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EP 6: What The Bachelor?
59 Plays4 years ago
“What the Pod?” with Tricey Trice introduces you to a new Podcast every week. Turn in to see what show you need to add to your lineup ✌🏾
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Subscribehttps://bit.ly/WTPSite
Watch LIVE Every Tuesday(7pm EST)www.DJTriceyTrice.TV
Support My Content www.Patreon.com/DJTriceyTriceCheck Out Our Podcast Playlist--> https://spoti.fi/3FNJ8pP
Want to Support What The Pod?
100% of Merch sales support the production of the show, thanks in advance.
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Transcript
Introduction and Concept of 'What The Pod'
00:00:05
Speaker
You are listening to your auntie's favorite DJ, DJ Treaty Treats.
00:00:32
Speaker
you
00:00:39
Speaker
What is going on? And welcome back to What The Pod. My name is DJ Tracy Treese, and you are in episode six now. Welcome back for those that are new to the show. What The Pod is my podcast where I bring on new guests every single week that tell you why you should listen to their podcast. We're all over the topics at this point, and I really don't know these people. I just put out an open call on the internet, and whoever responds and comes to my little onboarding call gets to be on the show.
00:01:08
Speaker
So thank you. Thank you for joining us back again. Before we get started today, again, I am going to shamelessly plug the merch that is in the store for What The Pod. If you want to support this podcast, buying merch is an awesome way. If you would like to find that everywhere on the internet, for those of you that are listening in your cars or whatever, it's at djtreesietrees.tv. But without further ado, I'm going to bring our guest up on the show. Everyone give us a virtual round of applause for Joshua. Welcome to the show.
00:01:36
Speaker
Thank you. Thank you.
Guest Introduction: Joshua Jones and Podcast Themes
00:01:38
Speaker
I'm glad to be here. Thank you for giving me the opportunity. Anytime. Anytime. So tell us a little bit about yourself, the name of your podcast and what it's about.
00:01:46
Speaker
All right, my name's Joshua Jones, Josh, whatever you want to call me. And I'm the host of the Not So Bad Bachelor Pad. And that's just your general sex and relationship podcast. But you get it from the male perspective. I feel like a lot of the time, you hear it from the female perspective. So if you want to know what the modern man is thinking, I try to shoot it to you. That's awesome. How long have you been podcasting? We started in June of last year. So we're coming up on a year here this summer.
00:02:15
Speaker
That's awesome.
Misconceptions and Stereotypes in Relationships
00:02:16
Speaker
So okay, so now that I've had the girls on here, we've talked the tea, we've done, I had had a relationship podcast on episode two, I think. So what's for you the most burning like misconception for what men are thinking and like how women understand it?
00:02:33
Speaker
So I used to use the metaphor. People think men are just like a revolver. They're just always ready to fire. But that's not the case. There are a lot of guys out there who actually enjoy the courting stage, being in a relationship, being faithful, committed, and who are in touch with themselves on an emotional level. So there are layers. We're just not one and done.
00:02:57
Speaker
just not wanting to. And do you think that those men exist and we don't see them because it's more popular? Why don't we see a lot of these men in mainstream? Oh, there are layers to that question. First off,
00:03:12
Speaker
You guys see these men all the time, or people see these men all the time, but they get labeled simp. And nobody loves the simp for some reason. But in the 90s R&B or even early 2000s, the player became the epitome. Everybody wanted to fall in love with the player because they looked so good, or they were the bad boy. So I was like, if you're focused on the player, you ignore the simp on the side.
00:03:39
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. And I always talk about, so my wife does a relationship. She has a relationship podcast. She does Clubhouse stuff. So we constantly talk about this, but not in the mail realm, which I'm so glad you came on the show because a lot of my friends are guys and they talk to me about different relationship topics or like relationship things that are just happening. You know, like say, for instance, we're over playing PlayStation and they'll say stuff and I'm like, no, no girl wants to hear that. Like I'm usually that one person there. Are you that person for your friends?
00:04:08
Speaker
I am most of the time. Because I have a 50-50 drop of guy and girlfriend. So it's usually I'm talking to my girlfriends and they're just throwing out stereotypes. And I was like, no. I was like, that's not true whatsoever. Or I was like, if you're having an issue, I was like, stop feeding into stereotypes and that might resolve itself.
00:04:30
Speaker
Yeah, okay, so since you started the stereotype conversation, what's a stereotype that you feel men get that's not fair, just generally flat out like it's not all of us? Oh, I feel like men are the bad guys. And a lot of times in relationships, when there's like,
00:04:50
Speaker
infidelity or like trust issues. It's like, we're always the source of it. Like we started the chain reaction that caused or led to the cheating, which isn't always the case. We might not be proactive or preventative of it, but you know, sometimes it can be the woman's fault, you know? And I blame that on communication. You know, I was like, if you're not getting something from your partner,
00:05:17
Speaker
It's so much easier, in my opinion, just to communicate like, hey, this is what I need from you. But a lot of times, because we feel like we can't go to our partners, they step out and they look somewhere else for.
00:05:30
Speaker
that comfort or whatever they were missing, or it's that we're so reserved that we push our partners, our women, or guys, whatever, you know, to look for somebody else. And like, we just don't communicate. And I was like, I don't think that's fair. If you don't give it on both sides, if you're not reaching out and having that conversation, then
00:05:54
Speaker
Anybody will, you know, anybody will go somewhere else. It's not just because I wasn't open. It's because maybe you weren't receptive.
00:06:01
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
Role of Communication in Relationships
00:06:02
Speaker
And I think our society gives men the cheating pass. They're like, oh, men's going to be a man. And it's like, no, everyone in the relationship has the obligation, or not obligation, but the requirement to be open. And I'm so glad you said communication, because that's usually what it is. And it's a lot of the expectations that are just you're moving past each other.
00:06:25
Speaker
You know, I expect you to be this way because society says a man should be this way and you're not doing that. And now I watch a lot of divorce court. So listen, that takes me back, man. That used to be the after school special that in the morning show. Oh, man. Divorce court has evolved and it's helped me to look at different parts of my marriage where I can be like, you know, as a partner, you know, that's just bad roommate etiquette on a lot of different things. You know, relationship wise, you're not we're not fighting because we're not good in a relationship. We're just.
00:06:55
Speaker
struggling to live with each other. And I've always said like, I want my spouse to be my best friend. And so many other people agree with that they it's an ideology that's been around forever. But I was like, when you have problems with your friend, what do you do? You talked it out. So why should that change if you're in a relationship?
00:07:14
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of the times I try to tell my followers is like, we just don't do relationships in a romantic setting. It's any type of relationship. And that's all a romantic relationship is, is a combination of different types of relationships. Yeah, like that.
00:07:32
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, that is major keys because we get into a relationship and then it's like, well, you should understand. Sometimes my wife would be like, you should just know me by now. And I'm like, girl, there's a million things happening in my head. I'm relearning myself every day. What do you mean I should know you by now?
00:07:51
Speaker
Come, oh, preacher, preacher. All right, now, okay, so men relationship advice people have been having a really hard time on the internet here recently with Derek Jackson. Is his name the guy? You know what I'm talking about. No, Derek Jackson. Derek Jackson, come on, now you gotta, I gotta look at him. For those of y'all who are watching, let me see. You know the dude who was like the relationship guru, he a YouTuber, Derek Jackson.
00:08:18
Speaker
I get it. Now, yes. Now you mentioned it. Yes, I know what you're talking about. And then his wife came on there with that bonnet on her head. Like, this is major pop culture right now.
00:08:29
Speaker
But he was basically telling women like, hey, if your man is cheating, these are all the different ways. And then just recently it came out that he was cheating on his wife. So it's like, men guru relationship people aren't having anything as to the other guy who's on Samuels, who the video went viral of him being like,
00:08:49
Speaker
you on all this stuff from a man, but what do you bring to the table? You a baby mama without, so okay, so me and Guru's right now just having a bad time. How are you finding the space to like have these conversations? Are you labeling yourself as a relationship guru? Are you just having really authentic conversations? Like what is your podcast like? And that's the thing that I tell people. I was like, they're like, why are you certified to give this relationship advice? Like why should we listen to you? And I was like,
00:09:15
Speaker
It's because I'm an average Joe, like that's why. I don't try to paint this like I'm not a master. I'm not a professional. I'm just a guy who's been in several relationships, situationships and observed from the sidelines. Like I'm stock standard. So I feel like that.
00:09:34
Speaker
gives me perspective. When you try to give yourself the title of guru, that means you're above everything and you have it all figured out. But I was like, like I said, we rediscover ourselves every day. So Josh from yesterday is not the same Josh that you get today. So I can't say I've mastered what this is because it's a new person. You know, we keep learning every day, day by day.
00:09:56
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. So what's your what's your relationship status? Where are you at? And what are you what are you presently talking about on the podcast? I am
Navigating Modern Dating and Social Media Impact
00:10:04
Speaker
single. I am a bachelor. You know, I haven't hung up the jersey. I haven't retired yet. We start here playing the game and the show. It came about because in the age of Tinder, like an online dating,
00:10:23
Speaker
It's wild. Like I can remember like me trying to spit game in like middle school before apps really came about in my school and then like starting college and then the first kind of generation of apps coming out like kick meet me an early tender and like it just like it flipped to a whole different thing. Like I've never been a Playboy, but like I did both for myself. Yeah. And with this new wave of just
00:10:52
Speaker
imagery, uh, visual stimulation, I'll say, uh, it like switches because too many people don't even get to the stage where they actually have conversations swipe left, right. What do I see? How attractive, like, how do you make me feel just, just off rip? And I was like,
00:11:13
Speaker
I can be honest, like I said, I'm not Fabio, but I'm just a great, I think I'm a good person, good personality. So it's through conversation that I get a chance to start or find interest in a person. And I was like, if I get that chance, ladies, you're missing out on potentially your future partner.
00:11:33
Speaker
Yeah, but I mean, to the extent of them just looking and swiping, they probably weren't for you anyway. Because if they weren't looking to have that conversation, then you probably just weeded out a whole bunch of people.
00:11:46
Speaker
100%. And I was, I think it's a pro and con. We talked about this in episode two of my show is dating canceled. Um, a lot of us are following the lead of like your Cardi B, your Megan is that like having your hot girl summer, you know, we just, we love, we're living in the whole face right now. Okay. Yeah. In the 2020s, everybody is thriving in their whole face, but they're trying to act like they're not. And I was like, let's be honest, the only reason sites, you know, going left, right.
00:12:13
Speaker
is because you're trying to be out there and find you somebody for the winter, for cuffing season. Yeah, yeah. And to be honest, I was in my whole phase all early in my 20s. So I got married when I was 26. I feel something like that late in my 20s. But my early 20s and my college days, OK, for the streets. All right.
00:12:35
Speaker
But this was before Tinder and all this. And I always say, I'm so glad that I didn't have to date in this kind of way. Because I don't know if I ever would have focused enough on myself to make myself a desirable partner. Because I could just have instant gratification. You ain't doing what I want to do? OK, I'll move. Oh my god. How is that? I mean, I say that all the time.
00:13:02
Speaker
You have so many people at the touch of a button. And whenever you're done, you've got to say, I'm done. You've got to do breakups no more. You just unmatch them, never to be heard from again. Yep. Yep. I was like, what that does to us emotionally is crazy. People have become so brazen because they don't ever have to do face-to-face interactions anymore. Yeah. And you would never do that to somebody that you actually had to today face do that.
00:13:32
Speaker
If you're at a bar or a club and you're talking to somebody, you would never just stop talking, walk away. That would never happen. And then they're trying to talk to you and you're just walking around, people leaving people on red. Exactly. Yeah. I feel like this era of social media dating has just emboldened people, just giving them license to do whatever they want. And then they try to translate to an actual relationship. And I was like,
00:14:01
Speaker
you didn't have any connection beforehand. You were just treating people all types of ways, moving mad, and you think you're just gonna hop into an actual relationship and just be able to function. You haven't practiced talking to anybody.
00:14:13
Speaker
You listen, I say looks fade. Okay. I was like, no matter how bad you are today in 15 years, time might not keep blessing you. Okay. Yeah. Let's be honest. So if you, if you only got that right swipe and thought you was going to have happily ever after, I'm sorry. It's not going to be the case. Your feelings going to be hurt. And it takes so much more than looks to champion so many of these things inside of relationships. A hundred percent. Um,
00:14:42
Speaker
And that's why I say, for me, we talked about in our first episode, just general attraction, what attracts people to each other.
Realities of Relationships and Marriage Expectations
00:14:50
Speaker
And a lot of that, it was with my friend DK, and he also says, it's just people's energy and banter. Like if you can't have a conversation with somebody, or for me just being bored with somebody for more than an hour, you're not suited to be partners.
00:15:04
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Your life is not going to be first dates every day. It's not going to be adventure or the best love. They're going to be challenges and they're going to be lulls. Yeah. You're married. Like, you know, like not some days are just a Tuesday, you know.
00:15:21
Speaker
That's exactly what I told my wife. We got married and we lived apart for a while. And then she came. She finally moved in. It was like halfway through our first year being married. And she just like moved all her stuff in and she's like, all right, cool. We're finally moved in. Like, what do we do now? And I was like.
00:15:37
Speaker
Girl, watch TV like this is it. This is this is all we got. We do what we were doing before this. Like, you know what I mean? But I think a lot of people are like, oh, my God, we're married now. I have that same excitement and be like, oh, wow. Like this is just now you're integrating into my life. Right. And so many people think.
00:15:59
Speaker
Or we're always given the representation in modern media, which I tell people, please don't use an example, as an example, that you get these cut scenes. You meet the person. You fall in love. You move in together. You get married. But I was like, what happens between these scenes? And I was like, that's most of your life is between these scenes. Yes, you will have these big moments. And it'll be beautiful. It'll be great. You'll remember them forever.
00:16:29
Speaker
But you never wonder what's between scene. How did you get from A to B to Z? You got to start thinking, y'all. Yeah. And that is a good perspective. That's just a gem on any parts of your life, professionally even. Because people are like, oh, well, he's so famous. It's like, what do you think he did? You think he just blew up overnight, celebrity? Yeah.
00:16:53
Speaker
I mean, over several nights, maybe, you know, like, but it wasn't just hundreds, thousands of nights, probably. Yeah. Yeah. OK, so OK. You're talking about dating and social media. Do you think that in the climate that we have with social media right now, you can actually find your forever partner on social media? And if so, what sites? Here's the thing.
00:17:19
Speaker
Everybody's so different. So I can't say 100% guarantee this stamp. This will happen for you And it also just depends what you're looking for I feel like and as a millennial and a lot of people were starting to be honest with ourselves and be like, you know what? Maybe I don't want to be married. Maybe I just want companionship or for the foreseeable future. I'm just trying to
00:17:43
Speaker
hit it, quit it, no commit it. That's okay. You're being honest to yourself. You're living your truth. So focus on that. Don't try to force yourself into the societal mode of, I feel like our society is so monogamous. We always are trying to coach people or force people to be in a relationship. They're like, oh, you've been single for so long? Why are you still single? That's our tagline. Is being single really that bad?
00:18:11
Speaker
Yeah, it's a religious too, I think, as well as societal because they're just waiting. And then it's the kid thing because it's like, okay, you're 24, you haven't been married. If you had a kid tomorrow, you'd be like 46 when they got to high school. You know, everybody's doing this math in their head to escape their today when it's like, you should probably just focus on what's happening right now. And that's why I say like, I never date to marry.
00:18:41
Speaker
I go on dates or I meet people to enjoy my current moment. Yeah. As you keep enjoying that moment and you keep staying and getting invested in somebody, then those things will fall in line or you'll shift and like, you know what? We're not here for Tinder one night stands anymore. Maybe we'll go to a hinge or onlyfarmers.com if that's it. Yeah.
00:19:09
Speaker
But you can tell the difference. I'm on, I have every app just to kind of see what's out there. Oh, so you have every app. Tell us about every app. Why do you have every app? I feel like I'd be just doing a disservice to my audience if I didn't have every app out there. OK.
00:19:27
Speaker
I could tell you about what's going on out here if I didn't have them. So it's okay. Run us through what these apps are like because I don't be on dating apps. So I have no clue what's each and I just heard about hinge because of one of my guy friends. Right. Um, so that's like the new, um, like you're right. You're like subtle down, you know, uh, I feel like most of the people I know who have it or like,
00:19:51
Speaker
like truly try to use it are in there like like early to mid 30s and they're like you know what hot girl summer has now ended for me i'm trying to do like my forever fall and i was like forever you know forever fall get this shit on t-shirt listen listen that's trademark okay but you know what hot boys definitely have summers and they it just ain't the summer it's the winner it's
00:20:16
Speaker
It's all season hot boy activity. I was, I was talking to my friend, uh, and she was like, she was like, I've been quitting my hot girl summer year. I was like, it's December. She was like, and she was like, summer is a state of mind. And I was like, Oh, okay. And hot girl summer is the energy. I just put that on Facebook in the comments. Somebody was asking about hot girl summer. I'm like, it's a whole vibe and I, we have hot girl energy and we're married.
00:20:39
Speaker
Listen, there's nothing wrong with that. And I was like, embrace that. Okay. Yeah. Listen, you be out here doing, doing you. Okay. Everybody else is irrelevant. You get in a bag, securing it and just being happy. That's how that matters. Okay. So hinge hinge, you got us on hinge. That's the settle down early thirties. Like let's roll it in. Now, the one other thing I will say about hinge, if you are,
00:21:08
Speaker
in your teens and 20s on Hinge, what you're trying to do, you're trying to fake it, okay? You're tired of, can we curse on this? I don't know. Yeah, yeah, oh yeah, for sure curse, yeah. You're trying to be done with the, quote unquote, fuck boy. You're like, I've been cheated on. I've been emotionally abused. This person wasn't shit. So let me go to Hinge, where the marriage potential is, and find some people. But I was like, you're not trying to settle down.
00:21:36
Speaker
Like what do you think is going to happen? You're going to meet somebody who's like, Oh, I'm trying to do this long haul, but you're just trying to find somebody for like the winner. Security. You're just looking for security. You want to make sure they're not going to treat you bad and leave, but you want to be able to get out whenever you want to. I can completely see people in their twenties who just have trust issues or maybe boundary issues, just getting on hinge because it would be like, Oh, at least they're not going to cheat on me or have no intention on cheating on me. Right. And I was like,
00:22:04
Speaker
I get it. I understand it. But at the same time, I was like, I'm all about being fair. I was like, now come May, June, when it starts to warm up and you break up with me, because you're like, you know what, it's
Societal Expectations vs. Marriage Realities
00:22:19
Speaker
time for Hawker. So I'm going to start and you're cramping my style. I was like, that's low key foul.
00:22:24
Speaker
That is, that is very foul to say. But there are people like my wife, she was 20 and she's like, all I wanted to be was a wife. And we got met. She asked me to marry her. So I was like, okay, well, we're doing this. You know, that's the golden goose. Yeah. Yeah. It's all about there, but I'm not going to vouch for all of them. He was pretty rare to find. A lot of people do want to be married, or at least they think they want to be married. And I was like, I don't, I don't know what that feels like.
00:22:53
Speaker
I didn't think I was going to get married either. I had no clue she was going to come or we were going to have. I didn't envision myself, especially being married in my 20s. No way. You couldn't tell me my life was going to go like this. It just kind of happened.
00:23:05
Speaker
And that's what I say. I was like, don't try to force it. Like there's what you plan and then there's reality. I was like, you can't try to force every relationship to be the one because then you're like setting limitations and then you're forcing that person to adhere to your limitations. And they're like, I feel trapped in this relationship.
00:23:24
Speaker
which is going to lead back to that whole communication, cheating thing. Yep. You know, I was like, well, and it's like not healthy to set too many boundaries on yourself or somebody else. Or somebody else have all these different conditions on for them to love you. It's like, if you don't put no gas in my car, you can't pay my bills. You can't be my man. It's like, OK, well, listen, listen. You should find a contract. I have heard my neighbor say this week, if you're not in figures, you're not for me. And I was like,
00:23:54
Speaker
Excuse me. I was like, I know what they want. I was like, well, what if he doesn't treat you right? She's like, and I was like, okay. I was like, I was like, now here's our issue right here. We are addicted to toxic relationships in my opinion, which is why we have so many people on Tinder just out here, quote unquote, Helen, because like they treat others bad and they get treated bad and they're like, I'm okay with it.
00:24:23
Speaker
I think people are addicted to toxic relationships because they are toxic and don't wanna change. You know what I mean? It feels comfortable to sit in a toxic situation when you're like, you know what? I'm toxic too. So I don't wanna change. I don't really wanna, I like comfort. I have comfort here.
00:24:39
Speaker
Too many of us grew up with Britney Spears, you know, because your love is toxic. Listen, they took it to heart. OK, so hard. All right. We still talk about apps. No, no, no. We are. I'm here with you. We the same kind of person. OK, so we got hinge. But the 20 year olds on there, you might want to do caution. And this is from a man's perspective. This is from a man's perspective.
00:25:01
Speaker
100% and I'm not every man. I'm just the average man. Just the average man. That's all we're saying on here. I'm going to put that in the caption. What the average man? That's going to be the name of this episode. All right. And like you said, you have Tinder. Tinder might've like a couple of years ago, been somewhere where you actually could have found like a flame, like an actual interest.
00:25:23
Speaker
But it just became so oversaturated with, they're like, oh, they started hearing success stories. They're like, well, if you can find love, maybe I can too. And then everybody hopped on it. But then that also includes the people who are like, I'm trying to find lust. They switched out the rest of the L word from love to lust. And so I was like, so now it's just like the tenderell needs, like, I'm just trying to find you. Like they use- I never thought tender was about a relationship.
00:25:49
Speaker
I don't remember one time in which Tinder, I think every, and maybe this is just in the lesbian culture, gay culture. If we go in there, that should always been a hookup app. Now I will say this.
00:26:02
Speaker
I feel like, because I have some friends who are like in the LGBTQ space and they're like, they're like, this app isn't designed for me. Like this, this wasn't like, like I'm the minority here. And I was like, you know what? I can feel that. We just use this for hookups because like.
00:26:21
Speaker
you can set like... It don't really do the relationship thing right with gay. It just don't, it don't compute. It don't have the algorithm for gay. You got a gay man trying to like spit to like a straight man. And I was like, that don't work. And so, but then they're like, we're tired of Grindr because like Grindr is the Tinder.
Challenges on Mainstream Dating Apps for LGBTQ Individuals
00:26:41
Speaker
for the gays. Yeah. You gave me and not gay ladies don't have no app. Gay ladies don't have no app. Well, I argue that lesbians hardly have culture at this point. To be honest, to be truthful, just because it's so many people trying to break out of these gender role thing that it's like, you know, it's two girls in a relationship and I might wear men's clothing, but I ain't no man like, well, I ain't even trying to be no man.
00:27:05
Speaker
And that's a whole conversation I've had to have with some people. And I'm just like, why can't a person just be a person? Why do we have to? What is the label? I was like, can they just be Josh? Can they just be Trinity? Can they just be? Yeah. Well, people get stressed when it's different from them. They're like, oh, this is what's happening at my house. So yeah. I got to learn something new. You want me to be more accepting? I was like, I do want you to keep learning.
00:27:31
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, no, no, no. That's not what people want to do. Listen, they're like, I'm out of high school. I got to learn no more false. All right. It was so many people at graduation who said, Oh, I can't wait to turn my brain off. And I was like, okay, so tumbler, I mean, not tumbler, uh,
00:27:51
Speaker
Well, I'm probably sure some people are late on Tumblr, too. Tumblr after dark. I wish they were bringing that shit back. That was better than Pornhub. Listen. Tumblr for sure. Well, man, I forgot my password, because I have some problems with my password on there. I think they all about Myspace or Yahoo or something like that. Myspace did a great job. They were fire, and then they made Tumblr. And then I think they had one more site where I think they had a kick, too. Yeah. Oh, actually, that's how me and my wife got married, kick.
00:28:20
Speaker
kick was the first time I ever got catfish. So are you willing to share with us your kick your catfish story? Okay. Just give me some grace on this story. Yeah. Whatever you want. I don't think I've told very many people this story.
00:28:44
Speaker
So I was probably right out of high school. So I was 18, 19. I was 18, about to turn 19. I had matched and was messaging this girl on kick. And she was like, hey, do you want to meet up? I think I'm over. We can hang out. We already knew what it was. I was like, yeah, sure, fair. So you're looking for a hookup just to figure it out. I was like, right out of the high school, you're starting college? Yes, we are. We are doing nothing but
00:29:12
Speaker
trying to catch them all like we're Pokemon masters. There you go. Okay. But so we go over, we meet, and we hang out a couple times. And then we were just messaging. And she was like, she slipped up. And she was like, talking about our homework. Like she was still in school. And I'm like, I'm like, maybe I just read that wrong. And so I was like, Did you mean this? And she was like, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So
00:29:39
Speaker
Well, I say catfish, but it wasn't. She was who she was. However, she just lied about most of her identity. That's definitely a catfish. Still, that's a catfish. If you say you're somebody completely different and it's like loosely based on who you are, you're definitely still catfishing. Right. So we'll speed up six months down the line. She had a birthday. She was like, hey, come over for my birthday.
00:30:03
Speaker
friend's family gonna be there on my shirt whatever. So I was talking to her dad and she's like I can't believe my little girl is going off to college next year. I was like what do you mean like she's supposed to be going to college like this year. She's like no like she like just turned like like 17 and I was like wait what you said I've been going on a date
00:30:26
Speaker
with somebody who's just turning 17. I was like, listen. I was like, no. I was like, I was like, what? So I pull her aside. I was like, let's have a conversation. I was talking to dad and he was like, you're just turning 17. She's like, oh yeah, I guess I'm busted. And I was like,
00:30:43
Speaker
You guess? I was like, what is it? I was like, we can't be going on no dates like this. No, I cannot be out in public. But I guess to be legally true, I mean, legally fair, I think that might be cool, especially if you were talking to her dad and shit like that. But you didn't know you was doing that, is what you're saying. You ain't signed up for that. I feel that. Give me the choice if I want to risk it all. Yeah.
00:31:13
Speaker
I was like, listen, I was like, at the time I was like, I was living like rural country area. I was like. Oh, hell no. That is not the move. 100%. I was like, listen, I am a city boy out here in the country. I am not going to get caught in anybody's case. OK. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah. That was definitely a catfish. When people lie about their age, which I don't understand because if you tell the truth, most of the time people be cool with whatever is happening. So. And I was like, I mean, we could have been cool.
00:31:40
Speaker
in a year or two, maybe. But I was like, hmm. Give me the choice. Right. That's all I was asking for. Yeah, that's not unreasonable. It's not, you know, just leads me to Bumble. Bumble has given women the choice. Like it's cool if you match, but sometimes they're like, you know what?
00:32:02
Speaker
I'm afraid to reject this person because I don't want them to lash out on me or try to drag me. So you can decide if you want to start a conversation with this person. If not, in 24 hours, you never have to talk to him again. Yeah, that's lit. That's lit. Because the lashing out thing is really, really stressful. Man, I just don't get it. I love myself and I love my gender. But we always own 13 for some reason. We don't have rejection well.
00:32:31
Speaker
They're like, oh, so you don't love me. You don't like me. I'm not what you're looking for. Let me find the darkest part of my soul and just drag you through it. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was like, why? I was like, it's not necessary. And it's an ego thing. It turns into a public thing. Like, I need to prove that I'm a man and this woman will
Societal Perceptions of Men's Behavior in Relationships
00:32:52
Speaker
submit. And it's like, no, I'll beat your ass in the street. You know how fucked up it'll be to be on world, start to get beat up by a girl?
00:33:00
Speaker
Listen, I'm not afraid to admit this. I did get in a fight with a girl when I was younger, and she got, she, she ran those hands on me. See the fade. I called it. That's, and then what did you, what was the after that, you know, like getting beat up by girls, not bad. It's just y'all wasn't, what would y'all be feeling over something dumb? Honestly, I can't even remember. It probably was.
00:33:21
Speaker
But then also I was like, but my excuse, like after I got beat, cause everybody wanted to like run their mouth. I was like, listen, I just don't hit women. You know, really, she just, she just gave me the chance. That's a real thing to admit. Cause some, some men be out here. Well, I'm not assuming that you're one of these men, but like we'll travel and like people will say shit and I'll be like,
00:33:44
Speaker
You don't know where I'm from. I will beat your ass. And my wife is crazier than me. So I'm like, she really the one you need to be looking out for. I tell people, I was like, you don't know anybody. I was like, just cause you sure, just because you might be black, Asian or whatever. I was like, you don't know what they know.
00:34:02
Speaker
No, you could be listening. You could be talking to Rebecca, who is 15 out here in the suburbs. But her dad was like, you know what? Let's get you in some jujitsu classes. Absolutely. If you're going to use hands, OK? Yeah.
00:34:23
Speaker
You know what I mean? Stand up and be like, dog, you just fucking tripping right now. Like, don't be no bystander, especially like they wiling out in a crazy ass manner where... Exactly. And y'all are really on the struggle bus. Men right now really need to be on the straight and narrow about their character. Y'all are getting drugged through the fucking just...
00:34:48
Speaker
100%. And all of y'all aren't bad. That's why I'm like, I got a lot of male friends and I don't, luckily don't have to be in a relationship with a man. I say luckily because it seems like it's really involved, but I feel like it's a lot and I'm the man in the relationship. Yeah. It's like, you're like, damn, I even got to live up to this. You know, it's just, it's a lot. It's a lot, but the guys that I meet, they don't be bad guys. They just be, it's, I feel like when it's time to make decisions in relationships,
00:35:14
Speaker
Um, they're self-serving in a lot of different ways. And I, I too can be that way. So that's why I share my perspective when I'm in an, in a male area, like I play video games and stuff and do, you know, deal with a lot of producer friends who are guys. So we'll be like in sessions and we just chilling and they'll be talking and they talk to me like I'm one of the guys because one I'm gay. And two, I'm in, I'm with them and on that friend level. So they just view me differently. Right. So they'll just be saying crazy shit that happened in their relationship. And I'm like,
00:35:41
Speaker
Are you crazy? Like, no, she don't want to hear that. And she's going to leave you, dawg. She's going to pack up. I'll be surprised if she at home when you get there tonight. Honestly, I like to say that, but.
00:35:52
Speaker
I was like, I don't know why. Like I said, we talked about the whole toxicity thing. They're like, you did that to her? You think she don't stay? I was like, you know what? She probably will. And you probably gonna stay the next time she wild out on YouTube. Why? Because both of y'all are crazy, OK? Y'all just love to be meeting each other as toxic. Listen, that's what we do. And I was like, we actually have an episode coming up called The Destructive Millennial. And we talk about that. And it's just like all the toxic and triggering things we do in the name of quote unquote, love.
00:36:23
Speaker
Yeah. And I was like, is this love? Because if so, I might say single, because I don't want any part of that.
00:36:29
Speaker
Yeah, no, it's not. And I mean, I think you develop into love. You really got to just vibe with a person that you find, that you can, you know, that you're willing to put in work with to build a relationship, first and foremost. Like, my wife, I love her unconditionally. If she decided she wasn't going to wake up and cook me another meal, you know, I would still love her. We would figure out what we was going to eat, but I would still love her deeply to my core. And I feel like a lot of people put so many conditions on marriage. It's like, well, a good wife would
00:36:57
Speaker
iron your clothes, but get up and do all of this." And it's like, she ain't got to do shit for me. I'm willing to learn and I'm just her passenger on her journey.
Redefining Gender Roles and Norms
00:37:06
Speaker
I don't have to be involved in everything that deals with her. We don't have to be together 24 seven. It don't have to be none of those things. I really want her to want to be around me and in order to enjoy my space, I got to take the pressure off. I can't own her. I can't, you know,
00:37:20
Speaker
None of that shit works. Listen, you speak in facts right now. And I feel like a lot of that goes to like, even, I feel like in every relationship, we have these old roles or quote unquote God book on how love or relationships progress and what's to be expected. And I was like, Hey, who wrote this book?
00:37:43
Speaker
And B, why has there not been a sequel, an update revision list to this book? Because I was like, we're not living in the 1800s anymore. Like, I'm in 2021 right now. I was like, I'm OK if you show your ankles. I'm not about to lose my mind, and I'm not about to shame you for it, you know? Listen, I was like, because that's what that book still says. You know, it says a bunch of stuff that is super restrictive, and it limits not just men, but women too.
00:38:12
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. And me and his fathers, especially. Like my dad was a dope ass dad. He took me everywhere and all this, you know, used to change my diaper, do all those things. But now I feel like it's like, oh, man, don't you know, it's just so weird. It's like that dudes want to be dads, too. You know, exactly. And this is like I'm cultivating this now because a lot of the times people mistake me like I have somebody tell me this last night. They're like, I thought
00:38:41
Speaker
you were gay. And I was like, there's nothing wrong with that. But I was like, why? They're like, because you just have some feminine qualities or you're just emotionally intelligent. And I was like, I don't see the correlation. I was like, let's redefine what it means to be a man or woman. Because if me being emotionally secure and mentally sound means I'm no longer a man, there's a problem here. Yeah. Yeah.
00:39:11
Speaker
Yeah. When do women start? But if you watch shows like Divorce Court, you're absolutely right. It's men that come to the table and they're like, hey, I have this. I just want her to really feel comfortable and all that. And the girl be wilding, going crazy off. What man just, he got to be cheating, your honor. Exactly. And I was like, I was like.
00:39:32
Speaker
because I wanted to provide for you, or I wanted to just let you shine and thrive. I was like, I can't do it. I was like, I can't do it. I think it's that balance of masculine and feminine that you're talking about. A lot of the traits that I have,
00:39:47
Speaker
people know that I'm gay because they're just masculine traits and they feel like that's somehow translates to lesbianism, but I'm way more feminine in our relationship than they would imagine. So it doesn't really correlate there, but I can see where you were going with that. Yeah. And I was just like, I was like, like, said this math, it just don't make no sense. I don't know what's up with it. So I was like,
00:40:10
Speaker
Without limiting us to the past, I feel like we should read, like I said, just redefine some things, just in order to foster healthy relationships. I was like, because we based so many things off our, like our dads or parents who based it off of their parents, who based it off of that. So I was like, in all reality, I was like, we are perpetuating this. Like we're like, we grow up and we're taught to perpetuate it unconsciously. Yeah. I was like, I have no problem with my girlfriend or wife. It's making more money than me.
00:40:40
Speaker
Yeah. It's going to the same household. That's cool. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, or I was like, if I wanted to stay home.
00:40:48
Speaker
and take care of the kids and cook and clean. It may not be because you were making more money, but I was like, maybe I'm just a housekeeper. You're better at it. You're a homemaker, yeah. We talk about playing off of each other's strengths instead of gender roles, because I'm a more masculine-presented woman, so people expect me to take out the trash, and it's not fucking happening. So my wife will be in heels, but she'll take the trash out.
00:41:12
Speaker
Or if I was like, say I had a rachnophobia and I'm scared of spiders. If you kill a spider, that doesn't diminish my manhood at all. I was like, she kills the spiders, but I might carry in the groceries. Like, I mean, like. Yeah. Yeah. None of it. And tasks, household tasks aren't attributed to a gender role. That's just a roommate. Everybody got to take it. Who live alone? What the hell you think happened? They call a man over.
00:41:38
Speaker
Yes. Come on. That's just a task. That doesn't define where you are and who you are and your femininity or masculinity. I love that. And I love feminine, you know, traits on men just because I feel like it makes you a more well-rounded person. These traits that we're talking about, like emotional intelligence, that's super important, especially in the workplace. I work with men who have, well, have worked with men in the past who, um,
00:42:04
Speaker
don't have any emotional intelligence. And you know how hard that is to just deal with somebody who can't read the room and you know, know what the fuck is happening. Right. Do you know how hard that is and then get labeled to be just like that dude? Oh, Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, I would be so annoyed. I would be so annoyed.
00:42:22
Speaker
They're like, look, it was a chatted out here, acting a fool, just saying all types of off the wall stuff. And then they look at her, she's like, men. I was like, what do you mean men? No. Yeah, men ain't shit. They love to say that one. Dog. It's like the fuck.
00:42:36
Speaker
My roommate used to say this, my old roommate, and I was like, you know what? This is a golden catchphrase. He's like, there ain't no we, all right? It is you and it is me. But there ain't no we. I was like, you committed to this. I did not. We are not doing anything. We don't believe nothing. You believe this. You're going to do this. And I was like, that's what it needs to come back to. I was like, let this individual own all their character quirks and flaws and not generalize them.
00:43:03
Speaker
Yeah, because Chad is talking crazy because he's an asshole, not because he's a man. Because the lady down the hall that you're calling the bitch, she's doing the same thing. She's just an asshole. It's not because she's a woman and she's on her period and she's moody. She's just an asshole. They have poor communication tendencies and that's why it's being received the other way and it has nothing to do with their gender.
00:43:25
Speaker
Right. That's major keys. People need to install that into their life right now and stop being like, oh my God, you're so bitchy. You're a Black woman. You're angry. You're mad. It's like, no, motherfucker, I'm mad because where the fuck my food at? Exactly. You know what I'm
Promoting Kindness and Episode Takeaways
00:43:40
Speaker
tired of? I'm tired of a trope.
00:43:42
Speaker
Damn it. There are all these tropes that we got going on right now. And I was just like, listen, I'm tired of it. Too many Karens out here, too many angry, this and that, you know, I just I can't do it no more. I just can't. Yeah. I just want people to be nice to each other. It's like, just be sweet. Don't you ain't got to go above and beyond. Ain't nobody asking you to do nothing crazy, but just don't be rude. Period.
00:44:04
Speaker
Listen, and it's even more simple than that. I could do a stay in your lane, you know? We're driving side by side. We are not bothering each other. It don't matter how chaotic your lane is or what's going on in that car. You could be doing your makeup, shifting around, looking for something you lost in your car. But as long as you stay in your lane, why am I worried?
00:44:24
Speaker
Why am I, come on, why am I worried? We got like 10 things we need to put on t-shirts from this conversation. I have my people get in touch. We'll go ahead and get the design team going. Yes, we can split, you know, rev share, all of it. All right, Josh, we're getting toward the end here. Give me one thing that you want to tell people, like as a takeaway of why they should listen to your podcast. Give me that hook line and sinker to give people over to you and then let them know where they can find you on socials.
00:44:50
Speaker
Okay. Um, I'm gonna do this twofold. Men, the reason I really want you to listen is to know it's okay to be yourself. It's okay to listen to your body. And if it tells you, Hey, I don't like, you don't have to be that tough guy. Like
00:45:06
Speaker
You have flaws. That's okay. Embrace those women. Keep listening because if you really want to know why things aren't working, I'm going to tell you because sometimes we are a little shy because we think being emotional is a sign of weakness and we don't give it to you. So if your man won't give it to you, I will. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Do you give them some easy ways to get it out of their man? Are you giving them some like tips and tricks of things that maybe you could say to him to get it through?
00:45:34
Speaker
I kind of do I tell everybody I was like I was like any type of relationship is just that it's a relationship I was like don't just treat it like you're talking to your friend because whether it's your brother your sister your wife your husband your mom dad I was like you have that connection you have that uh that intimacy so just treat it like it's like you're just talking to a friend and it makes things so much easier so much healthier okay and that's what we talk about every day communication communication
00:46:03
Speaker
It's not a big deal. Awesome. Let them know where they can find you on social. All right, guys, you can listen to the not so bad bachelor Pat anywhere you can hear podcasts. That's Apple, Spotify, SoundCloud, Google podcasts, you name it. It's there. You can find me on Instagram at Josh underscore Jones six eight and Twitter at, at call me drugs.
00:46:24
Speaker
Awesome. And all that info will be in the description for those of you listening. Thank you so much, Josh, for coming on. And I will make sure I plug your podcast in the description. I appreciate you. No problem. Thank you, you, you, and you for listening to what the pod episode six, if you want to hear more conversations like these, make sure you hit the subscribe button, whatever social media you're on, follow, subscribe, hit the bell, do all the things. Thank you so much. And I will see you next time.