Transcript
Speaker: Hi, I'm Kyle Gois and welcome to the Inwards and Onwards podcast.
Speaker: For the longest time, I've been fascinated to understand more about showing up authentically, vulnerably, and presently in life.
Speaker: As such, I started to understand that my external world was a reflection of my inner one.
Speaker: And when I've had moments of hitting rock bottom or needing to pivot in my life, I've had to go inwards to move onwards.
Speaker: So come join me as I explore other people's journeys from entrepreneurs to coaches, spiritual teachers, friends, and beyond.
Speaker: as we learn their innermost thoughts and peel back the layers to share the moments where they've had to go inwards to move onwards.
Speaker: Let's jump in.
Speaker: Today's guest, Matt Preston, is an absolute rock star, quite literally.
Speaker: He started off his career in a heavy metal band, performing in Australia, London, the US, and more, then moved on to being a successful mortgage broker, running his own business, and now is a certified brain coach.
Speaker: This journey is an incredible one at that, and we explored many concepts and themes, such as identity and belonging, and how this shapes our sense of self and the communities we feel drawn to.
Speaker: We also tapped into the importance of better understanding our unconscious patterns and behaviors that create our makeup, and how this can affect us in terms of how we show up in life and how we communicate with others.
Speaker: Come join us as we embark on this introspective journey and discover the power of self-discovery and personal growth.
Speaker: Maddy, Maddy, Maddy, welcome to the podcast, mate.
Speaker: Hello, mate.
Speaker: How are you doing?
Speaker: Good, good, man.
Speaker: I am so, so, so, so freaking excited for this episode.
Speaker: I was so excited to speak to you.
Speaker: I feel like we've had like one hell of a journey for the last few years, both individually and then even together, what we've experienced.
Speaker: Before we even got into this, I was thinking about how we actually first met
Speaker: you know and just the connection through like you know we had that like-minded kind of energy you came across with this like full rock star attitude um and then from there we kind of just yeah bonded while we were doing what was it was uh amazon we had an amazon course that you know each of us were both doing um and yeah just the bouncing off that and you end up turning into now you know fast forward a few years later into this kind of big brother version for myself and and survived as well you know always helping us out guiding us with
Speaker: other little aspects so i was like you know what this guy is going to be epic to get onto the podcast um and mate so welcome and excited to have you thank you man i'm uh it's a it's a pleasure to be here and uh and geek out yeah uh mate i wanted to kick off things because you have probably one of the set you have a very unique story um
Speaker: And I'm going to summarize this, but I am going to allow you to elaborate this.
Speaker: But the story being, you know, starting for rock star, metal band guru to going into mortgage, broking and making a killing or doing amazing work there to then being like a brain coach where you're at now and what you're stepping into with this beast mode.
Speaker: Can you guide us through what is the journey you've been on, but go a little bit deeper in the sense of like what made you start and go through each phase of those different journeys?
Speaker: And obviously add your own little flair if anything else comes to mind.
Speaker: Yeah, for sure, man.
Speaker: So it really is kind of like, yeah, three different parts of my life.
Speaker: when you position like that.
Speaker: So yeah, the first part, which is still an ongoing part that this never disappeared was the creative music side.
Speaker: So I started playing guitar when I was in about 10, got my first guitar, my 10th birthday.
Speaker: And I remember seeing Bon Jovi, Richie Sambora with his double neck guitar.
Speaker: And I'm like, I just got goosebumps, man.
Speaker: Like I just loved it watching their music videos.
Speaker: And I just,
Speaker: I wanted to be that.
Speaker: And so, yeah, my entire childhood was geared towards being creative, making music.
Speaker: I would spend hours in my bedroom practicing guitar, recording, like I was recording stuff
Speaker: as early as like year seven or year eight with drum machines and four track cassette record, like old school pre-computer stuff.
Speaker: And yeah, I was very happy just to sit content by myself.
Speaker: Like I didn't need to go out and play sport or interact.
Speaker: Like a day in my bedroom doing that stuff was heaven.
Speaker: And even my bedroom, man, like I had...
Speaker: like it was covered in posters and life-size john bon jovi cardboard cutouts and like just it was a cool bedroom anyway um so that led it to you know to me you know forming bands in my in my later teens and um in my in my 20s and stuff and uh yeah i just went hard just like playing like i'm all about energy and creativity and um also i probably didn't know it at the time
Speaker: that's what I was doing, like evoking energy.
Speaker: And so when I played gigs, for example, I never had this hierarchy that I was performing, listen to me or check out this cool riff.
Speaker: It was always an exchange of energy in the room.
Speaker: In fact, we probably spent most of our time in the crowd rather than on the stage.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: putting the guitar on someone like, you know, just experiencing that, that the theatrics that you can only experience in that, in that environment.
Speaker: And yeah.
Speaker: So again, I didn't know at the time, but that was really the superpower that sort of carried me into other things in regards to,
Speaker: I'm very, very receptive of energy and how people are feeling and possibly what they're even thinking.
Speaker: I know how to cater for moments if that's a thing.
Speaker: So, yeah.
Speaker: Anyway, did the whole the rock star thing.
Speaker: We toured around Australia.
Speaker: very extensively.
Speaker: I think we did over 200 shows one year, which is a lot.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Jeez.
Speaker: And my main band, which was called National Pornographic.
Speaker: I don't know if you know that, but anyway.
Speaker: I did not know that.
Speaker: Oh, really?
Speaker: We played like a funk.
Speaker: If you sort of did a love child between, say, you know,
Speaker: Red Hot Chili Peppers and Prodigy, something like that, where it was really funky and danceable.
Speaker: But we're all metalheads.
Speaker: So it was quite groove based and bop your head type stuff.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And so that allowed us to get into all kinds of really cool places.
Speaker: Like we'd play, we could play universities, but we could also then play like a jazz bar.
Speaker: We even played metal bars and we're very versatile.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Versatile in that respect.
Speaker: So, and even that, I remember like we could dial our set, like we could do a very heavy feeling or appearing sounding set for a metal crowd.
Speaker: And then we could play the exact same songs in a completely different manner for a jazz bar.
Speaker: And again, now looking back on it, as I say, I've never thought of this before.
Speaker: It was very receptive to the energy and what was required and probably said something about my empathy and how I relate to people.
Speaker: So yeah, did that and had a midlife crisis at like, I don't know, 27.
Speaker: You can probably relate to this.
Speaker: And, uh, cause we all moved in together.
Speaker: Like the band moved in together, Yvette, my wife was living with us and we're like, we're all on the doll.
Speaker: And if you want any hacks on how to do the doll for like, you know, seven years straight, like I'm your guy, right?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And, um, and basically, uh,
Speaker: Yeah, it got to a point where we'd released our first album and just weren't getting there.
Speaker: And I wanted to travel.
Speaker: I'd never been overseas in a meaningful way.
Speaker: And I was like, yeah, this hasn't happened.
Speaker: I'm nearly 30 and I'm just on the dole.
Speaker: And yeah, we're not getting anywhere.
Speaker: We had some play on Triple J and Nova and Rage or whatever, but yeah.
Speaker: So I was like, I need to explore the world and find myself.
Speaker: So yeah, just packed up, sold most of our stuff, kept very, very little and went overseas with no intention of coming back at the age of 29 or something like that.
Speaker: and thought we'd spend some time indefinitely in Italy, like working on organic farms and things like that, and in France and whatnot.
Speaker: But we ended up in London as everyone does, like the Aussies living in West London.
Speaker: And over there, I worked as a disability worker
Speaker: like a personal carer.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: For someone who's a dear friend of mine to this day, I spoke even this week with him and that opened my eyes to like, you know, just how lucky I am to be mobile and fit and healthy.
Speaker: But I was still lost for sure.
Speaker: Like, what am I going to do like with this in life?
Speaker: I'm curious, like what, just like before, I love where you're heading with this, but it's like,
Speaker: When you talk about like two parts that really stood out for me is one when you mentioned the frequency piece, like you were kind of saying like energetically you were resonating.
Speaker: Was that the reason why you continued with this or was it the creative aspect why you continued with the music?
Speaker: Because you still do it to like today, right?
Speaker: You still have a very heavy involvement with the music and it's part of your brand whenever I look at your brand.
Speaker: But it's yeah, is it because of that it allowed you to resonate and be versatile with different people and groups or something else?
Speaker: I think on the music, I just, it's like...
Speaker: To me, it's meditation, for sure.
Speaker: It's very therapeutic.
Speaker: I've trained myself, and I've only just realized this in the last couple of years, I've trained myself to be infinitely creative.
Speaker: If there's nothing else I can do, I can pick up a guitar now, and I never have a block.
Speaker: I might come up with something that's maybe not as good as I might do on another day,
Speaker: But I can infinitely go, yeah, I'm going to have this come out.
Speaker: And I just love it.
Speaker: Like when I do it, like time disappears, space disappears, and I'm just in this world.
Speaker: It's like another language, if you will.
Speaker: I love what you're saying.
Speaker: I've read and heard people speak about it.
Speaker: It's like a state of flow.
Speaker: Like it literally is like, I don't know how to describe it better.
Speaker: But it's this state of flow that I've heard people, especially creatives, tap into, whether it's art, whether it's music.
Speaker: And it's like everything just feels present is the easiest way.
Speaker: It's interesting.
Speaker: It's super interesting.
Speaker: So my son, Jax, who's now 10, he's producing stuff that I probably couldn't have done when I was like 20.
Speaker: 20 like um like he's into trap and and all this sort of stuff and i led him onto my and into my studio and onto the stuff and i actually just sit back now and he does stuff and i learned a lot and um so a lot of the things i can do like i can just listen to a song and just play it wow right that's and i did that in in my 20s like i taught guitar lessons for about five to seven years or something on and off in schools and different places studios and um
Speaker: Yeah, I can just listen to something and I don't know, I don't feel that's that unique because I know a lot of musicians can do it, but I know in the cross section of society.
Speaker: It's huge.
Speaker: It's very unique.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So, and now we do challenges in the house, like my kids will put on like, you know, five songs in a row and I've got like, you know, 60 seconds to...
Speaker: to work out each one or something you know and try and trip me up um so for me it's a language where uh yeah i hear it and this is why when i talk about heavy metal for example um people you know go i can't listen to heavy metal but for me it's it's like
Speaker: the difference between watching play school and watching like a cool movie, like Pulp Fiction or The Gentleman or something, like some gang.
Speaker: Like play school, you're like, I know what's going to come next, you know, like Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
Speaker: But when you listen to, when you watch Pulp Fiction, like you could watch it today probably and be like,
Speaker: oh yeah i forgot how it bounced to there and that was actually at the start but it's really at the end and it's it's it's infinitely intriguing um and and that's how i listen to metal or classical like it's uh it stimulates it stimulates me you know mentally on that level
Speaker: That's sick.
Speaker: And the second part of what I was going to ask, which stood out, was when you were saying, because I'd say midlife, quarterlife crisis, when you were having in your late 20s, and you were kind of just saying how you were like, what's next or what am I doing here, especially when you were doing and working with that gentleman that kind of opened your eyes a little bit around your own health and that side of things.
Speaker: My question being is when you're going through that,
Speaker: do you remember any certain feelings that kind of came up?
Speaker: Because we talk about this.
Speaker: And the reason why I want to talk about this is that I feel like it's always shunned.
Speaker: Like, you know, people feel very shameful of talking about when things like this happen.
Speaker: And I'm just curious on like what that experience was for you.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: What was the feelings?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And for what it's worth, they're still around.
Speaker: They never go away.
Speaker: It's just this overwhelming feeling.
Speaker: of am i ever gonna get there like when am i gonna get there when am i gonna when am i gonna feel like i know this is what i'm meant to be doing like is it ever gonna happen when am i ever gonna like make money like can i make money doing what i love like is that
Speaker: Is that possible or do I have to do all this poo-poo stuff over here and then have my passion hobbies and things?
Speaker: Is there a crossfade of where they can collide in a nice way?
Speaker: And especially, like I always felt, I'll say Yvette, like my wife Yvette,
Speaker: She always seemed to have shit sorted.
Speaker: Like, you know, she went to uni, she got her like marketing and marketing degrees and some other stuff as well, I think.
Speaker: And yeah, she's working for like Valvoline, Bonds, NRMA.
Speaker: doing insane awesome stuff.
Speaker: We'd go overseas and she gets a job straight away doing marketing for this core company that does Mr. Men and Children's Band-Aids and first aid.
Speaker: Just really cool stuff because she's qualified and just nails what she does.
Speaker: And I'm just like,
Speaker: Yeah, I just felt like I never had that money-making capability because I'd never made money.
Speaker: Even when I taught guitar lessons, it was all cash.
Speaker: So I was on the tile teaching cash, which didn't serve me.
Speaker: I would never let our kids do that because it's just not a healthy loop to get into.
Speaker: So, yeah, there was just, and I probably didn't know it at the time as well, but like, yeah, there was like, you know, anxiety and sort of depressive episodes, which sort of happened within our family, but there was just no tools or talk of how to better deal with them, like in terms of nutrition or sleep or de-stressing, meditating, like it was just, just happens and you just don't talk about it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So, yeah, that was, and again, this is always a recurring theme in life.
Speaker: I don't think you ever nail it, but you nail the tools or ways in which to better deal with it.
Speaker: And instead of having like days or weeks where you're just like in this lull, you recognize it for what it is and you go, oh, that's
Speaker: yeah, I ate shit last night, like, you know, and today I feel a bit weird.
Speaker: So instead of applying, like, I'm my life's crap, and I'm never going to make it and putting all these other overlays.
Speaker: I just know it's the bad type when I say bad type, it's just normal Thai food.
Speaker: But I just know that it's not as good as the grass fed beef and vegetables I could have had at home with, with healthy oils and fats.
Speaker: So then the day takes a different toll.
Speaker: I'm like, okay, I need to do this today.
Speaker: I need to actually just take out and breathe.
Speaker: I need to go...
Speaker: ground in the ocean or something, you know, one of these hundred hacks that we all have.
Speaker: So, yeah.
Speaker: More so just while you were saying that, look, for me, my personal experience of a lot of this, and especially when you're saying, I think you're totally right.
Speaker: Everything is a cycle.
Speaker: And when we realized that everything is a cycle, you're going to go and have your heart is just as much as you have your lows.
Speaker: And as we start, I found for myself, as I started creating a lot more awareness of what was happening in my inner world, it actually made me a lot more sensitive.
Speaker: to these highs and lows.
Speaker: So what I meant, it's kind of like the lows felt real fucking low, but the highs felt really, really high.
Speaker: And it was this understanding that it's like, when I started creating this awareness of my inner workings of what was happening within me,
Speaker: it actually made me more, I felt more deeply.
Speaker: And because I felt more deeply, that's why the highs were so much more enjoyable, but also the lows are there as well.
Speaker: But it's that balancing that off of realizing that it's like, hey, the lows, you are not your low.
Speaker: You are just, it's just a feeling, it's just energy moving through your body.
Speaker: And I think that was something that was really, really huge for me because when you realize you are not your low and that energy is just passing through you, it also gives you the permission not to hold onto it.
Speaker: and not holding onto it allows that to then like transfer it allows it that energy to flow through your body and not be stagnant in it you know so yeah when you were saying that it's like yeah i think you you kind of said it in different ways but it's like yeah you you just had created such a great awareness of it it's still stuff we deal with today but it's like even like you know uh being more mindful of that it's like we're allowing that energy to pass through and not holding onto it not making it a part of our identity or our personality so to speak
Speaker: A hundred percent.
Speaker: And even the whole energy passing through, like just, and this is just all self-awareness and interoception, if you will, like having an understanding of what's going, you know, internally and you go, yeah, like you start thinking about things like, oh, I've had these experiences.
Speaker: Are they, are my issues in my tissues?
Speaker: Like have I,
Speaker: And people are like, you've got to let it go.
Speaker: And you're just like, when you can't relate to that sort of the hippie woo-woo talk, it's very, you don't take on the information as useful, even though it is.
Speaker: And I guess that's part of my mission now is how do I present these concepts and information in a way that makes it accessible to,
Speaker: for people like me that would have um just blocked that stuff out like yeah you had to talk to me about meditation or breath work or um trauma even like and dealing with trauma like five years ago i would have been like shut up man i just sort of yeah it was like we'll get to your story like today but it's like now this guy has cold showers he meditates regularly it's like
Speaker: But okay, so let's take it back.
Speaker: So all right, you've gone through this life crisis.
Speaker: You're realizing that like comparatively as well, you're saying to your wife, your wife has everything all sorted, has gone down, let's just say the more common route, doing university, getting a degree, working for a company, having that set up more structured.
Speaker: You've gone through the alternative route, right?
Speaker: Doing something more creative, following your passions and stuff like that, trying to find that intersection between passion and how you can make money as well with it, right?
Speaker: What happened after this point once you started doing this?
Speaker: Well, after you started doing this comparison, where did it move to from there?
Speaker: So, yeah.
Speaker: So after that arc of going, hey, maybe I'm not going to make it as a rock star, right?
Speaker: Or the way in which I'm doing things now isn't working.
Speaker: I just wanted money.
Speaker: Give me some money, y'all.
Speaker: Because I just never made any.
Speaker: So I felt like I needed it.
Speaker: So basically, we moved back to Australia after about two and a half years in London.
Speaker: And I got here and Yvette gets a job within like a month.
Speaker: Like, you know, and earning what I thought was really good money.
Speaker: Like I think she was, you know, on, at that time she was on like 80 or 90 grand.
Speaker: I was like, man, if I could make like 50 or 70, like I'd be happy.
Speaker: Like I thought that would be everything.
Speaker: And I remember renting a little apartment in Marrickville because we always like to sort of park up in the creative hubs and stuff near Newtown or whatever.
Speaker: And yeah, I was like, how can... And I always thought that I couldn't do anything because I didn't have a uni degree outside of music.
Speaker: And even music, like I didn't know how to read it properly or like I always felt like even that I wasn't prolific at, which I now know is wrong.
Speaker: But anyway, so I'm sitting there going, how do I make money with no education, you know, like higher education?
Speaker: And I discovered a property.
Speaker: And I remember reading a book like how to go from zero to 150 properties in seven years or something by Steve McKnight.
Speaker: I'm like, okay.
Speaker: And then I just took in and I revisited Rich Dad, Poor Dad and accumulating income producing assets.
Speaker: that pay you while you're asleep, i.e.
Speaker: an investment property that pays you week in, week out.
Speaker: And how you can apply value to property.
Speaker: So you buy a property, apply value.
Speaker: So my dad's in the building and renovation space.
Speaker: And so that wasn't foreign to me.
Speaker: I was like, yeah, we could buy a property, add value, sell it or build a granny flat.
Speaker: And yeah, this all felt very accessible and doable.
Speaker: And I was like, let's get into this.
Speaker: So I went to buy my first, actually, I was working in a disability employment sector for about six months ago.
Speaker: It was my first ever job where I wore a tie and pants.
Speaker: Matt is notoriously known not to wear any kind of suit or formal wear.
Speaker: I actually threw him out and the vet's like, what if we got to go to a wedding?
Speaker: I'm wearing my chinos to a wedding.
Speaker: And your compass.
Speaker: Like, I'm serious.
Speaker: And anyway, I did that.
Speaker: And at this job for six months, I would sit there.
Speaker: At that time, we bought George's Hall and two investments.
Speaker: properties i think so we bought three properties and i just would sit there and i was like the property consultant in this office of like early early 20s um like people working there guys and girls and so they'd come up and be like oh man i'm thinking of doing this and that and i'd be advising on like all this kind of stuff and the boss would be like guys break it up like go and do some work right yeah yeah
Speaker: And at that point, I actually took on a bank because a bank stuffed up our home loan for Georgia's Hall.
Speaker: And when I say stuffed it up, I won't go into it, but basically they, what happened?
Speaker: They set it up as interest only where we're just going to pay the interest, but that's not how it worked out because I wanted to save cash flow to put into other properties.
Speaker: Anyway, I took them on.
Speaker: and got my lender's mortgage insurance or lmi refunded which was about seven or eight grand at the time and i even convinced them to pay me for my time wasted um in fighting it and they gave me another few thousand i was just like go away matt i think they gave me 10 grand to get out of here and um the people in this office are like dude and one in particular his name is jake um he's like so at the time i was about 30 32 he was about 22 he's like dude you got a
Speaker: be a mortgage broker.
Speaker: Like, what are you, what are you doing?
Speaker: And he found a job that was available around the corner.
Speaker: Like, um, and I, it was a day where I'd shaven, like, um, and I was looking pretty, pretty schmick.
Speaker: So I just like got up out of the office.
Speaker: I just walked out straight to the, to this place.
Speaker: And I walked in and said, I go, I'm applying for the mortgage broker job.
Speaker: And it was sort of like my, who was to become my office mom.
Speaker: Her name was Gail.
Speaker: And, uh,
Speaker: Yeah, she's like, what's going on?
Speaker: Like, look, I'm a heavy metal dude.
Speaker: Like, I've spent my life doing music.
Speaker: I bought a couple of investment properties.
Speaker: But if you give me this job, I'll come in and kick fucking ass.
Speaker: Like, I'll be the best mortgage broker.
Speaker: I think I even swore.
Speaker: And I didn't know at the time, but I walked out and she said to the boss, I like this kid.
Speaker: We've got to get him.
Speaker: So fast forward, they put me on $24,000 a year retainer, which today and then was poo-poo.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: About to have my first baby.
Speaker: But he showed me how I could make $105,000 in the first three years, by year three.
Speaker: And I went 105,000, like, yeah, like this is sick.
Speaker: And I said to them, I'm going to make that like ASAP.
Speaker: It's not going to take me three years.
Speaker: So I think the first year I made like 38,000.
Speaker: Second year I made 120,000.
Speaker: And third year, I was like a few dollars shy of 180 or something like that.
Speaker: I was like 179, 900 or something.
Speaker: I went ballistic, dude.
Speaker: But I loved it.
Speaker: I was geeking out on that like I was with music.
Speaker: It was creative.
Speaker: I would be like,
Speaker: yeah, okay, how are we going to buy the fourth investment property either for us or for other people?
Speaker: It's like, all right, so we'll get some equity from this one.
Speaker: Oh, that one's probably increased.
Speaker: We'll do a valuation.
Speaker: We won't do it with that bank because they do valuation, but it was art.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker: And I could talk underwater about it to anyone that would listen.
Speaker: um i love the artistic side of like here we are talking about walk it well it's funny because yeah you sort of go um it was people again and it was energy so um and and that's what i'm doing now and again i was doing it teaching guitar lessons i was doing it
Speaker: playing shows and doing gigs and as a mortgage broker i love showing people um something that they didn't see before and blowing their mind yeah so when you go yeah you can do this like did you know like and when they're like oh what like that's like yeah no like that that's the um the fulfillment yeah i'll get you
Speaker: yeah so um but yeah basically i did that for three years working for um aussie home loans and by chance i i landed in the the biggest and best aussie home loans in the country and they were doing multiple like this wasn't planned but they served um customers that were buying five ten investment properties like serial investors okay okay and they had like all the big um property magazines and podcasters and media
Speaker: agencies sort of linked in with them because i think less than one percent of the country own um more than one property or two properties or something it's a very rare thing so i just found myself in the hub of of where this was all interfacing just by fluke it was just like i just happened to walk in i was like
Speaker: I couldn't have been learnt the craft in a better place.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So that was really nice.
Speaker: And funnily enough, my boss at the time who I sort of left because he didn't let me grow right into what I wanted to flourish into.
Speaker: I've now connected back with him because he's gone on a journey looking inwards and gone to Nepal and into mentoring and mental health.
Speaker: And we've reconnected and we're like, oh, wow, who would have thought?
Speaker: Who would have thought?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So then Property Gig, what made you decide to leave?
Speaker: And when you started switching over into what you're doing now, talk me through like what was the mental kind of chatter that you also had then, right?
Speaker: Yeah, so when I was working for them for three years, I always knew that that was a stepping stone to work for myself.
Speaker: I always have this freedom.
Speaker: Freedom is one of my core values.
Speaker: So I knew that was going to happen.
Speaker: So almost to the day when I hit three years, I just wanted to hit three years for some reason.
Speaker: And I wanted to buy a lot of properties.
Speaker: So it was going to be much harder if I worked for myself because when you're self-employed, you've got to wait a couple of years.
Speaker: So I just did this property accumulation, which I did in a really bad way because I was all about just
Speaker: getting stuff rather than getting good stuff.
Speaker: It was more the quantity rather than the quality.
Speaker: But a lot of lessons learned from that.
Speaker: But yeah, I finally got to a point where we had enough behind us.
Speaker: We achieved our property goals in terms of what I thought it was anyway.
Speaker: And I was like, yeah, let's start my own brokerage.
Speaker: So, and I didn't really have any big ambitions for that other than let's just, let's not work for someone else.
Speaker: Um, which I think is worth pointing out because some people go into something going, uh,
Speaker: yeah, I'm going to make this big and awesome thing and it's going to be the best.
Speaker: I was just like, let's just not do that.
Speaker: I did want to do it well, but I just like the freedom of working from home and then having some flexibility to do some more meaningful stuff.
Speaker: But the meaningful stuff never really came.
Speaker: So basically we worked as a small brokerage for about six, seven years and did well.
Speaker: We're making really good money, but you wouldn't say it was a sellable, you know, it wasn't an enterprise business or, you know, it was a small business.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And what happened was the lust, lust, is that the right word?
Speaker: The luster, luster, the shine of, you know, this whole property thing started to fade away.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It became very transactional.
Speaker: When you're doing a home loan for someone for their like, you know, eighth property, someone's like, yeah, man, we're going to buy another property.
Speaker: Like, yeah.
Speaker: the appreciation disappeared.
Speaker: It all went and I was just like, what am I doing?
Speaker: Like, and I always found myself in very deep conversations with people as you know, always infinitely looking for the deep conversations.
Speaker: And for some reason people would call about a home loan and like 10 minutes later, we'd be talking about their heart attack that they had or like that they thinking of getting divorced or whatever.
Speaker: Yeah, it just goes real open conversation with their mortgage broker.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: And they're having that anyway because there's a lot of divorce loans you're doing or it's big life decisions.
Speaker: So you sort of go there anyway, but I was always intrigued and we'll go deeper.
Speaker: And again, I was always on that, did you know if you think like this, you know, like, you know, and so I think walking people through the biggest transaction of their life and unpacking the decision making that needs to happen and who they need to be to make those things happen showed me that I've got this other superpower of, yeah, navigating people through these emotional mountains and valleys, if you will.
Speaker: So I was always intrigued by that.
Speaker: So yeah, I got to a point where I was trying to run away from my business in the form of doing an Amazon business or... Which is where we met.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: And all of us were running away from something with that, right?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So from what you're saying, this is the second midlife crisis.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: This is part two.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So part two is, yeah, so first within the business, I was like, I want to make an app.
Speaker: So we tried to make an app, which, mind you, was like just making, taking all the bad stuff out of doing a home loan.
Speaker: It's like, I just don't want to do all this work.
Speaker: How do I build an app to, that's how everything's created, like man's laziness, right?
Speaker: And, but yeah, we had a bad experience and lost a lot of money.
Speaker: And, but I own that, like that was completely,
Speaker: It was my fault.
Speaker: And even though it wasn't, but it was, if that makes sense.
Speaker: I took responsibility for it.
Speaker: And then the Amazon thing, again, thought we could do something.
Speaker: Passive income, yo.
Speaker: But nothing's passive, right?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Am I right?
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: Look, I feel I'm very much so resident on that level.
Speaker: But yeah.
Speaker: I think at that point in time, even for us, I know we were trying to search for that.
Speaker: next thing that could actually create that passive income so we could start doing things that are actually more aligned with our lives and where we want to head and the impact we want to leave.
Speaker: And I feel like you were stepping into that area as well, right?
Speaker: Like, it's going like, oh, I don't like you've always been passionate about music and all that stuff, but it's like, you still need to make money.
Speaker: You still got kids, a wife, a family to support.
Speaker: Yeah, that's always been the hardest thing.
Speaker: And I always, I struggle right now still, maybe just because I haven't experienced it fully, but the passive income side of things is something I need to grow for sure, mindset wise.
Speaker: An interesting thing I heard at the Humankind Festival last week, some profound speakers, one of the cool things I liked, it was someone quoted Walt Disney and he said, I don't make movies to make money, I make money to make movies.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I was like,
Speaker: that helped with my money story so much because it took it took it takes a lot of the dirtiness away you know because you're like you want to have your passion and your drive and um and do things from the heart but yeah you do need to make money and so and again just thinking of money as an exchange of energy i mean that's a whole other thing i know we've talked about a lot i've talked a lot about with savage like yeah just working
Speaker: working through your money story.
Speaker: But so yeah, always running away from, you know, like how can we do things smarter, not harder and have passive income again so we can do the stuff over here that we really like.
Speaker: And then I just got to the point where I was like,
Speaker: what if I could do what I really like and make the money and make the money so I can do what I really like and do what I really like to make the money.
Speaker: And there's this really nice cycle.
Speaker: So yeah, and I couldn't really do that as I was running the business.
Speaker: Like I just kept, you know, the phone keeps ringing and things happen.
Speaker: So I did this really bold and scary thing, which most people still think is a bit crazy.
Speaker: my friends where, yeah, we had our biggest year in home loans.
Speaker: And even how that happened is an interesting story unto itself.
Speaker: But anyway, we sort of doubled our revenue, had this crazy year because we learned how to market through Facebook ads and create funnels.
Speaker: One part and part two was just learning how to be, come back to basics and just deliver insane awesome.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I think I'd forgotten about that somewhere where when you're in the mix of your job making money, you're just like, oh yeah, you're doing a good job.
Speaker: But I was just like, what if this is day one again?
Speaker: And I have to impress like a mofo.
Speaker: and and and i've got zero you know i'm starting from zero how would i act how what's this love and compassion i would come with anyway um seeing my business blow up in my home loan business blow up that year because of that change of mindset and you know mentally and this practical change of um of uh being able to acquire people from out in the wild and convert them into raving fans i was like
Speaker: okay, what if I get this sucker, this model and point and shoot it at something that I love?
Speaker: And that's where Studio Beast was born of that in terms of, yeah, I've got the raw materials to make this happen now.
Speaker: And I kind of felt everything I do within this brain coaching business is really the things I've done all the time.
Speaker: Like I've never not done this stuff, but I've just never done it in this format.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like it's always been the format of I'm a mortgage broker or I'm a musician or a music teacher.
Speaker: But now people know why they're engaging me rather than it being a secondary thing that's happening.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So this is, okay, we're moving into this third phase, right, of what you've experienced.
Speaker: And it's funny that like at each phase, you've had like a breakdown.
Speaker: And why is it a breakdown, right?
Speaker: I don't mean it in a rude or condescending way.
Speaker: I mean, in the sense of like, how funny that like I found even for myself, it's like each phase that I kind of have gone through with my life, I've had some intense like
Speaker: sometimes trauma, right?
Speaker: But like an intense breakdown, right?
Speaker: Someone referred to this, and I just love this concept, they kind of call like tower moments, right?
Speaker: I've only learned this concept recently, but they were sort of saying like, if you look at yourself and the different kind of, not necessarily identities, but what helps constitute or make up your identity, they're towers, right?
Speaker: So,
Speaker: you as a father, you as a husband, you as a musician and things like that.
Speaker: Those are all different towers.
Speaker: And this is like, you know, core identity stuff I'm referring to.
Speaker: As we're going through this, you get to these points where it's like, you realize that this tower is not actually what you thought it was, what it was like, right?
Speaker: You may have built up this tower of this identity that you're holding of yourself, but it does no longer serve you.
Speaker: So then you actually end up crumbling this tower.
Speaker: Now, sometimes you crumble it and you're like, I don't need this tower anymore.
Speaker: Other times you crumble it to rebuild it better.
Speaker: And so it's like every stage that you're referring to, it's so interesting because it's like, you've always still been a musician, but it's like, it was changing that dynamic of what you actually wanted to do and the impact you wanted to have.
Speaker: Then when you went into the mortgage broking, it was always, there was this underlying theme, which is so funny off that like,
Speaker: people working, dealing, helping energetically, like bouncing off other people's energies and expanding from there.
Speaker: So it's that underlying theme that's being present throughout all those different stages.
Speaker: But it's like, you've crumbled that to rebuild.
Speaker: What does that actually mean?
Speaker: No, that's not what it means.
Speaker: Crumble it again, build it up.
Speaker: What does that actually mean?
Speaker: Yeah, that's a really nice way of putting it because those towers have probably been my biggest struggle.
Speaker: Like now that you put it like that, because like for some reason, I've really valued my identity.
Speaker: Actually, I don't think everyone values their identity.
Speaker: So even as a mortgage broker, I hated being a mortgage broker in that I hated what mortgage brokers, it was just like, it was just so normal, so pedestrian.
Speaker: So going from like, I want to be like, you know, wild, crazy, you know, like muso dude to I remember one time, like I was out at a comedy gig and I met someone, someone's like, yeah, I'm a lawyer.
Speaker: What do you do?
Speaker: It's like, oh, I'm a mortgage broker.
Speaker: And I remember when I used to say like, oh, I'm a muso or, you know, I teach guitar lessons and do music production.
Speaker: People like, yeah.
Speaker: Oh, wow.
Speaker: Like, you know, and I love that because it's creative.
Speaker: And like no one ever says, oh, wow, you're a mortgage broker.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And probably that's what drove me to layer that with, okay, if I'm going to be a mortgage broker, I'm going to be a rock star mortgage broker.
Speaker: I'm going to buy like a zillion properties.
Speaker: That's what drove that creative side.
Speaker: And that was kind of my business card.
Speaker: That's what people got attracted to us for.
Speaker: I just want to mention when you say rockstar, right?
Speaker: Just for those of you may not know you too well, um, rockstar wasn't just in the sense of like crushing it in terms of property and all that stuff.
Speaker: Rockstar was the actual persona.
Speaker: Like it was like your person, your personality in there, like in the way you did this, you would send fucking these crazy ass videos to your clients, right?
Speaker: Like you would record yourself like full rocks that you might even do a little song or something.
Speaker: Like you had that vibe and that energy, that, that persona, sorry.
Speaker: You had that persona off that.
Speaker: And that was,
Speaker: like,
Speaker: Like that was so engaging, right?
Speaker: Because when you get a mortgage broker that is like, we'll send you a fucking video recording with him, like riffing on the guitar and then like talking to you, like what the hell?
Speaker: Like, so that, like, I do want to make it clear because it's like, yeah, no, it wasn't, it wasn't just rockstar in the sense of like killing it, doing an amazing job.
Speaker: Like, you know, like that, that, that metaphorical way when people say rockstar, it was actually your persona was a very rockstar metal attitude.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: Like that personality slash your character that was part of your character, you know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's funny you say that.
Speaker: I mean, even yesterday, I spoke to a real estate agent.
Speaker: My parents are selling a property, an investment property, and she was having trouble with the guy that wants to sell it.
Speaker: I was like, why didn't you ask me, mom?
Speaker: I'll give you two awesome mofos that'll sell this in the best way.
Speaker: And I called one of them and she was like, and her name's Laura.
Speaker: I'm like, you
Speaker: Laura, what's up, yo?
Speaker: And she's like, oh, Matty, I miss talking to you.
Speaker: And even after, I hang up, I do a video.
Speaker: I literally hang up and hold my phone.
Speaker: And in this case, I was introducing her to my mom and her partner, Dave.
Speaker: So I was like, so it was to all three of them.
Speaker: I was like, yo, Laura.
Speaker: And she was like, oh, that's right.
Speaker: You do those too.
Speaker: And yeah, I just, I don't know.
Speaker: I just feel like it's...
Speaker: It's just different, you know, it's being creative.
Speaker: And I mean, look, speaking of, you know, I do these ones, right?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So you're holding up a whiteboard just so that you got to explain this, right?
Speaker: Like, so, so what do you say these ones?
Speaker: What are you doing?
Speaker: So, yeah, I've got a little A4 whiteboard.
Speaker: And, yeah, if I speak to someone or I'm trying to engage someone on the phone or whatever, I, yeah, I'll write like in this one, hey, Kyle.
Speaker: And I've got a little photo of me, a little drawing of a little smiley face with the heavy metal fingers up in the air.
Speaker: And, yeah.
Speaker: And yeah, I do a photo or do a video holding that up just so people know that it's a real-time thing.
Speaker: I've actually spent the time, you know, a minute to write down their name and do this intentionally rather than it.
Speaker: Because sometimes, especially if it's someone that doesn't know you, they might just think that you just sent through a video, a generic video or something.
Speaker: So it's like, no, dude, like I've made this for you.
Speaker: This is...
Speaker: yeah, this is personalized.
Speaker: This is hyper personalized.
Speaker: And, um, it's that sort of stuff that really exploded our, our mortgage business a couple of years ago where it just got hyper personal and just tore down the barrier between like mortgage broker me and like me, like creative me at home.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Gave myself permission to, to swear.
Speaker: Um, or maybe swear more, um,
Speaker: But to swear, not care, even bringing like the heavy metal element to clients, there were some clients where I thought, oh, what if Warren or Gary, these older, more established dudes, like CEO, serious guys, like see me doing my heavy metal, you know, Merry Christmas video or something.
Speaker: Like that's not their cup of tea at all.
Speaker: But I'm like,
Speaker: why do I care?
Speaker: What am I, what am I hiding here?
Speaker: So no one ever poo-pooed on it.
Speaker: Everyone would just be like, that's so cool.
Speaker: So, and what I've now learned is that these are all these like self-imposed barriers, you know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Dude, I feel like we're onto something like awesome here.
Speaker: Let's go a little deeper on this one, right?
Speaker: This, so I'm going to just say identity because identity seems to be the word that keeps popping up in my head.
Speaker: when you were trying to, one, you were trying to bring that, the two different parts of you.
Speaker: So say right now, I'm just referring to the mortgage business.
Speaker: You had the, you as a mortgage broker, you as this creative, right?
Speaker: And I say creative because it's not just the rocks.
Speaker: It's all.
Speaker: It's like, you know, like you kind of glaze over it, but it's like you did a, for your Christmas video with the kids, like a full rock band style of that, right?
Speaker: You've always done these fun, creative pop videos when you go traveling.
Speaker: It's not just like a, oh, here's that thing.
Speaker: And it's like,
Speaker: something full, engaging, interactive that you're like, oh, wow, what the heck?
Speaker: Like, you know, you put thought and effort and love and emotion and your energy into it, your like flavor into it.
Speaker: So you're trying to bring these two different parts of your creative, the mortgage broker together.
Speaker: Where did this come out from?
Speaker: Now, I say when I ask this question, where did it come from?
Speaker: I'm kind of looking at it from that perspective of it is so easy for us to sometimes do it because we're like, oh, I want to be that person, right?
Speaker: Like I want to be seen as someone different and all that stuff.
Speaker: Or like, you know, you kind of said like mediocre, I don't want to be mediocre or pedestrian, sorry, was the word you used, right?
Speaker: I don't want to be pedestrian and all that.
Speaker: Was that out of a thing of like your own internal thing?
Speaker: Did you find later on like that that was more of an external influence that you were like, no, actually, I was like trying to be someone different.
Speaker: That was like, you know, where did this come from?
Speaker: Because it's such a weird topic, right?
Speaker: Because it's like, you know, we don't talk about going like, oh, actually, like I did this because like for me, I was trying to people please.
Speaker: So I kept doing ABCD because that's what I thought I wanted.
Speaker: But it was actually just this coming from a people pleasing place, right?
Speaker: From my, I'm speaking from my own experience.
Speaker: What was that for you?
Speaker: Or was it like... I've thought about that a lot, man.
Speaker: Yeah, I love this.
Speaker: So I've got a lot to say on that.
Speaker: Yeah, please.
Speaker: So, yeah, I...
Speaker: I've realized that I create and do those things for the sake of creating, for creating sake, because I enjoy the process.
Speaker: And so it's, and I don't know if I can say that back in the day, like in my 20s and having those ambitions and stuff like that.
Speaker: And I don't know if it's an evolution of like, you know, not getting, you know, going to this big rock star mode like I thought I might have wanted.
Speaker: Because even that, like I used to self-sabotage that.
Speaker: I used to think, oh, what if I get like really big and then we have like this big album and then I'll just run out of stuff.
Speaker: Or I even used to think about like temptation of like chicks, you know, like even when we used to play what we played, like girls would come up and yeah, offer stuff.
Speaker: stuff even in front of my wife like and um yeah it was it was there and you go what what happens for big famous bands like just like this crazy tap and i'm like yeah i don't know if i if i'm the right personality to deal with that you know like um
Speaker: And, yeah, so I feel like I almost self-sabotaged it for, like, intentionally because I thought I wanted it, but, like, deep down within, I probably wouldn't serve me.
Speaker: So with the creative stuff, yeah, I did get to a point, especially with music.
Speaker: So when I went into finance, I actually just left music altogether, like, for the first couple of years, like, sold most of my stuff,
Speaker: didn't play just as like, yeah, just leave it alone.
Speaker: And then it was when my, when Jackson was born, yeah, I got my guitar out again and I was, I had this newfound passion and,
Speaker: And then I found myself doing the stuff I was doing when I was like in year 12.
Speaker: Like I'd record this cool riff and I'd send it to my mate who I was in a band with at the time.
Speaker: I'm like, check this out, dude.
Speaker: He's like, oh yeah, sick, sick.
Speaker: And that's what I do it for.
Speaker: Like, like geeking out with my, either with myself and going, oh, this sounds cool.
Speaker: Or all my friends, like, or just the tribe, like where you're like, oh, this is, this is cool, man.
Speaker: Like, you know, you know, when you've got like a really cool chat going with a bunch of people and it's like, yeah, man, like,
Speaker: you know um and uh so for example like because i've questioned it even when i do like travel videos or photo shoots like what am i doing this for and i like the um i like i like packaging memories like in in their best light so i love um you know you can you can go uh and on a you know
Speaker: You can do a Christmas photo shoot and go and sit on Santa's lap at Westfields.
Speaker: Or you can go, how can we do this in a more magical way?
Speaker: Like, so, you know, I don't know if you've ever seen any of our Christmas photo shoots or videos with the kids.
Speaker: This year we did, we got like little elf on the shelf.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: What do you call it?
Speaker: Like little- The dolls, yeah.
Speaker: Doll, yeah.
Speaker: And yeah, we put them all around the house doing like, you know, silly stuff like drinking a VB or, you know, going in the washing machine with a naked Barbie.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then at the end, the kids capture them and tie them in Christmas lights.
Speaker: And yeah, like we had fun with the kids and doing it.
Speaker: And that's one of those things that I feel we'll look back on with the kids and the kids will be like, they don't really get it as much now, but they'll look back when they've got kids and go,
Speaker: Our mom and dad were crazy, y'all.
Speaker: Yeah, just made these experiences, man.
Speaker: Yeah, and hopefully that inspires them to be creative because, again, it's a meditation.
Speaker: We could sit around watching Netflix or we could do an elf on the shelf Christmas photo.
Speaker: Is there anything you would kind of say to people who, for themselves, are trying to –
Speaker: distinguish or differentiate between the two because when i say between the two i'm talking about like between like an external kind of reasoning for it rather than an internal pull so let's yeah between a push versus a pull like push being external influence telling you you got to do this or show up or be different versus an internal i'm doing this because i actually love the creative nature i love the way it can connect i love the way like you know it's like that internal pull where it feels right more yeah i was gonna say intuitively but i like push and pull let's just work with those
Speaker: Yeah, inwards and outwards.
Speaker: Onwards, sorry.
Speaker: I reckon the metric is would you do it if you weren't going to post it or share it?
Speaker: Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker: That's just the metric for me where it's just like I could happily sit here and, yeah, create a song and just geek out with some drums and guitars and just do it for the sake of doing it.
Speaker: for the process.
Speaker: And sure, I may post it somewhere or I may not, but I'd still do the process regardless.
Speaker: And I think that's the gauge.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I'm even thinking when you and I went on a helicopter flight with Savage over Sydney, like I'm like, I want to capture this.
Speaker: And I look back on that fondly and then whether it's out there for other people to judge or look at me in a particular way, I don't really care because I look back on that.
Speaker: One, I do it as a memory thing.
Speaker: So it helps me to...
Speaker: more intimately remember my life, you know, and revisit because I know part of memory is revisiting things.
Speaker: And we're very conscious of that with our kids, like bringing out our videos from when, you know, we went to Europe, you know, when they were small, like two and four years old and like repackaging those memories for them.
Speaker: So they'd be like, oh, yeah, we did make pizzas on that farm.
Speaker: if there wasn't that revisiting of it, that probably that would just fade.
Speaker: Yeah, true, true, true.
Speaker: So that's one thing.
Speaker: So you just got a stronger memory and, and yeah, that's going to help with health and, and, and cognitive decline as you get older.
Speaker: And it's just, it's just nice to help.
Speaker: I think it helps with my fulfillment in terms of doing things in these cool, weird, playful ways, you know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I love that, man.
Speaker: And I guess now with you stepping into beast mode, so you've gotten clear on your identity and things like that of who you are, how you want to show up.
Speaker: And the reason why I bring this up as well, it's like you actually have such a beautiful, unique brand.
Speaker: And I love it.
Speaker: I've always loved this brand of yours.
Speaker: I haven't seen Last Christmas, but the Christmas before, I used to love the way you guys would do those things.
Speaker: It was just like, yeah.
Speaker: It just leaves such a... And I like the way you're saying it's like a beautiful way to collect memories in this situation.
Speaker: If someone is experiencing...
Speaker: say like a uh because this is a different like what we were referring to when i was saying like how do you tell the difference between push and pull um this was specifically you're talking about like posting some something up right what about when it comes to knowing if this is what you or who you are or what you how you want to respond and be compared to not because this is not you're not posting something up you know this might be just speaking to a friend or
Speaker: speaking to a loved one or having a business conversation or whatever?
Speaker: How do you know when you are actually being truthful to yourself?
Speaker: Is there a gauge you use to know that you are being truthful to yourself?
Speaker: Is it a feeling?
Speaker: What kind of works with that?
Speaker: Yeah, so you're saying like, how do I work out that I'm being my authentic self?
Speaker: Yes, yes.
Speaker: And I say that given you've got a unique brand.
Speaker: Yes, sometimes you... Yeah, yeah, I got it.
Speaker: Yeah, sometimes like that messes with me, man.
Speaker: Like it still messes with me.
Speaker: And I question it all the time.
Speaker: But what I've learned now is...
Speaker: to identify it, interrupt it and, and, and question why I'm questioning it.
Speaker: So, um, two things are coming to mind, two examples.
Speaker: So one say in terms of being my authentic self, there's a few people in my life where if I'm like, if I, if I swear, like there's, there's some people that I would just never like swear in front of them and be like, yeah, like I just wouldn't do it.
Speaker: Um, and they're not my, even my, actually, um,
Speaker: Yeah, my dad's... I could even do it in front of my dad.
Speaker: But anyway, it doesn't matter who they are.
Speaker: And there's other people where I know they look at me in a particular way.
Speaker: And if I come out going, yeah, I'm a brain and transformational coach.
Speaker: I had to get over my own barrier with that.
Speaker: Because I feel like I would go like, Maddie, you're a what dude?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: mortgage broker dude like what are you talking about and I was like no I'm brain coaching and you know like learning about the nervous system and how to regulate it and distressing it and so I
Speaker: Come on, dude.
Speaker: And I know I've probably got a bunch of people around me that think that.
Speaker: But then I started going, do they think that?
Speaker: Or do I think they think that?
Speaker: Are you projecting?
Speaker: Are you mirroring your own lack of belief in yourself?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And maybe they just want the best for me.
Speaker: And maybe they're like, yeah.
Speaker: And then you post something.
Speaker: They're like, yeah, that's rad, dude.
Speaker: And you're like, yeah.
Speaker: So something that really helped with me on that was the shadow work, like shadow self.
Speaker: And yeah, so that was this interesting story, which I was telling you about before we started recording where, yeah, I said in front of someone recently, who?
Speaker: the word pussy like i was talking about ice baths and i'm like i don't know you know if i'm gonna be a pussy and you know and um and this girl uh jumped on me so this is at this humankind festival so first of all she come and sat down next to me to have lunch like hi you know and then um we're talking about ice baths and i said yeah i don't know if i'm gonna be a pussy out or whatever and she's like i just gotta stop you there like it's it's not okay to use that word like the way you've just used it like
Speaker: the vagina is the most powerful thing.
Speaker: And I was like, yeah, just like rip me a new asshole, man.
Speaker: And straight away in my head, I'm like, fuck this chick.
Speaker: Like, she's not one of my people.
Speaker: Like, I don't need this.
Speaker: I'm not like, I just use that innocently, that word.
Speaker: Anyway, she got up to go and get a fork and she goes to get the fork and I'm like, is she going to come back?
Speaker: She took her stuff, so she didn't need to come back.
Speaker: And she'd come back and she sat down and in my head, I'm like, oh, fuck off.
Speaker: I just want to eat my lunch and go see the next cool thing.
Speaker: But then I started talking to myself in a shadow self way.
Speaker: And I'm like, what has she just done that I don't like about myself?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Well, what has she done that maybe I could learn from?
Speaker: Yeah, there was, oh my gosh, I think it was a book called Becoming that I was reading, right?
Speaker: And they just said this, it's like they said the five T's, trust the trigger to teach, right?
Speaker: So it's like, if someone triggers you, right?
Speaker: That's the part where you are like, okay, that trigger is identifying something within me that needs to be addressed, that needs to be worked on.
Speaker: It's not someone externally that is, it's not there, they're not the issue.
Speaker: I am the issue, my understanding, interpretation of it.
Speaker: So trust the trigger to teach.
Speaker: That's brilliant, man.
Speaker: I'm going to steal that.
Speaker: I'll borrow it and yeah.
Speaker: Or from another book.
Speaker: So this is nice.
Speaker: Yeah, that's good.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So it was, I guess with all the things, tools and work I've done on myself.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I sat there in that moment and went, I go, I actually said to myself, what if this is a podcast I'm doing?
Speaker: And that come up from the guests that I don't really know that well.
Speaker: And I said that and they reacted like that.
Speaker: you know, I would, I would, I would have to continue.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Um, like it's, it's no choice.
Speaker: Or what if that was in a live situation?
Speaker: I was on a stage talking, like,
Speaker: You know, how do I deal with it?
Speaker: So I actually just went and I'm reading a book at the moment, Smarter Not Harder by Dave Asprey, which is freaking amazing.
Speaker: And I think on the opening page, it says something to, you know, how to be kinder when you see things that are stupid, something like that.
Speaker: And so in that moment, I thought, this is stupid.
Speaker: Like, shut up.
Speaker: um but yeah i was like like just be kinder right so she sat back down and we didn't go back into it like we just were talking even for my first minute or three of talking i was shut down i was like yep yep and then i was like stop it get over this dude like this could be your new best friend yeah don't be a dick and um
Speaker: And we got talking and then we actually came back to it.
Speaker: And I said to her something like, you know what?
Speaker: I was like just going to bar you a few minutes ago.
Speaker: And she was like, you reckon?
Speaker: I was going to bar you, dude.
Speaker: And she was like, I wasn't even going to come back over.
Speaker: But I thought I would.
Speaker: And when I sat down, I was like, oh, wow, this guy's not...
Speaker: getting up like she almost wanted me to get up and walk away and she's thinking in her head like i respect that and then we sort of we had the next half hour conversation was geeking out on that you know two or three minute episode that happened up front and and and yeah we got talking about like you know her childhood trauma and and you know stuff for me and it was um it was all very interesting and uh
Speaker: Yeah, wasn't necessarily my new best friend, but we hung out a bit and saw each other around the place.
Speaker: It was like, yo, and we introduced.
Speaker: And the cherry on top was I met someone on a line to get to the ice bath who was sitting behind me that entire conversation unbeknownst to me.
Speaker: So she heard me say I might be a pussy with the ice baths and she heard her jump on me for it.
Speaker: So she gave me a third count of...
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: So what was her perspective?
Speaker: Just curious.
Speaker: Yeah, she was just there going, oh, what's going to happen here?
Speaker: Like, is this guy going to just, you know, tell her what he thinks or get up and walk away?
Speaker: And then she said she was really surprised that we came back together and then ended up talking for half an hour.
Speaker: She was like, oh, wow, I didn't expect that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then we ended up sort of geeking out with her a little bit.
Speaker: So it was...
Speaker: It was all really nice.
Speaker: And again, it was just an example of, to me, like I'm very tuned into these examples of when you can think of stuff in a more self-aware way and what it says about you rather than the other way around, the outside.
Speaker: You can just operate in the world like so much more effectively.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, man.
Speaker: And even like, I like the way you said that, because I was like, there's so, so often for me, I don't, I don't realize sometimes the language I use, I don't realize the power behind the words.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm becoming more aware of the power.
Speaker: But it's also those different interpretations of the power behind the words.
Speaker: And even just in your situation, when you're sharing that story, it's like,
Speaker: You may have meant nothing ill or whatever towards it.
Speaker: It's still on us to be mindful of that because it's like, yeah, well, there is certain powers and words that you can't use because it has certain triggers that we need to also change the way we view and speak and all to a degree, right?
Speaker: Not to accommodate and be different to who we are.
Speaker: But to realize that there are societal patterns, I think, that sometimes we just play into because we don't even realize, right?
Speaker: And there was stuff like I could talk about.
Speaker: It's like when I was in high school, you say similar shit, right?
Speaker: You're not trying to be rude or degrading or belittling.
Speaker: It was just something that was always used in high school.
Speaker: So when I grew up, I just thought that was just normal language and normal terminology and all that.
Speaker: And it was only later on that people were like, no, you can't say that, man.
Speaker: That's not right.
Speaker: And I was like, but I don't mean it like that.
Speaker: So isn't that your shit?
Speaker: Because if you mean it like that, right?
Speaker: But then what I realized for myself is like when I put it in a little bit more was knowing that like
Speaker: if you actually want to come, like that whole concept of like, you know, communications is about the response it elicits.
Speaker: That's not to say I need to be sensitive every single time or who or whatever I speak to and what I say, but it's actually changing the meaning.
Speaker: Like what other words can I use instead of that?
Speaker: Because I like, you know, it's like the example you gave was an awesome example with pussy in the sense of like when you're saying you're a wimp or something, it's like, why do we use that in that way?
Speaker: And so I can totally see her side, but at the same time, I know being in your position where I've said myself the same, you know, similar thread,
Speaker: I was like, dude, that's not what I was meaning.
Speaker: Like that is, you've taken that out of like, you know, like out of context, but that's why I was like, yeah, I, um, yeah, I'm curious on like, do you find, like, what was your takeaway?
Speaker: What was your kind of big takeaway from that moment?
Speaker: Was it something to do with language and going like this?
Speaker: Or was it just more like you being aware of your own projections?
Speaker: What was it for you?
Speaker: Yeah, so it was interesting.
Speaker: I just learned, what do I need to do more or less of?
Speaker: Because I kind of thought, man, if she's offended by that, she should hear the way I talk with the boys.
Speaker: That's nothing, y'all.
Speaker: But yeah, it made me more mindful of how I might need to move in a particular space.
Speaker: But then it also made me mindful of, do I even give a fuck?
Speaker: Like, you know, like if you got to polarize people, but, but it did, I think the takeaway was be kind.
Speaker: Like don't, you know, don't just shut people out and assume there's nothing to learn just because there's a, there's a difference in, you know, word in this case.
Speaker: Perspective opinion.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: And yeah, be kind and curious.
Speaker: And I use that a lot with my kids.
Speaker: Like I'm learning so much from my kids at the moment, man.
Speaker: And I'm apologizing to them like every other day.
Speaker: Not that much, but like something happens and using these techniques where you see something that you didn't see and you're like, oh man, they're right.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, man.
Speaker: No, and even I actually really like that.
Speaker: Be kind and curious.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because I was like, yeah, there's like, there is kindness that can be done.
Speaker: And I think it's both parties or like whoever's involved in a situation.
Speaker: they can both adopt that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because it's not easy to, yeah, it's, there's something really sweet about being kind towards someone else because it's like, that is that person's opinion, their view, their upbringing.
Speaker: Like someone, for me, what I used to use as a technique for me to relate to other people is sometimes going, if I lived their exact experience, if I went through what they went through, if I had the family that they had, if I had the upbringing they had, if I ate what they ate, all this stuff, right?
Speaker: I would respond the same way.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And when you realize that you will respond the same way or you would speak the same way or whatever, it allows you to go like, that's like, for me, I find like, that's really the best way I can step into someone's shoes and go like, oh, okay.
Speaker: But now I know that that's not my intentions.
Speaker: And if I'm like, oh, I don't want her to feel that way.
Speaker: Because in general, I don't want someone to feel shitty.
Speaker: Like, I always want to leave a conversation with people feeling elevated as much as I can.
Speaker: Mm hmm.
Speaker: And if that's the situation or that's my kind of thing, it's like, oh, okay, I understand where you're coming from.
Speaker: This is my meaning behind it.
Speaker: But thank you for creating more awareness for it because I didn't realize that this could actually have that impact with just some, like, you know, word like that with other people, you know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, for sure.
Speaker: And I like you taking on the role of...
Speaker: in someone else's shoes uh i do exactly that you know what what are their um what are their beliefs their their upbringing um because it's all perpetual i think of our brains man that's like the end of the of millions of years of evolution like yeah 20 you know billions if you will like we're like the last point or if you've had kids they're the last point right
Speaker: And it's, so you've got like, you know, the voices of a, you know, a thousand ancestors to put a number on it, whatever it is, you know, an infinite amount of ancestors whispering like in your ear, you think you're you, but like, you know, like, I'm,
Speaker: I don't know what my great-grandfather's nose looked like, but my cells do.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: Like, it's right here on my face, you know, or the skin color, but my cells do.
Speaker: So, yeah, there's all these systems at work behind the scenes which...
Speaker: yeah uh fascinating so if you can have that compassion to step into to someone else's situation and uh like something i've been telling myself a lot lately is um i can be very quick to judge uh my mom or my or my family or even a vet's family um because they're so close right like and uh and you don't you almost don't need to show them as much compassion sometimes because like it's your family you're like you know we're all yeah you kind of think they're always going to be there right they're always going to support you like regardless of whatever happens
Speaker: Yeah, yeah.
Speaker: And basically, I think especially like my mom and Yvette's mom, like, yeah, something will get said.
Speaker: And because I'm always on this infinite trip, right?
Speaker: It's like, that's a limiting belief, like, you know.
Speaker: And but yeah, there's a fine, I feel like there's this fine line between being compassionate
Speaker: and understanding where they've come from and judging.
Speaker: And yeah, I always struggle with that.
Speaker: And yeah, lately I've been going, just don't judge, man.
Speaker: Like just come at it with compassion and...
Speaker: maybe you don't need to do your limitless belief shiz this time.
Speaker: Just flow, dude.
Speaker: There's times and places.
Speaker: I'm like, yeah, stop trying to fix stuff.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker: So as you've now, like now coming to where you're at now, stepping into, I was going to say beast mode, but the work you're doing right now,
Speaker: what's uh what's been the um the kind of real big pull to do what you're doing right now um is this something that you feel like i'm always open to change is this something like this is actually i really see my path forward right now um yeah take us through this right now the next yeah a couple of things so the it's it's totally plays to my my beliefs and values in terms of
Speaker: I believe in, I value being playful and creative and kind and curious.
Speaker: But probably the thing that I value the most, you know, say outside of love is that is learning, learning, growing and feeling limitless.
Speaker: Like even through all the struggles I've done, I've always believed that I could do anything.
Speaker: like i could do awesome beautiful belief yeah even with you know the amazon stuff or you know things that you know like might appear have to have not proceeded um like i i never feel i i don't feel like it wasn't possible like i feel like yeah it was possible it was just it just wasn't right for me at that point in time like i like for example with music stuff like i never like
Speaker: oh man it's impossible like you know um only one percent of musicians are going to go on to be famous and and one percent of the one percent are going to make any meaningful money from spotify because spotify freaking take like never do i do i go down that road of um of the victim yeah um now i understand it as the cause and effect model um and being at cause rather than um the victim of effect are you familiar with that sort of model
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, like to a degree, but please elaborate.
Speaker: And I was like, I can use this as the scapegoat going, I don't know fully, but yes, please elaborate for the audience.
Speaker: Yeah, so it's basically taking your power back and going, you know, existence or life is just life.
Speaker: It's neutral.
Speaker: Like it's, you know, the universe and nature or whatever you want to call it is just happening.
Speaker: And there's no good or bad.
Speaker: There just is.
Speaker: And going whatever that is is going to be interpreted by what meaning you apply to it.
Speaker: So if like that example I said before is like,
Speaker: Yeah, man, you're never going to make it as a musician because like, you know, like in whatever stories you tell yourself, like not only will that happen, but if you, if you play, if you operate in the world like that, yeah, obviously you're going to create a container in which you can operate in, which is, yeah,
Speaker: So I've always, always believed I operate outside that container for sure.
Speaker: But I guess that doesn't mean I haven't gotten frustrated where I get to a point and things aren't working and I'm like,
Speaker: why like it's just not for me yet like what have i what have i yet to do and um so that's always my questioning so um yeah that's that's a belief that i that i i hold true so i really value
Speaker: Like if you said to me, man, like the next month, the month of April, you don't have to do anything other than just sit there and learn, like just take in as much juicy goodness of your choosing as you want.
Speaker: I would love that.
Speaker: You would too, right?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No, no, but it's like off your choosing.
Speaker: That's what I like.
Speaker: So the little words that you use, that's what I'm like, yeah.
Speaker: It's like if you were to go learn this, I'd be like, I've now become, or at least for my own self, I've created a lot more...
Speaker: I've got a deeper understanding of what actually makes me happy.
Speaker: You know, like I actually got like, I can list out things that going like, this makes me happy.
Speaker: This does not make me happy.
Speaker: And so like when it comes to learning and stuff, it's like, is I really have found that now where I'm moving is moving towards things that actually bring me energy.
Speaker: Like, so I say,
Speaker: happy and bring me energy is two separate things.
Speaker: Happy being like a, you know, emotional, making me happy brings me energy as in like it makes, it gives me, I feel like this is the energy I want to surround myself with.
Speaker: It could be bad.
Speaker: It could be good.
Speaker: It doesn't matter necessarily on the charge.
Speaker: It's just more like that energy is still
Speaker: what I want to be around.
Speaker: So when I got clear on that and that kind of energetic space, that's where I was like, yeah, if you tell me now, Kyle, can you spend more time like on researching a guest on that you're going to have on your podcast or, you know, doing breath work and going deeper into breath work or like we were talking about, you know, sexual mastery and showing up in a relationship and all this stuff.
Speaker: I like I love that.
Speaker: Like, you know, I feel pulled massively pulled towards all of those things.
Speaker: But if you tell me, Kyle, research on how you can
Speaker: I don't know, do this, hold a, I was going to think of a work example, but I couldn't think of a work example.
Speaker: But if it just say, yeah, you do X instead in your work and be better at that, I'm not feeling a massive pull towards that necessarily.
Speaker: Well, maybe that's just how my mind works.
Speaker: I just assume when you say learning, it's like, of course, it's stuff you want to learn.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Someone else tells me to learn something.
Speaker: You've also come from the space of like, remember, you did your music, you did all this.
Speaker: I came from the freaking, I was like, oh, yeah, let's study really well, get good grades, go to university, get good grades, get into a corporate job.
Speaker: do well in that climate.
Speaker: Like that was the upbringing, you know?
Speaker: So for me, it's like it was a totally different thing because then it's like you're told kind of what to study and what to do.
Speaker: I never like I didn't know that it was you should take that into your own hand and go like, what do I actually want to be?
Speaker: And all that like what?
Speaker: Like I think it's so important to get life experience over just jumping into and doing what the next step is, per se, you know?
Speaker: And that's why I felt like, that's why I say, when I say this, it's like, yeah, it's like learning wasn't ever like, oh, do something you're passionate about and learn that.
Speaker: It's like, no, do this because you have to do better in this.
Speaker: You know, like that was a thing, you know?
Speaker: But I even call learning, you know, like most of my learning would probably be, yeah, listening to podcasts, YouTube videos.
Speaker: I've gotten into books way more than in my entire life in the last few months.
Speaker: Like I've got a little collection now because I usually do audio books.
Speaker: But I read Jim Quick's book, Limitless, while in Thailand.
Speaker: Man, that gave me some actual tangible skills.
Speaker: Like I actually increased my memory.
Speaker: I actually increased my reading, my cognitive...
Speaker: This is the sort of stuff I'm getting into at the moment, man.
Speaker: I got bulletproof.
Speaker: Can you see that there?
Speaker: For the kids on audio, bulletproof Neuromaster focus and attention supplements, which is basically caffeine extract from a caffeine plant.
Speaker: Anyway, but yeah, like because I'm seeing and I'm remembering people's names and things like I even got my kids to remember a list of 20 things forward and backwards, dude.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: Took like five minutes.
Speaker: And when I'm seeing this sort of stuff, I'm like, wow.
Speaker: Like, so yeah, these are learnings for me.
Speaker: It's not necessarily like you learn this, have an exam.
Speaker: It's just like life tools, you know.
Speaker: Yeah, geez, geez, okay.
Speaker: I was like, I feel like we're entering, it's like we are entering a whole new realm here, but I feel like we might need to save that for another time.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, a lot to unpack here, even just as we're going more and more into this part.
Speaker: To bring us back a second, you were kind of saying that recently when you, like even with doing the work you're doing right now with this beast mode, a lot of it was getting clear, like you started doing a lot more shadow work.
Speaker: What was that shadow work for you that you were kind of saying that you were tapping into a bit more?
Speaker: Yeah, so I'll just give you an example.
Speaker: So shadow work as a quick definition is, I think we said it earlier anyway, what you don't like in someone else, like you're like, oh, that guy, that idiot or that person, whatever, is, yeah, something that you don't like within yourself or want less of in you.
Speaker: and inverted as well, like what you like in someone, like what you like in celebrities and people you admire is what you would want more of in yourself.
Speaker: And, um,
Speaker: I think when I first heard this, I was a bit like, really?
Speaker: Like, what if someone's just like proper dickhead?
Speaker: Like, you know, like, is that saying I'm a dick?
Speaker: You know, like, but it doesn't have to necessarily say you're that, but you're just, you want less of that or you don't like it when you act like that.
Speaker: And it's funny because you sort of go, like, I've had examples.
Speaker: I had an example in my family where we had a, I've had a falling out with someone in our family over something that,
Speaker: And I, yeah, he did something.
Speaker: And I basically had to come to terms with like, yeah, like this shadow work and go, would I have done that myself in that same way?
Speaker: And it's scary when you say the answer is yes, you know, because you sort of go, yeah, I have done stuff like that in the past.
Speaker: And I don't like that I did that.
Speaker: And you just have these realizations of looking at things through different perspectives and different reframes.
Speaker: But to give a tangible example, Aria, my daughter, so she's eight years old.
Speaker: She always does these little things like one example, Yvette made butter chicken and then she just like sits there and just gets a glass of water and just like pours it on top and starts like mushing it around, you know, like a little two-year-old might do and I'm like...
Speaker: And I was nice and kind.
Speaker: I was like, Aria, what are you doing?
Speaker: Like, mom just made this beautiful dinner and you just trash it like in front of us.
Speaker: And she's like, it's too hot, too spicy.
Speaker: And I was like, yeah, but like, would you do that at someone else's house or a restaurant?
Speaker: There's etiquette, right?
Speaker: Like, you know, there's ways to do things.
Speaker: And she just shuts down.
Speaker: She's like, okay.
Speaker: And then I was like, okay, what's this say about me?
Speaker: You know, what's this say about Maddie?
Speaker: And it didn't really come to me that night because I wouldn't say I've gone into a flight or flight state, but I got a bit like agitated and it was like, and yeah, it sort of spoiled the mood, I guess, at the dinner.
Speaker: Anyway, I'm thinking about it at night, shadow work.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: What did I see in her that I liked or didn't like about myself?
Speaker: And I went, okay.
Speaker: So she was super resourceful.
Speaker: She's like, too hot, need water.
Speaker: How smart is that?
Speaker: Am I just jealous that I'm not that smart?
Speaker: And do I even care if she did that at a restaurant or at someone's house?
Speaker: She's just being a free self.
Speaker: Even though I know she probably wouldn't.
Speaker: Like she's got enough social constructs in her mind to not do that.
Speaker: But even if she did, would I just be jealous that I'm not that like, you know, that I don't, I care too much about what other people think.
Speaker: you know yeah um and i had yeah i had a few little cascade of things like that like she's just totally right in this scenario she's resourceful she's creative she did it in a safe environment where didn't you know there's no one to judge and even if she did it outside of this environment i should give her i-5 like you know at a at a wedding pause it on the butt like awesome love your work like
Speaker: We're going to be in the dirt in 100 years.
Speaker: Who cares?
Speaker: So, yeah, the next day I wake up and I'm like, you're so in tune.
Speaker: I love you.
Speaker: I'm sorry.
Speaker: Keep pouring as much water on the butter chicken as you need to.
Speaker: I love you.
Speaker: And she kind of looks at me like she'd forgotten about it as kids.
Speaker: She's like, my dad's weird.
Speaker: But I know that there will be a time in the future where she's like, a penny will drop.
Speaker: It'll serve us at some time tomorrow or when she's got kids.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: But I just love that about me at the moment and then how I can learn and very quickly shapeshift off these scenarios and bounce around to go, oh, I'm like,
Speaker: over here you know so um that's that's i guess how to explain the shadow self stuff yeah i love that i feel like that's a beautiful way to also wrap up and end this uh podcast um so for those of you who ever do find butter chicken spicy um it's okay to be creative and find ways of diluting that heat with water i'll give you a high five yeah and then buddy will come and give you a high five
Speaker: But I love that.
Speaker: Yeah, just that the wrap up of Shadow Self.
Speaker: And I know we're only scraping the surface with this because there's so many layers with this.
Speaker: But mate, it has been a pleasure having you on the podcast, even just the journey that you've gone through.
Speaker: And thank you for sharing the kind of your inner thoughts.
Speaker: throughout all those different phases because i think that's hugely powerful um and even now with you stepping into this next uh area of your life within this beast mode i think you are absolutely going to crush it just because like i said you've always done things uniquely and it's not just you do things uniquely you do it from that compassionate kind curious space which uh i think is uh yeah is a a good recipe for sure yeah
Speaker: No, thank you, man.
Speaker: I have no doubts that, yeah, I'm doing what I'm meant to be doing and it feels good, man.
Speaker: So thank you for having me on, man.
Speaker: It's a legitimate pleasure.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: Love it, man.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Till next time, buddy.
Speaker: Ciao.
Speaker: If you enjoyed this episode, it would mean the world if you could subscribe, rate, and review this podcast.
Speaker: And if you know someone who needs to hear this on their own journey, share it with them.
Speaker: Thanks so much for listening.
Speaker: And remember to go inwards and onwards, my friend.
