Transcript
Speaker: Have you ever wanted to know more than just what you get from the doctor's office about how to get through perimenopause and menopause and you feel like there's so much more out there and you're not even sure where to start. So I have learned so much from Sherry Adler. She is a certified perimenopause and menopause health coach and wellness facilitator. She's devoted to helping women feel more vibrant, connected, and fully alive. She has led trainings in women's health, nutrition, stress, meditation, relationships, authentic, relating, and work-life balance to more than 5,000 attendees and over 100 companies worldwide.
Speaker: She trained through the Integrative Women's Health Institute, the Embody Lab, and Institute for Integrative Nutrition. And she blends coaching and facilitating with trauma-informed somatic practices, mindfulness, energy work, and tantra.
Speaker: Yes, Tantra. That's what we're going talking about today. Sherry is especially fascinated by the connection between the nervous system, pleasure, intimacy, and life force energy and how coming home to the body can awaken a woman's desire, not only for intimacy, but for life itself. After experiencing burnout and caregiver fatigue, Sherry stepped away from corporate life and set out to travel the world, beginning her own journey of healing and reconnection.
Speaker: She immersed herself in diverse trainings, cultures, traditions, and healing practices. And since 2016, she has divided her time between New York City and Southeast Asia. She brings 15 years of experience at Pfizer in people development and program management.
Speaker: giving her distinctive understanding of corporate life, leadership, and holistic well-being. And she's such a good friend of mine. So i'm so excited to have her here to just be able to talk to her and share her with the rest of you. So welcome, Sherry. Thank you. And we met in Tanzania a long, long, long time ago. A long, long time ago.
Speaker: ah You were working there and I was doing research there and we would meet up for lunch and you were just such a resource to me then and became a fast friend. And I'm so lucky to still have you in my life.
Speaker: Tell us about what you're doing and who your work really aims to benefit. Yes. So as you mentioned, i am a wellness facilitator and a perimetopause and menopause coach. And really my focus, my passion, my desire is around sexual aliveness. And who I work with, who I focus on typically is women between ages of 40 to 60, but women who are really going through that transitional period. So perimenopause, menopause, and I work with other people as well who are outside of that age period, but that's typically who I'm working with.
Speaker: That's awesome. And what are you hoping to help them with? Like, what is it that like, if somebody was listening to this, how would they know that they should come to one of your workshops or, or hire you? Yep, absolutely. So when I think about women who are especially in this transitional period, right, I think about women who many times have fatigue, burnout, memory loss, or gaps of memory issues, who feel tired, cocooned. A lot of them feel their light is dimming or has dimmed. And i know I've spoken with many women, worked with many women who just feel their vibrancy. They're losing their vibrancy. They're losing who they are, right? This femininity, this aspect of themselves. And that's...
Speaker: a lot of the times who I work with, right? This idea of bringing back their aliveness, this idea of tuning into what's happening within them and ways and practices they can help feel more empowered, more alive, more rejuvenated and really feel themselves again.
Speaker: Yeah. And that makes sense. I mean, losing that vibrancy, losing that light. I see that in my clinic. I hear people kind of describe that and I could see how fatigue would cause that, right? You kind of just don't feel as refreshed or restored, but you really connect this to perimenopause and menopause too, right? How do we feel is is the connection there? The connection of the symptoms or the connection? Yeah. Just like seeing that the way people feel like their light is being dimmed Yeah, obviously hormonal changes, right? Hormonal changes, when we have, when our hormones are are raging and boosting, we have energy, we have vibrancy, we feel great, right? It's it's what gets us that forward motion. And when those hormones are off balance or depleting, right? or what maybe one is high and one is low
Speaker: That causes the highs and the lows. That causes the emotional imbalance. That causes the fatigue, the tiredness. And when we're feeling that way and when we're overstretched, so we're working or we're caretaking or we have children at home or we have a partner or work has extra demands on us, right? So any remaining energy we have gets pulled. So we have less energy potentially from hormonal changes. We're being pulled, especially in this period of our life, right? A lot of people are in the sandwich generation. so a lot of people have kids. A lot of people have aging parents. A lot of people are even at the top of their work because they've had so many years of work experience. And they've just been pulled and pulled. This is where this depletion, right? This depletion comes from. And this is where I think especially we need that extra resources, that extra practice, that extra place to feel our best since we feel so tired or cocoonish or we don't have the time for anything else in our lives.
Speaker: Yeah, especially ourselves. Right. that's Yes, exactly. I'm just putting this together because thinking of you like working in human resources, working with people development in corporate settings and, you know, all over the world, you have witnessed this. You have seen. Yeah. that's happening to people? Are people aware of it or does it like sneak up on them? So ah burnout, exhaustion, i think a lot of people are aware of. Taking action, I think that's where it's really hard.
Speaker: yeah I see this in so many people that I work with, so many people that I facilitate to, that I meet. Being able to do something about it is what's hard. And I think a lot of times, especially when people are are in pre-burnout, when you're in this chronic fatigue before burnout, there is this feeling that you just have to keep going. So there's There's not even time to really say, i'm tired.
Speaker: I'm in burnout. It's just, i have to keep going. yeah but The things happen. You become apathetic. You start getting numb. You start losing motivation, right? And i I think especially for perimenopausal women, even before you know that you're in perimenopause and you don't realize how much more this affects you, So you're in this stage, right, of feeling even more tired, even more fatigue. You don't even realize that your hormones are changing.
Speaker: And you're just in this state of feeling pretty much alone and exhausted and not knowing where to go. Yeah, exactly. Okay. So where does Tantra come in? okay What is Tantra? Because that is what's super new to me and yeah i would love to learn about it. Also, what is it? What are the misconceptions? Yeah.
Speaker: So I'm going to try to give a very quick synapses of Tantra in total because there's different forms of Tantra and that can be very confusing. And so I'm trying to make the distinction so it's a little bit more obvious for people. So classical tantra. Classical tantra, it emerged around the 5th century. It came from Hinduism and Buddhism.
Speaker: Classical tantra really is, it's about practice and study. It comes from texts. People who are studying classical tantra, really it's about mantras, right? So having a prayer and a mantra, maybe that puts you into meditation. It's about connecting to the deities. So if you think about Hinduism and the deities, especially the goddess, right? So visualizing the goddess, becoming really praying to the goddess, being really connected to deities. It's also about rigorous practice. Maybe you're doing visualizations. The idea is more around prayer, meditation, oneness, maybe universal consciousness. I wouldn't call it a religion at all, but it's much more of ah a yogic practice or coming from tradition. And there is a sexual aspect of it, but it's small and it's really only for advanced practitioners and advanced practitioner with a guru or a teacher. So very structured, conservative. There's many different points of classical tantra as well, but it's it's very traditional.
Speaker: And then you have Neo-Tantra. This is probably the more common word that people think about, people know. So contemporary Tantra or Neo-Tantra. This is new Tantra. So this is is a totally different spin on what classical Tantra is. So this came to the U.S. originally in early nineteen hundreds and it took aspects of classical tantra with a spin. So really putting in this kind of spiritual kind of spiritual practice, but very what we would call new age or non-mainstream, very off the beaten path. So that's like early 1900s, which always shocks me.
Speaker: kind of the early, early days. And it really became popular in the 60s and 70s with Osho. Osho is an Indian guru. He was very popular throughout India and the US. And so this brought more in psychology and breathwork, and meditation, dancing, screaming, lots of different practices into everyday life, but more around conscious relating. Even asha brought even sexuality to the forefront, right? How can we deal with trauma, our wounds? How can we release stagnant energy through different practices? And one of those was through intimacy or conscious relating, but it didn't necessarily have to be sex, but it was much more on the forefront.
Speaker: ah So I remember the Netflix docu-series on Well, and they have the episode on tantric sex. Is that neo-tantra? So the doc series, it it talks about both. Actually, it's a great episode. re-watch it. Yes. It's a great episode because it does talk about all aspects. So the classical tantra, more neo-tantra, the philosophy of behind it. It also talks about the shadow. So things that can be on the unhealthy side of these practices things that can happen. And then also on the healthy side. What I what i liked about it is that it actually shows all aspects.
Speaker: And some of the teachers I actually know who are beautiful teachers, beautiful teachings. And it does also show that there can be a dark side, right? So, and I say that especially for people, if you are curious about contemporary Tantra, if to just have an awareness, right? Going to the right teachers, making sure that you are having healthy boundaries, making sure that you are in spaces that feel safe and comfortable. So I like to say that because I think Tantra is a beautiful, it's a beautiful practice. And I really think it's healing and helpful to everyone. And I also think especially especially women in a transitional stage in perimenopause and menopause. And I also like when people are aware that they need healthy boundaries and that they have to be aware of who their teacher is in the teachings. Yeah, that's super interesting. So what's the connection between tantra and perimenopause and menopause? Like, why do you feel like it could be helpful during this time? Is it just about sex or is it like... Although that's a great aspect. And I want to speak to that.
Speaker: For me, when I think about intimacy and I think about sex and I think about even separately this word of aliveness, right, which doesn't have to be about sex or penetrative sex, there's this essence of freedom, this essence of tuning into ourselves, into presence, into connection.
Speaker: And so this is when I think about intimacy or I think about sex. This is what I think about presence, connection, tuning in. And when I think about Tantra or some of the contemporary Tantric practices, it's about connection, presence, breath, movement, or Where are you in this moment of time, right?
Speaker: Do you know how you feel? Are you connected to your body? Are you connected to your heart? Are you connected to people around you? Or are you disconnected? right So bringing yourself back to presence, to the breath.
Speaker: And this, of course, if you're somebody who studies meditation, right these are similar ideas, right philosophies, the breath, presence. Using classical or contemporary Tantra, this idea of coming back to self, to oneness, and talking more about contemporary or neo-Tantra, there's this essence, especially for women in perimenopause and menopause, right? We are running around. We are exhausted. We are pulled in a hundred different directions. Our hormones are all over the place. We may feel crazy at moments. We may feel completely emotionally off center. And then this practice, right, of tuning into self, of breathing, of slowing down.
Speaker: right, of movement, right, moving stagnated energy, or building energy in your body, right, to be able to finish work and those tasks and deal with your kids. And you have a partner, deal with your partner, right, building this energy in your body to feel your best self. And this is what I believe perimenopause and menopausal women need, this tuning into their aliveness, because we squash that many times. We don't have time for it.
Speaker: We are tired. own take care of what you can and move on versus taking care of yourself. That's awesome. I love, I love that you said, if you have a partner, because I do try to be mindful of the single ladies out there who are going through this without a partner or with, you know, partners who change. And i feel like a lot of the conversation, especially online does not include them the way it should. yeah And so is Tantra something that can be applicable to even someone who's single?
Speaker: A million percent. Absolutely. So sure, this can be with with a partner, but first and foremost, it's yourself, right? This idea of feeling yourself, who you are, right? Tuning into your heart.
Speaker: tuning into your womb, to your pelvis, right? Every sensation in your body and practices you can absolutely do alone. All of the practices I teach are for yourself, right? To feel your most alive self with yourself. And we typically can't feel right with a partner until we truly feel ourselves. and yeah And if you're in a partnership, yes, that can enhance things or that can dim things, right? If there's stress, stress and relationships that can yeah that can also dim your light. But this idea of being single or solo practice is a beautiful one in tantra. Yeah.
Speaker: yeah It's a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful practice to be able to build your own energy again and use that towards every aspect of life. It doesn't have to be about sex or penetrative sex or even intimacy. It can be intimacy with yourself. It could be intimacy with your work. It could be expansion with everything you do in life. And that's what's so beautiful about Tantra.
Speaker: That is really cool. Okay. Okay. Do you mind if I ask you a personal question? Sure. Why is this important to you? and like what motivates you? Because, okay, from when we met, so much has changed in your life. Absolutely. I know you've gone through a journey, but like what is motivating you to do all of this now? Yes. So to start, I've always loved working with people. like To me, people feeling their best, feeling their aliveness, this has always been thing.
Speaker: And I think for myself, because I've experienced periods of not feeling that aliveness and then also periods of feeling complete joy. i mean, i I always like to think and to feel I came to this earth with joy. That was my characteristic I was born with. I love that. And I will say in this these periods of time, especially going through perimenopause, I have felt all the waves. And Going back to even intimacy and going back to my own personal connection to to sex, to libido, to pleasure. i also was always someone that pleasure and intimacy and sex was always a very healthy thing. yeah And I was always so curious about it. Like I loved it.
Speaker: And i I even think about when I was young, there was a short period of time my parents had hbo ah night I used to sneak into i to sneak in when nobody was in the room and watch HBO after dark. So it was like their program.
Speaker: And i'm I'm talking about six years old here and I yeah loved it. Yeah. fascinating to me. Right. Like, right. You're so curious, right? Exactly. When you're a little kid, you're curious. It's nothing. It's not unhealthy yet. Right. There's no so no stigma on things. Yeah.
Speaker: And I remember telling my parents, I want to be a topless ballerina. This is what I wanted to do as a career. And I remember my parents being like, okay, that's, that's completely fine. Great. like You saw that on HBO after dark.
Speaker: were fairly liberal, right? So they were yeah they were they were like, okay, that's great. And they were like, I don't know what to do with this. Stay in school. Yeah. keep Keep studying. That could be your part-time job. But I always loved everything around like around connection, relationships, love, sex, intimacy. yeah And prior to perimenopause, for many years, I was studying, just because of this interest, I was studying Tantra and I was studying relationships and And for me, orgasms, intimacy was always, it was easy and and it was joyful. Again, it was like my creativity came out, everything came out. yeah And then during perimenopause, I started being very symptomatic. So my libido, that was always very healthy. i started losing my active libido and I started feeling less of that aliveness. Yeah.
Speaker: And that's when i started connecting, oh, I have to go back to all of those practices. Right. Those practices are so important to me. And and that you can have easy practices. Right. But going to the practices is what helps keep the energy still in your body. Right. So the hormonal changes can change that energy, can change how you feel. And the practices can reignite that energy. OK, so it's a little bit of both. You're not saying like don't use hormone therapy. You're saying you need the you need the practices to ignite. Absolutely. I'm a huge proponent of of integrative health, right? Integrative health means if medication works for you, use medication, right? Hormone therapy, for me, I'm on HRT and it was a game changer for me.
Speaker: And prior to that, I used a lot of different ways of dealing with perimetopause, right? yeah I was using supplements and food. I was doing different different techniques that was working at the time. And then eventually i did go to HRT. So yes, I think all of that is really important. yeah And then bringing in the practices, the self-care, the breath work, the energy building, right? Aliveness practices. Yeah.
Speaker: Can you share a simple practice that the listeners can use to reconnect with their bodies and life force energy? Is that sorry? I don't want to. We are having a workshop in Cleveland. So if you're in the area in October, Sherry will be joining us to teach. So don't give it all away, Sherry. We want some people to. But do you have like something short that could help our listeners who are like, yes, I want what she's having. i want this in my life again. Yep. Yep. And I'm just going to do a very short practice. It's more of an embodiment practice. And the reason for this is also just, I'm mindful of, you know, the short time that we have. I'm also mindful to that people... might be listening to this in the car or on the go. And this is really just a practice. and And if you're somebody who does yoga or meditation, you might do something similar. okay It's just a short breathing practice. And during the workshop, there'll be many, many more practices, but I just thought for this moment to do something yeah very short and simple. So I'm going to have everyone, including yourself, close your eyes. Okay.
Speaker: And i know, you know, cameras in front of you. So there might be this moment of maybe discomfort. And so for those of you who are watching and listening, again, if you can close your eyes and maybe you need to shut the door, maybe you need to turn off the light, whatever it might be.
Speaker: And if you're not comfortable closing your eyes, you can just lower your lids. and place both feet on the ground, uncross your arms, and you can place them on your lap or maybe one hand on your heart and one on your belly.
Speaker: And take a slow exhale out. You can make a sound, a sigh. If you're alone, you can even stick your tongue out and make a noise.
Speaker: when we release sound or size we actually release tension from the body we release stagnant energy from the body stress so we want that release and take a slow inhale in expanding your stomach keeping your chest at rest and pausing and slowly exhale out. And I want you to continue this slow, natural breathing, inhaling, expanding your stomach, pausing and slowly exhaling out.
Speaker: And on your next inhale, I want you to tune into one part of your body. Maybe it's your heart, Maybe it's your womb or your pelvis area.
Speaker: Maybe it's your big toe. Tune into one part of your body. And as you breathe, breathe there. Pay closer attention to that part of you.
Speaker: And on the next inhale, ask that part of your body, how are you? And wait to hear a response. Maybe there's silence.
Speaker: Maybe you need to ask again, but tune in. How is that part of your body? And if you are focused on your heart, maybe you want to see what's going on.
Speaker: And if you're focused on your pelvis, maybe you want to listen to what she says to you. And if you're focusing on that big toe or another part of your body, maybe there's some knowledge there.
Speaker: And take another slow inhale in and pause and slowly exhale out. And on the next inhale,
Speaker: can you breathe in pleasure and that pleasure can come in the form of a sensation so how does your clothes feel on your skin or maybe it can come in the form of a sound can you hear birds can you hear noise is there something in it that's pleasurable and can you feel anything on your skin so maybe it's air Again, maybe it's your clothes. Are they soft to touch?
Speaker: Maybe you can even feel the oxygen flowing through every vein, vessel, muscle, organ in your body. And you don't have to give a lot of thought.
Speaker: Just this idea of pleasure. Can you enjoy just sitting, just being, just breathing? and continue to breathe into that.
Speaker: How does it feel to give yourself a moment to breathe, to feel, to tune in into you, your body, and be fully present with yourself and take another slow inhale in, allowing every part of you to expand, expanding your stomach,
Speaker: expanding your chest and pausing and on the exhale, allowing the softness, the breath to slowly leave your body and allow yourself to feel the exhale.
Speaker: How does that feel in your skin? How does that feel flowing through you? And as you inhale again, going back to that place, to that heart center, to that womb center, to that pelvis, or even to that toe.
Speaker: And tuning in again, how does it feel to connect to you, to that part of you? And being okay with anything, maybe maybe numbness, maybe enliveness, maybe silence, and it's all okay.
Speaker: One more inhale in. And pause. And as you exhale, wiggle your fingers and toes, maybe do a big stretch up.
Speaker: And then you can open your eyes whenever you're ready. Maybe do a little shake of your body to wake yourself up if you feel tired. And so I'm i'm curious, Rachel, how did feel? That was so nice. it felt so good. and I love this idea of going to like one spot of your body and checking in there. I should do that every day with like a different part of my body. That was really nice.
Speaker: Thank you, Sherry. okay. That was so good. And I know that you'll do more um at the retreat, but also kind of thinking back to that, what would you tell people who are thinking about it or who should be coming to the retreat? Because when I've explained it to some of my friends, so everybody is, when I've mentioned Tantra, everyone and seriously is like, ooh. And then if I say something about perimenopause or menopause, a lot of my friends who are my age are like, oh, I don't think I'm there yet. I'm like, yeah, are.
Speaker: But it's okay. It's different for everyone and everyone's experience is different. But what do you think? So to start, I think at any stage you can come to the workshop. I mean, these practices are for women at all stages, any stage. So whether you feel you're in perimenopause or not, whether you're postmenopausal or not yeah The idea if you want to come back to yourself, right, if you want to feel more aliveness, more expansion, this is the workshop for you. And so in this workshop, there will be a mix. So that what we just did is more of this the slowing down and tuning in. There will be more energy building and expansion. right
Speaker: kind Practices will all be around things you can do every day. So this is where I think this relates most to us, right? We're busy. We don't have time. We right we are running out the door every morning. If we can get a ah bite in our mouth before we leave, right, that's a miracle. So practices will be things that you can do quickly or longer, right? So that's why you can do them more in your every day. But the idea is coming back to self, to presence, to connection, to your aliveness.
Speaker: And so, again, when I think about women, I think about how we are spending a lot of our time multitasking, working many different things, taking care of kids, taking care of family, meeting our friends, socializing, running around, making sure everyone and everything is taken care of. yeah And many times what is last is us.
Speaker: So coming to this workshop, right, this gives you a moment, a moment of time to come back to yourself, a moment of time to be in a beautiful container with other women, right? A moment of time to feel your aliveness, to so feel your expansion.
Speaker: right? Changing the energy, changing the tune and how you feel and then being able to walk away and say, oh, okay, I have a few things that I can actually do on the daily to feel good. No, that is great. Okay. My last question, I promise. So what's one thing that you just want every woman to know about pleasure, desire, and aliveness as she moves through perimenopause and menopause? So to start, if you are not feeling sexual, if you are not feeling you don't want pleasure, if you are not interested in that and you don't want, you're just, this is not important. That is Okay.
Speaker: I think sometimes I i hate these these buckets a lot of times where everyone should feel one thing. Everyone should do one thing. There's only one practice. There's only one way. And for me, when I look at women and I look at women, especially in this transitional period, I want them to be able to explore and to feel what is true to them and then seek out avenues that help them feel more of their best selves. So yes, when I think about intimacy, right, and I want this for everyone to be able to tune into the places where maybe you feel a little more dim and are curious to have more light.
Speaker: Yeah. Right. And this is what I want for for women, to feel that light. And again, I think about pleasure. Pleasure can be so many things. Pleasure does not have to be penetrative sex, right? Yeah. Pleasure does not have to be an orgasm. Pleasure can be eating decadent chocolate. Pleasure can be watching a sunset. Pleasure can be the the wind on your skin and getting goosebumps. Right. We all have different aspects of pleasure. And again, this feeling of.
Speaker: wherever you are that is okay and to even expand that right so when i think about pleasure desire perimenopause menopause and tantra right it's the expansion yeah of all of it right it's to take where you're at and to be able to expand on that right and i mean you're not feeling good and want to feel good it's to dive into those places where you can change the story and feel good, right? And if it's because maybe your libido is a little sleepier, okay, can we do a few things to help you feel more alert, more alive, and be able to feel your best?
Speaker: Yeah, that's so good. Thank you so much for sharing that. And I think truly, everyone who's listening to this and listen to the whole episode will leave the episode feeling better. So thank you so much for your time. Please check out our retreat if you are around. I'm going to put the details out for you to register. And you know what? I'm sure we'll have more after this time. But at least if you are around October in Northeast Ohio, then you should join us. October 16th. Thanks, Sherry. Thank you.
