Transcript
Speaker: Previously on Trust Don't Verify.
Speaker: Fuck!
Speaker: Oh shit, where's his leg?
Speaker: Oh fuck, it's gone!
Speaker: Aaron, it's me, your son.
Speaker: I love you.
Speaker: Doubt it.
Speaker: Fuck me.
Speaker: This is my son?
Speaker: We're doing previously.
Speaker: We're doing the previous episode.
Speaker: I was like, what the fuck?
Speaker: Alright, so on the previous episode, I met my son, who's like an adult.
Speaker: There was a firefight.
Speaker: There was some sort of gunfight, and then something sexual.
Speaker: Something sexual, probably.
Speaker: Welcome, Brett.
Speaker: Hello, and welcome to Trust, Don't Verify, the show where two of us tell a story, but only one is telling the truth.
Speaker: My name is Aaron.
Speaker: Today, I'm joined by Carter and Brett.
Speaker: Hey.
Speaker: Hey.
Speaker: Hey, I took an awkward pause there.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So today I believe I am going to be the decider, meaning Carter and Brett are going to be telling the two stories.
Speaker: Is that right?
Speaker: That is correct.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Well, I guess we should just jump right into it.
Speaker: Is there a theme?
Speaker: Brett, would you say there is?
Speaker: I actually not sure how I would phrase it.
Speaker: I actually thought you said it was like people in history or something.
Speaker: Yeah, it's pretty much a general people in history type thing.
Speaker: Historical figures.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Excellent.
Speaker: Who's going to start us off?
Speaker: Carter, you want to take it?
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Buckle in.
Speaker: I think it's generally... General Lee?
Speaker: The problem is I know he was real.
Speaker: So the opener should be worse, so this makes sense.
Speaker: So everyone stick around for Brett because he always kills it.
Speaker: No pressure, Brett.
Speaker: No pressure, Brett.
Speaker: Brett's going to wrap again.
Speaker: Oh, fuck.
Speaker: We're already doing reruns.
Speaker: God.
Speaker: So...
Speaker: Went for a little bit, as we usually do, something a little bit different this time.
Speaker: Mine is titled Chris Chan.
Speaker: The paradox of Chris Chan is an interesting one.
Speaker: They are perhaps the most well-documented human being in all of history thus far.
Speaker: And yet, Aaron, if you weren't a native Virginian, and friend of mine, allegedly,
Speaker: There is a fairly good chance I could present you a wealth of information about Christopher, Christian, Christine, Ricardo, Weston, Chandler, Sonichu, and you would guess that my story was not only fake, but so on the nose with the impossible that it was ridiculous for me to even write it out.
Speaker: I wish that were the case.
Speaker: I wish you did not know of their existence at all so I could claim an easy victory through outlandish tales.
Speaker: But we both know that cannot happen here.
Speaker: So you may be thinking, why even bring it up?
Speaker: Why do you want to risk derailing our humble show by even uttering the name Chris Chan?
Speaker: I shall explain.
Speaker: Though I cannot try to make you guess on the existence of Chris as a whole, I can, in fact, make you guess if one particular detail is real or not.
Speaker: In the setup of doing this, I will also take you on an abridged and incomplete journey through Chris-tory, regaling you with some of the most insane backstory of one of the most infamous individuals in internet history.
Speaker: before dropping a premise on you that will force you to guess if it could be a true and honest story or a fabrication to troll you.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Sounds good.
Speaker: Yeah, that sounds pretty good.
Speaker: Christory, nice poll.
Speaker: I did not make that up.
Speaker: Brett, you got anything?
Speaker: No, I just... What a guy.
Speaker: What a person.
Speaker: Well, hey.
Speaker: Do not do that.
Speaker: And I'm so scared that I'm going to flip up, slip up, rather.
Speaker: Oh, and we're watching.
Speaker: Trust me.
Speaker: I'm going to slip up.
Speaker: I've got Twitter open right now.
Speaker: I've tried very hard to make it all the correct pronouns, but it gets a little muddy, unfortunately.
Speaker: But I'm trying my best.
Speaker: Chris Chan?
Speaker: Yeah, I know.
Speaker: Imagine.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: As a quick preface, the possibility of Christory begins in 1982, when the then-named Christopher was born in the Charlottesville, Virginia area to Robert and Barbara Chandler.
Speaker: Christory, as most of us know it, however, starts in either December 1992 or 1989, as two different dates were given by Chris.
Speaker: It was one of these years that the young Christopher, while on a shopping trip to a Richmond, Virginia mall,
Speaker: discovered the Leonard Berenstain Animatronic Symphony Orchestra.
Speaker: This was a staple Regency Square shopping mall fixture during the holiday season and was fronted by the animatronic and fully interactive Leonard Berenstain.
Speaker: Fully?
Speaker: Fully interactive, as he was the conductor and he was helped along by a behind-the-scenes human controller.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: The turnout for that day was sparse, so Christopher was able to interact with the bear more than normal.
Speaker: The person controlling the interactive bear misheard Chris after asking his name, and instead of calling him Christopher, referred to him as Christian.
Speaker: Young Chris took this as a sign from God that his name was meant to be Christian.
Speaker: And from then forth was known as Christian Weston Chandler throughout his formative years with an official name change sometime around 1992 or 1993.
Speaker: So his birth name was Chris?
Speaker: Was Christopher.
Speaker: Oh, Chris.
Speaker: Okay, I'm sorry.
Speaker: Christopher and then changed to Christian.
Speaker: Got it, got it, got it.
Speaker: Correct.
Speaker: There was even a Richmond Times-Dispatch article in late 1993 detailing the events that took place and what inspired Christian to pursue his name change.
Speaker: This would be Chris's first name change and one he defended adamantly against those who mislabeled his identity.
Speaker: For example, Chris was witnessed some years later referring to the incident while ranting online against a troll who claimed to be the actual Christian Weston Chandler and original creator of Sonnet U, labeling Chris Chan as an imposter.
Speaker: This angered Chris greatly and prompted them to fiercely inform the audience that his name, Christian, was bestowed upon him by God and the bear in the Regency Center shopping malls.
Speaker: Real group project type situation.
Speaker: That's great.
Speaker: Alas, I cannot begin to chronologically detail every notable moment in Chris-tory, so here I will begin to outline some heavy hitter moments and leave you with the assertion I'm going to make for you to guess upon.
Speaker: In the early to mid-90s, Chris won a contest centered around the new Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon that granted him a $1,000 shopping spree at a toy store.
Speaker: This arguably fanned the flames of their toy addiction and title persona and obsession with all things Sonic you.
Speaker: Wait, wait.
Speaker: That's an original IP.
Speaker: I mean, it's not to choose an original IP.
Speaker: Hey, if you if you infringe two copyrights, it's kind of double jeopardy.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: What is we're fine, as Michael would say.
Speaker: You have no idea how many times people have tried to point that out to them and it just does not compute.
Speaker: Infringing on multiple copyrights isn't the same as infringing on no copyrights.
Speaker: It's like, hey, listen, it's equal opportunity.
Speaker: I got both of them.
Speaker: It is a repeating theme throughout Chris-tory.
Speaker: That's awesome.
Speaker: And look, isn't it just like every kid's dream, by the way, to win?
Speaker: I mean, that's a big deal.
Speaker: $1,000, especially in the 90s.
Speaker: In the early to mid-90s.
Speaker: Yeah, that's incredible.
Speaker: That's a ton of money.
Speaker: Yeah, it's insane.
Speaker: He bought a lot of cool stuff.
Speaker: I saw some of the video stuff.
Speaker: But yeah, that was insane.
Speaker: He was probably like, I think, 10 or 11 at the time.
Speaker: So it's just insane to win.
Speaker: I can't imagine.
Speaker: Chris considers this their greatest accomplishment and the ramifications for that were more far-reaching than anyone could imagine at the time.
Speaker: Please take a moment to prepare yourself for the following abridged collection of notable Chris moments.
Speaker: And this was just some of my favorites.
Speaker: There are so many more that I've even forgotten.
Speaker: Greatest hits, perhaps.
Speaker: Not even.
Speaker: I'm sure I missed some of the great ones, but I just did my best.
Speaker: And you're talking about the creation of Sonichu was like the defining, like that's the career highlight, right?
Speaker: Not winning the competition.
Speaker: Or was Sonichu what won the competition?
Speaker: Sorry, I do apologize.
Speaker: I may have not put that together very well.
Speaker: He, or excuse me, they won the competition.
Speaker: And I'd say arguably a lot of people said arguably that's what started to fuel their entitled persona.
Speaker: And they were already watching Sonic at the time.
Speaker: And to escape the no copyright infringement rule of the class, that's when they created Sonichu, which Chris considers to be one of the greatest inventions of all time.
Speaker: And they're in greatest invention of all time.
Speaker: What was the competition?
Speaker: So essentially, and I know this to be true, but I don't have it in the story.
Speaker: You had to watch the Sonic the Hedgehog cartoon every week.
Speaker: And Sonic would say a word and you had to write it down.
Speaker: And at the end of, I think it was like five or six weeks, you sent in every single word to Sega or whoever was the producer of the show.
Speaker: And they picked someone to win out of that pool of people who got every single word right after watching it every week.
Speaker: Gotcha.
Speaker: Okay, okay.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So Chris was already into Sonic.
Speaker: Right, yeah, clearly.
Speaker: Chris reveals to a sweetheart, meaning a troll posing as a love interest, who he does find to, who they do find to be someone that they think is a girlfriend, right?
Speaker: But we always know that it is a troll, just so you know.
Speaker: So Chris reveals to a sweetheart, meaning a troll posing as a love interest, that he recycles, meaning Chris drinks their own ejaculate mixed with Orange Fanta to not waste the substance, believing it has special health benefits.
Speaker: I'm sorry, believing?
Speaker: In accordance with modern medicine.
Speaker: Knowing.
Speaker: Knowing for sure.
Speaker: Orange Fanta, of course.
Speaker: It was always Orange Fanta.
Speaker: It always was.
Speaker: Chris, after finding out his then-sweetheart, and I'm going to see some male pronouns in this because the stuff happened when they identified as male.
Speaker: So I try and switch it to they when Chris-tory becomes more of their other-
Speaker: being, but I'll use his a lot for the male portion of things from the other day.
Speaker: Chris, I say being... When Chris evolves.
Speaker: I say being very pointedly, and you'll see why.
Speaker: Chris, after finding out his then-sweetheart was actually a young man posing as a woman, complies with the demand to break his iconic clay Sonichu medallion and insert it into his rectum in a bid to retrieve his stolen PlayStation Network account.
Speaker: All of that is recorded.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: Chris is on record through video recordings, audio recordings, online postings, and even in his comics, professing his hatred for homosexuals and men, condemning men at large, and adamantly informing the public that he believes homosexuality is a sin, even making it a focal point in one of his comics that Sanachu and himself rid his fictional town of Quickville of all homosexuals.
Speaker: Yet years later, Chris came out as an alleged lesbian trans woman, changing their name to Christine, and even at the behest of unsavory allies and poor information online,
Speaker: Slicing open their own perennium, believing that they would be able to expose and grow an internal vagina that we all allegedly have, officially making them a hermaphrodite slash lesbian.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: We all have a secret vagina.
Speaker: They, through research online, were told and researched that underneath in your, how do you say it?
Speaker: Perineum?
Speaker: Perineum?
Speaker: How do you say that?
Speaker: I think that's the little piece of skin that goes to the tip.
Speaker: Like, you know where the, I don't want to get too detailed.
Speaker: It's what connects things.
Speaker: It's that area in between, but I don't know how to pronounce the word.
Speaker: I think it's peridium.
Speaker: If you think it's peridot.
Speaker: I think it's per diem.
Speaker: No, there's no D in it.
Speaker: It's perineum.
Speaker: Oh, perineum.
Speaker: Sorry, sorry.
Speaker: Yeah, perineum.
Speaker: I think it's perineum.
Speaker: That's the little piece.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: Yeah, this says between the anus and the scrotum.
Speaker: Oh, the coin purse.
Speaker: The coin purse.
Speaker: The gooch.
Speaker: They were under the... Why are you using all your big fancy lawyer words?
Speaker: They believed and were told that underneath that, men have a vagina.
Speaker: And if you cut it open...
Speaker: The vagina can grow out.
Speaker: It does have a seam.
Speaker: It does feel like it was welded there.
Speaker: So they, you might be on, you might be joining in the story of Christopher.
Speaker: Hiding the secret vagina.
Speaker: You might be inspired.
Speaker: It's my autobiography.
Speaker: Chris has been adamant that all things they create through comics, illustrations, etc.
Speaker: are real and do exist in other dimensions.
Speaker: True.
Speaker: And they have been deluded into believing there is a dimensional merge happening that will fuse that cartoon world with our own, allowing Chris to become an all-powerful being and literally exist with all of their OC and favorite fictional creations from other creators, too.
Speaker: Chris points to many natural disasters as signs of what they dubbed the dimensional merge, such as wildfires and the COVID-19 pandemic.
Speaker: This line of thinking... Damn, that was recent.
Speaker: This line of thinking was brought about by a group of trolls known as the Idea Guys, who tricked Chris into believing that all cartoons exist by poorly splicing audio together from an anime-style game and a stalker-esque Chernobyl-type FPS, and then playing it for Chris over the phone, claiming it was real and could be accessed by Chris tapping into the psychic energy emitted by their Sega Genesis gaming console.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Chris believed this story right away and still attributes it to being real and allowing them to tap into their psychic powers.
Speaker: Even though after being extorted for money and gifts, they eventually disavowed the idea guys with the help of another collective of former online trolls turned guardians for the sake of not seeing Chris harm themselves further.
Speaker: Did that make sense?
Speaker: Go ahead.
Speaker: Yeah, more or less.
Speaker: I was going to say so far, and I know a decent bit of Chris-tory, at least some of the broad strokes, but like so far, this just seems like the most...
Speaker: extreme cyberbullying incident in the history of the internet.
Speaker: Like I feel up till this point, I know, I know some of the things that happen later would sort of color, color my ultimate opinion.
Speaker: But up to this point, you almost like, you can't help but feel bad.
Speaker: For a neurodivergent... This is a person who shouldn't have internet access, genuinely.
Speaker: This is the, I think, not to get too off track and philosophical, the real allure of Chris Chan, right, is that you will ping pong between just feeling bad for them and that they were...
Speaker: a victim of bullying and circumstance.
Speaker: No one should be.
Speaker: And also realizing that they are a terrible person who can't own up to their actions at the same time.
Speaker: Multiple things can be true at once.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Um, there was a point where they didn't deserve any of it.
Speaker: I mean, up till now, basically everything you've said is just this person being a victim.
Speaker: I'm sure there's other stuff happening in there too.
Speaker: Oh, for sure.
Speaker: And obviously they've done terrible things and they they exhibited very narcissistic tendencies, can't own up to anything.
Speaker: They they try and hide behind the mental illness that, you know, stuff like that.
Speaker: But no one really deserves to be tormented, of course.
Speaker: Not not to the not to that degree, but it's also like.
Speaker: It's also, and I know that this comes up later, it's also like the parents' problem too, because it's just like, oh, 100%.
Speaker: You let your neurodivergent child get destroyed by the internet.
Speaker: Of course, we have to keep the internet responsible too, but we live in a world where like the internet, you know, it's like,
Speaker: cutting open your gooch because somebody online told you there's a secret pussy like what the fuck chris's parents were the actual root of all their problems not the yeah yeah not the mental for sure for sure this sort of shit comes from like a very young age what yes 100 his their mother was um dead no they're still alive oh i thought i thought chris killed no mom oh i'm glad that you don't know everything about chris i was getting worried okay okay in their younger years chris created what didn't chris kill somebody
Speaker: You'll hear what they did.
Speaker: Okay, all right.
Speaker: I think I wrote it down.
Speaker: In their younger years, Chris created what they dubbed an attraction sign, detailing their search for a, quote, boyfriend-free girl aged 18 to, and then they just update to their current age, and giving requisites for the type of woman they were after.
Speaker: Unfortunately, much of the sign was racist and ableist and caused Chris to be suspended from their community college.
Speaker: I've seen this.
Speaker: This one I have seen.
Speaker: This is a piece of Chris 3 I know.
Speaker: Chris was banned from many area malls, game stores, and super centers after numerous confrontations with authorities he dubbed Manajerks, managers, and Jerkops, security.
Speaker: That's good.
Speaker: That's good.
Speaker: Chris was also arrested with his mother for running over a local game shop owner who they felt was the conspiracy mastermind for all of the trolling in Chris's life after the owner banned a young but still adult Chris for antagonizing children constantly in his store and being racist towards black children.
Speaker: Chris still maintains that the man is the root of all of their online problems and is on record with many anti-Semitic comments and death threats against the owner.
Speaker: Chris was recently arrested for confessing to having an incestuous relationship with their elderly mother.
Speaker: That's what it was.
Speaker: Yeah, that's what it was.
Speaker: Okay, I knew there was something there.
Speaker: I couldn't remember what.
Speaker: She's not dead, though.
Speaker: He didn't kill her.
Speaker: Should have.
Speaker: A lot.
Speaker: Who suffers from dementia.
Speaker: They openly admitted to the affair and explained the details to a troll who was posing as a friend.
Speaker: However, in reviewing past writings and correspondence from Chris, there are several instances where Chris has claimed to have had incestuous dreams about their mother, beliefs that incest is not necessarily a bad thing, and a video of Chris holding their mother, refusing to let go until she uttered a special phrase, which she begrudgingly did, only to be met with Chris complaining that she used to be more flirtatious with her actions.
Speaker: And finally, we come to what is perhaps my favorite piece of all of Chris-tory.
Speaker: Something so absurd, it is truly hard to imagine.
Speaker: Chris Chan, flawed as they are, is quite prolific.
Speaker: And for all of their shortcomings, they sometimes stumble into moments of genius.
Speaker: Here's the crazy part.
Speaker: Chris Chan invented the Let's Play, a popular style of video that has become a staple offering from countless content creators.
Speaker: Video category that has produced millions of hours of footage.
Speaker: It all started with Chris Chan submitting a video documentary to Nintendo of his fictional town of Quickville on Animal Crossing.
Speaker: Chris, referred to by the author as Sonnet 2 of Quickville, was written about in issue 179 of Nintendo Power Magazine, where the author claimed they were blown away by his video documentary that was submitted.
Speaker: The article featured a write-up of what the video contained and a few still images of what content was presented in the documentary.
Speaker: This is widely considered to be the first occurrence of a Let's Play and cemented Chris even further into the modern culture history books, for better or worse.
Speaker: While Chris lives in complete infamy, it's not unreasonable to imagine someone so utterly obsessed with being online and gaining attention by any means necessary could eventually stumble ass-backwards into a good idea.
Speaker: However, it is shocking when someone so truly bizarre and unprecedented lights a spark that grows into an uncontrollable fire of popular content the masses produce and consume.
Speaker: One wonders how different things could have been if Chris cultivated that initial idea and love for games and online activities into a career as the first Let's Play creator, but that is not the reality we live in.
Speaker: So, the seeds of something great planted by someone awful are all we have as a consolation for the tragedy of witnessing a human live a life of terrible wounds and choices, both self-inflicted and otherwise.
Speaker: Hmm.
Speaker: Hmm.
Speaker: Phew.
Speaker: Also pioneered certain type of porn.
Speaker: Which one are you referring to?
Speaker: Several, depending.
Speaker: So.
Speaker: The step.
Speaker: Well, not step.
Speaker: Not step.
Speaker: Sun porn.
Speaker: Well, spawn of unspecified gender porn.
Speaker: Actually, hermaphrodite porn.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They're currently a trans... Because of the secret pussy.
Speaker: They're currently a trans lesbian.
Speaker: The secret pussy, unfortunately, never came to fruition.
Speaker: They had to get the trans... Turns out, there's nothing under there.
Speaker: Well, there's stuff under there, but not that.
Speaker: And in case you all are wondering, the phrase that Chris Chan's mom had to say to be let go was, let me loose you, silly goose.
Speaker: That sounds like a dance Gavin dance song.
Speaker: It does.
Speaker: It really does.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Well, good start.
Speaker: Good start.
Speaker: I probably shouldn't have gone first or ever.
Speaker: You could have just kept all that inside your head.
Speaker: I couldn't.
Speaker: That's why I had to write it back.
Speaker: Cool.
Speaker: If we take a quick break.
Speaker: We're going to go ahead and take a break.
Speaker: And we're back.
Speaker: Now, Brett is going to tell his story.
Speaker: Stay tuned to see what wacky thing he comes up with.
Speaker: Piss freaks.
Speaker: Wacky.
Speaker: They're everywhere.
Speaker: That's Brett's whole story.
Speaker: Piss freaks.
Speaker: True or false.
Speaker: True or false.
Speaker: From the long-rumored presidential pee tape to rapper Kevin Gates raving about drinking women's urine.
Speaker: one of the hosts of this very podcast.
Speaker: Oh, God.
Speaker: Oh, no.
Speaker: This freaks are everywhere.
Speaker: Only one?
Speaker: I did see that.
Speaker: I did see Kevin Gates talking about that.
Speaker: Yes, it's pretty off-putting.
Speaker: It is.
Speaker: It's very off-putting.
Speaker: It is very off-putting.
Speaker: It's claimed that there are over 300 uses for the peanut and over three uses for the pee-pee.
Speaker: I'm going to take you on a brief history.
Speaker: So today's theme is actually history words that aren't history.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: In lieu of a glass of water, some claim you can use the glass as a loo and drink it, with prominent naturopath John W. Armstrong citing Proverbs 5.15, quote, Drink waters out of thine own cistern and running waters out of thine own well, end quote.
Speaker: Anti-vaxxer and do-your-own-research researcher Christopher Key claimed that drinking urine was the antidote to the COVID-19 pandemic, citing non-existent, quote, peer-reviewed publications on urine, end quote.
Speaker: Which puts the P in EW and peer-reviewed.
Speaker: The Mayo Clinic's 1871 report titled Composition and Concentrative Properties of Human Urine claimed that urine was mostly sterile and could be used for, quote, the sterilization of medical equipment when primary alternatives are unavailable, end quote.
Speaker: And perhaps the number one claim for number one?
Speaker: Relieving yourself on a jellyfish sting will bring yourself relief.
Speaker: But who was the whiz kid behind this use for the salty juice?
Speaker: Who was the fellow who loved the color yellow?
Speaker: Whose eyes went twinkle, twinkle at the sight of tinkle, tinkle?
Speaker: I have a couple of alts here as well.
Speaker: I have who commanded the power of the golden shower.
Speaker: And then I have who answered when nature called.
Speaker: And who was it?
Speaker: It was another notable piss freak.
Speaker: British naturopath William Consett.
Speaker: It's C-O-N-S-E-T-T.
Speaker: Consett.
Speaker: Consett.
Speaker: The third.
Speaker: William Consett?
Speaker: Is it Consett maybe?
Speaker: Consett.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I think it's Offset.
Speaker: Offset.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I'm not even good.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Go ahead, Brad.
Speaker: Sorry.
Speaker: P-drop.
Speaker: Dropped up.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: William, or Willie, was born in 1888 to socialite Helena Conset.
Speaker: Wait, is that what you said?
Speaker: Conset.
Speaker: Conset.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Helena Conset.
Speaker: Not that we know.
Speaker: I mean, that's true.
Speaker: True.
Speaker: Helena Conset, N. Jones, and W.C.
Speaker: Conset, heir to the Conset Iron Company, whose profits exploded during Britain's Second Industrial Revolution.
Speaker: While the Kanzitz family's wealth increased dramatically during this period, so did WC's time away from Helena and Willie as he stepped into the CEO position following his father's unexpected death.
Speaker: So Willie and his mom spent long stretches in the English countryside with his maternal grandmother, Ada.
Speaker: The three would enjoy such pastimes as painting, gardening, and day trips to the beach.
Speaker: Ada had an immaculate flower garden that was renowned for the beautiful tulips, primrose, and foxgloves.
Speaker: But she also had an herb garden from which she would pluck leaves from such plants as safflower, five-flavor berry, and tuber fleece flower to use as ingredients in herbal remedies for aches, pains, and ailments.
Speaker: While still highly regarded and well-respected, Ada Jones was a bit of an eccentric and, as a naturopath, strongly believed in the healing powers of plants.
Speaker: She was one of the five founding members of the British Naturopathic Association and served as the editor-in-chief of their biannual Natura magazine designed to, quote, raise awareness of the wonderful world of naturopathy and natural medicine.
Speaker: While Helena didn't quite take to naturopathy, Willie was enamored with his grandmother and soaked in everything that she had to offer.
Speaker: As he entered his mid-teens, Willie began visiting his grandmother alone with his mother staying behind in London.
Speaker: Sorry.
Speaker: In London.
Speaker: In it.
Speaker: On one of these days in July of 1904, Ada and Willie took a day trip to a beach along the Celtic or Celtic Sea, would you say?
Speaker: Celtic, right?
Speaker: Celtic, okay.
Speaker: Wait, am I crazy?
Speaker: Boston Celtics, Celtic Sea.
Speaker: To a beach along the Celtic Sea that Ada had recently discovered.
Speaker: The pair had been relaxing and reading on the beach.
Speaker: For the first time?
Speaker: Or like other people knew about the beach, but she just recently found out about the beach?
Speaker: She had recently found out about the beach.
Speaker: Okay, there's other people there.
Speaker: She didn't discover the Celtic Sea.
Speaker: That's right, that's right.
Speaker: Yeah, I know, a beach along it, but yeah.
Speaker: Got it.
Speaker: They never turned around.
Speaker: It's like, holy shit, look at all this water.
Speaker: We should walk over there.
Speaker: The pair had been relaxing and reading on the beach when Ada decided to go out for a swim.
Speaker: Keen on finishing his chapter, Willie initially decided to wait a bit longer, but when Ada beckoned for him to join her, he yielded and began to wait out into the water.
Speaker: Before he reached her, however, Ada let out a series of yelps.
Speaker: Unbeknownst to the both of them, July through mid-August was the period when the common kingslayer, which is a species of box jellyfish, were most common along this southern coast of England.
Speaker: Sorry.
Speaker: England.
Speaker: In it.
Speaker: She limped her way back to the shoreline and found that she had jellyfish stings covering most of her lower leg.
Speaker: This abruptly entered their beach trip and they returned home.
Speaker: Instead of seeking proper medical treatment, Ada used a home-brewed herbal remedy that she proceeded to rub into the wounds.
Speaker: The common kingslayer could have been effectively treated with the medicine available at the time as its venom is less toxic than other species of box jellyfish.
Speaker: Some of the jellyfish, I think, can kill you within like an hour, whereas these can, I think they can stretch out over the course of 48 hours or longer, something like that.
Speaker: Unfortunately, the with monoamine found in the Ephedra Seneca root that she used had a negative reaction with the toxin from the jellyfish sting and caused a moderate infection that contributed to the rapid deterioration of her condition over the following 72 hours.
Speaker: Ada succumbed to the infection on 24th July 1904.
Speaker: I believe that's how they say their dates.
Speaker: Willie was distraught and spent the next decade of his life experimenting with naturopath remedies for jellyfish things.
Speaker: And one of these solutions was piss.
Speaker: The discovery came in 1913 as a bit of an accident.
Speaker: I should hope.
Speaker: I should hope, yes.
Speaker: For you pee, Willie would go out into the Celtic Sea to intentionally get stung and would then try his latest solution to see if it worked.
Speaker: If after two days the wound wasn't on the mend, he would seek proper medical treatment.
Speaker: He had been stung so many times that it didn't quite bother him much anymore, so after a routine sting on the foot, being alone on the beach, Willie went to go rock a piss on the shore and
Speaker: when he accidentally hit the sting.
Speaker: Willie noticed that the throbbing of the sting had subsided.
Speaker: Believing he was onto something, Willie began testing this hypothesis over the course of the next month and the following summer when the jellyfish returned.
Speaker: The evidence he compiled was so compelling that the British Naturopathic Association, of which his grandmother was a founding member, published his findings in the June 1915 edition of Natura with the story titled, quote, Urine Lightens the Sting of a Jellyfish, end quote.
Speaker: And the rest...
Speaker: is Piss-tree.
Speaker: There we go.
Speaker: There it is.
Speaker: And, uh, by the way, uh, for any of our, uh, uh, Piss Freak listeners, uh, I did come across some drink recipes.
Speaker: Um, uh, this was an article titled The Complete Urine Drinker's Cocktail Guide.
Speaker: And, uh, one of these... The Complete Guide.
Speaker: Complete Guide.
Speaker: It's easy to find a recipe here or there.
Speaker: That's right.
Speaker: We do have one called the Golden Shower.
Speaker: So ingredients of that, 50 milliliters of orange juice, 30 of apple, 50 milliliters fresh urine.
Speaker: Fresh.
Speaker: Got it.
Speaker: Important.
Speaker: Yeah, you don't want that to sit out too long.
Speaker: It'll go bad.
Speaker: It comes out great.
Speaker: Problems when you let it sit.
Speaker: Nothing like an aged urine.
Speaker: I like that these are non-alcoholic.
Speaker: I don't know why I was expecting them to be actual cocktails, but they're cock-tails.
Speaker: Carter.
Speaker: They don't have to be from a Carter.
Speaker: They don't have to be anything from anything.
Speaker: No, but like mocktails.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Vaggie tails, right?
Speaker: I used to love those Christian stories.
Speaker: Vaggie tails.
Speaker: Love it.
Speaker: Here we go.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: He was going to tell us about another.
Speaker: Oh, I'm sorry.
Speaker: Are there more, are there more cocktails?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: If you want another one, Carter, here we go.
Speaker: So we've got, hold on.
Speaker: I was writing these down.
Speaker: Could I have another one, please?
Speaker: I have another one.
Speaker: I don't have any orange juice.
Speaker: Do you have anything that uses pear juice?
Speaker: We've got a yellow Russian.
Speaker: And this one is 25, 25 milliliters, coffee syrup, 15 of cream, and,
Speaker: 15 milk, chocolate powder, coffee bean, and 37 milliliters of fresh urine.
Speaker: It's so specific.
Speaker: It's just, hold on, two notes.
Speaker: Just a white Russian with piss in it.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Two notes, two notes.
Speaker: So it's just regular drinks and you take the alcohol and put piss in instead.
Speaker: And second off, the least creative name is possible.
Speaker: So the next one will be like the Long Island Piss Tea.
Speaker: I just don't understand like a white Russian.
Speaker: That is going to sound crazy.
Speaker: There are drinks which you think like you'd think like a citrus or something.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: But then it's just like coffee, cream, piss.
Speaker: I'm just like, for whatever reason, I'm just pretty sure piss would go really poorly with coffee and cream.
Speaker: Orange juice, apple juice.
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Coffee.
Speaker: That sounds fucking extra bad.
Speaker: I was at Panera the other day because I'm a member of the Sip Club.
Speaker: Hey.
Speaker: I bet you got to drink coffee.
Speaker: And they were out of... They're in coffee, apparently.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: They were out of their iced coffee, which I love.
Speaker: But they had pee.
Speaker: They had pee.
Speaker: So I was able to get just like a little bit of the coffee.
Speaker: And they also have these like, I think this is getting popular now.
Speaker: It's like a fruit juice that has caffeine in it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And so I mixed in like a blood orange that they had with the coffee.
Speaker: And it was one of the most disgusting things I've ever had.
Speaker: I was going to say, it sounds awful.
Speaker: It was terrible.
Speaker: It sounds bad.
Speaker: Not good at all.
Speaker: That sounded putrid.
Speaker: If you were about to say, it was delicious.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: I was going to say, well, I'll let you enjoy that on your own.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So I guess at this point, Brett and I will turn our cameras off and then Aaron's got to do the toughest job of them all.
Speaker: And I mean, of any profession.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I'm a hero.
Speaker: But, you know, I'm no hero.
Speaker: Okay, so a couple of interesting ones.
Speaker: I will say, when it comes to Christory, like I said, I know some of it.
Speaker: I'm certainly not a Christorian, but I do know... I knew he did something weird to his mom.
Speaker: That's all you really need.
Speaker: That's all you really need to know.
Speaker: I was on the right path.
Speaker: The only piss drinker I'm aware of is...
Speaker: Bear Grylls, which for some reason sounds to me like a porn name as well.
Speaker: Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker: I'm just going to have to go with my gut here just because there's some things that make it difficult.
Speaker: So Brett naming a bunch of like specific flowers and things like that.
Speaker: Interesting.
Speaker: Relatively compelling.
Speaker: But...
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: The fact that the cocktails are non-alcoholic and that this dude happened to accidentally piss on his foot seems a little convenient.
Speaker: I feel like you'd have to be drunk to do that.
Speaker: And on top of that, I feel like the Chris Let's Play lore is so tame compared to the rest of the Chris lore that I feel like
Speaker: It could be a decoy.
Speaker: I could be falling for a decoy here, but I'm going to say the Chris Chan let's play is the truth, and I'm going to lock that in.
Speaker: Locking it in.
Speaker: Locking it in.
Speaker: What do you say, Brett?
Speaker: I say, wow.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: Aaron?
Speaker: And then what else do you say?
Speaker: You are undefeated.
Speaker: Undefeated to this day.
Speaker: Ah, damn it.
Speaker: Can't get him.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Let's go.
Speaker: Can't, can't defeat him.
Speaker: I, I, I don't know.
Speaker: I thought I, I thought it was a better idea.
Speaker: I was just telling Brett why you went to the bathroom.
Speaker: I was like,
Speaker: I fucked up because this one was too easy on my part, but I had written so much of it.
Speaker: I was like, I can't, I can't change it.
Speaker: Did you, did you think that you'd fucked up because of what I said?
Speaker: Because like the Christery is so wild.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Oh, sorry.
Speaker: I didn't mean to cut off your thought.
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: That was not much else to that.
Speaker: Just that the whole Christery is so wild.
Speaker: And then the let's play thing is like,
Speaker: so tame by comparison that it's like, maybe that is true.
Speaker: You know, I don't know.
Speaker: That played into it.
Speaker: That played into it definitely.
Speaker: But some of it for me was just that I was like that.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Yes, you're right.
Speaker: That absolutely played into it.
Speaker: But then I also just got to a point where I, where I was just feeling like, I don't know.
Speaker: It just seems, it just seemed not entirely compelling to be made up.
Speaker: You know, I thought my idea at first was that I could,
Speaker: that could kind of go in there and covertly just name a bunch of shit.
Speaker: You could drag me.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You could drag me into the, the weird conspiracy side of Chris Chan that all seems so fake.
Speaker: And then it's like, not, not only is this random, like despondent fucking awful internet celebrity from our home state done all this weird stuff, but he's also responsible for perhaps the biggest, like Twitch, like,
Speaker: As a platform.
Speaker: One of the most popular YouTube categories of all time.
Speaker: I feel like Brett really came in with something that was compelling.
Speaker: So this would have been a really good one to try and to finally defeat you.
Speaker: And I fumbled.
Speaker: I don't know that you fumbled.
Speaker: I think the other side of it to me was like, I felt like Brett was being a little too specific too.
Speaker: like with the flowers and stuff.
Speaker: Like the fact that he picked those flower names and like, I don't doubt that you had trouble pronouncing them, but it seemed like you were pretending to have more trouble than you were actually having.
Speaker: No, no, that was, I legitimately was like, okay, I want to make a note.
Speaker: I want to get their opinion of, just there's a few words, but yeah.
Speaker: And the, it's funny, there was a different guy who was British who really did like, oh, he was one who cited the Bible.
Speaker: That one fucked me up because I was just like, yeah, that's real.
Speaker: God said.
Speaker: Yeah, that is someone's actual opinion.
Speaker: And he just like, it's so funny when you think about the guys who wrote the Bible, like like some of them were just like, no, slavery is cool if you do it like this.
Speaker: But this guy was just like, yeah, so is drinking pee.
Speaker: Oh, man.
Speaker: As a treatment for cancer, he was like, you should just have nothing but pee and water for, I think, like three weeks or something like that.
Speaker: Yeah, and you should have sex with the guy who wrote this book of the Bible.
Speaker: I hear that's really good for you.
Speaker: So can I ask then, so obviously all of mine was real.
Speaker: That's all real.
Speaker: But how much of yours was real?
Speaker: Just those three bits at the beginning.
Speaker: Well, maybe even two.
Speaker: I can't remember.
Speaker: But yeah, the guy who actually quoted the Bible as a defense for drinking urine, the guy who said that urine was the antidote for COVID-19.
Speaker: That was also real.
Speaker: Well, and it is.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Well, right.
Speaker: Sorry.
Speaker: He correctly stated that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then, yeah, I mean, you know, some other stuff.
Speaker: NASA did that report on the composition and concentrative properties of human urine.
Speaker: That was a NASA report from the 70s.
Speaker: Oh, can I tell you?
Speaker: I'm sorry.
Speaker: Can I tell you the other thing that threw me on yours?
Speaker: I don't feel like there's any fucking way that there's any kind of jellyfish in the UK, much less a box jellyfish variant.
Speaker: Box jellyfish, no.
Speaker: I don't think so.
Speaker: But I did look at a map and there were areas of what I interpreted to be England.
Speaker: Based on my limited understanding of geography, I was like, that's probably England.
Speaker: Well, I know the man of war is a Portuguese jellyfish and that's not that far from us.
Speaker: Right, right.
Speaker: No, but I feel like the climate, depending on where that, yeah, I guess I didn't think about that too much.
Speaker: But my thought now would be if it's on the south of, well, because Portugal is southwestern Spain, right?
Speaker: It's not part of Spain, but it's like south, it's west of Spain.
Speaker: We got Portuguese listeners who are not going to be a fan of what you just said.
Speaker: Basically, it's Spain.
Speaker: You're not going to be a fan of that one.
Speaker: Yeah, so I tried to slip in there like, okay, the south coast of England.
Speaker: Yeah, true, true, true.
Speaker: That was the other thing that kind of threw me as I was, and like you said, there probably are jellyfish there based on what you just said, but I was just like, that was one of the things that stuck out of my head that I was just like, I don't think there's,
Speaker: jellyfish and it'd be very weird to me if there was like a similar kind as as like famously australian yeah uh in in the uk they came back with the inmates so we got with the inmates and we brought back box jelly yeah exactly we were like these things are fucking cool holy shit let's call him the king killer and give him to george that'd be a laugh i'd be a laugh in it that would be a laugh on it boy king george touch one of these
Speaker: Stick your head in this barrel.
Speaker: Okay, well, they're full box jellies.
Speaker: We went off the rails a little at the end here.
Speaker: Yeah, too much, too much.
Speaker: But I guess we'll go ahead and wrap it up.
Speaker: And I want to say my last note on that is, Brett, really good job then, because there was like...
Speaker: all fiction so the telly that you told was uh i thought really well put together for being like all fiction and not just one point that's not true right so yeah i tend to agree i kind of i kind of thought maybe some of it was true it was a good mix and by mix i mean like pretty much all fabricated
Speaker: You know what was funny?
Speaker: It was I was on the plane on the way back and I'm like, OK, I got to try to start writing.
Speaker: And just piss freaks was the first thing that came into my head.
Speaker: Well, you're on a plane.
Speaker: That says more about you than anything else, I think, to be honest with you.
Speaker: But yeah.
Speaker: Actually, the whole story he told was true, but it happened to him.
Speaker: Yeah, he was just pissing on himself in Puerto Rico constantly.
Speaker: I gotta write this down.
Speaker: He's like, you know what?
Speaker: You know what?
Speaker: You know what makes this cocktail better?
Speaker: Take the alcohol out.
Speaker: Actually, they were all suspiciously non-alcoholic.
Speaker: And our friend Brett here does not drink alcohol.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: By the way, those drinks are also real recipes.
Speaker: I don't doubt that.
Speaker: I knew that part was real.
Speaker: I mean, I thought.
Speaker: Yeah, they're.
Speaker: I didn't write those.
Speaker: It's just regular cocktails with piss instead of alcohol.
Speaker: Yeah, they're real.
Speaker: And dumb fucking pun names.
Speaker: Who needs alcohol when you got your own urine?
Speaker: So I guess with that, I think that we'll go ahead and wrap it up.
Speaker: This has been the fucking weirdest one we've ever done.
Speaker: But sorry, we also missed another week, but we are trying our best to rectify that one.
Speaker: The studio move has gone great.
Speaker: So now we're back in the saddle.
Speaker: Again, our label has finally approved an increased budget.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: So our cocktail budget is way higher now.
Speaker: Specialty.
Speaker: substances that we use.
Speaker: Yeah, because now that we don't have to buy all that alcohol, you know.
Speaker: We can make our own piss.
Speaker: We had to buy the alcohol.
Speaker: I was trying to be so much.
Speaker: I was trying to be subtle about it.
Speaker: But yeah, I also wanted to say, I know this, I don't want to be real quick.
Speaker: I know we're signing off, but if anyone out there feels like they want to leave a review, we'd be really down for that.
Speaker: I'd love to hear any opinions.
Speaker: And we also take emails at trustdon'tverifypodcast at gmail.com.
Speaker: I said Gmail weird, but it is a Gmail.
Speaker: Trustdon'tverifypodcast at gmail.com.
Speaker: And you can write what sexual thoughts you have to us, anything you want.
Speaker: What was that, Brett?
Speaker: Those are the two things you can write.
Speaker: Either sexual thoughts or anything else.
Speaker: I just figured we'd get a lot of... If we had anything, we'd get trolled.
Speaker: So might as well.
Speaker: What was that, Brett?
Speaker: Nothing.
Speaker: It's not worth it.
Speaker: It's not worth it.
Speaker: It's not worth it.
Speaker: But yeah, no.
Speaker: You don't want to plug anything?
Speaker: No, no, no.
Speaker: But that's the thing that we have an email now.
Speaker: We've had it the whole time.
Speaker: It was just the first time I mentioned it.
Speaker: We had to use it to sign up for stuff, I think.
Speaker: That is correct.
Speaker: So thank you very much, and we'll be back soon, two weeks from now.
Speaker: Hootie who.
Speaker: Hootie who.
Speaker: Hootie who.
