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Weird-Crazy-Horny (with Jesse Chambliss)
125 Plays1 month ago
Friend of the pod and Jesse’s Girls host, Jesse Chambliss, is back—this time for a different kind of episode.
We dive into the unspoken (and often messy) lore of gay dating in small-town America. Drawing from our own experiences, we unpack how rumors take root, how reputations start to snowball, and what it means when your dating history gets there before you do.
Of course, we still make room for our beloved segment, “Songs We Don’t Talk About Enough.” Brace yourselves to get weird, crazy and HORNY with us!
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Transcript
Pop Punk and Identity Exploration
00:00:08
Speaker
It's the story of Girl. Yeah. Gratitude and drown the whole world. Yeah. Very that. I love singing in that kind of whiny voice. It's like, it's a little, it's a little before like pop punk mo like really, really hit, you know, and became the thing. And it like the, you know, and that was a little more.
00:00:30
Speaker
Cause tonight will be the night that I will fall for you. Like it wasn't that. but we're getting there. That's so good. That's like a perfect impression of that.
00:00:41
Speaker
I love that. I sing that a lot in my Dodge Ram that I drove when I was a teenager. Truck Boy. that Come on, Truck Boy. I was. I learned how to drive on a truck.
00:00:54
Speaker
I had truck. That explains everything. Yeah. Cargo shorts. Wow. yeah Oh my God. i love that. i love that. um I'm so glad that you're here. too. um I haven't seen you in so long. It's been a minute.
00:01:09
Speaker
It's been a hot minute, babes.
Personal Narratives: An Introduction
00:01:10
Speaker
um So I think we talked about this already, but I kind of want this to be a different kind of episode. Yeah. And I wanted to to kind of talk a little bit about lore, our own personal lore. Yeah, let's get real. Let's get deep.
00:01:23
Speaker
We'll get so deep. um We can still end the episode with a song we don't talk about enough just to like keep it, keep it, keep it really fucking raw. Yeah, um I won't choose Go Deep, Janet Jackson, even though we said Go Deep a lot. Oh my God, yeah.
00:01:37
Speaker
You know, it's funny that you say that. I was thinking about Go Deep earlier today because who say oh i was i was singing That's the Way Love Goes. And sometimes I start doing like my own little like mashups in yeah my head. Yeah.
00:01:51
Speaker
um and i started going that's the way a love goes goes that's the way love goes that's the way love goes goes that's the way love goes and then it goes and then i was like oh my god it'd be perfect then to go into the do um um yeah you know from the go deep yeah it'll be a really fun little transition When when i Flowers, Miley Cyrus, wasn't insufferable to listen to, there's there's a moment that goes into Who Owns My Heart.
00:02:19
Speaker
um And I can't think of it off the top of my head, but I do a mashup in my head of Miley's Who Owns My Heart as well. sure. Who Owns My Heart. Yeah. i just discovered- Is it lovers at art?
00:02:30
Speaker
Is it love or is it art? You know, it's funny. I don't, I'm not super familiar with Miley's work. Oh, the way I know. oh we need to talk. Do we just, should we just stop recording? Stop there. what's Out there. Thanks everyone for tuning to homophonic. Uh, until next time.
00:02:46
Speaker
No, but actually stop because I will fixate. And then I will tell you songs you need to listen to. And we can do that later. Okay. a Back to the topic at hand. Back to the topic. Back to you. Look at camera two and say back to you, Craig in the studio.
00:03:00
Speaker
You're made for television. i would
College and Career Experiences
00:03:03
Speaker
you feel that way? major I was a broadcast major for two years in college. And I thought it's what I wanted to do for my whole life. I wanted to be a news anchor.
00:03:12
Speaker
And I um got there and I had to like film and edit my own news packages. And I was up all night in the in the lab and I was like, this is terrible. I hate this. I don't want to do this anymore.
00:03:25
Speaker
And so I changed my major junior year and smushed like a humanities major into my last two years. Damn. And then I now sometimes when I feel like doing my own podcast, I edit my podcast, which is hilarious because it's like, ha ha ha ha. You hated editing. And then here you are. yeah I feel that. And then my one other like full fledged relationship was,
00:03:51
Speaker
with a man prior to my current partner. he is a meteorologist. Shut the fuck up. So it just found me anyway. it sure did.
00:04:01
Speaker
Wow. Let's celebrate that. So I'm wearing my angry beavers t-shirt. Oh my God. Angry beavers. That is a show that I have not thought about in quite some time. Okay. If you, okay, wait, hold on. yeah I No, your muscles are insane.
00:04:21
Speaker
say it Say it louder. No, they are. They really are. I'm like kind of deflated right now because I haven't really like been in lift. I haven't really wanted to lift. Yeah, bro, do you just want to like flex all the time, bro? You know what? I can't stand. Can I just say this really quick? can cannot stand.
00:04:35
Speaker
I cannot stand guys who put their phone in their mouth and do like the like gym. but Have you seen this? i have. i I only dislike it when it's serious. When people are being silly, goofy about it, I think it's funny. But then the people who are like being actually serious...
00:04:52
Speaker
Like how do i how do we know if someone's being silly goofy about it? Because if they're like, okay, I wanted to see if I could even like logistically do this. And they're like laughing because their phone's like falling out of their mouth. And they're like, you know. oh sure, sure, sure. Yeah. But then they don't do it again. I've only ever seen the serious.
00:05:11
Speaker
Although there is a guy that I know that like I adore who does it I've never said this to his face. So if he ever hears this. Oops. He hate you hate him.
00:05:22
Speaker
I hate him. Yeah. i hate i him. I'll let him know. Yeah. with um With all my heart and soul. Nuance doesn't exist. Media literacy is dead. And you hate him. I do. He's dead. i hate him. I hate everything.
00:05:33
Speaker
I hate, I hate, I hate Tate McRae. Well, I do. So it's fine. If you if you want to get, if if you're getting blasted for your commentary, then yeah I'll take the beat.
00:05:47
Speaker
I wrote UGG in my stories the other day and someone was like, I don't fucking understand why you hate Tate McRae so much. And I was like, have I ever really commented on her other than my disdain for her with being with this man?
00:06:03
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I think it's a valid criticism because it's a clear it's a clear ploy to get a number one hit. like We know what's going on. It's in vogue to hang out with racists and to be with people who have piss poor shit attitudes under the guise of patriotism.
00:06:21
Speaker
And if you think that you can defend that, that's fine. We've all had faves who have collaborated with people who they should not have collaborated with. They are not above criticism, regardless of whether their name starts with an M or an LG. or whomever they are not above it and neither is miss tater tot mcrae tater tot yeah i love your face yeah your face looks so good right now i just want to let you know you know it's crazy um it's the one that i got from birth yeah let's celebrate that hey never i've never the only thing i've done cosmetic to anything on my face uh that was i guess like quote invasive or whatever uh-huh um i lengthened this tooth because i was so insecure about it because it's so much shorter and it was like rotated how do you lengthen a tooth it's reason you can go to a cosmetic dentist and they can just build it up a little bit and like shape it a certain way it's not a veneer
00:07:23
Speaker
it's like It's like attached to your tooth. So this is still my real tooth. It's just a little longer. Do you ever want to put a diamond on it like pink during her 2006 I'm not dead campaign?
Cosmetic Dentistry and Self-Confidence
00:07:34
Speaker
No.
00:07:34
Speaker
Oh, okay. Definitively, Okay. I think sometimes people will do the tooth jewel thing and it's cute and it wouldn't be cute on me. It would be an interesting choice.
00:07:46
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I think my nose hairs that are constantly crawling out of my nose would like get caught on it. You know what i mean? And then it would turn into a braid and then it would just be a whole thing and people are like, who is he, Rapunzel? And you're like, maybe.
00:07:59
Speaker
And then I'm like, Mandy Moore found dead in a ditch. get many more she She ate that roll up, though. She did. She was a great actress. I've never seen it. I know. i First, i'm like I'm not super familiar with Miley's music. First, you hate Miley Cyrus. Now, you hate me more.
00:08:15
Speaker
And I hate Tate McRae. Yeah, you hate Tate. I hate Tate McRae. Hater tot McRae. Yeah. Oh, my God. um I'm probably going to keep all of this in the episode.
00:08:25
Speaker
You should. This is wild. This is wild. Yeah. This is like foreplay for whatever we're about to talk about. Because think it all is interconnected. where it It certainly is.
Guest Introduction: Jesse Chambliss
00:08:36
Speaker
Where do you where do you want to start?
00:08:38
Speaker
That's a great question. Well, first of all, welcome back to Homophonic, everyone. this This incredible little king that you're hearing in your ears is a returning friend of the pod, Jesse Chambliss, um host of Jesse's Girls podcast, currently getting his... but Are you done getting your master's are you just finished with the semester? I'm finished with the semester. Okay.
00:08:59
Speaker
I will wrap up at the end of next year. Mm-hmm. Fuck yeah, you are. Oh my God. yeah No, literally. How did it go? Yeah. How did it go? So not to be annoying, but I do have a 4.0.
00:09:11
Speaker
lot and Like, come on, mic drop. Listen, it's not, it's not like it's it's, it's not the hardest program in the world, you know, but a B is probable at times.
00:09:24
Speaker
But not for me yet. So we'll just see. And if it does happen, perfection is not the aim. Gays get A's. Yeah. And I have released that need to have 4.0. I didn't, I, you know, I, it's not like I was going to be upset with myself if I didn't get it, but, but I did, I pulled it out at the end.
00:09:42
Speaker
Let me tell you that. had a dark, credible I had a dark time mid semester. I didn't know if I was going to make it. It was rough. Yeah. I can't imagine. Cause are you working right now too? Yeah, so I work full time and then I take a full load for grad school, which is equivalent of like three classes, nine hours.
00:10:01
Speaker
I know I said full load. know, Zach, you can't help yourself. can't help myself. I was like, we love a full load. We love a full load. Yeah. As there's water behind you. i know. Just laughing. i know, because you know what? I did that because my lights were like glaring on the just the dark screen. Oh, that's good. You're so smart.
00:10:19
Speaker
I'm so smart. You are. I'm so smart. Thanks. And so, yeah, I like i like turned that on. And like beforehand, i was like i like went up to the TV and I go... There's nothing left to lose.
00:10:31
Speaker
Because this kind of reminds me the power of goodbye. Yeah, know i I see what you were doing. Yeah. yeah So let's celebrate that. But hey, so I invited you on this. So today's episode of homophonics is to be a little different than what we normally do.
00:10:46
Speaker
um So Jesse, I'm just going to get straight to it. you First of all, you were like blowing up on blue sky. A little bit. You know, I've lived so many internet lives, Zach.
00:10:57
Speaker
You have like 3,000 followers on Blue Sky. i have, ah I think, like so a little over 6,000 followers on Blue Sky. i mean... let's go. Like, that's kind of amazing. i how did that even happen? You just started posting all the time.
00:11:13
Speaker
You know, I i think I approach internet in a specific way that doesn't, it doesn't always land on every platform, but sometimes it does. And with blue sky, it's like a little bit more difficult. You can't really like go viral in the same way that I'll like the quote algorithms a little bit different.
00:11:33
Speaker
Yeah. um But I, I found the fags. You certainly did. found the fags. And you're giving the people what they want little bit. I do. And I apparently missed a scandalous post because you said, and it's gone.
00:11:47
Speaker
Yeah. It wasn't that scandalous, I promise. I won't ever post anything too crazy. But I do... um I do like to tease a little bit on there to keep people engaged.
00:12:00
Speaker
And it's ultimately for the aim of one building connection with people, but also um recruiting people to blindly follow me because whenever we need to be a part of the resistance, um I need people who are mobilized and ready.
00:12:15
Speaker
I'm not joking. Yeah. So I am weaponizing my like army of skanks. And so I like do a little like thought posts and then a little bit of like political stuff and a little resistance stuff and a little mental health stuff.
00:12:29
Speaker
You could say a thought post and a thought post. Exactly. You know what i'm saying? e I'm in marketing. um I see that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the reason why I invited you on today is that you had made a post about lore. You called it a lore drop, if you will.
00:12:47
Speaker
I love when people say that. Yeah. And and i was obsessed and i started scrolling through it and it's been a minute since I looked at it, but if I remember correctly, it was basically about a person that you had gone on a date with.
00:12:59
Speaker
And ultimately the experience that you had with this person kind of left you with kind of a strange reputation, if you will, for quite some time. Yeah. And I was wondering if we could kind of talk about that. The reason why is that when I saw that, that really resonated with my experience here in Grand Rapids.
00:13:19
Speaker
And something to to this day, I still kind of experience some PTSD from it. In fact, I started therapy again yesterday. Let's celebrate that.
00:13:30
Speaker
Well, you know that I'm very invested in a therapy journey. That is what I'm going to school for. We didn mention that, but yes, that is what I'm going to school for. let's Oh my God, I love that. and um And I even brought it up in my therapy session.
00:13:42
Speaker
Yeah, that's great. So for those of you that don't know what we're talking about, who might not have blue sky or who are you know unfortunate enough to not follow you yet on blue sky, can you give us a little rundown of the story with whatever you're comfortable with? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. i will I won't say any names, but I will, um you know, give enough context.
00:14:01
Speaker
Oh, and really quick before you start, the reason why I even wanted to do this in the first place, not only did it resonate with me, but I feel like this is and experience that a lot of gay men experience.
00:14:14
Speaker
And I just feel like with everything that's happening, i don't know. I just felt like it's something that I've never really heard people actually speak out loud. Yeah, on on a public platform.
00:14:25
Speaker
So I was really curious to know your thoughts and your story. Yeah.
Coming Out and Living Openly
00:14:30
Speaker
Okay. So I think a little bit of context will be helpful here. Yeah, I was living. This is in in my mid twenty s I was living in Tulsa, Oklahoma.
00:14:41
Speaker
and Tulsa backwards is a slut. So i am I just really started coming out more publicly and like living as an out person.
00:14:53
Speaker
have a lot of church trauma, which you don't have get into, but um I decided that I was ready to like dip my toes into the dating pool, but I was like half out of the closet, whatever.
00:15:05
Speaker
You know what i mean? Yeah. And when we say out of the closet, like I don't want other queer people or even straight people to be like, It's not like people couldn't tell you were gay. like That's not the point. It's more about like stepping into your queerness, your gayness, whatever it might be, your bi-ness, your trans identity, your gender expression.
00:15:24
Speaker
It's when I say out, I mean like living in that truth and just it being a non-factor and it just being what it is and a part of my life, not my full identity and not a hidden identity. Okay. So I just want to qualify everything with that before someone tries to get cute.
00:15:42
Speaker
Okay. Right. if you're trying to get cute, educate yourself and fuck off anyway. Um, so I was not living as an out person fully, but I'm starting to get there. And I was like, you know, i want to see what it's like to be with a man, like romantically.
00:16:01
Speaker
I'd been with men sexually. um I'd been with women romantically and sexually at that point too. And I just needed to know who I was. So I started going on dates with people.
00:16:14
Speaker
Was I the most realized version of myself? No. right Was I the most, um you know, i guess even ready?
00:16:27
Speaker
i don't know. But whatever. No one's perfect. right And like who's ready to date? You know what I'm saying? Like, especially when we're younger, like regardless of your identity, like when you're young, you don't know what you're doing. We're we're figuring you're that's kind of the whole point of is that you're kind of figuring it out.
00:16:46
Speaker
Well, in queer people, I feel like, you know, we talk about this ad nauseum, but we have this like second, sometimes third adolescence or whatever it might be. Oh, absolutely. The path is not linear. It's also not linear for heterosexual people either, but they've been given this narrative that it is.
00:17:02
Speaker
So, yeah, but we can skirt that to the side. yeah. i'm on I'm on the apps. I didn't use like Grindr for dating, really. um It was scary to me.
00:17:15
Speaker
i was on it a little bit, and I did wind up meeting one guy who was really great, but that was the exception to the norm. yeah So I was mostly on Tinder and Bumble.
00:17:26
Speaker
So I'm swiping. Swipe right on this guy um We're going to call him wane Okay, Wayne.
00:17:37
Speaker
Just because it's easier to have a name to speak to. And I love that it's Wayne. Wayne. So wayne and i start chatting. I don't really remember how the conversation goes, but we do agree to go on a date together because it was obviously good enough.
00:17:54
Speaker
And like he was charming, good looking. And we wound up going on a few dates and okay i had a great time with him each time.
00:18:06
Speaker
I remember and he, what was the situation? He is, by the way, the great nephew of a prominent US senator Um, and so that's just a fun fact. not really related to the story, but LOL.
00:18:25
Speaker
So I was a college admissions counselor for a small private university in Tulsa, but I would travel around. And when I say admissions counselor, I mean like I'm the person who would go to high schools, talk about college, get people to apply to the university.
00:18:40
Speaker
i would work college fairs, that kind of thing. Right. And my territory, my travel territory was out of state. And so I would go on like a week long trip a few times a year.
00:18:52
Speaker
And when I was on that trip, like they were like, you need to get like your bang for your buck because we're paying for this. Basically, like you need to get students to apply. and so.
Career Challenges and Personal Impact
00:19:02
Speaker
Really, the expectation was visiting multiple high schools during the day, driving around the area, doing information sessions, meeting one on one students, whatever. And then if there were events to be worked at night, like college fairs, doing that at night.
00:19:18
Speaker
OK, so it is busy. And, you know, I was also making, you know. Lint pocket lint for a salary. So it's it was a it was unforgiving at times. It wasn't like it was a quote difficult job, but it just demanded a lot of you physically and emotionally, especially when you had to be on during like recruitment season.
00:19:39
Speaker
So. You know, I explained that to him because I had an upcoming trip. We just started going on dates like a week prior to a trip. Well, he was like, hey, like I want to get as much time with you. Like I'll take you to the airport. And it was ah like a 6 a.m. flight or whatever.
00:19:56
Speaker
And so he stayed over at my place and he drove me to the airport. So we, it was like we're hanging out multiple times.
00:20:07
Speaker
um Um, we were physical. So he, um, knew about my body, which is important to the story. And, um, so we like, we didn't, I don't, I don't know how far exactly we didn't have sex, but you know, we did enough. He, he seen me naked.
00:20:24
Speaker
ah So he takes me to the airport, whatever. Um, he's like, you know kind of blowing me up when i'm on my trip and i'm also like seeing other people from different universities that i know because we like travel and do some of the same events and stuff like that oh sure so on top of the demands of the job i'm also like being social with these people afterwards right so i'm just like not attached to my phone i am a person who is attached to my phone unfortunately but i you know it just wasn't possible And he got really, I guess, offended and that I wasn't being as responsive to him.
00:21:01
Speaker
i set an expectation. i was like, when I am gone for work, I am not going to be very available to you. Yeah. And he knew that, yet he still got upset that I wasn't giving him what he wanted.
00:21:16
Speaker
Sure. So. Ultimately, i don't know. and and I just truly do not remember because this has been like 10 years, but um i we just didn't see each other again.
00:21:31
Speaker
Yeah. And didn't communicate again after that, really. And so, you know, fast forward a few months, Tulsa is a small city.
00:21:42
Speaker
It's like 400,000 people. and Okay. And then, you know, you add a small gay community on top of that. And you also... Tulsa is just one of those cities where you have a lot of rural areas or smaller, you know, kind of suburbs around it.
00:21:57
Speaker
And so that's like the, the closest place to be gay. And so you have people who probably have even less exposure around you coming in. And so the dating pool is, how do I say it's weird.
00:22:09
Speaker
Yeah. It's a weird dating pool. Okay. Yeah. Um, I would assume it's probably one of those things where you don't necessarily know everyone, but you know of people. Yeah. or Yeah, for sure.
00:22:22
Speaker
Yeah, and that's kind of the environment that I grew up in because I'm originally from Arkansas. I wasn't really like ever out and gay in Arkansas when I lived there but because I moved after college. Yeah.
00:22:34
Speaker
I haven't lived there since, you know, yeah and that was like when I was 20, I was 21 whenever I graduated and moved away. So, you know, I'm in my 30s now. So I've never, never like lived that life in Arkansas. But anyway, so fast forward a few months later and I am on a date.
00:22:54
Speaker
Now, something to know about me, and this is a little bit of a fatal flaw. I... I am very concerned about people's perception of me, not even if they like me or not. i want to differentiate.
00:23:08
Speaker
It's about how they view me as a person. I like to control my narrative. Sure. And if I feel like someone else is in control of my narrative and I'm not, I do not do well with that.
00:23:20
Speaker
So even if you dislike me, i would I would want you to have like an accurate representation of who I believe to be. Yeah. And just dislike me for that as opposed to disliking me for a misconception about who I am. Okay.
00:23:33
Speaker
So when that happens, I don't do well. So I was on a date with a guy. We're going call him Neil. Neil. Wayne and Neil. We're really picking the names. I was in Oklahoma. Okay. I love it.
00:23:49
Speaker
Everybody had a banjo. and So Neil and I are are on a date and – We're chatting and he tells me like he hasn't like...
00:24:01
Speaker
He was great. Like he's very sweet. And he tells me he hasn't like fully connected, you know, with social circles because of a number of different reasons. You know, so I was asking him, I was like, you know, like what things have you tried? Like, cause I'm also a problem solver, which is not always the best either. um and But I was just like jumping to solutions. um And so, you know, I was asking him about that, but I didn't get too like aggressive or anything with it. And we had a good conversation about that.
00:24:29
Speaker
And he was like, You know, I do have one, like, friend that I've connected with here. and I was like, oh, cool. I was like, tell me about him. Yeah. You know, predictably, it was Wayne.
00:24:40
Speaker
Of course. Of course. And he was like, you know, Wayne did tell me about you and basically told me that, like, you ghosted him.
00:24:53
Speaker
Of course he did. yeah So... I kick into, I need to control my narrative mode. Yeah. And I ruined that date. I fully ruined that date because I like pulled up receipts and I was like, well, that's not actually what happened. And I showed him everything on my phone.
00:25:10
Speaker
And I think that it was like such a turnoff that I needed, I felt the need to do that, which I understand. Um, but also I was like livid that this man was haunting me. Yeah. So that was unfortunate.
00:25:23
Speaker
Now, The detail that I didn't get into in my post on Blue Sky, because I did a little multiple parter, but I didn't go into full detail. And I am going to tell the full story here. Once again, I'm protecting identities, but this is such a weird one that yeah I've got to share.
00:25:40
Speaker
Are you ready this? I'm so ready. Oh, my God. so
00:25:48
Speaker
When worked at a church camp. Uh-huh. there was a, I was like 20. There was a, um, a teen boy that I met there.
00:26:04
Speaker
Um, and I like met his parents or whatever. He was young. I don't remember exactly what age difference, but he's young. And, um, Somehow on social media, fast forward years and years later, and I'm in Tulsa, he's also in Tulsa and he's in college.
00:26:22
Speaker
And he's like um attending this like very religious school in the city that was not the one I worked for. okay But we like reconnected and I was like, oh my gosh.
00:26:33
Speaker
like, hi, um Tim. So we've got Wayne, Neil, and Tim. And Tim. Okay. And tim is the Tim is the young blood.
00:26:44
Speaker
Tim is young blood, okay. So Tim tells me Like, oh my gosh, like, you know, you were the older, like, camp counselor. had a crush on you when I was a kid. Blah, blah, blah. It was cute. Whatever. We, like, laughed about it.
00:27:01
Speaker
And so i was like, he's he's obviously gay, but he wasn't out yet. He was going to this, like, very religious school and all that kind of stuff. And, um ah you know, we were talking about his life in Tulsa and all this kind of stuff.
00:27:15
Speaker
And... He tells me that he's been kind of like dating slash hooking up with this guy. And of course, you can guess who it was, right?
00:27:28
Speaker
It was Wayne. No fucking way. No fucking Wayne. No fucking Wayne. Fountains of Wayne. Fountains of Wayne. And he told me that Wayne had talked to him about me.
00:27:45
Speaker
Okay. And these people are like making their way to you somehow. yeah Like what is going on here? Neil and I had matched on a dating app yeah and we chatted once again,
00:28:00
Speaker
I don't think that it was like a malicious thing. I do think it was all coincidence because it was a small city. sure And Tim and I had been friends on Facebook for a really long time. I think I just like saw for the first time in a long time him post or his dad post or something and he was in Tulsa and I was just like, oh my gosh, you know?
00:28:17
Speaker
Yeah. I really do think it was like cosmic coincidence. Sure. But when he told me that they had been talking about me, I was like, Why?
00:28:28
Speaker
Like, yeah what has he said? So it's like a similar story to what he had told Neil. But the additional detail here was that he told Tim that I had a small penis.
00:28:44
Speaker
Naturally. So let's put a value assessment on size of penis aside. What is the point of that? Right.
00:28:55
Speaker
What is the point of that? It's the the only point of that is to make you quote unquote look bad and yeah and make feel. Yeah. And it's like it didn't bother me that he said that I had a small penis. I'm very comfortable with my body. feel good about what I got. It alls it all works just fine. jesse actually has three penises. Yeah. I'm a hydra. Yeah, exactly.
00:29:18
Speaker
and Chop one off and another going grow back. Exactly. But it was just, it felt so strange and uncomfortable to me that he felt the need to talk about my anatomy with this person who knew me when he was a child and I was his camp counselor.
00:29:35
Speaker
It just feels so immature. And... they earned it it just like it tainted my whole dating experience in tulsa i think i had tried one more time with this other guy and um that also didn't go well but uh unrelated to wayne but um it It just like, it made me feel like I was never going to be known for me.
00:30:06
Speaker
You know, it felt like someone had already told this story about me that everybody had heard, which is not true, of course. You know, it's an exaggeration. um But it does make you feel that way and and it makes you not want to...
00:30:21
Speaker
engage and yeah you know despite having insecurities like every other person um having things about myself that i dislike um i do project a confidence that's what i've always been told and um you know i have enough what do i want to call it?
00:30:40
Speaker
Enough of like a je ne sais quoi, enough of like an oomph, enough of a something that even if it's like not fully how I feel, I can persevere. i can march on. i can still, you know, do my thing. Even if I am bothered, i can, I'm, I'm functional.
00:30:56
Speaker
I can function in that chaos, right? A functioning gay. A functioning gay. I know. is that that where And it just makes me feel bad for people who,
00:31:08
Speaker
don't perceive themselves in that way and like can't fake it and can't step into that even when they don't feel that, you know, because a lot of people who they their insecurity is just like fully written all over them. Like you can smell it, you can see it, you can feel it when you interact with them.
00:31:24
Speaker
yeah I don't think that's the energy I give out into the world, regardless of what's going on in the inside.
Insecurities and Dating Dynamics
00:31:29
Speaker
um And so I just like, I know that dating can be so much harder for certain people, um because it's already hard.
00:31:39
Speaker
And um that's not to say that I'm better, or anything of that nature at all. It's just that I'm good at compartmentalizing, and some people cannot. Yeah.
00:31:50
Speaker
Wow. Thank you for sharing this. Yeah. Like I just, the thing, and so this really resonates with me because when I first moved to Grand Rapids, I, it was my first time in ah a quote unquote big city. I would argue that Grand Rapids and Tulsa are approximately the same size. You said about 400,000 people. the gradeable Yeah, the greater Grand Rapids area, like with surrounding cities and towns when I was about a million people.
00:32:18
Speaker
Yeah, that's what Tulsa said too. Yeah, so I would say like the downtown area is roughly about the same. And um so it is this, you know, and and Grand Rapids is like kind of in the middle of nowhere. it It's it's.
00:32:31
Speaker
You know, about halfway to Lansing, Michigan. I don't know if you if that means anything to you, but, um and then like, and then like Detroit is about three hours away. um My hometown of Benton Harbor, Michigan is about like an an hour and a half away. So it's like kind of just in the middle of nowhere.
00:32:46
Speaker
And when I first moved here 2007, it was my, I was out, but like, I had never really been with anyone. And i hooked up with this guy named Brandon. He was the first guy that i hooked up with in Grand Rapids.
00:33:01
Speaker
Um, but then I, you know, went down kind of a spree of just kind of casually hooking up with people, yeah eventually downloaded Grindr. And, but again, no one really navigating me how to do this. I didn't have any gay friends.
00:33:17
Speaker
I eventually met my friend Joshua, who was a little bit of a mentor, but he was also a work friend and and kind of like my, like i was his apprentice in a way. So like, it wasn't like, uh, it wasn't like I was like devolving about, you know, my sex life to him, you know?
00:33:33
Speaker
Um, but long story short, after a while, I kind of learned that I had garnered a reputation for being a slut and, I had i'd garnered a reputation for i know I was like me oh my god um I had garnered a reputation for being quote and this is so vague but quote unquote weird and crazy I don't what that means.
00:33:59
Speaker
Right, yeah. What was strange to me was that it was in a period of... So this, I would say this, but going on between 2007 2017. So about 10 years. Yeah.
00:34:11
Speaker
so about ten years um And 2017, I had gone on a date with this guy named Will, and I'm using real names. These are real people. but um Will had told me that he had, quote unquote, heard about me.
00:34:26
Speaker
And then I started hearing about through and then I heard heard from this guy named Jace. I heard about you. I've heard things about you, quote unquote. And I was like, well, like, what have you heard? And that's when I heard them say everything from like, you're a slut, you're really easy to you are really clingy and weird and blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:34:46
Speaker
And I was like, well, who's telling you these things? And of course, no one was able to be like, well, I can't say. i can't tell you. i can't tell you. So I have guesses. I'm connecting dots here and there. sure But what really sucks is that for me, you spoke about insecurities.
00:35:05
Speaker
For me, that like made my insecurities just soar. Yeah. and made me feel like I amounted to nothing, that that my reputation was constantly going to precede me here in Grand Rapids.
00:35:19
Speaker
So between 2007 then 2019, 2019 is when really began –
00:35:27
Speaker
emerge back into the gay like circle of like socializing like and gay bars and things like that for a long time i did not go for a long time the only way i met people was through grinder or scruff or whatever at the time um i didn't go out i remember going to a bar once And one of the it was the second guy that I ever hooked up with here.
00:35:53
Speaker
ah We had hooked up many a time. um he We were at ah the bar and he comes up to me and he goes, hey, I'm so-and-so. I won't use this name.
00:36:06
Speaker
um And I was like, we've met. Dozens of times. You've been to my apartment dozens of times. I was like, why the fuck are you being like so rude to me like that? Also, mind you, I was i also drank during this time, too.
00:36:21
Speaker
yeah I quit drinking in 2013, 2014. te twenty thirteen twenty fourteen um And so this was pre that. And i remember it was that kind of interaction. It was like like the last straw of me, like going to the gay bars for a long time. Cause I was like, I'm tired of being, of people treating me like shit.
00:36:40
Speaker
Also at the time i was not ah particularly thin or muscular. I was very chubby, very did not have a sense of style.
00:36:54
Speaker
And so therefore I think that that didn't help anything. That was, this is pre, you know, body positivity making it into the mainstream. Yeah. And it was it was really hard. And it's something that I still struggle with to this day. This is why one of the part of the reasons why I went back to therapy because I just joined a gay kickball league and I found that every time I go to the games, I am overcome with this like anxiety that people are talking about me, that they're judging me, that they're saying something about me that's not true behind my back or they're all like whispering secrets and stories or whatever, what they've heard and things like that. Because there's a bunch of people that I know
00:37:33
Speaker
or I shouldn't say that I know, but that I have encountered or like, I know their friend or who knows their friend or whatever, you know? And um so it's been a little bit of a struggle for me. So that's why like yeah when I heard your story, I was like, this is so fascinating to me that, you know, we both had this similar experience of having a day or two go awry that then kind of followed us.
00:38:02
Speaker
throughout our journeys for some time. Can I be a therapist in training for a second? Of course. Drain me. So I said training, not draining. Oh, so'm sorry. i would got I see. I'm a slut. I'm a horny. You're weird and crazy, actually. i sorry i Weird, crazy, and a horny. and maybe that's Maybe that's the name of the episode.
00:38:27
Speaker
I'm fine with that. Crazy, sexy, cool. Weird, crazy, horny. So... so this When I learned this question and this like technique in class, yeah really it really struck me.
00:38:42
Speaker
And something that a therapist might ask you when you're talking about scenarios is, okay, so let's say that everybody does think you're weird and crazy.
00:38:54
Speaker
What's the worst that can happen? and they and And you have to speak to that, right? Well, I'll be... You know, nervous in these situations. Okay.
00:39:06
Speaker
What will it be like for you to be nervous in those situations? o Ooh. And lay it all out there, sister. Because at the end of the day, and this is something that I'm struggling with too and in therapy, and I'm kind of like mad at my therapist, but it's fine because he called me out on my bullshit. but Right.
00:39:22
Speaker
like you are going to be the villain in someone's story you're going to be the bad guy in someone's story and there's nothing you can do about that so what you have to do is move to a place of radical acceptance of that and when you do embrace that acceptance of the fact that the worst thing that might happen is xyz or you're going to be the villain in someone's story you, and I mean acceptance, not just like acknowledgement, I mean acceptance, yeah then you are able to just walk in that truth.
00:39:57
Speaker
And that's just what you can do. Because i there are people who dislike me, which I think is crazy, but it's true. People like in my immediate life, even in my friend group right now, there's someone who vehemently dislikes me and i have to be around him all the time.
00:40:15
Speaker
Really? Currently? Yeah, at this very moment. Oh, wow. But you know what? It's uncomfortable and I can feel it, but I do it anyway.
00:40:26
Speaker
Yeah. I do it anyway.
00:40:32
Speaker
is it because yeah Is it because of your small penis? Yeah. yeah It is. It's a yeah my little pecker. And I have to say, Sometimes a little dicked man is just everything. I'm going to throw that out there.
00:40:48
Speaker
Let's celebrate the little dick men of the world. I love it. Right now. I just love dick. So anyway, I do. i don't care. Dick. Dick. but...
00:41:01
Speaker
so um but
00:41:06
Speaker
it's just one of those things where it's like when you go to that kickball game and it feels like everybody's talking about you, some people probably are. Yeah. But then the 500 people that you've built up in your mind are probably more like two to three.
Managing Anxiety and Personal Growth
00:41:20
Speaker
Right. If you're, if you're like, if if you're honest and realistic with yourself, there might be people who are even participant observers or just observers of the talking about, um, who don't care that much. Right.
00:41:32
Speaker
And then you ask yourself, okay, if everybody is talking about me, fine, but I came here to play kickball. Yeah. And you can still play kickball. I'm trying. i pulled my I pulled my hamstring during the warm-up last week.
00:41:47
Speaker
Okay, well. wait So we're trying. maybe you can't physically play kickoff. But you can go. You can still go. The best revenge, too, is to thrive.
00:41:59
Speaker
The best revenge is to thrive. When I know that this person in my friend group like dislikes me, i still have a good ass fucking time. Love that.
00:42:10
Speaker
Yeah. He wants me to be miserable. Right. And I won't. Right. And that's the thing that I know that for myself that I kind of get, it's kind of this vicious cycle. And again, this is kind of why one of the reasons why I've started therapy again is that I,
00:42:27
Speaker
I'm right there with you. I'm like, I know that I shouldn't let this bother me. I know I should just like live my life, live my truth. And then I get angry at myself for allowing them to quote unquote win, right?
00:42:39
Speaker
allow Allowing these people or whatever to get the best of me. um And then I get embarrassed. And then it's like the all this like, again, this is just vicious circle that I put myself through in my mind.
00:42:52
Speaker
And so um what's interesting is that I, my, my friend Luke, um he kind of called me out on my bullshit the other day.
00:43:02
Speaker
and he, he was like, you know what, Zach, I think that you project a lot. And I was like, Oh, I can be a projector. But truly i was like, yeah, I think that you're right. i think that you're right. And I was like, I was like,
00:43:19
Speaker
I definitely project, but I also, i think it just comes from all of this like built up anxiety and trauma from yeah years and years and years of these really horrible experiences.
00:43:32
Speaker
There's also a bunch of just isolated experiences that I've had where people would kind of, follow me quite literally. um There was a person that would ah come to the gym and message me as a blank profile on Grindr and tell me that they would see me.
00:43:50
Speaker
um I've had several of those and I don't know if it's the same person or if it's different people. Yeah. um I had a person from the gym who I who tried to approach me in the steam room.
00:44:01
Speaker
I declined the offer um who then was telling people that it's kind of the opposite of what what was being said about you said i heard that you have a big dick but you're a horrible lay and i was like guilty yeah guilty i was like in the worst it's like i'm the worst lay ever but like i was like wow that i was like that really sucks like that's and i was like i don't know who it's and again just with the community being so small
00:44:34
Speaker
And you have all of these random ass people coming at you being like, I heard this or heard that, I heard this, I heard that. It made me feel very helpless for a very long time. Yeah. To the point where I just felt like I had to just not be around for a while.
00:44:48
Speaker
You know, that tactic of like, you don't go what you want, so you insult. That's out of like the cis straight man playbook. And it just comes from a place of ego hurt.
00:44:59
Speaker
Right. Yeah. It doesn't matter what's true or not about it. That person didn't get what he wanted from you. And so his idea of how to respond instead of just saying like, okay, was to try and tear you down.
00:45:15
Speaker
Right. Yeah. and and And it's just like. You know, I have half a mind about these things. Part of me is like, fuck everyone, fuck you, fuck this, fuck that. And the other part of me is like, it actually makes me feel bad for you that you felt the need to say that to me.
00:45:31
Speaker
It's actually sad and kind of embarrassing for you. And like, yeah you need to heal. And... I think gay men in particular have a hard time accepting responsibility um for their own actions um because we've been hurt so much. So we think like, well, but the world did all of these things to me, so I don't need to, you know, care about this thing or work on myself or whatever.
00:45:59
Speaker
think that's a part of it. i think the other part of it is just like not just not knowing how to heal or feeling like it'll never get better. i think there's a there's there are layers here. Right. But ultimately I think a lot of out gay cis men are just walking trauma bombs and, you know, aren't addressing it.
00:46:20
Speaker
And that's really sad. And I just want to say like, if you are, particularly if you are a gay cis man listening to this and this is resonating with you, either in a positive or a negative way,
00:46:36
Speaker
I think that you, it's not too late. You can confront those dark places of yourself that you still dislike. your messaging about your sexuality or your masculinity and everything that you that you've received from other people doesn't have to be the messaging that you believe about yourself.
00:47:02
Speaker
And it gets to a point where you have to do the work. And I think like with, you know, therapy talking, and therapy p becoming a popular pop culture thing, and there's a lot of Instagram accounts and all of this positive psychology and everything.
00:47:18
Speaker
um I think that's great to an extent, but I also think it skirts around the personal responsibility piece. Yeah, because for me, i can play victim all that i want. But I've done a lot of shitty things to shitty people. And I've done shitty things to myself.
00:47:35
Speaker
Yeah. And it gets to a point where it's like, you can't use that excuse anymore. You have to move on or you are going to waste your whole life. Yeah, feeling shitty. Yeah, absolutely. And I also want to preface by saying, too, I also – I am no angel.
00:47:53
Speaker
There are so many people that I have ghosted before that I have been rude to, that I have been you know not the best version of myself towards yeah during this phase. And I think that a lot of that stems from – the way I was treated and therefore I was like, well, I was treated this way. This must be how this goes.
00:48:16
Speaker
So I'm going I'm going to treat people the same way that I was treated. Right. Yeah. Not like, not like consciously thinking of that, but like that, I think that that's how it kind of went.
00:48:27
Speaker
Um, And so – because – and I think – and I find myself kind of constantly self-editing and self-censoring in all aspects of my life now because I'm constantly living in, for lack of a better word, fear of people trying to come for me and try to be like, well – Like this is, you know, there are bigger things going on in the world. There's this, there's that, whatever, whatever.
00:48:53
Speaker
In fact, I even mentioned it in my therapy session yesterday. i was like, you know, i like for 45 minutes was just kind of introducing her to all the things that I'm kind of going through or whatever. And then I was like, and one of the things that I feel really guilty about is that I like sit back and I'm like, there's a lot of shit happening in the world right now that is way worse than what I'm going through. Right.
00:49:13
Speaker
And I recognize my own privilege in that. And she was just like, you know, that's valid. She was like, yes, there's a lot of crazy things happening in the world, but she was like, you also have your own stuff that you are going through.
Self-Care and Mental Health
00:49:25
Speaker
And she was like, you, you know, if you want to be this person that's trying to be, make the world a better place and do good for people, you have to to make sure that you're taking care of yourself first. And that was very validating and reassuring because because I, walk around with that guilt all the time, just being like, like i knowing that I'm struggling so much inside But then also recognizing that like, you know what?
00:49:50
Speaker
There's some fucked up shit happening, you know, the other side of the world right now. So. But like, you know, let's say that, and this isn't for you. I know you understand this concept, but you know, if someone's listening and that resonates with them, right.
00:50:04
Speaker
Let's say that you are, you get in a car accident, you and your friend. Okay. And your foot is cut open and you're bleeding all over the place.
00:50:18
Speaker
Yeah. But your friend loses an arm.
00:50:25
Speaker
Your friend losing an arm is way worse. Yeah. Are you going to let your foot bleed out and just die because your friend lost an arm? Right. Okay. Yeah. Dark, but never thought of it that way.
00:50:38
Speaker
Well, you know, and I think that's why I love like, sorry, quick pivot here. I love um horror movies because they provide extreme analogies to to give commentary on the world, right? Not all horror, but there's a lot of horror movies that do that, right? Yeah.
00:50:54
Speaker
Body horror to talk about like image horror. um you know, vanity, that kind of stuff. And so it's a useful tactic. So yeah, I mean, if you want to let your foot bleed out to be noble, because you're virtue signaling, and you think that, you know, it's, it's not as bad as your friend, then okay, die, right?
00:51:16
Speaker
put your fucking bandaid on your foot, your tourniquet, whatever, stop your bleeding, because then you can actually get your friend to safety. Otherwise, you're actually both going to die. Right. That's such a good point.
00:51:28
Speaker
Wow. I never thought of it that way. You're going to be a good therapist someday. God, I hope. Oh, my God. I'll be like, i'd be like i don't live I don't live in Texas, but like can i have a session with you? I'll be like, no, it's a conflict of interest. It actually goes against our code of ethics, but I'll refer you to someone.
00:51:45
Speaker
ah Exactly. I'll refer you for sure. I'll give you a great recommendation. oh my God. ah yeah we are you know the The more I...
00:51:57
Speaker
The more I reflect on my own stuff and I, and you know, and you mentioned earlier that you are, you know, attached to your phone a lot. And I am as well as a meme creator. Much to my chagrin. Much to my chagrin.
00:52:11
Speaker
And I um have recognized that I'm like on, I'm way too connected to the internet right now. And the discourse that I see from everything from pop culture to the news to, you know, politics and and and everything and anything in between has really also been affecting me mentally. And I think it's affecting a lot of us mentally. Yeah, it is.
00:52:31
Speaker
And so I'm trying to figure out like where my place is right now and and what to do and how to use my platform. And right now I'm just I'm opting to just try to be escapism right now. That's fine.
00:52:43
Speaker
And that's fine. But, you know, actually, there's a book. I'm going to pull it up. My friend, I haven't read it personally, but I understand the concept. Hold on. Let me find it.
00:52:56
Speaker
It is called Pleasure Activism, The Politics of Feeling Good. Ooh. And, like, you know, an act of resistance is joy. Yeah. I know that sounds cheesy. and know when people say that, like, what does that mean?
00:53:10
Speaker
What that means is
00:53:14
Speaker
when you are living under you know an authoritarianium or ah authoritarian or a fascist regime, when you're living under an oppressive political environment, they not only want to do all of these things to hurt you and harm you, they also want to break your spirit.
00:53:30
Speaker
yeah um So when people talk about like trans joy in particular, or like you know black girl magic or black boy joy and these concepts, it's because,
00:53:41
Speaker
When they take your joy, they've gotten everything from you. Yeah. So you choosing to make the most out of your life and your circumstances is that act of resistance because it means that they did not get that last thing from you that they wanted to take away, right? They're not going to break your community, your individual, your spirit, anything like that at all.
00:54:05
Speaker
yeah So when we see you know trans people just like living in their transness, we see you know melanated people who are just proud of their skin and what what you can visibly see about them, it's because they're not letting...
00:54:25
Speaker
From my understanding, ah my vantage point from what I've learned about those communities, it's because they're not letting the people who want to take and strip away all of the goodness in their life. They're not letting people do that. They're not giving that power away.
00:54:38
Speaker
So you choosing to be escapism for other people might be the one thing that makes them laugh in the day. hmm. And I saw your, you know, post about when Pedro Pascal was like licking the the thing and you're like, this is how it feels listening to of My Way by Kylie Minogue.
00:54:57
Speaker
Do you know people I saw posting that on their stories that I just personally know in my life? Really? Yeah, seriously. And that is so important.
00:55:08
Speaker
Now, if you wanted to get into a different lane of activism you can do that as well and you can both things can be true but to act as if like i'm not doing anything whatever um you know you are this might be your stepping stone to do i don't want to say more to devalue what you're doing but to do different uh then you know use this now and I think that when people realize what their lane is, we will be so much more powerful.
00:55:40
Speaker
You don't have to be the person throwing the stone, you know, um throwing the brick at Stonewall. The first vanilla candle. Literally.
00:55:51
Speaker
You don't have to be that. You don't have to be a person speaking on TV at a rally, right? Right. Your resistance can be community organizing. It can be support.
00:56:02
Speaker
supporting an organization that does good work that you know does good work and they rely on money they rely on volunteers they rely on this your active resistance can be talking to the willing ears in your life that you might still have like if you do have family who will still talk to you and maybe they're just apolitical they're not like fully you know mag it out or whatever and because i think a lot of people are unreachable unfortunately but um there are still a lot of middle ground people who just feel overwhelmed and they don't know where they fit in yeah your lane could be showing them their lane right yeah so i just want to encourage you and anybody listening that there is a lane for you you do have to find it for yourself but sitting back and feeling overwhelmed and doom scrolling all the time is not your lane i will tell you that
00:56:50
Speaker
hey Damn. Jesse, I'm so glad that you did this with me. me too. I didn't know that we going to get there I love this. was taking this church. You really were. oh my God. My mother always told me that I was either going to be a stripper or a pastor. And I think I'm somewhere in between.
00:57:08
Speaker
and You're somewhere in between. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. That Hawthorne Heights song, Somewhere in Between. Sorry. Woo. That was pop punk. Yeah. ah She jumped out She jumped out. Well, speaking of a song, you know, even though we we had a lovely little therapy session. Thank you so much again. i appreciate that. This was great. had so much fun.
00:57:26
Speaker
i had I had a blast, but it is tradition on this show where we famously end each episode with a song that we don't talk about enough. For those listening, this is a deep cut, maybe a remix, maybe a bonus track, what have you.
00:57:43
Speaker
Jesse Chambliss, do you have a song that we don't talk about enough? I do. So I have been, have recently become very obsessed and I'm so glad that I have because I knew exactly what i was to talk about today.
00:57:55
Speaker
If we did this segment, I like to call it a segment. It's a totally a segment. Absolutely. Yeah. um So my song is funny. How by Rachel Stevens from her second album, come and get it.
00:58:11
Speaker
If you are unfamiliar with Rachel Stevens, she is the bombshell hottie, hot, hot brunette from club seven. Now S club may Paul rest in peace. Um, and, uh, she is similar to,
00:58:27
Speaker
um like a like a cheryl from girls allowed they weren't like the the lead singer but they had that it factor they had that undeniable star quality about them and so she branched out and she released two albums um in the uk solo albums and other countries too but not the us of course because we don't yeah care about good music here ah course morgan wall on top of the charts but um what may he rest never maybe rest never and on she just she you know it was of the situations she didn't write on that second album at all or anything and I listened I only knew like one song from that album and then just somehow the universe brought it to me and I've been obsessed with it it is a no skips for me and there's this one song in particular that's really captured me it's called funny how and that's her one co-writing credit on the album
00:59:23
Speaker
obsessed she and I are connected you are you're soul sisters we are soul sisters and um she you know s club did a has reunited and they've done a reunion tour and everything yeah I I know I flew to the UK to go because I'm very spiritually connected s club Right. i love that. and And again, you're living halfway between stripper and pastor. So you have to be connected with your spirituality. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. yeah and The book of S Club verse seven. Yeah.
00:59:56
Speaker
Thou shalt shake thy ass. I love that. You know what? And it's I so I love Rachel Stevens, like her solo work.
01:00:08
Speaker
um Her albums, her two albums came out really close to one another. I want to say there was only like maybe a year between the two of them or something like that. Something like that. And so i I get the two of them confused.
01:00:20
Speaker
I don't remember this song, so I'm gonna have to revisit this. It is a deepy deep cut. I love that. It's like got like 300,000 streams or something. yeah Less. 300,000 people with taste, it sounds like.
01:00:32
Speaker
And I am 100,000 of them. ah I love that. Because I've been listening to it a lot lately. That's so good. was it Was that the album that had i Said Never Again But Here We Are? is that Yeah, I love that song.
01:00:45
Speaker
Yeah. ah Because Sweet Dreams My LAX was on the first album. Right. Hunky Dory. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that was like funky Dory. Funky Dory. Yes. Funky Dory. Um, that was like in my electro clash pop phase. I mean, when am I not in that, but that's like particular time. I remember like that. I remember her.
01:01:07
Speaker
remember Holly Valance. I remember girls allowed. Yeah. Um, all kind of, gosh, we're kind of connecting this back to your other episode with about international pop girlies. Yeah. ah the uk is calling me they really are they really are oh my god even though my heart's in ireland right what's why isn't it ah oh yes with miz mamba yeah miz mamba uh samantha i mean we would love to have you on the show we keep saying it we would love to have you we keep saying we and let me let me tell you that ever materializes yeah i'm there
01:01:43
Speaker
Please, please. And I think that you, what you, we what you mean is that you've got to tell me that you're there. Baby, come on over and report with me.
01:01:54
Speaker
Please. We're going to body to body. Okay. Oh my God. Until the night becomes the day. o and then I always come back to your love, baby. Oh my God. Okay. We can keep going on. that um Okay. My song that we don't talk about enough. Yes. Because ah this was truly like a bonus therapy session for me today. it felt like talking with you.
01:02:16
Speaker
I am going to go with a song that I have not listened to in a minute and I'm going to listen to it as soon as we get off this ah chat. Okay. um India Are Re featuring Gramps Morgan, ah song called Therapy.
01:02:27
Speaker
Oh, I've never heard of it. it is this really cute, bubbly, up-tempo – how do even describe it? It's kind of like pop rock meets R&B. Love that.
01:02:43
Speaker
ah Like, meets maybe a little bit – That was kind of her thing, though. That was kind her thing, though. Yeah. She – you know, her album's called Acoustic Soul, so – Yeah, and so this song, it's like, is it just makes me feel good.
01:02:56
Speaker
is a great song to listen to in the spring and the summertime. um And I'm going to get real Zach Rickle on this and say that the Lenny Bertaldo remixes. God, a fucking chorus. Slap.
01:03:09
Speaker
The remixes fucking slap. But I don't remember if the remixes are on streaming or not. From 2009? Okay. You're taking good care of me. I'm queuing it up for after this.
01:03:24
Speaker
and Just because I love to have the the last word. um Do you know that she has a cover of The Heart of the Matter? Yes, and they played it in the Sex and the City movie. It's so good. I love her cover of that.
01:03:39
Speaker
It makes me cry. No, it's beautiful. It's gorgeous. It's the the but the part where she's like, can't. i I always get started over singing in front of people and in front of you. um but But it's like the part where she's like,
01:03:54
Speaker
And I don't even think I can get this low because of this faggy ass voice. Yeah. ah Which is like, you don't love me anymore. Like, that like that part. about. i know you I know exactly what you're talking about. You know what i wasm talking about? Yeah. That part, I actually feel that. i'm like I'm like, oh my God. Like, because what I, oh my God, I'm like starting to get emotional right now thinking about it. Do it. Cry, bitch. Cry, faggot.
01:04:17
Speaker
Cry. but
01:04:23
Speaker
got I broke it up. I saved you. Oh, you're dead, you're dead, you're dead. um But someone who has been single for quite some time, i know that you and have talked about this, what I have experienced more of in my life is unrequited love.
01:04:39
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And so I, when I hear songs like that, my experience goes more into the, like, she sings, you don't love me anymore. But I'm like, but in my experience, it's like, you never loved me at all.
01:04:54
Speaker
You know? Yeah. so Yeah. couldn't yeah Everyone feel sorry for me. Everyone feel sorry for me. It's about me. It's about me. It's about me.
01:05:06
Speaker
um Wait, who did the original version of that song, though? Don Henley. I'm pretty sure. Okay. I can verify, but I'm that i'm pretty sure it's Don Henley. i believe I believe you.
01:05:18
Speaker
I was going to say, is it Peter Gabriel? But I think that you're right. and It's Don Henley. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. love his face so good so good speaking of don henley though i will say the boys of summer um the ataris cover of that song i like it better than the original i said it you said it and i'm gonna say you know whose cover that i like better than that god who some dj with a remix uh How'd you know DJ Sammy? There we go.
01:05:51
Speaker
Of course. You remember DJ's fam? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was the, that was the followup single. And it. Baby. want. da da ta
01:06:04
Speaker
I'm popping my pussy if you can't see. I love that. I love ah i love a popping pussy under underneath the frame. It's so good. Maybe I should sing that for karaoke. That sounds like a fun karaoke song. I'm going to that to list.
01:06:15
Speaker
That would be. Or or you should sing Serena Paris' Baby Look at Us. Da-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee. I'm in a Game Boy, Game Boy Advance.
01:06:27
Speaker
that but and better I'm eating cotton, cotton candy right now. Okay, But that's exactly how the song, that's how you feel.
01:06:40
Speaker
No, literally. It's like you're eating electric cotton candy. Yeah, like, and there's like no flavor, just sugar, just electricity. And yeah. Yeah, Pikachu down. Pikachu. Okay. We got it. We got it. We got it. Yeah. I was gonna say we got to wrap this up.
01:06:57
Speaker
Jesse. think Thank you so much for joining. i love you so much. i love and steve everyone. Thank you for listening. i know this is a different kind of episode. I kind of like doing these once in a while though. I like kind of throwing out. We did like a health and wellness episode once. yeah I loved that episode.
01:07:11
Speaker
We did this. which She was so great. yeah camille Okay, this is for Camille Adams. the The only Camille I know. I don't know why I just said her full name. No, I love it.
01:07:22
Speaker
Camille is one of the best people I have ever met in my entire life. She is so real. I've never seen someone, I've never met a person who's able to command a room before.
01:07:37
Speaker
And she just does it so effortlessly and so like flawlessly. She is able to be it relatable, yet funny, yet professional. Like she just does the perfect mix of it all.
01:07:51
Speaker
Okay, I'm clenching because i need to say one more thing and then I swear I'll let the audience escape. yeah Yeah. Okay, when we're talking about like, I wish I could be like this thing or I wish I had this attribute or whatever, another like therapy thing we say is to be like, yeah okay, act like you already have it.
01:08:07
Speaker
Yeah. people are like, I wish I was confident, and like how would you walk and how would you navigate the world and how would you interact with other people if you were a confident person, right? How would you command a room like Camille? Yeah.
01:08:18
Speaker
That type of thing. So yeah just one more last thing. I'm done. I didn't even know who does that. You know who did that? You know how she started it her career? Lady Gaga. Lady Gaga said, i am going to act famous. No, literally. And I will be famous.
01:08:31
Speaker
And on that note, everyone, thank you for listening to this very fun, chaotic episode of Homophonic. Jesse, you're the best. And until next time, peace out.