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008 | Grief | Theology AMA
543 Plays5 years ago
Ever read the book of Job and find it a little… unrelatable? Confession: It was Phylicia’s least favorite book for a long time! But Job teaches us some fundamental principles about who God is when we are grieving. In this episode, we dive into who God is when we face grief, regardless of the cause. How do we trust Him when we’re disappointed and full of loss? Looking at stories of people like Hannah, Naomi, Hagar, and the Samaritan, we learn how God meets us in the hardest times of our lives.
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Transcript
Introduction to Verity Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to Verity. I'm your host, Felicia Masonheimer, an author, speaker, and Bible teacher. This podcast will help you embrace the history and depth of the Christian faith, ask questions, seek answers, and devote yourself to becoming a disciple of Jesus Christ. You don't have to settle for watered-down Christian teaching. And if you're ready to go deeper, God is just as ready to take you there. This is Verity, where every woman is a theologian.
Emotional Journey and Personal Struggles
00:00:30
Speaker
So as I was thinking back on the episodes that we've done so far this season, I realized that I've been crying a lot. I've been crying a lot, you guys, in many of these episodes. And I'm not embarrassed of it, but I'm a little surprised by it because I'm actually not a crier.
00:00:49
Speaker
And I think part of it's because I'm pregnant, being perfectly honest with you. But another part of it is just that this first season of the podcast touches on so many parts of my life that were difficult and taught me so much about the heart of God that I get emotional just discussing them.
00:01:10
Speaker
I think something in my heart really changed last year when I broke my leg. For those of you who don't know, in the middle of 2019, while I was really struggling with my autoimmune disease, I broke my leg in a soccer game at the knee and went in for surgery. I now have a plate and eight screws in my leg. And during that season of being completely dependent on other people,
00:01:35
Speaker
I just cried the whole time. I cried every single day. I wept through my Bible, through the Psalms, and the difficulty of that changed me. And now when I talk about difficult, hard times in my life, it's very hard for me to not get emotional. And so I think a lot of these episodes have me crying a little bit and a little warning. I will probably cry in this episode too.
00:01:59
Speaker
because we're talking about grief and we're talking about what scripture says about who God is in the middle of grief.
Exploring the Book of Job: Grief and Empathy
00:02:07
Speaker
So if you don't like tears, I apologize, but I think sometimes it really is a time to weep and we can rejoice in the weeping. I know that sounds so strange, but we're going to hear why that's scriptural in a little bit here.
00:02:27
Speaker
The Book of Job is probably the book we're most familiar with regarding grief. And to be perfectly honest, for most of my life, I didn't like reading the Book of Job. It was confusing, long, and kind of depressing. And during those seasons that I was trying to read it, but not really in difficulty,
00:02:52
Speaker
I really kind of dreaded it, because so many of you know that I read through the Bible each year, and I'm in my fifth year of doing this. So Job is always in there, kind of towards the beginning, because it's one of the oldest books in the Bible, and it was a struggle. Now, Job isn't the only spot where the Bible talks about grief and loss and disappointment, but I think it's a great spot to start when you're struggling with grief. And I first began to appreciate it.
00:03:22
Speaker
when I had gone through some difficult seasons. And during that season, I read it and thought, maybe this book isn't about application. Maybe this book was included to show us that it's okay to grieve, to be full of questions and pain and disappointment. And maybe Job is here in scripture, not just to enhance a systematic theology, but to show us God's kindness for the brokenhearted.
Understanding Grief and Christ's Empathy
00:03:50
Speaker
So I'm currently in the stage of life where all my friends are married and having babies, at least most of them, but a lot of my friends are also struggling with infertility and miscarriage. And as a friend who's watching from the sidelines, I have my own hormonal struggles and my own fertility problems, but to watch someone else walk through it, to hold their hand as they weep over their loss,
00:04:14
Speaker
These things, my efforts to comfort feel so empty when you know the grief that someone is facing. And being with them in this season has driven me to understand how Christ meets us in our loss, and not just how to face grief, but how to experience it the way Jesus did.
00:04:35
Speaker
Now, grief takes many forms, and in my own life, my grief has not been the loss of a baby. It hasn't been, you know, even the loss of a parent or a close relative. I'm very blessed that most of my relatives are still alive. I don't have anyone in my family who has cancer. My grief has been in terms of loss, like financial loss, or when my husband lost his job.
00:05:03
Speaker
the insecurity of being pregnant and always having something traumatic happen during my pregnancies and grieving a normal, not having a normal pregnancy. Grief looks like for me grieving the lack of healing of my autoimmune disease and walking in public with a rash on my face that makes people avert their eyes and act awkward or shame me for
00:05:28
Speaker
looking like this in public. That's grievous to me. It's just a different kind of grief. And so we all have something that we may be grieving, the loss of something, things not going the way we planned, relationships not panning out, a breakup, a death. Grief shows up in many different ways.
00:05:53
Speaker
And empty platitudes don't really help us, right? They're in a better place. Don't worry, he'll find a job soon. I'm sure that you'll have a baby by next year. And isn't this the fun part anyway? The trying? These things don't encourage us. In fact, they can emphasize our grief and emphasize our loss.
00:06:14
Speaker
Job's friends tried to join in his suffering and attempted to empathize, but they actually had a really discouraging and unbiblical view of suffering. They didn't just fail to encourage him. They cross-examined Job for unexposed sin, basically saying, if these bad things are happening to you, it's because you sinned in some way. And they insinuated he was to blame for the loss of his children and his wealth.
00:06:38
Speaker
Job's story really teaches us a lot,
Intercession and Hope in Christianity
00:06:42
Speaker
right? But one thing is for sure. Our fellow humans can never fully empathize with our loss. Even the best of them can't fill the gaping hole in our hearts when we're grieving. And if we expect people to make us feel better, to be the source or the way of encouraging us out of difficulty, we're going to be disappointed.
00:07:02
Speaker
So one thing I want you to know about Job that I love is that in Job's day, Jesus had not yet come to earth. The only way to be at peace with God was to observe the Levitical law. And actually, you know what? Let me correct that. The Levitical law was likely not issued yet because Job was written so early. But we do know that animal sacrifices were taking place as a way of being at peace with God before that. We see Cain and Abel, we see Noah, and so
00:07:31
Speaker
Animal sacrifices were keeping people at peace with God, but righteousness was still by faith and Job was a righteous man. So the separation between God and man to remove sin had yet to be bridged by Jesus. And we see Job's longing for something more in Job 16 21 that says, I wish that someone might arbitrate between a man and God just as a man pleads for his friend.
00:08:00
Speaker
So in that day, a man needed an advocate in court, and if he needed one, his friend could stand in for him. And this friend would represent the accused and defend him before the judge. So Job is saying, I want someone to intercede for me before God, someone to present my case, to ask God why this is happening. And yet, what Job only hoped for, we actually have today. Jesus is our high priest interceding for us in our pain.
00:08:28
Speaker
This says right in Hebrews 4, 14-16, Since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses. Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
00:08:51
Speaker
So, we quote this a lot in context of sin that Jesus can empathize with our weakness, but it also means Jesus has experienced the weakness of grief. Look at him in the Garden of Gethsemane grieving what he was about to do. Look at him when Lazarus died grieving the death of his friend even though he was about to resurrect him to life.
00:09:13
Speaker
Being Christ followers gives us a different perspective on loss. So it's not that we don't feel the pain. The difference is, as Paul put it, we do not grieve like the rest of mankind who have no hope. 1 Thessalonians 4, 13. We might not feel hopeful, but we have a hope that outlasts death. We have the promise of eternity free from pain and suffering and grief.
Christian Sexuality and Relationships
00:09:40
Speaker
Okay friends, we know that scripture applies to all of life and two areas of life where I see the influence of the Christian worldview the most is in relationships and sexuality. For a long time, that's actually what my blog was about, was about Christian sexuality and dating and marriage relationships. I've moved a little bit away from that on the blog, but I do have two books that focus on these areas and they are available on Amazon and on my website.
00:10:08
Speaker
So the first one is safe to feel, a 30-day devotional for women who struggle with affection. This is great for women who struggle with emotional intimacy or wondering why they want to withdraw when people want to hug them, kind of getting to the root of that struggle and what scripture says about it.
00:10:26
Speaker
The second one is called Christian Cosmo, the sex talk you never had. And this book is for any woman who needs to reframe her view of sexuality, to understand God's view of sex and what it means for her, especially if you never got taught a biblical sexual ethic from someone who loved you and cared about you. These books are both available on Amazon or also on FeliciaMasonheimer.com and all the proceeds from them go to support this podcast.
00:10:54
Speaker
So last year, one of my dear friends, actually it might be two years ago now, walked through a season of absolutely insane loss. She had a health scare that resulted in a major surgery and scar. Her father died of cancer and her mother was deeply struggling with his loss.
00:11:17
Speaker
So she has this extremely fiery ordeal that she's walking through. But in that same season, she celebrated the wedding of her sister and adopted a new son. So joy and sorrow were equally mixed in her life. And as I watched her walk through this season, I noticed she never pretended the grief wasn't there. She was honest about it.
00:11:43
Speaker
But she was still full of joy because she did not grieve, as if she had no hope. And because of that, her grief actually glorified God even more.
Biblical Stories of Grief and Redemption
00:11:59
Speaker
So looking back at the example of Job, about halfway through the book, Job responds to his friend's second round of critiquing. And after crying out for this pity, he seems to turn inward and says something that I absolutely love. Now typically this verse is translated, I know that my Redeemer lives and in the end he will stand on the earth. I've always taken this to mean
00:12:26
Speaker
In the end, Jesus will return and all will be brought to justice, which is encouraging. However, the CSB, which is the translation I use daily, translates it, I know my Redeemer lives and he will stand on the dust at last.
00:12:45
Speaker
At the last of our money, our security, our family, our life. Who is still there? In the dust of our possessions and achievements, our Redeemer is alive. He is there, never forsaking us. He is always with us, His presence comforting us.
00:13:07
Speaker
So I wanted to quick run through a few people in scripture, women specifically, who give us kind of case studies in grief. The first is Hagar. So Hagar is a woman who was basically used as a pawn in a plan hatched by Sarah to get an heir for Abraham.
00:13:28
Speaker
And Hagar didn't have a choice. She basically became a sex slave, a concubine secondary wife. And through the drama that happened through that, she was sent away into the desert and was grieving essentially the loss of security, identity, and a future, and potentially the loss of her life.
00:13:49
Speaker
And yet there in the midst of her pain, God met her. It says, the angel of the Lord found Hagar near a spring in the desert. It was the spring that is beside the road to Shur. And he said, Hagar, slave of Sarai, where have you come from and where are you going? It's interesting he asks her a question because she doesn't answer him. She says, I'm running away. But she doesn't say where she came from because she never really belonged. And she doesn't say where she's going because she probably doesn't know.
00:14:18
Speaker
And in this loss of clarity, God comes to Hagar and promises her a hope, a way out. He gives her the strength she has to continue. And she says, you are the God who sees me. I have now seen the one who sees me. So for Hagar's grief, God was the one who sees.
00:14:36
Speaker
Another example is Hannah, who pours out her heart to God, and Eli thinks she's drunk because of how passionately she's praying, God, give me a son, give me a son, and I'll give him back to you. And God answers her with a child. In due time, Hannah's prayer was answered. That doesn't mean it was immediate, but that God, he heard her grief. He saw her pain. And so for Hannah, God was the one who answers.
00:15:03
Speaker
Another example is Naomi. We often focus on Ruth and the story of Ruth and Naomi, but Naomi was a woman who came back to Israel from being an exile and actually named herself Mara, which means bitter. But through the story of Ruth and Ruth's faithfulness and Boaz's faithfulness to God, Naomi's story is totally redeemed. Not just Ruth, but also
Silence, Absence, and Personal Struggles
00:15:29
Speaker
Naomi's story. So for Naomi, God was the one who restores.
00:15:34
Speaker
And then the Samaritan woman who is a major theme in Stop Calling Me Beautiful. This is a woman who has grieved incredible loss in so many different ways, who has been possibly abused sexually, maybe was infertile to explain the multiple divorces.
00:15:50
Speaker
with her history and her sexual history. And so here she is meeting this man at the well and Jesus steps right into her grief and her loss. He entered into her pain and he actually addresses the most painful part of her story. He says, you have had five husbands and you're living with a guy who's not your husband. He steps right into it. But in doing so, he helps her find hope.
00:16:21
Speaker
So one story that we didn't really address but is another theme in the book is Dinah. So Dinah is a woman. She is a daughter of Leah and Jacob and she was raped in Genesis 34. She was made completely vulnerable. An entire city was killed on her behalf. She was taken back to her father's house and we hear nothing else about her. And Dinah
00:16:45
Speaker
Her situation happened at the exact same well where the Samaritan woman met Jesus. But Dinah's story kind of ends in silence. And I've often wondered why did God answer so many women in these narratives, but Dinah's story, we don't see anything. And I had a chance to wrestle with these questions when last year I broke my leg in that soccer game and my entire world stopped. I went in for surgery, I left with that plate and screws in my knee,
00:17:12
Speaker
And in one night I went from an active mom of two to being incapacitated and completely unable to even dress myself. So in the midst of the pain of the surgery, which was the worst pain I've ever had in my life, breaking my knee and then the aftermath,
00:17:28
Speaker
My autoimmune disease continued to flare, so I had the rash all over my face and neck and my arms. And I had never felt so abandoned by God to sit in a wheelchair or on crutches or on the couch for two and a half months at the height of summer, completely dependent on my community and my sister who quit her job and came and watched my children. That's hard, you guys, and I battled God's silence in those weeks.
00:17:53
Speaker
I have prayed for healing of my disease for years. And while some progress has been made, it's mostly the same. And so my grief was, God does not hear me. He's silent to my pain. But something I learned in those months is that silence does not mean God is absent.
00:18:12
Speaker
In the silent periods, we have to choose to trust who God is and who He's proven Himself to be in every other story we know. He is just, He is kind, He is present, and He is love. This was Dinah's hope, and it's ours as well. Our grief is known, and our grief is carried. It's difficult, it's hard to trust God when everything feels like it's lost. My friend Becca, who lost her baby son at three weeks old,
00:18:43
Speaker
gosh it always here it comes always makes me tear up when she lost her son you would think it would she would say you know we prayed for that baby to live we prayed for it but that's not how God chose to answer and I want to read something that she wrote passed away she said I had peace
00:19:07
Speaker
that God would take care of my son, that he would not have to be a fighter anymore, that he would be getting the new heart we prayed for, and that he would never have to experience the heartache and darkness of this world. God did answer all of our prayers, just not in the way we expected.
00:19:27
Speaker
So Christian grief does not require pretending everything's okay. It does not mean we cease to feel or to hurt or to wonder if the void will never again be filled. It does not mean we'll be healed.
00:19:41
Speaker
But it does mean that we face all the pain and loss, plus having the presence of a loving and faithful God.
Conclusion and Community Engagement
00:19:50
Speaker
We will face a lot of hard and heartbreaking things in this life. But the difference for women of God is that we have all of God himself.
00:20:04
Speaker
Thank you for joining us for today's episode of Verity. You can connect with fellow listeners by following me on Instagram at Felicia Masonheimer or on our Facebook page by the same name. Also visit FeliciaMasonheimer.com for links to each episode and the show notes.