Transcript
Speaker: The voice of growth, mastering the mind and market, timeless wisdom, proven strategies, and the deep work that creates lasting success. Like and subscribe to stay aligned with what truly drives results.
Speaker: We're just going to out here and stay focused, lock in and do your best. And my best led to me winning the Olympic trials and then making it to Barcelona and was Olympic finalist.
Speaker: Leadership and building these young people into leaders and their families is as critical in this moment as anything. Now with NIL, they are now student athlete and CEO.
Speaker: NIL is seed money, right, for what you may want to do next. Whether you want to see yourself as such or not, ah Uncle Sam and the IRS want their money. If you don't build it from a place of authenticity and who you are, it won't be built to last.
Speaker: There's an ease when you're doing what you're born to do. If you're not grounded in who you are, then what others say drives you?
Speaker: And who are you when no one's clapping? All of the things that we've gone through and been through have just gotten us ready to get to this point. That I love people and it was of service to them.
Speaker: That I helped them discover what they were born to do and they did it. That I'm felt more than I was seen when I leave this earth.
Speaker: Interesting question.
Speaker: tany ya You competed at the Olympic level. You've won so many awards. can't even begin to to start listing them. But you competed in a time where the attention was on the athletics, was on the performance.
Speaker: And now you've got these microscopes. You've got social media. You've got cameras. You've got all these things that are that are on top of the athletes. Mm-hmm. How do you see them thriving through that situation?
Speaker: That's a great question, Manny. um And you're right. when When I competed, I competed in Barcelona, which was also the first year of the Dream Team. So there were a lot of eyeballs. There just wasn't the social media aspect.
Speaker: And um in today's time, anything you do can quickly become visible in a second. And so um I'm glad there wasn't the social media around. And When I was coming up on that on on one hand, but in terms of kids today in athletics, i think I think it really impacts their mental health if we were to really think about it.
Speaker: um Because in a moment, there's so much to compare themselves to. And I like the quote that says, comparison is the thief of joy. And so we live in a time when young people are constantly online and engaged in such a way that Their joy is lost. Many of them get depressed. Many of them are in this constant state of scrolling. And what they don't realize, right, oftentimes that's the highlight of someone's life, not the everyday life. And so I think there's a lot of pressure that can come with it.
Speaker: And also, um not just from themselves, but also the fans. that that has an impact. Everybody has a comment. People can be trolling.
Speaker: People can be stalking. So all of those things have been heightened because we are in the digital age and and so much in terms of social media. So I think the pressures are have intensified. And it really is a thing where sometimes you just have to get offline just for your own sanity and mental health.
Speaker: So then you take that already pressured pressure cooker under pressure, and then you tighten it up more with this new, relatively new aspect of the NIL situation, right?
Speaker: So how do you how do they deal with that? I mean, you're talking about um kids and their families, you're very young athletes that are now being... really challenged in some ways with these opportunities. What I mean by that is they're amazing opportunities, but with that, there's a cost. ah Right. And so that's what I want to get to. Yeah.
Speaker: So that's one of the things that I often say when I talk about NIL and even in my book, I talk about it. And and that is the refrain of NIL can be a blessing or curse depending on the strategy. Right.
Speaker: And not having one is actually a default strategy, right? And so to be able to maneuver it in this time, um i think it's very important that parents are engaged when it comes to their kid.
Speaker: um Oftentimes, you know, I was an AAU travel mom with my daughter, also with my son. And there's a lot that happens just in being the student and the athlete.
Speaker: Now with NIL, they are now student athlete and CEO because when they receive NIL payments, those are taxable. They get 1099. They're independent contractors for the brands um and the different sponsors that may give them n NIL dollars. So how do they maneuver through it without someone like a parent or guardian helping them?
Speaker: um It's difficult. They're managing. And who's to say that they're managing well? I have a student athlete and I i spoke to her recently um and she's done pretty well as it relates to NIL. And I'm like, well, how's your mom, right? And she's like, oh, I want her to help. I want her to get involved. but When I talk to her mom, her mom's like, oh, she has it, right? Because you have also that age gap. So sometimes parents will be like, oh, that's just all social media or that's that technology stuff. I don't have time for it. Well, you really don't have time not to. So even though she's managing and she's done well, she could probably be doing even better if her family were around to help support her in this whole process.
Speaker: Okay. Before we go into, I have so many questions. Okay. Before we dive in further, what is n NIL? Okay. And just for our listeners and our viewers, and are you for it or against it?
Speaker: Interesting question. So NIL stands for name, image, and likeness. And it's been around. Really, the right for publicity has been around for decades. It's just that now within the college context, as well as high school, student athletes have the opportunity to monetize their brands and therefore get paid.
Speaker: They're not supposed to get paid to play. Right. That's they're not supposed to. It's only for their the use of their name, image and likeness or marketing. So back in the day when I was at Arizona competing, um you know, I couldn't have a booster take me to dinner.
Speaker: That would be a violation. um I was on a Sports Illustrator for Kids trading card ah when I was in college and they sold thousands of copies. The photographer got paid because they captured my image and sold it to the magazine. I couldn't get a dime.
Speaker: You couldn't even model. You know, um i had to wait until I finished my eligibility before I could do that, because that would be marketing or endorsing a particular product or thing. So,
Speaker: I would have lost my eligibility. Today, young people are to get paid for appearances. They can get paid for speaking, um for the universities to use their name, image, and likeness. Many of them are getting institutional payments um outside of third-party payments.
Speaker: So that's what NIL is. um Am I for it? I'm for people having the opportunity to better their lives.
Speaker: Mm-hmm. I look at NIL and that's how I teach it. NIL is seed money, right? For what you may want to do next. If I'd had the opportunity to earn NIL, I wouldn't have had to get a student loan for grad school, for business school, right? I grew up, my mother was a single mother.
Speaker: I grew up in Maryland, came all the way to Arizona. My mom couldn't afford to send me anything. yeah So my scholarship was it, even though it still wasn't enough. to cover things at times, so it was tight.
Speaker: um And that was one of the things when I was the chair of the National Student Athlete Advisory Committee that we brought forth to the NCAA board. The cost of attendance, scholarships still didn't fully cover cost of attendance for an athlete, but we couldn't work.
Speaker: If we worked, we'd lose that eligibility. so it is So you were you kind of made it. And my mother, they said, made too much for me to get a Pell Grant. So there weren't those other options. And so am I for it? Yes, it can it can be a great opportunity, but you must steward it well. And that's what it's about as I'm educating and teaching. How do you steward this moment? Because it doesn't have to be a moment. It can actually help you build a legacy if you have a strategy.
Speaker: Think like a CEO without losing your soul is one of the messages in this book. i did some research. And ah why is that? I mean, first of all, tell us about the book. and I'm going to dive in. out All right. Well, suddenly CEO was birthed through my own experience with my son.
Speaker: ah Both of my kids played Division I. My daughter played basketball and my son played football. And NIL in ill and this current form came into effect in 2021.
Speaker: At that time, he was at an HBCU. And they were trying to figure out, you know, compliance, collective and all of that. So the resources within that context were very different when he transferred to um as a grad transfer to a, you know, group of five school that he was a face of that and his NIL opportunity increased.
Speaker: And so how it started was, one thing that lit a fire me, especially to want to write this book, was that at the end of January 2024, you know, I'm divorced. And he was like, well, mom, hey, I got some tax stuff from school.
Speaker: Who's claiming me this year, you or dad? and And so i at the present time, at that time, I'd been the interim CEO of a national trade association for underserved entrepreneurs.
Speaker: And so when I looked at the email, it was a 1099. So once again, we knew that he would get sponsorship, but I wasn't aware of this one. And so we received it and I'm looking at it and we had just finished research at the organization I was leading in on the the impact of 1099 in the gig economy. So here I am seeing this 1099 and my son like, who's going to claim me?
Speaker: Well, based on the amount, those things, that may not be ah an option. yeah And so for me to be surprised By that, having over 20-something years in corporate, doing all these different things, it's like now these kids are now suddenly CEOs. They didn't ask for it, and many of them though aren't even aware of it, which is why I want it to sound the alarm to parents and the kids that you've got to shift your mindset because whether you want to see yourself as such or not, ah Uncle Sam and the IRS want their money, and you are now designated as a small business owner.
Speaker: I love the that idea that, you know, you have to be prepared, but there's there's a lot of gray area. People don't understand this works. Seed money, I mean, that idea is really good as well because um if you look at the trajectory of We'll say wisdom, quote unquote.
Speaker: You get a lot of wisdom the older you get, right? You kind of accumulate it. So some of these students, kids are 17, 18 years old. And now they're having to sort of face this and their parents don't necessarily know what to do.
Speaker: And people around them don't know what to do. So this is a bit of a a lighthouse for this this particular group. i'm I'm really hoping that it is. you know, I've done lots of talks. I've coached and consulted with families, with athletes.
Speaker: um And the book is really an opportunity to get that into the world, right, into the hands. Oftentimes, regardless of their... um career or professional level.
Speaker: You know, i I work with parents from a CDL driver all the way to attorneys and doctors, right? And even still, because of all the changes that seem to happen, they're trying to stay up on it.
Speaker: But life is lifing and things are busy, right? And so what I will say is the common theme is that the parent, they just don't want to make a mistake, right? Right. And so my hope is you can't get through everything in one book, but I at least wanted to give them a framework to begin to think about a game plan.
Speaker: And that's what I call it, a game plan for them to have a strategy when it comes to this space so that it can really be a blessing. Right. Instead of the curse that we talked about earlier. For sure.
Speaker: You've worked for IBM, Guidehouse, a bunch of other things, national organizations. Do you see any parallels between the corporate domain, the corporate ladder, the corporate framework, and all these things happening with young athletes?
Speaker: I mean, is there a parallel there that that can be bridged? If there's a parallel, great question. um
Speaker: i think NIL is what I would say in in corporate America is a is a disruptor. to a landscape that happens in business, right? a disruption of new technology happens. And so we are trying to figure it out. We're trying to position ourselves accordingly. um They're not the rules. It's not regulated quite to that degree in this maturity. And so you're kind of the wild, wild west is what they call it. So if there's a parallel, I think that happens with any new innovation or technology that comes into the world from a corporate perspective. And then you adjust.
Speaker: So let's bring that down to 17, even now high schoolers can receive NIL. So let's just say 14 year olds, right? In certain states, high schoolers can receive NIL.
Speaker: That this is now being thrown up upon them as an opportunity. And yet there aren't the guardrails or the safety frameworks, perhaps, to really help them maneuver through it. There's still legislation happening. Nothing is really passed. But that's why the parents are even more critical to this moment to be what I call a parent GM, to help them work through it. And then even they're not getting a lot of resources, which is why i also wrote the book for student athletes and their parents,
Speaker: because there aren't a lot of resources available for the parents to even begin to understand how they can support. So parallel of disruption, parallel of opportunity, but you don't have the experience or wisdom um that that a corporation would have in terms of their leadership. And so leadership and building these young people into leaders and their families is as critical in this moment as anything.
Speaker: Sure. I have a friend whose um ex-husband was an Olympian at 14. He played for the Yugoslavian team handball team wow way back in the day.
Speaker: And he he basically was a professional athlete at 14, 15 years old. And he was getting paid, at the time, 75 grand to 100 grand a year, which was a lot of money back in 20... Yeah.
Speaker: And so i say this because there was um stories that I heard that he basically having all this money, then he decided to go in a different direction than his parents. And so there's a lot of issues that that came up of that.
Speaker: So it's very interesting that we're, you know, fast forward 25 years that now this is like happening on a national scale. And it's going be interesting to see how it all plays out. For sure. And, you know,
Speaker: I work the gamut in terms of this ecosystem. So for example, You know, when I have parents engage, oftentimes it's a referral. People are like, hey, Tanya's doing this. i think it might be good for you to talk to her, right?
Speaker: Because they have lots of questions. And once again, they don't want to make any mistakes. But also um how I've approached it is it's a collaboration with parent and their kid in this.
Speaker: um You can see stories where parents have, once again, this kid is coming into sudden money, right? And that sudden money now brings with it additional pressures as well.
Speaker: And how do they maneuver through this when they may be the first one to get their family out of ah of a poverty situation?
Speaker: how this It's almost like a lottery winner, yeah right? Almost the same type of thing can be at work for someone who now comes into large amounts of money. um When you have a dynamic of divorce, one parent and another, how that kid moves.
Speaker: Right. um You know, i my i was divorced as my kids, you know, went through middle and high school and into college. And so that brings another layer of dynamic, especially if a kid is receiving money and and how that dynamic, you know, works. And people will be like, oh, the parents are taking advantage. Well, I think there are a lot more agents taking advantage than anything. Right.
Speaker: right? People on the outside. So for every person that says, oh, the parent is just after this, I'm not saying that there aren't parents who are not. But my hope and the wisdom I share as a parent GM, you are um trusted to protect and you're guided by love, right?
Speaker: And that should be the North Star that every decision is one in which, okay, you've been given this this child, this kid. So how do you how does every person steward What's been given to them? You as the parent, this kid, the kid with the gifts, talents, and abilities. And even when I talk to them, I say, this is for more than just this moment.
Speaker: And so how do we train them up in this sort? So your work centers on leadership, transformation, a lot of other things.
Speaker: In the student-athlete domain, how do you balance self-worth with performance? This is great that we can start with this, right?
Speaker: and The book talks about moving from student-athlete to CEO, which identity shift, right? A transition. um Great question of self-worth, because if you don't know who you are,
Speaker: especially as you move into this world of NIL, and this is not just a statement for student athletes, any a platform builder, entertainer, influencer, you have name, image, and likeness. You have it, right? If you're not grounded in who you are, then what others say drives you, right?
Speaker: They label you. And if you don't have a sense of self and identity, then um as as much as there is praise, as soon as the praise comes, also can come the bullying and the criticism.
Speaker: And if you don't know who you are, that can destroy you. And so I think this world, once again, like I said in the beginning, from a mental health standpoint, gives a lot more, um adds a lot more pressure to to this moment for a kid, which is why even more so I ask for parents to be involved. But this this sense of self-worth and performance, um it's something especially important ah Because i'm I'm just thinking about even how I grew up, right?
Speaker: And, you know, performance and doing well was something that brought me praise that also shielded me from some of the bullying that occurred because it it shifted it.
Speaker: But there came a point that the praise stops, the applause stops, right? And who are you when no one's clapping? And if all you've been is performance driven, that can really spiral you into a deep depression when there's no one else there that's doing that.
Speaker: So understanding who you are is key and critical in whatever you decide to build or whatever platform you've been given. So I hope that ah gives you a perspective. Yeah, I love the analogy of, I use this a lot of, you know, life is like ah like a book in some ways. There's different chapters. There's a story arc. You're kind of the the center of your own book, but you've got characters come in And I've interviewed lots of people, including more sort of off camera with folks. And um one of the biggest things that I've heard from people, especially in their advanced age,
Speaker: late eighties, early nineties is the idea of becoming irrelevant. It is my own grandmother told me, she says the worst thing has happened. She goes, my body is my body. It's going to do what it's going to do. I mean, thankfully she's still around. She's still running around, but she says that she feels more and more irrelevant every year. wow Her friends are dying.
Speaker: um just the world's passing by very quickly. But here's the here's the catch with her, at least, and in my own way, sort of learning from her, is that she's redefining her identity. um And she has to.
Speaker: You know, she was a restaurant owner. She was all these things. And now she's basically going into another kind of mode in her life in her, you know, mid-90s. And she still has that framework of, like, what am I becoming?
Speaker: Which is a good segue to my next question. Tell us the the arc of your own story from, you know, growing up in Maryland. Like, were you always an athlete? How that all kind of come to be?
Speaker: Okay. I promise you're not going to laugh, right? um So I grew up in Maryland, as as you said. was born in Baltimore. um but Part of my story is the fact that I was born to as a teenage mom.
Speaker: who had been sent away to have me. And so that is a recent ah perspective that she and I have talked about.
Speaker: um And so started, grew up in Maryland because I was born in Baltimore, but grew up in a small town called Lexington Park in Pax River, which about an hour south of DC. And um so how did I begin? One, from a performance standpoint, you know, I did a talent show, singing in a talent show when I was in first grade at the library.
Speaker: And so once again, and then playing an instrument, right? But in terms of athletics, I would have been what you call a tomboy. um I was my mom.
Speaker: I was the only child for nine years. And then she had my sister. But I grew up with a bunch of cousins, boy cousins, who, you know, You know, didn't like the little girl cousin always saying, I want to play. And and they would be like, all right we're going to play tackle. I'm like, OK. And so I learned very quickly because they made sure I felt them. So after I learned the fact of if they can't catch me, I don't get tackled. So I became a great catcher. I probably would have been a wide receiver if I played on a team because I found out that's how I'm not going to get tackled, but was a tomboy. and But the first real um reward in fourth grade, they had a thing in our county called the turkey races.
Speaker: And this part why don't laugh I'm going to tell you, see, you already started. So, so it was right before Thanksgiving and they would have us by age groups. Boys and girls ran together and you had to run around a football field and whoever was the first to to ever got first won a turkey.
Speaker: So I won a turkey. for my mom, for that that Thanksgiving and the one after it. Yeah. So the turkey races in St. Mary's County um would it would have been my first race. And then in in middle school, I played basketball. um My Middle school PE teacher was also our track coach. So then in high school, I played volleyball, basketball, and track. Also sang in the chorus. I played the saxophone in the marching band, jazz band, and and even was a black Sandra Dee in our school's ah show called Grease.
Speaker: You were a performer all the way around. Right. All the way around, which... To then you know go through high school, we we had success in basketball and volleyball, but track was the thing that brought me to Arizona.
Speaker: and And with that great opportunity, um I made my first US junior team when I was 15. And so there wasn't a WNBA. We won our state championships in basketball my senior year, woo, but there was no WNBA.
Speaker: But track had already opened up doors for me to travel around the world. And um I loved the opportunity that I had coming to Arizona with one of the best coaches in the world for women's high jump.
Speaker: And then to go on and achieve the things that I've been able to do through sport. um I know that it's not for nothing and that my life now, right, all of the things that we've gone through and been through have just gotten us ready to get to this point.
Speaker: And um none of it's wasted is what I like to say. And in regards to your grandmother, right, being the age that she is and that statement of being irrelevant, I think whenever someone's in transition, they question, right? There's this unsettled and uncertainty as they move in from one place to another and that transition. And so identity and knowing who you are has to be settled.
Speaker: um which is why the work on people, with people on aligning identity, discovering a rediscovering identity, that then understanding their purpose.
Speaker: We were all designed and created for a purpose. And so your grandmother, abuela, right? Your grandmother, you know, is reinventing herself where her assignment has changed, is what I would say.
Speaker: She's still that woman who started that that restaurant. The tenacity, the passion, the the grit that it took, she still has it. Now it's a question of how ah does she um express it at this age?
Speaker: And I would say you're part of her legacy. And because of that, that we never become irrelevant when we understand our power in terms of purpose and assignment and that we pour in.
Speaker: So you're part of her legacy. She'll never be irrelevant. Because she has you. I will love that. Yeah, it's very true. And I talk about ah her a lot. I talk about my mom. I talk about people in my life that have been just so much of a lighthouse that have gotten me through so many things.
Speaker: And also, this is part of why I do this podcast is to share these stories as well of of but being... able to fall, being able to to fail, but basically taking from that and learning it so that you readjust.
Speaker: And I mean, you and I are about the same age. We grew up with no social media. We had books, we had TV with the channels. that Go turn the channel with the pliers.
Speaker: I had to go turn the channel, right? so Exactly. Things are moving so quickly. Right. you know our Our kids are have a different a frame of reference than what we grew up with.
Speaker: And so there's so much there. Tell me about how you felt when you heard you were going to go to the Olympics. Ah. Interesting story. i mean, it's all about stories, right?
Speaker: So I was a sophomore and um my freshman year, I'd won the indoor and outdoor national championships in a high jump. ah My freshman year, was sophomore.
Speaker: indoors, Bob, who's now the coach still here, um was like, hey, it was in Indianapolis. You're a freshman. Just go have fun. um And then I won.
Speaker: But it ended so late. The only thing to really celebrate was we went to Steak and Shake. Okay. um And then outdoors, I won and the outdoor nationals and I set the American junior record, 6'4 and a quarter that year.
Speaker: So going into my sophomore year, from a collegiate standpoint, you know, I was yeah a lead in terms of jumping. um But when it came to the Olympic team, even though that year i set the... um NCAA record, school record was 6'5 1⁄2".
Speaker: I was not selected. I was not picked to have made the team. So when they did their forecast, I wasn't, you know, I was good, but I wasn't going to make the team because I was a 20-year-old. And so um the trials were in New Orleans. The other thing that happened that year that most a lot of people don't know is that Bob actually got a job and moved to California.
Speaker: And so... I had a coaching transition. He was still helping with my workouts. um And then right before the trials, I did get an opportunity to to train with him a little bit before um I went to New Orleans.
Speaker: But, yeah, I got to New Orleans. And at the time, i was also dating someone that was picked to make the team.
Speaker: And then they didn't make the team. And I did. Yeah. So it was an interesting day in that when I got to the field for my final,
Speaker: um I knew something had happened, but he never led on to the fact that he didn't make the team, like he wasn't going to make it. So I went and competed in everything. And then later on, um you know, that fate was solidified, that he didn't make it, was picked to make it, and I did.
Speaker: um What I appreciate is that he still celebrated me and um and went on to do some things at the Olympics, um assisting, you know, in some of the media aspects. But, yeah, I wasn't supposed to make the team.
Speaker: And so, um and maybe because I was young and you didn't think that I should, i think sometimes, you know, that chip says, okay, we're just going to go out here and stay focused, lock in and do your best. And my best led to me winning the Olympic trials and then making it to Barcelona and was Olympic finalist that year. It's fantastic.
Speaker: um I have the pleasure of knowing a couple of athletes at your level, and you guys are all very similar. In what way? just have a certain sense about you that, you know, the whole experience of literally being at the top of the human game for something like that, I think changes your your mindset. If you know Lacey John, she's an Olympic swimmer, and she'll be on the podcast too. Awesome. And there's a few other folks that are just like, just fantastic. Right. But I love the way you say ah things about identity because these are chapters of your life, right? yeah You, you are now ah doing a lot of things. So let's talk about your business domain. What are you doing in the business world?
Speaker: Well, in the business world, helping people reset to identity and their organizations, right? So um I do a lot in regards to executive coaching and leadership development.
Speaker: um I like to say that I'm an identity alignment architect. And that, once again, getting us back to who we really are so that we can build something that lasts. right and if you you can In this AI world, you can build a lot of things really quickly ah using it. But what I will say to you, if you don't build it from a place of authenticity and who you are, it won't be built to last.
Speaker: We compare ourselves. We'll imitate others. And so how do we build from identity? How do we understand our purpose and then understand what we've been given to steward it appropriately?
Speaker: um And so I get excited when I work with folks who are in transition. I work with a lot of C-suite founders, especially women who are in transition and oftentimes around our age as well because life isn't over, but the dynamics of life have changed.
Speaker: And so working with high capacity leaders, because so many are burnt out and in this current landscape, that can be easy to do. And that's also one of the telltale signs that you need to get back in alignment.
Speaker: And so working with individuals to reset into that space of who they are is one of the first keys to getting to a place that you get a rhythm and flow of rest and work.
Speaker: um And then in consulting, you're doing the same thing and helping companies adjust to these new times and in transition. So helping them recenter themselves on the soul of their company, right? Who they are, because the corporate identity, right? is important as they look to build and grow their businesses. So um excited about that and doing a lot of speaking. And now with the book coming out, we'll hope to do more of that. but But really at the core of it is um I'm a shepherd of leaders.
Speaker: Love that. Right. One of the the major benefits, I believe, of social media, of this world that we live in now, is the dissemination of information. Mm-hmm. The whole identity conversation is something I talk about a lot on the podcast constantly.
Speaker: Because for me, it's been an eye-opening endeavor to understand that that really drives so many things. It drives your goal engine, right?
Speaker: It drives your sense of self. It drives a certain level of peace. You know, if you're operating in your own identity, you're not going to be cutting it conflicted inside so many things. So I really like that you're sort of echoing that and a very powerful message that I think needs to be told.
Speaker: Well, you just said on a key piece, right? And that is, for me, an indication that I am aligned in my assignment is peace. The moment I start pressing and striving and frustration is an indicator I'm out of alignment.
Speaker: And so um peace is the guide. right There's an ease when you're doing what you're born to do. There's an ease when you're, you know, think of a car, right?
Speaker: car is built to function in a certain way. And if you go off-road in a Mercedes, the alignment can get off, right? What do you do? You take it to the shop because it's not is that functioning properly. We got to do that with ourselves.
Speaker: That when we're out of alignment, we must pause. And so um the fact that you said peace, i would I would dare say that let that be the guide.
Speaker: Let that be the compass to to whether or not you're moving and operating in the space that you've been designed to flow in. Yeah, that's powerful. I have an ability, and we all do, to look across the table and kind of have a sense of of when somebody's not in peace. But at the same time, a lot of people are really good actors.
Speaker: yes you're and And you're not gonna find that the expressions very easily. So I always talk about, you know as a leader myself, as also a host of this podcast, as what I do, what I do, a lot of what I do is centered on authenticity as well. And vulnerability.
Speaker: I think vulnerability is a superpower. It is. And a lot of folks, especially men, i would say, but women as well, but primarily men of my age, man, the way we were raised is like, you just keep that iron door right there. You don't let anybody in.
Speaker: And then it manifests itself in and depression, in bad health down the road. You gotta just get that stuff out. i mean, there's a power in that. Do you believe that? Absolutely.
Speaker: I absolutely believe that. I mean, i think we're conditioned. um Yes, men, you know, like you were just saying, men don't have the, yeah sometimes that's don't they don't have or or give themselves a freedom to express themselves.
Speaker: um It happens with women too. I would say that oftentimes though, we do the things we do and we perform at the such high level um because of trauma.
Speaker: whether it's to avoid it, right? We don't become vulnerable because we don't want to be exposed. And sometimes the overwork, one of the things I've found greatly, that my busyness was how I stayed safe.
Speaker: because there were things that happened in my life growing up that to not be moving, to not be doing something, it wasn't safe. So we conditioned ourselves to be doers. But a couple of years ago, um I got sick and was diagnosed um with an inflammatory disease and is like, I'm healthy and all of these things.
Speaker: And I had to take a short-term leave for about five months. And i was like, okay, now I've never not worked. I mean, my first job was picking crabs in Maryland at 11.
Speaker: And so what that taught me, which is what I bring to the moments when I work with people, right, is I knew how to do, but I didn't know how to just be.
Speaker: And those five months, and it's ironic that I found a journal, and on the front, I journal every day. In the front of the journal that I found, it said, be still.
Speaker: My health forced me to be still. And it was one of the hardest and most uncomfortable feelings, especially in the beginning, but my body wouldn't let me.
Speaker: And in those times, my faith, my prayer, my getting an understanding of who Tanya is not what Tanya does. And that's back to identity, right? So so we have to find allow ourselves and get to a point that we can just be.
Speaker: And being is not performing. And so when I find myself, say, if there are things that I shift and even coming here, right, having an opportunity to speak with you, to talk about a lot of things, what I had to guide myself in is I'm not here to perform.
Speaker: What I am here to do is be present with you. And so that is the thing I aim for um with whatever I do, whomever I'm with, whatever's been assigned in my day for Tanya to be present, not perform.
Speaker: Yeah, that's that's amazing. That is right down the center of what we talk about with respect to um Part of it is the obstacle is the way. These are the Stoic principles, right? which are Which can coexist, by the way, with Christianity. They're not mutually exclusive, right? The other thing is amorphate, love your fate.
Speaker: we We don't always choose the way we're going to live our life, right? When things present themselves, we've got to just kind of work through them. um So as we round out the podcast here, I have a couple of last questions. First of which is, what do you want your legacy to be?
Speaker: that I love people and it was of service to them, that I helped them discover what they were born to do and they did it,
Speaker: that I'm felt more than I was seen when I leave this earth.
Speaker: That's great. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that question always makes me think about my own version of that, which changes, you know. I ah like what you said about being felt.
Speaker: wow The impact we have on the human yes on humans is immeasurable. we We can't count how that drop of a pebble in the pond is going to have ripples and where those ripples are going to end up.
Speaker: And, you know, people call it the butterfly effect, as you all. yeah I've had moments where things that I've said have sort of percolated. And I had a guy that I met about four or five months ago who was laid off. We connected and he met he made a mention to me that, hey, listen, I've been listening to your podcast and it's helped me kind of navigate these waters. and When you get fired or let go that's a strike to your identity, right? And especially early in his career,
Speaker: As you get older again, wisdom sort of accumulates. So you're like, yeah, whatever. But when you're young, it's a big deal. And so I'm glad I was able to do that. Final question. If you had the ability to spend half a day with somebody, dinner, glass of wine, whatever, no who would that be and why? Any point in time, anybody, dead or alive, anybody.
Speaker: Michelle Obama. Yeah. Yeah. um And somebody asked me that question a couple of weeks ago in something.
Speaker: But that's always been the answer since um she and President Obama were in the White House. And it comes from a place of that when I see her, I see me.
Speaker: And so she is that person. And I recently watched her Netflix special, you know, becoming when she was doing her book tour.
Speaker: And um just some of the similarities. Oftentimes you're the only in a space. um And at the end of the day, you see yourself reflected.
Speaker: Hard work, tenacity, driven, but a lover of people and wanting to be of service to others, even when it's ah of discomfort to you. right.
Speaker: And so, um yeah, I'd love to kick it with Michelle. I think we'd have fun. I see she likes to dance. I like to dance. It's going to happen. make it happen Yeah. Oh, it'll happen. It's coming. Don't know when, but it'll happen.
Speaker: as So final thing here is tell us about the book. Tell us when it comes out um and how can people learn more about you? Well, um the book Suddenly CEO is actually available right now, um pre-order. um And it's publicly available on August the 2nd. And so I hope to be back in and the city with some launch events around that. But we'll be doing promotion and touring with that leading up to that space. um
Speaker: And to learn more about me, you go to Tonyahughes.com and listen to this podcast. love it. Learn a little bit about me, but yeah, that's me. Thanks so much.
Speaker: This has been insightful as ever. It's been beautiful. Thank you for having me. absolutely Cheers.
