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00:00:01
Rajiv Satyal Interviews Vishal Kal of Indian Matchmaking
11 Plays2 years ago
Comedian Rajiv Satyal (LA) sits across from Vishal Kal (NY) on Zoom to discuss his experiences on Netflix's global smash hit show, Indian Matchmaking.
Transcript
Introduction and Content Format
00:00:00
Speaker
So we can, we, we don't lose what we're getting here. Uh, and then we can try to, I mean, as far as like looking, I oftentimes look into the camera when I'm asking a question, but some people find that really weird. So you could do whatever you want. You can look into the camera when you talk or you can look at me. You could do whatever you want to do. So, um, you know, we'll definitely put it out as audio, but probably video too. So I figured this way, it just gives us the option.
00:00:26
Speaker
Okay. I'll try to remember to look at the camera, but I'm probably just going to look at you because that's probably, yeah, no, I totally, I totally get it. It's kind of, it is kind of inorganic to just look at a camera sometimes like that. But at any rate, um, let me, how are you doing? First of all, are you doing all right? I'm doing okay. Yeah. How are you doing? Good. Yeah, man. It's I'm glad, uh, glad we're connecting in this way. Cause it's, it's cool that, uh, you reached out. So
Cultural Discussions and Personal Introductions
00:00:51
Speaker
yeah, for sure. I mean, thank you for having me, of course.
00:00:54
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So let me, uh, I'll do the intro and then we'll, uh, we'll just get rolling and, uh, we'll just, we'll have a conversation. Is there anything in particular you want me to ask or don't want to ask, or do you want to just free flow and just see how it goes? Yeah. Now I got no, no limitations. Probably we'll see. Okay. Yeah. And we can always edit anything out. So I'll probably ask you a bunch of questions back to.
00:01:15
Speaker
Oh yeah, I'd love to. I'd love to have a more of a dialogue. That's totally fine. My me too. So, um, okay. I will, uh, clap us in and then I'll start recording or I'll, uh, start talk. Welcome everybody to what do you bring to the table? The tangent show. Let's see what kind of branding we put on this one. But look, my name is Rajiv Sethyal and I am so excited to be sitting here across from Vishal. Look, I call you Vishal Cal. I just, I totally, totally shorten it. But how do you pronounce your entire name?
00:01:45
Speaker
Kalyanasundaram. Kalyanasundaram. That's perfect. Yeah. It's not that hard once you actually say it, I think. It's like Prashanth Venkataramanujaam. That one's kind of harder, but... It is harder. He's Hasan Minhaj's executive producer. Yeah. So at the end of Patriot Act, you would see this name and I actually know Prashanth pretty well too. That name is serious, but once you say it a few times, Venkataramanujaam, Venkataramanujaam, that's got a rhythm to it, just like... Oh yeah,
Life in Burbank and Cultural Influences
00:02:13
Speaker
I like that. You're bouncing around it a little bit.
00:02:15
Speaker
Yeah, you just sort of get it gets the juices flowing, man. So where are you coming to us from? Are you in New York? I'm in New York right now. Where are you? You're in the Midwest or L.A. I am from Ohio, but I've been living in L.A. for 16 years. So I'm in Burbank, California. Oh, very cool. Burbank. That's where Flappers is, right? Yeah. Flappers is probably an eight minute drive from here. OK, very cool. How do you like Burbank?
00:02:42
Speaker
I love it. I, I think it is a great, when you say the great compromise, it sounds bad, but what I mean by that is you're still on the grid because Warner brothers is here and Disney is here and we have a lot of actors and writers in our neighborhood with whom we're friends, but then it's also, and we can walk to retail. We can walk to a bunch of stuff like there's a 99 cents store on the corner and I call that our bodega. Yeah. That sounds so New York. It is, but it's important to have a bodega, you know, you probably are not very far from one.
00:03:13
Speaker
I was at
Vegetarianism and Family Dynamics
00:03:14
Speaker
a bodega right before this and I got a bacon, egg, and cheese to snack on. That's like the most New York sentence I could have said, but yeah. It really is. And this is one of the issues with like, wasn't vegetarianism or non-vegetarianism an issue? Because you were on Indian matchmaking. That was the reason we're speaking about this. And that's going to be in the show notes and in the title and everything anyway. But can you talk to your experience a little bit about that?
00:03:40
Speaker
about vegetarianism on the show. Yeah. Because it wasn't, was that an issue? Well, no, it's weird. Okay. So I was actually vegetarian until I was 16. My parents are mom. I'm the million. My parents are Brahmins. I was raised in that way. And then I started eating meat at 16 and it was like a big problem for them for a long time. It's still kind of like a weird don't ask, don't tell type of thing. The only time I'm
00:04:05
Speaker
my mom brings it up now is if there's like a like a religious holiday and at the end of a phone call she'll quietly be like don't eat you know sometimes she'll say non veg but she's too scared to say it you know she won't even forget about meat she won't even say non veg yes no she won't
Marriage Expectations and Parental Pressure
00:04:21
Speaker
it's it's that like brown mom thing of like you know we'll like quietly whisper things and make it seem like worse than we are
00:04:28
Speaker
I think like the first time I ate meat though it was already after I had smoked weed and drank alcohol and for some reason this was like the worst thing I could have done but it was like the next level up. You did both those things before you were 16?
00:04:43
Speaker
Yeah, I want to say so I was it was right before my scene. No, it was when I was 16, right before my senior year of high school, I had done all three of those things in the span of two months, I think. Rebel, rebel. Yeah. Are you so are you vegetarian or? No, I'm not. My wife eats chicken and fish. You know, she doesn't eat red meat. OK. And but well, that's not true because they do eat goat and lamb.
00:05:13
Speaker
That's very red. That's very red. And so our son, my son is 13 months and I said, okay, here's the thing. He's not eating mammals. Okay. So no cows, no, no lamb, no goat. And so that way we both have to sacrifice because,
Religion, Spirituality, and Textual Insights
00:05:28
Speaker
you know, like I eat pork and beef and my wife won't eat that. She doesn't want him eating that. I'm like, well, then he's not eating lamb or goat. Cause to me, that's just as bad. Yeah. Okay. That's, that's an interesting compromise. This kid gets the worst of both worlds, I guess.
00:05:43
Speaker
The great compromise. Right. You guys are using him to like go through your disputes, this poor kid. I think that's why you have kids is to settle any disputes because it's just one to one and he's a tiebreaker now. Right. Well, congrats on having a kid also. That must be your oldest only.
00:06:03
Speaker
our oldest and early. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome, man. Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah. His name is Naveen and we are on cloud nine. It's great to have a child. We're very late to the party. We are in our mid forties. So I don't recommend starting this late. It's pretty late.
00:06:16
Speaker
Okay. Interesting. Yeah. My mom always says like, never have kids late, but she is very extreme where she's like, I'm 27 right now. She's like, you should have been having kids five years ago. And I'm like, all right. Yeah. She's very Indian in that way. Yeah. Your dad too. My dad wants me to get married now for sure. Um, but the kids, he's a little more, you can wait a little bit. Yeah. That's really something. Why?
00:06:45
Speaker
Do you, do you have any friends who got married at 22, like right out of college or in college? Nobody. Like they're trying to use other people as like frames of references, like my peers and stuff. And even then, like no one has gotten, no one Brown has gotten married that early. My first friend who got married, he's a white dude. He got married at 28, you know, but I don't want to like talking about it with him because I don't want them to try and force me to get married in a year.
00:07:10
Speaker
That's so funny. Yeah, my my best friend is white as well. And he got married, I want to say at the age of 23. Okay. And that was and they're still married. They have kids, you know, the whole thing. They're very Christian. And so that was a big thing, you know, like, just let's go ahead and get married and do the whole thing. No sex before marriage, that kind of thing.
00:07:28
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of like, you know, stereotypes about how like Indian parents operate, but I feel like religious people of all colors have those same sort of biases. I don't know what you call it, but like, yeah, they get married super early and whatever. Yeah. I don't know if you're religious. I don't mean to shit on religious. No, I'm religious, but I'm also I have a big sense of humor about it. And I also love when people are not religious. Yeah. Are you are you Hindu? Yeah. Yeah. I'm Hindu Punjabi. Oh, nice. That's awesome.
00:07:59
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. And I assume you're well, being Brahmin, if you're Brahmin and Tamil, I assume you're Hindu. Yeah, yeah, my family was for sure. But I'm at a point where I'm not, I don't like really practice, but I love reading about all the mythology and the spiritualism of it. I got really big into the Gita last summer. I love the Mahabhartha, just a great story overall, and like reading about all the tales of the Vedas or whatever. It's fun stuff.
00:08:27
Speaker
So I mean, so you actually did it, like during the pandemic, people always have these, these ideas that, Hey, if I ever have time, I'll read the Bible, the Quran, the Gita. You actually did it. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't say it was because of the pandemic, but I was, I was at a low point in my life and I went to my mom and she's like, why don't you become religious? And I was like, all right, fuck it. Why not? I've tried everything else. We tried alcohol.
00:08:51
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. And look where that got me. It was good to learn. Have you read those things and stuff?
00:08:58
Speaker
So, so ironically, even though you say you're not that religious and you have, I am more religious and I haven't. So I have not. It's my probably my biggest failing or biggest embarrassment is that I just haven't. I mean, there's not
Analysis of 'My Dinner with Andre'
00:09:12
Speaker
really a reason. I remember I started to read Mahathma Gandhi's interpretation of the Gita. And it was, you know, Gandhi doing the Gita is like, you know, Jay-Z narrating the history of hip hop. That's like the person you want to break it down for you. But
00:09:27
Speaker
I was like it was just too thick like there were there were you know end notes like screw end notes man give me some footnotes I can't I can't flip to the end of the book dude the Gita is like this this big right but like analyses of it or take forever so I read the thing and I was like okay I got like one or two takeaways and then on Spotify I found this lecture series about it
00:09:48
Speaker
Oh, it is hundreds of episodes long. It's still going on. And the dude gives like an hour long lecture for like one line at a time. And I got like 20 episodes in and I was like, this is so much information, but like you can go really deep into it. It's ridiculous. Wow. Okay, I may need to do that. What's the name of the podcast?
00:10:11
Speaker
I will, I will look it up and I can send it to you, uh, after, but it's through the Vedanta society, I think. And the dude is actually in San Francisco and he gives those lectures there. Wow. Yeah. That's so wild. Yeah. I mean, you can unpack this stuff forever. And I feel like it's the water in which we swim. So I feel like I've, I've gotten a lot of it, absorbed a lot of it. I just read Jay Shetty's book and he quotes a lot of this stuff too. So I feel like it's been a while since somebody's dropped something on me where I'm like, Oh, I have not heard that concept before. So I think a lot of the concepts I get.
00:10:41
Speaker
But it's not the same thing as reading it. Like, I'm not going to BS you and be like, well, it's the same thing. I read it. It's like, well, no, it isn't. I mean, the concepts are, you know, they're good to know. And that's why you read them. But it's it reminds me of like, you know, watching or reading the Wikipedia summary of a movie instead of actually watching it. You know, it's like you get the takeaways, but like so the content itself is like delivered in such a way where it's more memorable, maybe.
00:11:06
Speaker
Of course. Yeah, of course. No, totally. It's like someone telling you a story and, you know, but if you're there. But that's what's so interesting. Did you ever see the movie My Dinner with Andre? I watched like 20 minutes of
Productivity Pressure and Social Media Anxiety
00:11:19
Speaker
it when I was in seventh grade because I watched the show Community and they referenced it. And I was like, I'm going to watch this movie. I don't get it.
00:11:26
Speaker
That's so interesting, actually. I'm going to be sitting down with Danny Pudi, and that should be a lot of fun. Oh, yeah, that'll be awesome. Yeah, that'll be really cool. And I have not watched a lot of that show. I've seen enough of it that I get what community is similar to Gita. But for me, it's interesting because I finally watched it. It's on YouTube, my dinner with Andre. And it is I was so pissed off at everyone in my life for not telling me about this movie. I was like, how?
00:11:53
Speaker
Did no one tell me about this? And I think if you watch it now, Vishal, you'll probably get a lot out of it. It's very interesting. And it's very slow. But I like the way that the guy comes into it, like he doesn't want to go to the dinner. And so he's carrying this energy where he's like, I don't even want to be here. You're having the same experience watching the movie or like, I don't even want to watch this movie. Everybody's been telling me to watch it. And it kind of goes from there without ruining it. But
00:12:16
Speaker
One of the devices that they use is it is just all storytelling. There are no there's no depiction of it. And to your point about like if you see a movie versus reading the Wikipedia entry or if you read the Geetha versus having someone tell you about it, what's remarkable about that film is that it is just two guys talking.
00:12:32
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, the whole time. And what was the takeaways that you had? Because I remember I got into the part where he talks about I think he goes to Europe and starts like dancing or something. And then I don't think I got anything from that. But what were your takeaways by the end of it?
00:12:47
Speaker
It's funny because he talks about going to India, but it goes nowhere. Like he goes, did you go to India? It's like, yeah, I went there, but I didn't really get it or something like that. It was just like a very, very short take on India. But it wasn't insulting. It's just like, it just didn't do as much for him or whatever. And then, which I think it's kind of brave because I don't think that normally even then to white guys saying, why didn't get anything from trip to India was like, it's not considered very PC, even even like 1980 or 81 or whatever it was. But.
00:13:11
Speaker
At any rate, my takeaways from it were that it's an in-depth conversation, the kind of conversation you probably had in your college dorm many times into the night when you're supposed to be studying and you just start solving the world's problems and talk about spirituality and why we're here and all this. And, you know, he really, he goes into this, it's two men, and one man's had all these experiences, like he said, going to Europe and dancing and, you know, getting buried and all these other things that he did.
00:13:39
Speaker
without giving all of it away. But he's really just kind of talking about how society doesn't provide what we need and how the other man is scared of just sitting there and in silence and meditating. It's just too scary. And, you know,
00:13:59
Speaker
He's like, well, we should always be doing something like what is that if I'm just sitting and I'm not doing anything like what is that? And the guy said, well, that's precisely the point. Like, you know, because why would we just sit here as two people and just not say anything? That'd be weird. He goes, well, I've been to Thailand and the friends come over and they sit there for hours and a lot of them don't say anything. They don't think it's weird.
00:14:18
Speaker
And it's this, you know, kind of East West sort of like thing where these two men are having this very Western take. But this man is Western. He's had this very Eastern philosophy kind of awakening where why are we talking all the time? Why are we human beings instead of human doings and all that kind of stuff that you say? And he's like, well, they don't think it's weird. And it's just this culture clash that happens. And I don't know. I mean, I guess that maybe answered your question. But it's not like I came away from it.
00:14:46
Speaker
Change from a particular point of view as much as i'm just blown away by the conversation wow okay i'll give it a shot and like. That concept that you shared i mean that's so like relatable to me right now probably use well as somebody like.
00:15:01
Speaker
is a creator, you're a comedian, right? But you're also doing all these other things. And it's just like so uncomfortable to sit with the idea of like not doing anything. You always got to feel like you're doing everything all the time. And
Career in Comedy and Creative Doubts
00:15:12
Speaker
I'm stressing out feeling like I'm not doing enough. But then I get overwhelmed. And I'm like, why can't I just be happy doing nothing, you know?
00:15:19
Speaker
Yes. Yeah, it is. And it's been that way. It's getting even more that way. And then social media, of course, has been impugned, rightly so. You scroll through the Instagram feed and you're like, wow, she's doing this and they're doing that. And how come he got that guest on his podcast? And how come that person booked that role? And how come that person got that spot? And
00:15:38
Speaker
Even in that the ironic thing about it is you couldn't do all of that even if you were given it like it's almost like okay then today you're going to go do those things and that's gonna be your life you're going to be on that TV show you're gonna do that spot and you'd interview that person and you're gonna do that now to excess I think you'd be miserable I don't think you even want to do all those things yeah for sure
00:16:01
Speaker
Instagram just makes me want to vomit in and of itself and it's like not getting any better. And yeah, like lately I've been so stressed with like trying to do all these things. And I don't know if you struggle with this, but like, I also like try to do things for other people that may not necessarily be in my list of priorities. And then that just adds on to like all the stress of things I got to do. So.
00:16:20
Speaker
What's nice of you I mean I've always tried to get back I went out last night and it sounds like I went out in Hollywood is such a difficult thing to do but it was hard I did not sleep well on Saturday at all and our son is home today from daycare and you know it's just it's brutal like I I almost couldn't do this call and what but I hate canceling I hate canceling
00:16:39
Speaker
And I'm just like, no, let's do it. Let's make this happen. Plus, I mean, obviously I wanted to talk to you, but it was one of those things where I'm like, okay, is there is there benefit in this? I go, well, I mean, last night's thing. And I thought, well, I mean, not directly, but, you know, it's just a nice thing to do for somebody who's just moving here. It doesn't really know anyone.
00:16:59
Speaker
you know, you're like, well, I would want someone to do that for me. And I would hate if that person can. Well, how would he feel if I canceled last minute? It's one of the first things he's trying to do in L.A. Like that. Yeah. Put put yourself in his shoes, you know. Yeah. I think that makes sense. I don't know if you like drink at all. But like what I do, you're like getting drinks and that always makes it harder to because that's what like ruins your sleep and makes it more difficult. If you like go and don't drink, you hang out for a couple hours, at least you can come back and like go to bed and whatever. But no. Yeah, it's hard, though.
00:17:29
Speaker
It's hard to maintain an alcohol addiction, dude, but you got to do it. You got to keep it in the list. I'm very dedicated to that. Same. I try to keep that up. That's the reason I did not move to New York. One of the big reasons is I felt like I would turn into an alcoholic. That's one of the reasons why I did move to New York. I mean, we'll keep it going for a couple more years, but I definitely want to have a more stable life in a couple of years.
00:17:58
Speaker
have it be more well-rounded, but I wanted to do it while I was young, you know? They all say you do New York in your 20s and LA in your 30s. Yeah. So that's, that's probably the plan moved because I'm from California. I'm from the Bay. So I moved back to the Bay area or not the Bay area, but California at some point. Do you feel that allure that calling to return to California?
00:18:20
Speaker
No, not at all. But my parents want me to. And oh, between like, you know, being closer to my parents and also if I do have kids, which I want to in a family, I think it'd be nicer to have like a house than like buy a condo in New York and send my kids out in the subway every day to go to private school. You know, it's doable, but.
00:18:45
Speaker
Yeah, it's tough. I have a good friend who just moved from New York and he has money beyond, you know, it's not a means issue because that's usually what you end up thinking is like, okay, well, they left the city. They must not have that much money. And if they did, they would have stayed.
00:19:00
Speaker
Well this is a case in point of a guy who's like he's indian as well south indian and he's like i'm out he's like i just don't raise my kids in new york i'm like okay you really that really means you don't because i know you could you could probably buy part of the island and he's like about moving back to the midwest and.
00:19:18
Speaker
I think I wouldn't want my kids to grow up in New York City. Both my brothers live there. It's my favorite place in the world, but I don't think I would want my kids to grow up there. Yeah, it seems like a lot. I mean, part of me wants to entertain that idea, but yeah, it does seem like a lot. I'm curious, with all the things you're doing out there in LA right now, but also having your family and stuff, how do you feel about all the things you're doing right now? Do you feel like you're in a good spot?
00:19:47
Speaker
I do. I do feel like I'm in a good spot. And I think it's because creatively, there's just so much more I'm doing and want to do. Because in in the past couple of years, I'm doing better than I ever have. But I keep having this feeling of like, should I just quit? Should I just give up? And
Advice from Industry Professionals
00:20:05
Speaker
I ran that by my friends a couple of years ago, actually before the pandemic. And you mean?
00:20:10
Speaker
Yeah, comedy. Should I just like go back into corporate America or like just do something different or whatever? And luckily the response I got from, you know, the like 20 to 30 friends, close friends, I asked this question was, what are you talking about? Why would you do that? Which is what you want them to say. You don't want them to be like, well, that's an interesting like, it's good that you brought that up or we were going to have an intervention with you anyway. But it was like, why are you feeling that way? And I think it's because
00:20:36
Speaker
Part of it is you're doing a lot, but like you're saying, Michelle, like you want to do more. And then there are more people in the field, especially like not that you're only comparing yourself or you're comparing yourself only that they see people, but you know, their experience is similar to yours. They start booking. Like I'm saying, they start getting people on their podcast. They start coming up doing comedy, whatever.
00:20:54
Speaker
You're like, am I needed? Um, you know, did I miss the boat? All those things go through your mind. And even the other night, like I was just getting so anxious. I don't have any depression or anxiety history about it all, but I was getting quite anxious about it. And, you know, then I thought, Rajiv, like, there's this, there are these four projects on which you're working right now. And then you still have these other like five or six ideas. Like when, when you get to the point where you're creatively drained and you're going,
00:21:19
Speaker
I just have nothing more to say. I just I'm done. Okay, I don't think that's going to happen. But if that were to happen, I think that's when you quit.
00:21:27
Speaker
Yeah. And I mean, you might be creatively burnt out for a little bit and you could take a break, but I don't think that means you're going to be done forever.
Balancing Career, Life, and Creativity
00:21:35
Speaker
True. True. I was talking to this guy who's a comic yesterday. He's like, he's older. He's like probably in his sixties, late sixties now. And he was talking about, he was doing, you know, the, the cruises, the whatever, like he was, he had a whole clean act and he was like, fuck this. I don't like what I'm doing anymore. He took a break for 10 years and then.
00:21:57
Speaker
saw bill bur in twenty eleven and was like creatively re inspired and just came back in that he's doing he's doing great now he's super funny. Just like what a complete one eighty and like now he's like doing it for himself almost as opposed to like doing it for the audience or whatever the money. That's awesome I mean I definitely think about that a lot where.
00:22:18
Speaker
You know, I actually grabbed drinks with a writer on a popular TV show, and I didn't know him, but we have a mutual friend. I was like, can you introduce us and whatever? And we did get into this whole thing about like, why am I not, you know, why am I not a writer on TV? Or why haven't I done a late night set and all this kind of stuff? And I gave him a couple theories. He goes, you know, man, if someone had just met you, it's like, I don't think your theories are right. Because I think that
00:22:44
Speaker
Cause I was like, Oh, I would like to write on a TV show like you. And then we're standing in the parking lot talking and he just goes, I think you need to set your, your, your, your, your sites hired in that. He goes, I think there's the world is your oyster. He goes, I just, I don't know why you're not bigger than you are. And I think that you have all this potential. He goes, I think all the parts are there. And he goes, only spent like two hours with you, but you're funny.
00:23:06
Speaker
You're very quick, like you're very personable. He goes, I don't think it's the things that you're saying that you don't have a point of view or anything. He goes, I think you have a pretty strong point of view. And he's like, I don't know what it is, but I'll give it some thought. I'm like, well, I appreciate your giving it some thought. That's really nice of you because you don't really know me. So. That's very nice. And I mean, if you want, I can gas you up a little bit. I remember when I was first getting into comedy, I stumbled upon your articles and one of them
00:23:34
Speaker
I think what you wrote is like one of the things that really had something click for me in terms of writing because I was never much of a writer when I got into comedy. I just like was an enthusiastic performer and like I didn't really I was sucked at writing and then I think it was your article on like incongruity where you talked about things being funny and you had the analogy of like you know a bunch of dots on a wall and there's like a bunch of blue ones and there's one pink one and like we're like that's funny.
00:23:59
Speaker
And I was like, damn, that makes so much sense. And that really helped me learn a lot of concepts. So I, yeah, I appreciate you doing that. You know, like the stuff that you're putting out, you know, it's like actually helping people out there. And so if you can at least be happy that you did that.
00:24:15
Speaker
That's awesome. No, that really means a lot to me. I really that that does gas me up. So I appreciate that for sure. And so it's really worth it. And I do do remember writing that. What about you? How do you feel about how you are and the things on which you're working? What are you working on? And what's going on with you personally, professionally? Um, man. Yeah, I feel pretty
00:24:38
Speaker
overwhelmed almost. I have like a lot of things that I'm trying to do that I have no idea how to do. I think the business aspect of all this stuff makes me feel really icky and I don't really like it and I think I try to do things where I think they'll be like a cool or fun experience. I got into stand-up because I like just liked it, you know, but then now there's this pressure that you need to like
00:25:03
Speaker
Build a social media following and do this stuff and then I went on this reality dating show because I thought it'd be a cool experience to meet an Indian baddie and I did but then there's also like the Dealing with that and then the back not even backlash but like, you know some of the things with that and then also feeling like you need to do something with that even though that feels icky and so uh-huh, I don't know just and then trying to
00:25:29
Speaker
broach all those worlds and then also living my personal life and doing my day job and still trying to like get better at the things I care about without like, trying to let the business side overwhelm it. It's that's just kind of what's been playing in my mind for the last month.
00:25:44
Speaker
Wow.
Experience with Indian Matchmaking
00:25:45
Speaker
That is, that is a lot. I mean, let's talk about Indian matchmaking because I am going to sit down eventually with Smriti Mundra and talk to her as well. And I'm really curious. And I finally watched a suitable girl. I had not seen the documentary that she made. Have you seen that? I have not seen it. Is it on, it's not on Netflix. You have to buy it on YouTube or on Amazon. You could, I rented it. So the 48 hour rental, I think it was like $4 or something like that.
00:26:11
Speaker
And, uh, I figured since I'm interviewing her, I could at least watch her documentary to watch it anyway. Cause I had heard, heard a little bit about it. And I think, you know, I did the audio description for Indian matchmaking. We might've talked about that. We didn't talk about this.
00:26:25
Speaker
Oh, so if you tour on Netflix, if you put on audio description, you'll hear my voice. Really? That's so fun for both seasons? Yeah. Oh, wow. So yeah, like, you said all our names stuff. You're like, Oh, this. Yeah. The show. That's so funny. And it narrated the scene where, you know, the breakup with Nadia and all that. And you know,
00:26:44
Speaker
it was just so it was crazy just like watching it in the in the booth you know in that studio it's not far from here actually and you know the sound engineer glenn and i he's a white guy he's so wrapped up in it too and we're just like oh he's like oh we gotta go to the next i'm like now let's find out what happens and it would just it was really you know i was really sucked in even doing that part of it so i but
00:27:06
Speaker
Which is cool so I'm kind of like involved with the show but not really it's just kind of you know interesting thing but versus all the people are watching it in the world you're like no but then you are involved with the show because a lot of people are just watching it they have nothing to do with the show so I guess you got to put it that kind of perspective but you were actually on the show so I'd love to hear what your your experience was and and of course the difference not just the vegetarian aspect but but all of it like
00:27:31
Speaker
You decided to go on it i think they talked to like four hundred fifty people and interviewed them like that can you walk me through the process and are there things you can't talk about. I don't know what i'm not allowed to talk about now i don't think i signed any kind of nda but i.
00:27:49
Speaker
The only thing I'll say that I won't talk about is I only have positive things to say about all the people I worked on the show with. So I think people are always like, can you talk some shit about this person? I'm like, no, they're actually a nice person. And I stand by that. But the actual process of it was
00:28:08
Speaker
Uh, I think I have like a, uh, I like do some like, uh, modeling acting gigs on the side and I've like applied to like various things that, and I think like production companies get your email through that throws like applications. So I got an email one day that was like, Hey, fill out this Google form. Uh, if you want to be Indian match made, uh, we're not going to say what show it is.
00:28:32
Speaker
But I was like, I probably have a guess. I filled out the bio and I was like, this is my dating history. I'm single right now. This is what my parents want, you know, because they want me to marry an Indian person. And so then went through that. And then I did a phone interview, a video interview with this guy. And then he was like, great, that was fun. Can we talk to your parents? I told my parents about it. They were freaked out. My mom was freaked out. But then video interview and she actually really she liked it. And then
00:29:01
Speaker
I talked to one of the EPs after, uh, and then she was like, this is the show. This is what's going on. Do you want to do it? I was like, sure. I'm moving to New York actually in a couple months. And she's like, that's great. We actually have a lot of people in the tri-state area. So we might actually do like a mixer for the thing. And
Handling Breakups and Emotional Growth
00:29:18
Speaker
so that was like my first experience with it. You, you probably saw like that mixer situation. Yeah. I think Nadia hosted it. Right.
00:29:25
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Um, and I didn't know who was going to be there. I didn't know that I thought it was going to be all new people. I didn't know what to expect. Uh, I walked in a little hungover to be honest. And then, Hey, you're, you're, you're nursing your alcoholism, you know, not alcoholism, but you know, your, your habit.
00:29:43
Speaker
It's on the list of things I got to do. And then, yeah, I showed up. You're pretty surprised to see all the people who are there on season one. And, you know, I was a little nervous at first, but then we started drinking and having a good time. And it was great. All the people I met, some of them I'm still really good friends with to this day, like Jay and stuff. And then Nadia and I, I guess like remind our listeners of yours, which one is Jay?
00:30:13
Speaker
Jay was on season one, then he came back a little bit for season two. He's one of the guys who dated Aparna. And did he date someone else? I think mainly just Aparna. Okay. And so you'll see him if you watch it back. Yeah. Yeah. And so, yeah, we hit it off. And then...
00:30:35
Speaker
They wanted me to come out the following Monday to go on a date with her. And so we did that. Um, and you saw that on screen. And then after that, we had a couple of weeks of hanging out off screen. Um, and then the next time we were filmed was when I had to do that breakup scene in LA. Um, and yeah, that was, that was it for us. Yeah. Yeah. And that was your arc on the show. I yeah, I guess so.
00:31:04
Speaker
And how, what's the period of time, like when you met her to the breakup, how long was that? So I met her mid October, uh, and the breakup scene or breakup that was filmed was in mid to late November. Oh, so like four weeks. Yeah. And then about a month.
00:31:27
Speaker
Okay. So you got, and so, I mean, would you just, was it really like that in the sense of like, were you guys pretty serious? Were you not that serious and they dialed it up or? Uh, it's tough to say, like I definitely like enjoyed hanging out with her and here,
00:31:48
Speaker
I wanted to give it a fair shot, uh, because I think I went into the show being like, all right, this is like a matchmaking show. Like you want to like treat it seriously. And one thing I've tried to do as I've gotten older is be like, okay, like if I like hanging out with someone, but I'm still not sure about like some of the, uh, misgivings I might have about like the long-term viability of it.
00:32:10
Speaker
I will do it for longer rather than like not pursue it immediately just so I can like give it a fair shot. But the other thing I tried to balance it with was also not like keeping it going for too long because I didn't want to lead someone on. And so I think it's weird because like the feedback I've received has been on both sides of the spectrum. Some people were like you letter on some people were like you should have not done it at all. Some people were like you should have done it longer. And I'm like I don't know. Like I've tried to do all the things and I'm trying to take it but I think
00:32:41
Speaker
I'm also not very good at breaking up with people. That was probably the first time I've had to do like that kind of like, I want to break up thing. So that was real. Yeah. Yeah. That part was like very real. Uh, and it was very shitty and I wasn't very good at it. And, uh, yeah, it's tough. You started off good, but I think you, then you ended up pretty bad during the breakup scene.
00:33:05
Speaker
Yeah, I think that you were very straightforward as a male perspective cisgender heterosexual male perspective here. But I would just because I yeah, my I think I had a perfect record. I was never dumped. Now, that doesn't mean that I wouldn't have been dumped. Maybe I just like, you know, did it quickly to get out of it. But I but I had, you know, two very serious breakups and they I mean, they are shitty. They really.
00:33:29
Speaker
They were very difficult and they changed me. I mean, like in a good way. Eventually I got married and knock on wood. Hopefully there are no more breakups. That's it. But it is hard. I don't think I wonder who would be good at it. I guess just people who date a lot. Maybe if you just you're just good at that kind of thing. I don't know.
Portrayal and Feedback in Indian Matchmaking
00:33:49
Speaker
I don't think it's something that people want as a core competency.
00:33:52
Speaker
No, definitely not. And I don't think you ever can be good at it. But the only thing that you can do is try to hold your ground. My friend was telling me about the gray rock method or something, whatever it's called, where when you're in those emotional situations... I just heard about this. You heard about this? Yeah. What is the gray rock? Somebody just told me about this.
00:34:16
Speaker
It's like, uh, when you're in emotional conversations, if one person is, you know, feeling emotional because, you know, they're being broken up with as the other person, if you also become emotional, you will just escalate the situation and make it a lot worse. But instead of you're just like, like a rock and you're stoic, which seems a lot more cruel immediately, like in the mind, but it's probably better for the longterm health of the situation. If you're like that, it's better.
00:34:46
Speaker
that's pretty good that's what my wife does with me because I'm pretty emotional and she's good at I said I'm a hurricane and you just have to starve me of the water like just stop saying stuff and I will I'll yell myself out like and yeah I don't mean like half an hour I mean like after 30 seconds I'll just be like you'll just look at me like you're the only one talking okay yeah right I'll stop now yeah I
00:35:12
Speaker
I need to be better about this. I'm also kind of emotional, but I've I also went through another breakup recently. And in that one, like we started getting into like a lot of arguments by the end, too. And yeah, I kind of fed into some of the emotion by the end. So that's one thing I'm trying to get better at is being the gray rock. Yeah, the gray rock. You have a very soothing voice, by the way.
00:35:36
Speaker
That's really interesting. That's so funny you say that. I don't think my voice is soothing. That's so funny. Just the way you said gray rock was very soothing. That was very NPR. Yeah, I kind of went down into a lower register when I said that. So that's when we were talking. One of Hersha's cousins came to town from Atlanta, but she saw Nimesh Patel, the comedian. Yeah, yeah, for sure.
00:35:56
Speaker
And I've hung out with him a few times, whatever. And when I did this kind of two person show in New York, I had him do a guest spot. And that man has the greatest voice ever. Yeah, he really does. It does not. It's insane. I don't know. He that's like Barry White. Yeah. That's a very white voice. Yeah. He he he gets the I don't want to say ladies, anyone who's into men, you know, anywhere across the gender or sexuality spectrum. I'll try to be inclusive here. So let me ask you this, though. So this
00:36:25
Speaker
There's always these theories about, you know, breakups and relationships and everything where one person is more into it than the other, right? And one person is more in love or one person is more in like with the other or whatever it is. I mean, it seemed like Nadia and these are difficult to discuss too, right? Cause it's like, you don't want to hurt her feelings or misrepresent or whatever. And it was, it's a private thing that was displayed publicly and all those bounds being there. I mean, it seemed like she was pretty into you though, right? Is that, was that a fair read?
00:36:52
Speaker
I think so. I mean, you'd have to like ask her to confirm, but like, that's what I heard from the other producers on the show and stuff. Cause I, I like reached out to the producers after two to like get their input and like see what was going on. I felt really bad and we actually didn't talk for like six months after that. Uh, we only started talking again after the show came out and she was like, Hey, I moved on. Like I get it. You're good. But she was upset. Yeah. You reached out to her. She reached out to you.
00:37:22
Speaker
I reached out to her a couple of times with no response. And then once the show came out and I saw she was getting some Internet hate, I reached out one more time and I was like, hey, like, I just want you to know, like, I'm on your side. Like, I don't agree with the things people are saying. I feel really bad for you. And if you want to talk, I'm here for you. Why why the Internet hate? Was it because the show portrayed that she was still with Shaker and then she kind of left him for you? Is that why they I think that's why. Yeah.
00:37:52
Speaker
Was that true? Is that how it went down? Not how I perceived it, but, uh, you know, I could be wrong because I also don't know the whole situation between them. All I know is what I heard from her. Um, and they weren't actively together, I think, but it, that's not to say that there weren't like lingering feelings on either side, which I didn't really think about or know about. So it's tough for me to say looking back and I'm confused.
00:38:20
Speaker
Yeah, I think, excuse me, somebody mentioned that. Like you have a soothing voice and I cough right into the microphone. That's really nice. So no, but that's what, that's what somebody had said is that actually the way that the show portrayed it, I don't remember who told me this, but it might've been friends of Shakers who were just like, I know they had already broken up because he's from Cincinnati. I'm from Cincinnati. So I don't know him well, but his dad was one of my engineering professors. No way. That's so funny. Well, you studied engineering. Yeah. I got a degree in materials engineering.
00:38:48
Speaker
Oh, wow. Yeah, I'm a computer science dude. But yeah. Yeah. Well, there you go. So science, you know, technical kind of background. So Shaker's friends were saying that they had already broken up. So then why
Cultural Identity and Relationship Expectations
00:38:59
Speaker
was he so sad?
00:39:00
Speaker
Well, that's what they were saying is that they that the show played up that angle. So I don't know if this is even true. And I can't even remember if it was Shaker's friends who said that. But I think it was. I think that somebody who knew him had said to me, oh, or maybe it was a group setting. I have a terrible memory, which is probably why I do a podcast. I can record. So it's like that was played up and it wasn't that bad. But I mean,
00:39:24
Speaker
But that's the thing is I think Nadia was one of the heroes of the show carrying over from season one. I really liked her. A lot of people really liked her. And then it became more complex because she's dating Shaker. That seems like that's going well. Then you come in. That seems like it's going well. And then she ditches Shaker according again to what we saw. I don't know what really happened.
00:39:51
Speaker
I think that's where people were just like, oh, that was pretty cruel. How she just kind of kicked him to the curb. And then you broke up with her and they're like, oh, that's karma, bitch. Like, I mean, that's just what happens. Right. And I'm like, well, first of all, wouldn't say bitch. And second of all, it would just kind of like, man, I mean, that was just more of a like, yeah, I mean, I get people like to see people rise and fall and drama, you know, I mean, I am just reminded of
00:40:19
Speaker
The Dark Knight, you know, you either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the reality TV villain. I like the modification. You're right. You're so right about that. That's true. It's one of my favorite films as well. I quote from it all the time. Truth and faith, right? And that's the question. That's a good breakup question, too. Do you give them the real, the straight dope, the truth, or just have them live and keep their faith? Dude, I don't know, man. Like, what would you do?
00:40:50
Speaker
If I were you in that situation or the things I've done in general, what do you think is the right way to do it? I guess with a breakup. Yeah. I think. It's good always to. Probe where the other person is emotionally to get a sense of like, do they think this is coming or not?
00:41:12
Speaker
I used to really talk a lot more at once before the other person got a chance to say anything and I would make four points in a row and therefore losing points actually. And now I'm a lot better about trying to be empathetic to
00:41:32
Speaker
You know, as an acting, we say the moment before, like what was this person feeling? What were, where are they coming in from? And are they ready to break up with you? Like maybe, you know, it's like, they're ready to do this thing too. Or if the person, you're really going to gut this person. Uh, and I did, I did once for sure, twice come to mind, three times come to mind. Okay. Really quickly. I can, I can stack up the ones that I'm like, I really hurt this person. Yeah. And I.
00:42:02
Speaker
I want to say I didn't mean to because that just that also sounds like you're just sloughing off your own agency. But yeah, but then at the same time, you don't you don't want to hurt the person. And I know in
00:42:13
Speaker
At least two of those cases, they were much more into me than I was into them. Yeah. And you know, and I've had it the other way, man. I've had it where I was really, you know, a couple of the breakups that I had that really hurt me. We dated for a quite a long period, but she was never into me the way that I was into her. And that that hurts, you know.
00:42:35
Speaker
Especially if you're dating for a long time. Yeah, man. That's crazy. Yeah. I should, I should follow up when I, right before I got into religion and spirituality, the thing that got me down on the dumps was also a breakup. Everything just comes back down to breakups. I guess they're hard. They are.
00:42:55
Speaker
They're really hard. I mean, other than like death of a loved one, they always say the most stressful things a person can go through or number one is death of a loved one. Two is divorce and three is moving. I say three is moving, like actually moving a location, probably especially if you don't want to or you're downgrading or moving to a city to take a job, whatever. But even still, moving is stressful and and all that. But, OK, I was I lost. I kind of tripped over myself with so Nadia. Also, one of the things that I think was
00:43:25
Speaker
was interesting. I would like to interview her. I haven't haven't even thought about that until you and I started talking. But she does interviews, I assume, right? I think so. I'm not sure. She, you know, in the first season, I thought it was so interesting because my wife's family is from South Africa. So they're Gujarati. But they you know, her my father in law was born in India, but my mother in law was born in Durban, South Africa. So they have this whole like South African side to their culture.
00:43:55
Speaker
Which is part of why they eat meat, because a lot of katrathis don't eat meat. And it was interesting because
00:44:04
Speaker
It was never a consideration. I never even thought about, oh, does this make her more or less desirable? That didn't even occur to me. But when Nadia's family was in Guyana, a lot of Indians seemed like they didn't want to be with her because she was Guyanese. And I'm like, well, she's ethnically Indian. And it's not like, and not that, I mean, this would just totally be racism, but even if the Indians went over to Guyana and intermingled,
00:44:32
Speaker
And then they have like both. They're like half Guyanese and half Indian. If I don't want to date her for that reason, well, that's also just racism. But but it's not even that it's like they just lived there. But do you understand that mentality of like why Indians wouldn't want to be with someone who is from like Guyana? Not really. I mean, so you're asking the wrong person this question, I think, because I my parents are very much probably more in that camp. But like me, I have dated
00:45:02
Speaker
women, like of all races and stuff. And so, but when I watch the show too, like I'm a viewer of the show as well. And I see things that I'm surprised by, you know, people who are like, I only want to marry someone who is also good rot to the year, Cindy or Cindy or whatever. And I'm like, okay. Like everyone's like entitled to all those things, but that is still more of a traditional mindset than like, you know, what I'm accustomed to. So I don't know.
00:45:31
Speaker
Yeah, but would you, I mean, maybe not to impugn your parents, but like that generation or that mentality of like, do they just think they're not Indian enough or is there like a, they feel like there's something missing from the culture or. That's a, that's a question for them because we've never actually talked about like the guy in ease or whatever.
00:45:50
Speaker
Okay, I mean my mom is very much like we want you to marry someone who's also like Thummel who we can speak to and I you know is Vegetarian so I mean it's just all about like the familiarity. I think that's what it all comes down to and it's just like how Do if you want them to be familiar like you want them to be the most familiar? That they are you know so I think that's probably what it comes down to I
00:46:13
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I was just, I was so surprised by that. Like it was that, I could see some people that initially, but it just seemed like she was running into this big wave of how hard it was. But no,
Reality TV Challenges and Cultural Depictions
00:46:24
Speaker
I mean, she's, she's cast certainly as a hero. I mean, Apurna, I guess is cast as the villain. Uh, did you get to know her pretty well, right? Uh, at all, or?
00:46:32
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I met her in person a couple of times and we chatted on the phone. Like she's very sweet. She's been nothing but nice to me. She's gotten out of her way to like talk to me and help me through things, even when she was going through like the death of a loved one, which just, I think speaks a lot to her character, you know? Yeah. Yeah.
00:46:48
Speaker
She's pretty great. I, I have talked to her a couple of times on the phone. I ran this like, uh, Indian game show on Facebook during the pandemic for a bit. She appeared on that and she was great and she was really cool. Like I, it really gets back to, and of course I know this having lived, you know, out, out near Hollywood for 16 years, but like it's all the edit, you know, how, how they're presenting or whatever. Now that's not to say.
00:47:11
Speaker
I think the way that she comes across on the show is it's just not, that has not been my experience since I've gotten to know her a little bit. Yeah. Uh, yeah, for sure. But it's also about, I think some people, oh, I might have to sneeze. Sorry.
00:47:26
Speaker
Yeah, that's a guy I coughed. All right. Uh, it passed for now. Yeah. I think, you know, some people might play up certain things when they're on, you know, TV or being asked certain questions, you know, so it's not to say that people didn't say those things, but I also don't know what.
00:47:43
Speaker
led up to it, you know, where certain things like taking out of context. I'm not really sure. I mean, another example is Benet from season one. If you remember him, I do. I'm homies with him out here. He's a cool guy. He's actually a big softy. Okay. And I mean, anytime anyone brings up
00:48:01
Speaker
Uh, you know, he gets like negative flack for the stuff that, you know, maybe people thought he did on season one. He's like, he's like cried about it, you know? Wow. Like people give him a lot of shit. Like, like random people give him death threats and like, what? Yeah. No, people are savage out here, dude. It's really not okay. Like in person or just even online?
00:48:25
Speaker
probably online, I think. Yeah, I mean, it's not that that's okay. But he messaged me too, because I put up that I'll be sitting down with Smithy. And I got, you know, I got a number of responses actually on that. And there were a lot of questions that people wanted to know. And it was it was really kind of interesting about this whole thing. It was just like, you know, people were asking things like,
00:48:49
Speaker
Are there how common is the dowry system among Indian settles settled in the United States? Do you know answers to these questions? I don't know the answer to that. No. Wow. That's a great question. But do people still do that? I don't think so. I hope not. I mean, yeah, my mom's doing like a reverse dowry. She's like, I'm collecting all this gold so that I can give it to your future wife when you get married. Yeah.
00:49:15
Speaker
My my mom did that too. Yeah, which is like very nice. Yeah, that's ladies out there. There you go. Get some gold. So to what extent does Smriti aim to display and highlight problematic themes within the Indian marriage culture? And, you know, can she can we celebrate those? I think a lot of people are wondering, what is the point like with Indian matchmaking and a suitable girl? Is it to show
00:49:42
Speaker
Is it supposed to be entertaining? Is it supposed to be educational? What are we supposed to take out of Indian matchmaking? What do you think? My thoughts as a viewer is.
00:49:55
Speaker
I think it is just to show what it is, you know, and it's not to like maybe glorify any of these things. But like, you know, the show got a lot of flack, I think, in season one for, you know, colorism or whatever, which is like,
00:50:13
Speaker
OK, like, yeah, we all know, like some of these things are like not like the most progressive or whatever. But that's what India is like right now, you know. Yeah. It never once was glorified. You
Marriage and Compatibility Discussions
00:50:24
Speaker
know, it's it's a documentary reality series, you know, so it's like showing it is what is it isn't necessarily a point of view. But it's just realistic. Yeah. Is that is that where you stand on it?
00:50:37
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I'm trying to think was there anything that happened where I go, no, it's not like that. And no, I don't think it really struck a false note. I mean, I think that it. I think. My issue and I've I've said this and I don't know if I said this to Aparna, but I will. And I'll say this to Smriti as well, which is that. I think that there are people who don't bring much to the table who are expecting a lot from the other side of the table.
00:51:09
Speaker
And I think you have to be very self-aware. Like my mom said this to me when I was in the midst of my extreme singleness in my thirties and mid thirties. And, you know, she just said, well, you have to be realistic. Like you don't really have a job. You're bald, you're short. You know, like, let's be realistic here. You know, after a while, like after all the encouragement and love and everything, there was, my parents are very loving. They actually are very affectionate. It's not very common, I think, for the opposite experience. They love me, but they're not always anyway.
00:51:39
Speaker
Yeah, no, that's her just parents, too. They're they're more the traditional, you know, Indian. They're not going to like say I love you or give you hugs as much as as my parents do that a lot. And we just grew up in a very affectionate, touchy feely kind of household. I would just sit on the couch with my mom and just have my arm around her. We would just be drinking chai. And that's just what we did.
00:51:58
Speaker
Yeah, I just like that was home that is home for me It just it's not home unless mom and I are under a blanket even if it's a hundred degrees outside They're just sitting there and watching TV and just like hanging out that that's sweet. What I do Yeah, I'm very lucky to to have that and and that's awesome
00:52:14
Speaker
So for me, I was just like, my mom finally said that to me and she wasn't mad. She was like laughing as she said it, but she goes, okay, I am serious though. She's like, you do have, cause I'm very superficial. She's like, you have these very, like you want, you know, a woman who has this and that and whatever. And I said, I hear totally what you're saying. Like I totally get it.
00:52:36
Speaker
I think you have to also see what I do bring to the table. Like I'm really funny and I'm a really nice guy. I've got a really good personality. I've got a very cool job. I live in a cool place. I have really cool friends. I, you know, I, this woman who, who my Mary will not be bored. Okay. There will be no boredom. Like it will be, it'll be a fun, adventurous ride. Like this is going to be a good time. So how did you and your wife meet?
00:53:01
Speaker
Um, she's fake. I made her up. There's no, it's all made up. Uh, we met online. We met on okay. Cupid. Oh sick. Okay. So not and parents or anything. No, not through our parents were Punjabi. She's Gujarati, which at first doesn't seem like a big difference, but as you get married, it is more of a difference than I would have expected. And she hit me up actually. And she's like, I really liked your profile. And
00:53:26
Speaker
I remember asking her, like, after we got together, I was like, what did make you hit me up? Like, what was the reason? She goes, your profile is very well written. She's like, it was very warm. It was witty. It was, it was very cute. She goes, I really liked it. I thought it would, and she goes, as I've gotten to know you, it's very true. Like, I think that you're.
00:53:41
Speaker
You you do have a pretty good sense of who you are. And I think that's what it what it takes. But but I mean, but for a comedian, also, I'm not like a depressive character or any of that kind of stuff. So that's what I told my mom. I was like, I just feel like I.
00:53:57
Speaker
I should have someone who's awesome and I'm not going to, I don't want to say I'm not going to settle, but, um, cause I think there is an element. I think that is one of the themes of your show is of Indian matchmaking. Is this like, to what extent do you settle?
00:54:15
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Um, I have had the opposite experience with my parents where like, I'm, I'm generally not, I don't try not to be arrogant. That's one of the things that I try to like really avoid, but like of the few people that my parents have sent me.
00:54:36
Speaker
I'm like, the only thing that they have going for them is that they're Indian. But I feel like I could do a little bit better. And I don't want to sound like a dick. But that's why I kind of date on my own now. I know what I'm looking for. I know I like certain personality characteristics and stuff and all these things. And I feel like I bring a decent amount to the table, I would hope.
00:55:04
Speaker
Yeah. But, you know, we'll see in a couple of years. I think one of the things I never understood was just the idea of having a relationship or a marriage just for the sake of it, you know. Yeah. I want to like want it and have a reason for it and not just like pick someone at a certain age because like, oh, I'm running out of time or whatever, you know, it's like really got to be. You can't. It's just there's too much.
00:55:32
Speaker
There's too much at stake. And I think if you're the kind of person maybe isn't very analytical and you're just kind of like, all right, look, I'm just I just keep my head down. I don't really examine things. I just I'm just kind of like here I am and whatever there. That's a lot of people and I'm not putting them down. I'm just saying that they're like, yes, I am. But it's to me, it's just like you're not one of those people and.
00:55:56
Speaker
You know, you wake up, she's there. You go to bed, she's there. It's like, that's the rest of your life, man. That's like the biggest decision you make. And we know all that. I mean, I'm not saying, but it really is that on the other side of it now. What my mom did say, I thought was interesting. And I say this to one of my best friends who actually lives up in the Bay Area. You know, my mom goes, I think you're putting way too much emphasis on conversation. Like you want a really great conversation, but isn't that all there is, especially later as intimacy fades and all that? She goes, you're going to find out that most of your conversations are logistical in nature.
00:56:26
Speaker
She goes, it's going to be what time do we have to be here? Where is this place? We need directions to this. Where did you put that? She goes, it's a lot of just logistics. And I said, that is so funny. I said to her the other day, I go, I always feel like we're looking for something like I'm either looking for a phone or I'm looking for the rattle or I'm looking like I'm always looking for something. I know that is what we do. We spend our whole day looking for
00:56:53
Speaker
Not for for somebody, but but something that it's like you found the person and they're just going to look for these mundane items. You probably already know this, but this is a great bit already. I can tell. I hadn't even thought of it that way. Yeah. So then what is it, if not conversation?
00:57:12
Speaker
That's what I said. I, and I, I don't know that I would totally agree because Hersha and I still would go on walks and we talk a lot. I mean, there's still quite a bit of conversation and you know, the other day I wrote her an email and you know, we don't email each other that much, but like she sent me an article and I wrote back to her, like I would write to a friend, like I gave like my thoughts on it and whatever. And like, here it is, you know, and I was like, Oh, that was just like a fun thing to do. Cause you don't do that with your wife. Like how often are Hersha and I calling each other, except it's I'm going to be home at this time or whatever. And even that's probably a text.
00:57:42
Speaker
So we only call each other when I go on the road or something, but it is nice to have those little moments. So I
Conclusion and Social Media Plugs
00:57:49
Speaker
do think that conversation is important. I do think that looks are important. I think you need to be attracted to the person. That's just there. People are like, well, looks fade. I'm like, I don't know. They do. But, you know, there's some
00:58:03
Speaker
People take care of themselves now. There's some hot aunties that are like 65 years old. I mean, hell yeah. I mean, you already know I'm into older women. So that's right. Yeah. I mean, seriously, like, no, I, if she's hot, she'll be hot for quite a while. That's not.
00:58:20
Speaker
I think the only problem is it like that is the main thing you're optimizing for is like, you gotta be the hottest person ever. Like if they meet your baseline level of attraction, totally, they're good. But to say that there shouldn't be that baseline level is, I don't know, you're sending yourself a failure. It's naive. Yeah. It's naive. I tried that actually. I tried it with somebody.
00:58:40
Speaker
Or I was like, okay, I'm going to bite the bullet. You know, I'm going to, at times running out, I'm going to really just do this to make my parents happy and make her parents happy and all that kind of stuff. And it didn't work, man. It just, it isn't going to work because you, you want what you want. And if you're just not attracted to her on, I don't know, maybe she was not attracted to me. I don't know. Uh, but I, I think she was though, but for me, it was more, it was more just like, I don't, I can't, I almost felt like I was.
00:59:08
Speaker
justifying why I was with her and like, oh, here's my girlfriend as opposed to being proud or being not proud, but like just feeling like you were a match. And I don't know. That sounds awful to say, but I don't know. I think we need to talk about these things, though, because I think that's what people mean deep down, but they feel like they shouldn't say that or everybody's going to think they're a dick.
00:59:31
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think naive is the best way to describe it because it rhymes with Rajiv naive. That's your new stage persona. Yeah. Rajiv now. Yeah. The name of this podcast or whatever. Yeah. That should at least be the name of the episode. Yeah. You're making about me, not you. Don't make a play on Vishal or anything. No, I'm cool with it. I feel like I learned a lot. I gained a lot from this.
00:59:59
Speaker
You asked me a lot of questions. That's funny. You said at the beginning you would. I wish I didn't have to run. I have another another call. And I think you do, too, actually. Yeah. So but this is cool, man, like just real talk. I'm glad that we got a chance to rap about, you know, we didn't even get into the dating stuff. I think until like 20 minutes and it was good just hearing your perspective on the world. Yeah, these are these are fun conversations. I like like being able to talk about this stuff with people because I feel like you don't get it.
01:00:27
Speaker
as often as you need, I think. So yeah, thank you for having me and just chatting with me. Absolutely, man. Same to you. Where can people find you? I know that we, we connected on Instagram, but if you want people to follow you or anything like that.
01:00:39
Speaker
find me on Instagram at the shawl.cal. I also started a tiktok. Same thing, the shawl.cal. And we'll see how it goes. Awesome, everybody. Check him out on Instagram and tiktok, the shawl.cal. That's v i s h a l dot k a l, even though he is from C a l. It's kale. Check him out, follow him, give him a follow and you can give us a follow also at funny Indian
01:01:02
Speaker
on Instagram. Thank you for joining us on this episode of the tangent show slash what do you bring to the table? I've been your host Rajiv and I still am. All right, man. Yeah, I always clap it out for the editor just so they like clap to clap. But thanks, man. Thanks for doing this. I really appreciate it. Yeah. No, thank you for having me. Like I said, this was this was actually fun. So I'm glad we got to just chat.
01:01:24
Speaker
Yeah. No, thanks for hitting me up. Let me know when you get to LA and I'll do the same thing with New York. Hopefully in the next few months, I will, uh, I'll get there and I'll let you know. Yeah, man. Hit me up. We can catch up. Whatever. Sorry. I missed what you said because my phone rang. Say it one more time. Oh, you said, yeah, hit me up. We can catch up. Do whatever. Grab a drink or whatever. Yeah. Well, we'll definitely grab a drink. We established that. Yeah. All right, brother. Take care of Michelle. Okay.