Transcript
Speaker: Whenever we decided to start this podcast, honestly, we didn't know where to start.
Speaker: I have experience in sound engineering and I used to use Audacity and iMovie to edit videos, but I had no idea how the whole podcast world worked, let alone podcasting with my friend who's half the country away.
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Speaker: It's time to share your story.
Speaker: Welcome back to the podcast.
Speaker: Hello, hello, hello.
Speaker: Hello, hello, hello.
Speaker: This is All I Know Is, and my name is Presley, and this is... I didn't come prepared.
Speaker: This is too much pressure for me.
Speaker: This is my wonderful friend.
Speaker: I feel like I've already used wonderful.
Speaker: I didn't want to reuse words.
Speaker: This is my wonderful friend, Medina.
Speaker: You literally have to start over.
Speaker: You can't use that.
Speaker: What are we looking for?
Speaker: Adjectives?
Speaker: Okay, okay, okay, okay.
Speaker: Hello, hello.
Speaker: Welcome back to All I Know Is.
Speaker: My name is Presley, and this is my partner in crime, Medina.
Speaker: Aw, I like that.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay, so here's the hard thing about doing multiple episodes in one sitting.
Speaker: Like, I can't ask you how you've been every time, because all that's changed is you've had some fruit snacks.
Speaker: Okay, I had one bag of fruit snacks and an entire water bottle.
Speaker: This is probably the most water I've drank.
Speaker: But I don't know why, but like doing a podcast like makes me want a snack.
Speaker: I always want a snack.
Speaker: I like can't focus.
Speaker: I can't do work.
Speaker: I can't play video games.
Speaker: I can't do things without like oral fixation of some sort.
Speaker: I know, but then like I'm like, oh, I can't do that because we're doing a podcast.
Speaker: Like-
Speaker: I know.
Speaker: Because I literally just like want to snack and like listen to you like talk and stuff.
Speaker: But I'm like, then you're like, so what do you think?
Speaker: And I'm like, is that maybe like an ADHD thing?
Speaker: Like having to do something while you're listening.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Maybe.
Speaker: Like in school, it was a lot better whenever I had some goldfish.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker: Why is my MacBook on 8%?
Speaker: It went up 1%.
Speaker: As long as it stays.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Just for one more episode, we got this.
Speaker: So basically another hour.
Speaker: How do you feel about that?
Speaker: Because you're hungry.
Speaker: Right now, specifically today, I'm very antsy to get it done with because I'm hungry.
Speaker: But I'll come more prepared next time.
Speaker: Next time, maybe get some soup.
Speaker: Why soup?
Speaker: We don't have to crunch on soup.
Speaker: Oh, fair.
Speaker: But I feel like you're still going to know.
Speaker: You're at least going to hear the clinking of the spoon against the bowl.
Speaker: Unless you're drinking it out of a cup.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm like, just put it in a mug.
Speaker: Okay, that's why.
Speaker: So Haley and I still don't have certain things.
Speaker: So soup and stuff, I eat out of my mug.
Speaker: So I don't eat it with a spoon.
Speaker: I just drink it.
Speaker: I mean, even if I had it with a mug, I would still eat it with a spoon.
Speaker: No, like tomato soup, you just...
Speaker: No, I don't know about that one.
Speaker: I will say, Kaden thinks I'm weird because I always eat my cereal out of a cup.
Speaker: That is weird.
Speaker: I don't drink it, though.
Speaker: Also, like, you talk about Kaden and I talk about Haley, everyone's gonna think I'm like... Yeah, this is my roommate.
Speaker: Just saying.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Don't question it.
Speaker: And they were roommates.
Speaker: We were roommates.
Speaker: We are roommates.
Speaker: It's okay, you both have separate boyfriends.
Speaker: It's fine.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I will say, I think because he was surprised because I think I told him I had never had cereal in a bowl before.
Speaker: I just always eat it out of like those little cups you get from restaurants like Eskimo Joe's cups, you know.
Speaker: It's my favorite thing to eat cereal in.
Speaker: I feel like you had so many Eskimo Joe cups growing up.
Speaker: Always.
Speaker: We always had Joe's cups.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: All different colors too.
Speaker: My favorite thing was going to Joe's and getting to pick different colors and they had all the dark ones.
Speaker: You see, that was my favorite thing about Hideaway.
Speaker: That makes sense.
Speaker: I forgot that Hideaway did that.
Speaker: I think I have a couple from Hideaway.
Speaker: But they were the pioneers.
Speaker: They started it.
Speaker: Escamore Joe?
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Oh, Hideaway has multiple restaurants.
Speaker: Why am I trying to like... It's true.
Speaker: It's because you were a manager.
Speaker: Defensive.
Speaker: I still feel like I need to defend it.
Speaker: I met a lot of interesting people there.
Speaker: I feel like that's always how serving goes.
Speaker: What is that?
Speaker: Oh, cookies?
Speaker: I thought you had a bag of sugar.
Speaker: And I was like, this is going to be an interesting episode.
Speaker: I put so much sugar in my tea.
Speaker: I don't drink sweet tea.
Speaker: I don't drink ice sweet tea, but I drink hot tea.
Speaker: I don't put sugar in my hot tea either.
Speaker: I will put honey if my throat hurts, but that's about it.
Speaker: No, I put sugar in it.
Speaker: I feel like that's like Ethiopians put so much sugar in their coffee.
Speaker: I feel bad for judging you now.
Speaker: Why?
Speaker: Because you said you put a bunch of sugar in your tea and I went – and then you immediately were like, oh, it's because I'm Ethiopian and we put sugar in our coffee.
Speaker: Judge me.
Speaker: Like it's still weird.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I feel like being Ethiopian doesn't make it any less weird.
Speaker: Do you know what I mean?
Speaker: I just felt weird because I felt like I was judging a culture on the outside.
Speaker: But you're not.
Speaker: You're judging me for putting a shit ton of sugar in my coffee.
Speaker: But I feel like that happens a lot.
Speaker: I mean, I can't say anything.
Speaker: Like the coffees that I drink, I mean, I might not make like hot coffee with sugar in it, but I like drink like mochas and like chai lattes.
Speaker: They have sugar in them.
Speaker: I literally, okay, I will say I ran out of the stuff to make my normal coffee this morning.
Speaker: Cause I usually will make like an iced coffee that has like whipped cream and so all this kind of stuff and like caramel syrup.
Speaker: And so today I just made hot coffee and then I put like a Lindor chocolate truffle in it and then added some like heavy cream.
Speaker: And then I put some chocolate syrup in there and then I put it over ice and it was kind of just like a coffee chocolate milk on ice.
Speaker: That just like sounds like a mocha.
Speaker: It kind of tasted like a mocha.
Speaker: It was a little bit different because I didn't have like the stuff to make like the steamed milk.
Speaker: I just had like heavy cream.
Speaker: So like the way that it was put together, I mean, the ingredients are essentially the same, but it wasn't quite as good.
Speaker: But I did not sleep much.
Speaker: So we had a makeshift mocha at home.
Speaker: Did he leave this morning?
Speaker: He had to drive back a couple hours.
Speaker: All right, so what is today's topic all about?
Speaker: What I have written down is the what if game.
Speaker: So it's basically about positivity and like good practices for like trying to handle negativity and like toxic positivity and all kinds of stuff, which this episode idea was basically born from as somebody who has pretty severe anxiety.
Speaker: I obviously worry about things far more than I probably should.
Speaker: And I feel like the only remedy that I have found for that whenever I'm able to be self-aware in the moment is essentially just being like, screw it, like it's out of my control.
Speaker: And so I was kind of intrigued in that.
Speaker: And I was looking up like whenever things are overwhelming, especially in the past few weeks and like being discouraged and being down and stuff.
Speaker: Like I feel like when I started to experience things like this, I get almost like
Speaker: paralyzed with like how bad I feel like things are.
Speaker: I feel like I like lose motivation.
Speaker: Like I feel kind of hopeless and I'm just like, oh my gosh, like there's so much wrong with the world.
Speaker: Like what are we even doing?
Speaker: Like I shouldn't even bother doing this thing.
Speaker: Cause like, what's the point?
Speaker: You know, it just feels like I have no effect on the world.
Speaker: And so I have a really hard time.
Speaker: Cause like, what am I supposed to do?
Speaker: I'm just super unproductive and just like sad.
Speaker: And so like the first thing that I like to do is I saw somebody one time on TikTok say to preserve your peace.
Speaker: So I try to remember to preserve my peace, especially when it comes to like dealing with other people.
Speaker: But so let's see.
Speaker: So this is kind of like a very, very, very vague short summary.
Speaker: I feel like you should just treat bad things like breakups, like any bad thing that happens to you.
Speaker: You treat it like a breakup.
Speaker: Like you don't just like sit there and be miserable for like a year straight.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: Like you're like, okay.
Speaker: got broken up with, I'm gonna cry it out and feel miserable for a couple days and then I just have to let it go and move on.
Speaker: You know, you like let yourself feel it and you acknowledge it and then you're like, okay, there's no use in being miserable anymore.
Speaker: And I feel like that's kind of like what I've had to do is I feel like I originally would like try to, I'd be like, oh my God, I'm so busy.
Speaker: I just like can ignore all my issues, right?
Speaker: But like that, that doesn't truly help the issue.
Speaker: The biggest thing that I think I've learned to do to like cope with my anxiety
Speaker: is remembering that like I can feel my emotions and I can acknowledge them.
Speaker: I can figure out why I feel that way.
Speaker: And after I process it, I have to let it go because regardless of like how uncomfortable the outcome might be, regardless of the fact that I don't know what's going to happen, me being anxious or me crying over it incessantly until something happens is not going to change the outcome.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: All you can do is just do your best and then wait for the results.
Speaker: But like it's not worth it to sit there and be miserable and terrified and anxious while you wait for the results.
Speaker: Like you might as well just be like, all right, I did my part.
Speaker: Let's go enjoy life in the meantime.
Speaker: And then it happens.
Speaker: And then if it sucks, you can be miserable then for a second.
Speaker: But like there's no use in wasting time feeling miserable if you can avoid it.
Speaker: I think that like you can also feel what you're feeling and live life.
Speaker: And while you're living –
Speaker: you will feel less miserable.
Speaker: Like you said, like comparing it to a breakup or whatever.
Speaker: And it's like, okay, that's great.
Speaker: Like after I've cried a couple of days, I'm still hurt.
Speaker: I'm still, yeah.
Speaker: Like to everyone else, I'm, I am literally the queen of being like, yeah, I'm good.
Speaker: Like nobody knows like how much it hurts me.
Speaker: But at the same time, it's like, and I know that like people might say like, oh, well this is like, you're not dealing with your emotions or all of that.
Speaker: But like if you fake it till you make it, like I like live on that like mindset of like if I pretend like I don't care, eventually I'm not going to care like about that breakup.
Speaker: And I know like, I don't know, like I feel like that might not be like experts might say that that's not like the healthiest.
Speaker: But I do think that like in a lot of situations, if you fake it, you will eventually make it like that.
Speaker: Eventually, I mean, in anything you want to, you know, I just think like back to like, even like celebrities and stuff.
Speaker: They weren't celebrities when they first started, you know, like actors and actresses, like they weren't the best at their fields.
Speaker: But it's like you keep doing it.
Speaker: You keep acting the part.
Speaker: And eventually that will become your reality.
Speaker: And it's one of those things where it's like, I want to feel joy.
Speaker: I want to feel happiness and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker: So like that is what I'm going to give the world.
Speaker: And then at some point,
Speaker: That is what the world gives me back.
Speaker: And I feel like, I don't know what my point was, but.
Speaker: No, I mean, I get what you mean.
Speaker: I feel like there's a couple layers to that.
Speaker: If you like fake smile long enough, like it'll actually make you smile, you know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: There's that.
Speaker: I think that like, I understand the faking it until you make it.
Speaker: As long as you are acknowledging that you do have the negative emotions.
Speaker: Like you can't like pretend like they don't exist because I feel like that's unhealthy.
Speaker: But as long as you're like, okay, there's a bad thing.
Speaker: I feel the bad thing.
Speaker: This is why I feel the bad thing.
Speaker: And then I'm going to move on.
Speaker: You know, I like, I feel like as long as you can just acknowledge and understand and process first, that's okay.
Speaker: Even like going outside of emotions, there's, I don't know like what scientific term to use, but like placebo effects, you know, placebo effects, like there's like the law of attraction, like
Speaker: Like, manifesting, anything like that.
Speaker: Like, just acting a certain way, trying to make yourself, like, think a certain way.
Speaker: Like, it's going to, like, rewire your brain a little bit, you know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I mean, they say that – And I know that, like – because, like, that's not how anxiety works, you know what I mean?
Speaker: Like, you're not able to just, like, do away with anxiety because you –
Speaker: You're like, oh, okay, I'm going to go out into the world and I'm going to pretend like I'm a person with no anxiety.
Speaker: Like that's not – I don't know.
Speaker: You tell me.
Speaker: I feel like that's not how the world works.
Speaker: I think it actually sometimes can be helpful to try and literally act like you're like, I'm a functioning person.
Speaker: I'm acting, you know, because you're thinking about something else.
Speaker: But like you're right.
Speaker: Like it's not always like within your control.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, but I think that in certain areas, like as long as you're also reflecting, because even doctors say like, oh, well, anything is good with moderation or whatever.
Speaker: Like you can't eat 20 bazillion apples and still be healthy.
Speaker: But I feel like it's the same way.
Speaker: Like as long as it doesn't have to be a daily reflection, but as long as like you're doing like a reflection of your life and you're like, okay, like where am I at?
Speaker: Like is this –
Speaker: like how I want to be living.
Speaker: I feel like in that time though, you can be like, okay, is my reality and what I am like putting out into the world two very different things?
Speaker: If that's true, then like, yeah, that might not be the most healthy thing to do.
Speaker: But I feel like in a lot of situations, this really stems from like, I feel like for the longest time, people weren't like seeing me for like who I was on the inside.
Speaker: I feel like outwardly everyone is like, oh, like you're so independent.
Speaker: You're all this.
Speaker: You're all that.
Speaker: And it's like, okay, like people are telling me that.
Speaker: So I'm going to be that.
Speaker: That doesn't mean I just like was, but like people were seeing that I was and I'm like, oh, I didn't feel that.
Speaker: But okay.
Speaker: Like.
Speaker: if that's what I am.
Speaker: But if you're doing it because people are telling you to, why can't you do stuff because you're telling yourself to?
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: You have the ability for sure.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And it's like, if I am independent and all of this because I was told I was as a kid, I can be whatever I want to be because I'm telling myself that.
Speaker: It doesn't have to come from everyone else telling me what I'm supposed to be.
Speaker: I can be whatever I want to be.
Speaker: So it's like,
Speaker: You know, I do want to like be a positive light in like people's life.
Speaker: So that's what I'm going to be.
Speaker: And that means that like certain things changed.
Speaker: I feel like in high school, it was like a lot about like posting on social media and stuff.
Speaker: It was like all about me and like
Speaker: Not that that's like changed 100%, but it's like I see a quote that resonates with me.
Speaker: It's like, okay, like it resonated with me, so I might as well share it because maybe someone else finds it useful too.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I feel like that's like just an important part.
Speaker: Like if we can be something because other people are telling us to, I think it's important for us to remember that we can do that for ourselves too.
Speaker: I feel like, like even with you, I feel like you were told that you were like studious.
Speaker: You were told that you were gifted.
Speaker: You were told that you were that.
Speaker: So then you were like, I feel like if it was the opposite, it would have been different.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: Like if growing up you were told like, oh, well you have too much anxiety to like to handle this.
Speaker: If, you know, like that's not good.
Speaker: You wouldn't have that would have made it harder on yourself because in your mind you're like, oh, I guess I can't do this because I have too much anxiety.
Speaker: I can't pass this test because of the anxiety.
Speaker: But that wasn't the way that you were told that you could do anything.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I feel like that definitely like has a lot to do.
Speaker: I mean, perception is reality, you know.
Speaker: But yeah, that's a really good point.
Speaker: Something that one of our middle school teachers, a quote that she gave me was what consumes your mind controls your life.
Speaker: And I feel like that is so true.
Speaker: And I think about that a lot and like things that I like look at and like people that I follow and things that I read and stuff like because I do think that like what I said in like an earlier episode about like a show that I was watching, it's like
Speaker: Yeah, like what consumes your mind like definitely controls your life.
Speaker: And I think that in a world where there's a lot of like, like hate and like,
Speaker: Sadness and all that kind of stuff I don't think that we should mask it with happiness But I think that we should find the happiness Like and I know that like for me Like the outdoors and being outside and stuff like that Is like very therapeutic But I feel like you know for you like music is definitely very therapeutic So like I think that just finding what brings that happiness Is like super important Well I think it's interesting because you said So you were talking about like the show that you were watching right And um
Speaker: I think it's interesting because, like, I really, really like true crime stuff.
Speaker: I think it's interesting.
Speaker: I like supernatural stuff.
Speaker: But, like, I don't know if that's, like, out of a fear for, like, wanting to be prepared for, like, some tragic thing.
Speaker: You know, just, like, liking that information because I feel like I know more, you know?
Speaker: But, like...
Speaker: I find that I'm a lot more at peace whenever I don't listen to things like that, unfortunately.
Speaker: And like I'll go through periods where I'm just like, I can't listen to this right now.
Speaker: And I feel like I feel so much more comfortable almost.
Speaker: I don't know why.
Speaker: But like that's it's just interesting because like you're right, it consumes you, you know.
Speaker: Like I listen to like a podcast about serial killers and I'm just like shutting myself in my house, like panicking, like are these doors locked?
Speaker: It kind of reminds me of like I've read – okay, and I don't agree with this at all.
Speaker: I love Taylor Swift.
Speaker: You literally know this.
Speaker: I don't think that she's like bad or anything like that like to Christians and stuff.
Speaker: Like I don't think that.
Speaker: I don't believe that.
Speaker: Oh, like the conspiracy theories?
Speaker: Yeah, about like her –
Speaker: But I will say, like, the soundtrack that she, like, the new, the Tortured Poets department that just released, loved that album to death.
Speaker: I do think that.
Speaker: There have been times in my life where I've listened to Taylor Swift songs and it's been like not the best thing because it makes me like more down on what I already feel.
Speaker: But I feel like any music can do any like sad music that you're listening to.
Speaker: You're like, yeah, you feel that way.
Speaker: But it's like it doesn't mean that you have to be listening to it.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Just because like you're feeling that.
Speaker: And I feel like some of like her songs on this album, it's one of those things where it's like, like I listened to that song once.
Speaker: I appreciate it.
Speaker: I love it.
Speaker: But I'm not going to be listening to it on repeat because that's not what I need to be feeling right now.
Speaker: Like, yeah.
Speaker: But I also think that if I was in a worse place and listening to that, like, yeah, it could be more hard emotionally on me because I'm already feeling that sadness.
Speaker: And then I'm listening to a song that's like just emphasizing on that.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: At the same time, that can help you through something, too.
Speaker: And I feel like for me, like it has.
Speaker: Like, I mean, I was talking to you about it earlier, how like whenever it's a song, like whenever it's something that's like so relatable, you're like, damn, like someone literally wrote a song about my situation.
Speaker: What the heck?
Speaker: But I'm not going to just listen to that over and over again and dwell on it.
Speaker: So I think that...
Speaker: Again, it goes back to the moderation thing.
Speaker: Like, it's okay to watch true crime in certain situations.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I feel like the first thing to think about that is that, like, you talked about – we were talking about video games in one of the previous episodes.
Speaker: And, like, you know, we see, like, these, like, war games and stuff like that.
Speaker: And this can be, like, desensitizing and stuff like that.
Speaker: I think that, like, video games, music, and movies all have, like, a similar thing.
Speaker: And, like, maybe not, like, in the war thing.
Speaker: But, like, you can find a community –
Speaker: in like the stories that you watch you know what i mean so like you find community and you find like solidarity in like the taylor swift music you know what i mean um like yeah like it makes you sad sometimes but like you feel comforted knowing that somebody else is experiencing that um you feel empathized with without having to talk to somebody but also i think what's really interesting about that is that so my favorite band is laney right
Speaker: Me and Caden both love Lainey.
Speaker: He goes with me to the concerts every single time that I go.
Speaker: And we're like happily in a relationship for like three years straight, right?
Speaker: We're doing great, awesome stuff.
Speaker: But we're sitting here at these concerts like screaming these breakup songs at the top of our lungs.
Speaker: Like neither one of us really connects with these breakup songs personally.
Speaker: But like there's something about like I did this project one time about why people...
Speaker: like to watch horror movies, right?
Speaker: And so basically the conclusion that I came to was this and like the research that I read, not just me.
Speaker: Like, it's not like I was just like, yes, I figured this out.
Speaker: But people like to watch horror movies.
Speaker: People like to watch action movies.
Speaker: People like to watch whatever.
Speaker: It's you get to experience this emotion and like process it and feel like the beauty or like the like intensity or whatever.
Speaker: You get to experience this situation in a safe environment and like deal with whatever side effects those emotions come with, whether that be like, you know, the fear and like sitting on the edge of your seat or like whether it be like heartbreak.
Speaker: You get to experience those feelings in a safe environment.
Speaker: and then purge them.
Speaker: It's like the catharsis of like this emotion.
Speaker: And I think that's also similar to like the Taylor Swift music.
Speaker: Like I don't like what is that one?
Speaker: You showed me that one song.
Speaker: Whatever that one that you showed me in the car whenever I picked you up from the airport, I don't connect to that song.
Speaker: I don't have a reason to feel that song.
Speaker: But I like was like, like I wanted to cry.
Speaker: Like I listen to that song even now and I want to cry every time I listen to it.
Speaker: It's not for any personal reason, you know, but
Speaker: And I enjoy it.
Speaker: Maybe that's weird.
Speaker: Maybe it's weird.
Speaker: But I enjoy, especially if I've had a long week, even if I'm not upset with somebody or if me and Kaden aren't doing well, we are doing well, we're fine.
Speaker: But I've had a long week at work.
Speaker: I like to come home and we'll listen to breakup songs just to like –
Speaker: It has nothing to do with our relationship, but just like being able to cry about the breakup song.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And it's like – It's releasing.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And you like – I think that – And I think that this says a lot about like the artist too is that like whenever you can feel like that emotion too, like because you're feeling something.
Speaker: Like you know what I mean?
Speaker: So it's like, yeah, you might not be going through that same exact thing.
Speaker: I mean I am more of like a lyric person, so I definitely like to listen to lyrics that like have to do with like what I'm going through.
Speaker: But at the same time, whatever emotion like that artist is like letting out, I feel like that, like when that hits you, it's like, okay, yeah, I might be feeling a different emotion, but that emotion is still there in that song, you know?
Speaker: I think that it's important to feel what we feel.
Speaker: But I think that, yeah, I think that it's okay to like, you know, watch show, like watch horror movies or like thrillers and stuff like that.
Speaker: But give yourself to one, like what you were talking about, like,
Speaker: debrief what you just watched.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: What you just watched.
Speaker: And then two, like do it with moderation.
Speaker: Like what I've learned, because like the thriller that I was watching, have you ever seen Killing Eve?
Speaker: It has Sandra Oh in it.
Speaker: I don't, did you ever watch Grey's Anatomy?
Speaker: I know who Sandra Oh is, but I haven't seen Grey's Anatomy.
Speaker: She was in the Princess Diaries.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I've already confirmed I know who she is.
Speaker: Anyway, she's in this show and it's like, it's so good.
Speaker: But it's like, I know myself and I just like, I can't binge watch it.
Speaker: Like my mind starts to like go crazy and not in mass.
Speaker: Cause I feel like anybody who has watched this is going to be like, psychopath right there.
Speaker: Like, that's not what I'm saying.
Speaker: Like, I don't personally want to like,
Speaker: go murder someone.
Speaker: But now I'm like, if someone like gets stabbed in the show, I'm just like, oh, like that should not be my like reaction.
Speaker: Like, I feel like that's how most people are though.
Speaker: Like people.
Speaker: I know, but like, I'm not used to that.
Speaker: Like, I mean, we didn't play like violent video.
Speaker: We didn't play video games at all, like growing up, but like, and I don't think that like my mom did it on purpose, but like, we were definitely like very sheltered when it came to like what we saw.
Speaker: and so I feel like now like being older and watching like certain things I'm like people are like used to watching this like what it's crazy to me like I love the show but I think that it's like a good educational lesson for me because I'm like oh I just can't handle like too much of it yeah have you ever watched like an episode of South Park no
Speaker: That'd be entertaining.
Speaker: Is it like a horror show?
Speaker: You don't know what South Park is?
Speaker: No, I don't know what South Park is.
Speaker: I feel like if you saw like a picture, then you would.
Speaker: Is it the one, is it the show that's like The Office, but like a park version of it, like where they have like the Rangers?
Speaker: That's Parks and Rec.
Speaker: Oh.
Speaker: I assume.
Speaker: Yeah, I think that's with like Amy.
Speaker: Yeah, or like they have like the National Park.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: No, it's a cartoon and it's very like profane and like vulgar or whatever.
Speaker: They say like a lot of like controversial jokes and stuff like that.
Speaker: Oh, okay.
Speaker: I think it would just piss you off more than anything.
Speaker: Interesting.
Speaker: So I might give that a try.
Speaker: If you do, let me know how it goes because I would be intrigued.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: That'll be my homework.
Speaker: I'll go watch.
Speaker: South Park?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: coming from the girl who wouldn't kill a pig in Minecraft with me whenever we were in middle school because you were a vegetarian at the time I'm not a vegetarian anymore yeah that was funny though you're like I don't like this game and I was like well you don't have any other food that was I don't even remember that really I think it was the same night that we like wrote the song in my garage oh my gosh I don't even remember the song
Speaker: I don't remember the song either, but I do remember you bringing like your keyboard over to my house and we were in my garage and we had like, we're like writing music, but I don't know if we actually even wrote music.
Speaker: I can share with you the song that I wrote about my dad.
Speaker: I think you did whenever we were in the garage.
Speaker: I'm pretty sure.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: That was, that was crazy.
Speaker: Egyptian princess.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yep.
Speaker: I'm so proud of that too.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: So I looked up like ways that we can be more positive whenever things are kind of going to crap like it feels like they have been lately.
Speaker: So the first one's a little ominous.
Speaker: It just says accept your situation.
Speaker: Like learn to accept the situation you're in.
Speaker: Which is accurate.
Speaker: Like, don't be in denial.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I feel like that's.
Speaker: Like, partially, strongly, most definitely kind of disagree with that.
Speaker: Really?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You want to be in denial?
Speaker: No.
Speaker: I don't think that you ever have to accept the situation that you're in.
Speaker: I think that there's always a solution to fix the situation that you're in.
Speaker: So I think that just being like, oh, I'm miserable, whatever, like I got to accept it.
Speaker: No, like.
Speaker: Well, there's more to it.
Speaker: That's the first step.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I mean, I do appreciate that perspective though.
Speaker: I get what you're saying.
Speaker: Like you don't have to learn except being miserable.
Speaker: It's more of like, oh.
Speaker: You also just like don't need to accept like the situation that you're in.
Speaker: Like, yeah, going outside, therapeutic, whatever.
Speaker: You're in an abusive relationship, like going outside, getting some fresh air, whatever.
Speaker: That is not going to help.
Speaker: you in the long run.
Speaker: So it's like, yeah, that helps you right then and there.
Speaker: And that might be the, like a great first step, you know, like going on a hike, whatever.
Speaker: But then you need to think about like, damn, I am miserable right now.
Speaker: What can I do to fix this?
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: I think that that just takes them like, yeah, it's going to take some self-discipline and stuff, but whatever situation that you're in, it's not forever.
Speaker: And I feel like
Speaker: That in itself, though, is what gets me through every single day is that whatever I'm dealing with right now is not forever and it doesn't have to be forever.
Speaker: Whatever career I'm in right now does not have to be forever.
Speaker: We're taught, oh, you're going to have a career and you're going to be with it for 30-whatever years.
Speaker: You're going to be with the company for whatever.
Speaker: No, I don't have to be with the company forever.
Speaker: If it's making me unhappy –
Speaker: I don't have to stay doing the job that I'm doing.
Speaker: I'm capable of doing whatever I want.
Speaker: And I think that there's a lot of power in that too because I think that it's easy to feel like hopeless and like powerless and whatever when you're under the mindset of I just have to be okay with whatever situation I'm in.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: And I don't like, I think that really it just triggered me.
Speaker: Like when you said like, accept whatever.
Speaker: And I'm like, hell no.
Speaker: Like I'm not accepting anything.
Speaker: I think I understand what you're saying.
Speaker: And that is a perspective that I didn't think about.
Speaker: And I like that.
Speaker: I think that it doesn't mean like, oh, like lay down and die.
Speaker: You know, this is your life now.
Speaker: I think it more means like, okay, you crashed your car.
Speaker: You know, there's no changing that.
Speaker: It's happened.
Speaker: Now accept it and let's move forward more so if that makes sense.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't think it means like this is who you are now.
Speaker: I also feel very targeted.
Speaker: I'm sorry.
Speaker: Thank you for doing it in a way where I understand it.
Speaker: Empathy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Okay.
Speaker: I do get that.
Speaker: I think that it is good.
Speaker: But that, yeah.
Speaker: Like, just being like, okay, this is where I am.
Speaker: How do I – I fall and how do I get up?
Speaker: This is what happened.
Speaker: There's no changing what's already happened.
Speaker: There's no changing the past.
Speaker: That's really important to remember, too.
Speaker: Like, there's no use in being in denial about, like, things that happened in the past or, like, trying to, like,
Speaker: just sitting and like being anxious and miserable about things that happened in the past because feeling that way isn't going to change what happened um it's not going to get you anywhere different the next step is just to breathe and recenter yourself so pretty self-explanatory
Speaker: Just taking a second and kind of acknowledging what's happening and processing and taking time to calm down and not get like overrun with like negativity and like fear, I guess.
Speaker: The next one is to adjust your mindset, which I think is interesting.
Speaker: So something that's really important to remember that I don't remember if I've said this before or not, but essentially for every negative thing that you experience,
Speaker: It takes like three positive things to like make that up.
Speaker: I'm pretty sure that's three issue.
Speaker: It's like three to one.
Speaker: Our minds kind of perceived negativity a lot stronger than they perceive positivity, which even if like they are basically the same like level of severity.
Speaker: So like what you look for, you'll find.
Speaker: So basically like readjusting your mindset instead of like focusing on whatever negative thing is happening.
Speaker: This is kind of what you were saying earlier.
Speaker: Look forward.
Speaker: to like re-center on your values, re-center on your goals, re-center on the positive things happening around you and focus on that as opposed to the bad thing that's happening.
Speaker: Like they really recommend like practicing gratitude, which you can accept what's happening and still practice gratitude.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: But like looking for good things to counteract the bad thing that you experienced.
Speaker: I also think that sometimes like there's a beauty and like being grateful for the not good things.
Speaker: Mm-hmm.
Speaker: you know, like I spent three years with a person, right?
Speaker: Like thought I was going to marry that person.
Speaker: And then it's like, at the end of the day, like he broke up with me.
Speaker: And it's crazy, because I would still be in that relationship if that didn't happen.
Speaker: I feel like having someone break up with you is like, it's kind of hard, because it's like, okay, like, what, what did I not do?
Speaker: Like, especially when that person's like telling you like,
Speaker: you're their future wife and like they're going to marry you and all this kind of stuff.
Speaker: So it's like it's hard.
Speaker: But at the same time, like being out of it now, I'm like grateful for that, you know, and it's like I feel like sometimes like reflecting on like what you've experienced and it's like, yeah, it might have not all been like happy stuff.
Speaker: But you're like, I'm glad that I experienced that because I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for that.
Speaker: You know, like you don't know what you deserve until you are kind of out of it.
Speaker: relationship wise, but also just like life wise.
Speaker: It's like, there are certain things that I've experienced that I'm like, I wouldn't particularly change them.
Speaker: Like, yeah, you, you know, don't wish hard things on anyone.
Speaker: But it's like, like you and I wouldn't be who we are today.
Speaker: If exactly hadn't experienced the things that we did.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I feel like I try to think of that when I'm also going through the hard thing.
Speaker: Because it's like, whatever hard situation I'm going through, I'm like,
Speaker: you know what, in a few years, I'm going to be glad that this situation built me to be who I am in the future.
Speaker: And I think whenever I think about things that way, it's also easier because it's like, it's so temporary.
Speaker: Like that feeling is so temporary.
Speaker: And it's like, I know that my life isn't going to be miserable because I'm not going to let it be miserable.
Speaker: And I don't know, there's just a lot of power to like having control over your life.
Speaker: I think-
Speaker: You're right.
Speaker: It does feel powerful to be able to be grateful for the bad things that have happened to you.
Speaker: I think that it's a lot easier to be grateful for them after they're over with instead of in the middle of it.
Speaker: I feel like I'm never grateful for them in the middle of it, you know?
Speaker: I think that also, like, kind of takes practice.
Speaker: Oh, yeah.
Speaker: Because I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker: I feel like before this year, like, I was not like that.
Speaker: But I feel like
Speaker: through conversations that I've had with you where it's like, okay, well, I'm glad that I experienced what I've experienced because like it makes me who I am.
Speaker: And it's like through those conversations, it's like, okay, but what I'm experiencing today is going to have effect on who I am tomorrow.
Speaker: So like why wait?
Speaker: And I, like you said, it's harder in the moment, but everything is harder in the moment.
Speaker: Like, you know what I mean?
Speaker: So it's like, I do think it's going to take a little more like practice, but I feel like once you
Speaker: speak it and say it out loud, it's so much easier.
Speaker: Because I promise you that like when you're experiencing something now, you will somewhat like even if you're not thinking about it, like your subconscious will be thinking about this.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Because I feel like that's what happened like with me too, is when it's like, I don't know, you just like say things out loud and stuff like that.
Speaker: And it's like, it becomes more
Speaker: relevant.
Speaker: I agree with you.
Speaker: I think that there is absolutely power to finding good in the hard things.
Speaker: And I'm not going to speak for everybody because I'm sure there's people that are like, I don't know.
Speaker: I think there's a very fine balance.
Speaker: Like I've definitely teetered between the things that I've experienced.
Speaker: And like, I feel like I very much started out, like after I experienced them, I started out being like,
Speaker: what the hell like why me like this is just gonna like permanently scar me I'm gonna be different now in like a negative way too which was really scary like there were things that I was having to deal with like as like side effects of what I experienced that I still deal with um and that's really frustrating sometimes and I think that that made it really hard to be grateful for a long time but like I think that
Speaker: You can't take medicine without getting some side effects.
Speaker: I can't have the good things without some bad things too.
Speaker: So even though there are some bad side effects to what I experienced, there's a lot of really good, deep things that I learned as well that were very beneficial to me as a person.
Speaker: I'm trying to find the text message from my grandpa because –
Speaker: We all know he's the wise one.
Speaker: Okay, so I'm not going to go into it, but something happened whenever my sister and I were on our sister's trip.
Speaker: We kind of made a mistake.
Speaker: And so he was just texting us to make us like feel better.
Speaker: And he said, you know, all of us make mistakes.
Speaker: And believe me, I know I've made my share of them.
Speaker: What causes it is this thing called life, but everything considered it's still worth living.
Speaker: And I feel like that's like so powerful because it's like, yeah, like, you know, life happens, like we go through hard things.
Speaker: But it's like at the end of the day, like it's still worth living.
Speaker: Like those good experiences like mean so much more.
Speaker: I don't want to miss out on, you know, traveling to certain places and all of this kind of stuff because I'm just focused on this bad, you know.
Speaker: And it's like going back to like the title of this episode, I think, the what if game.
Speaker: If I'm, especially when it comes to traveling, if I'm thinking about what if, you know, like
Speaker: There are certain places that people are like, oh, don't travel to.
Speaker: Yes, like don't travel to certain places if they're like very dangerous.
Speaker: But at the same time, like people think that traveling in itself is dangerous.
Speaker: And it's like, yeah, like it can be, but I'm not going to take that away from myself.
Speaker: I'm not going to not live because I'm living in fear.
Speaker: I'd rather experience things and things happen.
Speaker: You know, like I'd rather be traveling and someone steal some money or pit pocket, whatever.
Speaker: Rather than be scared of pit pocketers so then never travel.
Speaker: That is life.
Speaker: But at the end of the day, like there's so much to this like wonderful world that I want to see.
Speaker: And I'm not going to let like that fear just like stop you.
Speaker: It's like you said before, like all of the bad is temporary, even if it doesn't feel like it.
Speaker: Like there is more good to come if you're willing to let it, you know.
Speaker: And sometimes it's hard.
Speaker: Sometimes you go through long bad patches, but like it will end.
Speaker: It's only temporary.
Speaker: You said the what if game.
Speaker: I wrote a bunch of stuff down on here, but I completely forgot to even mention the what if game in my notes.
Speaker: So yeah, I mean, I guess I kind of did, but like previously talking about my anxiety and like basically just like the whole thing I deal with whenever I'm constantly like, oh no, what if it goes wrong?
Speaker: What if like I made the wrong decision?
Speaker: What if blah, blah, blah, like before like the outcome even happens?
Speaker: Like it's just so detrimental to your piece and it's so detrimental to like your well-being in the meantime.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I guess I kind of already went over that, but I didn't label it as that.
Speaker: So I felt like that was a little bit of a clarification to make.
Speaker: But the what if game is not good.
Speaker: But also something to remember is like even if you are playing the what if game, maybe instead of like just ignoring it, you can flip it around and like, oh, no, what if I made the wrong mistake?
Speaker: OK, but what if you made the right one?
Speaker: What if this is going to change your life?
Speaker: What if like
Speaker: This is going to take you to new places.
Speaker: What if you do experience something bad, but then it opens up a new door for you?
Speaker: You know, what if you've already experienced hard things before and you survived them then?
Speaker: And whatever happens now, you'll be strong enough to take, you know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: So that's another way you can look at it.
Speaker: I like that.
Speaker: I like that a lot, actually.
Speaker: The next tip is to live in the moment, which is kind of what you were saying in the beginning is –
Speaker: Like there's no point in letting the bad things ruin what you're experiencing now.
Speaker: So like you can still hold a spot for like the sadness.
Speaker: You can still hold a spot for the negativity, for like the fear and acknowledge that and feel that when it comes, but still enjoy your life in the meantime if you like leave a place for both of them.
Speaker: My issue is worrying, right?
Speaker: But I can still be proactive and like take care of things without worrying about the things that are out of my control.
Speaker: Or I can enjoy today without that meaning that I'm sitting around not preparing for the future.
Speaker: Because I feel like that's something that I struggle with a lot.
Speaker: I also like – I feel like I say this all the time.
Speaker: But I also feel like talking about it like really does help.
Speaker: Because I feel like growing up when people are like, oh, I was however years old when I found out I was adopted.
Speaker: I was like we never were just like sat down and told that we were adopted.
Speaker: I mean, I don't think that my mom could really get away with it.
Speaker: But at the same time.
Speaker: What do you mean?
Speaker: What?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I feel like – But I feel like it was always talked about.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: Like our families were always talked about.
Speaker: So, yeah, like there's some of that like sadness because it's like, oh, like we have two families but we don't get to see them.
Speaker: But it's also like it was embraced, you know?
Speaker: Like – And so I feel like that has –
Speaker: a lot to do with it too.
Speaker: It's like when you don't hide things, there's a lot more joy that comes out of it than sadness.
Speaker: So live openly.
Speaker: Do you remember when, I don't know if it was like in middle school or if it was all in true school or whatever.
Speaker: I'm so scared of what you're about to say.
Speaker: No, where it's like secret secrets are no fun.
Speaker: Secret secrets hurt everyone.
Speaker: I feel like they do.
Speaker: Like, I don't know.
Speaker: I mean, obviously there are like times where like you do have to keep a secret or like you do like maybe have to like tell a white lie or something like that.
Speaker: But like I feel like being dishonest or like avoiding telling somebody something overall, it's just going to be stressful for you.
Speaker: They're going to find out and they're going to be hurt.
Speaker: Like,
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I literally can't, like, I can't even think of an example right now.
Speaker: But, like, literally with Caden, like, there's, like, if there's anything that I feel like I've, like, even accidentally kept from him, I instantly would be, like, hey, like, I'm thinking about this.
Speaker: I need you to know this because, like, I feel really bad about this.
Speaker: And he's, like, okay.
Speaker: And I'm, like, that was eating me up and you did not care.
Speaker: The thing is that, like, whenever you say something out loud, it takes away the power.
Speaker: And I feel like that's, like, huge with fear.
Speaker: is that when we say it to someone else and someone else is like, oh, yeah, like that is kind of like worrisome or, well, you can think about it this way.
Speaker: It eliminates that fear.
Speaker: Like maybe it doesn't eliminate it all the way.
Speaker: Maybe that's the wrong word.
Speaker: But like it definitely like dilutes it like it.
Speaker: It has a lot more power in your head than it does in your life, I feel like.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And then it's like – I forget where I saw this.
Speaker: But it's like talking about how as humans, like with sadness and stuff, whenever we share it with someone else, it's like –
Speaker: easier for us to hold it because we're passing like we're sharing that sadness with someone else and it's not like making you know making them sad and depressed and all that kind of stuff but it's like saying that out loud and feeling the comfort of someone else like definitely like helps us and like yeah that can come from therapy but I also feel like sometimes like sharing it with friends or family is like so much better because it's like they see you for you rather than like who you're masking to be
Speaker: So like you're scared, but you're putting up this like not scared front.
Speaker: And so then they see you as like, you know, someone who's got their shit together.
Speaker: And it's like, okay, well, I can go to Presley for anything I need.
Speaker: And you're like, I'm already dealing with so much like, and someone else, you know, but they don't know that because you're not talking to them, which is ironic because –
Speaker: I suck at that.
Speaker: But well, this is a little like a little bit off topic, but kind of similar.
Speaker: Like me and Caden talk about all the time.
Speaker: Like we don't like small talk.
Speaker: I don't like to like, I know there's a lot of like weird little like just formality games that I feel like humans play whenever they communicate with each other.
Speaker: It just makes everybody like more like on edge and uncomfortable and like trying to navigate that is horrible and me and Caden hate it and we're just like why can't we not all just like say how we feel and just like deal with it and talk and care about each other.
Speaker: Like we have to like play these weird little games where we tiptoe around things and we have to like – I don't know.
Speaker: Like even like – like he'll be like trying to write to like a client or something like that and he'll be like explaining it to me and I'm like you can't say that like that.
Speaker: Like you have to say it like this and he's like why?
Speaker: And I'm like –
Speaker: That's just how you have to do business stuff and it sucks and it's weird and uncomfortable and I don't know why we can't just like be up front with each other and he's like I hate that.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: I feel like everybody hates it.
Speaker: I don't know.
Speaker: Maybe I'm speaking for more people than I should be but like I don't know any one person who likes to do that.
Speaker: I mean I obviously do see like the benefit and like there is a certain level of confidence that comes with like saving face whenever you're like going through it.
Speaker: Like there's something like so powerful about that.
Speaker: But at the same time, being able to like be strong and be vulnerable and upfront at the same time, I feel like that's even more powerful, to be honest.
Speaker: Why do we have to play these games?
Speaker: Honestly, because of fear.
Speaker: Some kind of fear of rejection.
Speaker: But what if you don't accept me?
Speaker: You know, what if my hurt is just a burden to you?
Speaker: That is like one of the worst feelings ever.
Speaker: Yeah, so I feel like even though like you're my best friend, like I call you when things like happen, but I don't particularly call you exactly like whenever I'm feeling like that certain emotion or like I'm not like, oh, I feel like crying, so I'm going to call my friend.
Speaker: You know what I mean?
Speaker: Which like isn't a bad thing, and I feel like there are some people that are like that, that like
Speaker: go through that like I'm sad so let me call someone I just feel like it's like hard to do that because it's like it's hard to be like okay like let me and maybe it's like amount like the amount of vulnerability that you feel like you can share with someone but it's one of those things where it's like personally like I don't do that to anyone yeah I mean even with like Kaden like I feel like
Speaker: I prefer – like I will – I have cried in front of him and I will, but I still get embarrassed to cry in front of him.
Speaker: And I will.
Speaker: I always will probably.
Speaker: Like I'm always embarrassed to cry in front of anyone, you know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: I don't know why.
Speaker: And it's crazy because like the more that I'm saying this, the weirder it is because it's like I have felt like that with one person and that's you know who.
Speaker: And so, like, the fact that, like, as we're talking about this, like, that, like, feels weird because it's, like, okay, like, will I be able to, like, get to that place with someone?
Speaker: Because it's, like, especially whenever you get that, like, vulnerability, like, through a relationship and that doesn't, like, last, it kind of, like, makes you, like, wonder, like,
Speaker: okay, like, yeah, I'm capable of that.
Speaker: But do I want to be capable of that?
Speaker: Like, okay, I'm capable of being vulnerable to someone and opening up to someone.
Speaker: But like, do I want to be and like, this is literally so therapeutic, because I'm thinking as I'm speaking.
Speaker: But like, honestly, the answer is yes.
Speaker: Like, that feeling is great.
Speaker: Like to be able to like, be fully like yourself in front of someone is amazing.
Speaker: And it's like,
Speaker: I'm not going to limit myself on that feeling again just because I'm scared of it ending.
Speaker: Like if it does end, okay.
Speaker: But like in that moment, like I enjoyed it, you know, like I enjoyed being so open with someone, like trusting someone with everything.
Speaker: And it's like, I wouldn't change that for the world because it's like, it got me through what I needed to go through or what I needed help getting through.
Speaker: Well, I mean, like, and I feel like you're scared, like, you can be scared to be vulnerable again and then learn that, like, you can find a vulnerability even better than you had before, you know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Like, a much more comfortable feeling.
Speaker: Like, maybe you weren't completely comfortable in being vulnerable before, you know?
Speaker: The last tip that I had on the – the last tip that I had was to take – partake in self-care and reduce stress, which some people struggle with because it makes them feel guilty.
Speaker: because I feel like I can do more productive things.
Speaker: But sometimes you just have to look at it like you are literally taking medicine almost.
Speaker: If I do not partake in this, I will be overwhelmed by cortisol or stress hormone or whatever.
Speaker: It's going to overtake me and I won't be able to get anything done.
Speaker: So I have to do stress or I have to de-stress.
Speaker: The next thing that I had was what is toxic positivity and how do I avoid it?
Speaker: So Google defined toxic positivity as...
Speaker: Which I kind of found the common ground seemed to just be like, you have to acknowledge the negativity and process it, and then you can feel the positive emotions.
Speaker: But you can't just like be in denial and ignore the negativity.
Speaker: And that's how you avoid toxic stuff.
Speaker: I think that makes sense.
Speaker: That's like what we were talking about where we're like being grateful for like
Speaker: the negative things.
Speaker: Like it's like, okay, like I acknowledge like maybe my childhood wasn't like the smoothest childhood ever.
Speaker: But at the same time, it's like, and maybe that in itself is like a negative because I'm automatically saying, but you know what I mean?
Speaker: Like, and I do think that I more than most happen to fall under the toxic positivity because it's like, sometimes I'll be positive before I'm like, I feel what I need to feel.
Speaker: Um, which I feel like you know, too, because it's like, even whenever I call you, I don't know, I feel like this recent breakup is like, the one that like, we emotion wise have like talked about.
Speaker: But I feel like I automatically went to like a positive place before I like – But you still acknowledged your feelings and that's the difference.
Speaker: Like you – it's not like – I didn't mean like word for word like do this than that.
Speaker: I meant more of like toxic positivity is specifically like refusing to confront the negativity, which I don't think you were toxically positive because I feel like you still sat in your feelings.
Speaker: But like you were choosing positivity over that.
Speaker: You were like –
Speaker: yeah, this is happening, but like, I'm not going to let it ruin me, you know?
Speaker: And like you put a spin on it almost.
Speaker: You still felt what you needed to feel though.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: And I feel like, I don't know.
Speaker: I feel like you kind of have to, I feel like the reason that I don't reach out to other people though, is because I feel like we are trained to be the positive when someone comes that comes to us with a negative, like we're trained or not trained, but like,
Speaker: When someone is sad, you make them feel better.
Speaker: But telling someone not to be sad isn't making them feel better.
Speaker: This is so juvenile, but you come to me and it's like your mom won't let you do something in high school or whatever.
Speaker: But if I was like, oh, but at least you.
Speaker: That doesn't help you.
Speaker: Yeah, I feel like that is toxic positivity.
Speaker: But I feel like I experience toxic positivity more
Speaker: when expressing my feelings to other people than I do like myself because it's like I know how to handle like my emotions.
Speaker: I feel like I'm self-aware enough in like my own like mind to like be able to handle like myself.
Speaker: But if I ever go like for external help, it ends up becoming more toxic because it's like I'm being told –
Speaker: how to handle my emotions or that I'm not handling it the right way because telling someone like, well, at least that's not what someone needs.
Speaker: Well, and when you didn't even need help handling your emotions, you just needed someone to be there.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: But it's like, how do you do that?
Speaker: Well, I have one more thing before we finish with our question.
Speaker: So this might not be completely accurate.
Speaker: I know it has some, at least some accurate details to it, but I didn't hard research all of this.
Speaker: So supposedly, sometimes the brain has a hard time differentiating between imagination and reality.
Speaker: And the more vividly, this part I have researched for, the more vividly that you imagine something, the more likely your brain is to believe it.
Speaker: So if you're like constantly stressed and anxious, you're just going to perpetuate that stress and anxiety because you're already putting your body through it.
Speaker: Your body is physically like going through the experience of those things.
Speaker: Like even if you just think about something scary that could happen, like you are experiencing the discomfort with that just thinking about it, if that makes sense.
Speaker: So this can actually cause bodily harm and exacerbate physical ailments and diseases.
Speaker: This is something called psychosomatic disorder, which, I mean, like even stress alone can like wreak havoc on your body.
Speaker: Like I know personally, like I literally get like stress rashes.
Speaker: I have heart problems from stress and stuff like that.
Speaker: And so it's really important to –
Speaker: redirect your thinking sometimes to choose your words and your thoughts and like what you're actively spending choosing to spend your time thinking about like choosing that intentionally is really important in order to like reduce like that stress and anxiety and even if these aren't like all scientifically backed I think that they're still really good practices because yeah stress is stress and anxiety and like negativity in general can like destroy your body
Speaker: So, yeah.
Speaker: So what consumes your mind controls your life and fake it till you make it.
Speaker: Like, I wouldn't say fake it till you make it, but I think that like reangling your perspective is good.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You know?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You want real positivity.
Speaker: If that perspective doesn't make you happy.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah, and then our question for today's episode was how can you support someone who's going through something and be there for them without dismissing their negative feelings whenever they're telling you about them?
Speaker: If that makes sense.
Speaker: Was that a good way to phrase that?
Speaker: Yeah, no, that was great.
Speaker: So instead of like being like, oh my God, I'm so sad.
Speaker: My dog died and being like, oh, well, at least like you don't have to buy dog food anymore.
Speaker: Like how can you be there for them?
Speaker: That's a really intense example, but like you are replacing – like you're like, oh, well, you experienced this negative thing, but here's a positive thing.
Speaker: Think about that and say your negative thing, which obviously doesn't help.
Speaker: So how can you be there for them without doing that?
Speaker: That's good because I definitely for sure want to know that.
Speaker: About the dog dying situation specifically?
Speaker: No, I – not.
Speaker: I was like, what are you going through right now?
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: You're like, maybe we really do need to talk.
Speaker: I need you to come down here or something because you keep rescheduling.
Speaker: Something's happening.
Speaker: Yeah.
Speaker: No.
Speaker: Something's happening.
Speaker: I think that's it for this episode.
Speaker: On that note, we will wrap it up, put a little bow on it, and call it a night.
Speaker: Yay.
Speaker: See y'all on the flip side.
Speaker: Bye.
Speaker: Bye.
