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Mindfulness For Dealing with Anger
56 Plays2 years ago
In this episode, mindfulness coach Tracey Lynn Pearson help us understand anger and how mindfulness can make it easier to handle. We'll learn simple techniques to recognize anger early on and take a moment to think before reacting.
We share practical tips you can use in your everyday life. We'll explore the good things that happen when we practice mindfulness regularly. It helps us become stronger emotionally, understand others better, and feel more balanced inside. By accepting that anger doesn't last forever and learning how to control it, we can live happier lives.
Get ready for a guided meditation designed to help you when you're feeling angry. It will show you how to be kind to yourself, imagine someone wise and calm beside you, and forgive yourself and others.
Whether you've had trouble with anger or just want to feel more peaceful, this episode is for you. We'll explain everything in simple terms and give you practical techniques you can use right away. By understanding anger and practicing mindfulness, you can turn anger into a chance for personal growth and find inner peace.
Join us on this episode of Mindfully Refreshed as we explore mindfulness and how it can help us deal with anger.
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Transcript
Introduction and Topic Announcement
00:01:11
Speaker
Welcome back to the Mindfully Refresh podcast. Again, I'm your host, Tracy Lynn Pearson, and I'm a mindfulness coach and restorative yoga teacher and a psychotherapist and so excited about today's topic because it's one that I find that all of us will need at one point or another in our lives. And today's topic that we're talking about is anger.
00:01:35
Speaker
I wanted to talk a little bit about this topic because it's a question that I'm often asked as a mindfulness coach or a psychotherapist, can you help me deal with my anger? Can you give me some tools to do when I'm really, really upset?
00:01:52
Speaker
And really, you know, like how does mindfulness and anger go together? Those are all interesting questions that I'm often asked and some things that we're going to really address in today's episode.
Understanding Anger as a Natural Emotion
00:02:08
Speaker
So what I want to talk about first is kind of the importance of understanding what anger is. And I think anger gets kind of a bad rap, if you will, because
00:02:21
Speaker
Most of us see anger as something that is bad or something that should be avoided at all costs. And that either causes us to kind of stuff our anger or for it to come out in some sort of, we're expressing it, we're getting the anger out, but it's aggressive, it's harmful to others and to ourselves. So first, kind of the misconception about anger.
00:02:49
Speaker
Anger in itself is not bad. Anger is simply an emotion. And it's not one that you really get to control whether it occurs. What we can control is how we respond to it. But the fact that you will get angry is something that you can't stop.
Complex Nature of Anger
00:03:10
Speaker
It's a complex emotion and really it comes from, it's our response to something that we might see as a threat
00:03:18
Speaker
something that frustrates us and injustice. And it's important to understand that it is a natural, normal human experience. It will happen all over. I often hear Christian people say that anger is bad, but even the Bible tells us to be angry, but send not. So we understand that anger is something that is going to happen.
00:03:47
Speaker
It can also range in a lot of different ways. It can come in from something that's just like a mild irritation or annoyance to something that really has us hostile and with rage and volatile wanting to hurt someone or something. So I think it's important that we understand that the feeling of anger is normal and it's something we will get.
00:04:16
Speaker
That also tells us though, right, that we need to be prepared. Then how do we, if this is something that's going to normally happen to us, how do we prepare ourselves to deal with it appropriately?
00:04:30
Speaker
So, you know, those are some of the things that we're going to talk about.
Physical and Emotional Triggers of Anger
00:04:35
Speaker
I'm going to give you a couple of tools to use today. But before we get into that, I really just kind of want to talk a little bit about kind of the physiological things that anger can cause. Because what happens is that, and these are things that we tend to not be able to control, is an increased heart rate.
00:04:52
Speaker
elevated blood pressure, muscle tension, and a release of like the stress hormones in our body. So you're getting like a chemical injection of adrenaline when you get angry. And then psychologically, it can have those feelings of resentment, irritability, hostility, and a strong desire to react or retaliate. And those are the things that I think make it more difficult to control.
00:05:23
Speaker
So what triggers our anger, right? It can be anything from just feeling like something unfair happened. It could be a personal conflict. It could be something that might be an injustice, feeling attacked or threatened. And it can happen right away or it's something that can kind of build up. You can have what we call like a latent response, like something happened. And then the more you got home and you started thinking about it over and over,
00:05:52
Speaker
It really started to annoy you. It got worse. And those are the things that can kind of cause anger to kind of sneak up on us. It can be internal responses to things like frustrations, disappointments, anything that you feel like you might have lost some control or freedom in. So it can even be like other people's choices or decisions.
00:06:17
Speaker
Um, and it can, you know, happen also from, um, like a past trauma or some sort of unresolved emotional issue. So, you know, for me, one of the things that really got me into mindfulness, and I've shared this before is that, you know, I, um, I was a single parent.
Personal Experiences with Anger and Mindfulness
00:06:39
Speaker
I, um, had a job where I was working.
00:06:42
Speaker
you know, 60 to 70 hours a week. And I didn't really feel appreciated maybe by the people that were either supervising me or that I was supervising. And I just lost my mom and I had a heart attack. So I had all of these things that kind of brought me into mindfulness. And then as I started to explore in mindfulness, some of the things that
00:07:08
Speaker
created like I had a lifetime of just carrying stress. And then I found myself kind of angry, right? As I thought about it, not just angry about the stress and maybe the job or being a single parent, but now I'm even angry about the loss of physicality. Like, you know, having a heart attack, that means you have to do some things different. You have to eat different. During it, I have to work out
00:07:37
Speaker
And it just seemed like one more thing on my plate. And what I found is that that anger really started to build up, but I wasn't even aware that it was building up. So one of the things that I encourage people to do is to really get in touch with our feelings and our emotions, because if we don't know what they are, it's not like they're not in operation. They're still there underlying and actually,
00:08:07
Speaker
kind of giving us decisions, kind of pushing us into responses and things. And we're not even aware that it's there. So having that anger about that situation wasn't a negative thing. It's kind of what we would call a justifiable anger. Yeah. You know, like, okay, well, you can't have as much chocolate as you want, or you can't, you have to start working out. You can't lay in the bed and do nothing when you, when you don't feel like doing anything.
00:08:35
Speaker
All of those are honest things to be angry about, but it becomes super problematic when we start to handle it or express it in destructive ways.
The Purpose of Anger and Mindfulness Techniques
00:08:47
Speaker
And by not knowing that it's present, that is one of the destructive ways. So uncontrolled or poorly managed anger can lead to like aggressive behavior, strained relationships, physical and verbal violence.
00:09:05
Speaker
I want you to think about that. Like my physical violence wasn't towards anyone else. It was actually towards my myself. So that's the last thing that's like, it's damaged to your overall body and to your overall wellbeing. So just like anything else, any other emotion, anger does serve a purpose. It's supposed to be a signal to us that something is wrong or needs our attention.
00:09:34
Speaker
The outcome or how we go about giving that attention is what makes it healthy for us to express our anger or unhealthy. But when we recognize anger and when we channel it, when we understand how to use it appropriately, it can actually motivate positive action like it did for me. It's like, okay, well, I need to find a way to deal with all of the stress and mindfulness was my tool.
00:10:03
Speaker
You know, it can help us to be more assertive. It can help us to speak up for ourselves. Anger can help us to set healthy boundaries. The key is, is that when we get angry, are we able to kind of identify what it is that's making us angry and then problem solve that before we make the response. So this is what I love about mindfulness is that it creates that space for me between how I feel that emotion
00:10:32
Speaker
of anger or any other emotion in my response. And it allows me to think more clearly about what would be the appropriate way to go about that. So when we're handling anger better, then we're better understanding, first we're understanding that it's present and we're getting that awareness about it and how it's showing up for us and our bodies. Where do you feel anger?
00:10:58
Speaker
Um, you know, when we talk about like mapping emotions, one of the things we know is that anchor kind of covers our whole body. It shows up a lot like joy where we feel it all over. Um, but there are probably parts of your body where you feel it more. Um, and mindfulness then can be a great tool for us when working with anger, um, and helping to create that better self control or emotional regulation. And also.
00:11:28
Speaker
better compassion for ourselves and better understanding of who we are. Now, I also want to state that when your anger is uncontrollable and you find that mindful tools aren't working, that is a time to, you know, see a therapist or possibly get some help to deal with your anger.
00:11:51
Speaker
And there's no shame in that. Sometimes that happens for us that, you know, we need a little bit extra tools than what are available. For example, when I initially had some heart issues, I had to take some heart medication to help get my heart right and to regulate it until I learned some tools for myself where I no longer have to take those. So anger and mindfulness are like really closely related and practicing mindfulness
00:12:20
Speaker
can help deal with your anger. As I mentioned before, first of all, it helps you to become more aware that it's there. Practicing mindfulness helps us to stay in tune with anger and the level that our anger is.
Mindfulness in Recognizing Anger
00:12:36
Speaker
So when I'm feeling angry,
00:12:39
Speaker
you know i can stop and say okay this is really making me mad and for me i kind of just use like an internal thermometer or like okay where is that anger at in my body is it like knee high is it at my waist is it at my shoulders
00:12:53
Speaker
And what we're looking for, what we're paying attention to are the physical sensations that you feel. So is it that my face feels hot? Am I biting the inside of my cheek? Are my nostrils flaring? Do I feel like all this energy in my hands, like I wanna punch someone?
00:13:15
Speaker
And I'm paying attention to the thoughts that I'm having. So the physical sensations in my body, as well as what's going through my mind. I can't stand this person. They're making me so upset. I need to get, I can't look at you one more minute. I'm going to tell you something. Whatever it is, like where, what are those thoughts that you're having?
00:13:38
Speaker
And then any other emotions that are kind of associated with them, because sometimes I find that it's not actually anger, I'm embarrassed, or I feel guilt or shame, or sometimes it's just that I actually feel sad and anger I can express because it takes more vulnerability to admit that my feelings were hurt. So I utilize an emotions wheel
00:14:08
Speaker
And I would be happy. You can Google one, but I'd be happy to send you one. I have kind of like four of them that start kind of like on a children's level and goes to an adult level. I'd be happy to email you one of those. If you contact me and you can, my contact information is listed in later in the website or later in the tool, or you can go to my website, mindfullyrefresh.com.
00:14:33
Speaker
and just send me an email saying you'd like to see or have a copy of an anger or emotions wheel. So when we connect all of those different things that are going with the anger, we want to also deal with those emotions as well. So as I'm looking at all of those different things and I'm understanding now like, okay, what is actually behind it? And then,
00:15:00
Speaker
The beautiful part about this is that I can respond to those feelings and emotions, I can respond to that anger, rather than react. Now when I react to anger, I always end up with that icky feeling at the end like shouldn't have said that or did I say too much or.
00:15:18
Speaker
Why didn't I say something because I just left the area? But this allows me to actually respond in a way that is addressing my anger. So remember I said that anger is kind of like that signal that something needs to happen or something is wrong. My response then can be a way to deal with that. And that instantly begins to ease our frustration. It begins to ease some of the anger because
00:15:48
Speaker
I am addressing it. It also allows me to think about like, okay, so I know that I need to talk to this person. I know that I need to stand up for myself. I know that I need to stand up for someone else. I know I need to say something. What is it that I should say? And that allows me to think about like, okay, what is the outcome? What do I want as a result? A lot of times people say, well, I want to say this to this. I think I need to say this to them.
00:16:15
Speaker
And I'm like, okay, and what are you hoping for as a result? Sometimes you're hoping to tell someone something like they didn't, they didn't behave honorably when they're not an honorable person. That's not going to be well received and will probably only make you more upset. So is this something where you just need to let go?
00:16:37
Speaker
set boundaries or actually say something that's going to be constructive. Now, again, you don't get to choose how the other person's going to respond, but having more thought about how you go about it will help to ease some frustration about anger.
Mindfulness for Emotional Regulation and Empathy
00:16:56
Speaker
The other thing about a mindfulness that it's really taught me in regards to anger and all of my emotions is that they are not permanent emotions. While I might be angry now in a few minutes, that could go away. Um, it's not something that's going to, to last forever. I remember, um, when I was married, being angry with my spouse and then
00:17:22
Speaker
After a while, I would forget that I was angry and end up cooking, you know, like his favorite meal. I'm like, wait a minute. And then I remembered I was angry with you. So the one thing we know is that our emotions aren't permanent. They're not going to stay or last. What this does, though, with mindfulness is that we're able to observe that anger without judging it. So we're not saying like it's bad. We're not saying, you know, anything negative. I'm just observing. Why is it there?
00:17:52
Speaker
and paying attention to the things that it brings about in me. I'm paying attention to, is this the first time that this has made me angry? And is this maybe a boundary that I need to set? So when we're looking at it without judgment or resistance, so I'm definitely admitting that it's there, I can notice how my anger might rise and then go back down and eventually go away on its own.
00:18:21
Speaker
So I don't have to be stuck in a cycle of like ruminating over it or holding on to it any longer than necessary. Mindfulness also helps us with anger so that we can recognize any unmet needs that we might have. And this allows us to be empathetic towards us
00:18:46
Speaker
And even to others, there are times that I'm angry and I will sit and engage in a meditation. And while doing that, I can start to see the other person's point of view or the other person's side. I might not agree with it, but I'm able to see that, okay, maybe this wasn't
00:19:04
Speaker
um, as mean-spirited as I thought. Maybe I had an initial reaction because I'm already feeling insecure about something, but it allows me to have more open compassion and communication for myself and others. And then this actually helps with a healthier resolution. The more that I can even try to look at another person's point of view in a disagreement, the better that outcome will be.
00:19:33
Speaker
You know, in counseling couples, one of the things that I often say to them is that, you know, you can either be right or you can be in love. And at some point we all, if we're looking for love, have to deal with the fact that, okay, I might be right here, but I'm choosing love versus choosing this anger. So it helps us to kind of restore those relationships.
00:20:00
Speaker
And then best of all, it helps us with our own self-regulation, knowing our own emotions and helping us to have that calmness and clarity that we all desire, all the different things that we want.
Guided Meditation and Immediate Tools for Anger
00:20:14
Speaker
So incorporating mindfulness helps us to really have a more understanding relationship with anger. It allows us to be more skilled in dealing with anger. And it really gives us the tools that we need to
00:20:29
Speaker
make that positive change in our own lives. So what we'll do now is we're gonna just take a quick break. And when we come back, I wanna give you some tools on how to deal with anger in an effective way. So if you want, we're gonna get into a guided meditation. So this is a great time during our break to turn off distractions. If you're working to maybe just take a quick break
00:20:59
Speaker
If you're driving, please pull over. Do not practice these mindfulness tools while driving or engaged in anything with heavy equipment. So we will be right back.
00:22:14
Speaker
All right, well, welcome back. The first tool that I'm going to share with you is just kind of a quick tool to use when you're feeling like super angry kind of in the moment and you haven't maybe been practiced at using a mindfulness or meditation.
00:22:36
Speaker
And what you want to do is to just kind of get in a comfortable position, whatever position that is for you. Sometimes it helps to sit up straight, especially when you're really upset, lying down might be difficult. But again, this is your choice, whatever is comfortable for you. And we're going to begin just by taking a deep breath.
00:23:03
Speaker
And close your eyes if you're comfortable. Taking in another deep breath, breathing in through your nose and allowing your abdomen to expand. And then slowly exhaling through your mouth, releasing any tension you might be holding. So we're going to try just a couple of these. Deep breath in through your nose.
00:23:33
Speaker
and exhale through your mouth. Now shift your attention to the sensations that you're currently feeling in your body. Feel the weight of your body on whatever surface it is that you're on. Notice the feeling of your bottom or your feet
00:24:03
Speaker
Anything that's going to help bring your attention to the present moment. Now acknowledge and observe the feeling of anger without judging it. Just simply recognizing that it's there.
00:24:31
Speaker
Allow yourself to just experience that anger without being consumed by it, remembering that it's just a natural response, simply a signal.
00:24:55
Speaker
Now mentally, we're just going to count from one to 10, allowing each number to represent a calming breath. So with each count, imagine releasing tension and anger with your exhale.
00:25:31
Speaker
And now choose a positive anchor. Bring to mind a positive image, something that gives you joy and calmness. It could be a peaceful place, a loved one, a happy memory, and just focus on that anchor until it's replacing the anger that you feel.
Deep Meditation and Visualization Techniques
00:26:18
Speaker
Now, if you need more time, you basically feel free to pause this podcast and pick it back up when you feel that that anger is dissipated. But remember that practicing mindfulness takes time and practice. It also takes a lot of patience. So you're building those things in yourself while you're practicing.
00:26:47
Speaker
I want to give you another tool, which is more of a, it's a longer guided meditation for dealing with anger. And this one could be used more at like the end of the day or at a time where you feel more, that you have more time to focus on addressing the anger in your emotions.
00:27:14
Speaker
So again, in this one, you want to find a comfortable position and this one you might be lying down and you want it to be in a place where you feel safe enough to close your eyes. If you find closing your eyes difficult, then just try to softly focus on a subject. Take a deep breath in and as you exhale, just
00:27:42
Speaker
release any tension or stress from your body. And we're going to start just by bringing the attention to our breath. You don't need to change it or anything here. Just notice how your breath is coming into your body and how it's leaving.
00:28:13
Speaker
Allow each breath to just kind of anchor you into this moment right now. And now I invite you to bring to mind the situation or a person that has triggered your anger recently.
00:28:42
Speaker
And as you hold this image in your mind, notice the sensations that arise in your body. Just notice it without judging it. And now as you continue to breathe, visualize a golden light kind of surrounding you.
00:29:10
Speaker
It's creating a safe and peaceful space. And this light represents your own internal wisdom, compassion. Begin to explore the feeling of anger in your body and notice where it resides.
00:29:40
Speaker
Is it in your chest, your jaw, maybe your shoulders? Right now, just observe those sensations without trying to change them. Knowing where your anger shows up is important for you. It will help you to recognize it in the future.
00:30:15
Speaker
Now imagine yourself just kind of holding this feeling of anger in your hands. If you can just kind of move it all to your hands. And as you're holding it, hold it with some tenderness and care. Recognize that it is a natural part of you. It's part of being human. And give yourself permission to feel that anger.
00:30:54
Speaker
Now, as you hold this anger, repeat these affirmations either silently or out loud. I acknowledge my anger without judgment. I am allowed to feel the emotion.
00:31:21
Speaker
I am not defined by my anger. Now, if you can, just picture a calm and wise presence beside you.
00:31:45
Speaker
It could be a person that you admire. It could be a spiritual existence. It could be yourself, a parent maybe. And feel their loving, compassionate energy just holding you.
00:32:22
Speaker
Take a deep breath in and as you exhale, release the anger from your body. Just kind of picturing it going out into the air like smoke and disappearing into the sky. Now shift your focus to forgiveness.
00:32:54
Speaker
and extend forgiveness to yourself in any way that you need to for how you've reacted to anger maybe in an unhealthy way. Giving yourself grace.
00:33:21
Speaker
and offer forgiveness to others involved if you can, recognizing that they are human also and may also be struggling.
00:33:46
Speaker
And as we come to the end of this meditation, take a moment to express gratitude for this practice and an opportunity to cultivate that peace and to gain that peace and understanding within yourself. And when you're ready, gently open your eyes and bring your awareness back to the present moment.
00:34:17
Speaker
And if you need more time, feel free to pause this meditation and resume when you're ready.
Integrating Mindfulness into Daily Life
00:34:28
Speaker
Now, remember, meditation can be a helpful tool whenever you find yourself kind of dealing with anger. And the goal here is to really create mindfulness and compassion towards yourself.
00:34:44
Speaker
so that you're better understanding, you know, what it is that's making you angry and caring for yourself in a way that is important. So it is something that requires practice and setting aside a few minutes every day for mindfulness meditation, whether you're using a guided meditation like this one or an app, such as Intimer,
00:35:14
Speaker
Insight timer or calm. Any of those can help to add to your practice. You can use mindfulness while you're walking, even brushing your teeth. You don't have to be seated in a formal way.
00:35:33
Speaker
So I want to thank you for joining on
Personal Interests and Community Engagement
00:35:35
Speaker
this. What I'd like to kind of do, I always like to end these podcasts by talking a little bit about what I call wellness, wavelengths and wellness. And part of this is really just sharing some other things that I'm enjoying and I'd love to hear from you as well. So if you have topics or ideas of things that mindfulness can help you with,
00:36:03
Speaker
I would love for you to share that by just simply contacting me on our website, mindfullyrefreshed.com. And some of the things that I'm not really doing a whole lot, I guess. I am currently reading a book about highly sensitive people. And it's been a very eye-opening book for me. It's actually my second time going through the book.
00:36:30
Speaker
But it's called highly sensitive people, and it's a way of kind of understanding maybe the superpower that some of us have. You know, if you've ever been called super sensitive as a child, or if things seem to bother you, you have a higher sense of emotions.
00:36:48
Speaker
about things than others. So it's a great book that kind of gives us some detail about what's happening with that. And then in regards to watching things on television, I am currently rewatching the TV show, Sweet Magnolias, because I think the new season comes out this week. So I'm just getting myself ready for what's next on that.
00:37:14
Speaker
And in regards to listening to things, I haven't really listened to a lot of music, but I have been listening to the Office Ladies podcast, which I love the Office TV show. And I've been enjoying the rewatch of the podcast with Jenna Fisher and Angela Kinsey. So those are just some of the things that are going on with me.
00:37:38
Speaker
Some other things to share, I guess, is that every Monday, the first Monday of every month at 7 p.m., we are offering a mindfully refreshed restorative yoga classes. So restorative yoga is more of a slow yoga practice. You're on the floor most of the time and during the hour you might only do maybe four or five poses. And the purpose of it is to just kind of
00:38:08
Speaker
pay more attention to what's happening in our bodies and just to kind of restore back into alignment some of our body functionings. So I encourage you to join there. You can find that information out on our website or on Linktree. Mindfully refreshed with no space is the Linktree tool. And I also have a couple of new guided meditations on Insight Timer.
00:38:34
Speaker
So I hope that you follow me there. And then again, I'm on Instagram and Facebook. So I would love to connect with you. So thank you so much for joining me today on this topic of dealing with anger. I really, I'm sure that you're going to find some of these techniques beneficial in your own life. And thank you for tuning in and
00:39:00
Speaker
I hope to hear from you or see you or listen to you on our next podcast.