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Intercultural Dating
89 Plays3 months ago
Maggie & Leilah discuss their experiences dating in intercultural and bilingual relationships. From misunderstandings, to creation of your own mixed language, the adventures are so unique and discovery never ends.
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Transcript
Introduction and English Learning Stories
00:00:00
Speaker
Cuida tu Modern English. Or Sete eme English. A podcast of two English teachers who became friends after moving to Chile. We share real-life, entertaining stories of our experiences in Chile in a conversational way, so you can gain exposure to native pacing with the extra support you may not be able to get through the usual forms of media. So you can learn intermediate to advanced English from anywhere in the world.
00:00:27
Speaker
We also do a short vocabulary review at the end to help the new words stick. So grab your coffee, wine, or piscole, and let's
Intercultural Dating Experiences
00:00:36
Speaker
get started. Ladies and gentlemen, we are proudly presenting...
00:00:42
Speaker
the ba i go toma yeah chap con do mar mar consider my
00:00:53
Speaker
queenza through modern english How are you today, Layla? I am just great. This episode of the podcast is brought to you by caffeine on both ends. Thank you, Celsius.
00:01:11
Speaker
We need some like promotional pay. Yeah, we're looking for people to to pay for this. Celsius gets you through your day. Gets you through your podcast.
00:01:24
Speaker
so A needle in a thread.
00:01:29
Speaker
Welcome to this episode of the podcast today. I'm excited for our topics because I find that it's really funny. We will be talking about intercultural dating. Yay. We can't get away from it. yeah Both of us continue to be in intercultural relationships. So the last episode was kind of like cultural misunderstandings, s linguistic misunderstandings. And I feel like this is very related to that, but obviously it's different also when you're in a romantic relationship with someone and you come from different cultural backgrounds. Oh yeah, absolutely. So I think that
00:02:13
Speaker
with intercultural dating, there's a lot of beautiful things that come with it, right? Like you learn so much about culture through the other person that you're dating, but it also can be difficult. Like it does come with more things versus dating someone from your hometown or something like that. You do have kind of more challenges as well. Oh yeah, absolutely. And there's Yeah, people yeah often think about the, I would say probably the bilingual aspect of it, but it really is, you know, just like when you move to a new country, you have culture shock. It's kind of like you go through culture shock a little bit with your significant other as well. Yeah, definitely. And so what is your background with intercultural dating? um Leila, do you have like,
00:03:10
Speaker
I don't know how to ask that, but yeah, what's your what's relationship to intercultural dating? Have you interculturally dated before? Yes, unfortunately I have a type apparently and everybody makes fun of me for it, but that's fine. um ah I will say I've never dated outside of the US s before my first Chilean boyfriend.
00:03:38
Speaker
Okay, so that changed that was a life changing moment. A pivotal moment. I guess so. Because after him, I dated another Chilean for... Okay, well, the first Chilean I dated for a year and a half, but that was long distance. um And then the second Chilean I dated for, I don't know, it's been like four or five years, like honestly.
00:04:05
Speaker
um I think two of those were long distance and then two were in person when I moved to Chile. And then after that,
00:04:18
Speaker
I am now dating a Venezuelan. So that's also interesting too because like I feel like different things would come up also when you're dating someone from Chile or from Venezuela. yeah um And it's cool so it's cool too because um the Venezuelan that I'm dating now lived in
Language and Communication in Relationships
00:04:36
Speaker
Chile for eight years. So we connect a lot on um the Chilean culture, which is hilarious because neither one of us are Chilean.
00:04:45
Speaker
Yeah, I love that. That's very much like the global world we live in now. yeah you can Both of us connect on Chilean culture, even though neither of us is right. Exactly. Yeah, it's good. It's a good culture. I love it. Yeah. I think something I really love about my relationship now that I'm in, we've been together for like five years. So, and he's Chilean. So that's kind of my big main experience with intercultural dating. But I think that something that I have really liked about it is how much you learn constantly. Like, you're always in interesting conversations, I think. like even now where today he ah he asked me what does whimsical mean and he has a really he was like a really high level of English but it's just like always there's new stuff that comes up you know there's like words that you haven't thought of or
00:05:44
Speaker
He'll obviously that happens a lot to where I'm like, what is this like really specific Chilean reference that I don't understand? And he's like, Oh, that's a TV show from the 90s. Like, okay. Oh, God. Now everyone's gonna know that.
00:06:05
Speaker
We know everything guys. We know all the, we know all the things. All the jargon. Oh, that's a good vocab word. We'll have to sneak that one in. Oh, I was thinking Mo. Oh, and obviously like back yes In the opposite direction, that would be a great one. Um, yeah. So whimsical and jargon we have already. That was pretty good. Yeah. Definitely.
00:06:31
Speaker
Do you feel like there's any lessons that you've learned in your intercultural relationships or something that's challenged your gringa-ness? Yes, absolutely. So I think um one of the main things is just being able to be I guess more empathetic because when there's a different culture involved, you have to think of every single argument that you have as coming from that background. And so you really do have to be more empathetic.
00:07:05
Speaker
and understanding. It has transferred over to other areas of my life as well, which is awesome. Just in general, like knowing that everybody comes from different backgrounds and even if you're from the same culture, it doesn't mean you have the same background. so Yeah, definitely. I hear that about the empathy and kind of like needing to be a good listener and needing to explain yourself clearly, which I think is important in any relationship, but it just is so blatant when you're in a relationship. Maybe your argument is not in your native language or it's not in the other person's native language, so it's like very important. Actually, speaking of that, ah they've done some scientific experiments, I guess, about this.
00:07:50
Speaker
I should say psychological experiments and things mean more in your native language. So you can say the same thing in a foreign language, but it means more to you in your own native language. So because of that, I tried really hard to, whenever we had discussions or um arguments, I would try really hard to do it in Spanish.
00:08:14
Speaker
because I wanted him to really understand like the seriousness of certain things. And so I was doing it in Spanish, but even though he has really good English, you know I would be like, no, we're going to do this in Spanish.
00:08:26
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You're like, you need to know how real this is. That's hilarious. That's a good tactic. I kind of had this like, I don't know. So we tend to speak, we speak a lot of Spanish outside of the house and like whatever we're with friends are outside. Cause I just prefer to kind of like speak the way everyone else does. And also this is another thing, but I find that In Chile, we've both talked about how sometimes like if you're a gringa girl dating a Chilean man, sometimes they're a little bit paranoid compared to us. like Be a little careful, be careful about crime, be careful about looking like a tourist in public.
00:09:14
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and those sort of things. So in general, I tend to speak not just for that reason, but like also just to be part of the community.
Cultural Perceptions and Language Choice
00:09:22
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In Spanish outside, but with Jorge with my partner, we speak in English and or just like more than in Spanish. And I, in the past thought like, oh, he doesn't want to speak to me in Spanish, he doesn't want to I don't know, listen to me in Spanish, maybe like he's not as patient when I speak in Spanish. But recently he told me something about how he actually really likes talking to me in English and it's kind of his association with English, right? It's kind of like our relationship and everything like that. And I was thinking, oh, that's so different from I kind of took it personally. Like, oh, you only want to speak to me in English. Like you must hate my Spanish. what
00:10:06
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But then I was like, oh, actually, it's like really beautiful. It's like, oh, i no, I just really like speaking to you. It's not that I don't want to talk to you in Spanish, it's just that I really like talking to you in English. It was really interesting because my ex's family asked me if if we speak Spanish in the home or English in the home. And, you know, I mean, it would be kind of like a Spanish mix sometimes, but mainly we did speak English. and But I think it's because I think my partner at the time wanted to learn more English. um That's yeah a big thing. Which is interesting because you know I think looking back, I knew that we should have been speaking more Spanish because I'm in the country that speaks Spanish. So it would have been extremely helpful if he had the patience to do it. um And I'm not saying that he wasn't patient. He was very patient.
00:11:01
Speaker
sometimes, but sometimes he would get impatient and not want to wait. Like you were saying, like, for me to think of the words and the grammar and everything, you know, I talk really slow in Spanish sometimes all the time. And so he just would get impatient and switch to English because his English was way better than my Spanish. So that was a really interesting thing that I hadn't thought about until they asked me.
00:11:30
Speaker
um But the same, like as soon as we would leave the apartment, we would start speaking Spanish. like Yeah, exactly. I think that's a big thing too. And also, like both of us are teachers. So when I'm talking to someone that's an English learner, I really don't feel impatient. I don't know how to describe that. I think a lot of people feel really self-conscious, like, oh, I'm talking to this person. I have to talk as fast as I can, or they'll hate me if they have to wait for me. but personally, I just really never care. Like I'm down to just wait for the person to explain themselves. But not everyone's like that. There are exceptions to that. yeah
00:12:11
Speaker
I can see that in most cases. Yeah, I'll say in most cases. So the case that I'm thinking about is I just stopped working at this restaurant and there's a Venezuelan that works there with me and and he's so sweet and so kind and he really wants to learn English. um And so sometimes he'll be asking me like, what is this? What is this? How do you say this in English? How do you say this in English?
00:12:36
Speaker
And 99% of the time, I'm like, that's fine. I love being able to help and and teach. and you know um But there's sometimes where like I'll have, let's say, four or five tables to wait on. And then he's in the kitchen going, hey, how do you say this and that? And trying to tell me a story. And I'm like, dude, I got to go.
00:12:56
Speaker
like I got people waiting on me. you know like So that's that's the exception is I'm like, okay, can you just switch to Spanish and just say it in Spanish really fast? Because I don't have time to wait for your English. like But um that's a really situational, you know and it doesn't happen very often.
00:13:13
Speaker
But other than that, yeah it's fine. It's not like when you're just hanging out and talking to friends. You're not like, God, talk faster.
Cultural Communication Dynamics
00:13:21
Speaker
like I never feel that way. But I think that's a big thing too, being in Chile. For me, what was difficult about interacting at parties and in social gatherings more than the language has been the um dynamic of conversation. yeah Because in general, in the US, a lot of people think like, oh, people talk so fast. And that's because maybe you need to practice like listening more. yeah But literally, in words per minute, people talk way faster in Spanish in general, and then like even more in Chile. yeah and so
00:14:00
Speaker
And the dynamic like in Chile versus other Latin American countries is like one person's telling a story and another person's like, yeah, and this and this and like they add another comment and then like it just gets like so fast because of the way that people like contribute really fast jokes. People's communication goes really fast here.
00:14:26
Speaker
Okay, so we were talking kind of focused more on like the linguistic aspect, but also there's a lot of cultural differences that you might have with a significant other. One of the ones that for me was like kind of jarring um vocabulary word yeah coming to Chile. was the difference in PDA yeah that they have here in Chile and in Argentina, I've noticed, in comparison with the United States. Yes. Very much so but and so pda yeah right so. PDA is public displays of affection, and it's anything like kissing or touching your significant other in public.
00:15:10
Speaker
um And just socially, it's a lot more accepted to be way more touchy in public here than it is in the US.
00:15:22
Speaker
yeah like you i don't know I feel like in the US, when I was living there, if I saw a couple just making out on the street, it would be kind of trashy. That's a little weird to do that.
00:15:39
Speaker
of your house. But you can do that. It's fun. Yeah, I know. Actually, it's really funny. The first time I ever came to Chile, I was in Santiago and I don't remember exactly where I was, but there was this like little park somewhere and we drove by it and there was not a lot of grass that you could see left because everybody had b blankets and it was a bunch of like teenagers or young adults that were together just making out and like it was like
00:16:12
Speaker
Synchronated almost little bit because they were all doing it at the same time. I was just like, what is happening? I was like, that is so weird. And then um my my boyfriend that I was with at the time was like, oh, yeah, that's normal here. I was like, what? And I mean, it's not like super normal, really, but um it is normal to see people making out in public. Yeah.
00:16:38
Speaker
It's like way more accepted, I think socially. Yeah, um for sure. Yeah, and even like, I feel that that was a little bit of something to kind of deal with in my relationship because I was in general kind of cold in public. But for me, it's because it's just like not good. It wasn't good manners, or it was like, not well seen to just be like really touchy in public. Yeah, maybe that's why they think Americans are so cold. Yeah, but then other reasons. among Other reasons as well. But like, it was interesting, because hearing Jorge tell me, well, not just him, but like, I can now understand the other side of it where it's like, Oh, do you
00:17:25
Speaker
feel shy about being seen with me? Or do you feel embarrassed about like showing me love, you know, in public, like, and whereas on the other side, you're kind of like, Oh, I just I don't know if I should be doing that.
Family Dynamics Across Cultures
00:17:40
Speaker
Right. It feels inappropriate. you right And so it's like they take, well, we as human beings take it personally, and it's really just a difference in culture and that we have to explain. um Yeah, there was definitely a time in Malmarina that where we were going we were going up the escalator and Delpho put his um hand in my back pocket.
00:18:04
Speaker
And I didn't know what he was going to do. I thought maybe he was going to like, I don't know, squeeze my butt or something. I don't know. But he put his hand in my back pocket and I jumped away from him and I was like, oh, my God. And he was like, oh, I'm OK. And I was just like, oh, I'm so sorry. I was like, I'm just not used to you being able to touch my butt in public. Yeah, I thought that that wasn't allowed.
00:18:31
Speaker
I think that there's like, I do have, I think I have like real trauma from that though, from living in the US because I remember when I was like 15 and I had a boyfriend and we were taking the Metro and he was kind of like being touchy with me on the Metro and this old lady came over and I forget what she said because this was like over 10 years ago but she was like very mean about it and told us basically that we were like really I don't know rude and didn't have any manners because we were being touched in public yeah and except that we were a pair of sluts so I feel like I have some trauma too with that I can see that
00:19:17
Speaker
Yep, and sounds about right. yeah Oh, this is an interesting like reverse kind of thing. So we were I think at Comic Con and my current boyfriend, I don't remember exactly what we were doing, but I did something where I, I think I grabbed his butt in public or something and and he looked at me and he was like, oh, racy. You know, like,
00:19:47
Speaker
And then he's like, okay, pub, like PDA, you know? And i he's like, not here. He's like, and then he slaps my hand, you know, not here, you know? And I looked at him and i was like, I guess I'm just like, I just acclimated to the Latino culture and oops, here I am in the US, I forgot. Yeah. You will look around at Comic Con with all the gringos dressed up, like staring at you.
00:20:16
Speaker
cosplay as an adult. That's funny. Yeah, it was pretty funny. I was like, Oh, that's funny that a Latino told me to stop doing PDA in public. Yeah, you were like too much for him. Yeah.
00:20:31
Speaker
Yeah, I think he would i mean he was obviously being sarcastic in in that sense like, oh, shame on us.
00:20:41
Speaker
oh i In addition to that, like what other cultural differences have you observed that exist like between being from the US and dating someone from Latin America? Like have you experienced or specifically from Chile and Venezuela, do you feel like you've experienced any other like real cultural differences um I don't know if I can include this or not, but I'll say it anyway. um So it being around the Venezuelan family is interesting because they heap their food onto the plate and they will eat every single morsel of it. And I know in in Chile, they also tend to eat everything everything on the plates because it feels wasteful to throw food away.
00:21:32
Speaker
um But it's a lot more obvious, I guess. So I don't, you know what I mean? Yeah, like you kind of are. I feel like in general, there's kind of this like, family culture that I've observed that's a little bit different. And it's hard, it's really hard to generalize the US because it's such a huge country. And you do have these like,
00:21:58
Speaker
Italian US families where they are like super family oriented and have multi generational family living in the house like it's really difficult to say that all families are like this in the US s but in general like kind of but I think we both have a similar cultural background of being like white, Anglo-Saxon, Protestant upbringing. and I feel like our notion of family and like the family gatherings where like you have a bunch of food and like the grandma that keeps giving you more food are just not the same.
00:22:35
Speaker
like in latin in america or nobody cares here if you throw half a plate away you know we're more wasteful culturally yeah we are so wasteful it's ridiculous but when i first met my second chilean boyfriend um I just don't I don't want to say their names too often because it's like I don't I know that their family members might be listening to this or something so I don't I just want to keep it I should just call them like you know fake names like rodrigo oh yeah okay we should come up with names Rodrigo will be Chilean one and want to yeah
00:23:21
Speaker
but there's a story behind that anyway um okay so when i first met the boyfriend one this this one is fun okay umberto take man
00:23:51
Speaker
No, it's fine. It's fine. Okay, so when I first met my boyfriend, he was living with his parents and he had only lived outside of the house for six months when he went to school in Santiago. However, he ah told me because we were long distance at the time, so I wouldn't have known any better, that he did not live with his parents and that he lived alone. Yeah.
00:24:19
Speaker
And then what was interesting is I feel like he just initially didn't think that we were going to be together or anything because we were just friends. And then as I just slowly discovered the truth, it was like he was so embarrassed that he was lying. I don't know. But but he kept the line going and he really committed to it. And, you know, you got to give him props for that because He did that? He was a good liar.
00:24:51
Speaker
so Among, yes. Among other things, yes. Yes. Very much so. And now everyone knows why we're not together anymore. and Surprise! It's hard to, yeah, it's hard to like talk about stuff like that and not have like the truth come out. Right? It's like, okay. But, but yeah, so I, um you know, I sent him a package for his birthday one year, and he gave me the address of his parents.
00:25:20
Speaker
house And I said, well, um why am I sending it there and not to your apartment? And his um reasoning was because he worked weird hours. and um if if somebody were to leave a package on the like in front of his apartment then somebody might steal it and so he just wants to send it to his parents house because they're always home so you know whatever and I was like okay that's legit but I remembered the address and when I moved to Chile I remember him telling me that he wasn't going to be able to talk to me a lot the weekend before I moved because
00:25:58
Speaker
he was going to be moving into the parents' house so that um he could leave the lease of the former apartment and there was going to be a gap in between the old apartment and then our new apartment. And so he said he was going to be moving all of his stuff to his parents' house and then we would move it together to the new apartment.
00:26:23
Speaker
And when I landed in the plane and we drove to his parents' house, first of all, we pulled up and I saw the street numbers and I immediately knew that's where I sent the package. And I was like, okay, well, I guess that makes sense. So so we go inside and he shows me where to put my stuff in his room.
00:26:47
Speaker
And as soon as we walked in, I knew he was lying because it was this like neon green paint in the background and there was a Charlie Chaplin painting on the wall, which I saw that, you know, when we were FaceTiming all the time, like, you know, there was no denying that this was definitely the same room. And, and then, you know, the TV was drilled into the wall. So, you know, nobody's gonna drill a TV into the wall for one day.
00:27:20
Speaker
Yeah, it was like obvious that he had been living with his parents the whole time and kind of told you that he was living somewhere else because for us it's more usual that when you're in your 30s you would not be living with your parents. Right, exactly. so It was really interesting. And then I went to the bathroom and sure enough, you know, um there were there's this border of tiles in there that had little dolphins on the background. So, it I mean, it was pretty unique.
00:27:52
Speaker
Yeah, that's gonna get very obvious. That's a giveaway. Yeah. And still, at that point, he still insisted that he was not lying. And I just do not understand that, um how you can be so caught red handed. There's a good Djo for you. Yeah, red handed. And still,
00:28:20
Speaker
still commit to the lie. And I'm not alone in this because I do have a friend who told me a story about, you know, their ex and how they did exactly the same thing. Um, not like lying about living there, but, but other, other things. It's like committing to that lie. And it's just so crazy to me because if I get caught in a lie and it's obvious and you know, it's obvious,
00:28:45
Speaker
it's like dude just give it up there's nothing else you can do yeah you just gotta to you just gotta confess at that point yeah so what does caught red-handed mean a I don't know what the, so there is a Spanish phrase that I think is similar. It's like caught with your hands in the dough, like with the manas en namata. Oh my God, I love that. I think that that's, I don't, I know that that's a phrase. I don't know if I'm like misusing it, but it's like, you were caught in the act. Like your hands are, are red with blood, I imagine. Like you are doing the crime and it's obviously it was you. Yeah.
00:29:27
Speaker
Yep, absolutely. That's really interesting. I do think that that's definitely a cultural difference because we were talking about how like red flags can be very different. They can be culturally relative, like something that's a red flag in our culture might be different from a red flag, not in the US. Yes, absolutely. so like being in your 30s and living with your parents in the US, it's very possible to find a job that pays enough where you can find rent outside of living with your parents. So for us, if you're living with your parents at that age, it's by choice. Yeah. And maybe you don't have your independence or you have like, an unhealthy, intense connection with your mom, you know, like to be a mama's boy in general, I think for us is kind of a red flag. Like, yeah, a lot of these things, if you're
00:30:32
Speaker
from the US would be kind of like, oh, I don't know what I think about him because he's like choosing to not be independent. Right.
Cultural Safety Perceptions
00:30:42
Speaker
Like, for instance, if I were going to date a gringo and and I'm saying this kind of as a hypocrite, but right now it's like ah situational. I am living with with my mother, but it's because I just moved back from Chile last year. And so I have to explain that. um But yeah, so I'm working on working my way out. But um yeah, if i if I saw or started dating a gringo and he still lived with his parents and hadn't just moved back from a foreign country, um I would be like, no.
00:31:17
Speaker
ah fine like a because I feel like that's the other thing. If it comes down to like an economic reason or something that's obviously different, but like if it's by choice, like I have no interest in moving out, right and I don't seek my independence, I think for us that's like Yeah. Very important, in a way. Like, it's kind of taught in our culture. like Well, yeah, because we move out, we move out at 18 or 19, you know, like, usually, I mean, it's getting later and later now because of the economy. But i i've I know so many people that that moved out at 18 and 19. And that's crazy to me now, because I'm like, Oh, man, I wish I would have like saved money or something, you know. Yeah, but it's not even just us two. I remember I have a friend from Chile and I went over to his house one time and I was talking to his mom and they lived in the US s for a couple years and she was talking about how she can't imagine her sons moving out. One of them is like 29 and one is 27. and how she just like can't imagine her sons moving out and not living with her anymore because you know they're like her babies and like gringos just like kick their kids out of the house and I think she was kind of asking me like why I like left my house so young because I left the house at 18 and I didn't even go to university right away I left to go work for a year and then I went
00:32:45
Speaker
to university, and I was telling her like it wasn't just my decision. like I didn't say, no, you know what, parents, I'm not grateful for you anymore. like I don't want to be with you. I'm leaving. It was like very much also them wanting me to move out you know and kind of having this idea, like you don't just stay in your parents' house. like You should also go move out and be independent and like we don't want to see you as like our kid in that sense of like being dependent on us anymore. um and so It's not just like we as gringo, 18-year-olds are like, screw you parents and move out. It's like also our parents put that expectation on us. like It's your time to be independent. so It's very like internalized too. Yeah. They're like, okay, we did 18 years, get out.
00:33:36
Speaker
Yeah, that's the typical joke. It's like, yeah, you just got to survive your kids for 18 years and then they're not in your hair anymore. That's like the but play yeah usual joke about it too. For real. Yeah. So interesting because the families are just so, so much closer. I think that's why I am particularly drawn to Latino culture because, you know, my family tends to be really, really estranged yeah and and distant.
00:34:06
Speaker
And so it's interesting to be in the places where everybody is around each other constantly and everybody's so close. And I know like that also comes with its cons and negatives. Yeah, I think that is something in general, like everything where I feel like I'm on one end of the spectrum and Jorge's on the other end of the spectrum. I feel like there is something that we can learn from both of us, you know?
00:34:33
Speaker
Like, I, in the past, and kind of now, I'm used to just walking around to being really carefree, you know, when I'm walking down the street. And I've lived in cities with a lot of gun violence, way more gun violence than in Chile, but I think that just my mindset is different. I don't think to prevent crimes, I'm just like, I'm just gonna live my life. yeah Whereas Jorge's just a lot more careful. and I do feel like I've learned from him to be a little bit more mindful, present in the moment. yeah you know it's It's good to prevent anything that were to happen, like someone stealing your phone or something. yeah But I also think for me, he's learned to let go a little bit, and yeah I find that
00:35:19
Speaker
maybe gringos sometimes were too optimistic, like we get the reputation for being kind of dumb, but I think part of it is also optimism, like very patriotic, very like, haha, happy go lucky. And I find that Chileans can be kind of pessimistic, like, yeah, on the other side of the spectrum, maybe thinking things could go badly. Yeah, I think that can also be it. Well, I don't know. Because I wasn't in Chile before the Estado social And I know like after that, but I've been told that the cops kind of stopped being on the street as much and kind of disappeared. And so I can see why I like I would be more cautious because you don't have
00:36:08
Speaker
as much protection around, um I guess, you know quote unquote, production. um and then But here, there tends to be cops everywhere. um Yeah, it's like the other extreme, I feel like. Yeah, and there's cameras everywhere. And you always want what you don't have. you know And so sometimes people here, I've heard them say, like oh, I just really want more police and stuff.
Supporting the Podcast
00:36:31
Speaker
And I'm like, yeah, wait until you get a $400 parking ticket. yeah And like everything you do is in surveillance and scrutiny of the law. A lot of people wouldn't be able to deal with that. you know There's something to be said, I think, of both cultures. For sure. you know What's funny is the first time that I may or may not have driven
00:36:57
Speaker
in Chile. I was on the Altapista, the interstate, and I was going like, I think it was 80 kilometers per hour. Okay, so you got to convert. And um i there was this bridge where the wall that built up the bridge had a little, I guess, corner. And, you know, when you have corners like that on the interstates here,
00:37:25
Speaker
That's a really good place for cops to sit and hide and wait for people to speed past and they trap you. yeah right So I saw the corner and I like slammed on my brakes and Adolfo was like, um why did you do that? Because there was nobody there nobody in front of us or anything and he was so confused.
00:37:47
Speaker
And I was like, oh my God, I thought maybe there was a cop waiting to like catch us, you know, speeding. And he was like, what? No, they don't do that. And I was like, they don't do that here, apparently. They definitely do that in the US, so be careful.
00:38:05
Speaker
ah Yeah, that's definitely like a big difference too. Yeah. of Like the dynamic with police. Yes. Hey there, language learners. If you're enjoying the podcast and want to support what we're doing, you can check out our Patreon at patreon dot.com slash CTM English.
Vocabulary and Language Insights
00:38:25
Speaker
We offer free episode transcripts to all Patreon members so you can follow along and learn even more. We also have a $1 paid tier if you want to support the show and get a member shout out in our future episodes. And for just $5 a month, you'll get exclusive bonus content. Three to four pieces of unfiltered audio or video every month that you won't hear anywhere else.
00:38:56
Speaker
So head over to Patreon dot.com slash CTM English to see all the ways you can support us and get extra content. Thanks so much.
00:39:10
Speaker
Hello listeners, it is now time for our vocabulary segment, so get ready to review.
00:39:17
Speaker
What was your joke about a needle in a thread? I thought you meant like something was difficult, but I i don't know what you meant. No, but I know why you think that. I know why you think that. No. Okay, so the joke is really nerdy. Like, so dumb. ah Because you have seen Sound of Music, right? Mm hmm.
00:39:41
Speaker
Okay, so when they sing, they say, do, a deer, a female deer, ray, a drop of golden sun, Mia name, I call myself, far along the way to run. cut them off and I'm like, a needle and a thread?
00:40:21
Speaker
You know what's really weird though? I was singing that exact song because Jorge didn't know the sound of music and I was singing like two days ago. do A deer, a female. I don't know why. Okay, so that's hilarious. So I'm not the only nerdy birdie. No, I'm also a nerdy birdie, but I think that I did not associate so with any of the pulling thread. Right? Because you're thinking S O and not S E W.
00:40:53
Speaker
Yeah, I also think I just... You're like, or maybe just cuz... I mean, I think just like out of context, I like didn't connect the dots. Like I just like my... Oh my god. My dots were not connecting. I feel like that joke only goes over well in music school. I think that... I think if you sang it to me... Yeah. Like if you were like, a needle pulling thread. Right? Then you'd be like, oh yeah. I'd be like, la!
00:41:23
Speaker
Yeah, yep yeah. Um, that's funny. Okay, so we have to, I guess that's our explanation of it. There you go. There we go. good So when Leila said, yeah, thank God, when you got my live reaction. So when Leila said a needle and a thread, it was responding to so as in what do you really call so so would be like uh what is the actual function a transitional yeah word like a transitory yeah like a transitional connector a linking word yeah kind of like entonces entonces luego
00:42:17
Speaker
Como se llapo? I'm just kidding.
00:42:22
Speaker
So I guess that, yeah, I guess that's the first one. Yeah. I'll go to, well, in the beginning of the episode when we said, this episode is brought to you by caffeine. And then we also said, this episode is brought to you by Celsius, the energy drink. um That's another royalty right there.
00:42:45
Speaker
Oh, yeah. For us, that's this is a really kind of normal phrase to hear just growing up because whenever there's a sponsor for anything like on the radio, the TV, they say this is brought to you by and the name of the person or company that paid for it. Yeah, I think the best example of that is like the Super Bowl because all of the commercials in between Whatever. I'm terrible with sports. Can you tell? I know I watched for the... Can you tell I watched it probably once or twice? ah I literally like am the type to watch the commercials and like mute the game. Yeah, for real though. Like, I'm sorry. I just don't care. I have more important things to do in my life than watch a bunch of millionaires bumping balls.
00:43:46
Speaker
Exactly. um What does it mean to have a type? You end up being attracted to the same type of things. Like maybe you like people that have dark hair instead of blonde hair or maybe you like people that have light eyes instead of dark eyes or whatever. Yeah. and Sometimes you just fall in love with a bunch of Latinos. I mean... that's your I was going to ask you if you have a type, but I think we've established. Yeah, we've established. Apparently I i like Chileans and Venezuelans. I love that. I'm trying to think. I feel like my...
00:44:25
Speaker
I feel like there's like absolutely no rhyme or reason to anyone I've ever dated. I think we've talked about culture shock in a previous episode, but I also wanted to just emphasize the phrase to go through something because I hear a lot of people learning English use other phrases like to pass something or to live something and really in English the most common way to say that you experience something especially that's difficult or challenging is the phrasal verb to go through something. So when we talked about going through culture shock that was um an example of this phrasal verb. You could also say that someone is going through a hard time right now or
00:45:13
Speaker
You could even just say, oh, she's going through something and people understand that it's something difficult. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. I said the phrase pivotal moment when we were talking about Leila meeting a Chilean and then starting to date ah and starting to date Latinos.
00:45:36
Speaker
um I think that you said yeah you said that you dated your first Chilean and then I said that was a pivotal moment. A pivot is just when you change directions, right? It's like you're walking in one direction, you pivot, you move the into the other direction. And so a pivotal moment is like a time or moment that it changes everything. You start to go into a different direction or it's kind of historic because nothing is the same after that pivotal moment. Like we could say life took a pivot with the pandemic. oh Yeah, the pandemic is definitely a pivotal moment for most people. Where were you in the pandemic mom?
00:46:35
Speaker
Divorcing your dad. I don't know why I said that. Why are you calling me mom? um You're not my child. You're adopted. Oh my god. That took a pivot.
00:46:55
Speaker
um pivot escalated quickly There was another one which is whimsical. This word literally just came up because I said that Jorge he has a high level of English proficiency.
00:47:08
Speaker
But he learned a new word, which was whimsical. And we didn't explain what it meant. We just said, oh, that's a good word. um So whimsical is something that is playful, fanciful, or unpredictable.
00:47:23
Speaker
It's often used to describe things that are lighthearted and imaginative. So you could say that if a person is whimsical, they make every day feel like an adventure. It's kind of like a forest fairy trotting through the meadow. Jargon. We said this when talking about specific Chilean phrases we knew. Kichai?
00:47:50
Speaker
um The example is the meeting was full of jargon that left the new team members confused. That's a good example of it. The definition is technically going to be jargon refers to a specialized or technical language that is used by a particular group, profession, or community, often difficult for outsiders to understand. Good example of this is like I play classical music. If I started talking to you about classical music things. A lot of times people go, what? And another, like, I also do software development. So if I start talking about agile and, I don't know, bits and bytes and stuff like that, ah sometimes people don't know what I'm saying. So that's jargon. That's technical jargon.
00:48:40
Speaker
Yeah, it's like the complicated vocabulary in a specific field. Yes, it's what gives people their ego. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Oh, you don't know what that term means?
00:49:00
Speaker
It's a reason to think you're better than other people. Exactly. Hello. We also had a, this is a good word, blatant. So when we were talking about basically in every relationship, right, you need to face certain misunderstandings and miscommunications, but in a an relationship,
00:49:28
Speaker
they're just a lot more blatant, which means that something is more in your face. It's more obvious. It describes something. Yeah, more straightforward or unashamed. It's often in kind of a negative way. um We didn't mean it in a negative way in this sense, just that it's more obvious, really, that you need to face misunderstandings when you're in an intercultural relationship um But for example, if someone lies to you in a really obvious way, you could say, oh, he just blatantly lied to me. Oh, like my second Chilean boyfriend. Like your second Chilean boyfriend was very blatant.
00:50:18
Speaker
He really, really thought he was getting away with it every time. Yeah. When someone lies, like, to your face, that is blatant. Blatant disrespect. And it's blatant disrespect. Yeah, I would say it's just, like, in your face obvious. Yes. So, if you guys ever wondered why that second Chilean didn't work out, now you know. Now you know.
00:50:47
Speaker
I hope this helps you to remember the word blatant. but
00:50:54
Speaker
we have blatantly shoved it into your brain and but giving you some blatant examples here guys there you go look at that we're doing great we're doing great um okay there were two others that i had on the list okay let me see let me see let me see one was looking back i just think yeah that's a good phrase for like telling you i don't know starting a sentence Yeah, actually, yeah, I feel like looking back.
00:51:26
Speaker
I probably could have done things differently. That's usually how I hear it. Like looking back, I would have chosen this instead of that had I known what I know now. yeah Yeah, sorry. One of your examples was looking back, I should have spoken more Spanish when I first moved there. That is so true. Oh my gosh. So the phrase is used when we're reflecting on past experiences.
00:51:56
Speaker
often with a sense of hindsight or realization. Hindsight is 2020. Exactly. That's a good phrase too. It's like everything is but clearer when you're looking back on it in your future self with more information.
00:52:13
Speaker
And I think also a lot of, so a lot of people don't know when to use these structures, like might have, could have, would have, and this is a great situation where you would do that. Looking back, I would have done this differently. I could have done this differently.
00:52:35
Speaker
know
00:52:37
Speaker
Yeah, I was just thinking a little bit like if somebody doesn't even know what I would have means, it's like you previously would make a different choice if you could go back to that moment again. Yeah, it's a past condition. It's like now you could say I would go to Paris. But if you want to change something or talk about a hypothetical in the past, it's i I would have gone, but I didn't have any money. It's like something that if the circumstances were different, you'd like to do things in a different way. Speaking of conditionals, I am pretty proud of myself because
00:53:21
Speaker
after many years of knowing surface level that in Spanish conditionals you change the vowel at the end, you know? and Oh my god. Like, I always could do it in a certain setting, like academic setting, right? But in real life, oh my god, I don't know why, but applying that was so hard and then like recently it just clicked and i'm like oh thank god see so that's a good example of just stick with it eventually have faith that it will hit
00:54:04
Speaker
Yeah, I think that that's important, like having this moment. I remember I had a moment where it just clicked for me that the conditionals in Spanish where you say, si fuera, si uviera, like that kind of thing. Yeah. ah And then after that, it it gets more automatic after you have like a click moment. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're associating it with the words that come before it. Yeah. Mm hmm. But it takes a while. I think that is the thing.
00:54:35
Speaker
Okay, I'll say the last one. I said when we were talking about being patient, since we're both teachers with people that are speaking to us in English, I said that I'm down to wait for the other person to explain themselves. And I'm down is an expression, which means to say that you're willing or okay with something.
00:55:02
Speaker
It's used a lot if you invite someone somewhere. They might say, if you say, for example, do you want to come with me to the movies? They could say, yeah, I'm down. What time do you want to go? um So when I said that I'm down to wait and listen to someone, really I was saying I'm okay with waiting and listening to someone.
00:55:26
Speaker
Yeah, like if somebody says, ¿Quieres hacer una vaca? You can say, I'm down. I'm down. Yeah, exactly. I'm down. And for those of you that aren't Chilean, do you want to explain what hacer una vaca means?
00:55:45
Speaker
Yeah, so I'm trying to think of what we say in English. It's like if everyone, you're at a bar and the bill comes back, it's $20. Everyone wants to pitch in, we would say that.
00:56:00
Speaker
and put a little bit of money um towards it. right It's not like only one person's paying or each person's paying for only themselves. It's like everyone basically contributes what they can to the bill at the bar. yeah and Sometimes you'll hear people say going going Dutch, do you want to go Dutch? But ah that just means that it's equally Cut. Yeah, like splitting the bill. Yeah. Right. But some people kind of don't know that. And so they'll use, do you want to go Dutch as a way to say, do you want to pitch in? But technically, it's not correct.
Closing Thoughts on Cultural Learning
00:56:42
Speaker
Oh, okay. Yeah, definitely. That's a good distinction. So if it's divided equally, I mean, I imagine that comes from a cultural thing that I heard about Germans or some West Europeans where they're a little bit more precise with like how much money each person pays um and versus just pitching in would be like everyone gives a little bit, but it's not specific that it's your portion.
00:57:22
Speaker
way more important.