What comes to mind when you hear the phrase “maintenance sex”? For a lot of people, it feels unromantic - maybe even a little cringy. It doesn’t sound poetic or passionate. But what if we’re thinking about it all wrong? In this episode, we’re challenging the way we see maintenance sex. Instead of seeing it as leftovers or a chore, what if we saw it as a sacred act of love, something we choose to do, not because we’re wildly turned on, but because we care about keeping that thread of intimacy alive? Maintenance sex is about presence, not just passion. Intention, not obligation. It’s about choosing to stay physically connected through the messy middle of real life—when you’re tired, busy, or not exactly in the mood—but still want to touch, laugh, kiss, and share that part of ourselves. If you’ve been feeling disconnected or missing the spark, this episode is for you.

Episode 378 - Maintenance Sex

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “We should have sex… but I’m just not feeling it” - only to go through the motions and walk away feeling disconnected? You’re not alone. In this episode, we’re talking about a concept that might just change how you think about intimacy: Good Enough Sex. It’s a model developed by sex therapists Barry and Emily McCarthy that shifts the goal of sex away from pressure and perfection and toward emotional connection. We’ll talk about why sex in long-term relationships doesn’t need to be earth-shattering every time to be meaningful. You'll hear why letting go of unrealistic expectations can actually make intimacy more enjoyable, and how “just okay” sex can still be deeply satisfying when it’s rooted in mutual respect, presence, and love. This episode is for anyone who’s ever felt the weight of performance in the bedroom and wondered if they were the only one. (Spoiler: you’re not.)

Episode 377 - Good Enough Sex

Why do you react the way you do in sexual situations, whether it’s craving something specific, avoiding certain dynamics, or feeling stuck in the same patterns? And why does your partner seem to approach sex so differently? In this episode, we explore how the Enneagram can shed light on your unique relationship to intimacy. The Enneagram isn’t just another personality test - it’s a deep dive into the core fears, desires, and motivations that shape how we show up in the world, including in our sex lives. Each of the nine types brings its own emotional lens to relationships, and when you begin to recognize those patterns in yourself and your partner, things start to make a lot more sense. This episode isn’t about putting you in a box. It’s about offering a new perspective - one that can help you grow in self-awareness, communicate more clearly, and build a more connected and compassionate intimate life.

Enneagram Books:

The Road Back To You [https://amzn.to/3YFG3C9] - a basic primer on the enneagram and the types

The Path Between Us [https://amzn.to/3YSxAwB] - about how each type in relationship

The Wisdom of the Enneagram [https://amzn.to/40Gua1r] - an indepth look at enneagram and each type

Sex and the Enneagram [https://amzn.to/3Ibok0w] - A Guide to Passionate Relationships for the 9 personality types

Episode 376 - The Enneagram And Sex

What if sexual discipline isn’t about restriction, but about freedom? In this episode, I’m exploring a concept that doesn’t get much airtime in Christian marriage spaces: sexual discipline within marriage. Too often, it’s framed as something just for singles, something to “hold onto” until marriage. But what if it’s actually a key to deeper connection, emotional wholeness, and a healthier sex life with your spouse? I’ll talk about how sexual discipline isn’t about control for control’s sake, but about learning to lead ourselves well. It’s a practice that can help you show up fully in your marriage - free from pressure, fear, or shame.

Episode 375 - Sexual Discipline

You’ve probably heard it, or maybe even said it: “Our marriage is great… except for the sex.” On the surface, it sounds minor. The friendship is solid, the parenting is on point, and there’s hardly any conflict. But a lackluster sex life isn’t just a small crack in an otherwise strong foundation - it’s often a sign of something deeper. In this episode, I’m explaining why sexual disconnect in a marriage is rarely just about sex. I’ll talk about how issues like emotional distance, unresolved conflict, or even spiritual disconnection can quietly build up and show themselves in the bedroom. And more importantly, I’ll offer ideas for how to begin healing, not just your sex life, but the connection underneath it all.

Episode 374 - The Marriage Is Great…Except for Sex

In this episode, we’re diving into something that can quietly wear down even the strongest relationships: the Two-Choice Dilemma, a concept from Dr. David Schnarch. It’s what happens when you feel stuck between two hard options—like speaking up and risking conflict, or staying quiet and feeling invisible. It often shows up in marriage, especially around sex and emotional connection. Let’s talk about how growth in a relationship isn’t pain-free, and why it’s so tempting to wait for a magical third option that doesn’t exist. Instead, real change starts when you face your own discomfort, manage your own anxiety, and make choices that are honest even when they’re hard. If you’ve ever felt stuck in your marriage, like you’re doing the emotional work alone, or like every option feels like a loss, this episode will give you something to think about and some real encouragement to keep going.

Episode 373 - When You Feel Stuck in Your Sexual Relationship

What I often see from those who listen to this podcast, or even from my clients, is that they want a quick fix to their problems in the bedroom. They think that if they learn the right position, or the perfect rhythm, or how to last longer, that it will magically fix all the issues they’re having. So let me say again….Better sex is not about technique. Technique won’t spark your desire again. Technique won’t make you feel wanted again. But it does feel like the easy answer. So if technique won’t do those things, what will? Let’s talk about what the harder work actually looks like, why we avoid it, and what’s possible when we stop skimming the surface and go deeper.

Episode 372 - Better Sex Isn’t About Technique

When your spouse suggests trying something new sexually, like a different position, a toy, or even roleplay, it can catch you off guard. Maybe your first thought is, “Where did that come from?” and your second is, “Do I have to say yes to this to make them happy?” These moments can stir up all kinds of questions: Is this who they really are? Is something missing in our relationship? Are they getting ideas from somewhere else?

In this episode, we’re slowing that moment down. Instead of jumping to fear or assumptions, we’re taking a closer look at what’s really going on. Why do we want to try new things in the first place? What do those desires actually mean and what don’t they mean? We’ll talk about how to approach these conversations with curiosity and compassion, and how being honest about our desires can actually bring us closer. Because trying something new doesn’t mean your marriage is broken - it might be an invitation to grow, together.

 

Episode 371 - Why Do They Want To Try That?

Have you ever felt like no matter how much you grow or how open you are to trying new things, it still doesn’t feel like enough for your partner? Maybe they’re asking for more - more intimacy, more variety, more connection, more emotional depth - and despite your efforts, you feel like you're always falling short. In this thought provoking episode, we explore what’s really happening in relationships where one partner feels like they can never give enough, and the other seems to always want something more. We take a closer look at both perspectives to understand the emotions, expectations, and deeper needs that are often hidden beneath the surface. If you’ve ever struggled with feeling inadequate or misunderstood in your relationship, this episode offers insight, compassion, and a path toward greater understanding and connection.

Episode 370 - When It Feels Like It’s Never Enough

Are you the one who always initiates sex in your relationship, and you’re starting to feel burnt out by it? In this episode, we explore a common dynamic I see in coaching: the higher desire partner feeling like they’re carrying the full weight of initiation, facing repeated rejection, and wondering if they’re the only one who still wants intimacy. We’ll unpack why this happens, what constant initiating can do to a relationship, and whether stepping back might actually help, or hurt, your connection. If you’ve ever asked yourself, ‘Why am I the only one trying?’ this episode is for you.

Episode 369 - Are You Initiating Too Much?

As a Certified Sex & Marriage Coach, and a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, Amanda Louder helps conservative Christian women love their sex life! In this podcast, Amanda helps women embrace their sexuality so that they can become the woman they were created to be. She teaches you how to integrate sexuality into your marriage in a loving and healthy way, get rid of the drama and negative emotions around sex in your marriage, and develop a better relationship to yourself, your spouse, and your sexuality.

Amanda Louder

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