Transcript
Speaker: Do you know what it's like when you wanna go cry But you can't let out all the feelings inside So you lay in your bed under blankets and hide Do you let people know that you feel it just fine And your pillow gets stained with the tears that you cried And you're praying nobody comes in And that's why the redness is already taking your rise And you wish you could hide it but there's no disguise in it Cry, let it all out
Speaker: If I had to be completely honest with myself, I'm tired.
Speaker: I'm tired. It's not a physical tired. It's a very, you know, it's in the soul. It's like I'm fucking tired. I'm tired of going through this shit. I'm tired of... tired of everything not working out. And I'm just like, I fucking tried. And it's a... I can't not lie and say, it's not a, it's not like you don't want to live kind of thing. It's more of a, if God were sitting across from me right now.
Speaker: there would be a part of me that would just want to go up to him and say, listen, I'm done. I'm done. I'm not. I can't do this anymore. I'm just, I'm fucking physically and mentally spent and I'm done. And it's a, it's a silent battle too. Um, and it's a, it's a battle kind of hide from the world and from the people we love and the people we want to love or want to love us because
Speaker: Who wants a broken person? You know, it's like, if they knew, like if the people in your life knew how broken we were, like, would they stay? And then that raises the question of like, how do I fix this? Can you fix this? I don't know.
Speaker: What's going on everybody. Happy Monday. Welcome to men caring for men men's mental health show. We talk about, uh, the tough topics, the tough issues going on in the world of being men and what it's like to struggle as a man and not always be allowed to show our feelings and show our emotions or, uh, you know,
Speaker: vocalize how we may feel underappreciated or not appreciated or whatever the case may be. However, here we do all that and we speak from personal experiences. We're no experts. We're not doctors. We're not educated in that field. We're just talking. We're a group of men and we're chit -chatting and having the conversations that nobody's really ready for and probably don't want to hear or whatever the case may be, but that's all right. You know, we're here. We're here to help. We're here to make a difference.
Speaker: for, to make a change. I am Glick. You guys get to see me a lot during the week, but I do host this show. And typically we have ourselves a little panel and we do still have ourselves a little panel. We've got Connor joining us. Maybe Connor's joining us. There's Connor. He's joining us. You can see Connor with me on Wednesdays and Saturday nights as well. And when we're, when we're acting a little special,
Speaker: And then we have Jarvis joining us as the newest full -time member, I guess you could say, of Men Camp for Men, Jeraviche. And here, just a few, we're going to have a couple other guys joining us. Brian will be coming in. Again, Brian's one of those members of the show as well that you get to see every Monday. And we got a new face tonight. If you guys are around Saturday night for nonsense, well, nonsense, you're seeing him.
Speaker: He wanted to pop in tonight and take part of the panel, uh, and join us. And like always, the panel is open every Monday night for, for, for all men. If you want to come in and take part of the discussion or share story, your stories or anything like that, you know, just, just ask and we'll, we'll get you the link sent over somehow. That way you can pop in and join us and hang out and, and chitchat with us as well. Uh, like I said, it is an open forum.
Speaker: And we kind of have, I have an idea of what I'm going to talk about. I have to get, get, be better about letting these guys know, uh, in advance so that, so that they can prepare a little, a little bit. Um, but if you are looking to reach out to us, uh, you know, as I've said in the past, we have all the social media, uh, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and, uh, Tik TOK we do the show live every Monday, seven, seven 30 ish.
Speaker: on Facebook, YouTube, and Twitch. And you can listen anytime, any place, wherever you listen to podcasts at. And it is all part of the nonsensical network. So if you go to nonsensical nonsense podcast, you can find it, or you can head on over to bio .link slash nonsensical nonsense. And all the links will be there for all the shows, um, on the network. That way you guys can, you guys can follow us. We greatly appreciate that. You can share it out if you want to.
Speaker: And you can also reach out to us. Uh, if you, if you need somebody to talk to or you go on through some stuff or you want to be a part of the show, uh, all you gotta do is just hit us up on those social medias. And, uh, we will be one of us. Well, it'll be me for right now. I got to work on getting, uh, honor access to all that stuff. And, uh, Jeff is my other co -host a couple of nights a week. He has access to all that stuff. He just doesn't do anything with it, but anywho.
Speaker: tonight, um, tonight on the show, you know, we've got the guys in here where I want to talk about relationships and, and as I said, you know, these, these are personal experiences, personal feelings, you know, things that we've gone through. We're not necessarily speaking for everyone or everybody or, or pigeonhole. And you know, these thoughts and opinions there, there are, you know, there are, you know, I try to get some.
Speaker: I'm not going to be a numbers guy. I'm not going to bore you to death with 48 % of relationships don't last past a year or 76 % of marriages ending divorce, anything like that. It's just real talk, real conversation. And some of the things that we've gone through and we've been able to learn from our either past or current relationships.
Speaker: If you're listening, obviously your opinion is loud in the chat. We encourage it, but don't think that we're speaking to the masses. We're speaking about men, four men, two men, because these are some of the feelings that a lot of men are going through and how they feel in these situations.
Speaker: And sometimes they don't feel validated, nor do they feel like they have the opportunity to speak their peace or whatever the case may be. So don't take it first. Don't anybody take anything we say personal, just having a conversation and feel free to engage in the chat. Feel free to, uh, to, uh, add to the conversation. All that is welcomed.
Speaker: I'm a little long -winded to start to show out something. Anywho, as I said, Steven is here. I don't know where Connor is. He disappeared. Steven, how you doing tonight, buddy? What's going on? Not bad. Got a new episode of the Jarvis podcast out there. Had my camera die halfway through it. And then tonight when I was trying to put my webcam together,
Speaker: evidently, I went to the fucking purple realm. So I made sure to chuck it up against the wall as soon as I knew it was not working anymore. So now I'm in the gut. That usually solves the problem when something's broken, you throw it up against the wall. Yeah, I've been trying to figure that out with controllers doesn't work so much. Yeah. Who knew? But no, just been, you know,
Speaker: Just trying to hang in there and figure out this world. And now just waiting for the career representative that I'm supposed to have helped me out so I can get my job and radio started. And it hasn't been a week yet, but it's just like, come on, you know, want to, want to start this so I can get shit going.
Speaker: Yeah, I understand the I'm just Fucking ready. Yeah the you know the the impatience the Anticipation you just just want it to yeah, you just want to get started. I understand that man. Absolutely. Absolutely You'll get there. You just gotta you know, you don't want rushing to the first thing that shit that you come across because I
Speaker: You know, might not be a good situation, might not be a good spot. As soon as I was done with college and I knew I was graduating, I felt like the fucking ultimate warrior after doing a line of coke. Just want to run down to that fucking ring and just be done with it. But now it's definitely a work in progress and still haven't even finished the demo yet, so. Which hopefully nothing better. Just play the OLED.
Speaker: I mean, listen, I'm good with camera placement. You wouldn't see my face. I mean, anything below my waist. I mean, I don't know if that's like sticking a toaster in a bathtub if you take your laptop in there, but. Point being. So the people in the chat, well, evidently Glick wants Connor to commit toaster math.
Speaker: that's always been we can clip anything you need
Speaker: Nobody unaligned themselves. We just had that conversation. So I think, I think what I want to start doing every Monday, and I just started with Jarvis after my little long winded bullshit. Uh, you know, I just want to check. I just want to do like the, you know, like a weekly check. See how, you know, how you guys are doing. I asked Connor or I asked Steven, am I asking the same thing? Connor, uh, how's things going? How, how, how you?
Speaker: how you holding up over there? How's your week been? Just remember, you've got to be careful the last time you said, I'm going to ask you the same thing as Steven. Everybody on the show ended up in tears. Yeah. So you've got to be careful. Yeah. But that being said, I do regret this decision.
Speaker: I know I've been doing all right. It's been an interesting weekend. Found a house, put an offer on the house, accepted the offer on the house. And now we're running into issues after the offer got accepted. So that's interesting. The kids keep growing and I keep breaking. I've got surgery tomorrow, which is making me my pants, but I'll be all right. I'm getting fatter and the rest of the world's getting thinner, you know?
Speaker: That is right. You did, you did, you did message me, uh, yesterday. I think it was and say that you probably wouldn't be on the show. Um, Wednesday because you have surgery tomorrow. Yeah. I'm sure I'll be very, very, very, very out of it on Wednesday. Or at least with any, with it, with any luck, at least live from the hospital bed. It's Connor. I better not should be in a hospital.
Speaker: I was just getting ready to say, uh, you know, I really hope that, um, that this goes better than last time because last time, you know, Connor and I talked the day before his surgery and he was like, yeah, you know, go in, I'll be back home tomorrow. And I'm like, cool. And I reached out to check on him and I didn't hear from him for a day. And I'm like, well, this can't be good. And then when I finally did hear from him, it was like, it was, you know, good.
Speaker: You know, if you put the cat in the IV bag, it looks cool. I was like, well, I don't think that went according to plan. No. Boys, take it to your room. Take it to your room. I do want to.
Speaker: start every show, you know, just, just do a little bro check, checking on you guys, seeing how you guys are doing, seeing, you know, especially as, as the panel, uh, what's going on, Joe? How you doing bud? How's things going in your world? You know, and obviously it's just, this is, you know, the men's mental health show. This is the men camp for men show. Yeah. I want to check on you guys, see how you guys do it. And when we have guests on the panel or regulars on the panel, um, because as I said in the beginning, you know, the doors don't fit anybody who wants to come in and
Speaker: take part in the conversations with us, especially men, you guys are more than welcome to. Tonight, kind of wanted to talk.
Speaker: Uh longest pause of my life, dude. I just I just had a fucking birthday. Good lord Sorry, I just good message. I just got um kind of want to talk about um Relationships and whatnot and and you know the good the bad You ugly everything in between, you know, we've we've all been through them. We've all had relationships We've all gone through things and you know what? you know, some some people uh, you know, they
Speaker: Often times you see on the internet, um, couples portray a certain image on the internet or people in general, they portray a certain image on the internet, but in actuality, I mean, they're really going through shit. They're dealing with a whole lot of shit. It's just some of the big issues that are there in relationships. And, uh, you know, some of the things that we've gone through and been through ourselves personally, um,
Speaker: Cause not all, not all, uh, not all relationships are, are, are, are good. You know, you got to weather the storms at the end of the day to, to, to get to the, to the rainbow on the other side, the grass is green on the other side type bullshit. Um, however, yeah, all over some relationships, they don't make it through the storm. They get their asses kicked and look like Katrina or look like.
Speaker: you know, New Orleans after Katrina was done with that, that ugly and you know, and especially if it's a marriage or a relationship or kids are involved or you know, what I wouldn't sometimes people say together just because they they they're afraid of being alone or you know, marriages are like, well, we can't get divorced because of the kids or
Speaker: And then you have the opposite side of a relationship. You have a friendship that we talked about this the other night. You know, it's funny how people meet and, you know, Joe and I met when I started working at Orkin and I was seriously his replacement.
Speaker: He trained me for, I think my first week or so. And I was initially hired in one position and then they called me a couple of days later and said, we knocked off you this position. And I was like, okay. And it wasn't until afterwards, but I was fortunate enough to make a friend down in Charleston in Jo and he didn't hold any ill will towards me. It's not every day you meet the man that's going to replace you. I know that's right.
Speaker: I was there in my marriage. I got to meet the man who replaced me and it was like, ah, cool. Um, it absolutely worked out in the end at the end of the day. You know, I say all the time, things happen for a reason, you know, and I've always been a firm believer in that, you know, things happen for a reason. And when it happens, it don't make a lot of sense at the time.
Speaker: But once you get to where you're going, where you're supposed to be, then it makes all perfect sense. And I'm assuming from what I see on the interwebs, you guys are still doing very well and continuing to do better every day. So, but like I said, you know, a lot of times, you know, in a relationship and this, and this can go, whether, whether it be friendship, but I'm speaking more, more like boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife, you know, this side or the other thing.
Speaker: You know, but this can't easily apply in any relationship status You know Jarvis you're married and you and your wife have been together what four years three or something? Um Been together as a couple has been seven Almost eight years and been married for Oh
Speaker: You know, so as much as I would, as much as I would like to put it all on her, I can't because, you know, it was just as much my fault. But, um, and then my last few relationships, you guys have got to see pan out on this fucking broadcast channel. So, so, you know, how, you know, how, you know, how, uh, you know, I'm not very good at relationships. I also, I also think that, you know, I'm a difficult person to deal with and.
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: And I, for me personally, and I think other people have the same problem and it can be, and it can be a wall when, when being in a relationship and you're on a relationship, you know, that past trauma and whatnot, past stuff that you deal with creeps up when you don't mean it to. So it can be a, it could be a hindrance and cause problems, especially when you, when you find somebody that's not like anybody else that you've ever been with before. And it's actually,
Speaker: good for you, but any who, so if you, if you guys don't mind me asking, um, and you know, it just, obviously you've had ups and downs in your relationships. You guys are, I mean, everybody does. You've struggled with things. Um, and I want to dive, you know, as we go on, I'll dive into some of the reasons or some of the things that cause problems in relationships and whatnot like that. But.
Speaker: I want to ask you guys like being with your significant other now for over five years. What are some things that when things start to get rocky and I don't feel like you don't really need to go into the reasons why it's rocky because we'll get down there. We'll get down that road here in a few, but what are some of the things that you guys do to, to like kind of get past the situation, not necessarily put a bandaid on it, but try to fix it and move forward to continue to
Speaker: to learn from each other and continue to grow as, as, as a lot of people say as one, but at the end of the day, you're a couple and you're going to grow as a couple. You're not going to grow in, you know, as one person, you're going to grow as a couple. What are one of, what are some of the things that have worked for you guys and your relationships? Steven, I got yelled at the last time I go for, went first. So you're up.
Speaker: Oh, you know, just knowing that it's not on one person, you know, um, it's a team effort, you know, me, luckily with the woman that is not my wife, we had known that since day one, when we first got together. Um, it was never about who made more money than the other. It was about how we can make sure that we sustain the relationship that we have and
Speaker: that it wasn't always going to be sunshine and rainbows. We were going to have those times where there were going to be really good times, and then we were going to have times where it was really bad times. And luckily, we're still together. She has been the greatest decision I have ever made in my life.
Speaker: She saw a lot of shit, which like you said, we'll get more into later on, but, um, I'm, I'm just so glad she came into my life. And I always look back to that country song looking for a woman like you, you know, uh,
Speaker: it it just the song always resonated when i would think about her beautiful crazy you know um most of the time when we want to go out somewhere we end up deciding to just stay out on the couch and watch tv you know and that would be called staying in not out well yeah staying in sorry i don't know what they say in canada sorry hey southern canada but no connor what do you think then um god
Speaker: Uh, I got to really make an attempt not to say certain things. Cause I know he said, we'll delve into it later. But, um, the problem is we hear the same things from the same people about how to get through shit. And we just kind of let it go in one ear and out the other. Uh, and the, the biggest part about, sorry, I know you guys wanted to listen to that in your ears. Um, the biggest part about, uh,
Speaker: Hang on, bud. The biggest part when it comes to getting through struggles and mountains that you gotta roll through in your marriage or your relationship or even friendships is communication. It takes, and I can tell you from a man's perspective, it takes swallowing a lot of pride to say, hey, I've got a problem.
Speaker: I don't want to fight with you, but this is what's going on with me. This is what I'm having issues with, with you. This is an obstacle in my life. Is this an obstacle in your life? How can we address it together? And, and, and you have to be willing as a man and even, and the woman too. I mean, don't get me wrong. It's two way street, but for the purpose of this podcast, you know, we're talking about men here. You gotta be willing to swallow your pride.
Speaker: Stop it's not about being a badass is about you being vulnerable with your partner and being willing to say what's bothering you in any way shape or form and Sometimes it's not worth the fight and sometimes it is and you have to know when it when it's time to Nut up and say the right thing or just be honest even when it might cause a fight and communication is Is just that is you know what? I might hurt my wife's feelings. I just got to find a way to say it right without being an asshole and
Speaker: and say what I'm feeling. And if you don't, then you run into a bigger issue later on because you just bottle it up and then it'll all come out. But you got to grow together. And the only way to do that is to talk about what your issues are. And people don't do that these days or they over talk and they don't know how to deliver it to their significant other in a French, again, friendship, relationships, spouses. So that's, that's what I'd say is, I mean, the biggest thing that we've done is communicate.
Speaker: We've been through hell and back over the last hell over the last year and it it's all been about Not so much, you know, we took these vows though through thick and thin Because nobody told us what thick was and no one told us what thin was we don't know the good and the bad until we're through it and on the other side so You got to be willing to say I don't care what it is. Let's let's talk about it. Mm -hmm
Speaker: Well, you know, the crazy down the downside, or I guess the bad thing, much like having children, which will be another topic conversation down the road. There's no, there's no manual that comes with being in a relationship. There's no book that tells, I mean, in EI, you, you hear the talking heads and this is something that we're going to say tonight. And it is true. It is a hundred percent. And this would be something that we, that we probably gets repeated a lot tonight. Uh, communication kind of have communication, but.
Speaker: Every relationship is different. People were wired differently and sometimes communication isn't always spoken communication. I used to do words of wisdom on nonsensical nonsense and it turned into a briefing on TikTok. And one of the things that I said is, actions speak louder than words.
Speaker: sometimes don't listen to the words that they're saying, but listen to what they're doing. You know, I can say, you know, Nikki and I are having problems. I can say everything she wants, she wants to hear, but none of that means anything unless I'm putting in the work, and that goes for everybody. So sometimes it isn't about necessarily using our words to communicate, but our actions as well, you know, doing the things that we say we're going to do, changing the things that we say we're going to change, and
Speaker: I'm not telling anybody, nobody should ever change who they are or anything like that for a relationship. Uh, I've been down that road before, uh, and, and I can't do that no more. I have to be myself and who I am. So, you know, like I said, we could drop the, the, the, the, uh, the key points and the keywords, you know, communication and, and this, that, and the other thing. And like I said, we're going to dive more into, you know, some of this stuff as we, as we continue to go. Um,
Speaker: kind of just a filler busting way thinking before we get too heavy into the conversation. We give the other two guys a chance to get here, but, um, you know, and in a relationship, there's a lot of issues that can come up. There's a lot of issues that can arise. Um, like I said, I do have several kinds of talking points and we can kind of spend a few minutes on each one of them. And that's going to absolutely fill the show up tonight. But, um,
Speaker: I want to, I want to go ahead and I want to get the very first one out of the way, uh, because great thing about me and main is we stopped maturing at like 14. So this is gonna be one of those jokes probably will be made, but one of the biggest, one of the, not, not be, but one of the biggest, uh, things in a relationship that can cause problems or issues or stuff like that are intimacy issues.
Speaker: you know, um, no matter what people say or what people, uh, and it's not just necessarily, um, you know what, let's be honest, it is, it is a lot, it is a lot to do with sex, but you know, no, it doesn't necessarily mean that your, your relationship is based off sex, but intimacy is a core component of a romantic relationship. Um,
Speaker: Because what it allows you to do is to share closeness and vulnerability and trust. You develop a trust with your partner. I mean, because even something is
Speaker: as much as something as mundane and vanilla as just missionary. I mean, you're still in a vulnerable state when you're having sex with somebody. It also allows you not only that, but it also allows you to explore your partner and learn a lot about your partner. You know, uh, you know, what they like, what they don't like, what don't touch there. Don't touch here to touch there. You know,
Speaker: It creates that bond or that again, closeness for a couple to have. But sometimes that fades. I mean, stress over work, stress over money, stress over whatever, or you're working long hours or kids or whatever, and that intimacy starts to fade and then that becomes
Speaker: problem in a relationship because You lose that kind of connection that you have with your partner We really know how to lead in to be like so guys You know You know for me for me personally, I know that was I think it was one of the reasons that my ex -wife cheated on me and
Speaker: Um, the more depressed I got, the more anxious I got, the more I fell into my, my, my dark place. I just wasn't interested in sex. You know, it was nothing to do with her. It was just where my head was. And I think that caused, I know that caused a lot of problems in our relationship. And I also know that was one of the key components that led her to step outside of our relationship multiple times while we were married.
Speaker: they start to question you know and it happens to men as well you know if you have a partner who just seems disinterested in you then you start to question like am I not good enough do I you know does she not find me attractive do do I not do that and you know and I had those same doubts and stuff even with her because you know it was the other side of the coin was yeah she she was lost that interest as well so that intimacy kind of unfortunately
Speaker: went out the window as our relationship started to get a pitfall and whatnot. But that isn't the end all be all at the end of the day when it comes to relationships. I mean, I think after seven years, I think it would be safe to say that at some point, you know, both of you guys in your relationship have have experienced that at some point. And, you know, it could have been any factor. I mean, hell, even your health factor factors into that.
Speaker: There is got so I mean if you don't mind me asking Jarvis and you don't have to You don't have to dive to too much into it. You don't have to say anything at all, but if you guys Come across that hiccup or have you have you crossed that bridge as a couple like many times I mean People think it it just goes away with time. It doesn't It doesn't get any easier
Speaker: the longer you're together, where she's working long hours, I'm working on like the podcast, or I'm doing this, or I'm doing my gaming stuff, or whatever fucking mundane project I'm always doing. It does take a strain on us all the time. Well, not all the time, but most of the time. And, you know, sometimes you gotta,
Speaker: take vacations. I mean, how most of the time when me and my wife are able to get into men is when we're on vacation and we're away from all the fucking shit that causes stress because rather people like to admit or not, but when you add mental health and stress while trying to be physical with your significant other,
Speaker: It causes a lot of things to happen. It causes men to not be able to achieve climax. Same thing with a woman. Um, and you know, it's just from what me and my wife have talked about. And it's very, very good to have that communication when you can sit and say, Oh, Hey, you know, something's not going right. What can we do to fix it rather than just.
Speaker: Well, you know, we'll just put a band -aid on it for now or we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll not talk about it and hopefully it works out. Um, there's been so many people that have told me and my wife that, you know, Hey, you guys argue and it's like, well, yeah, we're a couple, you know, as long as we're not throwing fists. I mean, my wife throws pans and all that at me, but that's because I deserve it. And, um, kidding folks, kidding. Um,
Speaker: But anyway, you know, it's just been one of those things that I watched what it did to my folks. My mom was not very. How would you say it? She was not very faithful to my dad, and so that's why she ended up leaving him and then.
Speaker: Uh, having a child with another man, which I came into the world that way. And then that man abandoned me and all that stuff. And like, I've asked my mom and I've asked my dad, you know, many times that what was the biggest factor.
Speaker: of your guys getting divorced twice because they remarried once I entered into the fray. And my dad said, you know, your mom wasn't faithful. You know, she looked for intimacy and other ways when I would either be working or she would want to work at night and all that stuff. So there was a lot of things in it. My mom, you know, has now remarried again for like the fourth fucking time. And my dad,
Speaker: you know I feel so bad for my dad because it's like you know he never got to have his happiness. Yeah.
Speaker: But then, you know, like I told my dad because when he was in the hospital after he had his seizures and all that his ex, one of his high school or his high school sweetheart had talked to one of my aunts. And, um, I wish I would have been there because I would have told my aunt, Hey, you know, give this person my dad's phone number because I want my dad to be happy. You know, if he's happy being single, but you know, at the same time, it's, it's.
Speaker: I think he'd be much happier with someone that you can share the rest of his life with no matter how long or short that may be because we never know when it's our time to go up to the pearly gates if people believe in that or the rainbow bridge up in the sky, whatever, you know, and it just... Well, the dog heaven? Yeah, evidently, you know, you never know.
Speaker: the case of all Holloway for me. Yeah, same here. Now, now there's just gonna be a thing on Reddit. New podcasting co host on the men caring for men goes into religious lands and they're all going to dog heaven. But no, that would be my short answer. Well, not short answer, but that's kind of my answer, I guess. Yeah. You know, as human beings, we, we,
Speaker: We crave intimacy. We want intimacy. We want to, we, we want to, uh, feel like, you know, that we have a closeness with, with someone and we, you know, we, I don't know. And, and, and, you know, yeah, like, you know, like you said, sometimes, I mean, there's just a lot of factors when it comes, when it comes to it. I mean, uh, and it's not always necessarily, uh, you know, you got kids, I mean, you got work and, you know, like,
Speaker: I have three kids that are here all the time. It can be hard for Nikki and I to have a moment when the kids are here. I mean, obviously, I don't want to weird my kids out. Neither one of us do. But you want to add your two cents into that real quick before we move on to the next topic? Yeah, sorry about that. I got a call from my wife. Again, we're talking about that house.
Speaker: Yes, and it's a good thing that you brought up. I mean, being intimate is, and people can deny it as much as they want and say it's shallow or whatever. It's an integral part of a relationship. However you describe your intimacy is, that's up to you and your definition and your relationship, but I can tell you that
Speaker: And we'll just use, again, I mean, this last year as an example, it's been the hardest for us intimacy wise over this last year since my injury and my surgery. There was a point, especially after my surgery, I couldn't, not everything worked the same as it used to. And what's up, dude?
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: our intimacy, not just because, I mean, you know, you pecker don't work, so you can't put it in. But when you can't have that, like you said, Chris, when you can't have that ability to explore each other and be that, it's the closest that you can be with your partner. It is period. The end. There is, there's no, there's no replacement for it. I mean, outside of cutting them open and climbing inside of them.
Speaker: the the the the the the
Speaker: in a relationship, it can, it takes its toll on a relationship. And as, as a man, when you lose your ability to, you know, do that, you lose your self -confidence and it, it sent me into a spiral on top of being crippled and not being able to walk around. I couldn't be intimate with my wife. And so that made me depressed and on top, then she felt unloved because I didn't want to talk about it.
Speaker: I just, I just wouldn't do anything with her. You know, I'd be like, hi, babe, you know, give you a kiss, give her a smack on the ass. And that was, that was all you're getting. And it wasn't, it wasn't her fault. And again, I mean, we can say communication all night, but it took me saying that for, for that to become something that we could work on together. But when you don't have it, it will absolutely take its toll on a relationship and it can ruin a relationship.
Speaker: Uh, so you need to be willing as, as a man. And again, I mean, communication parrot, I feel like a parrot. We're just saying the same thing over and over, but there's a reason that you hear it so often. Yeah. You know, and I said that with that show at the, you know, each episode where you're going to hear us repeat certain things and keep phrases multiple times, multiple times. And that's one of them. So we're all going to feel and look like parents tonight. It helps the algorithm at the end of the day.
Speaker: anything to help the algorithm. You know, yeah, I mean, you know, with the intimacy, and Connor, you kind of touched on that with, you know, you see your your little slap on the ass or whatever. Sometimes it's not always about sex. Sometimes it's about that, that flirtiness and, you know, yeah, dropping little little comments or, you know, even as men, we like I mean, Nikki tells me every day, multiple times a day that I'm handsome.
Speaker: And I tell her she's blind, but you know, that's, it's nice to hear because, you know, most guys, we're not used to hearing, Oh, Hey, you look good. Or man, you're a sexy, you're a sexy son of a bitch. You know, I know we're not going to believe you, but it's nice to hear, you know, or, or the flirting back and forth, you know, she, if she were walking through Walmart or something, I slap her on the butter or squeeze your butter or whatever, or.
Speaker: you know, whatever other various ways of flirting. Also, you know, being able to have that closeness, you know, one of our favorite things to do, especially on Sundays, is, you know, for both home is to lay on the couch and go and watch movies all day. We don't have to do anything. We're just cuddled up on the couch watching movies. Usually, you know, and we'll order food, we'll go get sushi, whatever. But I mean, that's that's also that form of intimacy and closeness and being able to just
Speaker: be with each other and be touching each other. You know, one of this, one of the, and I, and I'm going to say this a lot too, you know, one of the side effects with, with intimacy, because there's a lot of, there are a lot of talking points on here that I want to touch and a lot of them just going to combine into, into, into one kind of discussion. But, and it's not like we have to have this discussion because, uh, first and foremost, I don't want to share any stories because I don't want to be that guy. And I don't want to hear any of your stories about it.
Speaker: But bad sex can rule in a relationship too. Obviously you want that sexual chemistry as it's important to a long -term success. You got to be able to connect in that way. A couple of us who disagree about the frequency or quantity of sexual intimacy or, you know, whatever the case may be, or one partner is not satisfying another partner or, you know, whatever the case may be, or maybe
Speaker: you know, one partner's into this and the other partner, no, they're really not my cup of tea. And then they just flat out refuse that partner. Uh, you know, something that they want or that they want to try or whatever. So, you know, bad sex in general is also going to be, uh, it's going to cause, it's going to cause issues and problems in a relationship. And, you know, and especially now, and I think men need to be more mindful of this because as men, you know, we're degenerates at the end of the day where humans were going to be a little bit more open.
Speaker: Um, two things and, you know, growing up, yeah, we, you know, in my generation. Yeah. You knew certain girls were like, all right. I know she's into a lot of weird shit and whatever, but for the most part, girls were kinda, I don't want to say closed -minded, but you know, they weren't open to a lot of that. A lot of doors weren't open where it's in or nowadays is like, yo, I'm a freaking freak seven days a week.
Speaker: Yeah, on their front doorstep. Yeah. So, you know, you know, past relationships, you know, yeah, it would be like, I want to do this, that and the other thing. And she was like, no, that's just missionary. And, you know, or, or vice versa. You know, I, I know I'm, I, I'm not, I'm not, you know, I'm not the, the most explorative person in the world. I'm pretty vanilla, if you will.
Speaker: Listen, if she spits on that first letter, stick her finger in there. I promise. I've gotten a little bit more experimental, you know, as I've gotten older and whatnot. But, you know, like I said, you want to have that sexual chemistry. I mean, that's ultimately sexual chemistry and intimacy. They go hand in hand at the end of the day. At the end of the day, they are one in the same. You know, you could, you could be
Speaker: I'm just banging it out seven days a week, three times a week, but if it's bad, you're going to get **** bored eventually. And they're going to be like, I'm not really into this. Uh uh uh I got a headache. That's what I'm doing. Yeah. Which I've had to tell Connor a lot. Oh, sorry, Chris. I can't today. My neck hurts. I got
Speaker: Um, but, um, just get him one of those magical pillows where it's got the fucking neck brace right off as a tax right off. Darn tooting Benji. I do. If I use any tricks on Chris, I learned it from my wife.
Speaker: Let's go ahead and knock this big one out of the way too because again, we're gonna say obviously communication issues lack of communication Communication in general You know, we kind of you know, that's because we've all three kind of touched on it But obviously you want to have that communication there. I
Speaker: You can't go through a relationship and expect a relationship to grow or get better or being easier or weather a storm. I don't even want to know. I'm glad I missed what you said.
Speaker: You just know over the course of about 10 seconds, you said communication four times. Yeah. Well, I got, I got, I got, I got bullet points here. So I said, did you mention communication and then you followed up by saying communication and let's go. So it's going to be said a lot tonight deal with it. We can turn it into a drinking game at the end of the day. Anytime, any one of us says,
Speaker: You guys, everyone except for Chris will get alcohol poisoning on the show. Oh, he was fucking blitzed by the time we ended the show, like two o 'clock in the morning on Sunday or Saturday. Yeah, well, but you're bleeding. We'll talk about that later. Life choking too hard, sorry.
Speaker: Yeah, no, no, obviously, you know, as we've all said, like I said, I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this. We're not going to dance around the panel, obviously. And it's going to be said multiple times. Communication. You got to talk. You can't. It is. It is. It is there. And, you know, like I said, it's there whether you're speaking the words or your actions and we'll kind of move on. But
Speaker: And again, something that we've already talked about, infidelity, lack of trust, kind of go hand in hand. You know, if you're a significant other is having an affair or both of you are having a relationship outside of the outside of the relationship,
Speaker: Unless you specifically agreed to it You know because some couples are into that that's that's to each their own That's not It's gonna cause all obviously nobody and as a guy and I can speak for myself here You know my marriage ended in infidelity You know, like I said my ex -wife she can deny it all she wants but you know, I
Speaker: And when it's on, when it's, when I'm looking at it dead in the fucking, it's smacking me in the face and I'm looking at it on the screen or I'm looking at it on paper or whatever the case may be. You know, she, she messed around multiple times on me. Uh, my ex -fiance again, one of the relationships that you guys seen on here. She stepped out. She can say she didn't, but she tattled on herself a couple of months after we broke up and you know, but, um,
Speaker: uh, you know, as a guy and I've never, you know, like me personally, it's just, it's, it's, I just, if I, it's not worth, it's not worth my time and energy to cheat on somebody. If I'm going to cheat on somebody, I'm just going to tell you, I don't want to be with you because at the end of the day, once you start stepping out of a relationship, uh, and in my opinion, the relationship's over. And even now more than ever, you know, I learned from my ex -wife, I, you know, I,
Speaker: It happened multiple times and multiple times I took her back and multiple times we tried to work on things and then it would happen again. And then finally it is. She's the one that left me. She left me for another man. Uh, once that happened, I was like, no, I mean, I'm done. If I'm in a relationship again and they see I'm cutting, I'm cutting ties, flipping the switch and you're dead to me at the end of the day. And then, you know, my ex -fiancee, she did exactly what she did. And you know, at first, you know, I was, I was heartbroken and couldn't understand why, why,
Speaker: And then when I found out why and despite all the bullshit that she said and all the stories and when I found out the real reason, I was like, all right, I'm good. I don't need this. I'm not gonna lose sleep over this. I'm not gonna let my life continue to go on being shitty because you're a fucking horrible person at the end of the day. But when you go through that or when you go through issues of past relationships,
Speaker: of mistrust or taking advantage of your trust or, or whatever down the line, or as that relationship continues, if you stay in that relationship or as you get into other relationships, that, that trust thing is hard to, um, to get back, to get control of. And whether they've done anything or not, you just naturally have, um,
Speaker: you start making up and again, I'm speaking for me personally, you know, start making up scenarios in the back of my mind, like, you know, why, why are you leaving me on red for two hours or why are you not responding to me or whatever? So, you know, you start to struggle with, with that when, with trust issues. Um, and as far as relationships go, you know,
Speaker: If you guys don't trust each other, how, how strong can a relationship possibly be? I mean, trust is, trust is like one of those fundamental pillars. If you're, if you're, if we're building a pyramid, they're one of those base, one of those base blocks, you know, that, that hold the weight of everything when it comes to a relationship. Um, so that's been something that I've had to deal with him. Me personally in my life in relationships is trying to get past.
Speaker: past trauma, I guess you could say, and be more trusting. And I'm actually a pretty trusting individual at the end of the day. And it's just kind of come back and bite me in the ass more times than I'd like to admit to. Connor, do you have anything that you want to add to that? Well, so I mean, I can't tell you from experience about infidelity.
Speaker: blessed enough to either never have it happen to me or I've just never found out. And I won't. We had your wife's permission for what we were doing at Abercrombie. So I don't have to and I'm not going to sit here and bash my ex.
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: of marriages that fail in the military. And a large portion of that is due to infidelity, whether it be on the service members part or their spouse. And one of the biggest things that, I mean, my wife and I both, and we, again, communication, we've talked about it all the time. You know, have the stones to say, we can't make this work. Don't cheat on me. Because when you're gone,
Speaker: and you think to yourself, gosh, she's, she's, she could be out doing this. She's going, she never went to parties. She never, she, she wouldn't go to clubs. If she was hanging out with somebody, they'd hang out at the house. She'd never hang out with a man in our house or a man at some, at somebody else's house. It, because it was a line that she didn't even want to come close to. And the same went for me. I didn't never want to come close to that line. So if I went out with the guys drinking and they were hanging out with a group of girls and be like, Hey, this isn't,
Speaker: This isn't what I'm going to do. I'm just I'm going to stay at the bar, have a couple drinks and go home. And so when it comes to infidelity, you have to have trust.
Speaker: if you can't trust them to be loyal, then it's not a healthy relationship. It's not something you should be a part of. As someone who's, luckily again, never had it happen to him, I hope I never have to go down the road. It's terrifying to think that somebody else could step in and be what I wish I could be.
Speaker: that that's that's really all I gotta say, because, you know, again, I don't have any have that much experience with it. You want to add anything to that, Jarvis, before I bring the other guys up? Well, I've only been married once, but I mean, even before Alyssa, most of my relationships back then were. And that's a great success. And the women.
Speaker: uh, cheating, which, you know, when you're young, you do a lot of stupid shit. I mean, I was involved in sports in school. So it's like, even though I was with someone at that time, it was just like, well, I gotta go to practice. And, you know, like you guys were saying, you know, there comes a point when you're in a relationship where it's like, is this really for me? I mean,
Speaker: I would be gone, or at practice or training or whatever. And, you know, you can have that girl say, Oh, no, I understand, you know, I'm, I'm patient all that. After a while, they're gonna wonder if it's truly worth it. And luckily,
Speaker: You know, I probably could have had many chances to get married very young, which would have ended in divorce because I wasn't a good person then. And I mean, my wife says I'm a good person now, but, you know, as we all know, no one believes her. How do I say that's bullshit? I mean, we all know better. I mean, you know, a good person, you know, would tell whatever to watch the fucking show.
Speaker: Hey, whatever drugs you're giving your wife, I would keep it up. Go ahead. I don't know. Like I said, I've never had that problem like Glick had. And it wasn't probably mostly on you Glick. It was more probably the person you were with.
Speaker: And, you know, that's what I learned with some of my ex growth was that they just, they found that something else in another person, that wasn't me. I mean,
Speaker: I, they wanted to be a part of the cool club. I didn't, you know, they're like, but Steven, you're in sports. You should be hanging out with the popular kids and the jocks. And I'm like, no, I just want to be by myself. I just want to hang out in my own fucking world. Yeah.
Speaker: No, exactly. You know, like I said, you know, whatever the case may be, I mean, there was one common factor when it comes to infidelity or when it comes to cheating and whatnot like that, whether it's a man doing it or a woman doing it, that person on the other hand always feels less of a person feels like they did something wrong. It feels like, uh, you know, something's wrong with them. Not only that, but I mean, that's just a fucking dagger in the heart. When you find out that the person that you, you know, claims to love you and cares about you is stepping out on the side.
Speaker: And you know, one of those other little side effects that come along with the infidelity, not only that, uh, by having this trust to trust issues and stuff like that, but are people keeping secrets? Because anytime there's infidelity or whatever, or, you know, not necessarily keeping secrets of somebody on the other side, but you know, financial secrets, uh, secrets about losing a job or whatever the case may be, but keeping secrets or lead to those trust issues and, and lead you to question your relationship and whatnot. Uh, we're going to go ahead and welcome Brian.
Speaker: Good evening, infidels. Rick to the show. What's going on, guys? Buenos nachos, señor crazy men. Boys, I just want to put this out here. The word for the night. Communicate. Anytime somebody says communicate or communication, you have to drink. Everyone's going to be dead except for Chris by the end of the show.
Speaker: I bet I could probably roll with him. But Benji, I'm gonna be completely honest. I don't even know who Manny catchman is. So that was completely incidental. You guys came in at like a perfect point. We're gonna get ready and take a real quick break. But I asked the guys at the beginning of the show and I want to ask you guys real quick.
Speaker: Yeah, I said I want to start to show with this every Monday night. Well, I'll start with Brian here Brian How you doing, man? How was your weekend? How's your week going so far? How's everything in your world? Chris do it after we get back from the damn break It'll lead Well, I'm gonna lead back into what we're doing makes no sense before the break. It's called segue He's having a big way Here we go
Speaker: I'm not sitting there, I'm not putting myself down here. This is not my show no more. I'm out of the very last spot now. I'm not worthy, I'm coming back now. And just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor. Just like that, Connor.
Speaker: Oh, no, I'm last. OK, this is bullshit. Let's go. There we go. That makes more sense. I was about to say, wait, why am I in the fucking middle? Oh, my God. You know what? Fuck you, guys. Fuck you, Brian. Fuck your day and fuck how you feel. We're going to take a break. Just put me last. No, Rick, you got a better beard than Brian. So you win. Yeah. I got a better beard than all of you. Hey.
Speaker: I know you're not even trying to compare that little baby bird. Listen, salt and pepper settle down over there. Those are called race stripes. And if you have them, then you know what they're from. That's exactly what I'm saying. It's from drooling while his feet are up on the desk and his head's cocked back.
Speaker: We're if Jeff and Jeff ever grew ever grew out a good beard. That's what that's what that would be. Sorry. I was sitting on the toilet too long Break Ponzi schemes All right, well, we'll take a real quick break and I'll see how the guys are doing when we come back because apparently I don't know
Speaker: Uh, I do want to, uh, shout out the world of podcasting. We got a lot of friends at the podcasting world. And you know, we recently switched over to Zincaster for all of our podcasting needs. Oh, excuse me. Essentially like the distribution and stuff like that. If you're thinking about starting a podcast or you're already doing a podcast and you want to elevate your game, go ahead and check out Zincaster .com. Super easy to use.
Speaker: Everything you need is literally in one location. You're always going to sound your best, look your best. If you decide to do the 4k video route, uh, if you decide to do prerecorded videos and stuff like that. Uh, but when you upload your, when you upload your audio, it's always going to sound good. They're going to take out the ums and ahs, the background noise, all that shit that, that happens with normal day to day life, because we're all real people and we all have real lives behind, behind, behind the scenes. Yeah.
Speaker: behind the camera, you know, things are going on. Not only that, but literally everything you need is in one spot. So you don't have to go buy a whole bunch of crazy ass expensive equipment or anything like that. It's literally all right there for you and a click of a button. Something you're interested in. Like I said, they are going to help you distribute. They're going to get it out to all the major platforms. That's why you guys can listen to us wherever you want because we're there because of Zincaster. They don't care how big or small you are there. Their number one goal is to help you grow.
Speaker: which is evident to our numbers that we have, uh, because I don't know why the hell people are listening to us, but I appreciate the fuck out of you guys. So it was something you want to check out and I recommend you check it out. Head on over to zincaster .com slash pricing, set up your account, log in and, uh, you're going to get 30 % off your first month's paid plan. Uh, and you can try it out for 30 days. Let us know what you think. And, uh, you can either say click.
Speaker: Hell yeah, bro. Thanks for the advice for you to say click your fucking moron. Zincaster sucks. However, yeah, I will end up bet my paycheck that you're going to be happy with Zincaster. It's not free. It's not for me. It's not our paycheck. I just have a bet you assholes my paycheck. As I always do for Monday nights, we are talking about relationships.
Speaker: And, you know, we like to play music during breaks. So I have relationship ish, relationship struggle ish songs. Play the bitch came back. I dare you. I dare you. Hey, no. Hey, hey, hey. That's another show and another topic. Now, you know, some people might say these are like super whiny or anything like that, but they are what they are.
Speaker: Um, well, hello, Alyssa. Uh, let's say, uh, let's go ahead and, uh, first one here, just because I was talking about her the other day and this song was one of the first things that popped into my head when I decided to talk about relationships and the struggle of relationships. But, uh, pink with, uh, just give me a reason and we'll be back here in a few minutes. Wow.
Speaker: Right from the start, you were a thief, you stole my heart And I, your willing victim I let you see the parts of me that weren't all that pretty And with every touch, you fixed them Now you've been talking in your sleep Oh, oh, things you never say to me
Speaker: Oh tell me that you've had enough of our love
Speaker: Sorry, I don't understand Where all of this is coming from I thought that we were fine Oh, we had everything Your head is running wild again My dear, we still have everything And it's all in your mind Yeah, but this is heaven now You've been having real bad dreams Oh, he used to lie so close to me
Speaker: There was nothing more than everything
Speaker: Just give me a reason, just a little bit enough Just a second, we're not broken just babe Then we can learn to love again It's in the stars, it's been written in the stars of our hearts Then we're not broken just babe And we can learn to love again Just give me a reason, just a little bit enough
Speaker: It's him written in the skies on our hearts That we're not broken to fit And we can learn to love again
Speaker: Oh, a little pink with, uh, just give me a reason and we're back. Welcome back everybody. It is Monday night. Welcome to men caring for men. We got ourselves a full fucking panel hanging out tonight. You guys know me. I'm click. We got Connor with the hard err in the building. Jeff surprisingly. Wow. It's a Monday night and Jeff's here. Whoa. What the fuck? Yeah.
Speaker: I figured I'd grace you with my presence. We were just talking about your ass drooling. Oh, I know. I could I could feel it. My ears were burning. And by the way, fuck all of you. It's like a bad herpes flare up every time you show up. We've got Jerry Vichy in the building. You guys know.
Speaker: I don't know what the hell he's calling himself tonight. I guess he's a fried rice enthusiast. I don't know what the hell is going on in his career. I'm surprised. Well, he knows how to read. Did you learn that word yesterday? It was not my word of the day calendar. Thank you very much.
Speaker: You are welcome. We can't do that. We got the man Rick in the building hanging out with us. Uh, we are, we are talking about relationships and whatnot and the struggles of being in relationships and the trials and tribulations and you know, really going through the storm and hopefully coming out on the other end better for it or whether you, as a couple, you come through better or at the end of the day, you know, you go your separate ways, you know, it doesn't always work out. Unfortunately, if, uh,
Speaker: If relationships were easy, none of us would have a failed relationship story to share. Um, if you guys would like to, we would love it. If you check us out on all social media, give us a follow up, give us a share. You can find us on Facebook, Instagram X and Tik TOK. We do do the show Monday on Facebook, YouTube, and Twitch around 7 PM ish. And you can listen to us anywhere, any place, wherever you listen to podcasts at.
Speaker: Oh, it, uh, it is nonsensical nonsense podcast, uh, or at bio .link slash nonsensical nonsense. Yes. The show is called men caring for men, but it is under the nonsensical network, uh, umbrella, so to say. So we have a few different shows that you can find all right there at that location. Uh, bio link gives the following gives the sheriff and be so kind. Uh,
Speaker: you also said tribulations bravo good sir oh i got he's been he's got a kid's thesaurus on his on his i got a dictionary and a thesaurus i need to sound smart for monday nights by the way it's a k through five thesaurus don't get excited i'm impressed you know before we jump back into the conversation about relationships and stuff uh
Speaker: This is the point in the show where we would then let our co -hosts who just joined us after the break, or well, right before the break. That's where we would start to talk with them. Okay. So I can, I can check on them. I can see how their weeks go. Kind of start moving into it that way. I don't want to step on the toes of the champ.
Speaker: is it alright? Is it alright now that we got new guys on the panel, Connor? Is it alright?
Speaker: But I'll start with Brian here. So I want to start to show every week or as guys join us. I do want to start to show every week doing a little check in. Obviously, how was your week last week? How's your week going so far? I know it's only Monday, so for only one day.
Speaker: it is going splendidly well apparently beautiful cloudy I mean not cloudy it was earlier this morning but clear skies sunny at 65 degrees slight breeze perfect perfect perfect could not ask for more short sweet and to the point I hope the whole bone that you know morning just like you I'll get to you in a minute calm down sir Richard
Speaker: Are you with us? You got to mute your mic, buddy. No, you muted my mic during the music, not me. It's an host muted. It's an host muted you. So I was like, I'll just shut the fuck up. It happens automatically when we play music and play clips and stuff like that. And then it automatically unmutes when the music and everything. Apparently, it does not automatically unmute me. I had to touch the button. Well, maybe because you muted yourself.
Speaker: Maybe it's a sign. I'll turn the volume up for you to hear better.
Speaker: Yeah. So how was your week? I was your week last week. How's, how you doing, man? How's, how's life treating you? I mean, last week I had the kids all week long, so they were supposed to be with me until Wednesday and they text their mother unbeknownst to me on Tuesday and said, Hey, can we stay with dad until Friday? And that was sprung on me on Wednesday. And I'm sure that burned her ass something nasty because apparently she took Thursday and Friday off.
Speaker: and the kids were still at my house. Which is, with you talking about relationships, that is my ex -wife and it doesn't hurt my feelings that she lost out on two days hanging out with kids and two days of work at the same time due to circumstances beyond my control. So, but today, directions unclear, Dick's stuck in blenders, send help.
Speaker: It was a day. I mean, it was a day. So. And Jeffrey. Who me? I was I was I was your week last week. How I was the rest of your weekend. How is how are you doing, man? Basically, basically, I'm just checking in. You know, I want to check in on my guys. I want to check in to make sure you guys are all right. There's kind of 22 on the 26th. I
Speaker: I have nothing made in a report. Works good, life's good. 75 and sunny. That's about it. It's always 75 and sunny here. That's a shit day here. But yeah, you know, nothing major to report. In Mexico, by the way. I can't put the stage, you caught it. 75 and sunny in Mexico.
Speaker: Yeah, it was, uh, it was 70 and sunny today here in Ohio. I was going to ask you about, uh, the weather. I know you had snow the other day and I was curious. Yeah. 65 on Friday, four inches of snow on Saturday on Sunday and almost 70 today. It was gorgeous. But anyways, so we're, we're, we're, we're having a conversation that we're talking, we're talking, you know, relationships.
Speaker: Okay. Every relationship comes with the struggle comes with its difficulties. We've kind of touched on intimacy. We've kind of touched on, uh, you know, obviously sex is an important
Speaker: poor of any good relationship. You know, we kind of touched on infidelity, trust issues, keeping secrets, kind of stuff like that. And word of the day is communicate or communication. And even time anybody says it, you have to drink. So that goes for our listening audience as well. So prepare to get fucked up, everybody.
Speaker: But no, obviously that is not your mental health and being an alcoholic. I was going to say, because that is seller for your mental health. Just drink until you can't feel it. You know, obviously we all know and like I said, it's going to come up. We're going to sound like parents, but communication, communication, communication when it comes to a relationship. And I added the caveat in there that, you know, communication isn't always spoken. Sometimes it's our actions. Actions speak way louder than words at the end of the day. However,
Speaker: You know, these are these are common issues that people see in relationships. And as we kind of touch on them, just kind of going around and, you know, letting everybody kind of take a couple minutes and share anything, you know, add their two cents or share personal stuff or whatever. But, you know, I've noticed in relationships, not just not just my relationships, but in relationships in general, obviously, financial issues, money,
Speaker: lack of um lack of said money or uh Or or what can be what can be spent on what and what we can't have versus what we want Exactly That's the reason why I don't have a 3d printer right now I'm I want I want to touch on I want to touch us on them before you guys go further with the money in that relationship um Something to keep in mind that I feel like was going to be lost and I not spoke up about it. Uh the relationships
Speaker: that revolve around communication are not only love. They are the relationships with your friends, your boss, your children, especially those of us with teenage kids, knowing, you know, I just literally, and I told you about it before I sent you a quick snap. I was actually, Dr. Phil was on my TV, funny enough. He did a Rogan on the 19th. And one of the things that he just said,
Speaker: was about kids nowadays especially is when you get the chance to go out to dinner with your family or something like that have them put the phones away and he said talk to them about nothing talk to them about stuff that doesn't matter because at the end of the day opening that channel of communication about things that don't matter allows that channel to remain open when things that do matter become pressing issues and need to be discussed they need to know
Speaker: and that goes the same with your with your boss if you have that kind of like i work for a very small company my boss was a friend of mine before he was my boss and he hates when i call him boss because he's not he's like i'm a co -worker i'm a friend that's how it is um so it's not just in the romantic love life you know significant other aspect of communication with relationships you have relationships everywhere that a lot of people don't think
Speaker: they kind of take a back burner when you get into girlfriends, wives, affairs, significant others, whatever it may be for that particular person. No, exactly. We kind of made a little side note at the beginning of the show.
Speaker: Yeah, you know, as far as tonight goes, we're talking about relationships with significant others. But a lot of this conversation can be, like you just said, it can be, and I said, you know, it can be applied to, you know, friendships and family and stuff like that as well. Obviously some things aren't unless you're from Alabama or you're an Alabama fan. Then yes, you know, intimacy and, you know, stuff like that can be applied to your family relationship. Yeah. As much sex as you can with your boss.
Speaker: yes and you know i don't know where we i don't know everybody stands on this but also there may be listeners that that follow a different path but then includes your spiritual relationships too if you're a believer in god and you have a relationship with god hey you know talking to yourself is not always talking to yourself some of my best deepest conversations i've had sitting on the tailgate of my truck with a six pack by myself yeah um just having a conversation with nobody there to listen or respond
Speaker: just me talking to what at the time seemed like a beer bottle, but turned out to be a lot more the next day when I got to thinking back about it. So, you know, it's not, I don't know where everybody stands. I don't know, don't care about everybody's religious beliefs or spiritual beliefs, but there are so many aspects of the word relationship that a lot of people don't put in.
Speaker: there is something to be said about putting stuff out into the universe as well, you know, even if you don't have a relationship with a with a God per se, like putting stuff out there in the universe, just to and this is something Chris and I did the other day, just call each other up and getting shit off your chest.
Speaker: You know, the other person doesn't need to respond just like, damn, that sucks. That's it. That's all I needed to hear. That's all I wanted to hear. I just needed somebody that I can vent and not have to worry about what they say. I have literally sent text messages that have started out with, hey, I don't need you to respond, but can I bitch for a second? Yep. And they're like, absolutely. And then when I'm done, it'll be an hour and then I'll get a response and they'll say, so I thought about what you said. Can I reply now?
Speaker: And at that point, everything's kind of calmed down in my mind for whatever I was pissed off about. So then it's like, okay, I will take the constructive criticism or advice because you don't know what path somebody else may have walked. Their advice might be something you've never heard before. But when you're heated, it could just seem like the opinionated deal. And you don't want to hear it.
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: the the
Speaker: I hate when I'm listening to a live podcast and somebody comments something and then they're like, well, actually, it should be spelled this way. And it's like, shut the fuck up and just keep talking. You sound like a pretentious douche. And, you know, I want to embarrass anybody because I know I've got fat fingers and I don't always, you know, type out things or my brain thinks faster than my my fingers type. Yeah. So but.
Speaker: so funny enough prior to typing it it was your brain's interpretation of how it was spoken to you no it's not only that like fat fingers man i i type all day long and and i'd literally i'll put out a word and go to hit o and hit a nine
Speaker: So what I'm saying is prior to typing that out, and this is going to lead into something, prior to typing out the wrong there, if they would have looked at you and said a lot of geniuses talk to themselves, your brain would have processed the correct there as they verbally said it. However, now that we've reverted and not reverted, resorted to
Speaker: text messages, instant messages, emails, and technology to convey how we're feeling at the moment. I wish we would have paid more attention to grammar school. I know. Not just that, but we've gone into allowing technology in our relationships and in our everyday lives that has, since 2008 and 2009, with the drop of the smartphone, drastically changed the dynamic of every relationship you have in this world.
Speaker: Yeah, you know, now you have everything you said there's a release. Now you have the ability to be the grammar police. Prior, your brain processed it exactly the way they meant it. They just may not have smelled it, right? But it was verbalized instead of type. And that goes back to what I was saying about technology and phones and such affecting relationships. The statistics that I heard today were absolutely appalling in the steps out of the love relationship and into the friendship relationship that
Speaker: Um, 180 % of teenagers, current teenagers suffer from depression, anxiety, loneliness, or suicidal thoughts. So percentages up 180 % from 2007 to now, because kids have become more involved in watching someone else live their life than living their own lives. Agreed.
Speaker: And that goes to technology affecting your relationships. These children are lonely. They spend all this time by themselves. They don't have the friendship and the camaraderie and the relationships that we have grown up knowing so nonchalantly and taken for granted, as now they collapse in front of our faces with the introduction of more technology. And now you have AI to compete with you too, which will act in any way you want it to.
Speaker: so you can get a yes man on the other end of the phone well not only that you could like even snapchat has an ai where you can literally throw in something it'll respond back and there's there's ads all the time for like ai girlfriends and stuff like that like fuck it and i just saw i just saw a woman in in where what the fuck was she in in uh australia or something she married her ai boyfriend
Speaker: Yeah. It's taken the physicality out of any form of relationship, be it a romantic, be it a friendship, be it anything. You know, even those that have taken jobs where they work remotely from home now, you don't have the coworker relationship anymore. I bet you, I bet you, if you walked into your office and everybody else had to show up the same day, I bet you 80 % of the people that work there now, you don't even know prior to COVID or prior to going remote all the time.
Speaker: And that's, you know, that's where technology has done dramatic things to the relationship aspect of, of, of life. And to the, the mental health, like we were like, you're focusing on today, you know, like I said, I heard the statistics, 129 up, up 129 % is pre -teenage suicide, pre -teen, pre -teen suicide.
Speaker: up 129 % since the introduction of the smartphone.
Speaker: It goes to what we said Saturday night. Everybody can just get the next best thing, just that simple. It's like going to Walmart and you don't like the boyfriend you have or the girlfriend you have, you can go to Walmart and pick a brand new one off the shelf that's a little bit more your style. And when it turns out to not be, because people are ever changing and ever evolving or devolving in this case, you can go get another one. Yeah. I prefer JC Penny, but I see what you're going.
Speaker: Well, they're going out of business. So we see why you're alone. I like to be penny girls. I like hanging out with pommel on her five friends because Penny's going on business. Yeah. Right. Not exactly. You know, like I said, you know, with tonight, with tonight's obviously, you know, uh, our, our, our, our family and friend dynamics, as far as those relations go, they're suffering as well. Uh,
Speaker: you know, tonight we're focused more, like I said, on the love relationship, the relationships with your significant others and stuff like that, not to get too far off track and go too far left to Senate. But, you know, and technology, cell phones, as Rick said, yeah, I mean, that's also played a huge part in relationships, whether it's
Speaker: Uh, you know, and, and, you know, I know Rick and I have been down this road, you know, uh, relationships created online relationships, uh, with significant others, quote unquote, uh, created online and long distance relationships. I feel like there's an uptick in those, but at the same time, when you don't have the option of being to, you know,
Speaker: We're not going on to the bar like you did 20 years ago to meet each other. But you're not really getting that. But you're not really getting that. Chris is an example. Not to use Chris as an example, but it's a perfect example. Chris's last three relationships, the closest one to him was like three hours away. Well, two. So here's a tidbit for you, Jeff, that you don't know about me. My now ex -wife I met on Facebook years ago and moved from New York to Florida.
Speaker: moved, relocated across the country for her to have two children get married and then divorced five years later. But you know that there's internet relationships, you know, to touch on that, always looking for the next best thing, you know, we're not, you don't get to put the actual physical time and effort
Speaker: that you need to in a relationship when it's a long distance relationship, you know, you can literally ignore a test for text for days. Yep. Turn your red receipts off. Don't open your Snapchat or whatever. Yeah. DZ dance around it. My last three relationships prior to the one I'm in now, that's two year, two plus year strong all failed and with found out failing because of the cell phone, because of Facebook messenger, Snapchat, TikTok.
Speaker: I was found, I found out in my last three that I was being cheated on via Facebook messenger or Snapchat. Yeah. So yeah, exactly. I mean, I've been there and done that and, you know, they got, I'm not dealing with that anymore at the end of the day. When it comes to, when it comes to, and Rick mentioned, you know, being married, when it comes to getting married, I think,
Speaker: If you're ready to take that plunge and Chris, I know you're there. You want to marry your best friend. You know, you're significant. There should be someone you consider your best friend. And and I tried to marry my best friend, but every time I do, Nicki gets all pissed off, you know, you want man. I divorced you, put you in a crate and I mailed you to Mexico.
Speaker: Yes, but still my best friend. Love me, Chris. To grow a little more on what Jeff just said, I was taught growing up that you build your best relationship based off of a friendship first, because the foundation of a friendship is the firmest foundation you can build a relationship from. And I think Connor, I hope everything's all right, buddy.
Speaker: I don't know. It's the two guys who are, who, who are married on this show. I was going to ask him, uh, I guess I'll ask you Jarvis. Here we go. Do you feel like, you know, Alyssa plug your ears, I guess. Do you feel like, do you feel like, you know, you guys have been married a year. You've been together seven years. So you had six years together before you got married.
Speaker: Do you feel like you married your best friend or do you, is that, you know, Yeah. Uh, yeah. I mean, um, you know, she's got the rolling pin. Yeah. The funniest thing about it. And like, uh, Ross said, you know, to make
Speaker: no. Like Ross said, you know, it used to be, don't meet anyone online. And that's how me and my wife met through meet me or my yearbook, whatever the fuck site it's called now. And it's just, I never thought, you know, I would have won found a girl that likes video games. There's a lot of
Speaker: You know, I just well, OK, I grew up in southern Canada, also known as Minnesota. So, you know, I was surprised you found a person. Well, I do. Trust me. Trust me, Jeff. I know my life wrong. Yeah. My last relationship before I met Alyssa, she's like, you're going to die alone. And I'm like, thank God. And so that's what we translated to.
Speaker: I mean, I mean, there was like this one couple I heard arguing not too long ago and the woman said, I'm tired of you. Get out, go rotten, go to hell. And so the husband turns around and says, so you want me to stay? Let's see that right there. That was a, that was a breakdown in an argument where he was able to thwart the argument and it turned into most likely a laughing situation.
Speaker: Oh, guarantee you would hold murder. Yeah, you know, you kind of calm the situation without exactly without drama, dropping the world's most famous last words of calm down. Yeah. Oh, yes. Yeah. Somebody has been married and somebody has been with with somebody for 14 years married for well over 10.
Speaker: Never, never say calm down. You just say enhance your call. It never goes well. However, I did adopt the Ryan Reynolds thing once, and I almost died when I did it. She said, I'm so angry and I threw a blanket on her back and I said, now you're super angry. Yeah. Almost died. You need a cape to see me Superman. Oh, she was pissed. And then she laughed. But the beauty of being where somebody was so long,
Speaker: Oh, my God. I don't have to go. Yeah, that's that's that's you know, technology is great in so many ways, but it really has, you know, relationships between a man and woman or a man and a man or woman or a woman or, you know, whatever the hell your situation is. Yeah, whatever it is. That has really caused a lot of a lot of problems and issues. And it's not necessarily it is not always
Speaker: And I'm guilty of this and I have to be more mindful of this and I understand that. And I try to be, but sometimes like I tried to explain to Nikki, I don't do it on purpose. And a lot of times I don't realize that I'm doing it because whether it be ADHD or ADD or just the fact that I'm always fidgeting.
Speaker: I don't realize it. We'll be watching a movie or we watching TV and I'm paying attention. 100%. I can tell you everything that's going on. I can tell you, but I pick up my phone and I start playing a game. 352 times a day on average. Yeah. That's how many times the average person checks my phone a day. 352 times a day. I am below average then. Cause my kids steal my phone as soon as they wake up.
Speaker: Well, there's that, but I mean, so, I mean, it's not just, it's not always just, you're looking for the next best thing because I ain't doing shit. I'm playing fucking monopoly or, or you're watching prick talk, you know, YouTube.
Speaker: the the the the
Speaker: What do you say, Blake? Yeah, just it goes like the stranger. It gets so numb. Yeah, you know, you know, technology, it does create problems in relationships. And it's a huge downfall at the end of the day, because especially nowadays, Jeff, you can say whatever you want. I know you're going to try to argue this fact, but it is what it is where we are.
Speaker: we are slaves to technology, whether it be our computers or TVs or our cell phones or our video games or whatever. And also, you want to blow your mind, turn your power off for like three hours. Watch your kids' heads explode. Oh, yeah. But I mean, but also, but also, too, with social media and relationships and to quote the great Theodore Roosevelt,
Speaker: Comparison is the greatest thief of joy. So when you and your old lady, you're like, Hey, I got us a weekend in Austin. Oh, Austin. Well, Jeff and his wife enjoying a tan or, Oh, Rick and his wife, they're out there on the beach, uh, hanging out by the lake and we're going to Austin. We're going to address a few things on that.
Speaker: or better yet or better yet. I'm never getting married. Steven's making meatloaf and we're having pork chops. Yeah. I love some pork chops, man. It's that, it's that keeping up with the, uh, keeping up with the Jones's. My ex, my ex used to say this all the time. Facebook is everyone's highlight reel. You don't see
Speaker: You don't see arguments about you don't spend the hard dollars on what you don't see the hard you had you stopped at the gas station and bought a pack of cigarettes and a soda and it was $12 when you have cigarettes at the house and we have soda here. Yeah, but I ran out while I was out there. It doesn't matter. You spent $12 and we're on a tight budget. They don't see that. That's not broadcast on the interwebs for the world. That's that's a four hour argument right there, Rick. I've been there. I mean, and that's exactly what I said at the beginning of the show tonight.
Speaker: You know, uh, unfortunately, as far as relationships go, a lot of people get this mindset of all so -and -so are in a perfect relationship because we only see what they post online. Correct. Agreed. Agreed. And I think I'm guilty of that as well of, of seeing people, you know, uh, not to put anything out there, but, but I saw, you know, I saw, uh, Chris and Nikki's picture the other day, I was like, wow, they must have nothing to ever argue about.
Speaker: And then Chris called me on Wednesday and I was like, well, I guess I was wrong. So because Chris did something stupid and, you know, he breathes wrong. And that's that's that's generally they I've literally gotten trouble for breathing wrong. Yeah. So if I if I, you know, you know, when you eat cereal and God forbid your your spoon. No, not even slurping. Scraping your bowl with the spoon. She will tear your fucking head off.
Speaker: So go kind of along with what Brian said. Um, you know, you, the comparison is the thief of joy or however it was your phrase that I, my brain comparison is the biggest thief of joy. Okay. So also when you're putting your life like that on the book of faces, you are, or any social media for that matter, you are opening the door.
Speaker: For those who see what you've got and see the good parts of what you got To compare to the bad parts of what they have and to step in and try to try to get what you got now And I say that referencing click we've been friends on facebook since we were on since I was on tick tock And you still had no clue that i've been in a steady living relationship for two plus years because I refused
Speaker: to allow social media to influence my relationship by putting it all over there. That was what happened with one of my last ones. It was put on there how happy we were. One of her exes saw it, reached back out to her, simple conversation starter, hey, I'm happy for you, blah, blah, blah. Conversation moved into day two. Day four, she was cheating on me. Yeah, exactly. And that's the thing.
Speaker: Yeah, you know, you know, Nicki and I post pictures of each other. So you're saying I can send Chris a message. I'm happy for you. Absolutely. That's when you'll come back to me. Absolutely. See you in the morning.
Speaker: Yeah. Most definitely. That's why I learned that the hard way. If you're in a relationship, stay off of social media. Don't comment. Don't like. Just delete. Just delete the app off your phone. That way. No, no, no. Take the app off your phone so there's no temptation to look. But at the same time, and I'm not playing devil's advocate. I'm just putting it out there at the same time.
Speaker: Nicki and I, we post pictures of each other. I don't post a lot. I don't post a lot of TikToks of her and I. However, the people who know me, the people that follow me, they know that I have boundaries. They know I have limits. And they also know what they can and can't do. And a lot of times, if it hasn't happened since Nicki and I have been together, but in previous relationships, somebody starts to act a certain type of way. I'm like, nope, it's time for you to go.
Speaker: So you gotta learn to be able to shut it down. It's just as much on the other person, you know, an ex can slide in, but it's just as much on that person that you're with. If they don't nip it in the bud real quick right off the bat or a new person or.
Speaker: or whatever the case may be. And I gotta, you know, I'll give all my followers on social media. I gotta give you guys a huge shout out, especially the females. You know, thank you guys for being respectful when I'm in a relationship. Not when I'm not in a relationship. You know, do they act a certain type of way? Yeah, damn right they do. But yeah, look at us on TikTok when we used to be single on TikTok.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly. I mean, you just said about removing it from your phone and all that, that line you just towed right there is about that thick, bro. Because if you just disappear from social media, and I did this, I did this in, in probably the most toxic relationship that I was ever involved in that literally led me to having to break myself down.
Speaker: to build the other person up because I could not get rid of her. Every time I threatened to throw her out, she would literally threaten to off herself in front of my children. Like it was this, this, I was literally trapped for 18 months of this relationship. So I disappeared from social media and every single person that I had before I left was not there when I came back because they all figured I left due to being controlled.
Speaker: Due to being under control and being told I couldn't do this and I couldn't do that So it's a very very thin line that you have to be you can have it but you have to be grown and mature enough to know how to set those boundaries and Police yourself. Yes. Yeah, I had to do with my snapchat I you know, I had to remove a shit ton of people off my snapchat when I got a new relationship because I
Speaker: people didn't respect it. And I was refusing to allow them to overstep that boundary. If you can't show me the respect, then I don't, if that's what you're willing to disrespect me about, what else are you willing to be disrespectful to me about? Exactly. But, but also, but also to your point, you know, like you said, you know, you and I, I mean, like right now, I don't know how long it's been going on.
Speaker: you know, Rick and I, we talk almost every day even if it's something stupid like, yeah, **** it. Goddamn, it's pouring down rain down there where he's at and he's got to drive through a **** like what we talk every day. We used to be like that before in the past and then he just kind of fell off and I'm like, well, apparently I **** and Rick's Wheatie. So, I guess I'll chock another one up to, you know, you know, being mad at me for whatever reason and then all of a
Speaker: pop back up and we started. And then he was like, Oh yeah, by the way, this is even after a month or two of us talking. I'm like, Oh, well, I explained everything. I told you the reason that I had to step away was because there was an outside influence on your side that you were getting. What was that white girl? Whatever you called it with female.
Speaker: Yeah, you were in single white females and I know that I know that my name because when he tried to single white female me, my name was being drug through the mud. I don't have time to sit and defend myself. I have better things to do in my life than defend myself from somebody on the Internet who's trying to drag my name through the mud. A lot bigger, better and better have tried and have failed miserably. So I just stepped the fuck back and was like, you know what? I don't I don't need to put that effort into that. I have other things to focus on.
Speaker: You can ask Jeff. I don't give a **** people don't like me. I'm like, okay, whatever. I'm just like, but what I'm saying is I know that my name was being drug to the mud. Oh, yeah. Well, I know. Yeah. Like I know my name and I know this show and I know my other shows and I know people who associate with with me because of this show where we're being drug. I don't have time for it. I'm not going to. Will I make fun of them? Hell yeah. I'll make fun of them all day long. I'm not sure myself. I'm not going to. I'm not going to sit here and and and and and let you put me on a stand and try to
Speaker: you know, persecute me or anything else, do what you're going to do. I'm going to make fun of you and I'm going to have a laugh at it because at the end of the day, you know, there's an old saying, what's done in the world will always come out in the light.
Speaker: But to digress back to the relationships, who's to say if I didn't have that relationship, put in my relationship that I'm currently in on TikTok, who's to say that the person that single white female us wasn't going to stick their nose into the relationship that I'm in right now and drag my name and my past prior life or my past prior two years into that situation and put me in a spot where, like I said a while ago, people change, people evolve, people grow.
Speaker: And it, you know, oftentimes for the better, sometimes it's not, but you know, the person that I was, I'll say three years ago, four, three, four years ago, when I met you Glick is not the person that I am today. Not by any stretch of the imagination. None of us are. I mean, I've known Brian for, for, I don't know, about a year, year and a half, something like that. Now, maybe two years. Brian's not the same guy that I met two years ago, you know, live streaming.
Speaker: You know, Jeff is sure as hell, not the same guy that I met 25, almost 26 years ago. You know, Jeff is not that guy anymore. Hell, just not the guy that he was three years ago when we started this podcast at the end of the day. I feel like, I feel like Jarvis has always been a sweat pants under the blanket kind of kid. So he's probably the same kid he was when he was four. As he sits there under a blanket, like a little girl.
Speaker: If I see that blanket start bouncing, I got to go. Oh, don't worry, Jeff. It's all because of the Ponzi scheme, buddy. Yeah, you know, I had I had that issue with with social media, you know, not too long ago with the previous acts where, you know, it almost kind of tiptoed into that line of of controlling because, you know, even doing this show and, you know, we used to have a lot more
Speaker: female listeners and they would be in the chat and stuff like that and just because they would conversate with the show and Engage with the show after the show. I was spending an hour or two hours explaining myself like I Don't fucking know like why why am I why am I getting a third degree here? Why am I getting interrogated? I
Speaker: When I host a fucking podcast, I do a fucking live podcast. I have no control who comes in, who doesn't come in, who engages. And to the point where, uh, and it hurt to show because I, during that time I was like, I'm just, I'm not going to, I'm not going to be on social media because I'm not going to subject myself to this. I'm not even going to promote the show because I'm not going to, I'm not going to, uh, you know, subject myself to the constant interrogation. Meanwhile, you know, the same person was.
Speaker: all over social media, following all these weird guys and liking all their shit on it. And it's just like, all I'm doing is hosting a podcast and interacting with our followers, with our viewers. I'm not following or allowing these people to follow me with a private account and not knowing what's going on. So it was just like one of those things where it was like, all right,
Speaker: but that goes back to even when we were used to live stream on our on tiktok you know how many times did somebody that that followed us and was religiously around in our lives you know get angry or butt hurt and we would catch messages on the side because we were having an attentive conversation with somebody else in that particular
Speaker: It used to be a daily occurrence with me and that was why I had to keep my tablet right next to me while I was on my phone because I had to answer the influx of messages of why are you ignoring me? Why aren't you paying attention to me? Well, I'm entertaining. There's 31 people in here right now that I'm trying to have conversations with.
Speaker: And you want to think that because I was talking to you the most two lives ago, that you're going to hold my attention through everything. Like that's not how, how that goes. And if you were chasing something more than just being in my life and even considered the thought of trying to pursue any sort of a relationship down the road with me, this is not a great start for you on your end, you know? Yeah, exactly. And that's the thing. I mean, I get it.
Speaker: that that is you know social media and technology it really does it plays such a huge part in our in our relationships and and you know day -to -day lives and whatnot but it especially affects our relationships and we have to and that's what I said you know shout out to the followers and shout out to to my personal followers and stuff like that in particular because I made it very clear a long time ago
Speaker: This is who you get. If I'm single, it's another story. But in order for you to even still be a part of anything I'm doing, you got to be respectful. You got to you got to respect my boundaries because if you can't, I'll get rid of you because I don't know you like that. I don't know you like that. I don't owe you shit. At the end of the day, you're not going to you're not going to interfere with with my relationship. What are the three F's about it? You're not feeding me, financing me or fucking me so you don't get to say.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly. But also at the same time, like I said, it is a two way street, unfortunately. And it's just as much on your partner to do the same for you because you know, if they're on social media, I have a balance to be 100%. But not only social media and Jarvis, I know you're getting Jarvis, get ready. Cause I know he's going to speak on this. Not only social media causing problems in your relationships, but real life, friends,
Speaker: in -laws, family. I know my ex -wife, the beginning of our relationship.
Speaker: My in -laws, they could not stand me. They did not like me. I was, I was poor white trash. I couldn't do this. I couldn't do that. I wasn't. You just a little bit less poor than you was. I got a little bit more money. So I'm not like poor, poor, you know, a little less poor than you was, but you still like trash.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm still white, but it took many fucking years for me to get them to accept me and for them to stop fucking meddling in my relationship and in my marriage and get to the point where uh I finally stood up for myself and I put my fucking foot nobody liked it at first but then they realized like You know you you you've you've portrayed me as this image that i'm not at the end of the day and even to the point where when my ex -wife and I
Speaker: Were or splitting up and whatnot the initial story that they were told I was put back into that that shit place again to where At that point I was so broken and so fucked up that I just didn't care I was like look at the end of the day. She left me I don't I don't care what you fucking people think I don't give a damn what you fucking people say Because again, as I said earlier what's done in the dark will come out in the light and
Speaker: and when the truth actually started to come out they had to come apologize to me. There's some instances where you do have to listen to it though because like in my case with that crazy with the with the real toxic one that I was in and we'll just reference that one is M. When I was with M my entire family saw it different and was trying the entire time
Speaker: to tell me, hey, this is wrong. This is not how this should be. You're not doing what you should be doing. That's not how a relationship works. And I was so trapped and torn in what was right and what was wrong that at the end of the day, looking at it now, I made the wrong decision and I cut my family off. And when it was all said, none, they were the only ones still there for me.
Speaker: It's a slippery slope at the end. It is. It's like balancing on the tip of a rooftop. You have to hear all sides, but you only have to listen to certain parts. But that's where you have to take it for what it is at face value and read into it however you so choose. And the fact that Glick said that you would be chiming in on speculating that you've had a very similar situation with
Speaker: I'm going to speculate your significant other's family sticking their nose where it didn't belong. Oh, more than one time. But at the end of the day, it's like, I finally just told her mother, I'm like, hey, we're both fucking adults. Yeah, but it's the same thing. She had to do that.
Speaker: Well, yeah, I honestly, to be honest, well, yeah, but to be honest, like I've Glick asked me about it a couple of times and I just I finally had to say a week before I married my wife. I said, OK, here's the thing. Kathy, which is my mother in law's name, I said, you're not going to run my fucking life.
Speaker: Yeah, I said, I hate to break it to you. But I said, I'm gonna do things that are gonna piss you off. I said, I know you don't like that I do my podcast. But I said, it's my fucking business. If I make sure that your daughter does not want I make sure that your daughter, you know, is okay. I've never sent Alyssa home crying or with a black eye or anything. Um,
Speaker: And I just told Kathy, I said, you need to back off and let us live our life. And I said, if, if we need your help, give us advice. But I said, until then I said, I don't want to hear it because I had been dealing with it for, and I'm still am, but at the same time, like Rick said, you know, you just pick the parts you want to hear. No, no, no, no, no. And so I was just about to correct that statement and then you said it for me. So it led him perfectly. You hear everything.
Speaker: You listen to what you need to. Yeah. So in my head, it's like my my mother -in -law is telling my me right in front of my wife how much of a bad guy I am. But my head, I'm making it sound like I'm the greatest guy she's and I've been the only guy she's ever been with. You know, and Brian is really low. Brian, you said I reached.
Speaker: Brian, you touched on dating, you know, and I know Glick said Saturday night that you basically, you know, it appears you've basically written it off at this point. And it's kind of like, you know, I get what you're, I get why you could be where you are. Because I said, you know, up until two years ago, I was in that dating pool and I've always likened it to a 400 pound fat man with a mustard stained wife beater standing on the edge of the deep end, pissing right in front of the jet that goes into the pool.
Speaker: Mean I mean most terrible. Yeah. No, I mean like I I'm pretty much open -minded and I know that we you know on both sides like everybody's gone through everything I'm just at that point of my life where I just don't want any headache and the fact that I don't want And I understand you know for everybody to be compatible I mean You got a
Speaker: I mean, it's a it's a it's a give and take I get that But I'm just at the point of like if you're gonna get pipe it mad Off the little minute miniscule thing. I I'm I'm just gonna I'm gonna shut it down but like nope I'm out I mean, I mean but but I mean it's just it's just like I I could I could bend but I won't break I mean
Speaker: And then I can negotiate, I can, I can either make always things you have to compromise on the relationship or relationship works. And I know like what the whole social media, what I was going to get at with the social media is like, it's a double -edged sword because I would have to, to y 'all's point, like I would have to police myself because there's like a lot of, like when I had Facebook and I was like, with my last relationship that I had, there was like women on there who I've known for years before I met her.
Speaker: I just put a like and I just comment. I'm like, oh that looks really cool on you and because I said that I Never heard the end of it So now that's I'm like man. So then I told my best friend about he goes. Yeah, he was you just don't do nothing You just look it's keep scrolling. You can look at the menu, but don't order nothing arrest Yeah, and then and then another relationship years before that This was when I realized that
Speaker: she's like pretty much was bipolar because everything was sugar coated but then and then when we became official then it was like the true colors start coming out so if we had like a slight if i told her no on something like hey i'm not cool with that she would put me on blast on facebook and we have and we have like a lot of yeah we have like a lot of mutual friends that we went to high school with or we used to work with so when she's putting me on blast
Speaker: And the thing was, she goes, yeah. So now you're looking at it as an asshole. And I'm going, and I'm looking at the comments because we're shared because it was like, oh, Brian's in a relationship with Kelly. And then on Kelly's face, she's in a relationship with Brian. But when people know, and people that know me very well, they'll look at her and be like,
Speaker: You're psychotic. They're like, they're like. You had a classic textbook narcissist on your hands. Yeah. From a psych major in school, you had a textbook narcissist on your hands. Yeah. And the thing was, and like any little thing, like if we had a slight disagreement, oh, it was like a dear diary. And one time we were sitting and then, and that's why I was saying like, because of all what I've been through, that's why I'm at the point of like,
Speaker: Don't have time for that shit But um, but yeah, we were we were sitting one time we were sitting on the couch We're at her apartment and we're watching something cuz she's always like watching e and all that Hollywood celebrity bullshit And she saw this one guy and yeah, he's a attractive guy. She was like, oh my god, damn I wouldn't mind having a baby with him
Speaker: And I'm like, I'm like right there, like shoulder to shoulder with her. And then all of a sudden there was like another girl down there and I'm just like, Oh, that's a nice outfit. And then she comes out, she goes, we'll watch you go sleep with her then, huh? You little, you're like, that's what you like to do with men like you. Y 'all like to cheat and all this other shit. And I'm like, wait, what? She's like, well, I mean, that's the other, that's the other aspect of, of, of dealing with social media and, and, and Rick,
Speaker: And I want to touch on that when we come back, but I also want to touch on what Rick said, but we do got to take a break real quick, uh, you know, with the narcissistic stuff. So we're going to take a right quick break. Uh, and we'll come back and we'll kind of pick up where we left off. Unfortunately these breaks in there, I got to get better getting these breaks in and shouting out our sponsors. Um, are we doing liquid IV this time?
Speaker: We take we take two breaks and then a closing and then a closing I got three sponsors right now So it's not hard to flip a coin and figure out who I'm gonna but yeah Who pays better? Yeah You know
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Speaker: And one little pack of the liquid IV and 16 ounces of water is going to hydrate you two times faster than water alone. Not to mention the fact that they got three times the electrolytes, those leading sports during. And they've got five essential vitamins in there. So, I mean, what's, what's not to love about it? What's not to believe that they're going to take care of you and.
Speaker: Not only that, but you know, a lot of times you see these companies and they're like, Oh, they only got one or two flavors to choose from. You don't really have many options. Look at, I've, he's got 16 flavors to choose from. You're going to find something you're like, I guarantee that, you know, I, I like, uh, the, uh, the, uh, the cherry, the golden Sherry is one of my favorites. Watermelon is a good one.
Speaker: Um, I'm partial to the strawberry. Honestly, I like strawberry. I like the very, and you have to say it like that. No, it's not a guy. Yeah. No, it's outside. Uh, you got to say it just like that, but they've also got a sugar free option for you as well. And there's an option for the kids. There's got five fun flavors for the kids as well. So they're going to get everybody in the house taken care of, make sure everybody's properly hydrated and all that fun jazz.
Speaker: Real people, real flavor, real hydrating. However, liquidiv .com, use our promo code words are hard. You want to save 20 % off your entire order. When you shop better hydration today at liquidiv .com, use promo code words are hard. Get that 20 % discount. Next song here I got is John Legend. It's ordinary people. And he wrote this song about his parents. His parents got divorced. And then 10 years later, they reconnected.
Speaker: They were healed. They were in a better place. And he wrote this song for them. And I purposely picked the lyrics for all these songs tonight because not only do I want you guys to listen to them, but I'd also like you guys to see the lyrics and see the words because sometimes you listen to a song and you don't really understand or listen to the lyrics. So if you're watching, go ahead and check out and listen to the lyrics. But I mean, at the end of the day, we're all just
Speaker: ordinary people just trying to survive and just trying to make it and make relationships work. So we'll try and legend ordinary people and we'll be back here in just a few minutes.
Speaker: girl I'm in love with you this ain't the honeymoon past the infatuation phase right in the thick of love at times we get sick of love it seems like we argue every day I know I misbehaved and you made your mistakes and we both still got room left to grow
Speaker: And though love sometimes hurts I still put you first And we'll make this thing work But I think we should take it slow We're just ordinary people We don't know which way to go Cause we're ordinary people
Speaker: Maybe we should take it slow, take it slow This time we'll take it slow, take it slow This time we'll take it slow
Speaker: This ain't a movie, no, no fairy tale conclusion, y 'all. It gets more confusing every day. Sometimes it's heaven -sent, then we head back to hell again. We kiss, then we make up on the way. I hang up, you call, we rise, and we fall, and we feel like just walking away.
Speaker: As all of advances we take second chances Though it's not a fantasy I still want you to stay We're just ordinary people We don't know which way to go
Speaker: We should take it slow, take it slow This time we'll take it slow, take it slow This time we'll take it slow, take it slow Maybe we'll live and learn
Speaker: Maybe we'll crash and burn Maybe you'll stay, maybe you'll leave Maybe you'll return Maybe another fight Maybe we won't survive Maybe we'll grow, we'll never know Baby, you and I, we're just ordinary people We don't know which way to go
Speaker: Maybe we should take it slow Hey, we're just ordinary people We don't know which way to go Cause we're ordinary people Maybe we should take it slow, take it slow
Speaker: This time we'll take it slow Take it slow This time we'll take it slow Take it slow, slow This time we'll take it slow Take it slow
Speaker: This time will take it slow. And sir, a little John legend words, which you can live by right there to you. And he said it about 47 times, take it slow, take it slow. And I think that's what things, you know, sometimes relationships don't always work out. Sometimes relationships don't, don't work out because
Speaker: as I've said before, and this is again, a phrase you guys might hear me say a lot, especially when it comes to the show, everything happens for a reason in life and everything happens according to whatever plan, whatever you believe in, there's a plan and everything happens. And sometimes relationships don't work out because they weren't meant to be at that moment in time. Sometimes you get a second chance and that's when it's meant to be, when it's meant to work out. But it's kind of what that song is about. You know, like I said, in John Legend's parents were divorced,
Speaker: And then after about 10 years or so, they got back together and they're happy and they're in a healthy relationship and whatnot like that. That's, you know, at the end of the day. So like I said, take it slow, take a couple of deep breaths at the end of the day. That's just in life in general. Anywho, welcome back to men caring for men in mental health show because men's mental health matters. I care about you, Blake.
Speaker: I care about you, Ray. I care about your hydration. So I'm glad you do that. Liquid IV is whether you're having makeup sex or you've done fucked off so bad you're fucking yourself. This hydration and masturbation go together. Liquid IV is where it's at. I don't think that's going to fly as a good ad, but I like that.
Speaker: Bring that up the next staff meeting So I got a touch back is it well I said here in silence because I didn't touch it to let music play I said For a few minutes with a little culture wall in the background. Um Because nothing will get you more in your head than some good old old sounding country songs that really Make you rethink about relationships because that kind of stuff's in there Got you covered when it comes to country
Speaker: Yeah. So I got all this discovered tonight. So it's, you know, we, we just sat and kind of dog down social media a little bit. Give me one second, Rick, before you go, before you go into that, just let me get this introduction. Yeah. Um, but anyways, like I said, welcome back to, uh, men Karen from in. It's a new Monday night men's mental health show hosted by yours truly Glick panel changes up. But for the most part, uh, you know, you're going to see some familiar faces. You're going to see some new faces.
Speaker: Uh, we do have Jarvis in the building, one of my co -hosts, and Jera V. She, uh, Brian's in the building, one of my co -hosts. Carter was here earlier. He had to dip out. Uh, hopefully everything's all right with him and, and his world. And then tonight we have Jordan, the panel, uh, not necessarily a new face, but you know, a new face for this show. Uh, Jeff, who's a co -host of nonsensical nonsense with me and, uh, and host of, uh,
Speaker: penny and dime make 11 cents. So jealous. I'm not jealous. I just don't care for the name of your goddamn show. It's 1000 cents podcast.
Speaker: He's not that awkward. He always gets changed back. Yeah. Plus, at the end of the day, you ever think maybe I'm throwing you up a softball so that you can promote your own goddamn show so I don't have to do that. I was planning on it but you know, I don't want to interrupt because it's my show and I do everything. Yeah, well, this is true. Facts on facts. And then, I do face on the panel tonight, you know, for the men's, you know, men caring for men. A very good friend of mine, Rick, hanging out with us chit -chat and talking about, you know, we're talking about relationships tonight.
Speaker: And if you'd like to show, if you like what we're doing, we encourage you guys to check us out on all social media. Give us that subscribe button and you get all your notifications, uh, Facebook, Instagram X and tick tock. We do the show live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturday, or wait, what the fuck am I talking about? Mondays. Sorry. Mondays at 7 PM ish. I was in nonsensical nonsense mode. I'm not used to you being here on Monday. I forgot what day it was.
Speaker: Uh, seven PM on you, uh, Facebook, YouTube, and Twitch. We are live. If you miss this live or whatever the case may be, you can't listen to us anywhere, any place where we listen to podcasts at it's all under the nonsensical network. So if you look up nonsensical nonsense podcast, you're going to find the shows, or you can head on over to bio .link slash nonsensical nonsense. All those links are going to be there.
Speaker: and you're going to find all the shows, whether it's been caring for men, nonsensical nonsense, dollars and cents, clicks house of music, or maybe new shows in the works coming down the pipe. Anywho, welcome back to the show. Hopefully you guys are enjoying everything. Rick, what were you going to say about social media? Sorry, I just wanted to get that. So, and I know this is more so for you and I, you and I, I can speak for, I don't know about the other gentlemen in here and I use that term loosely. Um,
Speaker: The aspect of social media and dating and relationships, you know, we've had you and I have both experienced multiple failed social media relationships that started from social media. However, the current relationship that I'm in, which is by far the best one that I've ever had in my life, and that goes beyond, you know, any shadow of a doubt.
Speaker: um and no she's not standing right over my shoulder while I'm saying this I'm in the garage just for those who are thinking. I don't know we can only see so much standing like this right the rolling bid right now no no no so so that one that one actually started uh via TikTok also and it uh excelled and took off at an unbelievably rapid pace
Speaker: to the point where I was dumbfounded and terrified because I had swore up and down after my last one that the next one was going to be as slow as snail sex, ultimately. And it didn't. It took off like a rocket ship. And, you know, here I am two and a half, two plus years into it with a living relationship.
Speaker: and you know you said the word of the night is communicate and that is one of the biggest reasons why we've had the success that we have because we talk we communicate with each other you know something happens we talk about it something's going on we talk about it something needs to be said we talk about it
Speaker: And more often times than not it's shortcomings on my behalf because I get caught up in that everyday hustle and bustle of life and running around and doing this and doing that or even selfishly taking time to myself.
Speaker: you know and neglecting my duties and my half of the relationship you know so we communicate about it we talk about things and we address things that need to be addressed and we know where each other stands you know with with 99 % of the aspects that we have in our relationship so to go with your word of the night being communicate in order for it to any relationship to be healthy be it any one you have friends family you know religion work whatever
Speaker: especially your romantic one, the communication aspect is incredibly important. You have to take time for each other to just sit and talk sometimes. No, exactly. And I'm guilty of that. Actually, both Nikki and I are guilty of that. And
Speaker: you know, as our speed wagon once said, ride the storm out. We're currently, you know, to be brutally honest with you guys and not go into too much detail because, you know, that's neither here nor there, but we're currently riding the storm. We're in the middle of a storm right now and it has a lot to do with, you know, past, past relationship issues, past trauma. If you want to say that neither one of us are the greatest at communication. We try to be, but at the end of the day, we're not. Uh, and, and, and, and, and, and I've also had to come to realize that, you know, the last,
Speaker: couple months, couple few months. Um, I've been dealing with a couple of things and some issues and, and whatnot. Uh, me personally, me personally, just getting inside my head and everything like that. I have realized that I've become incredibly selfish, especially when it comes to doing these shows and stuff like that. And, and you know, because this is my escape, this is, this is where I can get away from everything. So, you know, we kind of had that.
Speaker: Not necessarily come to Jesus moment, but we had to break down and have finally have the tough conversation. And, you know, I feel like for me and I hopefully for her, you know, um, a huge weight was lifted off of our shoulders or off of our chest. But yeah, I mean, you know, I think it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a learned behavior at the end of the day.
Speaker: you know with with communication plus it's it's just it's as we say all the time on this show it's in our DNA we it's well it for guys it's a default setting yeah as our as men it's in our DNA it's we can't help it we bottle things up we hold things up and we try to push through until it gets to a point where we can't and actually
Speaker: I was trying to, I was trying, I've been trying to sneak this in all night. Uh, and this is actually really good. Uh, this is another Chris rock segment from, from that, that special that he did. And he was talking about relationships. So if you guys will allow me, um, this is, this is just basically, you know, you gotta be on the same page, man. You, you, you really do have to be on the same page and have that communication and have that understanding and have that conversation.
Speaker: Relationships at the end of the day, and I'm gonna speak more on this, relationships are not in any way, shape and or form 50 -50. If you think you're living in a 50 -50 relationship, it's bound to fail because it's not at the end of the day. I'm gonna let Chris Rock speak real quick, and then we'll come right back. Oh, relationships are tough. Really not. Really tough when one person's working on it. Two people can move a couch real easy.
Speaker: one person can't move it at all you in a relationship rule one stop competing her success is your success and your success is her success number two there is no equality in a relationship
Speaker: You're both there to serve. You are in the service industry, okay? You're in a band. And when you're in a band, you have roles that you play in the band. Sometimes you sing lead, and sometimes you own tambourine. And if you're on tambourine, play it right. Play it with a fucking smile. Because nobody wants to see a bad tambourine.
Speaker: It was funny that that popped up today today of all days that popped up on my snapchat memories today of all days. It was funny that that popped up, but he's 100 % right and I've said it before not necessarily on this show, but I've said it before in other conversations on nonsensical nonsense and stuff like that because I mean, let's be honest nonsensical nonsense was kind of the the the the mother of this show at the end of the day because we do have our serious moments and we do have our serious conversations a lot of times.
Speaker: They did have it on Monday, but relationships are not equal. That's not 50 50 at the end of the day. And it does have to be a two way street. However, but some days I got 10%. And, and she's going to have to grab that 90 % or vice versa, or I got the 90 % and she's only got to 10%. And, you know, I've said it before, and I realized that.
Speaker: I'm not always practicing what I preach it when it comes at the end of the day. Do I always, do I always make sure to pick up and grab the slack? Absolutely. But that's, I think that's where a lot of people get into problems in their relationship is that they start competing with each other. Like Chris Rock said, stop fucking competing with one another. It's not a one -upsmanship. You know, Oh, you did the dishes. Oh, you did the dishes. Well, I cleaned the living room and took the trash out and I cleaned the bathroom. How do you like that?
Speaker: Well, it's not it's not only that. One of the things that that I struggle with is when my my wife and I fight. It for me, it's a I must win this fucking thing. And in the beginning. In the beginning, that's how it was. It was it was I must win this fight. I must be right. And now it's gotten to the point where like, why the fuck are we fighting again? I forgot my bad.
Speaker: Yeah, that's right. I'm always going to be around for the hydration for the makeup sex. You know, I mix it with Dubby so I can go all night. You know what I'm saying? There you go. There you go. Nice. No, and I've always been I'm always I'm always the first to apologize. You know, at the end of the day,
Speaker: It's just been like that in every relationship I've been in I you know I've always been the type of person to be the first to apologize at the end of the day because also you know And especially now I just I don't want to fucking fight and fuss and argue and can you know like I don't want three days from now us to be mad at each other for some dumb shit, you know or or something like that, so let's just
Speaker: of the
Speaker: You have to stay up all night to have a conversation. You know, you got to get up fucking 6 a .m. It's 5 already. You're still arguing over something stupid. You got to do it. Yeah, it's going to fucking suck. And tomorrow is going to suck, too, because now you haven't slept. But if it's worth it, I mean, like the wife and I had an argument the other day. I don't remember what the fuck it was.
Speaker: But we got done with the fight and she came over and apologized. I was still pissed. And she's like, why are you so mad? I said, you won that fight. She's like, no, neither one of us won. We both got it off our chest. It's over. And after about 20 minutes, I finally calmed down. I was like, you know what? You're right. I was being an asshole. My bad. She's like, no, you had a point. I had my points. It's squashed. But
Speaker: Being able to, you cannot, in a relationship with a significant other, you cannot be afraid to be vulnerable. That is especially in an argument. And you can't be afraid to be wrong either. Well, you're 90 % of the time when you're arguing with a woman, you're wrong. Don't kid yourself. But... Chris and I have had the same argument four or five times, and we're both willing to die on that hill.
Speaker: You have to be willing to die on every hill when it's a significant other. And once you learn that, life gets so much fucking easier. And to go with your point of don't ever go to bed mad at each other, it's more of a, if you allow that problem to go to bed festering and mad, when you wake up the next day, you start that day with that same problem already looming over your head.
Speaker: Yeah. And you've had time to think about it and you've had time and you've reloaded your ammunition on it. Oh, yeah. You're just loading the clip. Yeah, you know, look at me fucking wrong and I will unload this motherfucker on. Yeah, exactly. That's that's been my like my my my mindset, my life like. I'm not I'm not going to like we're not just going to go to bed pissed off. We're not going to hang up on the phone by each other. I want to fucking continue this conversation.
Speaker: It's also unfortunately bit me in the ass more times than I can count because then usually the problems escalate to even be, create more problems and more of a headache down the road at the end of the day. But that's just my mindset. Like why, why, why are we going to go? Why are we just going to walk away, Matt?
Speaker: That's where the other C word comes into play though. Compromise. You got it. And I don't know where you were going with it, but I'm going with compromise. You have to be willing to understand. And like I said, you're not always right, but they're not always right. You know, you have to reach that middle ground where
Speaker: part of what you say may be right and part of what they say may be right so you have to put it together and formulate that middle ground and sometimes you just have to agree to disagree on things you know you're not always going to see eye to eye on every single thing any relationship that doesn't have a disagreement or an argument
Speaker: or the occasional raised tone or even the sarcastic tone. It's a relationship built on fallacy ultimately because you're just one of you or both of you is bowing down to the other on a regular basis to avoid the argument, which those problems will then fester and boil over and it becomes an even bigger situation when it happens.
Speaker: And you find yourself in the kitchen at three o 'clock in the morning making baked potatoes, motherfucking everybody in the goddamn house. For me, it was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but either way, you got wrong, though. You know, but I'm also not mad at it because, you know, the beauty of like a mashed potatoes, you can beat it up. You just don't. Yeah. Well, yeah, I was watching. You know, I'm watching them in the microwave and I'm just motherfucking everybody because
Speaker: I think somebody in the end of it is like, you know, you, you, you, you utter those, those, uh, those, those three, uh, those three words that all just obliterate anybody around you and in your mindset, 100%. And I, you know, uh, I'm not going to say those words, but, uh, you know, the, the, the, the letters are BOD.
Speaker: you know, and then you, then you get messages the next day from your friends and they're like, yo, you okay? Like what's going on, bro? Like the hell are you doing? It's, it's four o 'clock in the morning and you're on Tik TOK or Snapchat or, you know, whatever the case may be. But, um, you know, that's, and that's because you're not getting, you're not, you're, you're not getting your point across. You're not, you're not.
Speaker: saying the things that need to be said in the right context or in the right situation. And if they are, I've used the term a lot of times. Pressure cooker. Oh, yeah. That's messed up. A lot of things. I had to laugh at that. I just saw that one. And I was like, oh, that's pretty good. Relationships are much like algebra. Have you ever looked at your exit?
Speaker: Every time every day Yes, yes, and yes and just in case we don't understand yes The answer the answer to that is usually is usually because I was horny, but okay Yeah, I mean and a lot of times in relationships and I'm gonna this is gonna be two birds one stone real quick Because Rick touched on it earlier
Speaker: and Brian was talking about the social media aspect of it. When you're dealing with a narcissist, a narcissist, you know, words are hard. You know, Brian said earlier, you know, he had an ex that would go on social media and and just just just fucking put him on blast. Yeah. You know, put him on blast, drag him through the mud, everything else. I had an ex after we broke up and like she's all over social media just
Speaker: fucking shitting all over me, saying all this crazy stuff. And we had a lot of mutual friends. And mind you, those friends that were mutual, they only were friends with her because of me. And a lot of them only stuck around long enough after the relationship to see what was going to happen. And they were they were telling me like this. And I'm like, you know, it's it's it's her narrative. It's her story.
Speaker: Let her tell it however she wants to tell it. I don't give a fucking Jeff can attest to this. I had a podcast. I have this podcast. I have, I have a microphone. I have a pedestal, a platform, whatever you want to call it, where I could have come on here and then buried him and shared my truth and shared my story. And, you know, like they say, there's always three sides to the story, her side by side in the truth.
Speaker: Well, here's my thing, though. Anybody, anybody that's that's going on to social media or going out and talking shit about a relationship, whether where it went bad or what isn't that just them looking for validation? Yeah, exactly. Very much victimized. Narcissists are the worst. Yeah. You know, it's like, like if
Speaker: For example, if my wife and I divorced tomorrow, nobody'd know for like 10 years. I just wasn't. Nobody knew that. I didn't even know you had a wife. I didn't think cartel members were allowed to get married. Well, he's not a cartel. He's a pal cheapo. Nobody knew that my ex -wife and I split. All we did, we didn't tell anybody. We didn't say anything to anybody. We kept it very private for a long time.
Speaker: Uh, all we did is, is take our relationship status on Facebook and make it private. We didn't go out there and put it out to the world, but my, you know, this, this exit, I didn't say anything. I told the guys multiple times on the show, Jeff and Tony and Mike, I said, look, well,
Speaker: It's, it's off limits. I know you guys want to say what you want to say. You can tell me, you can say it behind the scenes. We're not doing it on the show. And I, and I, and I stayed that way until we were having a conversation on the show that nothing to do with her, but I knew she was still watching and she felt the need to text me and start running her mouth. And instead of responding to her, we looked at the camera and did it. I told the guys, give me a minute. And for 45 minutes,
Speaker: And Jeff and Tony said they're going, oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. It's one of those awkward moments where you're just like, ooh. That just slapped mom at the kitchen table. Jesus Christ. I went in for 45 minutes. And then after the show, Jeff was like, even though it was awkward for him, and you could see the awkwardness in him and Tony, but after the show, he was like, I've been waiting for that.
Speaker: I've been waiting for that. I've been waiting for it since I met the bitch. He was waiting for it and he was like, and she deserved it, so don't feel bad about it in the morning. And I was like, I ain't feeling bad about fucking shit. No, but the thing is, is you and I do the same thing. We have a tendency to not say what we want to say in the moment, but then when we do finally say it,
Speaker: We sit there and go. Well, you know, regardless of how things went, regardless of how the situation ended, I didn't want I didn't. Hey, I didn't want to. I was still protecting her for whatever stupid reason, and I had every right in the world not to agree. Well, I didn't want to shit on her, but at the same time, I didn't want to make myself look fucking stupid like she was doing all over social media, looking like an asshole.
Speaker: running your mouth about somebody when just the day before you were talking about how in love you are and how great this person, this person is and how happy you are since they came into your life and blah, blah, blah. So it was just like, I'm not going to say or do anything. It is what it is. It didn't work out. I ignored a lot of red flags in that relationship. And I think a lot of people do do this and they ignore the initial red flags. They don't pay attention to them.
Speaker: and then once my eyes are open, I was like, god damn, I should have, I spent three years, almost three years on this relationship. Yeah, exactly. I'm calling blindness luck, bro. I call it the horse blinders. It's exactly what it is. You know, I, I, you know, a year and a half of a friendship and building a relationship and and grow it, you know, growing what I thought was going to be something good and then another year, almost year and a half or whatever of being together and everything like that, just to
Speaker: let it all be thrown away because of a cup of coffee. Yeah. It didn't do the day. I mean, that's because I was, I was eight hours away and apparently it's weird how that happens, but then you find out while like, wow, holy shit. So I'm, you know, not only now, now you're narcissistic tendencies are coming out and you see this in relationships on both sides of the fence. You know, when they deal with narcissists, you know, they, they, they,
Speaker: They wear you down and they beat you down. And then every time, like you said, Rick, you know, you would try to get out of a relationship and she would stand there in front of your kids and say, if you believe me, or if you kick me out, I'm going to kill myself in front of you and your kids.
Speaker: you know, and it's like, fuck, you got me locked in here. You got me in a mental mind fuck where I'm not happy. I don't want to be here, but at the same time, I don't want you to do something stupid. So we're going to go ahead and stick around because you, because you have some sort of a heart and here's, here's a big struggle with red flags. And as we just referenced the horse blinders, and this is something that I learned when I took psychology way back in high school, which by the way, that's going to lead into something else that I need to address real quickly, but I digress. Um,
Speaker: You tend to overlook, especially if you've been single and you've been dating on and off, you know.
Speaker: in and out, testing different dates, going out with a bunch of different people and everything like that. But then you're surrounded by friends and family that are in happy relationships. You tend to, not necessarily happy relationships, but relationships where you see the happiness on a regular, you tend to put your horse blinders up and ignore those red flags in hopes that the bad or the good outweighs the bad.
Speaker: and in nine out of ten scenarios that doesn't end up being the case the bad far outweighs the good but you wanted so badly mentally and subconsciously to have that that happiness that that other that you see that surrounds you because again like facebook like
Speaker: you know insta like all those things you know you see everyone's highlight reel you don't see the knockdown drag out screaming till 3 am fits that happen over something ridiculously as stupid as you know you forgot to start the monitor switch the monitors you know you don't see those moments that have culminated into a giant fight
Speaker: you just see the good times and that's where you know you tend to put those blinders on and overlook this the what would normally be small subtle signs you overlook them to get to chase that ultimate happiness and in a book I read called um oh what the fuck I just gave it to my boss to the subtle art of not giving a fuck
Speaker: Yeah, he he attributes and it's a it's a it's actually a true self -help book and I did read the whole thing he attributes happiness to walking down the street towards this beautiful mansion that you live in while you're tripping on acid and as you get closer the mansion stands up and walks farther down the road away from you all the time when you're trying to chase as you said earlier Francis of keeping up with the Joneses
Speaker: When you're constantly chasing that, you will never attain that because what one person's Jones's is, is now what your Jones's is because we're all different people. Well, there's a cartoon out there where it shows a guy on a bicycle.
Speaker: So there's a guy in a in a in a Porsche and he's sitting next to a guy in a Ferrari. Man, I wish I had that. Then sitting next to the guy in the Porsche is a guy on a bicycle going, God, I wish I had a car. And all the way down to a kid in a wheelchair watching somebody walk going, I wish I could fucking walk. Yeah. No matter where you are in life, somebody is going, I wish I had as good as them. You know, I guarantee there are people out there that watch us
Speaker: you know, three, four times a week live and go, I had the balls to go live. I wish I had the balls to make a tick tock. I wish I had the balls to post on social media because I don't feel, I mean, I hate to bring up Hodor, but when Hodor was on here, that kid, I've got a whole lot of people looking up at him, but he's got the balls to get online. You know, uh,
Speaker: The, the, the one thing you keeping up with the Joneses is, is it's a circle. It's, you're never going to catch up to where, yeah, you never going to catch up to where you think you should be. Be grateful for where you are because somebody out there has always got it worse. Yep. And this, that leads me to what I was said I was going to lead into, um, in June is my 20 year class reunion.
Speaker: And I've seen on my Facebook page for my graduating class, a lot of asking for information about people, you know, trying to fill out questionnaires. Where should we do it? Who's going to be there? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I messaged my best friend from, from that I've known since I was five and I'm now 37. So I've known this kid. I knew most of my graduating class from kindergarten. I would do a very small school. And I said to Gary, I said, uh,
Speaker: Is it just me or the more I look at this 20 -year class reunion planning, the less likely I am to go? Because at the end of the day, I know what they were like when I was in school. And ultimately, it's just a pissing contest to see where you are in life and who you're doing better than. Yeah. And, you know, my wife asked me that the other day. Something popped up on my high school Facebook page. They're like, we're doing
Speaker: You're probably classmates death old man's not that old Jesus, but You say that but I Chris and I both had classmates some time From the career center where Jeff and I went to school and met each other but from my home school at East Knox I had a lot of a lot of people that I've gone to school with have died one way or another and hey Yeah, it was I was just making a jet because I feel like Jeff is like 50
Speaker: I'm I'm I yeah, I am the oldest one here, but only by like what see eight months Just a few months older than me, but I mean it's it's crazy because You know you make a joke like that because we are older than you and whatnot. But I mean the sad fact is Yeah, it's actually kind of true. I
Speaker: I mean, but like I was saying, when my wife asked me, are you do you want to go to your classroom? What for a the only people I like from school podcast with? I still talk to exactly. I talk to you on a regular basis. You know, the only people I would actually want to connect with is maybe about a quarter of our building trades class. And I can literally just call them up on fucking Facebook.
Speaker: So, you know, I you know unless I'm gonna rock in in my own helicopter I don't want to go just so I can rub it in their faces. But even then I'm like, yeah, is it really worth it? No No, and but that goes back to the keeping up with the Jones's thing, you know, and and that goes that ties into modern -day Relationships and looking for the next best thing, you know Absolutely ties into your your your
Speaker: your love relationship with your significant other because, you know, you, you see that on social media, you see that, uh, that, uh, that camouflage that, that, that. Yeah. On social media. And it's just like, man, I wish I had that relationship, you know, and to, to what, you know, to, to, to what you said earlier, Rick about, you know, uh, you know, uh, knockdown drag out fight happening because you forgot to switch the laundry. Well,
Speaker: you're not fighting because you forgot to switch laundry out. There's 30 things that happen prior to that. That have not been addressed yet. And that was just the, the, the, the, the straw that broke the camel's back. So to say was the fact that you didn't change the laundry out or you spent $12 on cigarettes and pop while you were at work. When, when you had half a carton in a, in a case of pop or, you know, or, or whatever the case may be.
Speaker: whatever the situation is or or anything like that is it's those little things and that's and that's what and and and again, this is where you know, it's something that I've said a lot on this show just in the short time period. This show's been on some **** horse blinders are on and we're not not acknowledging and pay attention to the little things and we're not understanding that you know, what starts out as a little thing, you know, not
Speaker: you know, not doing this or not doing that or, or, or whatever the case may be, which is to, to you and I, or to, to, to you and me or whatever. It seems trivial. It seems small, but in actuality, it's, it's, it's a big deal to our partner or vice versa. Something that's important to us. Yeah. You know, like our partner might just kind of blow it off and really give it the attention that we feel and they do something silly, like,
Speaker: You know, uh, leave, leave, uh, uh, uh, a fucking bowl on the table. And then next thing you know, you're coming out and you're full guns ablaze and you're fucking, you're fucking on the box and he goes 10 rounds. Yeah. And also I had her put tombstone, you know, I'm coming and I'm bringing hell with me. And I walk in and they're like, all right, I'm your uncle, Barry. And here you go.
Speaker: No, but something that I've noticed is, you know, I've been with my wife for 14 years, we've been married for 11. Jeff's wife is also eight when they met, and Jeff was 30. Yeah, there is that. No, but it's like, over the years, you learn your partner's triggers, their buttons.
Speaker: and during the fight if you really want to amp it up you look like you look like fucking Will Ferrell in the elevator and Alice no I get that but but here's the thing if you if it's really a stupid fight and and if you want to escalate it you know you can but true love I'll be up in a little bit and and I believe this true love comes down to one thing not hitting that foot absolutely absolutely and
Speaker: My wife, the biggest problem my wife and I have is a language barrier. Uh, and my wife speaks perfect English, but it's a, it's a, I hate to say language barrier because it sounds like she doesn't speak English, but it's an interpretation barrier. The interpretation. She doesn't, she doesn't understand like, you know, where, where, well, like for instance, a trigger word for me, if somebody calls me stupid, Oh my God, I'm going to burn down your house.
Speaker: And it's not it. No, here's the thing. I'm going to drop knowledge. I'm going to drop knowledge. When I was in school, the only reason I passed high school was because I went through the special eds classes. I literally cannot write my own name some days. I cannot fail to save my life. We all know that.
Speaker: But I struggle with learning, shut the fuck up. Even when you're giving the word, when the word is typed out for you. And everything's got spell check on it now too and he still fucks it up. And I have four different spell checks on my computer. It comes down to its speed and not looking dumb.
Speaker: So when I do post something like when we when I did this starting starting five the last time I checked it 40 times and I still miss stuff and that one little thing I missed bugged me for a week and I still told and I told and he and he told me about it and I told him six times and he was like all right I fixed it and I'm like Jeffrey you're not fixing it for your
Speaker: You know, I fixed it six times. My wife has said multiple times and she does this. She doesn't, when she argues to her, it's just a word.
Speaker: It's just something to say. For me, it's like, it's a fucking tab. It's a, you know, it's a knife through the fucking heart. And she's like, I didn't mean it that way. I said, you still said it! She's like, it's just words. I said, yeah, but it's one of those things. It's hard to explain. But like, if I, if you get somebody on that emotional level, would they know that? My wife has gotten better with that.
Speaker: But the last argument had she didn't she could have said it like 40 times and she almost did but she stopped herself And that's why you can use communication as a weapon too. Exactly. Well, the one thing she she's learned over the years is Even though we're fighting even though we're fighting there's certain things I can't say
Speaker: I always, no matter what the argument, I always hold back because I've learned one simple fact. Some things you say you can't take back. Yup, exactly. And my wife will hold on to that shit. Well, you know, you know, unfortunately, not just women, not just women. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, words, words, you know, words are a double edged sword at the end of the day.
Speaker: You know words words can can can really destroy a person more than The you know, then then a physical, you know, then like then punch them in your mouth. Yeah, exactly. You know that No way that fat lips gonna go away, but what you said is
Speaker: two days prior before you punch them in the mouth. That's a grenade in your brain. Pull the pen and you're just waiting for it to explode. Yep. Well, that's like, you know, Dane Cook said it years ago and one of his specialists was talking about fighting women. Women are great and women do this all the time.
Speaker: And you know men do it too, but you know the women aren't women aren't experts at this They hit you with a fucking pipe bomb. You'll be in the you'll be in the middle of a fight about fucking something stupid like Not switching your clothes out and then all of a sudden out of nowhere something that she's been holding on to She hits you with a fucking pipe bomb and completely fucking destroys you
Speaker: what what he actually says in that he says he says she'll say something like your father's you're stupid like your father and then you walk away going what the fuck was that and then all of a sudden it clicks it explodes and you're screaming from the top of your lungs from the basement
Speaker: Yeah, exactly. Exactly. My son, my son at 11 years old is amazing at that. He will insult you to your face and you won't get it for four days. And he'll be gone and be like, you little motherfucker. Yeah, you know, but but we tend to do that and and it's it's natural human instinct to go
Speaker: to go for the to go for the jugular in an argument or in a fight and you want to you because as humans and as as animals in general and the animal kingdom that if you look it doesn't matter what you look at any animal in the animal kingdom there's a competitive nature in every one of them
Speaker: And so it's always that subconscious, competitive, I have to win this argument. So what can I say to end it where I can walk away feeling like the victor, but two days later, you're going to feel like hammered shit because you hurt that person so bad with what you said that it's still dwelling on them.
Speaker: days later and not even just days, they can go on for years, months, it can literally the wrong thing said to the wrong person can literally end a person's life, not just a relationship.
Speaker: Walking, you don't hold back. Well, this is also very true, but I'm also notorious and face to face interaction with people. I'm notorious for, for walking away and going to another room and I, under my breath, speaking out loud, saying what I want to say, not realizing that they can hear it. Yeah. And, and, and, and that, that shit's, I mean, and I'm learning, learning recently.
Speaker: you know, like I didn't realize that I did that and and it's something that I do and it's like All right. I really have to stop doing that because it's not a it's it's first of all, it's a dick fucking move So, you know one of my one of my defense mechanisms that that when my wife really get I get it at it I don't say anything. I just leave and I don't just leave the room. I leave the house I leave the block I I've literally walked
Speaker: 25 miles in one direction and walked back still pissed off and then come back five, six hours later. She's like, what the fuck? I was like, I needed to blow off steam. So funny. I was about to say something that I was going to regret.
Speaker: What you just said, Glick, and this is going to go back always, back when we first met, if you remember, I was in the middle of a major lifestyle change and a weight loss journey. Yeah. And I know you remember that. So funny enough, that all stemmed from a failed attempt at a relationship.
Speaker: I attempted to pursue a girl and I was very gently, very gently, very nicely, you know, kudos to her the way she did it. She turned me down, which I mean, yeah, you're not, not every shot you shoot is going to hit the target. But from behind a wall, I overheard a conversation of her telling another girl, he's the nicest guy in the world with the biggest heart, but he's physically too large of a person for me.
Speaker: And that was all it took in my mind. And Glick will tell you guys who don't know me from Adam walking down the street.
Speaker: I dropped 100 fucking pounds prior to COVID. I was at the gym at 3 .30, 4 o 'clock every morning, sometimes back again at 6 .30 at night, because I swore up and down after those words, just those simple words that cut so deep that I would never hear those words again. And I would never be rejected for my physical size.
Speaker: I just showed up the next day with an IB anorexia t -shirt just be like, Hey, how you doing? But you know, for so many years I did that for so many years. I masked the pain of of getting picked at and rejected for relationships and then ultimately dumped. I hate that word, but dumped in relationships.
Speaker: mark for the for the better and it was almost every single time it was almost always one of my buddies who they found better looking than me or more attractive than me or something to that effect and so for years I was the guy that would wear the shirt that said I beat anorexia.
Speaker: or would then make jokes. And I lived my life behind the shield of laughter to cover ultimately the mask, the pain that the words of failed relationships and cause to me. And I decided after that one particular time, I wasn't going to allow that to happen again. You became self -deprecating in a way, right? Let me ask you a question. How tall are you? I'm six foot tall. I'm five three.
Speaker: At that point, I was 397 pounds. Until you're a 5 '3", 150, nothing. To this day, I am still picked on and God bless my wife. I was picked on you because of your short stature. What kind of asshole would do that? So I'm looking at myself and the camera on my phone screen. Why did you point at Rick?
Speaker: I'm looking at myself on the phone screen right now and you know what I see? I see a large body with a tiny head. That's all I see on my phone screen, which I've sat back. I've said in different angles and I've said here and self consciously said here and gone Jesus Christ. I need to go back to the gym again and do more than I did the last time because I'm not seeing the results that I want to see. It becomes almost when when words have cut so deep, it becomes almost an obsession.
Speaker: to try and fix that. Exactly. And when I was when I was with my ex, you have the luxury of being able to fix it. Yeah. Well, I mean, we can. Yeah, but I don't have the patience. I'm looking at. It's a 18 months to set a hundred. I don't have the patience to gain three inches. Just three inches is $70 ,000 per leg. And
Speaker: Like what, what was it? Nine months of physical therapy. Or you can just buy shoes that have thicker soles, dude. I mean, you know, to, to, to what Rick said, you know, I went through that with my ex -wife, you know, you know, I, when I was in high school, I was 315. I was, I was six to, I was 315 pounds. Jeff remembers me in high school.
Speaker: I didn't look like I was 315 pounds because I wasn't, I wasn't ripped or anything like that, but I was, that's what I was about to say. Chris, Chris for his biggest Chris was you would not guess like we, we went to a fair and they could not guess Chris's weight.
Speaker: but I was also swallowed. So like, if you, if, if, if you, I didn't have a six pack or anything like that, but I didn't have a big gut, but at the same time, if you hit me in the stomach, it was like hitting a rock. Yeah. I was the same way when I was in school. So, so like when I was with my ex wife and dealing with the infidelity and stuff like that, I'd gotten up to 320 pounds. Mm -hmm.
Speaker: I was fat. A, I hated looking at myself in the mirror. My clothes didn't fit. I thought I was a disgusting slob. That's where I'm at right now. And then on top of it, I'm like, my wife don't want to be with me. She wants to be with other men. And then I see the other men that she's with. And it's like one dude was not even six foot, but he was fucking ripped. I mean, it was 150 pounds or whatever, just fucking muscle bound
Speaker: Most of those guys, their boyfriends like that physique more than the ladies. And mostly it's probably steroids too. Well, he was in the military. So let's go, this goes back to the keeping up with the Joneses thing. You weren't happy where you were, but you saw what they liked. So now you're in pursuit of that. I am so blessed right now that I have a woman in my life who literally
Speaker: Couldn't give a shit if I gained 10 or lost a hundred She couldn't care less about that clearly Jeff's wife is the same way. I mean look at him Yeah, he's not so the did but to go to what Jefferson the difference between you and I Jeff is you You can't control your height
Speaker: I can control my weight. I let myself get like this. Your unhappiness with yourself, you have no control over. You just kind of have to live with it. The one thing that I learned really early on, and it was a comedian said it, and I don't even remember what the comedian, he says, you know, when you have a physical flaw, like my height,
Speaker: You know, weight is can be controllable. It's not always controllable, but can be. But he said something like, you know, if you got a big nose or, you know, you got a big fat lip or whatever the case may be, you look in the mirror one day and you go, yeah, it is what it is. Yep. And if I could change it, fuck, I'd be 6 '4 tomorrow.
Speaker: But you can't, so you just have to take it. But I don't think I would, and talking to these guys, I don't want to be six foot. I'd be happy with like five, five. Let's be honest.
Speaker: So my son, my so my son, and this goes along with the mental health thing because bullying and these kids nowadays, these fucking kids are mean. All right. I'm just going to say, oh, we would have been we would have been assholes. We might have been assholes, but these kids are just fucking mean. Right. So my son, my son on Friday, last Friday, when I picked him up for they had their week off, he was literally being bullied by a girl in school because he had wavy hair.
Speaker: And she, she tried to make fun of him for this. And he looked right at her and he said, yeah, because I can control that. You know, at the end of the day, and let me get back to my point about the weight loss thing, but we, so here's the thing. I have naturally curly wavy hair. I've always, Jeff's known me forever.
Speaker: It's it's on the very rare occasion that anybody's ever seen me with short hair. You know, I've always had long hair. Little girl and tell your son this to. Fucking love your wavy hair, bro, because women, the ladies are going to love it. Women would kill to have you. I've been in I've been in barbershops. I've been in salons. I've had women. I've had the hairstylist go, oh, my God.
Speaker: what we would not do to to have your hair and I hate it. It's it's oh yeah. Why is he like right now? It doesn't look like it because I've got it pulled back. It's in a ponytail and I and I've I've let it. It's like you have you have your hair is thick. My hair is 80 **** fine and and once again, ladies love the baby fine hair but like if I grow my hair out and look like Chris, it looks like I didn't shower for like a month. Yeah.
Speaker: control over. You're not going to keep up with the Joneses with things you don't have control over.
Speaker: You know, and but so here I am. And this time, so I'm back on this weight loss kick. I'm back on this lifestyle change and everything like that. And don't don't let my smoke in a cigarette fool you. I could smoke into an hour cardio at the same fucking. Oh, you and me. But so first and foremost, hold on a second. Jeff, first and foremost, bullshit, because, A, I've heard you have you walked out of flight of stairs on this goddamn motherfucker. I heard just a car.
Speaker: I pushed the car that way. I pushed the car by myself a block and a half. Fuck you. I pushed the Malibu. I have four flat tires on that fucking Malibu and I had to push it by myself the other day. It took an hour and a half to make it go. Excuse me. Fucking Malibu decal. I'm a little tykes car. Yeah. That motherfucker raise up shit.
Speaker: That car, I pushed that car, took me an hour and a half to move it six feet. But I'm just like, like Glitz seen the snacks of the cardio that I can put in, like he's seen them. Like, and so I don't, I, I, I had two drinks on Sunday, which is the first two drinks that I've had since the beginning of January.
Speaker: You know, I stopped drinking. I stopped eating shitty foods. I've stopped, you know, and I'm back at the gym. I'm working out five, six days a week. I'm putting in the time to get back to where I was pre -COVID because this time I'm doing it for a completely different reason. I'm not doing it because a woman rejected me because like I said, I'm a blessed man. The one upstairs that just went upstairs that is waiting for me is she doesn't, she couldn't care less. What the fuck I weigh.
Speaker: I'm doing it this time because six months ago, I went out to go and try and practice playing softball with my daughter. And because of the weight that I carry in the front, my lower back, literally the muscles went, fuck you. And they locked up and I had to hobble across the yard. You try to get out of bed for no reason. Your back will do the same.
Speaker: but it doesn't help. It doesn't help. It doesn't help that I'd gotten back up and was pushing the scale at close to 400 pounds at six foot tall again. Yeah. Before COVID I was down to 303 pounds. Yeah. I'm the heaviest I've ever been. I'm a one 75. No, I mean, what I was saying, you know, what I was saying earlier about, you know, with my ex wife and everything like that, you know, compiling onto the fact that
Speaker: I was already feeling bad and I was already feeling like a disgusting blob. Then you had the infidelity and the cheating and whatnot into that. I was like, you know what? I'm gonna start going to the gym. On top of working 10 plus hours a day, I would get up and I would go to the gym two hours before work. I would go to work. I would get off work and I would get off work and I would go back for two hours.
Speaker: And about eight months, I dropped 80 pounds. And for the first time in my life ever, I was, I had, I had a six pack, you know, not a solid, but I was not a solid six pack, but I could take my shirt off. And there was a six pack, you know, I was getting tone. I was, you know, and I was living that lifestyle. And then, you know, and I was a bud light.
Speaker: Now that six back, he's got sitting in the trash can next to him from what he's consumed tonight on the show. My desk beside me. But that's beside the fact. But, yeah, it's almost about the complex. Oh, yeah. 100%. Oh, definitely. Yeah. But no, I mean, so, you know, and then I kept that mentality going when I was in Charleston, even after we split, because, you know, I lost all that weight and I'm feeling good about myself. And then she's like, oh, by the way,
Speaker: Uh, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. And I really have been over for years. You know, let's be honest, our relationship was over, but we've tried, we used one of those.
Speaker: one of those excuses as old as time was we have to stay together for the kids. And at the end of the day, it sounds like I'm sitting on my ex -wife and I'm really not because at the end of the day, we stayed together for five years longer than we should have. And things only got worse. My mental state fucking absolutely wrecked. I was so broken and fucked up that it was terrible for the kids. And yeah, and I became the dad that I said I would never become. I was an absolute fucking monster.
Speaker: And I've spent the last five years, almost six years, especially with my oldest one, trying to fix that. And I still feel every day like a huge failure, like I let her down and that nothing I'll ever do will be good enough to fix the damage that was caused because of that. But I still continue to try, but I was going to the gym and I was working out and I was feeling good about myself. And then we split up and then,
Speaker: things started to come to light and I started acknowledging things and paying attention to things and trying to fix things. And for me personally, nobody else, for me personally, I wasn't trying to win her back or anything like that, that ship sailed and I was done and I was over and it was good. And, you know, we have a good relationship as ex -husband, ex -wife, we have a good relationship.
Speaker: where we communicate, where we put the kids first. We don't ever put the kids in a bad situation or anything like that. And I'm extremely thankful for that because I see a lot of failed marriages or relationships where kids are involved. And I grew up in one of these and she grew up in one of these where the parents just use the kids as weapons against each other. And, you know, I'm very grateful for the relationship that we have and the fact that we are still friendly and that we are, you know, when it comes to the kids, we always communicate and talk and everything like that.
Speaker: Once, once I started getting clarity and once my, once, once things started getting a little bit better and I was healing mentally and I was going to the gym, then I realized I'm not doing this because of, of, of this Saturday, I'm doing this for me when I came home and you know, things changed drastically, drastically. And I, and then, you know, the, the, the previous relationship I was in, I wasn't going to the gym as much as I, as much as I wanted to.
Speaker: because when I would go to the gym, there was that, you know, the narcissistic tendencies that I had to my blinders on. And I wasn't paying attention to the red flags and stuff like that was like, well, why are you at the gym? Why, why, what are you doing? Why, why are you there? Who are you there with? I was like, I go to work, I come home and I go to the gym. Those are the three places that I'm at at the end of the day. Like I've never had the bar. I'm never out and about like this. And I stopped going to the gym and then we broke up and I got back into the gym.
Speaker: And now you don't go I wasn't as I was But I was getting up, you know, and I dropped And that's the great thing about for me personally I can go to the gym and within a month or two. I'm starting to drop weight like right now I just have to get routine and be consistent and I take it off so, you know and and then I
Speaker: You know, I was in that mindset of I'm in the gym. I'm doing this for me. I'm getting my shit right. I'm getting my body right. I'm getting my mind right because Jim is there. The gym is therapy for me. The gym is the one place I put my earbuds in. I think Rick can attest to this. I put my earbuds in. I listen to my music. I shut my brain off and I just do my thing and I do my thing or I put my earbuds in. I start thinking about everything and I start thinking about fixing it, getting it right, getting it correct.
Speaker: not letting it weigh down on me and not letting it bear down on me. And then I process and I work through things in my head. So, you know, the gym is great therapy. The gym is a great place to be for, for some people, it doesn't work for everybody. But now I'm starting to reach that point. I'm at 300 pounds where it's like shit, my clothes aren't fitting, shirts aren't fitting, just that and the other thing. And I, you know, and I, and I keep telling myself, I'm going to go back to the gym. I'm going to go back to the gym. I'm going to, you know, Monday, I'm going to go to the gym. And I said that, I've said that for three weeks now.
Speaker: Monday, I'm going to go to the gym after work Monday. I'm going to go to the gym after work, get back into the routine. I'm a routine. I'm a creature of habit. I'm a creature of routine. Once I locked that routine in, I'm good on money and I'm rocking and rolling. And, but as soon as that routine is disrupted, then I'm fucked. It's like a, it's like a train when it derails. Yeah. It's a train wreck. Yeah. It takes a while to get it back on the tracks. Yeah, exactly. But I don't want to go to the gym for any other reason, just because I don't like who I see in the mirror. My fiance, Nikki got God lover. And I said this earlier in the show.
Speaker: you know, she tells me every day, multiple times a day, oh, you're handsome. Oh, you're sexy. Oh, you're hot. You're, you know, and as, and as a man, I'm like, you know, whatever you're blind, whatever. Yeah, we don't see it because we don't see it. We don't, we don't believe it when we hear it. Yeah. You know, and like you said, God, God bless her, man. Cause she looks at this, she looks at me and she got same as the one upstairs. My God. Yeah. I mean, I love you.
Speaker: Gentlemen, I had a great conversation tonight, but my alarm is going to ring in about five hours and I have another very busy day tomorrow. So, um, I appreciate y 'all letting me jump on yet again. Um, it was great to see everybody again, except for el cheapo. He, I know I can't figure out why he was here yet, but whatever. Um, it's the first Monday actually made it. Yeah. Well, he finished his, he finished his job early.
Speaker: Um, Monday is not a Jeff night and that was something we established a long time ago. Yeah. Well, that was what I said. It's good to see you. I appreciate you being here, brother. You know, you're welcome here. Anytime you're welcome here every Monday night. If you want to be a part of this. Yeah, I have no problem with that. I'll come in as often as I can. Yeah. You know, the subject changes every week. We'd, I, you know, I just kind of think of things. I'm going to actually put some stuff up on social media and, uh, you know, ask, ask, ask our followers on social media. What takes some holes?
Speaker: Yeah, what they would like to hear us talk about conversations they'd like for us to have. If I can ask you real quick before you leave, because we're not going to spend a whole lot more time on here either.
Speaker: Uh, before you leave, would you like to, would you like to leave anybody with a, with a, with a quote words of wisdom or anything like that? That's something that we do on this show, uh, in the show before we leave. You know, it's funny. It's funny you say that because there's been a couple of them that have popped around in my head since, since we started. And one of them came from my last failed relationship and it was a stance that I took after that relationship and failed. And I had gone from being homeless to having a house and building my house, you know, and building my home.
Speaker: purchasing all the stuff that goes in it and doing work to the exterior and interior and this that and the other and then Allowing that what is now a failed relationship to move in at the time and when she left and after she cheated I mean she left I had I had written down on a piece of paper and I still have it in my nightstand and it simply states that I will never allow someone to sit at my table that does not bring something to it that I cannot provide for myself and
Speaker: And that is something that I've always stood firm since then with relationships is in order for somebody to step in and be involved in a relationship with me, you have to bring something to it that I cannot provide because I've provided and provided and provided and provided and provided for so many different people that I didn't have anything left to provide anymore. I had given everything on my table away.
Speaker: So now I had restocked my table. So if you want to sit at my table, if you want to take a seat at my table, you have to bring something to it that I don't already have there. And the other part that I, to go with your keeping up with the Joneses is, is, you know, stay humble in your relationships. Understand that that person that you're seeing online or on Facebook or on instant that has that, like Jeff said, the Porsche and the Ferrari and the bike and the wheelchair.
Speaker: The person that has everything that you think that you want does not have that perfect life that you think they have. What you see versus what's really going on 99 % of the time are two totally different things.
Speaker: I found that out even with my boss. He's a, he's a business owner. He was happily married for 14 years. You know, he has a multimillion dollar business. He's, he's a physically in shape dude. He's a sharp looking dude. You know, he had gone to college. He was a semi pro baseball player behind the scenes. What I didn't know. And the reason that he was always at work before everybody else is because most nights he was sleeping at the shop because his marriage was failing at home and he just didn't want to be there anymore.
Speaker: So, you know, stay humble in your relationship and appreciate what you have right in front of you versus chasing the next best thing all the time. Because what's best for them may not always be best for you. And if you put in the hard work and dedication for almost anything in life, you'll be rewarded with exactly what you deserve, not what you want. So those are my only two parting thoughts.
Speaker: agreed and on that I am going to bid you fools ado and I'm gonna go take the dog out and crash out for the night. Nice. Appreciate it brother. Absolutely. We'll catch y 'all later. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Absolutely. We'll talk to y 'all later. What's up bro? See ya. Hey Jeffrey. Yeah. You see what Mike gets it from.
Speaker: No, you know, he touched on something. This is going to be the last the kind of the last topic of the night. You know, like I said, I've got to be better at tightening this show up and and keeping this show in a timely manner. But you know, he got to touch on it a little bit and and and trigger warning. Trigger warning. For you know, and you view experts out there.
Speaker: the the the the the the appreciation factor in relationships and and I feel like more often than not you know this this kind of falls on men than women it does fall on women as well that we we all go through it at the end of the day but it does kind of fall on men more than others and I still think this is a very true quote and I think it's and I think that's why a lot of people have problems with it because
Speaker: It is a harsh reality and it's not something that people want to hear. Uh, and it's not something that everybody's going to agree with, but I think most men out there are going to agree with this and I'm going to play this. I played it Saturday night and, and, and, you know, but I, I, I really liked this and the, in the conversation we're having tonight and the topic that we're covering and whatnot. Um, I meant to save it for tonight. Uh, however, it got, it got played, uh,
Speaker: You're good, Brian. Don't worry about it, buddy. Yeah, my bad, man. Yeah, you're good. But I want to play this real quick short clip again. It's Chris Rock. And I've always been a fan of Chris Rock, his comedy, his movies and stuff like that. And I would love to watch this full episode, this full show. I don't even know what it's called or anything like that. It was one of his latest specials on Netflix.
Speaker: Yeah, I mean, he talks a lot about marriage and having a failed marriage. And then I would really like to watch this whole thing, but you know, the appreciation factor at the end of the day, I'm sorry. It's going to trigger some people, but it is what it is. It's cold, hard facts. And yes, it is a two way street. It does apply for both men and women. But the majority of cases, it falls in it. It really does apply to men. So just a minute. Yeah, here we go. You get all the one thing I learned.
Speaker: Only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally. Women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is only loved under the condition that he provides life.
Speaker: That's right, women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally. A man is the only one that can teach them. That's right, fellas, when you meet a new girl, what do your friends ask you? Ladies, when you meet a new guy, what do your friends ask you?
Speaker: There's 100 % true statement and especially in today's society you know might have been different in the past but in today's society and and and and If you don't believe me, I mean I could do I could spend the time and and I could do I could do two hours of Not talking just playing clips Yeah of of women being on other podcasts women being on other
Speaker: interviewed on the street, women making reels or TikToks or whatever, validating exactly what my man just said at the end of the day. And then also too, like when I worked with, when I worked with the moving company and during the whole, the pandemic and everything, I felt bad for the guy. The pandemic. Oh, I thought you said Japan -demic.
Speaker: No, but uh, but not like a lot of a lot of people that we moved out were a lot of breakups and a lot of divorces And most of it leading other other than you know being cooped up in the house and being around each other 24 -7 was was one of the factors but
Speaker: Another, the factor was for the guys, they had to sacrifice early retirement or pay cut. And a lot of the, the, like the people that we do move and I will be honest, it's like moving people out of MTV cribs. So one of the guys I felt really bad for because he had to take an early retirement there. His job was going to let him go. He was going to remote. He was going to work remote.
Speaker: Until about the end of the year and he's no longer employable. So they, you know, so his wife wasn't having it. And after talking to the wife on the phone and seeing how she's all right, all about it, I'm like, whoa. But apparently because she was like saying, well, he's no good to me now because he can't, he's not going to be working. He's going to be hard to find a job. And he didn't have that much of a retirement.
Speaker: I'm like, wow, so much for, you know, for richer, for poor. Yeah. You know, and they were married, they were married for like 35 years. Damn. That is a cunt you saw. And he was drinking and then like, like, like the house was nice, you know, and then another one, another instance where we moved a couple out where pretty much.
Speaker: when the guy had to take a dramatic pay cut and he pretty much fell into a big depression and he ended up like putting himself in exile because he's like man I can't provide a like they had a they they they were living in a condo and he had to sell the condo
Speaker: And so it was just like, man, he just felt useless because he's like, man, like I'm not, I don't feel like a man because I can't provide, you know, for me and my girl and my, and my little kid. And he, he eggs. I mean, it's, it's, it's a lot of things that a lot of pressure that with relationships, but it was just, she just kinda just stood there was like, okay. I'm like, damn, you're like the guy's like leaving to say, Hey, you know,
Speaker: But I just find it fascinating. But when you hear that one song at the bar, uh, don't stop believing, like who's the main, who's the main crowd that, that goes crazy. The ladies. Well, I actually, uh, I wanted to, I wanted to bring up something, um, uh, unfortunately I wanted to bring up on Rick was here, but I, I got lost the work shit. But, uh, one of the, one of the songs by, by our man Garth Brooks.
Speaker: He says, I think no unanswered prayers. Oh, yeah. You know, there's a reason for everything. And, you know, I'm I'm a real carrot and stick kind of guy. You know, I cannot dangle a carrot in front of myself and better myself. My I actually saved a copy of it. My new wallpaper.
Speaker: my computer and I'm on my computer all day long is this it is actually from uh vin vince the invincible vince papalli story and you know what it's it's that that fuck you I'm gonna do better I see that every morning when I turn on my you know I have my tv and my my laptop when I turn on my tv
Speaker: I don't use the TV for the first hour of work. As I start opening more tabs, I start needing space to push it. That's when my TV gets filled up. So for the first hour, hour and a half of work, I basically can stare at that. And and I literally sit here going all day going, fuck you, I'm going to make it. And you have to do that in everything. You know, it is you need to do to
Speaker: to fuck you I can make this work or if we can't make this work I need to find something to make this work and it is it is a it is a team effort though one thing my wife and I say all the time is no matter what the fuck happens it's you and me against the world and if you don't have somebody that that in your darkest fucking hour and this is this goes across any relationship
Speaker: if in your darkest hour, you can't be like, I need to, I don't know what to do. And they're like, I got it, I got you. That person, I don't care who the fuck they are, I don't care if it's your best friend, I don't care if it's your wife, I don't care if it's your fucking dog. That person is the most sacred person to you. Because you gotta have that balance.
Speaker: Yeah, I've spent I've spent my entire life surrounded by people and that includes family telling me that I ain't shit I'll never be shit and I'll never amount to shit. So I've spent my entire life proving everybody wrong but the coldest goddamn words I've ever heard said to me utter to me and I'll never forget them and at 42 years old
Speaker: I hope, I don't even know this bitch is still alive, to be honest with you. And I said it during the Toby Q thing, I had a teacher tell me one time, look, you won't live to see 18 and you'll never be shit. You'll never amount to shit. 42 years old. Have I struggled at times? Hell yeah. Have I come out better at the end of the day? Hell yeah. But I'm 42 years old. She said, I wouldn't live to see early and live past 18.
Speaker: I think I've done a pretty damn good job in life. I've made mistakes and I stumble along the way and I got three good kids. I got three great kids and I feel like I try to be a good influence for my kids and I try to encourage them as well as make them tough so they're not soft in this world.
Speaker: It's it's one of those things. Tell me I can't do something and I'm going to do it just just just to spite you. Just to piss you off. Piss you off. And those are words that have stuck with me since the day that bitch said it to me. And like I said, today I graduated. You know, she said I never let's let's be honest. She didn't say it as a motivator. Oh, guidance counselor. I had it said I should dig ditches the day I could for it.
Speaker: And I drove by my truck truck and beer cans that are stupid head flipping her flipping her off. She's like, I didn't run around server. I would love to see her today at the end of the day. I mean, in all honesty, I would love to see her today just to not just not to say or do anything, but just just just look at me. Look at me in the eyes. How do you like me now, bitch? Yeah. Yeah. You know, the problem is with people like that,
Speaker: Is those are the kind of people like yeah, but i've motivated. No, that's not what you meant when you said it You know, I like said I had a guidance counselor said I will i'll be lucky If I can make enough to survive in this world Because she she basically called me stupid idiot every fucking time she saw me and Now I find it funny because I own I own my own house
Speaker: Kids are, kids are good. I, you know, I'm in the finished paying off my land as of next month. Um, and I make more than she does. So yeah, I make more than she did. She does. I've made more, you know, but you spent more on beer than she's ever. Well, this might be a possibility. When Brian said he, you know, he worked for the moving company. I worked for a moving company almost 20 years ago. It's same company.
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Two -minute chart. Yeah. We both work with the same company. Brian and I are like, to hear us talk and to hear us conversate about our past and our history, it's... You guys are the same coin, different sides. Yeah. Yeah. It's so similar and so great. It's almost scary. And that's what I, you know, and I mean, this 100 % is a compliment.
Speaker: And I know some people will try to twist this, but like Brian is 100 % the yin to my yang. Like we, we, you know, he's a little bit more calm, cooler collective. You know, we, we share a similar past. We share a similar story. We've done a lot of things similar in life. Um, but he's the more calm, cool collective side where I'm, I'm the hot headed, like,
Speaker: Oh, yeah, Brian's gonna Brian's gonna set the corner to meditate and I'm gonna run into a bar and fight 50 Actually, actually I'm glad you brought that up so I'm sure you know who Jordan Peterson is. Yes director You instantly know him if you saw him Chris Be the monster. Yeah, but the be the monster speech the the
Speaker: There's a reason why he mentions martial arts, somebody like, you know, Jet Li and Bruce Lee. These guys, they are not violent people. They can be if needed be. And that is the yin and yang. Everyone needs to get to a point where they know how big they can go, how much they can explode shit. But the real true power in anybody's life
Speaker: is knowing you can, but not doing it. And that's where I am. That's where I am now. But you know, when you, when you, when you hear Brian and I talk and we talk about our past and we talk about our upbringing and so it's so similar, but you know, we, we kind of went different routes at the end of the day, but you know, when I, you know, I worked at two minute truck almost 20 years ago.
Speaker: And 20 years ago, what was happening during the pandemic was happening. I can't even tell you how. I told you guys once on the show that I had a guy that bought a brand new Harley Davidson for a hundred bucks. Because this woman was leaving this man because she found another man who made more money than him. And my man, my man had, I mean, beautiful fucking basically in my world, a mansion, you know, he had a brand new Harley Davidson that he paid cash for. You know, she was pampered. She lived a lifestyle.
Speaker: But she found a man who made a little bit more money than him. And she was out like a thief in the night. And she literally moved out when he was at work. And all of us, all of us dudes on the move felt grimy as shit. Because I mean, we're literally there moving. This man is going to come home to next to nothing. And we're the ones doing it to him.
Speaker: I had another move where I met one of the guys and the only reason he got it and I didn't get it because he was a little bit faster getting to the ATM. A lot of brand new Mustang GT for 50 bucks. 50 goddamn dollars. This Mustang GT had 3000 miles on it, but it was in her name because he bought it for her as a gift for, for
Speaker: On a fucking random fucking Wednesday because he wanted to show her some appreciation She wanted he wanted to tell her and he knew how much she loved the car Fifty goddamn dollars. She signed the title over to him. I Can't tell you how many countless moves that we did and it was always like a thief in the middle of the night, man Guys were at work and we're in there moving. We're packing their shit up and moving their shit. I
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, there was like, and yeah, there was like some women where there was some women that, that I come across that during the whole, during the whole pandemic where they had to work remote, but also they had to take a pay cut. So a lot of them were like, well, you know, a lot of them where they live was because of like his income and her income. But like, if she's taken a pay cut and he's taken a hit too, she was like, well, I gotta go back home. And like where she's from was like out of, out of Houston. Yeah.
Speaker: And so it was just like, you know, they eventually ended up breaking up because they felt like, well, we can't, we can't support each other, which really they could. I mean, they just have to like dumb it down from like tighten up that belt. Yeah. So, but I mean, but it was just, it was just like, you know, it does that, I mean, like that whole.
Speaker: that hold two years. Well, actually the whole year and a half right when it went right off the get go when it first, you know, when all that was going on. But a lot of times, like most of the guys, I felt bad for because it's kind of like, like left going, what the hell just happened? Yeah. You're, you're already kicking a man when he's down. You know, at the end of the day, I mean,
Speaker: the guys going through it and you know, we're all going through it during the pandemic. Don't get me wrong. Like, fortunately for me, I was, I was lucky. I, you know, my life didn't change in any way, shape or form during the pandemic. I was still doing my thing. I, you know, my life didn't change, but there was people, you know, people in general, men and women that were going through it and shit was happening, especially in relationships, man. Uh, you know, where,
Speaker: Where essentially at the end of the day you're you're kicking that other person while they're down like you really are yeah, I mean, you know, I mean it's unfortunate but the thing about it is it's like You got to see I mean a lot of people don't see the silver lining But I mean but like yeah, okay, so it sucks. You got to take an early retirement or you got to take a pay cut Okay, fine
Speaker: the the
Speaker: You know, I mean, but yeah, if that meant I got a five, I mean, I mean, yeah, because like, I remember one move. It was like, it was like, it was a, it was a, it was a three truck move. And like I said, like the house that we moved them out of was like an MTV cribs type of house. And then, you know, like I said to us guys, wow, it's a, it's a luxury house, but in their eyes, it's just like,
Speaker: Yeah, you know, I mean, still still still in one of the nice in really one of the nice areas, one of the nice areas and everything. But it's just that she didn't realize how like over the years that they've been married, like how much shit they collected because they were they went to a four bedroom house, they downsized to a four bedroom house. It was just like,
Speaker: the wife was all overwhelmed. The husband was just kind of like, I'm staying out of it, you know, because the movie's like, yeah, she's, she's calling the shots, you know, whatever, whatever she's doing. I'm like, Hey man, you know, like, so
Speaker: She's getting flustered. So like, man, like since I'm taking the lead, I'm like, I'm like, let me pull her. So the hey, you're in good hands. All right. So might it's a change. You know, she goes, I know, but she goes, I just don't realize how much shit we have. I got to like set up a garage sale. I said, we'll worry about that later right now. We're just where do you want this couch? You want all your shit before this gets any worse. And it's 100 percent true because I went through that when I
Speaker: You know, I had a 2 ,500 square foot home in Charleston, beautiful house in Charleston. And I literally came home and like I said, my first apartment was like 600 square feet on a good day. But before I left, because I knew I was coming, you know, when I was coming back to Ohio and at the time, you know, I was coming back with a friend or, you know, a situation ship. Let's just call it spade a spade. It was a situation ship, but I still had to, I had to downsize. I took like 10 truckloads of shit.
Speaker: To the dump You know pickup truckloads full of shit to the dump Not to mention all the shit that I sold not to mention the random fucking oh I could tell you guys how many goddamn Amazon packages that I found that were never even opened That shit to my ex -wife would fucking order and then not even not even open
Speaker: or random boxes of shit. I'm like, what the fuck is this? Why, why do we have this? Because again, you know, I was in Charleston, I was making good fucking money. I mean, good fucking money. And, you know, I was able to afford, you know, to be in that nice neighborhood, to have that house. And I was getting ready to buy that house. And, you know, it was like, and we'd only been there five years. It was like the amount of shit that we accumulated in five fucking years.
Speaker: was insane and you know and shout out to the people who you know when I was like hey you know and I had a lot of customers come through that were customers of mine at org and they were just buying shit just to help me out you know what I mean they didn't necessarily need it or whatever like my neighbor bought a fucking fuck ton of stuff out of my garage and he was like
Speaker: I mean, I could probably find a use for this. So, you know, like, so shout out to, shout out to everybody who, who, who bought stuff that I didn't need or didn't have the room for, you know, really helped me out in the long run. That's why I was able to come back home to Ohio and, and, and live for a few months without having to, you know, as I, you know, I was trying to get a job, but I didn't have to stress it because I had a good chunk of change in the bank and, you know, and a good, you know, I had a little nest egg or whatever.
Speaker: But, uh, you know, it was just like, goddamn, we really accumulated a lot of shit since we've been in here, but, and then, and then not only like going through it. So then, you know, then I'm going through the process of getting rid of shit or finding shit or seeing shit. And it was like, it was kind of a kick in the dick because all this is thrown away because at some point. Hi, Nikki.
Speaker: At some point we stopped communicating. At some point we stopped caring. At some point, whatever the case may be. So it's one of those things, but there's a lot of variance in a relationship that people struggle with. And like I said, we all go through it.
Speaker: What you see on one side of the coin isn't necessarily what's going on on the other side of the coin. And we don't have to share every personal detail of our lives to realize that, you know, we all go through stuff and we all deal with stuff. And, um, you know, but it's, it's being there from one another in a relationship, whether it's with a significant other loved one, uh, your girlfriend, your husband, your wife, boyfriend,
Speaker: whatever the case may be, it's, it's, it's all about riding that storm out and, and, and making it through the bad times because at the end of the day, you know, the bad times are going to make the good times that much better. And if it's worth it, then you're going to be willing to, you're going to be willing to stand there and you're in, you know, I like to, I like to, I've never really shared this. It's just something, it's a thought that I've always had in my head.
Speaker: So I've never really shared it. It's, it's like a prize fighter. And you got the, and you, and you finally get the chance of the, at the, at the championship. And, and you put every ounce of blood, sweat and tears you have and to getting ready for that fight and being in that fight and you go 10 rounds and you put everything you possibly can into that, that, that 10 round fight, that 10 round, two minute fight, which equivalents to what?
Speaker: Somebody do the math. What is it? 20 minutes, 20 minutes. Yeah. You know, everything you have into this massive achievement, this massive goal that you've wanted. It's the same with the relationship. Yeah. You're going to get knocked down. You're going to get beat up. You're going to, you know, figuratively, you're going to get knocked down, beat up and bloodied and, and, and, and, and, and black and blue. But at the end of the day, if you survive those 10 rounds and you manage to
Speaker: come out better for it. Everything you've worked for and everything that you strive for and everything that you've wanted is all worth it at the end of the day. Well, yeah. I mean, there's even a country song out there that's better than I used to be by Sammy Kershaw. You know how, but before all that, he wasn't able to look himself in the mirror.
Speaker: But now that he can, he sees a better man in that mirror now. And yeah, we've all had those times where, you know, we've been beaten down or we had that relationship that we just wanted to make it work and we couldn't. And then we felt like failures because our names were dragged across the fucking ground. Like, like we were fucking sand or tar on the road and
Speaker: you know, not that we deserved it. We probably wanted to fucking say, no, this is what really happened. But in reality, like Gileck said earlier, there's always three ways of the story. His, hers, and the truth. And no matter if you're saying the truth, it's always, yeah, but we haven't heard this person's side of the story. Yeah, exactly. 100%. Yeah.
Speaker: I do want to get ready and wrap this bad boy up, but per usual, you know, um, you know, I'd like you guys to hang out through the song. If you, if you'd be so kind, uh, and, and before we, before we go our different ways and part ways and everything like that, uh, you know, if you, whatever quote you want to, you know, I enjoy the quotes that we drop, um, whether you see something online that you like or something that you personally come up with or whatever, just hanging out through the song. And when we come back, we'll close out the show.
Speaker: Let each one of us kind of do a little closing quote, if you will. Like I said, relationships take a lot of work, a lot of hard work. And the word of the night has been communication. Some of us are not very good at communication. Some of us don't like to communicate.
Speaker: or don't know how to put our thoughts into words. I struggle with that. Believe it or not. Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, you guys see me four nights a week and you hear me talk a fucking lot. But when it comes down to a serious conversation and Jeff and Jeff and I have had these conversations because he yells at me and he just yelled at me tonight, you know, I don't always know how to say the things that are on my mind. I don't always know how to find the right words or the right, right things to say. But when it comes down to being in a relationship,
Speaker: with somebody or, you know, going through that stuff, you have to be able to communicate and not worry about. All right. If I say it this way, am I going to sound like a complete fucking moron? Am I going to sound stupid as fuck? It doesn't matter. You just have to get it out there. So your partner knows how you're feeling or what you're going through. And, and I'm terrible at this. And I know Nick, Nick, you will be showed, show a test to it. I'm fucking terrible at it.
Speaker: I'm the worst at it. I come on here and I say all the things and I do all the things and, but I'm terrible in real life. You know, Jeff can attest to it. He literally just yelled at me 10 minutes ago on Snapchat. Um, you know, I, and I've been yelled at before. I'm great at giving advice. I'm great at talking to people. I'm great at being there for people, but I'm terrible at doing, putting it in reverse.
Speaker: and letting people be there for me or talking to people. Relationships are not gonna work and they're not gonna be healthy if you don't have that open line of communication. So again, I say we're no experts. None of us have fancy degrees from fancy colleges. We're just a group of guys who have been through it and lived it and survived it and continue to learn and continue to grow and continue to evolve as human beings.
Speaker: And that's all we can do at the end of the day. You know, we all have our own story. I mean, I could, I could do a men's men caring for men and just be like, all right, Brian, I want you to come up tonight and it's just going to be you. And I'm going to give you two hours and just put all as much as you want to share as much as you want to say, put it out there. I can say the same thing to Jarvis. I can say the same thing to Jeff and I could.
Speaker: Shit Connor with the hard R. Yeah, Connor could do the same thing Connor with the hard er, you know I can come on here and You know, I could I could dazzle you with stories that would go what in the actual fuck You know, I think all of us could do that with like what in the actual fuck. Why are they still here? Why are they still pushing on? Why are they still trying to be better? Why are they still? What looking for
Speaker: that other end of the rainbow, that greener grass or whatever. But that's what this show is all about. Men caring for men, men's mental health matters. And if anything, at the end of the day, hopefully we might not reach anybody. Nobody may ever listen to the words that are coming out of our mouths, but maybe worst case scenario, the guys that are on this show, the guys that are on this panel, we come out better at the other end.
Speaker: You know, uh, I think this is all, uh, uncharted territory for all of us. Uh, I mean, if you guys disagree, feel free to tell me, I always disagree with you just on principle reason why I divorced you and put you in a great military to Mexico. Actually, uh, um, I have a quote.
Speaker: that I literally just found. I don't know if you guys have seen Ted Lasso.
Speaker: No, excellent show. It's a great show. It looks like it's a great show. It's amazing, by the way, even though it is about soccer. That's the only problem I have with his fucking soccer. I love her. She's awesome. And I don't even know her until. Which one? Which one? The seven foot blonde chick. Oh, yeah. She's the same chick from Game of Thrones.
Speaker: The chick ringing the bell and saying shame Yeah, you need to check out Ted lasso. She's fucking gorgeous Oh, by the way, where are you assholes that earlier when I made a Star Wars reference and everybody looked at me like I was a fucking Jeffery Fucking her I didn't do it. I wasn't here. What'd you say? But the quote The quote I hear and Connor added to and it comes I truly believe this is
Speaker: this could be attributed to any relationship and the quote is this taking it taking on a challenge or relationship it's kind of like riding a horse if you're comfortable while you're doing it you're probably doing it wrong but you have to be able to find you know whether it's talking about your feelings well it's talking about to your your significant well it's talking you have to be able to have that uncomfortable conversation agree with me
Speaker: So I want to go ahead and wrap this up real quick. I won't play a song. I want to come back and get closing remarks from everybody. And you know, like a little closing quote or whatever you want to do. This song, I have, I'm a huge fan of this artist. This song has been one of my favorite songs ever since I was a child. It wasn't until I got older and was in my first serious relationship that the song really spoke to me and really hit me close to home.
Speaker: And it continues to this day. And basically it's what we've been talking about all night long. Relationships are hard. Relationships are not easy. You're going to go through the trials and tribulations. Yeah. There's my word of the, another one of my words of the day, Brian. The Sasquatch is smarter than you thought he was, but, uh, you know, quit while you're ahead.
Speaker: But no, it's ultimately the song is about not giving up. When you feel like the easiest thing to do is just to give up and walk away, but not giving up. Before I get to that, I do a lot of shows during the week. I do this show. I do nonsensical nonsense twice. I do Glick's House of Music. And then I make the random appearance on other people's podcasts as well.
Speaker: from time to time. You're probably wondering where the fuck I get the energy to do all that stuff. Well, circuit burns over a dummy energy and unlike other energy drinks that'll leave you with a crash. Oh, no, don't worry. I'm just getting ready to play for you. Oh, what are you? What are you doing? Do a dummy. Calm down. Just keep talking. OK. Well, make sure I don't put it back. Calm down. Well, we just fucked up. We don't want you.
Speaker: I do a lot of shit throughout the week besides work and kids and a fiance and multiple podcasts during the week. And the energy comes from our good friends at W energy. Unlike the other energy drinks that are out there. There's no crash an hour after you drink it. And you have to drink multiple energy drinks, which causes you to have the jitters and feel like your heart's going to explode. W doesn't do that. And W is no jitters, no crash.
Speaker: Gonna get you energized, get you focused for the day, get you going, get you rocking and rolling, making you feel right. Not only that, but let's be honest, those energy drinks that you buy in the store and at the gas station, they taste like asshole. They all taste the same. W energy has got some actually tasty ass energy drinks. Might I recommend Dragonade and, or my personal favorite. And I know it doesn't sound very good, but it's actually delicious. Well, dub sludge for you. I love it. It's one of my favorites. I'm actually getting ready to place another order.
Speaker: It's because I've run out, but I got to get me some more. But W is going to get you covered. W is going to be taking care of you. They're going to keep you energized and focused for the day ahead. And I mean, it's pretty basic and pretty simple. All we're asking you all to do is join us. You're good friends over at the Nonsenseable Network as we wage war on big energy. Head on over to w .gg. Use our promo code.
Speaker: You're going to save on every order with our promo code words are hard. I'll recommend this. If you're hesitant and you're worried, get the sampler pack. It's four packs. It's not very expensive. Get your sampler pack, try it out. And if you like it, you can thank us later. But either way, if you get the sampler pack or you get a tub or whatever you're buying, make sure you use promo code words are hard at checkout when you go to w .gg and get that discount, Jeffrey.
Speaker: We sit there the white night upon a fire of speed Late at night, I toss and I turn and I scream Oh, what a day! What a hero! I'm only a foolish hero till the end of the night He's gone too long and he's gotta react
Speaker: I live to play that video on it. I know you do. I know you do. I love that I made it. Bonnie Tyler. He's the one that you watch. I said you can't go wrong with some Bonnie Tyler. That's who sang it. The original. The original. Yes. So we do appreciate y 'all. We appreciate y 'all hanging out. Hopefully enjoy the show. We're going to drop this down. We're going to play a little music for you. Like you said, this song is kind of like the definition of
Speaker: being at that breaking point and realizing that not giving up is worth it. And, uh, and again, it goes way back in the day. I mean, probably before Jarvis was even born. I don't know when Jarvis means he's into it with a movie. I don't know when Jarvis, when were you born? 1993.
Speaker: Jesus. Oh, actually the song came out when he was born, the year he was born. But it's Mark Chesner. Jesus. Oh, fuck off. Muffin fetus. Every strain on the street last night.
Speaker: We stood beneath the front door of my hand Everything we said, we made sure the neighbors heard You called me this, I called you that Standing on the welcome mat Everything we felt, it all came down to just one word But you couldn't say it, and I couldn't say it
Speaker: My best to go I know you cried, cause I hurt your soul It should've been easy to say we were through But to walk away from love wasn't more than we could do It was almost goodbye
Speaker: Almost goodbye I've ever sung through the lines this morning When I opened up my eyes And outside I could hear a walking bird I could feel your heartbeat
Speaker: As you lay there by my side I thought of how the world could end with just one word But you didn't say it and I didn't say it You know I tried my best to go
Speaker: You cried because I heard you so warm It should have been easy to say we were through But to walk away from love that way Was more than we could do It was almost goodbye It was almost
Speaker: Sometimes the most important words are the ones that you leave unspoken You know I've tried my best going I know you've tried, held I heard you so It should have been easy
Speaker: Say that we were true But to walk away from love that way Was more than we could do It was almost goodbye Almost goodbye No, I couldn't say it first Almost goodbye
Speaker: Great fucking song speaks a lot of volumes and a lot of truth Do appreciate y 'all listening. Appreciate y 'all hanging out before I let the guys leave us with parting words Do want to go ahead and shout out the social medias join us every Monday night for men caring for men
Speaker: Wednesdays and Saturdays you can hang out with us for a nonsensical nonsense getting a little crazy doing what we do Tuesday nights my guy Jeff and His counterpart Sam and Vera Vera Vera Vera Vera. We'll be doing dollars and cents podcast And Friday nights. I'm back again for clicks house of music Just so you guys know
Speaker: Working on a lot of things. So there's a lot of things going on in the nonsensical world. We are on all the social media platforms, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, YouTube, Twitch, not only that, but you can listen to the podcast wherever you listen to podcasts and on all platforms like Zingaster, Spotify, Google, Apple, wherever you listen to podcasts, we are more than likely there. And if you want to find us simply go to bio .link slash nonsensical nonsense. You're going to find all the shows there. You can follow us.
Speaker: And if you do that, we greatly appreciate you. You can also give us a share and make sure you hit that subscribe button. That way, you know what we do when we do how we do baby. Oh man. Good show tonight. Gentlemen. Appreciate you guys being here. Shout out to Rick. Shout out to Connor. I appreciate y 'all being here. I know you guys had to dip out a little bit early.
Speaker: I do appreciate you guys being here Monday night with me. I appreciate the show that you guys having these conversations with me and I, and I appreciate the hell out of you guys. It means a lot, not only to me, but I think it means a lot to the other men who listen to this show and shout out to the ladies who are watching the show. Uh, surprisingly, um, a lot of ladies are listening to the show and, uh, I'm getting, I'm getting some feedback from them. Uh, so that that's really cool, but, uh, it means a lot to me personally that, that, that I have this panel of guys.
Speaker: that come on here and Jeff when he decides to pop on, but you guys see me and Jeff together a lot. So, you know, but I do appreciate it. And it means the world to me that you guys do come on here and you open up and you're vulnerable and you allow yourselves to, as society would say, be weak for a few hours a week and be here and take part in a show. It does mean a lot to me. And I hope you guys know that it, you know, it doesn't go unappreciated at the end of the day.
Speaker: Uh, but as I said, we are going to wrap this up. Uh, Jarvis, I'm going to start with you, uh, a quote or closing remarks that you would like to, to, to say for tonight's show. Well, you know, I'm going to rip this quote off, but you know, I'm going to use it in my own language. Uh, women can't find you handy. At least they can find you nonsensical. Don't sue me, red green. Nice. Brian, what you got? That's all I fucking had to quote the great Obi -Wan Kenobi.
Speaker: Relax. Take a deep breath. Jeffrey. I like that. Actually, I'm going back to the Ted Lasso pool. Be curious, not judgmental. Walt Whitman. Nice. Well, I got a couple here for you guys. Uh, it just, you know, I like to, you know, these are not my words. These are other people's words, but you know, on the topic tonight with relationships,
Speaker: You don't have to cheat to lose someone. You can lose someone from lack of communication, attention, and disrespect. It's not always what you do. Sometimes it's about what you didn't do. At the end of the day. Also, one more here. Don't break up. Fix the problem. Start the romance again. Go on dates again. Work on one and each other over again.
Speaker: This is why there are so many failed relationships. If you love one another and our best friends, then breaking up is not the answer. I'm also going to go back to what I said earlier about one of my words of wisdom that I did. Cause I like to hear my own self talk and I like to talk. Yeah. Cause I'm the host.
Speaker: Actually, I actually want to bring these words of wisdom back and I might read up them back up on Instagram and stuff like that But one of the things that I said in this in this and this is this is It speaks volumes, especially when it comes to a relationship Actions speak louder than words Don't always You don't necessarily have to listen to the words that they're saying pay more attention To what they do and not what they said
Speaker: Cause that'll, that'll lead you to where you need to be. Never quit dating your significant other. Yes. Yeah. We should start asking the chatters box for quotes in the show as well. Oh, don't give her a fucking cue. Anyways. Uh, men can from men will be back next Monday night. Yes. We'll be back next Monday night and to make sure I was going to be, um, seven PM ish right here.
Speaker: same non -sensible network, same nonsensical time, same nonsensical channel. In the meantime, tune in for Wednesday and Saturday or Wednesday and Saturday night for non -sensical nonsense. Jeff will be up here tomorrow night doing dollars and cents. I'll be back Friday. Yes. I'll be back Friday for good access to music. And don't forget about our good friends over at Talking Shit. They'll be doing their thing Thursday night. And I need to be better about announcing this and I'll try to be better, but March 18th,
Speaker: We'll be teaming up with Mark and Brian of Talking Shit and doing a collaboration for Men Care for Men. They're going to join us and we're going to talk about a bunch of different issues and different things and stuff like that. I don't really know what we're going to talk about yet, because let's be honest, Mark and I haven't discussed that yet. And probably never will until last May. You'd be 100 % honest. But no, again, thank you guys for being here. Thank you to Connor. Thank you to Rick.
Speaker: I appreciate you guys being here on Monday nights. I really do. I know you guys are taking time out of your lives and stuff like that to be here. So I really do appreciate it. And until next time, ladies and gentlemen. Okay, one last thing and I'm done, I promise. I just started this and I don't know why I haven't already been doing it. One last thing and I'm going to hit the fucking button. I'm really hovering over a button. Share a smile.
Speaker: Think about it. Go fuck yourself.
