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Tyler Kania: The Maniac with No Knees on Resilience & Reinvention | Doomer Bloomer Podcast
3 Plays3 months ago
In this compelling episode of The Doomer Bloomer Podcast, we sit down with Tyler Kania, author of The Maniac with No Knees. Tyler shares his remarkable journey as a rugby player, coach, and entrepreneur from Columbia, Connecticut, who has faced the challenges of Bipolar I Disorder and two rare, traumatic knee injuries. He delves into his experiences with mental illness, the impact of his injuries on his athletic career, and how he found resilience through community, goals, and medication. Tyler's story offers a raw and unfiltered look into the highs and lows of living with bipolar disorder, providing hope and insight for those facing similar struggles.
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Transcript
Introduction and Tyler's Background
00:00:00
All Trews ONLY
All right, welcome back to the Doomer Bloomer podcast with Will Nemo. We are talking to people from all walks of life who have been through hero's journey, the so-called grinder of life, have been out the other side, slayed their dragons, and are sharing those lessons with other people along the way. Today I have on the podcast Tyler Kenya Kenya from Connecticut and we're gonna be talking about his journey as a rugby player coach cyber security salesman cryptocurrency ah entrepreneur Didn't realize he was a stonemason so you can talk to me about that one painter writer He also like myself suffers from bipolar disorder
00:00:55
All Trews ONLY
He can tell you about that more himself.
Dealing with Bipolar Disorder
00:00:59
All Trews ONLY
and, uh, yeah, Tyler, welcome to the podcast. How are you doing today?
00:01:04
Tyler Kania
I'm doing well. I'm doing well. Well, how are you?
00:01:07
All Trews ONLY
Uh, not so bad. I took yesterday off because I needed to rest, but you know, that's part of the journey.
00:01:18
All Trews ONLY
It's part of dealing with the condition that we have, at least in my opinion.
00:01:18
Tyler Kania
Yeah.
00:01:24
All Trews ONLY
if you don't take some time out to rest and play your cycles correctly, then you're just going to burn out. And I've faced that several times in the past in my life and in my career. And I was just wondering how that applies to to you in your rugby career. And even in the journey of writing this book, you know, some of it may have been even retraumatizing in a sense, right? those past injuries and putting it all together in a more concise story for people to listen to and read and understand that, you know, this is a rare condition. It affects, I don't know the exact statistics, but it's very extremely rare condition. So I'd like to hear more about your thoughts on it.
00:02:14
Tyler Kania
Yeah. just for a little bit more about me, like, yeah, bipolar is a rare condition in the United States. 2.7% of Americans suffer from it. An even smaller segment of that suffer from bipolar one disorder, which is when you have really crazy manic, you know, cases of mania. But to kind of compound these two things I've ruptured both of my patellar tendons playing rugby. That's a very rare injury. It happens once for every 147,000 human years. So to do it twice, it's kind of like discovering life on other planets. And in both cases, you when that happened, obviously, when you're a manic depressive and you're faced with trauma,
00:03:03
Tyler Kania
It's only natural for you to have a manic episode. And so both times I've ruptured my patellar tendon. I've been as manic as ever before. And if you go out and you buy my book, The Maniac with No Knees, you'll learn about you just how crazy those mania-driven days can really get. When it comes to you know, trying to function as a everyday adult, right? Like, you know, I was a high performing rugby player. I wanted to play at the professional level. that didn't happen due to my knees and due to my illness. It was a compound of, of the two of those. and I kind of got shot down in my prime and then I tried to.
00:03:49
Tyler Kania
you know, come back several years later, and I'm still trying to come back. And I still think that my best days are ahead of me, you know, who knows, but, you know, trying to get back, rugby at a high level, you know, when faced with an injury, when faced with mental illness, you know, while at the same time, I was living a pretty high octane cybersecurity salesman life where, you know, I made a quarter million dollars when I was 26.
00:04:16
Tyler Kania
And, you know, when rugby wasn't in my life, you know, something pretty toxic can happen when you're faced with monetary wealth. And that's become, and and and that is that monetary wealth becomes part of your central identity. You know, because of my illness, I've really ruined my professional network altogether, several times over, to the point where you know, good friends of mine will delete me from their friends on LinkedIn because I'll be posting something crazy. And, you know, it's it's tough to live like that because I know my skills are as good as anybody. I know that I can get the job done, you know, when I'm healthy. And so that looming threat of a manic episode
00:05:11
Tyler Kania
over time, it's made and me become a really resilient person. And it's made me have to work twice as harder when I am healthy, because I know that I could all, and my Roman Empire could burn at any moment.
Overcoming Challenges and Resilience
00:05:27
Tyler Kania
And so, what I've learned over this time is, and especially when I was writing this book, when you're a writer,
00:05:37
Tyler Kania
Who's gonna take your pen away, right? If you're a cybersecurity salesman and you burn your network, great, no one wants to hire you. If you're a rugby player and you have no knees, great, no one wants you to be on their team. But when you're a writer, who's gonna take your pen away? Nobody, right? So I've had to to to adapt myself and change with my illness because You know, I have no choice but to figure it out and figure it out in the way that only I know how. You know, I've overcome a lot and, you know, I'm going to read you a quick poem. It's not really a poem. It's a short essay. It's called My Resilience. I'm in the best mental headspace of my life. So I suppose that you could say that this injury had great timing.
00:06:32
Tyler Kania
I have found laughter and beauty in the world again. When you've had a bedside manner for six months whereas the only comfort to get to sleep at night is when there's sufficient rope nearby in case you're ready to step off the chair. If you can beat that shit, get a great job at a great company and the crew you cause so much damage to. If you can beat that shit, have the courage to step on the rugby field and make an impact even though it's been so long, even though you're clinically insane, even though you only have one knee, now zero.
00:07:02
Tyler Kania
If you can beat that shit, you do not care what others think of you and you're not afraid of a goddamn thing. I'll be just fine. Thanks. But I appreciate all your support. And I wrote that after my, the day after I ruptured my second patellar tendon. And, you know, I talked about what I had been through. I talked about, having a job at a great company, although I ended up getting fired.
00:07:30
Tyler Kania
from that company for a manic episode. But really, I think if you have bipolar, if you have mental illness, you have resiliency and you're forced to adapt no matter what. And I'm really proud of how that is. If you read my book, you might think that I've made it through bipolar. I'm cured, but I'm not cured.
00:07:56
Tyler Kania
get people with mental illness reach out to me all the time. They say, tell me what your medicine What worked for you? Does lithium really work? Asking all these questions. you They think of me as you this pie in the sky where they want to be because I'm on podcasts and because I wrote a book and because you I Portray this image on social media But I'm not cured I'm not cured at all I'm a substance abuser I'm not suicidal, but I think about suicide every single day You know and I'm gonna live with this when you talk about baking in days of your life where you just need rest because that's your illness I have that too, but it's a
00:08:49
Tyler Kania
because I abuse my ADHD medication where I take two pills a day instead of one.
Medication and Healthcare Advocacy
00:08:55
Tyler Kania
And then for one week a month, I have to lay in bed. That sucks. It sucks to lay in bed. I want to be a high performer. I want to do my job. I wish I could just take the normal amount and be okay. But you know, my habits are my habits and I need to adapt and I need to live with them. And you know,
00:09:17
Tyler Kania
I found that this is the best way to do it within my ability and so yeah it sucks to lay on the couch when you want to be doing stuff but you know that's the that's the hand of cars we've been dealt and you just got to figure out how to make it work
00:09:37
All Trews ONLY
Well, I mean, I think you summarized fairly well what the day-to-day of bipolar is like, because there is the micro within the macro within the spectrum of what you're dealing with. And I don't remember specifically when you were diagnosed.
00:09:59
All Trews ONLY
Do you remember when you were diagnosed?
00:10:03
Tyler Kania
Yeah. fall 2022. So just over two years ago.
00:10:08
All Trews ONLY
But you were dealing with it over the course of a longer period, if I understand correctly.
00:10:13
Tyler Kania
Yeah. was showing symptoms for a solid 10 years before I was actually diagnosed. It was a long time
00:10:20
All Trews ONLY
And how old are you now, if you don't mind me asking?
00:10:22
Tyler Kania
I'm 32. So I was diagnosed at 30.
00:10:26
All Trews ONLY
Yeah. Okay. So I was dying myself. Personally, the same thing happened to me as I was diagnosed at 30 after a period of about six months of extreme ups and downs and ultimately a hospitalization. And then it's just like you're, you're talking about, like I started podcasts, I,
00:10:49
All Trews ONLY
I've interviewed on podcasts, I've tried to start and build multiple businesses over the last five years. And you're right, you need to really, or not need to, but actualizing on your manic are are really important. But you also realize that it's like a double-edged sword where it's like ah ah you're balanced on this razor edge all the time, and you don't necessarily know when or where the next episode could be coming from. in the course of the last five years, I've been through three to five major episodes, depressive or otherwise. and and And I find personally the depressive side of the illness to be worse than the manic side. I find the manic side of the illness to be much more manageable with medication and decent regimens and
00:11:44
All Trews ONLY
and and structured routine, the depressive side of it is more insid insidious because it gets up in your thought processes and your day-to-day functioning if you let it.
00:11:59
Tyler Kania
Thank you.
00:12:02
All Trews ONLY
I have to be very on top of my self-care and very on top of my
00:12:09
All Trews ONLY
my week-to-week and my day-to-day scheduling. Some people can function like that, but I'm also autistic, so routine and scheduling is this part of my daily life. I have to get up at a certain time, go to bed at a certain time, take my medication at a certain time. I'm not on lithium, but I'm on probably similar equivalent.
00:12:34
All Trews ONLY
but but And and another thing that you said that kind of resonated with me again is it's something that is managed, not cured, right? And what it looks like for one person, whether it's type one or type two or whatever degree it is, it's different for each individual person. And you're right, if you don't stop abusing or using substances, it can get out of control really fast. And I was just going to say,
00:13:07
All Trews ONLY
I'm happy we connected because there's very few people in my immediate circle that understands what this is, how it works, how it affects me besides myself. I generally know more than what the doctors do because the doctors don't live with it every day. They don't look up specific prescriptions or remediation steps in order to get better. I've had, at least in Canada, I've had to become my own best advocate when it comes to the medical system and or my medical interventions. I'm not sure what it's like in Connecticut the states in general, but maybe you can just tell me a little bit about
00:13:50
All Trews ONLY
your journey through that or was was it difficult
Diagnosis and Treatment Journey
00:13:52
All Trews ONLY
to find help? Was it hard to find help at first? or Was it kind of stigmatized?
00:13:56
Tyler Kania
It was really confusing. I resisted help for a long time and lot of the adventures in my book are you basically because I was resisting help and I was trying to find distractions and I was trying to find adventures that could keep me from thinking about what was going on in my brain or what would happen when I would have a manic episode, which I had no idea what that even meant. And it wasn't until my depression got really bad that I started to say, OK, maybe I do need help. And that was about eight years into the whole debacle. And that was after a suicide attempt.
00:14:44
Tyler Kania
And, you know, at first it was like, okay, my parents say I need to get a therapist. Maybe this will help. Oh, you're not cured with just a couple of words. Okay, what else is there? Okay, maybe we get you a psychiatrist and they prescribe you with some SSRIs, like a Zoloft or something like that. That's not work. Okay, maybe we'll add well-butrin to that.
00:15:12
Tyler Kania
That's not working. And at that point I spent the next 14 months cycling through about a dozen different medications, you know, none of them to treat bipolar, all of them to treat depression. it got to the point where my psychiatrist was like, I'm a lot, a lot of options. we're going to try this early stage trial anti-psychotic and I'm not kidding, this anti-psychotic made me gay for three months. I've never been gay. No, never had a ah ah bone in my body that thought I was gay, ever. You know, so to go through this when you're 29, when you're already suicidal, the depression went depressed, when you're taking your dog for a walk and you see illusions of yourself hanging from a tree every single day for months. And now all of a sudden, wait, are you gay too?
00:16:11
Tyler Kania
Like that was a really, really jarring experience for me. And what did I do? I ran from it. I moved south and I tried to get a coaching job at ah rugby club down there. And within four days, I had a panic attack. I overdosed on all of my different smorgasbord of medications. And I was hospitalized for three days with severe severe serotonin syndrome.
00:16:41
Tyler Kania
And, you know, once I got out of there, that was my stonemasonry era actually. You know, no one wanted to hire me except for my best friend. You know, he didn't care that I was a shell of who I was. He didn't care that I couldn't follow his directions. He didn't care that he wasn't making money on his projects because he was going to pay me anyways. You know, he was there for me during a time in my life when I don't know if I would have been there for him if the curtain was switched. But at that end of that month, I was as suicidally depressed as ever. And finally, I got some coaching from my psychiatrist. You know, my mom had been, we're well off. So my parents were looking for like a cushy, nice person, mental health hospital, like a private place.
00:17:32
Tyler Kania
in Fairfield County, which is like but wealthiest county and in the United States. But eventually, you know, they just had horror stories about electroshock therapy and stuff like that. And my psychiatrist basically was like, look, go into the Hartford Hospital emergency room and say, all I want to do is kill myself. I've tried already. I'm going to try again, and I need your help.
00:18:00
Tyler Kania
And I said those words, they kept me in like a holding place for like three or four nights, which was as miserable as you can possibly get.
00:18:11
Tyler Kania
Just the craziest people on planet earth, you know, homeless people, drug addicts, everyone's just kind of stuffed into this place where no one wants to deal with you at the hospital.
00:18:22
All Trews ONLY
Yep.
00:18:23
Tyler Kania
And, you know, I had a curtain that went around my bed, but you know, since I was suicidal, they wouldn't let me close the curtain. So I was just out in the open for several days. And then finally, I was admitted as an inpatient at the Institute of Living, which is one of the oldest mental hospitals ah ah in America. And that first day was when I was prescribed lithium. That first day was when I was formally diagnosed with bipolar one disorder. And that first day was,
00:18:55
Tyler Kania
the day when it all kind of started to turn the other way for me. Up until that, I had been trying to get help for for all this long and it always seemed to get worse. You know, up until then when I really got serious help and they really helped me because if I didn't have lithium in my life, I would be dead.
00:19:17
All Trews ONLY
Yeah, no, I feel the same way with the battery of medications I had to take when I first was diagnosed. And I mean, I wouldn't say that my experience is as traumatic as yours, but maybe if I had gotten help earlier in my life, I'd be in a different place. So it's really hard to say. I mean, I i i remember you telling me, you know,
00:19:47
All Trews ONLY
Prior to college, did have any issues in high school or before college?
00:19:51
Tyler Kania
No, nothing.
00:19:54
All Trews ONLY
And it was just as you progressively got older there.
00:19:55
Tyler Kania
How, you know, there's, there's one issue in college, my senior year of college, there was one issue where I got arrested. But besides that, like I was a fully functioning adult until I was 24 when I ruptured my patellar tendon and I went manic.
00:20:12
All Trews ONLY
Yeah.
00:20:15
All Trews ONLY
Okay, and you you feel like it was a stress-induced episode or was there a combination of things that led to this progressive breakdown?
00:20:29
Tyler Kania
you know, I, I, I think it was probably, you know, obviously when your knee goes into your quad, you know, and you're forced to reckon with your life when your life had been a sport.
00:20:43
All Trews ONLY
Mm hmm.
00:20:44
Tyler Kania
And, you know, I was at the same time, you know, when I was recovering,
00:20:53
Tyler Kania
you know, I had a serious girlfriend who You know, just to give you some context, like I said, I come from well-to-do family and my dad had been in cybersecurity sales for decades and decades, as long as the industry really existed. And so he got my brother a job there out of college. You know, thankfully the kid's now a lawyer, good for him. But, then when I got arrested, he got me a job there out of college.
00:21:22
Tyler Kania
And I got into a relationship with this girl whose father was the head of North and South America sales for one of the largest companies in the world, cybersecurity related at at anyways. And both of her brothers worked there. So between our two families, we had seven relatives at this company. And when I ruptured my patellar tendon, one day she's changing my socks because I can't reach my feet. And she notices blood clots.
00:21:51
Tyler Kania
They not just freak out on her. I snap. Like I've never snapped before. I was scared of what was going on with my leg. I thought I might be dying or that they might have to amputate it. I didn't know what to think. And I snapped. And it wasn't long after that where she told me, she said, I'm not gonna compete with rugby when you have to rehab. I can't have you choose rugby on the weekends when i live in a different state and so you know that broke my heart and that kind of contributed to it i i ended up quitting that company because i i couldn't bear working with her and i moved to idaho i moved across the country and i ventured across the west for for several months trying to reconcile my behavior
00:22:43
Tyler Kania
that first incident, you know, I think it was a compound of a bunch of different things, but naturally, right. Bipolar tends to manifest in its mid twenties. And well, that's the mid twenties. So I think, you know, in part, it was just the natural progression of things. I don't know when, you know, that manic episode would have occurred if I didn't rupture my patellar tendon.
00:23:09
Tyler Kania
but thankfully we don't have to really worry too much about that because that's what happened.
Professional Success and Realizations
00:23:15
All Trews ONLY
Yeah, and also I guess you lost another part of yourself would have been the identity of being a rugby player or having security as a cyber security person.
00:23:23
Tyler Kania
Right.
00:23:30
All Trews ONLY
I remember my middle 20s, just like most people in their 30s, I remember getting into my middle 20s and having lots of experiences and not really knowing what to do with my life or where I wanted to go. So I decided to go down the trade school route and become an electrician. So I did that for 10 years and, as rewarding as it was up until about 2020, you know, I, I really didn't really, I mean, I worked and I made money, but I don't think I was really as self-aware of myself.
00:24:11
All Trews ONLY
I was, I don't think people in their twenties are as as self -aware as they think they are.
00:24:15
Tyler Kania
Ha.
00:24:15
All Trews ONLY
Right. Where. We're kind of just going with the flow of things, figuring our lives out as it comes at us. I've never been one to know exactly what I wanted to do with my life. So I just kind of threw things at the wall until something stuck and I built up valuable skills along the way. And then in 2019, when I decided to foray into
00:24:44
All Trews ONLY
a new medium like podcasting had only been around for like 10 years at that point or less than 10 years at that point. Besides your family, besides rugby, it sounds like your middle 20s is you started to bottom out, not to put it lightly.
00:25:02
Tyler Kania
You know, not exactly, because after I kind of jumped ship and moved out west, I came back here and I found a job at a cybersecurity startup. I was like the seventh employee. And that's where I had the most proclivity as a salesperson. You know, that's where I made the most money.
00:25:29
Tyler Kania
know I was making a quarter million at 26 and I was just spending money on just the most ridiculous things. And know on the surface, like I was saying earlier, I didn't have rugby at that point.
00:25:41
All Trews ONLY
Mm hmm.
00:25:43
Tyler Kania
And so my image, like my source of pride was my bank account.
00:25:51
All Trews ONLY
Hmm, right.
00:25:51
Tyler Kania
And I was doing so well in my vocation, but behind the surface, like if you read my book, particularly the North End of Boston chapter, I'm making all this money and I'm spending thousands of dollars on parking and I was pretty much manic the whole time. like I give one quick anecdote where I spilled a two liter of Sprite in my apartment. I walk across the street and I go to the 7-Eleven
00:26:25
Tyler Kania
and I buy 10 copies of the Boston Globe for like $32 or something like that. And nevermind that there's paper towels in the aisle next to it because I took those 10 copies and I just threw them on my floor and that's how I cleaned up my mess. You know, it was mania driven. It was, you know, the same mania that, you know, at the same time was driving extreme paranoia into me. I was having to unplug the Amazon Echo in the apartment because I thought it was listening to my business deals. My car ended up getting stolen from one of those paid for parking lots. And I assumed it was the Boston Mafia. And I thought that they're out to get me. And I was looking out my blinds every single day. And I was taking drugs like crazy.
00:27:23
Tyler Kania
but I was doing so well in my job, what could be wrong, right? I'm making more than anybody I know my age. could be so bad about this? You know, but it did get bad and my drug abuse got bad. And so if if eventually I said, I need to move back home to Connecticut. I can't live by myself. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I need to figure it out.
00:27:49
Tyler Kania
And it was probably around the time I was 27, 27, 28 when things started to get really bad. botling Bottoming out when I was 30, of course.
00:28:03
All Trews ONLY
Well, yeah, I mean, it doesn't sound like it's not like one specific thing or one specific episode or it sounds like, like I said, it's a hero's journey. So your, your, your identity is tied up into, to rugby. You rupture your patella, tilde and tendon. You lose your relationships. You go West to try and find some clarity.
00:28:31
All Trews ONLY
You come back, you get this job, and now you're in your middle 20s making all that money, like you said. I can attest to the self-medication aspect of thinking that numbing yourself or doing a lot of drugs is going to solve your problems, or you think it's going to solve your problems, or it's going to give you the clarity to solve your problems. or whatever you wanna whitewash the narrative with, right?
00:29:06
All Trews ONLY
But let me ask you another question.
Coaching Rugby and Personal Connections
00:29:09
All Trews ONLY
I mean, are there people in your life you can count on now? Or was there people in your life you could count on during that period?
00:29:13
Tyler Kania
Yes.
00:29:17
All Trews ONLY
Or was people dropping off left and right?
00:29:21
Tyler Kania
No, you outside of my professional network, it I'll give you a quick example, another quick
00:29:29
Tyler Kania
When I moved home, I went through a year of
00:29:31
All Trews ONLY
Mm hmm.
00:29:33
Tyler Kania
I quit that job and I was like, I need to figure this out. And I just stayed in my room reading all day and 300 pages per day. I was pretty crazy about it, like morning till night, infinite jest in two weeks. i I was a full-time reader. was trying to escape my world and travel to someone else's world.
00:30:00
Tyler Kania
you know at times I was catatonic just laying there and I attempted suicide and the next week was kind of my foray back onto the rugby field. I you know went to go watch a game and it was an exhibition match and somehow I got thrown onto the field with 10 minutes left and a tie score and I assisted the game winning score. And then all of a sudden rugby was back in my life, right? Like where monetary wealth had no longer been that source of pride. Rugby had kind of taken me up when I needed it most. And later in that year, I got hired as the head women's rugby coach at Eastern Connecticut State University.
00:30:50
Tyler Kania
And, you know, I hadn't had real human connection in almost five years. And all of a sudden I was in charge of 30 college-aged women, you know, and I hadn't had any correspondence with women for a long time. I found that I was a natural at it and You know, I was organized and I was enthusiastic. And I was upfront with them about life and about real shit. And, you know, the girls really acclimated towards me to the point where we won our conference championship. And even after the season ended, they wanted to keep practicing. And I paid for the whole team to enter into a tournament in New York City. And, you know,
00:31:40
Tyler Kania
we built this huge community that, you know, I started to look at these girls as my friends and not the players that played for the team that I coached. And I got pretty lonely during the off season. I started a cryptocurrency company, basically a decentralized owned and operated rugby team where, you know, if you had certain rugby accreditations, you would have voting authority on who makes a roster or who who makes a lineup and stuff like that. And fans get rewarded for attending games. And I went to a cryptocurrency conference and I pitched it to all these venture capitalists. I even pitched it to Kimball Musk. And I was manic the whole time I was there. I was taking drugs the whole time. And I was getting those feelings of grandiose
00:32:34
Tyler Kania
And I thought that I was going to change the world. I thought that I was days away from signing like a seven figure seed round for my company. And I went back to Connecticut, and I trusted this guy with the secret phrase to my cryptocurrency wallet, and he stole $450,000 from me. The next day,
00:32:57
Tyler Kania
I was supposed to coach out indoor practice for the women's rugby team and I was still crazy out of my mind. I was self-medicating and ah the practice was a total bomb.
00:33:13
Tyler Kania
I yelled at them for the first time ever. I was disorganized. I confused them and they had three new players who had just attended for the first time, you know, that was their first practice. And so, you know, some of the girls were really pissed off at me about the way that I finally, after a whole good season of winning the championship and, you know, doing all these things for them, they were like, you know, I can't believe you finally did this to us. Like, and little did I know,
00:33:48
Tyler Kania
their old head coach was trying to form a coup to get his job back this whole time and for three of the executive board members you know they decided that that one practice was enough to get rid of me basically and excuse me and so
00:34:15
Tyler Kania
You know, I followed them for a little. I was basically like, I'm still your coach. Like I have a contract through the end of the spring. Like you can't just say I'm not your coach anymore. And, you know, the day after that, I was feeling really suicidal. And I told one of the girls that I was feeling suicidal and that I didn't know what I would do if, you know, I lost the job.
00:34:39
Tyler Kania
And so the next day they opened an investigation into me that human resources department did. And I told the human resources lady, I said, look, I don't know if there's anything that I've done that actually, you know, deems termination based off of your bylaws and everything like that. But it's clear that I've lost my team. If I resign now, can I resign in good standing so that I can, you know, have the possibility of coaching again?
00:35:09
Tyler Kania
they said, yes. Now to get back to your original question, are there people that are there for you? Have you lost a lot of people along the way? Those girls were my friends. I was so hurt when they got rid of me. And it wasn't unilateral. It wasn't like every single girl on the team wanted to get rid of me.
00:35:36
Tyler Kania
there's many girls who I consider great friends now because of what we've been through who are there for me and they're going to stick up for me no matter what. And, you know, I went to the games of a couple of them, you know, this fall, and it was so nice to be able to to root route someone on, you know, that you coached, that you've seen progress all this way, even if it's not you that's doing it.
00:36:03
Tyler Kania
And those relationships, those girls that stuck with me, they mean the world to me.
Workplace Stigma and Mental Health
00:36:09
Tyler Kania
The girls that didn't stick with me, you know, I wrote what I wrote in the book for a reason. And the reason is, you know, I'm still hurt by it. And I'm still hurt that somebody can know who I am, know what I'm capable of, know who I am when I'm completely sane and for them to throw me out because of my actions on one bad day after I lost $450,000, after I lost my coaching job.
00:36:29
All Trews ONLY
Thank you.
00:36:47
Tyler Kania
You know, they just don't have the empathy and I feel bad for those people more than anyone else. now personally, my friends have been there for me no matter what. I've had some bad periods where I really said some things that I wish I didn't about friends that I really value and it's damaged things. And I wish I could go back, but I can't, you know, but those friends, they still have, they don't look at me like they did before, but they still look at me at least. You know what I mean?
00:37:24
Tyler Kania
Professionally, like I said, I've ruined my entire professional network. And, you know, I understand it. I wish that corporate America was willing to put their money where their mouth is when they say mental health matters. Because mental health does matter, but only if you have a minor issue. Because if you're actually mentally ill, they don't want you. They don't want you at all.
00:37:51
Tyler Kania
And that's why I had to step up. That's why I had to write this book because it's not fair the way that the mentally ill are treated in the workplace. You know, if you're black, you're fine. If you're gay, you're fine. If you're bisexual, if you're trans, you're fine in the workplace, right?
00:38:15
Tyler Kania
But if you're bipolar, you're going to get shot walking through the door.
00:38:20
All Trews ONLY
put but that on a t-shirt or a bumper sticker. I unfortunately, Tyler, know exactly how you feel. And like I said, I i i think we connected for a reason. I can feel that you're very passionate about all of this. And and I feel like you're right. i mental health and specifically, you know, whether it's schizophrenia, bipolar, any of the ones that put people at risk of acting out, right? And they put you into a different state of mind or a different frame of mind or even make you a different person, act and behave like a different person. I think people are scared of things they don't understand.
00:39:10
All Trews ONLY
I think, I think, I think that that has a, has a big part of it. Oh, I don't know. You're, you're, you know, you may have made a point. Corporate America probably doesn't give a shit. Most of corporate anything doesn't give a shit. If it, if it's not directly related to increasing the bottom line of profitability, corporate America, corporate anything doesn't give a shit. I can just say that, you know, unilaterally.
00:39:40
All Trews ONLY
Unlike you, I don't have a sports background, but I can see the camaraderie that a sports background could help someone or a community in general helps people.
Community, Self-Care, and Resilience
00:39:53
All Trews ONLY
That's why I started the Duma Bloomer Institute, the Duma Bloomer podcast. It's for the resurrection of good ideas and for people who are for lack of a better word, fall into the cracks, right? It's not that we're incapable of doing things or that we're not capable members of society. It's just that we either have either personal or health issue or something of that nature. Trauma-driven, especially, that gives us
00:40:32
All Trews ONLY
maybe a disadvantage to other people, or maybe from another vein, it can be looked at as an advantage. It just, like you said earlier in the podcast, it's made you work that much harder at becoming more self-actualized, right? Working towards becoming not just a, not just a rugby, a rugby player, rugby coach, cybersecurity guy, and now a writer.
00:40:58
All Trews ONLY
Those are big accomplishments. So I really think you should feel proud of yourself. So as we you wind up to the hour here, and we talk about where you've been, where you're going, and who did you write this book for? That's my question. Who did you write this book for specifically?
00:41:26
Tyler Kania
Honestly, like, you know, I didn't seek out to be a writer. I ruptured my, you know, after I was institutionalized, I got my life together and I was working for the largest cybersecurity company in the world and I was training hard to get on the rugby field. And by the spring of 2024, I was in the best shape of my life.
00:41:50
Tyler Kania
Unfortunately, it only lasted about one game and in the first play of my second game, I ruptured my patellar tendon again. And this triggered the manic episode because my parents didn't want to give me the painkillers because I'm a substance abuser, which makes sense. so I got very manic and I opened the notes app on my iPhone.
00:42:18
Tyler Kania
and I just started typing my life story away. I wish I could say that it was more elegant than that, but I just felt in that moment of righteousness that I needed to get my story out there because I wasn't gonna change the world with my rugby cleats and I wasn't gonna do all these crazy things in my vocation You know, it all kind of came sweeping down in in one injury. And so I just started to write. You know, I wrote to my friends who were, you know, I hadn't been vocal on Instagram or social media ever. You know, I was ashamed of who I was. I didn't want to share who I was, I felt like in the moment that I needed to. And part of it was because when I was institutionalized,
00:43:13
Tyler Kania
And I'm spending all this time with schizophrenics and with people who had just seen their wife blow their brains out. And, you know, people who were getting electroshock therapy and my roommate who had aphasia. And I'm like, I'm blessed. I'm fortunate. You know, yeah, I have this thing, but, you know, I grew up in a wealthy white nuclear educated family.
00:43:42
Tyler Kania
You know, I was blessed with good looks and athletic skill. I was blessed with wit. And, you know, a lot of these people in these mental hospitals, they don't have much. They never had an opportunity to succeed. They never had the chance to say, I'm worth something. And they're never going to be able to speak up for themselves because they don't know how to write a book.
00:44:09
Tyler Kania
And I took it as my responsibility. you Like if I'm going through this too, we're all going through this and we're going to get out of it because, you know, if you want to knock down a stigma, then start talking about it. Right. So my book was for them. My book was for the general public.
00:44:31
Tyler Kania
the cybersecurity guys who don't know anything about mental illness and who judge me anyways, my book's for them. My book's for my friends who haven't heard from me in a decade because I didn't want them to know what rugby kept and turned into, right? My book's for everybody, right? My book can help the general public know a little bit more about this and it can help them mentally ill have a sort of companion so that they don't feel so goddamn alone. And so I don't think my book's for anyone in particular, it's for everybody because the whole world needs to learn.
00:45:14
All Trews ONLY
That's really well reasoned and well thought answered. I i appreciate that. Actually, I appreciate you, Tyler. Like I said before, I think that we connected for a reason. So don't feel that you are completely alone because I've had those thoughts before. I think a lot of people with this condition, bipolar specifically, has had those thoughts before. And what I have found for every, you know, I don't even know if there's a ratio on it, but like for every four people who don't understand, there's at least one person who does. Right. I mean, I don't talk with a lot of my family much anymore. There's only like one person in my family that actually understands.
00:46:05
All Trews ONLY
And there's, there are people that I can reach out to, which is fortunate for me. Um, it just made the people who were not close to me move farther away. And the people who were close to me had to come down to my level to understand that, you know, will is not the person that he was before. He can't just take on the load or.
00:46:33
All Trews ONLY
We can't take on the emotional loads of other people as much any anymore. And we're just, we're more focused, like at least from what you're telling me, we're more focused on our own self care and our own self preservation and self healing and self trauma, like self recovery journey, because we're never going to be fully cured.
00:47:01
All Trews ONLY
there's no such thing as a magic wand that's going to do that. And it's a condition that is managed, not that's something that you can just wave your wand at and then you're just, it's going to be all better. So in that vein, in that regard, is there anything you want to say or get off your chest here as we Roach the top of the hour and then we can talk about where you can find your book and where you hang out online and all that stuff.
Writing to Raise Awareness
00:47:34
Tyler Kania
no, I mean, this has been a great show. Like it's always a breath of fresh air to speak with someone who's kind of been through it as well. And you know, like, those are the types of people that I want to make sure see my book because, you know, I just recently had to join Facebook because of, you know, my book and everything like that, like I got a, you know, no rock goes on turn, you got to have a presence on every social media. And so I joined a couple like bipolar group chats and stuff like that, or groups, you know, on Facebook. And, you know, I'm just seeing all these people, they're cry for help, or they're cry for understanding, you know, a loved one, you know, how they can better understand bipolar. And, you know,
00:48:28
Tyler Kania
Honestly, I hate to put my salesman hat and say buy my book, but at the end of the day, if you want to understand bipolar, buy my book because know I hold anything back. I told you at the beginning of the show, I had a medication that made me gay.
00:48:49
Tyler Kania
I don't give a a a crap anymore. I just want people to know the type of shit that we go through. And whether that's you making people look at me in a different light or not, I'm just hoping to make an impact. And that's what this book's all about. I think bipolar,
00:49:12
Tyler Kania
if you're American, statistic, and I have to say that I can't believe this statistic because it's so, it's so heart wrenching. But, you know, I've read that 90% of bipolar marriages in America fail. And, you know, I have my own troubles when it comes to romance. And I don't know if I'll ever have a wife. I don't know if I'll ever have a kid.
00:49:43
Tyler Kania
But I do have a legacy now because of this book, right? I do have something that's going to be there beyond my life and something that can be read by future generations of bi-polars or whoever. And, you know, that's what it's all about for me because, you know, I can't just say I want to have a kid and then have it happen, right?
00:50:11
Tyler Kania
But I can say I want to write a book and I want it to be my memoir and I want it to be about the good, the bad, the ugly, and I want people to read it. And so I'm really proud of what I put together.
00:50:25
All Trews ONLY
Well, that's awesome. Well, I want to thank you very much, uh, humbly, Tyler, uh, from the, the deepness of my heart for coming on the show and being so raw and so vulnerable. Cause that's not an easy thing to do really, uh, in 2025 and beyond. people don't always look at it as vulnerable vulnerability as a strength, but I do. And I think that's going to be more and more common.
00:50:54
All Trews ONLY
And I'm going to make sure that everyone goes to tylercania.com. I'm going to make sure they go to your social media handles, your Instagrams, all of those things will be in the show notes. thank you for listening to the Doomer Bloomer podcast on all trues only network. All the channels, you can look me up Will Nemo on Instagram, X, Facebook, anywhere and everywhere you get your podcasts, we're there.
00:51:32
All Trews ONLY
And again, thank you for listening and have a great night wherever you are or day in the Mandelbrot universe or otherwise. Peace.