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Episode 41: Supporting Teens with Type 1 Diabetes – Burnout, Independence and Emotional Wellbeing with Angie Manzke
136 Plays28 days ago
The teenage years can bring a unique set of challenges for young people living with Type 1 diabetes. As independence grows, so do the demands of managing a chronic condition alongside school, friendships, sport, social pressures and the desire to simply fit in.
In this episode, Jacqui is joined once again by Angie Manzke from Reflective Haven to explore the emotional side of Type 1 diabetes during adolescence. Together, they discuss diabetes burnout, motivation, responsibility, family dynamics and how parents can continue to support their teenagers without creating conflict or pressure.
Angie shares practical strategies for understanding what's happening beneath the surface when a young person starts disengaging from their diabetes management and explains why connection, compassion and nervous system awareness are often more powerful than reminders, rewards or consequences.
Connect further with our Guest:
Website: Reflective Haven
Instagram: @reflectivehaven
Join Angie's "The Joyful Child Within" program
A monthly online art and nature-based group for children aged 5–10 living with Type 1 diabetes, designed to build emotional resilience, confidence and connection through creativity and play. You can find more information on the Type 1 Kids Groups page on Reflective Haven's website.
Further Resources:
Type 1 Foundation Website
Follow us on Instagram
Join the Facebook Group
If you'd like to share your story with our podcast listeners, please email: podcast@type1foundation.com.au
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Transcript
Introduction and Disclaimer
00:00:00
Speaker
The content provided in this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Reliance on any information provided by this podcast is solely at your own risk.
00:00:18
Speaker
Welcome to the Type 1 Club. Whether you're a parent grappling with a new diagnosis, a caregiver seeking guidance, or simply someone wanting to learn more about type 1 diabetes, this podcast is for you.
00:00:31
Speaker
Together, let's dispel myths, break down barriers, and build a community of understanding and resilience.
Guest Introduction: Angie Manske
00:00:39
Speaker
Join us as we embark on this journey together, because with knowledge, compassion, and support, no one should ever feel alone in managing type 1 diabetes.
00:00:50
Speaker
Welcome to the Type 1 Club.
00:00:54
Speaker
Today i have back on the podcast is our special guest, Angie Manske. She is from Reflective Haven. Angie, for those who do not know her, and um if you don't know her, I'm really glad that you're here and that you can get to meet her.
Challenges for Teenagers with Type 1 Diabetes
00:01:11
Speaker
She is a social worker and a psychotherapist specializing in the area of type 1 diabetes. for over 20 years of in this area. So she's definitely well equipped to talk on the topic that we're going to talk about today, which is the teen years. i feel like this is a hot topic and it's something that, as I said, I've got a nearly 11 year old that I am super keen to get on top of any knowledge that I have around this. I also am very aware that a lot of
00:01:44
Speaker
Parents in the teen years, just in general, do struggle and then adding on type one to it, it's trying to find that balance. So Angie, I'm super excited to have you back on the podcast. Welcome.
00:02:01
Speaker
Thank you for having me. i love talking about this topic. Yeah, oh that's good because we love any sort of information and knowledge that you can share on this topic.
00:02:13
Speaker
I know that I guess speaking from experience with just having, I have a teenager in the house who's not type one um and obviously a preteen.
00:02:26
Speaker
I'd love for you just to start by just sharing what are the common fears, issues that come to you teens of type ones? Yeah. Yeah. So when I was working at the hospital in a type one clinic, the most common referral age was 14. So I think that says a lot in itself.
00:02:48
Speaker
So 14 is when I felt like parents got to that point where they needed support and help. But also 14 year olds didn't want therapy either.
00:03:00
Speaker
So we instantly came with a problem. 14 was the most common referral age, but that was the most difficult age to engage as well. Parents were coming to me due to diabetes burnout, maybe threats from endocrinologists about hospital admissions if they don't improve their HbA1c. There was a lot of that.
00:03:23
Speaker
There was a lot of teenagers that just weren't looking after themselves in a way that the parents would have liked them to. And I think parents felt a huge disconnect compared the primary school years of the child would happily show them the set.
Parental Strategies for Connection
00:03:40
Speaker
They would download the pump. They really knew everything that was going on. And as the child got older, they felt less and less disconnected and I suppose less control of what was happening. So if the endo or A DE would say, how's the diabetes? They would be really guessing a lot of it because they not have as much access to the pump or what's happening for the young person.
00:04:04
Speaker
So there's a fear that kind of rose in parents. And then when they go to the clinic and the HB1C is over 10% or over 14, the guilt just hits them like a truck and the, okay, I need to get a hold of this.
00:04:17
Speaker
But it's very hard to try to connect with a 14-year-old that's been doing it by themselves for a few years now. So they don't even want to lift their shirts in the diabetes clinic and show that set change.
00:04:28
Speaker
So i think that's the most common thing that I saw and that I do get parents reaching out for now. Wow. Yeah, because i know that you get that sort of A teenager, they just know everything, don't they? And you can't, they know better than you. But you know that they don't. And I feel that as a parent, we have this immense fear that we should be doing better to support them.
00:04:57
Speaker
But when they put up that wall of, I've got this, you know, i don't want your help. I don't need your help, even though they do. And it's almost like they have this they have they've taken over that control of that technology too. yeah So you can't even access some of that stuff to go, well, why was your HbA1c that high if you're saying that you're dosing or you're not dosing? or And then it's you just don't want to constantly be at them.
00:05:26
Speaker
I can't even, my teenager, I can't even, feel like I'm just trying to be that cool parent of, I don't want to hound you, but... We need to do homework or you need to do that sort of stuff and then just to add that and we need to talk about what's going on with your levels and why do you think it went high or why do you think this, that or the other? Like how do you continue that relationship but without then creating that complete kind of response?
00:05:56
Speaker
Yeah. So it's a balance about when they're still open to parents being a part of things, which I feel like 12 is the last stage where they're still like, even when I run kids groups, the kids with type one that are 12, they're really keen to be part of the group.
00:06:13
Speaker
Once I hit 13, it's like, I have to have a circus to entertain them to keep them there. ah which is very exhausting and not really my style. But anyway, I do what I can. But the 12-year-olds, they're still quite respectful. they quiet They listen to authority. They want to please the adults and the people who are leading the groups and they will follow along with things. Once you get to 13, the cheekiness and wanting to be so cool,
00:06:44
Speaker
and wanting to be separate, that makes it tricky. So when they're 12 and they're still quite compliant, they're still listening to, they might complain a bit, but they're still you still feel like you have a sense of authority and being able to guide them, they listen to that's when you don't become too relaxed and be like, oh, they've got this, they're they're mature and they're looking after themselves and then you just get busy and you stop checking as much.
00:07:12
Speaker
And life is super busy for parents these days compared to many years ago. And so most parents are working full time. And before you know it, maybe two weeks has passed and you haven't downloaded the pump and you haven't checked. Are they doing their frequent changes with their pump?
00:07:27
Speaker
Are they changing their CGMs? And you get a little bit lax. You go to bed and think, oh, I haven't checked that. I should check it tomorrow. And so once the child feels like the rope is getting longer and longer, they cut it.
Balancing Independence and Support
00:07:42
Speaker
And so you have to be really careful of not being too, don't take advantage of the fact that they're just so mature and looking after themselves. Keep a part of it.
00:07:55
Speaker
Let me have a look. Oh, buddy, feeling like you want to your change tonight because I'm happy to do it for you while you're watching your show. Yeah. And just keep a little bit involved, even if it's just one foot in or one toe in.
00:08:06
Speaker
And so then when you ask them, well, can I download your pump? It's not full of shame. It's not full of fear. It doesn't even feel unusual. It's just still the norm. Because once a few weeks have passed or a few months has passed and you haven't done a set change or you haven't changed a CGM, they're really not going to want you to do anything.
00:08:28
Speaker
And so I think that's the biggest clue is don't take advantage of that beautiful 12-year-old child that's just looking after themselves and you're so proud of them. Which is just what oh we said at the start before we recorded this. I feel like you were just, but he's doing it all and he's amazing. He's doing it all on his own at school and he's so independent and he's doing this. And then I'm now I'm feeling like, okay, but um I obviously still step in quite a lot.
00:08:56
Speaker
Yeah. This is a perfect conversation for me. perfect get this Yeah. So the next two years you want to keep it. You want to keep that closeness. And they get older, they get smarter, they know how to do their do their things, but they're not mature enough.
00:09:12
Speaker
We know for boys, frontal cortex, all the executive function around weighing up risks doesn't completely develop until they're 25 years old. And for females, it's a bit sooner. It's about 21. So we just they just don't have the brain to be able to say, ah should I play soccer or should I do my set change? No, I'll just play soccer or do set change after.
00:09:33
Speaker
And then they get distracted and then they're asleep and all the alarms are going off in the night, which is the worst timing because they're not delivering insulin. And i have probably good intentions.
00:09:45
Speaker
It's not their fault, but their brain's just not completely capable of dealing with all of those executive functions. Even as adults, we struggle to organise ourselves. So we just have to be really careful of that. so That's I think a big mistake is relaxing too much and feeling like you always have access.
00:10:01
Speaker
And then one day you knock on their door and they're like, no, get out. And then you can't see it, it's getting dirty. And we've seen kids have to, especially the boys, like their hygiene's questionable. So I remember in ED,
00:10:16
Speaker
seeing infected set sites and they look like boobs on their stomach. They're just so big because they keep putting it in the same spot.
00:10:27
Speaker
And then these beautiful teenage boys are scared to go swimming and take their shirts off. And they just go through a downward spiral then. And it's really hard to get them back to being confident, to have a good routine.
00:10:40
Speaker
And so we've got to get them early and then still keep involved. And I remember... A young girl was going through a really hard burnout and she was only touching her palm maybe once a day, just enough to keep her out of hospital.
00:10:55
Speaker
And she said, I said, how can we make it easier for you? You tell me what you need. And she says, I just need my stepdad to press the buttons for breakfast. I just can't be stuffed anymore.
00:11:07
Speaker
and And he was shocked. he said I didn't even think she wanted me near her. And I said, this is what she wants. And he's just, I don't even know how that's helpful. It's just a few buttons, but it is helpful for her. It's not always a practical thing. It's sometimes just an emotional thing, knowing that you've actually got someone that would be willing to do that, to count the carb and put in your Whit-Bix in your pump.
00:11:29
Speaker
And I think that that was enough for her. That's interesting because, yeah, like sometimes I also think that I do a bit for Harvey and that he's not even aware. and then I think, oh, I should probably know that I'm doing that. But then what you're saying is just do it and take that one decision Yes.
00:11:49
Speaker
Yes. Yep. Yeah. Okay. And it's okay to tell them as well. So I've worked out this for you because then they can feel loved. I think it's pretty easy to be, to take parents for granted too.
00:12:00
Speaker
and not realise how much mum or dad does in the background, always has a supply spill. They never have to ask. That's just a beautiful nurturing thing that when you open up the cupboard, you've always got your hyper food. You never have to worry.
00:12:14
Speaker
Yeah. So it's nice for them to feel that. Yeah. Just those little things of, yeah, that appreciation.
Supporting Newly Diagnosed Teenagers
00:12:21
Speaker
um so if it We're talking about like that Harvey's a perfect example, diagnosed at seven and he'll be moving in. So there's work for us to do over the next couple of years to the teenage years. What are what are some of the things that we can do, say, for kids that are diagnosed at 14?
00:12:40
Speaker
yeah How do we help yeah that? Because I do hear a lot of kids that when they are diagnosed at 14, that they just pretend that they it's not happening. yeah It takes them a lot of time to actually come to terms with the fact that they are are diabetic and they do need to yeah do a little bit of work there, but without, they've already started that shutting out parents. Yes, it's already begun.
00:13:04
Speaker
Yeah. So I think when they get the education to be very hands-on, so when they want to do it themselves, you let them do themselves and say, let me have a try, darling, so then you can have a break sometimes.
00:13:17
Speaker
So set that up from the beginning and both parents turn up, regardless if you separate what's going on, everyone turns up the education. They're 16, you think, oh, they've probably got this, take the time off work and do it.
00:13:30
Speaker
Take off a few weeks of work just like you would if it was a three-year-old and stay. Be home so you can just be more organized to help them more. So when they come home from school, you're not still at work till six.
00:13:42
Speaker
You're there. i've already prepared everything. I've measured those snacks and maybe you take some time off the Kmart job so you can just focus on yourself. It's okay to rest. Really just showing them an example of you are so important. I'm taking time off.
00:13:58
Speaker
Show them, don't just say it because it literally means nothing. if you then I'll be back at seven. What does that show them? that they just They're important but kind of half turned up to the education, run your phone a lot, took phone calls and walked out while the nurse was talking, really encouraged them. You've got this. You're so resilient. I'm so impressed.
00:14:19
Speaker
And then they just have to step up so much that they're not even authentic to their own grief. to really share that this is life-changing we're going to get through it together this is a family thing I'm going to help you.
00:14:33
Speaker
And kids can get annoyed say, but you don't know. It's not you. I'm having it. And acknowledge that's true. i will never know what it's like. No clue. And parents will always say to their kids, if I could take it, I would.
00:14:46
Speaker
And that's nice thing to say, obviously, but the child can sometimes just get frustrated. we You can't do that. You don't have that power to do that. And so just focusing on the things you can control, the things you can help them with,
00:14:57
Speaker
I think the most important thing is don't praise too much that you're so amazing. You're taking it all in your stride. You've never complained once. Let them complain.
00:15:08
Speaker
and So what is really crappy about if I was you, what's something like that I don't even know about what it's like to be you and allow them the opportunity to say, actually, I get anxious at school.
00:15:20
Speaker
I get worried that people ask me too many questions. Your questions are very powerful, asking the right questions. And don't ask questions that just lead like close questions to yes and no.
00:15:34
Speaker
Ask them very open questions. What's it like being a teenager with type one at school? And not the second they get home because they're exhausted. What can I change? Just those open things.
00:15:47
Speaker
So they're allowed to be grumpy. And if they're upset and angry, just sit with it. You don't have to give advice or say, when I was young, I had really bad asthma and trying to relate to it.
00:15:59
Speaker
You can't. That's okay. It's just about saying, I see you're really angry right now. Or I can see the hurt in your face and you've just had such a hard week. You're trying to do exams and you've got soccer finals and you had a hypo and it must be really hitting you hard.
00:16:19
Speaker
What's it been like for you? Go for a walk, go for a hike, canoe, chat, be active together. and help them have an opportunity to say this is just really crap.
00:16:31
Speaker
If they feel like they have to always be the perfect kid, they will play that role, but deep down they'll still be burning inside. I just want to scream. So you want to allow that to just come out in a really healthy way. We call that authenticity versus attachment.
00:16:48
Speaker
So you want them to be authentic and not feel like it's going to impact the attachment. Mum will be disappointed with me. Dad will think I'm not manning up enough or I'm not as responsible girl as she thought I was.
00:17:03
Speaker
And so there's this thing where they can be authentic and it's not going to impact negatively on the relationship. That's what that means. So the authenticity comes first.
00:17:16
Speaker
So they know that no matter what, their attachment will never be compromised. They can say and do whatever. Even the hate transparency is 14%.
00:17:26
Speaker
they are loved, you're still proud of them. How, as a parent, for example, that there is these barriers that just keep coming up with you and the HPA1C is 14, what, you know, how do you I know there is, we talk about the child, but there's also this immense guilt as a parent of, oh, I've missed something. I've let this happen.
00:17:48
Speaker
I'm so worried about my child of their health and what this means for their future. Because we we know that an HPA1C that's not managed or physical levels aren't managed, the impacts that it can have, not there and then, yeah but later in life.
00:18:04
Speaker
How do we, but guess there's an element of that I think as parents say that we get really burnt out and it's almost like I don't even know where to begin and do I put it for a bit and stop the constant asking or the, like, can you give an example of how you would re-establish that like is it that I know that with Harvey i don't I never initially I don't try not to talk straight away after school about what's happening with his sugar levels yeah I can check it in a book or I can definitely see i can then check on his pump of when he dosed and what happened and that sort of stuff so then I can make a little
00:18:43
Speaker
work out what I'm going to say to him. But if you're just at that point as a parent, like when I'm not at burn, I'm not in that burnout stage at this point, get
Parental Burnout and Maintaining Connection
00:18:51
Speaker
there. But no if you're at where you're just like, this is not working, like it's so hard to manage those emotions when you're just feeling like everything is failing.
00:19:02
Speaker
Living with Type 1 diabetes can feel overwhelming, but you don't have to do it alone. At the Type 1 Hub in Geelong, you'll find connection, support and real people who truly get it.
00:19:14
Speaker
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00:19:27
Speaker
Visit us at 251 Moorable Street, Geelong. I've met many parents like this over the decades that I've worked in type one. And I can tell you something, this is going to maybe surprise some parents.
00:19:42
Speaker
So parents parents have come to me and said, my teenager is experiencing all the things that we've talked about. That's difficult, right? With type one. And they're not listening to me. i don't feel like we have a connection anymore. And I'm really fearful of their complications, but the child is not interested in therapy.
00:20:01
Speaker
So it doesn't matter. I just want to see you. Like, okay, but how are you going impact my daughter or my son? It's like, let's just work with you as a parent and I'll upskill you. The amount of success that we have had just working with the parents, never seeing the child once is extraordinary.
00:20:20
Speaker
And the reason why that is, why is it so powerful is because of course the parents are they the head of the household and start the energy and the foundation of all that connection relationship. It starts from them.
00:20:34
Speaker
But a lot of parents are getting triggered by their own stuff. So they'll say something that's happened with a child, a teenager, and I'll say, okay, how did you respond? So often ask for, tell me line by line an incident.
00:20:48
Speaker
And then I pull out of that. Okay, what was happening here that made you say that? Oh, yeah. i was a bit threatening. Or they'll do like a bribe thing. If you don't do this, I'm going to take your phone off you.
00:20:59
Speaker
If you don't do that, I'm not dropping you off at your your job. I'm not going let your girlfriend stay over. I'm never going to let you go to a party. You don't come home at the time, I said. All the threats.
00:21:10
Speaker
Phones, gaming, internet, going out, trying to cut all their connection to their social life tends to be the common one. But the behaviour escalates. It doesn't decrease.
00:21:24
Speaker
And then everyone's screaming at each other. And we've had kids jump out of windows, have relationships with really unsavoury people, turn to drugs and alcohol, really high-risk behaviour. Like I've obviously seen it all in those times.
00:21:39
Speaker
That's obviously not the most common story, but it does happen. But it doesn't matter on whatever level of dysfunction. It is usually the parent is being triggered by their own stuff and it's getting in the way.
00:21:52
Speaker
And so we do some parent work around if the child, if you don't feel like the child's listened to you or respects you, what is, and you're getting so irate about that and you can't keep neutral of your consequences.
00:22:06
Speaker
What is happening for you? Where is this coming from? and it's fascinating in terms of where it does stem from, their own sense of perfectionism or their own style of being parented or,
00:22:22
Speaker
an attachment disconnection and they don't get too close because they feel overwhelmed with that connection. And then usually we've got two parents. So dad's doing one thing, mum's doing another.
00:22:34
Speaker
And so they're both clashing, being triggered by their own past things or their own past teenage times even, like remembering the things that they did And it's triggering them to try to avoid their child experiencing the same thing.
00:22:48
Speaker
But it's coming from a place of anxiety. And so when it comes from that place, it just never really comes out quite right because then we're trying to motivate a child through fear. And that will work for a while. And I've even heard people saying, oh, the health professionals said to pay my child $5 for every dose that they put in the pump or something. They get so desperate.
00:23:11
Speaker
I said, you're going to get broke pretty quick. Yeah, that's right. there's go to You're going to hit a wall where you can't give them anything else. Buy the brand new phone, then what? Buy the new car, then what?
00:23:24
Speaker
You just can't keep motivating through bribery or fear. And it eventually just wears off. The dopamine of that just wears off and it's just not as interesting anymore. Like playing a game and then you're bored with it. And so then you just go back to being unmotivated and disconnected.
00:23:42
Speaker
So that's a big thing. And so we really have to make sure we do our own parental work when we're dealing with teenagers and make sure we've had our therapy and we've actually been able to process our own triggers from our own relationships with our mothers and our fathers, because it'll all come up again.
00:23:58
Speaker
i think it comes up when you first have your baby, all the parent stuff that you haven't really worked on will pop out of the woodworks. And then when you have a teenager, it all comes up again.
00:24:09
Speaker
So there's all this beautiful work that children force us into for ourselves. But bribery and fear is not a way to motivate. The way to motivate a child, like a teenager, is that they actually want to belong to you.
00:24:24
Speaker
They actually think that you have good advice. They actually think you're interesting. They actually feel loved when they're with you. And if I was to ask them What would your parents say about you if they were to describe you?
00:24:37
Speaker
That will say it all in how their perception is of themselves through your eyes. Because if they say, I'm a pain in the butt, I'm probably pretty lazy. She probably doesn't want to be with me much.
00:24:48
Speaker
I'm pretty annoying. That's what they're going to hold in their own bodies. And it actually sits within them. So are those is that sense of perception protecting them or harming them?
00:25:00
Speaker
and it seeps into their little bodies and the parents will think oh I say good things but how often are you just nagging most of the time how often do you say you're such an interesting person I love how you think of that funny joke you're so kind and warm I noticed that you help your friend out when he didn't even get invited and you let him know there was a party on Catch them being good and just i flood them with all those things.
00:25:26
Speaker
So actually when they're next to you, they don't have fear or shame of, oh, you're going to tell me to do something. Get the bin out. have you done your Have you checked your levels? Your room's messy. Have you done your homework?
00:25:38
Speaker
When they see you and they just think, oh, God, she's going to ask something from me, That's not a relationship you want to continue. You want it when they see you, you think, oh, she's going to say something good about me or he my dad's going to find something that they're proud of.
00:25:54
Speaker
Because when they want to belong to you, they will actually respect and listen to you. I really love that. I think that's not just for tight ones, but like in general, just for teenagers and stuff is that ah im I really want to ask my teenager what he would think how I would describe him.
00:26:11
Speaker
Everybody would say, I'm going to do that tonight. yeah um Because, yeah, I think a lot of the time, and there's also, i think we can, there's this comparison that we have as parents.
00:26:23
Speaker
i And I remember that from even when they were little was like, oh, okay, well they they seem to be able to manage making all the food from scratch or doing this and doing that. And I can't manage this. And the same, i remember when Harvey was diagnosed, I thought, gosh, I'm seeing all these parents be able to do be be able to do this and and I was struggling and that sort of stuff and yeah I can definitely see that you can think why are these other teenagers coping so much better with this and what am I doing wrong whereas it's just going back to that basics of just when they do something that they haven't been asked to do just say oh I really liked how you did that and well done or not even connecting it to type one
00:27:08
Speaker
No. And everyone wants compliments. Everyone wants to but even just be rubbed on the back as they're walking past or squeeze their feet on the couch or go camping with them.
00:27:19
Speaker
Do stuff where you're actually not distracted. Even people go on these fancy holidays and there's so much tourism to to see that you you're just looking at other things.
Fostering Open Communication and Support
00:27:29
Speaker
You're not even sitting and just around a fire and going for a hike where there's just nothing but trees. So then you do end up talking more.
00:27:36
Speaker
Our most recent sort of family holiday, just us, we did we went to Uluru and last year. like We stripped it right back. We just played cards. we It was just the four of us and it was we did bike rides. We went and did yeah campfires and just...
00:27:53
Speaker
And my kids still say that's their favourite because they just had that time. we all slept in all the same room. We were just together pretty much 24-7. And to have there but they were 13 and 9 or something. But they still say that was their favourite holiday. And I've heard that with kids, that you'll take them. I had another friend that she travelled all over Greece with with her family and yet the one that they had back at home camping, her boy said that was actually my favourite holiday. You know what i mean? So it doesn't have to be. yeah you know And you know what?
00:28:25
Speaker
I think it's because you're more present and it does not have to be on holidays. I'm constantly thinking, okay, when I was camping, because it filled my child's cup so much, like you referred to playing cards.
00:28:39
Speaker
Do you do that at home normally? Just turn all the TVs off. We have puzzles always going on our table. It's a bit of a problem when you're trying to have dinner. There's always a And we go through different phases of liking different things, but we are constantly playing with them.
00:28:55
Speaker
And playing looks different as they get older, but it's still playing. Of how am I playing with them? How are we mucking around? How are we digging up stuff and trying to work out, okay, I say to my kids, let's dig up this wild clay and see if we can make a pot. Let's see if we can actually do it. And they find it hilarious. And we just sit there and we try to see if we can make this blood into a cup that we can drink out of later.
00:29:20
Speaker
And just being curious and Being silly and we went camping on the weekend and I was these rapids and i don't look great in a cosy anymore, but I'm like, I'm not going to not get in there.
00:29:32
Speaker
so I went down the rapid and I hit my back and butt all the way down the rapids because the rocks were crazy and the kids cannot stop laughing and they know that their mum will always give it a go. Yeah, that's what my kids are the same. They're always like...
00:29:47
Speaker
yeah You just got to get in there. And as they get older, the events get even scarier. but just Yes. I know the things we do, particularly we I've got two boys, so I feel like I have to be this adrenaline junkie to keep up with them. And then there's some things I'm just like, no, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that.
00:30:04
Speaker
We've also just set up, we've kept a chess board just constantly set up on our table. um And I don't really know even know how to play, but I find that my boys will go, Harvey's kind of loves all the games and all that of stuff and a lot of the time on a Thursday night or a night that we don't have any sport we go okay it's family dinner night and we're going to do a game or we're going to do something like that just to play a little game could be phase 10 or it could be a game of chess or it could be anything um doesn't yeah yeah it monopoly or whatever that we just bring it back to just having connecting just as a family yeah
00:30:42
Speaker
um yeah And I don't necessarily do that because I'm thinking of the outcome down the track. It was just something that I think that it's fun and we actually don't get much time together as the four of us anymore.
00:30:54
Speaker
And I'm really conscious of that, that it's now that the kids get busier and we get busy and that sort of stuff that. Yeah. I'm just trying to create that, even if it's just an hour, that it's just that. no It all makes the difference.
00:31:08
Speaker
It all really does. Garbo Marte wrote a beautiful book called Hold On To Your Kids. Hold On To Your Kids. It's about raising teenagers. And through that book, he said, it's so easy to, you you know, you take time off work when your child's in childcare. And then when they're in high school, you'd work more.
00:31:27
Speaker
He said, it's actually a time to work less, to be home when they come off the bus. Don't not be there for hours and hours. They actually need you just as much as when they were three in different ways. He said every Thursday night he was he felt quite disconnected from his daughter because he was a doctor. He worked a lot of hours.
00:31:45
Speaker
And he said every Thursday and at night, no matter what's happening, we're going out for dinner. and And I'm not going to talk about all the things I want her to improve on. I'm just going to connect with her. I'm not going to tell her to do anything.
00:31:59
Speaker
No matter what happened in their life, she always had Thursday night and she knew that she could sit down just one-on-one with her dad and talk about whatever she wanted. Yeah.
00:32:09
Speaker
He did that. He said he still does it to this day. He just, to keep that opportunity there, the doors really literally always open and they have a time where they can actually say something to you.
00:32:21
Speaker
So when we keep that being present, that they feel that we are so supportive of them. And there's a whole nother conversation around they're not hanging on so tight that they don't feel a sense of independence.
00:32:34
Speaker
I can see the anxious attachment parents too don't allow their teen boys and girls to be independent. So that's another thing, but that's something that we have to be very mindful is a balance there.
00:32:46
Speaker
But I'll give you an example. When I was a teenager, I respected my dad greatly. And he said, i could go to this party. I had to be back by, I don't know, 10 or whatever it was.
00:32:58
Speaker
And he said, I keep the door, the front door squeaky so I can always hear you when you come in. And I'm like, you should have WD-40 that. He's like, no, it's good. Just keep it squeaky so I can always hear you come home.
00:33:12
Speaker
And I'm like, but then it'll wake you up. He said, that's the thing. I don't want to sleep until you're home and safe. Yeah. And I felt so loved and seen and thought of that never came home late because I didn't want him to have to stay up.
00:33:26
Speaker
Oh, Angie, you was that's beautiful. And we still have that type of relationship now where you just end up having so much respect for that parent and they're you that it ends up just being effortless. that You just always think of each other.
00:33:42
Speaker
Yeah. It's called mind sight. So you teach your child empathy for the other. Oh, wow. Now we try to keep these episodes around 30 minutes and we have quickly hit that mark.
00:33:55
Speaker
um But I do feel like you we we continue to talk about all these little things and you've given some great tips and ideas and just insight into the teenage mind and also the parenting of the teenagers. What else you wanted to add to it before we wrap up?
00:34:15
Speaker
I think just think about your own squeaky door, like how can the child feel seen by you? and then how's that child also being empathetic towards you and make sure it goes both ways.
00:34:27
Speaker
And I think then you're raising really beautiful young adults. And there's always, I think that there's always time to to to ah to improve and to mend. Always. You know, that I don't, I think because, just because it's happening now, if there's some deflection or there's, you know, they're a bit shut down, think there is always that, there will be all these opportunities to to heal and to create.
00:34:50
Speaker
just don't feel like that it's done and dusted.
Concluding Recap and Resources
00:34:53
Speaker
It's that continuous, parenting is a continuous work anyway. Yeah. Oh, so it yet doesn't end. she had one Actually, one other thing that does, I do like to really stress around when teenagers make mistakes.
00:35:06
Speaker
So I'd like to leave you with this, is that really stress to them no matter what happens. they're not going to get in trouble. You're only there to help them work out what to do to keep them safe.
00:35:19
Speaker
So if they take too much if they drink too much alcohol alcohol, they take drugs or they have unprotected sex, they're confused, they get online and they get sent something and they get they feel like they're trapped and they're not sure what to do, that you're only there to support them.
00:35:35
Speaker
So discipline, the word for discipline actually is the word to teach. And so if you really emphasize that, a lot of parents fear that, oh, then they'll be rebels and they're not going to learn their lesson.
00:35:47
Speaker
Actually, the opposite happens. You end up having the most honest, real conversations. You're curious about ecstasy in type one. Let's Google it together and see what we can find out together. Let's ask the doctors and let's just find out what happens when you take these things. What is the actual, instead of just making things up in your head and trying to scare them, let's just find out the facts, which is called heart minimization.
00:36:11
Speaker
And they found that it is so much more effective and you'll get a 3am call and your child, maybe they could have been in a really bad state if they didn't call you and you could have curved that ball.
00:36:24
Speaker
And so many parents say, why didn't they just call me? Because you scare them. So I think that's the thing. We just need to be saying, you can tell me anything. And whenever I used to have teenagers in my office, I said, i got to tell you right from the beginning.
00:36:39
Speaker
You cannot surprise me with anything you say. Nothing. I've heard it all. You can have a go. It's just not going to happen. I'm not going to get shocked. And you can tell me everything that you're thinking and I'm going to just support you with whatever your thoughts are.
00:36:55
Speaker
I'd say it right from the back. And they have a little bit of a laugh. I say, go and say anything. I'm not going to get surprised. I've heard it all. And then they tell me things that they had so much shame about.
00:37:08
Speaker
And for the first time, they can feel they're not going to be judged. and you can actually have a chance to help them so that's just I just really want to emphasize that oh that's amazing Angie thank you so much for your time and your expertise and insights into the the teenage world I think that I know that I've definitely got a lot out of this and I'm sure that our listeners will also get a lot out of this Angie was on episode four and episode nine so episode four was when your world changes overnight that's particularly about the new diagnosis and what's going on for your child and for you. She also was episode nine, which was understanding your child's emotional journey after diagnosis.
00:37:48
Speaker
They're both exceptional episodes and they they have helped a lot of people over over the years, as has Angie. You can continue to connect with her via her business page on Instagram, which is Reflective Haven. I'll put that in the show notes and she'll be tagged in our social media posts as well.
00:38:08
Speaker
um And then you can also connect with her, obviously, through her website. And she has all her details there. If you want to connect with her further as a ah as a patient, do we say patient or do you? I say client these days. Client, that's the word. Yeah, if you want some counselling. Yeah. yeah Yeah, absolutely.
00:38:27
Speaker
Thank you all to our listeners. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Type 1 Club. And we love, we can bring you these podcasts by the Type 1 Foundation. Please stay connected and take care of yourselves. Bye-bye. Bye.
00:38:40
Speaker
Thank you for tuning in to the Type 1 Club podcast. We hope you enjoyed today's episode and gained some valuable insights. If you like what you heard, be sure to subscribe to our podcast on all the platforms so you never miss an episode.
00:38:54
Speaker
We'd also appreciate it if you could leave us a rating and review. This really helps us reach more listeners just like yourselves. For more updates, behind-the-scenes content, and to join the conversation further, follow us on Instagram and Facebook, the Type 1 Foundation, or visit our website, type1foundation.com.au.
00:39:14
Speaker
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