Transcript
Dr H: Hi, welcome to a podcast episode, Why Am I Not understand Understood at Work? Have you ever walked away from a conversation thinking, that's not what I meant at all? In today's episode, we're going to explore the communication process, why understanding the receiver matters more than simply delivering a message, and also how social identity shapes conversations.
Dr H: We're also going to talk about practical workplace applications from the workplace conversations, the essentials e-learning, available at reframingconversations.com, as well as a fun discount code at the end of today's podcast.
Dr H: So they Dr. Mel, when looking at communication theories across social psychology, communication really isn't measured by what we say. It's really measured by what the other person understands.
Dr H: So what is communication then?
Melanie Barlow: Yeah, thanks Dr. James, good question. So at its core, communication is the exchange of information, ideas and meaning between people. So you need at least two people in order to have a conversation. So there is the sender and the receiver.
Melanie Barlow: So the sender has the information or a message to share. And so they say they have a message Like they encode information. So message that needs to be sent.
Melanie Barlow: So the sender really often has time to think about and know upfront that they're going to say something or they're going to deliver a message. So they have time to often choose words, tone,
Melanie Barlow: Think about their body language and delivery methods. Sometimes all these are done unconsciously, but sometimes we really think about these things and have time to plan. And the thing is, is we often assume as a centre that our message is clear because it's clear in our own head, right? We know our communication goal. We know the purpose of why we're communicating and having this conversation. So to us, often the message is really clear.
Melanie Barlow: The receiver, on the other hand, has to, what we say, decode that message. So interpret what is being said, what is it, non-vis the non-verbals that they're seeing and the words and tones that they're hearing.
Melanie Barlow: The receiver then interprets this message through filters. So their own experiences, their own beliefs, biases, emotions, expectations they may have.
Melanie Barlow: And often I'm thinking about healthcare speaking up or often feedback conversations of Dr. H that the receiver may not know it's coming, right? So they don't have time to prepare and think about it. They're trying to do all this in the moment, create meaning from what they hear.
Melanie Barlow: and the meaning that they interpret and create might not necessarily be what the sender intended because of these filters and biases and even context influencing how that message is sent.
Melanie Barlow: So this is where often mismatch occurs because the sender knows what they want to say. They have time to think about it. Often the receiver doesn't have time to think about it and they have to decode these messages that come through.
Melanie Barlow: So communication isn't a one-way transfer. It's shared responsibility between those two individuals. So a workplace example, yeah.
Dr H: Yeah. yeah
Dr H: That's really interesting.
Melanie Barlow: Well,
Dr H: I think when you talk about like what wasn't necessarily intended, I'm just wondering if but if a manager or supervisor says, can you get onto this when you have a chance?
Dr H: What does that mean?
Melanie Barlow: yeah
Melanie Barlow: Yeah, I've heard that a lot. I don't know about you, but I've heard that lot, that someone might say, oh, can you just get onto that when you have a chance? And often it leads to some confusion because often really what the sender means there is, like, today would be good.
Melanie Barlow: I want it today. What the receiver hears is, great, no urgency, it's not a priority. I might do that tomorrow. And so this misalignment and frustration can occur because one person has this set of expectations, but the other person decoded it, interpret that message differently. There was, you know, the speaker knew what they intended, the receiver did not.
Melanie Barlow: So really the effective communicators need to check understanding rather than assuming understanding. So there are misconceptions and other misconceptions regarding communication.
Dr H: So there are all these concepts.
Melanie Barlow: H, can you help us unpack those a bit?
Dr H: Yeah, so I really appreciate and like the perspective of understanding rather than assuming. in effective communication. So the real goal of communication is understanding the common misconceptions. So many people really think about communication as about just delivering information and delivering my information to you as the receiver.
Dr H: So we really need a better perspective in alignment with theory. So we really want to think about how our goals are to meet the communication needs of the other person as well.
Dr H: And so what does that actually mean in practice? So what your work and some of my work has demonstrated really is that different people need different things.
Dr H: They need clarity, they need context, they need reassurance, and they need the time to process the information in the communication cycle.
Dr H: We also really need the opportunity to ask questions as well as always maintaining respect and inclusion. So part of this is also feedback and the reassurance evaluation, critically appraising what's happening.
Dr H: And we all know that different people really have different needs at different times in that communication cycle, that loop, the sending and the receiving. So we really need to also think about some practical tips.
Dr H: I ask myself, what does this person need from me right now? i also want to think about what's the best way to deliver my message and how will I know that they've understood what I'm sending them?
Dr H: So I know this is a really core principle of the e-learning that reframingconversations.com has, which is the workplace conversations, the essentials. It really talks about our conversations as being intentional and being curious. The curiosity is a key component and also seeking understanding before expecting agreement.
Dr H: We also need to think about how can we adapt our communication approach to the individual or to the individuals that we're working with. Definitely don't think that the other person interprets your intent correctly. They're really going to evaluate it on the impact on them.
Dr H: So I guess at this stage, I'm thinking of a reflection question. am I communicating in the way I prefer or is it in the way the other person needs?
Dr H: Can you talk me through a little bit about social identity and maybe workplace conversations?
Melanie Barlow: Yeah, thank you. that's That's a great segue around am I thinking about what I need or what the other person needs? And so needs are often very, very different. So I guess we just think about none of us in the workplace grew up together in the same households.
Melanie Barlow: Every household had different ways of communicating and socialising and cultural backgrounds. We all learnt how to talk and communicate and receive messages differently.
Melanie Barlow: So now, add on top of that, we've all gone through to say if you're in healthcare, professional training, and each discipline has been socialised and trained to communicate in specific ways.
Melanie Barlow: And so that is social identity. in play. It's what is the identity within that context that is informing my behaviour.
Melanie Barlow: So if I am in healthcare, care that's going to be my health discipline, it could be my seniority. But social identity, depending on context, could be your age and your generation, could be your culture and ethnicity,
Melanie Barlow: language background, gender education, occupation, and life experiences. So social identity influences how people communicate, the words they choose, the tone the manner, what they value, how they interpret messages and their expectations in conversations. So particularly in the receiver based studies, social identity really influenced how people received, heard and responded to messages. And so nurses and midwives responded and heard messages very differently to to just say medical officers.
Melanie Barlow: And so we need to understand this, that when we're trying to speak up or give feedback or have conversations in the workplace, the other person may not have the same worldview and the same way of communicating and expectations around that. So what does that mean? How do I have to alter?
Melanie Barlow: how I communicate to get what I want to achieve.
Dr H: Yeah, great. And I think that that curiosity about what else do I need to learn to be an effective and clear communicator. When I think about workplace examples, you know, we might have a direct communication style.
Melanie Barlow: Yes.
Dr H: It might be appreciated by one team member, but perceived as abrupt or disrespectful by another. So it's learning your environment, learning your your people that you're working with and how different people like to be communicated with.
Dr H: So it doesn't mean that any of us is particularly wrong. It just they're bringing this, you know, they're simply bringing different experiences and expectations to the conversation.
Dr H: And I think a lot of the work is around building that awareness, right?
Melanie Barlow: Absolutely. soly
Dr H: So instead of just assuming, we want to be curious. We want to ask questions and we want to listen actively and effectively. And also just avoid making judgments based on your own perspective alone.
Dr H: And a lot of this also links to that psychological safety in the workplace. Can you take me through a little bit about the connection to the psychological safety?
Melanie Barlow: For sure. So fundamentally, psychological safety is not the absence of discomfort. It's just, I guess, feeling comfortable enough to take an interpersonal risk. So to create that environment, people need to feel seen, they need to feel heard, they need to feel respected. And communication is key to this.
Melanie Barlow: So if people feel heard, it means we've listened. If we're communicating in a way that meets their communication needs, they feel seen and they feel respected. That builds trust.
Melanie Barlow: It builds collaboration. It builds clarity. So difficult conversations also become and easier because there's that level of respect.
Melanie Barlow: And once you know those difficult speaking up conversations, feedback conversations are more easily had, then we see, and mean this is in the literature, safety, performance, staff wellbeing are enhanced.
Melanie Barlow: So we communicate most effectively when we recognise that people experience the workplace differently and respecting those differences and being curious goes to develop trust and meeting other people's requirements and building safety.
Melanie Barlow: So when we're applying this in learning, how do we do this in workplace conversations in action? Well, really at the core, I guess it's a three-step approach.
Melanie Barlow: Prepare, stop before you have a conversation and consider what is the purpose of this conversation. What am I hoping to achieve?
Melanie Barlow: And what might the other person need? Because if you're not clear on what it is you need and want, how is the other person trying to interpret that message?
Melanie Barlow: Second step is connect. So focus on active listening, listening to understand. open Ask open-ended questions.
Melanie Barlow: And understanding before responding. So i one of my favourite phrases is thinking about i have a perspective, not the perspective, because no one can have the one and only perspective in a particular situation.
Melanie Barlow: So that allows me to listen and to ask questions and to get curious. And the third step is confirm, check. What is it that I heard? Did I hear it correctly? What have we agreed upon and what are the next steps forward? So some example questions could be for that last step. How does that sound to you What are your thoughts?
Melanie Barlow: Can you tell me how you see it? What support do you need from me?
Dr H: I really like the it is a perspective, not the perspective and allowing me to get curious in my conversations is quite empowering and does let me put a lot of this into practice.
Dr H: I'd like to just take the moment to sort of think about some key takeaways from today's podcast. If you do like our podcast to our listeners, we welcome you to follow and share through Spotify. Apple Podcasts, YouTube, and through LinkedIn.
Dr H: So some of our key takeaways that I've heard you talk about today is really that communication involves both a sender and a receiver. Communication is really successful when the receiver understands the intended message.
Dr H: The goal for us is to meet the communication needs of the other person and prepare for our conversations. I like how theory of social identity really influences how people interpret and respond to conversations.
Dr H: And I really believe that better workplace conversations do start with curiosity, empathy, and active listening. So Dr. Mel, if you could just take us through a little bit of a call to action and what we can think about next time we're in a workplace conversation.
Melanie Barlow: Excellent. So next time you're in a workplace conversation, guess what I would really love people to think about is don't just focus on what you are saying. Start to reframe and reshift your focus on how is the message I'm sending being received and what are the other person's needs to hearing and understanding and engaging in this conversation.
Melanie Barlow: And just, if you start doing that, just think about and start noticing, does it change the quality of your workplace conversations? If you give this a go, we'd love to hear about it. If you could, wherever you're listening this, let them put comments in the comment section.
Melanie Barlow: But certainly for me, it it changes, particularly understanding social identity really changes how you frame your conversations and checking for understanding.
Melanie Barlow: So for more, i guess, practical tools and techniques and to continue the work that we've discussed today, there is an e-learning on reframingconversations.com called Workplace Conversations, The Essentials. And we are offering listeners a 10% discount.
Melanie Barlow: The discount code is in the show notes, but it's LAUNCH10. We hope to see there. There is a free e-learning there as well around psychological safety. So thanks for joining us today.
Melanie Barlow: That was Communication 101. And and we'll see you next time.
