Transcript
Speaker: When did the world become anti-hand?
Speaker: I see a commercial for Cadillac showcasing hands-free driving.
Speaker: Skechers has slip-ins so you don't have to bend over and tie shoes.
Speaker: Is holding the steering wheel kicking your ass?
Speaker: You can't steer with your elbows on the armrest?
Speaker: You have no business driving.
Speaker: The other day I was watching a movie that had kidnappers blackmailing some rich guy and the bad guy made the wealthy guy transfer $100 million into an offshore account and then hands him an iPad or something and literally one keystroke and the transfer is made.
Speaker: The bad guy couldn't have done that?
Speaker: Where's the login?
Speaker: No password?
Speaker: Where's the two-step identification?
Speaker: Where's the text with the secret code that only lasts five minutes?
Speaker: I log on to my bank to get some quality crying in, and it's 18 steps for verification, including Satan's crowning achievement, CAPTCHA.
Speaker: But this guy transports the gross national product of chili with one click, and I call bullsh**.
Speaker: Why no drag queen insurance seminars?
Speaker: Easy answer, no kids there.
Speaker: What could possibly go wrong?
Speaker: You saw your uncle's nipples.
