Transcript
Michele Martin: Hello. And welcome to another episode of the Authenticity Revolution. where truth is the rebellion. Have you ever asked five different people?
Michele Martin: what they think about something. And then realize that you were actually hoping that one of them would give you the answer that you. already wanted to hear.
Michele Martin: I have. And sometimes it isn't five people. It's your best friend or your sister or somebody at work. Maybe it's a coach or a therapist, even a podcast, a book. Google ChatGPT You keep gathering opinions because you're trying to figure out what you should do.
Michele Martin: And there's nothing inherently wrong with asking other people for advice. Sometimes we genuinely need information. Sometimes we genuinely need feedback.
Michele Martin: And sometimes another person can see something that we can't see. And sometimes somebody knows more about something than we do. but There's a point we're getting more input stops helping.
Michele Martin: Because now you've got everyone else's voice in your head. and you can't hear your wrong Sometimes the problem isn't that you don't have enough information.
Michele Martin: It's that you don't trust yourself enough. to decide what the information means. for you. And I think there's a big difference. So... Let's say you're thinking about leaving your job.
Michele Martin: You can gather the information about your finances. You can find out what health insurance is going to cost you. You can research the job market. And you can talk to other people who've made a similar change.
Michele Martin: And that's all information. But nobody else can tell you whether leaving is right. for you. They can tell you what they would do. And we forget that sometimes.
Michele Martin: We ask. What do you think I should do? And the person answers from their life. from their perspective. from their fears. their priorities.
Michele Martin: their experiences, and their relationship with risk. And... their beliefs about what is responsible or even realistic. And then we take their answer and start treating it like evidence about what we should do.
Michele Martin: And sometimes... We don't really want advice. Sometimes what we really want is permission. We already know what we want to do But we're scared to trust it.
Michele Martin: So we start polling the audience. And if somebody agrees with us... then we feel better. See? Maybe I'm not crazy. But if they don't Suddenly... We're questioning the thing we felt. pretty clear about five minutes ago And then maybe we ask somebody else.
Michele Martin: And then somebody else. until eventually we are completely confused. which is interesting. Because we may have been clearer before we even asked anyone.
Michele Martin: And I want to make. an important distinction here I'm not saying never ask anyone for advice. You have all the answers inside of you Because... No.
Michele Martin: There are plenty of things that I don't know. There are plenty of times I need or want another perspective. I use coaches. I ask people things. I read, I study, I learn I use different tools and systems myself.
Michele Martin: The question isn't whether you ever look outside of yourself. The question is... Who gets the final vote? And that's different You can let other people be sources of information.
Michele Martin: without making them the authority on your life. You can listen to someone and think. That's interesting. Let me see whether that's true for me. instead of She must know better than I do.
Michele Martin: And. There's another piece of this. Sometimes... We keep asking because we're trying to eliminate uncertainty. We think if we talk to enough people...
Michele Martin: eventually somebody will give us the answer that guarantees that everything is going to work out. But nobody can do that. Someone can tell you that they think leaving The job is a great idea.
Michele Martin: They cannot promise that your love will come next. Someone can tell you to start the business. but they can't guarantee it will succeed. Someone can tell you to leave. or stay in a relationship.
Michele Martin: but they're not the one who has to live your life afterward. At some point, you're still the one making the choice. And that is where self trust comes in.
Michele Martin: Now self -trust isn't... I know I'm making the right decision and everything will work out. It's closer to... I've listened. I've gathered what I need. And now I trust myself to choose.
Michele Martin: And maybe... I trust myself to deal with what happens after I choose. Because two those are two very different kinds of certainty. One requires you to know the future. which by the way you can't And the other requires you to trust yourself.
Michele Martin: So... Here's something I want you to notice this week. The next time that you feel the urge to ask somebody, What do you think I should do? Stop for a second before you ask.
Michele Martin: and ask yourself What do I think I should do? Not what makes the most sense. Not what everyone else will understand. Not what you're definitely going to do. Just what do I think?
Michele Martin: See what comes up. before you add another voice to the room. Because sometimes... You genuinely need another perspective. And sometimes... You need to hear yourself before you ask someone else to speak.
Michele Martin: And this is really at the heart of the work that I do with women. I'm not interested in becoming another person that you look to for the answer. i may question you. I'll reflect things back to you.
Michele Martin: i might Point out something that you're not seeing. or something you really don't want to see. but I'm not going to tell you how to live your life. Because the goal isn't for you to trust me more.
Michele Martin: It's for you to trust yourself more. So if you're in a place where something in your life is asking to change and you're having trouble hearing your own voice underneath everyone else's.
Michele Martin: We can talk. There's a Let's Talk link in the show notes. You don't need to know whether you want coaching. Tell me what's happening, where you feel stuck, and what keeps pulling at you.
Michele Martin: We'll see what we notice.
