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Episode 5: Raising Children on the Homestead
374 Plays2 years ago
On this episode Mathew and Carissa discuss raising children on the Homestead. They discuss some common concerns people may often express as well as many joys and opportunities pertaining to raising children on a homestead.
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Transcript
Introduction to Podcast and Hosts
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to the My Catholic Homestead Podcast. We are your hosts. I'm Matthew. And I'm Carissa. We're excited for you to join us as we talk about the Catholic faith on the homestead.
Focus on Raising Children on a Homestead
00:00:12
Speaker
Welcome to another episode of the My Catholic Homestead Podcast. Today we're going to talk about raising children on the homestead. To start us off, Carissa, I thought it might be interesting just to hear, why do you love raising children out here on the homestead?
00:00:27
Speaker
Well, one of my favorite things about having our kids out here on the homestead is just being able to watch their independence grow and blossom.
Development through Outdoor Play
00:00:35
Speaker
I think that having them have a space where they're free to go out and explore the world without being faced with all of the adult problems in the world is something that is very hard to find elsewhere.
00:00:51
Speaker
Yeah, I'd agree. It's interesting because out here we see our children often outside playing, often with incredible independence, frankly, from what even I recall growing up, and yet they're not just fine or safe. They are incredible and they're flourishing in
Teaching Faith and Life Lessons Naturally
00:01:07
Speaker
that.
00:01:07
Speaker
I was thinking just the other day about why it is that our children don't become injured often as they just jump off trees or play around outside a little bit more and I consider I probably got a lot more injured as a kid. And then I wonder if it's because they're becoming so used to just running around and jumping off of things and playing and being imaginative and putting themselves in all kinds of crazy positions that my young adult needs no longer really want me to put myself in even.
00:01:35
Speaker
that it helps them to create this certain like bodily spatial awareness and adapt their body to this environment which ultimately can be particularly rugged and yet they just seem to thrive in it.
00:01:47
Speaker
Yeah, I definitely think that they are able to test limits and figure out how far is too far. We've had a few injuries, minor, we have never had to leave for extra medical care for anybody, but they learn pretty quickly with those minor injuries, where the boundaries are and where not to push more.
00:02:09
Speaker
Yeah. I also noticed that it's extremely easy out here on the homestead to teach the children about the
Transitioning from Urban to Homestead Life
00:02:15
Speaker
faith. And that's one of the things that's particularly exciting to me when you're in an agrarian environment, you're always surrounded by things like life and death amongst the animals. You're also very present to natural consequences, even as simple as if I don't close this gate, an animal may come through this gate.
00:02:32
Speaker
And that can be particularly challenging if you're trying to herd cattle or other animals and get them back where they're supposed to be. And so even some of those little things are really easy just to explain natural consequences, which ultimately is an easy transition to explaining sin.
00:02:48
Speaker
And at the same time, it's also an easy way to explain really good positive and benefits and joy and the outcomes of sacrifice and more. And it seems like when you're kind of interacting with the natural world more often and you're in nature or you're in an environment that's more agrarian based, there's just an enormous amount of opportunity to talk about the faith.
00:03:10
Speaker
and relate things very easily to children, not just through storytelling or through the theoretical conversation, but right here where we are.
00:03:21
Speaker
Yeah, I think that we've mentioned this before, that the lessons that the kids learn out here on the homestead, they just set the stage to be able to build on top of, and I can already see these deeper conceptual problems and conversations that have to happen in life, how much easier it's gonna be when we get to that point, because of this strong foundation they've been building by exploring the world,
00:03:48
Speaker
learning themselves, learning nature, and just all the lessons that come along with it. Well, one thing that might be difficult for people at least to consider, especially if they're maybe living in a neighborhood right now in a suburban environment or in a more urban environment or really anywhere where there's less agrarian practices going on, maybe less land space,
00:04:09
Speaker
or maybe they have less access to parks on a regular basis, is that idea of transitioning their children at whatever age they may be, all the way from newborns to young teenagers or older, and how do they make that transition in a way that is helpful, encouraging, supportive, and welcoming and inviting to the children.
00:04:30
Speaker
Well, I think that we don't have young teenagers. Our children were under the age of six whenever we all moved out here. So I think it does get a little different as they get older and they are just more used to the lifestyle that you've developed with them.
00:04:48
Speaker
But for our kids, I know that that was one of the hardest concepts for me to anticipate in our move. Our children have become very used to and comfortable with having neighbors that they could go and play with every day when everyone was done with school.
00:05:06
Speaker
So I was really nervous about how they would react to moving out here to the country where we don't have any direct neighbors. We didn't know any children, but even if we did know kids, it's not like we can send the kids next door to play with the neighbors when next door is not quite what it used to be. Yeah, it's a bit of a hike for them to get to next door
Balancing Community and Family Time
00:05:28
Speaker
now.
00:05:28
Speaker
yes so that definitely was one of the things i was the most nervous about and i didn't know how it would turn out and there were obviously some sad moments in adjusting to that but it changed so much quicker than i expected and they just really dove into
00:05:49
Speaker
Our land became a playground to them. They use stumps as tables to make food on and to climb. And they have just had a blast. They love seeing kids come by the house, but I don't think that they really ever think about not having a neighbor to play with.
00:06:10
Speaker
Also though, they have groups where they can go to. There's a local book club that one of our children participates in. And there's other Catholic families that are within a driving distance and we can engage in things like homeschool co-ops. And so a lot of it becomes whether or not you're just willing to investigate and find community and be more intentional about that, which is the big distinction is that you have to be intentional.
00:06:35
Speaker
I was going to say, just like we were saying in the last episode, that it really comes down to intentionality instead of the kids thinking, I don't have anything to do. Maybe I can go outside and see if the neighbor wants to play. Last minute doesn't involve a lot of thought or planning. Now we just have to be more intentional and make sure that the children are involved in different programs and groups where they can be around other kids and have that time to build friendships.
00:07:02
Speaker
And in many ways that's just a part of being more intentional, but also it does, you know, there's definitely benefits and consequences or pros and cons, I would say to both sides of that. Uh, I definitely would like for them to have more opportunity just to walk outside and go see friends. But the trade-off is that, you know, now when we say that we're going to go see friends, the time is so important and so blocked off that I think it helps them to really enjoy and appreciate that particular experience even more.
00:07:32
Speaker
I agree. I think it is much more valued because of the rarity in a sense. It happens. We definitely make sure that it happens, but not like every day just going out in the backyard. Really? That's probably one of the big objections that people often have to raising children in a more agrarian environment or on a homestead is that they're going to be a little bit more secluded or at least they're not going to have the same
00:07:56
Speaker
possibly cultural expectation of spending times with friends. Even as I grew up, I could just ride around on my bicycle to a friend's house or get on the phone and call someone and we would quickly be in a place where we could spend time with one another. That just isn't exactly the same way that it works out here. It would be if there right now were more communities that were living in a more agrarian environment together, then that would go away and that wouldn't really be an
Building Family Culture and Skills
00:08:23
Speaker
issue.
00:08:23
Speaker
But for right now, as many people begin to move back towards homesteads or pursue more land opportunities, it's going to take time for those connections to be made again and for enough people to be in that particular area where that type of experience could occur.
00:08:38
Speaker
Yeah, I actually think that that is kind of a benefit for what we're wanting for our family in a way because I think that the lack of ability to just go off and play with friends means that our time spent together as a family is much more common and I think that it really
00:09:00
Speaker
forces us, it enables us to build a family culture and to develop our own relationships with the kids. That's another benefit that I actually had thought about being able to raise the kids on the homestead is that it just allows so many opportunities to invite the children to come alongside of us and to have good conversations and to learn skills together and to be able to teach things to them.
00:09:26
Speaker
There's just so many opportunities. Even as you go out to till up the garden, the kids a lot of times will tag along and whether they're helping or just watching or throwing dirt, there's still just this sense of being able to be with dad.
00:09:42
Speaker
Yeah, there definitely is a lot more just natural things that are happening out here around the farm and around the creation and building of the homestead that lends itself to a lot more exciting experiences that people would naturally just want to be a part of. I think as long as you invite your children into that and invite others into it, then they really want to be a part of it. And maybe not all the time, but that's certainly an approach that we've kind of taken out here is that we don't force it upon our children, but we invite them into.
Parental Influence on Social Skills
00:10:11
Speaker
Uh, the Homestead lifestyle, I don't have any, um, I don't have any kind of perceived notion that one day our children may grow up and they may decide, yeah, this just, this isn't for me and this isn't something I want to do. But I do believe that the amount of experiences that they're going to have here, as long as we continue to make sure that they're charitable and that they're being invited into.
00:10:31
Speaker
that it will give them an incredibly fond set of memories to look back on and hopefully more than just memories. It'll give them a lot of groundwork for the development of a solid spiritual life and virtue. Yeah, I couldn't agree more.
00:10:45
Speaker
But if you thought, if you think about it, there are a lot of people who are concerned that when you're raising children out in a homestead environment or further away from the city, maybe you're not in public school and you're homeschooling or you're in a co-op kind of situation that the children are going to have difficulty fitting into the normal quote world as they get older. What do you think about that?
00:11:09
Speaker
Well, this might be a little funny, but I think that your kids will likely fit in as well as you fit into the world. I think that our kids kind of grow up and they reflect us in a lot of ways. And if you are good at socializing and creating those opportunities for yourself, you're going to bring your children along for those opportunities throughout life.
00:11:33
Speaker
They're going to watch you. They're going to interact with you. They're going to interact with people you invite over to the homestead. And that's just something that naturally develops in children. The only way for kids to not be able to interact in the world is for them to be isolated. And in a lot of ways that includes their relationship with their parents. If they don't have an interactive relationship with their parents, that's going to impact the way that they interact with the world as they go out further into the world.
00:12:03
Speaker
That's a great point. The idea that they're not being isolated. I think that's often the concern or the objection from people and really it boils down to, are you isolated? And if you're isolated, then sure, the ones that depend on you are probably going to be isolated as well. But if you're not that way and you're interacting with people in your community, even if they're a little bit further away or you have to drive a little bit longer to see them, then you're not isolated.
00:12:29
Speaker
Isolation is in some ways a reaction, and it's a reaction based out of fear or survival, oftentimes. And that's really not what Catholics are called to do, as far as I understand. We're called to live in community. That community firstly begins with those who you are responsible for,
00:12:47
Speaker
And in this instance, if you're married, that would be those associated with the vocation of your marriage, your husband or your wife, whichever is appropriate in that instance, as well as your children. And if you're interacting with them in a very charitable way and you're developing a household that is loving and joyful and fun, full of laughter, probably things like music and art,
00:13:07
Speaker
and you're also engaging with other families or you're engaging with your church community, then your children are not isolated in any way. And I think that's a great marker of what you're saying there is if you are isolated, that's really how your children are going to grow up. And they're going to learn to interact with other people based on the way that they see you interact with other people.
00:13:29
Speaker
And that can vary between whether they're sons or daughters and how the different types of tasks that they're invited in and the different groups that they're invited into. But I would also say that one of the things which can contribute to raising really strong children is that they are invited into progressively more mature activities.
00:13:49
Speaker
like cooking from a younger age or they're invited into hunting, they're invited into seamstress work, they're invited into construction work that you may actually be engaged in or you may be inviting to happen on your homestead. Your children, though, likely want to be a part of that. And those are experiences that they may not even realize until they're older that were very beneficial and helped to give them confidence and strength and build a groundwork as well for spiritual development.
00:14:19
Speaker
Yeah, I think you're right. I think that the parenting issue and how raising kids on the homestead ends up is actually pretty simple and I have taken a lot of lessons from the animals that we're raising.
00:14:36
Speaker
we have a mama hen right now that just hatched two chicks like two weeks ago maybe right around there and watching her raise them is such a simple lesson for parenthood she just takes the chicks around and she teaches them the simple things that they need to know in order to be a chicken and she she taught them how to find food
00:15:02
Speaker
Yeah, early on. Actually, it was really interesting because typically when you raise chickens, you buy them as day-old chicks, and so you have to do everything for them. Right. We have to keep them warm. We have to give them water and feed. We have to make sure the feed is all mashed up for them. Often, you even have to teach them where to go to get water by dipping their beak into the water so that they learn that's where they get water from. Right. But in this instance, you're right.
00:15:27
Speaker
These two chickens were hatched right on the farm. So one it was super awesome because we had the children able to watch these chickens break out of their shell or Be in some stage of that so they got to see some parts of it and then we got to see how this mother hen raise these chicks and She took them out and they she taught them everything and they didn't need our intervention and now they're effectively really solid farmyard chicks and
00:15:51
Speaker
Right. And in much less time, it's usually like a six week period whenever you're, isn't it six weeks when you're raising chicks? It can be somewhere around there because it really, it develop, it depends often on how quickly they feather out, meaning they put on all those feathers. Yeah. Well, these chickens, they were, they've been outside since day one.
00:16:09
Speaker
Yeah. I'm sure that they, well, I don't know that they do sleep next to her, but they've been, they've been incorporated into the flock already. Everyone has for the most part accepted them pretty well. They go off and they get their food. We're not giving them separate feed. And obviously chickens do not talk to each other. I'm sure they have some type of level of communication, but they follow by example. They watch how their mom lives. They watch how she finds food and they follow.
00:16:38
Speaker
the lead and that is how they become chickens. That's how they learn how to be a chicken. Yeah, but the example there is that our children are probably watching us and that's something that often I think we all forget is that it's not really about whether or not they are given just some environment where they can go off and grow up in.
00:16:57
Speaker
It's that you are the helm of that ship and you are the one that they're watching and it really boils down to everything that you do. The way that you argue in the household, the way that you forgive in the household, the way that you interact with people from other households and other families and other friends, the way that you treat your postal worker.
Controlling External Influences
00:17:17
Speaker
Yeah, the way that you manage your own stress, the way that you prioritize your spiritual life. They, they are watching it all and they're also mimicking it and they're doing the same thing so that they can learn to grow up and so that they can learn to be adults.
00:17:33
Speaker
I've learned recently too that if I want to see how well maybe I'm doing as a father, I should just pay attention to how my children treat one another because you'll start to hear the language that they use is language that they've learned and they've learned it probably from you and the way that you speak. And it's really interesting because sometimes they'll say things and I'll think,
00:17:55
Speaker
I want to rephrase that in the future because it might not be wrong, but it's just not as perfect as it could be. Yeah, it's just a reminder for me to pay attention to myself and just making sure that I am working on improving myself and that the things that I want my children to be strong in, I should also be intentional to make sure that I'm prioritizing those things in my own life.
00:18:23
Speaker
Another thing I think is particularly helpful in raising children on a homestead is that there is a degree of at least a buffer from other people in the world, which allows us to be more intentional about who we allow to be around our children and the people that we expose them to. And that is really helpful because it gives us an opportunity to ensure that they're growing up with very strong framework
00:18:46
Speaker
and a strong build that will prepare them to be very successful in the world. My hope is that ultimately that helps to guard them from committing sin that otherwise they might if they didn't have that framework. In no way does that mean that you have to be on the homestead to do so. Just that the cultural expectations of living on a homestead, the amount of work and discipline that goes into having a thriving homestead, especially with animals or large gardens,
00:19:12
Speaker
means that they're constantly growing and progressing in certain skills that are obviously firstly about manual labor and then skill base inside the home, but that teach them certain disciplines and lessons that are very, very, very easy to transcribe
00:19:29
Speaker
towards the spiritual life. And that I think sets our children up, I hope for a future where they really are in control of their emotions and they're in control of their will and opens them up to the possibility of avoiding a lot of mistakes that many people may otherwise make.
00:19:47
Speaker
Whenever we're raising kids, I think we get caught up a lot of times in this idea that we need to protect our children from all the bad that's going on in the world. The longer we can keep them from seeing the bad, the better we're doing or the safer they are or the less likely they are to make bad decisions and experience that pain themselves.
00:20:11
Speaker
but I think what what we should really be focused on is forming a strong foundation so that they have an understanding of truth so that whenever they come across things in the world that are not based in truth they can discern that properly and they can they can stand firm in what they know is true and good and they can
00:20:35
Speaker
they can form their own path in the direction of truth and not be deceived and not be brought into all of the bad around us. Absolutely. And certainly that doesn't mean that we allow bad influences to be around them and that we don't just allow anything or anything to be present to them at all times. It means that we actually are incredibly intentional in what is allowed on the homestead
00:20:58
Speaker
and how things on the homestead are brought into the homestead. And what that allows us to do is simply ensure that our children's degree of maturity is being constantly challenged and that it's being challenged in a way that promotes virtue and helps to foster a life of spiritual development.
00:21:14
Speaker
because what we don't want is to stunt our children's maturity levels and being unable or unprepared to deal with the world because if we think that our children are always going to be in an environment where we are at the post and we are controlling it,
00:21:30
Speaker
That's just simply naive.
Spiritual Growth through Homesteading
00:21:32
Speaker
So I wouldn't ever want to set my children up for what I would perceive to be a very, very difficult situation later in life because they were unprepared. Instead, what we do, just like how we raise crops and how we raise animals, is we slowly prepare them over time to handle the weather and handle the storms and handle the challenges.
00:21:50
Speaker
Same way with us. We get better and better and stronger and stronger over time. So long as we are intentional and we are constantly taking steps every day or at least over time towards that ultimate goal. And one of the cornerstones and things to remember about the Catholic homestead is that ultimately the end goal is heaven. And so we have to always consider is our agrarian lifestyle
00:22:15
Speaker
is the practices in the household, is the development of strength and virtue on the farm or in the homestead, is it moving us towards Christ or not? And I would argue that it is very easy on the homestead to incorporate the Catholic faith into all things here. And that's what takes good ecological practices and turns them into stewardship. That is what takes a simple house and turns it into a homestead or a home.
00:22:44
Speaker
And the distinction there may be to some people very, very minute, but it's not. It is truly the motivation for why we choose to live on a homestead. And frankly, you don't have to live on a homestead to raise amazing Catholic children. It's the intentionality here, which is really the key. I think that has to be considered.
00:23:04
Speaker
For us right now, where we live in the world and how the world looks around us, the Homestead is an amazing place to raise children and one that I would continue to encourage other people to actively pursue.
Chores as Teaching Moments
00:23:15
Speaker
Not because you can't do it elsewhere, but because doing it here is very helpful and frankly is becoming easier and it's making it so that it's more enjoyable and full of joy for our children and our family right now.
00:23:31
Speaker
I just really love that we have so much imagery surrounding us on the homestead from the natural world that is constantly encouraging us and bringing us back to what our goals and values are and how we're trying to raise our family. I love that we can be doing our daily chores and it
00:23:51
Speaker
those simple daily chores are reminders of us, to us, of how we need to be being intentional with our children and the benefits of what we're being able to provide our children by living here.
00:24:04
Speaker
That's also a really good point too, is when I talk about the homestead being easier or more simple, it's a lot of it is because the homestead requires a certain amount of time and energy to do things like what we may call as chores. It's just a lot of wholesome activity that otherwise we would have to make a very intentional decision to not fill that time with possibly entertainment or other consuming things.
00:24:30
Speaker
And instead, it gives us an opportunity to do things manually or physically or mentally on the farm and around the house. And it's just easy to invite other people into those experiences. Often, I'll ask for someone to come and just talk with me while we're milking the cow. And that makes it a really good experience for everybody because
00:24:49
Speaker
I'm kind of stuck there for a while while we milk the cow. It's not the quickest activity that we do here, but it also gives a more captive experience for whoever we're having a conversation with because your mind kind of is freed up in this way to allow really easy thoughts and a conversation just to flow and it locks us into a particular space with particular scenery and smells and sights that creates this common experience for us so that we can think back to
00:25:18
Speaker
that conversation in the milk parlor or that conversation while we're weeding up in the field or whatever it may be.
Building Trust through Interactions
00:25:25
Speaker
Again, you can do that in many other places, but here we simply have a lot of what seems to be prompts to have those types of experiences because we do have to take care of what we have here in order for it to continue to thrive and get better and stronger over time.
00:25:42
Speaker
Yeah, and truly, I think at least in our household, the opportunity to be invited into a conversation with dad or my husband is such a valued thing. I think that we all very much anticipate moments in the day where
00:25:59
Speaker
somebody is invited along on a chore so that they can have this undivided attention from one of us, one of their parents, and they're able to have a conversation. Maybe they're helping with the physical chore or maybe not, but I think that that opportunity to be invited in is truly something that's constantly, everyone is waiting for that opportunity in our household, at least.
00:26:23
Speaker
I do notice that a lot throughout the day is that maybe when children are not acting as appropriately as they should be, oftentimes it's because their their attention starved and they're waiting to be invited in. And I know that there's a lot of times in the world is not perfect where the parents simply are not as present as they probably want to be in their households.
00:26:43
Speaker
But when we're on the homestead, it does create an environment where we have to be consistently more intentional. And I think that often promotes more intentional experiences and more quantity of experiences with the entire family together, or at least between the parents and an individual parent here and there.
00:27:02
Speaker
And while quantity is certainly not everything, more quantity allows us to build on quality. And if we're meeting more quality conversations and experiences and they're greater in quantity, well, that seems to be the best circumstance for not only communicating to your children that you love them, but that when you tell them something about the faith that they truly do believe you and they trust you. Yeah, you're right.
00:27:31
Speaker
so my my overall thoughts of having kids raising kids on the homestead is that it's probably not the easiest way to raise kids i think we've said the word intentional a lot of times here and i'll i think you and i would both be very
00:27:55
Speaker
insistent, unintentional, whether or not we were on the homestead, whether or not our life went a different direction, we would insist that that is a vital part of parenting and of family life is that the parents take time and think out what they want life to look like in the direction that they're taking their family. But on the homestead, it's of the utmost importance that you're really being intentional with your time and with your
00:28:23
Speaker
your decisions that you're making in life. I don't want to give the impression that we are under an illusion that this is the perfect way to raise kids and that everything will turn out exactly how we hope it will for them because we've raised them on the homestead.
Preparing Children for Future Challenges
00:28:43
Speaker
But I do think that this choice of lifestyle just allows so many opportunities for our children to
00:28:51
Speaker
grow, to create strong foundations, to learn skills, both physical skills and social skills, how to interact in the world. And I just think that having kids on the homestead allows for a greater opportunity for success in life as they leave our home and create their own homes.
00:29:18
Speaker
I see nothing but an amazing potential in the future ahead for our children, and I pray that God uses the experiences that they have here to protect them and guard them in the world, but also to make them champions on His behalf and to have the skills, the potentials, the dispositions, and the desires to live heroic lives for God.
00:29:40
Speaker
And I think that if God wills it, then the homestead is a great place to do that. And somewhere through my personal experiences, living in many different environments and different places and different situations, that this is the place where children can thrive right now.
Conclusion and Future Discussions
00:29:58
Speaker
And I think that's probably a great place to end today's conversation. And I'm sure there's going to be lots more conversations in the future about raising children on the homestead because it is such a hot topic right now and one that a lot of people are interested in. And so we can certainly look forward to future conversations around raising children and parenting all on the Catholic Homestead. Until next time, we thank you again for joining us on the My Catholic Homestead Podcast.