Transcript
Speaker: I can't explain what it's like to be a man It's a lonely room and they don't care about what you know It's not about how you feel but what you provide inside that home
Speaker: what you make it you can't always live up to expectations you try to please everybody while you struggle so you fake it and end up out of balance compromising situations that's a good man
Speaker: You might find yourself feeling all alone Inside a house you built that you don't recognize as home And that's what my daddy told me, and I'll tell my son the same Now that I'm older, I relate and I actually feel his pain He never cried, he might've lied, but he did not complain And he said, son, one day you'll have to do the same I'll get emotional when I stop and think and I look around
Speaker: Beyond the county lines of my small town I think about all the men out there who feel like I do now Who are screaming on the inside but won't ever make a sound
Speaker: Keep fighting, as a man our sun is our horizon And our fathers actions play a role and we end up like them So they can't let us see them hurt, cause we'll embody what they do And start a generational curse, no wonder most myth is so depressed All the things that they can't express They go to war, get thrown on the shelf, they go back to war
Speaker: Then grab that bottle and ask for help Try to pull themselves out of hell Then fall back down and then realize That they gon' have to do it themselves It's the circle of life as a man you provide They don't know what you're worth till the day that you're dying That's when they start crying Then move on to a man you're confiding
Speaker: What about how we feel? Who would want me? We'll survive inside that hole
Speaker: You can't live until you die You can't learn to tell the truth until you learn to lie You can't breathe until you choke You gotta laugh when you're the joke There's nothing like a funeral to make you feel alive Just open your eyes
Speaker: Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful Will you swear on your lies that no one will cry?
Speaker: I know some things that you don't I've done things that you won't There's nothing like a trail of blood To find your way back home I was waiting for my first What came next was so much worse It took a funeral To make me feel alive Just open your eyes
Speaker: Rise and see that life is beautiful Will you swear on your life that no one will cry?
Speaker: In your eyes and see that life did end
Speaker: Just open your eyes, just open your eyes And see that life is beautiful Will you swear on your life that no one will cry?
Speaker: What's going on everybody? Happy Monday. Welcome to Men, Karen for Men. Started the show off with Dax as always. What it's like to be a man, or to be a man, sorry. Followed up by one of my favorite rock bands, 6am with Life is Beautiful.
Speaker: As always, there's a method to my madness and the music has picked out based off of topic of conversation. So music is my has and always will be my, my number one outlet. So there'll be a theme for tonight's music selections. Any who welcome everybody. Hopefully you had a good Monday. Didn't look your ass too much. I made it through another day. We got Connor in the building.
Speaker: Jeremy she's here as always and you guys know And you guys know me I am Glick the host of this masterpiece if you will Don't get in Connor Don't forget men caring for men is a Nonsenseful network original you can follow us on all of our social media and
Speaker: at the Nonsense World Network. We are everywhere. Facebook, Instagram, X, and TikTok. We do go live on YouTube and Facebook. And you can listen to us anytime, any place, wherever you listen to podcasts and on all the majors and all the small platforms as well.
Speaker: Simply look up the nonsensical network or run on over to bio .link slash the nonsensical network. It's right down at the bottom of your screen. Go and give us follow. Give us a listen. Give us a like if you'd be so kind and don't forget to drop them shares greatly. Appreciate that as always.
Speaker: Shout out to X. Appreciate you guys being here, hanging out. Don't forget. If you do want to join into the conversation, unfortunately X does not allow commenting yet. So you can jump onto the YouTube channel and, or the Facebook channel, and you can jump into conversation in the chatters box as well. And you get all that housekeeping out of the way. What's going on? Gentlemen, gentlemen.
Speaker: start off with the redhead man who has no soul steven jerevisi how was your week i mean it's only monday but you know uh it's it's fine previous week you dumb cunt
Speaker: but let's not go there. It was fine up until last Wednesday, but you know. That's a fair point. And then Saturday when I came in, I was fine until halfway. I usually feel way better after I come, but you know, that's just me. Saturday kind of went downhill pretty quickly too. Yeah, it did. Very much so it did. Then Sunday was just like,
Speaker: Hey, we made it. I'm not dead yet. Yes. Podcast to do shit. Yeah. At least nobody can step on those in that podcast. You get to run it your way. This is your show. I'm still. How that how that goes, how that how yesterday go.
Speaker: Pretty good blazen was on and then Benji decided to join up and so we had a a three -way, you know as It was fun. I Think a three -way with those guys would be pretty fucking dope
Speaker: Yeah, like I told Blazin and Benji, there's always a spot for them on the show if they want to come on. Still looking for a permanent co -host. Me and Blazin kind of talked about it last night, but he wants to go back to school. So I told him the chair is always there for him when he wants to come in. Yeah. That's kind of how I started on this podcast.
Speaker: Well, you know, they knew that. I just came along uninvited and then Chris was like, you know, you can come in anytime you want. And then it turned into a, it turned into, hey, I'd really like to have you on full time. Fuck it. You still haven't gotten on full time yet. All right. Well, listen, this is, this is as full time as you're going to get for the next 18 years, probably less than that. But.
Speaker: Well, I mean, you do have three chairs, so it's not like I need to be up on here on Saturday, so... I was thinking more so Wednesdays, but, you know, Saturday's a good tip. I mean, hey, if they don't need me Tuesday, Wednesday, I'm good. I can step back and start worrying about my own shit. But no, no, I love Wednesday. It's just a little hiccup. Yeah.
Speaker: Other than that do you do anything interesting this week like outside of just the podcast? You know dealing with Exercising a lot lately, you know wife didn't like fucking god damn it. I walked into that one No, me and my wife we've been walking for three miles almost every day when Minnesota weather Decides it's not gonna you know for rain So yeah, we've been just doing that and then
Speaker: Just been trying to keep my head clear. Didn't really game at all today. Just turned on my TV about an hour or two ago. So yeah. Jesus Christ. Oh, here you go, man. Way to watch TV during the podcast. It's a good time. No, I'm not watching it. It's on, but computers up close. You want to watch some TV? Turn on the previous episodes. Help out the channel.
Speaker: Yeah, do like I do. I just keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay to keep it on constant replay
Speaker: Nineteen thousand nine hundred and ninety -four of those were mine I Created I created 200 new accounts just this past weekend. So I just followed all you know YouTube and all that stuff So, you know, I've really really, you know helping our numbers out here Is wrong place for politics buddy, sorry
Speaker: No, we had we even had Frank, uh, join the comment, uh, as I called it, the comment section or, you know, the chatter's box. Do you say, if you say chatter's box, you owe him 10 cents, 10 cents every time you say it. Bitch, I'm part of the network. As long as it was set on the network, it's okay.
Speaker: Then it's then it's the feet then the fee is tacked on Yeah, I didn't I wasn't able to watch yesterday and I was hoping to throw it on today, but I got busy at work Don't worry. My wife doesn't even watch my own show We saw your snapchat I was down in the dungeon most of the day Picking up on Jarvis's cage
Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm currently modifying it. You know, I'm going to give him a little bit more room. So, you know, I feel like I'm going to be Jesse Pinkman where they're like, they got the fucking chain around my waist going like, run. Same spot at the welders in today. No, we got we got our garage for the tenants. It's underground. It's a lower. It's a lower level.
Speaker: garage. So, down there, I have what has been dubbed by the previous maintenance guy, the the room of mystery, which is our storage room for all of our supplies. Well, sometimes I feel like I should tie a rope around myself and tied around one of the pillars outside of the room.
Speaker: because I feel like I might call him the Narnia or upside down or something like that. That is a scary room boys. I'm trying to clean it up, but as I started to clean up in there and organize it, I realized this is going to be a lot more daunting tasks than I expected it to be. Yup. So you worked downtown, right? For the most part.
Speaker: Yeah, I'm done. I'm in the arena district now. I'm right across. Actually nationwide is I can throw a rock and hit it. It's it's right out in front of my building. One of my building on the backside of my building is Huntington Park where the Clippers play and then write it right beside that is what is it? Lower .com stadium or whatever where the Columbus crew play. Oh yeah, MLS champions. Sorry, did they really win the championship?
Speaker: I don't know anything about soccer, but I know the Columbus crew are just fucking powerhouses Really? They've won a few they've won a couple in the last I Think they might have won last year. I don't know but they've won two championships Damn, he's once you know when I worked in a Lot of work downtown
Speaker: And like right across from, it wasn't right across from the shoe, but it was up the road from the shoe. There's this little bar and next to it is a big fucking office building. And to get to all of the sprinkler shit, you have to go into the basement of the building and it's like fucking abandoned drop ceiling floors that popped out and you're stepping through the grid and it's just dark. None of the fucking lights work. So you're down there and it's like this maze. Oh my God. You walk into that.
Speaker: waiting to see the fucking boogeyman pop out or some squatter. I used to have a building or a building right beside the shoe. And then the other building I had, if I went to the top floor, I could look down into the shoe. When I worked at OSU, I worked right there on campus. Nothing better than walking around on OSU campus during Michigan week wearing a bright yellow Michigan hat. Oh God, you're such a douche.
Speaker: But I can respect it. I can respect the grind. I mean, it is, you know, for now, you know, it's not that I hate the book, guys. You know, I can respect the program. It's a cool program. It's a historical program. It's a cool stadium, though. And in years and years and years ago, when I was working for a company and when they remodeled the shoe, I actually got to work on the shoe. Jesus. There's actually. It happened while you were away. You might want to.
Speaker: Talk to us about that. Yeah, you might want to have a conversation. Ryan, what does math mean? He went to work. There is actually a top secret block M at the horseshoe that I don't know who put it in the concrete, but somebody put a block M in the concrete at the shoe. Is there really?
Speaker: That's that's kind of that's kind of fun So Michigan's polite way of telling the subject of your work How was your week your past seven days? I feel like we always go Steven then me and then you and you're always the last one to talk I want to hear how you've been Sometimes you don't even get to me Jarvis made a point last week to go click What is going on in your world? Yeah, man No, it was you know, we're still
Speaker: Oh, we're still making the transfer and adjusting to the new company, but, um, you know, it's cool. Uh, I'm digging it. Uh, the company seems really cool. I'm learning more and more about them. Um, we have new employee orientation thing tomorrow. I don't know what that's going to entitle or detail, but it's like two hours tomorrow. But, um, uh, finally getting my uniforms ordered. So that's.
Speaker: Well, uniform, they said I can, I'll have shirts and hoodies and stuff like that. But in a hat, that sounds like my hat's going to be fitted, which is a win there too. I mean, I can wear jeans or, you know, whatever. So, which is nice because I'm not a uniform guy. I'll wear a t -shirt or a polo or whatever you want me to wear.
Speaker: Unless it's Abercrombie. Well, their uniforms were pretty fucking sweet. I mean, I wore the shirts. I love, I still have a couple of them, but I also help out for the, uh, the challenge every year, which I will be coming up soon. I can't wait. I just popped up as a reminder of my calendar. I think it's in August or September or something like that. But, uh, yeah, I mean, that's cool. I can wear jeans and I can wear whatever boots I want or shoes I want. So.
Speaker: Yeah, I get to be a little bit comfortable, but, uh, I don't like, uh, you know, I don't, don't stick me in like a weird, like janitorial style, like uniform, you know, and could be my fucking life while I was in the middle. I mean, I like some dicky pants, but they just, they just fit me weird because I, you know, I'm a Sasquatch. Sorry for your loss, Brian.
Speaker: Yeah, I didn't want to interrupt Glick, but that does suck. I'm sorry to hear that. But at least it was a cat and not a dog. That would have really sucked. Yeah. But no, you know, it's it's going good. Just kind of, you know, still still trying to get the money thing situated, which is always stressful. But nonetheless, when you when you're playing catch up, it takes a little bit.
Speaker: Not to mention the fact every time I turn around, my oldest one has more fees for this and more fees for that. She needs money for this and she needs money for that because you can't just give a kid a fucking diploma and say, congratulations, you made it 12 years and you.
Speaker: you graduated no we're either suck your parents dry so remember when you scribbled in this one book what one book it was just one book we can't remember the name it's $20 to replace well the fucked up thing about it is is her home school you know because she goes to a trade school a vocational school whatever you want to call it
Speaker: They hit us with a saying fees due from like 2019 or whatever. And I was like, I paid all that crap before she went to the vocational school, because you guys said that had to be paid before she could go. Well, we changed nervous systems and we don't have those old records. So we don't know if you paid it or not. And it's just like, really real fucking convenient that. Well, if you can find the records, you can dispute it.
Speaker: I'm like, that's almost three years ago. You think I have a paper receipt from three days ago, let alone three years ago. Again, this man, man is the Sasquatch. Do you think he cares? He paid you the money on her. But, uh, yeah, so outside of that, the money's always, it's always a key factor in stress and frustration at the end of the day. So outside of that, everything else is, I can't complain.
Speaker: I don't know if this goddamn network's becoming more of a headache than I thought it was gonna be. Let me rephrase that. Mark's a giant headache, but... And here, Glick thought it was gonna be me. Well, little did he know. Did you ever play them? Glick, how hard is it to trademark a phrase? I have a little Game Pass. I can play the Game Pass game from my Xbox.
Speaker: Well, nobody's gaming on my Xbox login to my account. What's that? I said, how hard is it for you to trademark a phrase so that we can trademark it matters. I don't, I mean, I got to look into trademarking because I want to start trademarking stuff, but, uh, I don't know how much it costs. I don't know how hard it is. You probably just fill out some paperwork and they check their files and make sure nobody else has trademarked it yet. And then kind of wrap them all from there.
Speaker: Every time I think about trademarking, I always think about the movie The Love Guru with Mike Myers. He has all these phrases like intimacy or into me I see. Yeah. Some of you say like $49, $45 to trademark. Yeah, that's not bad. It's probably a nice little stack of paperwork though.
Speaker: Yeah, I was going to say probably, you know, once once we're once Nicki and I haven't had time to sit down and with Nicki and look at the merch store, you know, if the merch is something that people really want and start buying the merch, probably use some of the money off that start trademarking things so that we lock down stuff that's that's ours. And nobody else can use it.
Speaker: And we can talk about some of that. OK, bye. Bye, fuckface. I'm going to trademark talk and shit and I'm going to force Mark and Brian to buy it from me. We can talk about it more off the podcast, but I'd like to help out where I can monetarily because I know that this shit isn't free.
Speaker: No, I've been paying for everything for the last three. Yeah. Yeah, man. I mean, I don't have a bunch of extra money, but I plan on being a permanent member of this this podcast. And I would feel wrong to not to not contribute more than just my voice. So. Yeah, hit me up outside the podcast we talk about. I know when I start looking into things more, which I'll let you guys know, you know, because I want to keep everybody in the loop as far as
Speaker: Hi, Nikki. Hi, number three. You're hiding in the bathtub. You're a 12 hour bathtub yesterday. Wasn't enough. It was definitely Nikki does that shit too. Don't worry. You're not alone, Chris. Why?
Speaker: Okay, fair enough. This house has a walk -in shower on the first floor, a bathtub on the second floor, and a tub shower on the third floor. Nikki'll come home from work and she'll just be like, I think I'm just gonna go soak. And she'll be in there for like a fucking hour and a half. And I'm just like, are you dead? Like, did you fucking drown? I don't have a life insurance policy on you. I need to fix that.
Speaker: Not one honor honor back when I was in the military, but that changed when I left Nikki she she'll get in there and She'll be there the entire time the shows on yesterday. I got up She was in there He was just right Yeah yesterday when I got up she was in there and
Speaker: I had to keep coming back and be like, Hey, you still alive? And she was in there for three, four hours yesterday, just chilling in the tub. I mean, you know, I don't blame her at the end of the day. If I could fit in the tub. Oh man, I would take, I would take, I would take baths once or twice a week. I just had a conversation with my wife about that. I'm in there and it's like, my shoulders don't fit inside the tub. So I'm scrunched up like this.
Speaker: And if I like laid back down, then the only thing that's covered is my torso because my, and if I set up and it's just like, well, my legs are covered now. What about the rest of me? I tried to take a bath in that tub because it was like, it's a real tub. It's, it's only for soaking. I was like, I might actually fit in this fucking thing. And it looks huge on the outside. And I sat down in it and I was like, my legs are covered, but my pee pee is cold.
Speaker: Like my nipples are getting hard. And so I like sat down and my legs had to go up out of the tub. I'm just like, I don't know what to do. Nikki's, uh, Nikki's parents have a really nice tub. Uh, it's deep, but it's like twice when you've been hungover. Yeah. I feel bad because they only got one bathroom, but I was super hungover every one time.
Speaker: her mom and dad had to get up early because her dad had to go to the doctors and so they were gone like all day and I just went and died in that it's like it's deep and it's and it's long too so so I could sit down in it and even sitting up the water still came up to my shoulders oh yeah because it's so deep that thing is amazing and they got natural spring water too so like just spring water just feels good anyways
Speaker: You know, makes you, makes you a little bit more relaxed as we, as, as we learned last night that spring, spring water does amazing things. However, you must make a sacrifice.
Speaker: Oh, did you try and use it while you were doing it? And then we watched this new movie called night swim. It's a horror movie. Yeah. Nicky and Nicky and my oldest one said they will never go swimming again. But yeah, I want to tell like that. Nicky wants one of the big, uh, one of the, which I'm fine with too, because they're huge and I know I can fit in them.
Speaker: at least I could when I was a baby swatch, but the old iron fall folks, you know what I mean? Yeah. We've got one of those. Yeah. Nikki wants one of those and I'm like, well, it's it looks way bigger than it actually is because that's the tub that we have. We're looking into. Yeah. What? Nikki wants a jacuzzi tub. Not like the jacuzzi at the. Hotel over by the airport, though, right? Because that thing was basically a swimming pool.
Speaker: I mean, well, that's what they're actually I looked online the other day. They're not terribly expensive as long as you don't get some super fucking extra bougie luxury shit like no, they're really you can have a you can have a budget of less than a thousand dollars and get like we want to get a corner tub because our bathrooms set up a little bit weird on the second floor and set it in the corner and it wraps around and there's enough space for like two people to sit and it's comes up to your chest.
Speaker: And you can sit down on it. So we're, we're looking into that. And those were the one that we saw was like 800 bucks. And I was like, that's, that's more, that's more than doable. Oh yeah. They're, they're, they're, they're, uh, it's just the installation. We say that when we went to Jason Aldean last year, we just stayed at a hotel because, you know, from here, from here to the arena is, uh, about 45 minutes to an hour depending upon traffic.
Speaker: I was like, I know we're going to dinner. I know we're both going to be drinking. Let's get a hotel close by. We'll Uber over to the arena district and then we'll Uber back. Well, he likes to book hotels with, um, what jacuzzi tubs, which I'm not, I don't blame her. Yeah. Well, this hotel though, this jacuzzi tub in this hotel could have easily fit like 30 people, dude. Jesus Christ. It was, it was huge. I mean, it was, it was, was it in the room?
Speaker: Yeah, it was in the room damn Sounds like a problem Stacy's mom needs a bigger tub conversation about you know wanting tubs, you know because I was like
Speaker: My only requirement is I don't really care as long as I can fit in it and I can actually relax because, you know, I can, I've been known to enjoy a bath from time to time. Like I said, if I had a tub that I would fit in, I would probably take a bath twice a week. Yeah. It feels great. Yeah.
Speaker: You get the Epsom salts and a little bit of that, that fragrance soap. And you just sit in there and you soak and you drain out a little bit of the water as it starts to get cold and then put fresh hot water in. I can sit in there for an hour. No, that's what Nikki does. She's, she'll be in there the whole time. The show's on and once the water starts to get cold, she just. That's six fucking hours. It's not on Mondays. Mondays is three hours.
Speaker: No, that's as I like, you know, we find a tub that I could fit in and I can be comfortable. I, you know, when I'm in, you get whatever, whatever bathtub you want as long as I can fit and be comfortable. Maybe, maybe we get one big enough for both of us.
Speaker: Oh, so fun. I'm missing my money on the podcast. What?
Speaker: I don't think I won't do tub time on the podcast. Oh, I know you will. As long as you keep your wiener in your pants, I don't care. Well, I don't wear pants in the bathtub, but, you know, as long as you don't show the world. Hey, Jarvis, sorry, but on Sundays, we're going to have a new show called Sundays on the Tub. That being said, I don't think that there's a computer in the world that will show enough pixels to actually be able to see it. Yeah.
Speaker: I'm going to have a bubble fro and a bubble beard. He's going to come out looking like Groot. I am Groot. Welcome to Glick stubby time.
Speaker: We had the merchandise. The merchandise on that. Sunday's new shows. Tubby Time with Glick. Sorry Jarvis, you're out. Tubby Time's in. Jarvis out. Tubby Time in. Wait until I start having special guests on the show. Come on everybody, in the tub. Everybody, in the tub. It got some like cool like old 80s techno fucking tub song.
Speaker: 80s techno tub song. Hey, it would work just like like electronica. Yeah, like the old techno song. I don't know if that's really tub music as much as it's, you know, get fucked up and do acid music, but turned down for tub. That's that's definitely a 2010s.
Speaker: Hold on. Just whatever. It'll be something soothing, something from yacht rock type music, like... Fucking elevator music playing in the background. Tonight on Glick's House of Music. Ka -bloom. Fucking Glick puts on some really relaxing fucking music. Next thing you know, he turns on the camera, he's sleeping on the floor.
Speaker: can't even get in the fucking tub. Now how great would that be if I did a show of me in the tub and I did interviews and my interviewees had to come on and they were in their tubs. Welcome to tub time with Glick. Yeah. This is my guest. Mark Albert, you minor news yourself.
Speaker: So we have Tom Brady in the house. You are perfect. Did you did you hear that? Get in the tub Tommy boy. I guess the gross that Tom Brady went pretty well on Netflix except. Yeah. Oh my God. Kevin got up in Jeff Ross's face and now we'll discuss that on Wednesday night show. It's only men, Brian. Only men.
Speaker: Yeah, we'll discuss that on Wednesday night show in the entertainment portion of the show. Not on the have a mental breakdown part of the show. That's part one pre first break. Sorry, I forgot what show I was on that night.
Speaker: How's everything going over there in your neck of the woods? Oh, it's been a it's been an interesting week. It hasn't been bad necessarily. It's been it's been a week for reflection. That's that's for sure. And we'll talk about it more as as we get into the subject of tonight's show. But what's that? The meat and potatoes. I think he was.
Speaker: Honey, what does meat and potatoes mean? No, I'm yelling at my kids. They're being obnoxious. I'm in the dining room right now because my wife still isn't home. So I'm trying to make sure that they're not. Don't make me come in there. Joke's on your dad. We're going upstairs so we know you can't run upstairs. I already came in there. That's how I made them. Shut the fuck up. Not what I meant.
Speaker: It was, it's been a pretty good week. I had a appointment today to set up one of my spine injections to determine whether or not I'm gonna have a fusion. Okay, buddy, I need you to wait. Yes, you're super funny. He's got one of the mushroom things from Mario, you know, the power up things. And he put it, yes, you can show them.
Speaker: Let's go. That's awesome. Yes, they laughed. You're the funniest seven -year -old they've ever met. You just see a blue shell hit Connor right in the face. And then Wednesday, I had my therapy, and that was a rough day and a rough following day. Definitely, definitely.
Speaker: Again, I think it just caused a lot of reflection and getting that later. And then the weekend. Let's see. Friday was was all right. I got drunk. Saturday was a shit show. I got drunk on the show. And then yesterday I was we were supposed to be unpacking the house some more.
Speaker: For Connor, there are no technical difficulties. It's just Connor yelling at his kids. Yeah, sorry. Like hit it on the head, hit the nail on the head. And then yesterday we were supposed to be unpacking the house, but I had a plan on Saturday to do a project in our backyard and build a fire pit.
Speaker: And, uh, it didn't work out because my brother -in -law had to work and, uh, he couldn't come help out and my wife wouldn't let me do it by myself. So it happened on Sunday. And so on Sunday, I got drunk, built a fire pit and, uh, it looks fucking great. I had a good time. Uh, I smoked some pot with my brother -in -law. It was awesome. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Well,
Speaker: the fifth
Speaker: I've gotten into this point recently where I accept that the pain is going to happen. I just want to get shit done. And so we finished building the fire pit and I sat down and I went to stand up and I was like, oh, my right leg's not working. So I went and smoked some weed to try and calm it down because it was going fucking nuts. And then I had some beers with my brother in law and we chilled out. We had a good time.
Speaker: And then today I had a pain management appointment that went pretty well and scheduled some stuff to hopefully start moving my physical health in the right direction. So yeah, man, it's been a long seven days, but it's been all right. It's been all right, some ups and downs. I can't complain too much. Nice. Did you get anything unpacked yet? Oh shit, dude, today was fucking... I about had a seizure.
Speaker: I fucking kicked something in the hallway and I...
Speaker: My brain went fucking bananas and I couldn't turn it off. I was like, if I don't start moving boxes to where they belong, unpacking and putting shit where it belongs, then somebody's gonna get fucking hurt and it's gonna be my fucking fault. And so I was like, fuck it. I'm just gonna move shit to where it needs to be. And my wife can bitch at me later about doing more than I'm supposed to. And so I cleaned out 95 % of the garage. I put all the boxes upstairs, put the boxes down in the basement, started unpacking shit.
Speaker: And that's why I, uh, I called Glick before the show or Snapchat and before the show. And I was like, Hey, can we, uh, can we hold off for like 20 minutes? Cause I got to shower and feed the kids. And cause I do, I was drenched in sweat from like head to toe. No, no, I don't do, I don't do hard drugs. I just smoke pot. That's all.
Speaker: But yeah, when we went, I took my son with me on Sunday to go pick up the materials that we needed to build that fire pit.
Speaker: And we're walking back to the car and he goes, dad, why is your butt all wet? And I was like, swap ass kid. You'll learn when you get older. I was wearing, I was wearing fucking cargo shorts, the tan cargo shorts, big old sweat stain on my ass. He's like, did you sit down in water? And I was like, no, buddy. I'm just old. And I got hair back there.
Speaker: God bless your wife. She can't stick a finger back there if it's a forest. She don't have a machete thick enough to get through that. Good God. I'm just saying, she's got to go out in public with you and your tan cargo shorts, khaki shorts. I don't wear tan cargo shorts when it's hot out in public with my wife. You look like a giant wet spot.
Speaker: what happened nothing shit myself walk away watery diarrhea oh god baby right up your back and everything so the fire pits ready man is ready for some summer nights
Speaker: Yeah, dude, we put a fire in there. I sent a picture to the group chat, I think. But it's pretty nice. We used some retaining wall bricks and some paver base to level everything out, screwed it out all nice, made it really nice and level, and then put some nice pretty river rocks around the outside. And it genuinely looks like a professional might have done it.
Speaker: So I was, I was pretty proud of that one. And it only took us probably two, two and a half hours. It wasn't too bad. Usually when I do DIY projects, it's like, I was the only take me like an hour or so. And then it takes all fucking day. I watched a YouTube video and it only took them 10 minutes. I only saw them cut like 12 times. Is that why they call themselves trained professionals? You know, DIY home improvements.
Speaker: leading cause to mental, mental breakdowns from this project, the finished project, you know, you'll be able to spend, you know, many relaxing nights out there by the fire. So yeah, like I finally got it done. Wife comes, doesn't look like what they did.
Speaker: That's happened on so many occasions. I've never put my I've never put my fist through a wall, but I've come close. And those are always my breaking point. Yeah. But like this is this is our dining room now. But it was I guess the last people had this as their living room. There's a fireplace in here and a light with a fan. And then the dining room is what we have as our living room now. And they have a nice chandelier in there. I was like, oh, it's kind of fucking backwards.
Speaker: But so my wife's like, my wife's like, I want you to take the fan out of here and put it in there and take the chandelier out of there and put it in here. I was like, okay, sweet. I can play with electricity. That's, that works well for me every single time. You had a chandelier. She's like, just wait till my brother can come help you. That'll never get done.
Speaker: I could do this. I don't need your brother. Hey, remember when I said that? Yeah, I should have waited. Dude, that's what I did today with my fucking workbench because it was in the garage and because my wife's just everybody, I should say, not just my wife, my wife and my friends and my family, everybody. It's like, just wait for somebody to come help you. You know, we'll come help you take that down. We moved in three fucking weeks ago.
Speaker: And so I was like, fuck this. And I took it up the garage steps and I brought it in the house, weaved it through there, picked the whole fucking thing up myself and brought it down the hallway, took it down the five steps to the 180 and put it down 13 more steps in the in the basement. And I didn't hurt myself and I didn't break it. So I'm calling that a fucking win. I still remember.
Speaker: I still remember when Connor's like, I'll be so glad I don't have to go to the storage unit anymore. I'm like, hey, light a match. Problems are over. All the good news is I don't have to go to a storage unit anymore. It's my fucking house. Yeah. Now all the shit that was in the storage unit is in my house. I'm like, fuck, why do we have so much stuff? Thanks.
Speaker: And my my poor wife, God bless her heart. She's a she's a hoarder. She does not want to let anything go. And so we've got clothes that doesn't fit anybody that won't fit me for another three years, that won't fit her for another two years, won't fit the kids ever again. And she's like, oh, but they're mementos. I was like, really? A blue shirt with a red stain on it. That's a memento. Yeah, that's when Carson spilled ketchup on himself when he was four. I was like, I don't care. Go away.
Speaker: Oh my God. That's one of those things when, you know, when she's at work and you're at home doing this stuff, you just get rid of it and don't say shit because at the end of the day, she has no idea what's in there and what's not in there. I have a new fire. Yeah. And don't when you make a fire and you live downtown,
Speaker: Uh, do not throw whole tree branches in there that still have leaves on them. Cause what'll happen is the leaves catch fire and it gets really hot. So all that air just goes straight up and then the leaves burn off the branch. And then they fly up about a hundred feet and then they burn other people's houses down. I didn't burn anybody's house down, but hang on my daughter's house. Anybody's house is down yet.
Speaker: That's the only downside about living in town not only that but I mean yeah when you do when you do have fires even in your backyard because you know, they'll have They'll have like no burn or whatever and everyone's gotta know your fucking business Well I don't mind all that but
Speaker: Why was your wife screaming? Don't worry about it. It's like at two o 'clock in the morning and she was saying, Oh God, Oh God, don't worry about it. She was, she was, she was talking to Jesus. Don't worry about it. She's a very religious woman. Very, very religious woman. Um, yeah, that's really, you know, I can't wait till we could have a fire pit again, man.
Speaker: I miss being able to go out on a Friday evening after work and just build a little fire and just chill out and relax, man. It's super, super relaxing, super soothing. Well, my wife, she went over to her parents' house on Sunday and she's like, yeah, guess what?
Speaker: Zach, who's my brother -in -law, and his wife got, and I'm like, what a kid. And she's like, well, kind of, but it's got fur. I'm like, them bastards got a dog. And she's like, yeah. And I'm like, how'd your mother take it? Because their mom hates dogs. And Ellis is like, well, since they got their own place on their parents' property, can't really bitch about it. And I'm like, oh, OK.
Speaker: Well, they like do her parents have a lot of property. They just have like a house on the property or something like that or house garage. And then Zach and Stephanie bought one of them fish houses that you can convert into like a livable house. I guess it's like ice sand or like castle fucking name some. It's pretty much like an ice shack in a way, but.
Speaker: it they consider it a house. I mean, it's a nice place. And for the price, you know, cheaper than a regular fucking house nowadays. But yeah, you're saying probably can't beat the price. I mean, I wouldn't mind getting some of these pull sheds and turn them into a house. Like, and they're cheaper than a regular house now. And it's just like, Good God.
Speaker: We've talked about that before doing like we'd like to have like a barn barn barn to be in. Yeah. Yeah. Really cool. And they're fucking huge. Well, there's that, too. I mean, they're fucking massive. And once you throw the actual barn itself up and then all you got to do is create your walls and shit on the inside. I mean, I mean, since you look half Amish, I'm sure you can get a great deal.
Speaker: Just go to an Amish community and be like, yeah, I'm brother Sasquatch. I was related to Josiah Sasquatch. I'm just going to build it for me. What the hell are you talking about? That's all I'm saying. Fuck we going in here. Here's my plans. Go to town, boys. Dude, the fucking Amish will put that fucker up in a day.
Speaker: I have a barn to many of them that looks like a log cabin. I went to an Amish furniture store with a list of one time and the craftsmanship alone and they don't, they don't throw like hefty price tags on. And it's just like, really? And they're like, well, you know,
Speaker: We would but honestly our shits better than the expensive shit And it's all handmade it's yeah From from cutting the tree down to milling it out and everything else It's it's it's all handmade and it's and it's high quality. So, you know, it's one of those things it goes back to The old saying you get what you pay for. Oh, definitely. I mean and and that's like
Speaker: Alyssa's dad, my father -in -law Charles, he makes shit that I swear to God, it's like, dude, I'm not moving this into a house. It's for an apartment. And he's like, never know. He might be at the apartment for awhile. Might be raising some kids in that apartment. It's like, God, I hope not. I want kids. Yes. But like in a house setting, not, not this. Uh, no, I mean, you know, that's the problem. I mean, nowadays people go to Walmart.
Speaker: by that particle board shitter. Yeah. I mean, the first time you move, the damn thing never sits right. Never sits right again.
Speaker: So when I first met my wife, my in -laws, well, weren't my in -laws at the time when I was first dating my wife, um, they bought one of those fireplaces from Inards that is like a TV stand. So me and Zach are putting it together and Alyssa's like, uh, guys, I think you built this wrong. So thank God the glued entrance, we had to tear the bitch down and I'm just, and fucking, uh,
Speaker: her mom come down, Kathy, and she's like, how's it going? I'm like, I'm about ready to just commit fucking treason on this goddamn thing. Yeah. Because we have one shelf like this, and it's supposed to be straight up and down. I'm just like, there ain't enough alcohol to fucking get me through the building of this shit. Sits a pain in the head. I mean, just fly through stuff like that. But again, I mean, I'm doing what I do for more than half of my life. So
Speaker: Yeah. The building shit is like, nah, fuck it. I'm just going to do it my way. Yeah. Fuck your instructions. Let me see what the picture looks like. All right. All right. Okay. Are these pieces go here? I'll go ahead and throw them together. Put a little wood glue. That's why I got a, I bought a dining room table set, uh, off of Home Depot and, uh,
Speaker: I mean, it's nice. Don't get me wrong. It's not going to last forever. And I gotta, I gotta take the table apart already because when I was putting it together, the woods started splitting a little bit. So I'm going to take it all back apart again, and I'm just going to put some wood glue and shit in there and then put all the screws and everything back in and let it set. You know, like one weekend when the kids aren't here.
Speaker: I don't have to worry about anybody touching it. Just throw some gorilla glue in that bitch and the screw holes and everything else and fucking slap it back together. Put a couple of clamps on it to hold it in fucking place. Yeah, man. And that's something that you'll never move again. It'll never come apart again. I guarantee that. And if it does, the next step is Gorilla tape.
Speaker: Coming to the network near you. If one gorilla doesn't work, use two. If two gorillas don't work, use a squat. Introducing a brand new and improved Squatch Glue. He doesn't find you handsome, at least he'll find you handy. I actually got to meet Red Green in real life.
Speaker: the the
Speaker: It made me it made me warm and fuzzy on the inside there Every Canadian knows each other they hold like special Canadian meetings monthly You know, they're like they're like twins They finish each other's sentences. They all when one person gets stabbed. They all feel it That would make my job so much easier, oh my god, right
Speaker: We don't have to kill Stephen. We can kill somebody from Canada. Allegedly. Allegedly. Yes. That's right. They accidentally fell off the Niagara Falls. We tried to save them. What's the big fire in Toronto? They just accidentally fell off of that. Yeah.
Speaker: There's that Ontario. It's one of the O's still Canada. Yeah. Oh my God. Did you give Mark? If you did, I'm hurt. I gave all of you guys access to Facebook. Well, that ain't Jeff. Cause I know.
Speaker: You give me shit. Well, it would all be misspelled. So yeah. Good, good one, Mark. Keep keep using the same shit you used for the past. How many years I've known you? I mean, that's that's fair, but I mean, it's true. And if it works, it works, you know, same. Just like just like I always say, fuck you, Steven. And it always makes me feel good when I say it. So why would I ever change it? If it's not broke, don't fix it. Exactly.
Speaker: I can't see that being on one of our merchandise that sells. Fuck you, Jervis. I would wear that shirt every fucking podcast. Dude, I'd buy it just to just to fuck with myself. I'm just having meaningful conversations with himself in the mirror and he just looks down at his shirt and goes, yep. You're a handsome man. Fuck you, Steven. God damn it. Fair enough. Fair enough, yep.
Speaker: This is daily affirmations and then you look down. Yeah, this run up really just run. I'm having a real bad day. I look down. Connor can't walk upstairs without a cane facts on facts. I can and I do. It's going down the stairs. That's a problem for the record. Just for the record. Sure, Mark, whatever helps you float your boat with all stairs.
Speaker: I feel like we're going to do like the Gremlins movie where we put them on the fucking chair thing and just have them go up the steps. I'm going on my death list next year. Next year. Why are you waiting that long? Well, because this year is already in nothing. Have you guys seen with whoever's got Clint Eastwood on your list? I think you're in luck. He does not look good. You should be in luck with 95 percent of our list.
Speaker: Yeah. I mean, I mean, someone forgot to put OJ Simpson on their list. You know, God damn Gerald Ford on there. He went into hospice. When you go into hospice, most times you don't live three months. Some bitches lived over a year in hospice. Hey, when you're having that taxpayer, uh, healthcare, you know, I mean, just saying. Chris, I have a serious question before we, before we actually do get into the nitty gritty.
Speaker: Is the S word a no -go? Do we have to doctor it up? Yeah. Yeah, I would doctor it up just because a lot of like big names and stuff like that and even small fries like us have been getting demonetized and taken down and stuff like that. Not that we're monetized yet, but just to be on the safe side. Just trying to look at the
Speaker: You know what, Mark? There's a reason why I wish your wife would have pushed you off a fucking cliff. Well, I know that we're coming up on the hour, which means break is soon. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: And, uh, at the end of the hour, we usually go to, we usually go to break. We introduce the, uh, the topic of the night and, um, and we get into it after the break. So I wanted to make sure before we introduced the actual topic that I don't want to say something I wasn't supposed to, it would suck for all of our viewers to, to get kicked out of here. Cause we got kicked off of YouTube or something stupid like that because we said something. Oh.
Speaker: Hey Mark, how about you do what you do best and piss off Glick so that you get kicked off the network? Um, he pisses me off. I don't get pissed off. What are you talking about? No, sorry. I don't know. Have you guys seen me get pissed off? Yes. Well, I mean, recently? Last Wednesday. No, he wasn't pissed off on Wednesday. He was, he was, yeah, he wasn't pissed off.
Speaker: I seem like pissed off. He was not pissed off. Oh, it's been a hot middle. I mean, we got rid of all the. All the. All the riffraff, if you. Facts, facts. I liked the name Slutty Assassins, but that works out well, too. I love I love Slutty Assassins. What is the deal with Brian changing the fucking name?
Speaker: I didn't change the name. Slutty assassins was perfect. And I was the one who came up there. I love Slutty assassins. It worked. Yeah. Um, yeah, we are going to take a real quick break. Uh, Connor, do you want to, uh, announce our, our, our topic of the night, the meat and taters, if you will. Uh, yeah, it was your brainchild. Yeah. I don't, I don't know if you want me to do that now or after break. It's up to you.
Speaker: You do it right now. Stuck points. Operation Stuck Point. Yeah. Operation Stuck Point. Hashtag Dr. Hans. Thank you. We know what we're going to talk about.
Speaker: Yeah. So absolutely. Um, and we'll get in again, we'll get, we'll get into it deeper when we come back from break. But, um, I, I had a really good, it was, it was rough and it was, it was hard, uh, uh, rough and hard. I should call her. Um,
Speaker: You guys got to show the rest of that, right? It was it was a rough and very difficult to change my change my verbiage there for a second Therapy session on Wednesday last week. We talked about some things and some trauma and went into why certain things happened and why
Speaker: it affects me the way it does, certain things like that. And it got me to thinking a lot about the reasons that I have to, to stay, rather than unaliving myself, not that I'm in that mind, that headspace right now, which I'm not just for the record. But what it, what it made me really come down to, and what it really came down to, and what I really started thinking about was the conflict that we have within ourselves
Speaker: on really a daily basis. Obviously, I think everybody in this panel has been in some pretty dark spaces in their lives, some pretty tough times. And for one reason or another, we have decided to stay and not to give up on this world and to keep going. But in that therapy session, I was reminded of the conflict within myself.
Speaker: and that battle of what's more important. Obviously there was the pain and the hurt and I don't want to talk about everybody's attempts and things like that so much as I would rather talk about
Speaker: What I want tonight to be about is the thought process that led up to it and the thought process that made you stay. Because when it came down to it for me, it was the same reason I'm still here today. I mean, if I didn't have the reasons that I did to stay and not do something stupid that would have been a permanent solution to a temporary problem, then it would have prevented a lot of
Speaker: Obviously, I wouldn't have the family and the life that I do now. So I wanted to talk about that, the reasons for staying and the reasons for, well, why you didn't want to stay. So that's going to be our topic for tonight. When we come back from our break, I'll let Chris go ahead and do our promo before we head off to break, and we will get into the nitty gritty when we come back.
Speaker: This is why I'm so good at what I do. Uh, got a, uh, cover here. You're such a, uh, by, uh, miss Dave or miss mister, uh, mister Dave Winkler. And it is a cover of who best thinks the reason.
Speaker: I'm not a perfect person There's many things I wish I didn't do But I continue learning I never meant to do those things to you And so I have to say before I go
Speaker: That I just want you to know I found a reason for me To change who I used to be A reason
Speaker: I'm sorry that I hurt you It's something I must live with every day And all the pain I put you through I wish that I could take it all away And be the one who catches all your tears
Speaker: That's why I need you to hear About a reason for me To change who I used to be The reason to start
Speaker: And the reason is you And the reason is you And the reason is you
Speaker: I'm not a perfect person I never meant to do those things to you And so I have to say before I go That I just want you to know
Speaker: I used to be A reason to start over new And the reason it's you I found a reason to show
Speaker: Good cover right there by Mr. Dave.
Speaker: Winkler with who mistakes the reason I love that song. It's such a good song It's one of those songs. I like to sing along to I think I sound just like him. However, I know truth If a whale could drowned the noise they would make is what it sounds like when I sing Anyways, welcome back to men care for men everybody
Speaker: We're going to go ahead and get into basically, you know, the reason. I mean, that song kind of was perfect for tonight because that's kind of what we're talking about as per what Connor just said. So we got Connor in the building. We've got Jeravici in the building. I'm going to change things up here. I don't know why Connor's all the way down there at the bottom. I don't know. It's been happening a lot lately. I've just kind of gotten used to it.
Speaker: There we go. There we go. I was taking the steering wheel tonight. I'm not, I'm not always a bottom just because you know, I enjoy being a bottom. I'm a bottom because my hips don't work the way they should. Can't really pile drive when you're crippled. There's that.
Speaker: Now, make sure you guys check out the network on all the social medias, the nonsensical network. Go ahead and give us a follow, give us a listen, give us a share if you'd be so kind to make sure you drop those like we are everywhere. You can simply Google search the nonsensical network or you can go to bio dot link slash the nonsensical network or the nonsensical network. I just like saying the because apparently that's what we do in Ohio. We say the instead of the
Speaker: You're welcome. Plus, once I trademark it, I'm going to take it away from OSU and I'll be like, you guys can never say that again. University of nonsensical network. Yeah. Like I said, go ahead and head over there. All the links are there for all the shows. Hey, Nick. All the links are there. You guys can give us a follow and make sure you check everybody out because we do have a whole lineup Monday through Sunday.
Speaker: Uh, we kick off on Monday nights, men caring for Tuesdays as Jeff's garage. Wednesdays is the newly braided show. What the fuck news. Thursdays is talking shit. Fridays is glucose and music. Saturdays is nonsensical nonsense. The unhinged, apologetic comedy based show where we open the door and allow anybody and everybody to join us. We call it the open door challenge and rounding the week up is the one and only.
Speaker: Jerry Vichy with the Jarvis podcast, talking movies, talking TV. Hell, we don't ever know what he's going to do until he's there and doing it. It's like the Joe dirt thing. God, I forgot. I got to watch that movie again, but it's the we don't know why he's here. He just keeps living life. Living life. Life's a garden. Dig it. But as Connor was saying before we went to break,
Speaker: Uh, you know, we're going to be talking about not necessarily, you know, attempts or anything like that, but what, what got us to that point? What, what took us to that point? And why we didn't, why we haven't, why we won't, um, do the whole unaliving, if you will, we have to choose our words wisely because, you know, words hurts, hurts people's boobies. Yeah. But anyways.
Speaker: you ready, buddy? Oh, I'm ready. So my wife just came through the door. She finally, I was just rough day. I was just filling air time. So we didn't have that air while watching your wife. I appreciate it. If you will. So yeah, I'll re I'll restate kind of what the topic is.
Speaker: Honestly, I'm kind of just going to read off the message that I sent to you because at the time I was in my emotions and I think I kind of got across the point a little bit better. But what I want to talk about tonight is, well, it's not necessarily a fun subject, but that's why we have our Monday night shows. I don't want to say trigger warning because I feel like that's kind of
Speaker: it's got a weird connotation. Yeah, but there's, there's definitely a mild trigger warning here. But I want to talk about unaliving oneself, for lack of a better term that we're allowed to use. And not necessarily the act, or like I said, not necessarily the final, the failed attempts, but rather the conflict that we have within ourselves that creates the feeling of helplessness.
Speaker: and hopelessness and feeling alone and the reasons that we get to that point. And then what has kept us where we are today rather than following through with the action plan that we had in place. Things that we all have that internal conflict of wanting to be done with the bullshit.
Speaker: I think we all run through struggles every single day. And some of us, I mean, I can speak from my own experience, William, that's it. But I deal with my chronic pain on a day -to -day basis. And the times where it's been the hardest for me and where I've had that biggest internal conflict has been not just physical pain, but internal pain and trying to learn how to cope with traumatic experiences and things like that and being sick of
Speaker: Shout out Dr. Hines, but being sick of being on those stuck points and being stuck in that mindset. And one of my biggest issues is sleep. And the reason that I have issues with sleep is I have horrible nightmares that are very admitted. And there was a point where I was just tired of going to sleep and seeing the same thing that would ruin my day before it even started.
Speaker: And that started this conflict of, I'm ready to be done. I want to quit life. It's not worth what I have. And thanks to one failed attempt, I'm still here. And that conflict maybe hasn't been completely resolved, but it's been weighted in the right direction.
Speaker: And I think that's where a lot of people run into contemplating having that ideation of unaliving themselves is they get to a point where it's almost like the scales tip in the wrong direction.
Speaker: And you feel that that loneliness that that I'm alone in this battle I'm alone in this fight and I'm not strong enough to go on and the things that I have in this life are not Enough to make me want to keep struggling through this because I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel Even when it may be even five feet in front of you
Speaker: You might be a day away from finally having that one good thing happen to you, that one moment that makes you see what you really do have. And I know that my big reason for staying has been my family. I'll let you guys chime in here in just a second, but just to give a background on my trauma, I'm not going to go through everything, but essentially what happened was I had been
Speaker: under fire multiple occasions while we were in Afghanistan. But the last time that it happened, I was three days away from going home. And so when you're right there, you can taste it. You're right there. I mean, you can taste home. It's just a few days away. And every day feels like it lasts 72 hours.
Speaker: And so all you're thinking about is family. And I remember that last time that we got shot at, it was a rocket attack. And I remember laying down and the things that ran through my mind were my wife and my two boys because we didn't have Kennedy at the time. And it's a morbid irony, but there was a point after that where it felt like they weren't enough.
Speaker: they weren't enough to make me want to stay. And when I was in that moment, and again, I had this, this almost epiphany while we were having this therapy session, and I talked about my trauma, where it was like, the reasons that, that kept me here, where I, you know, didn't follow through is my family. And there were times where it didn't seem like they were enough. But when we were getting shot at, and it was that it felt like it was over.
Speaker: It felt like it was over. That was that was the one like this is the one that's going to take me and all that ran through my head was my wife. How's that news going to hit? What's it going to be like for her when she finds out how are my kids going to take it? She's going to struggle so much when I'm gone.
Speaker: you know, what are they going to do? Like my kids don't have memories of me. They were too young. They were three and one at the time. And I just couldn't stop thinking about my family. And that's, that's one of the things that really bugs me the most about it. And that made it such a traumatic experience for me was I was so close and it felt like it was being ripped away. Um, but I see that, that almost irony in it where it's, that was, they weren't enough. They weren't enough when I was,
Speaker: thinking about ending it, but when it wasn't in my control, they were all I could think about. They were all, all that I wanted to see, all that I wanted to be. And, and now, you know, I think about how much pain I go through and sometimes, oh my God, man, you just want to fucking quit. You just want to give up.
Speaker: I get sick of walking up these stairs and feeling like my legs are going to fall off. And I don't care. Y 'all joke about me all you want. I have no problem with it, but there's a legitimate struggle to being in pain 24 seven. And maybe I don't really think about executing any sort of plan, but it's, it's hard. It's hard to sit there and think, you know, I don't know if there is a light at the end of this tunnel.
Speaker: My wife, yeah, she, she deals with, with me and the anger that this has produced and my wife's deal with me and, and, or my kids deal with me rather. And the sadness that it's produced and, you know, dad's not the same. And sometimes I feel like more of a burden than I am an actual part of their life. And you know, you gotta find the positives in it. And so I wanted tonight to be about finding, finding the reasons.
Speaker: that was the end
Speaker: I don't know what to say is what it is and I don't want to say the wrong thing but Connor you're a great man. Thank you. I don't want tonight to be about me so much as I want to talk about it and let other people hear our reasons for staying and maybe feel some sort of
Speaker: not equity, but some sort of similarities between our struggles and theirs and reasons. To kind of start and, you know, spend a little bit of time on, you know, as you said, that internal conflict, that battle that you have with yourself and what drives you to that point to
Speaker: be there on the edge, you know? And I think I might be the only one in here that, you know, we've discussed this, we've had this conversation, I think I might be the only one in here who's a three -time idiot, but... Only one time for me. No, I mean...
Speaker: And again, we're not necessarily, but I want to talk about, you know, what drove me to that point. And, you know, it was just growing up and constantly being told, you know, I'll never amount to anything. I'll never be anything. You know, I'll just, you know, most, most people have had a teacher tell me that I'd be lucky if I seen 18, uh, which by the way, if you're still alive, fuck you asshole. I'm a mop.
Speaker: just just just a constant you know beat down and and either just just wearing on you and then it's like and I got my way out I'm enjoying the military this is what I want to do you know and then having that taken away from me and then all right well maybe not necessarily gonna do the military now but I can still become a cop because I wanted to be a cop well then I found out real quick
Speaker: Psychological evaluation, and guess who wasn't passing that?
Speaker: And then knowing that I wasn't going to go past high school playing sports just because of injuries and stuff like that, you know, that stuff kind of got ripped away from me. And I'm not saying I was going to go play, you know, uh, do you want school or something like that? But just, just that, just that absolute feeling of just hopelessness and everybody's right. I, you know, I, I'm not going to amount to shit. I'm never going to be shit. I'm just, I'm just a burden on everybody. Um,
Speaker: And, and it's like, you know, since I'm such a problem and, you know, people feel a certain type of way about me, then why not just do them all a favor, you know, at the end of the day. Um, after, after we left the hospital and
Speaker: And being told I had another concussion and the conversation I had with, with, with a friend of mine on the way home, uh, really opened my eyes. Um, but yeah, there was a lot of naysayers and a lot of doubters, but the voices of the few that were there for me and had my back was way louder and, and more impactful than the voices of many at the end of the day. So that gave me.
Speaker: a little, you know, you know, put a little extra in that tank to keep in, in, in, in being reminded, look, you still got a lot of opportunities, buddy. You're still going to be able to do things, not necessarily what you want to do and having conversations with, with a former teacher that I really looked up to, you know, I was, I was afforded a lot of opportunities and, and given, uh, a lot of things, a lot of people didn't have, um,
Speaker: So, you know, kind of wrapping my head around that and refocusing and reenergizing and realizing, you know, uh, I'm good to go, you know, still dealing with shit, still struggling with shit, but I'm an adult now. I don't have to put out, you know, I don't have to be around the people that I don't want to be around. I don't have to deal with the naysayers or the doubters or, or, or people that just want to cut me down. Um,
Speaker: You know I just I just hit rock bottom man when I was an alcoholic when I was when I was just drinking every day from time I woke up until I passed out and I just just Everything nothing in life was and this is only a few years later. It was just like nothing was going the way I thought it was gonna go You know like just one of the most important people in my life was no longer there
Speaker: and i was drinking like a fish and and and it was just like just spiraling out of control and and uh was that yeah fucking brian trying to be serious you asshole but no honestly it was just and i've always felt you know i don't my circle's not very big it never really has been um
Speaker: But just feeling like there's nobody there, man. There's like, nobody cares. And just, I didn't know what else to do. And it was kind of selfish the second time. It was for selfish reasons. It's because I wanted the pain and all that stuff to just go away. And I didn't really care about what anybody else felt because I didn't really feel like there was anybody that would have given a shit at the end of the day.
Speaker: Um, but, uh, apparently there was other plans and the work because, you know, we talked about it before and the method and mechanism was, was.
Speaker: something that I thought was gonna be flawless. There was no way it was gonna fail. It was something that I used a million times and never had an issue with in that one time. But that was that real kinda come to Jesus moment. And then I found out that I was gonna be a dad shortly afterwards.
Speaker: So it was like, okay, now it's time to change my ways. It was like a light switch went off and I stopped drinking. I didn't stop drinking. I'll never quit drinking, but I got control because I did lose. And I feel like that with any addiction or anything like that, we lose control and that demon or that quote unquote monster takes over and takes control.
Speaker: And you don't have control anymore. And I did my drinking. And now I now I do. I have full control over it. You know, I I drink when I want, not because I, you know, not because I need it, not because I have to have it. I just like I just like to drink. But. And then and then the last time it was just again, you
Speaker: Marriage fails. I failed as a dad. I was all alone. At that point, I really had no friends. And it was just like, yeah, I'm good to go. My kids didn't want to be around me at that time.
Speaker: My marriage has just completely failed. Uh, you know, uh, a thousand times over, no matter what I tried to do, it was, you know, or what we tried to do or what I tried to do. Nothing was working and put all that blame on me and the stresses of everything else and, and working a million hours a week. And it's just like, man, I'm a complete fucking failure. I, you know, the one thing that I tried so hard to do was be a good husband, be a good dad. And, and I couldn't even do that right now. I've lost everything.
Speaker: And because I dedicated, whether it be, I dedicated so much time to work or, you know, again, she did a hell of a number on my mental psyche, but you know, and when they left and I was alone and I was in that big house all alone, it was like, I just don't want to, I just don't want to do it no more. I've been fighting this uphill battle my whole life. And again, I'm still in here. Yeah.
Speaker: You know, and, and, and my thing was, is I'm going to do this and it'll, and it'll be, it'll probably be a week before anybody even notices or finds me or anything like that.
Speaker: wake up covered in my own vomit the next morning to the birds chirping and and the frogs are frogging and and and and whatnot and and wake up in my own vomit looking like a fucking giant piece of shit and then had to go have a conversation with myself and and and realize that you know that might have been easy for me but I did have you know even though they didn't like me at the time and didn't want to be around me I did have pretty three pretty kick -ass kids
Speaker: You know, so, and I gotta be honest with you since that last time and not, not, not a single, not a single time, not, not once. Um, when things have been bad or anything else like that, and I've really been in a dark way, that's never crossed my mind again. I was like, man, I'm a three time loser.
Speaker: I can't do shit right. That's, that's kind of where, where, where I sit on, on what you were saying is it was, it felt impossible to see the light, right? Like, like the tunnel was so long or it felt longer than it, than maybe it even was. And I know that you've definitely been through some shit after that, but it feels like one, it feels like you're walking through the tunnel by yourself.
Speaker: And there's no light at the end of the tunnel. And the thing is, one of the things that I really don't like about some of these in the military, they have you do these classes for unaliving awareness and trying to find signs and symptoms and this, that, and the other. And one of the things they always say is, there are signs and there are symptoms and there's just reach out.
Speaker: I can tell you that it in my in my lowest spots it You could have called me and told me I'm with you and I would have still felt alone Yeah, no, that's that's the thing I mean you you when you reach that point you like you said you're in that tunnel and there's no sign of light and and and It don't matter, you know to you you you know you could have 20 friends
Speaker: every day. Amen. I got you. What do you need? But you still feel absolutely alone. You feel like and for me, a lot of it was the thing I touch turns to shit. You know, I can't I can't fucking do anything right, you know, in this goddamn life. And that that that that last that last time was like that was probably the lowest I'd ever been. And I was so ready. I was I was I was bucket.
Speaker: down this, down that, put, put my favorite movie on and drift off. And at the end of the day, you know, whatever is going to be is going to be, but, um, but yeah, I mean, that was the thing. I was just, just sold goddamn alone. And he was like, you know, I had my neighbor, great guy. He, when everything was going on, he was like, anything you may, anything you need, man.
Speaker: Yeah, we would come over and he would come over and chitchat. I was going to the gym. That's my happy place. I wasn't even happy at the gym. I was, I just went because it was routine. You know, and the people that I, that I associated with at the gym, you know, there's a couple that own the, the, the, uh, smoothie bar right outside. And I became friends with them going to the gym and even Nate, you know, they knew something was wrong and I'd only known these people for a few months, but.
Speaker: You know, what was their checking on me when I'm, when I just, nothing, nothing seemed to, to set in and you just, you just kind of wander, you know, just, you're just, you're almost an empty vessel and you're just wandering. Just, just keeping it routine until you finally, I hate to use this word, but it is what it is. Uh, you finally work up the courage to do what you've already been telling yourself you wanted to.
Speaker: Uh -huh. It's just, when's that what, what is that final straw that really just pushes you over the edge? And, uh, you know, like I said, I can't say that since that, you know, not once is that that thought has never has not crossed my mind since even, even, I mean, like Connor said,
Speaker: The past five years have not been easy for me. The last three years at Connor and, you know, from doing the show, Connor's known me for about five years now. We met shortly after I came home and started working at Abercrombie. But, you know, I've been in some bad ways, but never once have I ever been like, you know, it is easier if I just.
Speaker: Yeah, this time I'm going to do all three at the same time. I want to say something that this is, it's on the same topic, but I don't want to, and I don't want to take away from you, but I feel like this is important because I know, uh, you, Chris, you struggled with alcohol abuse for a long time. Um, just to kind of put it out to the world, substance abuse will make whatever you're going through. It will magnify the ever loving shit out of it.
Speaker: And tell you, when I got home from Afghanistan, I drank for two weeks straight and there wasn't a minute that I was sober. And I went to reach for the bottle one night and my wife grabbed it before I could get to it and she poured it down the sink and made sure I watched her do it. And the reason that I try, because obviously, you know, I'm in constant chronic pain and I absolutely have access to more drugs than I would ever need.
Speaker: The reason that I won't become an addict and the reason that I do use what I have for emergencies only is because I know what substance abuse does. Every time that I've been in a low spot, if I so much as touched a drop of alcohol, it was like I couldn't put it back down. It numbs the pain, but it sinks you further in that hole.
Speaker: It does. It numbs the pain. It shuts the voices off in your head. You find yourself just, again, you're just drifting through. You're just drifting through.
Speaker: Um, but substance abuse amplifies it. Like, like Connor said, it's like a million times over, man. Um, you know, that that's again, that's, uh, you know, I don't, you guys joke and tease me, or it's just fine. I do drink a lot and I can drink a lot, but I typically only drink, I typically only drink on podcast nights. You know, there might be the Friday night where Nikki and I go out and we drink.
Speaker: Uh, but typically, or if we're at home and we're wanting, and we're both in the mood to drink, it's not because I need it or, or I'm feeling for it or anything like that. It's just, Hey, it's Friday night and we want to go out and have a few beers or we're sitting at home and we might have a friend or two come over and we want to play cards or we want to watch TV or we just want to sit around and drink. You know, that, that, that demon not having the control, like it used to over me.
Speaker: on top of going through what I was already going through has been, I mean, you want to talk about weight lifted off your shoulder. And even still like Mondays and Tuesdays or Mondays and Wednesdays, sorry. I might only drink like six beers during the show, which is no Saturday nights. However, I forgot we did a show on Saturday night. I had quite a bit to drink Saturday night. Actually from about the four hour mark on, I have no idea what happened.
Speaker: Jeff was slurring his words last Saturday night. And then this Saturday night, you were slurring your words. Yeah. Yeah. I, you know, but that's just cause we were at, and even then shit, we, I have it in the podcast and Nikki and I, we lolly fucked around here and played around on tick tock and, and then she disappeared and came back to bed and I was like,
Speaker: And I'm done drinking. I'm going to eat me some frozen burritos and go on the television show. I mean, a couple of frozen burritos dozed off on the couch for a few minutes and then came back to bed. You know, but yeah, you know, it's a lot different. But yeah, man, that somebody who's dealt with substance abuse and struggled through it. And, you know, like I said, I'm never going to be one of those guys that just give it up altogether just because
Speaker: That's not me. That's not my style because it's almost like letting it win. And I'm not doing it. It's not like I'm out here doing LSD or meth or anything like that. I only do LSD on Tuesdays. You know, it's beer. I'm drinking beer and I'm drinking light beer at that. All right. I watch the cards. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, no. Okay. Look, you beat me once.
Speaker: you filthy monster called alcohol. You're not going to beat me again by making me give you up altogether. I'm going to beat you by taking control and being able to have beer and still be able to function and have a good time and not let it consume me anymore. That's right. That's right.
Speaker: Um, yeah, no, I, and, and Glick, I don't want you to think I was picking up, picking on you by any means. It just, it's one of the things, it's one of the things that I've, I've seen universally in the military, almost everybody. Come on, everybody is, um, when, when things get hard, substance abuse, particularly alcohol, um,
Speaker: Is is the crutch because like we were talking about I mean it numbs that pain it quiets that voice in your brain But it's still there what it does is it takes away all the happy? Alcohols alcohols naturally a depressant. It's a down So, you know, which which says a lot, you know, you know for somebody who struggles and deals with mental health You know the fact that I'm a happy drunk for the most part
Speaker: You know, I, I, I get drunk. I like to have fun. I like to laugh. I like to joke around. I mean, a lot of people are like that, but like I said, it's, it's a depression. It's, it's a, it's a, it's a downer. Yeah. I don't drink liquor no more Peter liquor. I hardly know her.
Speaker: Um, while I was in Korea, it was, it was the worst that I've had for my nightmares. And it was, it was consistent. It was every single night, but I, I found out when, when I got drunk, though, I wouldn't, I wouldn't have had dreams. Exactly. I would wake up and I wouldn't remember the dream. And alcohol became my.
Speaker: my way to cope was alcohol and I put I was in Korea for nine months and there was there's a week where I drank every night of the week and I drank before I went to work and when I came home after work or I came back to the barracks after work one night me and my buddy were drinking and I was outside all I could think about was
Speaker: these dreams and they were stuck. They were stuck. It was like hashtag stuck points, but it was like, I couldn't get them to go away. I was like, maybe if I can change the pain. So I put out a cigarette on my arm and I didn't, I didn't do it because I was sad and like, Oh, it was just a distraction. And, and, and so was the alcohol.
Speaker: You know, it helps, but it made the nights worse while I was away. Well, that was, that was the other thing for me. You know, as I've touched on here, you know, I do have a bit of a violent past, bit of a violent history, the nightmares and the night terrors that I would have, you know, um, when I would drink and when I was drinking, they weren't there. Now I've put away the drinking to, to subside the nightmares and the night terrors. Nikki puts me at ease.
Speaker: Yeah. You know, knowing that she's beside me, I don't, I, you know, I don't, it's the only time, which is kind of like a premonition thing. I don't know. It's really weird. The only time I have nightmares is like, if we forget to lock the door and I don't, and then I can't like, I, I, I get woken up as soon as I start to fall in that deep sleep, I start to have nightmares and it's the same nightmares that I've always had. And I have to get up and I have to go check the door nine times out of 10, the door's unlocked. Yeah.
Speaker: Then I locked the door. When I locked the door, I come back to bed. And I'm good. It's really weird. Yeah. I have that a lot too, especially at the house in Vincennes where we weren't in such a rough area. But I always double, triple check the locks. And if I wake up in the middle of the night and I'm feeling on edge, I walk the house. And while we're in Vincennes, I would walk the house and then I would unlock the door, step outside.
Speaker: I do my stupid breathing techniques which never worked for me, but I would walk out and I would literally walk around the house and just try and be vigilant and It was like it turned the voices off I wasn't even doing it like because I was afraid that we were gonna get broken into or that somebody's gonna try and murder my family it was like I'm doing what I know I can do to protect my family and the voice went away
Speaker: And it was like, okay, now you know that you're safe. You know where your, your pew pew is and you can go to bed. You can go to bed. We're safe. We're good. Don't worry about it. And Cam, I see your postman. I think that I definitely, I definitely, uh,
Speaker: what I can say the fucking word that I'm I'm trying to say but I definitely agree with you I have been in similar situations like I was just talking about in Korea I used alcohol to turn off the dreams I mean they were horrible it was that was one of the harder times in my life was I mean it was every single night man
Speaker: the the
Speaker: He called my, essentially my supervisor, my flight chief, or not flight chief, my platoon sergeant rather, and they came down and they said, hey listen, you're either gonna go to behavioral health tomorrow and you're gonna go talk to somebody about this or we're gonna drag you kicking and screaming or we're gonna put the paperwork in so that you have to go. And you won't have a choice. And I was so mad. I remember being pissed off
Speaker: Because I was like, they're going to take away my alcohol, which they did. They're going to take away my alcohol. They're going to take away my ability to have fun and turn off the bad dreams. And they're going to turn off, you know, they're going to make it. So the only thing that I think about is all this evil, terrible shit. And I remember being so mad. And then three months later,
Speaker: I remember looking back and I went over to my buddy's room again and I thanked him. Because boy, I was in one hell of a deep dark place and Cam, I know alcohol turns those dreams off, I really do, but you gotta find something else, man.
Speaker: Because it might only be two, three drinks a night. It might be four or five drinks a night. I don't know you well enough to know how much alcohol will make it stay in the same place. Talking about it is the only thing that will help you get past it. Alcohol don't work, man. I promise. I promise.
Speaker: great story that night that I was kind of like, oh, wait. Good news is we're talking about it now. Yeah, exactly. We've only touched the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my substance abuse. We've only touched the tip of the penis. Iceberg. Iceberg is what I said. Facts on facts. Who's the tip? Is it in yet?
Speaker: about you, Travis?
Speaker: Like I asked that much to my wife a lot and she's like no you ask her if it's in yet Yeah But anyway, um, it's there is there it's it's it's their sex life whatever whatever works for them Actually had a few years back almost lost my dad to a substance abuse and
Speaker: he uh i got a phone call on a sunday from my brother that uh my dad was having seizures and uh it didn't look good um so i quick got into my vehicle with my now wife she was my girlfriend at the time alissa um and we got over there and i could see that my brother was not doing good not not doing good and um
Speaker: So I told Keith, I said, I got your back. I'll go. I'll deal with what's going on with dad. Just go to work. I got your back, Keith. And so as soon as we got to the clinic or the hospital, and I was just like, hey, I'm here for Brian Jarvis. He's my dad. Heard that he had a fumble on a Friday, and we're here to see him now.
Speaker: Um, yeah, it'll be 30 minutes before you you know, you can go back there. We just got him back We or we just got him here and I was like, okay, you know and that whole 30 minutes I sat there and saying Am in my head in my thinking space, which is scary. Um Am I gonna lose my dad? Like I I was rocking back and forth and those thoughts just started taking over and all sudden, uh, the nurse came and was like
Speaker: Um, Steven, Alyssa, you can come back and see your dad. Well, I see my dad hooked up to every fucking tube imaginable. And the first thing the doctor says is we don't think there's any activity and something in my head snapped. I broke down and in my dumb assness, I punched a fucking wall.
Speaker: So the nurse came it came over and was like with box of tissues because I was crying and Asked me. Hey, I need to see your hand. I'm like my hand is Not what's hurt, you know, like I'm Linda call call the fire department or the police department and ask for a well check Yeah Sorry, and no, you're good. You're good And so
Speaker: I told the nurse, I'm like, just please be with my dad. Please make sure my dad's okay. I can't lose my dad. He's the only dad I ever had. It's only dad I ever got. And she's like, I need to check your hand. Well, they checked my hand. They're like, nothing's broken. I'm like, well, fucking could have told you that. And, uh, so
Speaker: After that, Alyssa comes over and she's like, Steven, they're not able to look after your dad here. This is a small hospital, small clinic. They need to bring him to a bigger hospital. And I said, okay, bring them to regions in St. Paul, Minnesota. And so we went there. We actually beat the fucking ambulance to this bigger hospital.
Speaker: And we had done a pit stop to get to Walmart so I could buy a fucking charger for my phone, because if I would have had a fucking charger for my phone the night before, I wouldn't have had to hear from the grapevine that my dad was in the hospital. So we get there. We're pretty much just a waiting game. And I'm seeing my dad. And I notice tears are coming out of his eyes. But he's still out of it. He's asleep. He's heavily drugged up.
Speaker: Linda, don't wait until tomorrow. If you feel like you need to know if your dad's okay, please go check on him. Because I was in that situation with this story. But anyway, I saw a tear coming down my dad's eyes and no one has ever seen my dad cry except for me.
Speaker: And I felt kind of selfish that I wiped the tear away a little bit because I didn't want anyone to see this strong father figure of mine crying. But yet I was okay blubbering and being a bitch about it. And Alyssa's like, well, you know, the doctor just asked if you know, who's got the power of attorney in case, you know, they have to pull the plug. And I'm like, I don't know that, but I know my dad's going to make it.
Speaker: And so later on in the day, it gets to be about eight o 'clock. And I'm like, Alyssa, there's nothing more we can do right now. It's just going to be a waiting game. Let's go home. We'll tell them that, hey, you know, call us if anything happens or you need us back here. We'll be right back. All of a sudden, no sooner I get my code on and we're ready to walk out the door to find someone to tell them this, the nurse comes in and says, hey, you want to talk to your dad? And I'm like, what?
Speaker: And I'm like, sure. Well, my dad is awake, but he's pretty much like a turtle on its back going like this, not knowing where he is. And so, you should, Linda, please go check on your dad, you know.
Speaker: Just just so that you know for sure. If anything's happened to him, you can get him help. Or that he's OK. But anyway, um. I was like I I I kind of laughed a little bit out loud when my dad was in that situation, and this is like what are you laughing about? And I'm like the hard parts are easy. My my my dad now. Is OK. And we went home.
Speaker: That night, I didn't really worry about it, but I had really bad nightmares that night. And I honestly woke up and Alyssa's like, what? And I'm like, we need to call the hospital. And she's like, why? I'm like, because what about my dad? And she's like, Steven, your dad's fine. Like he's fine. I'm like, no, we need to call the hospital.
Speaker: And she's like, Steven, he's fine. You know he's fine. He's fine. We'll go see him tomorrow, I promise. And so next day we went and seen him. Long story short, my dad made it out of it. Made a full recovery, no brain damage whatsoever. And he quit drinking. Quit drinking, quit smoking.
Speaker: And this was his third time. And so far, it's been final. And that whole time we were in the hospital, I have to say that I only was thinking about myself selfishly because I was looking for windows where I could jump out of. And because I didn't want to handle that reality of, hey, you might lose your dad. I was already thinking of, your dad's gone, man. Like, your dad's a goner. He ain't coming back.
Speaker: And if I would have done that, I would have never known that my dad was going to make a full recovery. I would have never been able to ask the love of my life to marry me because that day just was the icing on the cake of, dude, this woman has pretty much made sure that you're okay in this time of need. What more do you need to ask this woman to marry you?
Speaker: I mean, she lets you touch her. Like, she puts up with your shit. You know, the bar is low for you, buddy, but I'm glad you're both happy.
Speaker: She lets me be in the same room as her no, no get off the couch Steven no, so After my dad was in the hospital and after he was able to you know Be able to talk and all that shit and they went all through the test my wife
Speaker: where my soon to be wife goes into the restroom and my dad's like, well, the door is locked. I wonder if she can hear us. And he's like, Alyssa, can you hear us? And Alyssa wasn't saying anything back. And he's like, when are you going to ask this woman to fucking marry you? Like none of your other girlfriends would have fucking been here. They would have left your ass. And that at that moment, I was kind of like, yeah, dumbass, why are you not asking this woman to marry you?
Speaker: Like not only does she allow you to be one in the same room, sleep in the same room, bed, you know. I don't know if I'd trust that one. Fuck you, Connor. But that was actually the last time I ever thought about doing that. And I'm glad I didn't because I get to see my dad not
Speaker: And there's nothing wrong with drinking as long as people can handle drinking it. At that point, my dad couldn't handle it anymore. I think my dad was pretty much drinking to unalive himself. But my dad's still here. I'm part of the nonsensical network. I have my wife of now almost two years.
Speaker: I'm sorry. We're riffraff and our fans are knuckleheads, so. But, uh, yeah, that that's that's the story of the last time I ever thought of unliving myself. And I'm so glad I didn't because I would have given up on everything. I would have never met you guys. I.
Speaker: Wouldn't have had to worry about dealing with Mark anymore. Meeting us. Really a bad thing for us. You guys like. In here, because we had to meet John. No, you know we love you, buddy. You're like a little brother to us. Even Connor, even though he's younger than you, you're still like a little brother. Yeah, I mean, John is it.
Speaker: You all right? Go ahead. The power and love of a good woman will do wonders for our mental psyche.
Speaker: Yeah, you know, a woman that could see us at our lowest and still not differently or any less than of us will speak wonders to somebody who's dealt with trauma or gone through issues with, with, with mental health and the struggles and the ups and downs it's, you know.
Speaker: It's it speaks volumes You should go check on your dad and not worry about joining us. Yeah, you would like to join us We can schedule it for next Monday night. However, Linda if that's okay or Jack or whatever your name is. I looked at your product. I looked at your YouTube Linda Jack, whatever it is a men's show. So Fair enough mark Yeah, you definitely you'd definitely be missed
Speaker: And again, it comes back to that conflict, right? Yeah. That you got to remember, you got to, and I have to do this a lot is remember that the whole, it's, oh God, I can't remember his name. It was, uh, Jordan, Jordan Peterson is don't underestimate the hole that you will leave if, when you're gone.
Speaker: Yeah, exactly. One of the one of the biggest things that I struggle with now is. I mean, obviously I've got my pain, but it's it's really the. The stress that it causes my family. You know, I'm not the same dad I was two years ago.
Speaker: and fight that battle right now for me is trying to remind myself that I'm not a burden. And that's a tough one, too. That's a tough pill to swallow sometimes. And I feel like I'm projecting my dad. Then go check on your dad, whatever your fucking name is.
Speaker: Be nice Steven, but yes even easy easy well down down boy down boy Go check on your dad Linda It is important That is way more important, and I love this podcast, but your dad's more important than this podcast right now Listen to us in the car, but go go check on him
Speaker: Yeah, no, it's a struggle. Remember that you're not a burden, Steven. We give you so much shit and it's not because we actually don't like you. It's because it's fun and you take it well and you're a good sport about it. And if we thought that we were actually offending you, we wouldn't do it. Or at least we wouldn't be as intense about it. I don't think I could ever promise to not shit on Steven.
Speaker: I mean Connor's over there in his sleep while he's sleeping going Fuck you Jarvis merchandise is gonna be so the only t -shirt that sells better than anything else on our network Usually I only have strokes when I'm awake, but you know, that's probably what I sound like when I sleep, too No, like I I'd think back on that and it's like motherfucker. I
Speaker: That would have been if my dad would have passed away and I would have done something stupid that would have made me pass away. That's two funerals that my now wife would have had to plan and would have had to have all that misery of like, what could I have done to make sure that Steven didn't do this? And that's why I stay because like.
Speaker: Alyssa is been the biggest fucking godsend and every time I tell her I don't deserve her, which I really don't. We know.
Speaker: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You beat me to it. You beat me to it. Let's be honest. I tell myself and I tell her that every day that I don't deserve her and for whatever reason that she thinks I does, it's good enough for me. Connor can fuck himself because I would do it like every fucking time.
Speaker: well yeah every time i got that part you you just come back in like well yeah you don't deserve her like dude like i i love doing this show and connor honestly if you weren't here bro like i feel like i wouldn't want to be here because you make this okay
Speaker: All right, bye guys. Yeah, bye. Just temporarily. Bring it back. Just to get Jarvis out. It's gone over two hours and no one's rage quitted. Is this really an ancestral show? One, it's not Saturday in two and no one doesn't want to hear our story. Yeah, no, Stephen.
Speaker: again. And what that's kind of what I'm getting at here is just fuck already. No, no, I there aren't enough plastic bags in the world for me to do that with him. Shut up. You're the same way asshole. I couldn't wear enough rubbers either. I don't want to catch the ginger.
Speaker: But that's what I'm getting at, Steven, is the conflict, right? We all know that we're gonna leave a hole. And again, it goes back to, like I said, I mean, those scales, right? Sometimes it's hard to see what'll happen if you do. Oh, definitely. It's hard for you to think about that because you're so focused on
Speaker: your pain and what you're going through. That's why I find my depression sometimes is slightly ironic.
Speaker: I feel, I feel like it's easier to end it, but dude, I fought so hard just to come back to these, to this family and to this, to this home and to be with them. And, and then I would just throw it away. And so you end up in this, in this constant internal battle of, is it worth the hole that I would leave behind? Yeah. So that's, that's kind of the big, the big point of what I'm trying to get across to make. Oh, exactly. And that's, that's kind of where I am. Um,
Speaker: You know, Jeff probably knows better than anybody out of out of everybody on the shows here. How stubborn and fucking bullheaded and how, you know, if I feel like I'm being challenged, I don't I don't back away from a challenge. And that's why, you know, after that last time, that was why I said, I'm going to take this battle on and I'm going to
Speaker: You know, I'm going to, I'm going to climb this fucking mountain. I'm going to fight tooth and nail every fucking step because I don't ever want to feel like that again. I don't ever want to feel like I'm in that position again, where I'm that week. And it's, and I don't want to say that anybody that does, that does that is weak or cowardice or anything else, because I've been there and you know, I've been there three times and it's not a sign of weakness. It's not a sign of being a coward or anything like that. You are just literally.
Speaker: at the end, uh, you know, intended, you're at the end of your rope, man. There's nothing else in your mind. And, and, and, and you can't, you can't envision anything better or anything else. So that's why, you know, after that last time, it was like, no, I'm gonna, I'm gonna fight this fucking battle. I'm gonna, I'm gonna conquer this because it's what I do. I, you know, I've fought an uphill battle my entire life. I, you know, I've, I've,
Speaker: I've won every fight I've taken on physically, literally and mentally. Uh, yeah, sometimes you get wore out and you get wore down, but, uh, you know, like, uh, like old, uh, old stone said, it's not, it's not about how many times you get knocked down. How many times you get back up? Every time I get knocked back down, you know, now I, uh, I, I, I knuckle up.
Speaker: Pick myself up off the ground. I smile and I push forward and that's that's my mo it's it's who I am in real life and that's How I take on this this battle with my mental health. I'm not gonna let it beat me again, you know Yeah, I have good days and I'll have bad days, but it's never gonna beat me again And it has beaten me. I mean, let's be honest. It's beaten me three times. However, I
Speaker: somehow they're still here motherfucker yeah and you just got really bad luck click we've got good luck because you're still here but you got terrible luck i just really suck it's the one thing i can't do right everything else in life i do right i mean you know but that's the one thing if i drink enough bleach it'll work really fast
Speaker: Yeah, I mean I mean not doing other things right debatable. I mean you allowed mark and Brian to be on Yeah, exactly. No I don't want to I don't want to steal Connors. I don't want to steal Connors thunder, but we are gonna we are gonna take a break If it's all right, you know until Connors got to steering wheel tonight
Speaker: Maybe it'll lighten up a little bit, but when we come back, let's talk about the reasons why we're still here. Let's talk about, you know, the things that are keeping us going, the things that are, you know, when we do get into those dark points and those, those low moments in life, you know, why we haven't given up and why we won't give up. But before we go to break, or as we go to break, I want to play a song. I love this song. It's an old country song. It kind of blew up, but then it disappeared as fast as it came on.
Speaker: Some of you guys will not know it when I say it, but when you hear it, you'll understand. But it's going to kind of lead us into where we're going. And it's a song by Matt Kennan and it's called The Call. Today was going to be the day he'd already wrote the note.
Speaker: And parked that Chevrolet at the end of that dead end road. Had his finger on the trigger, just about to end everything. He was taking one last long breath when he heard his cell phone ring.
Speaker: And his best friend said, man, where you been? We're heading down to the lake this weekend You better not miss it, this buddy I swear It won't be the same if you ain't there And I told that girl that you liked so much You were coming along and her eyes lit up I better let you go
Speaker: Man, I really hope I didn't catch you in the middle of anything He said you kinda did, but I don't mind at all I'm glad you called In another town down the road In the backseat of a car
Speaker: Two eighteen -year -olds had let a kiss go too far. He said, how we gonna have this child? We were both headed off to school. He convinced her late one night.
Speaker: There's only one thing to do She was scared to death in that waiting room When the nurse asked how far along are you She said five weeks and just about then her phone lit up and
Speaker: And his call came in saying baby I's wrong about everything I've already bought you a diamond ring We're gonna start a life, would you be my wife Boy or girl, pink or blue, yeah either way All she could say is she felt those teardrops fall I'm so glad you called
Speaker: If someone you know is weighing on your mind And needs a friend on the other end of the line Don't hesitate, what you say may seem so small But who knows, they might be glad you called So make the call
Speaker: Yeah make that call.
Speaker: Welcome back to Men Care for Men, everybody. We do have these shows every once in a while that have a tendency to get heavy, but we knew that they were going to get heavy from time to time. That's why we're doing this show.
Speaker: Having the conversations that a lot of people don't want to have or they're too afraid to have or they're too manly to have or whatever the case may be But they need to be had and they're good conversations to have at the end of the day nonetheless But we appreciate you guys listening so far Hopefully you're enjoying the show. Hopefully learning something. I don't know If you're not already go ahead and check out the socials cross the
Speaker: or everything is the nonsensical network. We are on all your social medias. Don't forget we go live seven days a week on YouTube. You can jump in and hang out and get in the chatters box and partaking the show that way. And you can listen to all the shows on all the major network or all the major podcast platforms as well as the not so major podcasting platforms. We are everywhere, ladies and gentlemen. So like I said, welcome back to the show.
Speaker: Hopefully you guys are enjoying the show. Appreciate you sticking or sticking around. We got Jerry. Is she in the building? Hey, yo. Connor was in the building. He's supposed to be driving this train.
Speaker: Connor was Connor was supposed to be driving this this train tonight, but I don't know where he's at But he'll be joy. I'm sure he'll be back. I don't know Connor has a weird way of Just disappearing on us for no reason and then never coming back Rock Lee, what's going on with you?
Speaker: We were talking about. Not necessarily the attempts or the failed attempts or anything like that, but what you know before.
Speaker: that led us to wanting to or trying to unalive ourselves or for those who have tried. Apparently, I'm the champion in that too. Hashtag winning. But, but, you know, a little heavy because because, you know, there's a lot of reasons why we find ourselves in those low points and those just
Speaker: bottomless pits of hell where we are so low. It's in the blood. Unless Rocky wants to add anything to that as far, I know he probably has no idea what we're talking about, but I don't know if you've ever been there before, buddy, or if you've ever found yourself in such a
Speaker: deep dark spot where you thought that was your only option. Yeah I think that um I think definitely when I was I mean you're gonna hate this but um younger you know being being younger I thought about it I mean you got these kids in high school who were doing it left and right
Speaker: And so you kind of think of it as a way out, you know, and some of the, even some of the problems, you know, at the time, they feel so real, you know, they feel so big and grand to what you're actually going through, you know, in that moment and really in the large grand scheme of things. They're kind of insignificant, you know, and so in the moment, though,
Speaker: Yeah, I've had moments where it's crossed my mind, definitely. And I feel like if everyone was honest with themselves, they would say that that's a fact as well. Let down that manly guard that you mentioned earlier. It's definitely something that comes, it's a place everyone, I think you just have to make a choice.
Speaker: And I'm sure even when you get older, it gets even more complicated in that matter. But the only thing I would say to that is there's a streamer. There's a streamer, a popular streamer. I don't watch him as much as I should. But his name is Dr. Disrespect. I don't know if you guys hear that term now. Yeah. Yeah. The two time. The two time. The two time.
Speaker: He always said, you know, you know, life is great. It's going up. It's going up is that's gonna have its little curse, but that next hump is over this current high, you know, it's like the stock market. So you just gotta you gotta write the wave down and it's not fun. It's not it's not cool. But once you get to the the down that the bottom bottom, it's nothing but up and
Speaker: Keep in mind that your new bottom is higher than your last bottom. God, I hope not. But that's what I would say. That's what I would say on that. No, yeah, it really is. And that's just, we have our highs, we have our lows, and hell, we just keep going.
Speaker: I wanted to be level. I'm tired of this fucking roller coaster. The roller coaster's name is The Ride of Fuck You Mountain. It's just like, hey, you're having a great day. Not anymore. Not anymore.
Speaker: How's your week been going? You got a new job. Got a new girlfriend. You got a new dog. Watch this. You just wrecked your truck. You killed your dog. Your girlfriend slept with your best friend. And he got fired. My name's life. How you doing? Here's a case of beer. Enjoy. I don't know. I take it like college. I don't know about you as a champ.
Speaker: But I sucked. I sucked in that realm for the longest time. I was so tired of dying immediately on spawn over and over and over again. But you get you get pretty good. You know, you become the camper. And so I feel like life is life is similar. You know, you just got to make it fast. You just.
Speaker: You're just mediocre. Some days you're eating steaks and taters and drinking the finest beer. Other days you're eating shit. Big shit sandwich. Yeah, right? I feel like we all eat a lot of those in our lifetime. I still don't know where Connor is.
Speaker: Great job. Connor, are you alive? Good job hosting tonight, by the way, Connor. Look at taking the reins. I don't know. Apparently, Wednesday night, as I'm hosting the show, I'm just going to leave right in the middle of the show. So you guys are on your own. I didn't know hosts could do that. After last Wednesday's, I wouldn't be shocked, bro.
Speaker: You know, reasons why I think about it. Jarvis number one bullet point. Con is the one who messaged me. He told me to hop on. Well, Jeff, Jeff messaged me and, um, and, uh, he was like, Hey, Rockley wants the link. And I was like,
Speaker: Hey, Rockley, just send me a message and ask for the link. Well, why is he messaging all these underlings when he can message a champ? Yeah, directly. Well, here's the thing. They both they both. They Connor message me and was like, hey, like, like we're starting the show. And I was like, oh, so I'm invited. OK, yeah, I'll jump on. And then Jeff message called me, actually. He called me, but I was I was working.
Speaker: So I was like, Oh, he must be calling me to jump on too. So that's why I just messaged him both back. Yeah. I was just like, he's got direct contact with.
Speaker: like the creator, the main guy. Why is he asking all these minions? But Rocky's on the show, whatever. Rocky's got car blonde. She's on the show whenever he wants, just like the bad guy and leave the weapon to when he did all that terrible shit. Diplomatic community. Yeah, there you go. We have remote.
Speaker: But on the flip side of the coin, and I want to start with you Jarvis, on the flip side of the coin of this conversation tonight is, you know, and obviously I've catered the music specifically for tonight's show. We started tonight's show off with
Speaker: You know, I had to play six a .m. One of my favorite bands. I love Nicki Six, loved him in Motley Crue. Motley Crue lost their brainchild. He wrote the majority of their music. He went on and he demands died. He was he was a heroin addict, blah, blah, blah. We started the show with Life is Beautiful. I love that song. Ever since it's come out, it's been one of those songs that. Keep me pushing forward when I went forward when I'm feeling shitty.
Speaker: Then we, we did the reason by who was stank. That song is like, number one, I'm a boy. When you played that, I was like, we just did the call by Matt Cannon. And that leads us into this conversation. This, this next talking point of the conversation, basically that song represents a young man who already written the letter. He was done.
Speaker: If you've ever watched the video, he's in his truck. He's down in a secluded area. He's locked and loaded. And his phone rings. And he's given the reason to not proceed. So I want to start with you. For you, and I know you said you've only been down this road once. I think I touched on it a little bit. But what's your reason for still being here, for still
Speaker: Wanting to continue doing what you're doing and and and and and to not leave this quote -unquote mortal oil if you would What are your reasons man? Like why is that sounds terrible? Why the hell are you even here? You know, like what's keeping you going man? What's what's what's keeping you down? What's keeping you and whatnot? I Got a lot of amazing people in my life That I don't want to ever
Speaker: You're pushing it. I know you don't meet me. I know you don't meet me. That's okay. Oh yeah, you are. You are Rock, which I got to hit you up after the show. But no, I have a lot of amazing people in my life that, you know, I don't want to give up on. You know, a lot of people didn't give up on me when, you know, I probably didn't deserve that forgiveness or I didn't deserve that chance.
Speaker: My dad, you know, I bring up my dad a lot, you know, uh, things with him and my mom and how she had an affair with another guy. And I was born from that affair. He didn't have to say, you know, Oh yeah. So I'll, I'll, I'll bring in, I'll bring your son in. We'll get remarried. We'll have Steven, you know, have a good life, you know? Um, but he did, he, he, he took a big chance on a kid. Um,
Speaker: Then my wife, you know, Alyssa, she took a, she took a very big chance when a lot of people were saying he's not worth it. You know, he's got mental issues. He's not, you know, making six figures a month, you know, he's not willing, able to provide for you when Alyssa knew all that was bullshit. Granted, I wish I was making six figures, but at the same time I was able to, I was still able to pay my fair share of our bills.
Speaker: never ever hit her, never made her go back home crying. And then meeting the guys here. There's been so many reasons why I could have, but there was always those reasons why I shouldn't.
Speaker: One more person that I think is the biggest unsung hero and if he's at work listening to this, I want to say his name is Bryant Nelson. I met the guy when we were in middle school in sixth grade and the first day I ever knew about the kid, two people were threatening to beat him up. I put my arm around Bryant and said, hey, if you want to kick his ass, you're going to have to kick my ass too. I've always been that way with people. Sometimes those people have stabbed me in the back, but you know what?
Speaker: There's always a reason to give up. There always is. But there's always a reason to stay. And I know I dance around the question a lot with some of my answers, but ultimately, the people in my life, the small group of people that if I had to go to any one of those people, I could.
Speaker: I mean, you know, with this whole network thing, and I'm going to call Glick out on this because I, you know, I feel bad for Glick many times, but he's had to put up with me a lot of times saying, Hey bro, am I doing what I need to be doing? Is my show good? Am I, am I in the right place? Is my show going to live up to the lofty expectations that we all have? And Glick,
Speaker: I'm going to throw him under the bus again. He says, you know what, man? Keep doing what you're doing, brother. I love what you do. I may not be able to make your show all the time, but you know what? I brought you on here for a reason, and you know what? You're an amazing person. And you know, Glick, I have to say this, bro. Any time you ever need anything, day or night, you know I'm always good for it, bro. I am. I am.
Speaker: Very gentle and patient squash. Yes. Yes. That Sasquatch blood runs deep. No, that's my reason, man. And I don't do anything special. I'm just me. I don't know. I don't know. I feel like that's bullshit. I think that's bullshit. I think you know it's bullshit deep down, which is weird for you because as a fellow Sasquatchian, I know that your initial reaction is to grab your championship belt.
Speaker: But I mean, I don't think I haven't been looking at like, should I tonight's not the night for a huge impact, man. I was that was great to hear Steven. Yeah. No, I mean, I mean, for me. You know, one of the biggest things for me and, you know, being kicked, being put down, being kicked around, being just shit on most of my life, you know, like Robin Williams said,
Speaker: I know what it feels like and I don't ever want anybody else to feel like that. So I do everything I can to try to put everybody ahead of me and to uplift and to push everybody. And if that comes to.
Speaker: If that costs me, fans or followers or whatever, then so be it. Because I don't want anybody to ever feel the way that I did. Something like that. He's back. And like I said, Robin Williams has a quote. And I can't remember it exactly, but basically something along the lines that
Speaker: You know, the saddest people on the planet will do everything they can to make sure that nobody ever feels what they've felt. Yeah. And that's what I do, man. I try to put everybody ahead of me. And when it comes to doing something like this or being on TikTok, I mean, hell, Rocky knows, man. I've been in Rocky's corner since day one. And I'll always be in this corner. And I'll always be in your corner and Jeff's corner.
Speaker: Connor's corner and Mark and Brian, like I'm going to push you guys way ahead of pushing myself. You know, I want you guys to succeed before I succeed. Cause at the end of the day, I succeed in a way, inadvertently. It's kind of like me succeeding. So, you know, that's just, that's just me personally. Um, so I, you know, I try to be very patient and I, and I try to be
Speaker: Uh, you know, I don't know what the hell I'm doing when it comes to this network and podcasting, but if I can give on, if I can help somebody else feel better or, or if I can, uh, I'm there for it. That's the, but again, I just don't want anybody ever to feel like I felt, um, at the end of the. Yeah. I know Rocky, you're kind of joining the party late. Um, but, uh, you know, Connor finally back.
Speaker: uh you know you said uh you said you know you you you thought about it but everybody thought about it at some moment at some point in time um what were some of the things that kept you going man what was it that just pushed you through and really kept you driving um i mean for me it was definitely not any like i am very fortunate i'll say i'm very fortunate to know some
Speaker: great folks like you guys right now. But I didn't have that growing up, you know, I was and not to pull this card, but I was I was super, I was super popular. But you know, it's weird to be popular, but also very, very alone. I don't know if anyone can really get that. But
Speaker: I was going through a rough time. My mom, this is something I haven't really publicly spoken about, but my mom, she got very sick when I was around 13 years old. She had grand mal seizures due to some uterus cancer. And at the time, I didn't grow up with a father.
Speaker: my mom being out of it having constant seizures. I grew up in a household where I was very often just listening for the slightest bump in her room and running upstairs panicked, hoping that she wasn't being hurt in some way or shape or form. So you go to school and yeah, at the time, music was part of my normal day -to -day.
Speaker: Um, but it was more in the kids at, you know, at the schools and all that good stuff from a young age, they, they love that, but they didn't really know, you know, so it became a very lonely, um, a very lonely area. And that's where it started coming to me. Cause I didn't feel like, I didn't feel like no matter who I shared that story with, there was no camaraderie there. Cause they, they, they had no idea their lives were different, you know, and, uh,
Speaker: they didn't have to go home and deal with that kind of stuff or worry about if the light's going to go off or if the water is going to be running the next day or, you know, et cetera, et cetera. And so at that point, to answer your question, Glick, what kept me going was music, because instead of being so trendy, you know, following the trends at the time on a
Speaker: little known, uh, you guys probably remember it, but vine or musically kind of just trying to do stuff on there to try to fit the zone. I really started just writing how I felt and my music instead of just what I wanted everyone to hear. And it's therapy, man.
Speaker: Um, it became very much show therapy songs that, you know, I would listen to, I began remixing and to, uh, how I perceive the song. Maybe the song was supposed to be happy, but in my view, it's, it's actually a minor keys. It's very sad, um, comparative. Um, it was my therapy. I dived my full self into it. And I, and I mean that like very, very heavy. And it was there for me when I didn't have, when I didn't have.
Speaker: people in my life that I could turn to talk about this kind of stuff. And so for me, I would just say that music has stopped me from even taking it a step further where it could have went and very easily could have went. I didn't have anyone to say, don't do it. So without music then,
Speaker: I don't know, and I'm being very honest, I don't know what my story would be at this point. I really don't.
Speaker: so yeah you know music uh helped me um help me cope with a lot of stuff and they turn into bangers that was another video like these songs are actually pretty good and um and then people start connecting in a different way i didn't think anybody wanted to hear it you know these are the stuff i still do it now i still have songs and songs in my uh in my computer that i've not shown or sent or anything like that and
Speaker: But what I did release people started to connect with, and it wasn't the normal crowd of popular kids that you're used to working with or popular streamers it was a different crowd like hey I heard that song and I felt that way many years ago and that touched me in a different way.
Speaker: And for me, that was validation. It was a connection. I didn't feel alone anymore. I felt like there was a connection there with this guy out in Ohio. You'd know that I have a very special connection with one of your songs. Yes, I do.
Speaker: it was uh it was definitely like it was you know i didn't have that until until that happened for me there was no connection so i would say that that definitely saved me music has saved me in multiple ways multiple ways it's way easier to just go and you feel better for me i go in there i sing my heart out about a song and i come out and i'm like man that sounded pretty pretty sussy man i don't really want to do anything with that but i feel
Speaker: I feel tons better by doing it. And so, yeah, that's what I would say to answer that question. It's funny how people use, obviously you being a musician, you being an artist, you know, you jump in the booth and do your thing. And, you know, me just being, you know, just a fan of music and just loving music and music being my therapy and my outlet.
Speaker: God, I wish I could pick up a guitar and play it and God, I, and God damn, I wish I could sing, but you know, I mean, I could learn to play guitar, but I'll just say like, I can't play an instrument. I can't say I'll sing. I'll sing my heart out, man, but I can't sing for shit. You know, but man, you know, much like you just get music, it saved my life more than once. And it's not just because on a different level, I'm not going into a booth and just having at it. I'm.
Speaker: driving a hundred miles an hour down a back country road and got the stereo ranked. And if I hit a tree at a hundred miles an hour, I hit a tree at a hundred miles an hour. Jesus, take the wheel. If I, if I end up in some podunk ass town and God knows where I'm at and I, and I make two amazing people because I got lost in the music and got lost driving in it and it helped me get through that day. Well, that was what was meant to be, or if I just drive around for an hour and let the music speak to my soul.
Speaker: Yeah, clear my head, but I can feel you on that man. Music, music is, it's powerful in that way. It is very powerful in that way. The way that it, it can grab hold of your soul and, and, and, and change your way of thinking and your feelings and everything.
Speaker: And I say, don't ever hesitate to put a song out, put them all out. That's probably one of my biggest problems. I have like 500 songs on my computer and I'm so critical of them. Like that. I just let them sit there in the vault and then forget about them for six months, go back, maybe, maybe a year, go back, listen to it. And I'm like, Oh, that could probably do something with that.
Speaker: then drop the ball again I'm yeah some of them are very even the album that's coming out on the 16th has very deeply personal songs it's a very personal project for me that's why I don't I'm not advertising oh well I'm of course I'm letting your viewers know but like um in regards to like ticked like I'm it's it's a it's a very vulnerable place to go it's a very vulnerable place to go to just put it out there
Speaker: for the critics and for the other people to kind of listen to. And that's why I'm not paying any attention to it. It's for me. As you shouldn't, as you shouldn't. And I encourage you to let those out because I mean, like Lick was saying, you, you hear a song and as soon as it clicks with you, I mean, dude, that's, that's where I start getting emotional. Listen to music. This is why I started learning to play guitar. I learned how to play guitar in Korea. This is one of my lowest points.
Speaker: And that was, I agree with you, Rock. I mean, it kind of saved me. It's not that music is my religion or anything crazy like that, but it was the ability to sit there and play something and listen to it and then sing it myself and feel it in my own way. As soon as I felt that connection, it was like,
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: And as soon as it clicks, I'll sit there and I'll listen and it's the lyrics that get you. So I encourage you, you're gonna get more people, I mean, fuck the critics, but you're gonna get more people that just love to hear the similarities between what you're singing about in their life. And it might be completely different. Your situation is unique to you. And so are theirs to them. But what you're doing is you're connecting them with you through your music.
Speaker: And that's what makes people start to start to really enjoy and get into new things, new genres and start getting to listen to EDM music by Rock Lee. And I've always hated EDM music. Yeah. So I encourage you put out, if you put your heart and soul into a piece of work, whether you think it's shit or not, just put it out. Let people hear you, man. Let people hear your voice. You know?
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, 1000%. Like I said, I'm this project that I have coming out, it's definitely it's definitely a very, very
Speaker: I've put it off for years. Ask lick. I've put this off for years. He's asked me since before the podcast since before it's been a long time coming and I haven't, uh, I just kept putting it off and it's, it's, it's not because I don't have the ability. It's just that it's that hum, right? That hump of like, is this something I want to expose? Do I, I don't like, maybe I should just keep it, you know,
Speaker: Keep it, oh, let's do the EDM party stuff. And maybe I should keep it there. But this one, this project's for me. I'm not dedicating it towards viewership. It's just for me. And if it does great, awesome. If it doesn't, at least I did it. I finally moved past that little, I'm moving past that hump of hold myself back. Bro, your stuff's going to be amazing then.
Speaker: You might not promote it, but once we start getting closer, we're going to. Yeah. Uh, but you know, you know, I love you, man. And you're like a little brother to me. You know, you are my little brother at the end of the day. And, and, and I'm not going to tell you something's good, just, just, just for sake of your feelings. If you send me something in the trash, I'll be like,
Speaker: And it's not because I want to be an asshole or anything like that because I
Speaker: And you've never sent me anything that wasn't fucking amazing. And I cannot remember the name of it, but that one song, God damn, that hit me like a fucking sack of bricks. It was one of the first songs you sent me and it hit me like a sack of bricks. And you want to talk about somebody sending you something and you listening to it for the first time and absolutely just bringing you to your knees and rocking your world.
Speaker: This song hit me so damn hard and I messaged Rocket, I was like, yo man, this doesn't come out. What are you doing? They can still see you. Which I'm looking forward to. The album is going to be amazing. And the fact that you're doing it for yourself and it was your outlet and it was your way to release.
Speaker: makes it all that more special, not only to you, but to your fans, because they know that it has special meaning to you. They're gonna be able to connect or relate. I've said it a million times as far as the conversation as music goes. I swear to God, Jason Aldean lives inside my head because he writes the story of the narrative of my life.
Speaker: right? I mean, that's my go to when I when I take my rides in the country, that is Jason Aldean. And it's always ever since he ever since he came onto the scene as a musician, it's it's always Jason. And then every time he drops a new album, there's three or four or five songs on there that just
Speaker: Absolutely hit me and it's like damn it Jason. I'm gonna start charging even living in my head Yeah, but what about you Connor I kind of took control over this so I'm asking everybody you're good. I had to deal with my kids My boys were being little turds and they needed to go to bed because Carson's got to get up early for school
Speaker: But yeah, she's reasons to stay. I mean, they're they're countless, but. Oof, it's my family is is always what I come back to, and I'm not. I love my parents, but it's not them. It's it's really my kids and you know, I since since my lowest points I've been able to see my kids start to grow and mature and.
Speaker: It's the most beautiful, stressful experience I've ever had is just my kids. And I know that if I were to leave and give up, that not only would they not have dad, but I wouldn't get to see my boys grow up into young men and marry the loves of their lives and have kids or whatever they end up doing. And my daughter, God, oh,
Speaker: my daughter about killed my wife when she had her and I think that my daughter and I have a bit of a special connection and the idea of not being able to walk her down the aisle is there's me up inside. So I wouldn't say it's so much a
Speaker: Reason to stay that just because I love them. It's it's a reason to stay because God forbid I miss it. I've missed so much over the last decade with my boys and being gone as often as I did and I mean I missed first steps. I missed Christmases. I missed birthday up on birthday on birthday. I remember being in Afghanistan. There's old senior senior master. He's a you got
Speaker: I was out at the smoke pit having a cigarette and he's out there and he gets off the phone with his wife and he's got tears in his eyes. I was like, Hey, you're all right. And I'm just little lowly PFC or A1C at the time, just the E3. I'm really low down on the ranks. I walked up to this, this guy who's been in for 17 years. I was like, Hey, are you doing all right? And he's like, yeah, I just talked to my son. This is the fifth birthday I've missed.
Speaker: In each section, man, I've talked about what I wanted to do, wanted to go into the military, and I was going to do 25 years, whatever, and I wasn't going to get married or anything or have kids until I got done, because I was going to make the military my life. That's what I wanted to do. I wanted to make the army my life. Because, A,
Speaker: I was an 18 year old idiot and I, you know, I knew I wanted kids. I knew I wanted me, but I wanted to do my thing first. Maybe I was a little bit selfish. So I was going to make, I was going to make the army of my life for 25 years. And then when I got done, I would, Oh, what's up, true kind. I would, I would settle down and then I would have kids 30 years, whatever it would have been, you know, uh, you know, and then I would have settled down and, and,
Speaker: somebody and got married and had kids in my late 30s, early 40s, you know? April Fools. I totally get it, man. I couldn't imagine, you know, these members of our military and stuff like that, you know, I couldn't imagine. I mean, I gave up everything to not be 12 hours away from my kids, you know?
Speaker: Came back and started from nothing. So I honestly couldn't I can't imagine how You know military folks men and women who are married and have kids and stuff like that and still focused on their military It's it's hard. It's a sacrifice that you make it's it's it's one of the many sacrifices that you make at the end of the day For us to be able to do this stupid ass fucking podcast You know at the end of the day
Speaker: And that's why I'm so appreciative and so grateful. And our vets and our active duty, they mean so much to me personally. My dad was a vet, or is a vet, my grandfather is a vet.
Speaker: Us made and before them and so on and so on and to allow us the freedoms that we have So Part of me wants to say I totally get it man I totally feel you but there's also a part of me that I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about It's it's tough I remember being in Korea and missing Carson's birthday and
Speaker: the the the
Speaker: It was the second one. I missed I remember just sitting there I Can't imagine leaving and never coming back to see him grow He's turning into such a Interesting and smart young man and so is his brother
Speaker: I feel like I've missed so much, but they're still young and and that makes me happy because it means that Now that I'm out. I don't have to worry about Being told hey you gotta leave you're gone. You don't have it. You don't have a choice I Can't imagine missing anymore Now
Speaker: It's it's it's so fun watching them grow You know you you watch them develop their own little personalities or they're there But my kids drive me crazy I couldn't imagine I couldn't imagine what it would have been like to be and again only 10 12 hours away from them if I would have stayed in Charleston
Speaker: Which is where I wanted to be, which I still want to be. I love Charleston. It's the only place, I'm born and raised in Ohio. Charleston is the only place that's ever felt like home to me. I don't know what it is about Charleston. I don't know why I'm so drawn to it. I don't know why. I know it puts me at ease when I'm there, it's the water because the water is my happy place. I love being on the water.
Speaker: Uh, but I don't know what it is about Charleston. It's the only place I've ever felt like home even now. I mean, I'm here. My kids are here and, and, and I'm grateful that I'm here and I'm grateful that they're with me, but there's a part of me that wants so bad to be back down there and I'll get down there eventually. But, you know, I couldn't imagine it being, not being down there with them up here and, and, and,
Speaker: only get to see them on summer breaks or spring break or Christmas break or holidays or whatever. And I know I wouldn't be in the position that I'm in now or they're here with me full time.
Speaker: They're here, but that was the sacrifice that I made, and I'm grateful for it. I'm thankful that I was able to do that. I would do it all over again. If you rewind the tape and that decision was put there in front of me, I'd do it all over again, man, because I've loved watching them grow and develop into their own little
Speaker: human beings, you know, and I got a 19 year old and that's crazy, man. That's like they're, they're carbon copies of you. You know what I mean? Like they are like, Oh no, watching, uh, I don't have any children of my own yet, but you know, when my ex relationship, um, I had, I, she had two, two little ones and they were very, very little and, uh,
Speaker: man, just seeing them act like their mom was just crazy to me, you know, like it's, and so again, it kind of adds on to what you just said, Glick, like a carbon little Sasquatchian, like, how do you, how do you, how do you stay away from them? Like, how do you go away and just try to focus? Yeah, there's no way, right? Like, not without them constantly being on your mind, you know?
Speaker: And Connor was doing what he thought was right for his family, you know, he was doing his movement. And like I told Connor, because, you know, we've had conversations about, and I won't go too much into detail, but we've had conversations about his current medical state. And I said, bro, it's one of those things, man, we have no control over what's meant to be. And yeah, it sucks. And yeah, you're going through it, but this is where you're supposed to be in life. You know, that opportunity.
Speaker: your military career was taken away from you, but you were given more opportunities. The opportunity to be a stay -at -home dad and to make up for lost time, so to say. But also, you've also got the new career opportunity that you're chasing. You're going to be your own boss. You're going to work
Speaker: the hours you want to work, you're going to do what you want to do. And nobody's going to be able to tell you what you can and can't do. Well, I mean, obviously there's hours to be that tell you what you can and can't do. But, you know, as far as, you know, you're going to make your work schedule. If you guys want to go to Disney for a week, you don't have to put in a request and worry about losing time or money or anything like that. You got Nikki does. But, you know, he's a slave to the man until you make it big and you blow up doing what you're doing. And eventually,
Speaker: She don't have to work no more if she don't want to. And if you guys want to go on vacation for a week, you guys just fucking pack up and you go. You got to take the good with the bad. Yeah. The bad is right now you're, you're dealing with the pain. You're, you're, and I have no doubt doctors are going to get it figured out. You're going to become the bionic man. I know you're a little young to understand Connor Austin.
Speaker: Yeah, you and Rocky are a little bit too young to understand this reference, but we have the capabilities. We can make him bigger, faster, stronger. It's definitely.
Speaker: I'll be I'll be transparent. I mean the reason I wanted to talk about it is because this tonight is because that conflict is it's very active in my life currently I Mean to this is tough and then Chris, you know you and I talked about it a few times off off the stream off the network and
Speaker: It's it's fucking it's hard and there's always that Again, I don't think I could ever actually follow through that thoughts always in the back of your mind is man it would just be so much easier just to quit and and No, that's that's not the right thing to do and that that's why I couldn't leave I couldn't leave my kids and my poor wife is I
Speaker: she's a boss ass bitch. She's she fucking she she runs the roost. She works her ass off when she goes to work. She goes to work early, comes home late to make sure that we have what we have and for me to leave would would just fucking tear her apart and I'm sure it would. but it's it's an active struggle and
Speaker: For the most part, I want to let y 'all know that it's definitely still going on and y 'all aren't alone if you're going through it too. Pain for me is my own little personal hell. And it's tearing me up from the inside out.
Speaker: And there's always the, there's that hope that I'm holding on to that. Like, like Glick said, you know, the doctors will figure it out. But I mean, I said it earlier, I'm not the same dad that I was last year or even three years ago in hell. I'm 26. I'm a, I'm a young gun if there ever was one, and I'm just trying to make it work. But.
Speaker: the
Speaker: I try and put on my best face for my kids and I feel bad and I think I talked about it on the show a couple weeks ago, but I had a mental breakdown. I had an episode, a PTSD episode, like in the middle of the day. I never really wanted my kids to be able to see me in that low point, but hell, I went to the garage and I tried to calm down and breathe it out and think about other things.
Speaker: My son Carson walked out and he came up to me and said, Dad, are you OK? Like, dude, bro, you're killing me right now. You're seven, man. Go away. You shouldn't see this. He's like, Dad, it's OK. I know it hurts. It's OK. Bro, you're seven. Shut up. But how is how is your kid wiser than you?
Speaker: It's I'd like I'd like to try is it all the wife It's mostly her it's mostly her he watches he watches her take care of me And it helped me out a lot and yeah watches him grow and go from being a
Speaker: I could hold him in my hand. He was the smallest kid of the bunch that we've had Now he's he's four foot two at seven years old and he weighs 75 pounds and he's fuck. He's smarter than me sometimes I'm just like dude. What where'd the fucking time go? It's the new generation because our generation now our generation or your generation Connor and rackley, you know, we we are
Speaker: We are breaking that mold of how we were brought up, you know, man up, rub some dirt in it. Stop being a pussy. Yeah. We're starting to break that mold and we're starting to transition. Yeah. I've been meaning to tell you about that. I followed your advice and the doctor said I got tetanus or something like that. So I don't know. We'll talk about it after the show. Rock.
Speaker: Not all of my advice is solid, okay? You gotta clean the rust off before you insert it. He didn't say that. He didn't say that. He said just grab it and rub it. And that's what I did. Now I got an STD.
Speaker: You know One of the things that you know you and I both are gonna struggle with Connor is you know
Speaker: Me personally, I must speak for myself personally, I'm used to being in control, you know, I'm driving this train, you know, at the end of the day, when that power is taken away from me, man, and it's out of my control, and there's nothing I can do about it. I get to feel some sort of way at the end of the day. And, you know, you were thriving in the military doing your thing and
Speaker: And, and, and one hundred percent, you know, your medical issues were 100 % out of your control. I mean, now you, but like I said, I have no doubt that the doctors are going to figure it out. You're still a baby. You're 26 years old. You still got plenty of light. Yeah. It's not like you're in your, in your, in your forties and fifties. And now it's like, well, I mean, yeah.
Speaker: At this point I've lived as long as I live You know, maybe I'll you know, it's Just think about that phrase. It doesn't make sense. But it does if you think about it figure it out You get up to your 50s and stuff like that you might not see a hundred so yeah God we get it click you're fucking old
Speaker: Shut up. He's got a few millennia on us. He's got some wisdom there. Again, my plan is to live forever. And so far, I'm doing pretty good. I'm invincible as long as I'm alive. You have that power taken away. You have that control taken away. And there's nothing you can do about it. And that's a tough pill to swallow, man, at the end of the day.
Speaker: Um, but we, we make do and we continue to push on and you're doing all the right things. You're going to all your doctor's appointments right here. You're doing with the doc. For the most part, you might be doing what the doctors told you to do the things you did today. We don't have to talk about what I did today. I'm definitely feeling it. I felt it. I just walked upstairs to go get my boys to sleep. I was like,
Speaker: Oh, you know, Connor's got that one doctor that's just like, hey, bro, you know, no one would judge you if you know, you know, you fucking honors over there. Like, shut the fuck up.
Speaker: Well, I feel like, I mean, isn't that something that we would go through as men in general, right? I mean, you want to protect your family. You want to be in a position where you can provide and help and be of some sort of use to the family.
Speaker: And one way or another, when you get that power taken away from you, it's not great at all, no matter what it is. It could be a lost job or it could be a loss of ability to perform the duties that you need to for your kiddos or whatever it is. Or for your wife. Shut up, Connor.
Speaker: listen when it won't go up there's nothing you can do about it man like wait a second i'm only 31 you should be able to fucking you know rise to the occasion every now and then i don't know what you guys are talking about hey there shut up you sasquatch we get it man i maybe maybe tmi but for the first month after my surgery i couldn't even go pee
Speaker: it was it like it was a struggle and oh man like like what rock was saying I mean yeah provide for your family like obviously I couldn't fucking do shit but like when you can't even have that intimate time with your wife because because it's something that you had absolutely no control over and
Speaker: Again, I mean, I, I, I hate to feel like a pity party, but I'm 26. Why am I having these fucking problems, dude? What the fuck? And I felt so bad for my wife. That was, that was a tough time in our marriage for that first like six months. Yeah.
Speaker: Yeah. And if I, if I was next to you, I'd punch you in the throat. Yeah, I was supposed to do well deserved. So you'd take it like a, like a, I don't know. At least for me during that time with my ex, it was like, it wasn't anything like that Connor. Um, but it was more like you plan something, you have something planned and then shit just changes.
Speaker: um you get called into work you yeah uh a car breaks down uh whatever the case is something along those lines a kid gets hurt i had my uh we have this whole trip planned for disney world out in florida and uh we're it was literally a few hours before we're about to go the kids are restless they're excited jumping up and down go outside and play for a little bit just go in the front we'll we'll be out here in a little bit
Speaker: And she broke both of her arms. Oh, my God. No, she jumped off of like one of those electrical boxes you see in front of the yards and stuff like that. Just jumped off and just plain. Oh, no. So I've said it, Disney World. I'm in the hospital room for for 16 hours. I'm so good at Disney with two broken arms. It'll be fine. Oh, my God. My my grandmother, when she was still having one.
Speaker: She would have got moved to the front of the line all the time. That's a very true. Yeah, man. Like your arms. They're trying to get Rock Lee for like the fucking full amount of the mission. Bro, my fucking daughter broke her arms trying to fucking come here. Then you get the fucking John Candy guy. Sorry, but the moon should have told you your daughter can't come in here with two broken arms.
Speaker: But I mean, shouldn't like that happening, you know, even in layman's terms, it's still the lack of control. Yeah. Of your life is like a load and gun. You never know when it's going to go click. I'm like, he's going to go click. This might this might sound sexist and I'd like to see the statistics on it, but I feel like you're that close, buddy. I know. I feel like men have such a connection to like control.
Speaker: Yeah. And without it, it's where we start to break down and have issues. Yeah. When we don't have control over the situation. I don't know if it comes back to being protective or being able to do what you want to do. Well, that'd be an interesting statistic to look up. As a guy, and I know I'm probably going to get hated on for this on Saturday, but hey. I thought you were a Zeezer. I'm confused.
Speaker: Well, I'm sorry, Stephen. Don't worry, Connor, you're one of my reasons why I love you. I love you. I really do. But like, honestly, I think it's one of those things that as men, we're supposed to be the ones that can't fucking show weakness. But, you know, you know, people say, you know, like, Connor, you say you're 26.
Speaker: I
Speaker: I mean I'm putting a thousand hundred percent on top of a thousand percent. You sound like my five -year -old when he's trying to say a big number. I've got one thousand hundred dollars.
Speaker: uh no i i mean you know i i think that it's uh i for me i i don't like to dictate at all not whatsoever i just want to be able to help and be there in case someone calls you know and uh that i feel like just shut up blick so i'm not a dictator either okay yeah okay nope it's more so
Speaker: Glick is not a dictator. He is a fair boss and will let us take vacation. You know, you know, you guys, you guys, you guys really let me down. I, I, I gave you a softball. I threw up a lob pitch for an easy motherfucker. You're not even a dictator. You're the dick. I threw up an easy lob pitch, like coach pitch baseball for you guys to hit a whole run out of the park. And you guys going to, you miss the joke and you guys could have easily said Glick, you take the dictator.
Speaker: My batting average in fucking baseball was so bad. Your batting average in jokes is like a hundred. Baseball reference. You know.
Speaker: That's the worst part about Monday night shows is like I feel like I always feel like we're being selfish When we talk about our stories Yeah, that's the whole point of Monday nights man, you know, I tell people you know, we're not experts we're just sharing our stories we're just sharing our personal experiences man and
Speaker: This is real life for us. And, and, and, and, you know, maybe, maybe we might help somebody who's going through something. Maybe we won't, but we're not here to, we're not here to claim to be experts or anything. I mean, we're literally just sharing our stories and, and, and, and life. And when we have topics of conversation, it's, it's based off of things that we've all been through, man. And, and, and things that we're going through. So it's not selfish at all. Now, you know, I, I actually, I'm not going to lie. I love the fact that.
Speaker: you know, it doesn't come around to me too often and that I don't have to share too much. Oh, don't worry, bitch. Your time's coming. I share, you know, but, uh, I, you know, to a certain degree, I still stay a little bit guarded. You know, I don't, I don't go into, you know, you know, full details on things or, but you know, I, you know, as far as what we're talking about tonight, I, you know, I do, I do want to take, you know, I do want to,
Speaker: I do want to jump on here and I want to add my two cents to the, to the conversation as far as the, um, yes, exactly. Yeah. Uh, uh, exactly Peter. Yeah. We can't out on Jarvis. So mind your business. I said, fucking Peter, get off my fucking day. But, uh, you know, uh, for me,
Speaker: At the end of the day, the reasons, there's countless reasons for me. There's so many reasons. Obviously, I can't give up this struggle. I can't give up this fight because nobody else is worthy to carry the burden and carry the weight of being the champion. So I have to keep going.
Speaker: Oh, yep. Fuck that motherfucker. Goes and gets everyone's heartstrings and he's got to go, but I'm the champion. You and your goddamn championship. You know what?
Speaker: Hope that you know if you ever have a house that where you're at catches on fire I hope everyone makes it out, but you're fucking
Speaker: Obviously, sorry. Obviously, I mean, you know, obviously there's, there's, uh, we, we, we all have, uh, I hate to say, uh, uh, you know, I'm not a super religious guy. I might be borderline spiritual or whatever. What's going on, Emma? Hey, Emma, you know, we all have a reason. We all have a purpose and everything happens for a reason.
Speaker: And everything that happens in life guides us down the road that we're supposed to be on and you know I I do say this kind of jokingly. Um, well a whole lot of jokingly but again You know, you know, I I was able to Actually, I'm not even I'm not even a joke again. I was gonna make another joke, but I'm not gonna make another joke I was gonna make a joke about the network and be in the greatest podcast host of all time and
Speaker: putting together a band of misfits and creating the greatest network ever. But not to sound stupid and cliche or anything like that. But obviously, man, after that last time, it was, man, I couldn't do that to my kids. I really can't. I cannot do that to my kids. When you reach that point, when you come to that bridge and
Speaker: In your head, this is what you want. Everybody else is going to be better off without you, but when I don't think people don't understand when they come to those crossroads and they're staring down the barrel, and I don't mean that figuratively, I'm just saying, they're standing at the crossroads with that demon and they're about to make that deal, so to say. I don't think they understand.
Speaker: how much pain and how much suffering that they're going to leave behind for their loved ones, for their friends, for their family, for their children. Um, the questions, the wise, the who, the what could we have done? How did we not see it? You know, stuff like that. And I don't want to put my kids through that you're like, Hey, I don't want to put my kids through that. I don't, I don't want my kids to ever question. I also.
Speaker: And again, this is me speaking personally. I don't think anybody who's ever gone down this road is weak or cowardice or anything else. For me personally, I don't want my kids to look at me in the future and go, man, my dad was not strong enough. My dad was a coward. He couldn't handle it. He had a little hiccup in the road. I don't want my kids to ever look at me like that. That's me personally.
Speaker: Also, on another note, I'm too, I'm too goddamn stubborn and bullheaded. I'm not going to let you win. I'm not going to let, I'm not going to let a few bad moments dictate my life. And I'm not going to let mental, you know, fucked up mental health win.
Speaker: Because at the end of the day, and it's gonna sound like I'm joking, but I mean this wholeheartedly and 100 % or 1000 % 100 % wholeheartedly serious. Whatever, whatever. I don't lose, goddamn it. I don't ever lose. I win at everything I do.
Speaker: And, and that's, and that's, and my kids are, are the number one reason, but that's my number two reason. You know, my loved ones, obviously like Nikki and stuff like that, you know, which my loved ones are very few and far between, but I don't want to put Nikki through that either. Obviously like, I don't want her to ever second guess or question or anything like that. But yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, it's up to goddamn stubborn to lose. Like I'm not going to let mental health beat me. It's almost beaten me.
Speaker: couple of times. Now it's like a couple of few times. Now it's like, nah, bitch. Hit me with your best shot. Yeah. You hit me and knocked me down. Just know I'm getting back up and I'm coming back 10 times stronger and I'm swinging 10 times harder. Every time you fucking knock me down, I'm coming back swinging full on swinging for the moon. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,
Speaker: I'm like, I'm like, uh, I'm like, uh, Babe Ruth. I'm calling my shot. I'm standing up and I'm, I'm pointing to the moon. Cause that's where I'm knocking. Life's out too. Facts. Rock is a sexy motherfucker. He's got some, I mean, he's like the second, his older brother probably got the number one. I mean, out of the three people that's basically it. All right.
Speaker: I just haven't achieved my full set squashing. Well, but no, I mean, that's I mean, in all honesty, that's that's I can't leave. And again, my circle is very small. The people I love and care about, you know, the kids, Nikki, a couple of my friends, you know, my, my circle, I couldn't, I couldn't leave her and them or you guys going. What if?
Speaker: Why? Did we do something? Did we not do something? Were we not there? I can't do that to the people that mean the most to me. That, and again, no, I'm checking out on my fucking terms. You don't get to dictate. I get to make the rules. You made the rules long enough.
Speaker: Now I've hit you with the UNO reverse card. I've changed the game up. I've put the script, whatever you want to call it. Now I make the rules. And that's what's the man. Since that last time, I ain't never thought since that last time I tried, man, that thought were even crossed my mind once. And if it even starts to even, even if it is starts to just showing inkling of, of a presence, I'm like, ah, bitch, not today.
Speaker: I think that's a huge benefit with you, Glick, because I mean, like me, it's it's a perpetuating balloon, you know, it's that balloon is getting filled with emotions, anger, fear, whatever the case may be. And you write a song, you put out something about it and it dissipates. But it's continuous as life is. It's going to continue to give you bullshit.
Speaker: and so it's constantly filling back up and you're constantly releasing it but if you have just a mindset of like no then it's it's pretty easy to like you know it's pretty easy it's probably the best way to move past it versus even uh just using um whether it's substance uh abuse alcohol um for me music to relieve the symptoms you're actually fixing the source of it by just
Speaker: knocking that out of the park from there. So kudos to you on that. I ain't never, I ain't never feared a man alive. I won't ever, I won't ever fear a man alive. I won't ever back down from a real life physical fight. That's just who I am. I fought my mental demons. I beat my, my, my, my, my substance abuse. I beat alcoholism. You know, I got control over that again.
Speaker: You know you guys tease me and joke with me about drinking and stuff like that only when you're in Pittsburgh only when you're in Pittsburgh And there's people you know being annoying assholes. Yeah, well, you know, but you know, you know, but you know whether it's literal physical obstacle in my way or a medical medical a mental obstacle I just learned like Dude, you you've been through so much you've done so much and
Speaker: You got the dog in you, bro. And there's been times where I forgot that. And that's when I was at my lowest. And I was at my weakest. And I was very vulnerable. But now I'm always like, nah, not anymore. You got me. You got me once. Fool me once. Shame on you. Fool me twice. Shame on me. Fool me three times. I'm a fucking idiot. After the third time, look.
Speaker: Sometimes it's like you're charmed out. Now you've got the full on. You want them, you've got them. Whatever energy and whatever I have in me. And I do.
Speaker: I got him here. I struggled daily, man, with the mental health stuff. It sucks. I hate it for so long. You know, I've been doing it since I was a kid. Um, I'd like to say it gets easier. Uh, I mean, it does get easier. You're a little bit more mindful, a little bit more knowledgeable. You're a little bit more aware. Um, but I mean, I've been dealing with this since I was a kid and here I am. So.
Speaker: Still kicking the screen. I'm going out the same way I came into this world at the end of the day. I wouldn't expect anything less from you. What's that Rocky? I wouldn't expect anything less from you. Well, and that's the thing, you know, there's a Rocky Balboa quote that really has always resonated with me and that's the world can hit you.
Speaker: over and over again doesn't matter how much it hits you the only thing you will ever judge yourself on is if you stay down like a bitch or you get back up dust yourself off and you say you know what you hit me with your best shot and i got back up and granted that's not the rocky quote but i paraphrased it a little bit get up rock i think the uh i think the quote you're so the quote you're looking for is it's time
Speaker: Well, I actually know the quote I was looking for is what what's your prediction for the fight? He was such a badass and rocky three and they ruined it yeah, no, that's just I mean that's I mean It's the end of the day you just gotta choose to fight man you gotta choose to fight and and and
Speaker: When it comes to mental health, that's going to be the toughest, hardest fight you're ever in, in your entire life. I think one of, not the one that you shared, but one of Robin Williams's most famous quotes is, you're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it. Right. And that came from one of.
Speaker: I'm rolling thunder, I'm power and rage. I'm going off like a fucking hurricane sometimes, but you know what? This, it always goes back. Yeah. But you know, that's the thing, like, if we would have ended it
Speaker: Like look at all the shit we would have missed out on like that. That's I think about that too. I think that that's and that's that's the thing that keeps me going is it's like Had I ended it the day that you know, my dad was in the hospital never would have married my best friend Would never have been on this journey that we've been on never would have had my dad at my wedding and
Speaker: when the photographer's like, hey, you got any advice for your son? And my dad's like, yeah, don't get divorced. That's quality advice right there. And when he said that, I laughed. And, you know, there's a picture on my Facebook that I'll never take down. And it's a picture of my dad, me, my wife and my mom.
Speaker: And people always ask me like, why'd you pick that picture out of all the pictures you took at the wedding? And I said, because you take one person out of that picture. Never happens. Never. Nothing. Never happens. And people always say, well, you would have married Alyssa. And I'm like, maybe different way. Like we would have went to the courthouse. But at the same time, there would have been that missing piece that my dad wasn't there. Yeah, maybe you would have. Maybe you wouldn't have had a butterfly effect. You know, I, you know,
Speaker: I had a conversation a few years back with a friend of mine. Shortly after he came home from the hospital. And this is something that I truly do believe in. And I've said this a lot. I haven't said it on here yet, believe it or not. And I had a conversation with a friend of mine.
Speaker: He just got home from the hospital. He decided it was time to be done. He was moving up and I told him.
Speaker: This is this this has actually been recent. It's just been since I've been back home So it's no like still there. It's still there a little bit new enlightened like a little bit more knowledgeable Glick and I told knowledgeable sasquatch in yeah We were sitting there talking and we were having a beer and I
Speaker: We were reminiscing about old times in high school and stuff like that. We was chit -chatting about being kids and whatever. And I said, you know what, man? I said, and this probably doesn't make any sense to anybody and that's fine. And that's dandy, it makes sense to me and it resonates with me. And that's all that matters. Maybe it'll resonate with somebody else. But I told him, I said, just because we were talking,
Speaker: And I said, can you remember being forced to read books in school? And he said, yeah. And I said, that was like the worst thing ever. Cause no, neither one of us liked to read. I was like, and you, and you'd read a book and you'd get to the end of the chapter. And you were hoping that that final, that once you got there would be the end of the book. And then there was another chapter. Yeah, man. I said, that's life, bro. I said, that's life at the end of the day. That's life. Just because one chapter comes to an end doesn't mean that you're at the end of the book yet. Yeah.
Speaker: There's still more chapters to be written. Yeah. And, and, and, and, you know, this first time, the first time I ever seen this kid cry, I mean, kid just like me, just tough as fucking nails, you know, been through it. Don't show it. He started crying and he said, damn, like he said, I almost ended my book too early because I got lots of chapters to write. Exactly.
Speaker: So yeah, you do that was the lesson I had to learn there's still more chapters in my book It's a lot more chapters. There's a lot more chapters in everybody's books and you guys need to remember that when you find yourselves at your lowest lows and you're really going through and you think that You're better off doing this or your people are gonna be better off without you. Just remember that
Speaker: You got lots of more chat. You got a lot more chapters to write. Lots of more chapters to write. Yes. I said that grammatically bad, but it is what it is. Cause that's my talk. You got lots of more chapters in your book at the end of the day. Your book doesn't over yet. Your book might have, uh, sequels with your kids and your grandkids. And if you're lucky, maybe your great grandkids, but
Speaker: Yeah, we all got what we all have a lot more chapters in our book of life. Hopefully one day me and my wife will be able to have kids. It's been trial and tribulation, but like as I keep saying, we're still young.
Speaker: And it's going to happen when we fucking least expect it. And that one day she's going to come home and she's going to be like, hey, Stephen, I got something to show you and it's going to be you're going to be a dad. And then I'm going to have to go to my dad and be like, hey, guess what? Little baby G coming soon. Oh, baby, I didn't do it. My last name's Jarvis asshole.
Speaker: I mean, do you think Rocky is a good name for a baby? Oh, hell yeah. I mean, if I had to do it all over again, I'm not having any more babies, but you know, I mean.
Speaker: Maybe a grandchild, maybe one of our kids will be like, hey, you're having a boy. You know, good solid name is Rocky. I'm just saying. Hey, look, this is what you are. Show them all the Rocky movies. That was funny. When I was a kid, I had three names. It was Jett, Bruce and Stan. Those are the kids. Those are going to be the kids names, all three boys.
Speaker: Wait a minute, Jenna Bruce and Stan? Yeah. Jenny Bruce Lee and Stan Lee. Thank you, Jervis. Really? Yeah. You gotta keep in mind, okay? I was like nine or ten and I thought that this was a cool, clever idea.
Speaker: I was like, oh, yeah, we're going to have Stanley, Bruce Lee and gently in the house. Let's see what kind of story sitcom like to come up with this fucking watch right there. Give me your fucking belt. Looks like as soon as you have to have a few more victories than just now, does it qualify you for a champion status? I mean, all I'm saying is, man, I'm I'm a I'm definitely a champion. I'm I'm at least intercontinental.
Speaker: You know, I'm somewhere in there. Oh, you're definitely rocking an intercontinental championship belt. Maybe maybe universal heavyweight. But I mean, if we're going to workhorse of this corporation and. Got to say, Macho Man, Stephen Jarvis here, Macho Man, Stephen Jarvis, guys, hashtag that. That is the hashtag. Please, please don't. Please don't.
Speaker: Steven. Just because you show up in an uninvited seven nights a week. Well, you know, I hate to say it, but Tuesday, I think I'm down and back on that one a little bit. And also Saturday. Dude, you know what? Yeah, I don't know. And Miss Jimmy Jams. I don't want to miss that segment. I know motherfucker. I recommend, you know, you for yourself.
Speaker: You know, you're spreading yourself too thin, man. Absolutely. I think you should. I mean, you don't, you're not, the only show that I asked, maybe I asked you to be on tonight's show. Tonight and Wednesday. And you got kind of roped into Wednesday night shows, but you know, you're always welcome. Yeah. But at the same time, it's not like you, you ever expected me to say yes to the show or expected me to say yes to Wednesday or Saturday or the network. It's like, like I said,
Speaker: I always believe that good things are put in the hard work. Scott Hall has said it the best and I'll end it here because I'm fucking hungry but hard work pays off.
Speaker: Yeah. Hard work pays off. Dreams do come true. Bad times don't last, but bad times do. And hit fucking Razor Ramones music. Bad guys do. Bad times don't last, but bad guys do. I'm the bad guy.
Speaker: I done myself a bad guy a long time ago. And like Tony Montana says, you look at us with our mental health issues and you point at us and you laugh because you need us so that you can point at that us and say them fuckers aren't perfect. And, you know, we're not the heroes you wanted or the heroes you needed. Right, right.
Speaker: Where's Nickelback when you need him? They say that a hero can save us. They say that a hero can save us. Rocky's not going to be able to do a new album anytime soon because he just didn't move. Rock Lee, I have to say, if you ever did that song, that's baby making music right there. I'll play that one. I was going to say, don't put that thought in his head because you know he's going to do it. He's probably going to.
Speaker: by the end of the night he's gonna say hey click check this out and that right there ladies and gentlemen is the reason i stay hi now uh trust me i made that mistake and i stopped to make that damn britney spears recover video but no i will definitely get with you after the maybe after the show maybe tomorrow okay i'll be looking out for your message man
Speaker: Because I got a show, it's called the Jarveshi Project, and I think I need you for this Sunday. OK. All right. Yeah, that sounds good, man. Huh? What are you going to do this Sunday? Blackploitation movies? My show is not just fucking movies, asshole. Don't ask me to jump on that show. Jarves is going to be like, we're going to we're going to review Blackula.
Speaker: Oh, no, no, no, no. I love those movies, by the way. Those were some. Yeah, they are great movies. Like they do not get super fly shaft like fucking shaft, man. The guy, the tagline of the of the whole film, six times cooler than bullet, seven, six times cooler than James Bond. Shaft.
Speaker: I haven't seen that in a while. Bro, now I got to go fucking watch that movie tonight. Fuck. Starsky and Hutch, was that where Huggy Bear was? Huggy Bear, yep. Rocky. Jeff and I could be Starsky and Hutch. And Rocky could be Huggy Bear for the nonsensical nonsense Halloween show. You guys let me know, man. I am super down for that.
Speaker: I could only imagine what TV show I would have been back in the 70s. That's kind of scary You and Connor you and Connor would have been god, I can't think of that name of that goddamn show No, no fucking
Speaker: Lenny and squiggy were there like neighbors the two chicks that Laverne and Shirley you and Connor would be Wow, I mean I mean most of the network could be considered the Golden Girls. I'm just saying I
Speaker: Thank you for being the reason that I drank. Actually to be honest with you, even though I joked about it that night,
Speaker: I just really want to get I really I said this to fucking Blaze and after the show on Sunday I said I never have the feeling the urge to drink the urge to get high It happens welcome back Connor I've got children. Fuck you. You don't you totally miss me pouring out all my emotions and everything We gave you your time
Speaker: When it came to my time, you left. Well, you know, in August, I'll give you all my time. Connor's like, if I could turn back time, see what I mean? Music, I'm telling you, man, I'm telling you. Music is like chicken soup for the soul. Even with Stone Cold, Steve Austin is strumming a guitar singing Camp Town ladies sing or Jimmy. Sing or so.
Speaker: And then there's Kurt Angle with the fucking small ass cowboy hat going like, I feel like a real cowboy. Yippee -ki -yay. Oh, yeah. Yeah, let's look through, too. All right. That's how we meet again, because I'm fucking hungry. I'm not going to go eat 27, which one I'm done. I'm going to finish this. I'm going to keep this going until I'm finished with this beer.
Speaker: Did you guys hop off or like did I come in here after the end of the show damn Like I'm like, oh wait, it's my turn to spill to spill my guts and then Connor's like deuces I already said what I had to say No, I needed to get my daughter down cuz my wife my wife's doing work All I said is I don't have no feelings and fuck your emotions. I'm a man. I got emotions Nothing brings me down
Speaker: I got real emotional, Connor. Where were you? I'm always here for you, Chris. We get emotional together sometimes. We do. I love our phone calls. Connor will call me. I'm like, oh, I got to be serious. I'm going to get ice cream. I'm like, it's 10 o 'clock at night, bro. Where are you going to get ice cream at? He's like, I don't know. But I'm going to go get ice cream.
Speaker: Because honors call and I gotta gotta deal with this pussy again One night Connor did call me and we did talk we talked on the phone for about two hours He was going through some stuff He was like we got done. He's like, you know, I love you click He's like because I called you and I was going through some shit And yeah, you talked to me and yeah, you were there for me. But basically you called me a bitch. I
Speaker: We talked, we chit -chatted about stuff and I called him a bitch for going for Dairy Queen at 10 o 'clock at night because I think I called him fat too, but that's beside the point. I think that what you were doing was projecting. The only thing is you were actually talking to somebody that those were accurate statements too.
Speaker: I was just one at ice cream. We're like long lost twins and it's kind of fucking weird. It's it's weird, man. I got all these I got all these little brothers out there. I mean, Connors Connors almost reached full Sasquatchian. You know, Rockley hasn't hasn't quite got there yet. You know, but I promise I have more body here than you. I'm more Sasquatchian than you are. I promise you, you have more body here than I do.
Speaker: odd for my Indian blood in me. And, you know, as, as, you know, I was told by, I don't know if it was my great uncle or great, great uncle, who was basically like 100 % Indian. He said, we don't grow body hair, facial hair. Whereas
Speaker: When I went to Estonia in 2017, we had to take a bus back and forth from the place we were staying at to where we were working at and the base that we were working at. So we had to leave in civilian clothes because we were supposed to be secretive. And so we get to the base. We didn't have like a changing room or a bathroom or anything.
Speaker: We had Portagons and we had Connexes and these Connexes are like little 10 by 10 boxes. So we have like fucking 12 of us in this little Connex changing into our uniform. I remember taking my shirt off and the dude who helped train me while I was in the Air Force looked at me. He goes, dude, you have a fucking back beard. I was like, thanks bro. Just what I needed to hear.
Speaker: That really helps my self -esteem. He was like, no, it's kind of badass. He's like, no, it's Yeah, sure. Okay. Yeah, that's how that's what I feel right now badass. I'm gonna shave I'm gonna shave fuck you in the back in my back You know how how dudes like cut the lightning bolts into their hair and shit I'm gonna do that on my back That's crazy, man. Yeah
Speaker: No, I, uh, shoot. I mean, I, I definitely, I'll get hairy on my chest too from time to time, but nothing crazy. Yeah, nothing like that, man. Nothing like that at all. I came back here to listen to, to Glick and finish out the show. I was just being a dad and I feel like Glick's trying to get back at me. He left as soon as I, as soon as I came, he left. It was like the worst one night band ever. Yeah.
Speaker: He's not even going to make me. He's not even going to make me breakfast in the morning. This is bullshit. I threw you a towel and told you to clean up and called you. Oh, I think you shall fucking get the fuck out of my house. Fuck out of here before my wife comes home. You can't catch us again. I'd have to. I'd hate to have to bury another body off the side of the freeway.
Speaker: Some people deal with mental health different ways. I know it's bad when your therapist is like violence is not the answer. Tell me is Ted Bundy was a terrible human being. I mean,
Speaker: I think Jeffrey Dahmer was just hungry and poor. It was cheaper to pick up dudes than it was to go get groceries. Just so you know, you and Nicky both went, I mean, at the exact same time, Connor. When I said that Bundy's not a bad guy. None of your business number three
Speaker: Oh my god. I didn't say that, Nikki. What the fuck is wrong with you, roughly? Why would you say that? I don't know. Where's climate today? It was Jervis. Jervis just left. He was. Yeah. Jervis set up for fucking bounce. Jervis broke quick after he said that. Jervis said he ran away. He ran away. Jervis, you're fired over something I said.
Speaker: I guess. I don't know if he wants his tail kicked in. Oh, what? I don't know if he wants his tail kicked in. Oh, god damn it. Yeah. I don't know. But I'll definitely eat the taters. Hey, you want to uh -huh tonight? We'll see how I feel after this medicine kicks in.
Speaker: Yeah, you feel after this chloroform. I mean, white, white. Make sure you finish the drink that I gave you. It won't work if it does, if you don't. You know, yes, yes, and ooh, sound a lot alike.
Speaker: It's what we do. It's men's mental health. We get real heavy and then we make just terrible jokes to to to to to compensate and and because just bear our souls tonight and try to unalive myself three fucking times. Leave me alone if I'm gonna make a joke to my fiance.
Speaker: Dude, I mean, I make, I make jokes about six feet of rope and a wobbly stool on like a daily daily fucking basis, just so that I can break the tension in the room. Right. And usually it makes it worse and people look at me with sideways. So you shouldn't just tell a stranger that in the grocery store. I learned that lesson.
Speaker: You really shouldn't tell strangers you needed the bus stop these things. What was that joke? Who was it? Jeff made last Saturday. He's like, well, I could tell. No, it was Jarvis. He's like, I could tell who wears the pants in the family.
Speaker: Oh, I had to turn off my camera for that man. I was on the floor. The only problem is in Jarvis is like, let me tell you why it's funny. Yeah. The other problem is his home runs are like once every other week. Jeff and I tell him constantly, let it simmer. Let it simmer.
Speaker: When somebody goes, that's when you say something. But no, it's like that fucking Family Guy episode where Quagmire walks into the bar and sits down with Peter. He's like, you ever jerked off to old pictures of your mom? Who the fuck starts a conversation like that?
Speaker: You're just standing at a bus stop Who are you? Were you talking to me because I feel like I have to call the cops now I was joking You said it really serious We love Jarvis so he's a good dude, I do like Jarvis I know he's he
Speaker: And Jarvis, if you hear this, I'm not shitting on you. Jarvis is a handful. He has a lot to handle, but I got another love for the kid. I think he's very good at what he does. Uh, you know, he just, he's still learning and, and I'm, and it's an honor and a pleasure to have him be a part of what we're doing. It really is. I think he's a good kid. I think he's a great kid with a lot of, a lot of untapped potential. I agree.
Speaker: We, well, you guys shit on him a lot. I, I, all the heat, I catch all the heat and I catch all the blame. Like I can't believe you. Like, like, talk to you. Like, I'm like, I'm the only one sticking up for a nine times out of 10. Jarvis stop making jokes. We've been pegged by her wife again. Get the fuck out of here. What is wrong with you? Why would you say that? That was harder.
Speaker: He was like, he's like, people are like always asking me why I put up with you. And I'm like, what do you mean? I don't want to do anything. I'm the one that's usually sticking up for you and sometimes he makes it way too easy. But anybody who gives me an easy softball, whether it be Jeff or Connor or Rocky or Mark Ryan, if you give me an easy home or I'm taking it. Yeah. Yeah. No question.
Speaker: I'm an I'm an equal opportunist. Catch all these softballs. You like balls to the face, don't you? I was talking to you. God, you ruined everything. No, no, no. I hit you with your reverse card. Oh, I'm the champion. Oh, I dropped an awesome joke and you missed it. Oh, you weren't even here for my great joke about what my reasons.
Speaker: Yeah, yeah, you did miss it, Connor. It was funny. He ended up getting kicked. Was I any of the reasons? No, he ended up getting kicked, though, for sure. I did get fired from my own network. He got fired, temporarily, temporarily. Connor, you've got to watch the replay because I, man, just a master of my technique. I roped them both in. I had them both listening. I dropped that bomb like we did on Hiroshima.
Speaker: I was wondering why your why your research history looked like that that makes sense. I was doing research.
Speaker: How many quarters can fit? I was doing research on an upcoming project. The Dublin Irish Festival is going to be fun. Quarters everywhere. Good research on a new show, a new new show. We call it a time slot. The only slots is going to get filled if you know what I mean.
Speaker: Not mine. I've turned that thing into a fucking cigar cutter. You have no control from the waist down, you have no control. There's one part of my body that I've figured out how to use properly. It's my booty hole. Oh, really? Operation Stuck? Really? It's Operation Stuck Point. You know, if Dr. Hines her credit. Credit worth to. Bravo team.
Speaker: Code name booty whole team. All right. This is this is turning into a fucking shit show. Alpha team work the abdomen. Push it. Bravo team spread the booty cheeks. I mean, I saw this TikTok on Call of Duty call outs and this guy was like making the voice.
Speaker: uh you know the the one that's like uh came uh whatever uh just in drone overhead or whatever and you're like you know like that my voice yeah so there's another one he's like uh just in my wife just left me i'm alone and sad and he just lists all these guys like react to it he's like um
Speaker: He's like, sorry, plant B, plant B, mom B has been planted just like my wife was.
Speaker: He would drop it with the same like comms and like effects that the actual game has he's like, oh Hell no, that cannot be an actual voice line from the game. I used to think that shit was so funny But all of the chambers are full That guy is dealing with some serious mental health trauma issues and that's how he deals with it
Speaker: Yeah, exactly. Saturday nights is how I deal with my trauma. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. I would love to hear you play. You and I need you and I need to talk outside outside of the podcast. You got my contacts, man. Yeah, I know I do. What? Yeah. What? We talk all the time. I don't want to talk to you anymore outside of the podcast. Did I say that I wanted to fucking talk to you outside of the podcast? You said we need to talk outside of the podcast.
Speaker: I was talking to Rock Lee. I just assumed you were talking to me because it's my show. Sorry that we turned men's mental health show into our own selfish needs. Welcome to the pity party that we call men's mental health Monday.
Speaker: Yeah, these are the reasons Yes, no no I Think I think I made it very clear my goals and my intentions for this show So anybody who thinks we're being selfish or talking too much about ourselves well As a delusional old man once said
Speaker: who's on his 47 streaming app. And it said 47 times that this is the one you can kick rocks. What the freak bro. Yeah. Or, or you can suck a big fat one. Which if you're a pie head, that takes on a whole other need. Fair enough. Yeah. I mean, if, if you like pot, I guess suck one of those and then
Speaker: If you're gay for pay. Choke on a big old dick? Yeah. If you're gay for pay. Again, totally different meaning. You're my ex -fiance. Well, it's just a normal Tuesday night. So you roast yourself. You don't need anybody to roast. Oh yeah, that's what I said. These guys think they're going to roast me. I just roast myself.
Speaker: Oh, my God. Poor Brian. Good Lord. That was right. And Connor said, I wrote you a song like you're a bitch. I'm done. Have you seen Rockley? Have you seen the suction cup man? It's like I don't know if it's a South Park thing or what, but like he's climbing up the rocket and on the missile. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's floating down. He's like, hey, I wrote you a song. Goes a little something like this.
Speaker: You're a bitch! I'll give you guys a redo some point down the road. I don't need a redo. I stand by what I said. I'm not going to sit there and write jokes. First of all, just to sound like Brian. I would rather be candid and off the cuff as we usually are. I think candid and off the cuff is way better than written shit.
Speaker: I'll tell you what, man. We don't need a Glick Roast Test. We just need to pick on you more. I'm going to get professionals to come and do the job. I'm going to hire Jeffrey Ross and Bert Kreischer and Tom Sequora. I'm too nice, man. I've known you for such a long time and seen you go through so much stuff that it's like, man, what? I can't say nothing about this guy. Like, what the fuck?
Speaker: I am not the roaster. I'm the roasty. So it's OK. Like, you know what? Let's let's set up the roast of rock. And you're the roast Lee. Yeah, you guys roast me and we'll just do that for a night. I'll go. Carter's going to go. Carter's going to go. Hey, Rocky, I wrote you a song. You're black.
Speaker: You're bald. You're black. How's life going for you? I'll be sure to say I think I'm in the same boat. I like I don't think I would be able to I honestly don't think I'd be able to roast the shit out of you. But I would MC it. And that way I can roast everybody else. You just want to be part of the roasting a part of it.
Speaker: I just want to do what I do.
Speaker: Four nights a week and roast everybody else on my show. I label it something different, but it's the same show. Yeah, it's the same show. It's just like being like, well, wait, wait, wait till he puts his fucking belt on. Look at this asshole. You are a fucking douche with those belts. You are just a massive douche with those. Oh, it's funny. Don't get me wrong. It's very funny.
Speaker: but you are a massive dude. Every time you fucking grab it, everybody, everybody wants to rage quit. Everybody. That's okay. Do you think I need you people to do a podcast? Oh, Connor, can you come on one day and night? I don't have a co -host. Connor, Connor, Jeff bailed out. Can you come co -host with me? I can't do this. No, no, no, no.
Speaker: Oh, Mr. Mr. Glick's personal Jesus. I'm coming to save the day. You got a goddamn White Knight complex, bro. Go ahead and open that up. I know you saw it. Yeah. You got a goddamn White Knight complex, bro. Nice. What did you, which clip did you send to Rocky?
Speaker: I sent it to Connor because there's a new champ about to make him. He's about to make his his debut here soon. Oh, that would that would be me. I'll be that would be myself right here. Climate and take come down the US United States champion. Was that championship? What was it? There was a number 24, seven. Yeah.
Speaker: truth of this show. I am though. I really are. Truth is the man. I love our truth. That guy is I'm so glad he got his WrestleMania moment. I'm so glad that him and finally right after so long II dude II have been a fan of our truth.
Speaker: for years. I mean, he was what, uh, what was it? Uh, he was a K quick or something like that. Uh, and another, I, I'm a, I'm a diehard fan of our truth. I love that guy, dude. He just, what about Kofi? I feel bad for Kofi. He's only had one championship and he lost it. And like, there's a joke that there's an actual joke that every time a black wrestler wants a championship, Brock Lesnar's music starts playing.
Speaker: Like if you actually look up the memes on it, like TikTok, whatever, it'll be like it'll show just some random guy. He's like, yeah, I won the championship. And they did. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, oh, crap. All right. I am going to I'm going to head out. I'm going to talk to my wife about some stuff we got to discuss. Well, how about how about you? How about you just hang out? Let me play the last.
Speaker: that I can drop us with your inspirational quote. Well, because you guys, you two were rolling and I didn't want to interrupt that. So I was just going to gently dip. But if you're, if you're heading, if you're heading to close out the show, I'll stick around until we do got to get ready. Rocky, by the way, that's fucking sick. That's bad ass. You should 100 % get that. That's fucking sick.
Speaker: of the
Speaker: If he was the first one to go, I will come to Indiana and I will murder your crippled ass and I will. That's okay. While you're, while you're, when you go to bury me at my funeral, just make sure that I go, I go in the ground with the belt.
Speaker: If you if you die before the end of the year, then you're disqualified and you're and it doesn't count. No, you can't make up rules now. See, this is how I beat you guys all at your own game. I put myself on the list. You can now put yourself on the list. He was like, I'm just going to put myself out of like, no, we cannot.
Speaker: This next Thursday will go poorly, but I promise I'll have that fucking belt. I will have that built by any means necessary. We suck it. We suck at picking celebrities to die, by the way. Not all the celebrities that have died this year, not one of them is on our list yet. Wow. Jimmy Goddamn Carter. No, no, no, no. OJ Simpson was on my list. Yeah, well. Yeah, that don't count.
Speaker: What's not now I'm taking my dub on that because everybody in the chatters box and all I had OJ Simpson shout out. No, I do. I did. But a lot of my guys are like they're the weird ones. You know, I am with Liz. Most of my guys, there's no chance like this guy has Reba McIntyre and Hathaway. I don't have an Hathaway. It's Reba McIntyre and Angelina Jolie. Those are the only two that probably won't happen on my list.
Speaker: Peyton Manning. You have who? Peyton Manning. Peyton Manning. Oh, that would make me very sad. Of course. Yeah, but that's why I like weird ones, you know, because weird ones that are like not like your traditional like you can't just pick the oldest person, you know, and throw them off the list. That's how it always happens, too, is like it's just the most random. That's why we did this back when Michael Jackson died, dude, I would have fucking won right off the bat. Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: I've had money on that desk since I was born Peyton Manning may die, but his forehead never will Have you seen the fucking oh god, what's his uh, what's his fucking name the the dude who dated Ariana Grande Yeah Pete Davidson have you seen his thing where he rose fucking Peyton Manning? He's like Peyton Peyton Manning looks like if football players Evolved to not have to wear helmets
Speaker: Nice. Oh, my God. Oh, hey, Manny, I loved you in the Goonies when you said, hey, you got it. Oh, shit. Close this out.
Speaker: Any who, I do want to wrap the show up tonight. We great conversations, you know.
Speaker: got heavy guys. It got heavy, but we lighten the mood up here at the end. We'd like the mood up here at the end. Rockley, thank you for coming in here, bro. You know, you're always welcome. Just just shoot me a message. You're welcome on all the shows. Well, all the shows I'm a part of. I can't vouch for Jeff show or Jarvis's show or talking shit. But the other four of the seven shows, I hope so.
Speaker: You're welcome any time, brother. Just let me know when you want to be here, when you can be here. Yeah, we enjoy having you on here. The fans enjoy seeing you and getting to hang out with you and chitchat. And obviously, you know, we learned tonight that apparently you're the second most good looking guy on the on the on the show. I mean, I'm just saying.
Speaker: I'll take it. I'll take it second best. Really? Oh, yeah. I think I'm pretty I think I'm pretty fucking beautiful. First of all, I mean, you're beautiful, but you're very beautiful. God damn right. I am. You're very pretty. You're very pretty. Do you think I'm pretty?
Speaker: Sorry. Big bro is always going to be number one. Why? Because it's my network and it's my shows and I make the rules. So you're ugly. You're also on your third millennia. Thank you very much. And I'm a hideous creature. You're sexy for a squash. I have an amazing beard and fantastic hair.
Speaker: man skipping. He's got to be a bitch. Being broke has its perks. I can't afford to go to my barber. So I'm just going to grow my hair back out again. And I haven't had my hair grown out completely in about 15 years. Wow. I'm going to 15 years as a fucking drop in the bucket for you, though. You were just you were just a wee little lad 15 years ago, both of y 'all work.
Speaker: 15 years ago, I was, I was 10. I was, I was 11 years old. I was going to see. Wait, 15 years ago. Yeah, I was 18. Connor, you were the same age as my son right now. See, Glick, I'm proud of you because despite your old age, you have, you've really learned this technology very well. I just want you to know that I'm proud of you for this. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker: Have you figured out texting yet? He's got Snapchat video down. That's about it. I got fat fingers. Look, I got fat fingers. And texting with fat fingers. That'll stick, Peter. It usually doesn't work out too well. So I just like, fuck it. I'm going to either send a voice chat or a video chat because I'm not going to sit here
Speaker: through blah blah blah. It looks like I'm fucking mentally retarded because you are because you are. You guy. Oh, man. Sorry, I love my homies with my ex. I love my homies with the extra cronies just so you all know. You guys are the shit.
Speaker: the
Speaker: a nephew or cousin or something who has Down syndrome. And you guys probably look so much alike. We do. But he's good. It's OK that you say retard because I call myself a retard. And then it would usually punch me in the chest. Yeah, I couldn't respond. I couldn't do anything about it because he's got a valid point. He's retarded. And I'm going to look like an asshole if I punch a retard in the chest.
Speaker: Yeah. And what I learned a valuable lesson. He calls himself that and it's okay for me to say it. So, so my chest, so scroll. Top top podcast boy.
Speaker: Anyway, guys, thank you so very much for joining us tonight on men's mental health. We've discussed some very serious points tonight. We have some tears, we have some laughs. I appreciate everyone coming out to my show tonight. Thank you to my guests, Glick and Connor, for joining me tonight as we discuss these topics. And word of encouragement from Glick, Connor, let's go.
Speaker: Well, we're going to do that after the song. We do it after the song. So I know this is your show, but you should probably learn how your show goes before you. I have no idea how my show goes. I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to pull the E break and I'm going to bring it real. I'm going to bring it. I'm going to bring it back to being heavy because I love this fucking song and I love what it means. And it's one of my favorite rock bands ever disturbed with a reason to fight. So Rocky,
Speaker: When we get done with the song, if you've got any words to wisdom or a quote that you like or whatever, we'll, we'll get to that after the song, but here's a disturbed, it's actually a cover by Oh God, I'm sorry. Jake, Jake poncho. Uh, but it is a reason to fight. I love this goddamn song.
Speaker: And if you've ever seen them in concert, you get the story behind it. There's a whole big story behind it. Dave usually spends like 10 minutes talking this song up. And I recommend go watch the YouTube video because there are multiple of him talking this song up and they hit close to home to what we're talking about tonight.
Speaker: Reflecting the pain That has taken you I hear it in your voice So ridden with shame From a tale in you I won't give up So don't give up
Speaker: but you can rise again so don't give up when the demon that's inside you is ready to begin and it feels like it's a battle that you will never win are you waking for the fire and begging for your sin when there's nothing
Speaker: lost in your world of lies I find it so hard to believe
Speaker: Can it be real this time or just a part of this game That we're playing through I won't give up, so don't give up
Speaker: You've fallen down but you will rise again So don't give up When the demon that's inside you is ready to begin And it feels like it's a battle that you will never win Are you waking for the fire and begging for your sins When there's nothing left in time
Speaker: Don't let it take your soul Look at me take control We're going to fight in the world
Speaker: Are you ready to begin? This is a battle that we are gonna win Are you aching for the fire? And begging for your sin When there's nothing left inside?
Speaker: And it feels like it's a battle we will never win
Speaker: It's her.
Speaker: will disturb reason to fight. I'm Joe doing his thing. The song has very close to home to me because in all honesty, we, we all need to find that person. It's going to give reason to fight. And, you know, I've been blessed and grateful that I found mine. I have been others and.
Speaker: Anybody who's going through that shit, going through their problems, going through their issues, finding themselves at those grassroots. I will speak for myself. If you need somebody, if you need somebody to carry that load, if you need a friend that you didn't know was going to be a friend, feel free to reach out. We are on all social medias. We're just a DM away. I'm just a DM away.
Speaker: Nonsense go network. Give us a follow. Give us a like and if you ever need anything feel free to reach out. Don't be shy Rock Lee, what do you want to leave the people with tonight before we leave? Um Man sorry, man, that's all just hit me. Yeah, I don't know if you can see but I was jamming out to So long
Speaker: It just it's inspiring. I will say that my quote for the night is rub some dirt in it. Don't rub it, but rub some dirt on it. But also to follow up on that, you know. Don't actually do it because I got an SCD and then.
Speaker: And then also I got a gingivitis from, just take it as a paraphrase. No, I'm joking. You know, just hang on. Hang on out there. Maybe there's someone out there that hasn't went through exactly what you went through. But the funny thing about experiences is they tend to bring people together. Share your story.
Speaker: Don't be afraid to be vulnerable for the people that you care the most about you. And they can end up very easily being your reason. That's what I would say. For sure. I like it. Connor, what you got? Blake, what about you? Well, Connor, I got
Speaker: Closers and then I got one for tonight. So I've got like three of them But that's why I was gonna go last because I like to hear myself Well For me, I don't have really a quote but there's I can always remember the the one I can't remember some fucking profit or something stupid like that, but Get knocked down seven times and always get up eight. I
Speaker: The shit that you're going through is gonna fucking suck and no one can make it suck less And I told Jeff the other night don't let people blow smoke up your ass. You wait, whatever you're going through. It's fucking tough It's gonna fucking suck Jesus gotta fucking keep pushing. There's there's more in the world for you than you know, I
Speaker: Don't give up don't succumb to weakness be strong be tough like rock Lee said just rip some fucking dirt in it and keep moving Don't be afraid to get vulnerable and say what you need to say And get what you need to get off your chest Just keep fucking pushing. Don't give up. Don't quit because once you do you can't go back on it This one kind of kids hits pretty close to home for me I
Speaker: I think it's gonna hit close to home to anybody who's been there. The bravest thing I ever did was continue my life when I wanted to die. That speaks volumes to me personally, cuz I've been there.
Speaker: And I hate it. I hate that I was, that I was there, but I was there. I can tell you guys every Monday night, remember the five things to quit in life. We're trying to please everyone. We're fearing change. Change is good. Sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's bad, but just because it's bad doesn't mean it's not good. We're living in the past.
Speaker: down and quit overthinking. Easier said than done at the end of the day, but nonetheless. Last but not least, I've been leaving you guys with this since we started this show. The sums my world up. And one easy quote, successful man. Is one who can lay a firm foundation by the bricks that were thrown at him by others.
Speaker: Don't believe me let's have a conversation Because I've been eating bricks most of my life Yes Emma Emma is a survivor and I would love to talk to Emma at some point in time Stary able correct
Speaker: But anyways, we appreciate you guys listening. We appreciate you guys hanging out. Hopefully you enjoyed the show tonight. Tune in tomorrow night. I think Jeff's garage is back Wednesday night. What the fuck news Thursday night talking shit Friday night. I will be back in some variation of Glick's house of music. I don't know what I'm going to be doing yet. I don't know if I'm going to have an interview or if I'm just going to be playing music Saturday night, nonsensical nonsense. And we wrap the week up with a brand new episode of
Speaker: Excuse me The driver's podcast make sure you guys check out the network on all social media everywhere you listen to podcast And don't forget to join us live Monday through Sunday here on YouTube at the nonsense go nonsense or the nonsensical network. I'm sorry until next time Hit this button hit this button hit the button
