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The Origin Story (#002)
225 Plays1 year ago
In this episode, Ryan discusses the origin story of the Fatherhood Fables podcast with his friend Michael Buss. Ryan shares his personal journey, from working long hours in the film industry to facing personal challenges that brought him to a season of burnout. He also share’s how he was fathered by God through that season, and that when you let God “give pain a purpose” he can birth beautiful things in our lives. The aim of launching this podcast is to emphasizes the crucial role fathers play in shaping future generations, and to strengthen families through these conversations and stories of "strong fathers."
Transcript
Introduction and Concept of Fatherhood Fables
00:00:07
Speaker
Hey everybody, welcome to Fatherhood Fables. And we are going to jump straight into what is Fatherhood Fables and how did it come to be? So I actually recently had a conversation with one of my buddies, Michael Bus. He actually is the one who kind of realized, hey, it might be helpful to have an episode to learn about where Fatherhood Fables came from. We're really just an origin story.
00:00:32
Speaker
I wish it was closer to like a Wolverine or, you know, something epic. I love a good old origin story, hey? Don't we all? But he's gonna just kind of ping off some stuff we've been talking about and connecting on and some questions and I just felt like this could be a cool format to jump in. Most of the episodes will probably, going forward, will be different interviews with some of my favorite dads.
00:00:54
Speaker
I actually want Buss to jump in every once in a while and ask me some questions as we go through different series and stuff.
Late Night Creativity and Parenting
00:01:01
Speaker
But I think this will just be a great way for us to be able to get a conversation started about fatherhood fables. So how you doing, Buss? Ryan, I'm doing great. Glad to be here. Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be part of the conversation. Bro, it's like almost what, 930 at night.
00:01:16
Speaker
Yup. Getting it in. Yeah. You know, the kids go to bed and this is what we do. That's it. That's it. I mean, maximize all the time. You don't have any kids. So that's, that's what you do at nine 30, but you know, I'm editing photos. I'm I still work, baby. Okay. That's true. You burn the midnight oil. I do. I get stuff done.
00:01:33
Speaker
Yeah, it's creatives, it's true. I remember those days when it's like, well, you know, I could just open up the laptop and get another hour in. Yeah, totally. Yeah, it's real. I mean, I do that still even with kids. And it's fun though. Sometimes, honestly, to my wife's demise, I find some of my most creative, fun work happens between like, I don't do it often, but I love a good jam session from like 12 to one.
Inspiration Behind the Podcast
00:01:58
Speaker
So this is us jamming. That's it.
00:02:01
Speaker
We've never done this, but we're gonna do it. So here we are bus. How do you want to do this man? Yeah, I mean kind of you prefaced it, but just starting with I'd love to hear about
00:02:12
Speaker
Where did the idea of doing a podcast called fatherhood fables even come from? Great question, man. I will try to keep this short because I've over time as I've explained this to different people and friends like, Hey, I got this idea.
Balancing Career and Fatherhood
00:02:28
Speaker
I hopefully I'll put the more succinct way of
00:02:31
Speaker
of getting through, because it has quite a bit of my personal journey in it. So I was working for a company for about just under seven years doing film and post-production, so editing, color correction, running a team in the last couple years that I was working on some long-form projects. And as I started to realize the toll it takes on two of these projects, which
00:02:58
Speaker
It was an amazing experience. Like I definitely would not give up that experience and the things I've learned. Um, so I like to say in the trenches, right? Uh, I realized that one of the things I was super passionate about was wanting to, to do more of was be a dad. I mean, obviously once your dad, you're always a dad, but
00:03:19
Speaker
really spending more of my time than I was. You know, when you work at nine to five, or in that case, you know, I was working 10 hour days on these films, I started having this longing for, you know, being with my kids, home life. So that started a little bit of a conversation among some of my buddies talking about, hey, how do you do film and fatherhood, you know, well, do the two coexist at all? Honestly, they were super helpful because it gave me hope for the idea of, hey, can you have a film career?
00:03:49
Speaker
possibly and also have a family and be an excellent dad. Sure. Film industry is crazy. What's that? The film industry is crazy. Oh, film industry. I mean, it's very common knowledge almost that, you know, trying to work in, let's call it Hollywood while trying to have a successful family.
Personal Challenges and Family Impact
00:04:06
Speaker
I think that's the difference sometimes is what's the difference between just having a family and successful family. And hopefully our goal is to have successful, but
00:04:13
Speaker
I don't want to have a mediocre family like that's not my goal right now. Yeah, it was some some great conversations that were started and I was cruising along on these films got a call. I was actually on holiday. So we my wife and I because we both were working full time. We always take a pretty big holiday to go see your family in South Africa. Yeah, when I say holiday, it's vacation. I'm starting to use my
00:04:35
Speaker
South African lingo here. So it was in South Africa and I got a call that my dad was diagnosed with stage four cancer, which was a complete shock. He hadn't been feeling well for a couple of weeks before we had left, but you know, it was kind of like flu symptoms, whatever. So it turned out to be stage four cancer. And it felt crazy to be away literally halfway around the world and getting this
00:05:00
Speaker
this call so um came back and I would say at that point in my life for sure the hardest year of my life sure so I was working 10-hour days on this project and Even to go back to rewind a little bit more. I had just had my our second. Sorry daughter in 2017 she was born with Down syndrome. We only found out when she was born and I
00:05:22
Speaker
I could, as you know, my heart brow. There's gonna be lots of beautiful conversations and things that we'll bring up in future episodes. She's the best. She is literally the best. She is the joy of my life. To give the more context to that, on top of just the diagnosis, my sister, Sarah actually had downs, or still has. But you grew up with the older sister who had down syndrome. No, I mean, so there is so much history
00:05:52
Speaker
And now all of a sudden, your daughter has Down syndrome. I actually told my wife when we drove Liberty home, I said, I feel like I'm driving my sister home from the hospital. My wife had some beautiful things to say about that, but definitely put a little bit of some pressure on my internal, like, how do I have what it takes?
00:06:11
Speaker
But yeah, that was kind of when I started to feel the weight of life a little bit. You know, I was just thinking about this yesterday, actually, at least for me in my 20s. I was on cruise mode, bro. I was just like cruise control. A lot of things, you know, I got married young and it's just, it's a beautiful season of life. And then, so this was all happening right around my late 20s into just my 30s. And, um,
00:06:36
Speaker
I started like, wow, this is the real things of life. So daughter was born with downs, which again, I'm not trying to make that a negative thing. It just was very unexpected. And so just realized my wife and I were both carrying the weight of that little bit of like, what does this mean? So carrying that in my heart for a year.
00:06:55
Speaker
started this film project 2018 in it feeling like, wow, this is heavy. This is, you know, a lot for, for my family. Cause talk about sleep training. Let's talk about all those things on top of my wife and I just working full full weeks. And I'm working a 50 hour week right now on this, this project.
00:07:12
Speaker
who start early, you know, early in the morning. I'm barely seeing my kids in the morning. My wife's trying to get kids to preschool and stuff. And I just, I gotta be at work. So I'm always just feeling like, Hey, I'm leaving her short-handed. I mean, everything just felt hard. I mean, uh, I remember walking into these early morning sessions with the director was actually a very good friend of mine and
00:07:35
Speaker
I mean, we, we still say it's funny when we, when we see David and Aronia and I see each other, we still make the joke that in these two years on this project, we absolutely saw more of each other in those two years than we saw our wives because you're in it to win it. Oh, it's the grind and we're in the trenches.
00:07:49
Speaker
So anyways, but a few, few morning sessions where I would just literally ball my eyes out and then we'd jump into seeing, you know, 10 a or whatever and start cutting. And yeah, if, if you've ever had a loved one that's been on the journey of fighting cancer, it's kind of a day to day thing sometimes, especially stage four, you know, it's, it can, it can vary as far as expectancy and all that. So my dad fought on, did, did a chemo and, and all that. And I, in the middle of all this,
00:08:18
Speaker
I started to realize, um, because of the conversations I had been having about wanting to be a dad in a bigger capacity that I could feel my time at this company was coming to an end, but I didn't want to just make that choice. I wanted to feel the Lord leading me into a new season and really out of the season I was in.
00:08:41
Speaker
So I put that in front of the Lord and actually had a really clear dream from the Lord. So one of the ways the Lord speaks to me, the most in big decisions, which I'm so grateful for is in dreams. So I had a dream and I was probably January of 2019. And it was the pivotal thing that kind of pushed me forward.
00:09:05
Speaker
So I gave my four weeks notice top of May that year and May 31st was my last day.
00:09:18
Speaker
That was actually the last day I had a coherent, like full conversation with my dad. At that time I didn't know it was the last conversation I was going to have with him. And we were actually leaving for South Africa again from the summer, just for a couple of weeks. I was kind of, should I, should I go? Cause I don't know where my dad's at. Like am I being irresponsible? Like as a son, you
Grief and Family Dynamics
00:09:39
Speaker
know? And the last conversation I had with my dad was,
00:09:43
Speaker
where he told me that had just been my last day at work. He said, Hey son, a lot of men have a gun, but they don't know how to pull the trigger or don't, or won't pull the trigger essentially. And I knew what he was saying to me was,
00:09:59
Speaker
he was proud of me making this decision of leaving the nine to five, leaving the security of that and jumping into something unknown. But he knew that was what was in my heart and it was going to be a great move for my family and stuff. So, I mean, I still look back at that conversation and it's an anchor in my soul for a lot of things, including fatherhood fables. So,
00:10:26
Speaker
I went to South Africa and realized that my dad was actually fading fast back home. So it was facilitating a lot of the things that you prepare for. And we stayed the whole time. My dad actually told me once on the phone, you need to stay. This is your vacation. Don't come back on economy.
00:10:46
Speaker
and i really i felt i wanted to trust my dad on that and we got back when we flew into san francisco i actually found out that my dad was probably within 24 to 36 hours of passing he passed a couple days later i got to to be with him in those last moments which you know was incredible in in you know incredible as in being there i don't feel yeah been near someone when they're passing but
00:11:12
Speaker
So it's a really kind of crazy thing when they you actually know What's about to happen? Yeah, like it's one of the most amazing moments of my life of feeling my dad cross into eternity You know, obviously there's grief and things rushing in as a dad I think you don't always know how to process that as a husband you don't always how to engage in that conversation sure obviously my wife knows I'm grieving and
00:11:36
Speaker
All of that.
Burnout and Mental Health
00:11:38
Speaker
But I think I never really had good communication with needs, even through most of my marriage. One of the things I had to work on the most was having needs in general. I would just stuff things. Honestly, what was modeled to me and I thought,
00:11:55
Speaker
That was the way that, uh, things were handled. So, so I jumped into freelancing and started to freelance in, in film. I was loving it. You know, my goal is to work about 10 to 15 hours a week on projects and then be, be a dad. So my wife is still working full time. So let's take care of kids.
00:12:12
Speaker
school drop offs and pickups. So January of 2020, surprise, oops, baby. And, uh, yeah. Ashes, ashes, incredible. Nothing oops about him, but, uh, unplanned, unplanned. Yeah. Unexpected little malfunction there. So, um,
00:12:28
Speaker
Yeah, that kind of felt like, oh wow, weren't expecting it. And just everything was mounting and I could feel the last five years of my life was just that part I had never really processed was just sitting there.
00:12:46
Speaker
We went on a babymoon slash, my wife's 30, whatever. I don't forget how old she was turning, but we went to Cancun. So we kind of, in our anniversary, we just kind of lumped it all into the month of August, which that's not when we got married. But you know, you know, when you get, when you have kids, you just kind of go, Hey, take what you can get. That's right. Take what you can get. So we're in Cancun.
00:13:06
Speaker
And I realize, holy cow, I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to feel like I'm on vacation. I don't know how to unwind right now. And you only felt this once you could kind of stop. I've been feeling versions of it, but once I got there, I just pretty much melted. Wow.
00:13:28
Speaker
the great burnout of twenty twenty it anyways comical now not so comical then yeah no no it's it's all retro retrospective i can laugh about it now so for some full context you know we go back to two thousand eighteen summer of two thousand eighteen was when we had the car fire here in redding so you know it was
00:13:47
Speaker
like a crazy amount of time between the actual fire happening where, you know, we had friends who didn't know if their houses were left. That happens. My kids all have, you know, reactive airways, breathing stuff that's happening from smoke that is just in the air for months at a time. So I'm sleeping on their floor for, for like four or five, six weeks, just, you know, nebulizing, giving them stuff throughout the night, making sure they're breathing.
00:14:13
Speaker
Um, and obviously COVID happens, uh, the beginning of COVID happens 2019. And then, you know, in context of all these other things that are happening between, um, you know, my dad being diagnosed, me working on two films back to back. It was just, as I'd like to say, it was, I was just in the soup for, for two, three years. So I tell
Faith and Fatherhood
00:14:32
Speaker
my wife on this, this holiday, this vacation in Cancun, I say, babe, I feel like all I've tried to do in the last couple of years is fill the crevices of everything that feels sure.
00:14:42
Speaker
like the things that I don't feel in control of because of the craziness of what life has been and I realized that I'm not doing well. So ash was due at that point in three months and I think I was feeling the pressure of
00:15:00
Speaker
third baby, I'm about to be outnumbered. I never really fully processed what I really felt about Libs being born with Downs and all the connotations of that from my childhood. On top of some of the stuff still with my dad.
00:15:16
Speaker
the grief of that. So I had, I mean, the best term I can come up with is a burnout and that was definitely the, the darkest of any season of my life. And I, you know, it was a good six months of just kind of taking it day by day. I had an amazing therapist that helped me through a lot of, a lot of those, those moments and things that I needed to let go of. And,
00:15:45
Speaker
If you've ever found yourself in that dark place, you kind of go, you're redefining all the boundaries of what am I capable of and what am I passionate about? And it's part of the thing that gives you directive and vision out of that season. So as I was looking for that vision to propel me out of that season, granted, I think it's always healthy to do kind of a crawl walk run. Don't find your, like, hey, I'm going to run a marathon or whatever. Just take your baby steps.
00:16:13
Speaker
Well, I love, what about Bob, right? You know, baby steps here. So, so I realized for most of my life, like.
00:16:19
Speaker
I can relate to Jesus pretty well. Like Jesus, I love you, you know, the Holy Spirit, love the Holy Spirit, love miracle signs, wonders, like, you know, I love those two parts of the Trinity. I love the father, but I didn't know the father very well. And it probably didn't feel like I had access to him. And maybe just because of religion and church culture and how I grew up, like a little bit more of shadowy, you know.
00:16:46
Speaker
what does that what does it look like to be in relationship with father god and and i read one day uh my devotionals paul's writing to one of the churches and he says my desire for you is that you are fathered by god himself and i realized in this moment
00:17:02
Speaker
that with the loss of my father and me feeling the weight of being a father, I was like, oh, this is actually where I get to be fathered by God himself.
00:17:19
Speaker
I found myself in this amazing place where I actually was hearing the voice of the father more clearly than I ever had in my life. One of the things that I really feel as I look back at that season was, again, yes, I had an amazing therapist. My wife was absolutely incredible, such a support, and all my friends around me, but the thing that I
Fatherhood Stories and Societal Impact
00:17:42
Speaker
look back at that season
00:17:43
Speaker
And I'm amazed at is that Father God actually wants to meet us in our weakness. I think about the scripture that it says in our weakness it becomes a portal for God's strength, for his strength to show up in our lives. And I think one of the biggest things I learned was
00:18:06
Speaker
Even in our weakest moments is when God wants to bring great victories and come meet us in our humanity to give us vision and hope in life. He's not afraid of those places. He's not uncomfortable with our humanity and our needs. He actually meets us in those places.
00:18:29
Speaker
and wants to father us through that. So just wanted to say before we move forward with this origin story for Fatherhood Fables, if anyone listening is feeling in a similar place where, you know, it doesn't have to be, you know, a burnout per se, but a place where you feel discouraged, anxiety with just all of the things that you're facing,
00:18:54
Speaker
You know, I was facing panic attacks and racing thoughts and just I was absolutely not coping and I encourage you to lean into the voice of the Father.
00:19:09
Speaker
He is the one who wants to father you through, and He actually will meet you in your place of struggle and weakness, and that actually will become a place where His power is demonstrated. And like I said, I look back at this, the season of my life, and I feel like I built an altar of remembrance, just like the Israelites did in the Old Testament.
00:19:31
Speaker
Actually, this is a season in a place in my life where I have an altar of remembrance for what God has done. And it is something that I feel like he wants to do in other people's lives because this is what he does. He doesn't just fix broken things. He redeems them and he actually makes things new. So that is really the big part of my story to get us to fatherhood, being one of the center stones
00:20:00
Speaker
if not one of the cornerstones of who I am. So, Followhood Fables really is a culmination of events. Of you, you've always had a priority be present dad, but it got switched over the last couple years as the number one thing that you want to do and you want to be.
00:20:20
Speaker
So that's where you would say this came out of this last four years. Yeah. So I realized that the thing I was most passionate about was, was being a father. I'm like, Hey, I want to have a conversation about this with people. Uh, as a storyteller, I think that's where really the fatherhood fables part comes from. And I really wanted to find a name in a, uh, something that encompassed who I was as a storyteller because I want to tell as the tagline of,
00:20:46
Speaker
Fatherhood fables is is telling the stories of strong fathers because I think there's power as we say is power in the testimony. There's power in the story. Yeah, and I want to show people what it looks like to have successful families or at least have conversations about what that could look like because you know I'm all I'm in the middle of my journey in some ways. You know ashes once I'm still at the beginning of some of this. Yeah, don't have all the answers, but I'm wanting to have a conversation about
00:21:13
Speaker
How can we do this? So that gives us all frame of reference for kind of where fatherhood fables came from. And now here we are at kind of the precipice of launching it, of starting out. So why should people care? Why does this conversation, where does it have place? Where does it add value to society?
00:21:33
Speaker
So I think one of the things that we're facing right now in our culture in the world is the lack of fathers. I mean, I don't know how the statistic in front of me, but I think it's close to like somewhere in the 40s. I think last time I heard.
00:21:50
Speaker
kids just don't literally have dads that are present in their life growing up. And it attributes to so many of just the issues that kids are facing. I think fathers are a huge, huge deal in the next coming generations. And they shape, I mean, we shape our kids. Like I said, my greatest accomplishment will be my children more than the projects I land or the awards I receive.
00:22:18
Speaker
That's all great and dandy, but I'm like, uh, my kids will be the thing that I want to have go, wow, this, their reflection of me, the reflection of the Lord, the reflection of what I've poured myself into, you know?
Community and Support in Fatherhood
00:22:29
Speaker
So I think what will happen is if we can have these conversations,
00:22:34
Speaker
And hopefully not just conversations, but like I really see this as a linking up of men, of families, of people across the world. Like I want to be able to strengthen families to the conversations we have on fatherhood fables. I want to have the nitty gritty conversations of not just, it's not, it's not parenting podcast. I'm like,
00:22:55
Speaker
my heart is to talk about being a man. What does it look like to, to carry the weight of, of a family and do that well without feeling like the only thing you can be is, is a night on a white horse. You're right. Like what happens if you need to get off that horse to take a piss?
00:23:12
Speaker
It's really important as I've found out that you need to, to have real conversations with your brothers, with your spouses, that we learn to have conversations that are vulnerable and real about raising families and being, being men of honor. And what does this look like? You know, cause
00:23:36
Speaker
I find the more that I have these conversations and begin to open up on these topics, the more I feel encouraged. And I think it's just really important that we have these conversations really. Yeah, totally. And for me as a single guy, not married, doesn't have kids, mid 20s,
00:23:58
Speaker
I'm not quite there yet as far as the drip drip drip or the responsibilities or the things of life catching up to me but you know throughout history even looking at tribal cultures there's always an initiation into manhood and fatherhood being a man it historically is never done in the context of self or being alone. It's always in the context of community.
00:24:23
Speaker
And so I find myself on the brink, you know, mid 20s, looking to men. And yes, I had a fantastic father who was super present, but I know being around conversations like this and from the other men that are in my life, so valuable for me.
00:24:40
Speaker
because I don't want to do this by myself. And I do want to be successful. I do want to live a wholehearted life. And so having these conversations, being around these conversations, I think add tremendous value for me on a personal level, let alone the rest of the listeners and their families and future kids and whatnot, and forever how long this podcast goes on for. Forever. Forever.
00:25:09
Speaker
Yeah. It's, it's encouraging to hear, man. Cause that that's my heart. Honestly, I'd love to have you on for a couple, couple episodes of the whole context of like, Hey, what does it look like for, for men to feel empowered going into being a dad, being a husband, like I,
00:25:25
Speaker
I personally wish I had some more of these conversations. Sure. I didn't, I don't know what it turned out. I had some great, I had a few great conversations, but I wish I had another handful of them back when I was 21, when I got married. So yeah, hopefully it's going to be enriching. Yeah.
00:25:41
Speaker
The minimal thing I can get across is it's helpful for a few people. Awesome. Yeah, it's great. Hopefully we get to have some fun along the way, though. Hopefully we get to have some fun and contribute to a new narrative around what being a father means and what being a man means. Absolutely, man. Well, thanks for doing this with me, bro. Oh, absolutely, Ryan. Thanks for having me, bro. Appreciate it. All right, guys. Thanks for hanging out with us, and I will see you for the next episode.