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What Will They Say About You When You're Gone?
31 Plays6 days ago
What makes a meaningful funeral or memorial service, and why are more families choosing celebrants to help tell their loved one's story?
In this episode, Jennifer Muldowney sits down with funeral celebrant, retreat facilitator, and spiritual counselor Rev. DiAnna Ritola to explore the deeply personal work of guiding people through grief, remembrance, and healing. DiAnna shares how growing up around funeral homes shaped her relationship with death, how she found her calling as a celebrant, and why honoring every part of a person's story matters more than creating a "perfect" service.
Jennifer and DiAnna discuss why vulnerability is essential during grief, the unique challenges celebrants face, and how collaboration helps families navigate one of life's most difficult moments with compassion and authenticity.
Key Topics:
-Why personalized funerals create more meaningful goodbyes
-The importance of pre-planning your final wishes
-How funeral celebrants help families heal through storytelling
-Psychedelic therapy and its role in end-of-life care
-The legacy we leave through the stories people tell about us
Quotes from the episode:
"If you know your time is limited, you get the chance to prepare to meet the unknown."
— DiAnna Ritola
"Why then do you leave your final chapter to be written by somebody else?"
— Jennifer Muldowney
Timestamps:
[01:43] DiAnna introduces her work as a funeral celebrant, retreat host, spiritual counselor, and psychedelic therapist, sharing how each role supports people through life's biggest transitions.
[04:58] DiAnna discusses her training as an end-of-life doula and why psychedelic-assisted therapy is emerging as a powerful tool for people facing terminal illness.
[06:27] Jennifer shares the excitement around her upcoming Ireland retreat while discussing the growing interest in healing-focused retreat experiences.
[09:17] DiAnna shares how becoming an interfaith minister unexpectedly led her into officiating weddings, funerals, and celebrations of life.
[14:16] DiAnna explains how allowing families to be vulnerable during funeral services creates opportunities for healing and genuine support.
[17:18] Jennifer discusses the importance of pre-planning to ensure people are remembered according to their identity, wishes, and authentic life.
[20:27] Jennifer shares real examples of why documenting your wishes can prevent unnecessary conflict and ensure your voice is honored after death.
[21:02] DiAnna explains how seasonal gatherings, rituals, and community create space for women to reconnect, heal, and support one another.
[23:25] DiAnna shares how she works alongside individuals to design meaningful ceremonies tailored to their unique life challenges and healing journeys.
[26:12] Jennifer and DiAnna reflect on why supporting families through life's most emotional moments remains one of the most meaningful careers they could imagine
Connect with Rev. DiAnna Ritola at:
Websites - Diannaritola.com
Email: Revdianna@diannaritola.com
Connect with Jennifer/The Glam Reaper on socials at:
Instagram - / jennifermuldowney
TikTok - / therealglamreaper
YouTube - / @theglamreapermuldowney
LinkedIn - / jennifermuldowney
Facebook Page - / muldowneymemorials
Email us - glamreaperpodcast@gmail.com
Shop Merch - https://the-glam-reaper.printify.me/
Listen to The Glam Reaper Podcast on Apple Podcasts:https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast...
The Glam Reaper® AMAZON Storefront - https://amzn.to/4hObpOh
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Transcript
Psychedelics and the Afterlife
00:00:00
Speaker
If you know your time is limited, you get the chance to prepare to meet the unknown. And psychedelics allow you to have a taste of what that might be like.
00:00:21
Speaker
Hello everyone and welcome to another episode of the Glam Reaper podcast. I'm your host, Jennifer Muldowney, looking like a giant tomato because i made the terrible mistake to go and run for a coffee before we were doing this recording. And as you can see, the coffee is no more and I look like a tomato. Never go out in the Florida heat.
00:00:41
Speaker
Anyway, also sweating in a different part of the country is what an introduction that is. is my gorgeous friend and colleague ah Diana Ritola. Welcome to the show.
00:00:54
Speaker
Hello and thank you so much. This is super exciting for me. I'm glad to be here and we'll see where the conversation goes. You're not looking as sweaty as I am for sure. You're looking like a a goddess. You have a lovely fan going over at Eddie. I am glowing.
00:01:11
Speaker
Yes, I'm just glowing, not quite full on poor sweating because I haven't been outside. that zi way Yeah, not like the crazy girls that I have who decided to go for and I even texted her. I said, I'm going for a run slash I'm actually going for a walk. But I look like I've gone for about a 10 mile run.
Guest Introduction: Diana Ritola
00:01:30
Speaker
and anyway like Diana, you are a celebrant with Muldani Memorials. and We've worked together plenty of times, but you do a lot of other things. Tell us a little bit about that.
00:01:40
Speaker
I do. I love doing celebrant work for funerals and weddings and memorial services and baby blessings and all of that. Life events deserve to be celebrated.
00:01:51
Speaker
That's definitely part of my work. I also own True North Healing Sanctuary, which is a retreat center in we Worthington, Massachusetts, kind of between I-91, which goes right up the middle of the state, and the Berkshires. So...
00:02:06
Speaker
It's called the Hilltowns and it's lovely here, but still experiencing the heat wave. So that's um a lot. And so when, when someone comes to the retreat center, they can do energy work with me. They can do spiritual counseling with me.
00:02:22
Speaker
I do offer a psychedelic therapy, a one-on-one and small group so that, because I find that psychedelics are a way that open a door to,
00:02:33
Speaker
to things that we often hide or are too afraid to open ourselves. But with the support of that medicine and the support of a trusted guide, there can there can be some extra extra bonus healing.
00:02:47
Speaker
And I also hold women's circles and other stuff. And and i also live here. So that's nice, too. How many people can you host in the retreats? If it is a an overnight retreat, I can sleep six-ish people here.
00:03:01
Speaker
Although I do have space for camping and we have a space for RVs, if someone had that. If I am hosting like a day-long retreat, I try to cap at around 15 to 20, depends on the activity.
00:03:13
Speaker
Simply because i want everyone to feel like they've gotten what they need.
Psychedelics and End-of-Life Care
00:03:18
Speaker
There's a difference between speaking to a large group of people, leading a very structured lecture or something like that, and working in a small group situation. And I want the folks who come here to feel like they are truly being held and nurtured.
00:03:34
Speaker
So i keep I keep it pretty small. Mm-hmm. And this season of the podcast seems to be quite influenced by psychedelics. just I'm just laughing at you mentioning it because we just recently released an episode with our dear friend Lauren from La Mort, who spoke about her experience with, I'm probably getting this drug's name wrong, but psilocybin, I think it's called.
00:03:57
Speaker
Nope, that's the medicine that I work with as well. Yeah. yeah so um So she was giving us, um we had a whole podcast about that and about her experience with that. And then previous to that, we had another lady who talked about cutting off all of the senses. What's that called again?
00:04:15
Speaker
Like sensory. Oh, sensory deprecation. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. um And so, yeah, so we seem to be, that seems to be the theme of this. I love the way each season naturally creates its own little theme. Right.
00:04:29
Speaker
Without even trying, you just end up yeah attracting people who have interesting things. I'm actually currently working on a certification as an end-of-life doula because there is a um there's an organization ah with four psychedelics at the end of life. it's a pretty It seems to be an emerging field, for especially for folks who have a terminal illness.
00:04:52
Speaker
to help them kind of get to the point of acceptance, right? that's yeah if you If you know your your time is limited, i mean, and okay, all our time is limited, but if you have um a more a more ah honed in knowledge on your expiration date,
00:05:12
Speaker
If you've been given a date, an approximation. Given a date or least a ballpark figure that you get the chance to prepare to meet the unknown.
00:05:24
Speaker
And psychedelics allow you to have a taste of what that might be like and to to to realize that once this body experience is ended, there is this there's other stuff.
00:05:38
Speaker
We just don't exactly know what it looks like. Yeah, yeah. No, the the the call or the the recording with the Lauren was very, very fascinating. And we've had her on the podcast before. We've actually had her, I think that was her third time because the first time she was in partnership with somebody. um And so we were in was the very, I think it was even the first season. which is crazy to think we're in season six now, six years later. um But then we had, she had evolved from that partnership into her own um
Journey to Celebrant Work
00:06:07
Speaker
business. And now this psilocybin, um I was very, very intrigued with. And and we're actually going to be in Ireland together for a week doing ah an Irish retreat in August. I was about to say next month, but by tomorrow I can say next month. It's still June 30th. That's right. I noticed that you were hosting that retreat and I've...
00:06:27
Speaker
It was very exciting. I was i was very tempted. Well, and so what was interesting, yeah we sold out within 24 hours. And I mean, it's so I'm very excited to do it, but I'm also excited to to have the lived experience of doing it with all these people so that we can then repeat it and do it again next year. And I think next year we are aiming...
00:06:48
Speaker
to to try and do it and maybe even take a bigger group I don't know again we'll see once we've had the lived experience of it and is to do it around Samhain around the the Irish and Halloway so that'll be great but yeah I am intrigued on I told Lauren i I said you know I'm not holding her to anything but I was like should she come across any of her little mushrooms that you know maybe maybe I'll dalliance we'll see we'll see I'm such a great guy But you maybe, Diana, am you're such a wonderful celebrant and you're you're honestly, you're one of my favorites. And i am i love i love having families. It's very interesting, actually, when a family or a funeral home calls and they want to celebrate. And i try and pay her as much as I can. And you are such an incredible celebrant. You're so open hearted. Can you give us, um obviously, I know we're we're friends aside from anything else, but can you give and the listeners a little bit of ah just a snapshot into your life and how you came to to be who you are and the struggles you've had? I actually grew up with my uncle being a funeral director.
00:07:54
Speaker
And so I wasn't ever uncomfortable with death. It was something that was really normalized in our home and in our family. In fact, I remember my uncle um was single for a long time and lived in an apartment above the funeral home.
00:08:14
Speaker
So even though he didn't own the funeral home, he was an employee. But I remember playing in caskets as a child, like getting in and getting out and trying them out and being able to check out all the cool fabrics and pillows, etc.,
00:08:31
Speaker
And I also came from a pretty big family. So somebody was always dying. Right. And my parents were very they believed in that extended family responsibility. You show up for all of the celebrations, even when the celebration is sad.
00:08:48
Speaker
I was really comfortable with with death and funeral homes and that sort of things. And then as I as i moved into being an interfaith minister, so I went i went to seminary in 2009, primarily with the idea of adding it to my already existing coaching business.
00:09:08
Speaker
Someone one asked me to do a wedding. Then someone asked me to do a funeral or a celebration of life. And I just got to the point of, oh, right. That's also part of what I love to do is to be with people in their moments of great emotion.
00:09:25
Speaker
And weddings are always filled with joy and some sadness. You know, like nobody gets what all they want or people aren't there that you want to be.
00:09:36
Speaker
And funerals and memorial services are always sad and filled with laughter.
Funeral and Wedding Planning: Emotional Authenticity
00:09:43
Speaker
Because no one's no one's life isn't funny on some level. And one of the best parts of learning a family's experience of their loved one who has passed is to hear about the things that were silly and quirky and made them laugh and brought them joy, um as well as the sort of the legacy that they wanted to leave, right? We all think about the...
00:10:08
Speaker
how How do I want to be remembered? And so very often folks go into a ah memorial service situation or a funeral situation with the idea of, well, we want this we want our loved one to be remembered as the great lawyer that that he or she was or the great caretaker or the great...
00:10:29
Speaker
sibling, whatever that was. But nobody's great all the time. To be able to fully honor the wonderful, we have to acknowledge that sometimes you're kind of a jerk or sometimes you laughed inappropriately at somebody's, you know, terrible joke or...
00:10:48
Speaker
Life is too big for one small definition. And so being a celebrant, I like to talk to the families about how big they their loved one was and how and they can bring some of that multifaceted cells into a, into a you know, 40-minute memorial celebration, which is not always easy.
00:11:12
Speaker
No, no, not when you're given such a a limited space of time as well. You know, ah like we just we did a post the other day where it's a funeral celebrant is more important than picking your wedding celebrant. And, you know, this really and truly that is because a wedding celebrant for the most part, at least any wedding celebrants I know anyway, they have more than 24 and 48 hours to put together a service.
00:11:39
Speaker
Funeral salivists don't always have that liberty. Exactly. and And there's something wonderfully freeing about the time crunch.
00:11:49
Speaker
oh oh Because it's going to be good and it's probably going to be great, but nobody's going to nitpick all of the different parts because it is in a limited time crunch. Whereas if you're planning your wedding,
00:12:05
Speaker
a year in advance, nine months in advance, there's going to be a lot of things that you want to tweak and adjust and have conversations about and go back and forth and think about it. That's not true when you're under a time crunch. And so you really get to hone in on what do you want to say? What do you want to do? How do you want to celebrate this loved one who was so vital to you?
00:12:30
Speaker
a Yeah, you don't have time to overthink it. But at the same time, I feel like that in and and of itself is quite freeing because as we know, as celebrants, one of the things we always offer families is that comfortability of knowing that, you know, right.
00:12:47
Speaker
If you if you're not sure if you're sitting here two days in a front of the funeral and you're not sure if you're going to have the cojones to speak because you just feel like you might cry, you might whatever. and write it out and know that we can carry those words for you on the day. So there's a freeness in that because you're under a time crunch. So the words are just pouring out of you like like they say you should journal, you know, instead of just necessarily keeping all your anger inside, you know, writing and journaling is great and therapeutic. This is a similar thing. You're under time crunch. So you're kind of forced to put all these words out. And, you know, yes, you can read over them and, you know, and obviously change it before the service. But there's a freeness to that and in it being under a time crunch and a freeness of not overthinking everything. Because I know from being a wedding planner, a lot of things are overthought of.
00:13:40
Speaker
and nearly overthought out of the wedding when they really should never have been because they were perfect as they were, but they're just, you know. And I think too, when when families allow themselves to be messy,
00:13:55
Speaker
right? To be vulnerable. It invites the people who are there as witnesses, as sort of like second and third tier
LGBTQ+ Representation in Death
00:14:06
Speaker
grievers to offer support in ways that we don't always ask for.
00:14:13
Speaker
hey We are not generally allowed or encouraged to ask for help, to ask for support, to ask for just let me be, you know, a crying mess or ah feel sick to my stomach or whatever those responses that our bodies are going to have to a great loss.
00:14:37
Speaker
yeah Great change. Even when you expect it right? Even when your grandmother was 98 years old and had lived a lovely life, it is still an ending. And you don't know until you're in it how you're going to react. yeah um And so when you are doing that with within the construct and confines of a funeral service led by a celebrant, there is a freedom to just be because you're not trying to manage.
00:15:06
Speaker
Yeah. And you're not trying to fit into a mold. You're not trying to make sure you do the exact mass ritual or whatever it might be, you know, and you have the freedom to include a Jewish piece, a Buddhist piece, a Catholic prayer, you know, a poem from Winnie the Pooh, whatever. You can include all of the things. I feel like so many people assume celebrants are atheist or humanist or, you know, anti-religion or any of that kind of stuff. And it couldn't be further from the truth. Yeah. And it really, it it does, it just opens up so much more for families to be able to share more, do more and really just take the narrative back.
00:15:46
Speaker
While having a professional guidance, if they can take the narrative back and and and do a funeral their way. I mean, it really is such a special, it's such a, I love being a celebrant. I really do. It's one of my favorite things. I really And there's nothing more rewarding than when you step down from the podium or off the, you know, wherever you've been. And people are coming up to you saying, oh, my gosh, how did you know Mary? Oh, my gosh, how long have you known the Murphy family or whatever? And you're like.
00:16:13
Speaker
is Exactly. Yes. it's so ugly And when the family note says, I feel like our loved one brought you to us. Yes. So that you could help with them. That is just, that's exactly what I'm going for.
00:16:29
Speaker
yeah he Yeah. I don't, it's not about me. No. It is about how how can I be the the vessel or the conduit for your loved one and you to have this final conversation in public.
00:16:47
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. And we actually just and today. So today is the last we're recording this on the last day of June, the last day of Pride Month. And we just actually did a workshop um this morning on end of life planning for the LGBTQ plus community. And one of the things that we said in the presentation is, you know, you've lived hopefully so authentically and true to yourself and pridefully and out loud and all of that good stuff your entire life.
00:17:14
Speaker
Why then do you leave your final chapter to be written by somebody else or spoken by somebody else? um in You know, and in terms of pre-planning, I mean, I just think it's so important for that community to pre-plan, to give themselves a voice that can be taken, can be robbed in that final chapter. i mean, it breaks my heart when I've seen it happen. You know, do you want to talk a little bit about that since it is, you know, we're we're probably not going to air this until July, but maybe we'll continue the pride. Keep it going.
00:17:44
Speaker
here keep regularggling ah Yeah, there it's more talked about now. But generally, in most people's ideas, when they hear pre-planning for a funeral, they think paying.
00:17:58
Speaker
Paying for a casket, buying a funeral cemetery plot, those sorts of things. And that is important if that's how you want to preserve your Do you know your remains?
00:18:12
Speaker
But when when you and I and other celebrants talk about free planning, we talk about what do you want people to know about you? What do you want? What do you want to say?
00:18:24
Speaker
do you want to record something that gives your voice at the final moment? Do you want to make sure that the people who are important to you are also involved?
00:18:38
Speaker
you know Do you want to play It's Raining Men because that was your theme song, right? or do you or or ah Or were you a person who was was okay with being out, but you didn't participate all of the...
00:18:54
Speaker
pride extravaganza because you just thought no that's not me i'm not going to come to rain with rainbows if you were not a person yeah who wanted that sort of expression and yet if you don't tell anybody nobody knows nobody knows yeah so well we have that recording um and it will be live on our youtube channel so check it out if you want to hear more information about that and about your options We do have a free pre-planning guide. I have a small one that has five questions to open the conversation. Then i have a larger one with 40 plus questions to really dig deep um and pre-planning. And it is, it's so important. You know, I was raised Catholic. I definitely want some Catholic prayers said at my funeral, but I do want it to be led by a celebrant, preferably by a celebrant who's a friend, a professional at what they do. um i guess it depends on which one of us goes first, Diana. But, um, sorry.
00:19:47
Speaker
I swear I love that conversation with people in this profession. Like I've already chosen my funeral director, at dinner the day but then it's like, wait, what if I go? What if you go first? What if I go first? ah ah We're going to have to be rejigging our plans.
00:20:00
Speaker
But it is it's an important conversation. i would I mean, you know, look I've never had to come out to anybody, so I can't even remotely understand what that's like, that conversation is like. But I would nearly say that having your plans or some sort of pre-plan is as important, nearly as important a conversation to have with your loved ones as that initial conversation, because I've just seen too much heartbreak happen. You know, somebody who is identified as female, but was born male and now they're being buried male because their mom never could get on board and their partner is lost. And it's just it's a mess. It's a shit show.
Community and Rituals at True North Sanctuary
00:20:35
Speaker
um And so it's a very important conversation to have. It really, really is. The retreats that you hold, the women's circles, and tell us a little bit about that, about what what you provide for for people.
00:20:48
Speaker
I am women focused and I generally do circles on sort of the, either the the traditional Wiccan holy days, wow so the solstices and equinoxes and the cross-quarter days. I also do stuff around the full moon or the new moon, but I'm incredibly inconsistent because I also have a life, right? So I do this and then I do that. that I tell myself I should be a little bit more consistent. I should just plan it and plan it and plan it. And then, but something happens, like there's a cool concert and I'm not going to miss out on life yeah because, know, and so what I love to do is just say, Hey, who's around this weekend? And understand that it's perfect. most Most of my women's circles involve a fire, if we if it's not raining, so we can be outside, some chanting and drumming, and a lot of sharing, whether it's about a seasonal sharing. So let's just say we're talking about the summer solstice. We just passed the summer solstice. And so in in women's spirituality, the summer solstice is about the mother. It's about what are you creating? What are you nurturing in the world? And so just because you have not procreated a child doesn't mean that you are not mothering something.
00:22:13
Speaker
And we, as women, need to be together. We were designed to create in community and we were designed to not be in competition.
00:22:25
Speaker
that's a That's a patriarchal construct, right? yeah Somebody has to be better than someone else. And so what I do is hold that space for everyone who comes to be heard,
00:22:40
Speaker
and seen and encouraged because it's hard enough out in the world to do those things.
Collaborative Celebrant Work
00:22:47
Speaker
um Coming together with other women is important tis to to feed our fuel so that we can go out and do the good things that we want to do. Yeah. And so when someone comes here, either for a and I also do personal rituals, personal um circles that I had a friend who had got yeah diagnosed with breast cancer and she asked for a ritual each month for the three months that she was during chemotherapy. Yeah.
00:23:18
Speaker
And she, we worked together to plan what each one would be about. And she, we used the Celtic tree calendar as sort of the guide.
00:23:29
Speaker
So in this month, we're using this. What are the, what are the teachings around this particular tree? What is, and how does that relate to her own healing and her own journey?
00:23:39
Speaker
And that was wonderful to be able to support her in the way that she wanted to be supported while also adding in knowledge and experience that I've had. So it really is a co-creative experience. Which is, and you know, i think it's something that both you and i um bring to when we are working with families and in whether it's with celebrant work or memorial planning or whatever is, is It is a collaboration. It is a collaborative project, right? Like it's, you know, we're bringing the service together. You know, it's it's teamwork. um You know, I often say that to families. I'm like, I'm only as good as the information you give me. And, you know, and then I'll create a draft and, you know, we'll edit it together and we'll work through it together. And so I think that in and of itself is quite therapeutic for the families that we work with.
00:24:31
Speaker
and I agree. I agree. And and being able to being able to say no is as powerful as being able to say yes. And so if I suggest something and a family says, oh, now that doesn't sound right. I don't... i I am not offended. No.
00:24:49
Speaker
Because i there was a it's a suggestion. yeah it It may have worked for a different situation and it doesn't work now. Okay. we will yeah We are creating this for the unique person that you loved so that they can be remembered in the way that you most want to remember them.
Closing Reflections
00:25:09
Speaker
Yeah, that's it. And it's it's a no is as informative to us as a yes. Like, as you said, I often I often share like a load of poems initially. And I'm like, you telling me which ones you hate tells me just as much as you telling me which ones you love, because it just it just helps us to put together this whole person. And as we said at the very beginning, we're getting to know this person in 24, 48 hours. And so we've got to we've got to move. We've got a dance. We've got to dance. And it's not a solid 24 or 48 hours. no it's a
00:25:42
Speaker
It's three conversations and a few emails. Yeah. Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. Oh, listen, I could talk to you all day, and but i I'm going to have to go and cool off because I still look like a tomato. and But thank you so much for joining me on the show and talking about all the amazing things that you do You're absolutely an incredible celebrant. I'm honoured to call you a friend and a colleague. And i look forward to many, many, many more decades of work. Well, maybe not decades. We'll see. Of work together. I mean, I've... still up them Yeah, a couple. But I felt like...
00:26:16
Speaker
Celebrate work, the wonderful thing about celebrant work is, though, I feel like it's something I could do until the day I drop. Like, it's such it's such rewarding. It's not heavy lifting. I mean, it's such a joy and it's such a heart opener for me anyway. um But, you know, who knows? Yeah. Anyway, thank you so much for joining us, Diana. And i will leave all the links so everyone can contact you and maybe go on a retreat. Maybe we'll organize a Glam Reaper retreat. I mean, we're doing one in Ireland. Why not? Let's go to Massachusetts. I'd love to go to Salem.
00:26:45
Speaker
Anyway. Okay. Oh my gosh. It's been lovely. Lovely to talk with you too. Thank you so much, Diana.