is just adulthood. This is just leadership. This is just parenting. Everyone is tired. I'll tell you, this is a soapbox of mine. I will get fired up about the normalization of chronic fatigue because it so much impacts your ability to live Well, OK, so again, this is a really powerful example of what I'm talking about.
00:06:53
Speaker
So instead of asking, like, why is my body constantly depleted? The solution becomes more caffeine or more stimulation or more ah coping or just more pushing through. And it's not because they're lazy, um not because they don't care. but because the narrative normalized dysfunction.
00:07:12
Speaker
Okay. Again, speaking truth here, um I want to be honest with you because I'm asking you all to be honest with yourselves and my journey, I have to live this brand, right? So every day I'm asking myself to make sure I'm functioning in a place of wholeness. Like, are there any underlying stories or narratives that I'm believing? Okay. So This is really important that me as your coach can be true truthful with you and push a little bit here because these narratives often that are keeping us from our goals have caused us again, I'll say it again, to normalize dysfunction.
00:07:48
Speaker
And then it shows up everywhere. Okay. So I'm going to break this down into a couple categories because um some people conceptually, that is enough to drive it home. But I want to get a little more specific so you can potentially relate to some of these examples. So talking about physical health for a second,
00:08:10
Speaker
I know just for all the years of coaching that some people genuinely believe that they're just too busy to eat healthy or that they don't have time to cook or that meal prep is just completely unrealistic or that fast food has just become part of life and that's the way it is. Or I'll focus on my health later. How many of you have at least heard one person in your life say that? Like, oh, like,
00:08:33
Speaker
For now, I got to do what I got to do. I'll take care of that later. Right. But as you may or may not know, those diseases that people accumulate, that chronic pain, that the fatigue, the the um lack of wellness, that starts when you're a kid. Right. And so then when you're a young adult and you're just pushing through, those choices, again, are um um impacting how you live as a middle-aged person. And then that's impacting how you live as an older person. Right.
00:08:59
Speaker
So these years go by living disconnected from one's physical well-being, and that's not good for us, right? And again, i don't think it's because people don't want health. It's because the narrative that people have created have supported unhealthy rhythms. So it makes...
00:09:18
Speaker
health feel like it makes being unhealthy feel inevitable because it's
Emotional Well-being and Narrative Influence
00:09:23
Speaker
just the way it is, right? Because of the story we're telling ourselves. Another one that I hear all the time, um I'm exhausted, but that's just normal. So instead of asking deeper questions about sleep, about stress, about nourishment, about nervous system regulation or hydration or inflammation, even emotional overload or recovery,
00:09:43
Speaker
We normalize fatigue and then medicate it with stimulation. All right. There is a reason in my Aligned Living community, my membership platform where I bring people together, we go a lot deeper coaching you through step by step how to get to where you want to be. um There's a reason in my foundational um lessons. that I talk about honesty, asking good questions, you know, because if you don't, it's a non-starter because in order to, again, as I'm talking about narratives, I keep saying, you know, um,
00:10:15
Speaker
You can accept a narrative or ask the question, right? Because if you fall into the narrative, you fall into the bad habits. If you ask the deeper question, then you'll be able to actually address the solution, the healthy solution, right? So again, I'm exhausted, but that's just normal.
00:10:36
Speaker
Try asking yourself questions about what's impacting your sleep. How are you managing stress? How are you nourishing your body? How are you regulating your nervous system? How are you staying hydrated? What about inflammation in your body? Is your diet supporting um increased inflammation levels or decreased inflammation levels? How are you handling your emotions? How are you recovering? Okay.
00:11:00
Speaker
With that being said, um i also want to talk about emotions a little bit here because physical health, that's clear. um But let's think about the emotional narratives in our lives because it does not matter what you think about yourself, whether you're like, I'm emotional, I'm not emotional at all, I'm somewhere in between. The reality is emotions are part of all all human beings and how we function. Okay.
00:11:23
Speaker
However, a lot of people were taught emotions are weakness or stop being so sensitive or just push through or don't cry about that or be strong. Ignore that. So then what happens while people suppress emotions for years and then wonder why they feel so disconnected or reactive or numb even or anxious out of the blue or completely overwhelmed or emotionally exhausted.
00:11:49
Speaker
Because ignored emotions don't just disappear, they still shape us. And honestly, some people are terrified of honest conversations with themselves because awareness could be tremendously uncomfortable. But also, you won't be free until you do this. And the opposite is true. That's like suppressed emotions. But for people who um have not learned how to regulate their emotions in a healthy way and they're functioning out of letting emotions control their choices instead of taking those emotions in as information,
00:12:25
Speaker
Not controlling the narrative, but as information to help ah inform your next your upcoming choices in a healthy way. Okay, so it's for all of the above. Like there's emotional health narratives around everything and anything.
00:12:40
Speaker
um So speaking of, emotional awareness is also intimately connected to our relationships and social
Narratives in Relationships and Social Dynamics
00:12:48
Speaker
well-being. So let's talk about some relationship narratives for a second.
00:12:52
Speaker
Some people are living inside stories like, well, everyone leaves eventually, or commitment is just too dangerous. I don't want to go there. Or what about I can't trust people? I have to protect myself. Yeah.
00:13:06
Speaker
Needing people makes me weak. I've heard that one before. Although clearly God calls us to live in community, we're not meant to live in isolation. Yet this narrative overpowers people and their mindset in so many ways.
00:13:19
Speaker
How about this one? If someone gets too close, I lose my freedom. or conflict means the relationship is failing although we all know um recently in my um non-profit org we um talked about how important conflict is for health and growth it's that fine line like you don't want to be in constant conflict but we cannot grow without some disagreement or with some without some face-to-face with with conflict because that supports growth when handled in a healthy way okay So these narratives shape our choices. If we're believing these things, it's going to shape our relational choices, romantic relationships, friendships, family, all of it.
00:13:59
Speaker
They shape vulnerability, communication, intimacy, boundaries, avoidance, attachment patterns, the kinds of relationships we tolerate and the kinds of people we pursue. This is so relevant because you could be out doing all the things in the world, but if your relationships are suffering because of the narratives you're telling yourself, it is going to impact every other area of your life.
00:14:23
Speaker
Sometimes people deeply desire connection while simultaneously operating from narratives that make healthy connection feel unsafe. And if we never become aware of those narratives, we can sabotage the very things we say we want. And that's what's so ironic. This is why episode 30, I wanted to talk about narratives in the story we tell.
00:14:45
Speaker
We want to be healthy. We want good relationships. We We want financial sustainability. We want, um you know, a strong, healthy mindset. We want our thoughts to support us. But our narratives are going to control these things if we don't become aware of them.
Value, Achievement, and Societal Norms
00:15:02
Speaker
All right. So um another one that's really relevant to my work because I'm in leadership development, right? Like um my doctor was in transformational leadership. And so this is one I see a lot.
00:15:13
Speaker
Some people genuinely believe that my value comes from achievement. If I stop producing, I lose my significance. Being needed gives me worth.
00:15:26
Speaker
I have to prove myself and I can't disappoint anyone. If you put those pressures on yourself. Now, goals are good. We want things to work towards, but if they are tied to your value and your worth, those um ah narratives are going to push you into an unhealthy ah performance mode instead of pursuing shalom and letting that abundance of well-being come. be your fuel spiritually, physically, mentally, be your fuel for performing in a healthy way, right? And having that balance. Eventually, if you don't, you'll build an entire life around performance. Okay. And we see the negative consequences of that burnout, lack of sustainability, frustration, overwhelm, too much stress, the list goes on and on.
00:16:15
Speaker
So this is really important because many unhealthy narratives are socially rewarded. That's why we have to have these honest conversations with ourselves. Take it to prayer. Have good people in your life to talk to about this.
00:16:27
Speaker
Overworking is praised. I mean, I live in the D.C. metro area. We call the DMV, D.C., Maryland, Northern Virginia. Overworking is praised. Busyness is admired. I mean, people walk around around.
00:16:39
Speaker
talking about busyness, like it's a badge of honor. You know, um there was a few books released, I would say in the past five or 10 years that have been pretty popular, um that just challenge the hustle culture.
00:16:53
Speaker
Like, let's be successful, but let's Also understand that success is also tied to how well we live. How are you as a human being, not just human human doing, how are you showing up in this world, having margin to care for people to be a good human? You know what I mean?
00:17:10
Speaker
um So some other ah um ways that unhealthy narratives are socially rewarded, emotional suppression is called strength. OK, we're seeing this shift a little bit with more public figures talking about mental health and going to therapy and um using more natural, healthy modalities, you know, being out in nature and um different things like that to, you know, ah kind of counter this narrative. But it's real. Constant availability is called commitment, another unhealthy ah narrative. So boundaries is if I could, you know, have every young person master something earlier on in life, it would be boundaries. um
00:17:54
Speaker
Self-neglect is called sacrifice, right? Like how often do we have to tell people, especially parents, like self-care is not selfish. Your self-care is helping you show up better in the world for other people.
00:18:07
Speaker
So anyways, when it comes to these narratives, we have to be mindful because they're, again, they're socially rewarded. So eventually we just stop questioning what is in our heart because everyone around us is doing the same thing. This is, again, why self-assessment, honesty, self-awareness, so and so important.
00:18:25
Speaker
So here's the thing. When we see unhealthy narratives in society or organizations, we often want to challenge them, though. You know, again, this is what I was talking about in the beginning. We we can recognize them collectively. We say the system's unhealthy, this culture's unsustainable, this environment is damaging damaging people and so on. But individually, why is it so much harder Because challenging personal narratives requires honest self-confrontation, and that could be uncomfortable. And on top of that, it actually requires slowing down long enough to ask, what story am I living inside of?
00:19:02
Speaker
A lot of people, they have their space for relaxation, right? We know this. People are scrolling on their phones and a necklace and all this stuff. The problem is, is we keep our minds so constantly stimulated that we work, work, work. We go from this to that. And then when we have a moment for this self-confrontation, asking yourself, reflecting on these things, what story am I living inside of?
00:19:25
Speaker
Instead of creating just space to do that, we move into constant numbing, constant numbing, right? So Honestly, a lot of people stay busy because busyness protects them from the self-awareness.
Stories as Cultural Norms and the Path to Alignment
00:19:39
Speaker
All right. Hold on to that one. Wrapping up here, narratives eventually become norms. And these norms, as we know, shape our culture and culture as we know shapes people. So we have to start with the narratives, the stories we're telling ourselves, because eventually those narratives will shape our bodies. It will shape our health, our relationships, our leadership, our emotional health, our organizations, our spiritual lives, all of it. You cannot build shalom on top of narratives that normalize fragmentation. Okay.
00:20:13
Speaker
um and And this is clearly because Shalom is wholeness, right? Like if we need wholeness, we're acknowledging we're integrated, we can't normalize fragmentation. um Integration, alignment, these things are so important. Alignment to me is is a right relationship with God, with ourselves, with others, with creation.
00:20:32
Speaker
Many of us are trying to pursue wholeness while still operating from these fragmented stories. It just both cannot exist at the same time. So with that being said, the deeper question is not just what habits do I need to change, right? Like that's a lot we talked about before. If I'm educating you on nutrition or, um you know, mental decluttering or thoughts or emotions or but healthy relationships, whatever it is.
00:20:55
Speaker
We need to ask ourselves the deeper question, what narrative is driving my choices? Like that's the why. Like why is this happening? We know what is happening, but why? So I'm going to give you some questions to really slow down and ask, and you might have to listen to this episode twice.
00:21:11
Speaker
Why do I struggle to rest? Or let's say if you do rest pretty well, but you have poor sleep, why do I struggle with poor sleep? How about why do I avoid vulnerability?
00:21:22
Speaker
Why? Why do I constantly overwork? Or why do I try to get by with minimal work and just fill the rest of my time with things that are not moving me forward?
00:21:33
Speaker
How about why do I normalize exhaustion? Why have I just accepted that chronic fatigue is okay? Why do I stay disconnected from my body? Why do I avoid conflict?
00:21:47
Speaker
Why do I numb myself? Why do I feel guilty slowing down? Why do I push past my limits? Why do healthy relationships sometimes feel uncomfortable?
00:22:01
Speaker
Why do I feel unsafe when things get calm? These questions matter because awareness is often the beginning of transformation, okay? So aligned living requires healthier narratives.
Transforming Negative Narratives for Well-being
00:22:16
Speaker
So excited about this episode and for you to hear it. um It's not perfect living. It's not performative living. It's truthful, integrated living.
00:22:29
Speaker
So just to kind of wrap up with a couple like contrasts just to hold on to. An old narrative you might be carrying is my body doesn't matter spiritually.
00:22:40
Speaker
A healthier narrative is saying stewardship includes physical well-being. I'm naming some that I constantly see. An old narrative might be exhaustion is normal.
00:22:51
Speaker
And healthier narrative would be chronic depletion is a signal, not a badge of honor. An old narrative could be, I don't have time to take care of myself. I was just talking about that in regards to parenting.
00:23:04
Speaker
A healthier narrative would say, my rhythms are shaping my future capacity. My health matters. Your health matters. Old narrative, emotions are weakness. A healthier narrative would be emotional awareness supports wisdom and discernment.
00:23:20
Speaker
Nobody wants to think that they're emotionally immature or um emotionally, what's the other, emotionally immature... um we We all want to believe that we're regulated when it comes to our emotions and healthy when it comes to emotions. But if you believe emotions are weakness, that is not emotional maturity. Emotional awareness supports wisdom and discernment. Hold on to that healthier narrative.
00:23:46
Speaker
Old narrative is vulnerability is unsafe. A healthier narrative would be healthy connection requires honesty and courage. I'm going wrap up with the fact that Jesus embodied this.
00:24:01
Speaker
One thing I love about Jesus is he did not just model a frantic, disconnected, performative living, not in any way. He withdrew when needed. He rested. He grieved. He felt compassion. He slowed down. He noticed people. One of my favorite things.
00:24:17
Speaker
He honored limits and lived with intentionality and presence. Jesus modeled embodied wholeness. So my challenge for you this week is I want you to identify one narrative shaping your
Pursuing Alignment and Continuous Self-Reflection
00:24:30
Speaker
life. Ask yourself, what story have I normalized?
00:24:33
Speaker
And it will be easy for your mind to go to what other people are normalizing. Think about in your life, where do you want to go? What barriers in the way? And where does a story that you've normalized contributed to that? um I don't want to say just dysfunction, but that challenge.
00:24:49
Speaker
Now, where did it come from? Where did that story come from? What is it producing in your life? And what would a healthier, more truthful narrative look like? Then meditate on that every day, multiple times a day, because it will take work to overcome this story.
00:25:04
Speaker
Your life's moving in the direction of the stories you believe. Some of us are exhausted, not simply because life is hard, but because we're living inside narratives that quietly pull us away from wholeness.
00:25:17
Speaker
So Shalom invites us into something different. That is my whole passion and vision for Align Living. I wanna invite you into something different, not perfection, not hustle, not performance, but alignment. So much goodness comes from that place.
00:25:34
Speaker
That's where integrity lives and wholeness and awareness and wisdom and sustainable flourishing. And sometimes transformation begins with one honest conversation with yourself about the story you've been living inside of.
00:25:48
Speaker
So a lot of times we hear these challenges and we just like, okay, cool, check, done. Listen to my thing for the day. But i want to challenge you. If you haven't before, just please challenge yourself. Ask yourself this question. What stories are normalizing? Where did it come from? What's it producing in my life? And then what would a healthier, more truthful narrative look like?
00:26:12
Speaker
So thank you for spending some time with me. Can't wait to be back with you again. And until then, keep striving to stay aligned.
00:26:23
Speaker
Thank you for tuning in to the Aligned Living Podcast. I'm Dr. Autumn, your guide on this journey to shalom or wholeness. Ready to embark on this journey of self-discovery and transformation?
00:26:38
Speaker
Head over to autumnswain.com to learn more and to dive deeper into the world of Aligned Living. Until next time, stay aligned.