Transcript
Speaker: In this week's episode, we talked to Melissa Zaraski about what it's like to work in the film industry, healing from trauma, and philosophies that can carry us to greater heights when we align both our body and spirit.
Speaker: I didn't feel safe in my own body.
Speaker: I had no idea how to talk to my inner child or anything like that, or just myself.
Speaker: And yoga got me to a place where
Speaker: The Sanskrit word of yoga literally means to yoke, so to link together mind and body, or self and body, and just get yourself into this place where you can notice how you feel.
Speaker: Hello, everyone, and welcome to Humanity's Guru.
Speaker: This is episode number three, and today's guest is our dear friend, Melissa Zaraski.
Speaker: Hey, how are you?
Speaker: Hi, how's it going, Melissa?
Speaker: It's going.
Speaker: How are you?
Speaker: I'm doing fantastic.
Speaker: Can't complain.
Speaker: Can't complain.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: Oh, good.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: That is pretty funny because normally I have a lot to complain about, which is mostly... No, it's actually my favorite pastime.
Speaker: Can we talk about it?
Speaker: Complaining.
Speaker: Complaining.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: We're starting off first thing is just into...
Speaker: into what irritates you about the world yes let's go okay i'm not kidding but we won't go there today it's fine maybe a different time you're not kidding you are a complainer you were just not gonna start off i wish i wasn't i wish i wasn't do you feel that you are i do do you complain to whom do you complain
Speaker: I know my therapist makes me journal it, but I think it's a proper outlet.
Speaker: It's not like you're just going down the street or writing bad Yelp reviews consistently.
Speaker: There was a time.
Speaker: Angry Melissa time.
Speaker: Tapping into the past.
Speaker: Don't look me up at Yelp.
Speaker: Is your Yelp username just your name?
Speaker: I actually don't know.
Speaker: Okay, then maybe we're okay.
Speaker: It's been, it might be my gamer tag name, but.
Speaker: Oh, wow.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Is that something you want to share?
Speaker: Because I'm curious, is it something that's like abstract or like.
Speaker: No, it's literally just been my gamer tag name since I was in middle school, which is kind of embarrassing.
Speaker: I was going to say some of those.
Speaker: It also was really fun.
Speaker: Good.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Because it was really fun back in the day when I used to like play competitively because it was Princess Liara.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: But what I wanted to do is introduce you as, well, I know you for two things.
Speaker: I guess I know you for video gaming.
Speaker: It's primarily because that's how we met.
Speaker: Intel Land Fest, I believe.
Speaker: That was so long ago.
Speaker: A long time ago, absolutely.
Speaker: The circle of New Mexico.
Speaker: But you are, at this point, I think primarily, if I'm not mistaken, a casting agent.
Speaker: Yes, I'm a casting director.
Speaker: Casting director.
Speaker: So if you don't mind real quick, what specifically do you do?
Speaker: So I work for a company.
Speaker: It's Alessi Hardigan Casting.
Speaker: We do mostly extras casting, but sometimes we also do principal casting.
Speaker: I am the key casting director, which is just a fancy title for being like, hey, you basically run things and make sure people are there.
Speaker: Um, and essentially my day is spent with either I'm in meetings all day being told what this episode is going to look like, um, or this movie or whatever.
Speaker: Um, and then we get a breakdown.
Speaker: We do looks, we post on Instagram about it or Facebook about it.
Speaker: We also have a database that we search into.
Speaker: So if we need 30 cops, I just look for cop types.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And that's really it.
Speaker: And by Facebook, Instagram, you're basically just sort of throwing the reel out there and saying, hey, we need like a dark-skinned male in his late 30s with a bunch of video game tattoos.
Speaker: Like, what do we got?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: No, you'd be – you'd think that's silly, but you'd be –
Speaker: what's the word I'm looking for?
Speaker: Surprised sometimes of what we're looking.
Speaker: I think one time we actually had to get like a genital double for someone.
Speaker: Fascinating.
Speaker: Well, okay.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: So you need like a full on body type replica.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Down to like, I'm going to presume the cup size.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Fascinating.
Speaker: It was a fun time.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay, and so what would a body double be used for unless it was, is it like a stunt body double or was it just, we need a strong silhouette for a certain shot?
Speaker: Like what is, now I'm kind of curious.
Speaker: So there's that like friends joke.
Speaker: I don't know if you ever watched friends, but Joey was the butt double for someone or was auditioning for the butt double of someone.
Speaker: And that's simply what it is.
Speaker: It's just, if an actor doesn't feel comfortable showing full, like showing their backside, you get, and that's like close to their sizes and all that jazz.
Speaker: I see.
Speaker: I see.
Speaker: Okay, I suppose that makes sense.
Speaker: And so like you've got a pretty wide sort of like net, I'm sure of like things you get to look for.
Speaker: And really, again, you might have something that's very broad 30 cops, but also, you know, really, it might be late 40s tattoo guy.
Speaker: I'm sure you've seen like, I mean, a pretty incredible range.
Speaker: Are there any that you saw that were just sort of like, this is almost so specific.
Speaker: I don't know if we can find this effectively.
Speaker: All the time.
Speaker: Honestly.
Speaker: All the time.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: All the time.
Speaker: And somehow it happens.
Speaker: And I don't, I'm still amazed.
Speaker: I'm still to this day amazed when we make it happen.
Speaker: The genital one was definitely out there because it was, they were asking for,
Speaker: we talked about this not being an explicit podcast, but here we are.
Speaker: Here we are.
Speaker: But like they, they wanted like small.
Speaker: And so I had to literally go through photos of like maybe genitalia and like, okay.
Speaker: To look for this.
Speaker: So is this something that like also if you're uncomfortable with could you just pass off to somebody else and be like look I trust your judgment you know I or is it because like you're sort of like top brass of the casting directors like it's sort of like well we're going to defer to you because nobody else wants to do it but you have to do it.
Speaker: Yeah, it's kind of like it's your job.
Speaker: You got to do this.
Speaker: Sometimes like there are moments where I'll be like, hey, my poor assistant, I've done this a few times, but my poor assistant, there's been times where I'm just like, I can't handle looking for this.
Speaker: I don't want to and I just don't have the brain capacity.
Speaker: And so I'll
Speaker: defer it to him.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: He's never complained, but at the same time, I know deep down, he's just like, Melissa just doesn't want to do this.
Speaker: You're correct.
Speaker: We are less than 10 minutes in and we're talking about like body parts.
Speaker: So is this something when you, when you signed up for the job, I mean, how did you even get to this point?
Speaker: Like, is it something that you thought would happen or like, did it occur to you?
Speaker: Cause I'm sure you constantly see new things and qualifiers you might not have been prepared for.
Speaker: You know the funny, I did not get this job in any type of normal way by any means.
Speaker: I lived in New York.
Speaker: I was an intern for an on-set casting director.
Speaker: coach for like little kids.
Speaker: So he worked on like Enchanted, Racing Stripes, just a lot of kids stuff.
Speaker: And I was his assistant for a few years.
Speaker: I also was pursuing a modeling and acting career, but then things happened here back at home and where, you know, my grandma passed away and she was basically my mom.
Speaker: And so I came back home and I was just kind of like, why do I go from here?
Speaker: I knew that there was an industry here, but
Speaker: It was so small.
Speaker: It's nothing like what it is today.
Speaker: About what era is this?
Speaker: What time period? 2017.
Speaker: 17.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So it's only about five years ago, really?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But this was still also before like Netflix signed their contract to HBO was looking for grounds and stuff like that.
Speaker: So it was still fairly new ish.
Speaker: I mean, it'd been happening, but we only got Westerns, right?
Speaker: That was what we had.
Speaker: We got a lot of sand.
Speaker: So sure.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And yeah,
Speaker: Basically, what happened is I started doing background work because I didn't have a job here.
Speaker: And I still was like, I don't know if I want to go back and do acting or if I want to continue the model life, because that was a whole other story of its own that came with its own problems.
Speaker: And...
Speaker: I remember I did background work a few times and there was just a posting for an assistant and it was from my now boss and I just submitted.
Speaker: That's it.
Speaker: And a friend of mine at the time sent in
Speaker: like a little text because they were friends and it was like, hey, this person's reliable.
Speaker: This is kind of their background if you really want to take a look at her.
Speaker: And I got called on to Cosmos just to work a day.
Speaker: Was that to sort of like gauge how well you were able to like do this?
Speaker: Yeah, pretty much.
Speaker: It was just like, it was, they just needed a day player.
Speaker: They just needed someone to start calling up people.
Speaker: And well, my boss at the time, who was the key casting director of Cosmos, was just doing what he needed to do.
Speaker: And I just need to do the brawn work.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And so I just started, I showed up and I called people and then I didn't hear back for a while.
Speaker: And then all of a sudden they needed help on Stargirl.
Speaker: Um, Disney star girl.
Speaker: And I was like, yeah, sure.
Speaker: I'm available.
Speaker: And I worked three days on that and then didn't hear much after that.
Speaker: And then all of a sudden they needed help on interrogation.
Speaker: And that's when I became a full-time assistant.
Speaker: And then right after interrogation ended, I kind of got thrown into the deep end when our company started growing.
Speaker: The New Mexico industry here was just crazy.
Speaker: booming.
Speaker: And they're like, so you want to be a key casting director?
Speaker: And I was like, I have no idea how to do that.
Speaker: And they're like, oh, great.
Speaker: Okay, well, here's the first meeting to Briarpatch.
Speaker: So Briarpatch was my first show that I keyed.
Speaker: And after only three times of assisting on different shows, and I just kind of figured it out as I went.
Speaker: That's really all it was.
Speaker: Threw yourself into it.
Speaker: Now, with something like that, especially in New York, you were doing acting a little bit.
Speaker: and some modeling stuff.
Speaker: So you had a small glimpse into just sort of like what the industry is like.
Speaker: I'm sure you get to see sort of when the behind the scenes stuff goes, who's running the show, how they're kind of doing it.
Speaker: But when you get sort of popped into a job like this, do you feel like, oh God, like imposter syndrome, like people are trusting me and I don't think they should?
Speaker: Yeah, all the time.
Speaker: All the time.
Speaker: All the time.
Speaker: No, there's moments because you watch a movie and you think of just the actors and you think of the lines and the dialogue and the cinematography, but you don't really think about the in a coffee shop scene, the people who are in the coffee shop and the person who's the barista and like the person who's going up to order.
Speaker: You don't really think about them.
Speaker: But then as soon as you remove them from the scene,
Speaker: That scene seems silly.
Speaker: It just changes everything about it.
Speaker: And there's just some moments where I'm just like, if I just decided not to do my job,
Speaker: This would just be silly.
Speaker: Like all of it would just be wrong and silly.
Speaker: And there are moments all the time where we're just on intense deadlines because what people don't say about the film industry is it's, it's glamorous, but it's work.
Speaker: Like it's, we're talking 90 hour week sometimes.
Speaker: I can only imagine.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And yeah,
Speaker: And we're on a short deadline.
Speaker: We have to turn people around the next day.
Speaker: We have to somehow in the COVID world, find out how to get them tested.
Speaker: Disney policy makes everyone be vaccinated.
Speaker: That's their policy.
Speaker: And, you know, you have to make sure that they're validated.
Speaker: You have to make sure that they can test, that they show up for testing.
Speaker: they started paying people to go test now because nobody would show up for testing.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's just stuff like that where it's just like, okay, so nobody shows this entire scene is just going to look really dumb.
Speaker: Um, and so I just have to do it.
Speaker: It's just, it would, it's what has to be done.
Speaker: So when it comes to casting, like, uh, are you generally in charge of casting?
Speaker: Like, I mean, like the large scale, like, like lead actors in any specific show, or is it mostly sort of, because like you said, the background is one of the most important parts of the scene.
Speaker: If you don't have the mechanics of like a background working, it looks like,
Speaker: unnatural i mean absolutely ridiculous it's like movie music you don't have a music or a soundtrack in some parts of a film it feels uncomfortable and awful so uh if you had the choice between sort of keeping like the bigger picture looking full or casting like leads uh what what do you think it is that like most appeals to you
Speaker: For me, I do like the background casting a little bit more.
Speaker: For me, it gives me a little bit more of a creative edge.
Speaker: Oh, sure.
Speaker: Just because I can go to a meeting and sometimes people are really, you know, directors are very particular about who they want to see in a scene and what they want to do.
Speaker: And they'll picture pick people.
Speaker: So they'll want to see like packets of people ahead of time.
Speaker: But sometimes like they don't and they just they're like, yeah, we want people for the scene.
Speaker: I remember on interrogation.
Speaker: They said, we want prisoners.
Speaker: And we wanted to be realistic to, I think it was 1980s at the time, is kind of what we were trying to portray.
Speaker: And so what we had to do is we had to go and do research of like, what was the prison system like in the 1980s?
Speaker: Sure, like clothing styles and like...
Speaker: Yeah, and haircuts.
Speaker: What was... Oh, sure, sure.
Speaker: Were they allowed to have facial hair?
Speaker: Did they have to have buzz cuts?
Speaker: What did that look like?
Speaker: Did they, you know, segregate?
Speaker: Did they... All of this, you know?
Speaker: And so I learned a whole lot about the 1980s prison system, which is not something I usually would be able to do or even think of, to be completely honest.
Speaker: But it's just those random moments where...
Speaker: You just have to do, we're working on Big Sky right now, and it's based in Montana.
Speaker: Well, it's kind of cool because it's like historical research almost.
Speaker: Right, right, right.
Speaker: It's a lot of fun, and it gives you, you have to go and be like, okay, what is Montana's demographic?
Speaker: What does it generally look like?
Speaker: And obviously, we fluff it a bit because if you look into it, like it's a very...
Speaker: white crowd and we don't want that by any means but um but it's just a lot of you get more of creativity when you're doing background casting rather than just that makes sense looking for that that it factor that you are in principal casting um so yeah
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Paul Redd sort of sells himself in a scene, but you need something behind him that makes it feel like.
Speaker: And sometimes, I mean, shoot, for a comedy, you also might want something in the background that's sort of innocuously humorous that doesn't detract.
Speaker: But also if you're just if you're watching a movie a second or third time, you might notice it.
Speaker: That's ridiculous and fun.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So do you ever get the chance to throw in like weird Easter eggs into the background?
Speaker: I'd imagine you want to.
Speaker: keep things probably pretty with a lot of continuity.
Speaker: But that actually begs the question, because something I love about films is that they're made by people.
Speaker: Therefore, they're prone to being imperfect.
Speaker: And I love watching sort of like movie errors, you know, not because I want anyone to feel bad about their job, because it's like, hey, this movie is great.
Speaker: But also it's fun to like nitpick little things here and there just because.
Speaker: So is that something that you enjoy looking into or does that like sort of stress you out to think that like people are going to nitpick this stuff?
Speaker: A little bit of both.
Speaker: At the end of the day, it is what it is.
Speaker: We can only do as much as we can do.
Speaker: I remember there's this in Big Sky, there's this place called the Shady Lane Motel.
Speaker: They haven't done it much this season, but in season two, if you go and look, there's this, they wanted an old lady who,
Speaker: in a bikini.
Speaker: And this old lady in bikini was just it for the Shady Lane Motel.
Speaker: She sold it completely as to what the vibe they were looking for.
Speaker: So there's little things like that where you get to kind of like throw her in every once in a while.
Speaker: Was she used all the time?
Speaker: No, but she was there every single time they were at the Shady Lane Motel.
Speaker: Just little things like that.
Speaker: The viewer comes to expect certain little like traits.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That's kind of fun.
Speaker: So, okay.
Speaker: And then with, uh, with you being behind the scenes, this is something that h appens in a lot of industries.
Speaker: You get to see how the sausage is made all the time.
Speaker: Now, does that ever detract from your enjoyment of watching films and movies that you haven't worked on or TV shows?
Speaker: Uh, or like, do you sit there and get too critical of like thinking about stuff in the background instead of focusing on what's actually supposed to be presented?
Speaker: Well, as a background casting director, I do watch the background a lot more than I think
Speaker: normal people do.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Because there'll be times where I'm just watching a movie and I think I did it with the Avengers the other day.
Speaker: Like we were watching it and all of a sudden there was like some guy in the background, like he was running away from like monster or whatever.
Speaker: And he's like doing this thing.
Speaker: And I was like, Oh no, like, Oh, that background actor, like nearly upstaging part of the scene or something.
Speaker: Wow.
Speaker: Little things you don't normally look at, right?
Speaker: Sure, sure, sure.
Speaker: But because I'm looking at the background a little bit more, you pick up on those things.
Speaker: There's some people who just do not know how to drink out of a cup.
Speaker: I'm not sure why.
Speaker: Do you need to give people like a class in like how to look natural like a human?
Speaker: apparently no you'd actually be surprised because a lot of acting is just trying to be human and being authentic right sure that's really what you're trying to do is just portray authenticity um i suppose i mean there's something called the the hawthorne effect which is if you know you're being observed you act differently and so i'm i can only imagine that like people who would do something very easily otherwise the moment they hear you know roll they hear action yeah that's it um
Speaker: Something changes, something snaps in their brain and it's sort of like, you know, I have to raise my hand to my mouth with the cup in it.
Speaker: And like, they're looking at like something weird because they're focusing now so hard on doing something they would never even think about.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: And it's funny because you'll have like a coffee cup, right?
Speaker: So a coffee cup has some weight to it if there's something in it, right?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: But when you're on a seat and you're on a set, like you can't always have, it's an empty cup.
Speaker: That's what it is.
Speaker: But then you got people that are just like talking.
Speaker: They got some, some hands flying around.
Speaker: They go to drink it and they're just like up here and you're like, oh my God.
Speaker: Chugging hot coffee with no second box.
Speaker: No second box at all.
Speaker: They flung coffee on, on someone else over there.
Speaker: That poor person.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: But it's just, yeah, little things like that.
Speaker: So then the one side of it is that you get to watch these things and sort of critically just go, God, what are they doing?
Speaker: But I'm sure there's also a lot of times when you see something that's done well and you go, oh, crap, I could learn from that.
Speaker: Yeah, 100%.
Speaker: I'm sure you've probably taken some stuff away.
Speaker: Are there any films or shows that you found noteworthy that you just look at it and just go, man, these guys nailed it?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Here's the catch.
Speaker: You can't talk about your own works.
Speaker: Well, I'm great.
Speaker: No, honestly, I wouldn't think that.
Speaker: So here's the hard thing is what immediately came to my mind would be Wonder Woman and like all of the amazing, you know, I think there were stunts though.
Speaker: That's the real problem is maybe a few of them were, um,
Speaker: um, background artists, but I think a lot of them were stunts.
Speaker: And the reason why I go to that is just because all of them just had this like beautiful stoic face.
Speaker: Um, and also they just, they all seemed so strong and they carried themselves so well.
Speaker: It's almost like you had to do like a little masterclass of, for all of these women, um,
Speaker: just on how to carry yourself as a warrior.
Speaker: Uh, and that was just, that was so fascinating and phenomenal to me at least.
Speaker: Um, yeah.
Speaker: So, uh, that actually begs another question is we're seeing, I think as, as time has progressed, um, and the movement is sort of like a slow moving one, but like we are starting to see a slow progression of a strong feminist, uh,
Speaker: accommodations in many industries, which is really cool.
Speaker: You're seeing a lot more writers and casters and directors and producers and scriptees.
Speaker: And like, I mean, like it's really, you know, lead actresses who are maybe finally getting paid the same as male counterparts, but also still not always, there's still going to be a disparity, but are you seeing that like right now you might be surrounding yourself with more of a strong feminine influence?
Speaker: That's really uplifting industry.
Speaker: I'm sure there's still a lot to contend with,
Speaker: But what's from your perspective, I mean, what are you sort of observing?
Speaker: The industry is trying.
Speaker: Obviously, there's critiques to everything.
Speaker: I think a lot of the problem is, is people are so focused on numbers that
Speaker: That they're like, oh my gosh, we have so many women working on our team, or we have so many people of color working on our teams, or whatever, you know, which is like great and dandy, but it's not a bragging point, right?
Speaker: Like we should be uplifting these people because they're
Speaker: amazing and creative and treating them equally, I'd like to think, right?
Speaker: Actually treating them equally and not just as a number.
Speaker: And what I see very often is people getting so excited about that number, which, again, on paper looks great.
Speaker: But at the same time, how are we treating these people?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And I won't name the shows won't get into it.
Speaker: But no, you know, I've I've been on a few shows even more recently that
Speaker: the way that some men in particular would talk to me as a woman as, um, and this is in no way to boast by any means, but like as an attractive female, there's a way that they automatically start talking to me.
Speaker: And it's frustrating.
Speaker: It's frustrating, right?
Speaker: Like I'm not Melissa.
Speaker: I am
Speaker: pretty female.
Speaker: And we can talk about that in all facets of life, right?
Speaker: There's, there's almost this demeanor change of, I am automatically thought of as weaker, as less than, or a little too emotional as someone
Speaker: literally has called me when the reality is, is it was just inappropriate the way that a department head was talking to myself and my team.
Speaker: And it's just, it's a headache.
Speaker: Like it's hard to deal with.
Speaker: I think the industry really is attempting and it's so great to see women finally getting great recognition for their work.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: I just wish it was more of we're giving them recognition because they're talented and amazing and they have something to offer to the table rather than just it's a number that I need to fulfill to look good.
Speaker: Hey, look, we employed 40% more women on this show.
Speaker: Give us some kudos.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: And it's like, nobody should be giving you a round of applause for that.
Speaker: I'm sorry, but it should be that way.
Speaker: It should be a standard.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It should be not even noteworthy because it's like, Hey, we're doing, we're meeting the baseline as opposed to congratulate us for meeting the baseline.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: And that's how I feel about it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, I can imagine that the media industry in general has had issues with this for a very long time.
Speaker: And if I'm not mistaken, so you said you were doing some modeling and such out in New York.
Speaker: And I can't even begin to imagine the stress and headache and social expectation of what it's like to be a model.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, so moving back here, I honestly...
Speaker: have been doing a lot of healing in an eating disorder.
Speaker: It's the expectation all the time and the competition that continues to be forced on us, especially as a Y2K kid.
Speaker: You know, it's just that era in and of itself of just you have to be paper thin.
Speaker: And then it's just continued.
Speaker: It's never stopped.
Speaker: It hasn't.
Speaker: And as much as we'd like to say that we're body positive, it's we're not there.
Speaker: We're really honestly not.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm still seeing a lot of contention with that from a lot of famous actresses that post about the stresses of feeling like, look, you know, the the heroine chic look is not it, guys, you know.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: It's just not.
Speaker: The reality is, is our bodies are just simply not shaped that way.
Speaker: And the only way that I was able to achieve it was just starving.
Speaker: Like, that's it.
Speaker: And that sounds awful.
Speaker: I mean, you should be able to eat a piece of pizza, as far as I'm concerned, whenever you like.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And the moment you sort of, like, put all this away, you can just go to Dion's and eat half a pizza and be like, I don't care at all.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: You know?
Speaker: And it's very true.
Speaker: And that's part of the reason why I was like, you know, I...
Speaker: I do still have an agent and I do still audition when I get them, but it stopped becoming my main focus.
Speaker: And it's simply because of the fact that my mental health wasn't okay.
Speaker: And I saw so many other women.
Speaker: I, again, so Bob Luke, the guy that I interned with in New York, he had another intern that I worked with and, and she often on many occasions, I
Speaker: would compare.
Speaker: We would, she would compare herself to me consistently.
Speaker: And she was just built differently than me.
Speaker: And that's literally it.
Speaker: And it was just so toxic.
Speaker: And that's not the first place.
Speaker: It's not the first time it's you show up to a room of 30 other girls who look almost exactly like you.
Speaker: Cause they're looking for a redhead with green eyes.
Speaker: That is a certain height to play this role.
Speaker: And four of them are skinnier than you, you automatically know that they'll probably fit the clothes better and that sucks.
Speaker: And they'll get to the screen test if you even make it to the screen test and whether or not they have more authenticity or more to bring or more emotion or better acting in general than you, it doesn't quite matter.
Speaker: It still matters.
Speaker: But that other person is going to have a one up on you.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: It sucks, but that's the reality.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: I wish it wasn't that way, but that is what I experienced.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: And what, I mean, from, from your perspective, you know, being sort of like, you know, entrenched in like all of this, what do you think is a good step forward?
Speaker: I mean, you know, obviously if you could just, you know, hit the button and say, let's solve this, you'd do it.
Speaker: But in terms of like, what is the, what is the place to begin?
Speaker: You know, how do you,
Speaker: how do we, people who are listening, how do we help emphasize?
Speaker: How do we help support?
Speaker: How do we help promote a better, not just body positivity, but I mean, a healthy relationship with the bodies of women, not making it a competition, not making it into this dog eat dog kind of game.
Speaker: Because unfortunately, I mean, like you just said,
Speaker: the moment you're sort of like put in this thing where you just want to simply be a model because you h ave a good time and you're doing this thing, you're defaulted to competition.
Speaker: So what's a... That's a hard question.
Speaker: That's a hard question just because
Speaker: There's so many things that go into it, right?
Speaker: We can look at American Top Model.
Speaker: That was a problematic show.
Speaker: And don't get me wrong.
Speaker: I watched every single episode when I was younger.
Speaker: A friend I went to high school with was in that show.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And it was a good show at the time.
Speaker: It was entertaining.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: But then you look back on it and you're just like, oh my gosh, the body shaming, the consistent body shaming.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Consistent of your body type is not model type.
Speaker: And then the fact that, you know, there are a lot of great companies that I think are, when it comes to not just acting, but just simply modeling.
Speaker: Aerie is a good one where they don't edit any of their photos whatsoever.
Speaker: It's just the woman wearing the clothes.
Speaker: Things like that, I think are really important.
Speaker: strong emphasis of, oh, this person who's wearing this clothing, like actually looks like me.
Speaker: Right, right, right.
Speaker: Yeah, that's very encouraging, I'm sure.
Speaker: So encouraging.
Speaker: I think the hard thing though, is just empathy all around.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: That's my, I want to hone that like so, so badly where it's just the simple fact of the matter is you can look at someone who might
Speaker: by doctor terms only obese, right?
Speaker: But what you know, you have no idea their life, you have no idea
Speaker: like what, even medical issues, you don't know their mental space.
Speaker: You don't know if like they're healthy, right?
Speaker: Like they could be working out every single day and that's just where their body lays.
Speaker: That's just where it has been laying.
Speaker: And you don't know, right?
Speaker: And so the moment that we can just step back and accept that,
Speaker: And I don't, I want to emphasis this on men too, because that's mainly where a lot of the criticism comes from.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That we start competing.
Speaker: Why are we competing?
Speaker: Because this woman who is hotter than me is going to be more interesting or attractive to this man that I really, really like, even though we are friends more and the guy sometimes will just go ahead and choose the attractive person rather than the friend that you have more intimacy.
Speaker: conversations with or could see yourself actually living life with.
Speaker: And that is what something, I don't know.
Speaker: And just the empathy.
Speaker: I want to hone back to the empathy of just people are people.
Speaker: They're not objects.
Speaker: They're not things that you can mold.
Speaker: And I think as soon as people start to realize that more, the world in general would be a better place, but the modeling world would be a better place.
Speaker: And
Speaker: Just all around.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, I think you're right.
Speaker: I think something that I hear a lot, this is sort of echoed in like, again, like the gaming sphere is some people just say that's just the way it is.
Speaker: And sure.
Speaker: But what if instead of just accepting it, we looked into ways to start like changing our behavior and trying to lead by example.
Speaker: Empathy, I think on so many fronts is a great place to start.
Speaker: But you also said something that I think is huge is body shaming.
Speaker: Because I think even innocuously,
Speaker: we or subconsciously will say we we tend to sort of gravitate towards if we want to make a statement about something, we have to make a statement about it physically.
Speaker: I know a lot of people certainly not, you know, former President Donald Trump, you know, and the guy was maybe not necessarily the greatest dude.
Speaker: But also when you start seeing things about him that are in relation to what he looks like, what his weight, his body shape, then those things become problematic because you're finding a pass, you're finding an excuse to say,
Speaker: Well, if I justify why I don't like somebody, then I can justify why I'm bullying somebody.
Speaker: And that's very dangerous territory because if you start skirting one line, that habit, that mannerism sort of continues.
Speaker: And body shaming is, you can say a lot of different things, but really trying to keep that off the table.
Speaker: I think the guy's dangerous, the guy's a sociopath.
Speaker: We can talk about a lot of different things, in fact, how he's affected people.
Speaker: But maybe the conversation should not go based off of the fact that all bodies are anatomically just unique and that's the way of it.
Speaker: Yeah, let's talk about someone's character and not stray for that.
Speaker: Right, precisely.
Speaker: Things that they can change.
Speaker: A body is a much harder thing to change, if at all, because we're simply born into it, and we can only do so much.
Speaker: And I mean, sure, we can starve it and we can whatever all the eating disorders in the world.
Speaker: But at the end of the day, like...
Speaker: your body's going to sit somewhere and can we stop?
Speaker: Let's just stop talking about it.
Speaker: Let's stop.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Let's go to people and let's talk to them, look them in the eye, get to know them and their character.
Speaker: And then why, why does anything else matter?
Speaker: Like the example of Donald Trump is just like, we can say like, your character's kind of garbage.
Speaker: It doesn't mean, oh, fat man bad.
Speaker: Like that, why does fat man equal bad?
Speaker: Like that doesn't make any sense.
Speaker: A very dangerous part of that is the moment you start saying those things, people who are around you that hear you that might have these body dysmorphia images or other problems will look at you as, oh, you're no longer safe because clearly that's something that's acceptable to attack.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And why do we want to become unsafe?
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Absolutely.
Speaker: I think we want to try to be sanctuary for people, a safe place to go, a safe place, or even to redirect, you know, if we can't end up providing that for somebody.
Speaker: But at least we're not actively harming people, I think is the goal as far as I'm concerned.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: And I agree 100%.
Speaker: Oh, good.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: My favorite podcast guest.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So you've done the film industry, and I'm sure you've had a lot of really great experiences.
Speaker: I'm sure you have a lot of really tough experiences.
Speaker: What was it like when you're in the middle of just looking at it all and just thinking, God, is this where I want to be?
Speaker: Is this too much?
Speaker: Is this too hard?
Speaker: Because I know that in the middle of my game store career, there's been a couple times where I've had breakdowns.
Speaker: I just go, oh, God, is this where I want to be?
Speaker: that's a tough position to be in when it's a job I should love.
Speaker: But I want to talk about you and, you know, cause you're still in the industry and maybe your relationship with it, you know, shifts consistently, but have you ever just had a moment when you were looking at this and just thinking, and maybe it's when you moved from New York back here and that might've been a part of the big shift for you.
Speaker: But as it stands, like your relationship with it right now, what's, what's that like?
Speaker: My relationship with it right now is pretty tough.
Speaker: I think you and I have talked about this in the
Speaker: past as well.
Speaker: It's, I love film.
Speaker: I think for the longest time, my dream was, I want to just create things that make people think that maybe, maybe people start thinking beyond their worldview, right?
Speaker: And the issue is, is to get to that point.
Speaker: It is so much politics.
Speaker: And it's
Speaker: It's not a fun game to play.
Speaker: It really isn't.
Speaker: It's a lot of excuse my language, but ass kissing.
Speaker: Like it's just consistent that or you have to know someone.
Speaker: Like the only way that I got this job is because someone was like, yeah, I vouch for her.
Speaker: And then here I am.
Speaker: Like that's the only way.
Speaker: Very networking heavy game.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's extremely networking and you can't just...
Speaker: you can walk into a room and pitch an idea, but if someone doesn't know who you are or know that where their billions of dollars at times, right.
Speaker: Are going to go, why are you worth their time?
Speaker: Why are you worth their effort?
Speaker: And that's why you see a lot of amazing indie films that necessarily don't get big budgets or whatever, but.
Speaker: The thing with indie films is you have to kill yourself to do indie films.
Speaker: I have worked on a few of them and gosh, the crew of those things.
Speaker: I've only acted in indie films for the most part.
Speaker: I mean, I've done some shorts and some 48 hours, but not a full on feature.
Speaker: And the people who do indie films are dedicated.
Speaker: That's the only word that I can give them is they're just willing to do it all.
Speaker: And there's some moments where I look at it and I'm just like, I don't know if I'm willing to do it all.
Speaker: I feel like you'd have to be extremely dedicated because, I mean, you might push your project, your passion to the point of near bankruptcy because, like, you have no choice.
Speaker: These things are so expensive and you're not getting a budget from, like, a large production company.
Speaker: You're really having to hope and bank that, like, this is going to work out.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: And there's been multiple times that we did a few years back when I first moved here, I did Millennium Bugs.
Speaker: And it was an indie film that I did.
Speaker: And it 100% was they did an Indiegogo and that was the budget.
Speaker: Like that was it.
Speaker: Oh, wow.
Speaker: the minutes you're on the clock and the minutes that you eat up, the amount of takes that you eat up, which turn into time, which the locations, right?
Speaker: You can't necessarily afford the location for a second night.
Speaker: So like you got to, you have to finish up your work.
Speaker: You have to get that shot.
Speaker: You have to keep it moving.
Speaker: And
Speaker: you're doing it for free most of the time.
Speaker: Some of the time.
Speaker: I was going to say, I feel like a lot of people, again, the passion project part is like you're paying certain people because like that's how you get them to do work for you.
Speaker: But also if you're sort of striking it out on your own, you're having to sort of eat a lot out of pocket or simply not eat at all as it were, because you need the thing to happen.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And you take all of your money and you already went broke making this passion project that you love and that means so much to you.
Speaker: And then you have to spend a couple hundred dollars here and there to submit it to some festivals to even get noticed or seen or to hope maybe it gets picked up.
Speaker: And it's just, it's crazy.
Speaker: And so it's a lot about networking.
Speaker: It's a lot about who you know and if you have the means to do it too.
Speaker: Um, it also is a lot of work.
Speaker: It just simply is.
Speaker: I can't even begin to imagine.
Speaker: 90 hour weeks sometimes.
Speaker: Um, not on all shows, but on some shows I would average 90 hours and it needs your life.
Speaker: How do unions feel about that?
Speaker: We are a non-union state here in New Mexico.
Speaker: Oh yeah.
Speaker: Other states, sure.
Speaker: Here.
Speaker: And then the second thing is, is casting directors don't have a union.
Speaker: which I think is a problem as well.
Speaker: So like actors, there's going to be an actor's union, but not necessarily production unit unions.
Speaker: There are some like ADs have unions.
Speaker: But not casting directors.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Casting directors don't.
Speaker: You're just on your own.
Speaker: Good luck for 90 hours a week.
Speaker: Jeez.
Speaker: That's great.
Speaker: I had no life for a while there.
Speaker: I can't even imagine.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So now it sounds like with, yeah, I can imagine that as much as you love it, like it's probably going to be very exhausting.
Speaker: Now you're back in New Mexico and you're still involved in the industry, but you've also struck it out with something that as far as I'm concerned is extraordinarily good for the physical health, for the soul, for the mind, for sort of aligning oneself.
Speaker: And you now teach a yoga class.
Speaker: I do.
Speaker: I do.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Um, I, I wanted to start with one, one because I'm still in the industry and that's all I can teach.
Speaker: Um, but yoga, uh, we could have a whole other podcast when it comes to yoga.
Speaker: Just a full yoga cast.
Speaker: Just a full yoga cast.
Speaker: Let's do it.
Speaker: No, but I, this sounds weird and a little preachy, but it kind of saved me in a lot of ways.
Speaker: Nothing weird about that.
Speaker: And preach away because I feel like people need to hear that something like this can change your life.
Speaker: And I want to know how this changes your life.
Speaker: Well, so the thing is, is I found yoga in my apartment in New York.
Speaker: I lived in a tiny little box and I couldn't really afford a gym at the time, even though I was working three jobs, because again, it's New York.
Speaker: So what do you, what can you afford, honestly?
Speaker: Yeah, right.
Speaker: And I found this YouTube channel called Boho Beautiful.
Speaker: And her voice just lulls me to sleep.
Speaker: That's beautiful.
Speaker: But anyway, so I started doing yoga.
Speaker: And it was in the midst of time where I was literally working three jobs.
Speaker: I was interning and doing auditions.
Speaker: It was just a crazy time.
Speaker: And it was a place where I could just rest.
Speaker: And then I remember I went through a really bad breakup during that time.
Speaker: as well.
Speaker: And panic attacks started ramping up.
Speaker: I do deal with, you know, anxiety disorder and it was a place where I could just go and go into my body, which is something that I never really understood at that time.
Speaker: Um, especially cause I, I,
Speaker: You don't have to get into all of it, but I do have a lot of childhood trauma.
Speaker: And so a lot of my ways of coping was to just avoid.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And so I would watch a show.
Speaker: I would always have something going on in the background.
Speaker: I always am playing a game.
Speaker: I'm doing whatever.
Speaker: Played a lot of destiny in that apartment.
Speaker: But but really, it was an opportunity for me to finally just sit with myself and
Speaker: which was something that was so hard to do because in the midst of an ED disorder of trying to be an actor and a model where everyone's nitpicking you, you kind of didn't feel safe.
Speaker: You didn't love yourself.
Speaker: Like I didn't love myself.
Speaker: I didn't feel safe in my own body.
Speaker: I had no idea how to talk to my inner child or anything like that or just myself.
Speaker: And yoga got me to a place where
Speaker: The Sanskrit word of yoga literally means to yoke.
Speaker: So to link together mind and body or self and body.
Speaker: And just get yourself into this place where you can notice how you feel.
Speaker: Where are your thoughts going to?
Speaker: How does your body feel?
Speaker: Where are you tight within your body?
Speaker: And let's investigate why.
Speaker: And let's ask that question.
Speaker: Oh, this is starting, this is a really hard pose.
Speaker: Let's push past it because we're stronger.
Speaker: We're better than this.
Speaker: Like we can do this.
Speaker: Our body is so capable of this.
Speaker: A lot of our physical things of I can't do this or this is too hard or I'm out of breath or whatever is simply just a mental game.
Speaker: And so once you can kind of go in, tap in, and just create the safe space for yourself, it's kind of interesting what your body can do.
Speaker: And so finding a place to start, I think that exercise is usually like the biggest roadblock is that people don't know where to begin because they want to hit the ground running, but you can't exactly.
Speaker: You got to sort of train your body to sort of like build up to these things.
Speaker: And yoga is very accepting of do what you can.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: As far as I understand.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And that's that's great, I think.
Speaker: But what's also really great about yoga and we'll get into this briefly, is that a lot of spiritual philosophy that does not stand with a specific denomination.
Speaker: It's very welcoming.
Speaker: It's very open.
Speaker: It's a very nonjudgmental.
Speaker: And because it's not like a preachy kind of thing, you know, you say it's preachy that you want to talk about yoga.
Speaker: And that's great because it worked for you.
Speaker: But yoga feels very open to anybody who wishes to give it a shot.
Speaker: So as far as welcoming people in, like, I mean, what is your recommendation to anybody listening who might not be in Albuquerque, but like, you know, looking for a local yoga spot, what to look for?
Speaker: I mean, like, what's your recommendation for at least sort of like taking that first step?
Speaker: I would go back to where I started YouTube video.
Speaker: You don't have to go.
Speaker: I know for a lot of people, it's really weird to go in an in-person class, especially post-pandemic, right?
Speaker: We have so many anxiety disorders and social disorders that have come from just the pandemic in general that it's okay.
Speaker: Like you can do something from your home.
Speaker: There's some great, great people online that would be willing to just
Speaker: teach you from the comfort of your own four walls.
Speaker: And so I say if you feel uncomfortable with going to somewhere locally, do that.
Speaker: If you want to do an in-person class, there's a few options.
Speaker: Usually it depends if you want to do
Speaker: kind of a hot yoga, which is all the rave right in North America.
Speaker: I've tried a couple of times and holy smokes, it is exhausting.
Speaker: Yeah, it is.
Speaker: It's incredibly hard work.
Speaker: It's a whole thing.
Speaker: It just depends what you want to do, right?
Speaker: Just if you want to go in person, what are you looking for?
Speaker: And be honest with yourself.
Speaker: Are you looking for something that's going to kick your butt and that's going to be a workout?
Speaker: Or do you need something that's a little more gentle?
Speaker: There are things I teach a gentle yoga class.
Speaker: And it doesn't mean that we don't go hard or whatever, because there are some poses that are difficult that I'll sometimes throw in here and there.
Speaker: It simply means like I am going to make sure that I'm creating a space that is very gentle, that everything I say is a suggestion.
Speaker: And I'm going to make sure you know that, that you can modify whatever and you're accepted.
Speaker: You're okay.
Speaker: You're fine.
Speaker: Um, so yeah, it's, it's a lot of just go and try, go see, just Google in your area or even look on Instagram.
Speaker: A lot of times I've, I've, um, experienced some of my favorite yoga teachers just simply because they're doing yoga in the park.
Speaker: Um, that's fun.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You just, just Google what's happening, you know, or, or do the hashtag and Instagram, um, any of those things.
Speaker: Uh, but yeah, that's
Speaker: That's fantastic.
Speaker: I mean, cause yoga, I've only done it a handful of times.
Speaker: I've, I've come to a handful of your classes.
Speaker: I've tried hot yoga some years back, but one of the, the biggest impacts that yoga had was I had just come back from, um, from meeting my family, my biological family.
Speaker: And, uh, it wasn't maybe more than a week later, I went to your first class.
Speaker: You had actually even taught and I sat in with you guys.
Speaker: Well, I didn't sit.
Speaker: I had participated actively.
Speaker: Um, and I was a bit out of shape, but it was, it was great.
Speaker: And it was very welcoming.
Speaker: A lot of really great people.
Speaker: But at the end of the class, as we sat there and you went over this mantra, I just laid on my back and started crying.
Speaker: Tears were streaming down the side of my face during the entirety of like the closing ceremony, as it were.
Speaker: And that to me, there's such a strong spiritual link.
Speaker: There's almost like this mental connection, this alignment of like philosophy and body that like everything just sort of combined into one.
Speaker: And I mean, you are a very, very kind and a very gentle and very accommodating soul.
Speaker: And it affected me greatly.
Speaker: And I feel like, I mean, in terms of philosophy, I feel like you have a very strong connection to kindness and love and acceptance and warmth and making people feel like they belong.
Speaker: This is another reason I actually specifically wanted you on the show.
Speaker: And what would you say, I mean, as far as like people who want to do yoga for more than just the physical part of it?
Speaker: I mean, I guess philosophy is you connect with yourself as you live and you'd sort of discover things for yourself.
Speaker: But like what sort of pushed your philosophy and your own alignment into thinking
Speaker: like coinciding with your yoga?
Speaker: Cause you really encompass both of these things, the physical and the, uh, the spiritual part very significantly.
Speaker: So for me, uh, it all started with, I read this book called, called the body keeps the score.
Speaker: And I actually read this every year or so just to refresh on it for every two years, something like that when I can.
Speaker: And it simply talked a lot about how trauma is stored within the body.
Speaker: Whereas, and I want to preface this by saying I'm not against medication.
Speaker: I'm not against if you need it, like, please do.
Speaker: But it's a lot about how we have come to a place where often we'll take the Zoloft or whatever, and then we live our life that way, right?
Speaker: We've created the idea that
Speaker: mental health is a chemical imbalance.
Speaker: And while it is, right?
Speaker: Like our chemicals are truly imbalanced in our brain.
Speaker: We often forget that there's healing that has to go along with that, right?
Speaker: So if we, it's just like any illness, we can either put a bandaid on it or we can actually sew it up and we can make sure that we go through the proper steps to make sure that it heals well and heals correctly.
Speaker: And, and that's basically what this book is.
Speaker: implements or suggests is just like, okay, great.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Let's, um, let's make sure that, um, we're getting, you know, the medication or whatever the band-aids that we need, but also let's dig a little deeper, right?
Speaker: Let's, let's notice the fact that things like talk therapy significantly help people.
Speaker: Let's talk about how movement significantly helps people, how,
Speaker: we actually store emotions and store like gunk in, in our hips, or let's talk about the neuroplasticity of our brain, right?
Speaker: When we think negative thoughts, there's literally dark matter that is created in our brain.
Speaker: And that dark matter has to kind of be reversed.
Speaker: And how do we do that?
Speaker: A lot of self-talk, a lot of love and gentleness.
Speaker: And
Speaker: Then I, when I went to yoga school, they taught us a lot about the yoga sutras.
Speaker: And we think of yoga as in, okay, I'm going to get on my mat and I'm going to do these moves, this movement.
Speaker: I'm going to get my workout in and then I'm done.
Speaker: Bye.
Speaker: I did my yoga for the day.
Speaker: But the yoga sutras are eight limbs and the actual asana, which is the term for the movement that we do on our mat.
Speaker: That is just one limb out of eight.
Speaker: There's a lot of meditation.
Speaker: It's a lot of self-love and kindness.
Speaker: It talks a lot about the yoga sutras do talk a lot about if you're unkind to yourself, you're out of line.
Speaker: If you're unkind to other people, you're out of line.
Speaker: And it's this whole, you bring the whole eight limbs together to create your higher self or your higher mental being.
Speaker: Um, and so that all of this just kind of impacted me and I have felt it, right?
Speaker: Like I've been in a yoga class, just like you were in mine, where there was this moment and I think the teacher was talking about, um, an elephant getting stuck.
Speaker: Um, and how simply the elephant was just stuck by a rope and all they had to do was just kind of tug that rope a little bit and then they would be set free.
Speaker: And I'm just bawling.
Speaker: literally bawling because how many times in our life, right?
Speaker: Are we just in the way, right?
Speaker: Like we have the courage and the power to just tug that rope a little bit, but we just, it's uncomfortable and it's out of our safe zone.
Speaker: Um, or we've had these traumas on our life that have just put us in this box all the time, all the time we get in these places and, um,
Speaker: It's beautiful how simple thing as connecting your mind and body while you're doing yoga to then also understanding that when you're done in your Shavasana, which is the final pose, your corpse pose, most people, my favorite pose of all, that we're meant to just sit there and soak.
Speaker: There's also a lot of yogis who will sit up, will go straight into meditation and
Speaker: Because the point of asana within the eight limbs of yoga is so that you get all these jitters out.
Speaker: You get all this movement out.
Speaker: You link the breath with your movement.
Speaker: And then once you're done with all the movements, you have the jitters out.
Speaker: You've moved lots.
Speaker: You can then meditate.
Speaker: Your mind's clear.
Speaker: Your body doesn't want to fidget.
Speaker: And you can look inward.
Speaker: And
Speaker: it's something that I'm still learning about, right?
Speaker: I'm still new on this journey, but it's, it's fascinating to me and it's beautiful how we are clearly able to start healing our past traumas through different resources, whatever resource works for you.
Speaker: For me, it's inner child healing and meditation.
Speaker: And I do a lot of inner child work after my asana and I'm just sitting there and
Speaker: I'm going in and I'm talking to little Melissa, which is a whole other conversation, but, but yeah, so it's, we're all on our own little journeys.
Speaker: And I think it's important to one honor that, but also don't forget that it is our responsibility to heal our trauma.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Which sucks because what happened, a lot of the things, not all of the things, but a lot of the things that has happened to me personally, you know, there's been a lot of sexual abuse and,
Speaker: even sexual abuse from my father and stuff like that, like that happened to me, but it's still my responsibility now to- For the healing.
Speaker: For the healing part, or I'm just going to be a garbage people to other people.
Speaker: And so what does that look like?
Speaker: And for me, it's been yoga and yeah.
Speaker: Well, and I think getting a chance to share that with other people is probably just as healing because to become a teacher is really, you're giving yourself, you're extending yourself.
Speaker: And when you heal people, that heals you.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: And that's what the term namaste that you say at the end of the class literally means.
Speaker: It's the, the light in me, the, the goodness, the joy, the, the healing, the light in me honors the light in you.
Speaker: It recognizes that.
Speaker: And it recognizes that we are linked because of that light.
Speaker: So yeah, it's a beautiful little phrase.
Speaker: That's, that's fantastic.
Speaker: I really, I appreciate yoga.
Speaker: I think a lot and I need to, uh,
Speaker: I need to have more discipline to actually do it.
Speaker: I'll wake up and I'm like, oh, I'm just too tired.
Speaker: I have to go do the thing.
Speaker: And so I sort of create excuses for myself, knowing that every single time I've actually committed to it, it has never not been good for me.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So it really is the discipline I think that needs to, that I need to focus on.
Speaker: I need to work out.
Speaker: Well, it is today is when we are doing this.
Speaker: It's Friday.
Speaker: I have a class tomorrow morning.
Speaker: See you there.
Speaker: I hope so.
Speaker: If I didn't have a lunch tomorrow, I'd be there, but instead I'm going to go, uh, namaste my stomach.
Speaker: Nice.
Speaker: Does that work?
Speaker: Is that work?
Speaker: Am I allowed to, can I use the term like that?
Speaker: Uh, you know, you're a little whitewashing.
Speaker: I appropriate it.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, that's... Right, yeah.
Speaker: Straight white male just picking up these terms and saying, hey, look, here's... It's mine now.
Speaker: Yeah, my favorite is namasle.
Speaker: I'm like, this has nothing to do with... All right, it's fine.
Speaker: Let's continue to be problematic.
Speaker: Exactly, right, exactly.
Speaker: Don't do what I just did.
Speaker: But...
Speaker: Um, go enjoy your dinner and your yoga.
Speaker: That's, that's the whole philosophy.
Speaker: Um, so you have the film industry on one side, which has, has brought you a lot of joy, but also some strife.
Speaker: And it seems like that's also partly countered by the fact that you've now found a sort of a counterweight to it that helps you relax yourself, uh, attune yourself, uh, stay clear headed, but then right there in the center, sometimes you gotta play some video games.
Speaker: And sometimes video games are great and relaxing and sometimes they're terrible and stressful.
Speaker: So it sort of like throws you back on one side of the scale.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No, as I've gone into this industry, the film industry a little bit more, I've had to revert to the cozy games a little bit more.
Speaker: Oh, sure.
Speaker: Instead of the League of Legends that I used to do.
Speaker: That will kill you.
Speaker: Yeah, if you dive into it.
Speaker: Uh, the Starcraft days, my Starcraft days.
Speaker: I could never, I was never fast enough on hotkeys.
Speaker: I wish I was.
Speaker: I want to pretend like I was.
Speaker: I wasn't.
Speaker: I was not.
Speaker: You have to be dedicated to be good at Starcraft.
Speaker: And for those who are.
Speaker: And this is not like a generalization, but like, because like they literally made it like a national sport.
Speaker: That's why I'm throwing that out there.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: But I mean, yeah, it's more accepted there too.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: You know, here you're lazy if you play video games, but it's still kind of a stigma, but like, I literally went to Korea in 1999 and I bought Starcraft candy and Starcraft shirts and Starcraft soda.
Speaker: And it was like, this is literally a thing.
Speaker: It's a thing.
Speaker: I love it.
Speaker: I love it so much.
Speaker: No, but yeah.
Speaker: And, uh,
Speaker: Yeah, I love those.
Speaker: I used to love first-person shooters at some point, but then... Like competitive, or are you talking like a single-player campaign?
Speaker: No, single-player campaign.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: No, I was a big Destiny fan for a while.
Speaker: Oh, yes, yes.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You sort of fell off of Destiny, or was it just too much, or that up next?
Speaker: I couldn't be on every single day, and that was... If you weren't on every single day, then you were behind, and... Sure.
Speaker: I just, yeah.
Speaker: Did you ever do Destiny 2 or did you, you just sort of forsook that in order to say, okay, I'll go ahead and just Animal Crossing or something that sort of like takes my mind and just, or was Animal Crossing stressful for you?
Speaker: Cause I know like.
Speaker: No, no, no, no.
Speaker: I love Animal Crossing.
Speaker: So Animal Crossing is a special place in my heart simply because of the fact that my grandmother loved that game so much.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: So much.
Speaker: And so now my whole entire family plays Animal Crossing.
Speaker: Oh, good.
Speaker: I know it's one that you loved, but you're like associated with a family through this game.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's outstanding.
Speaker: So I like it, but I wish I had the dedication to finish my island.
Speaker: I've yet to.
Speaker: I'm still to this day working on it.
Speaker: I still haven't finished it, though.
Speaker: What does finish look like to you?
Speaker: Like that you'd never have to change anything around again?
Speaker: Like you've fully...
Speaker: Like it's, it's, it's done and you can stand back, look at it, cross your arms and like nod in approval.
Speaker: Like nod in approval.
Speaker: I'm like, yes, yes.
Speaker: This is good.
Speaker: This is good.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I am the casting director.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Another one is Stardew.
Speaker: Oh God.
Speaker: I spent so much time.
Speaker: So much time in Stardew.
Speaker: The thing is, is they've added so many updates now that I, at one point restarted Stardew.
Speaker: Cause I was just like, I just want to restart because I know what I'm doing now.
Speaker: And I can finally like just kind of rush the first year and then really sink my teeth in instead of kind of be scrambling for everything.
Speaker: The problem is, is there's so many updates to it now that I look at other people or like I'll watch streamers while I'm casting during the day sometimes.
Speaker: I'm just like, how does your farm look like that?
Speaker: And where are you?
Speaker: I've never been there.
Speaker: So this is my question is, can even those games be stressful when you're comparing yourself to everybody else who's got like these space farms and you're sitting here on like Mud Island, you know?
Speaker: I'm on the beach like really sad and I haven't like upgraded any of it.
Speaker: You're just feeding crabs old potatoes, yeah.
Speaker: It gives me motivation.
Speaker: The problem is that because I'm in the industry, I don't have enough time to like really get into it.
Speaker: And so there's that desire there.
Speaker: I want to do it.
Speaker: I'm just waiting for the day that I just like don't have a show or movie for a while so that I can like just go at it.
Speaker: So in the film industry, is it in my mind, this is how I would function, of course, is like I would bring a Game Boy or at this point a Switch.
Speaker: to a job because if you have a little bit of downtime, you pop it on your play, you know, you pick some potatoes, you sell them to whatever.
Speaker: And like that does it.
Speaker: Do you bring your switch with you to work?
Speaker: Or is that sort of like you resist the temptation and put it aside?
Speaker: So the funny thing is, is I actually don't work on set a whole lot anymore.
Speaker: I work from this room, which is my office, my home office all the time.
Speaker: So I do.
Speaker: Honestly, I do.
Speaker: So today I had some downtime this morning and I played some Dreamlight Valley for a few minutes.
Speaker: That's the Disney one.
Speaker: Is that correct?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: It's like Disney Stardew, Animal Crossing-ish.
Speaker: All of it plugged into one.
Speaker: They did that terrible thing that all games are doing now where they just released it unfinished, which I'm against.
Speaker: But at the same time, I'm like, it's Disney and it's got that Animal Crossing Stardew feel.
Speaker: So how can I not?
Speaker: Usually I stop, though, when it just completely shuts down because it still does that, which is really lame.
Speaker: It just has that bug where it's just like, no, we lost connection.
Speaker: Just crash.
Speaker: We needed out of this entire game.
Speaker: And I'm like, well, okay, just guess I'll go back to work.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Go do some yoga or whatever.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So I'm glad you have a healthy balance, of course, of gaming.
Speaker: Cause I like, I like to game.
Speaker: I game less now than I ever have, but I like to try to do it leisurely instead of like obligationally for work, you know?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: And being able to like sink back into it occasionally is really, really nice.
Speaker: But with that, we've got, we've got sort of your trifecta of again, casting yoga and either angry league of legends or peaceful stardew Valley.
Speaker: No in between.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Exactly.
Speaker: Black and white till death do us part.
Speaker: So, okay, perfect.
Speaker: Well, I've got a handful of questions for you that I just need some answers for.
Speaker: It sounds like a couple of things you've sort of recommended already, but the first question I wanted to ask you was, do you have a favorite book that you would recommend?
Speaker: It sounded like you had one earlier, but is that a book you would instruct for other people to check out?
Speaker: Or if you had just like to choose a book that you get to hand somebody and say, you got to look at this.
Speaker: Fiction or nonfiction?
Speaker: Any.
Speaker: It can be really anything you want.
Speaker: If you want somebody to dive into the history of Mussolini, go for it.
Speaker: But also if you want somebody to check out where the red fern grows.
Speaker: Minecraft.
Speaker: I'm just kidding.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, sure.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I mean, hey, look.
Speaker: No judgment here.
Speaker: No judgment here.
Speaker: No judgment for me.
Speaker: From me.
Speaker: Okay, okay.
Speaker: See, this is a hard one because that's my other thing is I also...
Speaker: Read a lot.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: So I think, yeah, I think everyone should read The Body Keeps the Score.
Speaker: If you have any mental health issues ever whatsoever, have experienced grief, PTSD, whatever, just read that book.
Speaker: And I'm going to go out on a limb and say everybody to some degree does.
Speaker: So maybe this is a book simply for everybody.
Speaker: For everybody.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Um, now if I'm going to fiction, cause I want to go to fiction.
Speaker: Oh, sure.
Speaker: Let's go ahead and you both.
Speaker: This is very, very book talky.
Speaker: And if you're on book talk, you understand what I mean by book talk.
Speaker: Um, it ends with us by Colleen Hoover, which is not new to anyone who knows that genre.
Speaker: Um,
Speaker: but it just has such a special place in my heart.
Speaker: It deals with a lot of hard conversations while still being like a very beautiful story.
Speaker: And also being a, how do I say this?
Speaker: It hits the hard topics while still leaving you feeling good inside.
Speaker: Don't get me wrong.
Speaker: It'll make you cry, but trigger warning for anyone who has gone through physical abuse.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So both recommended to check it.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That sounds fantastic.
Speaker: Riterate the titles once more.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So the body keeps the score.
Speaker: The body keeps the score.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: And it ends with us.
Speaker: It ends with us.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Excellent.
Speaker: Two to check out.
Speaker: Now, how about, and here's one I've got for you.
Speaker: If you can step away from watching the background, a favorite film or a TV show, like one that you just like, love something that you just love.
Speaker: resonates with you.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Gosh, these are tough questions.
Speaker: I don't understand why.
Speaker: I could ask math questions instead.
Speaker: Objective answers.
Speaker: Equally instead.
Speaker: Oh, I see.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Just don't ask me questions.
Speaker: How's that?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Perfect interview material.
Speaker: I'm in agreement.
Speaker: I'll let you run the whole thing and I'll just hang and listen.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: Actually, I'm asking you the questions.
Speaker: What is your movie?
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: While I'm thinking, because I don't want dead air, what is your favorite?
Speaker: Oh, God of All Time?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: Probably Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
Speaker: That was too easy.
Speaker: Really?
Speaker: Why?
Speaker: Because it's a seamless blend of animation and live action in a time where computers weren't really used.
Speaker: And the acting chops with Bob Hoskins and Christopher Lloyd, it was the most convincing thing.
Speaker: And the quality of animation is almost unparalleled still to this day.
Speaker: That's fair.
Speaker: I agree with that.
Speaker: But also, I just did a podcast where I did my top five favorite films of all time, and that's also consistently number one.
Speaker: So it's very easy for me to pull that one out.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I'll have to get one of those.
Speaker: I'll have to get, like, this is my go-to.
Speaker: I think for me it's Arrival with Amy Adams.
Speaker: Amy Adams, the more recent Arrival.
Speaker: There's an old one with Charlie Sheen that I think I mix up often.
Speaker: So yeah, no good.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: The new arrival.
Speaker: Charlie Sheen.
Speaker: No hate, no shade, all love, peace and love.
Speaker: But yeah.
Speaker: So the reason would simply be.
Speaker: It's a lot about humanity and communication.
Speaker: Well, that's hugely important.
Speaker: Right.
Speaker: And simply about the fact that like, let's not judge a book by its cover.
Speaker: Let's learn a little bit of empathy and communication and maybe we'll get a little further in life.
Speaker: I like that.
Speaker: So real quick, what does the cover of The Arrival look like and does it live up to the movie?
Speaker: I mean, I have
Speaker: if I was thinking about it, like it's the just the egg shape of the spaceship that comes here.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: It has nothing to do with the movie.
Speaker: Okay, so watch the movie.
Speaker: This is the classic example of don't judge the book by the cover.
Speaker: Yeah, don't judge the book by the cover.
Speaker: It's also one of those of just, it's open-ended so you kind of think what you will about it but it'll make you feel and it's one of those movies that I mentioned early on that
Speaker: inspired me to go into the film industry where it's just like, Oh, I want to make people think beyond their box.
Speaker: And I think it does a great job of that.
Speaker: Excellent.
Speaker: Excellent.
Speaker: Interpretive.
Speaker: I'm into that.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Now maybe the hardest question of all, also, unless you're me.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: What's, what's the food you're going to recommend to me?
Speaker: Oh, see, gosh, these are really hard.
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: Because I'm vegan.
Speaker: Well, you know what?
Speaker: Maybe that also narrows it down significantly.
Speaker: So you're sort of trapped into saying, well, you know, it's gotta be an Ooty's bagel or something with, with, uh, green onions on it.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: But also, I think this is the kind of limitations are important because, uh, for people who are listening, who might say, oh, I'm struggling with gluten-free and a vegan diets.
Speaker: I need a recommendation.
Speaker: Well, okay.
Speaker: So there is this place in New York that I fell in love with.
Speaker: And obviously you can't get it here in New Mexico, but they have a cookbook and it's called by Chloe.
Speaker: And it is some of the best vegan food I've had of all time.
Speaker: You're getting good nutrients.
Speaker: There's some, um,
Speaker: There's a really good Chipotle bowl.
Speaker: That's just delectable.
Speaker: It's so good.
Speaker: I'm dreaming about it.
Speaker: I want to go to New York and get one.
Speaker: I have yet to perfect it.
Speaker: One, because I'm just not a great cook.
Speaker: That's fair.
Speaker: I wish I was, but I'm just not.
Speaker: You make it edible enough to survive.
Speaker: Right, exactly.
Speaker: Okay, let's see how that's important.
Speaker: My diet consumes of just tofu and cauliflower rice.
Speaker: That's pretty much the extent of what I eat.
Speaker: Do you ever have tofu cereal?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Rice milk or something?
Speaker: I haven't either, but I'm just curious.
Speaker: Yeah, if you'd like deep fried tofu and then put it in a bowl of rice milk.
Speaker: See, that wouldn't be gluten-free if you deep fry it.
Speaker: Deep fry it in, um, uh, uh, a, no, I was gonna say egg.
Speaker: Um, I guess you could do it like in an egg bath with a potato flakes.
Speaker: You can't do an egg bath.
Speaker: Why not?
Speaker: Egg is not vegan.
Speaker: Look, um, a synthetic egg.
Speaker: Artificial egg.
Speaker: Okay, sure.
Speaker: Where are you getting this artificial egg from?
Speaker: I'd like to know.
Speaker: It made baking so much easier.
Speaker: Please let me know.
Speaker: Although they have like those tubes of eggs that you can like, they're like, they're, I was going to say fictional eggs, but vegan eggs that like, or egg substitute, I suppose.
Speaker: So pretty much the egg substitutes that I know about are going to be like garbanzo beans, which doesn't really taste the same.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Or...
Speaker: bananas, which also doesn't really taste the same.
Speaker: Okay, so maybe what if you just put tofu in an air fryer and then poured it into a bowl and then poured rice milk on it?
Speaker: That sounds really gross.
Speaker: It's more about can we rather than should we.
Speaker: Can we?
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: You know, if you want me to, I'll try it.
Speaker: I'll report that.
Speaker: Well, we could do this at the shop sometime and that way you wouldn't have to do this alone and you know I like cereal, so
Speaker: cereal is in big quotes for those listening yeah rice milk in particular too not even almond or like i love rice milk i don't know what it is but rice milk rice milk's my uh fictional milk of choice it's the only way i'm gonna it's either a meat product or just fictional it's right exactly came from a chicken the word's fictional yep complete fabrication
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So you're recommending this place in New York that has a cookbook that's accessible.
Speaker: Yes.
Speaker: The cookbook is accessible.
Speaker: It's the same exact title.
Speaker: It's called by Chloe.
Speaker: By Chloe.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: By Chloe.
Speaker: All right.
Speaker: And now here's one of my favorite ones, an obligatory question.
Speaker: What's a favorite video game?
Speaker: I've already listed five or six prior, but like, is there another one that has like a special spot that really just sort of like.
Speaker: I think we actually talked about it briefly in your shop.
Speaker: um kingdom hearts for me oh yes yes it was one of the first times that i because this is a whole other conversation but that i felt as a female i was allowed to enjoy a video game um because i remember like i mean people fit into that narrative and that stereotype of like oh it's for guys it's for boys um and it really was it was pushed on me as well but i just always had
Speaker: a weird love.
Speaker: And thankfully I had a high school boyfriend that really enjoyed video games that further introduced me into it, which is where I got really into it.
Speaker: But Kingdom Hearts was just that one staple beginner video game for me that I was, that I felt like I was allowed to play.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: This is more welcoming to you.
Speaker: It's sort of like a gateway for, you know, not like the typical male audience kind of thing.
Speaker: I'm glad we're also starting to really escape away from that as well, too.
Speaker: It's cool to see so much stuff branching out.
Speaker: But Kingdom Hearts is very accessible.
Speaker: Plus, the animation was beautiful.
Speaker: So it's like watching a 3D Disney game.
Speaker: Which is exciting for me.
Speaker: Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker: So perfect, Kingdom Hearts.
Speaker: And then the final question is, and this is one of my favorites to ask anybody because it's difficult and not difficult at the same time.
Speaker: But if you could just give one piece of advice.
Speaker: to the world.
Speaker: It's going to say weird at first, but I'm going somewhere with it.
Speaker: Please.
Speaker: To get on the floor a little bit more.
Speaker: And the reason why I say that is just, especially in Western culture, at least, we have all these expectations of what our life should be
Speaker: what it should look like, who we should be, what we should look like.
Speaker: And we don't humble ourselves enough, right?
Speaker: These are our ideologies of what the world should be.
Speaker: And the reality is we have some, we have a good amount of control over our life, right?
Speaker: Of what we do, but a lot of things are completely out of our control.
Speaker: And
Speaker: The world doesn't owe us anything.
Speaker: It owes us nothing.
Speaker: The world isn't going to make you successful or not successful.
Speaker: It's not going to hand you your healing, whether it be through trauma or it's not going to hand you your business, right?
Speaker: You, you have to put in the work and you have to humble yourself in relationships.
Speaker: You, what, if you're just headstrong, you're just going to be narcissistic and you just butt heads with people all the time, unless you humble yourself, right?
Speaker: and recognize that the person next to you is just literally the person next to you.
Speaker: And so I just simply say, like, get on the floor, humble yourself.
Speaker: The world doesn't owe you anything, but you do, right?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You made me tear up.
Speaker: I mean, like, no joke.
Speaker: I think that's an outstanding way to put it is we are never too good for anything, you know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I think that's a really beautiful sentiment and it sort of equalizes all of us when we allow ourselves to, you know, be amongst everybody else, you know, and I think that's what we should also do is everybody should be our equal, our peer, our, our, you know, our life companions, whatever our proximity is to them.
Speaker: That's phenomenal.
Speaker: Thank you for sharing that.
Speaker: Oh, so Melissa, um,
Speaker: Where can people find you?
Speaker: Do we have like an Instagram or a Twitter or public pages where people can access you that is comfortable to you?
Speaker: I don't want to be like, hey, what's your address?
Speaker: But like, you know, what do we got as far as... Twitter's apparently tanking itself pretty significantly.
Speaker: Elon Musk is doing something over there.
Speaker: I don't know what it is, but he's doing something.
Speaker: Anyway.
Speaker: Yeah, Instagram, Facebook.
Speaker: Sure.
Speaker: Instagram is fine.
Speaker: I'm probably most active, but also not very active on social media, to be honest.
Speaker: Most active on Instagram, which is simply my name.
Speaker: It's Melissa, M-E-L-Y-S-S-A, and then Zurasky, Z-U-R-A-S-K-Y.
Speaker: And that's me.
Speaker: Perfect.
Speaker: Excellent.
Speaker: Excellent.
Speaker: Well, I want to take some time to really thank you for taking the time to do this with me.
Speaker: You know, this podcast, I think, thrives on hopefully the upcoming diversity.
Speaker: And you've already given, I think, a really great, important perspective that, you know, I have yet to have on the podcast.
Speaker: And I really hope people can listen to this and resonate with it and take something away and simply empathize more to try to be a better person.
Speaker: Thank you so much for having me.
Speaker: It's honestly such an honor.
Speaker: I'm glad.
Speaker: I'm glad.
Speaker: Thank you.
Speaker: And so thank you for being part of this podcast.
Speaker: And I want to thank you, Melissa, for helping create humanity.
Speaker: Thank you, everybody.
Speaker: And we'll see you next time.
