Transcript
Speaker: Hey, it's Igor. I have gathered some feedback from my first episode and I hope that ah I managed to make this episode even better. So the subject of this episode is Igor.
Speaker: lately I have been thinking a lot about Ego. How it sneaks up on us and how it messes with our heads. And I just finished reading Ego is a enemy and man did it hit home. So I was working on this pet project of mine and only a couple of weeks in and I noticed that it was draining the hell out of me. I felt overwhelmed ah Like this weight was pressing down on me every time I thought about this project. So I sat down and asked myself, what the hell is going on? Why is this project something that should be exciting, turned it into a source of stress? And then it hit me. There is this voice in my head telling me that everything has to be done in the right way. But what is the right way anyway?
Speaker: For me, it meant overcomplicating things, following all the best practices, writing perfect code. I am a software developer, by his the way. Instead of just building a tool that works, I was obsessing over making it flawless. And I have bizarre this road before, too many times to count. It's funny how easily we fall into the same strap, isn't it?
Speaker: This time, so I dug deeper and realized it's my ego talking. I'm trying to satisfy my ego by making everything perfect, even when it doesn't really matter. Why do I care so much about the code that nobody else will see? I'm not submitting it for a code review or showing it to you know anybody.
Speaker: It just for me. Yet, you know here I am stuck in this loop of trying to make it perfect. I took a step back and questioned that inner voice. Who exactly says that the code needs to be perfect?
Speaker: Why is there this kind of pressure to do things in a certain way? The goal was to create a functional tool, but somewhere along the lines, my focus shifted to unnecessary details. And that's what ego does. When faced with uncertainty, it clings to what it knows, pushing me to overcompensating, ah to control every little thing.
Speaker: Maybe the project seemed too challenging, or my plan wasn't really clear enough. Whatever is the reason, my ego reacted by fixating on these trivialities. I think back to times when I have started something new, filled with passion and motivation.
Speaker: ah It's so easy to overcome it, you know, to set unrealistic expectations, not just about the end result, but about every step along the way. And it's like writing an article and spending hours tweaking the font instead of focusing on what you want to say.
Speaker: you can adjust, ah you know, like length of your paragraphs, structure of your sentences. And of course, there's a place for that. But, you know, you get lost ah in the minute to and forget the bigger picture.
Speaker: I've realized that when I come in with the attitude that I know everything, I stop myself from really learning anything new. It's such a barrier to grow. Ego tricks us into thinking we have got it all figured out. At that, when we start missing opportunities. Let me give you an example. You have ever done martial arts or any kind of sport?
Speaker: Really, you you know that when you're starting out, you're hyper aware of everything. Your stance, your hands, your breathing, you're trying to consciously control it all and it just doesn't work. You end up slow and clumsy.
Speaker: But after practicing for a while, those things become second nature. Your know subconscious takes over and you move fluidly without overthinking. That's when a real progress happens. And, you know, it's the same with so cognitive tasks.
Speaker: Never really thought about that ah until recent times. But when you first try time blocking your day or learning a new skill, it feels awkward. You might fail a lot. So that's what happened with me. I was ah you know trying time blocking, tried to structure my day, and I was failing.
Speaker: But what I noticed is that it's basically the same as with sports that each time you try, you are training your subconscious and eventually it becomes a habit. And what is ah also interesting that the same way it can become a back habit.
Speaker: So you can do some things repeatedly like opening a social media on your phone and I hope that you don't have any social media apps installed on your phone because I think that it can be a complete disaster. So if you do have social media apps on your phone, I would highly suggest to actually remove all of them. At least that's what I did and I am super happy about this decision. So ego can really derail that you know process of failing continuously, but
Speaker: um slowly learning subconsciously how to do certain things. What ego really wants, it it was the immediate mastery. And when it doesn't really get it, it gets frustrated. That's so when the ah overconfidence really kicks in. Or, you know, sometimes it can be imposter syndrome. So you start doubting yourself for or, or I think even worse that you can start thinking that there is nothing left to learn. And I have been there. I have been there too many times to be honest. And I still think that ah you know even me talking about all this stuff, it's ah all good. It's ah my form of reflection, but I am sure that I'm going to be back in this situation over and over again.
Speaker: But I think that every time it's actually getting better and better. you know I managed to identify it earlier. I managed to do something about it earlier. And to you know when you are in this situation, what helps me identify is that these feelings that I need to prove myself, that I need to over commit on the projects, and then um Of course, as a result, I get overwhelmed. This is just a horrible cycle. So how do you break out of it? ah For me, it starts with self reflection.
Speaker: And I'm not and really mean the kind where you are distracting yourself with you know like going on social media or TV. I mean, really sitting with yourself and asking the hard questions. Why am I doing this? Is this what I really want? Am I letting my ego run the show?
Speaker: And it's not easy. Our ego doesn't like being questioned. But it's necessary if we want to grow. I also think it's important to approach everything with a beginner's mind. um Some years ago I read the book, I think it was actually called Beginner's Mind.
Speaker: That's ah when I actually started to think about this ah concept. ah and i think if you can I think you can never really yeah embrace it fully ah when you know something.
Speaker: You basically can never again approach things with purely beginner's mind. ah You can't really pretend for real like you don't know ah the things that you know.
Speaker: But anyway, I think that you can still try and do it in, you know, at least in some way. You basically need to admit that yeah you know very little, and that's okay. There's always more to learn. And that's actually very exciting if you let it be. We need to remember that talking about the work isn't the same as doing work.
Speaker: And thinking about it isn't doing it, playing in while actually important isn't actually doing the thing also. And at some point, you have to put in the actual effort. And there are also the achievements, they can be double -edged sword.
Speaker: They can give you a confidence um yeah for sure, but they can also inflate your ego. It's important to keep them in perspective. Use them as motivation when you need a boost, but don't let them define you. And let's not forget about the purpose.
Speaker: Sometimes it's okay to do things without a specific goal in mind, to practice so or engage in activity simply because we love them. We have become so goal oriented that we forget the joy of the process. and so Right now I'm trying and to do that with running.
Speaker: i e I think I forgot already how to do something, how to practice something without purpose. you know How to just you know just practice ah just because I choose to practice.
Speaker: so Right now I'm just running without any actual goal of running fast or running in long distances. And that is such a great mental exercise. I i love it. I love it. I don't really like going for a run. But what really drives me is that I know that It's worth it. Every time I'm starting to doubt that, yeah, maybe maybe I should skip this time, I always think that it's worth it. I bill i will satisfied with myself if I do that. um In the end, it's all about the balance. Maintaining humility while still striving for excellence
Speaker: and being open to learning, but also confident in our abilities. so It's challenging to be honest. At least for me, it's ah actually quite challenging. So if you're feeling overwhelmed or find yourself obsessing over perfection, take a step back. Ask yourself what is driving those feelings? Is it your ego?
Speaker: Remember, growth comes from being uncomfortable, from admitting that we don't have all the answers, and that is perfectly fine. Thanks for listening, and let's keep redefining o ourselves one day at a time.
