Nonsensical Nonsense

Transcript

Speaker: Still a little whiskey left in the bottle You know it's good for you now But it won't be easy tomorrow And what kind of man would I be if I didn't

Speaker: I'm just no girl when I leave it Baby, I told you Why can't it just stay the same? After this it's all gonna change Oh right now, darling The morning's closing in fast

Speaker: Can you feel our silence as we stare at each other? I know we both had too much but I could do with another And darling I'll stay as long as you let me

Speaker: But you know I gotta go So just try to forget me And why can't it just stay the same? And after this it's all gonna change But hold it now darling, the morning's closing

Speaker: about this feeling isn't one last

Speaker: Why can't it just be the same? And after this it's all gonna change Oh, and now, darling, the morning's closing in fast

Speaker: What's going on everybody? Welcome to nonsensical nonsense. The podcast that's about absolutely nothing at all. I'm Glick hanging out with Jeff as always. Happy Sunday. This has become kind of a regular thing the last couple of weeks. Just hanging out on Sundays. What's the graduation season? What are you going to do? I know everybody's graduating, man, but I think I'm done with graduation parties.

Speaker: I'd be done just cause I don't want to leave the house. Yeah. I think, I think, I think I'm, I think I'm done for, for, for the time being at least for another couple of years. Cause I know my oldest one's got like three years, three years. Yeah. So that's one of those times we reach over, yell over your shoulder. Hey, how old are you again? What year are you in? I do that with my kids all the time.

Speaker: Are you even in school anymore? Are you, are you off to college? What's going on? Did you bring home rent? I mean, shit, you live here. What's going on these days? What's the new saying? Exactly. But I mean, it was a little Saturday. Once again, there was another event filled Saturday. I had a job interview Saturday afternoon that was only supposed to go a half hour.

Speaker: that actually wound up being two hours long. Nice. Those are the great ones. That's how you know it went well because you end up starting there just shooting the shit with the guy. He said, you got the job like four hours ago, but we'll see. Let's have a beer now. Yeah, pretty much. I mean, outside of the beer, but that's how it was. I mean, we were just kind of bullshitting and talking and whatnot. And the cool thing about it was when I left, you know, they said,

Speaker: uh, we got a couple more interviews, you know, we'll be wrapped up by Wednesday. We'll, we'll let you know. And I was like, okay, cool. You know, so I left and I went right from there to the graduation party. And before I even got to the graduation party, I'm pretty girl. Hey, there she is. She said, you don't look like pretty anymore. He got his haircut. I got my ears lowered. My lips lengthened.

Speaker: Well, because they, they cut my mustache and beard. So now it's shorter. So my lips are lengthened. That's the only way I can, that's the only thing I can think of. My chin's still covered. Yeah. Yeah. I went out of haircut. But yeah, before I even got to the graduation party, they, uh,

Speaker: they had texted me. His wife had texted me. She's like contrary to our discussion, we're going to go ahead and offer you the job. The interview was awesome. Everything went really great and we want to bring you on board. Nice. I was like, hell to the yeah. You know, it's cool. It's a little local husband and wife team pest control company and

Speaker: Once I officially start, I'll throw their name out there. They said they have no problem with their employees being proud of where they work at and put it on Facebook and all that stuff. So I was like, Oh, cool. Well, I'm kind of in the same boat. I actually, that's why we're actually doing, we, we originally planned to do this. All right. Like what noon? Yeah, we were making this this afternoon and then, uh, somebody didn't want a message back until like, I woke up this morning.

Speaker: My wife rolls over and I'm like what time do you got to go in? She's like I have the day off and and she goes I'm hungry I said so am I and we realized there's no food in the house and We needed to get gas. So we went and got gas for the Stove and stuff and then we went to the grocery store and while we're at the grocery store a buddy mind called my wife and says Jeff still stay at home dad and she's like, yeah, I

Speaker: And he says does he want a job? I was like does it pay? It's literally it's it's the same thing my wife does except for I had to get to do it at home because he has a website that they've they just started a campaign where you know Google campaign shoving it out to people yeah, and it gives you discounts and whatnot for tours in Cancun along with hotels and everything else and

Speaker: and it's literally just people when you click to buy it rings my phone and I finish everything up with everybody and I can literally do it throughout the day at any time my phone rings. I'm just like, Hey, what's up? What do you mean? What? Oh my God. Why are these people calling me all day long? Just wanted a tour, sir. Well, with, with over

Speaker: The thing is, like, I've been selling tours for 15, 16 years in Cancun, so I know them all. I've done almost all of them. And my buddy, he and I started at the same place. And he's been talking about starting his own place for the longest time. The difference is he had more money than I did. So I never I couldn't jump in with him because he's talking like, I want to throw this much at the website. And I'm like, dude,

Speaker: That much would cover me for a year, you know? Yeah. It's funny how you need money to start or do anything. Yeah. I was like, when do you need to start, Dan? Just do it. Unless you're two dummies that figure out a way to do a cheap podcast. But it's, you know, and then you and I briefly talked about the other thing that he's got going. I have to find out more information about that.

Speaker: But so I just have to get a new chip for my phone so that I get a new number and I'm ready to rock out. There you go. So I'll have like my regular phone number and then I'll have a second phone number just for that. I'll be able to tell if it's a client or if it's somebody I personally know. And you know I can do it from home and make a couple bucks and

Speaker: keep doing the YouTube and keep doing this and not have to go, Oh, I can't, I can't go to work today. I got to do the podcast or I can't be late home from work. Well, cause I'd rather do the podcast than go to work. So, well, unfortunately the podcast doesn't pay. So the podcast should be put on the back burner. You know, that's, that's like, uh, yeah, that's one thing with this new, with this new job. Well, you know, there might be days that we might have to record a little bit later than normal.

Speaker: But which is not a problem for me. But at the same time, I also get to go into work two hours later than I normally did. So right. You know, that's that's that's a nice little added plus. But yeah, I had to do the same thing. I had to go to the grocery store. Did I have not I have not had to actually go grocery shopping this entire school year because when the kids are in school, they're only here a couple of days a week outside of the weekend. So usually

Speaker: like Monday we always go to McDonald's and then Tuesday we'll like order pizza or some dumb shit and I only have to cook on the weekend if they're here so I don't have to go buy groceries but now that school's out and they're going to be here like because now during the summers we do my ex -wife and I we do a week on and a week off right so yeah so they'll be here for an entire week no I well we haven't been grocery shopping in like three weeks just because

Speaker: with her changing jobs and everything. We just didn't have time with, you know, she was on the go and she'd get home and the store is closing in 10 minutes. I'm like, well, I guess we'll go another day. Yeah, exactly. Well, the thing is, is I have had the meal plan and so damn long, dude, I probably, I was, I was making like figure eights through the grocery store because I was like, okay, well I can do this one, one night. And then I would get what I needed. And then I would wander off that another item like, well, I could do this because I just bought, you know,

Speaker: five pounds of burger. So or whatever. Oh, I can make how many onions do you buy a week? Well, like when you go grocery shop. Really? Fuck dude. I buy like two kilos of onions. I don't I don't like onions. Oh, I fucking will fry onions and everything. Like I like like the like the deep fried onion straws or like the you know how right out back as the woman onion. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I like that. But I'm not going to just cut up onions.

Speaker: and throw it in a meal or anything like that. And a lot of stuff I buy because I'm teaching my girls how to cook. It's easy enough if I don't get home from work until late. But they can throw something in there. Yeah, they can make dinner. So that way they don't have to wait until 8, 9 o 'clock at night to eat dinner. I've become very inventive when it comes to cooking since I have had like I have

Speaker: My mom taught me how to cook, but most of the stuff my mom cooked, I hated, so I'm like, nah, don't pay attention. But I literally will make my own version of stir fry, where I'll cut up broccoli and onion and whatever other vegetables are in the fridge, along with some chicken, and fry all that up. Because I have these pans that are actually woks. They're Chinese style woks with a handle.

Speaker: the You know, i'll throw all that in a pan just fry it up and i'm like, all right, everybody, you know, throw some soy sauce in it, you know and My wife gets bored with it really fast because i'll do it every meal because i'm like this is easy Well, yeah, I will go that far. I try to change it up but the problem the problem is is i've got my oldest daughter who Will literally eat anything? Oh, she has she has no care in the world. What is she'll she'll eat it

Speaker: My middle daughter, she was a little bit picky, not so much, but my boy, he, both boys are extremely picky eaters. So as he's starting to get older, I'm winning more and more battles, but like he'll, he'll, he'll say, I want Alfredo. And it's like, okay.

Speaker: I'm thinking chicken alfredo. I'm gonna get noodles on the alfredo sauce. I'll get chicken. I'm gonna get broccoli or salsa. You don't make your own sauce? No, I've done it a couple times. It's a bitch. Not the greatest at it. So, yeah, I need a little bit more work at it. I actually, I make my own spaghetti sauce. Yeah. Like they do in the godfather. I literally take the recipe from the godfather. But what he fails to, yeah.

Speaker: you're making the sauce that cooks all day. Well, when he says he wants Alfredo, what he means is he wants Alfredo sauce, a specific kind of noodles. Yeah.

Speaker: maybe broccoli or cauliflower. He doesn't want all of it. It's just like, dude, you're you're killing me, man. You're you're busting my balls. But I am glad I am glad that we're out of the phase where when he was younger, all he would eat was chicken nuggets or I know I would have to cook two separate freaking meals all the time. Now, see, I make I make a mean chili dog, but I'm the only one that eats them. Well, you probably put a bunch of gross ass hot shit on your chili dog.

Speaker: No, I, you know, I don't make it spicy. I don't make anything spicy. I add spice to mine as I'm preparing the plates because I love spice. It's spice does not love me. Well, I pay for it. I do enjoy spicy food, but I can't eat it because of acid reflux.

Speaker: And it kills me. So I choose not to eat it. I know a lot of people say, oh, you're a pussy, Glick. Well, I'll be a fucking pussy if I'm not laying in bed at four o 'clock in the morning feeling like not only is my throat and chest on fire, but I don't feel like there's a jackhammer sitting on my sternum just pounding away. So when I get acid reflux, it almost feels like like almost like something stuck in my throat. And that's about it.

Speaker: I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker: I'm 40 years old. I say you can't teach an old dog new tricks and I'm not as old as they get Um, but no, so it even like like I love honey mustard

Speaker: I do too, but I can only eat certain brands of honey mustard because It'll it'll fire me up. But you said me making mean chili dog I am no chili dogs not being from Ohio the greatest chili dog on the planet comes from skyline chili and I don't care right but it says I actually I actually I actually make I use canned chili, you know, the problem is chili is not a a

Speaker: Requested item as much down here. So it's hard for me to find. Oh, really? Yeah, they'll get like five cans in a month, you know Yeah, or one case and it'll last a year Well, and I'm the only asshole that buys it Yeah, that is that is one thing that I've discovered like an actual chili not like chili sauce that all three of my kids love and have to the point that they told my ex -wife that my chili is better than hers and

Speaker: Ooh. And I was like, yeah. The score. Every once in a while, every once in a while, my kids do that. Every once in a while, they'll go, dad cooks really good, mom. And mom, mom gets not jealous, but she'll be like, all of a sudden she'll want to cook. And I'm like, go for it.

Speaker: My ex -wife, her chili was kind of her thing. That was her thing. And I'd never made chili until I moved into this apartment. And I just started experimenting. And oh, excuse me, playing around with a couple of different things. Oh, I got to say something about that too. Speaking of saying stuff. And now my kids are like, it'll be like 100 degrees out. And they're like, can we have chili? I'm like, it's not even chili weather. It was like, well, it's good. We want chili. I thought my wife.

Speaker: Thank God for all these. Let me forget, I gotta tell you something about all these up here. Okay. Real quick, we have to do a correction for the story I told on episode 12. No, you have to do another correction. You have to do a correction. That's what I said. That's what I'm saying. I have to do a correction. And it's multiple, it's multiple corrections because I got shit for it. I sent my brother

Speaker: I said, hey, at X point of episode 12, I tell the story you told me to tell. And 10 minutes later, he obviously listened to just the story. Yeah. And he text me and the meanest text he's ever sent. You need to correct it.

Speaker: First of all, the bike. You were correct. You were correct. It was a cruising bike. However, in my defense, you say Kawasaki as a non -bike person, I think Croftruck it. Well, I mean, they all make cruise, like Honda. Honda's big. Honda, I think, Goldwing.

Speaker: Yeah. Goldwing. I don't think CBR. I think Goldwing. Yeah. Because my dad's obsessed with Goldwings. I don't know why. My dad used to be obsessed with them, too. I mean, he would buy them. My dad wants a trike.

Speaker: My dad wants to track Goldwing so bad, he can feel himself riding it. I know I'm going to say it wrong and it doesn't matter. He doesn't listen. It's one of those bikes that have the two wheels in the front and the one wheel in the back. My dad had one of those.

Speaker: Yeah, those things are badass dude before that. He loved gold wings, man He would buy a gold wing that was completely tricked out I think the fucking bike gave him a blowjob as he drove down the road on it and so many bells and whistles on it But now he just bought this new bike last year and boy. He loves that fucking thing That thing's got that things those things they actually rent those here by the day like you go to little

Speaker: touristy spots and they like you want to rent one of these, oh, okay. And you'll see, you'll hear people just lighten up the rear tire, which literally says in the, in the, in the, when the, in the rental agreement, do not spend the tires and yours is here. You're like, yeah, okay. Yeah. It's kind of like when you, when you run a jet ski and they're like, don't do this, this, and this. And the first three things you do are the three things they told you not to do.

Speaker: the other correction is that my brother was not at his ex -wife's he was literally he had left work and decided to go cruising on his bike I still think he was at his ex -wife's he was a little bit too adamant about that no I think I think what it was is you know he owns he owns a little casino slot machine sub spot called mr. J's in Mansfield and it's not

Speaker: a hard job, but it's a stressful job. Welcome back, pretty girl. So I think it was one of those days he had a shit day and he was just like, oh, I just need to get out and ride. And he just kind of went out for a cruise. Now that you mentioned his company on the podcast, you have to tell him you and I both check for five hundred dollars. Speaking speaking, speaking of mentioning things on the podcast, since we. Yeah, go ahead. Wow.

Speaker: Okay, I'm gonna get to that comment here in a second because that was good We never mentioned our social media or anything or where to find us at the end of the fucking show and it's just like So the corrections are over we can you guys Yeah, you guys can be so kind check us out on Facebook

Speaker: Instagram and Tiktok all under nonsensical nonsense and you can find every episode of this shitty ass podcast on Spotify at nonsensical nonsense Right including if you want to send us an email just bitching at us or you want to sponsor us You can send us an email at nonsensical nonsense podcast at gmail .com

Speaker: Yeah. So, uh, Summer said, Freddie, you now look like R .D .R .R .B .H. Words are hard. R .D .J. Squirrel. Yeah. R .B .J. Who's R .J .B .J.? R .D .J. Robert Diamond Jr. Tony Stark. Nice. I'll take that one. I'll take that one. I will totally rock the Iron Man look. She tells you that you look like R .D .J. And today we were talking on the phone and she was like,

Speaker: You gotta do something about your beard. It's getting a little out of control Basically saying that I look like a homeless Sasquatch We were we were eating lunch and I my buddy and I he had just shaved his beard a couple days ago And I was like dude, what the fuck you shave the beard. He's like well, you know, I own a company now I'm like nobody sees you and my wife goes I

Speaker: people see you for your business on your podcast all the time and you look like a **** homeless person and my buddy my buddy my buddy shoots his mouth off and goes, you know, there's a barbershop right around the corner. I was like, are you **** I hate I hate getting my haircut. I don't like being touched especially on the face especially by a stranger. I love getting my haircut and but I think like the the

Speaker: That is like so fucking real. I told Summer today I was going to shave my head bald. Nice. They're trying to rock a bald head beard bearded look. She's like, is your head fucked up? Shaped like I'm like, I don't know. I will find out only. I mean, up until a few months ago. Yeah. Up until a few months ago, it had been like 10 years since I had short hair. My hair was always long.

Speaker: So then I went to short hair. I don't know what the fuck my head looks like anymore. Well, I don't. I like said I was telling you earlier, I get my hair cut when my wife yells at me. And and when she she'll usually yell at me for like two months before I'll finally break down, go fine, whatever. And when we cut my hair, I get no say in it. I just sit in the chair and she goes, do this.

Speaker: And she literally handed the guy a picture of fucking Ryan Reynolds because he and I have the same widow's peak. We have this giant gap here and he has something similar. So she hands the barber a picture of Ryan Reynolds. I was like.

Speaker: why Ryan Reynolds? She's like, you guys have the same hair line. I'm like, okay. She should have, she should have handed him a picture of the same hairline. No, LeBron James. No, LeBron James motherfucking hairline's running away from your ass. Yeah. I don't know what it is, but I got, I mean, it's like, I got this weird wick and widow's peak. Yeah. My cousin, Jesus, he was like, uh,

Speaker: 15 and his hair was stopped where my headphones are Now I usually I usually try to go get my hair cut at least once a month But the problem is is mine grows so fast that it right it's just like That's why I usually just grow it out because if I was single if I was single I would look like Jesus It would just be all the way down to my ass. I just fuck it. You know I

Speaker: And then if I get bored, I'll just grab, I'll buy a pair of clippers and just shave my head. Yeah. That was my idea. Cause I, my, my parents, my mom would take me to go get my haircut like three times a year, but in between, I would just be like, fuck it and shave my head.

Speaker: for the longest time. Well, right before I cut my hair short, I was actually contemplating just shaving my head. But I was like, I don't want to look like a fucking six to penis walking around. Because the thing is, is like, my hair is baby fine.

Speaker: Yeah, like every every barber every person that does my hair they're like your hair's baby fine. I'm like yes I know I'm just gonna shave my beard off. She says my I'm just gonna shave it off. I'm gonna shave it off right now. I told my wife today. I want to grow my beard like yours Yeah, I told my wife. I don't grow my beard like yours. She's like no She just looked straight at me straight now. I went no yeah

Speaker: I I I told the kids I said maybe this this year we could go to the Renaissance Festival because I want to get some more beard beads so I could get them braided in. I got one. Yeah.

Speaker: She said, do it. I thought you liked my beard. I am not shaving my beard because this is all underneath of it is what's scary. You'll be single real quick. Summer take one look at you. I've seen you without a beard. It's not a pretty sight. It's like you remember the movie, the blob.

Speaker: That's from your lip, your bottom lip down. It's just. Yeah. Cause I don't, I don't have, I don't have like, you know, like some, some people have double chins or whatever. Like I just have a big old fucking like a fucking bullfrog. Exactly. Exactly what it looks like. It's just, I, my face is so fat and round.

Speaker: And it's retarded. I said chicken shit. Bet you won't. No, I'm not going to shave my beard. I will shave it. I'll shave it short like Jeff's, but I won't shave it off. Yeah, everybody wants to be like Jeff. We know. Yeah, I wish I was three and a half feet tall and had a hairline.

Speaker: listen here motherfucker you give me any car I can drive it just cause I have to sit on the fucking hood or move my ass all the way to the front of the seat doesn't mean I can't drive it but I don't have to fucking

Speaker: stick my head out the top of the roof of the sunroof to drive. You're that motherfucker that when I try to get into a car after they've been in it, I'm cursing seven ways from Sunday. No, no, no. We discussed this. We discussed this prior. I am not the fucker to have the steering wheel touching my stomach. I am so far back that I'm using my toe to pit the pedal because I don't like to look short while I drive. It looks it looks good. Shorter. How much shorter though?

Speaker: I like it long Mine is right now. Mine is about a quarter inch long I'll say I'll shave some bitch off the thickest part at the thickest part Yeah The dude literally use clippers to cut my my beard you just get a guard on it You put like yeah, like yeah, he put a guy he put he put like a three or four And rocked it up But I like I said, I don't use anything on my beard so it's it's like I

Speaker: It's like a thicket. Briar bush. I normally put beard oil in my beard, but that's about it. I don't really care. I wash it with my lavender soap that I bought 14 pounds of. I usually just put oil in it. I don't like to put the cream, because the beard butter or whatever, it's like a hair gel. Oh, it's almost like a conditioner, like a hair conditioner.

Speaker: it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's it's

Speaker: This is a funny story. You'll get a kick out of this. I called my... The reason why I thought my brother owned a crotch rocket is very simple. My sister's... My... The whole thing I won't go to dance before I come to... The woman that's supposed to be explored!

Speaker: don't think I won't stop at dad's and get the head before I come down there. I got a machete hanging over my door. Indiana Jones that motherfucker. Hell yeah. I gotta get to the temple of goodies. Come on Jar Jar Beans. We're going on an adventure. There's a there's a funny story about

Speaker: is i actually call i was talking to my sister's brother -in -law okay he's the younger brother of my sister's husband and he's actually he's he's only like a couple years older than i am and he used to have this really wicked 86s10 and he and i used to go goof off all the time and i called him the other day and he's like hey i i've been watching the podcast i was like oh man that's cool thanks you know he's like i have one question for you guys i said what's that he says how the fuck

Speaker: You guys have beards that thick. What are you talking about? We're just lazy and we don't shave. He's like, I cannot grow a beard to save my life. Because I was like, what are you talking about? I said, what are you talking about? He says, it grows in patches. I said, you know what? Mine does, too. The trick is just deal with the patches until it all thickens up. Yeah. He's like, I know I don't look like an ass. I'm like, stay home for a couple of weeks. You should have said too late.

Speaker: But he actually in pictures if from far enough distance you know where you can see the person's head and feet in the picture yeah, he looks like my brother and he bought a Kawasaki ninja and my brother's talk about a Kawasaki so literally I Have the picture of this dude yeah, his name's Adam on a Kawasaki ninja and

Speaker: And my brothers talk about wrecking a Kawasaki. Now, how do you not put two and two together when these motherfuckers look similar? Yeah. You know, two ball headed white guys on bikes. You know, what do you know? It happens. Yeah. Half ass. Pay attention to. Oh, so. So the details. So those are not my forte. Yeah, we obviously.

Speaker: says this cover for the guy, this cover for the guy who sent me an article about a guy who identifies as a deer. I'm so mad that that turned out not to be true. And you're like, I'm like, disappointed. I'm snowflake disappointed. I'm triggered.

Speaker: Yeah, you're like, I don't know if this is a real story or not. I was like, I doubt it's a real story, dude. And you're like, no, we got to talk about it, man. I'm like, I'm not talking about fake news. But it would not surprise me. It would not surprise me if it was true. In all honesty, today, no, it would not surprise me. But a simple click. Well, it all comes back to you know who Pierce Morgan is.

Speaker: Yeah. Okay. Well, Pierce Morgan, he, he's on a show in Britain somewhere and he, it's like a daytime talk show. Yeah. He brings these woke fucks on. They're like, I identify as this. And he's like, well, I identify as a, uh, what, what do you call it? A non -binary penguin. So what should my gender, what should, what should I be called? And they get pissed. And he's like, what? I'm supposed to, I'm supposed to go with what you say. So you have to go with ISA and.

Speaker: That that where this guy identifying as deer I was like, well, maybe this guy, you know like Pierce As a joke, it's like I'll dress up like a fucking deer I I well cuz there's a guy he identifies as a baby. He's like 50 Oh, yeah, there's a bunch of them. There's a there's a bunch of them that that are into that weird baby fetish So, I mean no, I mean he's he's actually been adopted by a family. I

Speaker: That's just a whole he lives in his people's house rent -free and they give him bottle and put a diaper I'm like, where you get a diaper to fit a 50 year old man number one? Well, I get that but are you telling me this guy shits in these diapers more than likely

Speaker: That's fun. It's a full on baby. I mean, like I said, that's not it. That's not it. Can you imagine? Can you imagine your wife comes home or summer comes home, says Chris, we've adopting a baby and you're like, OK. And then there's 40, 55 year old man walks in the biggest round is tall and you're like summer.

Speaker: Get the fuck out. Get this man out my fucking house before I shoot him. I stab him in his neck and watch him bleed out like that guy in Australia. Put in the fucking corner of the room and sit there and talk to him every night. You wanted a baby? You got a dead one. There's your baby. Head into the corner with a knife. I didn't kill him. It was a late term abortion.

Speaker: But I mean, seriously, that's some people are so stupid. Well, I I'm such a horrible person that Summer will joke around about being pregnant. And I like I don't I honestly don't know how I would react if she got pregnant. But I'm at a point where I'm I'm done doing the baby thing. But I always I always tease her. I was like, well, you know, I keep a you know,

Speaker: coat hanger by the bed. I'll keep a metal coat hanger around. The whole thing won't be in use and I won't kick you in the stomach down a flight of stairs. There's a TikTok video. This lady walks in and she goes, I think I'm pregnant. And you see a bunch of kids running around and the husband just leans forward on his chair and punches her in the gut.

Speaker: And then he goes back to read his paper. That's exactly like I'm just I'm done man. I'm almost 40 years old. I'm done with the baby thing like

Speaker: you know, down the road when grandkids are introduced. Awesome. But I don't want to be doing that because you can give those back. Yeah, I don't want to be in the middle of the night. I don't want to be doing change in diapers. I told her the other day I was I was fucking with her. I told her, I was like, well, if you got pregnant, then we would have to delay you moving up for like another four or five years. So by the time you get up here, the kid could wipe his own. I wipe my own. How many times do you think

Speaker: In school, did we quote that fucking movie? Too many. That was our go to movie to quote. We quoted a lot of movies in the school. Yeah, but Big Daddy was our big one. I remember. Yeah, I remember just people going hip like you just be sitting in class and all of a sudden somebody in the back of you. He he pumped. He pumped. Anonymous. And we just all of us, everybody in the room would fucking die laughing.

Speaker: for no reason. And then we'd all go home and watch it. That was one of those many, many, many things that we did to aggravate Timmy. Oh, that man, that man. That poor son of a bitch. I don't know how he, I don't envy any teacher that would have a class like ours.

Speaker: the the

Speaker: as the gangsters say. I'd have to ask Summer, I think that's proper. Gangster, Summer and I love you. Since she's a gangster with her thick southern accent. She tells me all the time, she's like, thugs don't cry. What the hell are you talking about?

Speaker: What's Speaking of quote -unquote gangsters Have you seen the videos on YouTube of Snoop Dogg playing video games? No, but I did see the video a video Part of a video. Hey mark. What's up? Where apparently Snoop Dogg got so high

Speaker: that he forgot his live stream was up and left and came back like eight hours later. And I was like, I feel you snoop because I probably still got more people on there. Yeah. I was like, I was just in that boat a few weeks ago. I came out because my son woke up because it was storm, but still I thought it was a little short minute long clips.

Speaker: And you see the game and in the big screen and you see Snoop real small in the corner. Yeah. And he'll just he'll be racing or something. And all of a sudden we go, fuck. Well, he's he's like, I've ever seen. He's a character anyways out of. Have you ever seen any of those like like Logan Paul or Jake Paul fights and stuff? He commentates. Oh, no kidding. When who's the younger Paul Brother?

Speaker: I have no fucking clue when I think it was Jake. I think Jake might be the one that stole the hat. I think is the younger one. Yeah. When he fought Nate Robinson, the former NBA player, and he put that man to sleep. I think he's still asleep. He rocked his world. He lost his fucking mind. I was dying. Listen, because he's up there with professional boxing commentators. And then there's fucking

Speaker: That right there makes me want to tune in yeah because

Speaker: I mean, watching them do something like that is like watching the Osborne's back in early 2000s. Yeah. Or like with with Snoop narrates like Wow, Kingdom or some shit like that. Have you ever seen those? No. Oh, my God. They're so funny. I know what I'm looking at tonight. Yeah, it is fucking hilarious. Would you dare? There's another guy I have to send you. I have to send you a clip of this other guy. He he commentates all this stuff. He's Australian.

Speaker: He's one of my favorite him him doing that hit that that Gorgeous chick from some universities. She does tumbling. Oh My god, I've seen that video like 300 times every time pops up in my feet Best was that he did he narrated like kids versus mascot football game I've probably seen that

Speaker: 50 or 60 times every time I laugh, I almost pissed myself. I'm laughing so hard. It's ridiculous. At least once a day, I end up watching videos on YouTube of of fails or or instant regret, something like that. And there's one I watch at one one channel.

Speaker: I follow and every time a new video comes up. I'm like kids gather round. We're watching this And we end up die laughing because there's nothing funnier than then you know somebody getting racked or or To the point where you know, it's gonna happen. You're like, oh you're going down fatty Sitting on the couch going you're going down fatty

Speaker: That's where Morgan Freeman cuts in he's like at this mall. I can't do a Morgan Freeman. Oh, yeah That he knew he fucked know the funniest video I've ever seen it's it's obviously storming out and this girl she's maybe six

Speaker: goes to open the glass screen door on her house and the wind catches it and she's still holding on and it flings her from the porch to the driveway. Take that, you little brat. She comes running up from the car. Mom's maybe five, 10 feet behind her and she grabs that screen door and a wind catches it just right. And she goes. And she must fly. She must fly a good eight feet.

Speaker: about four feet off the ground and I might be seeing my grandma in the Saint Bernard I might be going to hell but I love when kids get wrecked and old people yeah kids and old people but have you seen the grandma in the Saint Bernard no I don't think so this is grandma she's maybe I she's got to be in her 70s close to 80s she's really small and

Speaker: And she's standing next to this giant, like 200 -pound St. Bernard, and something runs by like a squirrel or something. And that dog takes off, and Grandma looks, and all of a sudden she looks down at her hand, and the spool runs out of space, and Grandma's gone. It is a good two seconds of her going, just slowly looking down at the spool, and all of a sudden, boop!

Speaker: She's got one of those extendable leashes that's a spool.

Speaker: She's gone. Every time I see that video, I miss myself laughing. And my wife, my wife says, you're going to hell. I'm like, yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of people that watch this shit. They're going to be right there with me. I'm not the only one that's going to hell. God damn it.

Speaker: but it is easily the funniest thing I've ever seen. Oh man. But no, the Ozman reviews and I definitely have to look up Snoop Dogg reviewing stuff. Yeah, do the Snoop Dogg, Wild Kingdom and look up, just look up Snoop Dogg commentating boxing or something like that. Right. The dude's a lunatic as it is. So it's so goddamn funny.

Speaker: like I said, well, yeah, and and like I said, he he when he's when he's calling these fights, he he's calling them with like real boxing commentators. So, you know, they're kind of stiff and professional and and I'm like, well, that was an uppercut and he was like, he knocked the **** off that **** which is I think I think something along those lines when when

Speaker: Sorry. What's up, Cam? My buddy Cameron just jumped in on Facebook and he was like, hello, Click and Mr. Whale right there. Oops, dolphin, my bad.

Speaker: I'm scarred How about them Braves Yeah

Speaker: Reminds me saying how about them Braves? When I was in I think like sixth grade we did we did the nutcracker Or not the nutcracker what's called uh With em or need is a Scrooge and all that shit. What's called a Christmas girl Christmas Carol and I played Tiny Tim because I was the shortest and my buddy He played my dad

Speaker: And opening night, the teacher said, when you guys come in, act like you're talking or something. And as we're coming in, my buddy screams out. So how about those browns? We literally held up the play for a good like five minutes, just both of us losing our minds laughing.

Speaker: And we got major shit for it from the school after. They're like, the Browns weren't around back then. We're like, duh, that's what makes it funny to take us out. That's like you've won your rant the other day about fucking Fast and the Furious and how it's not realistic. Exactly. It's a goddamn movie. That's what makes it funny.

Speaker: Oh, every time somebody says something like go, how about them Browns or how about them Braves or something like that? I think of that and it just makes me die laughing. Cameron said, here we go. Nervous laugh and change of the subject. Look, look, man, he's just not ready to talk about it. Okay. When he's ready to talk about it, we'll hash out on the first to know. We'll hash it out on air. We'll

Speaker: We'll get to the bottom of the story. I'll personally go to Cancun and track that dolphin down and, and I'll bitch slap it. We'll have dolphins. Yeah. We'll have dolphins for dinner. Yeah. I'll get that dolphin.

Speaker: You know, you can't believe you raped my little friend, you filthy animal. Don't always be like, bro, he wanted it. Maybe if he didn't open up the other door in the room. Maybe I shouldn't wear a thong in the pool. He was asking for it, bro.

Speaker: We had that discussion today at my buddy's house. We were talking about, my friend doesn't understand the concept that people can make money on TikTok and other social media. He understands people make money on YouTube and stuff like that. But he's like, how do you make money on TikTok? This is the same concept as YouTube. And we started talking about, I don't know how we got on the subject of OnlyFans.

Speaker: But I have a client here that every once in a while, he'll call me to fix something in this house. And every time I get there, I'm amazed on how big this guy's house is. You were talking about him a few weeks back. He'll he'll post like a before picture and then an after picture. Yeah, he posts on Facebook of before. And and I asked him, I said, so what are you doing? You're wearing a thong, dude. He's like, I take the thong off and he does it for his only fans.

Speaker: And just like you, my buddy said the same thing. Fuck, I'm going to get me an OnlyFans. I said, I said, OK, look at my my client and look at you. There's a huge difference. That's the thing. I mean, you don't have to get naked on OnlyFans. I mean, people will pay for. That one chick she's making, that one chick in the UK, she's making 20 grand a month showing her feet. Well, like.

Speaker: the **** Bella Thorne from Disney like she she made I think it makes 100 grand a month. Well, I think she made a couple million in like a day or two and yeah because she was like, I got all the fans and then she ain't been naked once. Everybody lost their **** of mind. It's like you dummies paid for it. Did you think she won't get naked? Well, it all comes down to my wife. My wife chimed in and said, my wife chimed in and says, in order to make real money,

Speaker: considerable amount of money on Onlyfans, you need a following. Yeah, that's why like, if Bella Thorne was as famous as you and me. Yeah, she'd be like, I made $2 to be surprised that you'd be surprised at the amount of people regular people just go on Onlyfans and do whatever it is they do. And make a ton of money off of it. I mean, that that dumb bitch, again, she had a following and a bunch of weird fucking

Speaker: and she's made millions of dollars off that

Speaker: and it's like you fucking weird pedophiles think that chick was going to get naked. No, she knew that there was a bunch of suckers out there just like Bella Thorne knew there was a bunch of suckers out there or any other famous chick that goes on or you wait, you wait. We blow up on here. I'm starting an only fans. I won't get naked once. I'll just show my fat belly. Yeah, I can. I can literally I can in all honesty, I can probably start an only fans tonight.

Speaker: and just drink, just drink beer on there and I would make money off of it because some fucking weird guy would be like, Oh, I want to see that. Look at this big fat grizzly bear looking at something. He shaped his beard. He's got a goiter. I like his beard. I like his beard.

Speaker: Look, I'm a bullfrog. If I can learn how to expand it out like a bullfrog, that could be my gimmick on Onlyfans. If you can think of it, there's a rule. It's called Rule 42. And Rule 42 states, if you can think of it, there's porn for it.

Speaker: There's an ask for every seat, man. Which is kind of a nice thing when you think about it. You're into something. If you search long enough, you'll find it. Yeah, sometimes with that only fans or whatever, it's not always about porn because there are some people that are on there and they're just, they used it like people were using Patreon where they would, you know, like

Speaker: They'll do a video of them making something. Yeah, I'm gonna like almost like extra footage

Speaker: Yeah, like behind the scenes or something of a YouTube channel, which I mean, it is primarily it is primarily porn, but at the same time, I could never ever see myself paying for somebody's only fans for porn in 2021. Because you know, there's gonna be one asshole out there that's gonna screenshot everything and leak that shit. So if I want to see it, I'm sure I can wait long enough and wait for it to leak.

Speaker: Yeah, if you're big enough or popular enough, oh, yeah, you're gonna it's gonna be found. Oh, yeah, it's it's gonna be believed. But I mean, not only that, but it's 2021. And I can go to Google and I can hack that shit. Well, you know, I can go to Google and put in midget amputee gang bangs. And two seconds later, 400 ,000 videos. Yeah. Two seconds later, I got it. Now we know what Chris is into.

Speaker: It's true if you if you were into doorknobs, yeah, there's there's you know There's somebody yeah, well no, but there if you're into somebody licking a doorknob, there's somebody ASMR or whatever we're so close to the mic yeah

Speaker: Oh, that's so fucked up, dude. That's creepy to me. I feel like I should start doing that for me drinking beers and just grab my mic. Just crack it, go open real close to the mic. All right, tonight we're going to be drinking Bush Light. Let me go in. Ah, that's tasty, right?

Speaker: fuck that makes me want to drink. Somebody's going to hear that clip and be like, god damn. I'm in. Where can I sign up? Chris is drinking beer. I'm going to crack it right up against the mic. But I mean, I'm sure there's some alcoholic out there that wants to hear that. There's some alcohol. Just what's that audio while they're driving? I'm going to look that up right now. Beer drinking.

Speaker: No, well, the one that's really creepy, my wife likes, is the ASMR of the people cutting sand or bursts of soap. It creeps me out. It's one of those, I don't know why we're having this conversation. I'm sitting in the fucking dark like a weirdo. The only light is the glow from your screen. It really is.

Speaker: That was me the other day when we were doing it. We were about an hour and a half into it and I was like, fuck my lights off. It got dark in here. Just sitting here in the dark whispering into my microphone. Only because your kids aren't there. Kids don't listen to episode 14. No, it would make it even worse if my kids were here because I'd be in my bedroom in the dark.

Speaker: How does that do it? I thought he used to want his little podcast with his little friend. He's literally sipping beer so close to the mic, it's rubbing his beard. And Jeff's not even online. What the fuck? That's the other thing, I've rubbed my beard on the mic. Yeah. That's just creepy.

Speaker: I don't know what it is. I don't know. I'm sure some people are like, Oh, it's soothing. Fuck you. I mean, I can, I can, there's videos on YouTube of just 24 hours of a campfire. Yeah. Or 24 hours of rain hitting a tent and I'm like, yeah. Well, they make apps for that. No, but I, I, well, like my kids broke the TV. You can't turn it off unless you have the remote.

Speaker: And then they broke the remote. So we couldn't turn the TV off for like, like five days or else we wouldn't be able to turn it back on. Well, I damn near did. And we had, we ordered a remote. Well, while we were waiting for the remote to get in, I would just literally find a video of 24 hours of pitch black and it would just play all night long. And, and while I was looking for that, there was like, it'd be like,

Speaker: 24 hours of staring at the sky and I was like, all right, that's cool. And then I was like, well, I was way too bright. You get that white noise and that's where the ghost will come and try to come. Oh, I got that reminds me. I got fucking sweet and sour sauce on my laptop. Nice. Because I'm a fat ass and I was. Did you were you the one that told me the story of the the the lady was dating a ghost, right?

Speaker: Yeah, we talked about that. Okay. Yeah, we talked about that. You talked about ghosts and I was like that that story popped back in my head and I was like, that's fucked up. Yeah, we were talking about that. That still creeps me out. Speaking of ghosts, Conjuring 3 comes out next week and I am excited.

Speaker: But I do it. I slept on the conjure movies for a long time. And then I finally watched them. My middle daughter conned me into watching the first one. And I was like, right. It's actually really fucking good because I'm big. I don't like horror movies. I don't like scary. I mean, I don't find them scary. I find them retarded. But well, well, I'm big into the paranormal. I believe in ghosts and all that stuff. So I love that. That that was going to be my next question. So Ed. So you totally believe in ghosts and stuff.

Speaker: Oh, yeah, I mean that's one of the things about aliens as well. No, aliens are fake as fuck. Really? You don't believe in aliens? I totally believe in aliens. I kid you not. I have a story. My brother is Jar Jar Binks and he's from Middle Earth. No, true story. My brother, when he was living with me back, my parents back in the 90s, he and I went, we're coming home from somewhere and I shit you not.

Speaker: These three doing these three different colored lights were I would say, you know, they're above the truck, maybe, you know, a couple hundred feet above. Well, I almost almost a couple thousand feet above or something. I'm really high up anyway. But they were triangle. You know, they were exact triangle from each other and they followed the fucking truck all the way to the house. And then we're gone when we got out of the truck. And then.

Speaker: much like the dolphin.

Speaker: The universe is, in all honesty, the universe is far too big, far too vast, whatever. For us to be the only people, only living creatures? Yeah, I think you would be a fool to believe that there wasn't something else out there. But you don't think they visited us? No, I'm pretty sure they do. I do believe in aliens. I think it's more like Earth is like a tourist trap for aliens.

Speaker: They come down and they're like, let's watch these idiots for like 20 minutes. This will be hilarious. Calm down. Watch them freak out. We're not. It's not minimum. No, no, no. What I'm saying is, is like, uh, like one of the biggest ball yarn in, in, in the world, you know?

Speaker: They're like well stop by it for two seconds. Oh mom and dad. This is boring. Let's get out of here. You know come on Yeah, no, I definitely think there's something else out there and obviously now the government's speaking admitting me out and admitting it to a certain degree, but You know it's one of those explanation. Yeah, it's one of those things

Speaker: I believe it when I see you. So do you believe the Betty Barty Hill story? Yeah, I know. Yeah, stuff like that. I 100 % believe in aliens, but I'm not going to. OK, I'm not going to jump on every I was just fucking around. I'm not going to jump on every conspiracy alien. Well, yeah, a lot of the people that say they've been abducted or whatever are literally looking for attention. I would say 90 percent.

Speaker: It's not 99 % Yeah, like I said, you would you would absolutely be a fool to believe that in this universe. We're the only beings Ever, you know, right You know who's who's wicked into it Dan Aykroyd? Yeah Holy shit, that dude is so far into it, but I will tell you I do not believe and I think

Speaker: this certain sector of people are fucking crackpots. Oh, please. And that's those goddamn flat earthers. Oh, my God. You're out of your fucking mind. Did I send you the clip? No, but this guy is on. We talked about it first. This guy was on like a big journalist.

Speaker: News program and I'm not sure where I'm not sure if it's in the US Canada or whatever But this lady this this guy's talking to this flat earth head of flat earth or whatever and he says He says yeah, but you know, I was lucky enough to fly on Concord When Concord was a thing in Concord, you know the stupid fucking jets that went so stupid fast And he says when we were flying on Concord. I saw the curvature of the earth and the guy says well, that's

Speaker: That's impossible because I can show you a picture of a weather balloon twice as high as as your Concord was and it looks flat as a pancake and I'm like, yeah, I don't think so, Bob. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's just there's and whether you want to to the point that they talk like NASA is a massive cover up for the fact that we're in a dome. I'm like, really? Yeah, really?

Speaker: Well, I mean whether whether you want to believe we landed on the moon or it was all I'm totally on the moon thing. I believe the moon thing Whatever you choose to believe is whatever I think we landed on the moon myself personally, but you know there if you I like to look at both sides as best as I can and there are a lot of

Speaker: pretty good arguments that say that, you know, kind of scratch your head and go, Hmm, maybe they did film this, you know, but then at the same time, on the on the opposite end, there's a lot of really good arguments that say, No, the people who think we film this in a studio, the problem with the whole, the whole filming out of the studio thing all comes down to PR. Yeah, public relations, public relations, guys, back then, they only had like,

Speaker: I don't know the exact number, but let's say 20 minutes of actual film from the moon and going to the moon. Yeah. And PR was like, fuck, we need more than just 20 minutes. So they took training simulations and took out strings or whatever and said, oh yeah, this one too. And this one, oh yeah, and we just found this one. So it's a problem with PR back then. They didn't realize the consequences of their actions.

Speaker: Yeah, but but there is also real footage Yeah, I mean it's it's one of those things believe whatever you want to believe to each their own Yeah, same thing with aliens same thing with same thing with ghosts I know a lot of people when when I when I bring up that I believe in ghosts and you know and and and reasons why I believe in in ghosts and stuff like that they're like You're a crackpot and it's like well

Speaker: Well, you know, there is compelling argument until you've had I mean, I don't believe in ghosts like Ghostbusters style. Well, yeah, but I believe in I believe in, you know, there are things that you can see that are unexplainable except for the fact that might be a ghost. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like that show we were both talking about the other day, the truth seeker seekers. Yeah. With with Nick Frost and Simon Pegg.

Speaker: I wouldn't definitively say, no, there's no ghosts. But I've seen those pictures of people like, you know, with a ghost in the background. I don't always think that it's, oh, there was a thumbnail on it or something. Yeah. Well, something on the film or something.

Speaker: I think the biggest problem is people like Ghost Adventures and Ghost Hunters and stuff like that. Some people take it way too far. They initially start out with good intentions, but as soon as they get a little bit of money and a little bit of fame, they're like, fuck, we got to prove something.

Speaker: Yeah, every house is haunted every everything and like I personally like to punch that Baggins right in his fucking head So if you happen to hear this by some strange Advent coincidence coincidence somehow Zach Baggins. He says the ghost adventures. I'm gonna punch your tall wanky ass right in the face You literally Exploit the fact that you know, they're they're ghost hunters and and

Speaker: To the point one of the funniest ones this guy's walking through like a a Foundry and it's supposedly haunted and all of a sudden. He's like, oh I got a chill and the guy to walk him through he's like, yeah, that's an air conditioning duct This guy he's like so we're in this foundry and it's supposedly haunted by the ghost of like five guys died here Oh, I felt a chill and the guide is like, yeah, that's an air conditioning duct. Oh

Speaker: Standing right next to you. Totally debunked his hole. That and you got all these, my kids watch them, all these stupid ass YouTubers that have gotten famous for being assholes. And now all of a sudden, because they're super famous, they want to be ghost hunters. And it's like, your kids are dick bags. Yeah. Well, it's like, uh, I mean, my kids watch this one where you and I know

Speaker: When you watch it, that what they're saying is completely false. They've created a bad sect of people that called Project Zargo or Zogo. I don't know what it's called. Yeah. And my son's like, this is totally real, dad. They're going to shut down YouTube. I'm like, you know, that that same guy with a mask on.

Speaker: and a hoodie. You know, he's like, no, it's not. They were on the same thing. I was like, there's five people in the fucking video. And and when that other guy shows up, there's only four. Let's do some math here. Now, a lot of it. I mean, the kids, the kids enjoy it. Like there's these. There's these three Goobers that my my son likes to watch and that one of the videos they did, they they they hit in a water park.

Speaker: to enjoy the water park after it was closed. They had it all themselves. And he was like, look at them. They're hiding and nobody's going to find them. Like you do realize that in a water park when they have cameras, it was like an indoor water park. I was like, they have cameras.

Speaker: And at the same time, they turn all that stuff off, not to mention the fact that these three guys have like 10 other guys that are their camera crew filming their sound lights and everything and the sound guy in a boom operator. And you're like, yeah, nobody see you. Yeah, guys, one of the ones I think is actually real because I think they got arrested for it after they published it, but they stayed in Disneyland.

Speaker: And it was literally just it was selfie style video yeah, and they stayed in Disneyland after it was closed so they could they could see all the shit that goes down like like Just like all parks Disneyland has a rat problem why because they sell Giant you know chicken legs or turkey legs and they sell you know all the candy so they have rat problems so what they do have also is a cat problem and

Speaker: Like Walt Disney was like, we have a rap problem. Walt Disney's like, go get some fucking cats.

Speaker: So they're literally be walking around and you'll see these giant fat cats walking around. Like, why these cats so fat? Oh, that one's got a rat in his mouth. Now I know why. You know, just silly dumb shit, but yeah, it's it's it's if it makes him happy. I think some of it, I think some of it's like originally a legit idea, like the guys that got arrested for staying in Disneyland last night with other YouTubers see it and they're like, we can do that. Let's call the owner.

Speaker: And they call the owner and the owner's like, yeah, we'll stay open an extra 45 minutes so you guys can film. With anything, I mean, there's always the original. And then, you know, you see the success from the original and people want to try to... Well, it's all about clickbait too. Yeah.

Speaker: You know you want to you want to you want to emulate that you want to you want to try to recreate it and Get and get the same amount of views so I mean, but if you're already I mean we're guilty of that as well We started a podcast because we like podcasts

Speaker: And we're doing we however we're our own spin on it We don't have a theme except for no politics. No religion. That's our theme. Yeah, everything else is open water, you know Speak of that. I was graduation party Saturday and right it was it's for my ex -wife's little sister who like my sister too because I

Speaker: No, no, her literally her entire life I've been around. So, you know, regardless of anything that happens, she's, she's still family to me. And, uh, two of my favorite people in that family are my ex wife's aunt and uncle. I love them to death. And, uh, she's always like, you know, get family functions because their family's crazy. Exactly. We've always kind of.

Speaker: you know, her, her and I towards each other. Yeah. We've like, they've always been my safety net. Her, her and her husband. So it's like, I can go hang out with them. I can have fun. We can bullshit blah, blah, blah. She'd actually texted me before I got there. And she was like, where are you at? I didn't even know she had my phone number. So I texted her. Who the hell is this? And she was like, it's stuff. And I was like, oh, okay. I said, well, I'm on my way right now. Yeah. So when I got there, she was actually waiting.

Speaker: like she was out on the other side of the bar when I got in there. So beer in hand. Yeah. Well, I didn't drink at this party either. So because I had to drive home and I wound up bringing my middle daughter, I had to take her home because my ex -wife and other kids and her boyfriend, they left like super early. So she didn't want to leave. So she stayed. So I wound up having to take her home. But I don't drink and drive anyways. But so that's not a fun experience.

Speaker: No, I just, I've never been, I will not say I've never drank and dried. I wouldn't say I've never done it, but when I did do it, it was terrible. It was a bad idea. I luckily made it home safe, but I got home and I was like, that was dumb. Yeah, but I generally, I don't, I won't, you know, as a rule to myself, I just, I won't do it. I've lost a couple of friends because they're drinking and driving. Plus I know the risk is not worth it at the end of the day.

Speaker: But anyway, especially with Uber and Lyft and cabs and everything nowadays. Yeah, exactly. But anyway, we were sitting around talking and she was like, what is this podcast that you do about? I'm like, absolutely nothing. And she was like, what? And she was like,

Speaker: You don't have a theme or like, no, we just bullshit. We just get on there and we bullshit. I said, I, you know, it's just like if we were on a phone call, yeah, I was like shit for two hours. Yeah. I was like, generally I'll, I'll have some articles that I want to talk about. You know, it's usually like strange news or stupid criminals or this, that and the other thing. Um, but I was like, it's just bullshitting. And then we, we bullshit people that are in the chat as well. If anybody's watching, but, um, yeah.

Speaker: Yeah, get some of that. Yeah, it's all that shit's all chunked up. But one of the things that she said was she's like, you belch an awful lot. And I was like, yeah, that's that's part of our charm. That's kind of my thing.

Speaker: that started with my live streaming and she was like, your live streaming, so I had to explain, you know, the live streaming thing. She was like, okay. And I was like, I mean, it got to the point where people would look forward to hearing the Glick perps. Yeah, they're waiting for it. It's disconcerting, but after a while you just ignore it. You're like, I guess it's Wednesday. And I told her, I was like, at first I really tried hard not to do it on the podcast.

Speaker: But it just got to the point where I'm like, it's going to happen. Fuck it. Let it let her, you know, let her rip. Well, we don't we don't edit stuff like that out. You know, we're a real. Oh, there it goes. There was a podcast. You know, it's not that we don't care. It's like we don't want to fake anything.

Speaker: Yeah. Unless there's something really bad that happens, technical difficulties or the kids running in murder your kids and wife one night on the podcast, you know, I'll probably, I can, I can hear my kids getting ready to go to bed. Cause my wife is telling them to go to bed and I can hear my daughter starting to cry. So I closed the door. Yeah. Yeah. I'll probably, I'll probably have that battle. I don't know. Is, did you ever deal with that with your five year olds?

Speaker: It's time for bed and then it's three hours of crying now. Oh My god, my kids have always been pretty good about belong to bed. I mean and right now I mean they're at the ages I'll tell them to go to bed and usually I go lay down about the same time they go to bed So I mean like I I've gotten my son my son He doesn't sleep in his bedroom Sleeps out on the couch, but his his bedroom here in this apartment Used to be

Speaker: the front door and they break it all off. So that room in the wintertime, now there's like a, like a floorboard heater in there, but in the wintertime that room is super cold. And then the summertime that room is super hot because there's not an AC vent or anything in there. And if you open this bedroom door in the winter or the summertime, that air comes out. So like in the wintertime, if you open that, open his bedroom door, which is right behind me, that's why I keep doing this. Uh,

Speaker: the the

Speaker: And and I because they've watched enough scary movies and this that the other thing yeah that I think he's afraid that somebody might come through there and it's like I Hate to break it to you, dude, but if somebody comes through that attic they're trapped in here, you know where the machete is There's a machete there's a baseball bat there's Nunchucks

Speaker: You know, my thing is, if somebody comes to the attic, they're trapped because there's not like a ladder. They're literally going to drop down and then it's like an eight foot jump and I'm six two and I can't jump up and grab it and pull myself back into the attic. So I don't think many other people are going to. So once they're in here, they're trapped and then, you know, then.

Speaker: The sadistic side of me gets to come out and we get to play. I turned into the fucking saw like, let's play a game. Well, you know, I saw a thing on TikTok and I'm sure you've seen it, too. It's like if somebody breaks into my house, I know I'm going to get less, less of a charge for rape than I am of murder.

Speaker: Yeah. That makes people think different about breaking into my house. I'm like, you know, I get less time in jail for rape than I do murder. And they're like, wait a minute. What? I'm like, yeah. Hey, big boy. I'll leave the door unlocked. Let's do this. Hey, boy. I see you broke into my house. You gotta hurt him now.

Speaker: Have you ever seen? I say that all I quote that movie all the time. My wife still has yet to see that movie. Boy, you got a pretty mouth. I said to my wife the other day, she walked in and I was like, you got a pretty mouth. And she's like, that's not funny. I'm like, see the movie. Then you'll realize how funny it is because there's nothing funny, funnier than.

Speaker: Some inbred redneck. Going, you got a bird in my house. Squeal like a pig, boy. After that, you see Ned Beatty pulling his underwear up. He's got this weird look on his face. Yeah, well, we all know what happened. You're just like, ooh, that did not look like fun. Yeah. That's a weird movie. Some circles would be fun.

Speaker: It was fun for the other guy. Yeah, I'm sure. Well, not really because he got shot by. Yeah, well, I mean, at the end of the day, Bart Reynolds, yeah, Bart Reynolds took his ass out, but. He took them all out. Hey, close the door. I can hear you guys. I hear my kids crying. My daughter, she's she's in a room going, I don't want to go to sleep. I was like, look, you went to the pool, you played outside.

Speaker: That's that. That's that. You got a full day. Yeah. She's tired, but she wants to fight it type deal. Yeah. Which is every night and they're upset because I'm doing the podcast as opposed to listening to Harry Potter for a full chapter with them, which is just as tiring for me as it is for them. I've literally fallen asleep during listening to Harry Potter with them. Oh, you're, you're a horrible dad.

Speaker: No, because they fall asleep first and then I keep I keep listening and fall asleep next to him Yeah, until my wife all of a sudden she'll call my phone because we listen to it on my phone the website we use is called HP audiobooks. Yeah, and and you literally They have every single chapter and you have the what's his name? You have Jim Dale and then you have the British version which is uh, I

Speaker: what's the guy's name? But does he have that cool? Does he have that like like he said the British version. So does he have that like real smooth? Yeah, he's got that real smooth. His his name is um lights out. Uh that that that like

Speaker: that that that type of British accent that's um I can't think of anybody who has one but it's it's real smooth it's calming it's kind of soft I can't remember his name that should put me out there's a there's a there's a um there's a uh forensics show that I watched that I usually put on the bed and the guy has a British accent well I don't make it I don't make it

Speaker: I do that with this guy I watch on YouTube. He builds stuff out of wood. And he does wood lathe work. I've yet to see him finish a project.

Speaker: I mean, he finishes the project in every episode, but I don't make it to the full episode. Oh, like I'll wake up in the middle of the night, you know, like they go to take a piss or something and be like, am I awake now that I took them? Yeah, it's still blank because I sleep with my TV on. I have to. I do, too. That's that's a whole other. That's a whole another story and situation as to why I sleep with my TV. You know how you know how Netflix, after three episodes, they'll say, are you still watching? Yeah. Don't fucking judge me.

Speaker: Well, apparently Disney Plus does like six or seven episodes. Yeah. Because as, as, as we spoke before, I am watching Hannah Montana for, for no reason. It's, I find it oddly captivating. Come on, honey. Let's go to bed. So we're watching Hannah Montana. Yes. Yes, queen. But

Speaker: Have you seen have you seen the unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt? Oh My god, dude, you're in for a fucking treat with that show. It's on Netflix. It's about a girl and and her friends And kept in a bunker

Speaker: And they come out and they're, you know, I know what show you're talking about. Holy shit. It is so ridiculously stupid. And then they did a they did a choose your own adventure style movie. Oh, shit. And she's marrying Dan Ratcliffe, who is he's a British royal and he's also kind of fucking dumb because he's been tampered his whole life. Wasn't Daniel Radcliffe.

Speaker: He was the guy who played young Anakin. Anakin Skywalker, yeah. Yeah, young Anakin. Yes, totally. Right? Summer said that's exactly right. I'm not allowed to. I have to finish the shows that I'm watching. Welcome back, pretty much. Okay, what are you watching? What are you watching? Dexter, Agent Sushio, True Blood. I started watching.

Speaker: I'm watching about six different shows. You haven't finished True Blood? No, because I'm watching like six shows right now. I'm not allowed to start a new series until I watch Yellowstone because I'm sorry, but the best character on True Blood, Lafayette. Yeah, absolutely. And number two is Jason fucking Stackhouse. Yes, I'm good. I'm good. And then Andy Belfort.

Speaker: It's the house. I like the oh the the the look the dude that was in that fell in love with the the red -headed vampire chick.

Speaker: He was kind of, yeah, Hoyt, he was kind of a good one. Hoyt loved me some Hoyt. That guy is the fucking sweetest motherfucker on the planet. I'm currently getting, I'm currently, Summer's busting a cap block on my ass right now. She's like, the new season comes out just a few weeks, one year later. Of what? Of what? Yellowstone. I, I, I, I don't really want to see it. I, I've, I've saw a couple of clips of it today and I was like, oh, I don't know. I'm shaving my head, shaving my beard, and I'm watching Yellowstone tonight. I'll start watching. But here's the thing.

Speaker: Trueblood, I love Trueblood. Don't you watch your mouth, woman? Hey, Trueblood rocks. That's blasphemy. You can't knock on, because there's nothing better than Anna Paquin getting naked. Sorry. Hey, you know who else I like? And I'm seriously pissed that she never got naked on the show. It was Tara.

Speaker: Yeah, I'm pretty sure she did. She did not. Well, I've seen every single episode multiple times. That chick never got naked. She's currently judging both of us, by the way. Here's the thing. Judge away, baby. Judge away. Because I love that. Here's the thing with Yellowstone. I want to watch it. But I'm afraid that there's so much hype and I've seen so many clips of it that I'm just going to... And I love shit. You're afraid of getting disappointed.

Speaker: What's what's the guy the main character? What's his name? You know who gets naked? Oh, fuck, what's his name? It. Death button, does it. There's nudity in Yellowstone. OK, apparently there's. Is there really it best? I don't know. I don't know. I haven't watched it. I'm going to start watching it tonight. Hey, if there's nudity, I'm in. I'm not going to. What's a funny name?

Speaker: I love that guy. Feel the dreams guy. What's his name? Yeah. Uh he's done a ton of westerns. That's why I love him. Oh my god. He was in dances with wolves and come on Summer. Help us out. Look it up. Why? Why? We have Google. We're just on it. I'm Google leading it. Kevin Costner. Thank you. That's that would have drove me nuts. I would have had to look it up. That's a sexy piece of man right there.

Speaker: That motherfucker, he's one of those actors. With the exception of Waterworld being a big piece of shit, he did a great job in it. Waterworld has a big piece of shit movie, but he does so well in it.

Speaker: Everybody had but I mean, this is a guy who did the bodyguard um dances dancing with whoa field of dreams He did uh netflix did that highwayman movie with him and that was fucking amazing. I loved it I love that movie. He was fucking robin hood, man That's right And his voice is only non -british. Well, he was he was seriously non -british His voice is amazing in every movie

Speaker: Yeah, that's that's um Yeah, all right. I'm just gonna stop

Speaker: I'll watch Ryan Reynolds take a **** I don't care that that guy is he's hilarious

Speaker: and he he is the Betty White of male comedy. She said we would get in any line basically saying we're just gay all the time. No, you know, I have nothing against gay people. My one of my brothers is gay. But but if I'm going to be gay, it's going to be with somebody that looks like Kevin Costner, Brad Pitt or fucking Ryan Reynolds. I don't I don't care for Brad Pitt all that much. Really?

Speaker: Brad Pitt Fight Club style? Yeah, I'm sure I'm with the right person. Are you sure you're with the right person? Fucking good and then beat the shit out of you, you know? So that you don't remember. That's the beauty of it. He beats the shit out of you so you forget that you just had gay sex. The first rule of this relationship we don't talk about. You don't talk about it.

Speaker: Oh, what the fuck was that? I said, don't talk about it. Sorry. Sorry, Brad. Well, I lost respect for Brad Pitt when he left Jennifer Anderson for that crazy bitch. Angelina Jolie. Yeah, I'm right there with you. Angelo Angelina Jolie is a good looking woman. However, she's not such a. But compared to Jennifer Aniston, Jennifer Aniston is a goddess.

Speaker: Did you say we are the Millers? Yes. Oh, my God. That scene where she's dancing for the drug dealer. Oh, my God. Pay that much attention to it, obviously. But she does a strip tease. I get them out of a jam. I don't. Oh, I watch that scene the other day just going, holy shit. That woman's my age and she looks like she's twenty five.

Speaker: I don't want dudes somewhere. I just am secure enough. I'm secure enough to say that that if I had to be gay, it would be somebody that would look like Kevin Costner. Kevin Costner and Ryan Reynolds are sexy ass men. And there's not a woman on this planet that would disagree with me. Well, well, I mean, maybe some lesbian women would probably say, yeah, those are some good looking men.

Speaker: That guy'll get me to switch teams We're rabbit hole I wouldn't fought a grizzly bear. I killed it with Have you seen this guy on YouTube? Have you seen this dude on YouTube? He's like six ten ten

Speaker: And 300 pounds of solid muscle and he does this thing where he come he'll carry in like a log Set it down on his on his floor Throw a piece of steak on it. That's raw cut it with a a hatchet And then cook it up and then start eating it right out of the pan and he's like because i'm a man He's got like a

Speaker: 10, 15, 20 videos like that. Or he's like, he does something just super raw and manly. And he's like, because I'm a man, his wife goes, what are you doing? He's like, it's because I'm a man. Yeah. I was, I was talking to somebody. I can't remember who it was. It's only been about a week or two back. I think it was at work or something. And they're like, uh, you, do you hunt? And I was like, man, not really. I said, you know, I don't, uh, I've gone.

Speaker: I mean, like I've, I've gone hunting in the past. I, you know, I like to do like rabbit and squirrel and pheasant and turkey stuff that I can hunt in the middle of the day. I don't have to get up at four o 'clock in the morning when it's 20. Yeah. Like I don't want to go hunt deer as a, but I used to help track deer. And he was like, Hey, you big sum bitch. You look like you've carried a few dead deers out of the wood a time or two. And I'm like.

Speaker: Well, I mean, no, I had an ATVs for her. It was like, that was kind of a random ass thing to say, but I have carried a couple of deer out of the wood before. Somebody was hitting on you. You didn't realize it. Yeah. I don't know what the hell was going on. I see you carry a dead deer. What the fuck?

Speaker: We're not going vision. Yeah, well, I have actually, mister. Like, you know, I decided I decided we're not going vision today. I don't one thing I'm allergic to water.

Speaker: No, one thing I don't understand about the quote unquote closet gay male is, uh, you know, I'm talking about these super straight guys that they're, they're like, man, blah, blah, blah. But they're secretly gay. Yeah. Where they're, they're literally, or, or the gay guy is trying to get straight guys to turn. And I'm like, really? I'm up for a challenge, but that's a little bit more of a challenge that I'm willing to take. Like me trying to turn a lesbian straight. And they're like, you know what?

Speaker: I'm up for a challenge, but that sounds like a lot of work. There was a comedian a while back that said something like that. He was like, you know, he's talking about, he's like, come on, he's like Bill England or something. He's like, come on, rub our picture together, man. Nobody's going to care. Nobody's going to care. He was like, I don't think this is not like trying the new hamburger. You just don't try. Just give him a taste.

Speaker: It's not exactly how this works. Yeah, so change the subject. Yes. This game is way too long. Our wives and girlfriends are going to think we're fucking weird. Yes, my wife and your your woman go. She's like, I knew some are watching transport and I get it.

Speaker: Summer already lost. She's like you boys have fun. I'm I'm I'm out. He's going fishing With his buddy again It's gonna turn into

Speaker: their little podcast. Well, my wife the other day, she's like, Oh, you'd rather go talk with your friends than on your podcast and spend time with me. I'm like, you've had the day off all day with me. It's two hours. Calm down. Oh, actually, I get it. I get it. You really go talk to your friends. I'm like,

Speaker: Yeah, because I don't like you. I live with you. I see you 24 -7, woman. No, but it's like, you know what? We spent 45 hours together. Can I get five minutes taking a shit without being bothered? I say that. I say that, but in all honesty, I truly look forward to the day that Summer and I get to, you know, Summer and I are living together and, you know, I get to see her first thing in the morning.

Speaker: She gets to bitch about you having to do the podcast. In all honesty, I don't think she'll bitch about me doing the podcast. No, because she'll probably jump in. Yeah, she'll probably jump in. Usually when we're together, I don't do

Speaker: like my, my live streaming and stuff when we're together, right? Because I want to, it's one of those things we're in a long distance relationship. No, don't get me wrong. Don't get me wrong. I love spending time with my wife. I love it. I mean, even, even, even to the point where if my wife, like a couple of weeks ago, she had to go out of town to playa, which is, you know, it's, it's, it's like an hour drive out of town. It's actually an hour and a half.

Speaker: And she had to stay the night there. And I could not sleep the entire night because she wasn't next to me. It's the weirdest thing in the world. Yeah. But yeah, like I said, when we're out when we are together, because we're doing this long distance thing, I don't want to do my life. So I just want to spend time with her. And we don't exactly we can just lay on the bed together, watch movies all day. We lay on the couch. Oh, yeah. But there's been a few times better. There's nothing better in the world than watching a bad movie.

Speaker: with your significant other ordering junk food i have a picture that i posted on on uh instagram long time ago where literally it was a rainy day and this is like five six years ago we had just bought all the harry potters on blu -ray and and my wife sent me to the oxo the the little 7 -eleven kind of store and i i literally spent maybe 800 pesos almost

Speaker: $50 or $70 of junk food, including coke and bottles of milk and cookies and gummy bears and Reese's cups and all that. And me, her and the kids just sat there and watched Harry Potter for the next 12 hours. One of the best days ever.

Speaker: Because not only did we watch harry potter. It had the special feature discs And I will devour that shit You're such a oh i'm In in but special features on any movie I will devour Yeah, even including the commentary Now my wife won't listen to the commentary, but I will listen to a commentary As long as it has at least One of the actors in it. I don't give a fuck about the director. Unless it's kevin smith

Speaker: And I don't give a fuck about the producer. Yeah. But if one it like the Fight Club commentary with Brad Pitt, Edward Norton and Helen Barm Carter, one of the best commentaries hands down I've ever heard. Now, that's one of those things when we do when we do get to actually see each other. You know, we were going on vacation in July. Right. And we we planned one day

Speaker: that we ain't doing nothing. We're just going to lay in bed together and just, um, I love that, but there's no, there's no lack of bumping shortage of that when we're together. Usually it's like, oh no, it's within 10 minutes long distance thing. The long distance thing, the, you know, in, in our twenties, long distance was really hard because in your twenties you getting

Speaker: the the

Speaker: Even in my on top that being in a relationship in your 40s And in your late 30s early 40s is you don't care You know if you're with the right person like you with summer and me with my wife I don't care about any other woman on the planet except my mother and I have no interest in sleeping with my mother but that's the only other woman in my life is my mother and my wife and My mother's all about hey mom. How you doing? You know my mom and have We have very civil

Speaker: weird conversations, but we don't have conversations like you and I have weird conversations who would sleep with Robert Redford. But, but I don't, I can literally see, you know, and don't get wrong. If I see a pretty girl, I'm like, wow, she's pretty, but I'm not like, Hey, I'm gonna go chase that pussy down. You know, I don't care. I'd rather spend time with my wife than any other person on the planet.

Speaker: Yeah, no, I don't think it would have mattered if I was in my 20s or if I'm now almost 40. It would still, it's not, it has nothing to do with, because in my 20s -ish, you know, I was married, but I still didn't do anything. I did the same thing I do now, which is next to nothing. Yeah, but I mean, okay, married is different than dating.

Speaker: I'm trying to be 100 % honest. When I was dating other women, I was dating like 9 or 10 at the same time. But I don't think it matters. The second I met my wife, I was done with all that shit. I don't think it matters if you're in your 20s or your 40s and you're in a long distance relationship because Summer and I both know several people that have

Speaker: done the long distance relationship and they're in our age range now summers, like nine years, almost 10 years old, younger than me. And I did the math on you and your wife. 14 years apart. 14 when you started banging her. Well, oddly enough, here's, here's what's crazy about my wife and I. Uh,

Speaker: When I moved to Cancun, she was like, what, six or 10 or something. And within five years of moving here, my wife and I were always no more than 10 blocks away from each other and had no fucking clue. Yeah. Like if I moved, something would happen and her family would move. Yeah.

Speaker: you know, and it was, we, we literally found this out, um, like five years ago, I was like, Oh, I used to live here back in, you know, Oh five. And she's like, really? I used to live around, around the block. She's like, really? You know, it was, it was, it was this really weird thing that, you know, but, and it's not just like one section of Cancunas, like 15 different sections. Yeah. No, but like I said, we, we both have known people that have in our age range,

Speaker: And they do this long distance thing, but at the same time, they're still.

Speaker: Oh, wow. She's she's she's in Kentucky and I'm I'm in Georgia. It's a different time zone. Yeah. I just go do whatever the hell I want and then cross. Yeah. And then they want to act like, oh, it's the end of the world. I can't believe we didn't work out. Oh, my God. Well, it's because you're a fucking man. Maybe because you have you got like six chicks pregnant in the same time you're dating that chick. Yeah. Let's do the math on that one. No, like.

Speaker: I am absolutely no interest in any of that bullshit. You know, I just want it's like I drive her crazy. I was, I was never the, the loyal boyfriend until I met my wife. I've always been. I was, I mean, 100 % honesty here while we were in high school. Now you met my, my girlfriend that I was dating in high school at graduation.

Speaker: But I was also dating like three chicks of the career center at the same time. I was like, how you doing? Like I've always been, it's just my mentality. Like, you know, having a relationship, that's all I think about. I'll, I'll, I'll be friends with other girls, but it ain't going anywhere outside of.

Speaker: being a friend, you know, so this is not who I am or what I'm about. I don't believe that weird black sheep kind of guy but but literally all that changed the like a week into meeting my wife, but you're really I mean, you're really not when my wife and I started dating. Yeah, it was I was like, yeah, that's it for me and other chicks. You're not really lost interest.

Speaker: Black sheep, though. I mean, a lot of dudes have that mentality. Oh, yeah. Like with this whole like tick tock thing. Like, I know guys, I know guys that can you imagine that I would be if we had tender and shit when I when we were in school. Holy fuck. Exactly. Well, I mean, I was I was I was bad. Yeah. As in the point where I was.

Speaker: practically engaged to one girl and still messing around like four or five other ones and then on top of that if you throw in something like Tinder or Or even tick tock or oh my god, dude. Yeah I know I know guys like tick tock that are like they'll be quote -unquote in a relationship but like the big thing on tick tock is to Hashtag break the distance

Speaker: And yeah, and they're they're trying to break the distance with four other girls and then one or one, no, then they, then they want to play the victim when they're, when they get caught. Yeah. When their girlfriend catches them and then they get kicked to the curb and it's like, Oh, she was a bad shit was crazy. It was like, no, you were trying to fuck your living in her house. Yeah. You were trying to follow you on TikTok. Yeah. It doesn't make her the bad person.

Speaker: Yeah, that makes you the bad guy. Hate to break the bad news to you. But I mean, really? Well, it's cold up here. Not me. Oh, yeah. I heard about that. Fall came back. I've never I've never it's the weirdest thing. The one thing I will say is I know my wife likes me for me because I have no money.

Speaker: I have nothing else going for me. And I'm with my wife for her because when we first got together, we didn't have two dimes to rub together. It's a weird concept. You're a man, Horace. Just deal with it.

Speaker: No, well, yeah, back then I was a huge man whore. But, but when my wife and I got together, uh, when we first started living together, we literally, if we, if we did a $5 a day where we made $5 a day, that was a big deal. And we, that, that Drake song started from the bottom. That is our song, son. Let me tell you, because when we got together, we had zero money. Neither one of us had jobs.

Speaker: And, uh, when I, when I actually, when I met my wife, she had just turned 18. It was the weirdest thing. It was like, it was, I think it was like 12 days after her birthday that we both started the same job, same place. And, and I was literally like,

Speaker: I was out of 30 people working there. There was three guys and I was one of them. The owner was one of the other ones. Nice. How does your wife know? She's what? 26? Yeah. She'll be 27 next year in February. Thanks. Yeah. Well, we've been together for almost 12 years now. October will be 12 years.

Speaker: been married for six? Yeah, oh, yeah. She was 16. We've been together. We've been together 11 years. And we've, we've been married for six. I think that's, yeah, that's, that's the correct math. My son is 10. So do that math.

Speaker: don't don't tell me to do the math. I'm good at math. I'm not. I'm terrible at it. We'll allow the listeners to do the math and uh feel free to message us at Facebook, Instagram, and or TikTok and nonsensical nonsense or email us if you would like to uh uh uh keep your comment on the fact that if you're an an enemy and a minimum and a minute and words are hard.

Speaker: And you can do the math and you can message us and tell us that Jeff is a pedophile. Yes. Just not a pedophile. We're just going to break. I'll tell you one thing. My wife is smart as a fucking whip. Holy shit. Just just realize you're speaking and doing math. My wife can do calculus in her head.

Speaker: I can't even spell calculus. I'm drinking bush lattes for the boys. It's Sunday. So yeah, my summer is a billion times smarter than I am. So you know what? Best women in the world are the ones that are smarter than us because they'll they'll constantly tell us how stupid we are. Oh, she does. She let she. Oh, mine does too. My wife does too. She don't let me forget that I'm a dumbass.

Speaker: So I'm still saying I'm still saying I want a Star Wars themed wedding for you, too You got to throw at least one thing Star Wars into wedding, but that's not gonna happen

Speaker: I know but because I don't know the difference between Star Wars I will Photoshop that shit in Photoshop you fuckers standing for your wedding pictures I'm gonna Photoshop the Death Star behind you fucking do it and I'll post it all over online you do realize that summer's gangster right yeah

Speaker: Oh my God. It's Connor. Connor, where the hell you been, man? Connor, what's up, brother? I was talking to him earlier today, and he said that I am a funnier, better looking Seth Rogen. And I was like, yeah, well, he has millions of dollars, and I'm... Considering we were ripping on Seth Rogen the other day,

Speaker: That makes it even funnier. I was like, yeah, well, he has we were shitting all over Seth Rogen the other day. Fucking hate. I told him that I was like, Jeff and I were talking about on the podcast, but outside of it. And I just go on and on about how big of a douchebag Seth Rogen is. I don't like never found him funny. Then the douchebag of the week, though, goes to John Cena.

Speaker: Did you see what this dumbass did? He did something to piss off like the Taiwanese or the Chinese or something. He literally he was promoting Fast and Furious 9. Yeah. And he said the first country that's going to get to see it is Taiwan. Well, China does not believe Taiwan as a country. So he apologized in Chinese and Mandarin to the Chinese people. What are you what are you lol really about, baby?

Speaker: Uh, Cameron, go back to episode one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, and 12. And you'll figure out who this guy is. Yeah. He was asking who you were. No, he wanted to know who you were. I'm Robert Downey Jr.

Speaker: Oh, Summer just realized her favorite summer loves Connor. Dude, she loves this kid. Oh, really? I do too. I love Connor. He was one of my favorite people to work with at Abercrombie. He and I used to have so much fun together.

Speaker: I'm sorry, but every time you say you've worked at Abercrombie, I can see you standing on the counter going, welcome to Abercrombie and Vince. See our model standing here with the tops off? Like you're one of the guys in the window with your shirt off. You see my big ass in a pair of skinny jeans and an extra schmeedy shirt. And an Abercrombie hat. Extra schmeedy. Welcome to Abercrombie.

Speaker: But every time you say, what I worked at, that's what pops into my head is you standing at Amacromi and Fitz. We, we, we literally did as little as possible. And all the weekends kind of be like, let's make a tick tock. And I'm like, we can't make it tick tock at work in our uniform. He's like, yeah, we can watch. It's not that hard. Click, click, click. Turn on the camera and just roll.

Speaker: or summer summer would call me and we'd video chat like we'd FaceTime or whatever. And within 10 minutes summer did Connors in the background. She didn't want to talk to me anymore. She just wanted to talk to Connor. Are you sick, man? Uh oh. Go get a COVID test. You gave her the code. You gave her the COVID over the phone. That's Freddie fucking Mercury.

Speaker: That's right, I will take that I take that as a huge compliment

Speaker: I did. That's where I started. My TikTok career was at Abercrombie, Abercrombie, whatever the fuck you're talking about. The funny thing is I used to work with Pacific Sunwear, as I stated before, and one of my cheerleader friends, she worked at Abercrombie and I would end up at the end of the day going hang out with her till she got off. So it was her not going to hang out. Every time I walked in, she was forced to say, welcome to Abercrombie and Fitz.

Speaker: Summer summer wanted to talk to him because he was more interesting and attractive. Listen here fat Shannon Tatum. Oh The fat shaming has changed from one to the other he told me the guys in his unit Call him fat Jenny Tatum Nice

Speaker: and he's not he's not a fat guy. He's not a fat guy. I mean, he's he's got a little he's bigger than chanting. Uh no, I don't think he is. He's not ripped like chanting them but. Who the **** is Jesus? Yeah, I I definitely don't think I'm sorry. I would be ripped if I had millions of dollars on a personal trainer too. Well, yeah, I would look like the rock. That's that's my money. You know exactly.

Speaker: Have you seen Mark Wahlberg's fucking workout plan? This motherfucker gets up at 3 .30 in the morning. Well, you know, Mark Wahlberg is Marky Mark in the morning. He's got more money in brains. Yeah. Well, Marky Mark has got a crazy fucking workout where he eats like nine times a day. He's in bed by 8 .30. Yeah. Or he's in bed by like 7 .30 or some crazy number. He's feeling the good vibrations, man.

Speaker: He's feeling all that fucking money he's making I don't know I I am Speaking of money

Speaker: I'm on the Adam Sandler train of if I had that kind of money, I would dress like Adam Sandler. Oh, yeah, just Adam Sandler. Because that motherfucker doesn't wear anything. He doesn't give a shit. He's basketball shorts and the fucking T -shirt. He's ready to go. Marcus, Marcus. That is me. That's actually me right now. When I'm at home, that's that's me. And if I can when my kids aren't around, I go out in public and ask about shorts and a T -shirt. Oh, dude, I do it. I did it today. We went to my buddy's house. I went.

Speaker: You know, I I'm not basketball shorts guy. I'm the swim trunks guy. Yeah, I literally wear swim trunks 24 hours a day. Do you think Donnie's hot too summer? Now we're back on the really Donnie Wahlberg. She said Martin Wahlberg. She said Marcus. Do you remember the rumor about new kids on the block back in the day? One of them had to have their stomach pump from that was Rod Stewart. It wasn't new kids on the block that was Rod. No, but it was.

Speaker: All I know is that going around Clear Fork, when I was in grade school, K through six, that new kids on the block, one of them had to have their stomach pumped from all the semen in their stomach. Well, that was because at least 75 % of the guys that she went to school with had that same thing happen to them. Yeah, probably.

Speaker: I've seen a lot of them that you went to school with. I mean, you remember when new kids came out, they were the first boy band and everybody was like, oh, they're gay. Whenever them boys are getting some poo tang like you read about. Technically, they weren't the first boy band, but they were a boy band. Yes, absolutely. Who would you consider the first? Jackson Five.

Speaker: Jackson it wasn't really a what it's not today's definition of a boy band. I wouldn't call Jackson five Jackson five was a singing group But they were a boy band. Oh, yeah Speaking of new kids on the block. They put out a new song with Debbie Gibson Last year. I think it was is it's called boys in the band. Check it out, man. Oh

Speaker: It's actually I'll check that out. I do like new kids on the block. But you know, it is what it is. Hey, you couldn't go anywhere back in the day without hearing that shit. It's like them and what was what was that other band that I saw the sign. Ace of bass. Ace of bass. Fuck, my sisters used to listen to Ace of bass like crazy.

Speaker: Summer definitely dresses me now, so I dress a lot better than I used to. Not only does she dress me, but she buys my clothes for me. My wife buys my clothes, but I literally will grab anything that I see that as long as it's clean, I'm like, yep, that'll work, and I throw it on. I don't have a problem with Summer dressing me because she dresses me from clothes from her store, and if I had an unlimited amount of money, I would

Speaker: Probably buy everything in that store. I fucking love her store T -shirts and jean shorts kind of guy and if you guys are wanting to know what I what I'm talking about go to boot barn calm and You'll see you know a little plug for summer Can it kick Connor? Let's know if we can do a duet of some random ass song on our next episode. Well, Jeff won't sing No, Jeff doesn't sing

Speaker: He'll say the lyrics. I sing like Johnny Cash sings. I speak the lyrics. I will say I'm a horrible singer, but I'm terrible. I don't like men. I find Kevin Costner and Ryan Reynolds sexy. That does not mean I like men. Find them attractive. Put it that way. You say sexy. That's that's saying you're attracted to men. You said you find them attractive as males. No, they're one of the.

Speaker: He's like, oh, I'm going to give me some of that man meat tomorrow. Kevin Costner. Kevin Costner and Ryan Reynolds, they're sexy. They're with it. I said it. You don't like it? Fucking, you got to cancel me because I said I'm a man and I said two other men were sexy. Whatever. The LGBTQ are going to love us. Yeah. Because we're talking about how sexy other men are. Oh, yeah. He said, I said sexy. God damn it. We are weird. Who is Ace and TJ?

Speaker: Connor says that he reminds, we remind him of Ace and TJ. I'm rethinking this now. What are you rethinking? Don't start with your text. Don't start rethinking it until I show up in Pigeon Forge with the Deadpool outfit and I thought the ranch outfit for you. I'm like, hey, baby, will you wear this?

Speaker: So I was thinking we could spice things up a little bit and you could dress like a rancher, maybe Deadpool. I brought you a Deadpool mask. Put it on. And let's go to Staples. I brought these two bags from Staples. I think it'll be fun.

Speaker: That Staples thing, you're never gonna live it down, dude. I'm sorry. Absolutely not. I'm not gonna live this down. I'm gonna get in trouble as soon as we get done and I call Summer. I'm gonna give you a shit for it. I am so glad my wife can't stand to watch me on film. And after she blocked me.

Speaker: I love you. I love you. I love you both the Ryan Reynolds. Now put the dead pass mask on. Come on, Dutton. I don't know what cost her. It puts the Deadpool mask on.

Speaker: It rubs the lotion on me Hey, did you watch have you seen the the friends reunion thing? No, I Just watched it the other day

Speaker: Um, Summer watched it. I thought it was interesting. Um, I don't want to watch it. I wasn't the Matt Perry. Matt Perry seriously put on some weight, dude. That dude's got the bullfrog going on. I'm going to leave the bullfrog alone. That's, that's going to be a good news to look. Well, it's been fun. Good thing you won't know what room it'll, I do know the room it'll be in.

Speaker: I wasn't the biggest fan of Friends, but I did like Friends. I don't have anything bad to say about Friends. I absolutely loved Joey and Chandler and Phoebe. They were my three favorite characters on that show. I actually watched the Joey TV show because I thought it was hilarious. So I do want to check out that. I was upset when I got cancelled.

Speaker: I did. No, I haven't. Great. So I can bring the kids down, but you're not welcomed in the condo in Pigeon Forge. Seriously, dude, when you go down to Pigeon Forge, you got to stop a stables. You're like, can I get a bag?

Speaker: You need to do that and record it record her reaction

Speaker: She's gonna be like no leave leave the kids and fuck out. Yeah, get the fuck out She'll message me and I'll be like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about That's his craziness not mine Make sure you bring my Deadpool jersey you stole from me

Speaker: wear that motherfucker. Well, I have a I have a dead bull football jersey and a baseball jersey. Jeff is not a good friend. I will throw you under the bus because because it's not summer. I'm scared of it. Stevie. Yeah. Well, they can come out.

Speaker: Stevie's the gangster. I'll win her back. I'll be like, Star, I brought you wine. Star, do you want to go out and play? Wasn't that the chick's name from Lost Boys? No, it was. Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was Star, wasn't it?

Speaker: I think it was. I yeah, it was. I'm pretty sure because because the the main character said he says, oh, your parents too. I was this close to be naming moon child or some

Speaker: The funniest thing about that movie is all of a sudden there's just some guy with a shirt on playing a saxophone. That guy was like the most like the most famous character out of that whole he still does that gimmick to this day. Yeah, he's he's like in a famous band, but for no reason whatsoever. It's just it just just the

Speaker: I can't return some dude just rocking some sack. Yeah. I'm like, really? He still rocks. I will post pictures. I have pictures of you. Oh, there you go, folks. Look for it on the Facebook page. Oof. I will challenge has been accepted. I will get banned on Facebook.

Speaker: Crop good It's just gonna be your face Below this face is a Deadpool Jersey Well, sir, it's about that time I know that the second hour goes so fast The crazy thing about it is I mean

Speaker: We do this without any breaks. It's just legit. Just two hours. And Lord knows. I mean, I actually do have prep. I never get to it. You never have prep. I did the other day.

Speaker: I don't ever - I sent you articles. Yeah. You sent me screenshots. Yeah. You sent me memes. I sent you an article today about the woman with the fudge on the - fudge recipe on the back for a grape sale. Okay. In 14 episodes, that was the first actual article you sent me. Yeah. I don't - Okay, first of all - That only because it was on my Facebook feed. I don't post a whole lot on Facebook in general. Most I post - I don't either. When I, when I, uh,

Speaker: post this fucking thing. I forget. What do you want to call this? This dumpster fire. The past two episodes, we've, we've had stuff planned and we haven't gotten to either one of them. Well, no, hopefully I'll roll it over because I did, I did want to start something new. Um,

Speaker: I wanted to do a top 10 list, not like a David Letterman top 10 list, but like, you know, Rolling Stone and these travel sites and everything else they put out top 10 list. And I think some of them are pretty cool.

Speaker: I don't post on anything. I know I'm horrible about social media. The absolute worst. I can never find anything good to post. I repost stuff. Yeah. I'm a guy who does a podcast and does not use social media. But here's the thing. Here's the thing that kills me. So I posted three or four videos on TikTok, got next to nothing on it. And then the other night I posted

Speaker: three videos, just random TikTok videos. And every video single -handedly had three times the amount of views and interaction. It's a weird algorithm. I don't understand why some videos get a couple thousand views and it's literally the dumbest thing you can think to post. Yeah. And then something that you find important that you want the world to know

Speaker: like advertisement for this and it gets zero traction alcohol is bad like alcohol is not bad i only drink every once in a while everything everything is good for you in moderation we just don't know how to moderate shit we're just bad at it we just suck it in general

Speaker: Uh, uh, I'm pretty sure I'm in trouble. Uh, Kevin Costner is sexy. Deadpool sexy. I can't show up in Pigeon board. I can't show up in Pigeon board. And Deadpool costume. You got to get like a Deadpool costume t -shirt.

Speaker: table's bag and a cowboy hat just outside Fidget Forge. Even if summer's not in the picture, funniest thing ever to go on Facebook. Yeah, I'm sure. I agree with you. You know, more people should share this out. Share it out. Don't be embarrassed. Fucking A. Let them know that you watch two fucking assholes retards bullshit. Yeah, but full on retards.

Speaker: that talk about melting for two hours. But that's the thing, man, we literally go two hours, no breaks. There's other podcasts that'll do a three hour podcast and two hours of it is literally breaks. So you get like an hour. We'll be back in five minutes. Like, what are you talking about? Who the fuck? Well, I mean, seriously, how hard is it to talk for two hours? We just did it without even trying.

Speaker: We do it all the time. And if we wanted to, we could go five hours and not have a problem with it. My wife would have a problem with it. And I'm sure someone would have a problem with it. Well, when I used to do my lives, and since we started doing this, I've honestly lost interest in doing lives. I don't post TikToks anymore because I'd rather just do this. If we can do this every day and get the traction that we needed to do it every day,

Speaker: Holy shit, dude, I would be totally in. Oh, hell yeah. But but I would do my lives and I would start about 10 o 'clock and I would say that I was going to end it, too. And I would try to end it, too. But, hell, the night I met four o 'clock in the morning, the night I met Summer, I think I went for like fucking 14, 15, 16 hours on a live.

Speaker: I've done 24 hour lives before. I've done them a couple of times. Um, you know, it's just like, fuck, I got better drinking cameras on. Let's go. We're not going to drink itself. Yeah. So, you know, uh, it's, it's easy to turn the camera on and start bullshitting. Mm -hmm.

Speaker: And Connor said he would listen to us every morning if we posted every morning. Well, the problem is, is that I'm a lazy son bitch. And well, mornings are tough. Yeah. Which means it won't go up onto anchor until next Saturday. Well, in all honesty, um, I will, I will say this. I will try to get today. I posted the, the, the bonus content.

Speaker: and an episode 13. So tomorrow I don't have anything going on. Um, I'm my, my plan for tomorrow is to sit my ass on this couch and, and watch movies all day. So I will probably my everyday. Yeah. I will probably try to post this tomorrow. Excellent.

Speaker: Yeah. If we could do this, if we could do this every day and not have to worry about editing, I would totally be in. I mean.

Speaker: No, but I mean, you add the beginning and the end song, and when we do have technical problems, you go ahead and get rid of that, which I'm sure is not the easiest thing. Adding the songs are super easy. I've got an app. I can download the songs right onto my laptop.

Speaker: the editing tool that I use. Super easy. So now that I've got it figured out, now that I know what I'm doing, it's it's relatively easy. It doesn't take quite as long time. As long as you have. And when we have when we have a episode that goes as well as tonight's did as in no glitches. Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker: You know, I'm sure it's super easy. And I am talking to a buddy of mine. Well, he hasn't responded to me, but I'm trying to get a buddy of mine to to do some music for us. I should get summer after him and have summer yell at him. Yeah. Well, they're friends too. Oh, there you go. No, but I mean, it would be nice to have our theme song.

Speaker: Because apparently apparently my theme songs taken, you know the superman theme song You're three foot tall Only only in reality Oh Connor's Connor's discovered that words are hard Connor said I'll song for you. It won't be good, but I'll sing good

Speaker: Hey, that's that's the only problem we have with the with the podcast is every once while we just get tongue tied and go. But words are. Well, you know, that's that's the real. That's the realism. That's that's the, you know, we're real. We're not going to bullshit anybody. But yeah, I like I love the fact that we don't edit that shit out. Well, Connor said that he would. So. Connor said, what the hell did he say?

Speaker: It'd be a part of my routine and I would have a nonsensical nonsense coffee mug and be sipping that shit while I listen. Yeah, that's something else we need. Merch is coming. We are working on it. As soon as we figure out a logo and somebody actually make the merch. We have plans. Yeah. Like everything else we don't follow through.

Speaker: I think the biggest thing with merch is actually having people who want it. So not only the person who makes it is going to make money, but obviously we'd want to make a little bit of scratch too. You know, I would love the day that somebody walks by us, one of us in a mall or something wearing a t -shirt with our logo on it, I will literally pass out.

Speaker: I'd be like, I know those guys. I am that guy. That's me. I'm that guy. I don't expect that day to come anytime soon. That'll never happen.

Speaker: And that doesn't count summer walking through the mall to come see you. Or my wife wearing one of my shirts. I was just saying, you really think summer would wear a shirt that said nonsensical nonsense on it? There is a such thing as Photoshop. She'd probably wear a Kevin Hawley shirt before she wore a nonsensical nonsense shirt. No, she'd get the nonsensical nonsense shirt and then do the cross through it, the circle.

Speaker: the line through it. It's like I used to have that. I used to have that back in the day.

Speaker: Connor said, fuck you, I'll buy it all once he's rich. We'll make merch and it'll all go to Connor. That'll be his wardrobe. Connor, we got your new shirt. It's his SMD. SDM. Click on SDM shirts for you, no problem. Connor's like, I need boxers, I need t -shirts, I need shorts, I need sweatpants, coffee mug. We have to do the boxers. We have to do the boxers and say SMD.

Speaker: I promise you when we do when we do when we do do merch

Speaker: We're going to make a song that says SDM. And I'm going to personally send it to you for free. Just don't model it. Don't ever model it. You can wear you can wear that the phone when you do your magic mic booms for your wife.

Speaker: Oh, it'll say it'll say it'll say nonsensical nonsense. It'll be nonsensical nonsense. Hashtag SDM. Yeah. On the on the waistband, we'll say nonsensical nonsense and then just a big SDM. Oh, on your package. Yeah. Right on the old picker.

Speaker: All right, we're gonna wrap this up because of my wife is texting me already. What the fuck time is it? It's late. Holy shit. Well, I don't got to work tomorrow. So it's a holiday. I know I'm starting my new job Tuesday. So I don't need it. But I want to watch TV with my wife because she has to work tomorrow, which means I won't see her until

Speaker: almost eight o 'clock tomorrow. Yeah. Uh, I'm going to call somewhere. It's crazy hours. Well, tours, man. It's, it's, it's tourist season, but it's not necessarily the tours. It's, it's you, you go to the hotel for X amount of hours and then you have to go to the office and, and every once in a while they do like training courses where they teach you how to sell something you've been selling for 20 years. They're like, really? I know what I'm doing. And, but the problem is they're mandatory.

Speaker: And it's two hours. Are you going? No shit. I've already done this 20 times. But yeah, let's go ahead and give us a count or a wrap up, sir. Exit exit. What do you say? I can't read backwards.

Speaker: Did we glitch? We'll do it. We're going to do it. I think they call it a callback or a reach back, whatever the fuck they call it in the business. Reach around. We're going to do it. We're going to do a reach around. You know, we're going to we're going to call it back to earlier in the episode. Just do an outro. Yeah.

Speaker: Well, folks, it's been a good show. No, sorry. You got to do that again with the beer. I know. I got it. I got it. I'm honest. Trust me. I'm a professional. I did not see that coming because you got excited for the research.

Speaker: I got excited to reach around with Kevin Costner. Hell yeah. Let me try that again. I'll try not to laugh. Okay, go. I'm covering my mic. I'm going to cover my mic. Go ahead.

Speaker: I'm ready. I'm ready. Let me cover my mic. Ready? 1, 2, 3. Wow folks, it's been a good show. We've had a lot of laughs.

Speaker: We're gonna go home, you idiots. So, so good. Oh, shit. I'm tearing up. Oh, shit.

Speaker: No, it was like totally I was like, why does he talk about going back in the earlier show? And then you started it. I lost it. Holy shit. My chest hurts from laughing. The best thing we've ever done on this fucking podcast. You have to open Wednesdays like that. Oh, my God.

Speaker: I'll forget and you'll do it and I'll lose it. Yeah, Wednesday. I'll give you a heads up before we start the show. I'll grab a beer. I'll grab a beer and be like, you know what? Connor said, fuck a t -shirt. He wants a banana. Oh, shit.

Speaker: But yeah, I don't even remember. Go ahead and wrap this up. You had a fun show tonight. Jeff, thank you for hanging out with me. Oh, thank you, sir. I will be smiling until Wednesday. Holy shit. That was the funniest thing I've ever heard. I totally didn't see it coming. And oh, my God. It was the best part. It just in all honesty, it just popped into my head and I was like,

Speaker: I am so glad you gave me zero warning. I am so glad you gave me zero warning because that was genius. That's part about it is it gave me. A little bit of content frame record and to finally post on to Instagram. Holy shit. Oh, yes, this is definitely going on to talk this section right there. Boom. Oh, so.

Speaker: But yeah, thank you guys for for listening. If you're this far, well, this is the best thing you'll ever hear from us. Hear us do. There's nothing. I'm sorry. I'm not a big laugh out loud kind of guy, but fuck. Yeah, I thought you were. Holy shit. Oh, my God. I was coughing. I thought you were going to. I'm so glad I was not taking a drink because it's been all over my phone.

Speaker: I thought you were going to have a grabber right there, man. It was going to be the road. That was that one said, I don't open the show with voice to the end of the room. Well, that Wiz Khalifa song that they do is like a mass furious. Well, well, well. Well, folks, we had a good run. We made it 14 episodes and I actually killed a guy laughing.

Speaker: I killed my code. From now on, you'll just be listening to two hours of ASMR, me drinking until I find a new code. Putting ads on Craigslist, on MD. The position doesn't pay. But you will get a chuckle. Yeah.

Speaker: the the

Speaker: reached around for others pretty mouth understand what we'll take take to make Chris not gay yeah summers blocked me single now ladies

Speaker: uh connor connor what's up with nonsense called nonsense on it with sdm now now connor's sad because what connor actually finds out what sdm means that's what's going to be funny you know i'm going to get a message and and and if he does well he probably does know because he listens he listens to every oh there you go oh there you go you know uh

Speaker: Connor said now we're gonna have to listen to Glick sip beer and burp because you died. But no, tonight's been a fun show. Every show is a fun show. At least for us. Yeah. We are in all honesty, they probably play our podcast in Guantanamo Bay while they're torturing Muhammad.

Speaker: Tell us what we want to do. The two places where our podcast is listen to is Guantanamo Bay and hell. Yeah. We are the seven circle of hell. So if you ever want to listen to every single episode back to back, do some bad shit and go to hell. Yeah. You will tell us what we want to know or we will force you to listen to these two idiots again. Oh my God. No, I will take the location. He's over there and we're planning for this day. Yeah. Just don't not not no more. No more.

Speaker: This is cruel and unusual punishment. It's fucking horrible for the listeners. New t -shirt, nonsensical nonsense. It's fucking horrible for the listeners. Almost better than hell. Almost. Some of our best content. Proud sponsors, proudly sponsored by Guantanamo Bay.

Speaker: the first the first email we ever get will be some some CIA guy be like I do not exist and this email never happened but we would like permission to use your podcast at our facility. How much you paying? What facility is this and how much are you paying exactly? We can't tell you any of that stuff. If we told you we'd have to kill you. Oh fair enough. Go ahead. That's fine. We'll take the money. Go for it.

Speaker: Hey, this is my round of check players.

Speaker: especially terrifying for Staples employees that did pull a person. Ryan Reynolds is going to hear this. I'm like, I want to put out a straining order. I'm going to tag Ryan Reynolds. I'm going to tag Ryan Reynolds and be like, go to one hour and prepare to be horrified.

Speaker: Just so you know, you could wake up to this every morning. Ryan rolls over in the morning, Chris is next to him in bed. What's up, big guy?

Speaker: How you doing? You're looking good with that Deadpool mask on. You still got that Deadpool costume ride? Don't worry, Kevin will be over soon. I've seen every episode of Two Men, Girl and a Pizza Place. Kevin's coming over and he's wearing his water world outfit. You know!

Speaker: He wakes up from his nightmare. What's the matter, honey? I had the weirdest fucking dream ever. There was these two nobody podcasters and I woke up. The one with the really big beard wants to fuck me. He said he's going to shave his head.

Speaker: I'm gonna wake up my kids laughing so hard. He's got his ear up against the wall. What the fuck?

Speaker: I thought that guy was straight. And he dated that summer chick. He's talking about want to fuck Ryan Reynolds. I thought he was a big scary country bumpkin, but nah.

Speaker: Let's call the cops Warren Ryan Reynolds. Newark PD shows up at my door. They're like, excuse me, sir. We received a complaint that you were going to fuck Ryan Reynolds and make Kevin Costner your cup cold. Wait, what? Wait, what? I didn't say that. Can you imagine having to explain that to the cops? No, we were just joking on a podcast. Sure you were. Sure, buddy. Podcast.

Speaker: You sure you do. I do a podcast with my wife on Wednesdays.

Speaker: Yeah, we'd rather not listen to your podcast, sir. Come on. You'll love it. No, come on. Look, look, look, look. We have video proof. Yeah, sure. You do. I bet you do. Fast forward to me recording the cops on the ground screaming for money. Next thing you post on Facebook is your mug shot. This man helped.

Speaker: four cops and hostage and made him listen to his horrible podcast for 24 hours. And do a reach around on Kevin Costner. We're gonna do a reach back. Wait, a reach around? We are totally getting canceled.

Speaker: Yeah, we're cancelled. Hell, maybe we'll... Maybe this is the one that makes us famous. I'm sending it to the LBGBT community tonight. Guys, listen to this. Trust me, it's worth it. It's worth it. Next thing we know, we're bigger than Joe Rogan.

Speaker: Like we'll give you a hundred million not to boast ever again We'll just talk normally on the phone I'm going to Ryan Reynolds

Speaker: I'm taking my boat to Canada. I just bought the property next door to Ryan Reynolds. No shit, I'm right next door to Kevin Costner. Look, I can see him through my window full of blind stuff. There he is. Just because I have these giant fucking scope style fucking binoculars, you know, whatever. Plink Lailoo doesn't love him like I love him.

Speaker: Blake goes out to get the paper in the morning and Chris is just standing there and he goes fuck you! I'm gonna kill you. He completes me god damn it.

Speaker: my face hurts I'm laughing too hard oh my god

Speaker: We're only like 45 minutes over the two hour mark, but whatever. It's my fault. It's my fault. I'm the one that went to do the reach around and got another beer. Holy shit.

Speaker: Oh my God. Yeah. Oh, I'm sleeping in the car tonight. I know it because my wife's go like one, two hours went by a model and almost three funny. We had to roll with it. Chris is a goddamn genius. She'll never believe what he said. Listen to it. I literally, I kid you not. I'm going to go downstairs and go to my wife and she's like, what the fuck?

Speaker: I'm like, Chris is a goddamn genius. Or she's gonna be like, what the fuck was so funny that you were laughing that hard and screaming fuck you out the door. Listen, and she'll play it for her and she'll be like, Hold on, let me rewind it. Let me fast forward. The last 15 minutes of the podcast is the funniest part. Really? You guys getting to gotten funnier early? No.

Speaker: We're not that smart. You guys suck for two hours. And then at the two hour mark, you decided to be funny? Yeah, but what do you see what we're funny about? She's like, you guys are sick. I want a divorce. I'm like, Ryan Reynolds wouldn't want to divorce me. Ryan Reynolds would love me for who I am. Kevin Costner says I'm a beautiful person.

Speaker: Blake lively's holding him hostage. I'm gonna save him He's like get the fuck off my property

Speaker: the fifth

Speaker: I can literally see all our merch in my head like the words are hard t -shirt the SDM t -shirt and now the squirrel t -shirt and then of course

Speaker: We love Ryan Reynolds and we love Kevin Costner. We're not afraid to admit it. Blake Lively, she's gonna be like, what did I ever do to deserve it? We're gonna have to fuck Blake Lively's shirts. We have nothing against Blake Lively except for the fact she's married to Ryan Reynolds. She gets to be the sweetest person in the world, but it doesn't matter.

Speaker: the the

Speaker: Thursday morning and we're the front page of TMC. Oh my god. Two asshole podcasters. And this podcast gets like 10 million listens, but only the last 20 minutes. Two asshole podcasters.

Speaker: Hey blink lively I don't either I was just gonna ask you fuck that bitch He's ours Oh my god

Speaker: We're officially banned from Hollywood. You are not allowed to become within 2 ,000 miles. You're going to have to move. You're moving down here. You're going to have to move down here because if they film a movie in New York, you're fucked.

Speaker: Oh, please go ahead and lock us out. We have to end. Because I'm going to pass out from laughing too hard. Oh, we're trying. We need to keep this energy rolling into Wednesday. We need to find this energy. Oh, please. Oh, definitely. But earlier on, because right now I'm sweating so much, I'm ready to melt. Yes.

Speaker: So thank you for listening. All I can picture in my head is Blake Lively stated on her front lawn with a blank look at her face. Who the fuck is that guy? Why are they so mad at me? She's calling Kevin Costner's wife. She's like, what did we do to them? Why do they hate us? I think we're pretty good actresses.

Speaker: We're we're we're good people, right? It cost me a life like that. We're good people. They're just assholes. Meanwhile, they're just jealous, Blake. They're just jealous, Blake. You bet your ass we're fucking jealous of them. They're gorgeous. Can you wear your Robin? Grab the bow and arrow. Grab the bow and arrow.

Speaker: I'm like, I'll be your main variant. Hey, Ben Wilder. I'm with the background. Hey, Ben Wilder, we can pretend like we're still in college. We'll experiment. I know you hated being Green Lantern, but I thought it was great. I thought it was amazing. I love the CGI suit. That was a terrible movie. I'm sorry.

Speaker: My god, it was I liked it, but it was a horrible movie. My kids love that movie. I can't stand to watch it Wow, so this is how you go three hours with

Speaker: absolutely no content plan. And oh my god, we just spent the past like hour talking about how we want to be last hour confessing our love.

Speaker: And my wife is serving me divorce papers tomorrow morning. Summer's got me blocked on everything. I'm going to try to call her when we're done. Remember, you're trying to reach us. No longer service. Wait, what? I'm trying to call her. I'm going to try to message her on Facebook and be like, ah, you cannot message her on Facebook. You do Facebook, TikTok, and it's like, you cannot message someone you're not.

Speaker: that's not following you. Yeah, right. I'm making TikTok videos. Baby, I love you. I was just joking. Come back. It was a podcast. It's a joke. What the fuck is this guy doing? It gets millions of views. Yeah, everybody's like, look at this fucking fat bearded plastic. It looks like a... Cry over the fact that... Why did you leave you?

Speaker: because i said that's a weird thing to say it's a weird thing to be blocked for yeah but we took it a little far because we were canceled but

Speaker: Yeah, there's currently a hit out for us this is how we get sponsored by Budweiser

Speaker: Let's give these guys more beers. This is hilarious. What was your and Ford sponsors this? You know, they've seen those Ford tiktoks where they're like, when you. Oh, but he's. I saw that the other day. I was tired. We're going to be doing Ford commercials. And we sit beside a full personator. Maybe they. Some guy dressed in a cool costume.

Speaker: Let's go get our more than 150. And when it breaks down, we can walk. We can walk. Okay. And I will walk 500 miles. I just spit coke all over my dresser.

Speaker: Holy shit! Holy shit! Oh my god, it came out my nose. I think it's on my microphone too. Holy shit. Oh god damn. Yeah, we gotta wrap it up, cause holy fuck. I'm gonna pass out. From laughing too hard. Let's try this again.

Speaker: Oh my god if this is the thing that blows us up I'm thank God this is the dumbest thing we've done including stealing batteries from Walmart in high school and running from the Walmart police

Speaker: That is like one of the single -handedly greatest memories of all time. Yes. I don't even know what happened. We skipped school, right? We were legitimately afraid of the Walmart police. We were pissed scared for four AA batteries.

Speaker: We were driving back in your Bronco. We were in your Bronco, were we not? Oh, yeah. And we were pissed scared that we were being followed by the Walmart police for four double A batteries. Why we took batteries. I don't even know why we stole four double A batteries. Oh, yeah. Fucking Walmart's going to hear this. They're like, ah, how we got out of your mind. Finally, they admit it. Shit. The elusive battery thieves.

Speaker: This has been an unsolved case for 25 years. They've done episodes of Unsolved Mysteries. There's some old guy that works for Walmart going,

Speaker: vindication. Let me put the cuffs on them. I've been thinking about this for 25 years. It's kept me up at nights. It's Mount Vernon of Mount Vernon, Ohio.

Speaker: They're going to put us in the Walmart interrogation booth. They're going to be like, knock, knock. Who's that? They'll be replaying the episode for us. This is where you admit it. We're like, go back 10 minutes. We talk about fucking Ryan Reynolds.

Speaker: You'd have to be a greeter. Yeah. They make you a greeter for months. The only food you can get is like great value food. I've been broke my whole life. I'm good with this. Great value flu. We made it.

Speaker: We did our best work like 45 minutes ago. Go back.

Speaker: We are fucking big time we're no more Bob's Bob burgers for us we're getting real shit I Cannot believe we stole batteries fucking for double. I don't know why we did it like batteries We need I think it was for my Walkman. I don't Know you know what it was is for the Discman's I

Speaker: We both had discbends in our car. You had a discbend and I had a discbend and they both take two AA batteries. Yeah, and you were able to put the cassette in your radio play. Yeah, I guarantee you that's what it was for. Because I had that shitty Honda. And we're pissed scared for like the next two days.

Speaker: Like legitimately scared that we were gonna get in trouble. We are hardened criminals. We are. And now everyone knows why I moved to Mexico. I'm still scared about that battery shit. The great battery caper of 1999. Oh my God.

Speaker: We are criminals that will make the likes of Al Capone and every time I know joke every time I walk by the batteries in Walmart, I think of that So we were pissed scared for like two days Because we're not the kind of people that did shit wrong, you know, we weren't those guys we got in trouble a lot for dumb shit, but it was usually you know, I

Speaker: putting paint on each other when we're painting the wall but you know instead of on the wall but but we've never done anything bad we steal batteries and we're fucking best scared shooting each other in the face of the barrel washer but you know but on top of that we're like speaking this the first rule of battery thievery is you don't tell anybody it was like it was like I know what you did last summer type bullshit

Speaker: I know what you did the last couple of days of school, but you can stuff the batteries. Who the fuck told you? Chris, did you fucking shit? You fucking rat me out, you prick. Keep seeing a Walmart greeter behind every door. We're gonna lose it our way. Them fucking goddamn blue vests, they follow me around.

Speaker: No, I don't need any help. I know what I'm looking for. Holy shit. I can't go to Walmart. I cannot go to Walmart ever again. I want to walk into Walmart, and the whole time I'm there, I'm just going to be like super paranoid, like pushing the kids along. Come on, let's go. Look at those cameras. It's following me. That dome moved, I promise you. Yeah, sure it did. It's a stationary camera. Sure it is. I believe you. It's stationary. Watch this.

Speaker: What do you want, old man? I just want to tell you, the batteries are on sale. Oh, yeah, batteries on sale. Funny fucker, aren't you? That's right, a five -finger discount. Watch this. I'm going to get a fire in the mail from Walmart. It's just going to say, I know.

Speaker: you don't know it keeps me up at night I

Speaker: I killed 27 men. I stole batteries. Ooh, big guy. Where'd you steal them from, Walmart? Got busted by the Walmart police. Ooh, you're a tough man. You bet your ass, motherfucker. Point me to Ryan Reynolds. I'm going after this shit. I told him they'd never take me alive. Sure they did, Skippy.

Speaker: We did it we never felt guilty we felt scared again God

Speaker: 18 and a 90 year old kid running around going, where's the cops? Terrified. At that point in time, that was like the worst thing I did. Now, looking back on it, I was like, God, we were fucking pussies. I've done a lot worse since that time. All right, let's wrap up.

Speaker: the fifth

Speaker: We're retarded. You remember, what was that, 16 candles when once his face was standing up outside of the house with the boob box? Say anything. Say anything with John Cusack. Yeah. And Ryan Reynolds did it in Deadpool 2 with Colossus. That's all I had in my head right now. That's what I pictured. He's sitting outside of Ryan Reynolds' house, and you're outside of Kevin Costin's house.

Speaker: with boob boxes and with batteries and he stole from Walmart playing some dumbass song playing like nukekins on the block playing marky mark and a funky bunk shit oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh

Speaker: Is he there too? Yeah, it must be Thursday

Speaker: Is he playing live stuff by new kids on the block? Yeah, he is. Holy shit. Oh, oh, God. Oh, that's bad. So, yeah, this is nonsensical nonsense. Our longest episode and funniest. I thought the last hour. Oh, my God. Holy shit.

Speaker: I've laughed so hard. I've laughed myself under a headache. Yes. My face hurts. My insides hurts. My insides hurt. My ribs hurt. Wow. Oh my God. We definitely ventured down some new avenues tonight.

Speaker: We've discovered some interesting things about each other. We will never be able to look each other in the eyes again. You're thinking about Ryan Reynolds, aren't you?

Speaker: I'm going to get a I'm going to get a phone call. Wednesday, we're going to start out like this. I'm not going to look at you, dude. I'm not going to look at you. I'm not going to start out like that. I'm going to have my mic done. Wow. Welcome to nonsense going on. With special guest Ryan Reynolds. He may be tied up so he won't be able to speak this year.

Speaker: We're broadcasting live outside Ryan Reynolds house. Please say quiet. We're going to sneak in. We heard he was in the shower. We got to get footage. Jeff is at Kevin's house and I met Ryan's house. So we're still doing it remotely.

Speaker: but we're gonna have to do ASMR style because we don't want to be I'm in the bushes look really close you can see you can see Blake lively walking past the window I think she knows I'm here

Speaker: She looked, I think she saw me. I didn't know they had fucking dogs, what the fuck? Is that a Chihuahua? Holy shit. I imagine in about an hour I'm gonna get a phone call and it's gonna be you and you're gonna be like, my wife kicked me out, I'm coming back to Ohio. Can I crash on your tail? I'll be there in three days.

Speaker: He'd be like, hey, welcome to Wednesday's show. Jeff is live in person. We only need one camera this time. Oh, shit. One camera, one mic, two guys, one mic. Oh, two bears in the cave. That's Tom Segura and Burt Chrysler. And Burt Chrysler. Yeah. Yeah. That's their podcast. I love those guys.

Speaker: Oh, Bert Chrysler. That dude is, that Mafia story cracks me up. Apparently they make it into a movie. Yeah. I am in line for that fucking movie. I love Bert. Oh, that dude's hilarious. Um, I don't love Bert Chrysler. Like I love Ryan Reynolds, but he's not as good looking.

Speaker: But I'll lie in bed and let him tell me a story. Tell me your stories. Tell me the Russian mafia story again. Make me laugh, funny guy. Say something funny. You know, Ryan Reynolds is funnier. Why are you always talking about Ryan Reynolds? Well, listen to episode 14.

Speaker: Let me play you something for your ears, sir. He's like, uh, he's sitting there looking for the exit the whole time. He's like, these guys are fucking weird jokes on you. There's no exit. Once you enter, you get out of here. Welcome to my play house. Remember, I get more, I get less time for a rape charge. I know.

Speaker: The choice is yours. I'll take the murder. I'll take the murder. I don't. That's okay. I'll rape you then murder you. You got sodomy's legal. Sodomy's legal here. Come here, Ma. Oh my god. Tell me your funnest story, funny man. I keep forgetting my mother listens to this.

Speaker: the the the the the

Speaker: Oh, all right. For finally, let's, let's wrap this up. I can't, I can't go anymore. I'm going to die. Oh, I can't breathe. You can't breathe on a regular basis. Well, that's true. Mr. Smoke 27 bags a day. Only we're only doing the podcast oddly enough.

Speaker: Only when I'm standing outside Kevin Costner's house. I'm on a stakeout, Bob. Leave me alone. I'll be home when I'm home. But yeah, so this is got an hour over. Nice.

Speaker: I, it doesn't happen very often, but I'm kind of at a loss for words. I'm, I'm shocked that we would just did an hour talking about what we just done. Oh my God. It all started with a stupid ASMR thing.

Speaker: like for the first time like i'm truly like how do i end this like where do you go from here how do you how do you take episode 15 is gonna be the most disappointing because people like they're gonna hilarious on episode 14 what the fuck happened i'm gonna try to bring the same energy wednesday oh godness

Speaker: Oh my god. We're idiots. We are absolute. Oh my god. Idiots. Ryan Reynolds and Kevin Costner, I want to apologize on behalf of both of us. I want to apologize for my feelings. That's how I feel. Blake Riley, fuck you. I want to be inside you, Ryan.

Speaker: I'll be the big spoon. Or the little, whichever you prefer Ryan. There's no filter in between my brain and my mouth. There's no filter. So it's just like idea spouted out. Yes.

Speaker: Oh, the message is I can see my mother texting me now. What the **** is wrong with you? Well, your mom follows me on Facebook. So, I can only imagine I might get yelled at too. Okay. Yeah, we're idiots. We're okay. Fucking retarded.

Speaker: feel like I just want to pass out. I literally feel like I was just in the gym for three hours. Right? Yeah, my abs hurt like I just did 5000 crunches. I don't have to work out tomorrow. Have you actually worked out since you started working out? Yes, yes, I have. I work out every day. I may not may not be a complete workout, but at least jump rope. Oh, yeah.

Speaker: I skip right down the road. Think about Brian. I skip right down Kevin's road. Skip right back to the south. Hi, Kevin. Fuck you, wife. I don't remember your name. I'm totally going to look up who his wife is. Kevin and Ryan are calling each other like we don't even live anywhere remotely near each other.

Speaker: We may be idiots, but we're right outside your house. Don't walk the dog. It's 1 30. It's dog walking. They get weird phone calls at one o 'clock in the afternoon. And it's time for you to walk your dog. Who was that on the phone? Some guy asked me if it was time to walk my dog.

Speaker: Oddly enough, my dog is standing by the door. That's because we got bacon in the mail slot. I think your dog wants to go... Hi Ryan. Hi Kevin. It's just us breathing.

Speaker: the the

Speaker: stop calling me. L .A .P. is like I'm not even going over there. Those guys sound crazy. I feel bad for anybody who's still watching this bullshit or still listening to this.

Speaker: They're like, God, I want to I want to stop listening, but I want to hear what they say next. OK, I'm going to tag. I'm going to tag Blacktop Mojo and Matt's going to message me and be like, yeah, can you not use our music? Go ahead and tag me. Yeah, stop playing our music. Sorry about it. Holy shit. All right. Wrap it up. Wrap it up. I got to be serious for a second.

Speaker: Oh, all right. Well, this has been nonsensical, not complete nonsense. This might be the most nonsensical nonsense episode ever. But yeah, follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, TikTok, TikTok.

Speaker: all under. And Ryan Reynolds email us at nonsensical nonsense podcast at gmail .com. We desperately want to hear from you. Most importantly, check us out on Spotify. You can get every single episode of of whatever this is. This shit show dumpster fire.

Speaker: She I don't know who she is. She could be a famous actress. So she's like, I don't know who she is. Yeah. They're like, why? Well, she's she's all mad. She wants to stab Blake Lively now, too, because she's like this.

Speaker: of this man crushing on Ryan Reynolds and Kevin Costner.

Speaker: This bitch keep messing with Blake. They don't even know my name. I don't even know who I am. She's like, I'm on board. Fuck Blake Lively. Kevin Costner's wife's going to email us. Hey, I'm Kevin Costner's wife and fuck Blake Lively. Hell yes. We agree with you, but fuck you. But yeah, we're going to go ahead and, and, and, uh, we're in this because God, what a, what an absolute

Speaker: mess that an hour ever turned into. The funniest hour I have had in years. I've never laughed so hard in one hour's time in, I don't think ever. I don't know. It's, this is, this is some, something else between the batteries and, and Ryan Reynolds and Kevin Costner.

Speaker: Batteries, ASMR, Ryan Reynolds, Kevin Costner.

Speaker: Oh, what? So thank you guys for hashtags. Yes. Not sensible nonsense. Hashtag ASMR. Like lively. She's like. It starts trending everywhere. She's like, what the fuck? I can't get roles now. When I first this episode, I'm going to I'm going to put the hashtag in there.

Speaker: I'm the nicest person in the world. I've never done anything to anybody. Why are these? I'm sure she's a sweetheart but she's got our man. She's like, why does these two retards hate me so much? Oh god. Please someone from TMZ. Please someone from TMZ.

Speaker: Well, thank you, sir. Thank you. I really must go. Well, that's three hours. Thank you guys for listening as always. And again, follow us on all social media at nonsensical nonsense, Spotify at nonsensical nonsense. Email if you want to email us your restraining orders.

Speaker: We are out of here out of here juices in this God for love of mercy All right, sir

Speaker: Well I see your silhouette The cancer at sunset The wind blows through my hands It leads me to the west I've drifted many days Still I'm left wondering Will I ever find my way? And I look

Speaker: For that day

Speaker: And I've walked through this land But I don't understand I look up to the sky Still I see no sign I bow my head and pray Is anyone listening? Will I ever find my way?

Speaker: For that day