Transcript
Speaker: What's up, slots? I'm Lex Hesperus. Welcome to The Slut's Guide to Fate, where we explore how you can find your freak and... Use that to find the path to your fate.
Speaker: We'll get an intro eventually here. um But for now, we're vibin', and today I want to talk about... What? doesn't mean to actually be a slut like how do you be uh slot and Can one?
Speaker: you know maybe you've seen this meme going around
Speaker: Of. A slot in theory. but not in practice right bemoaning or like you know Adopting the identity. for oneself. A slut in theory, but not in practice.
Speaker: What's that mean? And is that even possible? ah Spoiler alert. I do not think it is. But let's talk about why.
Speaker: So we talked a little bit in our first episode about... What is a slut? where we get this word. what it generally means and how I understand slut in the context of The Slut's Guide to Fate. The slut as an archetype and slut as a practice.
Speaker: four. finding your faith.
Speaker: I talked about how... The slut is an archetype that connects us to the erotic. to our own pleasure and to satisfaction of our desires and how that is a key to beginning to unravel um what we've been told we should want.
Speaker: versus what we're actually here to do. Um. What we're actually here to do is have a good fucking time. to have desires and satisfy those desires.
Speaker: All of that is the work of the slut.
Speaker: But if you are just starting out on a slutty path. If you have... previously been a prude patty. and you are wanting to become a slutty sarah or Whatever. Right.
Speaker: um How do you actually do that? What does it take to actually... Be a slut. Find your freak. And embrace your faith.
Speaker: So if you haven't listened to that first episode. Definitely go do that. It's really short. um again We're all busy sluts here. We're all dumb bimbos. We don't need hour -long podcasts.
Speaker: Except sometimes you do. But for this, they're short. Quick and easy.
Speaker: And so go listen to that episode. Because... It's going to be important foundational information. And it's going to provide some important framing for the conversation we're about to have.
Speaker: But ultimately... I said this in the previous episode. I'm going to say it again. The slut. and being a slut is not about the sex you're having. who you're having it with.
Speaker: um how much sex you're having. It's just really... not about sex. Because Making. being a slut about sex and the sex that you're having.
Speaker: obscures. what is actually being critiqued. by leveling slut as a pejorative against somebody.
Speaker: keep looking at my notes. I made handwritten notes for this one um because concussion brain doesn't. love looking at screens.
Speaker: So... the slut. It's not about who you're having sex with
Speaker: how much sex you're having. or the quality of that sex. No, it is about the quality of that sex, but it's not about you know, the specific acts of sex or their quantity.
Speaker: There we go. um
Speaker: It's about the slut is about a relationship to desire and the willingness to act on that desire to see it to satisfaction. That's what it is to be a slut.
Speaker: Therefore... here's this you know possibly controversial claim, there's no such thing as a slut in theory. but not in practice. in order to be a slut.
Speaker: in order to be engaging. With. Practices. on that slut spectrum. You have to be taking action. You have to be recognizing your desires.
Speaker: You have to be. Acting. towards the satisfaction of those desires? And you have to be experiencing that satisfaction. and We see this in the slut understood as a sexual practice. Bye.
Speaker: um The slut wants to have a lot of sex. The slut wants to have sex, wants to have a lot of orgasms, so the slut goes out. dresses slutty and does it.
Speaker: The select goes out. find somebody to . Fucks them. and orgasms And has a great fucking time. And they do it. multiple nights a week, whenever they feel like it, whenever they want.
Speaker: But it's not about the sags. The reason why we judge. we being like collective society, judge the slut for this sex is because Collectively.
Speaker: our society has decided that sex is a controlled activity. uh that should be regulated socially in some ways. so as to not be accessed.
Speaker: um Sex is one of the most... is a deeply enjoyable human activity. um Not saying that everyone has to. or you know, should want to have sex. But a fuckton of us do.
Speaker: and really love it. um
Speaker: And yet our society has... thrown it over over to the side and said, no, no, this is like, we can't, we can't engage with this. If you haven't read Sex at Dawn,
Speaker: It's a tremendous book. go read it um humans Humans fuck. Humans love to fuck. Humans love to fuck in ways. that are so much filthier than anything that um where he'll have to consider normal.
Speaker: in standard society. And so... The slut is somebody who recognizes their Her, their, your.
Speaker: Normal. human desires.
Speaker: pursues the satisfaction of that desire.
Speaker: And... experiences. fully. the embodied satisfaction of that desire. And we look at somebody doing that and we only see the ways that they are, you know, sucking and fucking.
Speaker: Because we have... Deeply fucked up. societal conceptions of sex. It's ruling our lives. And what?
Speaker: one's sexual conduct should look like. Even those of us you know who think we have liberated understandings. still do this. Slut in theory but not in practice because I'm not actively fucking anybody right now. No!
Speaker: Nope. No, you are still a slut. If you are. recognizing. honoring your desires, pursuing them, and experiencing them. And hell, even if you aren't.
Speaker: Yet. experiencing that satisfaction. Like... That whole spectrum. That entire spectrum. is. It's slutty activity.
Speaker: um if you are engaging in Any activity? In that way, you're a slut. There's no slut in theory and not in practice because your sluttiness is not measured by who you fucked. Your sluttiness is not measured by anything that's external to you.
Speaker: um because it's about your own desire. you are the only judge of your sluttiness. So I guess if you think you're a slut in theory and not in practice then fuck me like what do i know um But maybe, maybe try on the like full identity of slot.
Speaker: See if it suits you. See if you have more fun. I bet you will.
Speaker: Or, you know. Don't. Enjoy your theory.
Speaker: What I'm trying to get at here... Is that...
Speaker: Being a slut. is a particular relationship to desire
Speaker: Sex can be a marker of your relationship to to desire. but there are also so many other markers of relationship to desire.
Speaker: Sex is not. the thing. that. gives you. the status. connected to my erotic power. Again. No one and nothing. no activity external to you, right? Nothing like that you have to engage with another person.
Speaker: in order to do. is going to be an arbiter of your sluttiness. It just it simply cannot be. This slut. is a way of life It is...
Speaker: Apraxis. It is not. and action. or an activity. It is about. relationship
Speaker: And I think this is... I think. Let's talk a little bit more about relationships here because
Speaker: The slut. as we and we can kind of take our conventional understanding of a slut because you know I'm saying it's not about sex, but it's not not about sex. And sex is sufficiently taboo. and ah sufficiently deeply human that I think it functions in a way to um Let us crack open a lot of the you know, unspoken taboos that are hard to see about.
Speaker: our relationships to desire. And so I do think it's useful. um I'm in no way trying to de -sex the slut. Believe me. um
Speaker: But what i'm trying what're what I'm trying to show is what... What's actually at work here? Because I think what's actually at work is really fucking important. And so the slut.
Speaker: is in relationship to herself and her desires. And she is also in relationship to her external environment. to the people around her that she is in community with that can help her achieve her ends.
Speaker: Right? and so the slut is in. relationship. and those relationships can look a lot of ways.
Speaker: Right, I think one of the primary markers of the slut in conventional definitions that I discussed in the previous episode where the slut has a lot of casual sex. It's not emotionally involved.
Speaker: And. um As a slut who has a lot of sex, like I just. What? No. Um...
Speaker: The...
Speaker: Oh God, we could get into a whole can of worms. I don't want to talk about. this for a whole hour maybe in the future I do if you want me to keep going down this like
Speaker: the I will, we'll do it. We'll do this in the future. I'm just, whew. There's so much to say about. our fucked up relationships to sex, and I'm not ready to dive into it yet. We'll get there eventually.
Speaker: um But right now I want to talk about those relationships right And so. The slut is somebody. Who is...
Speaker: in right relationship. to her desires, and to her community. to her friends to her beloveds, right? Because the slut's honest.
Speaker: The slut? knows what she wants. And she asks for it. and she receives it. These are hallmarks of reciprocal.
Speaker: Bleh. These are hallmarks. of reciprocal relationships.
Speaker: Which is the kind of relating we'd all love to be in, I'm sure. but um you know if the amount of ink spilled over
Speaker: So many, so many books. about relationships about love about finding love about fixing your relationship right? Like there's so many self -help books on this topic. There's so many self -help books on this topic.
Speaker: intended for slots specifically, right? Like, There's Polysecure. There's... loving a fucked up world, right? Like we have so many books on this topic. We are all seeking to answer this. question. It's again. It's a deeply human question. Our relationships, our connections to others. how we navigate them, and how we accurately communicate our desires.
Speaker: Yet another reason why I'm like. This is the stuff of fate because it's deeply fucking human. Your fate. is deeply fucking. human.
Speaker: Sex is also deeply fucking human.
Speaker: I'm so funny. Okay. Trying really hard not to laugh at my own jokes, but... I do that So. Now you know that about me.
Speaker: um
Speaker: And i want something I want to say here. is that this isn't in my view. Right. just about. our human relationships just like it's not about our sexual relationships.
Speaker: we can expand this kind of reciprocal right relationship. beyond us. to the world around us, we can make this Animist.
Speaker: we can be slutty in animist ways. And of course, you know, there's always the ecosexuals out there. like Raise your hand. If you're listening and not watching the recording, I am raising my hand. so um you know. ecosexuals We're out here. It happens, right? um Animism, Orphism, the world is deeply and interpenetrated with spirits. It's kinky. It's mycelial. It is kinky mycelial.
Speaker: Spirit sex. like Try it. It's fun. But also, um Again, it's not just about sex.
Speaker: We can. practice this kind of slutty right relationship. With. the spirits we work with. we can practice it with. the land that we live on. We can practice it with land spirits. We can practice it with our ancestors, with the food that we eat. um accurately identifying our desire.
Speaker: acting on that desire. and experiencing its satisfaction. Right? the essence of a slut, we can bring this into our animist understandings of spirituality.
Speaker: and I think that's really important. Because...
Speaker: You might. Hear me talking about. Oh. you know To be a slut, you have to identify your desire. You have to communicate that desire. You have to act on it and then you have to receive it. And you might be. in a situation. wear.
Speaker: Speaking your desires. Acting on your desires. um being honest about your desires to the people you're in relationship with right now and receiving from those people.
Speaker: That might not be safe. And I have a lot of sympathy. for that. I have been there. um in situations that were abusive where communicating my desires was not safe where receiving in those relationships was not safe.
Speaker: And... Being. A slutty animist. was what saved me. And I think this is one reason why it's...
Speaker: super important to Break. out of the slut is the sex you're having, right? It's really important to break out of slut is about your human relationships.
Speaker: this is also about your relationships to nature your relationships to place your relationships to your ancestors your relationships to your spirits um
Speaker: And these animist relationships. can provide Safe containers. Four. Speaking your desires.
Speaker: for relating in ways that are reciprocal and honest. for practicing right relationship for practice practicing being a slut.
Speaker: before your external reality is reflective. of. that That was certainly my experience. Um...
Speaker: And it was those animist connections that were a really vital. medium for exploring. Can I speak my desires? Can I ask honestly?
Speaker: for what I want.
Speaker: And... Will I let myself receive it and experience it? It's not easy to do and it's really not easy to do. in A.
Speaker: In connection with humans, if you have ever experienced any sort of. abuse if you are currently in relationships that are abusive. um it's really fucking hard those are not safe containers and yet It's still really vital to practice this now.
Speaker: before you get a safe. space right like we're never safe right and these are really vital skills Right. um They're vital. for finding the compass that gets you out of those situations. And they are vital for rebuilding after you are in those situations.
Speaker: Relating. Again. It's a fundamental human skill, which is why. I think it's so important and so fundamental and why I am yammering on about it. um
Speaker: and s - the slot approach to relating. is an approach for building. strong, healthy resilience. Honest and.
Speaker: Maybe safe isn't the word. Maybe it's more like secure. right a secure relationship with yourself um is something that slut practice has brought for me and the more secure my relationship to myself the more in secure my relationship can be to others and to the...
Speaker: plants, the animals, the place that I am living in. um
Speaker: And so...
Speaker: Yum. Slap practice. like It's... Kinda simple. um But I think that that simplicity. Don't let that.
Speaker: Fool you. Right? Because it's really, it's also really hard. It's also really human. um And these simple, really human things, these are some of the most important I've found in spirituality.
Speaker: um
Speaker: They're important skills to build because... Ultimately, right, we are recovering. ways of relating that. have been lost and fractured.
Speaker: um Spirituality is a deeply human experience. and We don't know. We want this thing. We are so fucking hungry for it, right? right? Like again, humans are so fucking hungry for sex. We are so fucking hungry for spirituality. We are so fucking hungry for purpose. And we have the sense that it should be out there.
Speaker: We have the sense like. I am starving. right? And Everything I am consuming. It doesn't fill me up.
Speaker: and The first step to feeling satisfaction is naming your desire. The next step is pursuing that desire. the step. communicating that desire to the people around you because when you can't satisfy that desire within yourself.
Speaker: And then... Letting yourself receive the thing that you want. it's Simple. But it's not easy. And... It does take practice. So I want to encourage you.
Speaker: to start paying attention. What are your desires? Are you communicating them to yourself? Are you communicating them to others? And then are you letting yourself receive their satisfaction? Are you letting yourself experience their satisfaction?
Speaker: I don't want you to be stuck in slut in theory and not in practice because it's not about any of the things you think it's about. It's not about the sex you're having. It's not about how much or the kind or. you know.
Speaker: What have you. It's not about the quantity. It is purely about. Do you desire it?
Speaker: And do you fully experience it?
Speaker: And that... can apply to a lot of other things that aren't just sex. And you know, if it does apply to sex, like. Go off. I support that as well. um
Speaker: So yeah. I encourage you to start putting this into practice. Pay attention to your desires. Interrogate your desires. Like this thing you think you want, do you really want that? What's the thing underneath that that is?
Speaker: going to be truly satisfying. um play around with it, right? Like this doesn't have to. And it shouldn't be like a purely intellectual exercise. Try it out. Test it out.
Speaker: Work on letting yourself receive and experience and see what kind of magic happens, because magic will happen. all right Thank you so much for tuning in. I hope you have a wonderful
Speaker: rest of your day. I hope you get up to some slutty activities. If you have questions about this episode, if you have a topic you would like to hear me cover, if you would like to rate and review this podcast, if you'd like to leave a comment, I would be so deeply honored to hear from you. Thank you so much for tuning in to The Slut's Guide to Fate.
