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Jo Bingham on feeling comfortable in your own skin
15 Plays3 months ago
Meet Jo, who has navigated the complex world of medical weight management solutions with determination and resilience. From participating in NHS medical trials including the Covid vaccine to exploring bariatric surgery, semaglutide Wegovy injections, and tirzepatide Mounjaro treatments, she’s been on a quest to feel fitter and healthier.
Throughout her journey, she found support from a group of local bariatric patients and opens up about the reality of being a larger person navigating everything from airplane seats to restaurants, dealing with unsolicited opinions about her weight loss choices, rude comments from construction workers, and discovering that food noise is a constant for some people.
Jo shares the ongoing challenge of learning to enjoy food after surgery and struggling to recognise how her body has changed. She reveals how she found her way to genuine self-acceptance and the hard-won lessons learned in feeling more comfortable in her body - because the numbers on the scale aren’t everything.
Trigger warning
This episode includes discussion about weight, eating behaviours, medical weight loss procedures, body image and food-related issues. Please take care of yourself while listening.
Support and resources
If you are struggling with eating issues or need support, visit https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk or talk to your GP about help in your local area.
Music: Morning Span provided by Mobygratis #mobygratis
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Transcript
Exploring Medical Weight Management
00:00:00
Speaker
Meet Jo, who has navigated the complex world of medical weight management solutions with determination and resilience. From participating in NHS medical trials, including the COVID vaccine, to exploring bariatric surgery, semiglutide-Wigovia injections and terzepetide-Manjaro treatments, she's been on a quest to feel fitter and healthier.
00:00:23
Speaker
Throughout her journey, she found support from a group of local bariatric patients and opens up about the reality of being a larger person, navigating everything from airplane seats to restaurants, dealing with unsolicited opinions about her weight loss choices, rude comments from construction workers and discovering that food noise is a constant for some people.
Journey to Self-Acceptance and Societal Challenges
00:00:45
Speaker
Jo shares the ongoing challenge of learning to enjoy food after surgery and struggling to recognise how her body has changed. She reveals how she found her way to genuine self-acceptance and the hard-won lessons learned in feeling more comfortable in her body because the numbers on the scales aren't everything.
Passion for Crisps and Childhood Memories
00:01:04
Speaker
Welcome Jo and thank you for joining me on the podcast. I'm really glad you joined us today to talk about not being defined by scales, weight loss journey and you know trying to feel more comfortable in our own bodies.
00:01:18
Speaker
But first of all let's talk about one of our favourite topics of conversation. You are literally the only person i have ever met who is as passionate about crisps as I am. Tell me your top five crisps.
00:01:30
Speaker
Oh my gosh this is so hard because I feel like only five. i I've got way too many, but I've really, I've thought about this all week, trying to think. Right, and I can't do them in any order because I can't say one's more favourite than the other.
00:01:49
Speaker
Okay, go for it. So, bugles. You know those little cone crunchy ones? Like any flavour, I think it's just the texture. I love them so much.
00:02:00
Speaker
Skips, which a lot of people don't love, But I think it's that sort of cheap, not really like a prawn flavour, but it's pretending to be some sort of fish. Bacon-style snacks, as in like frazzle, but probably not a frazzle. Controversial.
00:02:18
Speaker
You know, like the different supermarket-type ones instead. Yeah. But there's that maize texture. think maize snacks. Then actual crisps made out of a slice of potato. Yeah.
00:02:32
Speaker
But the kettle style one, and my dream one is when they're actually folded over so they're even thicker in their crunch.
00:02:44
Speaker
But probably the other one I need to add, this is number five or number one, I'm not really sure, is beef flavour monster munch. Oh, yes. And the reason for that being, and I know I've told you this before, is one of the happiest moments of my life was when I was a child and I opened up my bag of monster munch.
00:03:02
Speaker
And inside was this lump, a lump of beef flavouring. i mean, when I think about it now, that's probably quite disgusting just to eat a lump of that flavouring. But at the time, it felt like a dream.
00:03:14
Speaker
so For me, that doesn't feel disgusting with me, like as good as having a solid chocolate Kit Kat. um It's just a rare thing. And this is what's so funny, because Monster Munch is definitely in my top five.
00:03:27
Speaker
I was so obsessed with pickled onion when I was pregnant with my first child that I wrote to them and said how much I had adored them. And they sent me ah big book of tokens, which was just like really exciting for even more packets.
00:03:43
Speaker
We were really living the life, weren't we? I do have additionals that I need to add in though, because I like to go on holiday and then I feel like I've got snacks from overseas that...
00:03:55
Speaker
When I'm going to those countries, I look forward to trying to find them. So if I go to America, this isn't a crisp, so sorry about that. I really want what's called smart food white cheddar popcorn.
00:04:07
Speaker
Oh, I don't know what that is. know, and it just coats your finger in the flavouring, which is pretty gross as well, but it's just dreamy. And then in Australia, they have these crisps called Twisties, and they're real fake cheese flavour.
00:04:24
Speaker
And then they have shapes, which are more like a cracker, but, you know, they're just really good. I would say my top ones are co-op salt and vinegar crisps that so evil you actually get a chemical peel on your tongue.
00:04:36
Speaker
Salt and vinegar squares, again, proper 80s crisps. Scampi fries, because when I was young they were really posh and your parents always said no when you asked for them.
00:04:47
Speaker
And definitely some kind of bacon crisps. I did write frazzles down. Yeah. But I'd be happy with bacon fries as well. ah just love crisps. It's a problem. So let's talk about why crisps are a problem for both of us.
00:05:02
Speaker
Wow. So you said to me before that you've always been bigger it's hard for you to understand how to reset your brain.
Impact of Weight on Activities and Life
00:05:12
Speaker
Now you've lost weight because you don't have a baseline reference. Yeah.
00:05:16
Speaker
What was it like when you were younger? Yeah, I don't really remember at primary school what that was like. And when I look at photos, I don't visually see that I was a lot bigger.
00:05:30
Speaker
But I definitely felt different. I don't know if that was messaging from family or where that came from. And I remember being really tiny or being told that,
00:05:42
Speaker
My shape as a very small child was pretty much the shape which was a big bottomed lady that the rest of the family had on my dad's side. So I don't know if that just stuck in my mind and that's what made me feel bigger.
00:05:58
Speaker
But definitely when I went to secondary school, I felt very different. And when I look at the photos... of there I did stand out against the size of other girls.
00:06:09
Speaker
I had the nickname of Bubble when I was at secondary school and I've never known to this day whether it was about my personality or if it was just because I was rounder. You didn't feel necessarily that nickname was said in a detrimental way or that you were bullied or anything?
00:06:26
Speaker
No, I definitely wasn't bullied. Or if people were trying to bully me, I guess I didn't pick up on those cues. And, you know, I think I've always had a sarcastic wit.
00:06:39
Speaker
So I think if people were making horrible comments, I probably just had a smart ass reply to them and didn't take it to heart. Actually lived further away than a lot of people, a lot of girls. I went to an all girls school and my bus journey, I had quite a lot of boys on the bus.
00:06:55
Speaker
So I'd made friends with them. But it did mean that I was a bit more popular in school because I'd have boys that would, you know, sort of be like, hi, Joe or hi, Bubbles.
00:07:06
Speaker
That probably helped as well when you're a teenager and the boys are all waving across the street to you. I think in secondary school, I remember we had to wear something called a purse belt, which was a hideous thing.
00:07:18
Speaker
A big, elastic, wide belt buckled at the front like a nurse thing with a giant purse for your bus pass on it. And I remember mine was always on the biggest setting. So the kind of bit that you tied around was at the front and everybody else's was around the back.
00:07:34
Speaker
Their waist were half the size. And I remember thinking that that was different. But it's quite hard then at that age to really equate yourself to other people, I think. and I can think back to, you know, memories of standing in the kitchen feeling really good with my outfit and and thinking, oh, yeah, I look really nice.
00:07:53
Speaker
And then my dad's making a comment, sorry, dad, if you're listening, where you would sort of think, oh oh, maybe I don't look as nice as I thought I did. But I think even then i was confident enough that that's still how I went out.
00:08:07
Speaker
I took it to heart, but I didn't let it affect me too much. But there was a massive part of me that also thought, I don't care. I was who I was.
00:08:19
Speaker
That's the really important part, isn't it? I mean, my dad used call me Bessie, the strong man's daughter. I don't know who she is, but she represents in my head someone who's kick-ass powerful. So that's all good.
00:08:30
Speaker
Yeah. My doctor explained to me last year that there are two types of people in the population. There are the hunters who gather the food and the nurturers who look after the community.
00:08:42
Speaker
And in a famine, the hunters die of starvation and the plump nurturers survive of fat stores to raise the next generation of hunters. It made a lot of sense to me how there are sort of different body types and why in summer like lean athletic racehorses.
00:09:00
Speaker
And obviously without a famine in the West and longer lives, you know, the nurturers are the ones who get the chronic diseases. At what point did you think like your weight was becoming an issue and you wanted to make a change?
00:09:15
Speaker
I think it's when I wanted to be able to physically do things. I used to do youth work and I remember that we went to the gliding club and there was a weight limit and I wasn't hugely over that weight limit but you know I was like well that's enough to prevent me from doing that and now I stand out for being different.
00:09:37
Speaker
what What age was that? So in my 30s so up until that point I think I just was merrily going along but doing anything that I wanted to do. And it wasn't preventing me from going anywhere.
00:09:49
Speaker
but i was very acutely aware when I was travelling that I'd have to ask for a seatbelt extender. Yeah, just they would come over and hand that to you in full view of everybody. Getting on public transport, you would notice that people would look at you in a way of thinking, oh my gosh, I hope she's not sitting next to me.
00:10:08
Speaker
but I know that my hips are hitting into the seat sides next to me, potentially slightly spilling over into someone else's space. And if you're larger, then, you know, that's unavoidable at times.
00:10:22
Speaker
I didn't want to have to squeeze through places, you know, and and having to ask people to move out my way and they'd move an inch. And I'd think... mate, you've got to be afoot.
00:10:35
Speaker
That's not a wide enough space for me to get through. but I'm really thinking about where I had to sit in places, you know, so that you wouldn't feel trapped because you've got to try and get past somebody.
00:10:47
Speaker
Just all of those things started to add up. I wasn't really feeling physical pain in my body, but it was definitely about not being able to do things that I wanted to do.
00:10:59
Speaker
I mean, I had quite a few experiences similar. Like the dreaded thing for me would be someone booking a meal in a restaurant and you turn up and the seats and the table are fixed in a booth.
00:11:10
Speaker
And then you spend the whole evening with your stomach cut in half by a table, feeling awkward if you need go to the toilet because you're literally giving birth to yourself trying to get out of the booth. Like yeah that's a real problem.
00:11:23
Speaker
For me, most of it kind of happened after I had kids. And the weight was just going on year after year. and I'd keep trying to diet, move more, get it back down. It would just jump straight back to where it was. If I wasn't on it, constantly obsessed with it, yeah it was just really hard to to keep it off.
00:11:44
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I don't remember like the moment in my life that made me big, but I can think back to when I first started dieting. And that was when I was about 16 and I went to Weight Watchers for the first time.
00:12:00
Speaker
It works for a period of time. You stop doing it. You put your weight back on. Yo-yo dieting. I mean, I did things like the cabbage soup diet. And I remember standing at the sink to drink that cabbage soup because I knew I wanted to vomit from doing it because it was so disgusting.
00:12:18
Speaker
My mum actually took me to this private clinic and so had some sort of pills. And during that period of time, I'd rarely ate food. I was just eating Leucosate tablets.
00:12:28
Speaker
It's very likely that medication that was on was some sort of amphetamine. But that desperation to want to be smaller and feel normal, feel the same as everybody else.
00:12:41
Speaker
was really there. Then I think I just gave up on it because there's only so much you can do in terms of counting points, counting sins, measuring things out. You know, you get really obsessed with what you're doing and standing on the scales and looking at those numbers and then barely seeing the move.
00:12:59
Speaker
It's really disheartening when that happens. I mean, I sort of remember being definitely about 12 and wishing that there was some kind of contraption I could put on my stomach that would just sort of slice it off like you see in the butchers with a big bit of ham.
00:13:16
Speaker
My first diet was 14, Rosemary Conley diet. When I got my first wage packet, ended up at a Harley Street clinic and buying pills, which were definitely...
00:13:27
Speaker
amphetamines for 150 pounds and I stopped because I had heart palpitations and that's age 23. I don't think there is any diet I haven't tried.
00:13:39
Speaker
Slimming World, Weight Watchers, Slim Fast. I mean I've pumped a hell of a lot of money into that industry. Me too. It's probably not ended either if I'm honest.
00:13:50
Speaker
I went to an event last week that said 95% of diets don't work For the 5% that do, it's a lifetime job to keep it off.
00:14:01
Speaker
You know, you can't take your eye off the ball at all. No. And I know we've spoken before about when we hear people say, yeah, but you should just eat less and move more. That's true for some people. That really works.
00:14:14
Speaker
But, you know, i went right up to a size 26 in clothing. i was struggling to move. And there have been times in my life when I have eaten ah lot less.
00:14:25
Speaker
For some people, that isn't working. For some people, it does. We've all got different bodies and our bodies are reacting in different ways to these diets. And, you know, some of it is about the psychological help that you need as well alongside that.
Bariatric Surgery Decision and Aftermath
00:14:41
Speaker
So you said to me that at that sort of point, you signed up almost kind of without really thinking about it, bariatric surgery, And then nearly cancelled when it actually arrived. What was going through your mind and what was the experience like for you?
00:14:59
Speaker
And I don't know what I went to the GP about. I would have been 2018. And she said, well, you need to lose weight. And I said to her, can you actually stop telling me that and help me then?
00:15:11
Speaker
So she said, OK, I'll refer you. And then I got this referral through. to the NHS tier three system. I had a year's worth of therapy. I also had access to a dietician.
00:15:23
Speaker
But I did find it really helpful. I felt like it was really preparing me. You had to go to group sessions with the hospital to learn more about the operation, what it could be like when your body changes, the type of food you'd have to be eating.
00:15:38
Speaker
I had met with the surgeon and chosen with him that I was going to have a sleeve where they take out a massive part of your stomach forever. Wow. On the lead up, I had to do what's called LRD, liver reduction diet, supposedly for three weeks because of the weight I was on.
00:15:57
Speaker
The one I specifically had to do one pint of milk a day, three or four Muller-like yogurts, And four tins of Weight Watchers soup. Oh, God. And then water.
00:16:10
Speaker
And you could have tea and coffee as long as you used your milk from your pint allowance. It actually felt quite easy to start off with because it was so prescriptive. So I thought to myself, oh, this is actually quite good. I'm losing loads weight from this.
00:16:26
Speaker
And then I thought, why do I need to have a drastic operation? I could just do this forever. And then one of my friends said, you would start adding in a slice of bread to go with your soup.
00:16:38
Speaker
And then all of a sudden you're adding in two slices of bread. Then you're having a sandwich with your soup. And then, you know, and then you're just going to spiral out with control again. That is what would happen. You're correct.
00:16:49
Speaker
I had my operation date and the night before my operation, they cancelled it. And I cried to the dietician and said, but I literally can't now spend another two weeks doing this diet.
00:17:01
Speaker
even though at one point I thought was going to do it for the rest of my life. She said, I'm going to send you through a thousand calorie restricted diet and but you'll get back on track again.
00:17:13
Speaker
The next day, went out to go shopping for my new diet, cried in Sainsbury's car park because it felt so overwhelming. How long had it been up to that point? Yeah, three weeks hadn't been inside a supermarket. My mum was getting stuff for me and I bulk bought all my Weight Watchers soups.
00:17:30
Speaker
And then got to the day of my operation. And I was sat there thinking, what am I actually doing? Why am I doing this? Oh my gosh, I'm actually having an operation. This could be the last day of my life.
00:17:43
Speaker
But I felt like I was in too deep at that point. And I had to go ahead with it. And I also knew that I needed it to happen because all these other diets that had gone before me hadn't really worked. I hadn't lost a significant amount of weight.
00:17:58
Speaker
And I just wanted to be active. What happened after the surgery? What happened with weight loss and how you felt? So I lost quite a bit of weight on the LRD diet.
00:18:11
Speaker
I mean, in total, I lost 100 pounds. My first two weeks felt OK. i was losing weight. The next two weeks, I went back to work and I was literally crying all the time.
00:18:24
Speaker
Just like, what have i done to my life? This is so hard. I was in a bit of physical pain because you have to remember it's major surgery. It felt really weird in my brain as well. Psychologically, it was so hard that you're eating such a small amount of food because that's all your body wants to take.
00:18:41
Speaker
And I think I started to get a bit of health anxiety at that point, thinking, am I going to get malnourished? Am am I going to get really sick for not eating enough food?
00:18:52
Speaker
You're being told that you should eat certain things and know have a protein heavy diet. but just not being able to do that. And plus, I really love food and I love creating food.
00:19:04
Speaker
You can get this thing once you've had surgery that's called dumping syndrome. You just want to go to sleep. You feel sick, no energy. And it's like an immediate thing that just happens.
00:19:14
Speaker
And when I was on my puree stage, I made this meal for myself where I mixed together in a little blender, some creme fraiche, scrambled egg and smoked salmon.
00:19:26
Speaker
because just wanted to taste something that was nice. And that gave me dumping syndrome and I went to bed for three hours. so So I didn't do that again. Let's just talk a bit about your enjoyment and love of food. You're actually a pretty proficient baker and you love a good old magazine.
00:19:44
Speaker
I got quite obsessed with the supermarket magazines at some point. It's so embarrassing, really, when I think back about it. But when I went to move house two years ago, i realised how many magazines I actually had.
00:19:57
Speaker
And I took them all to the tip because I just thought that part of my life has got to go now. Every Christmas, I get a new cookbook. I just love to look at the pictures.
00:20:09
Speaker
And I do get a lot of joy out of making food. It's not a joy just for me, it's a joy that's also then made other people happy. When I've thought about things like emotional eating, I find that quite an interesting concept because a lot of people think of emotional eating as somebody who feels deep sadness and sits on their sofa surrounded by multi-packs of crisps and chocolates and biscuits and they just feed their sadness and
00:20:42
Speaker
And I don't think that's how I've thought about emotional eating. I think back to moments of my life and they're generally, when they're happy moments, involved food.
00:20:53
Speaker
I've really struggled with people describing people with overeating issues as being emotional eating. It's always triggered some real rage in me. like if I do eat crisps,
00:21:05
Speaker
It isn't from a place of sadness. It's like, yay, Chris, I'm really excited to meet you. And it's a joyful thing rather than I'm sitting there full of shame. So after bariatric surgery, you returned back to medical trial with weight loss injections.
Weight Loss Trials and Emotional Impact
00:21:24
Speaker
Can you talk a little bit about that? What I'll say first of all is that £100 didn't say at gained some weight. They tell you that that's a normal thing.
00:21:36
Speaker
Bodies do that to adapt. yeah There's some people in my life that have made comments like, well, how can you put on weight? That's really hard to deal with because you think to yourself, well, yeah, how can I put on weight? Why is this happening?
00:21:50
Speaker
Then UCLH had contacted me to say, you're a person who'd probably be part of this trial because you haven't had very good weight loss. But they did this thing called semaglutides for bariatric patients.
00:22:07
Speaker
So I rarely feel hunger. was a bit unsure about the trial because I was thinking, well, don't eat when I'm hungry because I don't feel hunger. i eat when there's set meal times or I eat because my brain has told me that's what I really want to put inside my body.
00:22:25
Speaker
But anyway, as with other things I do in my life, just agreed to do it. thought, what's the worst that could happen? um you know didn't really think about it they're like have you read all the documents of course I didn't you are literally the perfect trial person because you just sign up without really thinking it through or reading the stuff um I know I had a lot of intensive support throughout the year and a bit that I did the trial through a dietician through the doctors I was going up for blood tests um
00:22:59
Speaker
I don't think I could have done that without that support. I would have been too scared, to be honest. And because they'd sort of said to me, you know, we don't know that it's safe for bariatric patients to have this drug.
00:23:09
Speaker
I wouldn't have gone and done this on my own, I don't think, if I hadn't done it through them, first of all. Anyway, off I go, injecting myself. I lost a lot of weight. But it was tough. It was really difficult because thinking back to all that joy around food, that kind of disappeared.
00:23:27
Speaker
You know, or people suggesting about going out to meals. And I'd think, wow, a few years ago, if I knew I was going away somewhere, I'd be looking up those restaurants online and planning my meals three months in advance because I felt so happy about doing that.
00:23:43
Speaker
And then suddenly I just couldn't even think to the next meal. And that anxiety about feeling malnourished or what's happening to my body if I don't eat enough really came back.
00:23:56
Speaker
But I started to really lose weight again and I felt so good about myself. People were noticing it and making really nice comments about me. I find it really interesting about the support that you had on weight loss injections.
00:24:11
Speaker
So I've lost 56 pounds on Munjaro since November. so that's just over six months. And I had been writing about it at work. I work in a women's health business.
00:24:26
Speaker
The medical team at my work were really pro the medication. They had seen the difference it made, particularly during menopause, where they said your body just goes into some kind of toxic shock where the insulin just isn't processed properly by your body and you just keep putting weight on and weight on and adding more fuel in more fuel in because you just can't control your appetite and that's something I really identified with and I felt a bit jealous when you said you had all that therapeutic support because I went with an online prescriber where you don't even talk to a medic and
00:25:05
Speaker
I knew it was safe, but there is no real support there. There's just a Facebook community of really health anxious people or people who don't read any instructions or just jabbing a pen in their leg and then going, oh, I think I've taken three doses at once. You know, it's pretty wild west out there.
00:25:24
Speaker
Do you think that everyone should really have that counselling before taking something serious like weight loss medication?
00:25:36
Speaker
It's hard to say if everyone should do it because, you know, we're all different in the way that we deal with things. But I definitely think people should at least educate themselves a bit beforehand. And that's about those companies as well, not just making a fast pound.
00:25:56
Speaker
But then saying that, I said to you earlier, I don't read anything, you know, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. But I do think... There needs to be some better support. How that's managed, it's hard to say, isn't it? Because these drugs are expensive by some of the providers.
00:26:14
Speaker
And if you add in more support, does that mean the cost goes up so people are going to avoid going to those providers? Cost is the main thing that drives people's decision making. yeah So people were deciding that the support wasn't actually worth it. They were just going for medical marketplaces where you just buy the drug and there is no wraparound care just to get the lowest cost.
00:26:35
Speaker
Yeah. What happened for me when my trial ended was I was thinking, well, that's that. I don't need to do this anymore. And then we had Christmas and I went to Australia for a month and I gained a bit of weight again. And I thought, I can't do this again. I need help. And in the back of your mind, you just think this is another yo-yo diet situation now that's happening.
00:26:56
Speaker
And I went with a provider who they may say they offer support. But I think support is if you ring them up and you say, my pen doesn't work, or you know that's the support. They're not given any sort of emotional support.
00:27:11
Speaker
And that is coming from a Facebook group instead that they have set up. So they'll say it's an official support group. But like you said, it's people in all sorts of health anxieties. or What see a lot of, and I find this really hard as well, is that people are saying they're doing Slimming World at the same time that they're injecting or they're using some sort of liquid diet meal replacements at the same sub time as injecting.
00:27:38
Speaker
And it worries me that there's all sorts of things that are going to come out in the next year or two that could be an implication from different people using these medications. When my trial ended, I was asked if I wanted to be part of a second trial, which I said, of course, I love doing trials for the NHS.
00:27:59
Speaker
And it's a bone density trial. And immediately my brain thought, oh, well, they know that there's an issue that could potentially happen for some people. I mean, i think my concerns are from being in a Facebook group observing typical behavior of person on weight loss injections.
00:28:19
Speaker
They are not really eating a balanced diet because they just have no appetite or desire to eat food. So they're eating protein bars so they don't have to even think about preparing it. And then you're just not really getting that mix of nutrients that that you need.
00:28:38
Speaker
maybe not doing exercise. And it does make it quite clear if you read the literature to do strength training is really important. And it's got to be because of this bone density.
00:28:49
Speaker
And then the last kind of medical information that's come out this year is that
Food Noise and Weight Issues
00:28:56
Speaker
Some weight loss brands affect the absorption of contraceptive pill or progesterone absorption for HRT.
00:29:05
Speaker
And that leads to womb thickening. So you really do need to talk to people honestly about the medications you're on to get the right advice for you. And it worries me that people don't. There are positives in taking these drugs.
00:29:19
Speaker
Food noise is the thing that everyone's talking about now. And that seems to be the main focus about the positives of using this drug. It's really hard to explain what food noise is.
00:29:30
Speaker
I think it isn't until you have used the drugs and then you don't get those disruptive thoughts in your brain about food. to be honest, I don't think I knew what food noise was until I did the injections through the trial.
00:29:46
Speaker
And it was just this weird sensation of having no appetite and then no thought about food. And I agree. I think I ate more unhealthily when I was injecting.
00:29:58
Speaker
There were days when I had three meals of toast in a day. How is that sustainable? That's not healthy. I think that's why you have to really make sure you eat that balanced range of food. And it takes a lot of planning and literally swallowing it down. So after I've injected on a Sunday...
00:30:18
Speaker
fancying food doesn't really come back into play till Wednesday. I went to an event where there was a statistic about food noise. So people with weight issues spend four hours, 45 minutes a day on average thinking about food.
00:30:33
Speaker
And people without weight issues spend 15 minutes a day thinking about food. So they're really just thinking about fuel. And I'm like thinking about what should I eat? Shouldn't eat that because it's unhealthy. Plan something, make it balanced. Oh my God, I've eaten that now. um What should I have at lunchtime? What should have at dinner time? What about tomorrow? Like it's just... Going back to the question about counselling, I don't know they have to be counselling. I think you've just got to find whatever support works for you
00:31:04
Speaker
I met a group of people. So there were five other people in Kent that live near me. that have all had bariatric surgery. And I would say that now they're my biggest support. Like they know what it's like for me. And it's really hard to talk to other people who haven't had bariatric surgery or other people that haven't struggled with their weight or people that do just see food as fuel.
00:31:31
Speaker
um We call ourselves the banana babes with our little banana stomachs, celebrating NSVs, which non-scale victories. You know, you'd be like, I walked into whatever shop today and I managed to take something off the rail and I've never fitted in clothes from that shop before.
00:31:49
Speaker
And just celebrating those real joyful moments and feeling comfortable in your own skin and talking about the body changes that have happened as a result of our surgery and probably even like the struggles that we're still continuing to have.
00:32:05
Speaker
We find activities to do with each other that aren't based around food. Because I think a lot of the time socialising is with food. And so when you're a bariatric person, you're trying to avoid that. Or maybe if you're injecting or whatever diet you're doing, it becomes difficult to be around people.
00:32:25
Speaker
who don't get it in the same way as you? 12,000 UK households have somebody using weight loss medication, which is 4% of the population and one in eight Americans are on it.
00:32:37
Speaker
It's going to have a massive impact on the hospitality industry. It is really hard to find a small meal that's still appetising, feels balanced,
00:32:50
Speaker
not waste of money or you know you're shoving half of it in the bin. I've been using Manjaro for the past three months and I've just decided it's not working for me.
00:33:02
Speaker
When I first lost loads of weight through bariatric surgery i actually joined a gym which felt like a massive NSV because I'd never really been at a gym and felt comfortable there before. i always used to worry Everyone's looking at me. Why is that fat person in the gym?
00:33:17
Speaker
And when I went there after losing loads of weight, I felt really good about it. And that's the feeling I want to have again. I do feel comfortable in who I am as a person. Yeah.
00:33:28
Speaker
But just want to feel that sense of being healthier and fitter. So I've decided not to be spending money on weight loss drugs. Who knows? Maybe I'll go back to them at some point.
00:33:42
Speaker
But I've decided I'm going to go and join the gym because I just really enjoyed it before. I remember going to spin class and just being like, I literally love this. And I joined a running club at one point and managed to run 5k.
00:33:57
Speaker
But I was like, this does not make me happy. mean used to feel happy when I sat down at the end of it, but I didn't feel happy when I was doing it. Fitness has been a bit of a journey
Fitness Journey and Positive Changes
00:34:09
Speaker
for me. I've done stuff on and off all throughout my life, British military fitness, yoga, pilates.
00:34:15
Speaker
But the last two years, I've really committed to strength training and fitness with a personal trainer. It is a bit of an outlay per month, but it was my commitment yeah to myself at the beginning of trying to feel fitter because I felt I was losing what I call flexibility and functional strength like getting out of a bath bending down to tie your shoelace it all became a bit of an effort and I've been going regularly for two years next month and it's made an absolutely massive impact on my life my confidence in doing things my stamina in walking what I can lift yeah and my trainer is just really encouraging it's almost like having a bit of a therapist really like you just
00:35:03
Speaker
is just so excited every time you can lift a bit more or do a bit more. And since losing the weight, he's like, you can actually physically move your body now. Do you recognise that without him telling you that that's the difference now?
00:35:18
Speaker
When I started at the beginning, i was really anxious about being injured. So he would say, we're going to do this. And I'd say, no, I can't. And then over time, i think he's trained my brain.
00:35:31
Speaker
to be more open to what I can do or try. But I never really say now I can't do that. It's just a big, big mindset shift. And really, you know, my goal was to reverse pre-diabetes and to be able to walk without foot and knee pain. It wasn't about the number on the scale.
00:35:53
Speaker
It's super cool to have the byproduct of smaller clothes and can buy fashions that I want to buy even like vintage getting an absolute hammering but um it is weird I don't recognize myself in the mirror at the moment and it's weird when people have a reaction and go ah you look really good you look really different and I'm like I am exactly the same person I'm the same. I don't recognise myself. So when I was a size 26, I thought I looked like I do now. i'm now a size 16.
00:36:29
Speaker
I think that's what I thought I looked like. But when I look back at the photos, I'm like, wow, I was huge in comparison to how I am now. But I've had people make comments to me about, oh, you're actually quite petite.
00:36:44
Speaker
Oh, I didn't realise you were so short. And I think I haven't got shorter. If anything, I must have been an optical illusion before because I was rounder. Surely I would have looked shorter.
00:36:55
Speaker
have to use comparison photos. And so i remember once sitting on the grass at an event with my friends and then just getting really freaked out by my legs in front of me, thinking, they're not my legs.
00:37:07
Speaker
Who do they belong to? And she was a bit like, they are your legs, Jo. They're attached to your body. But like my brain suddenly looked at them and thought, they're so much smaller.
00:37:18
Speaker
than actually I thought they were. What's happening? You know, I think there's a thing that does happen when you lose weight quite rapidly. <unk> It's almost like your brain can't catch up but I'm not sure my brain has still caught up with it.
00:37:33
Speaker
I really identify with what you're saying. I didn't feel like a fat person. and I just felt like me. And in my head, when I look in the mirror and I wear something that I feel really happy about, I'm looking at the front and I'm like, yeah, you look great.
00:37:47
Speaker
Back then, I never really looked at myself and felt shame and I should hide away or wear black or a tent or The bigger I was, the brighter the colours I wore. and feel really confused when people without weight issues would say, I wish I could wear that dress, but I really hate my arms.
00:38:04
Speaker
And I'd be like, what do you mean? Arms are arms. And I think that's, for me now, my body has massively changed. And if I'd done this operation when I was a lot younger, then maybe, you know, like I wouldn't have had perhaps so much sagginess of things like bingo wings.
00:38:22
Speaker
But who knows, those happen seem to happen for lots of people. And there are parts of my body now where if I had lots of money, then I'd happily be going to have some sort of constructive um surgery. And I probably wouldn't even look it up beforehand. I'd just go there, have it done, come home again.
00:38:39
Speaker
but ah Surely there's a medical trial there somewhere. ah Yeah. Oh, my gosh, I might look that up. But at the same time, i just think I want to wear a strappy sundress.
00:38:51
Speaker
And I'm the only one that's worrying about flapping arms. I really doubt that anyone else is looking at them. And if they are, I literally don't care. That's their problem, not my problem.
Societal Perceptions and Self-Worth
00:39:03
Speaker
Because I am comfortable with who I am. It feels like society isn't happy when we're fat and sucking up resources on the NHS. They're not happy when we lose weight quickly through surgery or medication.
00:39:15
Speaker
How do you feel about other people's perceptions? People are going to have opinions about me and what I've done in the same way that I'll have unconscious bias.
00:39:26
Speaker
That's what it makes me think. I don't care what other people think about me. I could spend all my time worrying about their opinions. And that's a lot of energy. And that energy I could be using on myself in other positive ways. Instead, I'm comfortable with who I am.
00:39:43
Speaker
ah think I'm a nice person. People tell me I am. And does my weight and what I look like change that? No, I don't think it does. I've had experiences in the past where you walk past men and they just make the most awful things comments about what you look like.
00:40:03
Speaker
I actually complained about that once when I walked past a building site and this man made really awful comments. I reported him and the person I reported to came into my works and asked to speak to me about it and then gave me a huge apology and said that he was going to get spoken to.
00:40:19
Speaker
That took confidence to be able to do that and sort of say, actually, you're not treating me as a human being. It doesn't matter what I look like. Yeah, usually these people are not massive oil paintings themselves, I tend to find.
00:40:33
Speaker
No, I don't think I walk past him thinking, oh, there goes my future husband. ah Do you have any words of wisdom for anyone at the moment who feels uncomfortable in their own body?
00:40:46
Speaker
I think it's just about taking small steps and just thinking, what is it that you want to be able to do? So for me, it was those like real physical activities. I thought I couldn't even do things like archery, you know, where you're not like hugely moving around.
00:41:04
Speaker
But I felt like my arms were too fat and that I would get pinged with it and get bruised on my arm if I was that fat. So was those things that i thought that's what I want to do to make a change.
00:41:18
Speaker
I want to be able to do those activities. I'm just picturing the fact that you are trying to have a secret life as Robin Hood and haven't said to anybody that archery is your number one goal in life. To be honest, I've done archery since I've got thinner and I'm pretty terrible at it. so So that's not my goal in life now.
00:41:41
Speaker
I'm trying to think of other words of wisdom. I mean, I think you've just got to find the thing that is right for you. And it may take a few different routes along the way.
00:41:53
Speaker
but just trying to remember what are you good at as a human being? and remembering that that's what will define you, not the physical size that you are. And it's finding those little things that make you feel happy that will then mean that you feel more comfortable and confident in the skin that you've got, no matter what size it is.
00:42:18
Speaker
That sounded so cheesy. I'm having that. Now all I can think about is cheesy crisps.
00:42:26
Speaker
That's brilliant, Jo. Thanks so much for joining me on the podcast today. It was a pleasure to have you. Thank you, Emily. Thank
00:42:48
Speaker
you