Episode 123: Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace featuring Ethan Sarezky

Transcript

Speaker: It's bad to be bad. It's bad to be bad. And guess it's understood that you would, if you could.

Speaker: And you know that you should. Yes, you know that you should.

Speaker: Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to your favorite bad movie podcast. It's the only podcast that's brave enough to ask the question, if this movie's so bad, why do you like it so much?

Speaker: We're your hosts. My name is Chris Anderson, and I gotta say, i'm clearly the Qui-Gon Jinn of the show. Uh-huh. I think this makes some sense.

Speaker: My personality is just like that of Qui-Gon Jinn. His personality that he has. yes The personality that he has is very similar to mine in so many ways. It was like they made a movie about me.

Speaker: and of course, that wonderful laugh comes from my wife and perhaps my delightful Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi of the show, Anna Anderson. Okay.

Speaker: Hello. Hello. Hello, you're just like Obi-Wan. This is just like a conversation that they had in the film where they're like, hello.

Speaker: You can't tell because this is an audio medium, but I did do a little Jedi yeah hand movement, but I couldn't think of anything to say. this The negotiations were short. This isn't podcast you're looking for.

Speaker: Nailed it. Well, I think you did that because I just sent you a cash app and I was like, why? Why?

Speaker: Well, of course, we have our third host on the show. Uh-huh. Our own personal Mace Windu, Mr. Greg Bossy. All right. I'll take Mace. That's Samuel Jackson?

Speaker: Yes. Okay. Because you're both beautiful bald men. Yes. Oh, I get it. All right. Yeah. And of course, oh, I'm sorry, Greg. No, no. I was going to make a joke, but it's not there. so let's just move on.

Speaker: I love it. Let's move on to our fabulous guest. I'm wondering what he was going to joke about so bad. Yeah. It's gone to the ether now.

Speaker: ah so Such is life. We have a very special guest with us. You might know him as a ah father, a friend of the show, a world-renowned expert on graded and sealed tapes. Yes.

Speaker: But today, he's our own personal Viceroy Newt Gunray. It's Mr. Ethan Saretsky. How are you, Ethan? How are you? How were how are the the three of you? How are the audience? I'm excited. We're talking about a terribly awful movie that is still loved because, you know, it's part of Star Wars. So I do i do love it it. It may be my favorite bad movie.

Speaker: Okay. Okay. Tough. That's, that's, I don't think that's a reasonable choice, but it's the choice that you've made and I'll respect it. Well, the added bonus was you, you had to watch whatever I picked.

Speaker: That is true. We sure did. This week, Ethan made us watch Star Wars Episode one The Phantom Menace. The Menace isn't here yet.

Speaker: And if you haven't seen Star Wars Episode I, The Phantom Menace, here's just a brief summary of the film to hold in your mind. Mm-hmm.

Speaker: A pair of Jedi Knights are sent to the distant planet of Naboo. There they find it under siege by a droid army. They smuggle at the Queen so she can request aid from the Intergalactic Senate.

Speaker: But they get waylaid on the planet of Tatooine. And it just gets more complicated from there. That's a fine way to put it. That half of it. Are you serious? That was your summary?

Speaker: Listen, it's Star Wars Episode One. Listeners, if you're listening to this show and you're not familiar with the broad concept of Star Wars or Star Wars Episode One, I don't know who the fuck you are. Yeah. We're happy to have you, but you are very strange to me. It's all about space taxes and trade disputes and other action adventure statements. It sure is. It sure is.

Speaker: So, Ethan, out of all the films in the world that you could have chosen this week, you you were stuck between this and the erotic witch project. Yeah, I couldn't pick that in good faith because I haven't seen it, and I didn't want to set us up to watch something that was just... I mean, chances Why roll the dice? Yeah, I don't want roll dice. yeah I want to watch something that I know is... Or should I say roll the chance cubes?

Speaker: Right. Is that from Dungeons & Dragons? The chance cube. That is from Star Wars Episode I. The Phantom Menace. They rolled chance cubes? They rolled... He said, let the chance cube decide. That's when he did the Jedi trick and made it... He cheated it. Dice.

Speaker: Well, he can't influence Watto, but he can influence the dice with his Jedi mind tricks. Chance cubes have minds. Couldn't he also just outright rob him? like He should shoot him. He's a slave owner. yeah He's not a Sith. He's a Jedi. He should shoot him in the face. Ethan, why did you choose this movie?

Speaker: Because it's got everything I like in the movie. It's got really tasteful accents. sure Yeah, absolutely. It's got side characters that you know are just kid friendly, but adults love them too. kind of like Yeah, well sure.

Speaker: fun for the whole family. got trade disputes and lightsabers. And I found out, this may be my favorite thing about this movie. This is what I found out when I was Googling around. There's a scene with with not Mace Windu.

Speaker: And I was like, what does that mean? you know i don't know what that means. That being Samuel L. Jackson's character in this film. And there's apparently a scene they left in where there's just a stand-in who's just like ah a black dude who has no hair.

Speaker: And he's walking with Yoda, you know, and he's not Mace Windu. That's not Mace Windu. Not all bald black men in Star Wars are Mace Windu, you guys. Yoda knows other bald black dudes. I thought it was Makai Pfeiffer the first time I saw it, to be honest. Yeah, it could be Makai Windu. Makai Windu. Ethan, do you remember when you first saw Star Wars Phantom Menace? yeah How you felt about it at the time?

Speaker: No, no, I saw it shortly after it came out in the theater. I'm sorry, because it's kind of spoiled it because people told me about it beforehand and the reviews were not favorable. So I was kind of prepared for it going in.

Speaker: yeah um But I was angry at myself when I rewatched it for this little adventure for tonight because it didn't offend me enough. you know it's And i don't mean I don't mean the racist accents. Those are hilarious. I see i mean, like, what the story, like, the the Trade Federation and and the characters and the boxing and all that stuff. It's like, what like what are you doing? I don't know. it was It looked like a backdoor pilot for something else.

Speaker: Yeah. The last 25 years of Star Wars media. Yes. Yeah. yeah yeah That's true. Anna, do you remember when you first came across Star Wars Episode I, The Phantom Menace?

Speaker: I also saw it in the theater. um And I was not... I was never... I've always been more of a Star Trek end than a Star Wars head. like i didn't I didn't see the original until I was a teenager, I think.

Speaker: um Well, you know, because they you would rent them and I don't think they were available for a while. But and I was like, oh, yeah, these are pretty cool. I can see why people liked them.

Speaker: And then i I don't remember whether the reviews had started coming back, but I did. i do remember going to see it at the time and just being like, well, this is just this is not good. This is a bad movie.

Speaker: yeah But for some reason, I do remember I also saw Attack of the Clones in the theater. just went to movies. You used to just go see movies a lot. Absolute madness for that. But did not see Revenge of the Sith. Attack of the Clones was enough.

Speaker: but But I do remember i remember seeing The Phantom Menace and not liking it. But... you know i thought to myself, well, you know when when I 19, I could be kind of a snob about movies. I could be kind of cynical. you know let's Let's try this again. And so we watched it yesterday, and I was actually completely right. um i really I really hated it.

Speaker: really You know, that's that's a phenomenon. i think I think we're noticing. I mean, the more you watch it, the more you hate it, I think. I don't think it gets better. Sure.

Speaker: Well, what about you, Greg? What's your background? So I got to go back a little bit more. No, oddly enough. ah But I got to talk about... Whatever Bob Odenkirk I'm sorry. Go ahead. and That's fine. ah there's um So start Star Wars.

Speaker: I have to talk a little bit about Star Wars. Star Wars was huge in my family. Uh, everybody saw them in the theaters where they loved it. My brothers had all the toys and stuff. So star Wars was in my family a lot. Uh, as my friend pointed out this weekend, it was on Muppet babies a lot because Jim Henson and yeah George Lucas were friends. So it's like star Wars was like a part of my growing up, but my family always did this thing to me where they would give me movies to watch. But a lot of times too, they would like,

Speaker: Be like, you're going to watch this. And they would put me in the living room and put in a movie and then leave and just leave me alone for however long the movie was. And they did that with Star Wars. They did that with the first with episode four.

Speaker: And every time it got to the trash compactor scene where the monster comes up and drags Luke under the water, I immediately shut it off because I have a fear of water and i have a fear of sea monsters. And so like when you're eight, it's like he got dragged under the water by a sea monster and the water is trash juice. I'm done.

Speaker: Like, I can't handle this in any way, shape or form. And then people would be like, what did you the next day? People like, what did you think of Star Wars? I'd be like, I turned it off after the trash monster. It's too scary.

Speaker: And they would just do it to me several times. And every time i would just be like, well, let's give it a run again. Let's see if we can do it Never could. Yeah. No. So I watched i watched it like like like somewhere between three and seven times this way. And eventually i got to high school and was like, i need to actually see this thing.

Speaker: So I watched all three of them, really enjoyed them. And then the Phantom Menace was coming out. Star Wars, as I said, was really big in my family. So I like left school one day. I got into the raffle for tickets at midnight. I left school early to get in line to like purchase the tickets. I was there to watch it at midnight at our local theater, which was hard to do because it' only like it's a pretty small theater, so it can only accommodate so many people. So i was one of the lucky ones that got to see it at midnight.

Speaker: And I remember thinking like, Okay. like deep inside, I think it was the start of the critical brain. and I have one moment in here. I'm going to bring it up when it happens. I'm going to talk about this.

Speaker: Okay. But i like, so this was the start of me being like, maybe there are things I don't like. And I did end up seeing it again in the theater and was just like, are you going to do this? And I was like, yeah, it was good enough.

Speaker: And I think I was just more at the time just kind of going with it. Yeah. Not watch it again until this time. And I have more thoughts, but they're just very similar to what I've already been thinking. A lot you are in resentment you have, Greg.

Speaker: We'll see how it all plays out. That was my Yoda impression. I sense fear. No, no, Greg, it went like this.

Speaker: Fear I sense in you, Greg. Fear I sense in you. He talks backwards. Fear I sense in him. I don't know why you're doing it like that. that's I'm joking. that's fair That's a dope Yoda. that is I can do Yoda. I have to try it. i have You know what I can do. No, no, it's excellent. There are so few excuses.

Speaker: God, it's good. Can you do any other Star Wars ones? No, but i can do Miss Piggy because that's Frank Oz as well. May I? Okay, me. yeah oh Oh my God. That's really good. That was good. Okay, back to the show. probably Star Wars.

Speaker: Do you want to hear really quick? I've got one Star Wars impression because I heard this line several times. Me, so want to hear it. Yeah, sure. Absolutely. It's... a Do you know how hard it is to be your own man when your father is Jabba the Hutt?

Speaker: I have no idea what you were recording until I knew what you were recording. um You know, I do one. This is incredible. I just realized. i do one. Ready? All right. I'm ready. Okay. Hold on.

Speaker: Oh, there's no visual? No. I'm going to do a hood thing anyway. Okay. Perfect. Young Skywalker. that That was good? Yeah. Wow. That was great. That was a good, that was a good answer. All you do is you do the wish master and lower it atone. Yeah. Skywalker. Make your wish.

Speaker: Yeah. Same vibe. yeah Anna, do you have one? Ooh. Uh, ooh. Ooh.

Speaker: Hi, I'm Laura Dern. I'm here for some reason. Yes. la Wait, what? She's in she one of the ones. She's in sequel trilogy. I don't remember what her... Oh, okay. She purple hair. She's Admiral Dern or something? Yeah, she's looking great, but I don't know what she's doing there. I forgot. I can do a kind do Young Obi-Wan.

Speaker: Okay. Let's hear. The negotiations were short.

Speaker: Yes. Classic line. what Classic line. That's awesome. I forgot about it. I forgot about it. I do say it from time to time to people like the negotiations were short and they're like, OK,

Speaker: Yeah, no, that that's the appropriate reaction. i got to side with them on that. I first watched Star Wars Episode One, The Phantom Menace, the first time I ever worked on Christmas Day at the video store. the first time I ever worked Christmas Day in my life.

Speaker: It was a very depressing day for me. And I threw on Phantom Menace and it sucked. And I went home and I had a Heineken and spaghetti that I made myself.

Speaker: Merry Christmas to Chris. That is a sad yeah story. Were you trying to make yourself really depressed? Or was it just like a dog pile situation? where Like, well, I'm already down here, so might as well.

Speaker: I think it was just like, it it it wasn't that depressing like at the time. I wasn't walking around like, oh, fuck. It was just just like, you know, like, yeah, this kind of sucks. But, you know, ah it was.

Speaker: It definitely didn't help. I didn't pay much attention and most of the time was just like, this is fucking stupid. Luckily I was at work. So if I didn't want to pay attention, I could go do some work. But ah yeah, and I was never a big Star Wars guy. And rewatching it now, I was surprised not only by how much bad stuff there was, but but also by how little good stuff there was. There's just nothing to like about this movie. That's a great point. there's It's one thing to make a lot of mistakes and still have something behind it. But this has nothing to offer as well.

Speaker: Yeah, it just alternates between annoying and boring. Those are the two modes that it's got. No, it never stops being boring. it does get annoying. I'm not saying that, but it's fair' always boring.

Speaker: Well, do you guys want to talk about how this movie got made? I've got just the briefest of summaries. Yeah. yeah Sure, absolutely.

Speaker: I wish I had some context about the background of the film. Script director, actors on set. What's going on on screen?

Speaker: want to hear some details. Gossips can do all that shit. Can't imagine all the time.

Speaker: Star Wars Episode one The Phantom Menace, was released May 19th, 1999. Ready to dominate the whole summer at the box office. Boom.

Speaker: Your director, George Lucas. Ever heard of him? Never heard of him. He directed Star Wars. Aside from that, he was also friends with Jim Henson. The guy who did The Last Picture Show?

Speaker: ah yeah no No, he did ah ah did he not American Graffiti. Fans of our show probably know him Howard the Duck. American Graffiti, not the last picture show, right? Yes, similar but different.

Speaker: So we got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight taglines for this movie. Why wouldn't we? Why wouldn't we? Tagline number one, the saga begins spring 1999. Yeah, that's.

Speaker: Who came with that? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the guy that knew what date it was coming out. Listen, man. I got just the thing. it got excited. It gets across the pertinent information. Yes. What's number two? yeah Tagline number two, the saga begins May 19th.

Speaker: Now we know the day. Yeah.

Speaker: The Force returns May 19th. Now we know the Force is involved. yeah think We're getting a lot more information here It would have been hilarious if it didn't have the Force involved.

Speaker: No, they should have left it out. It should have just been a Han Solo story. yeah That's true. Tagline number four. Every generation has a legend. Every journey has a first step.

Speaker: Every saga has a beginning. Those are three great taglines all put together. But somebody had a similar line of thinking because the next one was just every saga has a beginning.

Speaker: Oh, they yeah, they walked it back. i like me Yeah, they Coco Chanel did.

Speaker: This one is strange. I imagine specific to the poster. One truth, one hate.

Speaker: Okay. The tagline for birth of a nation. Yeah, yeah. It feels like it must be like one of those posters where it was like Anakin Skywalker, but the shadow is Darth Vader. Remember that poster? remember that one. Iconic poster.

Speaker: Oh, yeah. I do remember that. Yeah, it was a classic. Yeah, the shadow was the one hate. Yeah, the one hate. Tagline number seven.

Speaker: At last, we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi. Must be a very specific poster. Don't know what that's about. That is weird. No, that's the classic thoughts of the Sith poster. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

Speaker: And ah this one was the one for the VHS release. One race. Don't like it to start off with the sentence, one race. That's a really bad way to start. Yeah. Off your tagline.

Speaker: One race, one adventure, the one to own. Really bad. yeah Wow. I also really like that i like that they're like, remember there was a race in this that people largely find okay.

Speaker: Remember, don't forget about that race. Look, yeah i had to I ended up having to to to keep quiet. ah after bringing up that I was watching this yesterday on a movie discord where I hang out because even the people even the people who don't like it are like well the pod racing was cool though yeah like that's just conventional wisdom yeah it's it's wrong this movie is bad every part of it is bad Is it people who were like 10 when it came out? Is that that? That is a lot of them. That is a lot of them. And I think that like, you know, you know, the I feel like there's no way to say it without,

Speaker: feet Without sounding shitty, you know, because because it's not, i I don't mean that like, oh, because I saw it when I was older, i saw the real movie and because you saw it when you were young and didn't really have taste yet, your affection for it is totally invalid. Like, that's not what I mean. Like, there are movies that I watched when I was young. It's just that...

Speaker: i I think that you do have to have childhood affection for a movie like this yeah to persist in liking it into adulthood. I really Greg, can you say the nostalgia has clouded your mind like Obi-Wan?

Speaker: No. Really? No. You have to practice that one. No. Oh, wait, wait. I see what you're saying. I'm sorry. I thought you were asking me if the nostalgia has clouded my mind, and the answer to that was I about to say, I was about to rip Okay, hold on, hold hold on. Let me see if I can try this.

Speaker: Was the nostalgia has clouded my mind? No, not your mind. Your mind has clouded your mind. The nostalgia has clouded your mind. Oh my God. It did come out like i thought. That was awesome. Thank you Yeah. I, I feel like gen Z fans of Phantom Menace who might be listening to the show. We as millennials know what it's like to over enjoy something because of nostalgia. We fall into that trap all the time and you rightly make fun of us for doing that.

Speaker: Feel free to take a look at yourself and realize that that is what is happening. If you like the Phantom Menace, because the Phantom Menace, very bad. Unless you're related to someone who's in it or you something like that. Yeah. Natalie Portman, if you're listening to this, and I want to say, i'm not I'm not going to blame anyone who's on screen in this.

Speaker: I'm going to make that jump. Sure. this But in any case, in any case, we'll save that for final thoughts. In the late 70s and early 80s, George Lucas created one of the most important and influential works of fiction of the 20th century, the original Star Wars trilogy.

Speaker: But by the late 80s, he was done with it. Mostly because Star Wars had become something pretty much only for weird nerds. People sort of forget about that. Yeah. Isn't that wild? There was a time when it was as on level with like Trekkies if you were a Star Wars fan. Really?

Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Before the prequel trilogy came out and it was in this like and nobody was making Star Wars. Like this was a this was nerd shit. Yeah. Yeah. They were probably doing it behind my back. I feel awful now.

Speaker: I was a nerd. I wasn't making fun of anybody. The same thing happened with like X-Men and Marvel, the same way, you know, comic books used to just be nerd shit. And now it's for everybody. har Horror movies definitely got a lot more mainstream acceptance that used to just be strictly for nerds.

Speaker: You know, this was part of the great nerd uprising with Star Wars becoming acceptable entertainment amongst, you know, normal people. By the early 90s, George Lucas saw how far digital special effects had come and decided that now was the time when he could consider revisiting the world of Star Wars.

Speaker: He wasn't particularly interested in sequels at this point because he was happy with how the original trilogy ended. ah But he had done a bunch of work on backstory for Star Wars as part of his like world building and script writing.

Speaker: And he was going to use that writing ah as the basis to make a couple of prequels. And this feels very much like a movie that's just about world building. There's no story here. This is like a Wikipedia article.

Speaker: Yeah. the i well I've been telling people, I was like, this movie is just backstory of the movie. Yeah. This is setting up dominoes. Yeah. This is like, there's no real like plot to it. It's just plot to how it's... Zero tension.

Speaker: Yeah. No tension whatsoever, because you know what's going to happen. It's also a phantom menace that they're fighting. Remember, the menace isn't there yet. It's not real.

Speaker: Well, I believe... Sure. The canon explanation of the title is Darth Sidious is the Phantom Menace. And the fact that he is also Senator Palpatine. yeah That is the the phantomness of it. No, I mean, I figured this. I figured that out.

Speaker: okay I'm just saying that I didn't know that Darth Sidious and Senator Palpatine were the same person think that's I was going to say who the fuck is Darth Sidious I don't I literally don't is that just his name as a Sith Yes, that's his syphilis. Yeah, like when... Just like when Anakin becomes Darth Vader. That actor is always pictured from here down under his hood, but he has a very distinct here down, which is unfortunate. it kind of ruined the surprise for me.

Speaker: That's fair. I think that was sort of the idea, though. You're supposed to see it like, oh, that's I don't want to know that. They wouldn't tell me the ending. I don't want to know that. ah Well, and you know what? This reminds me of...

Speaker: Another thing that annoyed me very much about the Star Wars prequels was when I worked at at the video store at Kim's Video and moms would come in with their kids and they'd say, my son wants to watch Star Wars.

Speaker: What's the first Star Wars? And I'd have to go, well... Do you mean the first Star Wars that he made or the first Star Wars in the order that they came? ah The story happens in or and they would look at me like I was the biggest asshole in the world. Yeah. And say, i don't care. and i'd be like Yeah.

Speaker: Correctly. Yeah.

Speaker: So I hated that conversation. All right. You youa hated it. I did say hate it. ah So he conceived of this prequel trilogy as an origin story for the character Anakin Darth Vader Skywalker.

Speaker: That was his middle name? well No, that was his AKA. That's why it's in quotes. I thought that was his middle name and then he used it. And we call him Darth Vader for some reason. Call me Darth. Yeah.

Speaker: So Anakin Darth Vader Skywalker, the menacing anti-villain of the original trilogy, That way, all six of the films could be read as a rise and fall of this one character or give it a nice narrative arc. That was the plan.

Speaker: So he began working on the script in 1994, and he started work on art design in 1995.

Speaker: And he thought of the prequels as a period piece compared to the originals because they took place in the past. And so he wanted to reflect on an age of ah prosperity and bygone elegance. That's why things look more opulent in the prequel trilogy.

Speaker: Sure. Like District 1 from The Hunger Games. Yeah, yeah that probably. Sure. ah So the cast started getting assembled in 1995 to 1996. Over 3,000 actors auditioned for the role of Anakin, Annie, Darth Vader Skywalker ah before it ultimately went to Jake Long.

Speaker: thought it was Lloyd. Jake Lloyd? I don't know. Jake Long is a football player. Jake Lloyd, you're right. ah so Both Liam Neeson and Samuel L. Jackson were able to use their significant star power to land the leading roles that they got. Well, Mace Windu more of a cameo, but he became bigger as the trilogy proceeded.

Speaker: ah But there was one superstar who couldn't pull off that same move. Michael Jackson had expressed interest in playing the role of Jar Jar Binks. No. Wow. Yes. No, stop it. Wow. But only if he could do it in prosthetics.

Speaker: Lucas was set on a bike. Yeah. If you thought Jar Jar Binks was hard to like now, what if he was also a pedophile wearing makeup? Wow.

Speaker: Oh, this movie was ah just a hair away from being the best movie of all time. Wow. So, ah yeah, Lucas was like, and i think I want a computer generated.

Speaker: let's go with the computer and this one, Jackson. Let's go with the computer. Yeah. Use that one to dodge that bullet. ah So the filming mostly took place in England in the summer of 1997 with a little bit of filming in tonisia in Tunisia for the Tatooine exteriors and a little bit in Italy for the interior of the Naboo Palace. Interesting. Interesting.

Speaker: Once filming wrapped, post-production took another two years. There was a grand total of roughly 2,000 effects shots that they had to produce. All this hard work did pay off for George Lucas.

Speaker: Phantom Menace was a huge hit and helped create an entire new generation of Star Wars fans. The critics were mostly indifferent and it's had a little bit of a troubled legacy in that a lot of people ah pretty much came around to the idea that it kind of sucks.

Speaker: I think even at the time, most people were like, this actually is not good. ah But people still went to go see it because they just like Star Wars and they were excited for Star Wars. i'mset A younger generation that grew up with it are now vocal defenders.

Speaker: So ah the cycle continues. You know, we'll see where Star Wars goes from here. there's I watched The Mandalorian and Grogu because I wanted it to check out the current state of Star Wars, and it is garbage. Is it bad? I mean, there are a couple of big problems with it.

Speaker: Number one is that the main character is wearing a helmet for 95% of the movie. Grogu helmet? Yeah. Grogu also in a helmet. Yeah. go through also an helmet ah But you also got Pedro Pascal doing the the voice acting, but the character is very flat and affectless. And his co-star is a one foot tall green puppet. And the only other guy that they get to act against is a giant slug monster. So there's really like no one to act in this movie. and Kind of like in Phantom Menace.

Speaker: Interesting. Where the script is like acting. That's I don't really care about that. And that's a problem for a movie. How many times better is it than The Phantom Menace?

Speaker: I'd say... All right. Let's go head-to-head, right? Okay. Sure. Qui-Gon Jinn versus Mandalorian. Mandalorian wins. Mandalorian, very boring, doesn't have a face. ah But Qui-Gon Jinn, also very boring. So I'm going to call that one a push. Okay.

Speaker: Obi-Wan Kenobi versus Baby Grogu? The baby Yoda, uh, I'll say the app. They're both very cute. They're both very boring. That one's a push. yeah yeah's also

Speaker: Jar Jar Binks versus road of the hut. Road of the hut takes it hands down. Uh,

Speaker: and so that that's my vote. Other sci-fi films of 1999. What was against?

Speaker: event Well, i thought it was a question. Sorry. No, no. I've got a list. I wasn't expecting you to just name ah science fiction films from 1999. I came prepared. Yeah.

Speaker: You got the Matrix. The big dog. Never heard of it.

Speaker: You got its evil twin brother, the 13th floor. No one ever talks about the 13th floor, but it was out there. The song Erasing the Wind by the Cranberries from that soundtrack is excellent.

Speaker: Okay, there you go. You got David k Cronenberg's Existence. Perfect film. Ah, that's a cool movie. Great movie. No, I'm sorry.

Speaker: You got a Galaxy Quest. Great movie. Everybody loves Galaxy Quest. I never saw you show You should. Oh, you should. Yeah, it's really fun. You got the Johnny Depp movie, The Astronaut's Wife.

Speaker: I thought you were going to say Johnny Mnemonic, but that's Keanu Reeves. Yes, Johnny Depp was not Johnny Mnemonic. That would have been 97, I think. yeah well Yeah. So was Event Horizon. I'm stuck on 97. Next time.

Speaker: You got Bicentennial Man, starring Robin Williams as a robot that wants to learn to love... So good for him. And you've got the Iron Giant starring Vin Diesel as a robot that wants to learn to love, but is good this time. Yeah.

Speaker: All right. We got to get into the plot of Star Wars, unfortunately. We sure do. Yeah. I'm going to hit that bumper.

Speaker: Plot bumper, listen to me. I'm gonna give you the plot summary. Come on, baby. Here's the synopsis.

Speaker: Plot bumper, plot bumper.

Speaker: was insane. I love that. We see the opening title and the Star Wars theme music kicks in and you think for a second, maybe this is going to be good. It's awesome when the theme kicks in. Like even now, this time I was just like. Yeah. yeah Yeah.

Speaker: It's great music. Yeah. And then the k crawl starts. Oh boy. And it's talking about trade embargoes. So I have the first paragraph because as soon as I saw the first paragraph, I just stopped. It's just one sentence. It's this. Okay. Okay.

Speaker: Turmoil has engulfed the Galactic Republic. The taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems is in dispute. So... Get fucking excited.

Speaker: Yeah, kids, lock in We're going on an adventure. We're going on trade disputes. It's fucking absurd. Like, how is that the opening? the That is the worst foot forward I've yeah ever heard in my life. It's supposed to be hooky, gimmicky. You're supposed grab somebody with that shit. yeah what does Where does the Star Wars story start? It starts with trade disputes.

Speaker: yeah Oh, okay. Okay, tell me about that. Galactic Tariffs. You could have just as easily started your plot summary with being like Jedi Knights, the holy warriors dedicated to peace are sent to the distant outlying world of Naboo. You know?

Speaker: Yeah. You could have made this much more exciting, but instead very fucking stupid call. ah then And they're also talking about the Senate and the Republic and the Trade Federation. And I'm just, um I don't want to keep track of all these fucking organizations. I am fucking out.

Speaker: So in any case, the Jedi Council, who are a fourth political entity separate from the Senate, the Republic and the Trade Federation and the local government of Naboo. And anyway, they've sent the two least interesting Jedi Knights they could find Qui-Gon Jinn and his apprentice Obi-Wan Kenobi. Obi-Wan Kenobi is only interesting because we know him from Star Wars A New Hope.

Speaker: Right, and because he's Ewan McGregor, and so you can imagine him being handsome in other movies. Like, somehow he's not even handsome in this movie. Well, they gave him a rat tail. They gave him a rat tail. That doesn't help. and They gave him a wig, too. Did you know was wearing a wig for half this movie? didn't It doesn't look that real, yeah.

Speaker: And Liam Neeson, an incredible actor, given absolutely nothing to do here with a very weird fake beard. i feel like I feel like across the board, no one is expressing any interest or enthusiasm for anything except for Jake Lloyd, who's kind of horny for a girl who's double his age, and he's also eight.

Speaker: You know, yeah i think that's true, but I think there's more grooming on the part of, and we'll get to this, on the part of Amidala than interest by by little Annie.

Speaker: It's true. She's trying... ah she trying at i She walks up to that line. It's debatable whether she steps over it. Listeners, you can be the judge.

Speaker: We report, you decide. She's said not my lover. She's just a girl who thinks that I am the one.

Speaker: The Jedi's arrive at the command ship of a planetary blockade surrounding the planet Naboo. And I got to ask, the I don't want to ask too many of these types of questions. How the fuck do you do a trade embargo on an entire planet? You think the planet can't sustain itself? This is no, like if some other planet did a trade embargo on earth, we'd be like, Oh, earth is fucked. Now they love luxury pets and they can't make them on Naboo.

Speaker: It's true. They don't read their something. i' There's a wrinkle in here. All the best DVDs come from Coruscant, and they want to watch those Coruscant movies. They got to find out what's happening in season eight of their favorite Coruscant dramas.

Speaker: It's an excellent question. What are they importing that's so important? Yeah. Maybe it's exports. and That's true. They're also blocking them coming out. Okay.

Speaker: Yeah, but... To me, very fucking stupid. I will take this moment to say, so we don't have to talk about it later, but it was sort of disturbing to be like in a world where people are having a lot of trade wars and trade disputes. And be like, oh, Star Wars was talking about trade disputes back in 1999. How prescient and at the same time still very boring.

Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't offer any sort of relevant viewpoint on today's hair or anything. Just interesting that someone's like governments who really get into like trade stuff. It's like, great. I'm glad to know that that's what we'll be doing at some point.

Speaker: How can a movie that's for kids enough to have Jar Jar Binks be adult enough to be about trade disputes? That's a question yeah I have every time I watch this thing. I mean, kids gotta learn sometimes. And it's better that they learn from their friends the Star Wars.

Speaker: ah So ah the Jedi are there to broker a peace between the two factions, but when Viceroy Newt Gunray, a fish with an Indonesian accent.

Speaker: That, that is canonically what they, that accent is inspired by. It's supposed to be Indonesian. It does not necessarily come off that way.

Speaker: I'll tell you what I said. I said to Chris, Oh, that guy's new gun, right? I can tell because the racist accents. yes There are a lot of these characters that like I've internalized their names over the years, but like it wasn't until they popped up and I was like, oh.

Speaker: That's interesting. Oh, okay. Wow. There you go. So Newt Gunray, he calls in to his boss, Darth Sidious, an evil guy in a robe. And Sidious tells him to kill the Jedi and invest Naboo instead. Kill the Jedi.

Speaker: Invest in Naboo instead. And then, uh... So Newt Gunray fills the Jedi's room with poison gas, but they very intelligently hold their breath. yeah Jedi mind. What?!

Speaker: So then, Kwai and Obi, they fight their way out of that jam and they sneak aboard droid drop ship in order to get to Naboo. Unfortunately, we don't see them sneak onto this drop ship because that would have been a cool and interesting action sequence, but it it wouldn't feature any CGI laser beams. So George Lucas doesn't show it to us.

Speaker: Instead, Kwai Obi soon land on the surface of Naboo. And ah as they flee the invading droid army, they run into the single most annoying alien in the entire Star Wars universe. south Yeah.

Speaker: Kwai saves the life and now Jar Jar Binks owes him a life debt. So let's talk about Jar Jar Binks. Let's clear this off our plate.

Speaker: Sure. Sure. I want to say this. Apparently the actor that played Jar Binks, first of all, he was originally just supposed to do motion capture and they didn't have a voice actor for him yet.

Speaker: And he's like, oh, what if I did a voice like this? And he did the Jar Jar Binks voice. And everybody was like, perfect. That's actually perfect. So the fact that nobody said no to this guy, I'm not going to blame him for that. I don't. And this guy was,

Speaker: i I'm at best. I believe I'm at best. Yes. No, unfortunately not. okay I think Jack Benny probably a little too stiff at this point being several years dead, yeah but ah he apparently struggled with suicidal ideation from all the sort of ah and that is feedback that he got very unfortunate should not have happened.

Speaker: No, I, I, now I want to say, i want to say this. As much as I dislike the character of Jar Jar Binks, I do think that on some level, you have to be a beautiful person to play Jar Jar Binks.

Speaker: No, no, no, no, no. I think I know what you mean. I think there's a like a beauty and innocence to Jar Jar Binks. Okay. To just showing up and being... There's no cynicism in the performance. Yes. Which is what makes it... Which is what... Part of what makes him so annoying yeah is because the the character is not... Yeah, yeah. There's no...

Speaker: Yeah, he's a ah completely pure being. He's earnestly annoying, but not being spirited. I'll also take this moment to say that his character, they don't give him much to work with because the character could literally be cut out of the film and it would still work. Like you could take out everything and the only problem you would have is that they would need someone to introduce them to the Gungans, which could be easily done some other way.

Speaker: Greg, there would be there would be an insufficient amount of racist accents if they removed him. That very well may be true. That very well may be true. There was a quota. The thing you have to realize is also because he came up with the original Jar Jar voice, every other actor playing a Gungan had to base their voice off of that.

Speaker: Oh, I hadn't thought about that. that's a Which is a weird cascade effect. That is. Wait, you're telling me the line is, me so happy see you? yeah Yeah, that's what... If you could give us that, ah the actor that plays Boss Nash.

Speaker: And... I lost my train of thought. Anyway... It's very poorly written. It's an unfortunate character. And it has no... Produces no...

Speaker: I forget what the word is. Starts with an A. There's is no self autonomy. Like the character does nothing. The character watches things fart and accidentally kill some stuff. But the same amount of stuff that everybody else actually kills.

Speaker: And it's just like, OK, great. You didn't do anything. He talks like a slave. Yes, he does. He does talk like a cartoon slave. Oh, my God. That's not bad. That's not bad. i You and got that accent down. I like that.

Speaker: And they will be overused him so much. Mesa talk like this. No, that was no British accent. So anyway, let's move on. i like that. They overused him is what I'm going to say. If you had 50% Jar Jar that you have right now, I think he would become 90% more bearable. I think he'd be overused. Or if the rest of the movie around him was more lighthearted. If he wasn't stuck in the middle of a movie,

Speaker: if If he was in a like a fun kids movie instead of a dour movie about trade disputes, like he would be better. Yes. Also Were they looking for a new Ewok or like a new Chewbacca? They wanted something for kids. yeah Is that what it... Okay.

Speaker: all right Outreach for kids. Always good. Okay. Okay. We got to keep on trying. Jar Jar leads them to the Undercity Sea of the... the undersea city of the Gungans, where they meet the head Gungan, Boss Nass, who agrees to lend them a submarine to take through Naboo's core to the capital city on the far side of the planet.

Speaker: The Jedi and Jar Jar surface in the bay outside of the capital city to find it beset by the Trade Federation's droid army. Not that you see them. The droid army landed on the far side of the planet before invading...

Speaker: the capital city for some reason. They had to go all the way through the earth's core to try and beat them there. Anyway, I said, I was going to stop talking about stuff like droids are awful at parking. Uh, the Jedi sneak in and they free queen Amidala played by alternately Keira Knightley or, uh, Natalie Portman.

Speaker: I always forget that. Yeah. Uh, they fight their way past, uh, the aforementioned blockade in an escape ship. Unfortunately, the ship gets damaged.

Speaker: But luckily, there's a little droid aboard that ship. And he can help them out and his name is R2-D2 is back!

Speaker: yeah How fortuitous for the plot. I'm not going to complain too much about R2-D2. No, how can you? he yeah ask him No. I mean, R2-D2 is fine fan service in this. He's the least problematic fan service in here, i'm going to say.

Speaker: Certainly. ah If we're going to complain about R2-D2, we'll be here for eight hours. Yeah, I would much rather watch the R2-D2 movie. me too. So, unfortunately, they don't have enough power to reach the galactic capital of Coruscant, so they stop at a backwater desert planet called Tatooine. Remember Tatooine? They're back on Tatooine! How about that? What a coincidence!

Speaker: Yeah, you're pointing at the screen. you I know Tatooine! Back in orbit around Naboo, Darth Sidious calls in and he learns that Viceroy Newt Gunray has lost Queen Amidala. So he'll be sending his apprentice, the space Satan known as Darth Maul. He's a hideous devil man and he's spooky. He's pretty cool.

Speaker: He's got a high voice for a devil man. Well, you know, apparently if they used Ray Park's original voice, it it would have been worse. They dubbed him over. What does he sound like? He's got like kind of a a cockney. I think he sounds like Tim Roth. That would have been incredible.

Speaker: Michael Jackson is Jar Jar and then the the cockney. I'm Darth Maul, I am. You see me lightsaber? There's two lightsabers in it.

Speaker: yeah

Speaker: Meanwhile, our heroes have landed on Tatooine. Kawhi, R2, Jar Jar, and Padme, one of the Queen's attendants, allegedly, but it's Natalie Portman, so you know that it's also Queen Amidala. You're not a fucking idiot.

Speaker: Uh, they walk into town and they look for supplies. Okay. I have to stop you because this is the scene. This is the scene where my critical brain started thinking, because as they walk into that town, I think I know what you're going to say. If you look off to the right of this, of the shot of them walking into town, you will watch Jar Jar Binks step and poop.

Speaker: This is the, this is the Mesa step and poop scene. ah And I remember watching it at the time, like 18 at this point, watching it and thinking, Jar Jar isn't real.

Speaker: He's added by a computer. The poop isn't real. That was added by a computer. How many hours, how many man hours, how many people worked on making the poop?

Speaker: animating Jar Jar. Did George ever watch it and be like, could you make him slip a little more? Like, was there a discussion about the Mesa step and poop scene? and just There were many. and And then also, there's, so this is going through my brain, kind of making it explode. And then on top of that, it's like,

Speaker: It's not even center of the shot. So you might miss it. So this is tens, if not hundreds of man hours of computers and people and electricity going to a joke that I think is really dumb and fucking awful.

Speaker: And it's also not the main point of the scene. So you could miss it. you conceivably might not see the Misa Steppin' Poop scene. i'm I'm gonna say if you're lucky, you will miss your sinning it. It made me at the time, that was the start. That was the start of my brain being like, uh-oh, I don't think I like this. And I think I might understand some things that I don't like.

Speaker: Yeah. this I could see this being an eye-opener because there is some point in everything, every movie watcher's life where you start, you get past that, let's just go to the movies and see a movie phase. It's like, sorry I don't want to see this in a movie, actually. I would prefer to not see movies that do this.

Speaker: Yeah. I saw The Nun alone and it was awful. Oof. Yeah, that would do it. Oof. Yeah. yeah but That's not the movie you want to see alone because then you're just on your phone. You just start thinking about stuff. Go ahead.

Speaker: Hang on. where a There's...

Speaker: Calls in to Tatooine. Oh, animal feces. I wrote down Jar Jar steps in a pile of animal feces. yeah Or human. It's true. that That could be just one of the slaves shit the street. Lloyd's character.

Speaker: Yeah. Go outside, Daddy. Don't do that in here. Why didn't you do that when we did our imitations? That was really good. Thank you. It's a good Watto.

Speaker: Kai finds the parts that he needs at the first shop that he visits, which belongs to a junk dealer named Watto. ah While Kai tries to negotiate with Watto, Padme makes friends with Watto's slave, a nine-year-old boy named Anakin Skywalker.

Speaker: Clyde fails to negotiate a price that he can afford for the engine, and the shop closes for the day. There's a sandstorm rolling in, so Anakin invites everybody over to his house for dinner.

Speaker: There they meet his mother, Shmee. in Captain Hook. Yeah, yeah, like his best Captain Hook's best friend. Okay, I'm

Speaker: i'm sorry. Anakin tells them all about being a slave and how much he loves pod racing. And then he introduces them to the protocol droid he's making. And it's C-3PO.

Speaker: How about that? Whoa. what are d two meet c three p l And And C-3PO, we now learn, was built by Darth Vader. it's just a weird thing.

Speaker: Small world. Right? Yeah. By the way, if my slave could build Terminators, I wouldn't have him sweeping the floors.

Speaker: No, but I guess it's you know this is something a nine-year-old can do. so It's normal on Tatooine. Yeah, they all amazing.

Speaker: The next day, through some overly complicated betting logistics, Kawhi ends up betting their broken spaceship against replacement parts and Anakin's freedom. that Anakin can win the big Boonta pod race that's coming up.

Speaker: Boonta Eve. Yes, the Boonta Eve. You're absolutely right. Wow. Also, Shmi tells Cry that Anakin was a virgin birth. This is so weird.

Speaker: So weird. So unnecessary. This is when it went off the rails for me completely. Yeah. Yeah. yeah yeah I think a number of, like, even my friends are like, wait minute. What?

Speaker: Like, it's a weird moment. He has no father. It's like, oh, Shmi. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It was Wado. I think it was Wado Calrissian. It was Wado. It was Wado. Wait, what would Wado say to Wu Shmi? Shmi! Shmi! Shmi!

Speaker: I never told how the moonlight reflects off your face. I want to put a baby in you. Wow.

Speaker: Oh, Wado, thank you. Such flatterer. Also, Kwai tells Shmi that Anakin has an unusually high level of midichlorians in his blood.

Speaker: they're off the charts. His midichlorians are over 9,000. oh Then it's time for pod racing. fuck. I hate the pod racing. The pod racing is fucking not good.

Speaker: i like the sound of Sebulba's pod racer in it. the twooooooo dooooooo do That is the best thing you can say about this movie, actually. That's fair. do too ah there ah There's a two-headed announcer, and one head is voiced by Whose Line Is It Anyway? alum Greg Proops.

Speaker: whom Oh, love to see another Greg succeeding. Yep. Way to go. Shout out to Greg. There's also the best character in all of Star Wars. Jabba the Hutt. Yeah. Always good to see Jabba doing his thing.

Speaker: And then there's the Padres. It's very boring. It's very long. It's very strange that for at least half of it, there's no score. There's also at no point, there's a small child in this race, this like spaceship race. At no point do they ever cut to the small child and he's like, yeah, ah or woo. He's always just like focused up on driving silently.

Speaker: That's it. It's completely emotionless. That's Anakin Skywalker for you. Yeah. Just another. is midacloreans Everyone in this movie just functionally does their next action. No one has any sort of emotional response to anything that's happening. There's no joie de vivre in this movie. there's Everyone is very listless. It's kind of crazy.

Speaker: It's really bizarre. Wouldn't that be a twist? It feels like it's a table read. Yeah.

Speaker: but But we even put together a better table read than that with Shmi and Watto just now. true. I think that's better than any scene in that film. I can't believe he left that one on the cutting room floor.

Speaker: it Eventually, Anakin wins the pod race. Kwai tells him that he's also won his freedom, but his mom is still going to be a slave, so she has to stay.

Speaker: Sorry. so Time to say goodbye. Oopsie poopsie. Oh, that's one of my favorite parts is when he when he goes, he goes, would no, no, he goes, i had a dream. Anakin says, the little boy.

Speaker: And Obi-Wan says, what'd you dream about? He said, the jedi that I become a Jedi and come and free all all the slaves on and on the planet. He goes, is that what you're here to do? And Obi-Wan looks at him and goes, no. No. was his answer. Not really. No. now I mean, the Jedi are... Your monkey's not my property. I can't do anything. I'm just a Jedi. What? Are they neutral good? Or, like, they're not... They're collaborating with slave owners. They're not lawful good. Like, they're... Yeah. Definitely neutral in there somewhere.

Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. Agreed. And I think also... ah I don't know. It makes no fucking sense. Like clearly Queen Amidala could be like, here, take a royal jewel Watto. I'm walking around with more jewels than you could possibly imagine. Have you seen the shit that I've got? shit I didn't even think I had, I did not even think of that.

Speaker: She's constantly in like the most opulent looks. I got to say one of the things that I genuinely liked in this movie was Queen Amidala's looks. She had a lot. yeah. Like the makeup was really cool. Look, crazy hair, crazy costumes.

Speaker: Yeah, that shit was all pretty good. Yeah, it's all very Orientalist, but it is all very cool. Yeah. But then again, so is the Trade Federation. Yeah. We're going to start calling out racist shit. This is going to be like number five, I think.

Speaker: How does the Trade Federation talk, Greg? Oh, the Jedi. Yes. That is exactly what Newt Gunray talks like. Not Indonesia at all. Not not an Indonesian person. That was Newt Gunray. We want to make that absolutely clear. That was a Newt Gunray impression.

Speaker: Also, C-3PO can't come for some reason. Maybe he's all locked up. Sorry. Yeah, he's fine. Well, because he's canonically on Tatooine at the beginning of episode four. But so R2. So can't take him off.

Speaker: Oh. Okay, never mind. Yeah, we're just going to have to breathe past. Yeah. fast yeah

Speaker: So they walk to board their newly repaired ship, but they get bushwhacked by that dastardly devil Darth Maul. ah But then...

Speaker: You can't get away from me, eh, easy guv?

Speaker: My light sabers, two light sabers. Think about it. Kwai tells them, Kwai stalls them for a minute and then they all run away. ah Soon they arrive on the distant planet of Coruscant for the part of the movie that's just a bunch of meetings.

Speaker: Amidala has a meeting with Senator Palpatine and a meeting with Chancellor Valorne and the Jedi's take Anakin to meet with the Jedi Council. you know who Valorne was based on? ah I don't care. Bill Clinton.

Speaker: fair Yeah, you' just like him. ah and ah then they meet with the jedi council and the senate has a meeting and then the senate they all agree that they're not going to help naboo the jedi council agrees that they're not going to train anakin skywalker then they all leave coruscant nothing happened going there was a waste of fucking time the last hour of movie did nothing Except that this is what allows Palpatine to become emperor. This is the Phantom Menace part.

Speaker: It's a shame that it's very boring and not really discussed. I feel like they could have gotten that done in less than an hour with a different plot. I think you're probably right about that. But that's not the plot we were given.

Speaker: I know. i'm just I'm salty about it. They could have started off with this movie with, guess what? Grand Chancellor Palpatine. I would have fucking bought it. I wouldn't have not blinked.

Speaker: Yeah. So. I heard Watto was hitting on you, Smee. Well. do they do They do also call his virgin birth of virgins, which I thought was a little tacky.

Speaker: Yeah. Yeah. That's an odd turn of phrase. Yeah. Along with the virgin birth thing. Also. Yeah. Yeah. So they fly back to Naboo. Jar Jar leads them to a secret Gungan hideout where Padme reveals that she's secretly been the real queen, not Amidala. What a twist. It's right up there with Luke. I am your father.

Speaker: Anyway. and said They're both from Star Wars. Yes. Yes. yeah but George Lucas loves a twist, of twist family, a twist, any kind of twist along those lines. He'll throw those in there anywhere.

Speaker: Anyway, Padme begs Boss Nass for ah help kicking the droid army off of the planet, and Boss Nass agrees.

Speaker: Jar Jar gets promoted to general. I can't imagine serving under General Jar Jar, but such is life. Yeah, also Jar Jar is stupid. We haven't mentioned that. He's he's really stupid. I mean, all the Gungans are stupid, but he's stupider than most of them. He's pretty god, that was so racist.

Speaker: It's terrible. ah They'll distract the droid army while the humans and R2 sneak into the palace and get a hold of some spaceships and also capture Viceroy Newt Gunray.

Speaker: For some reason, they're also bringing the nine-year-old child along with them. Oh, a Jedi. that Oh, i that that was close. now Yeah, that was a great Newt Gunray. That was a Newt Gunray. Yep, Newt Gunray.

Speaker: While the Gungans fight the droids in a field remarkably reminiscent of the Windows 98 desktop, everybody else fights their way into the hangar. Kwai tells Anakin to stay put in a ship's cockpit, but oops, the ship is taking off and he said I had to stay in.

Speaker: Classic kid shit. Also robbing him of his agency, which is the word I was trying to come up with earlier. Ah, yeah. Autonomy agency, you were right there. Soon, Annie has become a child soldier serving in the Naboo War of Independence.

Speaker: we've also so We've also skipped over the Jar Jar Binks scene that I call Mesa Smell Farts, which is where he... did smell a fart. An animal farts and he looks at it and then we move on to the next scene.

Speaker: I don't know why this is in this film. And I feel two guys worked on that for at least a week. Yeah, I do feel vindicated in that when I was looking at letterbox reviews for this, someone said, why is there a wet fart in Star Wars? And that was the entire review.

Speaker: And I have to ask that question, too. Why is there fire Sky-Wars? think they' were talking about that scene or the entire film? It's tough to say, but I thought the Were they sure Jar Jar was going to be a hit? like were they were they They must have been positive. I think that this movie reeks of hubris.

Speaker: Oh, yes. God, they flew right into the sun. Yeah, absolutely. Meanwhile, Darth Maul has shown up, and the Jedi start fighting him with their laser swords.

Speaker: Maul can keep up because he's got a double laser sword. So this is as close as we get to a good fight scene. There's some good stuff in it. Yeah. It's yeah good, not great.

Speaker: How does one apprentice Sith kill and and hold off a pair of Jedi Knights? Did you see that he had a double lightsaber? Oh, that's a good. You also don't know the power of the dark side.

Speaker: Yeah, you're right. I'm not i'm not familiar with the power of it. That must be what it is. And also, you forget that Darth Maul is from the planet Debulon, where they're all evil devil men with seven powers. That's why he looks like that. I thought you were being serious and really going to tell me where he was from.

Speaker: ah but he is Yeah, they do a lot of training on Debulon.

Speaker: ah So ah they fight their way into a hallway that has a bunch of force fields that turn it off for no apparent reason. And they get separated by the force fields. And without Obi, Kwai gets killed by Darth Maul.

Speaker: He is from Dathomir. Dathomir, of course. ah The Queen's party, they get captured by droids. The Gungans start losing to the droid army once their main shields are taken down. And then Anakin crash lands his ship inside the droid control ship in space. Things are looking bleak on all fronts. head He is. Yeah, it's not entirely his fault.

Speaker: But then everything turns around. Obi avenges his master and cuts Darth Maul in twain. It was very... Me, buddy!

Speaker: When I saw this in the movie theater, I thought Darth Maul was pretty cool. And when he died, I was just like, oh... That's the last Darth Maul. I guess we're not going to see that anymore. That was kind of a letdown, actually. Like, I assumed Darth Maul was going to be like our like big bad throughout the entire movie. And then all three of them, it's just like we'll introduce a guy and then they'll kill him. It's like this is not how I want this to go, frankly.

Speaker: And they realize later on how much people liked Darth Maul and how much killing him off that early was a bad call because they put him in a bunch of animated shit. that would make cool stuff Yeah. He's really interesting when you see him. You're just like, oh, what's this? And like, don't worry, he'll die. It's like, but but I thought he was pretty much cool. oh I'm sorry, Greg. I'm done. My cousin Miles told me all about Darth Maul and his backstory. He's super interesting. and like It's almost hard to make him boring.

Speaker: like he's Yeah, they figured it out. you know they fair no got Fair enough. got there Fair enough. I'm giving the credit. and So Anakin, he gets his ship running again, and he blows up the droid control ship, killing at least two sentient aliens inside before he's had his 10th birthday.

Speaker: now This deactivates all the droids on Naboo, which gives the ah saves the Gungan army and allows Queen Amidala to capture the villainous Viceroy Newt Gunray and end the war.

Speaker: Everyone is happy. Obi returns to the Jedi Council and Master Yoda reluctantly agrees to allow him to train Anakin in honor of Qui-Gon Jinn's final wishes.

Speaker: And Yoda, frankly, is just being a pissy little bitch through this whole movie. Okay. I mean, he was right. And don't like to use that word. But maybe. But I don't know.

Speaker: No, I dig it. I dig where Anna's coming from. Like, he he was shitting all over the... Maybe if he was more exciting and he was like, I have fear in you, I sense. And it's like, yeah, I'm 10 and my mom's a slave. And I was just taken from her and thrown into a Padres.

Speaker: I'm frightened. Also, Jake Lloyd is yeah just really happy the entire time. And so it's really weird. It's like, hmm, fear and hear my sense. It's like anger. it's like he just seems really positive.

Speaker: Yeah, he just seems like a sweet little boy. Yeah, he seems like a precocious little yeah Despite the fact that he's been a slave, he's like, well, let me help people. And I like stuff. And let me build your robot. I can help. It's like, this is the angry devil man that's going to become the villain.

Speaker: Well, this is why Yoda's the Jedi Master. He senses things that we can't. That's true. Back on Naboo, there's a big celebration with a parade and a band. And in a formal ceremony, Queen Amidala gives Boss Nass a glowing purple orb.

Speaker: The end. What a great shot to end on arabia That purple orb ceremony was so fucking weird. It was so bizarre. It looked it looked like um when Trump went to Saudi Arabia and they all touched the glowing Yes, that orb. that's what and it yeah It seems like they were just trying to hit the same award ceremony at the end. Yeah, it was the first one. But they like, well, we can't have it be medals again.

Speaker: How about like one of those lightning balls that you get at the sharper image? It's also giving it to like a character that we don't really care about. It's like, Oh look, Queen Amadella gave the globe to that guy we've seen in two scenes. It's like great for those people.

Speaker: I guess. And also character who usually lives underwater. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. Such a strange scene. An electrical ball is the worst thing to bring underwater.

Speaker: Yeah. It does area damage. It resolves as a fireball. Oh, Jesus Christ. Final thoughts, five star ratings. Greg, why don't you kick us off? What did you think of Star Wars Episode one The Phantom Menace? So I'm going to try to be succinct, but i sort of can't. So I'm ah sorry. But I have to say this is going be a long episode. yeah That's just the way the show's been lately. This is where I am at with Star Wars generally. i have tried to extricate myself from Star Wars. After the seventh one, I was like, OK with it. And I was like, oh, no Senate meetings. This is nice.

Speaker: And then The Last giant Jedi came out and everyone wanted to talk to me about it and how bad it was. And I've had this before with other properties. so People just want to talk to you about how much they dislike something. They're like, you should see it so I can talk to you about it. And it's like, I'm not going to do that because you don't like it.

Speaker: So why would I partake in it? You have to look out for you sometimes. Exactly. Yeah. So I've been trying to extricate myself from Star Wars for a long time, and it turns out it is basically impossible for me to do. So here I am again talking about Star Wars. I saw Rogue One in the theater, really enjoyed that. And after watching Rogue One, rewatched the first Star Wars, this episode four. Yeah.

Speaker: My feeling on Star Wars was always like, it's good, but I don't fully understand why everyone is so crazy about it all the time. But watching the fourth one again felt like when you see a picture of someone that you've met in middle age, like you see a picture of a couple you know, like on the like on their second date or something, and you realize like...

Speaker: they were like, I now understand why these people were excited when one of them smiled at the other one across the room. Like you can see, you can see the appeal of it. And when I rewatched that first Star Wars after watching Rogue One, I realized like how kind of a breath of fresh air it was visually. Yeah.

Speaker: It's very simple. It's very effective. ah And you you see the like the sex appeal of it in its strange way. And it felt like re-watching that movie is like seeing that old picture being okay, you had sex appeal. like I don't think of you as a sexy person, but I see now why...

Speaker: what, what the base level of attraction was. Yeah. Watching this movie again made me realize that it's still really feels like a star Wars movie. It's which I was shocked by. my opinion of it has improved. It's still not good, but yeah I was like, I can see star Wars now before when I saw it, I couldn't see star Wars. Now I can see star Wars. It's just that instead of it having sex appeal, it just got real dad energy.

Speaker: And so this new Star Wars, this is my analogy. This new Star Wars is the middle-aged man coming off of like out of the backyard with a tray full of burgers that are overcooked and not terribly seasoned well.

Speaker: um And he's talking politics with his brother. everyone's like, oh, the food's here. like hey, everybody. Everybody, before we begin the food, I have something good. I have something I need to say that's important. Yeah.

Speaker: And the wife loves him. Greg loves toilet humor. I hate toilet humor. I really hate it. It's all about it, dude. I love it. Yeah, and it sticks out. Like, the fact that there are two toilet humor, it's like, I'm done. I was over this. Yeah, no, it's weird.

Speaker: The mother's still into it because she loves him, and she's always going to love him, and that's fine. She loves him. She loves what he does. Even though he does some bad stuff, now he's still a good husband, and I can't argue with that.

Speaker: Then you have the daughter who's going dead and like has a bad night and is going to immediately run to a room and not come down and talk to anybody for a while. And then you've got little cousin Kenny in the corner who's just laughing his ass off.

Speaker: ah I think if you were or can be a Kenny, you would like this movie. I think a lot of people can be the mother. I know there are other people in the room I'm not covering, but I am absolutely 100% the daughter in this scenario. Like I like it more now, like looking back and be like, it was nice when he brought in food, I guess.

Speaker: He's trying, I don't like the farts, but he's trying to be nice. But at the same time, it's like, I don't think of this as a fond memory. So for me, watchability one and a half. Okay. I'm not into it. I am not into it. I hope to never see this again. I don't think it's that bad, but I just hope that I never have to watch this one more time.

Speaker: um And as far as weirdness goes, I think it's pretty weird. i don't know if it's like weird in the traditional ways, but I think it's pretty weird. i'm going to say three and a half.

Speaker: Okay. Okay. I think you can figure out the ways in which I mean it. If you are the daughter in any way, shape or form, or can be a mother, if you're Kenny, I don't know if you'll understand me, but that's just, that's where I'm at.

Speaker: How about you, Anna? Final thoughts, five-star ratings. ah Final thoughts. um I mean, I do have to say that I don't think,

Speaker: i I think that all the acting is bad in this. Yeah. um Totally. That, you know, very much you can't blame. and and and you know, when all the acting is bad in this way, you know that it's direction. Everybody's just being directed to be very flat. And...

Speaker: and

Speaker: So... So...

Speaker: Out of five? So, well, no. about So out of five. i i t was Out of five, I would have to give it a one because i i was really mad. Because when it ended, I was really Yeah.

Speaker: Wait, yeah that's an excellent point. May I pose that to Greg because he he didn't cover that when he talked about... What feelings did it engender in you to see the film?

Speaker: So for me... It doesn't make obviously like I seem upset by the toilet humor and i I am upset by it, but I wouldn't say that I'm mad at the film itself. I think that largely this whole problem is George Lucas's problem.

Speaker: i don't think anyone really realistically could have made this movie and had it come out well because of just what Star Wars is and the amount of hype that there is. So I wouldn't say that I am mad, but it's one of those moments where it's like, I'm not going to examine my feelings too much. I'm just going to choose to not engage with them and put that behind me. And I think there is some anger in there, but it's not anger anyone or anything. It's more just anger that it is happening and I have to witness it.

Speaker: but What about weirdness, Anna? You were angry at me. We need to keep on going, brother. We are a half hour behind. For weirdness. For weirdness. This movie made them angry. like ah I do think it is weird. I would give it about a three for weirdness. I mean, there are a lot of aliens in it, and it's weird that those aliens are not doing anything particularly alien.

Speaker: No, no. true They're working in stores. They're hanging out with their friends. oh I gave this one a one star for watchability. ah Anytime Jar Jar was on screen, it's genuinely a problem. And he is on screen a lot.

Speaker: Anytime Jar Jar's not on screen, it's rarely the case that there's anything interesting happening. This movie, as I said before, alternates between annoying and dull. For weirdness, I gave it two stars.

Speaker: it's for me, I think the weirdest part about it, other than, ah the space Jesus is that there's essentially like four scrappy dues in this movie between Jar Jar, R2, C3PO and Anakin. There's just too many scrappy dues in this fucking movie. That was the best review I've ever heard. of There's just too many scrappy dues.

Speaker: Ethan, in terms of watchability and weirdness out of five stars, what are you thinking? I'll this short. I'm not going to belabor these points. This movie fucking blows. I give it one star because it's Star Wars and one star because those accents are so funny. And I don't believe the story you told. do believe that people tell that story.

Speaker: I don't think the actor came up with that voice, even if he says he doesn't. I think that they were embarrassed because they released a kid's character with ah with a slave accent. And I think they were embarrassed by the Asian accent as well. And I think they were trying to walk. They asked him to take the fall.

Speaker: a amazing i Listen, George has got the money. he Follow the money. So one star for being Star Wars, one star for hilarious accents.

Speaker: And other than that, there's nothing to this film. It's not watchable other than that. And um I believe it may not even be the worst of the prequels.

Speaker: Well, I don't look forward to finding out. Oh, spin off. What about weirdness? How weird do you think this one is? i don't think it was weird. I mean, they're in space, so there's aliens.

Speaker: you know That's true. But that's what I expect in space. um Aliens are normal for space. I always say this. I mean, devil man, I guess, you know, in a world where there's the force and there's good, you know, whatever. So I give it a one for weirdness and a two for watchability.

Speaker: All right, there you have it, listeners. There's our scores. We're going to move on to act three of the show, and we're going to be kicking it off with the revue review review. Ooh.

Speaker: You wrote a review of the film, now we're going to review you.

Speaker: Review, review. La, la, la, la,

Speaker: so we went back to common sense media this week and okay i've got reviews from four kids do you know if they were written now if they were written at the time i forgot to write down when they were written i think they're going backwards in chronological order as i read them i want to say they were all written within the last five to ten years okay

Speaker: All right. Review number one came from a user AAB.116. They are 13 years old. They gave this one two stars. yeah They think it's for 11 plus.

Speaker: And their their review title, not for little kids. I haven't watched this movie, so this is for my sister. She is eight and watched Star Wars, and she cried three times.

Speaker: Wow. Wow. She mentioned people being dismembered and chopped off hands on the floor and people being stabbed. i don't think this should be eight plus because for an eight year old to be that desensitized to violence isn't good.

Speaker: Not trying to hate. I'm sure it's amazing, but just not for little kids. Sorry about the stars. i don't know. i haven't watched. This title has too much volume.

Speaker: Too much volume. Violence. This title is too much violence. I think this is a good moment to point out that I think the reason why people get so angry at a children's movie is because I don't think many people thought of it as a children's movie.

Speaker: They thought of it as Star Wars, which should be for all ages. But as this one points out, like, well, it seems like it's geared for children. It also has a lot of stuff in it that aren't for children. So why is all the stuff in there that is for children?

Speaker: Like, who is the audience? No, it rolls like an egg. Yeah. Yeah. Review number two. i all Sorry, it is all that specific bloodless violence that they put in movies for kids, which I've actually yeah started to find really upsetting. Yeah, I agree with you.

Speaker: Review number two. A reviewer, It's Good, nine years old. They gave it three stars, and they think it's for eight plus. The title, first movie is a bit middle of fun and boring.

Speaker: Okay. Okay. Yeah. Fair enough. Look, i don't mind. yeah you No, but I would say this is a bit middle of fun and boring. and I think that's a very, for a nine-year-old.

Speaker: Look, I don't mind to offend you guys, but I think it's quite bad. Wow. Qui-Gon dies quickly. Darth Vader's young, and there's so little lightsaber fights. But I don't mean it's boring. It is fun.

Speaker: Well, a bit. That's such a cute review. Yeah. yeah yeah I have nothing to say. like that's just No, that's very accurate. yeah Yeah. I feel like ah a nine-year-old who was like, that was okay. Yeah, you're right. My first cognitive dissonance.

Speaker: Review number three from Review Boss, a 14-year-old. Older kids. They give it one star. They think it's for seven plus, though.

Speaker: The title of their review, Incredibly Boring, Possibly the Worst Star Wars Movie. True. A very boring movie with mild action. I was disappointed by this movie. A character is stabbed with a lightsaber, but the rest is pretty harmless.

Speaker: Characters are forgettable, and don't even get me started with Jar Jar Binks. Wouldn't recommend. Don't get him started. The last review. This from a nine-year-old. I'm going to tell you their name at the end because it's really good.

Speaker: But they gave it five stars. And they think this is good for seven-year-olds and up. I just watched this one movie and now I'm in a Star Wars craze.

Speaker: The lightsaber battle with Darth Maul is amazing. And the rest of the movie is incredible, too. and Okay. I mean, also, fine. Another great take for a nine-year-old, I should say. Yeah.

Speaker: But I will say this username, Darth Dumbledore. Nice. Nice. Got to change that name, kid. You guys ready to play a game? Yeah. yeah Good. I've got an exciting one for you.

Speaker: It's a little spin on a lot of different jobs if you want to work in film. a a

Speaker: Long bumper, unfortunately. I like it.

Speaker: Tell you folks, that's what's up. There's a lot of different jobs if you want to work it well. There's a lot of different jobs if you want to work it well.

Speaker: That's right. There are a lot of different jobs if you want to work in film. And I'm going to ask you questions about nine of them. What I'm going to do is I'm going to read you a job description. And then I'm going to read you three names from the closing credits of Star Wars Episode I, The Phantom Menace. I want you to guess which one had that job.

Speaker: This is a buzz in game. You'll buzz in by saying your own name. And if you get it wrong, your opponents will have the chance to steal. Is everybody ready? Can I check my buzzer? Please. Ethan.

Speaker: It works. eat Yeah, we got check you. Thank you. Thank All right. Question number one, hands-on buzzers. Not every it Italian person wants to read subtitles.

Speaker: So you're going to want some actors to do a localized dub. Specifically, you're going to want an Italian Jar Jar Binks. Who was the voice of Italian Jar Jar Binks?

Speaker: Was it Rainbow Tozzi? Christian Iansante or Livik Borgognoni? Ethan Tozy. Remo Tozy?

Speaker: Yes.

Speaker: No, it wasn't Remo Tozy. I never get anything right on your show. It's all right. There's a lot of game left to play. ah Greg. Greg? Was the last one you said again? What was that? Livik Borgognoni?

Speaker: Livik Borgognoni.

Speaker: Always. Always. Now Anna gets the point. it was Christian Iansante. And this is what Christian Iansante sounds like.

Speaker: No, no, mi va restar. Mi me chiama Jar Jar Binks. Yes. Question number two. can you play one more time?

Speaker: Sure. no, mi va restar. Mi me chiama Jar Jar Binks.

Speaker: Question number two, not every Korean person wants to read subtitles. So you're going to want some actors to do a localized dub. Specifically, you're going to want a Korean Jar Jar Binks.

Speaker: Was the Korean Jar Jar Binks Kim Sung Tai, Ka Ping Yi, or Ellen Moon Lee? Greg. Greg? Ellen Moon Lee.

Speaker: No, I'm sorry, Greg. It wasn't Ellen Moon Lee. Ethan or Anna, can you steal? Ethan? The first one, Tai. Kim Sung Tai? Yeah. You're correct. Ethan's on the board.

Speaker: And this is what the Korean Char Jar Binks sounds like. Nice. Question number three. now you didn't touch a pink kiss nice question number three Not every Brazilian person wants to read subtitles.

Speaker: So you're going to want some actors to do a localized dub. Specifically, you're going to want a Brazilian Jar Jar Binks. Was the Brazilian Jar Jar Binks Ed Natividad?

Speaker: Romulo Adriano Jr. Or Fernando Mendoza? cra Greg. Ed Natividad.

Speaker: No, I'm sorry. It wasn't Ed Natividad. Romulo. You're going with Romulo Adriano Jr.? Yeah.

Speaker: I've been muted the whole game. haven't been hearing me. Well, it's led you out to a lead. Yeah, was going to say. Yeah. You know who's not muted? It's the Brazilian Jar Jar Binks. No, no.

Speaker: Me fica. Me fica chama Jar Jar Binks. Yeah. Yeah, that's him. Oh my God. going die for you Question number four.

Speaker: Not every French person wants to read subtitles. So you're going to want some actors to do a localized dub. Specifically, you're going to want a French Jar Jar Binks. Was that Maimova Mabouli, Christopher Granis de Ferrer, or Roland Timzit?

Speaker: Anna. Anna? Roland Timsett. You're on a roll, my art. Whoa. You're going to walk away with this. The French Jar Jar Binks sounds a little something like this.

Speaker: No, no. Me, sir. Me, sir. No, me, Jar Jar Binks. Me, sir. Jar Jar Binks. Question number five. Not every French Canadian wants to read subtitles. and So you're going to want some actors to do a localized dub.

Speaker: Best game ever. You're going to want a French Canadian Jar Jar Binks. Is the French Canadian Jar Jar Binks, Sebastian Devarnas, Bruce Cheeseman, or Frank Pepe Morel?

Speaker: Greg. Greg? Bruce Cheeseman. No, I'm sorry. It wasn't Bruce Cheeseman. Anna. Anna? Frank Pepe Morel.

Speaker: No, I'm sorry. was Sebastian Davernus. Yeah, I was thinking that. Well, you got the point. good Good job playing that close to the vest. yeah And here's what the French-Canadian Jar Binks sounds like.

Speaker: No, no. Moi ça reste. Moi appellé Jar Jar Binks. Interesting. Yeah, yeah, subtle difference. Question number six.

Speaker: Not every German wants to read subtitles, so you're going to want to get some actors to do a localized dub. Specifically, you're going to want a German Jar Jar Binks.

Speaker: Was that Wolf Rüdiger Bloss, Stefan Friedrich, or Jürgen Sharp? Ethan Rüdiger Bloss.

Speaker: No, I'm sorry. yes I'm serious. I said it so confidently. You did. Greg? Greg? what was the last one again? Jürgen Sharp. Jürgen Sharp.

Speaker: Oh, man, it gets the point again. That one Stefan Friedrich. And here Stefan in the role of Jar Jar Binks. Nein, nein, mich zu bleiben. Mich zu sein Jar Jar Binks.

Speaker: yeah That That sounds so offensive. I don't even know why. do he say Aksong? What did he say? That's the grossest one so far. Well...

Speaker: mix the design jar jar biks that's the grossest one so far well Not every Polish person wants to read subtitles. So you're going to need some actors to do a localized dub.

Speaker: Specifically, you're going to want a Polish Jar Jar Binks. Is that Mark Brzyzki, Ryzard Oleżinski, or Daffy Sveinbjarn-Darsson?

Speaker: ah Greg. Greg? Daffy Sveinbjarn-Darsson.

Speaker: No, I'm sorry. It wasn't Dothi Svein, Jarn Jarnson. Ethan. Ethan? The one that sounds like it's my last name. Uh, Ryzard Olizinski? No, what was the first one?

Speaker: Mark Brzezinski. Oh, yeah. I thought Sureski. It was closer. Oh, yeah. Mark Brzezinski.

Speaker: The odds of us being out of a robot. it happened last time. Yeah. And it gets to the point again. it was Ryzard Olezhensky. And here's what he sounds like.

Speaker: yeah yeah so stand on moa in your tarile bis Okay. that's cool That's better. Yeah. Yeah. I like that one much more. i like that better than the original Jar That's what meant. Yeah.

Speaker: Not every Spaniard wants to read subtitles. So you're going to want to get some actors to do a localized dub. Specifically, you're going to want a Spanish Jar Jar Binks. Was that Alex Estradella, Moez Camun, or Hernan Barros?

Speaker: Anna. Anna? Hernan Barros.

Speaker: No, it wasn't Hernan Barros. Greg or Ethan, can you steal? Over the two again. Aleix Estadela or Moez Camus? Estadela.

Speaker: You're correct. Wow. Okay. And this is what Aleix Estadela sounds like. No, no. Misa quedo. Misa digo Jar Jar Binks.

Speaker: Okay. That one sucks. That one's horrible. Well, maybe you'll probably prefer the South American Spanish speaker. Who wants to read subtitles?

Speaker: ah You're going to want some actors to do a localized dub. Specifically, you're going to want a South American Spanish speaking Jar Jar Binks. Is that John Cornejo? Leandro Estebe Corona?

Speaker: Or Javier Rivero? Ethan, Corona. Cornejo? No, one of them is Corona. Oh, Leandro Estebe Corona? Okay. Okay.

Speaker: Also not that one. Greg or Anna, can you steal? I'll do the other one. Greg will do the last one that hasn't been said. Greg, you're on the board with Javier Riviero.

Speaker: Yes. That's my first point. We both have a point. up Hey. Ethan, you've got three big points. Here's go what Javier Riviero sounds like. on No, no. He's so angsty.

Speaker: okay so angsty Yeah, he's he's a rough one. But congratulations to Anna. You are our big winner. get zo do That was fun. Oh, yeah.

Speaker: Uh-oh, but it's the Batty Award.

Speaker: Now you're messing with a... Congratulations to all the nominees!

Speaker: That's right. Congratulations to all our nominees. It's the Batty Awards. Those little awards that we give out to the people, places, touches, details, and moments that make a bad movie so good.

Speaker: I have a feeling we all struggled with Batty Awards this week. I know I did ah because I found very little to like. But Greg, OK, you've got one. I do have one. Also, this is my last chance to say it so because I hope to never talk about Star Wars again realistically. So I'm just going to say this.

Speaker: This movie just should have been a streaming show. This is a streaming show before streaming shows existed. This would make more sense if it were two or four seasons in the four little episodes or like half seasons or full seasons. Like, it's crazy to me that they're like, this guy usurped the Senate after a single meeting. It's like it just took one meeting to take over the entire, like, this is ridiculous.

Speaker: Anyway, my Batty Award goes to, so there are two lines, there are three lines of dialogue that I have to read so you'll understand the potency of the third. But this is what it is. So there's, before the, as the Trade Federation is invading, this guy's like, I think they're going to invade. They don't know at this point, know that they've started invading, but like, well, I think these guys are going to invade And Queen Amidala says, the Federation would not dare to go that far.

Speaker: And then he says, the Senate would revoke their trade franchise and they'd be finished. Very boring. Very boring. Very Very boring. And then at the end, when they finally capture the Viceroy and they got him, that guy walks up to the Viceroy and he's like, I think you can kiss your frayed franchise goodbye. It is so hilarious. It's like, it's a trade franchise. How is this Star Wars? How is this what we're doing?

Speaker: and was to be like, well, you'll never trade again. It's like, who gives a shit? but Fantastic catchphrase. Anyway. I did not tie those together. Wonderful stuff.

Speaker: Anna, do you have a bad award? ah Yeah. Yeah. I will, like you said, i did struggle, but I do want to shout out ah the costumes for Queen Amidala's handmaidens were like a red, they they were ah velvet kind of robes, but where they were ombre, where they were dark red at top, like down to like kind of, and so they look kind of like a sunset or a sunrise. And those were cool.

Speaker: yeah In general, i also want to say I was trying to think of something nice to say about Star Wars. And in general, I do like how many aliens there are and how they have a lot there they're a lot less humanoid than a lot of aliens. And and that's cool.

Speaker: Fair enough. I'm going to give my baddie award to Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen for initiating Jar Binks' catchphrase, How Wooed. oh you I can't believe he's walking around stealing a catchphrase from a 10-year-old sitcom.

Speaker: That's crazy. It is wild that nobody at any point said, we can't have this guy saying how wooed. That's from Full House. Yeah. Can you imagine being an editor in that and and you're just like, sure.

Speaker: Yeah. we're yeah with George, I finished the rough cut today and I think you're going to be really happy. Yeah.

Speaker: Ethan, do you have a Batty Award? There is. i don't know. Is this for good moments or bad moments? It's whatever It's moments that make those bad movies. There's ah one line that stuck out to me. I was going to write down. was so tired. It was like this. I watched it twice.

Speaker: And it was all the kids were around. Well, you know, this i take I take this podcast very serious. It's my favorite podcast. ah Thank you. It really is. Now, um there all the kids are around Anakin, Darth Vader's pod.

Speaker: Yeah, and the way they're checking out the pod. They have no way to end the scene, and there's no natural flow to it, and there's no... plot riding on it. So they end it with one of the kids. I forget if it's mini Greedo or one of the other kids goes, is that mini Greedo or is that just young Greedo? Is Greedo also in the movie? I didn't know if that's, if that was legit Greedo or just Greedo.

Speaker: I assumed it was Greedo. I just assumed it was young Greedo and he was also there. Anyway, but anyway, one of the children, maybe young Greedo goes, uh, yeah, let's go play with the ball.

Speaker: Yeah. And I was, I sat there and I was just, and I was like, that doesn't really make it into a movie. And and of course how wooed, I mean, you know, it's, it's just amazing. But the thing that sticks out to me, I know and we joke in the act, but the accents never should have made it to screen. They're absolutely ridiculous, even for that era. And I just don't get it. You know, I mean, the movie, the movie is not much fun. They're a legitimate distracting. Yes. Yeah, exactly. They're a problem. Yep.

Speaker: Well, all our problems are behind us now. Yes. Ethan, thank you so much for coming on the show. Thank me. You have now, I think, the absolute worst track record of any guest on our show in terms of bringing movies that we enjoyed watching. Congrats.

Speaker: Congratulations. You are our most sadistic guest. megan Do you have anything to plug? Where can people learn more about sealed and graded VHS tapes? Yeah. Um,

Speaker: Well, they can, if they're interested in that, they can, I think we have social media at Ellie collectible. I'm just joking. You don't need to reach out to me. I'll, I'll just, I'm one of you. I just enjoyed the show. Thank you.

Speaker: Well, thank you so much for coming on, Ethan. Thank you so much for listening, everybody. And come back next week. We're going to be joined by special guest, Michael Darling. where We're going to be talking about a propeller one way night coach,

Speaker: The movie that John Travolta put out this year oh based on his own novel. That's only an hour long. Wow. Very curious. that I think it, I think I've read it was a children's. I think it is. Yeah.

Speaker: So you don't want to miss that. Michael always brings a heater and hit that like and subscribe. Follow the link tree to our social media.

Speaker: Give us five stars. Leave a review. All that stuff would be awesome. And until next week, be good and goodbye. Goodbye. Bye.

Speaker: I almost forgot to say. Now that's what I call podcasting.

Speaker: It's bad to be bad. It's bad to be bad. And I guess it's understood that you would, if you could.

Speaker: And you know that you should. Yes, you know that you should be good.